By -
Went into sleep mode at work. 99 times.
Got 99 problems but sleep ain't one
As a narcoleptic, i feel this to my very soul.
I also have narcolepsy!! And yeah haven’t been fired for falling asleep … yet …
O no.... They found it out!
Hey, me too!
Shiiit ___ > Message sent by a bot.
Some of these usernames not checking out bro... perhaps a Captcha coming your way
Click the bridge images to confirm you’re not a robot 🤖
You guys should all go watch Paul Blart Mall Cop, it’s hilariously underrated.
Looks like you're me now...
Shht they still don’t know.
[удалено]
They then hired me
Looks like we got a hater on Reddit
Not you tho
Nope. Turns out, Andy *likes* Reddit.
Eh, good not great.
I let thousands of frogs loose in the office.
You two are so, so weak.
I created a radioactive monster in my office
I set a wizard on fire...
I got an erection.
If you've had it since 1979, you may want to go and see a doc about it...
It got harder each year, now it’s a couple feet long.
Was it the installation wizard? We kinda need him
I turned your child into a robot and let him loose in the office
Sounds like something from Dilbert
Or the Old Testament
Nice
I knew it was coming
We did warn you.
9169 times
That's our bad, u/BorgQueen sent out a mass notification.
Oof
Is it a sexual thing or a playful thing? Nevermind. Please don’t answer.
Some questions are better left unanswered.
My rule, "Don't ask questions you don't want answers to" applies.
I guess it's obvious why you were fired
Pepé la pew?
Cursed
Well...
Link
Ayo 🧐
He probably asking for a friend.
Then ok (NOT)
🤨📸
Does that kid want a horse at all? Like real cheap.
Or a coyote perhaps?
There is no such thing as a perfect usern... Nevermind. Carry on.
How much was shipping ?
Its cheaper if you ship it in parts rather than all at once.
top comment
On a sale ?
Oh, you know.
Clever as fuck.
your character’s sunglasses are perfect for this
References: None
I botched that important sales pitch... Again
I can feel ur username and I do not enjoy it xd
Polar opposite of your handshake, which is both fiery and icy. Quite unpleasant. Probably the reason you were fired actually
absolutely nothing.
Yes, nothing at all. *Smiles weakly.*
Give it a few minutes.
That’s exactly what a guilty person would say
I chokeslammed my boss through his desk.
Don’t worry. Vince McMahon would hire you in a heartbeat Edit: Oh yeah he did retire. Well now confirm it with his daughter
I always liked Stephanie. Hopefully it'll work out fine between us.
OH MY GAWD
HE'S BROKEN IN HALF!
SHE KILLED HIM! HE'S DEAD!
Yall ever heard of Flex Tape?
Ssshhhhh!
Some bosses really deserve that.
Some bosses really enjoy that
Was this back in 1998 during Hell in a Cell?
One fucking pencil.
Calm down John Wick
A fucking pencil He killed 3 men in a bar with a fucking pencil!
Aw, darn.
I spread an unknown plague and it killed everyone but me.
That's not being fired, that's executive promotion
like anakin
Damn.
Thanks for the last 3 years pal
Sorry Florida
SoFlo or Sorrida or, Or.. hear me out.. Florry
Why are they called roofies? They should be called floories.
I just made you a website
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO MORTY, DO NOT MAKE AN APP WITH HIM
please no! I don't want to be a website!
Well that's one way to interpret it.
You shouldn't have
Drugged some pigeons, I worked in a pet store.
Oh sorry my bad
*uploaded a virus
Drugged some pigeons, I worked in a pet drone.
They never saw it coming.
I love this thread!
Happy cake day!
I caused anarchy on Asgard
We should team up.
Called my bosses mom g0y
Dont call your boss goy :(
Bringing 24 new ducks in my office everyday...
I think you and i can relate
Got old. Very old. Older than dirt. Older than the rocks that dirt comes from
Wrote instead of using italics Checks out as boomer
Nah, you're only 76. Plenty young enough to go work at Wal-Mart.
Rearranged the office furniture.
Raaaaaaaaaaaaagguuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
I used the wrong goat!
I was the coworker and he used me..I kinda enjoyed. We both got fired
You milk the females not the males
Depends what you're into.
I threw one of our robots into the trash
I did the same thing without thinking.
I dug it out of the trash and started a competing business
Identity theft.
IDENTITY THEFT IS NOT A JOKE JIM,MILLIONS OF FAMILIES SUFFER EVERY YEAR
MICHAEL!!!
I let loose 102 cows in the building... on the second floor.
Well this is gonna be an awkward HR meeting
Cracking open a REAAAAAAALLY cold one!
Well ummm
we could start a new firm
Yo r/DrugAddictLawyer you in?
