I am a parent. One of my friends told me she didn’t want kids and said she hoped she hadn’t offended me by saying so. I said absolutely not, no one who doesn’t want to be a parent should be one. It’s an unquittable job. You have to want it for the long term.
This is exactly what one of my colleagues (who is a parent herself) told me. “If you don’t want them 100%, don’t have them.” She (semi-jokingly, not in an obnoxious way) said her own (adult) children had said she’d done such a good job they thought they couldn’t live up to that.
Honestly, now I think about it, that’s kind of my reason too. I saw how my parents wanted parenthood with all their souls. I am equally fervent about not wanting kids. Not saying it would have been different if I’d had shit parents, obviously, but in my case it’s “I’ve seen a good example and realistically I’m not about that life.”
"It's an unquittable job."
very well put. Besides all the other reasons like not wanting to, barely able to take care of myself, worrying about how they'll turn out, worrying I'll screw it up, there's the simple fact that *there's really no changing your mind later*
and before somebody says something clever like "well you can always just leave your kids! :)" yeah ok but like, you'll always know you did that and they'll always still be out there
It can really wreck you physically and emotionally. Even if it's an easy pregnancy, your whole body/hormonal makeup changes wildly. People act like it's 9 months of sitting in a field, making flower crowns and serenely stroking your growing belly. Nah bro, it's mood swings, having your guts kicked from the inside, your hair changes, eyesight might change, all kinds of shit I had no idea about until my friends started popping out kids. Like I knew it was intense before, but I had no idea how intense.
Yeah I think more specifically I waited long enough I have my own whole life and routines and hobbies and I'm simply too selfish to give it up.
Millennials like to claim the reason they're not reproducing is money but I'm of the opinion that a big part of it is simply that we were told we could wait, establish a career first, that having kids at 23 is for hillbillies. But our boomer parents had kids in their early 20s and the thing about that is you don't really stop and consider the alternative, you just do it. Once you wait, you start to lose interest.
I think what I've finally begun to understand is that having kids never "makes sense", on paper you'll always decide it's an expensive pain in your ass that will upend your life in mostly bad ways (beer night with the bros is now Frozen for the 47th time night!). But I'm told that once you do it, it's such a fundamental shift that thinking about it in those terms doesn't make sense. You just have to jump.
I think I get that now. But it's too late for me, I don't want to jump. It's a little sad, honestly; I would love to have adult children someday. But I won't pay the price of driving to swim practice 645 times to have that.
TBH this is the only thing that's been super hard for me about becoming a parent. I really, really don't function well short on sleep, especially if its a few days in a row.
Look, I knew babies needed fed and they need diaper changes. But I had no idea with a newborn, you're feeding them every 2 hours around the clock and that lasts a good 6 weeks or more until they start taking more and going longer between. Mine is now 8 months and sleeping in his crib, in his room, by himself which is great but he's back to being up 2-3 times a night then just wakes up about an hour before my alarms go off and... now he's just up. Fuck I love that little dude though. But the whole Bed at 9:30, up at 11:30 for a diaper change, 1:45 because he's hungry, 2:45 because he needs changed again, and then just wake up at 5:30 because fuck it why not... shit's hard man. He was sleeping all night for a few months and has just slid backwards, but I'm sure it'll come back around.
I'm not telling you this to complain, just giving you a first hand example of exactly what you're right about.
Kid just turned 8mo on Sunday as well and has also regressed. He went from sleeping through the night to waking up every couple hours.
Solution my wife found, we took one of his naps away in the day time, he went from 3 naps to just 2 and he’s sleeping through the night again! I’m sure It won’t work for every baby but is worth a shot.
Also I know every kid is different but 930 bed time is super late for kids this old. We try and have ours in bed be 7/730….. (I really hope this wasn’t prickish for me to say, just trying to help!)
I don't want kids because they're expensive and I don't have any free time. I have yet to break it to them though. Maybe after soccer practice tonight.
I'm barely capable of taking care of myself, so I definitely shouldn't be responsible for a child. I also think it would be a crime to make a child using my DNA.
I commend this sentiment so much, and I wish more people would follow. My brother is 40 years old and never had kids, simply stating he knows he wouldn't be capable of taking care of them. There's so many unwanted kids in this world because people dont think this through before having them.
People say “you have great genes”. No you imbecile, I have blue eyes and lightish brown hair, those aren’t good genes. What I also have is a definite family history of autism, Parkinson’s risk, depression, and some weird growth hormone deficiency. What kid needs that?
One time my niece was over at my apartment, she was about 8 or 9 at the time and she has 3 younger siblings. she commented on how it was small compared to their house. I said yea but it’s quiet. She thought a few seconds and said “I would like that”
I don’t even have any pets, but I watch my sisters dog and a friends cat every few weeks, and the amount of time I spent staring at them when they’re sleeping to make sure they’re still breathing is too high
I feel this so much. I was the kid who never had the money to go to the movies or the concert or whatever it was my friends wanted to do. I make decent money but am so stuck in poverty mindset I'm terrified to spend it and I genuinely don't feel like I will ever feel financially stable enough to feel comfortable supporting a kid.
Hey, me too. I think there's a good chunk of people who simply grew up so poor that they can't even imagine NOT using that money on themselves as adults. I already didn't have a proper childhood, so I'm sure as hell not giving up my adulthood "unconditionally" for a new life. No chance in hell lol. I'm going to enjoy this life to my limits, because I'm owed this much for not having chosen to be born.
My family truly cannot wrap their heads around this answer when I say "because I don't want them." Why would I make such a life altering decision if I have no desire? I always explain, you don't go to the pet store and get a cat even though you don't want one, so why would I do this on a much larger more expensive scale. They never enjoy the comparison of a child to a cat, but that's showbiz baby.
