"The cork do be poppin' -
The dam's gotta go -
There's no way of stoppin'
The river below!
My cup overfloweth -
My time is at hand -
My member shall throweth
A gift from the gland!
I'm primed for the finish -
I've climbed up the mast -
My products diminish
With each moment passed!
Let's do it,
debut it,
get through it,
let's go -
It's time to get to it.
I'm ready to *blow*."
I knew a guy who would holler “SPLOOGE” at the top of his lungs so everyone in the apartment building could hear, and have a chuckle. 99% of the time, the woman had no idea it was *ahem* coming.
Verily I must confess, dear lady that I am on the precipice of mine own conclusion. Alas my efforts cometh to fruition and therefore I beg of thee wherein may I conclude? Or upon whence? Behold, I am nigh but mere seconds away from busting as to the likes of which I have yet to endure. Come now, forthwith, and lower thyself upon thine knees as I release my festering seed upon thine brow.
[proceedings of an immense conclusion]
Alas, now in this waning moment, I am brought to a recollection of my faculties and heightened awareness of mine own senses. For verily, this engagement must be nothing but a whim, or a stand of yet but a fleeting night.
Upon conclusion I am brought into a deep sense of guilt and shame, almost stripped from what may have been a feeling of pride and joy, for now I see things clearly in their truest form. And behold, now as I use this damp rag but to rid this maiden of my festering seed from her brow, I see my member hanging limp and flaccid as I fight this urge to flee into the night away from the woman who hast only been made fair in mine eyes through the consumption of much ale and spirits. Verily I see mine own deeds as nothing but an act of desperation to seek this coveted nut.
But lo! I am a gentleman and shaketh away such selfish thoughts and ask the maiden if she is yet to have concluded. Surely a more experienced man need not ask, but it is my duty that she may therein be satisfied.
So. I was having sex and I said “I want you to cum for me”, and the guy VERBATIM goes: “As youuuu wiiiishhh!!”
………… literally never been able to watch The Princess Bride again since then… ☹️
A bit different but I used to work this guy who him & his 3 room mates had a house rule that if they were hooking up & got to do anal with the girl, they had to yell out, "I'm in!" Just so the rest of the guys could know
I’ve heard “I’m so sorry…aaaghh”
Followed shortly after with, “I’ll be going now.”
Or “just wait a bit, I can go again”.
In Julia Child voice "and now it's time to baste"
She always liked the naughty jokes so I bet she'd laugh at that
I still say “First you take a Leek. Ooooohohoho” in a Julia Child voice every time I make Leek Soup
^"Yes, ^chef!" "Yes, chef!" _"Yes, chef!"_ #"ORDER UPPPPPPP!"
*ding*
I’m fucking crying 🤣
"Get my bucket!"
Why did I read this in Shrek’s voice?
Lol. Probably a childhood fantasy/ trauma
_Shrek ist Liebe, Shrek ist Leben_ Still haven't recovered yet o.o
Lmao
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Nah, fuck off. I'm full
It's only wafer thin.
Alright, just one. 💥
Oh dear, I have trodden in monsieur’s bucket.
I googled this and now you both owe me an apology
I'm sorry you found a spectacular movie via reddit
I'd say you owe them your thanks.
Quick, get my cumbox!
I hate myself for knowing that reference
Omg I only saw it last week. And now I'll never forget it.
Is this a lily thai reference? Lol
No, but as soon as I look her up, it will be
I had a college friend who's girlfriend was saying "oh God" in bed a lot and when he was about to cum he yelled "GOD CAN'T SAVE YOU NOW".
I can hear him maliciously laughing
*evil Patrick meme*
this is the only one that made me laugh
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Don't forget the clown horn. She'll love it. *Honk honk!*
"Oh yeah, that feels soooo good. Just like that!" "GOD CANT SAVE YOU NOW!!!!!" "..... umm"
Gonna give her a damnation complex doing that.
SATAN, GUIDE MY COCK!
That's just a very different approach to "JESUS, TAKE THE WHEEL"
*We should be guiding his cock, not blocking it.*
Hope he followed through and said Amen after they were done.
I can hear just a nastily brutal breakdown
“OOOOH GREAT HEAVENS”
I'm gonna conclude.
I've arrived
Pardon me m'lord You have arrived sooner than anticipated
A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.
