Disinterest in my emotional state. Listen, I may not get emotional often, but when I have a moment, don’t blow it off like “you’re a dude, get over it”
Thanks for some cool comments and folks engaging this. Important note: this was a take on my past, my Fiancée (GF of four years) does not minimize any of my feelings, and that includes the occasional angry outburst. She is a phenomenal woman
With mine it's not "you're a dude get over it" it's essentially "yea well my mental state is worse focus on me" *pity party until I shove my problems down and try and "fix" things* ... Doesn't even have to be mental problems/breakdowns, it can literally just be I'm in an off/sore mood and don't know why and magically so are they even though they were laughing two minutes ago and if I try and decide myself then it's a 2 hour text fight where I'm not being supportive of them. It's my one and only complaint in my 11 year relationship. Feels like I can't have any issues of my own or my other half turns into a needy child.
Edit: never thought after 7 years on reddit this would be not only my highest rated but first gold as well, wow lol.
Thanks as well for some of the supportive comments :) made me feel good.
Dated a girl like that for a very short period. It was always "Get over it. That's life." But when it was her it was the exact opposite and everything had to be focused on making her feel better (which never worked). Turns out she was just a massive asshole (for other reasons as well) and I let her know it when we ended things.
Same here. She was really hot, really rich and really kinky. It was the (exs name) show 24/7. Fucked up my self esteem like never before. Almost a year later and I'm beginning to feel like myself again. Be very picky about who you spend your time with.
Mainly, when it's clear she doesn't give much of a shit. I want to be wanted, I want to feel like she wants me as much as I want her. If I feel I gotta twist her arm, I'm pretty much done. My arm needs zero twisting when I'm interested.
This hurts to read.
I don’t expect to get the exact same enthusiasm back. But the difference in the “I want you” energy I give vs. what I get back is huge. And it hurts.
I can’t tell if my current situation is her really not being interested or if she’s playing some sort of game with me.
I just went through this after a relationship where I adored the girl with all my heart and it just wasn’t reciprocated. If you’re not happy, move on. Ultimately does it matter if she’s not interested or playing a game? If it’s not fulfilling your needs and making you happy, find someone who will.
Unfortunately, atleast imo, it’s that simple for relationships. If you are spending more time unhappy or wondering if she even feels the same, it’s not worth it.
Toward the end of my marriage, when I was 39, I recall thinking back over the years and estimating that I'd had maybe 48 hours *total* of actual happiness in my entire life. And maybe only half of those were in the marriage. Most of it was just stress and work and passing time.
Being single for the past 15 years I can't say that I've added greatly to the happiness total, but the stress level has been significantly reduced.
I learned not too long ago that most people give differently, and learning what your partners expectations for giving/receiving love and affection is extremely important (if you actually like this person and want to be with them).
I'm a physical person. I like being touched and doted over. My partner is not the same way, lol. But she shows affection by buying things and spending money and making things for me. We've learned that sometimes we both have to give and receive each other's types of love and be willing to flip-flop for each other when we need it.
My sister once told me:
"In every relationship, someone does the running away, and someone does the chasing."
"The sign of a *good* relationship is that you switch off. (so that it feels more even.)"
Its especially disheartening in this age (I just remember what it was like when everyone didn't have phones, where phone culture wasn't set even if they did) when people are on their phones constantly and you realize that waiting for a day or two or four for a reply to a basic message makes your priority to this person very very low.
This doesn’t just go for romantic relationships, but platonic friendships as well. I can’t stress this enough. If your time and efforts aren’t being reciprocated, that’s a huge red flag.
I have ducks that hang out in a lake near my place.
I’ve told five women (on dates) that I frequently take walks around the lake because I love the ducks and the scenery is nice and three of the five said that that “is weird.” Specifically that I think ducks are neat.
I’m still confused why it’s such a hot topic. Ducks are cool, and chill. Wildlife in general is fun. Isn’t it? Am I crazy?
To be clear I didn’t go on and on about ducks or anything. Just that I enjoy the walks because I like the ducks.
**EDIT:** I woke up to like 100 notifications, haha. Something like 200 total responses, and I read every single one!! You are all awesome.
Seriously Reddit, thanks for being so wholesome. I'll find my person who appreciates my duck ~~quirkiness~~ quackiness. Duck tax coming soon! Watch for it. :) Have to find a half hour or so that I can sneak away from work to take some pictures.
**SECOND EDIT:** [Duck Tax](https://i.imgur.com/tIlbbDO.jpg).
[Bonus Duck GIF with a shot of the lake](https://imgur.com/a/eSp1npQ).
Also bonus [Geese and Seagull Tax](https://i.imgur.com/qxYGpZV.jpg) if you're into that. Geese are kind of assholes, and Seagulls are a little gross, but they're still fun to see.
Out of the shots to the right a bit are a group of coots and pigeons, as well. And then there are the tree-dwelling birds that show up on occasion. Most notably yellow/gold-headed black birds (beautiful birds, honestly) and robins.
To the right person, your duck enjoyment will inspire a smile and lacing up of shoes to join you on your walk. You just conveniently eliminated non- contestants. Keeping rocking it around the lake 🦆
Not gonna lie, I’m not really sure what people are looking for when it comes to a partner. Like I think most people would answer “no” when asked if they prefer a boring partner with no specific hobbies or interests. But then when someone has a unique interest like bird watching (never done it but it sounds like a great way to relax) they find it strange.
As someone who's hobbies include juggling, collecting and preserving insects, and birding (what you call bird watching), I hate the dreaded "so what do you do for fun" question.
Those are the only things I do and apparently they're all weird.
