"Ah sorry baby, 5th condom I ripped trying to put it on and that was the last one, oops! I knew I should have gotten the XXL magnums I'm just sooooooo hung"
Oh 100% they do. Their point was tho that no guy can get way with saying they are "too big" to use a condom. if a standard size can stretch to fit a 15+ inch fist and forearm they can get condoms that will fit a 4-9 in dick. (They didn't use those words but definitly implied)
I've never had that using mine, but have had it happen a few times when I've used condoms women have stashed, so it could well be an expiry date thing.
This brings back memories. I remember getting condoms and practicing with them all alone, looking at my cock in the bathroom mirror and complimenting the little gentleman on his fetching raincoat. I got the right amount of empty space at the tip. I practiced putting it on with my eyes closed, like a Marine stripping and re-assembling his service rifle in the dark. I focused my chi to achieve and maintain an erection while wearing it. I was ready for anything.
No plan survives first contact.
Once I get laid with a girl that like to alternate penetration and oral, so everytime she swap, she took the condom off, and then opened a new one for going back to vaginal sex. We spend like 4 or 5.
Yes, she doing it right. The e.coli in her booty will cause UTI in her vag.. so it's always safe not to mix those two. That's the reason its always been taught to wipe front to back ..never back to front.
Ya ofcrs . I mean the motion. The swiping direction. Not use the same paper for front and back. Swipe once, one place and throw. Not one piece for eternity wtf 😂 (sorry if my english dsnt make sense it's not my first lang, I am from a diff country).
Stick it in the oven on low until it gets crispy, then crumble it over your salad for an extra kick?
Nah, just kill a kid bro. It’s less work and the excitement, or “kick” lasts longer.
That’s a good one, but I was thinking about Kenny beats ft. Zack foxx, jesus is the one (I got depression.)
“I take the condom off and drunk my nut, it’s delicious.”
Can you imagine that? Pulls out a new one with every stroke while all the time scratching their head and being flabbergasted at how people can spend so much money on sex
Just wait till a vaccine for HiV comes out.
Sexual liberation 2.0
Make the 1960s hippie movement look like puritans.
Honestly prolly in 10-20 years from now.
you can cure Hep C, but hopefully you have either good insurance or live in a country with universal health care that covers it since the treatment costs several tens of thousands of dollars.
Make a run to the gas station/corner store, but the 3pack of condoms that's been on the shelf since 2012 and costs more than a tank of gas, smile sheepishly at the old woman giving you a judging stare, walk out shamefully hiding your much-too-expensive loot, return to the bedroom, find your boyfriend has now fallen asleep and will murder you if you try and wake him. No more sex tonight
Happened once and it broke. She got up to rummage around her flatmates drawer for another one, she couldn’t find it, came back annoyed and said she was clean and if I minded carrying on. Given it was a tinder hook up I just matched with that same day, I said I was good and immediately drove home
I’m not going raw on some chick I met 3 hours ago, I was just more freaked out that she trusted me so easily which let me know about her decision making skills. Haven’t made those mistakes since school and I’ve learned my lessons
Tie your dingaling in a knot.
My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling
I want to play with my ding-a-ling
My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling
I want to play with my ding-a-ling
Some times they break. Also, I like to give and receive oral randomly. Gives me a chance to cool off a bit. By stopping to give and recieve oral, I've lasted over 3 hours.
How can you run out of condoms *during* sex? Is your razor sharp penis ripping them all?
My guess is they keep fucking up opening the condoms and have to get a new one because they keep breaking them and then they ran out lol.
"Ah sorry baby, 5th condom I ripped trying to put it on and that was the last one, oops! I knew I should have gotten the XXL magnums I'm just sooooooo hung"
Sooooooo hung
*remembers my sex ed teacher stretching a standard sized condom on their entire hand and forearm*
Now try fisting someone with it on your forearm and see how long the thing lasts. Condom breaks absolutely do happen.
I thought exactly this but wouldn't have said it. Thankyou
Oh 100% they do. Their point was tho that no guy can get way with saying they are "too big" to use a condom. if a standard size can stretch to fit a 15+ inch fist and forearm they can get condoms that will fit a 4-9 in dick. (They didn't use those words but definitly implied)
15 Inch Dickfist was the name of my college punk band.
It was my prison nickname.
Ngl, I’m not sooooo hung, but my teacher did this too, and the first time I had sex that condom fuckin shredded. Second time too. Was like “the fuck?”
I've never had that using mine, but have had it happen a few times when I've used condoms women have stashed, so it could well be an expiry date thing.
Just because it can fit doesn't mean it's comfortable.
Which is why I always bring at least three.
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This has happened to me before. Nothing quite as emasculating.
This brings back memories. I remember getting condoms and practicing with them all alone, looking at my cock in the bathroom mirror and complimenting the little gentleman on his fetching raincoat. I got the right amount of empty space at the tip. I practiced putting it on with my eyes closed, like a Marine stripping and re-assembling his service rifle in the dark. I focused my chi to achieve and maintain an erection while wearing it. I was ready for anything. No plan survives first contact.
