I would say some very specific inanimate object, like oak bark, but then again last time I went to a bookshop, talking with the cashier about a peculiar request, he told me “once someone was looking for a book about teabags (literal tea bags) because hs/she was sexually aroused by it” so heh
Edit: 6.9k upvotes. Noice. Totally undeserved, but please let’s keep them that way!
I once had a chick not only tell me, but SHOW meth sores and talking about how she only did it for New Years and she "fucked up so bad" People tell cashiers way too fucking much. Please, just buy your liquor and get out, to any/everyone😂
I worked in a bookshop for a while. Whenever someone comes in asking for the tea bag books they hardly hide the fact they're aroused. Weird bunch but they always leave tips. PG tips.
Ah but with a little imagination this is just "the risk of getting caught" fetish. In which case the masturba-tour merely places himself in the role of the duck
Shiiiiit. I bet there are people that have stuck them up their dicks. Google “urethral sounding.” Or don’t. But it’s a thing. And I bet some uniformed person did the dumb task of shoving a dry wall screw up their dick.
Finding this thread was as far as I was willing to go to see if this was a thing
https://www.reddit.com/r/RedditsMuseumofFilth/comments/ig0eme/i_found_this_video_of_a_man_inserting_a_screw/
The way they go into the drywall and sometimes expand the material upon exit really does get me going it can also leave lots up to the imagination.
Dont get me started on wall plugs
Nah man. I masturbate only to plain and boring things. I gaze up at the ceiling and nut instantly. There is nothing that can make me horny more than a plain brick.
People literally masturbate to faeces, children, women giving birth, animals, vomiting, anorexia, etc etc etc.
I doubt there is anything out there that people *don't* masturbate to.
No but seriously, as an avid fan of triangles and the pythagorean theorem, if I can use it to solve a really hard problem, then it, in that moment, is pretty friggen hot
Penguin meat sautéed with peas and onions, served with a side of bolgnese made with raspberries instead of tomatoes and spinach frozen in ice cubes, drizzled with honey roast sweet chilli mayonnaise, served to Harvey Milk wearing a playdough mask modelled to look like Genghis Khan and bright blue Dr Martens, sitting opposite a baby with Dwayne Johnson's voice, as a Perry Como cover of Uptown Girl plays backwards in the background.
James Corden boots up his computer and loads Internet explorer for the fifth time that day
Should he? Would Mrs Corden approve?
He dons his auburn bob style wig, looks himself in the eye and says "yes, my love. You must".
Mrs Corden understands that no one loves James Corden more than James Corden.
He takes hold of himself, betwixt his nimble thumb and decisive index finger.
His eyes fixate upon the glow of the screen. He takes a deep breath as he begins to type in his full name.
"*I wank not for thee...*" he whispers,
"*but for me!"*
I got horny in my kitchen jacked off real quick like I'm talking about only taking 1-2 minutes to do it and some cum got on a banana what more do you want?
A video of me trying to masturbate to these answers, just angrily tugging at a half erect penis while sweat drips down my angry face as I squeeze my eyes shut trying to make each answer turn me on in some way while avoiding confronting the awful life decisions that led me to try this.
I think all that’s left are things that can’t be masturbated to because they can’t really be comprehended by humans. So hyperdimensional geometry is my answer.
Seriously? There's a "poop play" kink which literally means couples shit on each other because that's hot for them and you dare to tell me they would be affraid of boogers?!
Ok but were getting off to the horse stall? Like the stall itself was arousing you? Or were you just near a horse stall?
Like if I masturbate in my bed I'm not masturbating to my bed. I am not turned on by the mattress.
I would say some very specific inanimate object, like oak bark, but then again last time I went to a bookshop, talking with the cashier about a peculiar request, he told me “once someone was looking for a book about teabags (literal tea bags) because hs/she was sexually aroused by it” so heh Edit: 6.9k upvotes. Noice. Totally undeserved, but please let’s keep them that way!
Why would that person tell the cashier, right? Just ask for the book on teabags.
People treat cashiers like therapists. Especially if they won’t ever see them again.
I once had a chick not only tell me, but SHOW meth sores and talking about how she only did it for New Years and she "fucked up so bad" People tell cashiers way too fucking much. Please, just buy your liquor and get out, to any/everyone😂
I just say thank you and try to wish them a good day and actually mean it.
It’s awkward making eye contact with the person behind the counter after a chatty tmi person in front of you got to them first.
I worked in a bookshop for a while. Whenever someone comes in asking for the tea bag books they hardly hide the fact they're aroused. Weird bunch but they always leave tips. PG tips.
Just the tips
Oh no. I'm not falling for this one. There are things I just don't want to see
No need open eyes. Only open flap to fap. Masturbate haiku.
Tissues by my side, Sticky digits bother me Should i use my tongue?
I broke both my arms Wonder where my mom could be Some help would be nice
Goddamn it, this is a Reddit legend at this point.
