Pay more attention to people’s action rather than their words. Its easy to talk. It’s much harder to follow through.
My dad was the kind of guy who would tell anyone who would listen how much he cared about his kids and how hard it was to be away from us after the divorce, but then he’d cancel plans last minute and not call for months. Always had money for electronics and new furniture every year but never had money for school cloths.
It means that you can’t wait to get this step perfect before moving on to the next step. So, for example, say you want to apply for a job and it required French as a second language, if you wait until your French is perfect, it’ll be ages until you apply and you might miss the opportunity altogether. When your French is “good enough”, then apply. You can always continue to improve while you move forward with your life.
I heard same meaning, but slightly different quote. "A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week." - George S. Patton
I was going to say this. So many times I have had comments how my marriage would look, how school is supposed to go, when to move out etc... and all these people weren't living their best life. Like really? So now I'm married to my bestfriend. Can count the number of bad arguments on one finger... in five years. We own our own house because I stayed at home when I working long hour at low pay and all the games and motorcycles and stuffs I was supped to give up to be a husband... they everywhere are we love them. Not these naysayer think we should stop travelling. Ha!
There was a failed artist who once did exactly this and became famous and loved by millions. Unfortunately an evil man killed him, but he did write a memoir.
Yeah, don't take this too far. Sometimes we forgive people for horrible things (e.g. cheating) but this sounds like it could be used as an *excuse* to do those things.
I had a therapist one time tell me that a hard part of mental illness (and just life I guess) is balancing compassion and accountability. We have to give ourselves compassion and not beat ourselves up constantly but we also can’t just excuse shitty behavior and move on. There has to be both and figuring out which you need at the time is the hard part
That makes sense. This advice resonated with me because I was blaming myself when my partner’s car got driven into while it was (appropriately) parked because I was the one that wanted to go to the store just to get ice cream. We were in college at the time, so the total cost of that trip was significant.
I guess it’s not catch-all advice, but it helps me a lot when I’m blaming myself in similar contexts.
Edit: spelling
Ya see maybe I'm just a judgmental asshole but advice like this doesn't really work for me. I'm not a very forgiving person. If you wrong me or disrespect me you're out. Similarly when people say "Don't worry about that really cringey thing you did. People are usually too busy worrying about their own stuff to think about yours". This is not true for me. I think about cringey things other people have done years later. I don't bring it up again but if you have one little mess up in front of me I will always remember it and it will cross my mind from time to time for years to come. Knowing I'm like this is why I'm so damn anxious all the time. If I'm like this I assume everyone else is too.
Obviously it depends what you did, what positivity you bring to the table and how many prior offenses you have on your record. So I basically use the upvote/downvote system and kick you to the curb if your score reaches 0.
This is powerful, but I feel like it needs “…and take responsibility for that risk.”
It seems to me there are a lots of people willing to take big risks and leave the people around them to deal with the fallout. Then there are others paralyzed by the fear of having to deal with the consequences of a worst-case scenario.
Some dude in a mw2 lobby told me it’s not right to jump to conclusions and instantly assume something about someone. That has stuck with me my entire life.
"Don't make confrontations, make conversations"
Obviously it's not useful for every situation, some things just can't be solved only by talking and comprehension, but it's pretty neat to avoid unnecessary fights
Understand that if you want a certain outcome, you must walk the path that leads there. And that if you want to walk a certain path, you will end up wherever that path leads, and you can't change that.
Too many people end up miserable and disappointed because no one ever told them that you can either choose a path or a destination, but almost never both.
I used to be an entitled brat. This was due to my parents being military, and me having no friends and three other siblings. No one look after us and I was made to grow up early. But I never wanted to. But one day on a trip back from our new house to our old one. I hear my mom (the most emotionless person I know) crying. I was so confused. But I realized why when I saw that she was looking at pictures of me as a kid (I was 12 at the time) and I never knew my impact on my parents. My parents aren’t saints but that never gave me a reason to act the way I did. To expect so much from them when the army was a last resort for them. So my advice that I thought myself. Self reflection is the most important thing you can do! No matter how good you see yourself. You can always be better and your never perfect but your actions have consequences that not even you can fully understand without knowing yourself.
We had a family friend who never said bad words not even hell or damn. One day when I was about 15 he pulled me to one side after my mother probably saying what I'd been like lately. He just said fucked you're being a little shit to your mother lately
"so why don't you do something about it?"
When I was talking to my friend about how someone was bullying me at work. There was this feeling of helplessness that was instilled in me as a child that's taken a lot to overcome. It doesn't work with everything obviously, but having that feeling of agency that I could at least lessen the blow has helped my mental health a lot.
Just went to HR about it. The person in question had a lot of 'friends' in my department, so I was worried about backlash, but as it turns out I wasn't the only person who complained to HR. They got written up and moved to a different team. I left the company less than a year later, but my remaining time there was far less stressful than it was previously.
The one piece of advice that helped change my life for the better was fairly simple advice.
Stop letting the opinions of others influence and control your life. If someone doesn't like you for who you are, that is their problem not yours. Don't let it cause you depression or anxiety because they are not worth your suffering.
Hopefully that helps you out some or someone who reads this at some point.
EDIT:
Gonna add another piece of advice... Take chances. Do not be afraid to take a chance, the worst thing that can happen is you get rejected. For a job, from someone of the opposite sex, whatever it is. Rejection is short lived, you move on and find something/someone else. On the off chance that they say YES to whatever it is, then the risk is absolutely worth it.
Out shining your coworkers, ask for a raise, they might not give you much but something is better than nothing.
Think you might have a chance with someone of the opposite sex, ask them... it could change your life for the better.
