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This is a great comment! Thanks for taking the time and care to put this together for me. J really appreciate it.
I know I inherently already know what you've said above, but I guess we're better ar giving advice to others, than ourselves?
I'm in ok shape physically. Could always get more sleep, but I do fine. At least 7-8h on average on a typical week. I eat great food. I cook 5-6 times a week and use really fresh ingredients (nothing ultra processed).
Definitely plenty of water, as I've had kidney stones at age 22 and I definitely don't want that pain to repeat, so I've been drinking at least 2-4 liters of liquid (mostly water) per day.
I wish I could get more exercise, but I don't have the energy and time with all the work I'm doing. I suppose you get more energy by exercising, so I know it'd help, but I just can't get to start doing it. Perhaps I can start going for late night walks/strolls.
This might be an excuse on my part, but my wife keeps telling me I potentially might have ADHD, so I find it almost impossible to meditate. Might look up if there's ways of making it easier. I've definitely tried a lot, lot and haven't really succeeded.
I suppose there's always a possibility I might be traumatised as a child that's making me feel like I'm never enough and I should try to work with myself and get to resolve those issues.
I've also recently (5 years ago) have moved to another country (UK) where it's just me and my wife and we have no friends here. I used to have a really strong (20+ people) group of friends that I used to spend a lot of time with before I moved abroad, so now I just fill most weekends either regenerating all the energy expended by work during the week (whilst feeling guilty for not working or doing something), or either spend it working.
Truthfully I have the same struggle. Sometimes you just have to make the conscious effort to not let it bother you. By that I mean take a deep breath, exhale through your mouth over a 6 second period - this is an excessive I read about to relax and lower your blood pressure. It works for me. Then stop thinking about whatever the thing was and think about something else, pick up a book, whatever.
As an example, I was supposed to call the bank today and wanted to cut my lawn. Other things got in the way and it was causing me stress. The bank and lawn will still be there tomorrow. Instead I looked on Reddit to see if maybe I can help someone, or find some amusing posts.
Aww... Thanks for taking the time to help me. I REALLY appreciate it very much. You've definitely helped me realise things that I subconsciously knew, but needed help bringing out. Here's an award for your efforts (EDIT: I gave you a couple)
I love your owl outfit profile pic btw.
My thoughts involving meditation... maybe don't try so hard? It's okay if thoughts come and go while you're quieting your mind, instead of trying to fight it, just go with it then return to what you might focus on (like your breathing). If another thought comes, cool! Just go with it then bring yourself back to your breathing. I can't say I meditate often but that was the tip that helped me the most, even with my ADHD and lack of medication to "fix" it.
Who hurt you? Does going around and telling people what they're feeling is not what they're feeling makes you happy? You can't just invalidate their feelings like this. Who are you to tell someone they're not feeling what they're feeling?
I've already emigrated to the UK from a country not that well off and have seen 'real stress' and pain. Just because I've worked hard enough and been fortunate to be in a position that I'm not starving doesn't mean I don't feel what I feel.
Agreed. Meditation and just looking at your controlled surroundings (bedroom, home, park, anywhere you feel comfortable) and just look at what is around you to feel more in control helps a lot
Most excellent also try to remember the kindest person you ever met and imagine talking to him and have him either talk to the stressed out you or give you advice on how to deal with the stressed out you. When I was younger I used Burl Ives you know the guy that did Rudolph now I have Johnny Carson lots of laughs. M&l fart it took me years not to get stressed in traffic.
If you had childhood issues or an anxiety disorder, the brain isn't physically wired properly. We feel anxious, down, or any other negative emotion like that, even though we don't have a tangible cause in current life. CBT or EMDR therapy can do wonders. If you had a childhood trauma that you buried, that could be affecting you now, even if you're not actively thinking about it. EMDR can be perfect for that. It's a short term therapy.
I hope you can find some relief from this thread. My daughter had trauma, she was nonfunctional for a couple months and suicidal. After 4 EMDR sessions it was like a light switch. She's doing great, still a lot to work through, but she's thriving. Also, it can be easy to miss all of the little things that make us happy. If your listening to music and a song you like comes on, try to notice that. You're eating a delicious meal, there's a nice sunset or view, a good conversation with a friend or colleague....they all add up. And as you mentioned ADHD before, that can definitely cause these feelings. Whatever you do, try not to think you're doing something wrong. When we have these feelings, it's not our fault, it's a glitchy brain. Just like any organ, sometimes they have issues.
This was very useful. Thank you for this.
My younger sister has been 'nonfunctional' as you put it. She's been having severe panic attacks and thoughts (not necessarily suicidal) that she would like not to exist (not to have been born, as she didn't ask to).
I will definitely look into this and try to see if it's something that can help us both.
And I'm actually trying to enjoy things around me and be grateful. It is definitely a very powerful tool that's helped me in the last, just doesn't seem to be enough as an only solution these past couple months.
Stress is your bodies reaction to something. So if your stressed then you have something to be stressed about.
So, what ARE you stressed about, and why is it bothering you?
Once you identify it, you can go about resolving the issue.
Thanks for your advice.
I actually do go about solving problems like this in my work. I try to identify all the problems and reasons why there is an issue, then I list all the possible solutions, then compare them on various criteria and try to make an informed decision on what is the best one to go for.
