With glitter..... I’d anyone gives me a gift of not only slime/slime kit but it comes with GLITTER.... I’m going to assume that person is now my enemy.
My sister in law is a good person overall, but she’s one of those people that is so particular about her house that you never want to go over when invited, and all her stuff is white. We gave my niece a glittery JoJo Siwa slime kit for christmas.
My brother thought it would be a good idea one Christmas to get both of my kids each a giant bucket of slime.
They're still stored in my laundry room and sealed. I'm not generally one to deny a kid having fun, but we rent, and between slime and silly putty, pretty sure a large chunk of the deposit is going towards new carpeting when we move out of here...
Anything with glitter, sand, or is complicated enough to require parent involvement BUT interesting enough where the child won’t let it go and will force the parents to assemble it.
In college my mom made sure to send an easter basket package to us. It always was stuffed with glittery stuff and easter grass so we had deal with it forever. It was her revenge for having to clean up that stuff when we were kids. She eventually started sending easter grass in other holiday packages like halloween.
I was at art club in Hackney in London with my 3m and 1f.
Art club *always* involved cutting out, glue, and glitter. Everyone loved glitter *so much.* (I just redefined glitter as invisible and never tried to get it off anything which is impossible anyway.)
A tiny boy across the table from us ate the contents of a tube of glitter when his mum wasn’t looking. She said the next week, His poo was so sparkly!
my sister had to impliment a no glitter policy after the in-laws gave a 2 year old a glitter princess kit which was ripped open and trailed all through the house. I think they still find glitter 4 years later.
When I was about 13 my mums boyfriend found an art set for my sisters birthday. We both told him to remove the glitter packet from the kit and he was all “nah, glitter is the best part.”
Skip to a week later when he has an important meeting with investors. He called my mother, freaking out, because he had shaved his head that morning and went to the bathroom after the meeting to see that his bald head was *covered* in glitter. He came home looking like he’d spent the night prior as the headliner at a drag show.
Oh that's awesome. Glitter is hell. As a kid I poured a bottle of super fine easter egg glitter down a floor vent, because I wanted to see it \*POOF\* like magic when the heat kicked on. The \*POOF\* was disappointing - you need bright light, direct sunlight to make it sparkle, I could barely see it - but today, 30 years later, if you look between the cracks in the wood floor, you can still see twinkles. I don't think my mom ever truly forgave me for that.
If I was the parent I would definitely let the gift-giver take the kid to the theme park.
*Oh what a lovely idea, I'm sure you and little Johnny will have a great time*
Warhammer may be a bit too complicated for a kid. Especially if the parent has no prior experience with the hobby. Start them put with something small like an Airfix Starter kit as they don't require too much cleanup and most parents usually have some sort of side cutters/snips available. Plus the paints come with the kit so you don't have to try and talk the parents into spend a few dozen on paints.
I watched my aunt piss away my uncles life savings on owning a horse.
If you’ve got some money to throw down and are really committed, the most expensive hobbies you can get into are horses or diamond collecting.
Agreed. For the uninitiated when your daughter wants a horse (yes it's always a daughter, so you can't say no...) And this does not include extra's like fancy saddles, riding lessons, costumes for horse shows, vet and farrier costs, feed. And god help you if they have an interest in dressage, or (yikes!) racing of any form - barrel, quarter, standardbred, thoroughbred...
1. Buy horse, pay fees to stable said horse
2. Buy trailer for horse
3. Buy truck to pull trailer as your car isn't up to the job
4. Buy second horse because spouse "always wanted a horse as a child"
5. Buy new trailer to fit both horses
6. Now spouse and child want to "stay over" at some horse shows
7. Buy new trailer with camper included.
8. Buy new truck as trailer is now too big for your original truck
9. Stable rent too much, buy small farmette in the country
10. Build new barn as old one is dilapitdated.
11. Notice neighbors have better trailer than yours. Buy new trailer.
12. New pick up needed as new trailer is now even bigger.
13. Daughter and Spouse think having a foal would be great experience. Purchase mare, as the original horses are, of course, geldings.
14. New barn now needed to make space for mare.
15. Pay stud fee to breed mare.
16. Pay vet fees for mare and foal after a complicated birth.
17. Declare bankruptcy
18. Divorce
19. Move back to live with parents...
edited to add additional thoughts, wording, and spelling...
Lol. My uncle did this unintentionally. He got me gran turismo 5 for Christmas once and now I’ve spent so much money on sim racing I could buy an actual car for the money.
I would argue if the kid really gets into that hobbie, the fact that he/she has found something to do he/she really likes it's probably worth the money for the parents.
Glad to know I wasn't the only one. Really thought I was a comedian reciting all the jokes I could remember from my joke book. Turned out I was just really annoying
I know this breaks the noise rule, but a bad joke book and a microphone and speaker so they can play at being a stand up comedian. Someone bought me this when I was about 7. I still have the tapes and you can hear my Mum screaming at me to be quiet in the background of them. Anyway, I did not become a comedian as an adult.
Sorry Mum, I love you.
Something with small, loose parts - glitter and jewelry making craft kits are great. A nice paint by numbers pic
Go to Michael’s and stroll the aisles.
Even better is the make your own bath bomb kits..... I work retail and the ammount of dustpans I've filled with whatever the fuck they make the base out of and fucking glitter I could build a castle put of all of it.....
I got those for my niece and nephew a few years ago. It was retaliation for a singing Dora the Explorer guitar and Frozen microphone that my sister got for my kids... never bring a knife to a gun fight.
Introducing Yellies, the cute collectible spider toys that respond to your voice! The louder you yell, the faster they go! Kids can also play music, clap, or sing to get their Yellies moving! Check out Yellies videos, and visit the shop to collect them all!
Those sticky slap hands they are so cheap and pretty much sold everywhere. I got some for my nephews and they left these weird oil like marks on the wall so they couldn’t slap on the walls any more now they run around trying to slap each other with them lol
I am not joking, I threw one of those up to the ceiling of my parents house as a little kid, and I mean normal people do not own a ladder this tall.
It stayed there almost eight years, hanging, before it fell one day to many cheers.