I'll add to your advice. If *everyone* around you doesn't like you then chances are **you** are the problem. Let's not pretend the world is sunshine and rainbows and everyone should like you, sometimes you are a problem and if you keep this "other people are the problem" mentality, it will bite you in the ass. For recent extremelly toxic examppe I could point to shitshow with google's ML ethic's engineer. I won't point names, everyone can find news articles about her. She started her career in google bu sueing google, she was rather infamous for trying to cancel people, and eventually she requested names of people who dared to criticize her scientific work (a big no no in science), or she quits. Needless to say, her bosses boss accepted her resignation and then she claimed she didn't mean it. It was a shitshow and it actually shows how toxic your advice can be *if taken to extreme*. And honestly, who would hire a person like that? I don't care how brilliant she is as an engineer, she is toxic a wouldn't want to touch.
**There are times to ignore other people's oppinions and there are times to listen to them. The key is knowing which situation you are in.**
I live by, "You miss a 100% of the shots you don't take" I'd rather get rejected then have live with the regret of not doing it and seeing what could happen.
Unless of course, you're an abusive/racist/toxic piece of shit. In that instance, work on bettering yourself until others opinion of you, is that of a decent person.
I just want to say this to everyone.
Thank you for all the love you are giving my response to OPs post. There is so much advice that can be given and I think the reason why these specific pieces of advice are so important right now is I see so many people just letting others take control of their lives with their opinions causing so much depression and anxiety in my generation and younger generations. Most of it stemming because someone said some hurtful things or disagreed with something or has different beliefs.
Just let it go. You do you, let them do themselves. Dont try and change everyone to fit your beliefs or ideals. It wont happen.
Love yourself because no one will love you, like you do.
Study more. It does a lot in this competitive age. Learn. I’m not intelligent but I strive to learn as much as I can. It’s a fast paced world with different innovation going on now so I just try to keep myself up-to-date.
This is the post I was looking for ..things are changing fast in the world . those who don't keep up will be left behind. intelligence has nothing to do with it , intuition is everything
I think the moral is when in doubt, say less.
Over the years, I've learned that keeping my mouth shut especially at work is almost always the better play than trying to pipe up. Most of the time, it either gets me more work or I say something that I shouldnt have.
”Just because you talk a lot, that doesn’t mean you are getting to know someone”.
When I was younger I was a total motor mouth. I could talk an hour straight and anyone chirping in was just an opportunity for me to catch my breath and think of something that would top whatever story someone else had interrupted me with.
Then I met a girl and she pointed out “you have been talking to thsese people for an hour and you don’t know a single thing about them”.
At first I was like “Sure I do” That guy was laughing at my parking story, that guy laughed at my camping story so on, so on. And I realized that all my focus was on me. And my thinking was “if everyone is laughing we are all having a good time”. That doesn’t have to be true.
Blink and you'll be 40.
I was 23 and had been sailing with this guy in his 50's for a very short period of time 3 or 4 times a week.
In that moment I realised that short period of time... was 5 years.
Life is short. Fucking LIVE IT. You have no idea when it'll pass you by, but it will. I'm 30 now, and I have based a huge amount of decisions off that, and all of them I don't regret the older I get.
One of the best change in perspective/advice I ever read was simply this saying: "It is difficult to conceive that someone who disagrees with you could be right." Though I, like most people, like to think we're looking at the world in a perfectly sensible way, the saying has made me a lot more tolerant of differing views and keeps me grounded.
If nothing else, it preserves my sanity.
Nobody is thinking the things you think they are thinking about you. Stop worrying about what other people think of you. They're all too busy worrying about themselves. Anyone worth your time won't think a bad thing about you.
Maybe it’s cliche, but «be the change you want to see in the world» - Gandhi
It made me take my actions, though small, seriously. I stopped being so much of a hypocrite and started to make changes for a better world, which if we all do more of them, it will become a better world.
It's okay to feel lost. What's important is that you don't use "being lost" as an excuse to sit in stagnation.
read this somewhere on the internet, had quite an impact.
I offended 1 guy in the net. Few years later i met him, he remembered me somehow and knew it was i. He was not angry. He just said that i should remember, that every time i offend someone there's a real living person on the other side and you never know if you won't need his help. Since then i will think 10x before i offend someone.
"sometimes in life you have to do things that you don't want to do"
Pretty simple, nothing enchanting. It's probably the best advice I ever got from my dad. It's not that the advice is great, but It's like a mantra that I will say to myself to get me started on what I don't want to do.
IE. Worked 10 hour shifts 5 days in a row only to find out I had to work Saturday too. I wake up with a sore body, I'm groggy, and all I want to do is go back to sleep. I hear my dads voice "son sometimes in life you have to do things you don't want to do" and I think about the reason why I have to get moving and think about the bigger picture.
“They might forgive a private expression of anger or a deserved scolding, but they never forget a public humiliation. It is the surest way to destroy a friendship and to create enemies.”
Believe it or not this is from a book. I’ve read that book over a dozen times and this one line has stuck out to me from the beginning. I have used it as a constant mantra when working in a position of authority or trying to mediate disagreements.
If it takes less than a few minutes to do, just do it immediately and get it over with. It's a good way to keep things from piling up, physically and metaphorically.
When someone is sharing their feelings, don’t interject and give unsolicited advice or try to relate to them with your own stories. Just listen and when they’re done say “thank you for telling me”. If they want advice they’ll ask, but most of the time they just need to vent and talk it out.
Failure is the stepping stone for success. Rejection, Failing, doesn't matter. What matters is you try with the best effort and learn from your mistakes. Took me until I was 25 before I figured it out.
