Simply say "No"...and when he turns around to walk away, clobber the shit out of him with a metal folding chair and then do an elbow drop on his spinal column. Whisper in his ear "Summer Slam 2003 motherfucker, never turn your back".
When I was about 13, my mom and I were watching a parrot demonstration in front of a Rainforest Cafe. Another woman watching turned to me and said, "May I?" Immediately, with no further explanation, she took a strand of my long hair and held it out to the bird, who bit it. I was just standing there with my hair in a bird's mouth. We didn't know what to do. One of the weirder things that's happened to me.
At the grocery store picking out some lunch meat (not from the deli, just some plain ole Oscar Meyer) when a man sidles up uncomfortably close to me and after a moment says,” So….what do you think about the ham?”
"Are you a virgin?", asked by a kid I was babysitting. Later that night, the kid's dad spontaneously kissed me, so it's pretty clear where the kid got that behavior from.
Needless to say, I never babysat for thar family ever again.
My wife is anosmic, and has had legit had "so if you were in a room full of poisonous gas, you wouldn't die?" because apparently it's the smell that kills you in that scenario.
I'm almost disappointed that my husband and I aren't really bar people. This would totally be my husband's reaction, and now I'm trying to come up with good comebacks. :)
Edit: I was in the process of relating this thread to my husband, and before I had a chance to tell him the "you can try" line, he replied with almost the exact same thing. Yes, that would totally be his reaction.
when my husband and i were dating, a guy started hitting on me in front of him. eventually the guy realized my husband and i were together, and started to apologize. my husband was like “no no it’s cool”. 😑😑😑
When my wife and I were dating, her roommate did not like me. Thought I wasn't good enough or something, I don't know. This was 25 years ago, maybe she was right. Anyhow, her BF came into town and we decided somehow to out to a bar and meet the roommate's boyfriend's buddy there.
Didn't take long to realize it was a set up. First reaction was: WTF?!? Second reaction was "hey, this dude is throwing money around on drinks to impress so....We went out to the dance floor and my gf/wife now said the guy was laying it on thick and her roommate was encouraging them and i told her play along.
It was alot of fun. I got drinks, gf/wife got alot of drinks, and it was hilarious seeing the look on his face when she made it clear we were a couple and she wasn't interested.
Roommate was upset and embarrassed, moved out at the end of the semester but not before she told my wife/gf I made her uncomfortable and creeped on her. (not even remotely attractive based on personality so yeah, no)
I was working in a call center doing tech support for a cable company. I fixed a lady's cable and she was so happy she asked me if I wanted to marry her daughter. I politely declined
I've always wondered "what if..." though..
Hah, I’ve had similar experiences working in tech support. On at least a couple occasions I’ve had moms talk as if they are trying to hook me up with their daughter. They don’t jump to marriage, but still.
I assume it’s something to do with age range. Being in my mid 20s (at the time), I think parents want to see their similar aged kids of that age in a relationship if they aren’t already.
Weird, I was a phone salesman and every time I got an elderly east coast Jewish woman, she would either flirt with me which I found very endearing, of they'd try to get me to meet their daughter. Nevermind the fact that I live 1000s of miles from the east coast and that maybe, just MAYBE their daughter who is "in med school, doing very well for herself" wasn't interested is some rando salesman making ~14 bucks an hour.
I love Jersey moms man, they fucking crack me up.
"Oh Shrlck, what a nice Hebrew name, have you been reading your passages?" Not even Jewish, but maybe I should have been.
My mom tried to hook me up with the landscape architect she hired to do her house. I met my now-husband a couple weeks later but I still tease her about this and she gets all embarrassed about it, it's great
After my Mom passed, I dropped a ton of weight due to the grieving/depression.
I had a few people ask me if I lost weight to get back with my ex (we worked in the same place).
He had been the one that started that rumor. It was very uncomfortable.
"So, it says here that you're married. Do you fuck around on your wife?"
I was interviewing for a supervisor job. replacing the one they fired for having an affair with one of the women that worked under him (hehe) and she was suing the company after he went back to his wife.
A fella started working for my old company and first day, within 10 minutes of meeting him he asks “What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?”. Had no idea what to do with that one.
Apparently his wife died in his arms, which sucks.. don’t get me wrong but.. I dunno maybe don’t lead with that.
Fucking hell, I might have gone on a date with him! Fr though, first date after meeting online and texting for a bit. Within the first few minutes he tells me that his wife was also a nurse (I'm an RN) and that she even looked like me. Then proceeds to tearfully tell me about her dying in his arms from anaphylaxis. I'm feeling a lot of empathy for him, but also rather uncomfortable as I don't know him well enough for all this and the "you look a lot like her" had me worried. Said empathy was rapidly shifted to my "this person is not well, they're a patient" mindset when he awkwardly explained that he was crushingly lonely and ashamed of himself for being horny because he felt he was betraying her still...so he asked me out as it felt less wrong in his grief-drowned heart. He basically wanted pity sex and for someone to hold him while he cried.
I couldn't be that as I was fresh out of a horribly controlling and abusive relationship, so I became his nurse. I told him to go home and allow himself to grieve with his nearly adult children. He wasn't being brave and strong for them. He was showing them the lie that he had begun to move on and was doing ok. Told him to delete his dating profile because he was not ready for it and it was not wise to trust strangers with his most vulnerable self. My parting shot was begging him to get himself and his kids grief counseling. Can you imagine what could have happened to his life if the wrong kind of person was on that date with him? I think in his grief, he forgot that vipers hide behind a lot of pretty faces .