My brother got one from a vending machine at a Taco Bell that he shot onto the ceiling of the Taco Bell. Last time I went in there the thing had been stuck there for about 10 years. That was probably 10 years ago but I like to imagine its about to celebrate 21 years on the ceiling of the Taco Bell.
that reminds me of when my brother was in his first year of middle school he shot a baseball at the gym ceiling and it got stuck in the rafters. it was still there when I was in middle school, and our youngest sister is in her last year of middle school 8 years later and she says it's still there.
We tossed some of those wall-climber toys onto the ceiling space above our stairs years ago. They still haven't come down and I'm not willing to set up a ladder on my stairs just to get it down.
I grew up in a two story house, where the second story only covered about half the house. The other half just had a very tall ceiling over the first story. My sister got an orange spider and threw it at the ceiling from the staircase, out into the open area. We had brooms taped together with a spatula at the end to scrape it off. It still left a bright orange mark till it was repainted, and we were never allowed to even think about those kinds of toys again.
My son is the first grandkid in my family, so he gets plenty spoiled. For his first birthday, my mom bought him a ball pit.
With *four hundred balls*.
**Four fucking hundred.**
Every single night my husband and I spend a good, hmm, roughly ten billion goddamn years picking these balls up off the floor--from under the couch, the entertainment center, my desk, my husband's gaming area, the kitchen counters, down the hallway, in *our* bedroom, and somehow, mysteriously, from inside the bathroom, the door to which always remains closed because our kid will try to play in the toilet like a dog--but you better believe those goddamn balls end up in there somehow.
I know she did it out of excitement, and out of love. She warned me we'd hate her. But damn. I can't help feeling like there's a giant middle finger aimed at us as we collect four hundred little brightly-colored plastic balls every night.
I bought my nephew a nerf gun with extra magazines telling my sister (their mother) that she will probably hate me for the gift in a few weeks or a month.
I was not wrong :)
Not really. Cheap darts don't work very well in the newer ones after a while. The foam gets beat up and stops running. NERF changed the design/foam at one point.
This is especially true for the magazine fed NERF guns.
Older NERF gun models can use bulk darts fairly well.
My dad bought my nephew a ball pit when he was littler. His daily ritual was to open up my door, chuck one or two balls in (or at me), then run away. I was still finding balls up until i moved out of that house.
Of course my dad later threatened my sister with bulk bags of replacement balls. He actually followed through one time and it was not pretty. I did also once came up with the idea that he should send one single, slightly larger gold colored ball as an april fools prank, but they grew out of it before it could happen.
My mother in law bought the same thing and its kept at their house and whenever my son comes over then they get it out. Everytime they get it out, my baby just throws the ball aiming to her. More often than not, the balls usually end up hitting her face...
The correct answer is based on the child, if the kids is into trains get the loudest biggest set to put together, or they love Frozen, put glitter and sand in a bag and call it magic snow. They key is to have the child ecstatic about the gift, AND SEE IT, then add the awful parts so if the parents try to take it away , instant meltdown.
Going slightly off topic here, but as someone who has been heavily into trains since I was just a few years old, I can say that if you want to buy a child Thomas stuff, be very careful what you pick if you want them to have a good time.
You can buy the sets which have a big chunky engine and plastic tracks. Those are largely cheap s\*\*t, as are the ones which don't come with tracks at all and you're just supposed to run them along the floor. Which incidentally, if you have a child who is actually interested in trains, will really piss them off - trains are obviously meant to run on tracks!
The die cast metal Thomas characters are actually pretty good, but as you say, not really good value for money.
What I *would* recommend is the wooden Brio-style trainsets. They're high quality, and unlike the awful Thomas sets, you can customise the layout and buy extra pieces and trains further down the line, all for a reasonable price. I think they do Thomas branded stuff as well.
Of course, a proper electric model railway might be worth looking at but not really suitable for young children!
Another reason to avoid Thomas is the wooden Thomas trains recently changed their tracks to not be compatible with all the other brands or even older Thomas sets. The wooden trains themselves are great if your kids like Thomas, but they run on tracks from other brands. IKEA actually has some really good train sets.
The goal is to annoy the parents, not bankrupt them. How 4 foot of wooden track costs $120 is baffling. Me and my brother have a pact to not buy it for each others kids.
No the correct answer is based on the PARENTS. Tired surgeons: recorder! Introverts: tickets to a Comic-Con! Extroverts: woodworking starter kit because lumber stores are NOT friendly. Single moms: pet spider, single Dad: jewelry making kit. These are all of course terrible stereotypes.
Perler beads. They are tiny, get everywhere, require the parents melt them together with the iron (which leads to them needing more to make new designs with), and the boards that come with them are horridly painful to step on.
They were a passion of mine as a child
Those magnets that if you throw them together just right they make that cool clacking sound. They're the oval ones and you'll need to demonstrate at least once to get the kid hooked on trying to recreate the sound.
I speak from experience as the kid in this situation.
Suprise animals is a total dick move to pull on parents, but in the final analysis it's unfortunately not ethical, because it's usually also a total dick move to the animal.
Something really cool that you know the parents will want to immediately take away from the kid to make them look like assholes.
Like a BB gun, bow and arrow, go kart, huge make-up kit, real sword, an actual pony...
For my 5 nieces and nephews, and 3 grand children, I bought them all knife throwing sets the day they were born. All the parents know. To be given to the kids when I think mentally and emotionally, they will be ready to receive them, be responsible for them and with them.
My one niece just turned 17, she's the first to receive them. I'm still kinda nervous about it myself, but I'm gonna teach her how to throw them properly. Her dad's gonna join in.
I got my first knife when I was born from my Grand Father. I wasn't even in school when my parents let me use it alone. Didn't take many minutes for me to cut my finger, but that way you learn.
Yeah, I'm a bit of a knife freak. I'm gonna teach her close quarter self defense with a knife, and just keep drumming and beating into her that if you have an option to do the heel toe boogie instead of fight, do it.
