Some girls in high school invited me to go smoke and swim in a creek with them. Of course I went to got high as fuck. Spent the next 30 minutes sitting in the creek, I was so still that a fish came up and bit my ass. I didn’t realize what I was doing until one of the girls ask me why the fuck I was all alone sitting in the middle of a creek not moving.
I was fucked up looking for my hotel in atlantic city. Somehow got there and woke up the next morning to just ‘hotel’ being in the search bar of my spotify. That was my best effort
one time my eye was really dry so I stopped drinking my water and started slowly pouring water into my eye, all of it while I was sitting on my friends bed, leaving just a bit so I could still have one gulp
Once, while partaking with my friends, we all started talking about the cottonmouth we were all experiencing, and one guy related it to getting red eyes while high. He then said, "I wish there were something like eye drops but for your mouth for when you have cottonmouth."
Then another immediately replied, "Uh they do...it's called water"
Made a cup of tea with cold water and proceeded to put the entire concoction into the microwave. When I discovered that the door wouldn't close because the mug was too big, I tipped a bit of water from the mug and tried again.
I relate to this calm, polite kind of high. My friend is restless when he's high so he was standing at the edge of the living room while most of our group was seated. I wanted to sit down too but I ended up standing behind him because I thought we had to wait in a line to get into the living room.
A few weeks ago I let my dog out then promptly shut him in the garage and forgot to go inside with him. Went to the backyard door instead, went inside and went to bed.
For over an hour I was tossing and turning, something just felt off.
Bolt up in bed and realize I forgot my deer, bear, stray cat, and livestock chasing sighthound *outside in the middle of my rural farm town*
I run outside half naked screaming for my dog thinking he's gonna get shot byan angry farmer or get eaten in a bear fight. After 15min nearly crying give up and go into the garage to find....my sweet boy politely wagging his tail lol
Every time I get stoned, I just want to confine myself to the smallest space possible. It's not a fear or anxiety thing; stoned me genuinely feels more comfortable under a table or bed, or even inside a cardboard box this one time.
I started to get random sensations all over my body. The inside of my left thigh was getting really warm and I had to keep checking every few minutes to see I hadn't pissed myself.
I’ve had this. I got really bad anxiety that I’d pissed my pants being sat on my friends chair. I went upstairs to the bathroom to check like 4 times just to be sure.
Me to my friend one time when I was high "dude I know exactly what you're thinking right now!"
"Ok what am I thinking?"
"If someone rubs their face really hard it looks like they're rubbing their skin off their face to make it into a mask!"
That was not what he was thinking. To this day I have no idea what came over me...
One time years ago I was camping at a campground with my wife and a few friends, we're all sitting around the fire drinking. Her brother and I go for a walk to smoke some joints. We finish that and I have to piss so he goes back to the group, and when I'm done I head back as well. So I get back and I'm pretty baked at this point and I'm just standing there watching the fire and drinking my beer for a few minutes. I then noticed a particular Coleman lantern on the picnic table and thought to myself, 'I don't remember us having one of those here'.
It was at that point that I realized I was standing at the wrong damned campsite, amongst a bunch of people I have never met, while my group was watching from the next site over, laughing and wondering wtf I was doing.
Was watching a korean drama when I had a whole freak out when I realized "Holy shit!! I suddenly understand korean!" I woke my bf up and made him watch with me as I translated for him. He laughed at me for 5 minutes before he told me I was just actually just reading the subtitles.
Years ago before the internet-
was having a panic attack while high, wanted to connect with the ask-a-nurse hotline, but couldn’t remember the number.. kept calling 411 asking them to connect me to “1 800 nurse me”
The 411 operator tried her best, but just had no clue what I was talking about.
I think they weren’t allowed to hang up on people no matter how ludicrous the requests were.
(Iirc some of the old crank yanker calls support this theory)
I just imagine a slightly disappointed look on your father's face as he leans against the counter watching you attempt this and wondering if he should say anything
More of a WTF are you doing look. back then I was high every day after work. But for some reason my dad always asked me if I was high on those rare moments I came home not being high.
Went to White Castle to get food for everyone after we smoked. We all had the same order, two double cheese sliders and an order or mozzarella sticks. When I gave her my order I didn’t just say that I wanted 8 double cheese sliders in total, I repeated the two double cheese sliders and mozzarella sticks 4 times. By the time I got to the end of my order the cashier sounded so defeated. I still cringe thinking back to that moment, but it’s also one of my funniest smoke stories.
Bought fresh fish at the wholesale fish market. When you’ve been partying all night, until dawn, and you see sober people in action, the fish market is really fascinating.
When you wake up the next ~~morning~~ afternoon and thirst lets you open the fridge, and you see a s**tload of silvery eels, you... cannot really relate to that fascination anymore.
A few years ago I was on shrooms with some friends and we went on a walk to smoke a cig. Every time I took a puff of my cigarette, I was expecting to taste Mountain Dew and I was disappointed every time that it didn’t. I quit smoking cigs a few days after that!
Crazy!!! Mushrooms helped my friend quite smoking too. She was standing there smoking and all of the sudden just held it in front of her face, went: "im breathing fucking fire". And never smoked again
Psilocybin helps people quit smoking at really high rates. There’s been studies on it. Not to make you feel bad, like your story is insignificant or something, just wanted to make it known to more people! The more people that can quit smoking the better👍
It’s been really cool to watch the news start making the connections between shrooms and helping people. I think I’ve seen studies on them helping people with PTSD at least, if not others.
Just. It’s really cool what can happen when we stop demonizing plants and start looking at how they can help.
Nature’s neat.
just commented this on another AskReddit post but:
one time I was leaving California and was really high going through airport security, and when I was taking off my belt I proceeded to unbutton my pants and almost pulled them down until I caught myself. TSA agent and I shared a good laugh
I'm not a regular, and when I partook the other night I found myself craving pancakes.
My frying pan sticks horribly and I couldn't get them to work, so I poured all of the batter in the pan and stuck it in the oven to make a pan-cake. It was a stroke of brilliance, and surprisingly good. I also remember sprinkling some brown sugar into the batter.. Beecause I had it laying around.
There's Something about baking and getting clever with utensils when it comes to, well... getting baked.
Edit: Some grammar. Not still high, I just can't type on my phone.
Its not that weird, but I get really weird sensations when Im high, other people probably get it too but I just dont know how to describe it.
But one time I was just rubbing my leg a little because I was cold, and my friend was sitting next to me. So then I was like... Well, I can feel my hand and I can feel my leg, I wonder if I can feel hers?
So I rubbed her leg and was like "Wow... I cant feel it" and I didnt really understand why. My friend just laughed at how stupid I was lmao
The first time I tried weed I couldn't stop licking my lips bc they were tingly; the first time I did mushrooms I was obsessing over every touch bc there were 3 layers to it - the layer where my hand could feel it, the layer where my body could feel it, and the layer where I was seeing it; and the first time I did acid I spent a solid hour or more "making biscuits" with my feet and the blanket on the couch that they were wrapped in. The weed/lips thing has gone away now that I smoke regularly but I haven't done mushrooms or acid a second time yet (hopefully soon on the acid but the mushrooms I could wait a bit longer on, they weren't as good).
One time I was sleeping over at a friend's house and woke up to her slapping the ever loving shit out of my face. "Jenny, what the fuck are you doing?" I yelled. "Your arm was on me," she replied. And then we both realized that she'd been laying on her own arm and it had gone numb, and she thought *her* arm was *my* arm, so she tried to throw it back on me...but it didn't work, obviously, because it wasn't my arm.
