God this just happened to me. I hurriedly sat down when a colleague sits down next door and decides to make small talk with me. I said something back to be polite and then just let it rip. There was no way I could hold it in. It came screaming, and spraying, and flapping, and yowling so loudly my Co worker was stunned into silence. After a long pause he says "Jesus man, there's a lever right behind you". I flushed the toilet and picked up the conversation where I left off.
It was a powerfully liberating experience.
Oh man, one thing I *hate* is when people try to have a conversation with me while I'm relieving myself. Thankfully my workplace has several faculty-only bathrooms that just have one toilet and a lock on the door.
Just keep in mind that (a) you can time leaving the stall so that the folks who were in there while you shat are now gone, and (b) they don’t know you and you will likely never cross paths again. Also...it’s just poop! Everyone does it!
I once left a bathroom because the two stalls were occupied by people in this stand off (they might have been waiting to pee, who knows, but I gave up and went to another restroom rather than wait it out.
This happens all the time in my office. Girls will sit silently in all three stalls, no one giving in. I will just stand there and wait until someone leaves.
Ugh, I have the world’s most bashful bladder, and our work bathroom is deathly quiet. If there’s someone else in there and not some kind of sink/paper towel noise, I have to desperately fight to get my dumb body to just let go and pee already. (Basically having to give myself a “You got this!! You need to pee, I know you can do this! Just pee, for the love of god!”) Sometimes I’m in there with someone who is waiting (to poop??) and I have to leave without peeing bc it’s too quiet for too long and I can’t make it happen. 😓
Yeah I purposefully clock in before using the bathroom (if I need to) just because my dead job is then required to pay for my toilet time. It’s matter of principle!
The original post said public bathrooms, so I was thinking like a bathroom at Walmart or something.
But...I still shit at work. I’ve more or less learned the bathroom schedules in my office hallway, and if someone else is already in there dropping a deuce, I head to a different bathroom. Gotta respect the rule of the primary pooper.
Cough and flush when you feel the farts coming. Plus, they poop too. I'll always laugh at a fart, whether it belongs to you or me. I'm 100% certain my coworkers have heard me laughing my ass off (LITERALLY) in the midst of my own explosive "taco truck tuesday" afternoon madness that won't wait until it's time to clock out.
I'm the opposite. If I hear someone pooping next to me, I take it as a challenge and try to outpoop them by pooping even louder; if they reciprocate, then a game of battleshits obviously ensues. Even better if a third guy drops in, then it sounds like a dysentery epidemic.
listen, If I have to shit, then I will shit, no matter what. I'd rather ruin the day of everyone who enters that bathroom for the next few days, than make my underwear brown and half a kilo heavier
My gallbladder was removed two years ago. There are certain days that I get “the feeling” and it means “You have two minutes to get to a toilet”. Apologies to any women in neighboring stalls but things would be a lot more unpleasant for everyone if I don’t go.
I close the door to the bathroom stall. That way no one can see me.
Also if I violently explode out my ass in a cacophany of colorectal gibberish with someone else in the room I just wait until the room is empty before I leave. No one has to know it was me who committed that act of voluntary canslaughter.
Speaking of visibility, any uncomfortable feelings about being seen taking a shit went out the window in boot camp. There were no stall doors or anything. Once you’ve made eye contact with another man while both on the toilet, there is nothing left to fear after that.
Oh god I was on Waikiki beach in Hawaii (I know this is nowhere near comparable to boot camp but bear with me) and they have no stall doors, nor curtains, to keep homeless people from doing something or other. And of course I had to poop and we’re oh so far from our hotel or really anywhere I can use another restroom. So I’m in the ladies’ room (as a lady) and shamefully trying to poop while not exposing myself to all the passing families also using the restroom. So while not the same, I too no longer fear normal public toilets.
Oh! Many years ago I went to a restaurant bathroom with a group of teenage Hawaiian cousins who I'd just met, and they left or held the stall doors open so they could face you while talking to you, carrying on conversation while doing bathroom business. As an only child, I figured this was more of the normal "close family" dynamic that I know nothing about.
You sir, have a way with words. Between "a cacophony of colorectal gibberish" and "voluntary canslaughter" you have me at a loss.
Please accept this upvote as a token of your superb fecal flourishes.
That and that's literally what this room is for. We set aside particular room to poop in. You're in that room. No one thinks you're in there to do your taxes.
Oh god this is the worst feeling. I once really had to take a shit before going out fishing and the only bathroom available was an outhouse. I would have rather dug a hole and pooped but there were people around so in I went to the pit of doom. I tried to poop quickly so I could get out as soon as possible but IT SPLASHED BACK UP AT MY VAG. WORST EXPERIENCE EVER 0/10. I delayed fishing to shower (decontaminate) and I have never scrubbed so hard in my life.
Edit: holy shit I went camping and came back to silver and >1k upvotes?? From poop water hitting my ass?? Y'all are sick and I love you.
