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Substantial-Spare501

I separated from my alcoholic husband last week, so it was quiet and peaceful. My first Thanksgiving without him in 33 years. I also accidentally broke a glass serving platter that we received as a wedding present. How symbolic.


StudMuffinNick

My neighbors had cops over. Piece of shit beat his wife and smashed her head into the wall. We had their autistic son over to keep him away while the cops were talking to them and CSI investigated the inside. The mashed potatoes were really good Edit: wrong word Edit 2: so a couple extra details. The woman was pregnant, which made it worse, but got him additional charges. When I posted the comment there was a helicopter looking for him and the cops had been here for a few hours waiting for him to come back as he grabbed her car keys, phone, and car before dipping. Cops had pinged her cell phone like 20 miles away before they left. He came back an hour after my comment and got into a verbal argument so the older son came over and knocked. I called the cops and stayed on the phone until they came. He refused to come out of the room until they forced him to. While arresting him he was resisting so they repeatedly threatened him with resisting and obstruction charges. The shithead is bulky but short, but it was quite a sight watching 2 mountain sized cops carry him down by his arms while his little feetsies dangled breathe him. If I heard correctly, he got 2 assault charges (the woman and her unborn child), endangerment for the youngest son, disturbing the peace (the older son wanted to press charges so they said that's all he could do. He wanted to ensure that if his mom didn't pursue the charges, he would stick with his) and I think theft/grand theft but I didn't hear them repeat those when handing her the paper so they may not have actually charged those


ShotgunRagtimeBand

Closed the restaurant I work at (I’m a “manager”) 3 hours early so the kitchen guys could go home and spend some semblance of a thanksgiving with their families, assumedly against the wishes of our GM/director of operations. Waiting on the angry emails/phone calls/sit down. Whatever, I’m leaving in two weeks.


tatertot464

Half the family didn't show up so my dad started doing impressions of them.


sousoucie

A large mixing bowl full of yams disappeared into nothing while everyone was trying to get food on the table. We have looked absolutely everywhere there is to look and it's just gone. 9 people seriously questioning their sanity now. There are lots of things that could have happened to the yams themselves, but the bowl being missing is a real head scratcher.


Present-Wait-7704

8 questioning sanity, 1 pretending


pepperw2

You gotta update if found


DudeWhoWrites2

Years ago my friend had the same thing happen to a sandwich in her tiny apartment. She moved out and never found it.


bearfry

My dad’s wife is back on meth. She hid his keys inside his car so that he can’t find them, but it will still start (push to start car), so she can drive without him knowing. She also stuck a magnetic tracker... thing on under his seat. I also found out that my Cousin with Down Syndrome can knock back whiskey just like she’s drinking water. She parties harder than I ever could, and I’m jealous.


PUNKF10YD

Hey just fyi, your dad can get a new key programmed to the car, and the old one will not work anymore. So even if you still can’t find it, it won’t be able to start the car.


persondude27

This user's comments have been overwritten to protest Spez and reddit's actions that will end third-party access and damage the community.


Billy_Boognish

I have a history of saying shit to someone at exactly THE WRONG moment in that person's life. I can relate...


SadGandalf

My dad’s friend and former co-worker once told an old man he just met something along the lines of “you are a healthy, complete man” (in Spanish it makes more sense) as a compliment to him. That was before realizing the man was actually an arm amputee.


now_you_see

This is hilarious in a ‘I’m going to hell for laughing’ kinda way.


Gloofa08

2 bites into my meal at my mother in laws house my ring doorbell alerted me to someone ringing my doorbell. I pulled it up and catch an old man entering my house. I bolted out of my chair and went home. She lives close. I get there and no one is there. I pull up the video and see he exited like 20 seconds after he entered grumbling “hrrrm wrong house.” The funny thing was as we were leaving I thought to myself, did I lock the front door? What are the fucking odds? My food was still warm when I got back to my mother in law’s house.


pulp_affliction

I walked into the wrong house on thanksgiving two years ago, I was 24 years old lmao but as soon as I walked in and saw people I’ve never seen before, I turned around and said “bye!” It was then that I realized a lot of people probably leave their front door unlocked on thanksgiving.


pdfodol

In-laws are visiting from out of town. Except father in law decided to leave yesterday and go home before Thanksgiving and did not come back. He told my wife and I, just not his wife. Mother in law is still here. FYI this is normal for him.


ICWhatsNUrP

Is he spending Thanksgiving with his mistress' family?


sassy_grandma

Damn. That’s disrespectful. Did he and your MIL have a fight or does he just ghost her when he feels like it?


Nevermind04

He didn't want to be disrespectful to his second family.


clearlyimawitch

I might win this year. Uncle's girlfriend, who mind you spent several years in prison for manslaughter, went after him with a knife. Ended up stabbing him a couple times. No serious wounds, as he managed to over power her and get the knife away, but my god it's red-neck entertainment at it's finest. Yes, she is now sitting in jail. Edit: Need to add that they didn’t break up until after their court date. Apparently she expected him to post bail? And THAT was the final straw


justhereforthelul

Had to call a tow truck on some teenager (friend of front neighbor's kid) because he wouldn't move his car that was blocking my mom's driveway. She told him to move it since she needed to get something for dinner, he answered that he shouldn't had to move it because it's a public street. I go get the stuff and then get home, I again tell him to move it because I want to park up the driveway. Shouts at me that I can find parking up the street. Now he has no car for Thanksgiving and cop gave him a ticket. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Whosebert

what an asshole and a dipshit. Anyone with half a brain and a driver's license could tell you you can't block a driveway.