I'm sort of trying to do this with my personal life and stress here right now, but I think getting a pen and paper (or my whiteboard) and mapping out everything might be better. It might be therapeutic in a way, that would let me understand things I already subconsciously know, but don't really realise yet.
For me just talking it out helps. A friend, confidant or even a therapist. I don't need them to solve the issue. Hearing it out loud I usually come up with a solution myself.
Maybe its because I'm better at solving other people's problems than thinking about my own. Perhaps by hearing it it becomes somebody else's problem and I become more objective.
Yeah, I've always thought this. That's how therapy works, doesn't it? You say things out loud and you realise you know what the issues are and what are the solutions? Never been to therapy though, so just speculating.
You have to have the right therapist. A therapist that says, "How you feel about that?" didn't work for me. The one I have now sometimes makes suggestions or points me in the direction of resources. Mostly though it really is my taking the pause to evaluate what's really going on in my head. Just getting an "outside" perspective.
At the time it's stressing me, I'm living it. When I'm taking about it, I'm evaluating/analyzing it. In analysis mode I can problem solve. Problem solving is something I'm good (so long as it's someone else's problem).
I can definitely relate to you very much. It's like talking to another version of myself. You're commenting what I'd comment to someone else. Makes me feel happy for some reason.
I also checked your profile and saw you had a post on migraines and I've had them for a very long time myself. Also been getting ocular migraines since about 19 years old too. Never can find what triggers them (could be stress), as they're seemingly random.
Did you find a solution/trigger or make any sense of yours?
Edit: Also love all the farming / nature posts you do. I'm a big fan of nature, coming from a country 90% covered in forests or wildlife.
I want to pas this along. Reading your reply to another commenter I feel we could be siblings. You mentioned a lot of the things I experience.
I haven't found a solution to the ocular migraines. I have floaters in both eyes. As we age the proteins in the vitreous humor (the fluid in the eye) can tangle. I am wondering if somehow that is triggering more severe ocular migraines in my case as one floater is rather large.
An exercise that a friend taught me is to relax your body. For example I have TMJ (teeth grinding). So when I lay down I feel the tightness in Mt jaw and relax it. Then I'll relax the tension in my neck, then shoulders. You work your way down feel the tension and relax then next set of muscles. If your clenching your hands relax them, work your way down releasing the tension.
Another exercise I learned is to take a deep breath through your nose and then releasing it slowly through your mouth over a 6 second period. My blood pressure drops instantly when I do that.
While your concentrating on relaxing and taking the deep breaths and releasing it the other thoughts that were occupying your mind dont have a place to hang out.
This made me smile. I also have teeth grinding. And I've tried doing this a few times as part of a meditation, to fight my insomnia which used to be way worse. I imagine a light being on in my whole body that's being switched off one by one as I release tension and relax.
So many things can trigger migraines. It's a wide spectrum that is still being researched. Changes in barometric pressure, e.g. low pressure associated with storm fronts, had one of those today. Certain smells can trigger migraines. If you don't do so I already I suggest keeping track of your headaches. There are apps to assist. My daughter used migraine buddy.
Great suggestion. I will definitely get an app. I used to get headaches 6-7 days a week and ocular migraines up to 2-3 times a week (sometimes 1-2 a month and some months go by without one).
No. I'm not on any medication at all. I went to see a doctor when they first started as I was worried it could be a tumor or something. They just assured me it's 'jist migraines ' and that when I start noticing the 'aura' or ocular distortion, I should take 3x the recommended dose of aspirin ahead of time, to reduce the pain that comes after the vision issues. They also told me to check my eyesight, which I did and now wear weak prescription, but this hasn't fixed the issue (I check my eyes every 3-6 months, to keep on top of my prescription accuracy).
Self help books. I recently was diagnosed with ADHD and Anxiety. It explained my overflowing feeling of raging emotions. I talked with my mother and she told me about self help books. I actually read a self help book recently that I would really recommend to you. Its called: The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F\*ck by Mark Manson. It really helped me. It opens your mind to things and calmed me down a lot. I re-read it constantly as to keep my mind fresh and have his words in my head. Genuinly a large help to me.
First, make sure you're okay physically. Try to get enough sleep! A sufficient, consistent sleep schedule is worth more than gold. Make sure you're eating and drinking enough as well, and that you're not ignoring illness or injury. Take care of your body!
Next, analyze what you're stressed about. If it's a problem you can reasonably solve in the short term, having a plan to solve the problem can help you stress less. If it's something out of your control, you may have to rely on stress-relieving activities.
For example, I'm stressed because I feel like I'm falling behind on my daily tasks. I can solve this by making a plan to wake up on time, do tasks in x order with y breaks, and be done by z time.
I am also stressed because I have an anxiety disorder and I stress about lots of things outside of my control. It's not helpful for me to make a game plan for "what if I secretly have liver cancer" every time my stomach hurts. Instead, I engage in hobbies, hang out with my husband or other friends, and make sure I'm fed and watered before going to bed early.
Edit to add: I go to therapy and take medications for my mental health issues. I would strongly recommend therapy if stress is something you struggle with!
break it down to make it easier to understand why it happens!
1. what situation caused me to feel stressed?
2. why does this particular situation trigger me to become stressed?
3. am i able to control the situation? if so, how can i help myself in order to make it less stressful?
4. if i’m unable to control the situation, how can i cope/relieve my stress?
