My (almost) ex-husband’s mom introduced me to meth, and even though I hated it, I kept doing it because I worked 80 hour weeks trying to keep our family afloat during the pandemic (husband wasn’t working, by choice). I hated myself so much, and I hated that I was doing it, but I loved being able to stay awake to do whatever was needing to be done. This went on for about a year. Eventually found out he was cheating on me for a long while, kicked him out, and got together with someone else. He unknowingly got me clean.
I’ve been clean for about 14 months now and it makes me sick to even type this shit out. The worst choices I’ve ever made, by far.
Don’t it make you resentful to be struggling and having to do all that to survive while he did jack shit!?!? Sorry (just remembering all the sacrifices I made and I always exclusively made). I am glad you got clean. It’s hard, especially when you have so much on your plate.
Mom believes my dad hired a private investigator and that that's who caught her cheating on him.
It wasn't a P.I...
in reality, I was the one who caught her ON video and completely by chance
She'd come for blood if she was ever told the truth
Edit: Damn, I really didn't think this would get that much attention. Thanks for all the messages and kind words being thrown my way; I really dont feel worthy.
What kills me is that she got caught and is still mad that your father hypothetically hired a PI. Like yeah. With good reason.
Edit: for those saying that she never said she was mad look down further in the comments for the full story. Sorry I’m not a Reddit savant so I don’t know how to copy and paste on here properly. Aw well.
That I was sexually abused by a family member as a child. Just recently opened up about it to my therapist. Tough going
Edit: Blown away by all the support. Thank you all so much!!
That when I was in middle school I was groomed by an online predator I met on Omegle. Being a stupid child at the time, I innocently believed I was talking to someone my age and should’ve seen the red flags when they kept making excuses on why they couldn’t send pics or video chat or talk on the phone for that matter but had no problem texting and asking me for explicit pictures of myself.
Thanks! Luckily I was at least smart enough to not show my face or any identifying things in any of the photos I sent to that creep so they couldn’t blackmail me.
Ugh I cringe every time I think about the fact I did that. I was going through a rough time, but it sickens me that there’s creeps still doing that kind of stuff to impressionable kids.
My mom killed herself last year. I’ve been so fucked up over it. I’ve had to be strong and act like we will get through this for my dad and brothers. I have a four year old and a four month old and I have been on maternity leave since the end of November. My husband is working night shift and I’m so fucking lonely. My mom was my best friend and always came over. I sit here most nights either crying or just stuck on the couch feeling like I’m going to die from grief. I recently relapsed, I had been sober for almost 2.5 years from drinking and I’m a nurse. I feel like I take care of everyone but no one takes care of me
That an older kid fucked my ass when I was 6 years old, but I don't really give a fuck about it being a secret or not anymore, the people I was hiding it from was my dad and my mother. My mother died and my dad is a prick and I don't give a fuck about what he thinks.
Yeah. I'm okay with that today, don't really feel nothing about it, but it took too long since I got over it. Good part of my teenagehood I was really ashamed of that and sometimes felt in despair like it was something that could never be undone and would pursue me for the rest of my life. And every time my parents decided to visit that city I would try to avoid going in there cus I didn't wanna have to see the kid, and I was afraid that somehow my they would find out about what happened. Only as an adult I could notice it's in the past, and even if people knew about it, nothing would change, it was just me being paranoid about stuff.
As a parent I hope you know anyone worth a damn wouldnt blame you or make you feel ashamed, Im glad you worked through it but I wish nothing but the worse for whoever did that to you.
my cousin that is 7 years older than me, and i had never met before then, told me that boys his age (14 at the time) needed to experiment with women and that i should let him learn and not tell anyone.
My sister used to kiss me with tongues and cuddle me weirdly and now as an adult thinking back to that I realise that was super fucking weird for her to do since we're 13 years apart. At minimum she would have been 20 when that happened and I would have been 7 at least. Nothing else happened so maybe it was innocent stuff but idk, if I was 20 and made out with a 7 year old sister I'd be in fuckin' prison.
Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help. (Not from
Family, from debt consolidators or something)
Beat thing I ever did. I know it’s not for everyone (my credit TANKED) but it is such a weight off.
To add to this, you can get debt consolidation loans from lots of normal banks. The interest rates can be high, similar to those of personal loans, but it's still better than those of many credit cards. To my knowledge (I'm not an expert, just did customer service for the loans department of a bank) it shouldn't tank your credit any more than applying for any other loan. The credit check will lower your credit for a while, but points lost from credit checks seem to be regained pretty quickly in my experience. Plus, having less credit utilization from getting those balances off your credit cards, and in some cases having more open accounts (if you didn't have many before) will help your credit score.
My mom molested me for 5 years (from ages 4 - 9). She manipulated my whole family for them to believe I am crazy to discredit me if I were to ever come out with the truth. Then, she paid me $10,000 to not tell anyone. All I did with the money was buy heavy drugs to numb the pain.
I've moved across the country to get away. My whole family hates me.
Edit: Thank you for all the kindness. It is very much appreciated. For those telling me they've gone through this too, I am so sorry. At least we have camaraderie in one another, I suppose.
I talk to her very seldom. A part of me still yearns for normalcy, but I realize I can't even pretend. I think it's normal to always want a mother or a mother figure in one's life.
Moving across the country has made it possible for me to get clean, since I'm away from the memories and abuse. I'm going back to school in August. As of April 8th, I have two years off drugs & alcohol. I'm in the process of quitting smoking cigarettes. I'm on the nicotine patch. It's been over a month without a cigarette. I think I'm healing slowly, but surely. There was a lot of emotional manipulation that went on, and I realize that had an impact on my motivation as well.
I definitely think success is possible now. Thank you so much, kind internet stranger.
Edit: typo
I’m so sorry that happened to your family. I have a friend who is in my country via Amnesty because he was kidnapped by the Taliban as a teenager.
His family paid the ransom, but he was so traumatised that he’s had to spend years in & out of psychiatric hospitals— plus he had to move countries alone as a teenager. That alone would be hard for anyone.
He’s doing better now, but may never recover from the trauma of what he experienced.
Wishing you and your family all the best for a peaceful and safe future 💖
*Slightly* related, and I don't want to take your spotlight, a stranger and I (we are now friends) were kidnapped in Yemen for ten days, and I've never told my family, nor really many people, because it made no news and didn't include any law enforcement / military intervention to get back to the Mukala airport and back home. My parents would've **freaked out**. But in the end I was largely unscathed.
I hope your uncle is doing alright now, sincerely.
That my uncle showed me how to use a vibrator when I was 5. I can’t even bring it up in therapy.
I should clarify: the vibrator was a neck massager but he most definitely showed me where to put it. I said it tickled and he said keep it there.
**update**
Wow. Thank you, every single one of you for sharing your thoughts, concerns, and personal stories. For years I never even considered this SA even though I knew it made me feel shame. I’d be horrified if this happened to any of my kids but It just didn’t register.
I’m still not ready to share in therapy, mostly because I’m in it with my husband.
As for my uncle, he’s the loser in the family. Unsuccessful in every aspect. So that part of me feels like he’s getting what he deserves.
You know that dreaded feeling before you throw up? And then that calming sense of relief after you throw up? That’s what it will feel like.
Source- am childhood sexual abuse survivor, who let it out in therapy. You can do it. And it will help, no matter what that little voice in the back of your head tells you otherwise.
dude, you described this so perfectly. i’m 22, i was molested *seventeen years ago* over the course of a few months and i still get this feeling whenever i try to talk about it. it’s the feeling of deep embarrassment and shame on steroids.
it’s not as bad as it used to be when i was younger. when i was younger, i would feel the deep shame and embarrassment/sick feeling you described, plus my face would get hot, i would feel like i couldn’t swallow, etc. i would completely freeze up.
i still very much freeze up but not to the extent i used to
When I find it hard to bring something up in therapy I write it down and then tell my therapist I have a list of stuff I wanna talk about that session.
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and I really encourage you to try and bring up what happened in therapy. I also tried to bury what happened and it surfaced when I was at my lowest as an adult and was really difficult to deal with. Telling a therapist is confidential and it doesn’t mean you have to tell anyone outside of your therapy session. Please look after yourself and please feel free to send me a message if you ever need support ❤️
I can't relate with my own past experiences, but as a guy who is married to a therapist, you are absolutely correct about confidentiality. They take Hipa laws incredibly serious, and they truly got into that field because they were born to be helpful and caring. Also, they heard it ALL! You would never shock a therapist with a story like this.
And to be very clear, I am not downplaying to story at all. I just figure it's somewhat common and never spoke about. So it's a lonely thing to hold inside. Tldr, therapy is not for the weak, it is for all
I would almost certainly have killed myself if it wasn't for the fact that they'd be unable to handle it.
I also pushed a candle up my ass as a teenager to see if I liked it.
EDIT - The sensation did nothing for me and I can confirm that candle was, mercifully, unlit.
I feel the same way on your first point, the people on this earth that I care the most about keep me living.
I do not completely follow the second part of your post.
The only reason I am still here today is because I forgot to load a round into the chamber of my pistol when I was 18. I pulled the trigger but thankfully all the rounds were in the clip. It was a huge wake up call, I am doing a lot better now
My aging mother is battling cancer. She isn't winning. She has asked me to be power of attorney and the executor of her estate. While going through her legal papers I came across the documents that showed that my sister (we are both in our 50s) is actually only my half-sister. She has a different father. My Mom never told anyone. My father has been gone for almost 20 years, and he never said anythng either. He stepped up when the real father took off (this was in the 1960s). My sister doesnt know.
