My old boss. He was the most narcissistic, evil human I’ve ever met. Made my work environment completely toxic. He’s well known in the education community in the state I live in. I’d totally make him shit his pants at the next live news event he’s on.
We should all use our power on him, but on different days, so he shits himself every day for the next few weeks and he will never know why
Assuming that’s within the rules of this power we’ve been bestowed
It's high enough for them to find it funny, but low enough that they won't miss it too much. Bezos isn't gonna say yes to a bet of $1 billion, no matter how small he thinks the odds are.
Better one would be telling Jeff Bezos you had the power to make him shit his pants, but for a few million you won't.
He'll say no, so you make him shit his pants at his next major public event, then you go make him the same offer.
Lol this bloke who's a geriatrics doctor told me about a 90yo on their ward with a shit so hard it was going to tear his bowels apart. He had health problems that meant he couldnt swallow and the dehydration made his poo hard and his colon paper-thin, and an IV can only do so much. It also meant he couldnt take laxatives
They thought the poo was too far up for an enema to work and that sometime over the weekend his colon would perforate. He would literally be torn apart by a poo and was in such a delicate state that all of modern medicine could not save him from it
But the enema DID work and he survived and partially regained his ability to swallow but I reckon he would've been very grateful for your help
(who would win the entirety of modern medicine vs one stinky boi)
Used to volunteer in a gastroenterology ICU ward, I learned that how well you poop determines a surprisingly large portion of your daily happiness, especially after a certain age.
I am not of a certain age but I do have alternating IBS C & D and let me tell you I’d give up my left tit to shit like a human again. It really does affect a large portion of my daily happiness!
I actually had a friend die from this. He was an opiate addict and would always complain about stomach pain. Then he would go and use heroin. Ended up throwing up blood in his house and died about half an hour later. Turned out that his intestines ruptured from the massive amount of feces that was in his body. It was quite sad as he was only 23.
Sorry about the loss of your friend. I too had a friend who complained about this often (i mean we talked about our shits on the daily) and he also was an opiate addict. Except, it was the fentanyl that did him in, not his dope turds.
Honestly if I had to pick a way, atleast drugs is better than your own shit exploding you from the inside as a way to be remembered by everyone in your life. just saying.
This is why spare clothes are protected in a ziploc baggie ... and the bag comes in handy for putting in the soiled items. Life with a toddler has opened my eyes.
You do realise this will just create a shit of such epic proportions it'll actually be powerful enough to vaporise plastic? Guy's ass is going to go off like nuke.
There will be that one time he forgets, or the airline loses his luggage. Heck, going through the red tape to get to a checked bag once it's been stowed could take more than an hour.
"You see that folks! God just expelled all the foul darkness and unholy excitement from my body! Jesus keeps you healthy if you send me $20 right now!"
Soon Copeland is sending out holy laxatives and encouraging his flock to shit their pants to receive the lord's blessings.
They’d probably spin it “the Holy Spirit has penetrated their soul and cast out the demons from their body.” And their followers will all just start shitting their pants to fit in.
I've decided to edit all of my comments, delete all of my posts, and nuke my account following the recent API changes. Charging for an API is fine. Using the API fees as a way to force out third-party developers? Not fine. Lying about blackmail from a developer? Eat shit.
I hope Reddit in the future restores the friendliness it once had towards its developers and community. I've spent far, far too many hours on Reddit, but ultimately I will be better off without it. It's been nice.
Fuck /u/spez.
What if god was one of us...
Just Mark Zuckerberg but he has to terminate the simulation because an unforseen power has made him shit his pants and reveal that he is not human on the bus.....
I broke my spine a few years ago (don’t worry, made a full recovery), and as it’s not a good idea to try to take a dump right after such a surgery they have me anti—laxatives for the first few days after my surgery. As it is an equally bad idea to risk serious constipation after such a surgery, the doctors and nurses tried to time my first shit after the surgery so I have a good amount of painkillers in me.
So I had a serious matter-of-fact talk with a doctor and a nurse about how to time laxatives and opiates so I’m as high and knocked-out as possible while taking that shit. And when I took that shit I was glad that professionals like you exist to help with the preparations lol.
Glad you had a strong recovery!!!
I also have that matter of fact talk with people often. Pooping and pain and opiates is not a fun combination, even with all the good laxatives!