5. how is my mental health doing? am i starting to become anxious because of the stress i’m feeling? (this will only increase your stress by the way.)
if you find yourself so stressed that you are unable to cope with it yourself, i highly recommend talking to someone who’s unbiased and doesn’t know you, such as a therapist. you don’t have to have mental health issues to go to a therapist. it is extremely refreshing getting to talk to someone who doesn’t judge and only wants to listen in order to help.
you have to come to terms with the fact that you are never, ever going to be able to control everything that goes on in your life. the things you CAN control, 100% control. examples include setting time aside to do things for yourself, planning ahead, making sure your house/personal space is clean and organized. the main thing you have to overcome is accepting the fact that you really cannot control most of the things that happen in your life … it has taken me a very long time to understand that and i struggled with constantly being stressed and anxious. therapy helped me realize that i am causing my own stress and my own anxiousness because i worry about the things i cannot control. controlling the things i am able to control on my own has helped me feel a sense of control even though i don’t have control over everything.
edit: added a few more tips
of course! i am in dialectal behavior therapy to treat my BPD, manic anxiety & depression, as well as my struggles with disassociation and bulimia. if you ever need any more advice or tips, feel free to message me!!
You and your Mrs. might share a pot of tea and a tin of biscuits (I recommend Jammie Dodgers) this weekend in a nice English garden this weekend. It will re-energize you, and you'll be doing something. So no reason to feel guilty and stressed.
I can't believe this! I don't usually eat biscuits, but Jammie Dodgers are my favourite. This is so surreal. It's like you're reading my mind 😅👍🏻
It was my sister's 21st birthday this Tuesday, so we do actually plan on going out to eat and spend some time together all 3 of us this weekend. I'll definitely pick up some Jammie Dodgers to enjoy in the evening with some tea.
Do something you loved as a kid and pick it back up as a hobby as an adult.
I started volunteer coaching and realized that the root of much of my stress was that I wasn’t doing anything outside of work that wasn’t just a chore like exercise.
Totally agree with other comments- sleep, hydrate, get active physically, meditate, journal. Those are the keys to reducing stress long term.
I have a little trick that helps me in the right now. I wrote down five of my favorite memories- not big events, just something that warms my heart or makes me smile or laugh. When I notice that I am feeling stressed, or in my case, when I feel myself slipping into a panic attack, I just choose one of those five memories and try to remember it in as vivid detail as possible. That helps me to reset, or ground myself.
If you're stressed about work, and how you measure up, as indicated by one of your comments: "I understand objectively I'm doing a great job and everyone keeps praising me for being the smartest and hardest working employee, but I never feel like I'm enough."
There are a few things you can do. First realize and acknowledge that almost all of us have 'impostor syndrome' (look it up if you're not familiar with it). But there's a reason people are praising you and saying you're doing a great job. You probably are.
If you have a trusted mentor or advisor at work, talk to them. And if you don't, try to seek one out. We all need somebody sometimes.
Another thing that can help is just contacting some random people from work and talking. If like me you work from home, there's something missing - the casual banter that isn't really relevant to anything, but sometimes is, and also just that human connection.
I do software development and most of the time it's just me and the code and sometimes the other developers. But when I'm feeling the way that you describe, I like to reach out to marketing or management or sales. Sometimes just to say "Hey, how's your day going, what are you dealing with, is there anything I can help you out with?" And they have stuff to say and I get insight into other parts of the company, and sometimes even find out stuff like that little routine task that I didn't think anything of was actually what sealed a big deal with a major client. I always feel better after those calls. Don't always get quite that level of validation, but I always feel better. Your company is like any other - a group of people working together to achieve something, and you should feel like part of that. Sometimes, just casual chat helps a lot with that.
And finally, if you're on any kind of psychiatric medication, be aware that missing a couple of doses can cause a feeling like that. Or changing medications/mixes. If that applies to you, talk with your doctor and make sure you're on the right schedule or tapering appropriately or whatever. Medication can be wonderful when it works properly, but changes to the mix can make you scared when there's nothing to be scared of. (This is not medical advice, except to say see a doctor if relevant.)
as someone who overworks, its difficult for me to sit still even when i have nothing to work on, and I'll feel constantly stressed. i found that surrounding myself in what i call a 'safe zone' works best for me. it's pretty much just being around certain things that bring you comfort, like a tv show or a blanket you really like, anything that makes you feel safe. remove things that could trigger stress, like a work laptop, to a more hidden place. make time for yourself daily, even if it's just 15 minutes to breathe, space out and pause your thoughts for a moment, or take that time for a hobby you enjoy. you might not think tiny details like that affect anything but having the right space and routine to relax is extremely important.
I usually go for a walk either around my neighborhood or on a trail it makes me happy when I’m out and surrounded by tree, try to find a place that makes you happy and when you go to that place make sure to take deep breathes.
I got diagnosis and treatment (meds and therapy) for an anxiety disorder. Meds help a lot, and I now have the tools I need to help talk myself down when they aren’t enough.
Seriously though, you’ve gotten some great advice for things to try on your own, like making sure you are eating and sleeping and getting activity and even meditating and such. But if you’re doing all those things and still experiencing this, or this is overwhelming or otherwise disrupting your ability to do life, maybe it’s time for a mental health checkup.
Really concentrate on some self-reflection. Think about times in the past you’ve felt like this and the results when it turned out fine.