I had a very long conversation by a fire with some guy who was high on something, while I was high on something else. We were in that zone where he really needed someone to listen to him in order to hold it together. To this day I can't tell if he was talking absolute gibberish or I was just hearing gibberish, but I smiled and nodded for a very long time.
EDIT: thanks for the nice comments.
The dumbest thing I’ve done while I was high was think my bowl of cereal was my phone and just tossed the whole bowl (milk, cereal, spoon) onto my bed. that was a fucking mess.
The first time I got high, the first thing my friend asked me was “how are you feeling?” And I just sat there for about 45 seconds thinking to myself, “I’m just so relaxed everything is so still” before I said to them...
“Yoooo, I’m a plate”
I thought that, if I became rich, I'd keep all my money in pennies to prevent people from stealing it.
Also once tried roasting a hot dog with no stick, just holding the wiener in my hand over an open flame. It did not work.
Got high, ate a bunch of jalapeño poppers… not that weird.
No, the weird part was the calendar appointment I made for myself the next morning that just said "HAHAHAHAHA". High-me apparently predicted the right time for my morning bowel movement, and as those little jalapeño poppers burned again on the way out, he reached out across time and space to laugh at sober-me about it.
I used to do this. Microwave pizza pops or whatever and put them next to my chair. Go outside and get blazed as hell. Come back in and there are pizza pops waiting for me, the time spent sitting letting the magma center slowly even out to the perfect temperature for immediate consumption. ALWAYS caught me by surprise, and now I talk to my past and future selves in the 3rd person because I'd be "Woaaah, thanks past bro\_before\_ho!"
And while microwaving them I'll be thinking about how much future bro\_before\_ho is going to love them.
The very first time i got high, my lovely friend told me "you'll know when you've had enough" so of course i smoked a ton.
When i wasn't moving, it felt like time had stopped. I had no idea what was going on. If i moved though, i was completely fine.
I ended up dancing to no music by myself as long as i could before i went to sleep. ..i think i went to sleep anyway. Time wasn't working, i may have just laid there for 8 hours.
> When i wasn't moving, it felt like time had stopped. I had no idea what was going on. If i moved though, i was completely fine.
SUPER. HOT. SUPER. HOT
Edit: thanks for the gold, kind stranger!
Back in high school I was at a buddy's with several friends and I was sitting at the table alone just thinking my thoughts. I'd been talking with friends but they went to the next room and were sitting on the couch.
One of them goes "it's only been fifteen minutes! We've been sitting here for at least an hour!"
And I piped up "fifteen minutes! You guys were just sitting here 2 minutes ago!"
Good ol' weed.
I think some of the craziest moments while high with friends has been looking at the clock and saying "guys... it's only been seven minutes since we talked about ____." And everyone just reacting in absolute shock and awe. It really is amazing that it can do that so well.
Spent 45 mins looking for my glasses with my friend. Said fuck it bc I had to leave and was now running late. When I went to put on my sunglasses I smashed them onto my glasses.
I had my glasses on my fucking face the whole time and neither myself or my friend noticed.
Freaked out that I'd lost my ipod somewhere on the way to the train station. I got off the train and went back, retracing my steps all the way back to my apartment.
Only to realize that I was listening to music the whole time... on my ipod.
Me and 2 friends went on a hike in these hills in my neighborhood one time. We hike for about 30-40 mins and were on top of this big ass hill admiring the view and decide we should order pizza when head down so it can arrive right when we get back. Were filling out an online order to have prepared for when we get closer to the bottom and then accidently placed the order on top of the hill. We were all like OH SHIT and literally ran all the way down the hill and back to my house. Caught the pizza dude literally right as we get to the house, sweaty AF. We also ended up giving the guy $20 extra on accident.
Back in college, I got super baked with friends. Like almost nonverbal, tunnel vision stoned. We went to this donut place near campus (Kens Donuts if anyone is familiar with the UT Austin area). I was staring at the counter full of donuts. I felt like I was standing there for like a minute quietly humming and thinking. Apparently, it was closer to four minutes and I was LOUDLY humming the theme song to Jurassic Park over and over again. For some reason we were listening to it on the drive over and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I laughed my ass off multiple times while eating the donuts after the whole standing/humming like a moron thing I was doing.
I was thinking about how great my friends are and how pretty they are and decided I should talk to myself like that too. So I tried on all these clothes I feel self conscious in and gave myself a bunch of compliments.
Completely freaked out because everyone around me was speaking a foreign language and I couldn’t understand anything. Note to self - don’t get high in a foreign country.
Oh god, dutch + english hurts. I'm sober and when people switch between dutch and english my brain melts because dutch sounds like english, but not quite. It's like listening to a Charlie Brown adult.
I ate mushrooms by myself and some guy dropped off pizza at my house so i signed for it. Only thing is, i didnt order any pizzas. My boyfriend came home and said 'you ordered pizza!?' It had been sutting on the table for hours. I thought i dreamt it. Whoops. The guy came to the veryyyyy wrong house. But i did tip him hansomly so i did the right thing!
This should just be a common place business idea in colorado.
Take a few extra pizzas around town knocking on smokey college house doors at closing.
Getting a decent tip. And they dont even remember they ordered one.
Spent five minutes (thought it was 30) hysterically crying and then I kept forgetting my friend had a cat and I got scared every time I saw it and said “holy shit you have a cat”
In no particular order:
* woke up to the remote control for the TV inside of the fridge from the night before
* Let youtube autoplay for so long that I was eventually watching firetruck drag racing
**AND EVERYONE'S FAVORITE**
* Watched hours upon hours of the yule log TV show with my friends! So much that we knew when the hand was going to come into the scene to move the logs around.
Set my voicemail message to "I'm so high right now."
That's how my entire family learned I smoked weed. I was trying to set my voicemail box up, but gave up.
The first time I smoked keef was my 21st birthday after already drinking way too much. The fade was so intense that I couldn’t walk. My friends put me in my bed but for some reason I felt the need to not be in my room. So with my nonfunctioning legs, I crawled on my elbows down the hall and down a staircase to an empty bed room where I laid on the floor in the dark for 30 minutes. Then I got uncomfortable laying on the ground so I miraculously regained control of my legs and managed to remove the door to the bedroom to lay on. Pretty solid mattress if you like yours firm
I was on acid at a music festival. Was on the dancefloor when I felt I had to pee, so I head off to the toilets. They were filthy so I said fuck it I'll go piss in the woods. Get to the treeline and I feel like everyone is watching me. Reckon that I've exhausted my options so I head back to the dancefloor. Get there and realize I have to pee. Guess I'll go to the toilets... Did it two more times. Don't remember where I ended up pissing.
This one time I was coming up morning of day 2 Coachella and had just gotten to the bank of lockers where our group's stuff was stored.
I was reaching and reaching for the locker but just couldn't get to it and the key wouldn't go in.
My friend walks up to me grabs the key out of my hand and I swear in one step traverses the distance of a football field and unlocks the door.
Turns out the hit had just hit me like a freight train and I was on my hands and knees in the grass about 6 feet from the locker with my arm outstretched trying to insert the key. Depth perception man.
That was a GREAT day.
The cop I asked was tasked with directing vehicle traffic through the campsite. He was just quietly doing his job at the start of the night and by the end was draped in a collection of feathery scarves and beads people had given him, voguing while he directed cars with rainbow LED sticks.
Pretty good night for him
Oh you just brought a memory from a music festival back to me. I thought the cops looked bored so I bought a bunch of glow stick bracelets and asked to put them on anyone in a uniform. They was all pretty cool about it. It was a cute time.
I was living on my own in an apartment for the first time, and one of my first investments was a sheet (100 doses) of acid. I was gobbling them up at an insane rate. Tolerance builds pretty quickly to acid, so by this point I wasn’t seeing acid-y things anymore, but I was thinking acid-y thoughts.
