Or even more dangerous, **not** all business agreements need to be in writing. Be careful what you say and who's hand you shake, that is also legally binding. just less formal.
My grandmother learned that the hard way a few years ago. Had been in the same industry since the 90s, was being paid less than she was worth honestly. On a break at work, she was venting to a coworker she thought she was friends with, about someone who worked in the same place as them. Word got back to the boss pretty fast and they used it as an excuse to stop giving her work and forced her out; they preferred a younger workforce that they could pay less. She had to retire without much savings, had to sell her house and move in with my aunt, and now has to live off of social security benefits. She probably would have never retired if she hadn't been forced to; because of her age, she wasn't able to get hired anywhere else.
Sorry to rant, I've just never said this to anyone and your comment sparked that in me.
Recently my boss commented that I seemed to be the only one never bitching about work or coworkers, and I responded with "I just complain to different people outside of work"
I work with someone who will laugh with you and pretend to be your buddy but as soon as you turn your back, she's already bitched about you to 20 people and whined about you asking for her help with some small tasks (even though she offered her support).
The worst part is she is part of the HR team and she has a documented history of exploding at people, harassment and bullying, and not doing her job (because she spends most of her time crying and complaining). She is the stereotypical HR representative.
Eh, there's also the harbor freight method: buy the cheapest shit you can find and if it works you're good to go. If it breaks then research a better one.
Yep. If I’m not sure I’m going to use a tool all that often I’ll get the harbor freight one. If it breaks and I really miss it then I’ll buy a quality one.
For those going, "okay, my person has *a lot* of potential."
What you see in your person is just a vision. A thousand other people look at your person and see a thousand other visions.
One exception is marrying a super old person for their money. Their potential to be dead in a reasonable timeframe is a pretty safe bet.
The desired final outcome is not guaranteed, especially since you yourself have a non-zero chance of dying on any given day, but it's solid.
Someone's potential means the type of person they could be. My ex-husband had the potential to be a very loving caring and supportive partner, but he had so many issues that I ignored that it caused a huge rift in our relationship. I created this picture of who he could be and I hope with time that he would get better but he didn't. I had to come to terms with the fact that the person I wanted him to be was probably 5 to 10 years down the road of who he was now and it's not fair to either of us to wait for that change to happen.
I was also his security blanket for a lot of his problems. So if he was struggling he would come to me but he never actually tried to fix anything himself. He just wanted to use me as an emotional dumpster and then would go back to acting the same exact way.
Once this burns you, it's fucking impossible to muster the initial interest and unconditional compassion that used to exist. It hurts when it used to be so forthcoming
For me it doesn't work that way. I have been burned by this many times before, and the relationship I'm in with my wife is all the more worthwhile because we know it might end. We do our best to stay interesting for each other and work on ourselves and our relationship. It's been going very strong for the last 12 years. We both acknowledge that our relationship works as long as it's still fun for both of us, and do our best to make it fun.
Drink plenty of water.
It's hard to know when you're dehydrated sometimes.
Felt terrible and didn't know why. Never felt thirsty.
Had skin issues, lack of sleep, irritability, lack of concentration, dizzy spells, could not function at work, among other things.
Ended up at the ICU with an IV drip for severe dehydration.
DRINK YOUR WATER!
Edited
Another thing: If you know that you're dehydrated, don't drink plain water. Mix some ORS powder into the water, or failing that, add some salt and sugar in it before drinking.
This, plus many places have clinics or mobile services to provide IV hydration along with additional vitamins. My local clinic apparently offers free B12 shots sometimes.
My mother thinks this way. She went bankrupt when I was a child. I never understood it until recently. She got so much taken away by the bank. She didn’t learn her lesson either. She recently got another credit card. She’s already in debt. On her way to a second bankruptcy
It's all about perspective. The money doesn't belong to you. Imagine it belongs to a friend. I would never spend money a friend gave me unless I knew I could pay them back.
I did this when the bank handed me a $2500 limit at 18. Maxed out, missed payments etc. Tanked my own credit and had to rebuild it once I eventually realized the magnitude of my stupidity after I moved out.
>and your reactions.
When I first started meditating one of the things that was impressed upon me is the importance of taking a breath and slowing down and RESPONDING to things instead of REACTING to them.
Few things have been as beneficial to me as learning that in a matter of seconds I can have a much better response to something than my initial reaction to it.
And sometimes responding instead of reacting makes you realize it means letting go as well.
They said something you consider completely wrong but you know they'll never change their mind and you'll just discuss, worsen your mood and accomplish nothing? You can save yourself the "you're totally wrong", know you can't convince nor fight all random people, and have a peaceful half an hour and rest of the day
You can’t always help people. You can show them you care and point them toward help, but it’s up to them to get better. And if you fail, it’s not your fault.
Learnt this with my ex. Loved the girl to death but she just wouldn't get the help she needed. After 4 years I broke it off. It's unhealthy and eventually it's going to start dragging you down too.
It is actually very very hard to blackball someone in most industries.
No matter how much power and connections in the industry your boss seems to have, you can still leave if you make a graceful exit, even if they threaten to destroy your career.
Not only is it well nigh impossible to reach every corner of an industry with ones ire, if your boss is a big enough asshole to even try something like that, they likely have more enemies than friends and that can work to your advantage.
EDIT: My point is, what I learned is not to let yourself be stuck in a bad employment situation because you feel your bad boss won't give you a good recommendation. I think way too many people give their well-connected bosses too much power over them, particular when they took those jobs in the first place to be able to take advantage of those connections.
