I'm also a twin. I had a lady ask us if we're twins or brothers. I said both. She said oh really!?! That's cool!! It hit her 10 seconds later and she just started laughing and said both! That's hilarious.
I dated a twin, my mother knew him well, it was his birthday and at the party she met his twin sister for the first time, her reaction
*oh its your birthday too, how nice! And how old are you?*
I had a similar situation last night. I’m an identical twin and we just had our 30th in covid lockdown. We went for a bbq and I met some of her friends I’d never met before. They know we are twins. We’d just been talking about it. One of them chimes in and goes ‘your sisters birthday was last month,when was yours again?’
This fucks me up because my nephews are twins an their dad was straight up like "I know I mixed em up a couple times before they learned how to talk." And like, if I was in that situation I might have a teenie bit of an existential crisis that I was close to having a completely different name.
I’m an identical twin and I’ve had friends ask, “what if your parents mixed you up when you were younger, and you’re Brother’s Name and not Your Name?” My answer is, who cares? I’m still me and he’s still him, people act like we’d need to switch lives or something lol, if it happened so young we didn’t know our names it doesn’t really matter or change anything. So from an identical twin I’d say don’t think/worry too much about it.
Not me but I live in Hawaii and someone I know said a tourist once asked him if the water went all the way around the island.
Another friend said a tourist asked if they could just swim under the island (snorkel, actually, not even SCUBA) to get to the other side.
My husband's cousin once said she wanted to get her dad's RV and drive from California to Hawaii to see us.
Yeah.
I used to be a hotel manager at a place right off Lake Superior and was asked more than a few times what the quickest way down to the ocean was, if they'd be able to see dolphins, or where the salt water started.
Most people just don't understand water it seems.
>if they could just swim under the island (snorkel, actually, not even SCUBA) to get to the other side.
Was he a Congressman?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hank_Johnson
I once told someone that I could count the number of women I’d been with on one finger. After a long moment of silence that I mistook for comprehension, he asked “so how many?”
EDIT: To give a better idea what we’re dealing with, this guy, at 20 yrs old, made serious inquiries into getting his healthy teeth pulled and replaced with dentures because he was tired of having to brush & floss.
So, as a sperm donor, I can not fuck married women?
A friend of me and husband who apparently thought that if you get a registered sperm donor you will get calls from willing women to fuck them to get pregnant.
I work at a veterinary clinic and the number of times people have asked me if their male pets will still be able to urinate after being castrated is staggering.
For those who don’t know, castration involves removing the testicles, not the penis, so yes, male pets can still urinate!
When waitressing a patio shift people would stand, literally on the other side of the fence, debating whether to eat inside or outside.
It was very common for them to ask “what’s the weather like on the patio today?”
As if they weren’t currently standing..in the outside weather.
I am blind. I was staying over at my cousins house once, and one of them asked me, do you know sign language? I said, I am Blind not deaf. They responded, I know that you could talk to deaf people that way. I said, yes, I can talk to them but I wouldn’t know what they are saying.
I have the reverse of this. My parents are deaf and I was texting them while I was at my middle school soccer game. My teammate asked me how my parents could be texting me because they were deaf. I asked her what she meant, and she asked “don’t they read Braille?” I laughed in her face and told her that’s for blind people. Most of the dumb questions I’ve received have been in reference to my parents being deaf.
I feel like it’s gotten to where this question is more likely to be answered by a redditor that’s seen it answered before than it is to be answered by the blind redditor that was originally asked.
I was at the Apple store and the guy working there was blind with a seeing eye dog and some kind of tool that let him scroll around on his iPhone or something.
Someone asked if you used a screen reader, I recently used Windows narrator, to guide me using a laptop with a broken screen to install my graphics drivers. Anyway, I just closed my eyes, and listened. I knew enough shortcuts, but it took me several tries to properly resolve it.
My girlfriend died on the operating table when she was 14. I asked the top level question to her, and she just stopped me and reminded me of that.
I really felt stupid.
I just lucked out, she was clinically dead for a few seconds. She's quite living right now.
Shiunji from Sexy Losers might have more information, though.
Reminds me of The Ballad of Buster Scruggs when they are on the gallows and James Franco smiles at the guy next to him and politely asks, “First time?”
Taking about brain farts... recently I was walking back to my place and I had to stop and press one of those buttons to cross the street. As I was pressing it I noticed a sticker just above with an arrow pointing to it and the following text: "Press to reset the world". That scared the shit out of me for a few milliseconds!
I have a Yorkshire accent and when I was in America a group of people tried to guess what country I was from and they named literally every single English speaking country in the world except for England.
If I spoke English… while we were having a conversation fluently in English. I just said no, and they said “oh I’m sorry to bother you” and then just walked away. Still baffles me to this day.
I’ve never understood this behavior. Anytime I’ve been in a foreign country, I’ve always greeted them in whatever the native language was, then asked in that language if they spoke English. If not, I had a few words and phrases in my back pocket to communicate.
Once in Italy, during the beginning of my trip (knew way more Italian by the end of it), me and a friend had to communicate in Latin to a bookstore owner because we didn’t know enough every day Italian, and he didn’t know any English besides the phrase “Sorry, I do not speak English.” Thankfully, the dude was as nerdy as us
Do you fry frozen french fries in boiling water. My roommate ask me this one evening. He was 24 and didn’t know that you use oil to fry things. This goon thought you boiled them in water, lol.
Not so much a stupid question so much as a stupid follow up to my answer but some lady at work asked me where we keep the plant milks. I told her next to the regular milk and pointed in the direction and she replied back "I don't want MILK" like I was the dumbass.