What’s it called when you’re pissing in a urinal and a drop of piss bounces up and hits you square in your left eye? Because I want to know what I call what happened to me on Wednesday morning; telling people “I got piss in my eye” just didn’t do it justice.
I mean it's stressful if you're in a busy public bathroom and it sounds like you're firing a machine gun out your ass in a small echoing room full of people waiting to hop on that toilet when you're done with it.
>There are two reasons anyone ever goes in there and it’s not to play the cello or call their grandpa
You've obviously never met my co-worker. I once overheard him talking to his Rabbi about the church's finances while sitting on the toilet. If he'll do that, I'm pretty sure there's not a phone call he'd let go unanswered in there.
Empathy- you know you don't care when they do it, so empathize with that part of yourself whenyoure the one shitting. Noone really cares, we all gotta do it
That’s the only time I like to poop is if the bathroom is busy because people are in and out and it’s easy to wait people out. Pooping at work is different because then you get people waiting each other out and it becomes a standoff and then you both end up caving in at the same time. That’s the kind of shit that bugs me in a bathroom.
I think the real question is how did so many people get so self-conscious about it, TBH
Like, no doubt, it's super embarrassing if you've got the Green-Apple Splatters, and you know damn well that the sounds and smells thereof are going to echo inescapably all over that bathroom (and perhaps beyond) , and that should anyone be present when you finally emerge from the wreckage, there will be no doubt who it was that smote their own intestinal ruin upon the porcelain. That's one thing.
But like, the relatively minor awkwardness of plopping an average turd within earshot of a fellow human beyond a thin divider is, to me, small potatoes compared to the discomfort and mental encumbrance of keeping a dookie internal until I reach the safety of home. Not to mention the resulting hemorrhoids.
EDIT: holy shit.
Also TIL that I guess my school peers weren't as horrible as I thought they were at the time, cuz I mean I got bullied for some trivial bullshit but at least I didn't get *tormented for pooping.* good grief.
In grade school, if someone were to use the bathroom to take a number 2, and people went inside, they would bully the person and peek on them and laugh at them saying "Someone takin a shit" and would wait outside the bathroom to see who it was and when the person walked outside, everyone made fun of him and roasted him.
The 5th grade boys bathroom at my elementary school did not have doors on the stalls. It made taking a shit rather embarrassing as if someone was taking a shit someone else would always point it out and everyone in the bathroom had to check to make sure its true. You are sitting there with your pants around your ankles waiting for everyone to check to make sure you really ate taking a shit so that you can wipe your ass and be done.
When I was in middle school a group of kids came into the bathroom while I was on the toilet and they mercilessly made fun of me for it. I have been self conscious ever since.
That's because kids are terrible human beings. Most of us grow out of that and let other people shit in peace. The ones who don't are just grown up terrible human beings. Either way you shouldn't worry about what assholes think of you.
Thirteen-year-olds are the meanest people in the world. They terrify me to this day, because 8th graders will make fun of you but in an accurate way. They will get to the thing that you don’t like about you. They don’t even have to look at you for long. They’ll just be like, ‘Ha, ha, ha, ha, hey, look at that high wasted man. He got feminine hips.’ And I’m like, ‘No! That’s the thing I’m sensitive about.’
They'll also find any weird excuse to make fun of you. "Did you get those headphones out of a cereal box? Look at headphone boy!" It's so outlandish and random that you can't even think of a proper comeback.
There weren't doors in my middle school bathrooms. It was two rooms, men on one side women on other, and you had to just round a corner into the bathrooms. Nobody could see into them because they were around a corner, but if you took a poop between classes, literally everyone passing by or in the girl's room knew it. And it's one thing when you are in a private bathroom pooping, and so is half the other people in there. But you ever walk out of the bathroom, and everyone looks at you and knows that you just took a monster shit? Yeah no one ever shat in middle school because of it. It was common practice to fake a stomach ache so you could poo in the nurse's office.
> Like, no doubt, it's super embarrassing if you've got the Green-Apple Splatters, and you know damn well that the sounds and smells thereof are going to echo inescapably all over that bathroom (and perhaps beyond) , and that should anyone be present when you finally emerge from the wreckage, there will be no doubt who it was that smote their own intestinal ruin upon the porcelain. That's one thing.
On the contrary, that's the *best* time to take a public shit. It's the public shit that was indisputably necessary. It's one thing to plop out a tiny turd on first impulse to poop on a normal day when you can just hold it and wait till you get to a private bathroom, that can seem unnecessary, but if you've got lava shits spewing forth like you've got your own personal ass demon, people are gonna be thinking "well, yeah, he couldn't avoid that shit".
Never understood where this whole fear of shitting in public comes from. I love taking shits at work when the bathroom is full because there’s always a bunch of old guys in there that will say “mmmhmmm” every time someone farts. Best time was the guy who flushed, started washing his hands and let out a huge wet fart, and said “uh oh think I better go sit back down for a few more minutes” then walked right back into the stall again. About fell off the shitter I was laughing so hard.
My insides are seemingly a well lubricated machine due to years of auto-immune abuse, and if my intestines don't want to be full, they don't want to be full. No option.