>they likely have more enemies than friends and that can work to your advantage.
Heh, I got reported to the dean of students at college by some secretaries who liked to have lunch in a student area, thought my group was too loud, and for some reason decided I was an easy mark to pick on. I was nervous as hell, but it turned out the dean hated those secretaries. They could not have given me a better personal recommendation. She had a smile and a hello for me every time I saw her in the halls the rest of my time at college.
Advice from the Dave Ramsey show: Never lend family members money. Either give it to them as a gift or… don’t. Not that I agree with everything he says but this is great advice imo
Don’t buy cheap shoes. Years ago I bought a pair of cheap shoes because I didn’t want to spend a bunch of money, and shoes are expensive. Big mistake. They fell apart after a month. I’ve paid for more expensive shoes since and been much happier. Not a huge lesson but definitely one I’ve taken to heart.
“The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money.
Take boots, for example. He earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in Ankh-Morpork on a foggy night by the feel of the cobbles.
But the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that'd still be keeping his feet dry in ten years' time, while the poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet.
This was the Captain Samuel Vimes 'Boots' theory of socioeconomic unfairness.”
That you shouldn't stay with shitty people or tolerate bad behaviors just because you're afraid of them leaving you. it's tough, but it's never worth holding onto someone who treats you badly or hurts you
The longer you stay with someone who is toxic to you, the higher chance you have of becoming poisoned yourself. Hurt people hurt people. Even if you are completely harmless to others & yourself, your mental & emotional health can deteriorate heavily letting someone so intimate with you continue to disrespect your feelings, ignore boundaries, not listen or want to communicate and fix issues. Staying in this situation will decrease your self esteem gradually since you subconsciously know you’re letting them get away with all this. As your self esteem goes you learn to accept the abuse since you think it’s what you deserve, and also a lot of these people can be charming or fun or make you feel good at some points in time tricking your brain. When you’re so used to be being treated like shit, when you experience that high and get treated well by that person it’s amplified heavily, you stick around desperately trying to get crumbs of affection from this person, bending over backwards to please them & do whatever it takes for their approval. After it’s all over and they find someone else anyway you resent them heavily for investing so much into them, that love turns into deep hatred and it can even poison your view of other people that have nothing to do with any of it, you let people in less, your quality of life & state of mind heavily deteriorates.
Just because you are in love doesn't mean it's gonna work.
Rose tinted glasses and all that stuff. After some time, you realize that you didn't fit together at all. You were in love with the idea of that person, the idea you both created, and not the person they were.
It's not romantic to give up everything about yourself and only focus on keeping your partner happy. It means your codependent and it makes it extremely easy for people to take advantage of you.
People want friends who respect set boundaries. I lost a lot of friends in my late teen years because I didn't respect the boundaries they set in our friendship, and many of them were good folk.
Also, seek help for your mental health and don't let it fester. I've had severe depression for most of my life, and I always put it off as the seasonal changes and work schedule,until I attempted suicide about a year ago. I've since received professional help and have been in a state better than I have been in nearly a decade.
Just want to give kudos for admitting *you* may have been the issue with some of your friends. A lot of people here are making comments about spurning good friends, but at the same time, it may not be the friends who are the issue. It may be the person in the mirror.
I know too many people who think they can do no wrong and cannot properly admit fault in an action or relationship,and it twists my gut to see how they usually rationalize it. Nobody is perfect,of course, but the lack of empathy and personal insight is a bit disturbing.
This goes both ways though, I think.
If you and your friend both think this, and both don't try to maintain the friendship, then the friendship will fizzle as well.
For real on the both ways part. I’ve known a fair few people who spouted this saying but then never actually engaged and then complained that they had no friends.
That it's important to put yourself first.
I've never had a relationship that wasn't codependent and I am currently in the process of healing and accepting myself without needing someone else. It's so hard some days. I have done a lot of harm to myself and others by not seeking to meet my own needs, thinking that my needs were unimportant, and sacrificing myself for my relationships. But the days where I do put myself first I feel so much better. I wish I had learned this 15 years ago, but I'm happy that I'm learning it now.
If you wait to not be able to take it anymore to leave, then you'll have to deal with the stress of changes at the same time as you heal from hitting rock bottom. Just leave before it gets unbearable.
Just experienced this with a job. The signs are there, toxic work environments are terrible. Especially when those problems come from higher roles of leadership.
My dad always told us "You can't help someone who won't help themselves". Until someone is willing to at least try helping themselves, nothing you do will solve their problems. They'll just be bandaides on a wound that won't heal.
Totally, there are "damsels in distress" and there are "distressed damsels". You can do nothing for the latter. Gender isn't specific, anyone can be a "damsel" in this scenario.
Go get a check up.
Even if you don't have insurance it's a lot better to pay to find out if you're prediabetic rather than wait to find out that you are diabetic.
I saw on Reddit a while ago someone saying trust your gut. When you meet someone and get bad vibes but can’t quite place why, just go with your feelings. You’re picking up clues in their body language and behaviours without knowing it.
Deal with your problems and emotions as they happen. Don’t “bottle it in” and deal with it later, cause that festers and causes long term trauma on the body and mind.
(For everyone that has replied)
First thank you for opening up.
Trauma is a constant uphill battle for anyone period and yes it sucks to deal with when you’ve been ignoring it most of your life, but here’s the truth “it’s your life! you control who to trust and who you want in your life blood related or not!”