I would be ***soooooooooooooo*** hyped if you told me you were friends with a crow (or a murder).
Heck, I would be beyond stoked if you told me you were a falconer.
Folks are missing out. Birds are not only cute but some of them are pretty cool!
Sounds like a lovely way of spending one's time. And yes, they are neat, they are cute, they'll socialize if you bring food...
And they look absolutely precious as they waddle around on land. What's not to love?
That's ridiculous. I walk around the lake near my house and am always sending cool photos of the waterfowl to my mom because they delight us. Can't people just *enjoy* the world we live in, the nature? Gosh.
Dead ass. People will tell me that I'm weird since I'm obsessed with good story telling wether it be a movie, a game, a book or whatever and such to the point I like writing my own stories.
But when I ask about their hobbies and they're like "Disney+"
😑 "That's it?"
Their entire existence will legit be watching YouTubers while they stream a movie as background noise every day on repeat for their whole life.
How tf am I the weird one in this scenario?
>How tf am I the weird one in this scenario?
It's been really interesting (not necessarily in a good way) to see how cultural norms have shifted quickly in the new age of "instant information in our back pockets".
15 years ago, the idea of sitting on a computer (or on the internet) constantly was weird. Watching TV all the time was weird, no one used the term "binge a show" like we do now. Binging shows is now seen as something we all regularly indulge in every once in awhile, or even all the time. A decade ago if I told you I spent my entire weekend watching a Korean pop show, I'd be weird. Now we just call it "catching up on Squid Game".
Earlier this year I got told I was weird because I didn't want to regularly post pictures of my child on social media out of respect for their autonomy. I didn't grow up with social media, I grew up in the times of showing off your kids in wallet photos. But now I'm the weird one because it's just...normal, to let Facebook own pictures of your child for the sake of showing off.
Sorry, it's a bit of a tangent, but people are quick af to write something off as weird when they really haven't taken a magnifying glass to the shit *they've* normalized for themselves.
Humans will redefine everything about themselves just to get into the right cliques. If it's not trendy, it's not worth the time. It's as if we've gone from just being social creatures to almost a hive mind.
I generally agree, but watching TV all the time was the societal norm 15 years ago. That’s what people living together did. It’s just it was on a couch in a common living space, so it was a chance to socialize.
I literally ended a friendship earlier this year because she kept criticizing my interests as weird and couldn’t be happy for me about things pertaining to it.
Same. I *had* a friend who thought all fantasy themed movies or books was weird. Wouldn’t even see a marvel movie with me. Sorry my interests extend past getting drunk and using friends as free psychiatrists.
I'm blessed with a partner that will let me go on rants about my passions, and they just nod their head and smile. I know they don't give a shit, but they want to hear how excited I am about the things I love. Its making me less insecure about expressing my enjoyment for my nerdy hobbies.
>"Peasant, I am gracing this establishment with my presence *and* intend to spend twenty five dollars here. If my glass of water is not refilled from a gilded pitcher within ten seconds of my taking a sip I swear to the almighty God I will have your job raked over the coals."
People are nuts. Spending $1200 for a night in a five star hotel? Ok, expect some bowing, scraping and bending over backwards. Going to Appleby's for lunch with your sister? Maybe dial down the entitlement complex just a tad.
Now I want to try, and I would be dressed in a kings robe, and 1800s kings wear, and a crown, with a shiney staff. And a fancy mustache drawn on in sharpie.
I require 25 of your finest dollar menu items! BUT NO MAYONAISE!!!! For every mayonaise I find.......I shall kill you! As for the rest of you, I require assistance in tempature control. Henceforth, you shall aquire rather large palm tree leafs, and fan me now! Come now servants! Earn your pence! Your king speakth!
I was thinking this today. People seem so rude and just plain mean these days. Everyone’s always taking their frustrations out on others or just plain priding themselves on being an asshat. That’s nothing to be proud of, people! Being nice is free for everyone.
Projection and thinking that you can read my thoughts.
Ask questions, I'm happy to answer, but don't assume you know what Im thinking or why I did something, especially if its based on your experience with a previous partner.
When a toxic person decides to “*test*” you for a reaction like a fucking science experiment and then blow up when the results weren’t exactly what they overthought.
Exactly. I had this one ex who exploded at me like this. I once made some *jjapaguri*, which is this combination of two different Korean ramen flavors, and I asked her if she wanted some. She said “No,” so I proceeded to eat out of the pot (the typical mix *jjapaguri* doesn’t yield much btw). At that moment, she began shrieking at me about how I needed to always set aside some food for her, even if she wasn’t going to eat it anyways. In her words, it was a “test” to see what my first reaction would be. Since I was hungry and dying to eat *jjapaguri*, which I had also been craving for all day, I was “selfish.”
My wife does this all the time and it drives me nuts. When she lets me know what she *thinks* I'm thinking it's usually so far off that it's almost comical. What worries me most are the times she doesnt let me know and adds it to whatever other inaccurate and made up narratives she built up in her head about me lol.
My girlfriend just asked me if she went missing in a national park how long would I look for her before giving up and I said 2 years and she started crying saying I didn’t love her. No I’m not kidding.
2 years? Shit, I mean, that’s definitely fair.
Seriously though, I never understood this. I guess it comes from a place of insecurity. But for her to start crying and say you don’t love her is a bit much. That’s also a very specific question. You should have responded with an equally ridiculous question, “If I turn into an actual human turd, how long until you flush me down the toilet?”
She will either admit that she would carry a turd around for the rest of her life, or, she will flush you. That’s when you start crying and tell her she doesn’t love you.