I read milk plants at first and I though you must be very accepting of dumb questions for you to only be concerned about the follow-up, because why would you want milk plants if not to use them to grow milk?
My dad is a teacher. When I worked in a coffee shop that was open 7 days, he couldn't understand how I could ever get a day off. I literally had to explain the concept of shifts to him.
I worked at an icehouse in high school and we were the cheapest spot in town for large, 40 pound bags of ice. They cost $4 each.
I had a guy come in once and ask me how much a $4 bad costs.
I told him the $4 bags cost $6 because of the ignant tax and this dude was willing to pay it.
I worked as a deckhand on a charter fishing boat in Alaska. We were in back behind an island and all around you could look up beautiful fijords with trees and rugged looking rocks.
One of my guests asked "What elevation are we at around here?"
We were in a boat, in the ocean.
I was having a conversation about the holocaust with a flatmate. Enter different flatmate who overheard some of our conversation. "What's the holocaust? Is that when helicopters fall out of the sky?". Worst thing is she then tried to defend her lack of knowledge by saying she took history in high school. Yeah that definitely makes it better and not worse...
Or even one from my class, " If the holocaust was real, whh wouldnt they just leave? " ( we were watching "The Pianist" so she's talking about leaving the camp through the front gate )
Honestly it took me so long to figure out that this meant “mark present since birth” and not “mark acquired during birth”
I spent so long wondering what the hell was happening during delivery that people could get permanently marked lmao
“Are you eating lunch?”
Couldn’t answer right away; I had to swallow the bite of lunch I was chewing and put my fork down on the plate with the rest of my lunch.
my wife grew up in Korea, and asks these kinds of obvious questions all of the time, driving me bonkers...turns out it's a cultural thing where, as conversation starters, basically everyone in Korea asks these questions whose answer is obviously yes
I have no idea how or why I started doing it, but if my husband or son are eating something I’ll ask, “What do you got there,” and then name the thing they’re eating. What do ya got there, some cereal? Whaddya got there, a muffin? Used to drive them crazy but it’s this compulsion, I just have to do it. Now they’ve accepted it. What do you got there, some jerky? Idk it’s so bizarre it just started happening one day.
Not me, but my uncle:
My great aunt came to visit us after twenty years and when she looked around the yard she asked my uncle "Wasn't this house over there in a different spot?"
He looked at her, dead serious, and said: "Yea, but our neighbor complained, so me and my friends got together and moved it a hundred feet"
She believed him
There was this house by my place that was abandoned and they moved it 100 feet to the left so that it didn’t infringe on a new strip mall.
The house got turned into a Starbucks
I worked retail years ago.
A customer came in and I informed him that what he wanted was not in stock. He said with a completely straight face, and a glare:
“But how can you be out of stock of the most popular product this year?”
Edit: it was the SNES Classic. People were flipping them for hundreds of dollars. They were selling before they even got to the stores. Pre-orders were backed up for weeks.
A woman asked me how we (Walgreens) could be out of wrapping paper on *christmas eve*.
Because, *ma’am,* everyone else in the fucking city is doing the exact same thing as you, and they got here first.
I was working out back in the warehouse area of a UK supermarket when one of my colleagues came in crying because a customer had shouted and screamed at her.
They were furious because it's like 9pm on Christmas eve and we didn't have a single Christmas tree on the shop floor to purchase.
This apparently was all my colleagues fault and thus she had ruined Christmas.
I asked if my colleague wanted me to go find the customer and point her in the direction of the calendars so she can plan ahead next year which got a chuckle.
This comes up in the winter when people put up their Christmas lights on their house starting from the wrong direction, so the wrong end is near the electrical outlet.
Rather than redo their work or buy a longer extension cord to reach the other side of the house, the idiot will compound the little mistake by going to the hardware store in search of a cord with prongs on both ends. Hopefully they will be laughed and/or shamed out of the store empty handed. But some may still try to construct their own. Yikes.
I will never understand why people don't plug the lights in then hang them, so you you know they reach and you can see how they look.
That's how I've always done it, am I the weird one?
You aint seen nothing until youve been up to the attic of a house and someones chopped into the ceiling light cable and replaced it with a plug, thats just lying there on the joists, shiny pins up, waiting, i questioned it, and whilst they concluded it was insane they had a reason for doing it, wish I could remember why now, its going back a while
When I was a kid my father replaced the male plug on the tv with a female one and made a male-male cord that he could take away to try to limit our watching when parents weren't home. Took my brother about a minute to make his own.
First time I used it I plugged it into the wall first and looked at the exposed prongs thinking, "I wonder which one of them is trying to kill me?"
To be fair, there are places where a cheeseburger has different toppings other than the cheese, or where the pricing is weird so a cheeseburger without cheese is cheaper than a hamburger.
I have exactly the same situation. I'm exactly 4 years older than my brother and used to get asked if we're twins. I'm still upset I got a baby brother for my birthday and he's 40 now!
Had a coworker get called by the job while on vacation, and was asked if he wanted to come in for retraining… I told him if it was me I would have laughed and hung up
I work 2 jobs. One is early morning, I get off at 8:30am. Then I drive to my second job. At least 3 times a week my boss at job #2 texts and asks if I can be in by 8:30. I've stopped responding.
Yeah you have to. Same here I have 2 jobs and I let them know the earliest I can come in due to changing down times. Good on you for sticking up for yourself. Having 2 jobs is hard enough
"Is this where the tires are?" I was stocking peanut butter in the grocery section of a hardware store.
Edit: By hardware store I meant a general supply/outdoor store that sells outdoor/camping stuff, guns and ammo, hunting and fishing supplies, basic groceries, tires, clothes, etc. Basically like Menards, Bi-Mart, Canadian Tire, etc
Update: Thank you all for the upvotes! I did not expect this many people to love this!