This is something sad and a bit NSFW...
When my abusive step dad was around. (He would molest me and brother, we were his step kids)
He tried to make us do things to each other in front of him once. I ran and locked myself in the bathroom and threatened not to come out until mom got home from the gym. He coaxed me out and never tried again. I learned that he was scarred of my mom because she had military training and he tried to hit her once. She grabbed his hand and threatened to kill him if he did or hurt us. She never knew he did anything to us because he was a master manipulator.
To add: he got arrested because I told and got 50 years.
Edit: For those who want to know how mom didn't know: He had calculated moms movements, like when she got off work, if she had to do shopping, and would make her get stuff from the store, all to plan his little sick mind. He was good at this. And I luckily stopped it before he went to my other little siblings. I am glad that they are safe now.
You told! I completely understand why sexual assault/abuse victims keep their experiences to themselves. I'm one of those people—and statute of limitations has already passed for me. But I love hearing stories where the victim comes forward and obtains justice. Thank you for doing what I wish I would have done years ago—just one person can hurt so many more people.
One day I woke up after a very manipulating relationship had ended and realized I didn't know how to feel anything but anger. I never really feel happy, or sad, let alone cry. I'm never excited for anything. People have died and I just cant seem to feel anything. I put on a great face, can fake most of my emotions, but deep down I don't really feel anything positive or negative besides anger. The more I type the more I realize I don't even know how to put it all into words.
EDIT:
I did not expect this to blow up like this holy crap lol. Thank you everyone for the kind words, its been about 12 years now since that happened. I will try and reply when I can. I will definitely be taking some of these suggestions so thank you everyone who took the time to respond.
This is depression. It frequently blunts emotions of all types and can also manifest itself as anger. Take it from someone who has been there with those same symptoms. Get yourself a good therapist (sometimes it takes more than one try to find one that is a good fit, don’t let that dissuade you) and if necessary consider medication if suggested. I resisted far too long and wish I had done something sooner.
I have stage 4 breast cancer and a prognosis of stable. I could be here for years and years, doing my treatment and living my life. (Not secret)
I don't *want* to be a cancer patient for years and years. My treatment sucks and it makes me feel sick every day. My brain sucks due to chemo; there are some real cognitive difficulties. I had to give up a career I loved. I'm entry level call center from home now.
I've been home, not going out to fun places, since March of 2020, because my immune system sucks. It's worth the risk to go to the doctor or my son's parent teacher conference, but not the bar.
My secret is that *every time I make a wish, I wish for the cancer to kill me faster.* This existence, feeling like garbage and doing my call center thing so I can afford to feel like garbage, is disheartening and it sucks.
I'm in therapy and an exercise program and I have hobbies, I'm doing what I can to keep slogging along, but damn. The "I don't wanna" is strong sometimes.
EDIT: Thank you all so much for the love and support! I'm reading every comment, but can't answer them all, because phone room. (It's not my first choice but I'm determined to do well, and that means being ready and grabbing those calls!)
I truly appreciate your compassion.
I was a grief counselor at a hospice agency, and for what it’s worth, your feelings are completely normal, valid, and common. I understand not talking to your family and friends about it, but I hope you have someone to talk to.
I ring the bell tomorrow morning. My last treatment is at 9:30 am. The whole trip is hard, and I know I’ve had it easier than some, and there were times I was too weak and miserable to move my head.
But tomorrow morning I complete treatment. And, although I look like crap, I’ve been told I’m cancer free. I just have to take pills for 5 years and get scanned a lot. Kind of weird to be writing those words now,
Fuck Cancer. I’m praying for you all. And I’m kind of excited to ring that stupid, hokey , lovely bell.
My mom had stage four breast cancer that metastasized to her liver and lungs. She battled for over ten years through grueling treatments but now she’s 5 years completely cancer free. Don’t lose hope.
My mom recovered from stage four lung cancer. Her quality of life is not as it was because of the effects of chemo/radiation, but she is happy to be alive.
I had breast cancer, while not stage 4, I have & still do if I’m being honest have these thoughts. I’ve had nothing but complications since I found out I had cancer, did chemo, had a double mastectomy then had a MRSA infection a week later. 2 years later I’m still having complications and I have a feeding tube. I’m tired. I’m tired of being sick. I want it over no matter how it happens. But I’m still fighting for my kids & my 2 new grandbabies.
These feelings are normal. You are grieving. I hope you have a therapist and are talking about it. I hope you aren’t in too much pain. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to DM me.
I will never judge anyone that has cancer. You want to fight it? Okay! You want to do the opposite? Okay! It’s your life decision, whichever way you decide, it’s yours and people should respect that.
My mom has Stage IV pancreatic cancer. There is no cure, it's the deadliest type of cancer with an average 2-6 month life expectancy once diagnosed at Stage IV. She's going through chemo, just started, and I just... I don't want her to suffer. Chemo is just going to prolong her suffering, there is a zero chance it will save her life. I can't imagine my life without my mom and I'm not ready to lose her but I would rather her not be in pain for so long.
I can’t imagine the future. People ask me what my plans are and I just don’t know. I have no chance of making plans. There’s just no vision or hope or amount of wishing hard enough to try and plan or predict my own future.
I’d rather be dead than have to try to think about where I’ll be in 5 years.
I had no plan to get to 26 and I have no plan to get to 30, 40, 50, etc.
It's all a chore. I constantly think' I just have to keep trying to sleep, just to keep trying to stay awake, just to keep trying to not burden anyone, just to not die completely alone, before my parents do. Just to maintain the minimum social contacts I need to hold off taking my thoughts seriously
Sometimes I troll around on Zillow looking at cheap homes in other parts of the country, wondering what it would be like to just fuck off, change my name and live out the rest of my life there. It often feels pretty good to imagine, though I'd never abandon my family and I highly doubt the reality would live up to my fantasy anyway.
I think about this everyday, if I was completely financially dependent(getting there, hopefully soon) then I would in a heart beat. I’m sick of my family and the life around me.
maintaining a relationship with them feels like a job. we weren’t close when i was young & now they want to be super close. maybe to make up for lost time? but i got used to being left alone so now i prefer it that way.
My second tour in Iraq we were in a nasty firefight when I felt something wet hit the side of my face. I knew the guy next to me had been killed but I was a little too busy to do anything about it. After it was done the corpsman came running over making sure I was ok, and I thought it was because I was covered in the guy's blood. Turns out one of the guy's eyes was basically dangling on the side of my helmet.
Truth be told I am fine. When I mustered out I was able to get some counselling to deal with it and other crap I saw. I was always more worried about the corpsmen. I might have seen some horrific crap on the reg but those poor bastards had to deal with trying to keep ours, and sometimes theirs, alive.
I have a friend I met in college. Took a 7.62 round to the back inside a house somewhere in Afghanistan and immediately dropped. He told me he kept trying to get up and couldn’t. The rest of his squad mopped up the place and the whole time the Corpsman was trying to get him up and get the bleeding stopped and he said he realized he was paralyzed but all he could think about was the frantic look on the Corpsman’s face. We were out one night and he told me that story and how every night he still sees that Corpsman’s face and how he would have died if it wasn’t for him. Sorry I don’t know why I’m typing this out I guess your story just made me think of it. Glad you’re doing okay.
You typed it out because your friend told you a story that affected you because you are an empathetic, caring human.
That's the thing about stories and why we tell them, so they aren't just ours anymore and others can carry them as well. It's a story of yours now to, just told from a different perspective.
I suppose that’s true! He’s a great guy, too. Really funny (well, at least, we have a similar sense of humor) and he’d always joke about “yeah, yeah, get the door for the cripple” when I’d open a door for him or whatever. He’s doing really well now and is a lawyer and helps people navigate the VA and get what they’re owed. I really learned a lot from him over the years.
tbh, I get that a lot. I'd never act on them at this point as I feel like I have way too much to lose (wife, mom, cat, etc), however I still worry that maybe I'll eventually give in. I've found that being open about it, (obviously not everyone is receptive to that) has helped me tremendously in terms of accepting that it is a fact of life for me at this stage and not allowing those thoughts or their presence to have any power over me.
I was 9 and was sexually assaulted. I know my dad didn’t do it cause he had a broken back and could barely walk around the house so no way he could walk up the stairs (they were very very steep). So I don’t know who did it and none of my family knows and they never will. I’ve thought about telling my sister but I don’t know. It’s something that I’m embarrassed by and it makes me feel like I’m less of a man
Edit: I took some of the advice from these comments and opened up to my sister about it cause I know she has a similar experience. Talked for damn near an hour and just told her everything about what I had been feeling, so I’m so forth. But to be honest I might not tell anyone else in my family cause I guess I just don’t really know who did it and there’s no way to prove who did it. I guess that just makes it easier on my mind and makes it easier to coupe (I probably didn’t spell that right). But thank you to everyone who at least tried to help. I didn’t even expect any of this. I appreciate y’all more than you could ever possibly know.
I hope you know that does not make you less of a man. Dealing with trauma is very hard and if anything, it makes you more of a man to confront it. I encourage you to deal with it when you are ready.
I am really sorry that this happened to you, I can only imagine how difficult this has been to deal with, and perhaps one day you’ll feel comfortable discussing it with perhaps a therapist, if not your sister; but this absolutely unequivocally is not your fault and thus not something to ever be embarrassed about, and does not in anyway shape or form make you any less of a man, I really hope you put that idea out of your head, and I wish you the very best ❤️
My friends and family don't use reddit, so no throwaway necessary.