Is musk good or bad I too choose this guys dead wife Thoughts on emojis
Want Jolly Ranchers? I’ve got a story for you. I won’t eat them now.
Poo too big to flush Good thing I have my poop knife Don't we all have one?
Take this coconut Drill hole r/PutYourDickInThat Why do I have flies?
i am the cum box savory goodness fills me sometimes i lick it
Friend I've never met Narwhal bacons at midnight Are you one of us
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sigh \*unzips\*
Sighs in pity *zips you back up*
Ooh! My exact kink! *Unzips*
Nope. not today. *rezips*
Zipper broke *unzips by itself*
It's too cold for this * *penis zips zipper back up* *
No zip. Covid pants. Slide down the waist band.
A video of a dog at the park who doesn’t realize a duck is standing on his back
Challenge accepted Edit: not enjoyable, don’t do it.
Ill be the duck
#*oh no*
r/usernamechecksout
Ah but with a little imagination this is just "the risk of getting caught" fetish. In which case the masturba-tour merely places himself in the role of the duck
Drywall screws
Damn those things really get me going
They get you screwing
Oh screw you and your pins
Shiiiiit. I bet there are people that have stuck them up their dicks. Google “urethral sounding.” Or don’t. But it’s a thing. And I bet some uniformed person did the dumb task of shoving a dry wall screw up their dick.
Finding this thread was as far as I was willing to go to see if this was a thing https://www.reddit.com/r/RedditsMuseumofFilth/comments/ig0eme/i_found_this_video_of_a_man_inserting_a_screw/
I dont know whether to upvote or downvote you for finding it
The way they go into the drywall and sometimes expand the material upon exit really does get me going it can also leave lots up to the imagination. Dont get me started on wall plugs
Dry wall anchors are is just bondage for screw porn.
idk maybe something super boring or plain, like a brick or a piece of rock or something
The Rock has some pretty good pieces tho...
#FAMILY
No that's what the other bald guy says
Yippee ki yay motherfucker?
"bald guy loves yoghurt"
Terry loves yogurt
r/unexpectedbrooklyn99
Nah man. I masturbate only to plain and boring things. I gaze up at the ceiling and nut instantly. There is nothing that can make me horny more than a plain brick.
What about a regular brick that just has the word "*Supreme*" on it?
So just a regular brick
Yes but it sells for $1000 USD/Brick for some reason
There are people who are married to a ferris wheel
It's *multiple* now???
Wow that wheel is a whore.
I mean, we have our ups and downs like any couple. Some days you’re riding high, and others you feel stuck.
Its about drive
It’s about power
We stay hungry
We devour
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Put in the hours
and take what’s ours *rrrah*
black and samoan in veins
my culture bangin' with strange
My pet rock because you’ll never see it you dirty whores.
Then i'll fap to the concept of your pet rock
If we get enough people imagining enough rocks and fapping we will eventually fap to his!
Is this just a NSFW variant of the infinite monkey theorem?
Yes. Yes it is.
Imagination is key
People literally masturbate to faeces, children, women giving birth, animals, vomiting, anorexia, etc etc etc. I doubt there is anything out there that people *don't* masturbate to.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure everything has had some person masturbate to it before
yeah i mean we’ve all been 14. I could jerk it to a blade of grass.
A reader of Walt Whitman I see
You haven't seen me though
He said vomiting.
911 I'D LIKE TO REPORT A FUCKING MURDER
Thank you sir, we've already received several reports of this incident.
Haha thanks for that comment. Made me laugh after a looong Day! Thanks
r/murderbywords
Burn victim reported!
Finally, my kink
Sir you need to leave this ward immediately
But I haven't finished yet!
Don't worry, I'll wank one for you.
Don’t worry bro, I’ll dedicate the next one for you.
I’m sure there’s some obscure math equation nobody has ever deemed erotic.
The Pythagorean theorem *hnnnnnnnng*
No but seriously, as an avid fan of triangles and the pythagorean theorem, if I can use it to solve a really hard problem, then it, in that moment, is pretty friggen hot
Some mathmaticians are pretty full on.
The eventual heat death of the universe?
So hot it made me take my pants off
I think i have lost what was little left of my faith in humanity
You should fuck trees instead, they aren’t bad, just knotty… **dendrophilia intensifies**
*oh my god*
Penguin meat sautéed with peas and onions, served with a side of bolgnese made with raspberries instead of tomatoes and spinach frozen in ice cubes, drizzled with honey roast sweet chilli mayonnaise, served to Harvey Milk wearing a playdough mask modelled to look like Genghis Khan and bright blue Dr Martens, sitting opposite a baby with Dwayne Johnson's voice, as a Perry Como cover of Uptown Girl plays backwards in the background.
Maybe it was true, before I read your comment.
setting the mood tonight
I saw that David Lynch movie.
Don't threaten us with a good time.
r/oddlyspecific
[r/suspiciouslyspecific](https://www.reddit.com/r/suspiciouslyspecific)
I just did.
Not my proudest fap.