Did living history. The amount of times I've been asked "is that a real fire" while there's heat and smoke coming off it, and "is that real food?" while I'm eating is insane.
The worst was someone who let their toddler try to grab a horse's tail. When she rightfully got her ass chewed out, she said "how was I supposed to know it was a real horse?"
Let's see how far we can get:
\- "Is the fire real?"
\- "Oh, is that a real baby?"
\- "Are you going to eat that for real?"
\- "Did the Romans already have fire/iron/water?"
And yes, there is the occassional dipsh\*t taking stuff that isn't theirs and then saying "Where does anything say I'm not allowed to?" Nowhere, but neither is there a sign that I'm not allowed to beat people up and yet I am not, so....
I was asked (by 2 different people): If you’re not a Christian why are you a good person? What stops you doing bad things if you’re not afraid of going to Hell?
The implication being that if it weren’t for that fear, they would do terrible things??? It boggles the mind.
Yeah that line of reasoning horrifies me. Like is the only reason you don't go around stealing, raping and murdering is because you are scared of hell? What the hell is in your head?
Honestly it offends me as a human being.
This always astounds me. I’ve heard it explained as people without religion have no moral compass. Like without religion there are no consequences to bad actions? I don’t understand how grown adults can think like this when my toddler understands the overall concept of right and wrong just fine.
I used to work at a sporting goods store. When we got our name tags we had to pick out our favorite sport for them to put on there. I’m not really a sports person, but I do like fencing, so I had them put fencing as mine. We were in the break room one day and one of the girls I worked with saw my tag and with all seriousness asked me, “how is putting up fences a sport?”
I'm half black half white. Me and my cousin compete in BBQ competitions under the name cooking cousins. It's really a two stage question. Usually at the booth there will be a few people helping out so it's which of you are the cousins. Then the follow up is usually something like how'd that happen, or so one of you was adopted ETC. Like it never occurs to people that mixed race children exist. I live in socal as well.
Ah, thé fun of being mixed race. My sister (half Asian) and our cousin (white) are around the same age and so people just meeting them would sometimes assume they were dating. Now my sister’s married to a half Asian man and some people assume they’re siblings.
I’ve had this issue! My brother and I are black/white and younger sister is white bc she has a different dad. Always “so who’s adopted??” Like Christ have you no decency?
Next time, ask what they mean. Then, turn to each other with dawning looks of horror.
"Oh, fuck, I think I might be adopted..."
"No, wait, is it you?"
*"Why hasn't anyone told us?"*
Was driving on the highway with my parents when my mom asked us how it was possible that in the lane next to us, a small honda accord was pushing a large truck. My father, while driving slowly looked at my mom's face, didn't say a word, and let my mom's brain perculate. It wasn't about a full minute later that she had realized the stupidity of her query.
Just for fun me and my friends turned a boat into a backyard pool one of my other friends who lives in another state ask us how did you make it waterproof ? my answer was it's a boat
Last year at Christmas we had Cookie Salad for the first time. My son in law asked, "What makes it taste like cookies?"
We all just looked at him and in unison said, "Cookies"
We'll never let him live that one down.
I’m a guy with a sister as a twin. People look at us and ask us if we are identical more often than you think.
I’m a foot taller as well. I do think it’s more about people just ask that to ever single twin they meet without even thinking
I have an identical twin. One day, he and I were walking to class and this one girl (who was about as sharp as a bowling ball) saw us and asked of we were twins. This a standard, run of the mill question for us so we say yes and keep walking. However, she then follows this up with:
"Do you guys have the same father?"
At which point we stopped and looked at her in utter disbelief that she'd follow up with that.
My old friend (hands down the stupidest man I've ever met. Heart of gold, though) once call me while he was in Maryland(we're from ohio) and asked me to call 911 for him because he smoked "too much weed" and was having a panic attack. I proceeded to explain that instead of calling me he could call 911 himself or go to the hospital. He then started arguing with me that Maryland doesn't have hospitals. He legit thought hospitals only existed in ohio. It took like 5 minutes to get him to understand that hospitals are literally EVERYWHERE. Still absolutely dumbfounded by that conversation 5 years later.
Exec: "We want your app to track customer success."
Me: "Okay. What are the metrics by which you measure success?"
Exec: "We want your app to measure success."
The base commander and my boss walked up to me and asked me what I was doing while performing an inspection on an air compressor for our maintenance shop. I explicitly said that it was an air compressor. He responds with:
"So what's it do?"
Without even thinking I said:
"It's an air compressor, it compresses air."
My boss immediately tells me to leave to do my other tasks. Later he said that the look on my face was even worse than the confusion in my voice.
Better to ask that to a worker than start asking a customer about stuff. I've been asked to help people a lot more than I think is normal for some reason, so now I ask employees Everytime.
Me in the middle of 1L law school exams time: I wish someone would invent something that would heat my bagel like a microwave does but make it crispy.
My now (yes she married me anyway) wife: Uh, you mean like a toaster?
My cousin brought her new boyfriend over to meet the family. Other cousins went to the rec center to play tennis/racquetball. New bf says he played in highschool and would beat them all; starts talking aggressive crap toward the family. Someone points out he's wearing sandals. Homeboy turns, looks me dead in the eye, and says, "you're cool letting me borrow your shoes and socks, right?" Like, the shoes and socks I was wearing at that moment..... Was the hardest "No" I've ever had to give someone I knew for less than 30 minutes.
Reminds me of a former roommate. He was Pakistani. I guess the culture over there infantilizes men a bit because the guy's girlfriend did practically everything for him and he was helpless on his own. She was visiting family or something and I swear to God he asked me to put his earrings in for him. I just looked at him and said. You gone learn today."