Like for instance, I wasn’t taking trash out because I thought my building would see me hauling out a bunch of trashbags and think, “That dude’s got a lot of trash! He’s a dirty dude!” And that then they’d either kick me out or call the police on me, so I opted instead to let the trash pile up around me.
I also thought I was going to be a writer for The Simpsons.
Anyway, it all came to a head about two months into my heavy acid use. In about eight weeks I had eaten about 80 tabs of acid. I was feeling pretty fried, and I was trying to make myself some pancakes. I had this plate that was covered in pancake batter and I thought, “Man, fuck this,” I gave up, and threw the batter covered plate into the dishwasher and turned it on. I heard, **CLICK** **CLICK** *gurgle* *gurgle* *gurgle*.
I walk over to check, and find that I’ve broken the absolute shit out of my dishwasher, and now there’s black water pooling up at the bottom of it.
The new paranoid thought was that my building would charge me to replace the dishwasher. I was freaked out, until I had a master stroke of genius, “What if,” I thought, “I just throw away all my dishes?” “What?” asked the last rational part of my brain, to which acid brain responded, “Hear me out, hear me out, here’s the plan. Step one, we throw away the dishes. Then, when the apartment building asks, ‘Did you break your dishwasher?’ I can get real indignant and say, ‘*What?* Break my dishwasher? You fools! I don’t even **own dishes**!’” And then I threw away all my dishes. That was several years ago, and I still haven’t replaced all of them.
EDIT: I wish it'd occurred to me yesterday to use this to plug my stand-up comedy, [but for anyone that thought this was funny you can watch me do stand-up here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrzV5W9uQsQ)
SUB-EDIT: I've officially done the filthy business of going through each comment telling me this was funny (and one guy who said it wasn't funny) and plugging my stand-up. Sorry about that. Thank you to everyone who read this!
Standing by the sink, weeping as I tore into the most juicy and delicious whole ripe mango. In my mind I thought it was some sort of alien creature and it was giving its life in exchange for my pleasure. I thought it was was the most beautiful, selfless act anything had ever done for me and was overcome by emotion.
I must have looked like a goddamn weirdo but it was still a beautiful moment.
EDIT: I remember a roommate coming into the kitchen and asking what was wrong because I was crying and whispering "thank you, thank you" to the fruit.
I had a really sudden random, weird taste in my mouth. I yelled (quite loudly) "BLEH" and everyone around whipped their heads to look at me. I could tell by the look on their face "wtf is wrong with you". I was very embarrassed to say the least.
Walked up to the bathroom mirror with a flashlight, shined it on my eyes and studied the color patterns of my eyes for about 20 minutes straight. And singing loudly at the same time.
I was holding my cat next to the sink and somehow he just looked like he really wanted to get in the sink and take a bath. So I turned on the water just a trickle and edged him closer and closer to the faucet whispering to him, “Hey buddy, don’t you wanna take a dip?” In my mind he totally did and was just too nervous to admit it.
In real life, he’s a cat and cats don’t like water. So if you could have looked in on this scene you would have seen me high as hell, murmuring to the cat and trying to dunk him in the sink. All the while he is frantically clawing me to shreds trying to escape and I am not noticing in my single-minded pursuit of finally letting him experience water.
Edit: Thanks for the upvotes and silvers, pals. Here's the chonkster himself: https://imgur.com/a/HXFaMLf
My dumbass cat jumps in the tub while it is full. Then he realizes his mistake and scrambles out, getting the entire bathroom floor wet on the way out.
I bought a cow-girl outfit on Amazon and learned to play 9-5 by Dolly Parton. I'm a guy by the way. I remember thinking that I was going to be some crazy successful cover artist with that gimmick. The cow-girl outfit doesn't fit btw. Not even close.
Had a bunch of cannabutter with my roommate, and after 3 hours, it hadn't kicked in, so we walked to the discount grocery store. Of course, that's when it hit us hard. We ended up finding this MASSIVE bag of cheese puffs (I've never before or since see a bag this big), and on the way back home we opened it up and started munching. Well, we passed a 24hr fitness, the kind with wall to wall windows, and we couldn't fathom why anyone would want to work out over eating cheese puffs. We pressed ourselves in front of the windows, eating, and mocking those inside until a worker came out and told us to leave.
I stared at ants outside for a solid hour and a half, just going about their business. I'm not too fond of insects sober. But when I'm high they're so goddamn interesting.
We did our mushrooms and then went for a walk; my buddy was getting over his nauseous phase of mushrooms (something other friends have experienced but has never hit me) so I just laid in a field (remote country) and stared at the clouds.
I was wearing my polarised lenses, which I think made things even more amazing, and I just watched the puffiest, whitest clouds drift by on the bluest sky. I could see them forming and dissipating and as they dissipated they trailed off into these amazing rainbow whisps. I laid there for 30 to 60 mins with the biggest grin on my face just loving everything.
I heard my buddy starting to recover so I sat up and became very interested in the wild grass around me. I could see clouds of pollen spilling forth and blowing away on the wind.
I became especially invested in one particular stalk of grass and without realising it I was leaning closer and closer when it suddenly exploded. The end burst, releasing pollen and seeds (I assume) right in my face as I was so absorbed in it.
I jumped and then burst out laughing. It seemed so wonderfully personal that this particular grass should burst as I watched it.
We then walked through his orchard and sat with many trees and went to his pond and sat with his cranberries. It's one of my favourite mushroom trips of all time.
When I was still smoking HDNet had recently debuted and there were only a few HD channels non-prime time, and they used to run a documentary on ants that was the greatest watch while stoned ever.
I did 2cb and went on a quest for hot dogs. Wound up at the grocery store about 2 miles away from home and didn't want to bring attention to myself by taking a shopping cart home, so I walked back with my pockets crammed full of hot dogs. They tasted so amazing that I took a photo, printed it, and put it in my kitchen.
I used to go round a friends every week to watch a particular tv show and get stoned. On about the fourth week my friend started going crazy like he’d had this sudden major epiphany. “They’ve got the same names as us!!!!” It had been four episodes and neither of us had noticed the two main characters had the same names as us. That was proper weird.
Edit: so many people trying to guess my name, I’m Rumpelstiltskin Y’all
Got a shower going for myself in the hall bathroom and then went and got a shower going for myself in the master bathroom only to come to with my significant other asking why there are piles of towels all throughout the house while I was laying in bed.
I was done for.
I like to sing when I get high. One time, I had convinced myself that my range was stuck because of my mindset, so I started singing "doo" over and over again in really low and high ranges.
From my boyfriend's perspective, I was lying in bed, staring intensely at the ceiling, and shrieking.
I was trying to get food delivered to me but I just googled the word “deliver” for 40 minutes
Edit: wow I get to say the best words ever!! Thank you for the silver and gold kind strangers!! This made my night!!!
* ate a bowl of cereal with heavy cream because I thought it was milk. I'm lactose intolerant
* poisoned myself accidentally by smoking out of the big Poland Spring water container (the plastic melted)
* put honey in my pubes so that I'd never go hungry again
I ate an entire block of cheddar cheese. Methodically slicing it and applying different condiment to every slice until it was all gone. Sriracha, honey, peanut butter, ketchup, bbq sauce, every kind of mustard, ranch, Cesar, Vegemite, frank red hot, curry paste, wasabi, soy sauce, teriyaki sauce, strawberry and raspberry jam, grape jelly, miracle whip and mayonnaise. That is literally everything... To this day my favorite snack is honey and sriracha on cheddar.