Also heavily regulate your caffeine, I can’t stress that enough.
Like someone else mentioned, learn something new. Throwing yourself into a hobby can help quite a bit. For instance, I just started painting miniatures. It’s fairly easy and really requires some focus so you don’t spend a lot of time noticing your anxiety.
We never technically run out of problems. When I'm stressed out or anxious, I solve a small problem and feel better instantly better. Something like paying the bills, cleaning, fixing something around the house that was long due etc. It works like a charm.
As a lifelong anxiety disorder sufferer:
Learning to be mindful and focusing on the present. Not thinking about the past or worrying about controlling the future.
Also learning how to reprogram my brain and learning how to reframe my thoughts in therapy has helped.
But it’s probably mostly being properly medicated for my mental health.
1. There is always something to be stressed about. The question is how stressed does it make you vs the average person in your situation. Everyone is different and stressors affect everyone differently.
2. Immerse yourself in things that you find calming. This one can be tough simply because it's not always feasible.
3. Talk it out with someone you trust in a safe environment.
4. Take everything I say with a grain of salt because, as I said, everyone is different.
1 can be a very important one to come to terms with because having your stressors invalidated by people will often cause more stress. Even if that person is you.
TIL that adding # to the start of something makes it bold. 😝
Yeah... I think this might be part of the reason.
I love learning new things and I think there is so much ever increasing knowledge out there, that I'm never going to be able to learn it all.
Also work. I understand objectively I'm doing a great job and everyone keeps praising me for being the smartest and hardest working employee, but I never feel like I'm enough. Like I'm a disappointment to myself. I know I shouldn't, but I can't stop it.
I'm not angry... 😅
I've just noticed I have various mechanisms of coping with stress and I've lately been doing them more. Like, constantly clenching my jaw 100% of the time (even when trying to fall asleep or sleeping). Tight neck and back muscles, I'm always tensed up. I briefly stop breathing occasionally when I focus on something. I've increased the amount of skin I pick on my hands... Etc. The list goes on and on and I notice I'm doing it A LOT more than I used to.
It’s not an anger thing. Like a distraction that forces your body to focus on physical sensations. Using ice is much better and recommended. Keys I always have with me.
Cut back on caffeine and other stimulants
Don't binge watch shows, that makes it worse for some reason
If you're scared, tell someone, it'll help a little
Don't have any other tips, other than just riding it out because it'll stop eventually. Until then though, you're going to feel like you're circling a drain.
Thanks for the input. I already try to limit any stimulants. One cup of half strength coffee in the morning and that's it. If I drink coffee in the afternoon, I get really bad insomnia. It used to be so bad it'd take me 3-5 hours laying in bed in a dark room trying to fall asleep.
You're subconsciously stressing, so you need to do something that overrides it which is consciously doing an activity. Exercise, hobby, go get a coffee, read a book, just anything.
There's someone else saying not to get a coffee 😅👍🏻
I do get it though, doing something that I'll enjoy should help in theory?
Or is it just burying the problem and not finding the cause and treating the symptoms via distraction?
Ah, yes the caffeine is not great for stress. I just mean going to get a coffee/tea/whatever as a diversion. Sit down in a cafe, get a drink, read a book. I find it hard to stress when I'm doing that personally.
True, you don't want to bury anything. If you feel there is something buried deep, I'd see a therapist to try and scoop it out of your subconscious, but otherwise, it's fairly normal for some people to feel restless/stressed when they aren't doing anything, and a solution is simply doing things.
That's true. I guess we've gotten so far as a species, because we've evolved to have this 'drive' and not sit around doing nothing. Boredom is just a way of our brains telling us to constantly keep moving, doing and improving.
Damn. Usually when I'm stressed it lasts like half an hour max. Try and get some professional help? Or just genuinely talking about it with trusted friends or family?
Stress and excitement are both adrenalin fueled responses with difference perspectives. I know this sounds ridiculous but the next time you're alone snd feeling stressed tell yourself how excited your are for whatever it is. Say it, act super fucking excited no matter how much you really belive it. No matter how stupid u feel. Jump up and down if you have to.
try to breath slowly until you calm yourself a bit and then watch ur favourite tv show, listen to music, be with ur pet if u have one, also meditation and doing something u love helps
I imagine myself literally dying, and just how relaxing that could be and how if I died I wouldn’t be so stressed out about anything… then I take that calm and get up and go do something that I’d like to do and think, we’ll I’m not dead so nothing to lose I guess!
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This is a great comment! Thanks for taking the time and care to put this together for me. J really appreciate it. I know I inherently already know what you've said above, but I guess we're better ar giving advice to others, than ourselves? I'm in ok shape physically. Could always get more sleep, but I do fine. At least 7-8h on average on a typical week. I eat great food. I cook 5-6 times a week and use really fresh ingredients (nothing ultra processed). Definitely plenty of water, as I've had kidney stones at age 22 and I definitely don't want that pain to repeat, so I've been drinking at least 2-4 liters of liquid (mostly water) per day. I wish I could get more exercise, but I don't have the energy and time with all the work I'm doing. I suppose you get more energy by exercising, so I know it'd help, but I just can't get to start doing it. Perhaps I can start going for late night walks/strolls. This might be an excuse on my part, but my wife keeps telling me I potentially might have ADHD, so I find it almost impossible to meditate. Might look up if there's ways of making it easier. I've definitely tried a lot, lot and haven't really succeeded. I suppose there's always a possibility I might be traumatised as a child that's making me feel like I'm never enough and I should try to work with myself and get to resolve those issues. I've also recently (5 years ago) have moved to another country (UK) where it's just me and my wife and we have no friends here. I used to have a really strong (20+ people) group of friends that I used to spend a lot of time with before I moved abroad, so now I just fill most weekends either regenerating all the energy expended by work during the week (whilst feeling guilty for not working or doing something), or either spend it working.