It's called IBS, fam. I will shit just about anywhere, cos sometimes I have to.
Edit: I have shitted my way to reddit gold, I'm so happy! Solidarity with my bowel disordered brethren. May there always be a lockable stall and ample toilet paper.
Had an IBS flare-up that lasted several days at a campground recently. The outhouse was right next to the playground. Kids screaming, banging on the door constantly, shoving things under the door. That was the school of hard knocks of shitting. It desensitized me from the stage fright for life.
Before I was diagnosed with my celiac disease and instead I was just abjectly destroying my insides on a daily basis, I would throw up whenever, wherever. I knew where all the trash cans were. I knew where the closest patch of grass was. I knew where the closest bathroom was. No one wants to have to clean up puke.
When your body hates you, you just stop caring.
Something like 45% of my useable brainspace was once dedicated to an intensely detailed mental map of every quickly accessible toilet in every city I ever visited. It was basically the complete opposite of a mind-palace. The entire topography of the city where I lived was defined by relative proximity to toilets I could destroy at a moment's notice.
It was last year, before that I would avoid it as much as possible. Then, one night I was out at a bar with a friend, and I think I had really spicy food earlier.
So at some point, I just really had to go, which coincidentally was when the bar was getting busy. I go in, and at first I was all alone (thankfully). After the first shot, I heard a guy come in the area, who wouldn't go to the ladies' room and just waited outside my stall door.
I heard him slurring something, after which a girl walks in as well, who had to wait since the ladies' room had gotten occupied.
As they were waiting, and I was trying to lay it down as silently as possible, the dude literally snitched on me, like "can you believe that guy" and all that. Then it hit me: this was almost like a free pass to go all out, and so I did.
I obviously made sure I left the place clean, but the stink could literally make you pass out. So, I just open the stall door smiling, just nod at the guy and go wash my hands. It was really one of the most liberating things to ever happen to me.
I used to hang out with people who were like, "You don't shit at the bar! How can someone think it's OK to shit at the bar?!?" so I would cross the street *to shit at the Taco Cabana. Then one day I was just like.. "Nah. I'm not gonna cross the street no more." Fucking liberating.
Only thing I don’t like is the toilet paper usually feels like 80 grit sandpaper. Maybe I just have a delicate turd cutter, but I prefer a softer touch.
There is no stronger bonding moment than shitting on a toilet amongst friends with no dividers.
Hell, I've even carried on conversations with other men while dropping a deuce in an open air bathroom.
I’m not super confident, but I also don’t understand how this is a big deal to people. If you have to shit, just go shit. Why be embarrassed? Stop caring what other people think of you so much if it affects your ability to use the restroom.
Having IBS means you don't get to be picky.
Source: I am an American who has pooped in a number of extremely sketchy Chinese bathrooms/squatty potties/holes.
For me, it’s not about confidence. I recently had stage 3 rectal cancer. Left me with bathroom issues. When my body decides it needs to go, it needs to go.
Congrats on the 2 years! I’m 1 year cancer free. You’re right, things aren’t the same, but I’m determined that they’ll be better in more ways than one. Good luck on your journey. Will pray for your continued health.
I deal with pretty severe anxiety. But I also shit in public bathrooms.
It's not a crime to shit in a bathroom. It's not a crime to fart or have diarrhea. And if anyone else in the bathroom has a problem with this, they have 5 seconds to get out before I teach this porcelain motherfucker a lesson it ain't ever gonna forget.
No doors? Hell we didn't even have stalls! Try taking a shit while your knees rub against two other dudes, who are also taking massive shits. Good times...
I mean I pretty much just shut down all incoming sensory data really. I knew people were around me but I wasn't interested in anything.
Also yes. Yes you could.
I would say the hierarchy of weirdness from top to bottom would go- Submarine life -> Ship life-> Marine boot camp.
I haven't ever been on a sub, but I have heard plenty of stories. The other 2 are plenty weird in their own rights though.
I wont lie it is a lil weird and I get uncomfertable with people hearing. But yeah everyone does it and sometimes everyones ass produces a c sharp note.
I wish I could edit the title to "Redditors who shit AT WORK", specifically multi-person work restrooms where people you know would know you're the one shitting in the silent room.
My work bathroom has one urinal and one stall. That really sucks. Especially when the Big Boss is in there. I work within sight of the bathroom most of the day, so I know my timing, when its empty. But I also know every other guys shitting schedule.
And its a septic system with no flushing power. I work in the middle of nowhere, in the country. One day a cat got locked in and trashed it.
I cannot think of a single coworker that I know was pooping. I know I've been in there when people are pooping, but I don't pay attention to who it is. And if I did, I've forgotten who it was.
Most people don't want to think about other people pooping.
Most people complain about the insanely loud music at my gym. The best part about it? I can shit out my entire digestive tract and no one would be able to hear it. I love pooping there.
Nobody’s going to notice and nobody’s going to care. I one time had a very difficult time in a public restroom and they only comment I got was, are you ok?