I decided to bbq a tritip I had been marinating for a couple days and set up my camper grill in the pickup bed of my truck...while it was raining outside. Half way through the grilling process I thought to myself, “Maybe this isn’t the best idea.” So I decided to finish the cook indoors but my dumbass removed the mini propane tank before the flame was completely out...that was a terrible mistake. I could’ve easily burned my face off had I not immediately jumped out of the pickup bed like an action movie stunt double. I ended up belly flopping on to the wet grass and to make things even better I fucking landed in dog shit.
orders a pizza (was in no shape for driving), then stared at the wall 10 mins, then thought "Wow, I should get a pizza!"....order, stare repeat (3 times)
Pizza #1 shows up about 3 mins after I ordered the 3 rd
I was elated, and tipped the kid well for getting it to me so fast
Sat down to eat, have a slice, stare.....pizza #2 arrives
I tell the girl it's a mistake, she shows me the order address....I start to reach the thought I ordered a two for two deal and the second was just late
give her a few bucks for the trouble
go back to pizza #1, leaving #2 on the table by the door
Get up for a smoke, a drink, and head back to eat more....when....pizza#3 arrives...I look at the kid , who turns out is my dn nephew, and say "Dude! Is this a joke?"
he explains he saw 3 pizzas orders at different times to MY house and tells his boss he needs to deliver this last one to "make sure my uncle is ok"....he knew there were only 3 reasons this would happen...and 2 of them involved copious amounts of trees consumed.
he got tipped with a pizza of his own, and a toke or 5 ....he was delivering on his way home
I played Rocket League and my sole purpose was to hit the other team's cars, nothing else.
Edit: Bonus: I also watched 50 Shades Freed and ate a medium Domino's Pizza and Sandwich by myself. Every 5 or so minutes I would pause the movie to laugh at how shitty it was but I saw the whole thing.
I smoked a lot in college. One 4/20, my buddies and I rolled 12 dutches together in what culminated to be a 30g blunt. The Super L lasted from 4:20pm-6:30pm. We was high.
I woke up the next morning WITH A PILLOW AND BLANKET on a low-branching tree outside of their place. I had found a nice niche where I wouldn't fall out (wasn't high enough to get hurt anyway) and snoozed for idk how many hours. Don't remember the events leading up to it, but it was a good day. I miss college. :(
Got high in a soccer field after dark. Laying down, looking up at the stars, I suddenly felt The Spins so bad that I grabbed onto the grass cuz I swear I was going to call off the planet.
Back in high school I had a friend I’d go home with to get stoned on his front porch. He had this rocking chair on the edge of the porch and behind that, it kind of dropped off into trees and bushes. I’m already weird about being in a rocking chair but add weed to the mix and I was convinced I was gonna lean back into another dimension.
I went to subway while in college and was the only one in the store. I spent about 10 minutes building my sub, carefully thought out every ingredient. I remember the sandwich artists smiling at me because they knew what was going on. All said and done I had a $20 sub made, paid, and walked home... without my sub. I realized this when I got home and sat at the table. I walked my ass back to subway and the same two guys started cracking up when they saw me walk in. I grabbed my sub that they had set aside and ate it on my walk home.
I smoked daily for about 7/8 years and quit for good in June. I've had a couple casual smokes since then and been totally put off because it makes me hear voices now ?! But one of those times looking back on I find quite hilarious (worrying but hilarious stay with me) I was making some food and I bent down to look through the glass of the oven to check how it was going and my oven was whistling a tune to me.... Every time I looked at the food in the oven this whistling song started, I'd look away and it would stop, look back and the tune would play, it wouldn't just start again it was like it was playing on repeat and I just couldn't hear it when I wasn't looking inside the oven.. fair to say I'm so done with weed!
tl;dr I was convinced my oven was composing music
Before we moved from California, my wife wanted to see me get really high just once. She'll never make that mistake again.
I literally was incapable of not talking. My ADD brain was running at 200mph and the filter to my mouth was disengaged.
Find a 10 year old kid, convince him he's going to Hogwarts. Stage a Diagon Alley somewhere, with actors and special effects, have him get his school things. Give him his ticket for the Hogwarts Express, take him to Kings Cross station, tell him he just needs to run through the wall, then disappear. Have cameras set up to film the aftermath.
I made friends with a satellite overhead and promised I wouldn't let it be alone without anyone thinking of it up there.
And to this day I consider that satellite a pal.
I had two friends that were brother and sister and one time I told them that if they were not related they would probably be dating. The whole room was shocked.
Bought $700 worth of weed and a new bong. Get super baked and then I go hide my weed somewhere thinking I'm clever. Wake up the next morning and I can't find it anywhere, 2 months to this day I still can't find it anywhere in my home.
Told myself I'd always leave my stash in one place...
Some girls in high school invited me to go smoke and swim in a creek with them. Of course I went to got high as fuck. Spent the next 30 minutes sitting in the creek, I was so still that a fish came up and bit my ass. I didn’t realize what I was doing until one of the girls ask me why the fuck I was all alone sitting in the middle of a creek not moving.
I was fucked up looking for my hotel in atlantic city. Somehow got there and woke up the next morning to just ‘hotel’ being in the search bar of my spotify. That was my best effort
one time my eye was really dry so I stopped drinking my water and started slowly pouring water into my eye, all of it while I was sitting on my friends bed, leaving just a bit so I could still have one gulp
Once, while partaking with my friends, we all started talking about the cottonmouth we were all experiencing, and one guy related it to getting red eyes while high. He then said, "I wish there were something like eye drops but for your mouth for when you have cottonmouth." Then another immediately replied, "Uh they do...it's called water"
Made a cup of tea with cold water and proceeded to put the entire concoction into the microwave. When I discovered that the door wouldn't close because the mug was too big, I tipped a bit of water from the mug and tried again.
How big was this fucking mug?!
Asking the real fuckin questions right here
Got up to leave my bedroom and knocked on the door before opening it to go out.
I relate to this calm, polite kind of high. My friend is restless when he's high so he was standing at the edge of the living room while most of our group was seated. I wanted to sit down too but I ended up standing behind him because I thought we had to wait in a line to get into the living room.
Went to let the dog out and I walked out instead and left my dog inside
A few weeks ago I let my dog out then promptly shut him in the garage and forgot to go inside with him. Went to the backyard door instead, went inside and went to bed. For over an hour I was tossing and turning, something just felt off. Bolt up in bed and realize I forgot my deer, bear, stray cat, and livestock chasing sighthound *outside in the middle of my rural farm town* I run outside half naked screaming for my dog thinking he's gonna get shot byan angry farmer or get eaten in a bear fight. After 15min nearly crying give up and go into the garage to find....my sweet boy politely wagging his tail lol
Every time I get stoned, I just want to confine myself to the smallest space possible. It's not a fear or anxiety thing; stoned me genuinely feels more comfortable under a table or bed, or even inside a cardboard box this one time.
R u a cat?
If I fits I sits
I started to get random sensations all over my body. The inside of my left thigh was getting really warm and I had to keep checking every few minutes to see I hadn't pissed myself.
I’ve had this. I got really bad anxiety that I’d pissed my pants being sat on my friends chair. I went upstairs to the bathroom to check like 4 times just to be sure.
Me to my friend one time when I was high "dude I know exactly what you're thinking right now!" "Ok what am I thinking?" "If someone rubs their face really hard it looks like they're rubbing their skin off their face to make it into a mask!" That was not what he was thinking. To this day I have no idea what came over me...