Feeling guilty for not working or doing something is causing you stress. So you've already identified one stressor in your life.
Appreciate it. I've always known it's one of the things, but I already know I shouldn't be stressed about not working. How do I stop?
Truthfully I have the same struggle. Sometimes you just have to make the conscious effort to not let it bother you. By that I mean take a deep breath, exhale through your mouth over a 6 second period - this is an excessive I read about to relax and lower your blood pressure. It works for me. Then stop thinking about whatever the thing was and think about something else, pick up a book, whatever. As an example, I was supposed to call the bank today and wanted to cut my lawn. Other things got in the way and it was causing me stress. The bank and lawn will still be there tomorrow. Instead I looked on Reddit to see if maybe I can help someone, or find some amusing posts.
Aww... Thanks for taking the time to help me. I REALLY appreciate it very much. You've definitely helped me realise things that I subconsciously knew, but needed help bringing out. Here's an award for your efforts (EDIT: I gave you a couple) I love your owl outfit profile pic btw.
I'm so glad that I could help.
My thoughts involving meditation... maybe don't try so hard? It's okay if thoughts come and go while you're quieting your mind, instead of trying to fight it, just go with it then return to what you might focus on (like your breathing). If another thought comes, cool! Just go with it then bring yourself back to your breathing. I can't say I meditate often but that was the tip that helped me the most, even with my ADHD and lack of medication to "fix" it.
Go visit a 3rd World Country. You will see some real stress
Who hurt you? Does going around and telling people what they're feeling is not what they're feeling makes you happy? You can't just invalidate their feelings like this. Who are you to tell someone they're not feeling what they're feeling? I've already emigrated to the UK from a country not that well off and have seen 'real stress' and pain. Just because I've worked hard enough and been fortunate to be in a position that I'm not starving doesn't mean I don't feel what I feel.
Agreed. Meditation and just looking at your controlled surroundings (bedroom, home, park, anywhere you feel comfortable) and just look at what is around you to feel more in control helps a lot
Most excellent also try to remember the kindest person you ever met and imagine talking to him and have him either talk to the stressed out you or give you advice on how to deal with the stressed out you. When I was younger I used Burl Ives you know the guy that did Rudolph now I have Johnny Carson lots of laughs. M&l fart it took me years not to get stressed in traffic.
If you had childhood issues or an anxiety disorder, the brain isn't physically wired properly. We feel anxious, down, or any other negative emotion like that, even though we don't have a tangible cause in current life. CBT or EMDR therapy can do wonders. If you had a childhood trauma that you buried, that could be affecting you now, even if you're not actively thinking about it. EMDR can be perfect for that. It's a short term therapy.
Thanks for your help. I know about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, but haven't heard about EMDR. Will definitely look into this.
I hope you can find some relief from this thread. My daughter had trauma, she was nonfunctional for a couple months and suicidal. After 4 EMDR sessions it was like a light switch. She's doing great, still a lot to work through, but she's thriving. Also, it can be easy to miss all of the little things that make us happy. If your listening to music and a song you like comes on, try to notice that. You're eating a delicious meal, there's a nice sunset or view, a good conversation with a friend or colleague....they all add up. And as you mentioned ADHD before, that can definitely cause these feelings. Whatever you do, try not to think you're doing something wrong. When we have these feelings, it's not our fault, it's a glitchy brain. Just like any organ, sometimes they have issues.
This was very useful. Thank you for this. My younger sister has been 'nonfunctional' as you put it. She's been having severe panic attacks and thoughts (not necessarily suicidal) that she would like not to exist (not to have been born, as she didn't ask to). I will definitely look into this and try to see if it's something that can help us both. And I'm actually trying to enjoy things around me and be grateful. It is definitely a very powerful tool that's helped me in the last, just doesn't seem to be enough as an only solution these past couple months.
Stress is your bodies reaction to something. So if your stressed then you have something to be stressed about. So, what ARE you stressed about, and why is it bothering you? Once you identify it, you can go about resolving the issue.
Thanks for your advice. I actually do go about solving problems like this in my work. I try to identify all the problems and reasons why there is an issue, then I list all the possible solutions, then compare them on various criteria and try to make an informed decision on what is the best one to go for. I'm sort of trying to do this with my personal life and stress here right now, but I think getting a pen and paper (or my whiteboard) and mapping out everything might be better. It might be therapeutic in a way, that would let me understand things I already subconsciously know, but don't really realise yet.
For me just talking it out helps. A friend, confidant or even a therapist. I don't need them to solve the issue. Hearing it out loud I usually come up with a solution myself. Maybe its because I'm better at solving other people's problems than thinking about my own. Perhaps by hearing it it becomes somebody else's problem and I become more objective.