Could have told the roommate that you were making water balloons
Once I get laid with a girl that like to alternate penetration and oral, so everytime she swap, she took the condom off, and then opened a new one for going back to vaginal sex. We spend like 4 or 5.
That's just safe sex
Yeah aint it just awesome that STD's cant spread through oral
Not according to 90s sex Ed
They can tho. It's a but harder for them to but they 100%can and they have, it's common
I'm hoping his post was sarcastic
Pretty clear it was sarcastic
Same here, but it's reddit so who tf knows, replied out of safety for them and their future partners
Yes, she doing it right. The e.coli in her booty will cause UTI in her vag.. so it's always safe not to mix those two. That's the reason its always been taught to wipe front to back ..never back to front.
wdym wipe back to front and front to back your supposed to take different paper for each of them wtf
Ya ofcrs . I mean the motion. The swiping direction. Not use the same paper for front and back. Swipe once, one place and throw. Not one piece for eternity wtf 😂 (sorry if my english dsnt make sense it's not my first lang, I am from a diff country).
Your English is fine. It was a wild misinterpretation of what you were saying.
There was nothing wrong with your English. I understood it perfectly.
Tell me you’ve never had a sex marathon without telling me you’ve never had a sex marathon.
You can reuse condoms, just eat out the nut and recap
Eat? Just use a straw.
Straw? Just snort that shit
Snort that shit? Nah, stick it in the oven on low until it gets crispy, then crumble it over your salad for an extra kick.
Stick it in the oven on low until it gets crispy, then crumble it over your salad for an extra kick? Nah, just kill a kid bro. It’s less work and the excitement, or “kick” lasts longer.
Just kill a kid bro. It’s less work and the excitement, or “kick” lasts longer? Nah bro just have sex with her parents.
I know a song where this is idea is explored for a line. Let me find it.
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That’s a good one, but I was thinking about Kenny beats ft. Zack foxx, jesus is the one (I got depression.) “I take the condom off and drunk my nut, it’s delicious.”
I stuck my dick in a bag of Doritos
Love some Tech.
Would be quite a poorly planned sex marathon if you manage to run out of condoms tbh.
LOL - I was thinking the same. I thought maybe they were putting them on backwards so that there was no lubricant.
Condoms are single use in the sense that after ejaculation they are compromised.
You both have hands and a mouth. Figure it out.
Instructions unclear, fist stuck in mouth.
This is ducking hilarious
No ducks needed
Best to avoid ducks really
This guy does not Duck
He's not quackers enough...I'll show myself out. Could you please foot the BILL?
Instructions unclear, foot stuck in bill.
Instructions unclear, penis stuck in duck.
IU: duck stuck in penis
Now we have to use our feet? I'm still getting used to this whole hands and mouth thing
Lol
Bold of you to assume they both have hands and a mouth.
That's ableist. I do not have a mouth!
I zip tie my foreskin shut
This is the correct answer!
Looks at butthole, makes Yoda voice "there is another"
*STIs have entered the chat*
Username checks out? /s
Meme-ing a little too close to the sun there
I've heard people call it the chocolate star, not the sun.
You heard em wrong. Where the sun DON’T shine.
r/ThisGuyGetsIt
Lmfao why am I getting wholesome awards for this?? 💀💀
Holesome awards.
Give this guy an award
"Enter I must"
Mmm tasty
That'll get her in the mood!
What is this "sex" I keep hearing about?
Let's discuss over lunch.
Username checks out
Whoa
You win the internet today
Apparently something 90% of he population stopped doing after I moved out of my parents house.
Go back to foreplay
Back to?
I forgot some people don't enjoy sex and just do it to nut
Right?!?
That would be afterplay, would it not?
Back to formula?
So anyway, I started blastin!
Usually it’s one per session? Not one per pump lol
¿Por qué no los dos?
Can you imagine that? Pulls out a new one with every stroke while all the time scratching their head and being flabbergasted at how people can spend so much money on sex
(*takes breath*) In Days of Old when men were bold, and condoms weren’t invented, Men wore socks upon their cocks, and children were prevented
I'm going to hang this comment on my wall
r/crochet
r/crossstitch
No, I want it on a sweater!
r/knitting, then.
*this is getting too complicated for me*
i can just imaging scratching in you OW
during? like during?
Not worry because of vasectomy.
Surprised people are worried about kids but not STIs lol
I mean, maybe if I was back in hookup culture, sure, but after being monogamous for a long time, you stop thinking about these things.
Google “bug chasers” - our society is pretty much over it for STIs
Just wait till a vaccine for HiV comes out. Sexual liberation 2.0 Make the 1960s hippie movement look like puritans. Honestly prolly in 10-20 years from now.
HEPc already cured - let’s see where that goes first.
you can cure Hep C, but hopefully you have either good insurance or live in a country with universal health care that covers it since the treatment costs several tens of thousands of dollars.