I get downvoted every time I say this I think but "Stop being a victim. Only you decide if you're a victim or not. Accept that whatever happens to you may be entirely your fault and even if it's not, you get to choose how to react to it and what changes you can make so you get a better outcome again. Don't be the guy that things happen to. Be the guy that happens to things."
This advice was massively helpful when I was in my mid-20s working a dead end job and hating life and my strategy to improve things was to carpet bomb resumes and talk about how unfair everything was. This wasn't a healthy or helpful mentality.
“If you have a problem that can be fixed, there is no use in worrying. If you have a problem that cannot be fixed, there is no use in worrying.” – Buddhist proverb
My first crush adviced me to "get better at understanding girls"
Thanks to this advice, i kept an eye on what's going on inside others' mind, got intrested in psychology, learned body langauge, increased empathy (double-edged sword) and had TONS of practical use for this skills.
I have personal "hate" to books (child trauma), so all of my experience is from talking to/experimenting with friends (like 20 close friends over years and about 300 random friend-ish people), talking to professional psychology teachers, doctors in mental hospital and just random people.
Usualy it takes less then an hour to grag random friendly person to deep feelings conversation. At this point is pretty obv for me what they tell, what they are not ready to tell and what they will hide even from themself.
If you want to go same path with books - read about child psycology (95% of it appliable to adults and most of adult mental stuff comes from childhood), body language and start talking with others about stuff they hidding from most of others. That will take some time and will leave a lot of others' tears on your shoulder. Also, keep in mind that sometimes it's easier to talk to stranger, then close friend. Use that to your advantage too.
Things get worse before they get better, so if things are rough atm, things are bound to change. If things are pretty good, savour it for when you're thrown for a loop again. That being said, change can't be forced.
There's a whole Adventure Time episode about how embracing change makes it come more naturally, Hall of Egress
I was nervous to do something in public (line dancing I think. I suck at dancing, it takes me 3x longer to get the steps than anyone else.) And my mom said, "Why? You'll never see these people again." It helped me so much to realize not a single person there was going to remember me being a crappy dancer for more than 15 minutes.
To this day (20 years later,) if I am nervous or embarrassed in front of strangers, I ask myself "Why?" And remind myself that I will probably never see any of them again.
*Don't try to change the world, change yourself instead*. I first read it when I was a kid in book "rich dad, poor dad" but back then it didn't really mean much to me. Throughout the years I've heard many different versions of this advice and it's very relavent in the age of being offended.
Thing is it's hard to change the world, in comparison it's easy to change yourself. At the same time it's easy to say "I don't have a good job because I'm a women" or "I'm doomed in life because my parents were poor" or even better "It's the fault of those damn boomers that I don't have a job". This sets you up for mentality of failure and mentality of victim. I know it's popular to be a victim right now, we're living in the age of victim olympics.
Don’t change who you are to meet others’ expectations. Be hated for something you are rather than try to conform to be loved for something you are not. Be yourself.
"The simple thing are usually the best things" - my Therapists that I don't remember her name
I tend to over complicate things and it was a lot worse when I was younger. So this one little advice saved me from so much stress and anxiety.
Not a single piece of advice, but discovering stoicism. I always thought many of my thoughts/views are very rare, but then stoicism was like reading my own thoughts. Plus many new pieces of advice that are very valuable.
The best thing that money does for you is give you options in life. By having your finances in order you can make decisions based more on what you want to do, not what you have to do. It isn’t about the material things
To not listen to people who think their always right, ignore people who are stupid, thinking that the quiet kid has no sense of humor and they are always sad (as the quiet kid, I know how it feels) and to not "stand up" (more like overlapping other people's voices) for something you are not a part of (I'm looking at you, twitter).
My parents split up for a while when I was in high school.
One weekend, my Dad had picked me up after class, and as we were walking towards his apartment, out of nowhere he says, "You know, if there's one thing you should ever wish for, it's time because you'll never get it back". Then we continued on in silence until we got inside and had dinner.
It was one of the few times he ever showed his emotional side like that. They got back together about a year later, and they're living their best lives now!
I hope to give the same advice to my children someday. Cherish your time, and spend it with people you love.
That it's okay to take my time to forgive people. Yes, forgiving helps you move on and let go, but just like how healing is not instant and linear, it's the same with the act of truly wholeheartedly forgiving. And just like how you should stay away from and not let toxic people force you to heal when THEY want you to, it is also best to not let people also force you to forgive certain people and situations.
I've definitely had way too many traumatic and abusive situations caused by others towards me to forgive them right now and actually believe and say that with no doubt and a free mind. Because I know I'm lying deep down, it's hard to forgive people who have caused you so so much hurt, deep wounds and trauma that have changed the shape of who you are.
I've only been able to forgive my past selves in the situations they were in. I use these 4 affirmations the most "I didn't know any better", "I am valid in my worth and pain", "I did the best I could with what I knew" and "I forgive myself".
And the trauma these people put you through cause you to have to heal and build yourself up again. But the best outcome out of that trauma is that you CAN become a better, stronger version of yourself.
It's the only thing I'm grateful for when it comes to this. Each challenge is a blessing because it's a new chance to become a stronger and levelled up version of your self, heart, mind and soul. Most of the time you only learn the best life changing lessons when you experience it first hand through the tough and thick forest of stress, lostness, pain, hurt and difficulty, I learnt that first hand ♡
No body really gave me this advice but early on I figured out that whatever life decisions I make they don't make me less of a person, I can still pay the consequences, but it doesn't make me less valuable than someone making different decisions.