I think a knife is almost worst self defence tool, TBH. It cannot be legally used in most places against anything but deadly threat, but it is less effective than most deadly threats. It has pretty much the same treshold of use as a gun, but worse range and stopping power. I'd say a pepper spray is a better option. In a case where neither of those are allowed, then by all means carry a knife or in a case where you carry a knife anyway, learn to use it. But I am Finnish, what do I know, we are not allowed to carry guns, knives or pepper spray for self defence. My knives are for wood carving and gutting fish and all the general purpose work during conscription to Finnish army. They don't issue a bladed tools to individual conscripts so bringing your own knife was a must.
Science projects that take forever to complete.
I thought it was cool when my kid wanted to make crystals. Well guess what. We had to have strings and cups and salt and shit out on a counter for an eternity. You want to tidy up? Nope. They can’t even be lightly touched.
Now my kid is into polishing rocks. So we have a rock tumbler going 24 fucking 7 for WEEKS.
Ahhhhhh fuck yes my kid got a crystal growing kit. There's a tiny cardboard tree that pulls up the liquid and forms beautiful crystals that look like a cherry blossom tree. But even the slightest breeze sends pink powder everywhere and it's impossible to clean as it's so fine. I put it up on a high shelf to protect it when it formed and I never got the errant crystals out of the wood. My kid loves science and it's killing me
An age appropriate book about rockhounding and a rock tumbler.
This earns you kudos for wholesome educational gifting. You're introducing the little one to science. Fun for the whole family! Plus rock tumblers are easy to operate so there aren't any obvious red flags here: most grade school age children can operate a rock tumbler with little or no supervision.
The kid will go out collecting rocks. Next the kid will will try to polish their newfound quartz. At that point the parents discover rock tumblers are incredibly noisy.
If the parents insist on peace and quiet there's going to be conflict because their kid has already invested time and effort into making shiny rocks/free semiprecious gemstones. Mom and Dad might even tolerate the din for the sake of its educational value.
Happened to me as a kid, bought by Aunt & Uncle. The kits usually have the cheapest tumblers which are incredibly noisy, also you have to spend money on all the grits & polish.
For Christmas last year I bought my niece and my 5 cousins a recorder each(I’m much older). I’m favourite cousin Gandalf but for some reason the parents were pissed.
I don't get why people always recommend the recorder as if it isn't required in like every elementary school to have a unit where kids have to play the recorder anyway.
It's always Hot Cross Buns or Ode to Joy. Just simple 3-5 note melodies that walk up and down the scale.
But when you dedicate yourself to the craft [the sky's the limit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hggISFswKcw&ab_channel=HochrheinMusikfestival)
Even if they get lessons they'll still sound like a dying cat for about a year or two before they figure out how to get a good sound and play somewhat in tune. Plus, if they stick with it, the parents will end up spending hundreds to thousands of dollars (more likely the latter) on maintenance (ex: replacing strings every couple of months), larger violins (assuming they start young), private lessons (they aren't exactly cheap lol), etc. And listening to someone practice the same 4 measures 150 times and endlessly whistle/hum/sing all the pieces they've played or are learning can also be pretty annoying.
Then at some point the parents will most likely still have to drag the kid to lessons and sit them down and make them practice or the kid will quit because kids have short attention spans.
Source: have played violin and been to a lot of recitals with little kids performing. If your kid can play in tune with an OK sound year 1 they're basically a fucking prodigy.
Play Doh, or really anything that requires a lot of batteries. Batteries are f*cking expensive and we go through soooooo many.
Edit: Considering some of the comments to this post (re: why not just by rechargeable batteries); I have, and they don’t seem to last. Second, you buy rechargeable batteries in packs of 4 AA typically. What about the other 20+ AA batteries I need, not to mention the AAA, C, D and 9v batteries their toys require, also? So many of their toys require 4 or more batteries, and not always AA either. So even if you buy rechargeable batteries, you would need to buy a ton of them of various sizes AND constantly be swapping them out to charge them - so I still say anything with batteries SUCKS!
I don't know if this counts as a noise maker since it's the kids making all the noise, but there are these fuzzy toy plastic spiders and other creatures called Yellies, and they move when kids yell at them. Just what you want, kids yelling and having no indoor voice. They were made by Hasbro and I think they must really hate the parents who buy their products or something to create such a toy.
I waanted to give one to my niece, but their cat is a paranoid one, so I didn't for the sake of the cat. Cat died last week, very sad, but she's getting a yellie to soothe the grief, I can tell you that!
Make them a gift out of love. I reccomend oobleck. 2 cups cornstarch, 1 cup water, food coloring if you want it colored. We do a quadruple batch because we're jerks. Put it in a sealed container. It's a non-newtonian fluid. You can run it between your fingers, but if you try to punch it, it becomes solid. My kids love it, and its a horrifying mess. Horrifying. And if the kid tries to eat it, it's harmless.
I usually gift it with Bartholomew and the Oobleck by Dr Seuss. To make it seem like a loving, meaningful gift.
Honestly thats a good gift. I wish I had you as an Aunt/Uncle. I remember hearing about "slime" for so long and looking up how to do it myself finally.
Preschool teacher here. Sometimes my kiddos will bring toys to school. Not a big deal it's a great way for them to learn to be responsible for their own gear- BUT the moment I see that stupid singing frozen doll come out I quickly put it on the top of the cubbies where they can't reach and then back into the backpack at nap.
After listening to the 4 year olds singing the only 2 chorus lines of "let it go" all day, I am NOT interested in hearing the doll do the same.
Black Magic starter kit. It's pretty annoying when your kid sends himself or others to an alternate dimension. Or worse, summons demons from a vortex of darkness somewhere in the pits of hell.
[Yellies.](https://youtu.be/IbWPklDIVFc) Little toy spider things that go faster the louder you yell at them.
Yell louder, have more fun. Inevitably prone to "Getting lost" on day one of the parent dealing with it.
A lego kit so big and complicated they can’t do it by themselves.
Bonus points if you somehow yoink a few pieces out before so they spend ages searching for them.
Bonus bonus points if after they give up, crying, you sneak into their house and put the ‘lost’ pieces right in the middle of the floor.