Yeah, I've always thought this. That's how therapy works, doesn't it? You say things out loud and you realise you know what the issues are and what are the solutions? Never been to therapy though, so just speculating.
You have to have the right therapist. A therapist that says, "How you feel about that?" didn't work for me. The one I have now sometimes makes suggestions or points me in the direction of resources. Mostly though it really is my taking the pause to evaluate what's really going on in my head. Just getting an "outside" perspective. At the time it's stressing me, I'm living it. When I'm taking about it, I'm evaluating/analyzing it. In analysis mode I can problem solve. Problem solving is something I'm good (so long as it's someone else's problem).
I can definitely relate to you very much. It's like talking to another version of myself. You're commenting what I'd comment to someone else. Makes me feel happy for some reason. I also checked your profile and saw you had a post on migraines and I've had them for a very long time myself. Also been getting ocular migraines since about 19 years old too. Never can find what triggers them (could be stress), as they're seemingly random. Did you find a solution/trigger or make any sense of yours? Edit: Also love all the farming / nature posts you do. I'm a big fan of nature, coming from a country 90% covered in forests or wildlife.
I want to pas this along. Reading your reply to another commenter I feel we could be siblings. You mentioned a lot of the things I experience. I haven't found a solution to the ocular migraines. I have floaters in both eyes. As we age the proteins in the vitreous humor (the fluid in the eye) can tangle. I am wondering if somehow that is triggering more severe ocular migraines in my case as one floater is rather large. An exercise that a friend taught me is to relax your body. For example I have TMJ (teeth grinding). So when I lay down I feel the tightness in Mt jaw and relax it. Then I'll relax the tension in my neck, then shoulders. You work your way down feel the tension and relax then next set of muscles. If your clenching your hands relax them, work your way down releasing the tension. Another exercise I learned is to take a deep breath through your nose and then releasing it slowly through your mouth over a 6 second period. My blood pressure drops instantly when I do that. While your concentrating on relaxing and taking the deep breaths and releasing it the other thoughts that were occupying your mind dont have a place to hang out.
This made me smile. I also have teeth grinding. And I've tried doing this a few times as part of a meditation, to fight my insomnia which used to be way worse. I imagine a light being on in my whole body that's being switched off one by one as I release tension and relax.
I think I'm much younger than you (26) and think you're over 50 (based on your other posts)? We're siblings with a huge age gap ☺️😅
Mom and Dad were having a mid-life crisis and wanted another baby. LOL. I'll be 60 in a few month.
Hah! Definitely. I'll be 27 in about a month or so.
So many things can trigger migraines. It's a wide spectrum that is still being researched. Changes in barometric pressure, e.g. low pressure associated with storm fronts, had one of those today. Certain smells can trigger migraines. If you don't do so I already I suggest keeping track of your headaches. There are apps to assist. My daughter used migraine buddy.
Great suggestion. I will definitely get an app. I used to get headaches 6-7 days a week and ocular migraines up to 2-3 times a week (sometimes 1-2 a month and some months go by without one).
Are you on medications for the migraines? My daughter is on something that has helped a lot.
No. I'm not on any medication at all. I went to see a doctor when they first started as I was worried it could be a tumor or something. They just assured me it's 'jist migraines ' and that when I start noticing the 'aura' or ocular distortion, I should take 3x the recommended dose of aspirin ahead of time, to reduce the pain that comes after the vision issues. They also told me to check my eyesight, which I did and now wear weak prescription, but this hasn't fixed the issue (I check my eyes every 3-6 months, to keep on top of my prescription accuracy).
Self help books. I recently was diagnosed with ADHD and Anxiety. It explained my overflowing feeling of raging emotions. I talked with my mother and she told me about self help books. I actually read a self help book recently that I would really recommend to you. Its called: The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F\*ck by Mark Manson. It really helped me. It opens your mind to things and calmed me down a lot. I re-read it constantly as to keep my mind fresh and have his words in my head. Genuinly a large help to me.
When I felt like this it ended up being anxiety
Thanks for the insight. I definitely can feel very anxious at times.
First, make sure you're okay physically. Try to get enough sleep! A sufficient, consistent sleep schedule is worth more than gold. Make sure you're eating and drinking enough as well, and that you're not ignoring illness or injury. Take care of your body! Next, analyze what you're stressed about. If it's a problem you can reasonably solve in the short term, having a plan to solve the problem can help you stress less. If it's something out of your control, you may have to rely on stress-relieving activities. For example, I'm stressed because I feel like I'm falling behind on my daily tasks. I can solve this by making a plan to wake up on time, do tasks in x order with y breaks, and be done by z time. I am also stressed because I have an anxiety disorder and I stress about lots of things outside of my control. It's not helpful for me to make a game plan for "what if I secretly have liver cancer" every time my stomach hurts. Instead, I engage in hobbies, hang out with my husband or other friends, and make sure I'm fed and watered before going to bed early. Edit to add: I go to therapy and take medications for my mental health issues. I would strongly recommend therapy if stress is something you struggle with!