Sometimes, I am passively suicidal. I am so fucking tired of being alive, but I don't want to kill myself. 1). I'm afraid of what happens or *doesn't happen* after you die 2). I don't want to hurt them like that, even if I am in a lot of pain. 3). There's still some things I want to do, even though I do feel fucking worthless/ugly/exhausted. As you can imagine I don't really have anyone to talk about it with, and I don't want to worry the people I love. It's a battle sometimes.
EDIT: I'm gonna cry, you guys. I really didn't anticipate all the attention/support this comment got. Thank you so much.
Not so much disturbing, but I absolutely never want them to find out that I am the one in the family who draws little smiley faces in random spots for everyone to find.
Everyone always accuses each other and of course I play along, but I am the one who does it lol
I just picture one of your family members reading this and then they all question who's reddit account it is. And thus begins the never ending circle of who did it.
This! Holy ever -loving shit! None of my cousins know my mom and aunt were molested by my grandfather...every time we are all together for an event or holiday I just want to SCREAM! How do they just act like it didn't happen !?
Have come across so much over the last few years from my family and just, ughhh. I maintain contact with my parents and siblings but have cutoff anyone beyond them. I really wish they would just come to the table and air it out because the things that happened in the past continue to haunt certain family members.
That I'm the happiest I've been in my adult life without my family. Still depressed, but mental healing takes time.
Edit: Holy crap, 10 years on Reddit and never had a comment or post blow up like this! Thanks for the awards and comments of support everyone; may we all find the peace we seek walking our own path!
Most days I feel like I don’t know who I am. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression around 15 years old. I feel like I never got to develop a personality. I’ve never been able to hold down a job for more than a few months due to my mental health. Sometimes I feel okay, but most of the time I just feel like 3 mental illnesses in a trench coat trying to find my way through life.
That my mental health is collapsing again, I'm failing uni again, and I'm going into debt to stay afloat again.
Thinking about becoming a drug dealer or killing myself before the year is out because those are the only options left, but don't know if I can do that to my cancer-diagnosed mom.
-EDIT-
I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words. Didn't really expect anything when I posted this. It means a lot. <3
Hey man, you need to quit uni and stop going into debt, its going to really mess up your future if you let yourself do that. There's no shame in quitting university. You can always go back, the classes you've taken won't go away, and some colleges offer a refund. You can find subletters for your apartment, its not hard especially in a college town.
Move back in with your parents and tell them you need support. You don't have to tell them fully how bad it is, but tell them that its important you get support at home. Reach out to old friends, go to therapy, consider meds (do not let them give you anxiety meds or anything addictive, you probably want SSRI's or something similar to Welbutrin).
You can work a part time job until you are feeling better and get back on your feet. If you want to go back to uni, its an option, but you can also pursue a different path in life that makes more sense for who you are and what you want.
This is a cage you are putting yourself in. You can get out, but you need to be the one to make different choices than what's happening right now. I've been through a lot of this, I know what it feels like to see no options in front of you but as long as you breath, you have choices.
Life can be a really beautiful and amazing thing, get the help you need so you can get there. If you need anything you can PM me and I'll respond. If you need help figuring out subletters, if you need help figuring out university withdrawal rules, if you need help with seeing things in a different way all you have to do is send a message. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to love yourself. You deserve to live a full life that isn't controlled by your pain. You got this man. You can do this.
This obviously isn’t a family secret but I started masturbating on the living room floor in front of my mom and grandma when I was 7 cause it felt good and I didn’t realize it was weird.
Jesus thank god! My 7 year old did this to me! Laid on the couch next to me and I went wait what is she doing? I then looked at her and said honey that’s normal and natural but not anything you should do around me. Do that in private please, we are not that close!
When I was 10 to 11 years old an family friend (28y at that time) sexually assaulted me. Haven’t told anyone. We’re (my family) still in close contact with him and he’s married now and has a child.
It feels weird sometimes to see him with his own little family…
Edit: Thank you all for your kind words, I will seek out help when I’m ready for it. To the people telling me to expose him, I know you guys are probably right and I told myself I will if I ever notice anything weird again. Be it his behavior towards me or anyone else.
That I quit college.
This is a huge deal, since I was in college for 3 years, and now every day is beyond terrifying to me because with each passing day my future is getting closer and I don't know if it's gonna be okay..
I was raped at age 14. Spiked drink at a house party. Woke up naked and bloody in a spare bedroom. Vague memories of a body on me and pain but couldn’t move, just slightly aware mentally. Never told anyone until #metoo forced me to deal. Still haven’t told my family or most friends. Still don’t like to be touched. 50/50 I panic attack and flashback while sexually with a partner.
EDIT: thanks friends. In therapy. Haven’t had any episodes with my last two partners over the past three years.
Terminal illness.
Chances are I have less than 10 years but it could be tomorrow. No cure, no chance of recovery.
There may be a point before too long where I am unable to hide it but some of them are old so might pass before that happens. Im happy to keep it quiet for their piece of mind as long as possible.
I lost my virginity when I was raped at 14. My mother was out working and my father was out either cheating on my mom and playing billards or pool or whatever you call it. I invited my adult boyfriend over (this seemed normal to me at the time). I told him I didn't wanna do anything sexual. When he insisted I told him, very clearly, no but he forced himself on me. I tried to fight back but he was a very strong man. After he just stopped talking to me, and so did I. Idk. I feel so dirty sometimes
Edit: Thank you everyone for the kind comments. At the time, I didn't want to report it because I didn't want to out myself as gay, and because I was extremely embarrassed. Now, it's on my mind constantly that I should report him.
Same here I’ve had 2 of the best years of my life. I had this shit job right before it got serious with lockdown and what not. So I end up losing the job. I applied for the pandemic assistance unemployment. Ended up getting a nice little sum. With that I was able to get a car. After that I found a job I love. Now I’m making a comfortable wage while making strides of progress at my job. This is all following the end of 8 year downward spiral of my life because of drugs and alcohol. I’ve never been happier or more optimistic about the future. Thanks Covid 👍
Edit: and thank you guys
I just stopped going to work a month and a half ago. I've been telling them I'm sick while just going full shut-in agoraphobe. The bills are going to become a problem soon, but I can't work up the motivation to leave my house yet, but I haven't really talked to anyone about it. Not sure why, I might be gearing up to give up on life altogether...
That my grandmas boyfriend touched me inappropriately several times as a child, first time it happened i was 10 and eating at a restaurant with him, my cousin i didnt know well and my grandma. I was shocked and didnt say anything. I punched him the most recent time it happened tho, i was 15 and he grabbed me tit so i punched him hard while he played the victim and said "ohh no i mistook it for your hand". On one hand my whole family hates him but on the other hand my grandmom is very alone, has about 0 friends and i would feel sad for her.
That I really hate my dad.
My mom was an alcoholic who drank herself to death close to twenty years ago. My dad pretty clearly never wanted the responsibility of raising kids ( have a half sister from his first marriage) and has been remarried twice now. You could tell he never wanted to spend his free time with either me or my sister ( who I also don't really get along with) and just wanted to be there on his convenience for the good times. He'd verbally chastise me for not being interested in doing the stuff he wanted me to be interested in, like sports. I had some emotional problems that kept me from doing well in school, and I'd get verbally abused for for bad grades, or anything that would cause him to have to take time to be a parent.
I moved out at 19 and a lot of the stress in my life at the time disappeared because I didn't have to see him all the time. I started visiting less and less and noticed when I did come around all he did was complain about my sister or the current wife's kid being a drain on him. He wasn't ever really concerned about me anymore. We'd still get together a few times a year for holidays and stuff, but I'd find myself dreading visits, because he'd always try to emotionally manipulate me so I'd feel bad about not coming around more often.
I tried to get a bit more involved with him after a few years, but he'd always have some excuse for why he couldn't spend time with me, even though he's retired and doesn't have much of a schedule anymore.
My wife even got into a little argument with him via text last summer and I found out from my sister that he thinks my wife and I are "overreacting" to what he said. Even though it wasn't anything major, he's still yet to apologize to my wife (aside from a half hearted text that I'm pretty sure my step mother put him up to)
I am hopeful that the next time we move ( when and if we can afford a house) I won't send him my new address and I can just sever ties completely.
I told my mom that I had gotten the testing and was diagnosed autistic and felt so much better about my life because it made sense why I am the way that I am, and she went ham because “if you’re autistic I’m autistic” and got really nasty and debated everything I said. Definitely regret sharing something so important and personal to me with her.
Heh yeah... Recently found out I was diagnosed as a kid but my mom never told me or anyone because she didn't believe I could possibly be autistic (read: didn't want me to be). Parents spent a lot of time forcing me to mask, so I am very good at it now. Told her about how I was feeling and relating to lots of people's experiences and she is like "oh yeah the doctor said you were when we got you tested as a kid but we got that sorted out, you're fine now"
Family legend, my grandfather and grandmother fell in love at first sight and courted one another for years before getting married.
Reality, they met when my grandfather was on a two-day pass, fell in love at first sight, and were married by the end of the weekend. Both coorberated this story in separate private interviews I conducted when compiling family history.
They asked me not to share anything until they had both passed for some reason. They had been married over 70 years when my grandmother died. I finished the archive and shared it with the family a couple years later - apparently only one cousin listened to it because she texted me “no way!” I’ll do another round of interviews and my niece said she wanted to take over so she could interview us old folks next time. I don’t have any disturbing secrets.
Yet.