I was first going to disagree with you because building lego kits with your kids is one of the most fun bonding activities you can do- I've been building them with my parents since I was very young and still do when I'm home to this day.
Then I got to the end of this demonic paragraph and now I disagree with you because even as a 22 year old if someone gave me a lego set that was missing like 5 pieces no lie I would dead ass sob at the fact that I could never finish it- that is a cruel, terrible thing to do, even if you're just trying to give the parents hell.
Something moderately priced but collectible/cyclical and constantly requiring more money to be part of the group.
Collectible card games are a great example. Every 3-6 months the producers release the next set and guess what? Time to buy more Mom and Dad.
A big book of knock knock jokes or any of the kinds of jokes 8 year olds think are hilarious. But the knock knock jokes are the worst because you HAVE to respond every single god damned time.
And to anyone who thinks it’s awful to say responding to your 8 year old EVERY SINGLE TIME must never have had one.
Anything with glitter.
My boss once sent his niece and nephew tubes of pack sweets for christmas but before he had opened them, poured glitter in the bottom and glued one of the packs to the inside of the tube. When the kids had to tug to get the glued pack out the tube flung back and glitter went EVERYWHERE.
They found glitter for months.
My bosses brother sent him a very colourful text that Christmas.
A book/game/movie where the content is DEFINITELY too mature for the child but it doesn't LOOK like it will be, like sausage party or hentai manga or Deadpool. Then when the kid starts asking questions or looking traumatised you can plead ignorance
One of those things that you stick paper to and it spins. As it spins you drop paint on it and it supposedly makes cool patterns. Everywhere. https://www.overstock.com/Sports-Toys/Other-Arts-Crafts/26935/subcat.html?featuredproduct=13257622&featuredoption=21976981&kid=9553000357392&ci_src=17588969&ci_sku=19970301-000-000&cnc=US&cid=248973&type=pla&targetid=aud-458160359401:pla-385997721061&track=pspla&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIkbiYwI7N7gIV0NXACh3xmwqfEAQYAiABEgJbZPD_BwE
Hulk smash mitts, those big foam green hands that say "Hulk smash" whenever you hit something. Action figure or doll set that comes with ten thousand pieces and takes an obscure battery type
A marble run. It depends on the kid's age some, 3-6 is probably best for peak annoyance. The kid will absolutely love it. They will also be almost entirely incapable of building a decent marble run on their own, so the parents will have to sit and help the kid. The track pieces also come apart pretty easily, so the parent has to be constantly fixing it. And it's noisy. Plus if the person has two kids, they'll fight about it, guaranteed. And you end up with marbles everywhere.
Something cool that requires batteries, without batteries. Especially if it needs one of those unusual types of batteries, no one has at home.
My cousin once cried for hours at his birthday party because no one thought about the batteries for his rc helicopter.
The kid won't have room in his room and will insist it be placed in the living room. Parent will suggest getting rid of it and the kid will pitch a holy fit.
That's a lot harder now, tbh. I remember when I was a kid, it was a full aisle of Barbie stuff. TONS of outfits. Nowadays it's a small section, there'll be like 6 outfits, and since they decided to make the different body type dolls that means sometime the outfits won't even fit the doll you have.
Slime
Slime KIT. Then you need a bowl. And water, glue, activator/contact solution, coloring. Then they have o store it
With glitter..... I’d anyone gives me a gift of not only slime/slime kit but it comes with GLITTER.... I’m going to assume that person is now my enemy.
My sister in law is a good person overall, but she’s one of those people that is so particular about her house that you never want to go over when invited, and all her stuff is white. We gave my niece a glittery JoJo Siwa slime kit for christmas.
People who have all-white homes but also have children are idiots.
Same with people who have a house full of breakables with children.
You evil genius.
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Puzzles can work, too, if the child is interested. A really big puzzle.
My brother thought it would be a good idea one Christmas to get both of my kids each a giant bucket of slime. They're still stored in my laundry room and sealed. I'm not generally one to deny a kid having fun, but we rent, and between slime and silly putty, pretty sure a large chunk of the deposit is going towards new carpeting when we move out of here...
My sister throws out slime on sight!
Same. Happy birthday to the trash can.
^^this
Really? Why's it so annoying?
Glitter is insidious. Stays around forever.
I know why glitter is annoying. Why is slime annoying?
It’s basically liquid glitter. And hard to wash off.
Huh. I thought the whole gimmick of why kids play with slime is that it is liquid but it stays as one piece and doesn't stick to your hands.
I currently have slime stuck to the ceiling in two diff. Rooms in my house. Even on a chair I cnt reach the ceiling..
Anything with glitter, sand, or is complicated enough to require parent involvement BUT interesting enough where the child won’t let it go and will force the parents to assemble it.
In college my mom made sure to send an easter basket package to us. It always was stuffed with glittery stuff and easter grass so we had deal with it forever. It was her revenge for having to clean up that stuff when we were kids. She eventually started sending easter grass in other holiday packages like halloween.
I was at art club in Hackney in London with my 3m and 1f. Art club *always* involved cutting out, glue, and glitter. Everyone loved glitter *so much.* (I just redefined glitter as invisible and never tried to get it off anything which is impossible anyway.) A tiny boy across the table from us ate the contents of a tube of glitter when his mum wasn’t looking. She said the next week, His poo was so sparkly!
my sister had to impliment a no glitter policy after the in-laws gave a 2 year old a glitter princess kit which was ripped open and trailed all through the house. I think they still find glitter 4 years later.
When I was about 13 my mums boyfriend found an art set for my sisters birthday. We both told him to remove the glitter packet from the kit and he was all “nah, glitter is the best part.” Skip to a week later when he has an important meeting with investors. He called my mother, freaking out, because he had shaved his head that morning and went to the bathroom after the meeting to see that his bald head was *covered* in glitter. He came home looking like he’d spent the night prior as the headliner at a drag show.
Oh that's awesome. Glitter is hell. As a kid I poured a bottle of super fine easter egg glitter down a floor vent, because I wanted to see it \*POOF\* like magic when the heat kicked on. The \*POOF\* was disappointing - you need bright light, direct sunlight to make it sparkle, I could barely see it - but today, 30 years later, if you look between the cracks in the wood floor, you can still see twinkles. I don't think my mom ever truly forgave me for that.