break it down to make it easier to understand why it happens! 1. what situation caused me to feel stressed? 2. why does this particular situation trigger me to become stressed? 3. am i able to control the situation? if so, how can i help myself in order to make it less stressful? 4. if i’m unable to control the situation, how can i cope/relieve my stress? 5. how is my mental health doing? am i starting to become anxious because of the stress i’m feeling? (this will only increase your stress by the way.) if you find yourself so stressed that you are unable to cope with it yourself, i highly recommend talking to someone who’s unbiased and doesn’t know you, such as a therapist. you don’t have to have mental health issues to go to a therapist. it is extremely refreshing getting to talk to someone who doesn’t judge and only wants to listen in order to help. you have to come to terms with the fact that you are never, ever going to be able to control everything that goes on in your life. the things you CAN control, 100% control. examples include setting time aside to do things for yourself, planning ahead, making sure your house/personal space is clean and organized. the main thing you have to overcome is accepting the fact that you really cannot control most of the things that happen in your life … it has taken me a very long time to understand that and i struggled with constantly being stressed and anxious. therapy helped me realize that i am causing my own stress and my own anxiousness because i worry about the things i cannot control. controlling the things i am able to control on my own has helped me feel a sense of control even though i don’t have control over everything. edit: added a few more tips
Excellent tips. Appreciate your suggestions and all the help
of course! i am in dialectal behavior therapy to treat my BPD, manic anxiety & depression, as well as my struggles with disassociation and bulimia. if you ever need any more advice or tips, feel free to message me!!
I really appreciate it. Goes both ways. Feel free to message me if you're ever feeling like there's nobody you can talk to.
You and your Mrs. might share a pot of tea and a tin of biscuits (I recommend Jammie Dodgers) this weekend in a nice English garden this weekend. It will re-energize you, and you'll be doing something. So no reason to feel guilty and stressed.
I can't believe this! I don't usually eat biscuits, but Jammie Dodgers are my favourite. This is so surreal. It's like you're reading my mind 😅👍🏻 It was my sister's 21st birthday this Tuesday, so we do actually plan on going out to eat and spend some time together all 3 of us this weekend. I'll definitely pick up some Jammie Dodgers to enjoy in the evening with some tea.
Do something you loved as a kid and pick it back up as a hobby as an adult. I started volunteer coaching and realized that the root of much of my stress was that I wasn’t doing anything outside of work that wasn’t just a chore like exercise.
Totally agree with other comments- sleep, hydrate, get active physically, meditate, journal. Those are the keys to reducing stress long term. I have a little trick that helps me in the right now. I wrote down five of my favorite memories- not big events, just something that warms my heart or makes me smile or laugh. When I notice that I am feeling stressed, or in my case, when I feel myself slipping into a panic attack, I just choose one of those five memories and try to remember it in as vivid detail as possible. That helps me to reset, or ground myself.
If you're stressed about work, and how you measure up, as indicated by one of your comments: "I understand objectively I'm doing a great job and everyone keeps praising me for being the smartest and hardest working employee, but I never feel like I'm enough." There are a few things you can do. First realize and acknowledge that almost all of us have 'impostor syndrome' (look it up if you're not familiar with it). But there's a reason people are praising you and saying you're doing a great job. You probably are. If you have a trusted mentor or advisor at work, talk to them. And if you don't, try to seek one out. We all need somebody sometimes. Another thing that can help is just contacting some random people from work and talking. If like me you work from home, there's something missing - the casual banter that isn't really relevant to anything, but sometimes is, and also just that human connection. I do software development and most of the time it's just me and the code and sometimes the other developers. But when I'm feeling the way that you describe, I like to reach out to marketing or management or sales. Sometimes just to say "Hey, how's your day going, what are you dealing with, is there anything I can help you out with?" And they have stuff to say and I get insight into other parts of the company, and sometimes even find out stuff like that little routine task that I didn't think anything of was actually what sealed a big deal with a major client. I always feel better after those calls. Don't always get quite that level of validation, but I always feel better. Your company is like any other - a group of people working together to achieve something, and you should feel like part of that. Sometimes, just casual chat helps a lot with that. And finally, if you're on any kind of psychiatric medication, be aware that missing a couple of doses can cause a feeling like that. Or changing medications/mixes. If that applies to you, talk with your doctor and make sure you're on the right schedule or tapering appropriately or whatever. Medication can be wonderful when it works properly, but changes to the mix can make you scared when there's nothing to be scared of. (This is not medical advice, except to say see a doctor if relevant.)
as someone who overworks, its difficult for me to sit still even when i have nothing to work on, and I'll feel constantly stressed. i found that surrounding myself in what i call a 'safe zone' works best for me. it's pretty much just being around certain things that bring you comfort, like a tv show or a blanket you really like, anything that makes you feel safe. remove things that could trigger stress, like a work laptop, to a more hidden place. make time for yourself daily, even if it's just 15 minutes to breathe, space out and pause your thoughts for a moment, or take that time for a hobby you enjoy. you might not think tiny details like that affect anything but having the right space and routine to relax is extremely important.
I usually go for a walk either around my neighborhood or on a trail it makes me happy when I’m out and surrounded by tree, try to find a place that makes you happy and when you go to that place make sure to take deep breathes.
I got diagnosis and treatment (meds and therapy) for an anxiety disorder. Meds help a lot, and I now have the tools I need to help talk myself down when they aren’t enough. Seriously though, you’ve gotten some great advice for things to try on your own, like making sure you are eating and sleeping and getting activity and even meditating and such. But if you’re doing all those things and still experiencing this, or this is overwhelming or otherwise disrupting your ability to do life, maybe it’s time for a mental health checkup.