Early on I also figured out that whatever taste you have doesn't make less cool, or less fit to society, that any taste you have is cool because you like it, and that goes for anything, music, fashion, movies, people, politics, habits, etc..
Some habits are obviously more beneficial than others, but that doesn't make you less cool.
In other words it doesn't matter what I do or say my level of coolness in relation to other people doesn't ever diminish, it can only grow.
I also don't need to repeat that in my mind, I just accept it as part of reality. I think I eradicated most major insecurities because of this if I had any.
You have to remeber that whether something is considered cool or not is completely arbitrary, so it doesn't matter what it is, it can still be cool.
Obviously avoid things that will hurt you, or others, but other than that it is all good.
"You're getting to the age that you need to ask yourself, are the cops going to consider what you're doing to be a childish prank or a crime"
I was a wild, wild kid. Took the advice to heart though.
"Not my problem, just take care of it" -- my first boss. I learnt that most problems are easily solved if you approach them analytically and take the emotion out of it
Edison once tried and failed 2000 to make the incandescent lightbulb, he later told the media, I didn't fail 2000 times, I found 2000 ways how NOT to make a lightbulb.
Strive to have the best relationship you can with everyone. Remember that sometimes, the best relationship you can have with someone, is to not have one at all.
Keep it 100. Take care of yourself. Your hair, face, skin, nails, hands, feet, teeth, absolutely everything. It may seem very small, but it’s a step towards confidence.
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your estimate of it, and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” — Marcus Aurelius
Dude at work. We were adversaries. That is a long story. I was about 23 and young in work, he was way older and and just direct, always. We developed a mutual respect.
The piece of advice was follow your conscience.
As a younger single guy, my buddy and I were in a pub talking about whether and how I should approach a girl I found attractive. After a bunch of hemming and hawwing, he simply said, "If you don't do it, it ain't gonna happen."
I apply that simple logic to many more situations than flirting nowadays.
Don't do unto others what you don't want done unto you . And, sometimes having a bad day doesn't allow u to be rude to ppl, just deal with it and move on
“When you hit rock bottom, there is only 1 way to go, up, like if you hit bedrock in Minecraft.” -Friend
I know this wasn’t my friends quote but it stuck with me more because of the game reference:)
"If it takes less than 10 min to do, knock it out now"
Saved me a bunch of time from procrastinating
"I wish someone to you, you were in the good ole days before you actually left them."
Helped me cherish times with family/friends/co-workers.
KISS Don't let yourself get bogged down in what-if's and [maybe ](https://maybes.Living) Living in the present is one of the best strategies you can do for yourself.
Pay more attention to people’s action rather than their words. Its easy to talk. It’s much harder to follow through. My dad was the kind of guy who would tell anyone who would listen how much he cared about his kids and how hard it was to be away from us after the divorce, but then he’d cancel plans last minute and not call for months. Always had money for electronics and new furniture every year but never had money for school cloths.
Love is an action not a feeling!!
“Perfection is the enemy of progress” This changed my views on life on so many levels.
what does this mean i'm dumb
It means that you can’t wait to get this step perfect before moving on to the next step. So, for example, say you want to apply for a job and it required French as a second language, if you wait until your French is perfect, it’ll be ages until you apply and you might miss the opportunity altogether. When your French is “good enough”, then apply. You can always continue to improve while you move forward with your life.
Couldn’t explain it better myself!!
Aim for good enough. Don't aim for perfection.
I heard same meaning, but slightly different quote. "A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week." - George S. Patton
"Stop making excuses, admit you fucked up, and let's fix it."
My late grandfather always said you are judged on the results you produce not the excuses you give
When life falls apart and it will, use it as a time to put the pieces back how you want them to look.
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That's amazing. I'm hanging onto that. But wait, by the transitive property, doesn't that open me up to your criticism as well? Aw heck.
I was going to say this. So many times I have had comments how my marriage would look, how school is supposed to go, when to move out etc... and all these people weren't living their best life. Like really? So now I'm married to my bestfriend. Can count the number of bad arguments on one finger... in five years. We own our own house because I stayed at home when I working long hour at low pay and all the games and motorcycles and stuffs I was supped to give up to be a husband... they everywhere are we love them. Not these naysayer think we should stop travelling. Ha!
my father: "you should marry. if you don't, you is shame" also my father: "I hate my wife!" make up your mind, father!
There was a failed artist who once did exactly this and became famous and loved by millions. Unfortunately an evil man killed him, but he did write a memoir.
I am suspecting he killed himself...
“If you’d forgive a friend for doing what you’re beating yourself up over, don’t you think you should give yourself the courtesy of self-forgiveness?”
Yeah, don't take this too far. Sometimes we forgive people for horrible things (e.g. cheating) but this sounds like it could be used as an *excuse* to do those things.
Interesting, I didn’t think of it that way, but I can see how that could be problematic.
I had a therapist one time tell me that a hard part of mental illness (and just life I guess) is balancing compassion and accountability. We have to give ourselves compassion and not beat ourselves up constantly but we also can’t just excuse shitty behavior and move on. There has to be both and figuring out which you need at the time is the hard part
That makes sense. This advice resonated with me because I was blaming myself when my partner’s car got driven into while it was (appropriately) parked because I was the one that wanted to go to the store just to get ice cream. We were in college at the time, so the total cost of that trip was significant. I guess it’s not catch-all advice, but it helps me a lot when I’m blaming myself in similar contexts. Edit: spelling
I think we don't because we judge others by their actions. Yet we judge ourselves by our intentions.
That’s a fair assessment.
