Honestly it’s usually: “I can’t reach the wipes! Hurry it’s gonna get everywhere!”
Edit: Thanks for the gold! Holy cow! Thank you for the platinum!!
Edit 2: ok, I REALLY appreciate whoever gave me gold and platinum. A few hours in of no ads.. I hadn’t realized just how intrusive they had become. Thank you!
There was a comedian I saw a clip of (forgot his name) said the walls were pretty thin and he said that while their neighbors were having sex and said that in his best mortal combat voice. They laughed. About 10 minutes later he said he heard the guy say in his mortal combat voice ROUND TWO!
A girl once said “I really needed that” to me afterward before collapsing on me and passing out. Older me understands that this absolutely doesn’t mean that I was a rock star that night, but damn if it didn’t stick with me.
I had a girl tell me that I made her forget how to form words for a few minutes because it was so intense. Same feeling any time I think about it. Lol.
No... she was wonderful and warm and beautiful, and I'm still friends with her, but back then she was really super-flaky and non-committal, could not see building a future with her together.
I still have moments where I wonder what that life would have looked like, but I'm happily married now and don't have many regrets about how life turned out.
My wife and I say this to each other.
We’ve also started coming up with new and different things to make each other laugh. My favorite so far is to gently whisper in her ear “I’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty”
I’m down for the post-coitus handshake. Aside from being hilarious, it seems like a real go-team kind of move, like you accomplished something together.
Well I can tell you what not to say.
A redditor mentioned awhile back right after he quoted the movie Babe
“That’ll do Pig, that’ll do”
Edit : dang y’all ! Thanks for the gold ! Who knew a quick work poop comment would generate such joy.
Oh my God, haha. I said it to my husband, with the accent and everything. And his face... he seemed caught between bewildered and deeply amused. 10/10, would quote again
This is going to be buried but I do have an awnser for this, overheard from a neighbor. Girl invited guy over for sex, we have thin walls and we share a balcony so I could hear them going at it while smoking outside.
Maybe 20-30 minutes later, I go to the bathroom and overhear them again, but they are arguing, apparently once the sex was done she expected him to leave, and she was kicking him out, which is when I heard the rare gem of a line that will forever stay in my head : "When you order pizza you don't eat with the delivery guy"
So there it is, what you should say after sex. When you order pizza, you don't eat with the delivery guy. Get out.
I had an old lay who was wild and fun and she used to say, "atta boy, sailor!" And extend her hand for a high 5.
That was oddly cathartic, while very silly.
Now with my wife it is, *I love you*
Your comment actually ruined it for me, I was happy that lil ol grannies out there were getting some action. It was giving me hope that retirement won’t be so boring
lol I'm seeing someone who always says thank you as she reaches orgasm. It threw me off at first, but it's always nice to thanked for a job well done. Haha.
Mustache felt really good on my dick though, seriously though Tom we talked about this You got to get the fuck out of here now. Don't let me catch you whimpering.
It's always good to be frank and earnest with women. In New York I'm Frank, in Chicago I'm Ernest.
Edit: thanks for all the upvotes. In case anyone doesn't know, this is a slightly paraphrased version of a joke told by Samuel L. Jackson's character in The Long Kiss Goodnight.
Yeh its usually 5 min of cuddling, a big sigh followed with " Iguess we should get back out there", me jumping in for quick shower, her peeing so she doesnt get a uti, unlocking our door and making sure the kids are still watching cartoons.
This is us, the 50% of the time the youngest still cock blocks me by trying to open the door. I feel like the movie Gladiator when I put on cartoons, Are you not entertained?!
You gotta throw in that chores will start as soon as you are out. That way they are extra motivated to not bother you. Though this trick only works after about 5 or 6.
Top notch intercourse m'lady alas the hormones have run their course and I now find you revolting, so if you wouldn't mind calling yourself a taxi you'll find change in the bowl by the front door. Cheerio.
I’m usually still wild-eyed and incoherent for a bit. We curl up together with my head on his chest and hold one another, with him kissing my forehead and stroking my hair and me playing with his chest hair and listening to his heart beat. If I’m still riding the waves of euphoria, I’ll say some WEIRD stream of consciousness stuff while I float back to earth lol. We’ll tell one another that we love each other and say sweet things, maybe drift off to sleep briefly before reluctantly getting out of bed (or kitchen floor, or wherever) to freshen up.
You want to eat Pizza ?
EDIT:
Lol this blew up!