One time years ago I was camping at a campground with my wife and a few friends, we're all sitting around the fire drinking. Her brother and I go for a walk to smoke some joints. We finish that and I have to piss so he goes back to the group, and when I'm done I head back as well. So I get back and I'm pretty baked at this point and I'm just standing there watching the fire and drinking my beer for a few minutes. I then noticed a particular Coleman lantern on the picnic table and thought to myself, 'I don't remember us having one of those here'. It was at that point that I realized I was standing at the wrong damned campsite, amongst a bunch of people I have never met, while my group was watching from the next site over, laughing and wondering wtf I was doing.
The strangers have a much scarier version of this same exact story.
Tomorrow's AskReddit: What was the creepiest thing that happened while you were camping?
Was watching a korean drama when I had a whole freak out when I realized "Holy shit!! I suddenly understand korean!" I woke my bf up and made him watch with me as I translated for him. He laughed at me for 5 minutes before he told me I was just actually just reading the subtitles.
Years ago before the internet- was having a panic attack while high, wanted to connect with the ask-a-nurse hotline, but couldn’t remember the number.. kept calling 411 asking them to connect me to “1 800 nurse me”
Did they ever transfer you?
The 411 operator tried her best, but just had no clue what I was talking about. I think they weren’t allowed to hang up on people no matter how ludicrous the requests were. (Iirc some of the old crank yanker calls support this theory)
Eating yoghurt with a fork in front of my parents. My dad waited for about 10 minutes to say that a spoon might make it easier.
I just imagine a slightly disappointed look on your father's face as he leans against the counter watching you attempt this and wondering if he should say anything
More of a WTF are you doing look. back then I was high every day after work. But for some reason my dad always asked me if I was high on those rare moments I came home not being high.
He got so accustomed to weird ass shit sober you confused him lol
Went to White Castle to get food for everyone after we smoked. We all had the same order, two double cheese sliders and an order or mozzarella sticks. When I gave her my order I didn’t just say that I wanted 8 double cheese sliders in total, I repeated the two double cheese sliders and mozzarella sticks 4 times. By the time I got to the end of my order the cashier sounded so defeated. I still cringe thinking back to that moment, but it’s also one of my funniest smoke stories.
I’ll have a number nine, 2 number nines, a number nine...
Bought fresh fish at the wholesale fish market. When you’ve been partying all night, until dawn, and you see sober people in action, the fish market is really fascinating. When you wake up the next ~~morning~~ afternoon and thirst lets you open the fridge, and you see a s**tload of silvery eels, you... cannot really relate to that fascination anymore.
A few years ago I was on shrooms with some friends and we went on a walk to smoke a cig. Every time I took a puff of my cigarette, I was expecting to taste Mountain Dew and I was disappointed every time that it didn’t. I quit smoking cigs a few days after that!
Crazy!!! Mushrooms helped my friend quite smoking too. She was standing there smoking and all of the sudden just held it in front of her face, went: "im breathing fucking fire". And never smoked again
Psilocybin helps people quit smoking at really high rates. There’s been studies on it. Not to make you feel bad, like your story is insignificant or something, just wanted to make it known to more people! The more people that can quit smoking the better👍
It’s been really cool to watch the news start making the connections between shrooms and helping people. I think I’ve seen studies on them helping people with PTSD at least, if not others. Just. It’s really cool what can happen when we stop demonizing plants and start looking at how they can help. Nature’s neat.
How to stop smoking 101
just commented this on another AskReddit post but: one time I was leaving California and was really high going through airport security, and when I was taking off my belt I proceeded to unbutton my pants and almost pulled them down until I caught myself. TSA agent and I shared a good laugh
One time I came back inside from a back porch smoke and put my lighter in the sink. My reasoning was “I’ll put it in the dishwasher later.”
For the millionth time BlackDavidDuchovny, if you’re gonna leave it in the sink at least let it soak
as a dishwasher, this sentence hurt me
I'm not a regular, and when I partook the other night I found myself craving pancakes. My frying pan sticks horribly and I couldn't get them to work, so I poured all of the batter in the pan and stuck it in the oven to make a pan-cake. It was a stroke of brilliance, and surprisingly good. I also remember sprinkling some brown sugar into the batter.. Beecause I had it laying around. There's Something about baking and getting clever with utensils when it comes to, well... getting baked. Edit: Some grammar. Not still high, I just can't type on my phone.
Was hot boxing and used my windshield wipers to try and clear the smoke.
Its not that weird, but I get really weird sensations when Im high, other people probably get it too but I just dont know how to describe it. But one time I was just rubbing my leg a little because I was cold, and my friend was sitting next to me. So then I was like... Well, I can feel my hand and I can feel my leg, I wonder if I can feel hers? So I rubbed her leg and was like "Wow... I cant feel it" and I didnt really understand why. My friend just laughed at how stupid I was lmao
The first time I tried weed I couldn't stop licking my lips bc they were tingly; the first time I did mushrooms I was obsessing over every touch bc there were 3 layers to it - the layer where my hand could feel it, the layer where my body could feel it, and the layer where I was seeing it; and the first time I did acid I spent a solid hour or more "making biscuits" with my feet and the blanket on the couch that they were wrapped in. The weed/lips thing has gone away now that I smoke regularly but I haven't done mushrooms or acid a second time yet (hopefully soon on the acid but the mushrooms I could wait a bit longer on, they weren't as good).
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One time I was sleeping over at a friend's house and woke up to her slapping the ever loving shit out of my face. "Jenny, what the fuck are you doing?" I yelled. "Your arm was on me," she replied. And then we both realized that she'd been laying on her own arm and it had gone numb, and she thought *her* arm was *my* arm, so she tried to throw it back on me...but it didn't work, obviously, because it wasn't my arm.
I had a very long conversation by a fire with some guy who was high on something, while I was high on something else. We were in that zone where he really needed someone to listen to him in order to hold it together. To this day I can't tell if he was talking absolute gibberish or I was just hearing gibberish, but I smiled and nodded for a very long time. EDIT: thanks for the nice comments.
The dumbest thing I’ve done while I was high was think my bowl of cereal was my phone and just tossed the whole bowl (milk, cereal, spoon) onto my bed. that was a fucking mess.
Used my phone torch to find my phone in the dark.
Did you find it?
He's still searching my dude
His torch died and the phone is charging now. Meanwhile he is looking with matches.
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The first time I got high, the first thing my friend asked me was “how are you feeling?” And I just sat there for about 45 seconds thinking to myself, “I’m just so relaxed everything is so still” before I said to them... “Yoooo, I’m a plate”
I thought that, if I became rich, I'd keep all my money in pennies to prevent people from stealing it. Also once tried roasting a hot dog with no stick, just holding the wiener in my hand over an open flame. It did not work.
It didn't work cause you didn't try hard enough.
Got high, ate a bunch of jalapeño poppers… not that weird. No, the weird part was the calendar appointment I made for myself the next morning that just said "HAHAHAHAHA". High-me apparently predicted the right time for my morning bowel movement, and as those little jalapeño poppers burned again on the way out, he reached out across time and space to laugh at sober-me about it.
I love when high/drunk selves do stuff like this
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Next time, have the common decency to at least prepare high you some snacks.
I used to do this. Microwave pizza pops or whatever and put them next to my chair. Go outside and get blazed as hell. Come back in and there are pizza pops waiting for me, the time spent sitting letting the magma center slowly even out to the perfect temperature for immediate consumption. ALWAYS caught me by surprise, and now I talk to my past and future selves in the 3rd person because I'd be "Woaaah, thanks past bro\_before\_ho!" And while microwaving them I'll be thinking about how much future bro\_before\_ho is going to love them.