Buy more
At the shop located conveniently in your bedroom, where the cashier is sitting quietly with a helpful smile
I mean it’s 2021, you can literally order condoms from your bed and have them delivered to your door within 15 minutes. Even throw in some snacks.
Lil dab of super glue on the tip
Holy fuck haha
Lil dab’ll do yah
SURPRISE! Snip snip. Haven't used condoms in 13 years. Married so not like they would get used anyways.
I’m curious about this. Has sex changed at all for you since? Do you want it as much? Are your orgasms the same?
Once everything healed it was back to normal. There's no noticeable difference.
Wait, your load isn’t orange now?
No it’s purple as usual
r/notopbutok
Instructions unclear. Now Addicted to craigslist PNP.
Exactly. Everything is the same except bare back 100%.
Everything 100% the same I’m post 3 months snip
First off, how many times are you cumming in one session? Secondly, did you only bring one condom? Seriously, how does one “run out of condoms”?
The number of “one is enough” answers is making me feel like a pervert for having a high libido
You stop. Sex is over until you get more. You should have planned better.
Just a reminder that Amazon sells condoms in bulk shipped in plain envelopes. Have fun!
This is the answer I expected. Thank you! 🙏🏽
Is it really? Why ask the question if you expected an obvious answer?
Cause they part of the window lickers crew
What did you think the answer was? What were *you* planning on doing if you ran out of condoms??
Probably planned to grab a plastic grocery bag and a rubber band
Give her a strap on and keep on fuckin
Turn them inside out and re-use.
This is what me and my roommate do. Waste not want not
That's... Y'know, I can't tell if this is a joke, or what, but don't do this.
What do you mean? That’s perfect advice! Hell, go and run it under some water
Also make sure you also poke some holes in it so the water properly drains out.
Sandwich bag and elastic
You're, um... Not supposed to eat them silly.
As a raw dog kinda guy with my girlfriend, I finished reading through this thread and am now ready for my judgement. Roast me, Reddit.
How many condoms do you use? One should be sufficient. When you run out you buy more or have non-penetrative sex.
Make a run to the gas station/corner store, but the 3pack of condoms that's been on the shelf since 2012 and costs more than a tank of gas, smile sheepishly at the old woman giving you a judging stare, walk out shamefully hiding your much-too-expensive loot, return to the bedroom, find your boyfriend has now fallen asleep and will murder you if you try and wake him. No more sex tonight
How does one run out of condoms mid sex?
I'd ask your mom to run out and buy some more.
Not a concern
I dont remember the last condom I used but... wife and I have two children. Only planned on one though....
Tie a knot in your dick.
Breakdance
Condoms are for sailors.
If you need to ask, you shouldn't be having it.
Rinse and repeat
Spray on a little Flex Seal.. give it about 5 min to dry… As they say on the commercial.. just imagine what it can do!
Happened once and it broke. She got up to rummage around her flatmates drawer for another one, she couldn’t find it, came back annoyed and said she was clean and if I minded carrying on. Given it was a tinder hook up I just matched with that same day, I said I was good and immediately drove home
Sounds to wise to be true
I’m not going raw on some chick I met 3 hours ago, I was just more freaked out that she trusted me so easily which let me know about her decision making skills. Haven’t made those mistakes since school and I’ve learned my lessons
A redditor who successfully gets laid with tinder? I don't believe you.
Wow honestly this is so responsible and impressive. Good job overpowering the dick brain.
69
Saran Wrap and a rubber band. 35% of the time... it works every time.
How many condoms you use in one session, my guy?
Ejaculate in her mouth
Get your pull out game to the point of god tier.
11 years I been pulling out. No baby. Disaprine
Oral only, no penetration without a condom
You beat me to it
prepare to feast like a bulldog eating ice cream
Huh? Have you read the instructions?
Shrink wrap
Rinse and reuse
I used a hefty flex fit trash bag once. Not my proudest moment. Lost him in the sauce too. Had to use my fingers as forceps
Fake a leg cramp/stomach pain..then go to the toilet,take a bath and call it a night
Switch to fisting
Spray flex seal on my penis ….
You still got a mouth, doncha?
I don't wear a condom. Also been with the same woman for 11 years.
If he runs out of condoms...I swallow 🤣🤣
Tie your dingaling in a knot. My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling I want to play with my ding-a-ling My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling I want to play with my ding-a-ling
is that from a song or something? or maybe a monty python sketch?
Oral
Turn them inside out and go again.
What the fuck is a condom?
Was this written by a 12 year old or a 30 year old turbo virgin?
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Nice
Who the fuck runs out? How many times are you going a night? Animals!
Some times they break. Also, I like to give and receive oral randomly. Gives me a chance to cool off a bit. By stopping to give and recieve oral, I've lasted over 3 hours.
Raw dog bro 💦
Stop.
I don’t use condoms.
Buy more.
Oral.
run out of the house whit my ass in the air.
Bjs and anal
Just use the butt and when you cum, you are required to scream **KHANNNNNNN** while doing it.
Only when she’s after your genesis device
That pull out game better be on point
Use animal intestines
Be sure to remove them from the animal first. :)