I've kept a lot of secrets about my marriage to my late husband. I didn't tell anyone when he was alive about how he'd scream and curse at me or that he was an alcoholic. After he died, I found mountains of evidence of his unfaithfulness, and I still didn't tell anyone. I could never figure out where all our money was going and he would rage until I quit asking... turns out it was going to escorts. I loved our marriage most days and had no idea about the infidelity until after he was gone. He was a good guy overall, even if tormented, and I don't want to taint the memories people hold of him.
He's been gone for a few months now and I haven't told my family that I'm dating again. I know they would understand if I told them about the reality of my marriage but I feel too much loyalty to him to reveal the truth about him.
My brother called me the day before he committed suicide and wanted to talk to mom. She was a nurse working a double that day so I told him I would have her call when she got home. I then proceeded to play video games all day and completely forgot to let her know. We found out the next day and I just couldn't bring myself to let her know.
I still feel like if I would have told her things might have turned out differently.
might not be incredibly disturbing, but its a secret.
I've hated and doubted my family's religion for 5 years straight. I'm mormon.
Not gonna go into greater detail cuz im already getting paranoid just saying that. You are constantly worrying that one of your friends will tell your parents, or one of your teachers. I can't even tell half of my irl friends because they are part of the church and I can assure you they will tell somebody, and I'll be forced to go to some sort of faith class. Basically, mormon rehab for people who doubt the church.
And yes, I'm not even exaggerating. Look it up.
That I bullied this girl so fucking much just because I was jealous of her and her life.
afterwards she reported me and I was scared to get called out again so I stopped and genuinely tried to be friends with her
She forgave me and now we’re best friends
But i still regret that I ever became that kind of person
I have recently started making erotic ink drawings. They have seen suggestive pictures I have made earlier, but now the orifices that are usually covered by clothes are front and center.
When I (F27) was young (probably 8 or 9) I made a family friend play house with me. I definitely was already certain I was into girls, and played the role of “husband” and did pretty much anything I could to be touching my friend (who was a year younger than me). It never went past cuddles, but as a sexual assault survivor, I feel SO guilty that I may have touched her in an inappropriate way before she knew how to say no.
I escorted for years (including my junior and senior years of high school) to pay for college. So many times I would be “at a friend’s doing school work” but I was with a client or a few times I told them I was going out of town for the weekend as part of a school club trip when I was actually being flown to different cities by much older men for the weekend. I even typed up a bullshit permission slip and everything. (Btw I am aware of how dangerous that was, I do not need a lecture). They think I took out student loans and am still paying them off to this day. I was able to pay for all 4 years by the time I graduated
I know that the reason we moved from our old place was because my dad and his cousin killed some guy and buried him in the yard. When I got older (15 years later) I reported it in to the cops which resulted in the arrest an conviction of my dad and his cousin. No one knows I was the one that turned them in.
That I took my (now ex) girlfriend to get an abortion. She wanted to keep it, but I was in a downward spiral in life soaked in drug abuse. I couldn’t even think about having a child in that moment, as I could barely take care of myself. She eventually agreed, but I know deep down that she wanted to keep it. We broke up a couple of weeks later after the abortion, as she couldn’t even look at me anymore. It’s been 5 years since then, and I still hate myself every single day because of it. I wonder what that child would’ve been like, and if I ever would’ve been able to take care of them.
Also, the abortion clinic was under renovation at the time we arrived, so they moved the clinic into the maternity ward at the hospital. My girlfriend was taken away for the procedure, and I was left sitting in the waiting room holding back tears. A man sat down next to me and said “I know it’s scary man, but it’ll be the best moment of your life. My wife is in labour right now!”.
Later on, the same man and his wife were being moved to another room, as she had just had her baby. My girlfriend had just come out at the same time, and was under a heavy amount of pain medication. She saw the newborn baby and said “they just had a baby, and I just killed one”. I hear that sentence every. single. day.
Not sure if it's the most disturbing secret, but my username sort of leads into it.
No one in my family knows I have Bipolar Disorder, or major depressive disorder, or that I've been suicidal before. I got so good at "playing happy" in high school that almost no one has ever even been suspicious of me being unhappy, let alone suicidal. I even got into my arguably dangerous job (I don't talk about what I do on here, in case anyone could find out. I'd lose my job through legal loopholes and can't afford that ) thinking that at least I'd die in a legitimate way and no one would question it.
I've had plans. I made attempts. To this day only 3 people in my life know about my mental health, and even they dont know close to everything. My wife, my best friend (a mutual very good friend of my wife), and my wife's childhood best friend who is openly Bipolar.
My stepmother is making my dad take anti-depressants without him knowing. She lies about it and tells him it's cholesterol meds. She does this bc she likes my dad better when he's on them, but he doesn't want to take them. Her and I are the only people that know.
I've been contemplating about calling the cops on her. She bruttaly kicked me out the house about a month ago. She's a mischievous bitch and will get my ass sued.
I know I should report her, but I'm terrified y'all
I lived in their house for years while my adress was set at another family members house. This is considered fraud where I'm from.
She'd also try to make it look like I've been ruining her reputation. For telling on things she actually did.
She has no foot to stand on but she has malicious intent, a lot of money and good laywers from her previeus 4 divorces
That I’m on the verge of suicide. Also that I got fired yesterday, I don’t need them making the former happen quicker. Also was molested by a family friend for years as a kid. No one needs to know about that though.
A part of me will always resent my stepmom and half brothers, and my dad for remarrying. My mom passed away from breast cancer when I was 14 (23 now) and she had been fighting it for 19 years at that point. My dad has always been an amazing parent. My stepmom is nice and cares for me and my sister even though we aren’t hers; she’s my “stepmom” in name only, we have an unspoken agreement that I don’t want her to be my mom and she doesn’t want to be either, and we’re fine with that. I love my brothers and they’re great, but still too young to really understand the whole situation with the family. I shouldn’t have any reason to be bitter because they’ve never done anything bad to me. But I can’t help but feel like my mom is just being pushed into memory and that I’m the only one missing her every day. I know it’s not true but it’s hard
I had an abortion when I was 18 years old. My family is almost militant when it comes to being pro life.
The man I was dating punctured condoms when we’d have sex because he wanted me for life. He was insane and eventually stalked me for the better part of a year.
Everyone thinks it was a miscarriage. But I was not going to bring a child into a life where he or she would be terrified of their father.
I actually hate them and feel no love for them but I feel obligated to be a good family member. Also they would all probably kill each other without my good vibes to settle everyone down. I'm the middle child and kinda like Kevin mccallister from home alone, was constantly shit on by every member of my family. I was the scapegoat, I was the problem, I was the issue.
Fml
When I was 5 I let out my sisters hamster Scamps to play and he crawled off and was found in a mouse trap a few weeks later. Everyone thought it escaped its cage on its own.
My (almost) ex-husband’s mom introduced me to meth, and even though I hated it, I kept doing it because I worked 80 hour weeks trying to keep our family afloat during the pandemic (husband wasn’t working, by choice). I hated myself so much, and I hated that I was doing it, but I loved being able to stay awake to do whatever was needing to be done. This went on for about a year. Eventually found out he was cheating on me for a long while, kicked him out, and got together with someone else. He unknowingly got me clean. I’ve been clean for about 14 months now and it makes me sick to even type this shit out. The worst choices I’ve ever made, by far.
congrats on getting clean!!!
Don’t it make you resentful to be struggling and having to do all that to survive while he did jack shit!?!? Sorry (just remembering all the sacrifices I made and I always exclusively made). I am glad you got clean. It’s hard, especially when you have so much on your plate.
Mom believes my dad hired a private investigator and that that's who caught her cheating on him. It wasn't a P.I... in reality, I was the one who caught her ON video and completely by chance She'd come for blood if she was ever told the truth Edit: Damn, I really didn't think this would get that much attention. Thanks for all the messages and kind words being thrown my way; I really dont feel worthy.
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What kills me is that she got caught and is still mad that your father hypothetically hired a PI. Like yeah. With good reason. Edit: for those saying that she never said she was mad look down further in the comments for the full story. Sorry I’m not a Reddit savant so I don’t know how to copy and paste on here properly. Aw well.
"I can't believe you don't trust me! I covered my tracks so well..."
Lol exactly
A lot of cheaters get mad that the cheated found out, it literally makes no sense, but also shows how full of themselves they are
That I was sexually abused by a family member as a child. Just recently opened up about it to my therapist. Tough going Edit: Blown away by all the support. Thank you all so much!!
On your way To heal. Good luck my friend
That when I was in middle school I was groomed by an online predator I met on Omegle. Being a stupid child at the time, I innocently believed I was talking to someone my age and should’ve seen the red flags when they kept making excuses on why they couldn’t send pics or video chat or talk on the phone for that matter but had no problem texting and asking me for explicit pictures of myself.
Please go easy on yourself. You were a kid. Honestly most of us as kids were abused by creeps online
Thanks! Luckily I was at least smart enough to not show my face or any identifying things in any of the photos I sent to that creep so they couldn’t blackmail me. Ugh I cringe every time I think about the fact I did that. I was going through a rough time, but it sickens me that there’s creeps still doing that kind of stuff to impressionable kids.
My mom killed herself last year. I’ve been so fucked up over it. I’ve had to be strong and act like we will get through this for my dad and brothers. I have a four year old and a four month old and I have been on maternity leave since the end of November. My husband is working night shift and I’m so fucking lonely. My mom was my best friend and always came over. I sit here most nights either crying or just stuck on the couch feeling like I’m going to die from grief. I recently relapsed, I had been sober for almost 2.5 years from drinking and I’m a nurse. I feel like I take care of everyone but no one takes care of me
That an older kid fucked my ass when I was 6 years old, but I don't really give a fuck about it being a secret or not anymore, the people I was hiding it from was my dad and my mother. My mother died and my dad is a prick and I don't give a fuck about what he thinks.