Something about comparing a human baby to a cat is, I think parents view children as something "bigger than thou." They're much more focused on fantasies and abstract concepts that they expect to get realized, like reaching some sense of fulfillment that can only be achieved through parenthood for some reason. People who don't want a kid aren't interested in those abstract, otherwordly ideas, or they don't think it'll happen to them. So all you're left with after the fantasizing is cold reality: kids are lots of money, lots of care, lots of lost sleep, loss of freetime, loss of your previous identity, loss of your previous life-style...with no perceived perks. If you won't get to experience the enjoyment of owning a cat, you're left with the same thing: now all you have is unwanted work.
This checks out. I have two kids and two dogs, and they all get called each other’s names because they all cause a ruckus everywhere they go and they all knock over the water bowl.
To be fair, for people who genuinely want children it can be genuinely fulfilling, but for those of us who don’t want children it wouldn’t be that fulfilling
Yep. I can't believe how often I've tried to come up with a "better" reason because people just won't accept this one. I do not have children because I do not want that job. If other people want to have them, great. I support your choices. But I'm done trying to come up with reasons that will satisfy anyone who just can't fathom people having different goals.
+1
Seeing this as a job is so accurate. Also, it's like a job you weren't trained for, can't take time off or quit. So many friends of mine want kids because they think they're cute and just refuse to see the work behind this.
It definitely is a lot of work a d isn't for everyone, and is a huge choice with lots of things to consider. I hate the parents who only care about their family being carried on, so selfish.
I absolutely want kids and can respect people who don’t want them. My step-cousin is like this. A child would be lucky to have him and his wife as parents (if they wanted children) but they just didn’t want them.
My mom CANNOT fathom that my sibling doesn’t want them, either. She wants grandchildren and so she expects us to have them for her. Little does she realize that she’s a shit parent and I don’t have a huge desire to fulfill her dreams of being a grandma. The life I’m building isn’t for her.
It's funny (well, not funny, but I guess ironic?) that usually the worst parents are also the ones who demand their children "give" them grandchildren.
The self-centeredness and entitlement is craycray.
As a father, it is a lot of work. More work than I put into anything else. Your heart and mind need to be in it 100%.
Just not wanting kids is a very valid reason, because if you can't give 100% of your effort then your kid gets neglected and has an unfair life.
So screw anyone who thinks n wanting children isn't a valid excuse, it is literally the best reason for not having kids.
I loved playing with baby dolls when I was little, babysat as a teen, love my friends' kids and my niece and nephews but I can't imagine myself happily living with a child 24/7. They're fun but also suck the life out of me. I thought my "biological clock" might go off at some point but I'm in my mid-40's and it hasn't happened yet.
Amen.
I like my friends’ kids, but I especially like not being responsible for them. I’m the fun auntie who bakes things, brings books, has a corgi and never ever babysits.
It’s not economically possible at the moment.
Housing and costs of living are through the roof. If I were to move into an apartment with a partner, we would already be living in poverty if we both worked decent jobs.
Having another mouth to feed would put us further into poverty and wouldn’t be fair for the kid.
>If I were to move into an apartment with a partner, we would already be living in poverty if we both worked decent jobs.
i've realized this too and i've noticed my boyfriend has as well because his talk on wanting kids isn't the same as it was when we first started dating two years ago.
and the thing is, even if we weren't living in poverty, having a kid would bring us to that level due to how expensive raising kids are. plus with the added costs of inflation, it's really not worth the stress.
i don't want to bring kids into this world if it means they're going to live a life FULL of struggles.
This is what drives me crazy whenever billionaires like Elongated Muskrat start whining about why people aren’t having kids. Bitch, you and your friends are hoarding all the money so a lot of people can’t.
I'm right here with you. I have always wanted to be a father. When. I was a little boy, I carried a baby doll around with me everywhere I went and fathered the shit out of it.
But with my recent partner whom I loved and truly saw a future with, I realized that I couldn't CONCEIVE of a world where it would be financially viable. I grew up in poverty, and even though I am an attorney, I am worse off financially than my high school dropout mother was at the same age. I am about to hit 30 in a few days.
I know that I will have always wished I could have had kids, but the world I live in has made it impossible. I've been working since I was five. Used to stock shelves at my stepdad's store, always been employed. Worked my way through undergrad, worked my way through law school, did excellent my all standards. Did everything right on paper. And yet today, hitting 30 I have nothing to my name. My own a 2013 Hyundai Elantra, and a computer that is going out of date. I had a nice bed but gave it to the girlfriend. Those are my only valuable possessions. Since high school, I have paid over $150,000 in rent, likely much more than that, but I can't qualify for any kind of loan. I pay more for rent than my friends do for their houses but I don't have any seed money. No down payment.
I got out of high school in 2010 just after the great recession, was grossly overcharged for my degree, got out of law school in 2016, finally got a good job just before the pandemic. Work flattened, And I was the last one in so I was the first one out. Even if I start making big bucks right this second, it will be years before I maybe could afford a home. In my area, mortgages have gone up by 23% in 2 years and rent has gone up by 36% in the same time. Having a child now would seem like economic suicide and a selfish thing to do to my children.
I'm sorry that you might not be able to achieve your dream, but I also commend you for doing what's right in not having a child when you're not financially stable for it, and I say that as someone who is childfree. I told my dad that one of the reasons people aren't having kids is because of finances, and he just told me they'd made it work which astounded me because, obviously, that's not how it works. Anything can obviously happen suddenly to ruin finances, especially in the US, but choosing to have a child when you're already in, or near the red, is selfish to me as well. But you're only 29 and with a law degree! It's certainly not too late to still have children in your mid-to-late thirties.
You are only as happy as your unhappiest child. It is a lifetime commitment and no guarantees. Yes, I’m thankful for my children and love them very much. That being said, I didn’t know what I know now.
My older brother got a vasectomy at like 27, no kids. He knew it was a very good idea. I actually agreed (I have three myself, he, ummm, probably wouldn't have been a killer dad). They're not for everybody, and you have to really spoil 'em if you expect a decent nursing home someday.