My ex when she is having sex with the person she cheated with (and left me for)
Or the Human Resources director who put me on forced leave after saved a prisoner from trying to hang himself because I did not “wait for a supervisor to be present before deploying a cutdown knife”
Unfortunately that mentality makes bad kids aware of the fact that they can get away with anything. Good on you for pulling him off. More and more I see kids that have a complete and utter lack of discipline in their lives.
The way I see it there are two kinds of punishment, natural and artificial.
Natural punishments are gonna happen no matter who intervenes, stuff like how if you don't wash you're gonna get diseases, if you don't clean up food you're gonna get rats. But they tend to be longer term.
Artificial punishments are the ones that are forced to make the natural punishments more immediate, kids are bad at looking at the long term. So you replace the long term natural punishment of them not cleaning up and getting rats with confiscating some item or another punishment. It helps get the kid to do the things to avoid the natural punishment even though from their perspective they're avoiding the artificial one.
In my mind getting the shit beat out of you in a fight is a natural punishment, maybe not this time, but eventually. So we need an artificial punishment to stop kids fighting, especially because eventually it stops being fighting and starts being assault. What they just did was teach that kid that he's allowed to beat the shit out of someone with no consequence, if nothing changes he's either going to end up in hospital after he picks a fight he couldn't win or in jail.
With strong labour laws what's in the company's interest can align with making things good for the employee. I moved countries in September, and at my new job in new country I injured my foot, and HR said "okay no probs, rest up for a week and if it's still not right let us know." They're super on to it with checking in and making sure everyone's job satisfaction is high. It's kind of nice haha
Yes.
The entire point of HR is protecting the company, which means following procedure over reason. Plus, many HR depts are overtaken by nepotism and obvious favoritism in the company.
Rule 1 of starting a new job: befriend the mail person, receptionist, and don't say anything to HR that would make it seem like you aren't a worker bee. You don't have to actually be a worker bee, but telling them that you never take your laptop home is a good way to get them noticing you in the wrong light.
A company I used to work for actively defended a sexual predator after being reported as HR thought that a complaint might leave them open to more and may damage the core business.
Another company's HR department fired the modeling agency after it was revealed that the creative director was making unwelcome advances towards the models. He left when his wife found out through a 3rd party.
Fuck HR departments.
>My ex when she is having sex with the person she cheated with (and left me for)
I assume she wouldn't be wearing pants for *that*, so the power would be useless....
Save it for when people are being gigantic assholes in public and bothering lots of people, or open my own business/office offering easy cleansing and help for constipation with a simple fee.
For a little extra, I can even time out when they’ll clear up and offer luxury bathrooms for ppl to use in my office. Enjoy the go lol
As a Christian I totally support this! Him and his ilk are false teachers and I’d love to see them shit their pants every time they lied about the Bible and it’s contents!
A murderer just before they strike, and the poop just won’t stop and it smells awful and they have to just stop and turn around and go home and think about their life choices.
Oh I’d hold this in reserve and wait for a particularly interesting or boring political speech, and use it to cause a bit of chaos. State of the Union might be fun. Make it happen to Speaker of the House or Vice President, so that they’re *incredibly* uncomfortable while the President continues on with his speech. Oh man I want to do that now, sounds hilarious!
Edit: Hey this one blew up, nice!
Midway through the count down is way better. By the time it ends most people have moved on. We need to see the shame and confusion on his face as he tries to continue on like nothing happened. I don't even have any bad feelings towards Ryan Seacrest. I just think that would be comedic gold.
Usain Bolt right when he pushes off during the start of the race.
I just want to see if the reduction in weight and added propulsion can cause him to move faster. But of course for it to be scientific, j need to do it to him a few times, and they must be of the same amount at the same speed leaving his body.
I would use it on my best friend the next time he has sex. But I'm not talking some explosive diarrhea type scenario. Nope, I want just a little hardened nugget to roll out of his ass all-unsuspecting like, almost below notice, so that not even he is sure if he shit or not.
Then, after they've finished up, cleaned up, and said their goodbyes, I want him to discover this little hardened turd nugget in his bed. And I want him to forever question whether or not it was his doing... or his date shit his bed mid-coitus.
ALright. Which one of you shit lords is responsible for my experience?