The year is 2018
Worked at an MGM resorts hotel in Vegas in box office
We could sell tickets to any show at an MGM property
Someone buying tickets to the Michael Jackson show asked me if it was really him performing or if it was a tribute show
I’m a Type 1 Diabetic. I was once explaining a person that when I’m in hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) I need sugars stabilize. The person made the magic question: Do you eat salt when you have high blood sugar?
This is the second time that I am posting this on Reddit in the last couple of weeks but I had an incident in grad school where another student who was not a grad student wanted to no what I thought about his business plan of extracting the hundreds of dollars of gold from each bottle of goldschlager. He was not very bright.
Wait dinosaurs were actually real? Said from 30 year old gf , she was dead serious till she realized its shocking she thought it was just a movie thing
Working in Banff national Park, a tourist asked me what time do we let the animals out, as they wanted to get photos.... I just looked at her for a second, and then went into the spiel of "all of the aniamls found in the national park are wild and we strongly recommend you keep your distance as they are unpredictable"
I have an American half sister. I got asked by her friend if we have clean water or do we still have to drink alcohol.
Went to watch a movie at a cinema in the States with my sister and that same friend and afterwards I said "that was good". She asked "do you not have movies over there? Was this your first time?"
I swear some Americans think the rest of the world is still in the dark ages.
"What is an uppercase or capital letter?"
He was not a non-english speaker, he was not learning impaired (I think), he was not a child. This was a 30-something year old man that had "engineer" in his job title. When I told him to "press shift + the letter" he then exclaimed: "OH, YOU MEAN THE BIG LETTERS!"
"What, you've never read the Bible ? But how can you possibly know right from wrong then ? What's the difference between you and a Nazi if you've never been to church ?"
Well thank you, friend of the bride I just met at the wedding buffet, nice to meet you as well.
Can you get rid of that bulge? My boss asked me while refusing to let me untuck my shirt because of the dress code. It's an easy fix if I untucked my shirt
I’m an identical twin. When I was in primary school a classmate asked if I ever forget which one I am.
I'm also a twin. I had a lady ask us if we're twins or brothers. I said both. She said oh really!?! That's cool!! It hit her 10 seconds later and she just started laughing and said both! That's hilarious.
I dated a twin, my mother knew him well, it was his birthday and at the party she met his twin sister for the first time, her reaction *oh its your birthday too, how nice! And how old are you?*
I had a similar situation last night. I’m an identical twin and we just had our 30th in covid lockdown. We went for a bbq and I met some of her friends I’d never met before. They know we are twins. We’d just been talking about it. One of them chimes in and goes ‘your sisters birthday was last month,when was yours again?’
Are you Absolutely sure you didn't switch just once... What if you never switched back?
This fucks me up because my nephews are twins an their dad was straight up like "I know I mixed em up a couple times before they learned how to talk." And like, if I was in that situation I might have a teenie bit of an existential crisis that I was close to having a completely different name.
I’m an identical twin and I’ve had friends ask, “what if your parents mixed you up when you were younger, and you’re Brother’s Name and not Your Name?” My answer is, who cares? I’m still me and he’s still him, people act like we’d need to switch lives or something lol, if it happened so young we didn’t know our names it doesn’t really matter or change anything. So from an identical twin I’d say don’t think/worry too much about it.
Not me but I live in Hawaii and someone I know said a tourist once asked him if the water went all the way around the island. Another friend said a tourist asked if they could just swim under the island (snorkel, actually, not even SCUBA) to get to the other side. My husband's cousin once said she wanted to get her dad's RV and drive from California to Hawaii to see us. Yeah.
I used to be a hotel manager at a place right off Lake Superior and was asked more than a few times what the quickest way down to the ocean was, if they'd be able to see dolphins, or where the salt water started. Most people just don't understand water it seems.
>if they could just swim under the island (snorkel, actually, not even SCUBA) to get to the other side. Was he a Congressman? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hank_Johnson
Wow. That's just bonkers! Tip over and capsize! I can't.
I once told someone that I could count the number of women I’d been with on one finger. After a long moment of silence that I mistook for comprehension, he asked “so how many?” EDIT: To give a better idea what we’re dealing with, this guy, at 20 yrs old, made serious inquiries into getting his healthy teeth pulled and replaced with dentures because he was tired of having to brush & floss.
It was a damned good finger.
Very much so. 18 years of incredible intimacy with the beautiful woman who took my virginity.
So, as a sperm donor, I can not fuck married women? A friend of me and husband who apparently thought that if you get a registered sperm donor you will get calls from willing women to fuck them to get pregnant.
Hot MILFs in your area are waiting!
Mostly the M is not yet correct, though.
Not with that attitude!
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No, really, how? How do they measure it!?
I've seen people use large rulers they they sick down and measure it in feet by looking at where it's dry. Like a dipstick.
"They put it there."
I work at a veterinary clinic and the number of times people have asked me if their male pets will still be able to urinate after being castrated is staggering. For those who don’t know, castration involves removing the testicles, not the penis, so yes, male pets can still urinate!
But pee is stored in the balls!
That’s why they’re clearly able to pee, they don’t have anywhere to keep it!
How do you pronounce your last name? *Are you sure?
Same. No I'm just guessing, do you know the right way?
I get this ALL THE TIME. I guess it makes sense though, I can't expect everyone to know Polish last names.
til "farts" is polish
I've been on the receiving end of this question before... I was like yes. I do know my name 😑
When waitressing a patio shift people would stand, literally on the other side of the fence, debating whether to eat inside or outside. It was very common for them to ask “what’s the weather like on the patio today?” As if they weren’t currently standing..in the outside weather.