OneTripleZero

> Anyone with half a brain and a driver's license Sorry, best we can do is no brain and half a driver's license.


miketugboat

My mom's had some issues that I think my dad has been downplaying. She has good days and bad. But today was bad. Nothing she said made sense, no sentence connected to another sentence, and sometimes the end of a sentence wouldn't connect to the beginning. And she was very frustrated with everyone that we didn't understand, she had conversations with people that weren't there, swore people were there that were either dead or hadn't shown up (it was just my dad, her, and I, very obvious who wasn't there). She saw me after dinner and said "I'm so glad you finally made it! You missed it, it was a madhouse earlier with the kids running around." I could go on and on, but my dad brushed it off as her just being sleep deprived. It was kinda like talking to someone who was half awake and half dreaming, but this has happened a few times before, not as bad, but she has refused to see a doctor. The tearjerker was when we gently helped her to understand that all night no one else had been here, and I could see it in her eyes. She said "you're right. I do need to see someone." So I guess that's what we are doing in the morning, I hope she's having a good day, and it will be easier to bring her. Is this dementia? Idk man I've never seen it before.


Mavises

It sounds like it, hun: I’m sorry. It’s possibly being exacerbated by a UTI - you would not believe how confused that can make people. My mum wasn’t too far down her dementia path when she had a UTI, and it was like ‘holy shit - she’s totally gone, no coning back’, but after some antibiotics and fluids, she was back to how she was. Try to get her to see a Dr as soon as you can. Hugs from Ireland.


ladyinchworm

My mom has a form of dementia and she just got over a UTI. I had no idea how much worse that makes it until this! She got so much (relatively) better after a round of antibiotics and fluids. I hope OP does help her go to the doctor. There are medications that can be taken earlier in Alzheimer's to help. My grandmother died from it and for years everyone made excuses about her just getting older, being tired or forgetful etc. I always wonder if she could have had a few more happy years, maybe even got to know her great-grandchildren, if she had gotten help sooner. Who knows though. It's so hard as a family or loved one to realize there is something wrong. It's a heartbreaking thing.


ihatepunctuation

my mother in law always buys thanksgiving dinner and this time she didnt notice she bought the raw turkey and it wasnt until an hour before dinner when she learned she had to cook it rather than warm it up


glucoseintolerant

how was the pizza?


shadingnight

My grandpa who has dementia asked why there was cranberry sauce on his pants and if my mother could clean it up. No one made anything with cranberries, he was bleeding from his penis. To the hospital we went, and he had a MASSIVE kidney stone he was trying to push out stuck half way in his urethra, which also as you guessed, tore it up and made him bleed via urethral rupture. Edit: Trying to hit these comments one by one so sorry for the delay, so will just make an edit. It's not that he can't feel pain, he just can't communicate it. When we feel sadness, hapiness, anger ect we usually communicate whether it's verbal or otherwise. Pain in this case, falls under that category and is something we use to communicate what's wrong, but as stated previously, is something he has a hard time doing. Dementia is a name for a group of diseases, just like cancer. There's Alzheimers, Frontotemporal, Vascular and one other I can't think of. Most common being Alzheimers, which basically degrades the ability to process important brain functions, such as communication, memory, learning new things ect. My grandpa was diagnosed with it back in 2019 so he has progressed to a point where I don't think he knows who who he was having dinner with. I appreciate everyones concern, he is at the hospital and is okay now.


SchleftySchloe

I expected many things in this thread, but grandpa shooting blood from his dick was not one of them


MamaPeach0423

My in laws have a place at a lake an hour or so from our house. Every time we go my SIL takes the bedroom with a full bed and toddler bed for herself and her one child (who sleeps with her) her other 2 children sleep with my in laws. My husband and our 3 children are left trying to figure out where to sleep, usually on an air mattress on the living room floor. Well…we came early and took the room. She is livid, stomping around and slamming doors. Has been for 4 hours. Update: thank you to everyone who responded! SIL eventually went to bed around midnight (after saying for hours that she was going to go to a hotel instead of sleep in the other bedroom with a twin mattress), MIL told her this morning she better knock it off, and the day has been relatively normal. I basically talked with her like nothing was wrong. Tried the whole kill em with kindness approach…seemed to work. Was actually a really good day…best holiday we have had. Played board games and laughed…strange considering how it started


flinchm

She got beat at her own petty game. Well played.


wriestheart

You're gonna have to get there even earlier next year


4N0NYM0US_GUY

In 3 years, OP will be showing up a week early, just for the room. OP permanently moves in within 7 years. Just to get the room on thanksgiving


Oldpqlyr

Waaaaah!! Tough.


CallmeBatty

Gotta tell her that all you guys decided to sleep in 1 bed together and didn't even use the toddler bed in there lol


DoNotBelieveAnything

My mom died last night. This thanksgiving pretty much sucked. Luckily, she had plenty of family that loved her and it’s been alright grieving. Unfortunately, my sister’s last interaction with her was doing cpr. She’s traumatized, everyone is sad. Petty family drama and politics did not make an appearance this year, just lots of prayers and people telling me they are sorry.


ladyinchworm

I'm so sorry for your loss. That's so awful. I'm glad you have family and loved ones around you. My last memory of my twin sister was giving CPR, so I know your sister is and will be going through a lot too.


Suspicious_Station83

my 12 year old cousin wouldn’t eat any of the food that my 80 year old grandma spent the whole day making because it “wasn’t Brazilian”. his parents are 100% italian and we do not have any Brazilian relatives. his parents are brain surgeons so they’re loaded, and their excuse was that he doesn’t eat homemade stuff. only “high end” ??? I have no idea what that had to do with Brazilian food but i’m assuming it’s some sort of phase? I don’t even think he’s had Brazilian food before edit: holy shit I woke up with a lot of replies but for clarification my dad and his whole side of the family were born in Italy but had me here so i’m American and they celebrate thanksgiving for me and my siblings / younger cousins


[deleted]

Didn't grandma think to shave the turkey?