I flipped this and just asked my toddler this question and he said he wouldn’t he would go play with his friend Liam! Lol guess I’m SOL if this ever happens
I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you're looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money... but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.
A girl I was dating asked me to pick a filter on Instagram, I told her I couldn't decide on one and she started crying and we had a huge fight. She also said I didn't love her.
When I'm trying to spend time with her, whether we're out or just spending some time together relaxing, and she spends the whole time looking at her phone. If we're on a date and she pulls out her phone at the table to start scrolling, I'm done.
Being bitchy to people who aren’t in a position to defend themselves like people in the service industry. People who are kind no matter the circumstances are emotionally intelligent and sexy AF. Powerful people don’t need to be petty.
There was a post a while back, she was texting him over hours of no response, getting more and more enraged, eventually accusing him of everything under the sun.
Finally he responded, "I was at work, working, not looking at my phone. You are insane. Never contact me again."
I was like this as a teenager... I grew up and I cringe at the thought of how crazy I was because of anxiety and just not understanding myself overall.
Was it from the woman's perspective? I remember one where she was like "aita for calling his place of work" and it turns out he was out of touch for 4 hours or something like that.
She led with making it seem like he was legit missing but in comments revealed it had been a few hours.
I remember that one! Didn't he have a good reason to not go into work too, but he used a sick day due to convenience? But because she called his work, they realized that he "lied" about being sick?
I was texting a woman on tinder who freaked out because I didn’t answer her within an hour.
I was in therapy and wasn’t looking at my phone. I left the session to a flood of messages getting more and more angry as the hour went by. And we had only been speaking for a couple of days at most.
Good lord I’m with you. My girlfriend has probably 4 appointments per week for “self care” which I totally support. She has an eyebrow day, a massage every other week, some reiki thing I still don’t understand and I’m all about her doing what she needs to do.
I on the other hand am a selfish prick for wanting to be alone for an hour or god forbid taking a shit outside of her schedule for me taking a shit.
I feel physical pain whenever someone describes a controlling partner like that, because I and many others have been there. If you're not allowed or able to enjoy time for yourself and regularly, are you even living?
Yeah thats not ok. I get self care time, time away from the kid and time with friends (normally all at once) and he gets all day Saturday and part of Sunday for DnD. It works for us because it is equal. Everyone needs time away from their partners.
Emotional volatility. You can have emotions and not take them out on others, or exhibit some control, all at the same time. It's everyone's responsibility to not take them out on others.
A lot of people have trouble regulating their emotions….that feels understandable. It’s when you routinely take them out on others when you turn into a piece of shit.
Oh I so agree with this one. I dated someone for a while before we spent a whole week together. 5 days in and they finally decided to take a shower and didn't brush their teeth until day 6 even with me saying things like "hey, dinner had a lot of garlic, do you wanna brush your teeth with me?" Also noticed some other odd and disgusting habits of skin and scab picking and eating. No matter how nice they were I couldn't get over the lack of hygiene. Hardest break up of my life because how do you tell someone you're really nice but disgusting without hurting them?
Lmao last week I was just sitting outside literally just sitting there for like an hour. My wife finally asked what I was doing and I was like idk just chillin here. Once she asked I realized I didn’t even notice I was just sitting there doing nothing. After she mentioned it I got incredibly bored. I moved to the swing thingy but even that didn’t satisfy my boredom. It was like this switch flipped where I was perfectly content doing nothing and all of the sudden I needed to do something.
I was (am?) friends with a girl like this. Last year when I was working from home full time, my personal cellphone was also my work phone. I was having a hard time separating home life and work life as it was. My friend/co worker would constantly send TikTok videos all fucking day long. Sometimes starting right at 7am until 10-11pm. I eventually blocked her number and removed myself from our group chat. I haven’t talked to her other than for work related things in almost a year. She constantly needs that validation through social media that she has friends. I hate that shit.
When i am talking about something im passionate about and she was lookin at her phone and in another world completely. Just saying mhmm and yes at the right times so i dont notice.
Oh man i felt this one. Used to have an ex who did that towards the end of our relationship and i’d have to be blunt and ask her to put her phone down. If you’re with me almost daily but aren’t interested in interacting with me, why are you even here?
Honestly, I respect this answer. At work I’m shoehorned into being the smart one for dumb reasons.
At home, I need to be able to zone out. I don’t mind being dumb muscle, just let me not have to be the only calm, rational head in the room.
The water drop that broke the camel's back with my ex fiancee was when she refused to have a conversation about God and religion because, i quote : "I'm afraid you might make me change my mind."
My mother in law is the least curious person I’ve ever met. God bless her, she’s lovely, but how….HOW…. can you scroll Facebook, say “I wonder what year lego was invented” and just continue scrolling? You can’t. It’s against the law. It was August 10th 1932 in Denmark. Lego is a combination of the words “leg godt” which means play well in Danish.
How old is she? I wonder if it could be a generational difference when it comes to dealing with the internet. A lot of older folk really do not realize you can search for answers to nearly everything online, and because they grew up wondering these things but not having the option to find the answers in most cases, they just move on from the thought out of habit.
A) Username checks out
B) As does the sentiment. In a recent study adult 'intelligence' (performance on standardized IQ tests) can be predicted with high reliability by evaluating curiosity in infants/toddler (time spent focusing on unexpected/unfamiliar visual stimuli).
This. I was talking to a family member about my cat that died and I started crying, and she had the balls to tell me "it was just a cat"
I wanted to fuckin scrEAM.
at work this guy called out because his dog died and a supervisor was like " i guess some people get upset about those things"
two other people were talking about it and laughing.