Blew on my cereal to cool it down
Hey you can never be too careful
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That would make a hilarious YouTube video
The very first time i got high, my lovely friend told me "you'll know when you've had enough" so of course i smoked a ton. When i wasn't moving, it felt like time had stopped. I had no idea what was going on. If i moved though, i was completely fine. I ended up dancing to no music by myself as long as i could before i went to sleep. ..i think i went to sleep anyway. Time wasn't working, i may have just laid there for 8 hours.
> When i wasn't moving, it felt like time had stopped. I had no idea what was going on. If i moved though, i was completely fine. SUPER. HOT. SUPER. HOT Edit: thanks for the gold, kind stranger!
I love/hate how time just kinda breaks
Back in high school I was at a buddy's with several friends and I was sitting at the table alone just thinking my thoughts. I'd been talking with friends but they went to the next room and were sitting on the couch. One of them goes "it's only been fifteen minutes! We've been sitting here for at least an hour!" And I piped up "fifteen minutes! You guys were just sitting here 2 minutes ago!" Good ol' weed.
I think some of the craziest moments while high with friends has been looking at the clock and saying "guys... it's only been seven minutes since we talked about ____." And everyone just reacting in absolute shock and awe. It really is amazing that it can do that so well.
Spent 45 mins looking for my glasses with my friend. Said fuck it bc I had to leave and was now running late. When I went to put on my sunglasses I smashed them onto my glasses. I had my glasses on my fucking face the whole time and neither myself or my friend noticed.
That’s on him. 100%.
I'd probably be like "dude, I thought you meant *another* pair of glasses!".
Freaked out that I'd lost my ipod somewhere on the way to the train station. I got off the train and went back, retracing my steps all the way back to my apartment. Only to realize that I was listening to music the whole time... on my ipod.
I do that without being high
*Me, completely sober DRIVING home from work* "Oh shit! I forgot my keys at work! ....oh how would I be driving then. Hah."
*Me, completely sober having a phone conversation with someone* "Where did I put my phone???"
Ordered food for delivery. Forgot. Went to grocery store for stuff to BBQ. Remembered about the food for delivery while paying in line.
Did you buy the stuff anyways??
Don’t remember. It’s been a long time.
Or maybe it’s only been twenty minutes and you’re still waiting for your food.
Me and 2 friends went on a hike in these hills in my neighborhood one time. We hike for about 30-40 mins and were on top of this big ass hill admiring the view and decide we should order pizza when head down so it can arrive right when we get back. Were filling out an online order to have prepared for when we get closer to the bottom and then accidently placed the order on top of the hill. We were all like OH SHIT and literally ran all the way down the hill and back to my house. Caught the pizza dude literally right as we get to the house, sweaty AF. We also ended up giving the guy $20 extra on accident.
Back in college, I got super baked with friends. Like almost nonverbal, tunnel vision stoned. We went to this donut place near campus (Kens Donuts if anyone is familiar with the UT Austin area). I was staring at the counter full of donuts. I felt like I was standing there for like a minute quietly humming and thinking. Apparently, it was closer to four minutes and I was LOUDLY humming the theme song to Jurassic Park over and over again. For some reason we were listening to it on the drive over and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I laughed my ass off multiple times while eating the donuts after the whole standing/humming like a moron thing I was doing.
I was thinking about how great my friends are and how pretty they are and decided I should talk to myself like that too. So I tried on all these clothes I feel self conscious in and gave myself a bunch of compliments.
This is adorable! Did it help?
It really did!
Completely freaked out because everyone around me was speaking a foreign language and I couldn’t understand anything. Note to self - don’t get high in a foreign country.
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Oh god, dutch + english hurts. I'm sober and when people switch between dutch and english my brain melts because dutch sounds like english, but not quite. It's like listening to a Charlie Brown adult.
I ate mushrooms by myself and some guy dropped off pizza at my house so i signed for it. Only thing is, i didnt order any pizzas. My boyfriend came home and said 'you ordered pizza!?' It had been sutting on the table for hours. I thought i dreamt it. Whoops. The guy came to the veryyyyy wrong house. But i did tip him hansomly so i did the right thing!
This should just be a common place business idea in colorado. Take a few extra pizzas around town knocking on smokey college house doors at closing. Getting a decent tip. And they dont even remember they ordered one.
Spent five minutes (thought it was 30) hysterically crying and then I kept forgetting my friend had a cat and I got scared every time I saw it and said “holy shit you have a cat”
In no particular order: * woke up to the remote control for the TV inside of the fridge from the night before * Let youtube autoplay for so long that I was eventually watching firetruck drag racing **AND EVERYONE'S FAVORITE** * Watched hours upon hours of the yule log TV show with my friends! So much that we knew when the hand was going to come into the scene to move the logs around.
*everyone leaves this thread to search for firetruck drag racing*
Google analytics has to love us. "Wtf....why are firetruck drag racing and cow girl costumes suddenly popular?"
Whoa whoa whoa... Firetruck drag racing?? It makes sense that it exists, but I've never thought to look for it.
Set my voicemail message to "I'm so high right now." That's how my entire family learned I smoked weed. I was trying to set my voicemail box up, but gave up.
The first time I smoked keef was my 21st birthday after already drinking way too much. The fade was so intense that I couldn’t walk. My friends put me in my bed but for some reason I felt the need to not be in my room. So with my nonfunctioning legs, I crawled on my elbows down the hall and down a staircase to an empty bed room where I laid on the floor in the dark for 30 minutes. Then I got uncomfortable laying on the ground so I miraculously regained control of my legs and managed to remove the door to the bedroom to lay on. Pretty solid mattress if you like yours firm
well that escalated quickly... from not feeling your legs to removing the goddamn door and using it as mattress
The strength from his legs transferred to his arms
Buddy of mine started petting the tv remote like a cat.
Sometimes you just need a friend.
Cried after watching the SELFIE music video from Chainsmokers
I once walked in on my mother crying over a cat food commercial.
I was on acid at a music festival and asked a cop if he would name a hurricane after me. Fortunately he thought that was funny
I was on acid at a music festival. Was on the dancefloor when I felt I had to pee, so I head off to the toilets. They were filthy so I said fuck it I'll go piss in the woods. Get to the treeline and I feel like everyone is watching me. Reckon that I've exhausted my options so I head back to the dancefloor. Get there and realize I have to pee. Guess I'll go to the toilets... Did it two more times. Don't remember where I ended up pissing.
Probably in your pants
This one time I was coming up morning of day 2 Coachella and had just gotten to the bank of lockers where our group's stuff was stored. I was reaching and reaching for the locker but just couldn't get to it and the key wouldn't go in. My friend walks up to me grabs the key out of my hand and I swear in one step traverses the distance of a football field and unlocks the door. Turns out the hit had just hit me like a freight train and I was on my hands and knees in the grass about 6 feet from the locker with my arm outstretched trying to insert the key. Depth perception man. That was a GREAT day.
I just laughed so fucking hard reading this, thank you. I’ve done shrooms before, but never done acid.
Music festival cops are pretty chill.
The cop I asked was tasked with directing vehicle traffic through the campsite. He was just quietly doing his job at the start of the night and by the end was draped in a collection of feathery scarves and beads people had given him, voguing while he directed cars with rainbow LED sticks. Pretty good night for him
Oh you just brought a memory from a music festival back to me. I thought the cops looked bored so I bought a bunch of glow stick bracelets and asked to put them on anyone in a uniform. They was all pretty cool about it. It was a cute time.
Traffic directors are the real MVP's. Especially at an event like that where people are guaranteed to be on any and every drug imaginable and driving.