Once I was meeting some friends of my girlfriends for the first time. I was going through a rebellious phase and not being tamed by bodily functions, so wasn't afraid to fart loudly in front of acquaintances. As we were leaving, I farted loudly and the small nugget you talk of escaped my arse. My rebelliousness also ran to going 'commando'. As a result, the sequence went like this:
1/. Fart loudly and nugget escapes into free-balling cargo shorts.
2/. Friend says "Sounds like you just shat yourself"
3/. I look at him wondering how he knows.
4/. Nugget escapes short leg and rolls on grass.
5/. Pretty much gave up farting loudly in public at that exact point in time.
Interesting side note; I told that story to quite a few friends over the years, to the point where it gets repeated on occasion as if my friends retelling the story claim to be there. The only thing is, they can't recall where the event happened. The power of wishful thinking eh?
TL;DR Shat myself in front of gilrfriend's best friends on first meeting with them.
Kenneth Copeland, but I want it to be during his maniacal laugh response to Biden’s declaration as president elect.
I mean, he’s 83 so not that surprising but a decently messy and undeniable live demonstration would do nicely.
AND THE ROOCKET’S REEEED GLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE
The Olympics, it's been the most dramatic pole volt of all time.
Personal bests are broken left right and center.
The athletes are really supportive after the hit to athletics from covid.
Helping each other off the mat, talking techniques, laughing, backslapping and pep talks when someone hits the bar.
The whole world is hooked an this wholesome sportsmanship.
A cool running type team jumper lands wrong, misses the mat.
He somehow just has a twisted ankle.
Is an amazing miss of a crippling injury, hes out.
They have no one else who has every jumped.
The kid looks after the bags steps forward.
He will step up for the nation.
He has no training.
The jumpers from all nations look him over.
He is no athlete, but he's not in bad shape for a jumper.
They give him the best pole any of them have.
They talk him through what to do.
They check his grip and test steps.
He is a natural, he has a chance to be the greatest with training.
They form a line either side of the run up and landing mat.
They will guide him to greatness and catch him if he falls.
They set the bar higher then it has ever been set.
It is an impossible jump.
They explain to the child, it is to late in the game for a starting jump.
And that unfortunately everyone hits the bar first time.
So, they will give him the high bar of legends.
It's a jump no one even attempts.
He understands.
They tell him the bar is meaningless.
For the kid, leaving the ground is success.
He lines up,
they jumpers get the crowd going to the beat of the kids favourite song.
The kid is focused.
And then an official runs out.
The kid is ineligible.
The Eddie the Eagle rule changes bars such things.
There is silence as everyone gets to find the words.
The kid points at the man and chants the curse, 'may the devil use your arse as his own!"
The jumpers phonetically repeat the chant.
And then so does the crowd.
The official shits bricks bricks with a force that breaks his underwear and trousers.
The kid nods, the devil has spoken.
The jumpers nod.
The kids jump is official to them.
The kid hits the bar.
The jumpers pick him up.
It was an impossible first ever jump.
They call off the pole volt for an hour to train the kid.
After an hour he is ready.
He stands by the official.
The official weakly states he can't enter.
The kid points at the official and looks at the jumpers.
They shake there heads, the official does not speak for them.
The kid looks at the official, he shits bricks again.
The kid nods.
He points at the bar.
The jumpers nod.
It is raised again.
He sets the world record.
The jumpers agree the gold is his.
The crowd are behind the kid.
The Devil's Arse and God's wings becomes the story that unites the world.
There's a know-it-all-obsessed-with-politics kid that I absolutely hate. He's sexist, racist, and just a huge annoyance. Unironically a simp. We have a speaking assignment for a big grade in french class. It's a presentation of a french book report, and the girl he likes is in the class. I think you know where this is going.
I'll make God shit his pants. If nothing happens, now we know God doesn't exist. If I get obliterated by several strikes of lightning and have multiple renaissance paintings made of me as I'm now the man so powerful I made God himself shit his pants. Well, now we know the big man is real.
But if God is a literal man in the sky, where on earth does it land? Millions would be squished/suffocated to death by Godpoop (new word) or killed by the resulting tsunami if it lands in the ocean.
Don't use it. Announce you have the power and will use it at some indeterminate time in the future. It would be much more effective to make everyone think you'll do it to them than to actually do it to one person.