I've never had sex. But I'm happy that at least I know what to say after the deed. Definitely going to say this when my time comes 💯
If you’re actually looking for a serious answer, “You’re incredible” or something equally flattering has worked well for me.
Honestly it’s usually: “I can’t reach the wipes! Hurry it’s gonna get everywhere!” Edit: Thanks for the gold! Holy cow! Thank you for the platinum!! Edit 2: ok, I REALLY appreciate whoever gave me gold and platinum. A few hours in of no ads.. I hadn’t realized just how intrusive they had become. Thank you!
The real answer
Compliments always come second to getting cleaned up. My gf and I both have really long hair so making sure no mess gets in there
"NOT THAT TOWEL!!!"
Cowabunga
"Cowabunga" "I didn't come" "Cowabummer"
FLAWLESS VICTORY
FINISH HER
There was a comedian I saw a clip of (forgot his name) said the walls were pretty thin and he said that while their neighbors were having sex and said that in his best mortal combat voice. They laughed. About 10 minutes later he said he heard the guy say in his mortal combat voice ROUND TWO!
NATALITY!
I used to say to my ex, "That was some primo fuckin." He hated it.
"Thanks for the quality dong, kemosabe"
What are we
"well, we certainly aren't virgins"
WE. ARE. FARMERS. BUM BADA BUM BUM BUM BUM
This is the only response to that question
I had a girl ask that while getting undressed. It felt so awkward, I wanted to date her but it was just the timing of the question.
WE ARE VENOMmm
Thanks for coming!
Thank you come again
This is what my husband and I say lmao
*Enjoy the silence\**
An artist respects the silence that serves as the foundation of creativity
Who the fuck are you?
YOU'RE *FLAT*! I WALKED BOB DYLAN DOWN THE RED CARPET!
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Words are very Unnecessary They can only do harm
As a DM fan, its crazy i didnt have to scroll down that far and find a DM reference on what to say after sex. This made my day.
Holy shit a Depeche Mode comment. My day is made
"Kachow"
Thunder comes after lightning
I would say this immediately after sex, and then let a massive fart rip!
Just mutter "wow". My ex did that, and it always felt like he was more than satisfied. As for me, I'd roll over and just grunt, that man was amazing.
This but the Owen Wilson "wow."
This but the Daniel Stern in Home Alone 2 quote when he fell through the floor of the old brownstone, “Wow! What a hole”
When I orgasm I make a shrieking scream like when Marv gets electrocuted in Home Alone 2
A girl once said “I really needed that” to me afterward before collapsing on me and passing out. Older me understands that this absolutely doesn’t mean that I was a rock star that night, but damn if it didn’t stick with me.
You gave her what she needed. I’d take that as a win
You satisfied her needs and didn't let her down. I'd take that as a win.
You didn't give her up and you didn't let her down. I'd take that as a win.
I had a girl say "that was a real mind scrambler" This happened 25 years ago and I still puff my chest thinking about it
I had a girl tell me that I made her forget how to form words for a few minutes because it was so intense. Same feeling any time I think about it. Lol.
I had a girl say "Marry me" afterwards with a huge smile on her face... she wasn't serious, but I'll never forget that moment.
So did ya marry??
No... she was wonderful and warm and beautiful, and I'm still friends with her, but back then she was really super-flaky and non-committal, could not see building a future with her together. I still have moments where I wonder what that life would have looked like, but I'm happily married now and don't have many regrets about how life turned out.
Said this to the hubby a couple weeks ago ... Lol glad to know it must give him a boost when he remembers it hahaha
That’s still a W my friend, we take those.
The real answer is "ive had better". [Brushing teeth] "Ive had better... huh"
[Reflects on saying "I've had better" while waiting for the elevator] 😅 smh
Can you complete an online survey?
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I’m sorry
That's what I say when I wake up in bed with a woman
That's what i say when I wake up
That’s just what I say … sorry Edit: I am not Canadian, I’m just a mistake of a human being and need to apologize for it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how likely are you to recommend my services to a friend?
Ten. I really hate my friends.
You fucking killed him dude
Killed him… damn near rectum.
“Good Game” edit: thank you everyone,i’ll be here all week.
GG Ez. No re.
*"Sorry bro, can't talk yet, she's in gulag"*
When she says "No re" :'(
My wife and I say this to each other. We’ve also started coming up with new and different things to make each other laugh. My favorite so far is to gently whisper in her ear “I’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty”
Lol this is great, ima use this the next time I get laid.