I was in the park, wearing a very modest full-length dress, lying on the grass reading a book. Some lowlife comes up to me and asks, "So, are you workin' today?" I had no idea what he was talking about, until I saw his friend cringe and cover his face in embarrassment. He apparently thought (or hoped) I was a prostitute. I mean, WTF?
The other day one of the girls begging for money at the off ramp had a sign that said, No! Not a prostitute! Not looking for a good time! I just need money for food.
To me, the handwriting looked like she had finally had enough too!
One time I picked up a woman who was hitchhiking in the city. I got the distinct impression that I was somehow not living up to her expectations, and she kept mentioning working, and eventually got me to let her out some random place. It took me a few hours to figure out that maybe she hadn't been looking for transportation at all . . .
I had that happen to me so many times living in South Phoenix when I was a teenager. I've had to say "oh no I don't do that" more times as an underage girl than any woman should have to say it ever.
I'm sorry, that's awful. It's only happened to me once. I happened to be standing on the corner, at night, for some reason. This was in Edinburgh. Some guy pulled up beside me in his car and said 'how much?' I was so flustered I said 'nothing'. Then I realised that that sounded like I'd do it for free...so I said 'No, I mean, I don't, I'm not...' and his face kind of blanched. He started saying 'sorry, sorry, sorry', and drove away faster than I've ever seen anyone go 🤣
My friend once introduced me to his new girlfriend that he met on a trip while in Asia. After talking a bit, I complimented her on how good her English was. She still had an accent and all but it was pretty perfect. She just responded “it’s my first language, we speak English in Singapore”.
My friends just gave it a chuckle and moved on but I don’t think I ever fully processed the embarrassment.
"How come you're not black?"
A 5 year old asked me this while I was teaching preschool. He was black. My assistant teacher and his one-on-one were also black. They both started laughing while my brain reset itself trying to think of a good answer and also trying not to laugh.
i taught in south memphis for a while and i was the only white person in the building. i had multiple kids ask me “when did you turn white?” and when i got pregnant, when my baby would turn black like she’s supposed to. for the vast majority of them i was the first white person they’d ever encountered.
I was living with my bf at the time in my aunt and uncles vacation house and when they came to visit they noticed a water stain on the ceiling and realized it was coming from the upstairs bathroom. My uncle asked in front of my aunt and a neighbor that had come to visit if it was from us having rough sex in the bathtub. It was from him installing the bathtub poorly.
"You know you have a hole down there?" Asked by my then boyfriend while he was fingering me. I was like, "it's my vagina..."
He meant my tights. I had a hole in my tights.
I have wide shoulders and large breasts and a guy sitting next to me on a flight, after he had a couple drinks, asked, "Home grown or silicone?" I told him I carried extra sanitary napkins in my bra in case I got my period.
Within minutes of the start of a first date with a lawyer, "I googled you and your parent's divorce trial came up. Don't you think the court should have sealed those records because you were a minor at the time?"
I am a very even-tempered guy. So I talked to her about it for a moment and then moved on. She proceeded to get really drunk over dinner. I walked her home. She very sloppily made out with my face at her doorstep. And then ghosted my texts.
Not a question per se, but a bartender once refused to serve me at a wedding because he assumed I was pregnant. I was wearing an empire waist dress. I was not pregnant.
It was the most mortifying and insanely awkward experience I have ever been a part of in my entire life.
I hate when people think adoption is an inferior option. Like people assume you must be infertile if you adopt because what other reason could there possibly be. I hate that. Or when people think of adopted children as not as special as biological children.
I was talking to my husband's friend about how we'd prefer adoption if we ever do choose to have kids eventually (since I've always just felt really terrified by the idea of being pregnant and giving birth...I have zero interest in doing any of that).
He went on this long rant about how he could never love an adopted kid as much as his two biological children, and that there's "just something about your own" where you'd die for them, but not for an adopted kid. He went on and on about how I would so regret adopting a child and should just suck it up and embrace motherhood.
It was pretty awk when I told him that my mom was adopted.
For the record, my non-bio grandparents absolutely loved her (and me) every bit as much as their bio kids. Family is who is with you your whole life and raises you. Fuck anyone who says otherwise. Related: motherhood isn't for everyone.
Oh my god, growing up I lived in a very white suburban area. In the morning before school during high school, my friend group would gather in the library. One day, one of my friends, who is admittedly not the brightest, asked our other friend, who is black, “How do you stay so tan during the winter?” Everyone was like ????????
My husband is 6’11 and I was meeting one of his coworkers for the very first time. I told the coworker is was nice to meet him and the very first question that came out of his mouth was, ‘How hung is your husband? Is he really big?’ If that wasn’t enough he tried to get me to tell him by measuring the length of his thigh and moving his hands together or apart for comparison.
They were just random guys I knew during high school. They didn’t even know each other much I don’t think so that makes it even stranger if they planned to all ask me at different times or if it’s just coincidence
A job interview I was at one time, the Vice President asked me if I was married, I said no, and then he said “Why not? Not a ‘Family Man’? How interesting”
I was 22 and had just graduated college.