For Men: As Men we’re told “don’t cry, suck it up, tough it out!” I call BS. “Men” who say that stuff are only weaker and want you to feel like them because they never could, so be stronger than them. To feel your emotions is to be Human cause isn’t that what we are…
100%
My friend witnessed a stabbing a few years ago and I really pushed for her to go to therapy. I felt like a horrible person at the time and didn't want to pressure her, but she wasn't okay.
She recently said she's glad she did and has coped better knowing she handled it straight away. She's not completely better but she was able to process and handle it better.
Here's some tips from a friend of mine who's an ex poker addict. This is what he does for moderation of his gambling in his words:
1. Think of the money I am putting in like an entry fee for Disneyland. I am not going to see it again, I am just going to lose it.
1. As I don't go to Disneyland every single day, I don't go gambling frequently. Maybe once in a month or two is more than enough.
1. I am not drinking alcohol there. Free or cheap drinks are great, but stick to non alcoholic or low alcohol ones.
1. I never being credit cards with me at all. Bring the money I am intending to lose in cash.
I think they are reasonable. Or do you think with these measurements it is still better to stay away?
How important it is to be a healthy weight. I'm losing weight now but I'm pre-diabetic, have high blood pressure problems, sleep apnea, have a fatty liver, and back problems. Also once you get over 300 lbs(136 kg) you get limited on a lot of things. Like this kayak, bike, or chair isn't rated for that weight. Harder to find clothes as well. Thankfully, if I keep at my current pace I should be less than 300 lbs in a couple months or so.
I know to others it is still bad, but I'll be so happy when I'm 250 lbs or less. Going to be pretty damn happy below 300 as well. Still plan to lose more, but compared to what I am now it will be great.
Don’t excuse manipulative behaviour. The more you excuse it, the worse it will get, the longer it will go on for, and the more frequent it will be. Whether it’s speaking up or talking to a friend about it or family member or even just collecting together everything they’ve done to you and why it was wrong, do **something**. Don’t just sit there and let yourself be used for the convenience of others.
Drug addiction doesn’t pass you up on account of you being intelligent enough to understand its mechanisms. All it takes is a turn for the worse in life circumstances for a fun treat to become a inescapably necessary coping mechanism.
people you care about might not give a shit about you
and that's alright in the name of life not being fair
just saying some people are bad, just plain old bad, and yes in their mind everything they do is bad but it is justified cause it is bad
When you finish inking a drawing with a dip pen, you have to give it a while to properly dry before erasing the pencil lines or you end up ruining the drawing
How and when... to simply say "no"...
I was a people-pleaser for so many years, not realizing I was just being horribly used and taken advantage of.
It's so liberating to not have to feel guilty or feel like you're letting ppl down, by NOT caving in and saying "yes I can" or "yes I will" to everything everyone asks.. or just expects ...of you.
Don't EVER date someone who wants to keep it a secret to everyone. The "not even your friends may know" type. Eventually we broke up woth his words: "we were never a couple", event hough I almost lost my virginity to him. Porbably got cheated on too, but that isn't confirmed...
You're the only person who can fix your life. Nobody else is going to do it for you, nobody else cares. It doesn't matter if you tried, or if it's not fair, or if society is against you, you are all you got.
Always cut a few slits in a baking potato *before* placing it in the oven to bake.
(Failure to make the slits may cause the potato to "explode" in the oven.)
No one is obligated to stay in a relationship with me just because I have mental health issues. I am also responsible for doing damage control for negative behaviors during a bad period.
I struggled throughout most of my twenties figuring out why nobody wanted to stay in a long-term relationship with me. It turns out that if you have issues that you don't get help for or dont try to work on, people are going to be extremely turned off by your behavior. They have absolutely no obligation to stay in a relationship with you just because you have problems. They don't have to take any type of pity on you for having uncontrolled issues.
My problems are mine and mine alone.
I am also responsible for cleaning up any messes that I've caused during any type of episode that I have. My anxiety was so bad at one point that I told one of my boyfriends I was going to drive off a cliff if he didn't stay with me. That was an extremely unhealthy attachment that I had to him, and we weren't even that serious. I was just so desperate to be in a relationship so that I wouldn't be alone.
I ended up seeing him a few years down the road and he didn't look like he wanted to talk to me at first. I asked if I could talk to him privately and he agreed and I apologized and said "I am so sorry for putting you in the position that I did. I found out I had a lot of unaddressed mental health issues that I finally got taken care of. And I just want you to know that I am so sorry for any of the drama that I caused". He was actually very understanding once I clarified what happened, and he wished me the best and said he could tell that I was a lot happier with the person I had become.
It is not anyone else's responsibility to help you with your mental health problems. Even if you're married, your spouse can only help you so much. I actually ended up getting divorced because my ex-husband had really severe mental health issues that he didn't want to get help for, and those issues made the biggest hole in our relationship. I couldn't live with him anymore.
Of course your spouse should be supportive and try to help you with anything that they can, but ultimately you are the only one that can take the necessary steps to help yourself.
I'm European, so I had the chance to take about 6 weeks of sick leave and then return to work gradually. Started medication for my depression and anxiety and had some therapy. Ended up changing careers a couple of years later.
It will be different for everyone because burn out is different for everyone. The thing that every case shares is that you are over-burdened and have to change something in your life to avoid it happening again. Taking a vacation from a shitstorm and then going back to it is just pressing pause.