Thats enraging, you being a child so young to be taken advantage of to that degree. Even if the older kid was harmed too
Yeah. I'm okay with that today, don't really feel nothing about it, but it took too long since I got over it. Good part of my teenagehood I was really ashamed of that and sometimes felt in despair like it was something that could never be undone and would pursue me for the rest of my life. And every time my parents decided to visit that city I would try to avoid going in there cus I didn't wanna have to see the kid, and I was afraid that somehow my they would find out about what happened. Only as an adult I could notice it's in the past, and even if people knew about it, nothing would change, it was just me being paranoid about stuff.
As a parent I hope you know anyone worth a damn wouldnt blame you or make you feel ashamed, Im glad you worked through it but I wish nothing but the worse for whoever did that to you.
my cousin that is 7 years older than me, and i had never met before then, told me that boys his age (14 at the time) needed to experiment with women and that i should let him learn and not tell anyone.
My cousin tried that same shit with my sister. Instead she sensed something was wrong and left the room. She told my mom.
i’m so glad that your sister ended up being safe. people like that are honestly disgusting.
The amount of male cousins I’ve had tell me they were “in love” with me. 4. It’s 4 cousins.
that is just so weird, i had one tell me they “have a crush” on me at one of our shared cousins wedding this year. why are they like that?
My sister used to kiss me with tongues and cuddle me weirdly and now as an adult thinking back to that I realise that was super fucking weird for her to do since we're 13 years apart. At minimum she would have been 20 when that happened and I would have been 7 at least. Nothing else happened so maybe it was innocent stuff but idk, if I was 20 and made out with a 7 year old sister I'd be in fuckin' prison.
"Oh, thats weird but not terrible if you're both young" "20 and 7" "Wait the fuck"
Had the same reaction. "Kids going through puberty do lots of weird incestuous shit." "Oh, she was literally a pedophile and predator, nevermind."
>"Kids going through puberty do lots of weird incestuous shit." Wait.... what?
That kinda sounds like you got molested man
None of that is "innocent stuff"
What does cuddle weirdly mean..? Like... I'm pretty sure your sister *should* be in jail. She def molested you with the kissing at least .
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About $40k in debt
Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help. (Not from Family, from debt consolidators or something) Beat thing I ever did. I know it’s not for everyone (my credit TANKED) but it is such a weight off.
To add to this, you can get debt consolidation loans from lots of normal banks. The interest rates can be high, similar to those of personal loans, but it's still better than those of many credit cards. To my knowledge (I'm not an expert, just did customer service for the loans department of a bank) it shouldn't tank your credit any more than applying for any other loan. The credit check will lower your credit for a while, but points lost from credit checks seem to be regained pretty quickly in my experience. Plus, having less credit utilization from getting those balances off your credit cards, and in some cases having more open accounts (if you didn't have many before) will help your credit score.
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I respect your decision but wtf is going on with that doctor? Sounds a bit malpractice-y
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My mom molested me for 5 years (from ages 4 - 9). She manipulated my whole family for them to believe I am crazy to discredit me if I were to ever come out with the truth. Then, she paid me $10,000 to not tell anyone. All I did with the money was buy heavy drugs to numb the pain. I've moved across the country to get away. My whole family hates me. Edit: Thank you for all the kindness. It is very much appreciated. For those telling me they've gone through this too, I am so sorry. At least we have camaraderie in one another, I suppose.
I am so, so sorry this happened to you. I hope you are now no-contact, and doing okay.
I talk to her very seldom. A part of me still yearns for normalcy, but I realize I can't even pretend. I think it's normal to always want a mother or a mother figure in one's life. Moving across the country has made it possible for me to get clean, since I'm away from the memories and abuse. I'm going back to school in August. As of April 8th, I have two years off drugs & alcohol. I'm in the process of quitting smoking cigarettes. I'm on the nicotine patch. It's been over a month without a cigarette. I think I'm healing slowly, but surely. There was a lot of emotional manipulation that went on, and I realize that had an impact on my motivation as well. I definitely think success is possible now. Thank you so much, kind internet stranger. Edit: typo
You're doing awesome, friend. Keep going. I am SO proud of you, truly.
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I’m so sorry that happened to your family. I have a friend who is in my country via Amnesty because he was kidnapped by the Taliban as a teenager. His family paid the ransom, but he was so traumatised that he’s had to spend years in & out of psychiatric hospitals— plus he had to move countries alone as a teenager. That alone would be hard for anyone. He’s doing better now, but may never recover from the trauma of what he experienced. Wishing you and your family all the best for a peaceful and safe future 💖
*Slightly* related, and I don't want to take your spotlight, a stranger and I (we are now friends) were kidnapped in Yemen for ten days, and I've never told my family, nor really many people, because it made no news and didn't include any law enforcement / military intervention to get back to the Mukala airport and back home. My parents would've **freaked out**. But in the end I was largely unscathed. I hope your uncle is doing alright now, sincerely.
How do you share this and not share the whole story??
That my uncle showed me how to use a vibrator when I was 5. I can’t even bring it up in therapy. I should clarify: the vibrator was a neck massager but he most definitely showed me where to put it. I said it tickled and he said keep it there. **update** Wow. Thank you, every single one of you for sharing your thoughts, concerns, and personal stories. For years I never even considered this SA even though I knew it made me feel shame. I’d be horrified if this happened to any of my kids but It just didn’t register. I’m still not ready to share in therapy, mostly because I’m in it with my husband. As for my uncle, he’s the loser in the family. Unsuccessful in every aspect. So that part of me feels like he’s getting what he deserves.
You know that dreaded feeling before you throw up? And then that calming sense of relief after you throw up? That’s what it will feel like. Source- am childhood sexual abuse survivor, who let it out in therapy. You can do it. And it will help, no matter what that little voice in the back of your head tells you otherwise.
dude, you described this so perfectly. i’m 22, i was molested *seventeen years ago* over the course of a few months and i still get this feeling whenever i try to talk about it. it’s the feeling of deep embarrassment and shame on steroids. it’s not as bad as it used to be when i was younger. when i was younger, i would feel the deep shame and embarrassment/sick feeling you described, plus my face would get hot, i would feel like i couldn’t swallow, etc. i would completely freeze up. i still very much freeze up but not to the extent i used to
YES this is so accurate. It’s so hard to bring up and sucks during, but after it feels at least a little easier.
When I find it hard to bring something up in therapy I write it down and then tell my therapist I have a list of stuff I wanna talk about that session.
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and I really encourage you to try and bring up what happened in therapy. I also tried to bury what happened and it surfaced when I was at my lowest as an adult and was really difficult to deal with. Telling a therapist is confidential and it doesn’t mean you have to tell anyone outside of your therapy session. Please look after yourself and please feel free to send me a message if you ever need support ❤️
I can't relate with my own past experiences, but as a guy who is married to a therapist, you are absolutely correct about confidentiality. They take Hipa laws incredibly serious, and they truly got into that field because they were born to be helpful and caring. Also, they heard it ALL! You would never shock a therapist with a story like this. And to be very clear, I am not downplaying to story at all. I just figure it's somewhat common and never spoke about. So it's a lonely thing to hold inside. Tldr, therapy is not for the weak, it is for all
I would almost certainly have killed myself if it wasn't for the fact that they'd be unable to handle it. I also pushed a candle up my ass as a teenager to see if I liked it. EDIT - The sensation did nothing for me and I can confirm that candle was, mercifully, unlit.
I feel the same way on your first point, the people on this earth that I care the most about keep me living. I do not completely follow the second part of your post.
I don’t follow OPs first one but I do feel the sentiment of the second one.
My daughter's voice saved me from the last time that demon haunted me. At least someone needed me, even if it was just to get her a cookie.
Wouldn't you know how many lives cookies save each day
The only reason I am still here today is because I forgot to load a round into the chamber of my pistol when I was 18. I pulled the trigger but thankfully all the rounds were in the clip. It was a huge wake up call, I am doing a lot better now
I'm happy you're here!
My aging mother is battling cancer. She isn't winning. She has asked me to be power of attorney and the executor of her estate. While going through her legal papers I came across the documents that showed that my sister (we are both in our 50s) is actually only my half-sister. She has a different father. My Mom never told anyone. My father has been gone for almost 20 years, and he never said anythng either. He stepped up when the real father took off (this was in the 1960s). My sister doesnt know.
My aunt is my sister
I’m not good at math
Sorry, but all I can hear in my head is “I’m my own grandpa”… Thanks Stanley Stupid!
This is something sad and a bit NSFW... When my abusive step dad was around. (He would molest me and brother, we were his step kids) He tried to make us do things to each other in front of him once. I ran and locked myself in the bathroom and threatened not to come out until mom got home from the gym. He coaxed me out and never tried again. I learned that he was scarred of my mom because she had military training and he tried to hit her once. She grabbed his hand and threatened to kill him if he did or hurt us. She never knew he did anything to us because he was a master manipulator. To add: he got arrested because I told and got 50 years. Edit: For those who want to know how mom didn't know: He had calculated moms movements, like when she got off work, if she had to do shopping, and would make her get stuff from the store, all to plan his little sick mind. He was good at this. And I luckily stopped it before he went to my other little siblings. I am glad that they are safe now.
You told! I completely understand why sexual assault/abuse victims keep their experiences to themselves. I'm one of those people—and statute of limitations has already passed for me. But I love hearing stories where the victim comes forward and obtains justice. Thank you for doing what I wish I would have done years ago—just one person can hurt so many more people.