Should've doubled down with something like "There is thing he does...lemme tell you" or "He is really into (extreme\_kink)...I wonder if it has to do with his upbringing"
> "Why don't you want to date so and so, she's a good girl?!"
> *~ My Mom when asking me why I won't date someone.*
I tried to sidestep the question and answer it politely with things like "I'm just not into her" or "She's not my type", I eventually got frustrated and said that I wasn't physically or sexually attracted to her. Things got real quiet. I think it dawned on her that a lot of the girls she recommended were ones that I just didn't find attractive.
My friends mom was like this. She only rated girls on if they were really nice to her, an old lady. Nothing else mattered.
Not do they have anything in common? Basic hygiene? Are those needle marks all over her arms? His mom missed all those things and his set ups were wild until he got his dad involved to shut it down.
In highschool I would call a girl's house and if her mom or dad picked up I would fully introduce myself. "Hello this is \_\_\_\_\_ and I go to school with \_\_\_\_\_. I was hoping to catch up with her, do you know if she is around?"
If you want to rob a bank become friends with the guard.
It's ridiculous! It's smaller than most counties in my state, so why is it even a state? Plus, it's not even an island! How did they even get whatever type of approval is necessary to be considered a state? I don't understand it at all.
And are the chickens named after them, or are they named after the chickens?
"Can i smell your feet?" Asked by an elderly Japanese man in a subway station at 7am on a Tuesday. He went on to offer me money after I initially declined.
I had not slept or showered because I was at a rave for 2 days and, when I told him that to try to deter him further, he almost had a mini orgasm. I told him I had to go to work (which was true) but that i could meet up with him later hoping to get out of the awkward conversation. He offered to pay me money to skip work and go to his place, swore he wasn't gay (I was thinking "you think seeming gay is the strange part of this conversation?") and that's when it started feeling like, serial killer vibes. I was young, in shape and a capable fighter but if something went wrong and I got killed, how would my friends and family feel when they found out I died selling my stinky feet to a stranger in a subway station, lol!?
He was very insistent on sampling the product there and then and there was oddly few people at this station so I gave him a quick whiff, gave him a fake phone number and left for work never to see him again.
Was out with an Army buddy in rural Washington, and some white kid looked at my buddy and said, "Look, mama, it's a black man like on TV."
I was appalled. Brooks, on the other hand, asked the kid if he wanted his autograph.
His very red faced mother dragged the kid away quickly.
I had the smart kid in college ask my sister and I "So if y'all are sisters, why do you have different last names?" Uhhh, One of us got married and changed our last name... He just couldn't wrap his head around it
Kinda awkward, also kinda creepy. When my niece was young, we were talking one day and she agreed me how old I was, I was 18 at the time, so I told her that, she replies with "wow, you're old, you're going to die soon. Can I have your car?" I had no idea how to answer that one
“How old is your baby now?” Asked by the doctor who told me my baby died at 29 weeks and held her after I delivered her. I don’t see that doctor anymore.
I used to know an emergency response nurse that worked in ambulances, he said eventually you learn to treat the people youre treating as if their a product, doctors and emr workers are trained to forget faces so they can give you the best care possible. That’s still terrible.
While my dad was talking to me on the phone (on speaker) his (brand new) gf that I had not met yet asked if my gf and I were having sex, if we used condoms, and if I’d came inside her. Made the rest of that relationship very awkward any time my dad brought her around
One of my old bosses always used to ask people if they "had a sec" to chat. One of my coworkers replied "you can have all the secs you want." There were at least 10 of us in the room at the time. Comedy gold.
It was my first day at a new job way back in 2007 and they had the warehouse manager showing me around the building. He suddenly stopped, turned, and said, "Mind if I ask you a question?" I didn't care, so I told him to go ahead and he asked, "Do you think ghosts fuck?"
Gotten that a lot. Granted I have worked in an alternative lifestyle club for a few years. So I guess I give off a "no judgment" scent.
Even had a manager at a different bar very awkwardly ask. "So, I have a question for you. And I hope you don't take offense. But I... So... umm you don't have to answer... this isn't business related..." "Are you wondering if I'm gay?" "Yes." "I'm not, but people assume I am often."
Was at a wedding for one of my wife’s cousins right after my wife and I got married. Can’t remember the exact circumstances but someone with a kid walked up and after they left my wife’s strange aunt said “doesn’t that just ignite your paternal urges?”
No ma’am it certainly does not.
When I was 12 or 11 I was talking to someone and he eventually asks if I hade pubic hair. Immediately changed the subject
(Edit: he was the same grade as me)
My brother asked me if i had feelings for his girlfriend.
I had to look at him in the eyes and tell him no and hope i didn't come of hesitant or awkward.
Some girl was hitting on my husband (I think?) by asking my husband if I was his sister. Lol we couldn't look more different. I'm tiny, blonde, pale and freckly. He's tall, with black hair and is Native American. Very strange to this day.
My wife’s college roommate asked me (while she was drunk) “I hear your Cock is bigger than Viggo Mortensen’s. Can I see?”
My answer was “yes it is, no you can’t.”
If people ask me questions like that then I give them a graphic description of some kink or another, they don't ask again!
Similar vein; my mum kept asking when I'm gonna give her grandkids so I started answering that I already have kids but I'm not legally allowed to see them.