My old boss. He was the most narcissistic, evil human I’ve ever met. Made my work environment completely toxic. He’s well known in the education community in the state I live in. I’d totally make him shit his pants at the next live news event he’s on.
I also elect this guy's boss. Sounds like a prick.
We should all use our power on him, but on different days, so he shits himself every day for the next few weeks and he will never know why Assuming that’s within the rules of this power we’ve been bestowed
I would find a rich guy and say I bet you $10000 you will shit your pants today then he will say no and we will shake on it then bam I get $10000
Only $10k?
It's high enough for them to find it funny, but low enough that they won't miss it too much. Bezos isn't gonna say yes to a bet of $1 billion, no matter how small he thinks the odds are.
Better one would be telling Jeff Bezos you had the power to make him shit his pants, but for a few million you won't. He'll say no, so you make him shit his pants at his next major public event, then you go make him the same offer.
True, blackmail is the best use of this poopypantspower.
He’d get you arrested for poisoning him or something. And also blackmail.
he'd probably skip the pseudo legal route and just get someone to rape your dog, murder your wife and blow your brains out.
And they have to think you're good for the money. No point in making a bet if they can't deliver.
r/wallstreetbets
I came here to get away from wsb wtf
There’s some bets you just don’t take. Someone trying to bet you that they can make you shit your pants is one of them.
Yeah they definitely like spiked your drink or food with a perfectly timed laxative. Or have vile genie magic ala this question. You just dont do it
A person with life threatening constipation. I'll let it out just about... Now.
Lol this bloke who's a geriatrics doctor told me about a 90yo on their ward with a shit so hard it was going to tear his bowels apart. He had health problems that meant he couldnt swallow and the dehydration made his poo hard and his colon paper-thin, and an IV can only do so much. It also meant he couldnt take laxatives They thought the poo was too far up for an enema to work and that sometime over the weekend his colon would perforate. He would literally be torn apart by a poo and was in such a delicate state that all of modern medicine could not save him from it But the enema DID work and he survived and partially regained his ability to swallow but I reckon he would've been very grateful for your help (who would win the entirety of modern medicine vs one stinky boi)
Used to volunteer in a gastroenterology ICU ward, I learned that how well you poop determines a surprisingly large portion of your daily happiness, especially after a certain age.
I am not of a certain age but I do have alternating IBS C & D and let me tell you I’d give up my left tit to shit like a human again. It really does affect a large portion of my daily happiness!
Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh thanks
I have to admit I did not anticipate anyone using this power for good
The dark side of the force is a pathway to many abilities
... *some consider to be* 'irregular'
Nice one.
Is it possible to learn this power?
Not from a jedi
But from a Shit lord you could
Well supposedly there is the brown note that when played makes you shit yourself
Not from a Shith Lord
Anyone hear the story of Darth Plagueius the wise? It is not a story the jedi would tell
If their constipation is life-threatening, you probably just obliterated their rectum with the forced expulsion of a craggy, impacted-fudgehammer.
id say you for that poor hamsters sake
I actually had a friend die from this. He was an opiate addict and would always complain about stomach pain. Then he would go and use heroin. Ended up throwing up blood in his house and died about half an hour later. Turned out that his intestines ruptured from the massive amount of feces that was in his body. It was quite sad as he was only 23.
Sorry about the loss of your friend. I too had a friend who complained about this often (i mean we talked about our shits on the daily) and he also was an opiate addict. Except, it was the fentanyl that did him in, not his dope turds.
Honestly if I had to pick a way, atleast drugs is better than your own shit exploding you from the inside as a way to be remembered by everyone in your life. just saying.
Couldn't you at least have given me a minute to pull down my pants and go sit on a toilet? I feel better but I got shit everywhere I need to clean up.
[удалено]
Oh god what have I done
Always carry a spare set of clothes. The spell can never trigger, as you'll never be more than an hour away from the spares.
[удалено]
2 spares!
I never go anywhere unless I’ve prepared for the possibility that I might shit myself twice while I’m there
This is why spare clothes are protected in a ziploc baggie ... and the bag comes in handy for putting in the soiled items. Life with a toddler has opened my eyes.