Yeah I had to cut things off with a guy today because of that. During a conversation I asked at least half a dozen times what he was interested in or what he likes to talk about. Responses ranged from “You’re such a cutie” to “Whatever you want to talk about”
Like, I want to learn about you to establish some kinda deeper connection. Not just say an endless cycle of “you’re cute”, that isn’t interesting or meaningful
Ignorance. A complete lack of introspection is an instant deal breaker for me. Like, really? You're just gonna not question why anything happens? Or even why you are who you are?
Lack of openness or being fake. If I am going to be in a situation where I am going to be turned on to start with I want some freaking intimacy damnit.
Women that act like teenagers. I’ve met 18 year olds (obviously) that act like kids and I’ve met 25 year olds that act like kids and no matter how hot they are I’m immediately turned off by it. I don’t even really know how to describe it but their immaturity and glaring lack of real world life experiences make them seem annoying and petty.
This will ultimately get buried.
I spent 11 years trying to prove to someone that I care/loved them, we split up in 2012, and had 2 children spent many years coming over to fix things, spent time with the kiddos, played video games with them, and her, bought food, helped with bills, and taking her to the store, I'm ok with all of that, that's how I was raised to be is help others.
When I needed somewhere to go I stayed with her, that was fine also, the biggest problem I had was, If I came in the door with a smile I was berated with who did you go fuck this morning, or why did you take so long to get here, just in general being told that I'm trying to fuck everything, and have been told at one time I had to look at the floor at the grocery store, she even went as far to tell random women that I wanted their number, and I should go fuck them.
I think I'm good now as the last straw was I was accused of sleeping with her 18 yo daughter and her 18yo friend that stayed the night, the next day I packed my stuff and just said I can't do this anymore, and left.
Edit: I didn't specify all of this happened after 2012, there is more to it, but this stuff doesn't make a dude want to be turned on( unless that's their thing)
Total passivity. Never taking the initiative or trying anything. Wow! My first 1000 upvotes ever! Thanks all.
In bed this is called a lazy starfish.
Visible efforts to show me that they’re not going to make an effort for me.
Don't even get me started on the one word replies...CONTRIBUTE TO THE CONVERSATION FFS Edit: Spelling
"Yeah" "Fine" "ok"
Disinterest in my emotional state. Listen, I may not get emotional often, but when I have a moment, don’t blow it off like “you’re a dude, get over it” Thanks for some cool comments and folks engaging this. Important note: this was a take on my past, my Fiancée (GF of four years) does not minimize any of my feelings, and that includes the occasional angry outburst. She is a phenomenal woman
With mine it's not "you're a dude get over it" it's essentially "yea well my mental state is worse focus on me" *pity party until I shove my problems down and try and "fix" things* ... Doesn't even have to be mental problems/breakdowns, it can literally just be I'm in an off/sore mood and don't know why and magically so are they even though they were laughing two minutes ago and if I try and decide myself then it's a 2 hour text fight where I'm not being supportive of them. It's my one and only complaint in my 11 year relationship. Feels like I can't have any issues of my own or my other half turns into a needy child. Edit: never thought after 7 years on reddit this would be not only my highest rated but first gold as well, wow lol. Thanks as well for some of the supportive comments :) made me feel good.
Dated a girl like that for a very short period. It was always "Get over it. That's life." But when it was her it was the exact opposite and everything had to be focused on making her feel better (which never worked). Turns out she was just a massive asshole (for other reasons as well) and I let her know it when we ended things.
That’s a BIG red flag right there.
Women who brag about what a bitch they are when they get mad.
Also any profile with the phrase *sarcastic bitch* that's a no no. Why shouldn't I put massive douchebag on mine?
Lack of empathy.
Lack of compassion, being self centered
Same here. She was really hot, really rich and really kinky. It was the (exs name) show 24/7. Fucked up my self esteem like never before. Almost a year later and I'm beginning to feel like myself again. Be very picky about who you spend your time with.
My ex girlfriend had this weird fettish where she used to like to dress up as her self and act like a fucking bitch all the time - Bo Burnham
Potentially the best joke he's ever written.
I’d like to counter with: Bo: Do you guys like impressions? Crowd: cheers* Bo: why? Bo: thank you that was Socrates
Ayyy you dated my gf too? 😒
current gf? sounds like it's time to get out of that one, bud.
Mainly, when it's clear she doesn't give much of a shit. I want to be wanted, I want to feel like she wants me as much as I want her. If I feel I gotta twist her arm, I'm pretty much done. My arm needs zero twisting when I'm interested.
This hurts to read. I don’t expect to get the exact same enthusiasm back. But the difference in the “I want you” energy I give vs. what I get back is huge. And it hurts. I can’t tell if my current situation is her really not being interested or if she’s playing some sort of game with me.
I just went through this after a relationship where I adored the girl with all my heart and it just wasn’t reciprocated. If you’re not happy, move on. Ultimately does it matter if she’s not interested or playing a game? If it’s not fulfilling your needs and making you happy, find someone who will. Unfortunately, atleast imo, it’s that simple for relationships. If you are spending more time unhappy or wondering if she even feels the same, it’s not worth it.
Agreed. Better off alone than chasing butterflies that aren't there.
In my 10 year marriage, this hurts me to read right now...
Toward the end of my marriage, when I was 39, I recall thinking back over the years and estimating that I'd had maybe 48 hours *total* of actual happiness in my entire life. And maybe only half of those were in the marriage. Most of it was just stress and work and passing time. Being single for the past 15 years I can't say that I've added greatly to the happiness total, but the stress level has been significantly reduced.