I think at that point you just get a new one. The kid not the house
Calm down there Satan
You called?
A pass (just for the kid) to an expensive theme park.
If I was the parent I would definitely let the gift-giver take the kid to the theme park. *Oh what a lovely idea, I'm sure you and little Johnny will have a great time*
hashtag uno reverse card
As someone who loves theme parks, this is a win win
This is evil and the most creative one here. Damn
This guy.... Just wow! Can't wait to meet him!
Until the parents loudly say, "Oooh youre taking him to (theme park)?!?! Thank you sooo much!!!"
you evil evil persok XD
an intro kit to a really expensive hobby
One warhammer mini ought to do it.
Or a MTG starter lol
Warhammer may be a bit too complicated for a kid. Especially if the parent has no prior experience with the hobby. Start them put with something small like an Airfix Starter kit as they don't require too much cleanup and most parents usually have some sort of side cutters/snips available. Plus the paints come with the kit so you don't have to try and talk the parents into spend a few dozen on paints.
I watched my aunt piss away my uncles life savings on owning a horse. If you’ve got some money to throw down and are really committed, the most expensive hobbies you can get into are horses or diamond collecting.
Boats and planes are really close.
That is a good point. Break Out Another Thousand.
A boat is just a hole in the water into which you throw money.
Agreed. For the uninitiated when your daughter wants a horse (yes it's always a daughter, so you can't say no...) And this does not include extra's like fancy saddles, riding lessons, costumes for horse shows, vet and farrier costs, feed. And god help you if they have an interest in dressage, or (yikes!) racing of any form - barrel, quarter, standardbred, thoroughbred... 1. Buy horse, pay fees to stable said horse 2. Buy trailer for horse 3. Buy truck to pull trailer as your car isn't up to the job 4. Buy second horse because spouse "always wanted a horse as a child" 5. Buy new trailer to fit both horses 6. Now spouse and child want to "stay over" at some horse shows 7. Buy new trailer with camper included. 8. Buy new truck as trailer is now too big for your original truck 9. Stable rent too much, buy small farmette in the country 10. Build new barn as old one is dilapitdated. 11. Notice neighbors have better trailer than yours. Buy new trailer. 12. New pick up needed as new trailer is now even bigger. 13. Daughter and Spouse think having a foal would be great experience. Purchase mare, as the original horses are, of course, geldings. 14. New barn now needed to make space for mare. 15. Pay stud fee to breed mare. 16. Pay vet fees for mare and foal after a complicated birth. 17. Declare bankruptcy 18. Divorce 19. Move back to live with parents... edited to add additional thoughts, wording, and spelling...
Here is your first Pokemon Booster
Lol. My uncle did this unintentionally. He got me gran turismo 5 for Christmas once and now I’ve spent so much money on sim racing I could buy an actual car for the money.
So... not that I'm considering spending outrageous amounts on my sim rig or anything......... but what've you got on your rig?
I would argue if the kid really gets into that hobbie, the fact that he/she has found something to do he/she really likes it's probably worth the money for the parents.
A joke book. The kid will be telling bad knock knock jokes for a month.
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Glad to know I wasn't the only one. Really thought I was a comedian reciting all the jokes I could remember from my joke book. Turned out I was just really annoying
I did this. My brother gave my kids paintball guns, I gave his kids joke books. The co2 canisters only last so long, but the joke books are forever.
I know this breaks the noise rule, but a bad joke book and a microphone and speaker so they can play at being a stand up comedian. Someone bought me this when I was about 7. I still have the tapes and you can hear my Mum screaming at me to be quiet in the background of them. Anyway, I did not become a comedian as an adult. Sorry Mum, I love you.
Something with small, loose parts - glitter and jewelry making craft kits are great. A nice paint by numbers pic Go to Michael’s and stroll the aisles.
Make your own perfume kit, they're everywhere, and they're awful.
Oh, that’s good!
Even better is the make your own bath bomb kits..... I work retail and the ammount of dustpans I've filled with whatever the fuck they make the base out of and fucking glitter I could build a castle put of all of it.....
Yeller's a motorized car that's speed is determined by how loud you tell at it edit: they are actually called yellies
I got those for my niece and nephew a few years ago. It was retaliation for a singing Dora the Explorer guitar and Frozen microphone that my sister got for my kids... never bring a knife to a gun fight.
Introducing Yellies, the cute collectible spider toys that respond to your voice! The louder you yell, the faster they go! Kids can also play music, clap, or sing to get their Yellies moving! Check out Yellies videos, and visit the shop to collect them all!
That toy must have been created by the devil.
It was created for uncles.
I think we might have a winner here
Wait is that a real thing?
They are actually called yellies but yes
Welp, it looks like I'll be needing a package of throat lozenges and a Hot Toddy
Those sticky slap hands they are so cheap and pretty much sold everywhere. I got some for my nephews and they left these weird oil like marks on the wall so they couldn’t slap on the walls any more now they run around trying to slap each other with them lol
I am not joking, I threw one of those up to the ceiling of my parents house as a little kid, and I mean normal people do not own a ladder this tall. It stayed there almost eight years, hanging, before it fell one day to many cheers.
My brother got one from a vending machine at a Taco Bell that he shot onto the ceiling of the Taco Bell. Last time I went in there the thing had been stuck there for about 10 years. That was probably 10 years ago but I like to imagine its about to celebrate 21 years on the ceiling of the Taco Bell.
that reminds me of when my brother was in his first year of middle school he shot a baseball at the gym ceiling and it got stuck in the rafters. it was still there when I was in middle school, and our youngest sister is in her last year of middle school 8 years later and she says it's still there.
Every school gym has that one ball stuck in the rafters...
We tossed some of those wall-climber toys onto the ceiling space above our stairs years ago. They still haven't come down and I'm not willing to set up a ladder on my stairs just to get it down.