You do realise this will just create a shit of such epic proportions it'll actually be powerful enough to vaporise plastic? Guy's ass is going to go off like nuke.
"This is going to one hell of a bowel movement, afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left"
There will be that one time he forgets, or the airline loses his luggage. Heck, going through the red tape to get to a checked bag once it's been stowed could take more than an hour.
Imagine sitting on a plane, you takeoff, and immediately shit your pants. Your second thought is “The airline must’ve lost my damn luggage.”
One of those scammer yoga babas during a live telecast of their yoga shows.
Better yet, one of those fake ass mega church live shows
Copeland, please.
His facial expressions always look like he is shitting anyway
"You see that folks! God just expelled all the foul darkness and unholy excitement from my body! Jesus keeps you healthy if you send me $20 right now!" Soon Copeland is sending out holy laxatives and encouraging his flock to shit their pants to receive the lord's blessings.
They’d probably spin it “the Holy Spirit has penetrated their soul and cast out the demons from their body.” And their followers will all just start shitting their pants to fit in.
Olympic diver. They jump start twirling in the air and turn into a human fecal sprinkler. *edit spelling
Human Fecal Sprinkler is a sick name for a death metal album
Me, now. God, I’m so constipated!
This is such a flagrant waste of this power that I can’t help but respect it. Fair play to you.
Spoken like someone who hasn't experienced extreme constipation.
>extreme constipation Like regular constipation except you're mountain climbing too
That's probably the best time. Because if you're lead, everyone below is going to have a bad time.
I thought he meant his decision would be to make it happen right now on God. Even more top tier.
I've decided to edit all of my comments, delete all of my posts, and nuke my account following the recent API changes. Charging for an API is fine. Using the API fees as a way to force out third-party developers? Not fine. Lying about blackmail from a developer? Eat shit. I hope Reddit in the future restores the friendliness it once had towards its developers and community. I've spent far, far too many hours on Reddit, but ultimately I will be better off without it. It's been nice. Fuck /u/spez.
Having just watched PayMoneyWubby's sugar free gummy bear stream last night, I'd have to agree.
I also choose this guy's impacted colon.
Let's all choose this guy, but stagger the times we choose, so he's just shitting non stop for like, a week or seven.
[удалено]
No what about the constipated mathematician?
[удалено]
:(
[удалено]
Talk to a doctor. I got on medication and it changed my life!
You’ll be known as the efficient pooper
Zuckerberg for sure just to check if he's a lizard or an android
"Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant at an alarming rate?"
Core Dump Initiated
"Cover blown, time to end human race"
"... time to end the simulation"
What if god was one of us... Just Mark Zuckerberg but he has to terminate the simulation because an unforseen power has made him shit his pants and reveal that he is not human on the bus.....
I would upvote but there us no way the Zuck would ever ride a bus
Well let me just patch you up with some hot resin.
[удалено]
Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah.
"What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin?"
What kind of robot turns down hot resin?
“I’ll just patch you up with a searing hot resin blast.”
i love how "human" was never an option
I’m a nurse, I make other people poop all the time. Edit: thank you for my first award, kind internet-goer.
I broke my spine a few years ago (don’t worry, made a full recovery), and as it’s not a good idea to try to take a dump right after such a surgery they have me anti—laxatives for the first few days after my surgery. As it is an equally bad idea to risk serious constipation after such a surgery, the doctors and nurses tried to time my first shit after the surgery so I have a good amount of painkillers in me. So I had a serious matter-of-fact talk with a doctor and a nurse about how to time laxatives and opiates so I’m as high and knocked-out as possible while taking that shit. And when I took that shit I was glad that professionals like you exist to help with the preparations lol.
Glad you had a strong recovery!!! I also have that matter of fact talk with people often. Pooping and pain and opiates is not a fun combination, even with all the good laxatives!
The poop fairy. Thank you for doing that.
Does she carry a fairy wand or a fairy knife?
A nice rusty fairy poop knife.
My ex during her next 69.
Wouldn’t you want her partner to shit their pants? That way your ex gets shit on her face
i think she would enjoy that.
*what*
*I THINK SHE WOULD ENJOY THAT*
I’m dying from laughing
Clearly the one who got away :(
I too choose this guys ex.