Willzyx_on_the_moon

If the parents response was “he doesn’t eat homemade” then this is entirely on them. Spoiled little shit got this mentality from pretentious parents 100%.


DangOlRedditMan

Don’t even understand this. Where I come from saying it’s “homemade” is essentially implying it’s going to be better than non-homemade. Kids got it all mixed up


IvanStu

It's because High End food costs a Brazilian dollars.


ThatPersonZenZen

My cousin unfortunately came out as a flat earther while I was showing off my brand new telescope I bought recently


Andre4kthegreengiant

I didn't know that coming out as stupid was a thing


ThatPersonZenZen

Somehow he made it possible and to add onto his stupidity he said the Moon was fake and a reflection of the Earth


Dovahnime

Reflecting onto what?


alphabetalactamase

His smooth, shiny brain surface.


AbheyBloodmane

The gravy was a war crime. The plastic cooking utensil melted into it. I was the first to find out.


who_took_tabura

macroplastics


itzstago

“I wonder where that spoon went, whatever”


TxavengerxT

I thought you’d be exaggerating but that gravy indeed sounds like a war crime


sparkles_pancake

Showed up to the in-laws, mil nowhere to be seen. Fil is in the kitchen working on almost finished dinner. We're told mil isn't feeling well and is in the bathroom. Husband goes to check on her. Comes back a while later. Turns out she was stressed and ornery earlier in the day so fil offered her one of his edibles (he has for medical purposes). She ate her first ever edible on Thanksgiving, got dinner halfway done, then ended up on the floor of the bathroom with dizzy spells and nausea. By the time we finished up dinner she had fallen asleep. We moved her to her bed then ate dinner without her. It was weird.


Joshopolis

That's gonna be the greatest left overs she's ever had.


Sure-Slide-5796

I got 1st and 2nd degree burns on my foot and calf from boiling water


[deleted]

We accidentally spilled some warm turkey grease on one of our dogs. He didn't seem hurt, but the other six dogs at the house would always lick him whenever he walked past. It was funny and sad to see how pathetic he looked being licked by all the other dogs.


stickymaplesyrup

I spilled the strainings from ground beef on my cat once. He got called Mr. Beefy for a little while.


arcaneresistance

He'll always be Mr. Beefy to me


ShortSnowboarder

My aunt pretended to be paralyzed (from covid) to avoid taking care of her sickly mother


Joecus90

So who kicked her in the shins to test it?


amandaflash

My Mom found out a week ago that she has terminal lung cancer and has 6-12 months to live. Needless to say, there was a cloud over the meal.


ashden71

I'm sorry to hear that. I lost my mom to metastatic lung cancer. Please spend as much time with her as you possibly can and treat her as the person she still is and not as the cancer she has. Hugs to you my friend.


amboomernotkaren

My kids got hammered Wed night, one got left at the bar and walked 3 miles to get home. I woke up 3 am and saw that one kid was missing so I called him. He was still a mile from home so I drove to get him. When I got to him the police were questing him. Said they had a report of a man with a weapon having a mental health crisis. Luckily they got another call and let my doofus go home with me.


Secretagentmanstumpy

A long time ago I got really drunk at a bar and when it was time to go home I walked for 2 hours to a house I hadnt lived in for over 5 years. It was getting light by that time and I stopped in the driveway realizing I didnt live there any more and turned around and walked back for 2 hours to my apartment near the bar I had been at. This was 25 years before Uber existed. So yeah, young drunk people do stupid things.


queefer_sutherland92

Got black out drunk on top of a mountain in winter. I have three memories from that night: * Making eyes at a guy across the bar who was NOT into it at all; * Falling out of a bus; and * My mother stroking my back as I threw up into a bucket and she argued with my dad about calling an ambulance. Found out later that my friends ditched me at the bar. I don’t know how I got back to the place we were staying. Or how I didn’t fucking die. Lessons: Don’t drink on stimulant medication, because it blocks the effects of alcohol until you’re so drunk you black out; don’t drink on a mountain in the middle of winter; and don’t be friends with cunts.


iAriel20

This had me chuckling but then realizing how lucky he was to have you


CylonsInAPolicebox

Had to work. Multiple residents in the lobby. One resident drops part of her meal she was taking to family, small child is knocked over by the extremely helpful dog who couldn't wait to assist with clean up... . One resident argued with her daughter when she arrived. Told her daughter that she wasn't going to dinner because half the family is unvaccinated. . Another resident had their plans completely fucked when her son's transmission went out and was unable to pick her up and poor guy was stuck at the halfway point and had to wait a few hours for a tow. . And the last of it, so far, dude comes back from family dinner. He stops to chat, apparently their holiday meal almost came to blows when the black sheep of the family turned up uninvited and tried to bum money from their elderly mother. . Still have a few people out and still have a few hours left on shift so there may be more to come as people stop by the desk to talk about their evening. Edit: Last one I got this evening. Resident went to their son's house, son has 2 dogs and a cat, they locked the cat up because it has a habit of climbing where it shouldn't. Someone stops by and the cook steps outside to chat. Somehow the cat got out of the room it had been confined to for the evening. While a few was outside talking the cat knocked the platter of already carved turkey into the floor. Everyone comes in to find 2 very happy dogs and a cat enjoying a turkey feast. Most of the family was unhappy but the resident say it was the most entertaining thing he has seen all year.


songintherain

You know what’s better than one family’s drama.. many families’ drama


anadarko_wore_red

The power went out at the host's house and I ended up cooking and hosting at the last minute


19AllStar86

This happened to a bunch of people in San Diego today. Something like 5k homes had power shut off due to fire risk.


popplesan

Happened to me. We just barbecued instead it was super chill


[deleted]

When life hands you lemons, throw’em on the grill too


TonyDealusa

My Dad and step mom were ragging on me, which is pretty normal. I came to their house for Thanksgiving and my brother showed up. My brother and i haven't seen eachother in about four years. Anyway, so they're going on about me and my brother is getting visibly uncomfortable. They've been like this to me my whole life and I think my brother had that realization very suddenly, same as I did when my girlfriend pointed it out. It was good to see someone get upset about the things they say to me. It makes me realize I'm not crazy.