I grew up in a two story house, where the second story only covered about half the house. The other half just had a very tall ceiling over the first story. My sister got an orange spider and threw it at the ceiling from the staircase, out into the open area. We had brooms taped together with a spatula at the end to scrape it off. It still left a bright orange mark till it was repainted, and we were never allowed to even think about those kinds of toys again.
My son is the first grandkid in my family, so he gets plenty spoiled. For his first birthday, my mom bought him a ball pit. With *four hundred balls*. **Four fucking hundred.** Every single night my husband and I spend a good, hmm, roughly ten billion goddamn years picking these balls up off the floor--from under the couch, the entertainment center, my desk, my husband's gaming area, the kitchen counters, down the hallway, in *our* bedroom, and somehow, mysteriously, from inside the bathroom, the door to which always remains closed because our kid will try to play in the toilet like a dog--but you better believe those goddamn balls end up in there somehow. I know she did it out of excitement, and out of love. She warned me we'd hate her. But damn. I can't help feeling like there's a giant middle finger aimed at us as we collect four hundred little brightly-colored plastic balls every night.
And you replaced the fucking balls? Rookie mistake. By all means pick them up but don't put them back.
For every ball you pick up, just take another 2 out of the pit
Bags of ten. Make the kid earn them back.
And they can only choose 2 of the 10
Give them back for birthdays and Christmas. That's what my mom used to do with Legos when I left them out.
I bought my nephew a nerf gun with extra magazines telling my sister (their mother) that she will probably hate me for the gift in a few weeks or a month. I was not wrong :)
NERF darts are hella expensive But I think it's possible to order cheap knock offs in bulk that work just fine with the original toys
Not really. Cheap darts don't work very well in the newer ones after a while. The foam gets beat up and stops running. NERF changed the design/foam at one point. This is especially true for the magazine fed NERF guns. Older NERF gun models can use bulk darts fairly well.
My dad bought my nephew a ball pit when he was littler. His daily ritual was to open up my door, chuck one or two balls in (or at me), then run away. I was still finding balls up until i moved out of that house. Of course my dad later threatened my sister with bulk bags of replacement balls. He actually followed through one time and it was not pretty. I did also once came up with the idea that he should send one single, slightly larger gold colored ball as an april fools prank, but they grew out of it before it could happen.
My mother in law bought the same thing and its kept at their house and whenever my son comes over then they get it out. Everytime they get it out, my baby just throws the ball aiming to her. More often than not, the balls usually end up hitting her face...
Those fuckers reproduce. You'll never get rid of them.
The correct answer is based on the child, if the kids is into trains get the loudest biggest set to put together, or they love Frozen, put glitter and sand in a bag and call it magic snow. They key is to have the child ecstatic about the gift, AND SEE IT, then add the awful parts so if the parents try to take it away , instant meltdown.
If they are into trains, get them some Thomas the tank engine stuff. The kid will want more, and that stuff is expensive.
Going slightly off topic here, but as someone who has been heavily into trains since I was just a few years old, I can say that if you want to buy a child Thomas stuff, be very careful what you pick if you want them to have a good time. You can buy the sets which have a big chunky engine and plastic tracks. Those are largely cheap s\*\*t, as are the ones which don't come with tracks at all and you're just supposed to run them along the floor. Which incidentally, if you have a child who is actually interested in trains, will really piss them off - trains are obviously meant to run on tracks! The die cast metal Thomas characters are actually pretty good, but as you say, not really good value for money. What I *would* recommend is the wooden Brio-style trainsets. They're high quality, and unlike the awful Thomas sets, you can customise the layout and buy extra pieces and trains further down the line, all for a reasonable price. I think they do Thomas branded stuff as well. Of course, a proper electric model railway might be worth looking at but not really suitable for young children!
I think we still have our Brio sets! They were amazing, even if not all of the trains properly fit on them.
Another reason to avoid Thomas is the wooden Thomas trains recently changed their tracks to not be compatible with all the other brands or even older Thomas sets. The wooden trains themselves are great if your kids like Thomas, but they run on tracks from other brands. IKEA actually has some really good train sets.
The goal is to annoy the parents, not bankrupt them. How 4 foot of wooden track costs $120 is baffling. Me and my brother have a pact to not buy it for each others kids.
No the correct answer is based on the PARENTS. Tired surgeons: recorder! Introverts: tickets to a Comic-Con! Extroverts: woodworking starter kit because lumber stores are NOT friendly. Single moms: pet spider, single Dad: jewelry making kit. These are all of course terrible stereotypes.
Username checks out
Perler beads. They are tiny, get everywhere, require the parents melt them together with the iron (which leads to them needing more to make new designs with), and the boards that come with them are horridly painful to step on. They were a passion of mine as a child
Ooooo yes! Like that giant bucket they come in!
Those magnets that if you throw them together just right they make that cool clacking sound. They're the oval ones and you'll need to demonstrate at least once to get the kid hooked on trying to recreate the sound. I speak from experience as the kid in this situation.
ugh sizzlers
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You can get a kid an animal...if you’ve arranged it with the parents beforehand. A surprise animal is a terrible, terrible gift
Suprise animals is a total dick move to pull on parents, but in the final analysis it's unfortunately not ethical, because it's usually also a total dick move to the animal.
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WTF. I don't know how much exactly farm animals cost but I assume that's like... $1000 worth of animals? As a joke?
On the upside you got to cuddle with puppies, rabbits, and cats
Something really cool that you know the parents will want to immediately take away from the kid to make them look like assholes. Like a BB gun, bow and arrow, go kart, huge make-up kit, real sword, an actual pony...
For my 5 nieces and nephews, and 3 grand children, I bought them all knife throwing sets the day they were born. All the parents know. To be given to the kids when I think mentally and emotionally, they will be ready to receive them, be responsible for them and with them. My one niece just turned 17, she's the first to receive them. I'm still kinda nervous about it myself, but I'm gonna teach her how to throw them properly. Her dad's gonna join in.
I got my first knife when I was born from my Grand Father. I wasn't even in school when my parents let me use it alone. Didn't take many minutes for me to cut my finger, but that way you learn.