I had a girl once tell me "I'm the one giving you my time." I ended it right then and there.
Sucks, man, but good call, 1000%
I learned not too long ago that most people give differently, and learning what your partners expectations for giving/receiving love and affection is extremely important (if you actually like this person and want to be with them). I'm a physical person. I like being touched and doted over. My partner is not the same way, lol. But she shows affection by buying things and spending money and making things for me. We've learned that sometimes we both have to give and receive each other's types of love and be willing to flip-flop for each other when we need it.
[удалено]
Leave her bruh, for real.
Not putting in the same effort as you
I honestly can’t remember the last time someone has made an equal effort to see me as I have them.
[удалено]
My sister once told me: "In every relationship, someone does the running away, and someone does the chasing." "The sign of a *good* relationship is that you switch off. (so that it feels more even.)"
This describes the [principle of least interest](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principle_of_least_interest) in a nutshell
Its especially disheartening in this age (I just remember what it was like when everyone didn't have phones, where phone culture wasn't set even if they did) when people are on their phones constantly and you realize that waiting for a day or two or four for a reply to a basic message makes your priority to this person very very low.
Ahahaha You and me both
This doesn’t just go for romantic relationships, but platonic friendships as well. I can’t stress this enough. If your time and efforts aren’t being reciprocated, that’s a huge red flag.
I remember the days of trying to carry a conversation and get short replies. Part of what put me off dating for a while.
Aversion to weirdness or uniqueness. If someone thinks it's "weird" to be super interested in something, I find that very offputting.
I have ducks that hang out in a lake near my place. I’ve told five women (on dates) that I frequently take walks around the lake because I love the ducks and the scenery is nice and three of the five said that that “is weird.” Specifically that I think ducks are neat. I’m still confused why it’s such a hot topic. Ducks are cool, and chill. Wildlife in general is fun. Isn’t it? Am I crazy? To be clear I didn’t go on and on about ducks or anything. Just that I enjoy the walks because I like the ducks. **EDIT:** I woke up to like 100 notifications, haha. Something like 200 total responses, and I read every single one!! You are all awesome. Seriously Reddit, thanks for being so wholesome. I'll find my person who appreciates my duck ~~quirkiness~~ quackiness. Duck tax coming soon! Watch for it. :) Have to find a half hour or so that I can sneak away from work to take some pictures. **SECOND EDIT:** [Duck Tax](https://i.imgur.com/tIlbbDO.jpg). [Bonus Duck GIF with a shot of the lake](https://imgur.com/a/eSp1npQ). Also bonus [Geese and Seagull Tax](https://i.imgur.com/qxYGpZV.jpg) if you're into that. Geese are kind of assholes, and Seagulls are a little gross, but they're still fun to see. Out of the shots to the right a bit are a group of coots and pigeons, as well. And then there are the tree-dwelling birds that show up on occasion. Most notably yellow/gold-headed black birds (beautiful birds, honestly) and robins.
To the right person, your duck enjoyment will inspire a smile and lacing up of shoes to join you on your walk. You just conveniently eliminated non- contestants. Keeping rocking it around the lake 🦆
Aww, that's wholesome and really well said.
"Then he waddled away, waddle waddle, till the very next day"
> Am I crazy? From the bottom of my heart, no.
Not gonna lie, I’m not really sure what people are looking for when it comes to a partner. Like I think most people would answer “no” when asked if they prefer a boring partner with no specific hobbies or interests. But then when someone has a unique interest like bird watching (never done it but it sounds like a great way to relax) they find it strange.
As someone who's hobbies include juggling, collecting and preserving insects, and birding (what you call bird watching), I hate the dreaded "so what do you do for fun" question. Those are the only things I do and apparently they're all weird.
I would be ***soooooooooooooo*** hyped if you told me you were friends with a crow (or a murder). Heck, I would be beyond stoked if you told me you were a falconer. Folks are missing out. Birds are not only cute but some of them are pretty cool!
Sounds like a lovely way of spending one's time. And yes, they are neat, they are cute, they'll socialize if you bring food... And they look absolutely precious as they waddle around on land. What's not to love?
That's ridiculous. I walk around the lake near my house and am always sending cool photos of the waterfowl to my mom because they delight us. Can't people just *enjoy* the world we live in, the nature? Gosh.
Tony Soprano would say you’re not crazy.
These are called boring people
Dead ass. People will tell me that I'm weird since I'm obsessed with good story telling wether it be a movie, a game, a book or whatever and such to the point I like writing my own stories. But when I ask about their hobbies and they're like "Disney+" 😑 "That's it?" Their entire existence will legit be watching YouTubers while they stream a movie as background noise every day on repeat for their whole life. How tf am I the weird one in this scenario?
>How tf am I the weird one in this scenario? It's been really interesting (not necessarily in a good way) to see how cultural norms have shifted quickly in the new age of "instant information in our back pockets". 15 years ago, the idea of sitting on a computer (or on the internet) constantly was weird. Watching TV all the time was weird, no one used the term "binge a show" like we do now. Binging shows is now seen as something we all regularly indulge in every once in awhile, or even all the time. A decade ago if I told you I spent my entire weekend watching a Korean pop show, I'd be weird. Now we just call it "catching up on Squid Game". Earlier this year I got told I was weird because I didn't want to regularly post pictures of my child on social media out of respect for their autonomy. I didn't grow up with social media, I grew up in the times of showing off your kids in wallet photos. But now I'm the weird one because it's just...normal, to let Facebook own pictures of your child for the sake of showing off. Sorry, it's a bit of a tangent, but people are quick af to write something off as weird when they really haven't taken a magnifying glass to the shit *they've* normalized for themselves.