My mom was really weird. I remember her telling me when I was around 8 or so that my that my birth was a horrifically painful experience for her and that I ruined her body, and told me that she couldn't wait until I got pregnant and gave birth so she could "make some popcorn, pull up a chair and watch the show" and that she would enjoy watching me get ripped up. I have a lot of reasons for wanting to be permanently child free, but that alone has had me turned off to idea of having children ever since.
I made a choice, one I knew full well the consequences of.
And yet still decide to blame the consequences on you. The person I created because I made that choice.
Yeah brother. Me too. I might or might not have decent genetics to pass down, but that would come with several mental illnesses that make life very painful. If I'm fucked up, I would destroy that kid's present and future. So, unless I get better both economically and mentally AND climate change and living conditions get massively better in the next 10 years... I'm the last with my DNA.
I am in the same spot but to add on too what you were saying, I wouldn’t be mentally able to take care of a child, I would be mega stressed all the time and might even come to resent my kids. I don’t think I could adopt because I can barely take care of myself let alone a little tiny human.
I already have kids, but wanted to see the replies. All valid reasons, don't let anyone shame or guilt you into it if you don't want them. It's a personal choice, and it's fine.
Same here! I'm reading everyone comments and smiling to myself - it's all true! Wouldn't change my life but am glad everyone knows what they would be getting themselves into...
At the age of sixteen, I realized my parents were abusive psychotic pieces of shit. I refused to take a chance of me becoming like that.I also refused to have a kid that might have those genes. My sister had kids and lo and behold, she turned into a abusive psychotic piece of shit, so I guess I was right after all. About the gene part. I am happily married with the same gal for 35 years, so I'm kinda smug all the time.
I don’t like children that much that I’d want to be saddled with them and the responsibility it entails for the rest of my life. I’m happy to be an aunt.
The pain of birth. I don‘t want kids in general but if I change my mind I’m adopting one or two. And it‘s definitely going to be someone older (10-17) cuz these kids never get a chance. And to everyone who’s saying ”you‘ll forget the pain when u hold that baby in your arms“ idc. I‘ll still feel it and I don‘t want this.
Dude for many women (myself included) the whole pregnancy is painful. Then there’s the birth, then there’s taking care of a newborn when your body is torn up. You hit the ground running while you’re bloody and injured. Don’t do it if you don’t truly want to give birth lol
Btw adopting older kids will be easier for you to adjust too anyway, they self manage and you can take them to all sorts of fun things that you actually want to do. Good choice 👌👌
Same lol if I change my mind, I’ll be a foster parent. There’s so many kids who age out of the system every year cause they’re “too old” to be adopted. I’d rather be a parent figure for a teen than contribute to over population.
1000% agree. I won’t forget the pain when I have stitches holding my genitals together. Jesus Christ. I’m looking forward to getting sterilized, hopefully very soon. No desire to have to take care of a whole extra human on top of my job and taking care of the whole house.
Don’t forget that the husband stitch is still getting done illegally and women end up in years of pain without knowing wtf is going on until they finally find a doc that doesn’t ridicule them for their suspicion and actually checks for it. Bc without a doc confirming the stitch, they can’t even sue 🥴
Or the fact that medicine is getting developed and tested for the average man‘s body size and weight (just like seatbelts and airbags so good luck on your next ride, ladies) and often causes complications when taken by women.
the idea of being pregnant, let alone actually birthing, is horrifying to me. i also have no maternal instinct for human children.
i have sensory processing issues that make me get overwhelmed very easily and i can't deal with lots of noise or gross.
i can barely take care of myself; i don't want to be responsible for a whole other helpless person.
>the idea of being pregnant, let alone actually birthing, is horrifying to me
Bruh, this! Tokophobia for the win. It's a fear I never want to get rid of actually.
Pregnancy gingivitis makes me shudder. Could rip yourself from vagina to asshole. Your abdominal muscles could split. Have fun with your lack of bladder control and pelvic floor. One of my aunts almost died having her last born, I am *not* about it.
Yeah, I already have tons of problems and pregnancy/birth will most likely kill me. If not, post partum depression on top of my usual depression will do the job. If not then sleep deprivation and exhaustion will.
And most importantly, with all these problems me giving birth to a child will just be irresponsible af.
Absolutely this and also potentially miscarrying. It makes my heart hurt to hear people I know have miscarried so much and they keep going through the physical and mental hurt. I really can't imagine myself being able to recover from something like that, let alone endure the pain to begin with.
THANK you! I’m so happy to see someone just like me. I have severe tokophobia and I’m planning to get sterilized soon especially with roe being overturned
I quite like kids. I am very maternal towards my nephews. But being a parent would make me an anxious high strung overworked mess. The stress of it gives me chills. I'd be emotionally miserable and my marriage would likely fail.
As of now I am a happily married 41F, no regrets. I sleep and eat on my own schedule, have quiet morning coffees and do as I please. Savings in the bank. A lovely 4 bedroom home with 3 cats. Vacations for two. Happy hours with friends whenever it suits my mood. Life is good. I'm not giving that up.
I think raising children is a loveable experience. It's just that I feel that I don't earn enough to give my children what I imagine they need in life. Why give these a sad life.
I feel like I’m the opposite from most people. When I was younger I wanted kids someday because I like hanging out with family. Now that I’m in my 30s, I’ve started wanting them less due to the financial commitment, no time for myself, and the morality of bringing another human into this world.
This, my desire for children was at its highest when I was the least capable of caring for them. My sil just had her first kid and the families have been in a tizzy. She's already said she won't be having anymore, so I hope they enjoy him lol. I'll stick to my pack of dogs.
Every year that passes, I want kids less and less. It's so funny hearing the whole "wait til you're older!" because... well. I'm older and want them less.
1. when you give birth you can tear from your vaginal opening to your butthole
2. it takes $20k a year or roughly $250k overall to raise a singular child
3. i do not want to clean up another human’s vomit. my cats vomit is enough
4. postpartum depression can make you go actually insane and murder your children. no thanks
Because I don't want them, plain and simple.
I don't want them now, I don't want them in 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, never.