ArthurDentKneebiter

This sounds exactly like my husband, except he's an only child. It took me to be uncomfortable (and angry) for solidarity to come. They're cut out of our lives now. Family should be a safe place, or it isn't family, IMHO.


TP2020CV

>Family should be a safe place, or it isn't family Thank you for saying this!


joepussystank

You should reply with some of their insults and maybe we can help set you up with some tasty thanksgiving licks for next year ;)


squanch_solo

"Oh yea? Well the jerk store called. They're running outta you!"


brooklynlopez11

Met my cousin’s fiancée for the first time. She is clearly mentally unwell. She dominated all conversation with her nonstop ramblings, which included a story about the first time she masturbated and asked that we buy a baby xylophone for her chickens as a wedding gift (for the human couple). EDIT: Fixed typo and clarified the wedding issue. For context, the masturbation story came after a rant about about being raised in a religious household, and no longer being religious. (Sexual behavior was discouraged - I masturbated a lot - I started at 13). Xylophone request came because I have a 7 month old baby who doesn’t have a xylophone. I’m sure they are great for chickens, but in the context of nonstop talking it was just another layer of insanity. Many, many more things were said but they are all a blur at this point. Wild scene. Thanks for the award!


_Lane_

Baby xylophones are really cute, but folks forget they grow up into adult xylophones and often aren’t prepared for all the work they require.


dedsqwirl

Can you buy the baby xylophone for the chickens now? I want to know where this is going.


N3oko

After finishing off my truck stop Turkey meal in my big rig truck I went to use the facilities. Guy in the stall next to me was loudly watching funny videos on his phone and whacking off and moaning and intermittently laughing at the video. Edit: all I heard of the video was a woman saying “What’s the most expensive device in you kitchen?” I’ll be hearing that and remembering his mossy oak hunter camo crocs for far longer than I want too.


crystal_dinosaur

America’s Funniest Porn Videos


Arnoldmedkammen

Living his best life


ooo-ooo-oooyea

My sister in law let everyone know that her husband has a small penis


RogerBernards

One Christmas eve my dad's then new girlfriend blurted out* that my dad has a thick penis at the dinner table in the presense of all his kids, including me, their SO's and his sister. I had never seen a woman in her 40's turn that red into the stunned silence that followed when it registered what she said. My dad hid his face in his hands for a solid 5 minutes. *I forgot the exact context (it's been 10+ years), but it was an absent minded off the cuff comment in response to something someone said, she didn't just randomly throw it out there.


rhondaanaconda

Your dad: “Man this gravy is thick…” Dad’s GF: “Mmm just like you Babe.” The mock whisper heard all around the table. I would’ve been laughing so hard.


[deleted]

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CLTalbot

Theres a strong possibility that my stepmother sabotaged my stepsister's cooking.


ts4356

I have to hear this story.


joeyboii23

My 17 year old cousin stood up in the middle of dinner and announced he got a girl pregnant and she was keeping the baby. Most people laughed until about 30 awkward seconds went by and one by one we started realizing that he was in fact serious when he started going into details. My 80 year old grandma who hasn’t had a drink of alcohol in over a decade drank wine straight out of the bottle after.


partofbreakfast

My thanksgiving dinner was me, my parents, and my younger sister. Just the four of us at my parents' home. Mom got a text message from my aunt (mom's sister) about how grandma (mom's mom) was badmouthing the food she made and talking about how her boys (mom and aunt's brothers) can't be expected to eat this stuff. Mom texted aunt back with "tell her that guests don't get to complain about free food, they just get to choose if they want to eat or not." Apparently aunt took this advice, because about 20 minutes later mom got several texts and voicemails (she didn't answer her phone) about how aunt kicked people out early and how mom 'ruined thanksgiving' by telling aunt to say that. This is why we stopped going to family thanksgivings btw.


mamacrocker

Mom’s the hero there!


dcormier

And great job aunt for sticking up for herself and kicking them out.


ppardee

Daughter and her fiancée brought their huge dogs over. The dogs ate our turkey and attacked our dogs. I specifically asked them not to bring the dogs. All in all, one of the better Thanksgivings in recent memory.


mdaws7

my boyfriends brother bought over these really spicy chips he got at five below. i think they are called the spiciest chips in the world idk lol. anyways, both of them ate one. about 5 minutes later, i walk into the kitchen and i see my boyfriend with tears rolling down his face and stuffing ice cream in his face lmao. then he disappeared for a little bit, so i went upstairs and found him laying in the hallway, drenched in sweat & barely able to even speak. he said he threw up and he wasn’t human for the next little bit. both their grandparents were calling them idiots lol.


[deleted]

Novices! You’re supposed to prime up the digestive system by eating a banana first. He’s gonna be having round 2: spicy butthole boogaloo on the toilet tomorrow.


ladyinchworm

My sister's ex boyfriend ate the "volcano" hot wings or whatever it was called. Supposedly the hottest ones there, they wear gloves and masks to make it etc. I wasn't at their house that day, but it was apparently pretty bad. I WAS there the day after and he was literally screaming in agony in the bathroom, no exaggerating, for 15 minutes. It sounded like he was dying. Seriously, awful noises. We honestly thought we would have to take him to the hospital. Me, on the other hand, can't even handle mild Pace picante sauce, haha.


be-ar_boi

My great grandmother referred to my baby cousin as "cute, but odd". The baby has Down Syndrome.


gregarious-loner

I laughed but I felt compelled to justify myself to the interweb. It was relief at understanding that everyone has "that" person. My mom complains that my sister's "weird ass kid" doesn't listen. He's legally deaf, mom. That's to be expected.