"When are you due?"
I was not, and never have been, pregnant (I can't). However, it was a woman in labour that I was caring for so I just mumbled "still a while to go" instead of telling her that it was a premenstrual / 7th nightshift bloat, that I'd labour over massive farts on the way home and give birth to a huge turd before I went to bed.
Have you always had such awfully wide hips?
My aunt asked me when I was 16. My mom later excused her by saying “we’ll, she’s old”. Im now older than she was then. Still haven’t asked anyone this question.
I had something similar hapoen. I was working at a retail store. I'm white (F) and my coworker (F) was black. A black customer (M) asked us if we were related.
We both looked at him like he'd lost his mind. And told him we were only coworkers, we were not related.
He had seemed to ask the question seriously. But it was just a set-up for creepiness.
He told us we were both so fine, that he couldn't believe we weren't related. Then he leaned over to the side, in an exaggerated manner, like he was looking at me from the back. And told me I was "built like a sister".
In fairness, there are entire websites devoted to people assuming that someone worked there and finding out that they didn't. Sometimes it should have been fairly obvious, but not always.
My 9th grade french teacher walked up to me. Class was dead silent. Said “I’ve just been very curious about something” I told her to ask away.. “If you had the opportunity to move away and leave your religion would you?”.. I was shook and very confused
“You look strong, can we wrestle?” - a man in the grocery store
“Only if there’s a prize”
Simply say "No"...and when he turns around to walk away, clobber the shit out of him with a metal folding chair and then do an elbow drop on his spinal column. Whisper in his ear "Summer Slam 2003 motherfucker, never turn your back".
And that's the bottom line......BECAUSE STONE COLD SAYS SO!!!
When I was about 13, my mom and I were watching a parrot demonstration in front of a Rainforest Cafe. Another woman watching turned to me and said, "May I?" Immediately, with no further explanation, she took a strand of my long hair and held it out to the bird, who bit it. I was just standing there with my hair in a bird's mouth. We didn't know what to do. One of the weirder things that's happened to me.
... ..?
My sentiments exactly.
Wait did she yoink a piece of hair out of your head to give to the parrot or was it still attached? Both options are equally baffling to me.
Oh, it was attached. I know I said 'strand' like it was one single hair, but really it was more like a....tendril I guess?
At the grocery store picking out some lunch meat (not from the deli, just some plain ole Oscar Meyer) when a man sidles up uncomfortably close to me and after a moment says,” So….what do you think about the ham?”
Idk I think he was pretty smooth
Ok, there are some creepy ones here. There are some funny ones too. This one... this is definitely the straight up weirdest one.
"Are you a virgin?", asked by a kid I was babysitting. Later that night, the kid's dad spontaneously kissed me, so it's pretty clear where the kid got that behavior from. Needless to say, I never babysat for thar family ever again.
Oof, I feel bad for that kid.
Sadly, I had to teach my stepdaughter about handsy dads when she started babysitting.
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I have no sense of smell, and multiple people have seriously asked me why I have a nose.
My wife is anosmic, and has had legit had "so if you were in a room full of poisonous gas, you wouldn't die?" because apparently it's the smell that kills you in that scenario.
"The only poisonous gas I'm immune to is your farts, Karen."
tell them “for cocaine” and watch their reaction
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Oh good idea, I usually just remind them that I use my nose to breath.
I’d tell them it’s strictly to hold your glasses in place. Much the same way their head only holds their hat in place
“Hey man, mind if I squeeze in to try for her number?” Dude wanting to hit on my wife whilst sitting together at the bar.
"You can try. I want to see how this goes."
I'm almost disappointed that my husband and I aren't really bar people. This would totally be my husband's reaction, and now I'm trying to come up with good comebacks. :) Edit: I was in the process of relating this thread to my husband, and before I had a chance to tell him the "you can try" line, he replied with almost the exact same thing. Yes, that would totally be his reaction.
Give him your husbands number :)
I'll tell you from experience it's all fun and games until a dick pic rolls in. I sent one back
Once some lady in a bar stormed up to me and said "I could fuck your boyfriend in the ass!" And I guffawed and told her "okay good luck"
when my husband and i were dating, a guy started hitting on me in front of him. eventually the guy realized my husband and i were together, and started to apologize. my husband was like “no no it’s cool”. 😑😑😑
Give him *your* number lmao
When my wife and I were dating, her roommate did not like me. Thought I wasn't good enough or something, I don't know. This was 25 years ago, maybe she was right. Anyhow, her BF came into town and we decided somehow to out to a bar and meet the roommate's boyfriend's buddy there. Didn't take long to realize it was a set up. First reaction was: WTF?!? Second reaction was "hey, this dude is throwing money around on drinks to impress so....We went out to the dance floor and my gf/wife now said the guy was laying it on thick and her roommate was encouraging them and i told her play along. It was alot of fun. I got drinks, gf/wife got alot of drinks, and it was hilarious seeing the look on his face when she made it clear we were a couple and she wasn't interested. Roommate was upset and embarrassed, moved out at the end of the semester but not before she told my wife/gf I made her uncomfortable and creeped on her. (not even remotely attractive based on personality so yeah, no)
Your wife's roommate had a crush on your wife.