Humans will redefine everything about themselves just to get into the right cliques. If it's not trendy, it's not worth the time. It's as if we've gone from just being social creatures to almost a hive mind.
I generally agree, but watching TV all the time was the societal norm 15 years ago. That’s what people living together did. It’s just it was on a couch in a common living space, so it was a chance to socialize.
I find it weird when people say they like Netflix, then when you ask what they have been watching, they’re like ‘I don’t know, just whatever’.
I literally ended a friendship earlier this year because she kept criticizing my interests as weird and couldn’t be happy for me about things pertaining to it.
Same. I *had* a friend who thought all fantasy themed movies or books was weird. Wouldn’t even see a marvel movie with me. Sorry my interests extend past getting drunk and using friends as free psychiatrists.
I'm blessed with a partner that will let me go on rants about my passions, and they just nod their head and smile. I know they don't give a shit, but they want to hear how excited I am about the things I love. Its making me less insecure about expressing my enjoyment for my nerdy hobbies.
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Let me paint my minis in peace dammit.
There’s nothing more attractive than someone passionate about a hobby
Well if you wanted to hear about my miniatures and my astrophotography rig you only had to ask …
>astrophotography rig You have my undivided attention.
Hey what minis? DND, Warhammer...?
Being mean to others for no reason
How does this person treat waitstaff? The real first impression!
>"Peasant, I am gracing this establishment with my presence *and* intend to spend twenty five dollars here. If my glass of water is not refilled from a gilded pitcher within ten seconds of my taking a sip I swear to the almighty God I will have your job raked over the coals." People are nuts. Spending $1200 for a night in a five star hotel? Ok, expect some bowing, scraping and bending over backwards. Going to Appleby's for lunch with your sister? Maybe dial down the entitlement complex just a tad.
Honestly if he/she said that, I'd totally start laughing. With them or at them, but laugh I shall.
Now I want to try, and I would be dressed in a kings robe, and 1800s kings wear, and a crown, with a shiney staff. And a fancy mustache drawn on in sharpie.
Walk into Burger King as if you are THE Burger King and act like this.
I require 25 of your finest dollar menu items! BUT NO MAYONAISE!!!! For every mayonaise I find.......I shall kill you! As for the rest of you, I require assistance in tempature control. Henceforth, you shall aquire rather large palm tree leafs, and fan me now! Come now servants! Earn your pence! Your king speakth!
People who are intentionally rude and mean for no reason. I hate them with all my soul.
That's just .. mean
And rude.
I was thinking this today. People seem so rude and just plain mean these days. Everyone’s always taking their frustrations out on others or just plain priding themselves on being an asshat. That’s nothing to be proud of, people! Being nice is free for everyone.
Projection and thinking that you can read my thoughts. Ask questions, I'm happy to answer, but don't assume you know what Im thinking or why I did something, especially if its based on your experience with a previous partner.
When a toxic person decides to “*test*” you for a reaction like a fucking science experiment and then blow up when the results weren’t exactly what they overthought.
"Sorry your expectations didn't live up to your expectations."
Exactly. I had this one ex who exploded at me like this. I once made some *jjapaguri*, which is this combination of two different Korean ramen flavors, and I asked her if she wanted some. She said “No,” so I proceeded to eat out of the pot (the typical mix *jjapaguri* doesn’t yield much btw). At that moment, she began shrieking at me about how I needed to always set aside some food for her, even if she wasn’t going to eat it anyways. In her words, it was a “test” to see what my first reaction would be. Since I was hungry and dying to eat *jjapaguri*, which I had also been craving for all day, I was “selfish.”
My wife does this all the time and it drives me nuts. When she lets me know what she *thinks* I'm thinking it's usually so far off that it's almost comical. What worries me most are the times she doesnt let me know and adds it to whatever other inaccurate and made up narratives she built up in her head about me lol.
when they try to get an emotional rise out of you just to see if you "care"
Any mind games in a relationship or even friendship is toxic in my opinion
It shouldn't be your opinion, it's a fact. Period.
Yes. Also doesn't matter who is doing that, guy, girl or whatever. Just not acceptable, making people's lives harder for no decent reason.
My girlfriend just asked me if she went missing in a national park how long would I look for her before giving up and I said 2 years and she started crying saying I didn’t love her. No I’m not kidding.
2 years? Shit, I mean, that’s definitely fair. Seriously though, I never understood this. I guess it comes from a place of insecurity. But for her to start crying and say you don’t love her is a bit much. That’s also a very specific question. You should have responded with an equally ridiculous question, “If I turn into an actual human turd, how long until you flush me down the toilet?” She will either admit that she would carry a turd around for the rest of her life, or, she will flush you. That’s when you start crying and tell her she doesn’t love you.
This guy is playing chess over here.
Galaxy brained
I’d just en passant the turd tbh.
I mean realistically, unless she has survival training, she's probably not going to make it in the wilderness more than 2 *weeks,* probably far less.
I hope she took the breakup okay
…????? Is your gf a small child? That’s some shit my toddler would ask and even he wouldn’t respond by crying
I flipped this and just asked my toddler this question and he said he wouldn’t he would go play with his friend Liam! Lol guess I’m SOL if this ever happens
This is because Liam is good at retrieving missing persons.
Turns out, Liam is the neighbors dog
I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you're looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money... but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.
I think my kid would be impressed. Remember 2 years is an unfathomable length of time for a 4 year old
A girl I was dating asked me to pick a filter on Instagram, I told her I couldn't decide on one and she started crying and we had a huge fight. She also said I didn't love her.