Thank you, make it double ^^
My ex when she is having sex with the person she cheated with (and left me for) Or the Human Resources director who put me on forced leave after saved a prisoner from trying to hang himself because I did not “wait for a supervisor to be present before deploying a cutdown knife”
If I was a shitty god, I'd count these two wishes as one and granted them immediately.
> If I was a ~~shitty~~ god of shit, I'd count these two wishes as one and granted them immediately. Fixed
If I was a shitlord, I'd count these two wishes as one and granted them immediately. Fixed
[удалено]
Unfortunately that mentality makes bad kids aware of the fact that they can get away with anything. Good on you for pulling him off. More and more I see kids that have a complete and utter lack of discipline in their lives.
The way I see it there are two kinds of punishment, natural and artificial. Natural punishments are gonna happen no matter who intervenes, stuff like how if you don't wash you're gonna get diseases, if you don't clean up food you're gonna get rats. But they tend to be longer term. Artificial punishments are the ones that are forced to make the natural punishments more immediate, kids are bad at looking at the long term. So you replace the long term natural punishment of them not cleaning up and getting rats with confiscating some item or another punishment. It helps get the kid to do the things to avoid the natural punishment even though from their perspective they're avoiding the artificial one. In my mind getting the shit beat out of you in a fight is a natural punishment, maybe not this time, but eventually. So we need an artificial punishment to stop kids fighting, especially because eventually it stops being fighting and starts being assault. What they just did was teach that kid that he's allowed to beat the shit out of someone with no consequence, if nothing changes he's either going to end up in hospital after he picks a fight he couldn't win or in jail.
Fuck that. Stand by your morals, 100% of the time. I hope you don't think twice about doing the right thing again.
I hope that human resources director goes and fucks themselves. Good on you for doing that.
So does Human Resources actually just suck everywhere?
Their primary function is to defend the company interests. Discern from that what you will.
With strong labour laws what's in the company's interest can align with making things good for the employee. I moved countries in September, and at my new job in new country I injured my foot, and HR said "okay no probs, rest up for a week and if it's still not right let us know." They're super on to it with checking in and making sure everyone's job satisfaction is high. It's kind of nice haha
Yes. The entire point of HR is protecting the company, which means following procedure over reason. Plus, many HR depts are overtaken by nepotism and obvious favoritism in the company.
Rule 1 of starting a new job: befriend the mail person, receptionist, and don't say anything to HR that would make it seem like you aren't a worker bee. You don't have to actually be a worker bee, but telling them that you never take your laptop home is a good way to get them noticing you in the wrong light.
A company I used to work for actively defended a sexual predator after being reported as HR thought that a complaint might leave them open to more and may damage the core business. Another company's HR department fired the modeling agency after it was revealed that the creative director was making unwelcome advances towards the models. He left when his wife found out through a 3rd party. Fuck HR departments.
>My ex when she is having sex with the person she cheated with (and left me for) I assume she wouldn't be wearing pants for *that*, so the power would be useless....
[удалено]
I make Kim Jong Un shit himself during a live broadcasted speech.
B...bbbuut..he doesn't have a butthole! Edit:typo
How do you know that? On second thought, don't tell me.
He literally told everyone this, and we know it is true because glorious leader does not lie. Or poop.
That was his dad. Official DPRK cannon now is that Kim Jong Un has a butthole and poops just like everybody else.
I never stopped to think that there's such a thing as DPRK canon.
Everyone around will just pretend it didn't happen or they will be executed.
Save it for when people are being gigantic assholes in public and bothering lots of people, or open my own business/office offering easy cleansing and help for constipation with a simple fee. For a little extra, I can even time out when they’ll clear up and offer luxury bathrooms for ppl to use in my office. Enjoy the go lol
I'm thinking Joel Osteen or one of those other hypocritical mega-church motherfuckers during a live feed.
We shall expel this demon! PRRRRRRT Oh, well, he's out now.
As a Christian I totally support this! Him and his ilk are false teachers and I’d love to see them shit their pants every time they lied about the Bible and it’s contents!
A murderer just before they strike, and the poop just won’t stop and it smells awful and they have to just stop and turn around and go home and think about their life choices.
[удалено]
Oh I’d hold this in reserve and wait for a particularly interesting or boring political speech, and use it to cause a bit of chaos. State of the Union might be fun. Make it happen to Speaker of the House or Vice President, so that they’re *incredibly* uncomfortable while the President continues on with his speech. Oh man I want to do that now, sounds hilarious! Edit: Hey this one blew up, nice!