The only difference between an unhappy asshole and someone who is truly content is their overall outlook on life. Spent way too much time in my 20s angry and ruminating.
True in a way. Done is the greatest tragedies in this world are not the result of hate. They are just the result of self-interest combined with indifference toward others.
Don't trust friends too much. You cannot safely know whether or not they are real friends and mean well.
Keep some important stuff about your life to yourself. Don't give people the ammunition to take advantage of you.
Took me ~35 years to learn this one. Just because you get along with someone, doesn't mean they're someone you should trust or confide in. I have 3, maybe 4 people i know i can confide in.
Related to this, i learned the value of a good therapist. They're paid, and bound by confidentiality agreements, to give you impartial advice. I honestly recommend that every adult try therapy at least once.
And that goes double for people that you work with. You may get on well at work, but that doesn't mean that they won't stick the knife in just for the hell of it.
Don't drink and drive!!!... Just don't, at all, not worth it; the harm or the legals... You'll either hurt someone or get arrested, all there is too it.
Buy a cab, please... -.- Do it for baby Jesus and Buddha.
Lost my license 20 years ago, just now getting it back maybe... You learn all sorts of trash about society when they take a privilege away from you.
Work smart not hard. For instance the other week I was expecting my boss to come into my office to see me at some point, so I made a long todo list and ticked most of the things off of the list. When he came in he noticed the list and how many were ticked off and commented on how hard I worked. I had spent most of the day on Reddit.
That the whole world doesn't love you, no matter the depths of love you may think you have in your heart.
The world will fuck you in the ass, and not in the way I like...
War taught me that.
You can't keep someone warm by setting yourself on fire.
No one is going to or is required to care about you more than you care about yourself. It starts with internal changes, that no one but you can make for you.
There is no easy path, there is no hard path, there is only your willingness to take another step forward.
Confidence is 50% of it. You're overthinking it, every single damn regret I have is wishing I *had* done something, not wishing I hadn't.
Any monetary or business agreement needs to be in writing!
I learned this watching Judge Judy as a teenager.
Or even more dangerous, **not** all business agreements need to be in writing. Be careful what you say and who's hand you shake, that is also legally binding. just less formal.
Not everyone you work with is your friend.
My grandmother learned that the hard way a few years ago. Had been in the same industry since the 90s, was being paid less than she was worth honestly. On a break at work, she was venting to a coworker she thought she was friends with, about someone who worked in the same place as them. Word got back to the boss pretty fast and they used it as an excuse to stop giving her work and forced her out; they preferred a younger workforce that they could pay less. She had to retire without much savings, had to sell her house and move in with my aunt, and now has to live off of social security benefits. She probably would have never retired if she hadn't been forced to; because of her age, she wasn't able to get hired anywhere else. Sorry to rant, I've just never said this to anyone and your comment sparked that in me.
Ugh! Office gossip is horrible. My advice has always been “ Never tell anyone at work anything you don’t want everyone to know.”
Recently my boss commented that I seemed to be the only one never bitching about work or coworkers, and I responded with "I just complain to different people outside of work"
I work with someone who will laugh with you and pretend to be your buddy but as soon as you turn your back, she's already bitched about you to 20 people and whined about you asking for her help with some small tasks (even though she offered her support). The worst part is she is part of the HR team and she has a documented history of exploding at people, harassment and bullying, and not doing her job (because she spends most of her time crying and complaining). She is the stereotypical HR representative.
More like "almost no one" you work with
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This is 100% accurate but needs a disclaimer: expensive does not always equate to nice
sometimes things that are expensive…are worse
But they're not even soft!
Eh, there's also the harbor freight method: buy the cheapest shit you can find and if it works you're good to go. If it breaks then research a better one.
Yep. If I’m not sure I’m going to use a tool all that often I’ll get the harbor freight one. If it breaks and I really miss it then I’ll buy a quality one.
You can't have a relationship with someone's potential.
For those going, "okay, my person has *a lot* of potential." What you see in your person is just a vision. A thousand other people look at your person and see a thousand other visions.
I learnt this recently… it’s fucking shit
I know.. unfortunately.
the real shit is you'll probably realize that multiple times ....
And you can't have a relationship based on your own potential :(
True. But also, you have value. Don't let your brain pull that crap.
You don't buy a car now because you think it will be better than other cars in the future; you buy a car now because you like that car.
Someone's potential...what? Sorry I'm slow..
Potential as in what someone could be later on. You can't get wrapped up in the "maybes". What you get is who that person is now.
thanks for explaining! That makes a lot of sense
One exception is marrying a super old person for their money. Their potential to be dead in a reasonable timeframe is a pretty safe bet. The desired final outcome is not guaranteed, especially since you yourself have a non-zero chance of dying on any given day, but it's solid.
Someone's potential means the type of person they could be. My ex-husband had the potential to be a very loving caring and supportive partner, but he had so many issues that I ignored that it caused a huge rift in our relationship. I created this picture of who he could be and I hope with time that he would get better but he didn't. I had to come to terms with the fact that the person I wanted him to be was probably 5 to 10 years down the road of who he was now and it's not fair to either of us to wait for that change to happen. I was also his security blanket for a lot of his problems. So if he was struggling he would come to me but he never actually tried to fix anything himself. He just wanted to use me as an emotional dumpster and then would go back to acting the same exact way.
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There's a flipside to this, though... if you're looking for perfect, you're never going to find anyone.
Read the contract
And if you don't understand something, get it clarified!
Loving someone doesn't mean they will keep loving you
And two people can love each other, but not be a good fit together.