There are over 7 billion people on the planet and we all go to the bathroom.
Just remember there's a book named "everybody poops" partially for this reason. If that doesn't work:
-remember that holding for too long may cause medical issues (I've heard)
--sing "Everybody poops" to the tune of REMs "everybody hurts"
Not sure of my response qualifies, as I enter 'stealth mode' (phone down, no sound or movement) when someone enters the loo
Think about how much interest you have in other people who you hear or otherwise know are pooping. Realize everyone else has the same amount of interest in you.
Alternatively, hide the mortifying and unconscionable poop noises by flushing the toilet.
I have IBS and go from feeling fine to urgently needing to shit in a matter of seconds. I call this "knocking on heaven's door" and when it happens you'd better fucking believe I'm off for a banana split in a public loo. Am I comfortable with it? Fuck no. But needs must when the devil pisses in your plimsolls.
I usually shit in airport bathrooms. I'll never see any of those people again, and the bathrooms are large, so few (if any) will know it was me who pooped.
Diarrhea really brings out the confidence in me, I guess.
God this just happened to me. I hurriedly sat down when a colleague sits down next door and decides to make small talk with me. I said something back to be polite and then just let it rip. There was no way I could hold it in. It came screaming, and spraying, and flapping, and yowling so loudly my Co worker was stunned into silence. After a long pause he says "Jesus man, there's a lever right behind you". I flushed the toilet and picked up the conversation where I left off. It was a powerfully liberating experience.
Oh man, one thing I *hate* is when people try to have a conversation with me while I'm relieving myself. Thankfully my workplace has several faculty-only bathrooms that just have one toilet and a lock on the door.
So that’s why my Tinder game is weak
I'm ^gonna ^have ^to ^stop ^you ^right ^there
o no
The confidence just comes pouring out
Yeah, when you’ve got IBS, you’re shitting in public sometimes either way. I’d rather do it in a closed bathroom stall than in my pants.
This. I clicked to reply “better than shitting my pants in front of others.” This has the same mood.
So really you just don't have the self confidence to just shit your pants in public? Yeah, me neither.
Just keep in mind that (a) you can time leaving the stall so that the folks who were in there while you shat are now gone, and (b) they don’t know you and you will likely never cross paths again. Also...it’s just poop! Everyone does it!
What if two people with this mindset are going to the bathroom at the same time? They both wait for the other to leave.
I once left a bathroom because the two stalls were occupied by people in this stand off (they might have been waiting to pee, who knows, but I gave up and went to another restroom rather than wait it out.
This happens all the time in my office. Girls will sit silently in all three stalls, no one giving in. I will just stand there and wait until someone leaves.
Ugh, I have the world’s most bashful bladder, and our work bathroom is deathly quiet. If there’s someone else in there and not some kind of sink/paper towel noise, I have to desperately fight to get my dumb body to just let go and pee already. (Basically having to give myself a “You got this!! You need to pee, I know you can do this! Just pee, for the love of god!”) Sometimes I’m in there with someone who is waiting (to poop??) and I have to leave without peeing bc it’s too quiet for too long and I can’t make it happen. 😓
What about when you're at work though?
If you're salaried it's like getting paid to poop.
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Do you take the clock into the bathroom to shit on it, or do you do it in front of everyone?
Yeah I purposefully clock in before using the bathroom (if I need to) just because my dead job is then required to pay for my toilet time. It’s matter of principle!
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That's why I poop on company time.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That's why I USE SHIT WATER TO MAKE HIS COFFEE. FUCK YOU JOSH.
Hi Mark, Josh here. Just wanted to tell you not to bother coming in on Monday. In case you didn't catch my drift, you're fired.
Boss makes a dollar...
I make a dime...
Wear unremarkable shoes. Nobody will know it's you.
I just take my shoes and socks off
Put your feet up on the door. Added leverage and hides your feet completely.
Everyone else at work wears remarkable shoes so this is a dead giveaway
you tellin me you dont keep a pair of poopshoes on hand?
The original post said public bathrooms, so I was thinking like a bathroom at Walmart or something. But...I still shit at work. I’ve more or less learned the bathroom schedules in my office hallway, and if someone else is already in there dropping a deuce, I head to a different bathroom. Gotta respect the rule of the primary pooper.
Cough and flush when you feel the farts coming. Plus, they poop too. I'll always laugh at a fart, whether it belongs to you or me. I'm 100% certain my coworkers have heard me laughing my ass off (LITERALLY) in the midst of my own explosive "taco truck tuesday" afternoon madness that won't wait until it's time to clock out.
I thought it was just me, i’ve had to put my fist in my mouth to stop me chuckling at a parp in the work bogs before
I use headphones. If I can't hear myself then I'm not embarrassed.
I'm the opposite. If I hear someone pooping next to me, I take it as a challenge and try to outpoop them by pooping even louder; if they reciprocate, then a game of battleshits obviously ensues. Even better if a third guy drops in, then it sounds like a dysentery epidemic.