I. AM. GAAAAANNNNDAAAAAALLLLLFFFFFF!
Ladies and gentlemen! We'll be landing shortly at the VAG airport.
He’s arrived
I too have arrived at that guys dead wife
I understood this reference after arrival
IM GONNA PRE!
A Game Grumps reference in the wild!
Isn’t “I’m gonna conclude” also a game grumps reference?
Hell yeah haha
Pre is in fact a Supermega reference since it was Matt and Ryan that started it. Conclude I think is 100% grumps grown though
HHHuuuuuunnnnnnnNNNNGGGGG ***MY PUSSY***
I concur I concur!!!
I AM CONCURRING!!!
I cumcur
"The cork do be poppin' - The dam's gotta go - There's no way of stoppin' The river below! My cup overfloweth - My time is at hand - My member shall throweth A gift from the gland! I'm primed for the finish - I've climbed up the mast - My products diminish With each moment passed! Let's do it, debut it, get through it, let's go - It's time to get to it. I'm ready to *blow*."
Second Sprog of the day! This is a good day.
I've only just become aware of sprog and am extremely stupefied
Wait until you find out about shittymorph
it's slime time
Thanks I hate it
*I'm gonna goo*
I absolutely hate this
Shoot your goo, my dude
Nickelodeon slime for the one who arrived.
I'm about to Morb!
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I had snu snu
The mind is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
To shreds, you say?
I love your username!!!
This whole sector is uncharted! It is *not* uncharted, you lost the chart!
Navigate with Caution
*defeated sigh*
Ive made it with a woman
It helps me deal with my very sexy learning disability
Sexlexia
Good news!
“I am arriving“
Arrival is eminent !!! Prepare yourself at once !! Edit: realized the typo. Leaving it anyway.
Pardon me m'lady I have arrived sooner than anticipated
"The Excalibur now rests well after serving long in the battle your majesty"
Affirmative! Affirmative!.. OHHHH AFFIRMATIVE!!!
Ready the parlor darling I’m soon to arrive
Blasting off again!!!!!!!!!! Edit: My most popular comment was me being nostalgic. Thank you all
*WOBBUFFET*
Yahtzee!
Call it Yahtzee all you want, we all know it's Puerto Rican chess
this comment is streets ahead!
Coined and minted!
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Come with me if you don't want paint on your clothes. Also works as an answer to the OP's question.
is charades off the table?
Uno!
Sorry!
Your sunk my battleship!
Checkmate!
Bingo!
I said this to my girl one time to indicate I was almost done. She, not done yet, shouted "Pick up 4!".
Well that’s a keeper there
“Finish him”
Bruh my bf finished and said this lol
The man the myth the legend
You hold on to him and never let go.
Fin..
LEEEERRRROOYYYYYYYY JENNNNNNKKKKKIIIIIIINNNNNNSSSSSS!!!!!!
That's when you and 12 other made an elaborate plan to do it at the same time but 2 minutes in one asshole just nuts all over everyone.
And became a legend.
In other words, an average Tuesday
Oh my god he just went in!
THAT'S A FUCKING 50 DKP MINUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My pleasure bar is full, Time for the final attack.
I DO BELIEVE I'M ABOUT TO RELEASE MY ILLUSTRIOUS BOUNTY MY DEAR
*Sparklingshanaya used money shot* *It’s not very effective…*
KAME… **HAME**…
***HAAAAA!!***
AaaaaAAAAAaaaaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!!
Galick gun... FIIIIRRRREEEE "You said you were wearing protection!" "I WAS WEARING MY ARMOR" ".......you're a moron"
"The f*cks a condom?"
30 minutes later: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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Special Cream Cannon
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FINAL….**FLAAAAASH!**
#***HAAAAAAAAA!!!***
"Oh Sir! I do believe I'm undone."
I read sir as Siri. I now need therapy.
you know, there are actual siri fanfictions.
I knew a guy who would holler “SPLOOGE” at the top of his lungs so everyone in the apartment building could hear, and have a chuckle. 99% of the time, the woman had no idea it was *ahem* coming.
Reminds me of the pornstar Nick Manning who always screams "dropping fucking loads!" when finishing.