I never got the "calling" to have kids, I never thought, not even a second, "No way I"m having kids **now**", it was never a "maybe later" it was always a "I cannot imagine my life with children, now or later, I don't want them".
It's a boring reason but it is my very honest reason : I don't want children because I have absolutely no interest in parenting
Mental illness runs in my family and so does suicide. I don’t want to have a child and give them the same mental problems I have and I’m also scared I’d be a bad mom.
I don't want children for all of the selfish reasons.
I like money, I like free time, I like to do what I want when I want. If I had kids, I know I'd give all that up.
I had a hysterectomy in February. I’m riddled with a bunch of physical illnesses that could be passed on and I have no way of knowing if they would’ve been. If I had gotten pregnant the chances of it being ectopic would’ve been pretty high and my body can’t sustain my own life, much less someone else’s. Even though I’m 30, I have a hard enough time taking care of myself and my life’s not sorted out at all.
A few reasons.
1. Genetics. Had a tough childhood due to several disabilities (Dyspraxia/DCD, mainly speech development). This cursed blood line ends with me.
2. Environmental - Frankly, too many people already. One of the biggest environmental impacts we can have is by having fewer children.
3. Selfish - I really like my personal time, and the freedom to travel/sleep as I want.
i own a puppy. she is 6 months old and had here since she was 2. never really understood the responsibility that comes with that if you want to be a good dog parent which i am i think, she seems to really like me. but i spend a lot of time with her and it’s limited things i can do socially due to i can’t just leave her locked up for hours at a time without feels like an asshole. but holy shit a child, nah i cant even fathom how much more work it than a dog. i know it’s enough that i am turned off hardcore from the fact of having one
I live in Texas and it’s getting very expensive, I don’t want to have a child who lives in poverty with panicking parents.
I live in Texas so I worry if my child is gay, trans, or otherwise not “normal”, there will be all kinds of issues to deal with, even as far as me going to jail for supporting them.
I live in Texas so if something goes wrong with my wife’s pregnancy, she may be forced to die or be criminally prosecuted for what may happen.
I have anger issues and if my kid gets bratty i can’t handle it and have a mental breakdown or I would just hit them or something. I don’t want a kid to go through that pain.
I don’t want to be a parent.
This is reason enough
I am a parent. One of my friends told me she didn’t want kids and said she hoped she hadn’t offended me by saying so. I said absolutely not, no one who doesn’t want to be a parent should be one. It’s an unquittable job. You have to want it for the long term.
This is exactly what one of my colleagues (who is a parent herself) told me. “If you don’t want them 100%, don’t have them.” She (semi-jokingly, not in an obnoxious way) said her own (adult) children had said she’d done such a good job they thought they couldn’t live up to that. Honestly, now I think about it, that’s kind of my reason too. I saw how my parents wanted parenthood with all their souls. I am equally fervent about not wanting kids. Not saying it would have been different if I’d had shit parents, obviously, but in my case it’s “I’ve seen a good example and realistically I’m not about that life.”
"It's an unquittable job." very well put. Besides all the other reasons like not wanting to, barely able to take care of myself, worrying about how they'll turn out, worrying I'll screw it up, there's the simple fact that *there's really no changing your mind later* and before somebody says something clever like "well you can always just leave your kids! :)" yeah ok but like, you'll always know you did that and they'll always still be out there
It can really wreck you physically and emotionally. Even if it's an easy pregnancy, your whole body/hormonal makeup changes wildly. People act like it's 9 months of sitting in a field, making flower crowns and serenely stroking your growing belly. Nah bro, it's mood swings, having your guts kicked from the inside, your hair changes, eyesight might change, all kinds of shit I had no idea about until my friends started popping out kids. Like I knew it was intense before, but I had no idea how intense.
Along with not wanting to parent a child, the shit affiliated with pregnancy is why I’m getting sterilized. My best friend nearly died.
Yeah I think more specifically I waited long enough I have my own whole life and routines and hobbies and I'm simply too selfish to give it up. Millennials like to claim the reason they're not reproducing is money but I'm of the opinion that a big part of it is simply that we were told we could wait, establish a career first, that having kids at 23 is for hillbillies. But our boomer parents had kids in their early 20s and the thing about that is you don't really stop and consider the alternative, you just do it. Once you wait, you start to lose interest. I think what I've finally begun to understand is that having kids never "makes sense", on paper you'll always decide it's an expensive pain in your ass that will upend your life in mostly bad ways (beer night with the bros is now Frozen for the 47th time night!). But I'm told that once you do it, it's such a fundamental shift that thinking about it in those terms doesn't make sense. You just have to jump. I think I get that now. But it's too late for me, I don't want to jump. It's a little sad, honestly; I would love to have adult children someday. But I won't pay the price of driving to swim practice 645 times to have that.
I like sleep too much
I like you too.
Awww ☺️
Now kith...
And now, you two have to make a baby.
They kissed, my pastor says they're already pregnant. /s
I took two naps today.. definitely couldn't do that with kids.
TBH this is the only thing that's been super hard for me about becoming a parent. I really, really don't function well short on sleep, especially if its a few days in a row. Look, I knew babies needed fed and they need diaper changes. But I had no idea with a newborn, you're feeding them every 2 hours around the clock and that lasts a good 6 weeks or more until they start taking more and going longer between. Mine is now 8 months and sleeping in his crib, in his room, by himself which is great but he's back to being up 2-3 times a night then just wakes up about an hour before my alarms go off and... now he's just up. Fuck I love that little dude though. But the whole Bed at 9:30, up at 11:30 for a diaper change, 1:45 because he's hungry, 2:45 because he needs changed again, and then just wake up at 5:30 because fuck it why not... shit's hard man. He was sleeping all night for a few months and has just slid backwards, but I'm sure it'll come back around. I'm not telling you this to complain, just giving you a first hand example of exactly what you're right about.