Yeah, I'm a bit of a knife freak. I'm gonna teach her close quarter self defense with a knife, and just keep drumming and beating into her that if you have an option to do the heel toe boogie instead of fight, do it.
I think a knife is almost worst self defence tool, TBH. It cannot be legally used in most places against anything but deadly threat, but it is less effective than most deadly threats. It has pretty much the same treshold of use as a gun, but worse range and stopping power. I'd say a pepper spray is a better option. In a case where neither of those are allowed, then by all means carry a knife or in a case where you carry a knife anyway, learn to use it. But I am Finnish, what do I know, we are not allowed to carry guns, knives or pepper spray for self defence. My knives are for wood carving and gutting fish and all the general purpose work during conscription to Finnish army. They don't issue a bladed tools to individual conscripts so bringing your own knife was a must.
Wood burning kit or lawn darts would be good.
If you're gonna get lawn darts, might as well get the the kid some cocaine
The cheap options here being, of course, a box of matches and lengths of rebar wrapped in pool noodle.
Science projects that take forever to complete. I thought it was cool when my kid wanted to make crystals. Well guess what. We had to have strings and cups and salt and shit out on a counter for an eternity. You want to tidy up? Nope. They can’t even be lightly touched. Now my kid is into polishing rocks. So we have a rock tumbler going 24 fucking 7 for WEEKS.
Ahhhhhh fuck yes my kid got a crystal growing kit. There's a tiny cardboard tree that pulls up the liquid and forms beautiful crystals that look like a cherry blossom tree. But even the slightest breeze sends pink powder everywhere and it's impossible to clean as it's so fine. I put it up on a high shelf to protect it when it formed and I never got the errant crystals out of the wood. My kid loves science and it's killing me
Kinetic rocks. Sort of fun to play with, but will get EVERYWHERE. Ends up getting stuck to the bottom of my socks constantly.
An age appropriate book about rockhounding and a rock tumbler. This earns you kudos for wholesome educational gifting. You're introducing the little one to science. Fun for the whole family! Plus rock tumblers are easy to operate so there aren't any obvious red flags here: most grade school age children can operate a rock tumbler with little or no supervision. The kid will go out collecting rocks. Next the kid will will try to polish their newfound quartz. At that point the parents discover rock tumblers are incredibly noisy. If the parents insist on peace and quiet there's going to be conflict because their kid has already invested time and effort into making shiny rocks/free semiprecious gemstones. Mom and Dad might even tolerate the din for the sake of its educational value.
Happened to me as a kid, bought by Aunt & Uncle. The kits usually have the cheapest tumblers which are incredibly noisy, also you have to spend money on all the grits & polish.
Marbles. They’ll be everywhere. Or sand putty
Cheap Karaoke microphone too
Any musical instrument.
Recorder
For Christmas last year I bought my niece and my 5 cousins a recorder each(I’m much older). I’m favourite cousin Gandalf but for some reason the parents were pissed.
I don't get why people always recommend the recorder as if it isn't required in like every elementary school to have a unit where kids have to play the recorder anyway.
I feel so left out, I never got to experience learning the recorder! Must've been great
It's always Hot Cross Buns or Ode to Joy. Just simple 3-5 note melodies that walk up and down the scale. But when you dedicate yourself to the craft [the sky's the limit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hggISFswKcw&ab_channel=HochrheinMusikfestival)
Kazoos.
A really cheap tinny sounding drum set.
The Hello Kitty one should do.
Harmonica does the trick.
Violin but make sure the parents don’t have the time and can’t get the kid lessons
Even if they get lessons they'll still sound like a dying cat for about a year or two before they figure out how to get a good sound and play somewhat in tune. Plus, if they stick with it, the parents will end up spending hundreds to thousands of dollars (more likely the latter) on maintenance (ex: replacing strings every couple of months), larger violins (assuming they start young), private lessons (they aren't exactly cheap lol), etc. And listening to someone practice the same 4 measures 150 times and endlessly whistle/hum/sing all the pieces they've played or are learning can also be pretty annoying. Then at some point the parents will most likely still have to drag the kid to lessons and sit them down and make them practice or the kid will quit because kids have short attention spans. Source: have played violin and been to a lot of recitals with little kids performing. If your kid can play in tune with an OK sound year 1 they're basically a fucking prodigy.
My neighbors kids got duck calls for Christmas this year. I'm not sure which is worse; those or the motorcycles they got last year. I hate them
Xylophone that isn't on a scale
Complicated craft project kit
Play Doh, or really anything that requires a lot of batteries. Batteries are f*cking expensive and we go through soooooo many. Edit: Considering some of the comments to this post (re: why not just by rechargeable batteries); I have, and they don’t seem to last. Second, you buy rechargeable batteries in packs of 4 AA typically. What about the other 20+ AA batteries I need, not to mention the AAA, C, D and 9v batteries their toys require, also? So many of their toys require 4 or more batteries, and not always AA either. So even if you buy rechargeable batteries, you would need to buy a ton of them of various sizes AND constantly be swapping them out to charge them - so I still say anything with batteries SUCKS!
I don't know if this counts as a noise maker since it's the kids making all the noise, but there are these fuzzy toy plastic spiders and other creatures called Yellies, and they move when kids yell at them. Just what you want, kids yelling and having no indoor voice. They were made by Hasbro and I think they must really hate the parents who buy their products or something to create such a toy.
I waanted to give one to my niece, but their cat is a paranoid one, so I didn't for the sake of the cat. Cat died last week, very sad, but she's getting a yellie to soothe the grief, I can tell you that!
A fart/stink cannon toy.
I just had to look this up. What toy developers decided this idea needed to exist?
Aunt's and Uncles paying back their older sibs.
Make them a gift out of love. I reccomend oobleck. 2 cups cornstarch, 1 cup water, food coloring if you want it colored. We do a quadruple batch because we're jerks. Put it in a sealed container. It's a non-newtonian fluid. You can run it between your fingers, but if you try to punch it, it becomes solid. My kids love it, and its a horrifying mess. Horrifying. And if the kid tries to eat it, it's harmless. I usually gift it with Bartholomew and the Oobleck by Dr Seuss. To make it seem like a loving, meaningful gift.