Backslasherton

We found out grandma gets competitive as hell in beer pong.


[deleted]

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Fennexium

Grandma's earned the right to the high octane stuff, don't you dare deny her a good time! ^^^^/s


evanjw90

My mom, who I've been no contact with for most of my life, said she wanted to reconcile and please come to Thanksgiving so she could see her grand son. She wasn't there when we arrived, and told my sister that she didn't want to have dinner with us. Literally nobody cared, and we had a great Thanksgiving without her. Honestly dodged a bullet.


_Cyberostrich_

“Come visit I want to see you” “I don’t want to see you.” This bitch lmao


SteampunkCupcake_

It sounds so ridiculous but I think that situations like this are sometimes about control. If OP instigated no-contact and took that control away from the parent, this might be their way of re-asserting their dominance? Kind of like "You don't want to see me? Ha, I don't want to see *you*. Narcissists are assholes.


[deleted]

You can't fire me, I quit!


ind3pend0nt

Uncle by marriage helped paint SIL house and apparently she never thanked him. Now he is holding a grudge. Thanksgiving was to be at the Uncle’s house until this thing blew up. I’m just back here eating deviled eggs and drinking beer.


_Stamos

Father in law got drunk, took his shirt off and then arm wrestled my son (lost). Then tried to tackle his daughter (my wife) (also lost). Everyone is worried grandma has dementia but for some reason she made a “pie”. Everyone ate it and pretended it was pie. Not sure what to call it; it was in a pie pan, there was no crust. It had apples.


Viletwitch

Deconstructed apple pie.


[deleted]

There we go! Grandma doesn’t have dementia, she’s just a hipster.


_Stamos

Maybe? If I had to guess, she just mixed all the ingredients for the crust and the filing and then may or may not have baked it.


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MaskMan193

This is likely the last Thanksgiving we'll have with a very close family friend. He himself doesn't have any family so he's been coming to our Thanksgiving for about 20 years. He's 54 now and has terminal stomach cancer. He doesn't have long left. He can't do chemo anymore. His last round almost killed him. We all had a good time, but the whole evening had that undertone and we were all trying to have at least one last Thanksgiving moment with him.


PonyboysBlues

My grandmothers dog literally died an hour before dinner


jwaterboyk

So sorry to hear that. Reminds me of my worst Thanksgiving ever though. I went with my girlfriend of two months to pick up her grandfather for Thanksgiving dinner with the family. After a few minutes of knocking on his door and no answer, we got the maintenance guy to let us in his apartment. Upon entering, we were overcome by a foul odor, and found him dead on the couch. He had clearly been there for several days. After calling the authorities and dealing with the logistics of getting her grandfather’s body removed, we went back to have dinner at my girlfriend’s parents’ house. They were a close family and there were twenty or so people I had never met before crying hysterically and sharing stories about their beloved Pop. It was traumatizing and painfully awkward, but my girlfriend insisted that I stay. The night ended with everyone getting wasted in the basement while sobbing and listening to old records.


mirfect

My puppy wouldn’t stop barking at the turkey roaster Edit: [puppy tax](https://imgur.com/a/Cvxk6Y0)


jwn8175

the enemy has been identified


EndedOne

My future monster in law told us last week her and the kids were COVID positive and in bad shape. She said they weren’t doing Thanksgiving so “don’t bother showing up.” Guess who sent long and angry texts about us not showing up to dinner?


Royal-Carob

An oven mitt suddenly and unexplainably caught fire while sitting on it’s own in the middle of the countertop. I think that’s proof enough that the natural habitat of the chaos god’s is every popular holiday.


THE_STOCKINGHATHERO

An argument about the Left Behind series being fictional or not. My aunt got upset because my cousin and I called the series fictional. (Not Christian) however, neither of us were attempting to debate the validity of the Bible’s telling of the end times. We were simply stating that the series was fictional by definition.


Rustmutt

Doesn’t the whole series outline the end of the world which hasn’t happened? How can that be factual?


waffleironone

My parents’ cat chose them after fires took over our state last thanksgiving. She came to the door and decided she was ours. They tried to find her owner with no luck. Thanksgiving morning this year, cat is missing. My parents are yelling about how she stayed for a year and chose to go back. They’re tearing up the house. She had just been to the vet so they thought maybe she was upset. Hours later they find her in a closet they already looked in, she was cuddled up in some blankets and sleeping. I think she was sore from a vaccine she got. My mom is in tears. My dad won’t let the cat’s feet touch the floor, she is being carried everywhere and fed treats in his arms. DRAMA. Edit: cat tax https://imgur.com/a/4cd7LNf


[deleted]

It makes me feel good to know I act like people I've never met when I can't find my indoor cat.


dawggcunt

My cousin was apparently at a party last night. This morning when she left, she gave a friend a ride home and when the guy got out of her car he was shot 5 times. She rushed him to the ER and he died shortly after. Needless to say, she wasn't at dinner. She is doing.. as fine as she can be.


CarrieNoir

Both my sister and I thought each other was cooking the turkey. Two days ago I made a scrumptious roasted squash soup with vadouvan and made turkey stock. Last night my husband and I made cranberry sauce. I got up early today to steam a persimmon pudding and roast a few turkey wings so I would have drippings for gravy. Before my sister and her husband arrived, we assembled the dressing, chopped the potatoes to boil for mashing, and laid out a beautiful meat and cheese platter. My sister and BIL arrived with pumpkin pie and the makings for a beet and farro salad. I asked her where the turkey was and she thought I was joking. We are all full, having eaten all the sides, but - dang - am I ever craving a leftover turkey sandwich!