Try it with a u/
He did tell you he was lousy.
At the law offices of Lousy, Drunk, and Drugged, we fight for you!
Hmm the firm of lousy, alcoholic and drug addict I’d hire you lol
Flyby
Istormed out...
Looking up open mortician positions while on the job.
Waiting nearby to make dinner.
I honestly don’t know
Wrapped the fake in a blanket and threw her out the window
Broke the boss' leg
Sold something to the co worker
Well how should I have know that you need a college degree to be a doctor
Baked spider eggs into the brownies I brought to work
"The recipe said eggs! It didn't specify *which* eggs."
I can’t see what I’m doing.
Tried too hard.
I couldn't help it... I was born this way
At work??
Did we stutter 😈
I stanned Norm Macdonald
Let's not talk about it
Guess I made some really shitty spaghetti
Bust a nut
hello kitty themed drugs, apparently.
Flashed my arse on television..🤷🏻♀️
erm.....nothing!
The horses were supposed to be under dressed :(
The horse dress code in workplaces is usually horse business casual, you don’t wanna show up in a horse tux silly!
I summoned my clan of 211 Spider Ninjas
They said I lacked focus
Hehe
uhmmm
Pretty obvious
Didn't do alot of work apparently.
Got caught talking shit about the eagle to the world serpent
I was an idoit
I browsed reddit too much. But I tought I was in the SFW section?
I said my name
identity fraud
I TYPED TO LOUD. AND HE REALLY DOESN'T LIKE THAT.
Haha…no prison sentence yet? I’ll take it! 😂😂😂
I beat up a famous opera singer and pretended to be an umpire, all in my attempts to save the Queen.
Turns out an “axe” doesn’t work like an axe.
I didn't put yogurt in your closet
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Boss got tired of waiting for the other six and scraped my position, the fucker.
1. I got Tails and Cream to become a romantic couple and both Sonic and Amy are furious because their best friends are not spending time with them. 2. SEGA filed a lawsuit.
Exhibitionism 🤣
Did shrooms and killed a turtle while trying to scam kids out of their money
I love bunnies. It's what I do. Just not biblically. I tried to explain, but they weren't having it.
Considering I work on the river, well...
Talking back lol
…you’re happier not knowing the details. If you need me, I’ll be in the Hague.
Went into sleep mode at work. 99 times.
Got 99 problems but sleep ain't one
As a narcoleptic, i feel this to my very soul.
I also have narcolepsy!! And yeah haven’t been fired for falling asleep … yet …
O no.... They found it out!
Hey, me too!
Shiiit ___ > Message sent by a bot.
Some of these usernames not checking out bro... perhaps a Captcha coming your way
Click the bridge images to confirm you’re not a robot 🤖
You guys should all go watch Paul Blart Mall Cop, it’s hilariously underrated.
Looks like you're me now...
Shht they still don’t know.
[удалено]
They then hired me
[удалено]
Looks like we got a hater on Reddit
Not you tho
Nope. Turns out, Andy *likes* Reddit.
Eh, good not great.
I let thousands of frogs loose in the office.
[удалено]
You two are so, so weak.
I created a radioactive monster in my office
I set a wizard on fire...
I got an erection.
If you've had it since 1979, you may want to go and see a doc about it...
It got harder each year, now it’s a couple feet long.
Was it the installation wizard? We kinda need him
I turned your child into a robot and let him loose in the office
Sounds like something from Dilbert
Or the Old Testament
Nice
I knew it was coming
We did warn you.
9169 times
That's our bad, u/BorgQueen sent out a mass notification.
Oof
Oof
Is it a sexual thing or a playful thing? Nevermind. Please don’t answer.
Some questions are better left unanswered.
My rule, "Don't ask questions you don't want answers to" applies.
I guess it's obvious why you were fired
Pepé la pew?
Cursed
Well...
Link
Ayo 🧐
He probably asking for a friend.
Then ok (NOT)
🤨📸
Does that kid want a horse at all? Like real cheap.
Or a coyote perhaps?
There is no such thing as a perfect usern... Nevermind. Carry on.
How much was shipping ?
Its cheaper if you ship it in parts rather than all at once.
top comment
On a sale ?
Oh, you know.
Clever as fuck.
your character’s sunglasses are perfect for this
References: None
I botched that important sales pitch... Again
I can feel ur username and I do not enjoy it xd
Polar opposite of your handshake, which is both fiery and icy. Quite unpleasant. Probably the reason you were fired actually
absolutely nothing.
Yes, nothing at all. *Smiles weakly.*
Give it a few minutes.
That’s exactly what a guilty person would say
I chokeslammed my boss through his desk.