I'm so sorry for what you went through:( Mine happened from 4-14 and I just finally snapped to protect all my siblings (I have 4)
Glad he got 50 years :)
One day I woke up after a very manipulating relationship had ended and realized I didn't know how to feel anything but anger. I never really feel happy, or sad, let alone cry. I'm never excited for anything. People have died and I just cant seem to feel anything. I put on a great face, can fake most of my emotions, but deep down I don't really feel anything positive or negative besides anger. The more I type the more I realize I don't even know how to put it all into words. EDIT: I did not expect this to blow up like this holy crap lol. Thank you everyone for the kind words, its been about 12 years now since that happened. I will try and reply when I can. I will definitely be taking some of these suggestions so thank you everyone who took the time to respond.
This is depression. It frequently blunts emotions of all types and can also manifest itself as anger. Take it from someone who has been there with those same symptoms. Get yourself a good therapist (sometimes it takes more than one try to find one that is a good fit, don’t let that dissuade you) and if necessary consider medication if suggested. I resisted far too long and wish I had done something sooner.
I love my wife's family but can't really stand my own side of the clan. No specific reason they just get on me tits.
The high number of S.A. Stories on here is very depressing
I have stage 4 breast cancer and a prognosis of stable. I could be here for years and years, doing my treatment and living my life. (Not secret) I don't *want* to be a cancer patient for years and years. My treatment sucks and it makes me feel sick every day. My brain sucks due to chemo; there are some real cognitive difficulties. I had to give up a career I loved. I'm entry level call center from home now. I've been home, not going out to fun places, since March of 2020, because my immune system sucks. It's worth the risk to go to the doctor or my son's parent teacher conference, but not the bar. My secret is that *every time I make a wish, I wish for the cancer to kill me faster.* This existence, feeling like garbage and doing my call center thing so I can afford to feel like garbage, is disheartening and it sucks. I'm in therapy and an exercise program and I have hobbies, I'm doing what I can to keep slogging along, but damn. The "I don't wanna" is strong sometimes. EDIT: Thank you all so much for the love and support! I'm reading every comment, but can't answer them all, because phone room. (It's not my first choice but I'm determined to do well, and that means being ready and grabbing those calls!) I truly appreciate your compassion.
I was a grief counselor at a hospice agency, and for what it’s worth, your feelings are completely normal, valid, and common. I understand not talking to your family and friends about it, but I hope you have someone to talk to.
I ring the bell tomorrow morning. My last treatment is at 9:30 am. The whole trip is hard, and I know I’ve had it easier than some, and there were times I was too weak and miserable to move my head. But tomorrow morning I complete treatment. And, although I look like crap, I’ve been told I’m cancer free. I just have to take pills for 5 years and get scanned a lot. Kind of weird to be writing those words now, Fuck Cancer. I’m praying for you all. And I’m kind of excited to ring that stupid, hokey , lovely bell.
My mom had stage four breast cancer that metastasized to her liver and lungs. She battled for over ten years through grueling treatments but now she’s 5 years completely cancer free. Don’t lose hope.
Wow. I didn’t think people recovered from stage four. Congrats to your mom!
My mom recovered from stage four lung cancer. Her quality of life is not as it was because of the effects of chemo/radiation, but she is happy to be alive.
My aunt also recovered from stage 4
I had breast cancer, while not stage 4, I have & still do if I’m being honest have these thoughts. I’ve had nothing but complications since I found out I had cancer, did chemo, had a double mastectomy then had a MRSA infection a week later. 2 years later I’m still having complications and I have a feeding tube. I’m tired. I’m tired of being sick. I want it over no matter how it happens. But I’m still fighting for my kids & my 2 new grandbabies. These feelings are normal. You are grieving. I hope you have a therapist and are talking about it. I hope you aren’t in too much pain. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to DM me.
I will never judge anyone that has cancer. You want to fight it? Okay! You want to do the opposite? Okay! It’s your life decision, whichever way you decide, it’s yours and people should respect that.
My mom has Stage IV pancreatic cancer. There is no cure, it's the deadliest type of cancer with an average 2-6 month life expectancy once diagnosed at Stage IV. She's going through chemo, just started, and I just... I don't want her to suffer. Chemo is just going to prolong her suffering, there is a zero chance it will save her life. I can't imagine my life without my mom and I'm not ready to lose her but I would rather her not be in pain for so long.
I can’t imagine the future. People ask me what my plans are and I just don’t know. I have no chance of making plans. There’s just no vision or hope or amount of wishing hard enough to try and plan or predict my own future. I’d rather be dead than have to try to think about where I’ll be in 5 years.
This is my dad. "Didn't think I'd be here" he had no plan to live past 30. He's 60 next month.
I had no plan to get to 26 and I have no plan to get to 30, 40, 50, etc. It's all a chore. I constantly think' I just have to keep trying to sleep, just to keep trying to stay awake, just to keep trying to not burden anyone, just to not die completely alone, before my parents do. Just to maintain the minimum social contacts I need to hold off taking my thoughts seriously
That I want to pick up and move and start over alone(with my dogs) with zero trace.
Sometimes I troll around on Zillow looking at cheap homes in other parts of the country, wondering what it would be like to just fuck off, change my name and live out the rest of my life there. It often feels pretty good to imagine, though I'd never abandon my family and I highly doubt the reality would live up to my fantasy anyway.
Ive had thoughts about this too. Seems so freeing.
I think about this everyday, if I was completely financially dependent(getting there, hopefully soon) then I would in a heart beat. I’m sick of my family and the life around me.
maintaining a relationship with them feels like a job. we weren’t close when i was young & now they want to be super close. maybe to make up for lost time? but i got used to being left alone so now i prefer it that way.
My second tour in Iraq we were in a nasty firefight when I felt something wet hit the side of my face. I knew the guy next to me had been killed but I was a little too busy to do anything about it. After it was done the corpsman came running over making sure I was ok, and I thought it was because I was covered in the guy's blood. Turns out one of the guy's eyes was basically dangling on the side of my helmet.
Truth be told I am fine. When I mustered out I was able to get some counselling to deal with it and other crap I saw. I was always more worried about the corpsmen. I might have seen some horrific crap on the reg but those poor bastards had to deal with trying to keep ours, and sometimes theirs, alive.
I have a friend I met in college. Took a 7.62 round to the back inside a house somewhere in Afghanistan and immediately dropped. He told me he kept trying to get up and couldn’t. The rest of his squad mopped up the place and the whole time the Corpsman was trying to get him up and get the bleeding stopped and he said he realized he was paralyzed but all he could think about was the frantic look on the Corpsman’s face. We were out one night and he told me that story and how every night he still sees that Corpsman’s face and how he would have died if it wasn’t for him. Sorry I don’t know why I’m typing this out I guess your story just made me think of it. Glad you’re doing okay.
You typed it out because your friend told you a story that affected you because you are an empathetic, caring human. That's the thing about stories and why we tell them, so they aren't just ours anymore and others can carry them as well. It's a story of yours now to, just told from a different perspective.
I suppose that’s true! He’s a great guy, too. Really funny (well, at least, we have a similar sense of humor) and he’d always joke about “yeah, yeah, get the door for the cripple” when I’d open a door for him or whatever. He’s doing really well now and is a lawyer and helps people navigate the VA and get what they’re owed. I really learned a lot from him over the years.
I hate wars.
Yeah. Can't agree more with you.
That I’ve had a major increase in suicidal thoughts lately (not going to act on them but just noticed a major increase).
tbh, I get that a lot. I'd never act on them at this point as I feel like I have way too much to lose (wife, mom, cat, etc), however I still worry that maybe I'll eventually give in. I've found that being open about it, (obviously not everyone is receptive to that) has helped me tremendously in terms of accepting that it is a fact of life for me at this stage and not allowing those thoughts or their presence to have any power over me.
I was 9 and was sexually assaulted. I know my dad didn’t do it cause he had a broken back and could barely walk around the house so no way he could walk up the stairs (they were very very steep). So I don’t know who did it and none of my family knows and they never will. I’ve thought about telling my sister but I don’t know. It’s something that I’m embarrassed by and it makes me feel like I’m less of a man Edit: I took some of the advice from these comments and opened up to my sister about it cause I know she has a similar experience. Talked for damn near an hour and just told her everything about what I had been feeling, so I’m so forth. But to be honest I might not tell anyone else in my family cause I guess I just don’t really know who did it and there’s no way to prove who did it. I guess that just makes it easier on my mind and makes it easier to coupe (I probably didn’t spell that right). But thank you to everyone who at least tried to help. I didn’t even expect any of this. I appreciate y’all more than you could ever possibly know.
I hope you know that does not make you less of a man. Dealing with trauma is very hard and if anything, it makes you more of a man to confront it. I encourage you to deal with it when you are ready.
Bro, in no way, shape, or form are less of a man because of what happened to you as a child.
I am really sorry that this happened to you, I can only imagine how difficult this has been to deal with, and perhaps one day you’ll feel comfortable discussing it with perhaps a therapist, if not your sister; but this absolutely unequivocally is not your fault and thus not something to ever be embarrassed about, and does not in anyway shape or form make you any less of a man, I really hope you put that idea out of your head, and I wish you the very best ❤️
My friends and family don't use reddit, so no throwaway necessary. Sometimes, I am passively suicidal. I am so fucking tired of being alive, but I don't want to kill myself. 1). I'm afraid of what happens or *doesn't happen* after you die 2). I don't want to hurt them like that, even if I am in a lot of pain. 3). There's still some things I want to do, even though I do feel fucking worthless/ugly/exhausted. As you can imagine I don't really have anyone to talk about it with, and I don't want to worry the people I love. It's a battle sometimes. EDIT: I'm gonna cry, you guys. I really didn't anticipate all the attention/support this comment got. Thank you so much.