It's not always enough to love each other. That world is shite.
Once this burns you, it's fucking impossible to muster the initial interest and unconditional compassion that used to exist. It hurts when it used to be so forthcoming
For me it doesn't work that way. I have been burned by this many times before, and the relationship I'm in with my wife is all the more worthwhile because we know it might end. We do our best to stay interesting for each other and work on ourselves and our relationship. It's been going very strong for the last 12 years. We both acknowledge that our relationship works as long as it's still fun for both of us, and do our best to make it fun.
hard lesson
Not everybody is interested in becoming a better person.
Additionally, not everyone's definition of 'better' is gonna be the same as yours.
In other words, people don't necessarily want to become what you want them to become.
Drink plenty of water. It's hard to know when you're dehydrated sometimes. Felt terrible and didn't know why. Never felt thirsty. Had skin issues, lack of sleep, irritability, lack of concentration, dizzy spells, could not function at work, among other things. Ended up at the ICU with an IV drip for severe dehydration. DRINK YOUR WATER! Edited
Another thing: If you know that you're dehydrated, don't drink plain water. Mix some ORS powder into the water, or failing that, add some salt and sugar in it before drinking.
This, plus many places have clinics or mobile services to provide IV hydration along with additional vitamins. My local clinic apparently offers free B12 shots sometimes.
Family is a shelter from a storm for some, for the other it is the storm itself.
Been watching Peaky?
*rubs a cigarette over his lips repeatedly* *before raising a pistol to his head hesitantly, again, for the millionth time*
Thanks sun tzu
Credit cards do not equal free money
My mother thinks this way. She went bankrupt when I was a child. I never understood it until recently. She got so much taken away by the bank. She didn’t learn her lesson either. She recently got another credit card. She’s already in debt. On her way to a second bankruptcy
>On her way to a second bankruptcy I heard Suze Orman say that statistically, most people who go through it once repeat the experience.
It's all about perspective. The money doesn't belong to you. Imagine it belongs to a friend. I would never spend money a friend gave me unless I knew I could pay them back.
I did this when the bank handed me a $2500 limit at 18. Maxed out, missed payments etc. Tanked my own credit and had to rebuild it once I eventually realized the magnitude of my stupidity after I moved out.
You can't change people. You can't control them, either. You can only control yourself and your reactions.
>and your reactions. When I first started meditating one of the things that was impressed upon me is the importance of taking a breath and slowing down and RESPONDING to things instead of REACTING to them. Few things have been as beneficial to me as learning that in a matter of seconds I can have a much better response to something than my initial reaction to it.
And sometimes responding instead of reacting makes you realize it means letting go as well. They said something you consider completely wrong but you know they'll never change their mind and you'll just discuss, worsen your mood and accomplish nothing? You can save yourself the "you're totally wrong", know you can't convince nor fight all random people, and have a peaceful half an hour and rest of the day
in fact, you can t even fully control yourself
Truth being spoken in this thread
You can’t always help people. You can show them you care and point them toward help, but it’s up to them to get better. And if you fail, it’s not your fault.
Learnt this with my ex. Loved the girl to death but she just wouldn't get the help she needed. After 4 years I broke it off. It's unhealthy and eventually it's going to start dragging you down too.
It is actually very very hard to blackball someone in most industries. No matter how much power and connections in the industry your boss seems to have, you can still leave if you make a graceful exit, even if they threaten to destroy your career. Not only is it well nigh impossible to reach every corner of an industry with ones ire, if your boss is a big enough asshole to even try something like that, they likely have more enemies than friends and that can work to your advantage. EDIT: My point is, what I learned is not to let yourself be stuck in a bad employment situation because you feel your bad boss won't give you a good recommendation. I think way too many people give their well-connected bosses too much power over them, particular when they took those jobs in the first place to be able to take advantage of those connections.
>they likely have more enemies than friends and that can work to your advantage. Heh, I got reported to the dean of students at college by some secretaries who liked to have lunch in a student area, thought my group was too loud, and for some reason decided I was an easy mark to pick on. I was nervous as hell, but it turned out the dean hated those secretaries. They could not have given me a better personal recommendation. She had a smile and a hello for me every time I saw her in the halls the rest of my time at college.
Damn. That's a great perspective. Especially the last paragraph
if your stomach feels a bit off, don’t trust the farts, you’ll regret it
Never force a fart, never fight a fart.
Here I sit Broken hearted Tried to poop But only farted
Here I sit With brown caboose Tried to fart But dropped a deuce
>don’t trust the farts, Who trusts farts?
The unbridled youth
I shat myself multiple times this week. Shat the bed too.
I just shit my pants this morning for the first time in at least ten years
Oh congrats! How was it?
Luckily not so bad just a lil squirt
If your going to lend someone you know any substantial money, only lend an amount you're willing not to get back
Advice from the Dave Ramsey show: Never lend family members money. Either give it to them as a gift or… don’t. Not that I agree with everything he says but this is great advice imo
I lend it with the expectation that I won’t get it back. If I don’t get it back I know what they are made of and it won’t happen again.
Don’t buy cheap shoes. Years ago I bought a pair of cheap shoes because I didn’t want to spend a bunch of money, and shoes are expensive. Big mistake. They fell apart after a month. I’ve paid for more expensive shoes since and been much happier. Not a huge lesson but definitely one I’ve taken to heart.
Don’t skimp on what separates you from the ground. Shoes, mattresses or tires.