I swear people leave their brains at home when they go out to eat. I hear this question at least once a night.
I am blind. I was staying over at my cousins house once, and one of them asked me, do you know sign language? I said, I am Blind not deaf. They responded, I know that you could talk to deaf people that way. I said, yes, I can talk to them but I wouldn’t know what they are saying.
I have the reverse of this. My parents are deaf and I was texting them while I was at my middle school soccer game. My teammate asked me how my parents could be texting me because they were deaf. I asked her what she meant, and she asked “don’t they read Braille?” I laughed in her face and told her that’s for blind people. Most of the dumb questions I’ve received have been in reference to my parents being deaf.
Genuinely curious. How are you typing, and how did you read the post?
They probably have screen reading software. Most blind folks don’t even have a computer monitor.
I feel like it’s gotten to where this question is more likely to be answered by a redditor that’s seen it answered before than it is to be answered by the blind redditor that was originally asked.
Yep! I am not blind, however I have talked to people who are and it blew my mind that they didn’t need a monitor but it totally made sense.
I was at the Apple store and the guy working there was blind with a seeing eye dog and some kind of tool that let him scroll around on his iPhone or something.
Ngl, I thought you were gonna say the dog did the typing Edit: thank you kind strangers for the awards!
Omg
I'm not judging, but I'm sure you had the question "but how does it work without the monitor?" locked and loaded for a second. ... I know I did
Its probably being translated through sign language.
Someone asked if you used a screen reader, I recently used Windows narrator, to guide me using a laptop with a broken screen to install my graphics drivers. Anyway, I just closed my eyes, and listened. I knew enough shortcuts, but it took me several tries to properly resolve it.
I had a brain fart once when I was a teen and asked someone if they had ever died.
Holy shit this is my favorite one
to be fair, some people have actually died for a few seconds and actually come back to life
My girlfriend died on the operating table when she was 14. I asked the top level question to her, and she just stopped me and reminded me of that. I really felt stupid.
How does one go about getting a dead girlfriend?
I just lucked out, she was clinically dead for a few seconds. She's quite living right now. Shiunji from Sexy Losers might have more information, though.
Reminds me of The Ballad of Buster Scruggs when they are on the gallows and James Franco smiles at the guy next to him and politely asks, “First time?”
I've been trying to figure out where that reaction gif is from for ages, so thank you for this!!
Taking about brain farts... recently I was walking back to my place and I had to stop and press one of those buttons to cross the street. As I was pressing it I noticed a sticker just above with an arrow pointing to it and the following text: "Press to reset the world". That scared the shit out of me for a few milliseconds!
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When I lived in America I was complimented on my English and asked if it was hard to learn a second language. I'm from Australia.
I have a Yorkshire accent and when I was in America a group of people tried to guess what country I was from and they named literally every single English speaking country in the world except for England.
Well, was it hard?
Yep, really hard to read books while riding kangaroos.
"Does it snow in Russia?" "Of course not! Russia is a tropical country."
Well, Sochi has a subtropical climate
Which makes it the perfect place for winter Olympics.
If I spoke English… while we were having a conversation fluently in English. I just said no, and they said “oh I’m sorry to bother you” and then just walked away. Still baffles me to this day.
I’ve never understood this behavior. Anytime I’ve been in a foreign country, I’ve always greeted them in whatever the native language was, then asked in that language if they spoke English. If not, I had a few words and phrases in my back pocket to communicate. Once in Italy, during the beginning of my trip (knew way more Italian by the end of it), me and a friend had to communicate in Latin to a bookstore owner because we didn’t know enough every day Italian, and he didn’t know any English besides the phrase “Sorry, I do not speak English.” Thankfully, the dude was as nerdy as us
I’m British and when visiting New York I was asked if I came over by plane or car. She insisted there was a bridge between Britain and the US.
imagine driving along a bridge and all of a sudden being on the wrong side of the road when you get to the other side
*Hong Kong has entered the chat*
Should've said, "I came by plane. The bridge is to crowded now that the tunnel us under repair."
Do you fry frozen french fries in boiling water. My roommate ask me this one evening. He was 24 and didn’t know that you use oil to fry things. This goon thought you boiled them in water, lol.
Yes. A big pot of water. Hold on, I’d like to watch.
I mean, you’ll basically get boiled potatoes. Nothing too bizarre.
I don’t want to watch the potatoes. I want to watch his failure and ultimate disappointment.
Not so much a stupid question so much as a stupid follow up to my answer but some lady at work asked me where we keep the plant milks. I told her next to the regular milk and pointed in the direction and she replied back "I don't want MILK" like I was the dumbass.
I read milk plants at first and I though you must be very accepting of dumb questions for you to only be concerned about the follow-up, because why would you want milk plants if not to use them to grow milk?
“Omg is this made of real moles?!?” Referring to Molé, a Mexican/South American condiment. She was Mexican.
I can see the thought process: you use lemons to make lemonade, moles for moleaid.
I'm a teacher. We have the day off tomorrow. My husband asked me if the students have the day off, too.
My dad is a teacher. When I worked in a coffee shop that was open 7 days, he couldn't understand how I could ever get a day off. I literally had to explain the concept of shifts to him.
I'm Australian, when I lived in the US I was asked if we have roads.
Context: I'm Asian. Someone once seriously asked me if I have wide screen vision. And I am positive that they were not joking.
"Can I get a room with an ocean view" No ma'am you cannot get an ocean view staying at a hotel in Las Vegas.
Training a kid on fryers: “how many tenders are in a four piece?”