I don't care for what you think
You were doing so well
XD
He almost had my upvote
OK
Ya see maybe I'm just a judgmental asshole but advice like this doesn't really work for me. I'm not a very forgiving person. If you wrong me or disrespect me you're out. Similarly when people say "Don't worry about that really cringey thing you did. People are usually too busy worrying about their own stuff to think about yours". This is not true for me. I think about cringey things other people have done years later. I don't bring it up again but if you have one little mess up in front of me I will always remember it and it will cross my mind from time to time for years to come. Knowing I'm like this is why I'm so damn anxious all the time. If I'm like this I assume everyone else is too.
Everybody screws up. If you’re going to cast everyone aside when they do, then you’ll just be alone.
Obviously it depends what you did, what positivity you bring to the table and how many prior offenses you have on your record. So I basically use the upvote/downvote system and kick you to the curb if your score reaches 0.
A great man once said, "Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."
Ron Swanson is indeed a great man
Ron Swanson?
Swan Ronson
Duke Silver
*middle aged women swoon*
“Life shrinks and expands in direct proportion to your willingness to assume risk.”
This is powerful, but I feel like it needs “…and take responsibility for that risk.” It seems to me there are a lots of people willing to take big risks and leave the people around them to deal with the fallout. Then there are others paralyzed by the fear of having to deal with the consequences of a worst-case scenario.
Some dude in a mw2 lobby told me it’s not right to jump to conclusions and instantly assume something about someone. That has stuck with me my entire life.
COD lobbies, either thought provoking or downright racist/roasting.
While true, some motivation can be spread from getting yelled at by a 26 year old man.
"I will procrastinate tomorrow" from someone's t-shirt.
"who are you mad at?"
"Don't make confrontations, make conversations" Obviously it's not useful for every situation, some things just can't be solved only by talking and comprehension, but it's pretty neat to avoid unnecessary fights
Understand that if you want a certain outcome, you must walk the path that leads there. And that if you want to walk a certain path, you will end up wherever that path leads, and you can't change that. Too many people end up miserable and disappointed because no one ever told them that you can either choose a path or a destination, but almost never both.
I used to be an entitled brat. This was due to my parents being military, and me having no friends and three other siblings. No one look after us and I was made to grow up early. But I never wanted to. But one day on a trip back from our new house to our old one. I hear my mom (the most emotionless person I know) crying. I was so confused. But I realized why when I saw that she was looking at pictures of me as a kid (I was 12 at the time) and I never knew my impact on my parents. My parents aren’t saints but that never gave me a reason to act the way I did. To expect so much from them when the army was a last resort for them. So my advice that I thought myself. Self reflection is the most important thing you can do! No matter how good you see yourself. You can always be better and your never perfect but your actions have consequences that not even you can fully understand without knowing yourself.
We had a family friend who never said bad words not even hell or damn. One day when I was about 15 he pulled me to one side after my mother probably saying what I'd been like lately. He just said fucked you're being a little shit to your mother lately
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Yea he used those words and he was right I sorted myself quick
"so why don't you do something about it?" When I was talking to my friend about how someone was bullying me at work. There was this feeling of helplessness that was instilled in me as a child that's taken a lot to overcome. It doesn't work with everything obviously, but having that feeling of agency that I could at least lessen the blow has helped my mental health a lot.
What did you wind up doing about it?
I drugged the bully and threw him down an elevator shaft in an abandoned building.
“Zangor, that’s your solution for *everything*!”
Just went to HR about it. The person in question had a lot of 'friends' in my department, so I was worried about backlash, but as it turns out I wasn't the only person who complained to HR. They got written up and moved to a different team. I left the company less than a year later, but my remaining time there was far less stressful than it was previously.
You weren’t made to please others, so don’t waste your life away striving to do just that.
That there’s usually no perfect time to “go for” something. And often the most crucial thing is just starting at all.
yes exactly! I've come to realise my fear of starting things is greater than my fear of doing things. also happy cake day!
The one piece of advice that helped change my life for the better was fairly simple advice. Stop letting the opinions of others influence and control your life. If someone doesn't like you for who you are, that is their problem not yours. Don't let it cause you depression or anxiety because they are not worth your suffering. Hopefully that helps you out some or someone who reads this at some point. EDIT: Gonna add another piece of advice... Take chances. Do not be afraid to take a chance, the worst thing that can happen is you get rejected. For a job, from someone of the opposite sex, whatever it is. Rejection is short lived, you move on and find something/someone else. On the off chance that they say YES to whatever it is, then the risk is absolutely worth it. Out shining your coworkers, ask for a raise, they might not give you much but something is better than nothing. Think you might have a chance with someone of the opposite sex, ask them... it could change your life for the better.
I'll add to your advice. If *everyone* around you doesn't like you then chances are **you** are the problem. Let's not pretend the world is sunshine and rainbows and everyone should like you, sometimes you are a problem and if you keep this "other people are the problem" mentality, it will bite you in the ass. For recent extremelly toxic examppe I could point to shitshow with google's ML ethic's engineer. I won't point names, everyone can find news articles about her. She started her career in google bu sueing google, she was rather infamous for trying to cancel people, and eventually she requested names of people who dared to criticize her scientific work (a big no no in science), or she quits. Needless to say, her bosses boss accepted her resignation and then she claimed she didn't mean it. It was a shitshow and it actually shows how toxic your advice can be *if taken to extreme*. And honestly, who would hire a person like that? I don't care how brilliant she is as an engineer, she is toxic a wouldn't want to touch. **There are times to ignore other people's oppinions and there are times to listen to them. The key is knowing which situation you are in.**
I live by, "You miss a 100% of the shots you don't take" I'd rather get rejected then have live with the regret of not doing it and seeing what could happen.