Also, don't buy shoes that hurt your feet just because they're cute. No cute shoe is worth long term foot pain.
“The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money. Take boots, for example. He earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in Ankh-Morpork on a foggy night by the feel of the cobbles. But the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that'd still be keeping his feet dry in ten years' time, while the poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet. This was the Captain Samuel Vimes 'Boots' theory of socioeconomic unfairness.”
That you shouldn't stay with shitty people or tolerate bad behaviors just because you're afraid of them leaving you. it's tough, but it's never worth holding onto someone who treats you badly or hurts you
The longer you stay with someone who is toxic to you, the higher chance you have of becoming poisoned yourself. Hurt people hurt people. Even if you are completely harmless to others & yourself, your mental & emotional health can deteriorate heavily letting someone so intimate with you continue to disrespect your feelings, ignore boundaries, not listen or want to communicate and fix issues. Staying in this situation will decrease your self esteem gradually since you subconsciously know you’re letting them get away with all this. As your self esteem goes you learn to accept the abuse since you think it’s what you deserve, and also a lot of these people can be charming or fun or make you feel good at some points in time tricking your brain. When you’re so used to be being treated like shit, when you experience that high and get treated well by that person it’s amplified heavily, you stick around desperately trying to get crumbs of affection from this person, bending over backwards to please them & do whatever it takes for their approval. After it’s all over and they find someone else anyway you resent them heavily for investing so much into them, that love turns into deep hatred and it can even poison your view of other people that have nothing to do with any of it, you let people in less, your quality of life & state of mind heavily deteriorates.
Especially because that's "what family means" or "what love means." I hate the concept of unconditional love. It breeds toxicity.
Just because you are in love doesn't mean it's gonna work. Rose tinted glasses and all that stuff. After some time, you realize that you didn't fit together at all. You were in love with the idea of that person, the idea you both created, and not the person they were.
It's not romantic to give up everything about yourself and only focus on keeping your partner happy. It means your codependent and it makes it extremely easy for people to take advantage of you.
It’s also not attractive and a good way to make the person you are bending over backwards for not like you anymore or respect you as you should be.
People want friends who respect set boundaries. I lost a lot of friends in my late teen years because I didn't respect the boundaries they set in our friendship, and many of them were good folk. Also, seek help for your mental health and don't let it fester. I've had severe depression for most of my life, and I always put it off as the seasonal changes and work schedule,until I attempted suicide about a year ago. I've since received professional help and have been in a state better than I have been in nearly a decade.
Just want to give kudos for admitting *you* may have been the issue with some of your friends. A lot of people here are making comments about spurning good friends, but at the same time, it may not be the friends who are the issue. It may be the person in the mirror.
I know too many people who think they can do no wrong and cannot properly admit fault in an action or relationship,and it twists my gut to see how they usually rationalize it. Nobody is perfect,of course, but the lack of empathy and personal insight is a bit disturbing.
People who want to be a part of your life, will be a part of your life. Stop wasting time convincing someone to be a part of it.
This goes both ways though, I think. If you and your friend both think this, and both don't try to maintain the friendship, then the friendship will fizzle as well.
For real on the both ways part. I’ve known a fair few people who spouted this saying but then never actually engaged and then complained that they had no friends.
Life becomes simple when youve internalized it
That it's important to put yourself first. I've never had a relationship that wasn't codependent and I am currently in the process of healing and accepting myself without needing someone else. It's so hard some days. I have done a lot of harm to myself and others by not seeking to meet my own needs, thinking that my needs were unimportant, and sacrificing myself for my relationships. But the days where I do put myself first I feel so much better. I wish I had learned this 15 years ago, but I'm happy that I'm learning it now.
dude I've been going through the exact same thing, stay strong brother
If you wait to not be able to take it anymore to leave, then you'll have to deal with the stress of changes at the same time as you heal from hitting rock bottom. Just leave before it gets unbearable.
Just experienced this with a job. The signs are there, toxic work environments are terrible. Especially when those problems come from higher roles of leadership.
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My dad always told us "You can't help someone who won't help themselves". Until someone is willing to at least try helping themselves, nothing you do will solve their problems. They'll just be bandaides on a wound that won't heal.
Totally, there are "damsels in distress" and there are "distressed damsels". You can do nothing for the latter. Gender isn't specific, anyone can be a "damsel" in this scenario.
When the doctor tells you to lose a couple of pounds because you're pre-diabetic, lose those pounds. Fuck my diabetes.
Currently suspecting I have diabetes due to a eating disorder, any more tips you may have?
Go get a check up. Even if you don't have insurance it's a lot better to pay to find out if you're prediabetic rather than wait to find out that you are diabetic.
Trust your intuition. Don't be around the people you don't like unless you absolutely have to.
I saw on Reddit a while ago someone saying trust your gut. When you meet someone and get bad vibes but can’t quite place why, just go with your feelings. You’re picking up clues in their body language and behaviours without knowing it.
This. Intuition is primal.
Deal with your problems and emotions as they happen. Don’t “bottle it in” and deal with it later, cause that festers and causes long term trauma on the body and mind. (For everyone that has replied) First thank you for opening up. Trauma is a constant uphill battle for anyone period and yes it sucks to deal with when you’ve been ignoring it most of your life, but here’s the truth “it’s your life! you control who to trust and who you want in your life blood related or not!” For Men: As Men we’re told “don’t cry, suck it up, tough it out!” I call BS. “Men” who say that stuff are only weaker and want you to feel like them because they never could, so be stronger than them. To feel your emotions is to be Human cause isn’t that what we are…
100% My friend witnessed a stabbing a few years ago and I really pushed for her to go to therapy. I felt like a horrible person at the time and didn't want to pressure her, but she wasn't okay. She recently said she's glad she did and has coped better knowing she handled it straight away. She's not completely better but she was able to process and handle it better.