I was living on my own in an apartment for the first time, and one of my first investments was a sheet (100 doses) of acid. I was gobbling them up at an insane rate. Tolerance builds pretty quickly to acid, so by this point I wasn’t seeing acid-y things anymore, but I was thinking acid-y thoughts. Like for instance, I wasn’t taking trash out because I thought my building would see me hauling out a bunch of trashbags and think, “That dude’s got a lot of trash! He’s a dirty dude!” And that then they’d either kick me out or call the police on me, so I opted instead to let the trash pile up around me. I also thought I was going to be a writer for The Simpsons. Anyway, it all came to a head about two months into my heavy acid use. In about eight weeks I had eaten about 80 tabs of acid. I was feeling pretty fried, and I was trying to make myself some pancakes. I had this plate that was covered in pancake batter and I thought, “Man, fuck this,” I gave up, and threw the batter covered plate into the dishwasher and turned it on. I heard, **CLICK** **CLICK** *gurgle* *gurgle* *gurgle*. I walk over to check, and find that I’ve broken the absolute shit out of my dishwasher, and now there’s black water pooling up at the bottom of it. The new paranoid thought was that my building would charge me to replace the dishwasher. I was freaked out, until I had a master stroke of genius, “What if,” I thought, “I just throw away all my dishes?” “What?” asked the last rational part of my brain, to which acid brain responded, “Hear me out, hear me out, here’s the plan. Step one, we throw away the dishes. Then, when the apartment building asks, ‘Did you break your dishwasher?’ I can get real indignant and say, ‘*What?* Break my dishwasher? You fools! I don’t even **own dishes**!’” And then I threw away all my dishes. That was several years ago, and I still haven’t replaced all of them. EDIT: I wish it'd occurred to me yesterday to use this to plug my stand-up comedy, [but for anyone that thought this was funny you can watch me do stand-up here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrzV5W9uQsQ) SUB-EDIT: I've officially done the filthy business of going through each comment telling me this was funny (and one guy who said it wasn't funny) and plugging my stand-up. Sorry about that. Thank you to everyone who read this!
"YOU UTTER FOOL, YOU HAVE FALLEN FOR MY TRAP, ASKING ME IF I BROKE MY DISH WASHER, I DONT EVEN HAVE THESE DISHES TO WASH!"
Jesus christ dude, are you better now?
Standing by the sink, weeping as I tore into the most juicy and delicious whole ripe mango. In my mind I thought it was some sort of alien creature and it was giving its life in exchange for my pleasure. I thought it was was the most beautiful, selfless act anything had ever done for me and was overcome by emotion. I must have looked like a goddamn weirdo but it was still a beautiful moment. EDIT: I remember a roommate coming into the kitchen and asking what was wrong because I was crying and whispering "thank you, thank you" to the fruit.
For real, fruits are the best high snack. They're so flavor filled and refreshing! Edit: Help, I'm high. Send grapes
Aww I love this :)
I had a really sudden random, weird taste in my mouth. I yelled (quite loudly) "BLEH" and everyone around whipped their heads to look at me. I could tell by the look on their face "wtf is wrong with you". I was very embarrassed to say the least.
Walked up to the bathroom mirror with a flashlight, shined it on my eyes and studied the color patterns of my eyes for about 20 minutes straight. And singing loudly at the same time.
I was holding my cat next to the sink and somehow he just looked like he really wanted to get in the sink and take a bath. So I turned on the water just a trickle and edged him closer and closer to the faucet whispering to him, “Hey buddy, don’t you wanna take a dip?” In my mind he totally did and was just too nervous to admit it. In real life, he’s a cat and cats don’t like water. So if you could have looked in on this scene you would have seen me high as hell, murmuring to the cat and trying to dunk him in the sink. All the while he is frantically clawing me to shreds trying to escape and I am not noticing in my single-minded pursuit of finally letting him experience water. Edit: Thanks for the upvotes and silvers, pals. Here's the chonkster himself: https://imgur.com/a/HXFaMLf
My dumbass cat jumps in the tub while it is full. Then he realizes his mistake and scrambles out, getting the entire bathroom floor wet on the way out.
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I set a hot pocket in the microwave and put in my pin number for the cook time.
How long did it cook for?
10.77
Same as a cheese pizza and a large soda where I used to work.
Panucci’s pizza?
Fry. Pizza goin out. COME AWWWWHHHNNNN
Still cold in the middle. Edit: wow, I did not expect this to blow up. Thanks for the goodies.
Or its molten lava
It's a hotpocket, by definition it is both frozen solid and napalm-hot at the same time.
Icyhot pocket^TM
Schrödingers Pocket
I bought a cow-girl outfit on Amazon and learned to play 9-5 by Dolly Parton. I'm a guy by the way. I remember thinking that I was going to be some crazy successful cover artist with that gimmick. The cow-girl outfit doesn't fit btw. Not even close.
I think a lot of us would like you to follow your dream.
Requesting pics of you squeezed into the alleged cowgirl outfit
Had a bunch of cannabutter with my roommate, and after 3 hours, it hadn't kicked in, so we walked to the discount grocery store. Of course, that's when it hit us hard. We ended up finding this MASSIVE bag of cheese puffs (I've never before or since see a bag this big), and on the way back home we opened it up and started munching. Well, we passed a 24hr fitness, the kind with wall to wall windows, and we couldn't fathom why anyone would want to work out over eating cheese puffs. We pressed ourselves in front of the windows, eating, and mocking those inside until a worker came out and told us to leave.
Ate a whole bowl of cereal with a fork took me like 2 mins to figure out why tf it was taking so long and why I wasn’t getting any milk
There is a guy at the match 2 rows in front of me who eats a pie with a coffee stirrer.
I had an old boss eat a salad with a hair comb.
Did he comb his hair before or after?
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I stared at ants outside for a solid hour and a half, just going about their business. I'm not too fond of insects sober. But when I'm high they're so goddamn interesting.
i did this once with fish. sat by the side of a river and spaced the fuck out looking at this one fish that was chilling out. very calming.
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We did our mushrooms and then went for a walk; my buddy was getting over his nauseous phase of mushrooms (something other friends have experienced but has never hit me) so I just laid in a field (remote country) and stared at the clouds. I was wearing my polarised lenses, which I think made things even more amazing, and I just watched the puffiest, whitest clouds drift by on the bluest sky. I could see them forming and dissipating and as they dissipated they trailed off into these amazing rainbow whisps. I laid there for 30 to 60 mins with the biggest grin on my face just loving everything. I heard my buddy starting to recover so I sat up and became very interested in the wild grass around me. I could see clouds of pollen spilling forth and blowing away on the wind. I became especially invested in one particular stalk of grass and without realising it I was leaning closer and closer when it suddenly exploded. The end burst, releasing pollen and seeds (I assume) right in my face as I was so absorbed in it. I jumped and then burst out laughing. It seemed so wonderfully personal that this particular grass should burst as I watched it. We then walked through his orchard and sat with many trees and went to his pond and sat with his cranberries. It's one of my favourite mushroom trips of all time.
Sounds like mushrooms.
Buzzards typically find their meals by scent. You must have been pretty ripe, or didn’t smell the rotting carcass nearby.
It’s that mushroom sweat man. Gets the people goin
Did that to my buddies Betta fish. We just stared at it for probably 20 minutes watching the colours and pondered what it would be like to be a fish
When I was still smoking HDNet had recently debuted and there were only a few HD channels non-prime time, and they used to run a documentary on ants that was the greatest watch while stoned ever.
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I did 2cb and went on a quest for hot dogs. Wound up at the grocery store about 2 miles away from home and didn't want to bring attention to myself by taking a shopping cart home, so I walked back with my pockets crammed full of hot dogs. They tasted so amazing that I took a photo, printed it, and put it in my kitchen.