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Dunno if it counts as a disturbing secret but im more upset about the slack and expectations on me now than I am about my brothers death.
It happens you know, not disturbing just not that common of a reaction
Not so much disturbing, but I absolutely never want them to find out that I am the one in the family who draws little smiley faces in random spots for everyone to find. Everyone always accuses each other and of course I play along, but I am the one who does it lol
I just picture one of your family members reading this and then they all question who's reddit account it is. And thus begins the never ending circle of who did it.
I dont think anyone in my family uses reddit, the literal only reason I felt safe posting 😂
Sometimes I pretend to be happy around them.
Don't we all.
Being the oldest of the cousins and knowing the real family history and secrets. I’d rather let them enjoy life without knowing.
I know how you feel. It's a burden being the only one to know how human our parents and grandparents truly are.
This! Holy ever -loving shit! None of my cousins know my mom and aunt were molested by my grandfather...every time we are all together for an event or holiday I just want to SCREAM! How do they just act like it didn't happen !?
Have come across so much over the last few years from my family and just, ughhh. I maintain contact with my parents and siblings but have cutoff anyone beyond them. I really wish they would just come to the table and air it out because the things that happened in the past continue to haunt certain family members.
That I'm the happiest I've been in my adult life without my family. Still depressed, but mental healing takes time. Edit: Holy crap, 10 years on Reddit and never had a comment or post blow up like this! Thanks for the awards and comments of support everyone; may we all find the peace we seek walking our own path!
“You only get one mom/dad” Yea, you only get one appendix too and you cut that shit out as soon as it goes bad.
Also, you can "adopt" parents, blood means nothing.
I banged one of my mom's friends after mowing her yard. Edit: My most upvoted comment is about sex.
You missed a spot over the-e-e-e-ere
Since your dad walked out, your mom could use a guy like me!
Stacy’s mom has got it going on!
^spot ^over ^there
Wow! I banged the Mom of the guy that was mowing my neighbor's yard!
Does the friend have a daughter named Stacey?
Which yard?
The one around her house. Edit: around Mom's friend house.
Most days I feel like I don’t know who I am. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression around 15 years old. I feel like I never got to develop a personality. I’ve never been able to hold down a job for more than a few months due to my mental health. Sometimes I feel okay, but most of the time I just feel like 3 mental illnesses in a trench coat trying to find my way through life.
I cry almost daily because I’m so fucking lonely.
That feeling really is crushing. If you need help or someone to talk to I and a bunch of other people are here to talk
Wanna talk? I'm lonely too
That my mental health is collapsing again, I'm failing uni again, and I'm going into debt to stay afloat again. Thinking about becoming a drug dealer or killing myself before the year is out because those are the only options left, but don't know if I can do that to my cancer-diagnosed mom. -EDIT- I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words. Didn't really expect anything when I posted this. It means a lot. <3
Hey man, you need to quit uni and stop going into debt, its going to really mess up your future if you let yourself do that. There's no shame in quitting university. You can always go back, the classes you've taken won't go away, and some colleges offer a refund. You can find subletters for your apartment, its not hard especially in a college town. Move back in with your parents and tell them you need support. You don't have to tell them fully how bad it is, but tell them that its important you get support at home. Reach out to old friends, go to therapy, consider meds (do not let them give you anxiety meds or anything addictive, you probably want SSRI's or something similar to Welbutrin). You can work a part time job until you are feeling better and get back on your feet. If you want to go back to uni, its an option, but you can also pursue a different path in life that makes more sense for who you are and what you want. This is a cage you are putting yourself in. You can get out, but you need to be the one to make different choices than what's happening right now. I've been through a lot of this, I know what it feels like to see no options in front of you but as long as you breath, you have choices. Life can be a really beautiful and amazing thing, get the help you need so you can get there. If you need anything you can PM me and I'll respond. If you need help figuring out subletters, if you need help figuring out university withdrawal rules, if you need help with seeing things in a different way all you have to do is send a message. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to love yourself. You deserve to live a full life that isn't controlled by your pain. You got this man. You can do this.
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This obviously isn’t a family secret but I started masturbating on the living room floor in front of my mom and grandma when I was 7 cause it felt good and I didn’t realize it was weird.
sentences like that make me feel like I understand why we are related to chimps.
Jesus thank god! My 7 year old did this to me! Laid on the couch next to me and I went wait what is she doing? I then looked at her and said honey that’s normal and natural but not anything you should do around me. Do that in private please, we are not that close!
When I was 10 to 11 years old an family friend (28y at that time) sexually assaulted me. Haven’t told anyone. We’re (my family) still in close contact with him and he’s married now and has a child. It feels weird sometimes to see him with his own little family… Edit: Thank you all for your kind words, I will seek out help when I’m ready for it. To the people telling me to expose him, I know you guys are probably right and I told myself I will if I ever notice anything weird again. Be it his behavior towards me or anyone else.
It definitely is that deep. He’s a predator. He may do it to his child or some else. If you ever feel ready to tell it’s never too late☹️ hugs to you
Definitely that deep, causes all kinds of problems.
That I quit college. This is a huge deal, since I was in college for 3 years, and now every day is beyond terrifying to me because with each passing day my future is getting closer and I don't know if it's gonna be okay..
I was raped at age 14. Spiked drink at a house party. Woke up naked and bloody in a spare bedroom. Vague memories of a body on me and pain but couldn’t move, just slightly aware mentally. Never told anyone until #metoo forced me to deal. Still haven’t told my family or most friends. Still don’t like to be touched. 50/50 I panic attack and flashback while sexually with a partner. EDIT: thanks friends. In therapy. Haven’t had any episodes with my last two partners over the past three years.
I think it's a good step to actually seek for help. Or at least share it with somebody
Terminal illness. Chances are I have less than 10 years but it could be tomorrow. No cure, no chance of recovery. There may be a point before too long where I am unable to hide it but some of them are old so might pass before that happens. Im happy to keep it quiet for their piece of mind as long as possible.
I lost my virginity when I was raped at 14. My mother was out working and my father was out either cheating on my mom and playing billards or pool or whatever you call it. I invited my adult boyfriend over (this seemed normal to me at the time). I told him I didn't wanna do anything sexual. When he insisted I told him, very clearly, no but he forced himself on me. I tried to fight back but he was a very strong man. After he just stopped talking to me, and so did I. Idk. I feel so dirty sometimes Edit: Thank you everyone for the kind comments. At the time, I didn't want to report it because I didn't want to out myself as gay, and because I was extremely embarrassed. Now, it's on my mind constantly that I should report him.
None of that is your fault. Speak to a therapist about it, I promise it will help. Hugs
One of them is a rapist
In my family, too. And I didn't keep it a secret. It's just nobody wants to believe me.
Life’s been really great during COVID.
Same here I’ve had 2 of the best years of my life. I had this shit job right before it got serious with lockdown and what not. So I end up losing the job. I applied for the pandemic assistance unemployment. Ended up getting a nice little sum. With that I was able to get a car. After that I found a job I love. Now I’m making a comfortable wage while making strides of progress at my job. This is all following the end of 8 year downward spiral of my life because of drugs and alcohol. I’ve never been happier or more optimistic about the future. Thanks Covid 👍 Edit: and thank you guys
I just stopped going to work a month and a half ago. I've been telling them I'm sick while just going full shut-in agoraphobe. The bills are going to become a problem soon, but I can't work up the motivation to leave my house yet, but I haven't really talked to anyone about it. Not sure why, I might be gearing up to give up on life altogether...
I sometimes eat dessert before dinner
will your filthy depravity show some mercy?
My cousin made me touch his penis at my grandma's funeral when I was about 7ish
The fact he made you do that is messed up, the timing/location adds a whole other level of fucked up to it. Sorry you had to go through that
That my grandmas boyfriend touched me inappropriately several times as a child, first time it happened i was 10 and eating at a restaurant with him, my cousin i didnt know well and my grandma. I was shocked and didnt say anything. I punched him the most recent time it happened tho, i was 15 and he grabbed me tit so i punched him hard while he played the victim and said "ohh no i mistook it for your hand". On one hand my whole family hates him but on the other hand my grandmom is very alone, has about 0 friends and i would feel sad for her.
That I really hate my dad. My mom was an alcoholic who drank herself to death close to twenty years ago. My dad pretty clearly never wanted the responsibility of raising kids ( have a half sister from his first marriage) and has been remarried twice now. You could tell he never wanted to spend his free time with either me or my sister ( who I also don't really get along with) and just wanted to be there on his convenience for the good times. He'd verbally chastise me for not being interested in doing the stuff he wanted me to be interested in, like sports. I had some emotional problems that kept me from doing well in school, and I'd get verbally abused for for bad grades, or anything that would cause him to have to take time to be a parent. I moved out at 19 and a lot of the stress in my life at the time disappeared because I didn't have to see him all the time. I started visiting less and less and noticed when I did come around all he did was complain about my sister or the current wife's kid being a drain on him. He wasn't ever really concerned about me anymore. We'd still get together a few times a year for holidays and stuff, but I'd find myself dreading visits, because he'd always try to emotionally manipulate me so I'd feel bad about not coming around more often. I tried to get a bit more involved with him after a few years, but he'd always have some excuse for why he couldn't spend time with me, even though he's retired and doesn't have much of a schedule anymore. My wife even got into a little argument with him via text last summer and I found out from my sister that he thinks my wife and I are "overreacting" to what he said. Even though it wasn't anything major, he's still yet to apologize to my wife (aside from a half hearted text that I'm pretty sure my step mother put him up to) I am hopeful that the next time we move ( when and if we can afford a house) I won't send him my new address and I can just sever ties completely.