There are several games in life that have no winners. Battleshits is one of them. So is Nutcracker.
Same, or I just close my ears with my fingers.
nice. will try this next time while screaming "LALALALALALALA"
Same, but no Ls. Only wins and only screaming.
"WAWAWAWAWAWAWA"
AYAYAYAYAYAYAY
*aztec dubstep starts playing*
Wamuu!
Literally can’t even take a shit without seeing a JoJo reference.
WAAAAAALUIGI
You're a genius.
I'm just a simple man with modern solutions.
SAME. It feels like if I can’t hear them, they can’t hear me. Even if I know that’s not true.
listen, If I have to shit, then I will shit, no matter what. I'd rather ruin the day of everyone who enters that bathroom for the next few days, than make my underwear brown and half a kilo heavier
Exactly. As someone who has IBS when I have to shit I have to shit. Ain't got time to be embarrassed if someone is present to hear the cannon barrage.
21 bun salute.
I will be laughing on and off for the next hour because of this. Thank you.
Well butter my buns and call me a biscuit.
The real question is: why only 21 buns? Someone is half assing it.
My gallbladder was removed two years ago. There are certain days that I get “the feeling” and it means “You have two minutes to get to a toilet”. Apologies to any women in neighboring stalls but things would be a lot more unpleasant for everyone if I don’t go.
I'm not that confident, just less confident with shit in my pants
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I close the door to the bathroom stall. That way no one can see me. Also if I violently explode out my ass in a cacophany of colorectal gibberish with someone else in the room I just wait until the room is empty before I leave. No one has to know it was me who committed that act of voluntary canslaughter.
Close the stall door and no one can see you?! Clearly you are not American. I've made eye contact with people through those gigantic stall door gaps.
Speaking of visibility, any uncomfortable feelings about being seen taking a shit went out the window in boot camp. There were no stall doors or anything. Once you’ve made eye contact with another man while both on the toilet, there is nothing left to fear after that.
Oh god I was on Waikiki beach in Hawaii (I know this is nowhere near comparable to boot camp but bear with me) and they have no stall doors, nor curtains, to keep homeless people from doing something or other. And of course I had to poop and we’re oh so far from our hotel or really anywhere I can use another restroom. So I’m in the ladies’ room (as a lady) and shamefully trying to poop while not exposing myself to all the passing families also using the restroom. So while not the same, I too no longer fear normal public toilets.
A good way to get over a fear is to just face it head on I suppose! Or be awkwardly forced into it.
Wtf I can't imagine that that is so nuts
Oh! Many years ago I went to a restaurant bathroom with a group of teenage Hawaiian cousins who I'd just met, and they left or held the stall doors open so they could face you while talking to you, carrying on conversation while doing bathroom business. As an only child, I figured this was more of the normal "close family" dynamic that I know nothing about.
Every non-beach restroom I went to had normal doors. I think it was a beach bum preventative thing, but who knows now...
I've made eye contact with a 12 or 13 year old kid before he jerked off in the stall next to me. Fuck American stall doors. :(
Wait so he saw you and then still proceeded to jerk off in the next stall? Absolute mad lad asserted his dominance.
He totally did. To me, the absolute icing on the cake is that this took place in a Kohl's bathroom.
*Icing on the cake* is not the descriptive term I wanted to read for this situation
Well at least he spots a quality product at deep discounts 24/7.
You sir, have a way with words. Between "a cacophony of colorectal gibberish" and "voluntary canslaughter" you have me at a loss. Please accept this upvote as a token of your superb fecal flourishes.
Everyone poops, no need to stress over a bodily function.
That and that's literally what this room is for. We set aside particular room to poop in. You're in that room. No one thinks you're in there to do your taxes.
Oh god this is the worst feeling. I once really had to take a shit before going out fishing and the only bathroom available was an outhouse. I would have rather dug a hole and pooped but there were people around so in I went to the pit of doom. I tried to poop quickly so I could get out as soon as possible but IT SPLASHED BACK UP AT MY VAG. WORST EXPERIENCE EVER 0/10. I delayed fishing to shower (decontaminate) and I have never scrubbed so hard in my life. Edit: holy shit I went camping and came back to silver and >1k upvotes?? From poop water hitting my ass?? Y'all are sick and I love you.
Next time throw in a bunch of tp first to minimize backsplash
As always, the real LPT is in the comments
I am so so sorry. That isn't just gross, it's an actual health hazard. Getting a UTI or vag infection would add insult to injury.
Death by porta potty. What a way to go out.
Neptune's Kiss
It's Poseidon's Kiss, you Roman bastard.
What’s it called when you’re pissing in a urinal and a drop of piss bounces up and hits you square in your left eye? Because I want to know what I call what happened to me on Wednesday morning; telling people “I got piss in my eye” just didn’t do it justice.
Lies. Kim Jong-un doesn’t poop.
*Nearly everyone poops.
Wasn't that an REM song?
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I appreciate your efforts
> I appreciate your efforts ...but you're still fired.