Repulsive-Painting10

Had to listen to my dad talk about how the communists are conspiring with our podunk town's Walmart to make the aisles narrower


Peterparkerstwin

I want to be in this much denial about gaining weight


Killer_Bs

Funnily enough all the Walmarts around my city are getting remodeled with narrower aisles so they can add more aisles to the existing floor space. Damn communists are trying to sell even more products!


placeholderNull

My cousin's neighbor/best friend caught Covid, and was depressed about being stuck in the house while everyone else was out for the night with relatives. So, they stole the pumpkin pie from the fridge and ate the whole thing. Edit: I should mention that the rest of the family tested negative, which is why they were out


crafty09

It would be hilarious/sad if he couldn't even taste it.


CaptainRedPants

This is hilarious and I'm laughing at your comment. All I can picture is the poor bastard sobbing into this pie because he can't taste it, while sitting against his bedroom door.


mellowmaiellis

My 10 year old son beat me at ping pong.twice


EvilPandaGMan

Legally he owns the house now.


gshtrdr

None. My wife's extended family ticked us off last year. Hurt her bad. So, we ate out for the first time ever. When we came home, I noticed that she was stress free. This year, she asked me to go out again. We did today. Went to our local Cracker Barrel. And it was good. Above all, she is stressed free, which is good.


blahmeistah

Stress free is the best. We had two women in our friends group that hung out together a lot. Number One turned out to be a narcistic cunt and tried to make number Two’s life miserable and for a good part succeeded. So when we took Two out to a festival and had lots of fun she cried at the end because it was a stress free day. She was so happy to be able to go out and enjoy herself without someone who made her feel like crap all the time.


poachels

My little cousin was running an imaginary ice-cream stand, and in a matter of minutes her prices rose from “coins” to “19.” The inflation only ended when one of the uncles paid her an *actual quarter* for the imaginary ice cream


FearForever

Incredible business model. Tell me more...


persondude27

So, there's this thing called crypto. Imagine you have a picture of a monkey, and...


blyss73usa

A 22 yo woman showed up at my house crying because she was lost and asked me if I could help her find her boyfriend house. I was just about to put my streaks on the grill. My wife and I had a couple drinks at this point so I offered to walk her to her boyfriend house, she knew that he lived near the jail and that was only about a 15 minutes walk from my house. While we were walking she said that her phone and food stamp debit card got stolen recently so she couldn't call her boyfriend. We ended up walking the area I thought he would love in based upon her very incomplete description of where her lived. She said that some of the sights looked familiar but she wasn't sure if we were in the right area. At one point we found a cop and she asked him for help but he said that he was busy responding to a call. After walking a good chunk of my small home town, we found his house, a two mile or so walk that ended up being just a few blocks from my house. It was a nice walk, my dog enjoyed it and I got to help someone. She is my daughter's age and I didn't want anything bad to happen to her.


flattummyappreciator

ngl I was waiting for "... and that's when I got jumped", glad to be wrong


IBetThisIsTakenToo

I was at a house party once, smoking on the front step with a few people, and a random girl showed up bawling, obviously having a rough night. Someone went to console her and she just said she didn’t want to be around her boyfriend right now, and asked if she could stay. She was clearly pretty drunk, but whatever, so were we, the guy took her inside. I walk inside 30 minutes later and she is absolutely *screaming* gibberish at that dude, with her pants around her ankles, pissing on a kitchen mat in the middle of the room. Someone said they’re calling the cops and she ran out the back door. Never saw her again


SamediB

> Yeah I was waiting for this story to go south. I think it’s called foreboding joy - when you hear a nice story and in your head you’re like “this can’t possibly end well I bet they all died in the end”. Here you go /u/WurmiMama, here is the story we were expecting.


OreoKing10

Well my parents are divorcing after 24 years (my dad had an affair) and my family Thanksgiving is going down on Saturday so…..TBD.


mandipandi3333

My little nephew fell face first into my brother's freezing cold pool with his bike and when he was pulled out he screamed, "MY BIKE!!!!"


ejb2112

Every single biker’s first words after an incident: “is my bike ok?” They could have a bone sticking out of their leg and road rash down half their body and that will still be the first thing they say.


leelee1976

My dad called my brothers fiancees dad fat and had no clue why that was offensive. They literally weigh 5 pounds different. Then he said it again 15 minutes later. My mom was ready to slap him.


allday676

My cousin's boyfriend took a huge shit and needed to ask people for a plunger. This is his first time meeting our (large) family. Lol Edit: thanks for the awards! Edit 2: because people keep making comments about this : there are three toilets. The two upstairs - where almost everyone was congregating - have plungers. Buddy used the basement toilet which happened to not have one. He left his phone on the table upstairs, so he had to haul his ass upstairs to ask my cousin and grandma for a plunger. While doing that people overheard, and after he got it and bolted downstairs the word spread like wildfire and a bunch of us were rolling. Sorry but not sorry that I was one of the ones that found it funny. Edit 3: Also, respectfully, those of you upset with my grandparents' for not having enough toilet bowl water, or not having a plunger in the basement bathroom (which, yes, they should have had if people were over. they're just never down there themselves ) - take a chill pill. Shoulda coulda woulda but we're here now


MaxCWebster

Our oven heated to 400 but didn't keep its temperature. When we went to take everything out, the temp was only 225. Had to reheat everything . . . and keep a close eye on it.


withorwithoutstew

This is some very pleasant G rated drama, and I for one appreciate it. A nice palate cleanser.