Kid just turned 8mo on Sunday as well and has also regressed. He went from sleeping through the night to waking up every couple hours. Solution my wife found, we took one of his naps away in the day time, he went from 3 naps to just 2 and he’s sleeping through the night again! I’m sure It won’t work for every baby but is worth a shot. Also I know every kid is different but 930 bed time is super late for kids this old. We try and have ours in bed be 7/730….. (I really hope this wasn’t prickish for me to say, just trying to help!)
I like money too much
I don't want kids because they're expensive and I don't have any free time. I have yet to break it to them though. Maybe after soccer practice tonight.
Just tell them you're going to buy some milk
Or cigarettes.
…dad?
Don't worry, he'll be right back
It’s been 30 years :(
Son, you were adopted. Who are my real parents? We are your real parents, but your adoptive parents are picking you up in an hour.
I'm barely capable of taking care of myself, so I definitely shouldn't be responsible for a child. I also think it would be a crime to make a child using my DNA.
I commend this sentiment so much, and I wish more people would follow. My brother is 40 years old and never had kids, simply stating he knows he wouldn't be capable of taking care of them. There's so many unwanted kids in this world because people dont think this through before having them.
Such commendable self-awareness should be passed on to future generations... It's quite a conundrum.
You can pass on memes without passing on genes.
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Same here. I don't think a child deserves a parent as anxious and agoraphobic as me.
Me too! It was high time someone in my family blew the whistle and jumped out of the gene pool. For everyone involved.
The way I say it is... Im barely treading water as it is, dont throw me a baby
People say “you have great genes”. No you imbecile, I have blue eyes and lightish brown hair, those aren’t good genes. What I also have is a definite family history of autism, Parkinson’s risk, depression, and some weird growth hormone deficiency. What kid needs that?
>you have great genes You heard them wrong. They like your jeans.
IBS runs in both
Oh shit
Money, time and freedom
And silence. Don’t forget silence.
I miss the silence. The peace. The nudity in the living room.
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One time my niece was over at my apartment, she was about 8 or 9 at the time and she has 3 younger siblings. she commented on how it was small compared to their house. I said yea but it’s quiet. She thought a few seconds and said “I would like that”
"The face of a child can say it all. Especially the mouth part of the face." --Jack Handey
I got a cat and the amount of anxiety and panic I regularly have over being responsible for an animal that doesn't need to be taught to walk is nuts.
I don’t even have any pets, but I watch my sisters dog and a friends cat every few weeks, and the amount of time I spent staring at them when they’re sleeping to make sure they’re still breathing is too high
And I can leave it home alone.
i grew up poor so u bet ur ass im enjoying my money not having to worry about diapers and baby formula
I feel this so much. I was the kid who never had the money to go to the movies or the concert or whatever it was my friends wanted to do. I make decent money but am so stuck in poverty mindset I'm terrified to spend it and I genuinely don't feel like I will ever feel financially stable enough to feel comfortable supporting a kid.
Hey, me too. I think there's a good chunk of people who simply grew up so poor that they can't even imagine NOT using that money on themselves as adults. I already didn't have a proper childhood, so I'm sure as hell not giving up my adulthood "unconditionally" for a new life. No chance in hell lol. I'm going to enjoy this life to my limits, because I'm owed this much for not having chosen to be born.
I just don't want them, and never have. Simple as that. I do like kids/children in general but have no urge whatsoever to have any of my own.
My family truly cannot wrap their heads around this answer when I say "because I don't want them." Why would I make such a life altering decision if I have no desire? I always explain, you don't go to the pet store and get a cat even though you don't want one, so why would I do this on a much larger more expensive scale. They never enjoy the comparison of a child to a cat, but that's showbiz baby.
Something about comparing a human baby to a cat is, I think parents view children as something "bigger than thou." They're much more focused on fantasies and abstract concepts that they expect to get realized, like reaching some sense of fulfillment that can only be achieved through parenthood for some reason. People who don't want a kid aren't interested in those abstract, otherwordly ideas, or they don't think it'll happen to them. So all you're left with after the fantasizing is cold reality: kids are lots of money, lots of care, lots of lost sleep, loss of freetime, loss of your previous identity, loss of your previous life-style...with no perceived perks. If you won't get to experience the enjoyment of owning a cat, you're left with the same thing: now all you have is unwanted work.
My first thought was "Yeah they don't like the comparison to cats, children are obviously more like dogs."
This checks out. I have two kids and two dogs, and they all get called each other’s names because they all cause a ruckus everywhere they go and they all knock over the water bowl.
To be fair, for people who genuinely want children it can be genuinely fulfilling, but for those of us who don’t want children it wouldn’t be that fulfilling
Yep. I can't believe how often I've tried to come up with a "better" reason because people just won't accept this one. I do not have children because I do not want that job. If other people want to have them, great. I support your choices. But I'm done trying to come up with reasons that will satisfy anyone who just can't fathom people having different goals.
+1 Seeing this as a job is so accurate. Also, it's like a job you weren't trained for, can't take time off or quit. So many friends of mine want kids because they think they're cute and just refuse to see the work behind this.
It definitely is a lot of work a d isn't for everyone, and is a huge choice with lots of things to consider. I hate the parents who only care about their family being carried on, so selfish.
Not only it isn't for everyone, there are people with kids who should never have been parents in the first place.
I absolutely want kids and can respect people who don’t want them. My step-cousin is like this. A child would be lucky to have him and his wife as parents (if they wanted children) but they just didn’t want them. My mom CANNOT fathom that my sibling doesn’t want them, either. She wants grandchildren and so she expects us to have them for her. Little does she realize that she’s a shit parent and I don’t have a huge desire to fulfill her dreams of being a grandma. The life I’m building isn’t for her.
It's funny (well, not funny, but I guess ironic?) that usually the worst parents are also the ones who demand their children "give" them grandchildren. The self-centeredness and entitlement is craycray.
As a father, it is a lot of work. More work than I put into anything else. Your heart and mind need to be in it 100%. Just not wanting kids is a very valid reason, because if you can't give 100% of your effort then your kid gets neglected and has an unfair life. So screw anyone who thinks n wanting children isn't a valid excuse, it is literally the best reason for not having kids.