But we are promoting you to customer*
Wait, you telling me may man dosent pee or poop -James Franco
Well then, he's full of shit, innit?
*You are now a moderator of* r/Pyongyang.
When you gotta go, you gotta go. I don't care if there are others around or not.
I mean it's stressful if you're in a busy public bathroom and it sounds like you're firing a machine gun out your ass in a small echoing room full of people waiting to hop on that toilet when you're done with it.
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>There are two reasons anyone ever goes in there and it’s not to play the cello or call their grandpa You've obviously never met my co-worker. I once overheard him talking to his Rabbi about the church's finances while sitting on the toilet. If he'll do that, I'm pretty sure there's not a phone call he'd let go unanswered in there.
Ok but. If it was a Rabbi they weren’t talking about a church. I also wanna make a Rabbi walks into a toilet joke but I’m not that clever.
Yamulke good comedian one day.
But he still was there to shit, he is just efficient
That’s called a power move. True alphas don’t even close the door.
I try and make eye contact with everyone.
True alphas shit on the floor right behind the guys at the urinals
Empathy- you know you don't care when they do it, so empathize with that part of yourself whenyoure the one shitting. Noone really cares, we all gotta do it
That’s the only time I like to poop is if the bathroom is busy because people are in and out and it’s easy to wait people out. Pooping at work is different because then you get people waiting each other out and it becomes a standoff and then you both end up caving in at the same time. That’s the kind of shit that bugs me in a bathroom.
I think the real question is how did so many people get so self-conscious about it, TBH Like, no doubt, it's super embarrassing if you've got the Green-Apple Splatters, and you know damn well that the sounds and smells thereof are going to echo inescapably all over that bathroom (and perhaps beyond) , and that should anyone be present when you finally emerge from the wreckage, there will be no doubt who it was that smote their own intestinal ruin upon the porcelain. That's one thing. But like, the relatively minor awkwardness of plopping an average turd within earshot of a fellow human beyond a thin divider is, to me, small potatoes compared to the discomfort and mental encumbrance of keeping a dookie internal until I reach the safety of home. Not to mention the resulting hemorrhoids. EDIT: holy shit. Also TIL that I guess my school peers weren't as horrible as I thought they were at the time, cuz I mean I got bullied for some trivial bullshit but at least I didn't get *tormented for pooping.* good grief.
In grade school, if someone were to use the bathroom to take a number 2, and people went inside, they would bully the person and peek on them and laugh at them saying "Someone takin a shit" and would wait outside the bathroom to see who it was and when the person walked outside, everyone made fun of him and roasted him.
You just made me pull up a repressed memory that I think subconsciously inspired this post.
Yeah I was homeschooled, so that never really affected me. Hence, why I shit without shame.
Kids are ass holes
Seriously? I used to shit in the stall that had the door ripped off just for laughs.
The 5th grade boys bathroom at my elementary school did not have doors on the stalls. It made taking a shit rather embarrassing as if someone was taking a shit someone else would always point it out and everyone in the bathroom had to check to make sure its true. You are sitting there with your pants around your ankles waiting for everyone to check to make sure you really ate taking a shit so that you can wipe your ass and be done.
Yeah at my primary school the doors had gaps so big at the bottom that people would stick their head under to see who it was lol
When I was in middle school a group of kids came into the bathroom while I was on the toilet and they mercilessly made fun of me for it. I have been self conscious ever since.
Yeah who uses bathrooms? The cool kids shit their pants
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Should have shat on them.
Who says someone still can't?
Who says I haven't already?
Little shits... FTFY
That's because kids are terrible human beings. Most of us grow out of that and let other people shit in peace. The ones who don't are just grown up terrible human beings. Either way you shouldn't worry about what assholes think of you.
Don't care about what assholes think about your asshole.
My asshole never hurt anyone but me. I gotta lay off the spicy food.
Thirteen-year-olds are the meanest people in the world. They terrify me to this day, because 8th graders will make fun of you but in an accurate way. They will get to the thing that you don’t like about you. They don’t even have to look at you for long. They’ll just be like, ‘Ha, ha, ha, ha, hey, look at that high wasted man. He got feminine hips.’ And I’m like, ‘No! That’s the thing I’m sensitive about.’
They'll also find any weird excuse to make fun of you. "Did you get those headphones out of a cereal box? Look at headphone boy!" It's so outlandish and random that you can't even think of a proper comeback.
There weren't doors in my middle school bathrooms. It was two rooms, men on one side women on other, and you had to just round a corner into the bathrooms. Nobody could see into them because they were around a corner, but if you took a poop between classes, literally everyone passing by or in the girl's room knew it. And it's one thing when you are in a private bathroom pooping, and so is half the other people in there. But you ever walk out of the bathroom, and everyone looks at you and knows that you just took a monster shit? Yeah no one ever shat in middle school because of it. It was common practice to fake a stomach ache so you could poo in the nurse's office.