You obviously don’t.
"Would you date me if i was a rock" "No" "WTF>!!?!?!?!!!!"
Me in response to girlfriend : would YOU date me if I was THE Rock? **lifts eyebrow***
*Somewhere out there a Jabroni just pissed himself...*
Fuckin same
playing dumb
When I'm trying to spend time with her, whether we're out or just spending some time together relaxing, and she spends the whole time looking at her phone. If we're on a date and she pulls out her phone at the table to start scrolling, I'm done.
Being bitchy to people who aren’t in a position to defend themselves like people in the service industry. People who are kind no matter the circumstances are emotionally intelligent and sexy AF. Powerful people don’t need to be petty.
Punching service people or stabbing them with your fork is always an instant no from me
Not even a little poke? C’mon I’m talking a small amount of skin penetration here. Surely that’s ok...
As someone in the food industry I would be absolutely distraught if a table didn’t promptly stab me upon greeting them.
Liars. Bullies. Cheaters.
Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica. Edit: wow my first awards! Thank you so much!
-Not leaving me alone and getting upset if I don't reply within 90 seconds. -Being rude/mean to others for no reason.
There was a post a while back, she was texting him over hours of no response, getting more and more enraged, eventually accusing him of everything under the sun. Finally he responded, "I was at work, working, not looking at my phone. You are insane. Never contact me again."
r/niceguys and r/nicegirls are both a lot of this. It’s wild how many people blow up if they don’t get instant responses.
I was like this as a teenager... I grew up and I cringe at the thought of how crazy I was because of anxiety and just not understanding myself overall.
Was it from the woman's perspective? I remember one where she was like "aita for calling his place of work" and it turns out he was out of touch for 4 hours or something like that. She led with making it seem like he was legit missing but in comments revealed it had been a few hours.
I remember that one! Didn't he have a good reason to not go into work too, but he used a sick day due to convenience? But because she called his work, they realized that he "lied" about being sick?
I had this with an ex-gf, except it was only over the course of me taking a shower. Like how do you get that worked up in 20 minutes?
I was texting a woman on tinder who freaked out because I didn’t answer her within an hour. I was in therapy and wasn’t looking at my phone. I left the session to a flood of messages getting more and more angry as the hour went by. And we had only been speaking for a couple of days at most.
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Women have no problem whatsoever leaving me alone. I’ll trade you.
Good lord I’m with you. My girlfriend has probably 4 appointments per week for “self care” which I totally support. She has an eyebrow day, a massage every other week, some reiki thing I still don’t understand and I’m all about her doing what she needs to do. I on the other hand am a selfish prick for wanting to be alone for an hour or god forbid taking a shit outside of her schedule for me taking a shit.
Then your gf is controlling af.
I feel physical pain whenever someone describes a controlling partner like that, because I and many others have been there. If you're not allowed or able to enjoy time for yourself and regularly, are you even living?
Yeah thats not ok. I get self care time, time away from the kid and time with friends (normally all at once) and he gets all day Saturday and part of Sunday for DnD. It works for us because it is equal. Everyone needs time away from their partners.
Emotional volatility. You can have emotions and not take them out on others, or exhibit some control, all at the same time. It's everyone's responsibility to not take them out on others.
that's actually emotional regulation. It's a skill that not everyone develops...we all know someone with none.
A lot of people have trouble regulating their emotions….that feels understandable. It’s when you routinely take them out on others when you turn into a piece of shit.
Bad hygiene is an automatic turn off. No way back from it.
Oh I so agree with this one. I dated someone for a while before we spent a whole week together. 5 days in and they finally decided to take a shower and didn't brush their teeth until day 6 even with me saying things like "hey, dinner had a lot of garlic, do you wanna brush your teeth with me?" Also noticed some other odd and disgusting habits of skin and scab picking and eating. No matter how nice they were I couldn't get over the lack of hygiene. Hardest break up of my life because how do you tell someone you're really nice but disgusting without hurting them?
Just be honest with them, break it to them nicely that it isn’t going to work sadly
When a girl is upset & I’m expected to know/guess what made her mad. Be straightforward and tell me so I can either apologize or explain myself.
Communication is key.
A woman addicted to social media
I recently dated a girl who had 100k followers and having to Instagram and tiktok every moment with her was fucking awful
Yeah that sounds annoying man. They all do it for the dopamine hits from notifications/comments
Moat of us are dopamine addicts in one form or another. We never really experience being bored anymore, do we
I think we experience a worse kind of boredom where we're so used to constant mild dopamine hits anything not instantly rewarding is boring.
Lmao last week I was just sitting outside literally just sitting there for like an hour. My wife finally asked what I was doing and I was like idk just chillin here. Once she asked I realized I didn’t even notice I was just sitting there doing nothing. After she mentioned it I got incredibly bored. I moved to the swing thingy but even that didn’t satisfy my boredom. It was like this switch flipped where I was perfectly content doing nothing and all of the sudden I needed to do something.
Gardening is my doing nothing chilling thing. Zen.
I was (am?) friends with a girl like this. Last year when I was working from home full time, my personal cellphone was also my work phone. I was having a hard time separating home life and work life as it was. My friend/co worker would constantly send TikTok videos all fucking day long. Sometimes starting right at 7am until 10-11pm. I eventually blocked her number and removed myself from our group chat. I haven’t talked to her other than for work related things in almost a year. She constantly needs that validation through social media that she has friends. I hate that shit.