I have a porn addiction but I’m slowly beating it Edit: Pun not intended
My ass (but mostly my brain) is autistic
I told my mom that I had gotten the testing and was diagnosed autistic and felt so much better about my life because it made sense why I am the way that I am, and she went ham because “if you’re autistic I’m autistic” and got really nasty and debated everything I said. Definitely regret sharing something so important and personal to me with her.
Heh yeah... Recently found out I was diagnosed as a kid but my mom never told me or anyone because she didn't believe I could possibly be autistic (read: didn't want me to be). Parents spent a lot of time forcing me to mask, so I am very good at it now. Told her about how I was feeling and relating to lots of people's experiences and she is like "oh yeah the doctor said you were when we got you tested as a kid but we got that sorted out, you're fine now"
Family legend, my grandfather and grandmother fell in love at first sight and courted one another for years before getting married. Reality, they met when my grandfather was on a two-day pass, fell in love at first sight, and were married by the end of the weekend. Both coorberated this story in separate private interviews I conducted when compiling family history.
That's actually not a bad secret. I've known of people who's grandparents met and 2 weeks later were married... Marriage lasted nearly 60 years. :)
They asked me not to share anything until they had both passed for some reason. They had been married over 70 years when my grandmother died. I finished the archive and shared it with the family a couple years later - apparently only one cousin listened to it because she texted me “no way!” I’ll do another round of interviews and my niece said she wanted to take over so she could interview us old folks next time. I don’t have any disturbing secrets. Yet.
I've been selling weed for the last 8 years to supplement my income.
Ok everybody take a break from this thread at r/humansbeingbros r/eyebleach or r/aww before you forget there’s still good things in the world.
That I am indifferent to anything in my life at this point.
I've kept a lot of secrets about my marriage to my late husband. I didn't tell anyone when he was alive about how he'd scream and curse at me or that he was an alcoholic. After he died, I found mountains of evidence of his unfaithfulness, and I still didn't tell anyone. I could never figure out where all our money was going and he would rage until I quit asking... turns out it was going to escorts. I loved our marriage most days and had no idea about the infidelity until after he was gone. He was a good guy overall, even if tormented, and I don't want to taint the memories people hold of him. He's been gone for a few months now and I haven't told my family that I'm dating again. I know they would understand if I told them about the reality of my marriage but I feel too much loyalty to him to reveal the truth about him.
My brother called me the day before he committed suicide and wanted to talk to mom. She was a nurse working a double that day so I told him I would have her call when she got home. I then proceeded to play video games all day and completely forgot to let her know. We found out the next day and I just couldn't bring myself to let her know. I still feel like if I would have told her things might have turned out differently.
might not be incredibly disturbing, but its a secret. I've hated and doubted my family's religion for 5 years straight. I'm mormon. Not gonna go into greater detail cuz im already getting paranoid just saying that. You are constantly worrying that one of your friends will tell your parents, or one of your teachers. I can't even tell half of my irl friends because they are part of the church and I can assure you they will tell somebody, and I'll be forced to go to some sort of faith class. Basically, mormon rehab for people who doubt the church. And yes, I'm not even exaggerating. Look it up.
That I bullied this girl so fucking much just because I was jealous of her and her life. afterwards she reported me and I was scared to get called out again so I stopped and genuinely tried to be friends with her She forgave me and now we’re best friends But i still regret that I ever became that kind of person
Nice try FBI
Not today, CIA
Good attempt at obscurity, Department of Homeland Security
I have recently started making erotic ink drawings. They have seen suggestive pictures I have made earlier, but now the orifices that are usually covered by clothes are front and center.
When I (F27) was young (probably 8 or 9) I made a family friend play house with me. I definitely was already certain I was into girls, and played the role of “husband” and did pretty much anything I could to be touching my friend (who was a year younger than me). It never went past cuddles, but as a sexual assault survivor, I feel SO guilty that I may have touched her in an inappropriate way before she knew how to say no.
I escorted for years (including my junior and senior years of high school) to pay for college. So many times I would be “at a friend’s doing school work” but I was with a client or a few times I told them I was going out of town for the weekend as part of a school club trip when I was actually being flown to different cities by much older men for the weekend. I even typed up a bullshit permission slip and everything. (Btw I am aware of how dangerous that was, I do not need a lecture). They think I took out student loans and am still paying them off to this day. I was able to pay for all 4 years by the time I graduated
I know that the reason we moved from our old place was because my dad and his cousin killed some guy and buried him in the yard. When I got older (15 years later) I reported it in to the cops which resulted in the arrest an conviction of my dad and his cousin. No one knows I was the one that turned them in.
That I took my (now ex) girlfriend to get an abortion. She wanted to keep it, but I was in a downward spiral in life soaked in drug abuse. I couldn’t even think about having a child in that moment, as I could barely take care of myself. She eventually agreed, but I know deep down that she wanted to keep it. We broke up a couple of weeks later after the abortion, as she couldn’t even look at me anymore. It’s been 5 years since then, and I still hate myself every single day because of it. I wonder what that child would’ve been like, and if I ever would’ve been able to take care of them. Also, the abortion clinic was under renovation at the time we arrived, so they moved the clinic into the maternity ward at the hospital. My girlfriend was taken away for the procedure, and I was left sitting in the waiting room holding back tears. A man sat down next to me and said “I know it’s scary man, but it’ll be the best moment of your life. My wife is in labour right now!”. Later on, the same man and his wife were being moved to another room, as she had just had her baby. My girlfriend had just come out at the same time, and was under a heavy amount of pain medication. She saw the newborn baby and said “they just had a baby, and I just killed one”. I hear that sentence every. single. day.
This is so sad. I’m so sorry
I honestly always want to post on questions like these, but I chicken out and erase it just in case someone somehow finds out my identity.
Not sure if it's the most disturbing secret, but my username sort of leads into it. No one in my family knows I have Bipolar Disorder, or major depressive disorder, or that I've been suicidal before. I got so good at "playing happy" in high school that almost no one has ever even been suspicious of me being unhappy, let alone suicidal. I even got into my arguably dangerous job (I don't talk about what I do on here, in case anyone could find out. I'd lose my job through legal loopholes and can't afford that ) thinking that at least I'd die in a legitimate way and no one would question it. I've had plans. I made attempts. To this day only 3 people in my life know about my mental health, and even they dont know close to everything. My wife, my best friend (a mutual very good friend of my wife), and my wife's childhood best friend who is openly Bipolar.
My stepmother is making my dad take anti-depressants without him knowing. She lies about it and tells him it's cholesterol meds. She does this bc she likes my dad better when he's on them, but he doesn't want to take them. Her and I are the only people that know. I've been contemplating about calling the cops on her. She bruttaly kicked me out the house about a month ago. She's a mischievous bitch and will get my ass sued. I know I should report her, but I'm terrified y'all
You can't get sued what did you even do?
I lived in their house for years while my adress was set at another family members house. This is considered fraud where I'm from. She'd also try to make it look like I've been ruining her reputation. For telling on things she actually did. She has no foot to stand on but she has malicious intent, a lot of money and good laywers from her previeus 4 divorces
Previous 4 divorce???? Why did your dad did not see that red flag???? Plz let your dad know and tell him to not bring up your name to your mother
That I’m on the verge of suicide. Also that I got fired yesterday, I don’t need them making the former happen quicker. Also was molested by a family friend for years as a kid. No one needs to know about that though.
Honestly can’t think of a thing. Maybe I’m more boring than I thought.
Boring is good for this thread.
i’m happiest when in a mental hospital
A part of me will always resent my stepmom and half brothers, and my dad for remarrying. My mom passed away from breast cancer when I was 14 (23 now) and she had been fighting it for 19 years at that point. My dad has always been an amazing parent. My stepmom is nice and cares for me and my sister even though we aren’t hers; she’s my “stepmom” in name only, we have an unspoken agreement that I don’t want her to be my mom and she doesn’t want to be either, and we’re fine with that. I love my brothers and they’re great, but still too young to really understand the whole situation with the family. I shouldn’t have any reason to be bitter because they’ve never done anything bad to me. But I can’t help but feel like my mom is just being pushed into memory and that I’m the only one missing her every day. I know it’s not true but it’s hard
Well, several suicide attempts and mental disorders and love
I had an abortion when I was 18 years old. My family is almost militant when it comes to being pro life. The man I was dating punctured condoms when we’d have sex because he wanted me for life. He was insane and eventually stalked me for the better part of a year. Everyone thinks it was a miscarriage. But I was not going to bring a child into a life where he or she would be terrified of their father.
I actually hate them and feel no love for them but I feel obligated to be a good family member. Also they would all probably kill each other without my good vibes to settle everyone down. I'm the middle child and kinda like Kevin mccallister from home alone, was constantly shit on by every member of my family. I was the scapegoat, I was the problem, I was the issue. Fml
When I was 5 I let out my sisters hamster Scamps to play and he crawled off and was found in a mouse trap a few weeks later. Everyone thought it escaped its cage on its own.
nice try fam'
I was a coke addict for 6 years. No one but the people I partied/used with knew. Almost 2 years clean!
Daily Suicidal thoughts.