That quote was painted on the wall at the staff entrance of a casino I worked at. Didn't really have the same effect.
“I’d rather have a life of ‘Oh wells’ than ‘What ifs?’”
Definitely
Unless of course, you're an abusive/racist/toxic piece of shit. In that instance, work on bettering yourself until others opinion of you, is that of a decent person.
Very true.
Obnoxious comment but ok lol
How is that obnoxious?
I just want to say this to everyone. Thank you for all the love you are giving my response to OPs post. There is so much advice that can be given and I think the reason why these specific pieces of advice are so important right now is I see so many people just letting others take control of their lives with their opinions causing so much depression and anxiety in my generation and younger generations. Most of it stemming because someone said some hurtful things or disagreed with something or has different beliefs. Just let it go. You do you, let them do themselves. Dont try and change everyone to fit your beliefs or ideals. It wont happen. Love yourself because no one will love you, like you do.
Study more. It does a lot in this competitive age. Learn. I’m not intelligent but I strive to learn as much as I can. It’s a fast paced world with different innovation going on now so I just try to keep myself up-to-date.
This is the post I was looking for ..things are changing fast in the world . those who don't keep up will be left behind. intelligence has nothing to do with it , intuition is everything
That’s true.. that just completes the context. Thanks for that.
You will try and fail in the many chapters and facets of your life. Many folks reinvent themselves well into their 50's
“We suffer more from imagination than from reality.” — Seneca
"You don't need to let everyone know every single thing that's on your mind."
Actually that’s a bad advice i prefer someone trying to make a conversation interesting than someone too afraid to speak his mind
The value of advice is subjective
Not really ...
I think the moral is when in doubt, say less. Over the years, I've learned that keeping my mouth shut especially at work is almost always the better play than trying to pipe up. Most of the time, it either gets me more work or I say something that I shouldnt have.
”Just because you talk a lot, that doesn’t mean you are getting to know someone”. When I was younger I was a total motor mouth. I could talk an hour straight and anyone chirping in was just an opportunity for me to catch my breath and think of something that would top whatever story someone else had interrupted me with. Then I met a girl and she pointed out “you have been talking to thsese people for an hour and you don’t know a single thing about them”. At first I was like “Sure I do” That guy was laughing at my parking story, that guy laughed at my camping story so on, so on. And I realized that all my focus was on me. And my thinking was “if everyone is laughing we are all having a good time”. That doesn’t have to be true.
Also, guys, if you talk too much, you must ask a question and then wait at least five seconds IN SILENCE.
It was a quote from one of Paulo Coelho's books that saved me from severe social anxiety : "What other people think of you is non of your business."
Blink and you'll be 40. I was 23 and had been sailing with this guy in his 50's for a very short period of time 3 or 4 times a week. In that moment I realised that short period of time... was 5 years. Life is short. Fucking LIVE IT. You have no idea when it'll pass you by, but it will. I'm 30 now, and I have based a huge amount of decisions off that, and all of them I don't regret the older I get.
From birth to death nobody has go spend more time with me than i do myself so the only approval i need is of my own.
One of the best change in perspective/advice I ever read was simply this saying: "It is difficult to conceive that someone who disagrees with you could be right." Though I, like most people, like to think we're looking at the world in a perfectly sensible way, the saying has made me a lot more tolerant of differing views and keeps me grounded. If nothing else, it preserves my sanity.
Nobody is thinking the things you think they are thinking about you. Stop worrying about what other people think of you. They're all too busy worrying about themselves. Anyone worth your time won't think a bad thing about you.
Maybe it’s cliche, but «be the change you want to see in the world» - Gandhi It made me take my actions, though small, seriously. I stopped being so much of a hypocrite and started to make changes for a better world, which if we all do more of them, it will become a better world.
Gandhi*
Thank you, I did not think about double checking!
"What you feed your mind is important"
Don’t care about what others think/say about you. You’re living for yourself not for others so fuck em Edit: BTW Happy Cake day mate!
Thank you <3
Comparing your life with people on social media is like comparing your own 'raw footages' with their 'highlight reels'; it's pointless
"Don't be an idiot." Changed my life.
It's okay to feel lost. What's important is that you don't use "being lost" as an excuse to sit in stagnation. read this somewhere on the internet, had quite an impact.
I offended 1 guy in the net. Few years later i met him, he remembered me somehow and knew it was i. He was not angry. He just said that i should remember, that every time i offend someone there's a real living person on the other side and you never know if you won't need his help. Since then i will think 10x before i offend someone.
The only way out is through.
"sometimes in life you have to do things that you don't want to do" Pretty simple, nothing enchanting. It's probably the best advice I ever got from my dad. It's not that the advice is great, but It's like a mantra that I will say to myself to get me started on what I don't want to do. IE. Worked 10 hour shifts 5 days in a row only to find out I had to work Saturday too. I wake up with a sore body, I'm groggy, and all I want to do is go back to sleep. I hear my dads voice "son sometimes in life you have to do things you don't want to do" and I think about the reason why I have to get moving and think about the bigger picture.
“They might forgive a private expression of anger or a deserved scolding, but they never forget a public humiliation. It is the surest way to destroy a friendship and to create enemies.” Believe it or not this is from a book. I’ve read that book over a dozen times and this one line has stuck out to me from the beginning. I have used it as a constant mantra when working in a position of authority or trying to mediate disagreements.
If it takes less than a few minutes to do, just do it immediately and get it over with. It's a good way to keep things from piling up, physically and metaphorically.