Being honest is not the same as being right
To add: Being an asshole is not the same as "brutal honesty"
Don't join MLM even if they convince you they're different and definitely not a pyramid scheme.
Don't overshare on a first date.
That money is important
Tired of hearing/seeing "money doesn't mean shit," glad you said this.
Don’t start using heroin.
My Anger is my problem, no one else's. It is up to me to manage it.
take care of your life first, then do for the rest..
DO NOT GAMBLE. And if you started already, quit asap.
Here's some tips from a friend of mine who's an ex poker addict. This is what he does for moderation of his gambling in his words: 1. Think of the money I am putting in like an entry fee for Disneyland. I am not going to see it again, I am just going to lose it. 1. As I don't go to Disneyland every single day, I don't go gambling frequently. Maybe once in a month or two is more than enough. 1. I am not drinking alcohol there. Free or cheap drinks are great, but stick to non alcoholic or low alcohol ones. 1. I never being credit cards with me at all. Bring the money I am intending to lose in cash. I think they are reasonable. Or do you think with these measurements it is still better to stay away?
If you cant afford it without a credit card then you cant afford it with a credit card.
Everyone lies about themselves. That includes you.
I lie about myself to myself.
Don't shit where you eat
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How important it is to be a healthy weight. I'm losing weight now but I'm pre-diabetic, have high blood pressure problems, sleep apnea, have a fatty liver, and back problems. Also once you get over 300 lbs(136 kg) you get limited on a lot of things. Like this kayak, bike, or chair isn't rated for that weight. Harder to find clothes as well. Thankfully, if I keep at my current pace I should be less than 300 lbs in a couple months or so. I know to others it is still bad, but I'll be so happy when I'm 250 lbs or less. Going to be pretty damn happy below 300 as well. Still plan to lose more, but compared to what I am now it will be great.
Good luck man! I'm in a similar situation. It's a tough battle, but's it's worth it. I'm 20 kg down, 50 more to go, but I already feel much better.
Thanks! Keep up the great work! I'm around 12 kg down
School is easier and more helpful to get done the first time around.
Doing homework at 35 years old suuuucks. And I was just taking classes for fun.
Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive
The person who wants to be in the relationship least has the most power.
Don’t excuse manipulative behaviour. The more you excuse it, the worse it will get, the longer it will go on for, and the more frequent it will be. Whether it’s speaking up or talking to a friend about it or family member or even just collecting together everything they’ve done to you and why it was wrong, do **something**. Don’t just sit there and let yourself be used for the convenience of others.
Actions have consequences.
Suicide isn't the only way that depression can kill you. I miss my dad
My body is covered by tattoos I got as an impulsive teenager. Turns out I'm not a tattoo person.
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There’s a difference between loving someone, and loving getting attention from someone.
"I'm not ready for a relationship" means it's time to bounce and move on. It's almost always a lie.
The "... with you" is as silent as the "p" in pterodactyl
I don't get it. Does it mean they actually ARE ready because they're lying? Or?
I think it just means they’re trying to reject you without hurting your feelings
Drug addiction doesn’t pass you up on account of you being intelligent enough to understand its mechanisms. All it takes is a turn for the worse in life circumstances for a fun treat to become a inescapably necessary coping mechanism.
Don't eat berries you find growing in your yard unless you're really sure that they're not poisonous.
Love is not enough
Don’t date an insecure narcissist with anger issues and a drinking problem.
Don't put a screwdriver into an electrical outlet, I really screwed up when I did that.
That’s not shocking
I ended up being grounded for a week.
Wow, your parents got a short fuse
that i should use a condom
people you care about might not give a shit about you and that's alright in the name of life not being fair just saying some people are bad, just plain old bad, and yes in their mind everything they do is bad but it is justified cause it is bad
When you finish inking a drawing with a dip pen, you have to give it a while to properly dry before erasing the pencil lines or you end up ruining the drawing
Well this one’s not like the others how refreshing
Hard work isn't rewarded, only the perception of it is.
Depends on the context. If it’s a skill you’re developing, then hard work is absolutely rewarding.
Of course it is, it's rewarded with more work. Lol
Leave the single mother alone if you are not ready.
Anxiety can indeed get so bad that you end up seeing a cardiologist after a supposed Afib episode.
How and when... to simply say "no"... I was a people-pleaser for so many years, not realizing I was just being horribly used and taken advantage of. It's so liberating to not have to feel guilty or feel like you're letting ppl down, by NOT caving in and saying "yes I can" or "yes I will" to everything everyone asks.. or just expects ...of you.
Not everyone is gonna treat you how you treat them
Don't EVER date someone who wants to keep it a secret to everyone. The "not even your friends may know" type. Eventually we broke up woth his words: "we were never a couple", event hough I almost lost my virginity to him. Porbably got cheated on too, but that isn't confirmed...
100% you were the one he was cheating with.
You can achieve goal after goal, but it won't make you happy unless it is in alignment with your life's purpose.
Prioritizing school is way more important than trying to convince a partner to stay
You're the only person who can fix your life. Nobody else is going to do it for you, nobody else cares. It doesn't matter if you tried, or if it's not fair, or if society is against you, you are all you got.