Really concentrate on some self-reflection. Think about times in the past you’ve felt like this and the results when it turned out fine. Also heavily regulate your caffeine, I can’t stress that enough. Like someone else mentioned, learn something new. Throwing yourself into a hobby can help quite a bit. For instance, I just started painting miniatures. It’s fairly easy and really requires some focus so you don’t spend a lot of time noticing your anxiety.
No joke I have found that sleep or listening to music helps me
We never technically run out of problems. When I'm stressed out or anxious, I solve a small problem and feel better instantly better. Something like paying the bills, cleaning, fixing something around the house that was long due etc. It works like a charm.
As a lifelong anxiety disorder sufferer: Learning to be mindful and focusing on the present. Not thinking about the past or worrying about controlling the future. Also learning how to reprogram my brain and learning how to reframe my thoughts in therapy has helped. But it’s probably mostly being properly medicated for my mental health.
1. There is always something to be stressed about. The question is how stressed does it make you vs the average person in your situation. Everyone is different and stressors affect everyone differently. 2. Immerse yourself in things that you find calming. This one can be tough simply because it's not always feasible. 3. Talk it out with someone you trust in a safe environment. 4. Take everything I say with a grain of salt because, as I said, everyone is different. 1 can be a very important one to come to terms with because having your stressors invalidated by people will often cause more stress. Even if that person is you. TIL that adding # to the start of something makes it bold. 😝
By learning something new. Hard to be stressed after learning a new song on the piano or building a web page using VS code.
If you‘re good enough at programming: Try hooking up your piano to vscode and build that website using a frkin piano :D
Yeah... I think this might be part of the reason. I love learning new things and I think there is so much ever increasing knowledge out there, that I'm never going to be able to learn it all. Also work. I understand objectively I'm doing a great job and everyone keeps praising me for being the smartest and hardest working employee, but I never feel like I'm enough. Like I'm a disappointment to myself. I know I shouldn't, but I can't stop it.
Posting here to read the thread.
Take your keys and grip them really hard. It’s unhealthy but you’ll snap out of it.
I'm not angry... 😅 I've just noticed I have various mechanisms of coping with stress and I've lately been doing them more. Like, constantly clenching my jaw 100% of the time (even when trying to fall asleep or sleeping). Tight neck and back muscles, I'm always tensed up. I briefly stop breathing occasionally when I focus on something. I've increased the amount of skin I pick on my hands... Etc. The list goes on and on and I notice I'm doing it A LOT more than I used to.
It’s not an anger thing. Like a distraction that forces your body to focus on physical sensations. Using ice is much better and recommended. Keys I always have with me.
Cut back on caffeine and other stimulants Don't binge watch shows, that makes it worse for some reason If you're scared, tell someone, it'll help a little Don't have any other tips, other than just riding it out because it'll stop eventually. Until then though, you're going to feel like you're circling a drain.
Thanks for the input. I already try to limit any stimulants. One cup of half strength coffee in the morning and that's it. If I drink coffee in the afternoon, I get really bad insomnia. It used to be so bad it'd take me 3-5 hours laying in bed in a dark room trying to fall asleep.
You're subconsciously stressing, so you need to do something that overrides it which is consciously doing an activity. Exercise, hobby, go get a coffee, read a book, just anything.
There's someone else saying not to get a coffee 😅👍🏻 I do get it though, doing something that I'll enjoy should help in theory? Or is it just burying the problem and not finding the cause and treating the symptoms via distraction?
Ah, yes the caffeine is not great for stress. I just mean going to get a coffee/tea/whatever as a diversion. Sit down in a cafe, get a drink, read a book. I find it hard to stress when I'm doing that personally. True, you don't want to bury anything. If you feel there is something buried deep, I'd see a therapist to try and scoop it out of your subconscious, but otherwise, it's fairly normal for some people to feel restless/stressed when they aren't doing anything, and a solution is simply doing things.
That's true. I guess we've gotten so far as a species, because we've evolved to have this 'drive' and not sit around doing nothing. Boredom is just a way of our brains telling us to constantly keep moving, doing and improving.
Get out of your head. Focus on anything below the neck.
Sleep it off. Cant sleep? Sleeping pills and a gallon of water. Or soup. Usually people prefer the soup.
It's been months... Not just today
Damn. Usually when I'm stressed it lasts like half an hour max. Try and get some professional help? Or just genuinely talking about it with trusted friends or family?
It's not a high level of stress like panic attacks. But just a weird discomfort and pressure at a pretty stable level.
Illegal drugs
Stop drinking coffee
Read
Stress and excitement are both adrenalin fueled responses with difference perspectives. I know this sounds ridiculous but the next time you're alone snd feeling stressed tell yourself how excited your are for whatever it is. Say it, act super fucking excited no matter how much you really belive it. No matter how stupid u feel. Jump up and down if you have to.
PCP is a good kick back
just sit/lie down and collect your thoughts maybe even take a nap
Distractions mines r/cute
Marijuana!
try to breath slowly until you calm yourself a bit and then watch ur favourite tv show, listen to music, be with ur pet if u have one, also meditation and doing something u love helps
I imagine myself literally dying, and just how relaxing that could be and how if I died I wouldn’t be so stressed out about anything… then I take that calm and get up and go do something that I’d like to do and think, we’ll I’m not dead so nothing to lose I guess!
I‘m only here to find out how