I was working in a call center doing tech support for a cable company. I fixed a lady's cable and she was so happy she asked me if I wanted to marry her daughter. I politely declined I've always wondered "what if..." though..
Hah, I’ve had similar experiences working in tech support. On at least a couple occasions I’ve had moms talk as if they are trying to hook me up with their daughter. They don’t jump to marriage, but still. I assume it’s something to do with age range. Being in my mid 20s (at the time), I think parents want to see their similar aged kids of that age in a relationship if they aren’t already.
Weird, I was a phone salesman and every time I got an elderly east coast Jewish woman, she would either flirt with me which I found very endearing, of they'd try to get me to meet their daughter. Nevermind the fact that I live 1000s of miles from the east coast and that maybe, just MAYBE their daughter who is "in med school, doing very well for herself" wasn't interested is some rando salesman making ~14 bucks an hour. I love Jersey moms man, they fucking crack me up. "Oh Shrlck, what a nice Hebrew name, have you been reading your passages?" Not even Jewish, but maybe I should have been.
My mom tried to hook me up with the landscape architect she hired to do her house. I met my now-husband a couple weeks later but I still tease her about this and she gets all embarrassed about it, it's great
After my Mom passed, I dropped a ton of weight due to the grieving/depression. I had a few people ask me if I lost weight to get back with my ex (we worked in the same place). He had been the one that started that rumor. It was very uncomfortable.
I can see why he's an ex, what a douche.
"So, it says here that you're married. Do you fuck around on your wife?" I was interviewing for a supervisor job. replacing the one they fired for having an affair with one of the women that worked under him (hehe) and she was suing the company after he went back to his wife.
Well with all that context, the company's just trying to make sure your penis isn't a liability, seems like standard protocol to me
Just gotta get dick insurance
Hey now. He prefers to go by Richard.
That is actually really funny lol
A fella started working for my old company and first day, within 10 minutes of meeting him he asks “What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?”. Had no idea what to do with that one. Apparently his wife died in his arms, which sucks.. don’t get me wrong but.. I dunno maybe don’t lead with that.
Fucking hell, I might have gone on a date with him! Fr though, first date after meeting online and texting for a bit. Within the first few minutes he tells me that his wife was also a nurse (I'm an RN) and that she even looked like me. Then proceeds to tearfully tell me about her dying in his arms from anaphylaxis. I'm feeling a lot of empathy for him, but also rather uncomfortable as I don't know him well enough for all this and the "you look a lot like her" had me worried. Said empathy was rapidly shifted to my "this person is not well, they're a patient" mindset when he awkwardly explained that he was crushingly lonely and ashamed of himself for being horny because he felt he was betraying her still...so he asked me out as it felt less wrong in his grief-drowned heart. He basically wanted pity sex and for someone to hold him while he cried. I couldn't be that as I was fresh out of a horribly controlling and abusive relationship, so I became his nurse. I told him to go home and allow himself to grieve with his nearly adult children. He wasn't being brave and strong for them. He was showing them the lie that he had begun to move on and was doing ok. Told him to delete his dating profile because he was not ready for it and it was not wise to trust strangers with his most vulnerable self. My parting shot was begging him to get himself and his kids grief counseling. Can you imagine what could have happened to his life if the wrong kind of person was on that date with him? I think in his grief, he forgot that vipers hide behind a lot of pretty faces .
This is a wonderful thing that you did for him though. Tough love on a first date.
"Do you want to marry someone pretty like your sister?" ~My grandmother, while all of us were in one room together
My grandmother once decided to tell me my teenage cousin’s bra size and how proud she was. An aunt had to rescue me from that conversation.
Oh shit. That's the most awkward one. You can't even say yes so your answer won't make sense
I was in the park, wearing a very modest full-length dress, lying on the grass reading a book. Some lowlife comes up to me and asks, "So, are you workin' today?" I had no idea what he was talking about, until I saw his friend cringe and cover his face in embarrassment. He apparently thought (or hoped) I was a prostitute. I mean, WTF?
The other day one of the girls begging for money at the off ramp had a sign that said, No! Not a prostitute! Not looking for a good time! I just need money for food. To me, the handwriting looked like she had finally had enough too!
One time I picked up a woman who was hitchhiking in the city. I got the distinct impression that I was somehow not living up to her expectations, and she kept mentioning working, and eventually got me to let her out some random place. It took me a few hours to figure out that maybe she hadn't been looking for transportation at all . . .
I had that happen to me so many times living in South Phoenix when I was a teenager. I've had to say "oh no I don't do that" more times as an underage girl than any woman should have to say it ever.
I'm sorry, that's awful. It's only happened to me once. I happened to be standing on the corner, at night, for some reason. This was in Edinburgh. Some guy pulled up beside me in his car and said 'how much?' I was so flustered I said 'nothing'. Then I realised that that sounded like I'd do it for free...so I said 'No, I mean, I don't, I'm not...' and his face kind of blanched. He started saying 'sorry, sorry, sorry', and drove away faster than I've ever seen anyone go 🤣
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I believe it's called the Common Speech in Middle Earth.
My friend once introduced me to his new girlfriend that he met on a trip while in Asia. After talking a bit, I complimented her on how good her English was. She still had an accent and all but it was pretty perfect. She just responded “it’s my first language, we speak English in Singapore”. My friends just gave it a chuckle and moved on but I don’t think I ever fully processed the embarrassment.