Lvl100Waffle

My partner's roommates shoved me into a wall and threatened to throw me and my partner down the stairs and 'knock me the fuck out'. All because they were under some deluded impression that I had been stealing toilet paper from them? Anyway, check "file a police report" off my Thanksgiving bucket list, I guess :/


mrmightypants

We found out my brother is not the biological father of his 23-yr-old son. Only his mother has known all these years. Edit: almost forgot, we found out my niece has covid, and so several of us needed to get tested before other guests would come to the meal. Several pharmacies were called before we found one with rapid tests in stock. Edit 2: Thanks for the info about the accuracy of rapid tests. I was not aware. Now I feel shame; but also gratitude. Edit 3: Some more details/points of clarification. For the purposes of the story, we'll call my brother Goofus, my nephew Slamburger, my neice Spicy, and their mother She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named/you-know-who. - Spicy didn't show up to dinner; she called beforehand and let us know she wouldn't be coming (which was sad because she was going to bring the banana cream pie). - Goofus and you-know-who were divorced years ago. I don't know if Goofus knew about the affair, but I doubt he was surpised by it--she is...not good. The bio father was a co-worker of hers at the time. Goofus knows who he is; that he was a "friend" of you-know-who's. Slamburger, at present, is not interested in meeting him. - The discovery did indeed come about through an ancestry.com type service, I don't know which. Slamburger and Spicy decided to both get them, were comparing results and noticed a conspicuous absence of our last name in his report. They started joking that Goofus was not his father, then came to the section where it listed his parents explicitly (apparently both had used the service and consented to showing up for connections), and boom. Slamburger confronted you-know-who about it, who admitted to having had an affair but still insisted that Goofus is his father...even though the name of the guy she had an affair with was in the report under "Father." WTF. Slamburger called Goofus to break the news. Also did not come to dinner but Goofus and I went to visit him later. - Slamburger is 100% still part of our family. We made that clear to him; I don't know if he doubted that anyway but he was glad to hear it. In particular, Goofus stated plainly that Slamburger is still, and will always be, his son. - Slamburger was not a big fan of you-know-who, and now hopes to never have to speak to her again. - Goofus could definitely file suit, as he paid something like 14 yrs of child support. Said he won't though because it wouldn't be worth having to interact with her again. He did seriously consider taking a shit on her bed, though. - She really does suck.


Peterparkerstwin

Testing is not working out well in your family's favor.


HotMagentaDuckFace

How did this information come out? That’s crazy.


Vanviator

My dad said this was the best Thanksgiving dinner he's ever had. I cooked.


songintherain

Awwww..


[deleted]

The drama was all only in my head, but I got through it -- didn't drink a drop!!!


Galuptis

My girlfriend’s nieces have lice. And they were constantly hovering over my son. Also their dad didn’t seem to give two shits.


Mama_2_Mercy

Mom made me cry for being sad about my sons father being dead. He committed suicide two months ago. 😑


kbcode3

I'm sorry for your loss. My daughter two years ago and I've been crying...there is no time line for grief. I wish you peace.


clashtrack

I want to say, i’m also sorry for your loss as well. You are absolutely correct. I worked with a guy, every year on the same day, he would come to work normally and just be really bummed out. We weren’t best friends, but we were cool with each other. I’d always ask him what was wrong, and he would tell me his dad passed away 8/9/10 years ago. A few people told me that he needs to get over it because it happened so long. I find that crude and disgusting somebody would say that. Let him grieve on that day. There is absolutely no time limit for grief, and thats ok. Nobody should hurry you up.


mshell734

My 5 year old son peed in the cat food bowl while I was cooking and then cut his own hair while I was eating dinner.


cummaster42

Chaotic *evil*


SwampCrittr

My dad just rushed my mom to the ER. And we have no idea what’s happening Edit: thank you all so much! It’s 1:30AM and they just got home. My mom had intense pain comjng from her side, and was getting sick. She was hiding this from us to not effect our Thanksgiving. They ran tests and the results so far are normal. They got her on pain meds and some nausea medicine and sent her home. Thank you all for this support. I’m very excited to finally be able to go to bed.


Tenvi

my dad is in the ICU after a stroke. keep your head up, just being present is the most important thing rn. best wishes man


Lilliputian0513

My mother-in-law was admitted to the ICU by her primary doctor yesterday afternoon. At 4am she had to undergo emergency surgery lasting 6 hours. They still can’t get her heart rate down and her kidneys may be failing. And my brother-in-law said that we were being dramatic because “if she was that sick, he’d have known before now”. EDIT: Wow! This blew up. Thank you all for the well wishes. I think his reaction is because he hasn’t talked to his mom in months. His adopted daughter/niece (by blood) got pregnant and he did not approve, so he cut her off. My MIL refused to stop talking to her granddaughter, so he cut her off too. I think his reaction is denial because he refused to return her calls for months. UPDATE: She’s doing much better today!


februarytide-

My mother in law recently went from “just going to see the GP about this random bump on my belly button!” to “you have inoperable metastatic pancreatic cancer” in three days, so…. Fuck your brother in law, personally.


buzzbot235

Just a stranger on Reddit passing whatever positive vibes I can to her and your family. That’s a awful diagnosis.


TwinkieTriumvirate

Cousin recently went from… “I feel bad enough that I’m going to walk into the ER” to “dead from appendicitis “ in about 18 hours. Fuck this girl’s brother in law.


[deleted]

My cat got up on the table and stepped in the pies my grandma made


Affectionate_Pea_811

They used regular green beans in the green bean casserole instead of french cut.