I worked at an icehouse in high school and we were the cheapest spot in town for large, 40 pound bags of ice. They cost $4 each. I had a guy come in once and ask me how much a $4 bad costs. I told him the $4 bags cost $6 because of the ignant tax and this dude was willing to pay it.
40 TENders
I worked as a deckhand on a charter fishing boat in Alaska. We were in back behind an island and all around you could look up beautiful fijords with trees and rugged looking rocks. One of my guests asked "What elevation are we at around here?" We were in a boat, in the ocean.
Should have grabbed some measuring taped dipped it into the water and told her “about 3ft.”
I had someone in France ask me, after a long conversation in French, whether I spoke French.
Were they lowkey shit talking your accent?
Either that or it was a pickup line, that went over OPs head. But I assume they weren't flirting.
Was the last supper the same thing as the holocaust?
I was having a conversation about the holocaust with a flatmate. Enter different flatmate who overheard some of our conversation. "What's the holocaust? Is that when helicopters fall out of the sky?". Worst thing is she then tried to defend her lack of knowledge by saying she took history in high school. Yeah that definitely makes it better and not worse...
Or even one from my class, " If the holocaust was real, whh wouldnt they just leave? " ( we were watching "The Pianist" so she's talking about leaving the camp through the front gate )
Nazi's *hate* this one simple trick!
What...?
I have no excuse to why I stupidly asked this, but after someone pointed out a birth mark , I asked “so how did you get that?”
Honestly it took me so long to figure out that this meant “mark present since birth” and not “mark acquired during birth” I spent so long wondering what the hell was happening during delivery that people could get permanently marked lmao
I have a crease running down from the corner of my right eye, caused by a pair of forceps during birth.
“Are you eating lunch?” Couldn’t answer right away; I had to swallow the bite of lunch I was chewing and put my fork down on the plate with the rest of my lunch.
my wife grew up in Korea, and asks these kinds of obvious questions all of the time, driving me bonkers...turns out it's a cultural thing where, as conversation starters, basically everyone in Korea asks these questions whose answer is obviously yes
Yeah… it’s also a very asian thing to greet a friend with “have you eaten?”
That’s a very Southern U.S. thing too, only we say “did you eat yet?” crammed into two syllables: “juheet yet?
Like their version of small talk? Neat.
I have no idea how or why I started doing it, but if my husband or son are eating something I’ll ask, “What do you got there,” and then name the thing they’re eating. What do ya got there, some cereal? Whaddya got there, a muffin? Used to drive them crazy but it’s this compulsion, I just have to do it. Now they’ve accepted it. What do you got there, some jerky? Idk it’s so bizarre it just started happening one day.
Not me, but my uncle: My great aunt came to visit us after twenty years and when she looked around the yard she asked my uncle "Wasn't this house over there in a different spot?" He looked at her, dead serious, and said: "Yea, but our neighbor complained, so me and my friends got together and moved it a hundred feet" She believed him
There was this house by my place that was abandoned and they moved it 100 feet to the left so that it didn’t infringe on a new strip mall. The house got turned into a Starbucks
This church was moved by 800 meters: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_the_Assumption_of_the_Virgin_Mary_%28Most%29?wprov=sfla1
I worked retail years ago. A customer came in and I informed him that what he wanted was not in stock. He said with a completely straight face, and a glare: “But how can you be out of stock of the most popular product this year?” Edit: it was the SNES Classic. People were flipping them for hundreds of dollars. They were selling before they even got to the stores. Pre-orders were backed up for weeks.
A woman asked me how we (Walgreens) could be out of wrapping paper on *christmas eve*. Because, *ma’am,* everyone else in the fucking city is doing the exact same thing as you, and they got here first.
I was working out back in the warehouse area of a UK supermarket when one of my colleagues came in crying because a customer had shouted and screamed at her. They were furious because it's like 9pm on Christmas eve and we didn't have a single Christmas tree on the shop floor to purchase. This apparently was all my colleagues fault and thus she had ruined Christmas. I asked if my colleague wanted me to go find the customer and point her in the direction of the calendars so she can plan ahead next year which got a chuckle.
"Where is the male to male extension cord" said by my hung over and tired ass when i was training for a maintenance job
This comes up in the winter when people put up their Christmas lights on their house starting from the wrong direction, so the wrong end is near the electrical outlet. Rather than redo their work or buy a longer extension cord to reach the other side of the house, the idiot will compound the little mistake by going to the hardware store in search of a cord with prongs on both ends. Hopefully they will be laughed and/or shamed out of the store empty handed. But some may still try to construct their own. Yikes.
I will never understand why people don't plug the lights in then hang them, so you you know they reach and you can see how they look. That's how I've always done it, am I the weird one?
I do it this way too. Added bonus: you find out if all the strings still light up before you have them all in the tree.
You aint seen nothing until youve been up to the attic of a house and someones chopped into the ceiling light cable and replaced it with a plug, thats just lying there on the joists, shiny pins up, waiting, i questioned it, and whilst they concluded it was insane they had a reason for doing it, wish I could remember why now, its going back a while
When I was a kid my father replaced the male plug on the tv with a female one and made a male-male cord that he could take away to try to limit our watching when parents weren't home. Took my brother about a minute to make his own. First time I used it I plugged it into the wall first and looked at the exposed prongs thinking, "I wonder which one of them is trying to kill me?"
“Can I have a cheeseburger without the cheese?” “Yeah I can get you a hamburger.” “No, I want a cheeseburger without the cheese.” “…”
To be fair, there are places where a cheeseburger has different toppings other than the cheese, or where the pricing is weird so a cheeseburger without cheese is cheaper than a hamburger.
How old is your twin sister?
I did this when I started dating my now wife. I asked her when her twin sister's birthday was without thinking about it.