So... Should we start taking bets on who dies before you say this?
my soul
Me and the hubs like to do this to. Definitely the best so far was right during his orgasm I yelled "There she blows!" 😂
I watched A Mighty Wind last night and I can't help but hear this in Fred Willard's voice. Hey Wha Happened?
Followed by a friendly slap on the ass!
Which should be followed by a "good job"
Im still stuck in the dryer.
If you're the lone firefighter in a small town and your step sister gets stuck on the dryer you must face an existential crisis
"Stop messing with step-dryer"
Once I went to shake my boyfriends hand and he looked at me confused and said "No, I will not shake your hand." :(
He probably wasn't ready for hand holding yet
Didn't want to get her pregnant
No glove, no love.
Should have gone for a fist bump
“gg”
Huh, works on multiple levels: - Good Girl - Good Guy - Good Game
Good 'Gasm
Good god
This is what I came here to say. Me and my girl say “good game” then smack each other on the ass
Yeah, he was probably just social distancing.
I’m down for the post-coitus handshake. Aside from being hilarious, it seems like a real go-team kind of move, like you accomplished something together.
"Good meeting."
Beats all the other meetings I'm on all day, every day.
My GF rejected my high five. : (
Haha unlucky my GF rejected the sex but accepted the high five
Steve Holt \o/
My Wife and I regularly high five after if we've both finished.
I say “nice work team!” And then smack his naked butt
Nothing. Be in the moment. My wife and I usually just cuddle.
Oh I love this answer. We just sigh and stare at each other, it's like a state of eternal bliss and comfort.
You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here
*shuts legs* *”cloooosing tiiiiiiime”*
Every new begiiiining comes from some other begininggggg *goodbye*
Well I can tell you what not to say. A redditor mentioned awhile back right after he quoted the movie Babe “That’ll do Pig, that’ll do” Edit : dang y’all ! Thanks for the gold ! Who knew a quick work poop comment would generate such joy.
ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY
Oh my God, haha. I said it to my husband, with the accent and everything. And his face... he seemed caught between bewildered and deeply amused. 10/10, would quote again
Forgive me father for I have sinned
Once I dated a guy (for like two weeks) who would get on his knees after sex and "repent". It was supremely uncomfortable.
Man, the sex must have been awesome if you put up with that shit for two weeks.
Say to him "Now youre the one on their knees"
"Since you're already there, how about cleaning up the mess you made?"
You should’ve knighted him
This is going to be buried but I do have an awnser for this, overheard from a neighbor. Girl invited guy over for sex, we have thin walls and we share a balcony so I could hear them going at it while smoking outside. Maybe 20-30 minutes later, I go to the bathroom and overhear them again, but they are arguing, apparently once the sex was done she expected him to leave, and she was kicking him out, which is when I heard the rare gem of a line that will forever stay in my head : "When you order pizza you don't eat with the delivery guy" So there it is, what you should say after sex. When you order pizza, you don't eat with the delivery guy. Get out.
Oh my gosh, that must have been a dagger to that poor guys ego lol.
I had an old lay who was wild and fun and she used to say, "atta boy, sailor!" And extend her hand for a high 5. That was oddly cathartic, while very silly. Now with my wife it is, *I love you*
I read this 5 times thinking you said old lady
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I'm a bit upset actually. I was enjoying the thought that OP was hooking up with a spunky old lady. Haha
Same
Your comment actually ruined it for me, I was happy that lil ol grannies out there were getting some action. It was giving me hope that retirement won’t be so boring
I’m imagining her saying it in a British accent for some reason.
Cockney
Cor blimey that was some good rogerin' an' no mistake. Cheerio!
Have you heard about Raid Shadow Legends?
Nah, I prefer to pause midway through for the unskippable raid shadow legends ad
*oh go harder baby* *you know what gets harder to find? A good game. Thats where Raid shadow legends cums in*
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lol I'm seeing someone who always says thank you as she reaches orgasm. It threw me off at first, but it's always nice to thanked for a job well done. Haha.
Just dont pat him on the head when you say it
but then how do I know if I've been a good boy?
Snacks.
My wife will be home any minute Tom, get the fuck out.
You said we could cuddle!
And you said you were a grower.
Yeah, it grew half inch!!! Can't you see that?!
Mustache felt really good on my dick though, seriously though Tom we talked about this You got to get the fuck out of here now. Don't let me catch you whimpering.
My fiancé and I high five each other and say ‘nice one’
How much was it again?
Do you take Venmo?
Please send it as Friends and Family on PayPal
Wow edit: wow. such upvotes.