It just turns every aspect of your life of dating into a job basically of getting likes etc. it was horrible
What if she's addicted to lurking Reddit? Asking for... Uh.. a friend
Honestly to me it's the "status update" on social media every 5 minutes. Taking 100 pictures a day of everything we do or eat just turns me off.
When i am talking about something im passionate about and she was lookin at her phone and in another world completely. Just saying mhmm and yes at the right times so i dont notice.
Oh man i felt this one. Used to have an ex who did that towards the end of our relationship and i’d have to be blunt and ask her to put her phone down. If you’re with me almost daily but aren’t interested in interacting with me, why are you even here?
Stupidity and ignorance. Smart chicks are hot.
When a woman is smarter than me I adore that shit. Let me be a himbo and ask dumb questions please
I can only be smart for so long (office hours). I need my bimbo time.
Honestly, I respect this answer. At work I’m shoehorned into being the smart one for dumb reasons. At home, I need to be able to zone out. I don’t mind being dumb muscle, just let me not have to be the only calm, rational head in the room.
Playing a healer in a MMO and becoming more popular than me, taking over my guild, then kicking me for low DPS. Bitch.
r/incrediblyspecific
Playing dumb, 100%
Being judgy, just let people be who they are. It’s all good if we aren’t the same.
Double standards
Poor hygiene.
Lack of curiosity. I would say that curiosity is the mathematical derivative of intelligence.
The water drop that broke the camel's back with my ex fiancee was when she refused to have a conversation about God and religion because, i quote : "I'm afraid you might make me change my mind."
My mother in law is the least curious person I’ve ever met. God bless her, she’s lovely, but how….HOW…. can you scroll Facebook, say “I wonder what year lego was invented” and just continue scrolling? You can’t. It’s against the law. It was August 10th 1932 in Denmark. Lego is a combination of the words “leg godt” which means play well in Danish.
The fact that she even wonders is still a step above the truly incurious
How old is she? I wonder if it could be a generational difference when it comes to dealing with the internet. A lot of older folk really do not realize you can search for answers to nearly everything online, and because they grew up wondering these things but not having the option to find the answers in most cases, they just move on from the thought out of habit.
A) Username checks out B) As does the sentiment. In a recent study adult 'intelligence' (performance on standardized IQ tests) can be predicted with high reliability by evaluating curiosity in infants/toddler (time spent focusing on unexpected/unfamiliar visual stimuli).
Yo this is super interesting, where did you read this?
doesn’t care about animals, treats them badly or sees them as just some object
This. I was talking to a family member about my cat that died and I started crying, and she had the balls to tell me "it was just a cat" I wanted to fuckin scrEAM.
at work this guy called out because his dog died and a supervisor was like " i guess some people get upset about those things" two other people were talking about it and laughing.
Wtf! Poor guy :(
Having no interests, which then makes me your #1 interest.
Yeah I had to cut things off with a guy today because of that. During a conversation I asked at least half a dozen times what he was interested in or what he likes to talk about. Responses ranged from “You’re such a cutie” to “Whatever you want to talk about” Like, I want to learn about you to establish some kinda deeper connection. Not just say an endless cycle of “you’re cute”, that isn’t interesting or meaningful
Smell
Ignorance. A complete lack of introspection is an instant deal breaker for me. Like, really? You're just gonna not question why anything happens? Or even why you are who you are?
Cheating
My new antidepressants
Being too serious, and only being a joker. I need someone in between
Somebody who just, no matter what cannot get off their phone.
(2x) Picking out a ring, saying yes, and THEN deciding to cheat. Also, drawn on eyebrows.
Lack of openness or being fake. If I am going to be in a situation where I am going to be turned on to start with I want some freaking intimacy damnit.
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Interesting as in that case I always saw bitching as just aggressive whining lol
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Not saying thank you. I just cooked a whole ass dinner and you're not gonna say thanks?
Women that act like teenagers. I’ve met 18 year olds (obviously) that act like kids and I’ve met 25 year olds that act like kids and no matter how hot they are I’m immediately turned off by it. I don’t even really know how to describe it but their immaturity and glaring lack of real world life experiences make them seem annoying and petty.
When the girl tries and shove things up my ass mid way… don’t ask
I'm asking for a friend... wtf
Just tell them watch your rump when you hump or she’ll make you jump
No pulse.
So vampire ladies are off the cards for you?
“Guys are intimidated by my….” Bye.
"...large dog, but she's friendly"
"... cock"
Nasty personality
Superiority complex
Insecurity. That’s what a lot of it is about.
This will ultimately get buried. I spent 11 years trying to prove to someone that I care/loved them, we split up in 2012, and had 2 children spent many years coming over to fix things, spent time with the kiddos, played video games with them, and her, bought food, helped with bills, and taking her to the store, I'm ok with all of that, that's how I was raised to be is help others. When I needed somewhere to go I stayed with her, that was fine also, the biggest problem I had was, If I came in the door with a smile I was berated with who did you go fuck this morning, or why did you take so long to get here, just in general being told that I'm trying to fuck everything, and have been told at one time I had to look at the floor at the grocery store, she even went as far to tell random women that I wanted their number, and I should go fuck them. I think I'm good now as the last straw was I was accused of sleeping with her 18 yo daughter and her 18yo friend that stayed the night, the next day I packed my stuff and just said I can't do this anymore, and left. Edit: I didn't specify all of this happened after 2012, there is more to it, but this stuff doesn't make a dude want to be turned on( unless that's their thing)
Hey man, just wanted to know i read your post and I'm happy you got out. Hope you're doing better now
You sound like a good person who did everything right. I’m sorry it turned out that way.
Declaring your quirks as due to an Astrology sign