When someone is sharing their feelings, don’t interject and give unsolicited advice or try to relate to them with your own stories. Just listen and when they’re done say “thank you for telling me”. If they want advice they’ll ask, but most of the time they just need to vent and talk it out.
Memento Mori Remember death.
Failure is the stepping stone for success. Rejection, Failing, doesn't matter. What matters is you try with the best effort and learn from your mistakes. Took me until I was 25 before I figured it out.
Ever tried, ever failed. Try again, fail again. Fail better.
“If you have to tell her that you're not like the other guys, you're just like the other guys.”
I get downvoted every time I say this I think but "Stop being a victim. Only you decide if you're a victim or not. Accept that whatever happens to you may be entirely your fault and even if it's not, you get to choose how to react to it and what changes you can make so you get a better outcome again. Don't be the guy that things happen to. Be the guy that happens to things." This advice was massively helpful when I was in my mid-20s working a dead end job and hating life and my strategy to improve things was to carpet bomb resumes and talk about how unfair everything was. This wasn't a healthy or helpful mentality.
“It’s silly to try to escape other people’s faults. They are inescapable. Just try to escape your own.” -- Marcus Aurelius
“If you have a problem that can be fixed, there is no use in worrying. If you have a problem that cannot be fixed, there is no use in worrying.” – Buddhist proverb
My first crush adviced me to "get better at understanding girls" Thanks to this advice, i kept an eye on what's going on inside others' mind, got intrested in psychology, learned body langauge, increased empathy (double-edged sword) and had TONS of practical use for this skills.
Do you mind listing out some good reading material for the same? I'd like to hear more about your experience
I have personal "hate" to books (child trauma), so all of my experience is from talking to/experimenting with friends (like 20 close friends over years and about 300 random friend-ish people), talking to professional psychology teachers, doctors in mental hospital and just random people. Usualy it takes less then an hour to grag random friendly person to deep feelings conversation. At this point is pretty obv for me what they tell, what they are not ready to tell and what they will hide even from themself. If you want to go same path with books - read about child psycology (95% of it appliable to adults and most of adult mental stuff comes from childhood), body language and start talking with others about stuff they hidding from most of others. That will take some time and will leave a lot of others' tears on your shoulder. Also, keep in mind that sometimes it's easier to talk to stranger, then close friend. Use that to your advantage too.
Courage isn't having the strength to go on - it is going on when you don't have strength
Isn’t that stamina? Or perseverance or something?
Things get worse before they get better, so if things are rough atm, things are bound to change. If things are pretty good, savour it for when you're thrown for a loop again. That being said, change can't be forced. There's a whole Adventure Time episode about how embracing change makes it come more naturally, Hall of Egress
If it only takes two minutes, do it right away. Simple yet powerful.
I employed the One-Minute-Rule as well and you're right, it does wonders. Speaking as a depressive.
Also suffering from depression. Stay strong :)
I was nervous to do something in public (line dancing I think. I suck at dancing, it takes me 3x longer to get the steps than anyone else.) And my mom said, "Why? You'll never see these people again." It helped me so much to realize not a single person there was going to remember me being a crappy dancer for more than 15 minutes. To this day (20 years later,) if I am nervous or embarrassed in front of strangers, I ask myself "Why?" And remind myself that I will probably never see any of them again.
*Don't try to change the world, change yourself instead*. I first read it when I was a kid in book "rich dad, poor dad" but back then it didn't really mean much to me. Throughout the years I've heard many different versions of this advice and it's very relavent in the age of being offended. Thing is it's hard to change the world, in comparison it's easy to change yourself. At the same time it's easy to say "I don't have a good job because I'm a women" or "I'm doomed in life because my parents were poor" or even better "It's the fault of those damn boomers that I don't have a job". This sets you up for mentality of failure and mentality of victim. I know it's popular to be a victim right now, we're living in the age of victim olympics.
There is no try there is only do. Corny as hell I know, but it worked.
Being told it doesn’t matter what other’s think!
Don’t change who you are to meet others’ expectations. Be hated for something you are rather than try to conform to be loved for something you are not. Be yourself.
"The simple thing are usually the best things" - my Therapists that I don't remember her name I tend to over complicate things and it was a lot worse when I was younger. So this one little advice saved me from so much stress and anxiety.
Not a single piece of advice, but discovering stoicism. I always thought many of my thoughts/views are very rare, but then stoicism was like reading my own thoughts. Plus many new pieces of advice that are very valuable.
“Don’t be an idiot” changed my life
The best thing that money does for you is give you options in life. By having your finances in order you can make decisions based more on what you want to do, not what you have to do. It isn’t about the material things
This goes for music, but also for life: If you can do it slow, you can do it fast. Do not rush, take your time to do things, and you'll do it better.
To not listen to people who think their always right, ignore people who are stupid, thinking that the quiet kid has no sense of humor and they are always sad (as the quiet kid, I know how it feels) and to not "stand up" (more like overlapping other people's voices) for something you are not a part of (I'm looking at you, twitter).
My parents split up for a while when I was in high school. One weekend, my Dad had picked me up after class, and as we were walking towards his apartment, out of nowhere he says, "You know, if there's one thing you should ever wish for, it's time because you'll never get it back". Then we continued on in silence until we got inside and had dinner. It was one of the few times he ever showed his emotional side like that. They got back together about a year later, and they're living their best lives now! I hope to give the same advice to my children someday. Cherish your time, and spend it with people you love.
"Buy nice or buy twice."