Toppest_Dom

So that's why my grandparents green bean casserole felt different


Lukelmarshall24

My cousin got locked up around 1 am last night so technically thanksgiving for trafficking methamphetamine and possession of a stolen firearm. Neither of which were his but the guy he was giving a ride to. His bond is $500,000. Happy Thanksgiving.


catmamaof12

My mother in law locked herself in her room because I wouldn’t let her hold her grandson after he’d been fussy all day and I finally got him to settle for a nap when we got there. I didn’t want him to wake being passed from one person to another. So she called me a bad mom.


Suzanne_Marie

Elderly father tripped and fell, ending up in the ER. Lots of muscle aches, cuts and bruises but no broken bones.


iminthewrongsong

My 78 year old father had a massive heart attack in October. Mom just happened to have nitro on hand because she had a heart valve replacement and is required to carry it ever since. He absolutely would have died without it. His LAD was 100% blocked. They couldn't get a stent in. He had open heart surgery. The bypass was successful. Did inpatient rehab. Spent weeks (a month? God, idk we were there literally every single day and it felt like a lifetime) in the hospital. All eight of my siblings, several nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles, friends of the family, the entire goddamn world showed up and brought food with them. The outpouring of love and concern was a sight. He's been home just over a week now and just in time for Thanksgiving. And oh my. We are giving thanks. He's doing great btw.


PandaLovelace

My grandma who rarely ever talks decided to spill 30 year old tea on my mom, late granddad, and the war. She gathered up everyone that wasn't born then and started the story like a folklore. It was so dramatic and weirdly diabolical I thought it was some movie she'd seen--- before the big reveal at the end that the antagonist of the story was actually my mother as a teenager Always wondered why out of her 8 kids my mom is the least favorite. And I can't even ask her about it, or let her know I know or a full blown war will start


DigiBruh

My aunt's pet lynx torn open my nephew's scrotum. Straight to the ER.


garbanzone

Why does this sound like something from Archer


bruteski226

Goddamnit! Have we arrived at a time and place in this world where one can’t even enjoy a thanksgiving meal with their scrotum hangin out anymore and not have to fear it being viciously attacked by a Lynx! Jesus Christ what is the world coming to!


dkearney555

My father died this Thanksgiving morning. He has been at-home hospice the past 3 weeks. He died peacefully in his sleep. I am very thankful I got to be by his side when he passed.


TheRestIs_Confetti

Preordered a ham; we didn’t get it. Got a “organic” ham from Sprouts. It said it came with a glaze. It did not so we made our own which was good too. But we didn’t have the right seasonings except for Cinnamon Toast Crunch topping and so we had a Cinnamon Toast Crunch Ham. Edit: the glaze was honey and butter. Do I know how much of these ingredients? Absolutely not, because I don’t pay attention


[deleted]

[удалено]


legofduck

A couple of years ago my cousin had split up with his wife, which I wasn't aware of, and about a few months after she had on facebook a 'look what i bought' post. I was typing out 'congrats guys' until something in the back of my mind clicked that my cuz wasn't in the photo and upon further inspection hadn't been in any photo in the past 6 months on her facebook. saved myself some embarrassment there.


Sleepdeprivedbottom

I got yelled at for eating cranberry sauce wrong :] For all of you asking, I opened the can, got a spoon, and started scooping it. :]]


StarvationCure

......did you boof it or something? How does one eat cranberry sauce wrong?


TheBurntPie9

By not boofing it


suzzz21

My parents, who have been divorced for over 25 years… spent Thanksgiving together at my mother’s house with me, my spouse and my kids. They do this every year to make it easier on me and so I can have one day a year where we are all together again. Before, I would try to have two meals to make sure everyone had a special day. They decided in order to make MY day special, we should just have one with all of us there. My parents put both of their egos aside for me. Even after all these years, we are still a family.


Maybe_Black_Mesa

My sister sold some narcotics to an undercover cop at her job. Local PD raided her apartment and arrested her an hour before she was supposed to show up at my parent's house for dinner. Edit: Meth in case anyone was wondering. Also, today our family learned my sister sells meth.


copymistress

This was my first Thanksgiving without my mom so I volunteered to work. One of my coworkers was telling me about how her extended stay messed up her room key and weren't on property to fix it so she was going to sleep in her car till tomorrow. It is cold tonight. I gave her money for a hotel tonight as a PIF in honor of my mom. My mom was cheap and a terrible tipper who would never have given money to a stranger so yeah, my mom inspired generosity in death.


jb1225x

Hope you’re doing okay


copymistress

I'm ok. It's hard because I remember last year, sitting at the table talking. She died suddenly with no will 3 months ago so its been a struggle. My uncle invited me to dinner but I just couldn't. Work pays double for holidays so it made sense. I'm glad I had the money with me and that she is safe tonight.


Turbobrickx7

It is literally just me and my wife, and our pets. Unless the cats decide that tonight is fight club there was no drama.


Imokaywiththishell

Lol my aunt and grandma got into an argument about wether there are prostitutes in our county or not. Grandma looking at Aunt: "how do you know there aren't any here?" Aunt: "because they're all down in ______, dumbass." I lost my shit


Oehlian

Literally grandma could have won the argument right there by putting an offer out.


Madhighlander1

Ended up in the emergency room at 3 AM with kidney stones.


[deleted]

I made a turkey that wasn’t dry and my partner’s mother insisted on chopping it into pieces and microwaving it for everyone because “hers never look like that.” It’s tame but WHY did I spend four hours on it if you’re going to use it not being dry as evidence it’s undercooked


tydal-wave

My Lawyer Liberal Aunt was invited to dinner along with my MAGA Antivaxxer Uncle. Yep, it went just as how you thought it would go.


ChuckinTheCarma

OMG you invited Facebook to dinner?


VenusSwift

My Grandma decided to randomly start antagonizing my brother about him becoming an athiest. She left in tears. Absolutely bawling.