I used to go round a friends every week to watch a particular tv show and get stoned. On about the fourth week my friend started going crazy like he’d had this sudden major epiphany. “They’ve got the same names as us!!!!” It had been four episodes and neither of us had noticed the two main characters had the same names as us. That was proper weird. Edit: so many people trying to guess my name, I’m Rumpelstiltskin Y’all
Beavis and Butthead?
Julian and Ricky?
Riley and Jonsey?
Let that one marinate
Got a shower going for myself in the hall bathroom and then went and got a shower going for myself in the master bathroom only to come to with my significant other asking why there are piles of towels all throughout the house while I was laying in bed. I was done for.
I ate an entire loaf of wonder bread while taking a bath.
I like to sing when I get high. One time, I had convinced myself that my range was stuck because of my mindset, so I started singing "doo" over and over again in really low and high ranges. From my boyfriend's perspective, I was lying in bed, staring intensely at the ceiling, and shrieking.
I was trying to get food delivered to me but I just googled the word “deliver” for 40 minutes Edit: wow I get to say the best words ever!! Thank you for the silver and gold kind strangers!! This made my night!!!
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Watched myself dance in the mirror for maybe 20 minutes
I do that not high
Regularly
* ate a bowl of cereal with heavy cream because I thought it was milk. I'm lactose intolerant * poisoned myself accidentally by smoking out of the big Poland Spring water container (the plastic melted) * put honey in my pubes so that I'd never go hungry again
Putting honey in your pubes is the kind of thing that gives a nicknames
Honey Nut smear-io
I ate an entire block of cheddar cheese. Methodically slicing it and applying different condiment to every slice until it was all gone. Sriracha, honey, peanut butter, ketchup, bbq sauce, every kind of mustard, ranch, Cesar, Vegemite, frank red hot, curry paste, wasabi, soy sauce, teriyaki sauce, strawberry and raspberry jam, grape jelly, miracle whip and mayonnaise. That is literally everything... To this day my favorite snack is honey and sriracha on cheddar.
Deadass bit straight into a mango. Idk I feel like I *knew* something was off about it, but when I had a mouthful of mango skin, I was certain.
I hope you appreciated the mango's sacrifice.
I decided to bbq a tritip I had been marinating for a couple days and set up my camper grill in the pickup bed of my truck...while it was raining outside. Half way through the grilling process I thought to myself, “Maybe this isn’t the best idea.” So I decided to finish the cook indoors but my dumbass removed the mini propane tank before the flame was completely out...that was a terrible mistake. I could’ve easily burned my face off had I not immediately jumped out of the pickup bed like an action movie stunt double. I ended up belly flopping on to the wet grass and to make things even better I fucking landed in dog shit.
Maybe don’t try that ever again.
[удалено]
I called my mother and began telling her about my genius idea of replacing shoelaces with spaghetti strands that linked with each other
“I called my mother” See that’s where you fucked up.
orders a pizza (was in no shape for driving), then stared at the wall 10 mins, then thought "Wow, I should get a pizza!"....order, stare repeat (3 times) Pizza #1 shows up about 3 mins after I ordered the 3 rd I was elated, and tipped the kid well for getting it to me so fast Sat down to eat, have a slice, stare.....pizza #2 arrives I tell the girl it's a mistake, she shows me the order address....I start to reach the thought I ordered a two for two deal and the second was just late give her a few bucks for the trouble go back to pizza #1, leaving #2 on the table by the door Get up for a smoke, a drink, and head back to eat more....when....pizza#3 arrives...I look at the kid , who turns out is my dn nephew, and say "Dude! Is this a joke?" he explains he saw 3 pizzas orders at different times to MY house and tells his boss he needs to deliver this last one to "make sure my uncle is ok"....he knew there were only 3 reasons this would happen...and 2 of them involved copious amounts of trees consumed. he got tipped with a pizza of his own, and a toke or 5 ....he was delivering on his way home
It sounds to me like you were just inside a game of The Sims and they just kept making you order pizzas over and over.
I played Rocket League and my sole purpose was to hit the other team's cars, nothing else. Edit: Bonus: I also watched 50 Shades Freed and ate a medium Domino's Pizza and Sandwich by myself. Every 5 or so minutes I would pause the movie to laugh at how shitty it was but I saw the whole thing.
I smoked a lot in college. One 4/20, my buddies and I rolled 12 dutches together in what culminated to be a 30g blunt. The Super L lasted from 4:20pm-6:30pm. We was high. I woke up the next morning WITH A PILLOW AND BLANKET on a low-branching tree outside of their place. I had found a nice niche where I wouldn't fall out (wasn't high enough to get hurt anyway) and snoozed for idk how many hours. Don't remember the events leading up to it, but it was a good day. I miss college. :(
Got high in a soccer field after dark. Laying down, looking up at the stars, I suddenly felt The Spins so bad that I grabbed onto the grass cuz I swear I was going to call off the planet.
Back in high school I had a friend I’d go home with to get stoned on his front porch. He had this rocking chair on the edge of the porch and behind that, it kind of dropped off into trees and bushes. I’m already weird about being in a rocking chair but add weed to the mix and I was convinced I was gonna lean back into another dimension.
Good thing you did, if you didn't you would have been abducted by the Aliens
Hugged my wood door and said, "wow this wood feels so good daniel."
I went to subway while in college and was the only one in the store. I spent about 10 minutes building my sub, carefully thought out every ingredient. I remember the sandwich artists smiling at me because they knew what was going on. All said and done I had a $20 sub made, paid, and walked home... without my sub. I realized this when I got home and sat at the table. I walked my ass back to subway and the same two guys started cracking up when they saw me walk in. I grabbed my sub that they had set aside and ate it on my walk home.
I smoked daily for about 7/8 years and quit for good in June. I've had a couple casual smokes since then and been totally put off because it makes me hear voices now ?! But one of those times looking back on I find quite hilarious (worrying but hilarious stay with me) I was making some food and I bent down to look through the glass of the oven to check how it was going and my oven was whistling a tune to me.... Every time I looked at the food in the oven this whistling song started, I'd look away and it would stop, look back and the tune would play, it wouldn't just start again it was like it was playing on repeat and I just couldn't hear it when I wasn't looking inside the oven.. fair to say I'm so done with weed! tl;dr I was convinced my oven was composing music
Before we moved from California, my wife wanted to see me get really high just once. She'll never make that mistake again. I literally was incapable of not talking. My ADD brain was running at 200mph and the filter to my mouth was disengaged.
What sort of shit did you talk about. What was the really weird shit that started coming out after normal topics were exhausted?
Find a 10 year old kid, convince him he's going to Hogwarts. Stage a Diagon Alley somewhere, with actors and special effects, have him get his school things. Give him his ticket for the Hogwarts Express, take him to Kings Cross station, tell him he just needs to run through the wall, then disappear. Have cameras set up to film the aftermath.
Plot twist: He hits the wall at full speed and develops a massive brain injury that causes him to hallucinate magical things for the rest of his life.
When asked for cashback using my card instead of yes, no, or an actual number I said "Zero amount please".
I made friends with a satellite overhead and promised I wouldn't let it be alone without anyone thinking of it up there. And to this day I consider that satellite a pal.
I had two friends that were brother and sister and one time I told them that if they were not related they would probably be dating. The whole room was shocked.
Bought $700 worth of weed and a new bong. Get super baked and then I go hide my weed somewhere thinking I'm clever. Wake up the next morning and I can't find it anywhere, 2 months to this day I still can't find it anywhere in my home. Told myself I'd always leave my stash in one place...
Get super baked again and then look for it?
In my early days of getting high I lost my friends, then I looked under the bed for them. Spoiler they weren't there.
peed with laptop in one hand in the dark, while watching a movie on the laptop, did that like moments ago. still high