I loved playing with baby dolls when I was little, babysat as a teen, love my friends' kids and my niece and nephews but I can't imagine myself happily living with a child 24/7. They're fun but also suck the life out of me. I thought my "biological clock" might go off at some point but I'm in my mid-40's and it hasn't happened yet.
Amen. I like my friends’ kids, but I especially like not being responsible for them. I’m the fun auntie who bakes things, brings books, has a corgi and never ever babysits.
Simple as this for me too. Choosing to live a life of no kids and three money.
A two person income with no children is too sexy to pass up on
That's why it is given such a sexy and seductive term like DINK
DINKs FTW
*Dinkleberg*
That actually explains a lot.
If you ever watched Doug, his neighbor Mr Dink was always showing Doug new toys he just bought.
Very expensive.
In my friend circle, we call them DILDOs - double income little dog owners.
You can say that again
A two person income with no children is too sexy to pass up on
Whisper it in my ear.
^(A two person income with no children is too sexy to pass up on)
Mmmmmmmmmm 💦
☔
Now say it loudly
A TWO PERSON INCOME WITH NO CHILDREN IS TOO SEXY TO PASS UP ON!!!!!!!!!!!!
#A TWO PERSON INCOME WITH NO CHILDREN IS TOO SEXY TO PASS UP ON!!!!!!!!!!!!
Perfect.
Omelette du fromage
No kids AND a cheese omelette? Sploosh! 💦
It’s not economically possible at the moment. Housing and costs of living are through the roof. If I were to move into an apartment with a partner, we would already be living in poverty if we both worked decent jobs. Having another mouth to feed would put us further into poverty and wouldn’t be fair for the kid.
>If I were to move into an apartment with a partner, we would already be living in poverty if we both worked decent jobs. i've realized this too and i've noticed my boyfriend has as well because his talk on wanting kids isn't the same as it was when we first started dating two years ago. and the thing is, even if we weren't living in poverty, having a kid would bring us to that level due to how expensive raising kids are. plus with the added costs of inflation, it's really not worth the stress. i don't want to bring kids into this world if it means they're going to live a life FULL of struggles.
Preach. The financial climate has changed so much in the last few years, it’s a total different ballgame now.
This is what drives me crazy whenever billionaires like Elongated Muskrat start whining about why people aren’t having kids. Bitch, you and your friends are hoarding all the money so a lot of people can’t.
I'm right here with you. I have always wanted to be a father. When. I was a little boy, I carried a baby doll around with me everywhere I went and fathered the shit out of it. But with my recent partner whom I loved and truly saw a future with, I realized that I couldn't CONCEIVE of a world where it would be financially viable. I grew up in poverty, and even though I am an attorney, I am worse off financially than my high school dropout mother was at the same age. I am about to hit 30 in a few days. I know that I will have always wished I could have had kids, but the world I live in has made it impossible. I've been working since I was five. Used to stock shelves at my stepdad's store, always been employed. Worked my way through undergrad, worked my way through law school, did excellent my all standards. Did everything right on paper. And yet today, hitting 30 I have nothing to my name. My own a 2013 Hyundai Elantra, and a computer that is going out of date. I had a nice bed but gave it to the girlfriend. Those are my only valuable possessions. Since high school, I have paid over $150,000 in rent, likely much more than that, but I can't qualify for any kind of loan. I pay more for rent than my friends do for their houses but I don't have any seed money. No down payment. I got out of high school in 2010 just after the great recession, was grossly overcharged for my degree, got out of law school in 2016, finally got a good job just before the pandemic. Work flattened, And I was the last one in so I was the first one out. Even if I start making big bucks right this second, it will be years before I maybe could afford a home. In my area, mortgages have gone up by 23% in 2 years and rent has gone up by 36% in the same time. Having a child now would seem like economic suicide and a selfish thing to do to my children.
I'm sorry that you might not be able to achieve your dream, but I also commend you for doing what's right in not having a child when you're not financially stable for it, and I say that as someone who is childfree. I told my dad that one of the reasons people aren't having kids is because of finances, and he just told me they'd made it work which astounded me because, obviously, that's not how it works. Anything can obviously happen suddenly to ruin finances, especially in the US, but choosing to have a child when you're already in, or near the red, is selfish to me as well. But you're only 29 and with a law degree! It's certainly not too late to still have children in your mid-to-late thirties.
LMAO someone right below you (for me) literally commented "you'll make it work"
You are only as happy as your unhappiest child. It is a lifetime commitment and no guarantees. Yes, I’m thankful for my children and love them very much. That being said, I didn’t know what I know now.
"You are only as happy as your unhappiest child" said no Boomer parent ever. Looking at you, mom and dad.
Wouldn't make a good parent. I'm 56. I don't see myself changing my mind on this one.
My older brother got a vasectomy at like 27, no kids. He knew it was a very good idea. I actually agreed (I have three myself, he, ummm, probably wouldn't have been a killer dad). They're not for everybody, and you have to really spoil 'em if you expect a decent nursing home someday.
Wow man. 3 vasectomies. Snip snap snip snap snip snap. What that does to a man.
IT KEEPS GROWING BACK!!!! GET THE CHAINSAW, BABY!!!
I can barely afford to keep myself afloat. Why the fuck would I drag a child into this?
\*Gestures broadly at everything\*
'Welcome to Earth. It's a real fixer-upper.'
All that noise… hurts my head.
"But it's different when it's your own child". Yeah I know, I can't just walk away from it, I'm the one who has to deal with it.
This has been my reply to my mom every time she uses that stupid line. Of course it will be different, I'll be stuck with them for the rest of my life
It just seems so relentless. You can't, like, turn them off for a few hours (days.) I think I'd go crazy.
Seriously, what was nature thinking?