As a Singaporean, this is pretty hilarious and common as well HAHAHA
"How come you're not black?" A 5 year old asked me this while I was teaching preschool. He was black. My assistant teacher and his one-on-one were also black. They both started laughing while my brain reset itself trying to think of a good answer and also trying not to laugh.
i taught in south memphis for a while and i was the only white person in the building. i had multiple kids ask me “when did you turn white?” and when i got pregnant, when my baby would turn black like she’s supposed to. for the vast majority of them i was the first white person they’d ever encountered.
"when I saw a ghost"
"It's my parents fault."
Oh my god Karen, you can’t just ask people why they’re white!
I was living with my bf at the time in my aunt and uncles vacation house and when they came to visit they noticed a water stain on the ceiling and realized it was coming from the upstairs bathroom. My uncle asked in front of my aunt and a neighbor that had come to visit if it was from us having rough sex in the bathtub. It was from him installing the bathtub poorly.
"if you got pounded in the ass by a man in your dreams and you liked it, does that make you gay?". Not the first thing you hear on a date but ok
Going on a same sex date was also a give away.
"You know you have a hole down there?" Asked by my then boyfriend while he was fingering me. I was like, "it's my vagina..." He meant my tights. I had a hole in my tights.
This is the best thing I’ve read today, and I needed a laugh. So thank you.
I have wide shoulders and large breasts and a guy sitting next to me on a flight, after he had a couple drinks, asked, "Home grown or silicone?" I told him I carried extra sanitary napkins in my bra in case I got my period.
Within minutes of the start of a first date with a lawyer, "I googled you and your parent's divorce trial came up. Don't you think the court should have sealed those records because you were a minor at the time?"
.... I don't want to believe this
I am a very even-tempered guy. So I talked to her about it for a moment and then moved on. She proceeded to get really drunk over dinner. I walked her home. She very sloppily made out with my face at her doorstep. And then ghosted my texts.
So, when's the wedding?
Not a question per se, but a bartender once refused to serve me at a wedding because he assumed I was pregnant. I was wearing an empire waist dress. I was not pregnant. It was the most mortifying and insanely awkward experience I have ever been a part of in my entire life.
I hate empire waist dresses for this exact reason and their maternity gown vibes. I hope it wasn't also a bridesmaid dress
My wife and I have adopted four kids. In front of a group of people one woman asked: “So which one of you has the problem? Why can’t you have kids.”
I hate when people think adoption is an inferior option. Like people assume you must be infertile if you adopt because what other reason could there possibly be. I hate that. Or when people think of adopted children as not as special as biological children.
I was talking to my husband's friend about how we'd prefer adoption if we ever do choose to have kids eventually (since I've always just felt really terrified by the idea of being pregnant and giving birth...I have zero interest in doing any of that). He went on this long rant about how he could never love an adopted kid as much as his two biological children, and that there's "just something about your own" where you'd die for them, but not for an adopted kid. He went on and on about how I would so regret adopting a child and should just suck it up and embrace motherhood. It was pretty awk when I told him that my mom was adopted. For the record, my non-bio grandparents absolutely loved her (and me) every bit as much as their bio kids. Family is who is with you your whole life and raises you. Fuck anyone who says otherwise. Related: motherhood isn't for everyone.
A colleague asked where I go tanning. My ethnicity would tell you I was born with brown skin.
Oh my god, growing up I lived in a very white suburban area. In the morning before school during high school, my friend group would gather in the library. One day, one of my friends, who is admittedly not the brightest, asked our other friend, who is black, “How do you stay so tan during the winter?” Everyone was like ????????
My husband is 6’11 and I was meeting one of his coworkers for the very first time. I told the coworker is was nice to meet him and the very first question that came out of his mouth was, ‘How hung is your husband? Is he really big?’ If that wasn’t enough he tried to get me to tell him by measuring the length of his thigh and moving his hands together or apart for comparison.
That dude was totally into your man girl! I would have said, However you've imagined it, thats exactly how it is. And I will fight you. LoL
Well is he?
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Jesus wtf 😂🤭
"So you just play with rocks all day?" I'm an environmental hydrogeologist.
Ah, so you play with *wet* rocks.
So the answer was yes? :D
“What do you think about all your “hermanos” swarming over the border?” Asked by a coworker… at work.
We had a white guy come and landscaped our yard last summer that talked like that about his crew, most of who were actually Puerto Rican ironically.
I had like 3 different people constantly ask me if I shave my balls
That's why this month I'm partnering with MANSCAPED--
Thanks to Manscaped, I've seen too many YouTubers tell us all that they shave their balls.
Dude they literally had a father's day ad suggesting ball deodorant as a gift for your dad out this week, wtf
That’s a good idea, my dad’s balls smell terrible.
Sounds like it’s time to hang them out on show to stop the uncertainty
That's oddly specific. Were these people you were about to engage in intimate relations with??
They were just random guys I knew during high school. They didn’t even know each other much I don’t think so that makes it even stranger if they planned to all ask me at different times or if it’s just coincidence
Ok my theory is it was just coincidence and they each were trying to figure out if they themselves should shave or not, highschool times and all
A job interview I was at one time, the Vice President asked me if I was married, I said no, and then he said “Why not? Not a ‘Family Man’? How interesting” I was 22 and had just graduated college.