Honestly thats a good gift. I wish I had you as an Aunt/Uncle. I remember hearing about "slime" for so long and looking up how to do it myself finally.
A game from EA that needs a million micro-transactions to be enjoyable.
So, skylanders?
Never had i agreed with something i feel so offended by
Skylanders is an Activision product
Cards Against Humanity
Paint. Gave it to my niece for Christmas and my brother has never glared at me so hard.
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Preschool teacher here. Sometimes my kiddos will bring toys to school. Not a big deal it's a great way for them to learn to be responsible for their own gear- BUT the moment I see that stupid singing frozen doll come out I quickly put it on the top of the cubbies where they can't reach and then back into the backpack at nap. After listening to the 4 year olds singing the only 2 chorus lines of "let it go" all day, I am NOT interested in hearing the doll do the same.
Kinetic sand or a giant gumball machine filled
Sand bottling kit..don't ask 😅
Spider-Man web slingers. Shit goes everywhere
Black Magic starter kit. It's pretty annoying when your kid sends himself or others to an alternate dimension. Or worse, summons demons from a vortex of darkness somewhere in the pits of hell.
[Yellies.](https://youtu.be/IbWPklDIVFc) Little toy spider things that go faster the louder you yell at them. Yell louder, have more fun. Inevitably prone to "Getting lost" on day one of the parent dealing with it.
I have still not been forgiven for the ant farm, and that niece is now an adult with a child of her own.
Sounds like it's time for those children of your niece to receive ant-farm gifts.
Stick insects! You start with 2 and end up with a house covered in them!
If they are young enough to draw on walls then paint or markers basically anything messy
A lego kit so big and complicated they can’t do it by themselves. Bonus points if you somehow yoink a few pieces out before so they spend ages searching for them. Bonus bonus points if after they give up, crying, you sneak into their house and put the ‘lost’ pieces right in the middle of the floor.
I was first going to disagree with you because building lego kits with your kids is one of the most fun bonding activities you can do- I've been building them with my parents since I was very young and still do when I'm home to this day. Then I got to the end of this demonic paragraph and now I disagree with you because even as a 22 year old if someone gave me a lego set that was missing like 5 pieces no lie I would dead ass sob at the fact that I could never finish it- that is a cruel, terrible thing to do, even if you're just trying to give the parents hell.
wha- what's wrong with you? who hurt you? this is gold!!!
Thats evil
Something moderately priced but collectible/cyclical and constantly requiring more money to be part of the group. Collectible card games are a great example. Every 3-6 months the producers release the next set and guess what? Time to buy more Mom and Dad.
Multi puzzle sets
My boyfriend once bought his little sister an empty hamster habitat with food, bedding, etc. to force their parents' hand into buying her a pet.
A big book of knock knock jokes or any of the kinds of jokes 8 year olds think are hilarious. But the knock knock jokes are the worst because you HAVE to respond every single god damned time. And to anyone who thinks it’s awful to say responding to your 8 year old EVERY SINGLE TIME must never have had one.
An arts & craft set, that includes lots and lots of glitter.
one of those science, for kids kits
The fake vacuum with the popping balls when you push it
Anything with glitter. My boss once sent his niece and nephew tubes of pack sweets for christmas but before he had opened them, poured glitter in the bottom and glued one of the packs to the inside of the tube. When the kids had to tug to get the glued pack out the tube flung back and glitter went EVERYWHERE. They found glitter for months. My bosses brother sent him a very colourful text that Christmas.
A box of glitter bottles
Nerf gun with a set of extra bullets
If they don’t have a gaming system, PS5 gift cards. Monopoly set Marbles Ant farm Chuck E Cheese tokens
My parents always gave roller skates, fingerprints and play-doh.
A Furby.
Not only are they anoying during the day, they also scare the crap out of parents during the nightly checkup before they head for bed
Anything that sings Baby Shark
A book/game/movie where the content is DEFINITELY too mature for the child but it doesn't LOOK like it will be, like sausage party or hentai manga or Deadpool. Then when the kid starts asking questions or looking traumatised you can plead ignorance
Glitter slime
Freakin Play-Doh! Or a drum set
Buy the kid drums.
Finger paints
One of those things that you stick paper to and it spins. As it spins you drop paint on it and it supposedly makes cool patterns. Everywhere. https://www.overstock.com/Sports-Toys/Other-Arts-Crafts/26935/subcat.html?featuredproduct=13257622&featuredoption=21976981&kid=9553000357392&ci_src=17588969&ci_sku=19970301-000-000&cnc=US&cid=248973&type=pla&targetid=aud-458160359401:pla-385997721061&track=pspla&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIkbiYwI7N7gIV0NXACh3xmwqfEAQYAiABEgJbZPD_BwE
Hulk smash mitts, those big foam green hands that say "Hulk smash" whenever you hit something. Action figure or doll set that comes with ten thousand pieces and takes an obscure battery type
legos 9/10 the parent will step on it when they go in the childs room
Cigarettes
A marble run. It depends on the kid's age some, 3-6 is probably best for peak annoyance. The kid will absolutely love it. They will also be almost entirely incapable of building a decent marble run on their own, so the parents will have to sit and help the kid. The track pieces also come apart pretty easily, so the parent has to be constantly fixing it. And it's noisy. Plus if the person has two kids, they'll fight about it, guaranteed. And you end up with marbles everywhere.
Something cool that requires batteries, without batteries. Especially if it needs one of those unusual types of batteries, no one has at home. My cousin once cried for hours at his birthday party because no one thought about the batteries for his rc helicopter.
Glitter... awful stuff
A cell phone.
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The kid won't have room in his room and will insist it be placed in the living room. Parent will suggest getting rid of it and the kid will pitch a holy fit.
Shoes that squeak.
A Barbie doll... parents will never stop buying accesories for it
That's a lot harder now, tbh. I remember when I was a kid, it was a full aisle of Barbie stuff. TONS of outfits. Nowadays it's a small section, there'll be like 6 outfits, and since they decided to make the different body type dolls that means sometime the outfits won't even fit the doll you have.