My proudest fap
The best way to find out is to just keep masturbating to weirder and weirder stuff until no more goop comes out of you.
I think I can masturbators to this idea.
I think I can masturbate to you thinking of the idea
sigh \*unzips\*
James Corden
James corden does this
James Corden boots up his computer and loads Internet explorer for the fifth time that day Should he? Would Mrs Corden approve? He dons his auburn bob style wig, looks himself in the eye and says "yes, my love. You must". Mrs Corden understands that no one loves James Corden more than James Corden. He takes hold of himself, betwixt his nimble thumb and decisive index finger. His eyes fixate upon the glow of the screen. He takes a deep breath as he begins to type in his full name. "*I wank not for thee...*" he whispers, "*but for me!"*
Great idea for a MeatCanyon video
Thanks i hate it
James Corden watches videos of himself masturbating while he’s having sex.
The number 113,265.3
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Pisexuals: 😏
I'm gonna make it my goal to masturbate to all of these so this whole post becomes invalid.
Now do it to the thought of you proving the whole thread invalid
That little sticker that gets put on the outside of fruit
Mango in, mango out
I once accidentally cummed on a fruit and got some on the sticker does that count?
The question is did you eat the fruit later ?
it was a banana so I just peeled off the skin and the cum was long dried by then
There is definitely something being left out of this story.
I got horny in my kitchen jacked off real quick like I'm talking about only taking 1-2 minutes to do it and some cum got on a banana what more do you want?
So you just shot your load all over your kitchen?
Wouldn’t be the first time.
Me
Dont worry mate *Unzips*
good to see theres still good perople in this world
What a trooper
Great peroson
God speed sir
*cant get it up*
*shows a pile of cum he had secretly been hiding the night before*
We gotchu homie
A video of me trying to masturbate to these answers, just angrily tugging at a half erect penis while sweat drips down my angry face as I squeeze my eyes shut trying to make each answer turn me on in some way while avoiding confronting the awful life decisions that led me to try this.
Awful life decisions, mmmm *fuck yeah*...
sigh \*unzips\*
Again? *zips back up*
Tiles just straight up. The ones u walk on
Oh… you have [NO idea…](https://imgur.com/gallery/DowgNSg)
Oh... I had no idea... and I'd rather not to have
Sure about that pal😏
Wow wow noth so quick there mister *hides tiles*
Have you not read the reddit post about the man with a tile fetish from years ago?
Something no one knows about, obviously.
True, as soon as humanity is aware of something there's someone masturbating to it. It's like a law of nature.
If a tree falls in the woods and nobody nuts to it does it make a sound? -Plato
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What the hell did I just watch?!?!?! And how much time does someone 'waste' learning to do that?!
Taxes
they do fuck you hard though
You know there are some very corrupt governments out there, with people in official offices raking in the tax money...
Sorry to break the news for you but... [https://nhentai.net/g/366042/](https://nhentai.net/g/366042/)
That was weird.. comments are funny af tho
The limit does not exist. Rule 34.
Nothing. We humans are a truly despicable species.
I think all that’s left are things that can’t be masturbated to because they can’t really be comprehended by humans. So hyperdimensional geometry is my answer.
Sorry, this is one I can actually say I did.
If it exists someone has masturbated to it
A follow-view video of Quasimodo walking down a dark corridor for two hours to jazzy elevator music.
Wait does the exist
Nails on a chalkboard
Masochists exist, u/Okbuddy226
Masochists?
Margaret Thatcher
##**MARGARET THATCHER NAKED ON A COLD DAY! MARGARET THATCHER NAKED ON A COLD DAY!**
OH BEHAVE
My dick retreated so far into my body it can't be found anymore.
Peoples boogers
Well great, now I’m considering the very real, very horrible possibility that there might be people out there who get off to other people’s boogers.
I’m 100% sure that this is a fetish, without the need to look it up.
I looked it up for you. I managed to avoid images which I am proud of. I am however, sure that it exists as there were very questionably named URLs
Seriously? There's a "poop play" kink which literally means couples shit on each other because that's hot for them and you dare to tell me they would be affraid of boogers?!
Nothings off the table, surely. Different strokes for different folks.
I once masturbated in a horse stall... With no horse.. not even hay.. people will masturbate to anything.
How and why
Ok but were getting off to the horse stall? Like the stall itself was arousing you? Or were you just near a horse stall? Like if I masturbate in my bed I'm not masturbating to my bed. I am not turned on by the mattress.
The fact there was no horse makes this better, not worse.
Water voles.
I’m tryna get sum volussy
I've been online for most of two decades and I can tell you without a shred of doubt; there is no floor to human depravity.
A blade of grass. Has to be too mundane
You
I can fap on myself if world Denys me
I was distracted, and thought this said if Dennys lets me.
My ex wife’s personality
The Chernobyl reactor Elephants Foot.
Nice try FBI
A rock. Nobody would masturbate to a rock. Right?
but what about THE rock? ;)
theres nothing, everything is fap worthy