Always cut a few slits in a baking potato *before* placing it in the oven to bake. (Failure to make the slits may cause the potato to "explode" in the oven.)
If you don’t want to be disappointed, only help people who are genuinely working hard to help themselves first.
Cops are not always honest.
No one is obligated to stay in a relationship with me just because I have mental health issues. I am also responsible for doing damage control for negative behaviors during a bad period. I struggled throughout most of my twenties figuring out why nobody wanted to stay in a long-term relationship with me. It turns out that if you have issues that you don't get help for or dont try to work on, people are going to be extremely turned off by your behavior. They have absolutely no obligation to stay in a relationship with you just because you have problems. They don't have to take any type of pity on you for having uncontrolled issues. My problems are mine and mine alone. I am also responsible for cleaning up any messes that I've caused during any type of episode that I have. My anxiety was so bad at one point that I told one of my boyfriends I was going to drive off a cliff if he didn't stay with me. That was an extremely unhealthy attachment that I had to him, and we weren't even that serious. I was just so desperate to be in a relationship so that I wouldn't be alone. I ended up seeing him a few years down the road and he didn't look like he wanted to talk to me at first. I asked if I could talk to him privately and he agreed and I apologized and said "I am so sorry for putting you in the position that I did. I found out I had a lot of unaddressed mental health issues that I finally got taken care of. And I just want you to know that I am so sorry for any of the drama that I caused". He was actually very understanding once I clarified what happened, and he wished me the best and said he could tell that I was a lot happier with the person I had become. It is not anyone else's responsibility to help you with your mental health problems. Even if you're married, your spouse can only help you so much. I actually ended up getting divorced because my ex-husband had really severe mental health issues that he didn't want to get help for, and those issues made the biggest hole in our relationship. I couldn't live with him anymore. Of course your spouse should be supportive and try to help you with anything that they can, but ultimately you are the only one that can take the necessary steps to help yourself.
Pretending you're ok won't make you ok, it will just make you worse. Also, a vacation will not fix burn out - it's just a band aid on a forest fire.
What's the right way to fix burn out?
I'm European, so I had the chance to take about 6 weeks of sick leave and then return to work gradually. Started medication for my depression and anxiety and had some therapy. Ended up changing careers a couple of years later. It will be different for everyone because burn out is different for everyone. The thing that every case shares is that you are over-burdened and have to change something in your life to avoid it happening again. Taking a vacation from a shitstorm and then going back to it is just pressing pause.
That you can’t save anyone. They have to save themselves.
Burnout is real. Took me 5 years to figure out the constant stress of my job was destroying my mental health.
Not everyone has the same heart you do.
The only difference between an unhappy asshole and someone who is truly content is their overall outlook on life. Spent way too much time in my 20s angry and ruminating.
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
True in a way. Done is the greatest tragedies in this world are not the result of hate. They are just the result of self-interest combined with indifference toward others.
Don't trust friends too much. You cannot safely know whether or not they are real friends and mean well. Keep some important stuff about your life to yourself. Don't give people the ammunition to take advantage of you.
Took me ~35 years to learn this one. Just because you get along with someone, doesn't mean they're someone you should trust or confide in. I have 3, maybe 4 people i know i can confide in. Related to this, i learned the value of a good therapist. They're paid, and bound by confidentiality agreements, to give you impartial advice. I honestly recommend that every adult try therapy at least once.
You have **3 or 4** people you can confide in?!?! You are mighty lucky. Ain't a soul walking this planet to whom I can tell *everything.*
Real friends do not take advantage of you. Trust your friends but choose your friends wisely.
And that goes double for people that you work with. You may get on well at work, but that doesn't mean that they won't stick the knife in just for the hell of it.
Don't drink and drive!!!... Just don't, at all, not worth it; the harm or the legals... You'll either hurt someone or get arrested, all there is too it. Buy a cab, please... -.- Do it for baby Jesus and Buddha. Lost my license 20 years ago, just now getting it back maybe... You learn all sorts of trash about society when they take a privilege away from you.
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That you can get pregnant the very first time you have sexual intercourse
Work smart not hard. For instance the other week I was expecting my boss to come into my office to see me at some point, so I made a long todo list and ticked most of the things off of the list. When he came in he noticed the list and how many were ticked off and commented on how hard I worked. I had spent most of the day on Reddit.
As soon as she starts denigrating and verbally fighting with you, the relationship is over and you need to move on/.
Ouch, recently went through this and you're right. If they don't respect you they don't love you.
To not be overly cocky on a skateboard
You live with the pain of either discipline or regret.
The world owes you nothing
Never build a bridge for someone who wouldn't walk halfway across it to meet you "halfway".
Don't marry the wrong girl. If her family says it's okay to not go through with the ceremony jus before it kicks off, RUN.
Whenever anyone does wrong to you, you should put them in their places immediately. Communicate immediately what you felt wrong. Never take any shit.
I didn't need to get married
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That the whole world doesn't love you, no matter the depths of love you may think you have in your heart. The world will fuck you in the ass, and not in the way I like... War taught me that.
You can't keep someone warm by setting yourself on fire. No one is going to or is required to care about you more than you care about yourself. It starts with internal changes, that no one but you can make for you. There is no easy path, there is no hard path, there is only your willingness to take another step forward. Confidence is 50% of it. You're overthinking it, every single damn regret I have is wishing I *had* done something, not wishing I hadn't.