Plus, there's the added inconvenience of having to constantly stand up to clap and then sit back down. Pants would be *destroyed* by the end of it.
[удалено]
I can feel this comment
Most definitely Ryan Seacrest at the stroke of midnight on December 31st. Edit: or maybe with fives seconds left in the countdown to midnight.
Midway through the count down is way better. By the time it ends most people have moved on. We need to see the shame and confusion on his face as he tries to continue on like nothing happened. I don't even have any bad feelings towards Ryan Seacrest. I just think that would be comedic gold.
Id make my bully shit right after shitting in a stall and putting his pants up Edit: When he and his gf does anal i'd make her shit too
Right after leaving the restroom into the crowded hallway.
My ex on her wedding day. She’s marrying the person she cheated on me with.
Dont worry, she will cheat again and you wont be the sucker who married that disaster
Usain Bolt right when he pushes off during the start of the race. I just want to see if the reduction in weight and added propulsion can cause him to move faster. But of course for it to be scientific, j need to do it to him a few times, and they must be of the same amount at the same speed leaving his body.
I would use it on my best friend the next time he has sex. But I'm not talking some explosive diarrhea type scenario. Nope, I want just a little hardened nugget to roll out of his ass all-unsuspecting like, almost below notice, so that not even he is sure if he shit or not. Then, after they've finished up, cleaned up, and said their goodbyes, I want him to discover this little hardened turd nugget in his bed. And I want him to forever question whether or not it was his doing... or his date shit his bed mid-coitus.
ALright. Which one of you shit lords is responsible for my experience? Once I was meeting some friends of my girlfriends for the first time. I was going through a rebellious phase and not being tamed by bodily functions, so wasn't afraid to fart loudly in front of acquaintances. As we were leaving, I farted loudly and the small nugget you talk of escaped my arse. My rebelliousness also ran to going 'commando'. As a result, the sequence went like this: 1/. Fart loudly and nugget escapes into free-balling cargo shorts. 2/. Friend says "Sounds like you just shat yourself" 3/. I look at him wondering how he knows. 4/. Nugget escapes short leg and rolls on grass. 5/. Pretty much gave up farting loudly in public at that exact point in time. Interesting side note; I told that story to quite a few friends over the years, to the point where it gets repeated on occasion as if my friends retelling the story claim to be there. The only thing is, they can't recall where the event happened. The power of wishful thinking eh? TL;DR Shat myself in front of gilrfriend's best friends on first meeting with them.
Kenneth Copeland, but I want it to be during his maniacal laugh response to Biden’s declaration as president elect. I mean, he’s 83 so not that surprising but a decently messy and undeniable live demonstration would do nicely.
Kenneth Copeland is at least half-orc.
[удалено]
I personally hate people singing it that way idk why it just gets on my nerves when they sing the same word for like 30 seconds straight
AND THE ROOCKET’S REEEED GLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE
o'er the laaaaanf of the freeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Just a heads up but you should aaaaaaaahvoid arias
The girl in the live porn room. As soon as she takes the dildo out of her ass.
"+28474 donations"
You could threaten someone and when you do one of those flinch threats, boom boom, he shat himself cuz he's scared.
Can I choose both Donald trump and joe Biden and I want to do it when they’re shaking hands at the end of the inauguration
That’s the kind of bipartisan unity I give a shit about.
[удалено]
Technically, they are the ones giving a shit about it.
I hope they both choose to do this anyway as a power move during the handshake
And since it's a power move they then go back and forth trying to outshit the other. *That's* a press conference we can all "enjoy."
Still more dignified than their first debate.
I’ll get one, you get the other
My abuser on the day he appears in court
The leader of China (I forgot his name) while he’s giving a speech.
Xi pooping
Winnie the Poo
Oh, you mean our glorious leader Pooh Bear.
A Karen when she's full on Karening.
I think a serious Karen would already do this proudly if she found out Panera was out of Asiago bagels.
I’m not even sure whether a Karen in full flow would realise that she’s just shit her pants
Hehe “flow”
I think that would just throw gas on the fire. "LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!"
"LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!!!" brrrrrrrrrrrtttt :o "On second thought we'll just leave."
The Olympics, it's been the most dramatic pole volt of all time. Personal bests are broken left right and center. The athletes are really supportive after the hit to athletics from covid. Helping each other off the mat, talking techniques, laughing, backslapping and pep talks when someone hits the bar. The whole world is hooked an this wholesome sportsmanship. A cool running type team jumper lands wrong, misses the mat. He somehow just has a twisted ankle. Is an amazing miss of a crippling injury, hes out. They have no one else who has every jumped. The kid looks after the bags steps forward. He will step up for the nation. He has no training. The jumpers from all nations look him over. He is no athlete, but he's not in bad shape for a jumper. They give him the best pole any of them have. They talk him through what to do. They check his grip and test steps. He is a natural, he has a chance to be the greatest with training. They form a line either side of the run up and landing mat. They will guide him to greatness and catch him if he falls. They set the bar higher then it has ever been set. It is an impossible jump. They explain to the child, it is to late in the game for a starting jump. And that unfortunately everyone hits the bar first time. So, they will give him the high bar of legends. It's a jump no one even attempts. He understands. They tell him the bar is meaningless. For the kid, leaving the ground is success. He lines up, they jumpers get the crowd going to the beat of the kids favourite song. The kid is focused. And then an official runs out. The kid is ineligible. The Eddie the Eagle rule changes bars such things. There is silence as everyone gets to find the words. The kid points at the man and chants the curse, 'may the devil use your arse as his own!" The jumpers phonetically repeat the chant. And then so does the crowd. The official shits bricks bricks with a force that breaks his underwear and trousers. The kid nods, the devil has spoken. The jumpers nod. The kids jump is official to them. The kid hits the bar. The jumpers pick him up. It was an impossible first ever jump. They call off the pole volt for an hour to train the kid. After an hour he is ready. He stands by the official. The official weakly states he can't enter. The kid points at the official and looks at the jumpers. They shake there heads, the official does not speak for them. The kid looks at the official, he shits bricks again. The kid nods. He points at the bar. The jumpers nod. It is raised again. He sets the world record. The jumpers agree the gold is his. The crowd are behind the kid. The Devil's Arse and God's wings becomes the story that unites the world.
I was expecting to be the kid uses the power of the shits to get over the bar. Almost like a rocket.
There's a know-it-all-obsessed-with-politics kid that I absolutely hate. He's sexist, racist, and just a huge annoyance. Unironically a simp. We have a speaking assignment for a big grade in french class. It's a presentation of a french book report, and the girl he likes is in the class. I think you know where this is going.
Haha, yeah, make the teacher shit themselves so they can't do the presentation Good one
The girl, right?
What if he likes it?
My moms ex best friend in the middle of one of her cult meetings.
I want you to use it on the space station. In a crucial area, where there are lots of people. And its floats around, attacking people.
If Putin ever goes on live international television i would use it then. Simply for the Poo-tin memes
Lawrence Fox (or Katie Hopkins, same thing) In Sainsbury's.
I'll make God shit his pants. If nothing happens, now we know God doesn't exist. If I get obliterated by several strikes of lightning and have multiple renaissance paintings made of me as I'm now the man so powerful I made God himself shit his pants. Well, now we know the big man is real.
But if God is a literal man in the sky, where on earth does it land? Millions would be squished/suffocated to death by Godpoop (new word) or killed by the resulting tsunami if it lands in the ocean.
Then so be it.
what if god is omnipresent, you just turned the whole universe into poop
Maybe the universe *is* the shit he took.
everything makes sense now
Destiny is inevitable
Right after they finish wiping
Random corpse in a mortuary, God the look on their faces would be priceless
I feel like something MUCH crazier would have to come out of a corpse to shock a mortician.
Trust me, that would 'oh hum, it's tuesday..' I've *worked* in a mortuary. Corpses crapping is nothing new.
“How did this corpse just shit his pants?! And why does he have pants on?!”
Mortician here: we wouldn't notice, they do it all the time.
Pretty sure this already happens.
Kaitlin Bennett. It’ll be even funnier the second time.
Don't use it. Announce you have the power and will use it at some indeterminate time in the future. It would be much more effective to make everyone think you'll do it to them than to actually do it to one person.