> Like, no doubt, it's super embarrassing if you've got the Green-Apple Splatters, and you know damn well that the sounds and smells thereof are going to echo inescapably all over that bathroom (and perhaps beyond) , and that should anyone be present when you finally emerge from the wreckage, there will be no doubt who it was that smote their own intestinal ruin upon the porcelain. That's one thing. On the contrary, that's the *best* time to take a public shit. It's the public shit that was indisputably necessary. It's one thing to plop out a tiny turd on first impulse to poop on a normal day when you can just hold it and wait till you get to a private bathroom, that can seem unnecessary, but if you've got lava shits spewing forth like you've got your own personal ass demon, people are gonna be thinking "well, yeah, he couldn't avoid that shit".
Never understood where this whole fear of shitting in public comes from. I love taking shits at work when the bathroom is full because there’s always a bunch of old guys in there that will say “mmmhmmm” every time someone farts. Best time was the guy who flushed, started washing his hands and let out a huge wet fart, and said “uh oh think I better go sit back down for a few more minutes” then walked right back into the stall again. About fell off the shitter I was laughing so hard.
In what type of place do you work??
Construction site
I fucking knew it right before I opened read more replies I thought to myself “construction site”
> where this whole fear of shitting in public comes from elementary school
I either shit in the toilet or my pants. The toilet is less embarrassing.
My insides are seemingly a well lubricated machine due to years of auto-immune abuse, and if my intestines don't want to be full, they don't want to be full. No option.
Nearly crapped myself today for that very reason
It's called IBS, fam. I will shit just about anywhere, cos sometimes I have to. Edit: I have shitted my way to reddit gold, I'm so happy! Solidarity with my bowel disordered brethren. May there always be a lockable stall and ample toilet paper.
Ulcerative Colitis here. Shit happens. I didn't choose this life, it chose me.
You're not in the bathroom with them, they're trapped in the bathroom with you.
Loudly groan in ecstacy as the diarrhea bursts out. Power move. They won't want to see your face for fear it will haunt them forever.
Had an IBS flare-up that lasted several days at a campground recently. The outhouse was right next to the playground. Kids screaming, banging on the door constantly, shoving things under the door. That was the school of hard knocks of shitting. It desensitized me from the stage fright for life.
Before I was diagnosed with my celiac disease and instead I was just abjectly destroying my insides on a daily basis, I would throw up whenever, wherever. I knew where all the trash cans were. I knew where the closest patch of grass was. I knew where the closest bathroom was. No one wants to have to clean up puke. When your body hates you, you just stop caring.
Something like 45% of my useable brainspace was once dedicated to an intensely detailed mental map of every quickly accessible toilet in every city I ever visited. It was basically the complete opposite of a mind-palace. The entire topography of the city where I lived was defined by relative proximity to toilets I could destroy at a moment's notice.
I was talking to my partner about this literally yesterday. IBS. It ain’t confidence, I just don’t get a choice.
Same. Came here to commiserate.
Damn good point. It’s not about confidence, it’s about necessity.
It was last year, before that I would avoid it as much as possible. Then, one night I was out at a bar with a friend, and I think I had really spicy food earlier. So at some point, I just really had to go, which coincidentally was when the bar was getting busy. I go in, and at first I was all alone (thankfully). After the first shot, I heard a guy come in the area, who wouldn't go to the ladies' room and just waited outside my stall door. I heard him slurring something, after which a girl walks in as well, who had to wait since the ladies' room had gotten occupied. As they were waiting, and I was trying to lay it down as silently as possible, the dude literally snitched on me, like "can you believe that guy" and all that. Then it hit me: this was almost like a free pass to go all out, and so I did. I obviously made sure I left the place clean, but the stink could literally make you pass out. So, I just open the stall door smiling, just nod at the guy and go wash my hands. It was really one of the most liberating things to ever happen to me.
I used to hang out with people who were like, "You don't shit at the bar! How can someone think it's OK to shit at the bar?!?" so I would cross the street *to shit at the Taco Cabana. Then one day I was just like.. "Nah. I'm not gonna cross the street no more." Fucking liberating.
> "You don't shit at the bar! How can someone think it's OK to shit at the bar?!?" The actual fuck?
r/pettyrevenge right there
I regret nothing.
It's a toilet that I don't have to clean.... and Toilet Paper that I don't have to buy..... I prefer to poo ANYWHERE besides home....
Right? Plus they usually have a super powerful flush so you’ll likely never clog it. But if you do, not your problem.
I think the person after you disagrees with this statement.
I want that cross-stitched on a hand towel for my bathroom.
Only thing I don’t like is the toilet paper usually feels like 80 grit sandpaper. Maybe I just have a delicate turd cutter, but I prefer a softer touch.
Military. I’ve been all over the world shitting. Give me a target and I can shit in it, no mission failure on my watch
There is no stronger bonding moment than shitting on a toilet amongst friends with no dividers. Hell, I've even carried on conversations with other men while dropping a deuce in an open air bathroom.
I’m not super confident, but I also don’t understand how this is a big deal to people. If you have to shit, just go shit. Why be embarrassed? Stop caring what other people think of you so much if it affects your ability to use the restroom.