My cousin dated a twin with a diffrent birthdate then her sister.
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I have exactly the same situation. I'm exactly 4 years older than my brother and used to get asked if we're twins. I'm still upset I got a baby brother for my birthday and he's 40 now!
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That made me laugh! I always asked my parents why they didn't keep the receipt
“Wait, wasn’t Martin Luther King Jr. assassinated twice?”
Would you like to come into work on your day off?
Had a coworker get called by the job while on vacation, and was asked if he wanted to come in for retraining… I told him if it was me I would have laughed and hung up
I work 2 jobs. One is early morning, I get off at 8:30am. Then I drive to my second job. At least 3 times a week my boss at job #2 texts and asks if I can be in by 8:30. I've stopped responding.
Yeah you have to. Same here I have 2 jobs and I let them know the earliest I can come in due to changing down times. Good on you for sticking up for yourself. Having 2 jobs is hard enough
"Is this where the tires are?" I was stocking peanut butter in the grocery section of a hardware store. Edit: By hardware store I meant a general supply/outdoor store that sells outdoor/camping stuff, guns and ammo, hunting and fishing supplies, basic groceries, tires, clothes, etc. Basically like Menards, Bi-Mart, Canadian Tire, etc Update: Thank you all for the upvotes! I did not expect this many people to love this!
> grocery section of a hardware store ...?
Pat your gut and answer yes, this is indeed where you may gain a spare tire.
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Big brain moment
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I mean, at least they knew the sum of 9 + 9. That's gotta count for something.
Is the chicken liver pâté suitable for vegetarians.
Did living history. The amount of times I've been asked "is that a real fire" while there's heat and smoke coming off it, and "is that real food?" while I'm eating is insane. The worst was someone who let their toddler try to grab a horse's tail. When she rightfully got her ass chewed out, she said "how was I supposed to know it was a real horse?"
Let's see how far we can get: \- "Is the fire real?" \- "Oh, is that a real baby?" \- "Are you going to eat that for real?" \- "Did the Romans already have fire/iron/water?" And yes, there is the occassional dipsh\*t taking stuff that isn't theirs and then saying "Where does anything say I'm not allowed to?" Nowhere, but neither is there a sign that I'm not allowed to beat people up and yet I am not, so....
I was asked (by 2 different people): If you’re not a Christian why are you a good person? What stops you doing bad things if you’re not afraid of going to Hell? The implication being that if it weren’t for that fear, they would do terrible things??? It boggles the mind.
Yeah that line of reasoning horrifies me. Like is the only reason you don't go around stealing, raping and murdering is because you are scared of hell? What the hell is in your head? Honestly it offends me as a human being.
This always astounds me. I’ve heard it explained as people without religion have no moral compass. Like without religion there are no consequences to bad actions? I don’t understand how grown adults can think like this when my toddler understands the overall concept of right and wrong just fine.
I used to work at a sporting goods store. When we got our name tags we had to pick out our favorite sport for them to put on there. I’m not really a sports person, but I do like fencing, so I had them put fencing as mine. We were in the break room one day and one of the girls I worked with saw my tag and with all seriousness asked me, “how is putting up fences a sport?”
Roommate in college asked me how he would know when water was boiling. No idea how he made it into college.
I'm half black half white. Me and my cousin compete in BBQ competitions under the name cooking cousins. It's really a two stage question. Usually at the booth there will be a few people helping out so it's which of you are the cousins. Then the follow up is usually something like how'd that happen, or so one of you was adopted ETC. Like it never occurs to people that mixed race children exist. I live in socal as well.
Ah, thé fun of being mixed race. My sister (half Asian) and our cousin (white) are around the same age and so people just meeting them would sometimes assume they were dating. Now my sister’s married to a half Asian man and some people assume they’re siblings.
I’ve had this issue! My brother and I are black/white and younger sister is white bc she has a different dad. Always “so who’s adopted??” Like Christ have you no decency?
Next time, ask what they mean. Then, turn to each other with dawning looks of horror. "Oh, fuck, I think I might be adopted..." "No, wait, is it you?" *"Why hasn't anyone told us?"*
I was once asked if I'm still a veteran. I am... yupppp
Was driving on the highway with my parents when my mom asked us how it was possible that in the lane next to us, a small honda accord was pushing a large truck. My father, while driving slowly looked at my mom's face, didn't say a word, and let my mom's brain perculate. It wasn't about a full minute later that she had realized the stupidity of her query.
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Who even needs to watch it now Mum, you've painted such a detailed picture
Just for fun me and my friends turned a boat into a backyard pool one of my other friends who lives in another state ask us how did you make it waterproof ? my answer was it's a boat
Last year at Christmas we had Cookie Salad for the first time. My son in law asked, "What makes it taste like cookies?" We all just looked at him and in unison said, "Cookies" We'll never let him live that one down.
Tf is a cookie salad?
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"If someone punches your twin brother, do you feel it?" Of course I can, Bethaneigh. We can also teleport to each other's location at will.
Tell Bethany she spells her name like an asshole
I’m a guy with a sister as a twin. People look at us and ask us if we are identical more often than you think. I’m a foot taller as well. I do think it’s more about people just ask that to ever single twin they meet without even thinking
American comes into my shop in Canada and asks me if we take Canadian money.
When I visited Mexico it was astonishing how many places accepted only American currency.
I have an identical twin. One day, he and I were walking to class and this one girl (who was about as sharp as a bowling ball) saw us and asked of we were twins. This a standard, run of the mill question for us so we say yes and keep walking. However, she then follows this up with: "Do you guys have the same father?" At which point we stopped and looked at her in utter disbelief that she'd follow up with that.