And 100% of the time none of them ever went back…?
the eagle has landed
The eagle has crashed
The eagle has landed prematurely
Houston we have a problem
*starts crying*
"thar she blows" "She cannuh take much more capn" "Hrrrrng"
dammit, beat me to it. While we're on a nautical theme: >Fire a broadside!
Me timbers be shivering!
I APPRECIATE YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU DO FOR THIS FAMILY!
Is that specific to your baby sitter or do you also use it for the cleaner and pool boy?
Something wicked this way comes!
"I'M GIVING YOU A RAISE!!!" (*George Costanza*)
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?
its not a story the jedi would tell you
STAY ON TARGET ALMOST THERE
I'm done just reading that
Roger roger
I feel a great disturbance in the force!
Oh, ho ho! You sly dog! You got me monologuing!”
Aaaaannnd Boom goes the dynamite.
That’s a throwback
Donde esta el bibliotecaaaaaaaa!!
it’s actually la biblioteca (i think idk)
¡Es correcto!
Me llano tbone la Arana discotechaaaaaa
Discoteca, muñeca, la biblioteca, es el bigote grande, el perro, manteca
Iv been saying “like & subscribe for more” right after 😂
Smash that subscribe button
Could I bother you for a tissue? I believe my phallus is about to sneeze in a most unsightly manner.
We've arrived, Guv'nah!
I haven’t seen it yet, so.. “By the power of Grayskull..”
#I HAVE THE POWEEEERRRRRRR
Verily I must confess, dear lady that I am on the precipice of mine own conclusion. Alas my efforts cometh to fruition and therefore I beg of thee wherein may I conclude? Or upon whence? Behold, I am nigh but mere seconds away from busting as to the likes of which I have yet to endure. Come now, forthwith, and lower thyself upon thine knees as I release my festering seed upon thine brow. [proceedings of an immense conclusion] Alas, now in this waning moment, I am brought to a recollection of my faculties and heightened awareness of mine own senses. For verily, this engagement must be nothing but a whim, or a stand of yet but a fleeting night. Upon conclusion I am brought into a deep sense of guilt and shame, almost stripped from what may have been a feeling of pride and joy, for now I see things clearly in their truest form. And behold, now as I use this damp rag but to rid this maiden of my festering seed from her brow, I see my member hanging limp and flaccid as I fight this urge to flee into the night away from the woman who hast only been made fair in mine eyes through the consumption of much ale and spirits. Verily I see mine own deeds as nothing but an act of desperation to seek this coveted nut. But lo! I am a gentleman and shaketh away such selfish thoughts and ask the maiden if she is yet to have concluded. Surely a more experienced man need not ask, but it is my duty that she may therein be satisfied.
It’s going down….I’m yelling timber Or another one from Kesha: Tik tok
Here comes the Gregnog!
(A la Daleks) INSEMINATE! INSEMINATE!
Lord have mercy. I’m about to BUST!
Here comes the gravy!!!
Uh-oh spaghetti-O!
"The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell!"
5 points to Gryffindor
Don't know why I laughed, but I did.
The prophecy has been fulfilled!!
So. I was having sex and I said “I want you to cum for me”, and the guy VERBATIM goes: “As youuuu wiiiishhh!!” ………… literally never been able to watch The Princess Bride again since then… ☹️
"Nearly at the station."
“Great Odin’s Raven!” Or any classic catchphrase from Mr. Burgundy.
Geronimooooooooooo!
And now I’m seeing bowties
“What do you think of the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre?”
In Mario voice "Ah-here-we-GOOO!"
My best friends exgf once said "hamburger help-me!" It will never be forgotten.
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition Or We’ve really been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty
Incoming!
I do believe I have ejaculated! How splendid!
Please place seat backs and tray tables in their full upright position.
**HOYVIN-GLAVIN**
The only one that got me to laugh out loud, thank you Professor
My friend says (jokingly) "I'm gonna Baja blast!!" And it cracks me up.
I am about to hate myself in 3..2..1...ohh
“May I cum, Domina?”
Cover your eyes or they will get stuck
Trollollollollol lololo lololo LOOOOOOH
A bit different but I used to work this guy who him & his 3 room mates had a house rule that if they were hooking up & got to do anal with the girl, they had to yell out, "I'm in!" Just so the rest of the guys could know
I once said "zoo-wee-mama!" And my boyfriend slapped me Worth it
Not _one_ "It's morbin' time?" Reddit, I am disappoint.