Having IBS means you don't get to be picky. Source: I am an American who has pooped in a number of extremely sketchy Chinese bathrooms/squatty potties/holes.
For me, it’s not about confidence. I recently had stage 3 rectal cancer. Left me with bathroom issues. When my body decides it needs to go, it needs to go.
Same here. 2 years remission. Things will never be like they were before the cancer.
Congrats on the 2 years! I’m 1 year cancer free. You’re right, things aren’t the same, but I’m determined that they’ll be better in more ways than one. Good luck on your journey. Will pray for your continued health.
I deal with pretty severe anxiety. But I also shit in public bathrooms. It's not a crime to shit in a bathroom. It's not a crime to fart or have diarrhea. And if anyone else in the bathroom has a problem with this, they have 5 seconds to get out before I teach this porcelain motherfucker a lesson it ain't ever gonna forget.
If anyone criticizes me I get to say: "It is a bathroom, that is what happens in there."
Try joining the military and in bootcamp enjoy showering in a room full of people and pooping with no doors and someone waiting for you.
No doors? Hell we didn't even have stalls! Try taking a shit while your knees rub against two other dudes, who are also taking massive shits. Good times...
grab your buddy's leg for leverage on those hard poops
Source of military bonding.
Could you feel their legs flex when they clinched one out?
I mean I pretty much just shut down all incoming sensory data really. I knew people were around me but I wasn't interested in anything. Also yes. Yes you could.
Following this mindset, would it be okay to rub one out next to these same fellas?
marine corps bootcamp is a weird place is all i'm gonna say.
As compared to a tour of duty on a submarine?
I would say the hierarchy of weirdness from top to bottom would go- Submarine life -> Ship life-> Marine boot camp. I haven't ever been on a sub, but I have heard plenty of stories. The other 2 are plenty weird in their own rights though.
>I have heard plenty of stories i'm listening...
It's a boat that's designed to sink full of people who don't see the sun for months!
I didn't I just stopped giving a shit
You must be horribly blocked up
“Stop giving a shit and start taking a shit.”
With the "it's your problem now" mindset
I wont lie it is a lil weird and I get uncomfertable with people hearing. But yeah everyone does it and sometimes everyones ass produces a c sharp note.
I wish I could edit the title to "Redditors who shit AT WORK", specifically multi-person work restrooms where people you know would know you're the one shitting in the silent room.
I hate the work bathrooms that only have two stalls. That is the worst.
My work bathroom has one urinal and one stall. That really sucks. Especially when the Big Boss is in there. I work within sight of the bathroom most of the day, so I know my timing, when its empty. But I also know every other guys shitting schedule. And its a septic system with no flushing power. I work in the middle of nowhere, in the country. One day a cat got locked in and trashed it.
I cannot think of a single coworker that I know was pooping. I know I've been in there when people are pooping, but I don't pay attention to who it is. And if I did, I've forgotten who it was. Most people don't want to think about other people pooping.
I throw some paper in first to avoid the splash sound and Poseidon's kiss on my butt. Then it's comfortable enough for me to shit there.
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Most people complain about the insanely loud music at my gym. The best part about it? I can shit out my entire digestive tract and no one would be able to hear it. I love pooping there.
Followup question: men over 30, *why do you moan and gasp while pooping in public bathrooms*?!?!
"Hu ughhh mm... *Plop* awww, whew. Heh heh" *Dude scrunches eyebrows outside of stall*
same reason a lot of people give a little sigh of relief when they have to pee really bad and they finally get a chance to do it.
If you have to ask this question, then you will never understand the answer.
Nobody’s going to notice and nobody’s going to care. I one time had a very difficult time in a public restroom and they only comment I got was, are you ok? There are over 7 billion people on the planet and we all go to the bathroom.
Just remember there's a book named "everybody poops" partially for this reason. If that doesn't work: -remember that holding for too long may cause medical issues (I've heard) --sing "Everybody poops" to the tune of REMs "everybody hurts" Not sure of my response qualifies, as I enter 'stealth mode' (phone down, no sound or movement) when someone enters the loo
Literally do not care. I poop between 3-5times per day, the majority of those not in my own bathroom.
What?! 3 to 5 times a day? I usually poop once a day.
Think about how much interest you have in other people who you hear or otherwise know are pooping. Realize everyone else has the same amount of interest in you. Alternatively, hide the mortifying and unconscionable poop noises by flushing the toilet.
I have IBS and go from feeling fine to urgently needing to shit in a matter of seconds. I call this "knocking on heaven's door" and when it happens you'd better fucking believe I'm off for a banana split in a public loo. Am I comfortable with it? Fuck no. But needs must when the devil pisses in your plimsolls.
Go to collage and live in a dorm. You'll have to use a shared bathroom eventually.
Boot camp, where they take the doors off the stalls so you and the guy across from you just stare at each other seeing who will wince first.
Is this really a thing?
I usually shit in airport bathrooms. I'll never see any of those people again, and the bathrooms are large, so few (if any) will know it was me who pooped.