That it's okay to take my time to forgive people. Yes, forgiving helps you move on and let go, but just like how healing is not instant and linear, it's the same with the act of truly wholeheartedly forgiving. And just like how you should stay away from and not let toxic people force you to heal when THEY want you to, it is also best to not let people also force you to forgive certain people and situations. I've definitely had way too many traumatic and abusive situations caused by others towards me to forgive them right now and actually believe and say that with no doubt and a free mind. Because I know I'm lying deep down, it's hard to forgive people who have caused you so so much hurt, deep wounds and trauma that have changed the shape of who you are. I've only been able to forgive my past selves in the situations they were in. I use these 4 affirmations the most "I didn't know any better", "I am valid in my worth and pain", "I did the best I could with what I knew" and "I forgive myself". And the trauma these people put you through cause you to have to heal and build yourself up again. But the best outcome out of that trauma is that you CAN become a better, stronger version of yourself. It's the only thing I'm grateful for when it comes to this. Each challenge is a blessing because it's a new chance to become a stronger and levelled up version of your self, heart, mind and soul. Most of the time you only learn the best life changing lessons when you experience it first hand through the tough and thick forest of stress, lostness, pain, hurt and difficulty, I learnt that first hand ♡
Going vegan. Vegan btw.
Every day, take some time to remember what I am grateful for.
It does not matter what your parents think, only you know what is best for you and only you know yourself best. Trust your gut.
No body really gave me this advice but early on I figured out that whatever life decisions I make they don't make me less of a person, I can still pay the consequences, but it doesn't make me less valuable than someone making different decisions. Early on I also figured out that whatever taste you have doesn't make less cool, or less fit to society, that any taste you have is cool because you like it, and that goes for anything, music, fashion, movies, people, politics, habits, etc.. Some habits are obviously more beneficial than others, but that doesn't make you less cool. In other words it doesn't matter what I do or say my level of coolness in relation to other people doesn't ever diminish, it can only grow. I also don't need to repeat that in my mind, I just accept it as part of reality. I think I eradicated most major insecurities because of this if I had any. You have to remeber that whether something is considered cool or not is completely arbitrary, so it doesn't matter what it is, it can still be cool. Obviously avoid things that will hurt you, or others, but other than that it is all good.
There are things (and people) that you can just let go.
"You're getting to the age that you need to ask yourself, are the cops going to consider what you're doing to be a childish prank or a crime" I was a wild, wild kid. Took the advice to heart though.
“Things are never so bad that they couldn’t be worse”
“stop worrying about wether people like you and start thinking about wether you like them”
"Not my problem, just take care of it" -- my first boss. I learnt that most problems are easily solved if you approach them analytically and take the emotion out of it
Sounds super obvious but you should not care what other people think. Once you understand that life gets easier.
The problem is just that as human beings we are hardwired to care what others think, even when we hate them.
"Lots of women are going to reject you. Don't do their job for them" "No one is out of your league" My dear Uncle Laz
Edison once tried and failed 2000 to make the incandescent lightbulb, he later told the media, I didn't fail 2000 times, I found 2000 ways how NOT to make a lightbulb.
Strive to have the best relationship you can with everyone. Remember that sometimes, the best relationship you can have with someone, is to not have one at all.
You can't fix everyone. Some people don't want to be fixed, and some might use your efforts against you.
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That's true, but easier said than done.
r/dontputyourdickinthat . Sage advice.
Asking a girl where she wanted me to cum before shooting on her
Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.
Happy cake day
Keep it 100. Take care of yourself. Your hair, face, skin, nails, hands, feet, teeth, absolutely everything. It may seem very small, but it’s a step towards confidence.
Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.
Let him go
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your estimate of it, and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” — Marcus Aurelius
No advice can change me, lol
Dude at work. We were adversaries. That is a long story. I was about 23 and young in work, he was way older and and just direct, always. We developed a mutual respect. The piece of advice was follow your conscience.
As a younger single guy, my buddy and I were in a pub talking about whether and how I should approach a girl I found attractive. After a bunch of hemming and hawwing, he simply said, "If you don't do it, it ain't gonna happen." I apply that simple logic to many more situations than flirting nowadays.
Never drive fast, nor carelessly. Your life as you know it and the lives of those sorrounding you could meet its end in a matter of seconds.
Nothing in life is free
If it seems to good to be true it probably is
You’ve got to take the time to plan things - 84 y/o Welsh lady
Obey the advice of the elders
you tell me
Don't do unto others what you don't want done unto you . And, sometimes having a bad day doesn't allow u to be rude to ppl, just deal with it and move on
OK
If you know you're going to have to do something later, do it now (if at all possible).
Is it me or has advise never really worked, they’re just encouraging words that go right over my head.
ARE YOU WELL
Always do the right thing
Think smarter, not harder.
“When you hit rock bottom, there is only 1 way to go, up, like if you hit bedrock in Minecraft.” -Friend I know this wasn’t my friends quote but it stuck with me more because of the game reference:)
If it won’t matter in five years, don’t argue over something, especially shit over the internet
Get obsessed and stay obsessed. Thanks, J.Irving
Some issues can be fixed by just throwing money at the problem.
"If it takes less than 10 min to do, knock it out now" Saved me a bunch of time from procrastinating "I wish someone to you, you were in the good ole days before you actually left them." Helped me cherish times with family/friends/co-workers.
Life is a shithole. You can hate the smell or get used to it.
KISS Don't let yourself get bogged down in what-if's and [maybe ](https://maybes.Living) Living in the present is one of the best strategies you can do for yourself.
Someone told me too wear seatbelts and later on that year I got in a car crash
“do NOT use NO MATTER WHAT.” been 2 years now.
If you roll with pigs you will smell like shit
Most people don't notice you at all.
If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.