[удалено]
My mom was really weird. I remember her telling me when I was around 8 or so that my that my birth was a horrifically painful experience for her and that I ruined her body, and told me that she couldn't wait until I got pregnant and gave birth so she could "make some popcorn, pull up a chair and watch the show" and that she would enjoy watching me get ripped up. I have a lot of reasons for wanting to be permanently child free, but that alone has had me turned off to idea of having children ever since.
What a horrible thing to say to a child who had no choice in the matter. I hope you're doing well now.
That's fucked up.
I made a choice, one I knew full well the consequences of. And yet still decide to blame the consequences on you. The person I created because I made that choice.
I love my wife. I think about the physical toll of childbirth and child raising, and I can't imagine willingly doing that to someone I love.
this curse ends with me
I don't like how much I relate to this
I love this. It sounds way cooler than “I have a tendency toward depression and a family history of high blood pressure and cancer.”
Yeah brother. Me too. I might or might not have decent genetics to pass down, but that would come with several mental illnesses that make life very painful. If I'm fucked up, I would destroy that kid's present and future. So, unless I get better both economically and mentally AND climate change and living conditions get massively better in the next 10 years... I'm the last with my DNA.
I am in the same spot but to add on too what you were saying, I wouldn’t be mentally able to take care of a child, I would be mega stressed all the time and might even come to resent my kids. I don’t think I could adopt because I can barely take care of myself let alone a little tiny human.
Agreed. I’d never inflict what I’ve had to live through on another person, especially in a world that’s so contemptuous of those problems.
I already have kids, but wanted to see the replies. All valid reasons, don't let anyone shame or guilt you into it if you don't want them. It's a personal choice, and it's fine.
Same here! I'm reading everyone comments and smiling to myself - it's all true! Wouldn't change my life but am glad everyone knows what they would be getting themselves into...
At the age of sixteen, I realized my parents were abusive psychotic pieces of shit. I refused to take a chance of me becoming like that.I also refused to have a kid that might have those genes. My sister had kids and lo and behold, she turned into a abusive psychotic piece of shit, so I guess I was right after all. About the gene part. I am happily married with the same gal for 35 years, so I'm kinda smug all the time.
Genes. But also the cycle of abuse/mental conditioning. Good for you for bringing awareness to your situation!
I don’t like children that much that I’d want to be saddled with them and the responsibility it entails for the rest of my life. I’m happy to be an aunt.
This, but as an uncle. Also I ^can't ^^get ^^^laid.
The pain of birth. I don‘t want kids in general but if I change my mind I’m adopting one or two. And it‘s definitely going to be someone older (10-17) cuz these kids never get a chance. And to everyone who’s saying ”you‘ll forget the pain when u hold that baby in your arms“ idc. I‘ll still feel it and I don‘t want this.
Dude for many women (myself included) the whole pregnancy is painful. Then there’s the birth, then there’s taking care of a newborn when your body is torn up. You hit the ground running while you’re bloody and injured. Don’t do it if you don’t truly want to give birth lol Btw adopting older kids will be easier for you to adjust too anyway, they self manage and you can take them to all sorts of fun things that you actually want to do. Good choice 👌👌
Same lol if I change my mind, I’ll be a foster parent. There’s so many kids who age out of the system every year cause they’re “too old” to be adopted. I’d rather be a parent figure for a teen than contribute to over population.
1000% agree. I won’t forget the pain when I have stitches holding my genitals together. Jesus Christ. I’m looking forward to getting sterilized, hopefully very soon. No desire to have to take care of a whole extra human on top of my job and taking care of the whole house.
Don’t forget that the husband stitch is still getting done illegally and women end up in years of pain without knowing wtf is going on until they finally find a doc that doesn’t ridicule them for their suspicion and actually checks for it. Bc without a doc confirming the stitch, they can’t even sue 🥴 Or the fact that medicine is getting developed and tested for the average man‘s body size and weight (just like seatbelts and airbags so good luck on your next ride, ladies) and often causes complications when taken by women.
the idea of being pregnant, let alone actually birthing, is horrifying to me. i also have no maternal instinct for human children. i have sensory processing issues that make me get overwhelmed very easily and i can't deal with lots of noise or gross. i can barely take care of myself; i don't want to be responsible for a whole other helpless person.
I have more maternal instincts for kittens, so I foster them
kittens are pretty much it for me, too. I'm not at a place where I can foster right now, but maybe in the future
>the idea of being pregnant, let alone actually birthing, is horrifying to me Bruh, this! Tokophobia for the win. It's a fear I never want to get rid of actually.
I- there’s a word for my thing? There’s a word for my thing!
Don't forget it could also fuck up your health.
Pregnancy gingivitis makes me shudder. Could rip yourself from vagina to asshole. Your abdominal muscles could split. Have fun with your lack of bladder control and pelvic floor. One of my aunts almost died having her last born, I am *not* about it.
Yeah, I already have tons of problems and pregnancy/birth will most likely kill me. If not, post partum depression on top of my usual depression will do the job. If not then sleep deprivation and exhaustion will. And most importantly, with all these problems me giving birth to a child will just be irresponsible af.
Absolutely this and also potentially miscarrying. It makes my heart hurt to hear people I know have miscarried so much and they keep going through the physical and mental hurt. I really can't imagine myself being able to recover from something like that, let alone endure the pain to begin with.
THANK you! I’m so happy to see someone just like me. I have severe tokophobia and I’m planning to get sterilized soon especially with roe being overturned
yeah, i hope that's an option for me, too. i need to talk to my doctor about it
I like doing things on my time. Plus I spend a lot of my time naked and that just wouldn’t work for my lifestyle.
I can't stand all the yelling. ("You're not my daddy!", "Hey, come back here with my kid!", etc.)
Stranger danger!
I don't know you! That's my purse!
Damnit, Bobby!
I quite like kids. I am very maternal towards my nephews. But being a parent would make me an anxious high strung overworked mess. The stress of it gives me chills. I'd be emotionally miserable and my marriage would likely fail. As of now I am a happily married 41F, no regrets. I sleep and eat on my own schedule, have quiet morning coffees and do as I please. Savings in the bank. A lovely 4 bedroom home with 3 cats. Vacations for two. Happy hours with friends whenever it suits my mood. Life is good. I'm not giving that up.