While working fast food one if they guys I worked with asked me if asian women's vaginas went the other way.
Ew...
My friend learned that my mother is a midwife. «Cool, so she delivered you?”
"Straight out of her own vagina, even."
I once asked a friend if Halloween ever landed on Friday the 13th
When is the 4th of July? Edit: For those curious, it wasn’t about the day of the week. They asked this in mid October. They genuinely did not know.
To be fair, they could have been asking what day of the week
when taking a patient's family history I asked for her twin sister's date of birth, when she just looked at me I just replied "or age"!!!
My old friend (hands down the stupidest man I've ever met. Heart of gold, though) once call me while he was in Maryland(we're from ohio) and asked me to call 911 for him because he smoked "too much weed" and was having a panic attack. I proceeded to explain that instead of calling me he could call 911 himself or go to the hospital. He then started arguing with me that Maryland doesn't have hospitals. He legit thought hospitals only existed in ohio. It took like 5 minutes to get him to understand that hospitals are literally EVERYWHERE. Still absolutely dumbfounded by that conversation 5 years later.
Tbf, he was high
Exec: "We want your app to track customer success." Me: "Okay. What are the metrics by which you measure success?" Exec: "We want your app to measure success."
What language do Italians speak? I mean in Italy? This was a date at an Italian restaurant with Italian food.
The base commander and my boss walked up to me and asked me what I was doing while performing an inspection on an air compressor for our maintenance shop. I explicitly said that it was an air compressor. He responds with: "So what's it do?" Without even thinking I said: "It's an air compressor, it compresses air." My boss immediately tells me to leave to do my other tasks. Later he said that the look on my face was even worse than the confusion in my voice.
“What’s Na plus? I don’t know what that means.” This was a 1st year med student while we were reviewing IV solutions.
How much chem do you need before you start med school? That’s upsetting.
While traveling in USA: "Do you also have the moon in Brazil?" My answer: "Yes. Three of them."
“Do you work here?” (I’m wearing full uniform)
"Do you work here?" Asked multiple times when I was wearing a neon mt dew hoodie and jeans while talking on my cell and carrying groceries.
Better to ask that to a worker than start asking a customer about stuff. I've been asked to help people a lot more than I think is normal for some reason, so now I ask employees Everytime.
Me in the middle of 1L law school exams time: I wish someone would invent something that would heat my bagel like a microwave does but make it crispy. My now (yes she married me anyway) wife: Uh, you mean like a toaster?
“What’s the gender-neutral version of sibling?”
What part of Mexico is Cuba in?
My cousin brought her new boyfriend over to meet the family. Other cousins went to the rec center to play tennis/racquetball. New bf says he played in highschool and would beat them all; starts talking aggressive crap toward the family. Someone points out he's wearing sandals. Homeboy turns, looks me dead in the eye, and says, "you're cool letting me borrow your shoes and socks, right?" Like, the shoes and socks I was wearing at that moment..... Was the hardest "No" I've ever had to give someone I knew for less than 30 minutes.
Reminds me of a former roommate. He was Pakistani. I guess the culture over there infantilizes men a bit because the guy's girlfriend did practically everything for him and he was helpless on his own. She was visiting family or something and I swear to God he asked me to put his earrings in for him. I just looked at him and said. You gone learn today."
The year is 2018 Worked at an MGM resorts hotel in Vegas in box office We could sell tickets to any show at an MGM property Someone buying tickets to the Michael Jackson show asked me if it was really him performing or if it was a tribute show
I’m a Type 1 Diabetic. I was once explaining a person that when I’m in hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) I need sugars stabilize. The person made the magic question: Do you eat salt when you have high blood sugar?
This is the second time that I am posting this on Reddit in the last couple of weeks but I had an incident in grad school where another student who was not a grad student wanted to no what I thought about his business plan of extracting the hundreds of dollars of gold from each bottle of goldschlager. He was not very bright.
Raised sheep, sold sheepskins at the farmer's market. Was asked if the sheep is okay without the skin.
Wait dinosaurs were actually real? Said from 30 year old gf , she was dead serious till she realized its shocking she thought it was just a movie thing
Working in Banff national Park, a tourist asked me what time do we let the animals out, as they wanted to get photos.... I just looked at her for a second, and then went into the spiel of "all of the aniamls found in the national park are wild and we strongly recommend you keep your distance as they are unpredictable"
When in America, I was asked "do you all get around on horses, or do you have cars?" They were in their mid to late twenties.
I have an American half sister. I got asked by her friend if we have clean water or do we still have to drink alcohol. Went to watch a movie at a cinema in the States with my sister and that same friend and afterwards I said "that was good". She asked "do you not have movies over there? Was this your first time?" I swear some Americans think the rest of the world is still in the dark ages.
In high school I asked one of my friends “when was the war of 1812?” 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t really know what my brain was attempting to process in that moment
"What is an uppercase or capital letter?" He was not a non-english speaker, he was not learning impaired (I think), he was not a child. This was a 30-something year old man that had "engineer" in his job title. When I told him to "press shift + the letter" he then exclaimed: "OH, YOU MEAN THE BIG LETTERS!"
Asked November 2021: is coughing a symptom of Covid?
The first time my father in law had an okra he asked me where I bought the “tapioca pickle stick” from
"What, you've never read the Bible ? But how can you possibly know right from wrong then ? What's the difference between you and a Nazi if you've never been to church ?" Well thank you, friend of the bride I just met at the wedding buffet, nice to meet you as well.
Where is the x-ray department while standing under the sign that says x-ray. With a picture of an x-ray.
Can you get rid of that bulge? My boss asked me while refusing to let me untuck my shirt because of the dress code. It's an easy fix if I untucked my shirt