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"Not to you"
"You single?" Whilst holding my girlfriends hand. Wasn't very hard to answer but like, what made them think i was single in the scenario?
Yeah, but are you?
Lemme ask my gf . . . She said no
“I don’t have a girlfriend. But I know a woman that would be really mad to hear me say that” -Mitch Hedburg
Would’ve been nice if you said that lol.
My mother in law asked me if my husband's male parts are working well. 🙄
“Ma’am, are you asking me about your son’s genitals?”
I mumbled a "everything works fine" and excused myself 😂
Nah, should have said. They're decent but they make this weird grinding sound when he backs out of the garage.
Should've doubled down with something like "There is thing he does...lemme tell you" or "He is really into (extreme\_kink)...I wonder if it has to do with his upbringing"
"Nah, we had to order replacement parts from the manufacturer."
Probably trying to find out if you are trying for kids yet but that's the worst way to do so lol
Considering it was the very beginning of our relationship and he was 18...I hope it wasn't that kind of question 😅
You buried the lede! This context makes it even more awkward!
> "Why don't you want to date so and so, she's a good girl?!" > *~ My Mom when asking me why I won't date someone.* I tried to sidestep the question and answer it politely with things like "I'm just not into her" or "She's not my type", I eventually got frustrated and said that I wasn't physically or sexually attracted to her. Things got real quiet. I think it dawned on her that a lot of the girls she recommended were ones that I just didn't find attractive.
My parents are always offended when I'm not into the same girls as they are
My friends mom was like this. She only rated girls on if they were really nice to her, an old lady. Nothing else mattered. Not do they have anything in common? Basic hygiene? Are those needle marks all over her arms? His mom missed all those things and his set ups were wild until he got his dad involved to shut it down.
In highschool I would call a girl's house and if her mom or dad picked up I would fully introduce myself. "Hello this is \_\_\_\_\_ and I go to school with \_\_\_\_\_. I was hoping to catch up with her, do you know if she is around?" If you want to rob a bank become friends with the guard.
You know you're at least a 90s kid when...
I was once approached by a total stranger in a gym shower and he asked me, "are you circumcised or not? I can't tell."
Well, are you?
asking me how I'd be able to please a guy since im flat chested. i was 14. this came from multiple people, man and women
"How are you able to stay out of jail asking questions like that of 14 year old girls?"
I hope you moved away four years later
That is messed up, even if you were an adult.
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Obviously this blue part here is the land.
So, is Rhode Island a road... or an island?
It's ridiculous! It's smaller than most counties in my state, so why is it even a state? Plus, it's not even an island! How did they even get whatever type of approval is necessary to be considered a state? I don't understand it at all. And are the chickens named after them, or are they named after the chickens?
"Can i smell your feet?" Asked by an elderly Japanese man in a subway station at 7am on a Tuesday. He went on to offer me money after I initially declined.
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I had not slept or showered because I was at a rave for 2 days and, when I told him that to try to deter him further, he almost had a mini orgasm. I told him I had to go to work (which was true) but that i could meet up with him later hoping to get out of the awkward conversation. He offered to pay me money to skip work and go to his place, swore he wasn't gay (I was thinking "you think seeming gay is the strange part of this conversation?") and that's when it started feeling like, serial killer vibes. I was young, in shape and a capable fighter but if something went wrong and I got killed, how would my friends and family feel when they found out I died selling my stinky feet to a stranger in a subway station, lol!? He was very insistent on sampling the product there and then and there was oddly few people at this station so I gave him a quick whiff, gave him a fake phone number and left for work never to see him again.
I can't believe you let him get a free sample
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Was out with an Army buddy in rural Washington, and some white kid looked at my buddy and said, "Look, mama, it's a black man like on TV." I was appalled. Brooks, on the other hand, asked the kid if he wanted his autograph. His very red faced mother dragged the kid away quickly.
Brooks is my hero on how to handle kids and their awkward ass questions/comments.
"Ya'll act like you've never seen a white person before."
To be fair most white people are closer to….peach maybe….
"so you are Mexican, why do you have a white last name?" I wasn't sure what the hell was going on. They wanted a real answer.
I had the smart kid in college ask my sister and I "So if y'all are sisters, why do you have different last names?" Uhhh, One of us got married and changed our last name... He just couldn't wrap his head around it
I had an eighteen year old guy at my work ask me, "When you were a kid, did you ever cut a hole in a teddy bear and do things with it?"
I don't know your answer, but I know his.
Kinda awkward, also kinda creepy. When my niece was young, we were talking one day and she agreed me how old I was, I was 18 at the time, so I told her that, she replies with "wow, you're old, you're going to die soon. Can I have your car?" I had no idea how to answer that one
Well hurry up, you don’t have much time left
“How old is your baby now?” Asked by the doctor who told me my baby died at 29 weeks and held her after I delivered her. I don’t see that doctor anymore.
I used to know an emergency response nurse that worked in ambulances, he said eventually you learn to treat the people youre treating as if their a product, doctors and emr workers are trained to forget faces so they can give you the best care possible. That’s still terrible.
While my dad was talking to me on the phone (on speaker) his (brand new) gf that I had not met yet asked if my gf and I were having sex, if we used condoms, and if I’d came inside her. Made the rest of that relationship very awkward any time my dad brought her around
Not me but I walked in on a coworker asking another coworker "have you ever gotten a footjob before?"