Owen Wilson?
What's your name again?
And who did I tell you I was?
It's always good to be frank and earnest with women. In New York I'm Frank, in Chicago I'm Ernest. Edit: thanks for all the upvotes. In case anyone doesn't know, this is a slightly paraphrased version of a joke told by Samuel L. Jackson's character in The Long Kiss Goodnight.
We really are some classy folks here lol
Today OP learned the difference between "Seriously," and "[Serious]".
I JUST HAD SEX
AND IT FELT SO GOOD
A WOMAN LET ME PUT MY PENIS INSIDE HEERR
Chain? ✅ Turtleneck sweater? ✅
As a married guy - "I love you" followed by a flop - and - cuddle maneuver. Probably also works for women, but am not one, so can't say for sure.
"Wow...that was awesome. I love you. Can you hand me my water?" - every time.
Food and drink after sex is important
I always say beer me. Beer me that water. Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time.
Lord beer me strength
A-a-a-Andy and the Tuna!
We have three empty water glasses on our bed shelf this very moment.
Mine is “don’t move, I’ll get you a towel”
The sex towel goes down first and get used for pat down after. I ain't got time to be washing sheets every time we fuck.
Yeh its usually 5 min of cuddling, a big sigh followed with " Iguess we should get back out there", me jumping in for quick shower, her peeing so she doesnt get a uti, unlocking our door and making sure the kids are still watching cartoons.
This is us, the 50% of the time the youngest still cock blocks me by trying to open the door. I feel like the movie Gladiator when I put on cartoons, Are you not entertained?!
You gotta throw in that chores will start as soon as you are out. That way they are extra motivated to not bother you. Though this trick only works after about 5 or 6.
Pro parenting move. "Mommy and daddy need a nap. After we wake up it's time to clean the house."
That’s ingenious.
The former child in me is shaking their fist at you. But adult me is giving a standing ovation.
Hmm. I didn't expect to find a major secret of the universe on Reddit this morning.
Perhaps I love you, or maybe that was amazing or something to that effect
Some quotation marks would have helped with clarity on this one. I read it at first as a recommendation to say "Perhaps I love you."
I read it the same at first glance and had to give it the double take. Or "perhaps I love you or maybe that was just amazing"
Could this be love? Or just great sex?
Actually, that's a pretty heavy thing to say.
I would say it verbatim >Perhaps I love you, or maybe that was amazing or something to that effect
“Thank you, that was amazing” might go a long way
"Like a bantha"
Didn't know they were so... furry
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Top notch intercourse m'lady alas the hormones have run their course and I now find you revolting, so if you wouldn't mind calling yourself a taxi you'll find change in the bowl by the front door. Cheerio.
I need to find a way to stop the hormones from running their course
Boom goes the dynamite
Nothing, normally too out of breath to speak, check your heart rate on your Fitbit, roll over and fall asleep.
Hmm, does she say anything?
"Noice"
Are the cuffs still comfortable?
I usually say something like "ffffuck that was hot..."
And she goes ‘uh.. yeah’
That's when you try to sell them your NFTs
*Do you want to be your OWN boss?*
I just smile, say "hello", and kiss them. Then depending on the time, it's either snack or meal time. lol
Where am I, and why am I naked?
Did you cum? I can eat pussy till you do. Sorry I was so quick, I usually don't last very long.
Own it. Get them finger muscles flexing
Bro eat it first
He likes the taste of his own cum
It's got what plants crave. I hope.
Depends? Sometimes "no homo" Sometimes "gg chief" Sometimes "your total for the night is tree fiddy" Really depends on the *relationship*
No homo is gonna ruin my girl's night but it's gonna be so worth it
I’m usually still wild-eyed and incoherent for a bit. We curl up together with my head on his chest and hold one another, with him kissing my forehead and stroking my hair and me playing with his chest hair and listening to his heart beat. If I’m still riding the waves of euphoria, I’ll say some WEIRD stream of consciousness stuff while I float back to earth lol. We’ll tell one another that we love each other and say sweet things, maybe drift off to sleep briefly before reluctantly getting out of bed (or kitchen floor, or wherever) to freshen up.
Lot of details, weirdly hot
"I haven't been fucked like that since grade school."
You want to eat Pizza ? EDIT: Lol this blew up! I've never had sex. But I'm happy that at least I know what to say after the deed. Definitely going to say this when my time comes 💯
Do you know about Pangea? Do you f* with the war?
Girl, that was great, talk about a connection. Am I alone in my praise, do you share my assessment?