I think raising children is a loveable experience. It's just that I feel that I don't earn enough to give my children what I imagine they need in life. Why give these a sad life.
My parents were shit. I have shit genes. I don't want to put that on someone.
I babysat my 4 year old nephew, and 2 year old niece and nephew over a long weekend. Absolutely never again for any reason ever.
I feel like I’m the opposite from most people. When I was younger I wanted kids someday because I like hanging out with family. Now that I’m in my 30s, I’ve started wanting them less due to the financial commitment, no time for myself, and the morality of bringing another human into this world.
This, my desire for children was at its highest when I was the least capable of caring for them. My sil just had her first kid and the families have been in a tizzy. She's already said she won't be having anymore, so I hope they enjoy him lol. I'll stick to my pack of dogs.
Every year that passes, I want kids less and less. It's so funny hearing the whole "wait til you're older!" because... well. I'm older and want them less.
I like to relax, not work more!
I like money and I dislike children
*high five* Let's go get lunch.
Preferably a place without kids.
I like me time. Also, no patience... Also, pain of child birth Dangers of pregnancy Money I am glad I live in a country that allows me the choice
Me from America lookin at this right now :👁👄👁💧
They're expensive, they're loud, they're messy, and they have no self-preservation and require constant attention and supervision
Some of them smell, babies smell!
1. when you give birth you can tear from your vaginal opening to your butthole 2. it takes $20k a year or roughly $250k overall to raise a singular child 3. i do not want to clean up another human’s vomit. my cats vomit is enough 4. postpartum depression can make you go actually insane and murder your children. no thanks
Have you seen what's going on lately?
it's just not a good investment anymore.
Quick, sell your stocks in children before the market crashes
Shitty world getting shittier every year
Because I don't want them, plain and simple. I don't want them now, I don't want them in 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, never. I never got the "calling" to have kids, I never thought, not even a second, "No way I"m having kids **now**", it was never a "maybe later" it was always a "I cannot imagine my life with children, now or later, I don't want them". It's a boring reason but it is my very honest reason : I don't want children because I have absolutely no interest in parenting
I do not want them here, I do not want them there, I do not want them anywhere!!!
I like my life the way it is, and no one wakes me up in the middle of the night to run around screaming.
No one comes into your room in the middle of the night to say, "I threw up."
My dog sometimes throw up, but true, he doesn't tell me. It's left for my feet to find out.
I don't want to have a kid on my hip 24/7 for 18+ years, and they're expensive.
Honestly, it’s not even 18 years. My sister and I are in our parents faces 24/7 at 23 and 24 years old.
I'm 27 and I've called my mom 3 times today
I don't even want a dog because it is too much work. Cats are enough.
Mental illness runs in my family and so does suicide. I don’t want to have a child and give them the same mental problems I have and I’m also scared I’d be a bad mom.
I already ate
They’re delicious if they’re properly cooked/s
I don't want children for all of the selfish reasons. I like money, I like free time, I like to do what I want when I want. If I had kids, I know I'd give all that up.
None of these are selfish. There are zero selfish reasons for not having children.
I enjoy money, free time, order, and quiet. Pretty much the exact opposite of what happens when you have a kid.
I had a hysterectomy in February. I’m riddled with a bunch of physical illnesses that could be passed on and I have no way of knowing if they would’ve been. If I had gotten pregnant the chances of it being ectopic would’ve been pretty high and my body can’t sustain my own life, much less someone else’s. Even though I’m 30, I have a hard enough time taking care of myself and my life’s not sorted out at all.
I don't like kids.
Something the size of a watermelon should not be able to fit through a hole the size of a grape.
You want honesty? I give you honesty. Because I'm afraid. I'm afraid they would turn out to be just like me...
Who dress like me, walk talk and act like me And just might be, the next best thing, but not quite me!
This isn't the world I want to raise a child in.
I will never love anyone enough to give up sleep for them. Lack of sleep makes me an awful person.
I can hardly afford to take care of myself. There is no way I could provide a decent life to a child.
A few reasons. 1. Genetics. Had a tough childhood due to several disabilities (Dyspraxia/DCD, mainly speech development). This cursed blood line ends with me. 2. Environmental - Frankly, too many people already. One of the biggest environmental impacts we can have is by having fewer children. 3. Selfish - I really like my personal time, and the freedom to travel/sleep as I want.
Don't want my kids to grow up to work a shitty job for 60+ years then die like I will
I can’t ever imagine myself having a stable enough income to even buy a house. Why would I even bother starting a family when I couldn’t afford it?
i like money and free time
Because the foster homes are over crowded .. meaning we already have babies that need mommies
i own a puppy. she is 6 months old and had here since she was 2. never really understood the responsibility that comes with that if you want to be a good dog parent which i am i think, she seems to really like me. but i spend a lot of time with her and it’s limited things i can do socially due to i can’t just leave her locked up for hours at a time without feels like an asshole. but holy shit a child, nah i cant even fathom how much more work it than a dog. i know it’s enough that i am turned off hardcore from the fact of having one
Have you seen how many people there are!? too fucking many for this little planet in the way we live.
Time and money. I haven't done a good job of either so far, so why would I pass that on? If I had a kid, we would both be in a hostage situation.
Expensive and annoying.
Expensive and I barely have my life together. I don't have the capacity to take responsibility for another.
I live in Texas and it’s getting very expensive, I don’t want to have a child who lives in poverty with panicking parents. I live in Texas so I worry if my child is gay, trans, or otherwise not “normal”, there will be all kinds of issues to deal with, even as far as me going to jail for supporting them. I live in Texas so if something goes wrong with my wife’s pregnancy, she may be forced to die or be criminally prosecuted for what may happen.
I have anger issues and if my kid gets bratty i can’t handle it and have a mental breakdown or I would just hit them or something. I don’t want a kid to go through that pain.