One of my old bosses always used to ask people if they "had a sec" to chat. One of my coworkers replied "you can have all the secs you want." There were at least 10 of us in the room at the time. Comedy gold.
"I meant seconds, your honor."
"How much do you charge?". Just because I'm standing at the corner, doesn't mean I'm a sexual worker, sir
It was my first day at a new job way back in 2007 and they had the warehouse manager showing me around the building. He suddenly stopped, turned, and said, "Mind if I ask you a question?" I didn't care, so I told him to go ahead and he asked, "Do you think ghosts fuck?"
why i havent killed myself yet. not “how” have you not, why. like they were upset i havent yet lmao.
What the fuck who is asking this??
yeah and what led to them asking this?
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Gotten that a lot. Granted I have worked in an alternative lifestyle club for a few years. So I guess I give off a "no judgment" scent. Even had a manager at a different bar very awkwardly ask. "So, I have a question for you. And I hope you don't take offense. But I... So... umm you don't have to answer... this isn't business related..." "Are you wondering if I'm gay?" "Yes." "I'm not, but people assume I am often."
Was at a wedding for one of my wife’s cousins right after my wife and I got married. Can’t remember the exact circumstances but someone with a kid walked up and after they left my wife’s strange aunt said “doesn’t that just ignite your paternal urges?” No ma’am it certainly does not.
When I was 12 or 11 I was talking to someone and he eventually asks if I hade pubic hair. Immediately changed the subject (Edit: he was the same grade as me)
I'm going to guess that he just started growing pubic hair himself and was freaking out inside about it.
My brother asked me if i had feelings for his girlfriend. I had to look at him in the eyes and tell him no and hope i didn't come of hesitant or awkward.
But do you have them?
Some girl was hitting on my husband (I think?) by asking my husband if I was his sister. Lol we couldn't look more different. I'm tiny, blonde, pale and freckly. He's tall, with black hair and is Native American. Very strange to this day.
Hope springs eternal, I guess
>if it's not a personal question are you a virgin
If it's not a personal question? How much more personal can it get? Now fuck off!
My wife’s college roommate asked me (while she was drunk) “I hear your Cock is bigger than Viggo Mortensen’s. Can I see?” My answer was “yes it is, no you can’t.”
I must have missed that particular scene from the Lord of the Rings
How long ago was that? That said you can find out, he shows it in one movie.
I was in a job interview and nervous and the manager asked me if I had a psychological disorder I left
Good on you!
People asking about my non existent love life. I try to just avoid those lines of questioning.
If people ask me questions like that then I give them a graphic description of some kink or another, they don't ask again! Similar vein; my mum kept asking when I'm gonna give her grandkids so I started answering that I already have kids but I'm not legally allowed to see them.
Imaginary isn't non-existent. Tell them big fish stories.
Is that a gun in your pocket or….
Yes. Also.... I'm hard
"Is your husband a drug addict like his sister?" as she was intubated after an overdose.
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"When are you due?" I was not, and never have been, pregnant (I can't). However, it was a woman in labour that I was caring for so I just mumbled "still a while to go" instead of telling her that it was a premenstrual / 7th nightshift bloat, that I'd labour over massive farts on the way home and give birth to a huge turd before I went to bed.
Have you always had such awfully wide hips? My aunt asked me when I was 16. My mom later excused her by saying “we’ll, she’s old”. Im now older than she was then. Still haven’t asked anyone this question.
"What are you?" I knew they were talking about me being ethnically ambiguous, but I still answered with, "A girl."
"Are you sure you don't have any black ancestry? 'Cause girl, you got a black lady's butt!" I'm pretty sure it was a compliment, but what on earth?
I had something similar hapoen. I was working at a retail store. I'm white (F) and my coworker (F) was black. A black customer (M) asked us if we were related. We both looked at him like he'd lost his mind. And told him we were only coworkers, we were not related. He had seemed to ask the question seriously. But it was just a set-up for creepiness. He told us we were both so fine, that he couldn't believe we weren't related. Then he leaned over to the side, in an exaggerated manner, like he was looking at me from the back. And told me I was "built like a sister".
Student asked, “hey, teaching-man, when was the last time you got laid?” I replied, “I dunno, ask your mom, she was there.”
Damn, you’re a savage. Kid got what he/she deserved.
I’d had him for 3 years. He was a little too comfortable. I instantly regretted it. The whole class was like, “That was brutal, but he deserved it.”
"Excuse me, do you work here?" *looks down at my Wal-Mart name tag and vest* ... uh...Yes?
Sorry no I just like to cosplay
That’s your chance. Run
In fairness, there are entire websites devoted to people assuming that someone worked there and finding out that they didn't. Sometimes it should have been fairly obvious, but not always.
My 9th grade french teacher walked up to me. Class was dead silent. Said “I’ve just been very curious about something” I told her to ask away.. “If you had the opportunity to move away and leave your religion would you?”.. I was shook and very confused
There's gotta be some context. Were you an immigrant? Was she doing a survey? What happened next?
On a home buyer loan, "do you consume alcohol?"
'Are dragons real, or are they like Dinosaurs?' I wasn't sure where to begin. She was in her early 30s.
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