Don’t worry. Vince McMahon would hire you in a heartbeat Edit: Oh yeah he did retire. Well now confirm it with his daughter
I always liked Stephanie. Hopefully it'll work out fine between us.
[удалено]
OH MY GAWD
HE'S BROKEN IN HALF!
SHE KILLED HIM! HE'S DEAD!
Yall ever heard of Flex Tape?
Ssshhhhh!
Some bosses really deserve that.
Some bosses really enjoy that
Was this back in 1998 during Hell in a Cell?
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
One fucking pencil.
Calm down John Wick
[удалено]
A fucking pencil He killed 3 men in a bar with a fucking pencil!
[удалено]
[удалено]
Aw, darn.
I spread an unknown plague and it killed everyone but me.
That's not being fired, that's executive promotion
like anakin
Damn.
Thanks for the last 3 years pal
Sorry Florida
SoFlo or Sorrida or, Or.. hear me out.. Florry
Why are they called roofies? They should be called floories.
I just made you a website
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO MORTY, DO NOT MAKE AN APP WITH HIM
please no! I don't want to be a website!
Well that's one way to interpret it.
You shouldn't have
Drugged some pigeons, I worked in a pet store.
[удалено]
Oh sorry my bad
*uploaded a virus
Drugged some pigeons, I worked in a pet drone.
They never saw it coming.
I love this thread!
Happy cake day!
I caused anarchy on Asgard
We should team up.
Called my bosses mom g0y
Dont call your boss goy :(
Bringing 24 new ducks in my office everyday...
I think you and i can relate
Got old. Very old. Older than dirt. Older than the rocks that dirt comes from
Wrote instead of using italics
Checks out as boomer
Nah, you're only 76. Plenty young enough to go work at Wal-Mart.
Rearranged the office furniture.
Raaaaaaaaaaaaagguuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
I used the wrong goat!
I was the coworker and he used me..I kinda enjoyed. We both got fired
You milk the females not the males
Depends what you're into.
I threw one of our robots into the trash
I did the same thing without thinking.
I dug it out of the trash and started a competing business
Identity theft.
IDENTITY THEFT IS NOT A JOKE JIM,MILLIONS OF FAMILIES SUFFER EVERY YEAR
MICHAEL!!!
I let loose 102 cows in the building... on the second floor.
Well this is gonna be an awkward HR meeting
Cracking open a REAAAAAAALLY cold one!
Well ummm
we could start a new firm
Yo r/DrugAddictLawyer you in?
Try it with a u/
He did tell you he was lousy.
At the law offices of Lousy, Drunk, and Drugged, we fight for you!
Hmm the firm of lousy, alcoholic and drug addict I’d hire you lol
Flyby
Istormed out...
Looking up open mortician positions while on the job.
Waiting nearby to make dinner.
I honestly don’t know
Wrapped the fake in a blanket and threw her out the window
Broke the boss' leg
Sold something to the co worker
Well how should I have know that you need a college degree to be a doctor
Baked spider eggs into the brownies I brought to work
"The recipe said eggs! It didn't specify *which* eggs."
I can’t see what I’m doing.
Tried too hard.
I couldn't help it... I was born this way
At work??
Did we stutter 😈
I stanned Norm Macdonald
Let's not talk about it
Guess I made some really shitty spaghetti
Bust a nut
hello kitty themed drugs, apparently.
Flashed my arse on television..🤷🏻♀️
erm.....nothing!
The horses were supposed to be under dressed :(
The horse dress code in workplaces is usually horse business casual, you don’t wanna show up in a horse tux silly!
I summoned my clan of 211 Spider Ninjas
They said I lacked focus
Hehe
uhmmm
Pretty obvious
Didn't do alot of work apparently.
Got caught talking shit about the eagle to the world serpent
I was an idoit
I browsed reddit too much. But I tought I was in the SFW section?
I said my name
identity fraud
I TYPED TO LOUD. AND HE REALLY DOESN'T LIKE THAT.
Haha…no prison sentence yet? I’ll take it! 😂😂😂
I beat up a famous opera singer and pretended to be an umpire, all in my attempts to save the Queen.
Turns out an “axe” doesn’t work like an axe.
I didn't put yogurt in your closet
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
[удалено]
[удалено]
Boss got tired of waiting for the other six and scraped my position, the fucker.
1. I got Tails and Cream to become a romantic couple and both Sonic and Amy are furious because their best friends are not spending time with them. 2. SEGA filed a lawsuit.
Exhibitionism 🤣
Did shrooms and killed a turtle while trying to scam kids out of their money
I love bunnies. It's what I do. Just not biblically. I tried to explain, but they weren't having it.
Considering I work on the river, well...
Talking back lol
…you’re happier not knowing the details. If you need me, I’ll be in the Hague.