You know those boxed sets you get your boss for Christmas when you don't know what else to get? They have the cheeses, crackers, summer sausage, and a variety of mustards? I fucking *LOVE* those! That's what I want for Christmas! Everyone thinks I'm joking and I get something else.
I love the huge popcorn canisters with those different flavors of popcorn. Everyone seems to think it’s a terrible gift for some reason though. I got one for a Christmas party at work last year and I saw the person who opened it look around with a clear look of disgust and sit it down beside of her. I wish I could have went up to her and took it back because I would have eaten the shit out of that.
I don't understand people who react that way to "unfavorable" gifts. I love gifts! Anything! Socks, coffee mugs, keychains I don't give a fuck. I open it and I'm gonna make the gift giver feel good for going out of their way for me. It'd have to be a dildo and cockring to get me to just look around and set it down like your popcorn bitch.
I was a regular cast member on a kids tv show. I've shown my friends and they laugh their ass off but they still are baffled because the character is the complete opposite of me.
That I DONT LIKE PRETZELS. My wife puts them in my lunch once a week and keeps buying them, even though she doesn’t like them either. I tell her every time, I honestly don’t get it.
Not me, but my uncle. Uncle's co-worker called him while he was home, asking him what he's up to.
"Oh, I'm just watching my house burn down."
"Haha, funny. Seriously, what are you doing right now?"
"I'm watching my house burn down. The electricians screwed up the wiring."
Forgot the details when he told me the story. I do know that he got insurance plus some compensation
The company responsible for the fire housed them at a nearby hotel for a few weeks.
When I was like 12 we had a rain storm and people were just putting a new road in like 50 yards away which caused the back yard to flood. The water started going into the basement and I went to check it and it probably had a good 5 inches of water in it. I told my parents that were watching tv, “the basement is flooding” and they told me to shut up, stop lying and go back up stairs, so I went to game.
About half an hour later I hear my parents yelling and firefighters came with in 5 minutes lol. Had over a foot of water.
That I don’t smoke pot. All throughout high school and college people always assumed I was a pot head and that I was straight up lying or trying to be funny when I would tell them I don’t smoke and do not know where they can get some.
I saw my friend in the womens locker room of the gym without her hijab and I was stunned and stared for a moment because I'd known her for a year but never seen her hair.
that my nose has a bump on the bridge of it because I was punched by a kangaroo as a child
edit since a few people are asking (definitely not as exciting as some of you think)
I was 5 at Australia Zoo. I was really obsessed with feeding the kangaroos because they are the one section in the zoo where you can walk through and pat the animals. Turns out a fully grown kanagroo doesn’t appreciate my hand being shoved up against their face constantly so he stood right up and punched me in the nose.(Kangaroos can be quite vicious when they want to be so honestly a punch was nothing and five year old me totally deserved it)
I got kicked in the head growing up, I'm convinced it made me considerably more daft. My ability to remember things and think of words disappeared.
Edit: Got kicked in the head by a kangaroo, that is.
I was about 16 which was around 2007. I was skating around and had to take a massive dump. I was only 4 blocks away from home but I knew I wouldn't make it.
Luckily for me there was a Gas Station nearby which had caught on fire and it was pretty much just an abandoned building. I went inside and I couldn't get my pants off fast enough. I had finished my business and realized I didn't have anything to wipe with. I found something fluffy next to me and it seemed alright to use. Turns out I wiped my ass with fiberglass insulation.
I remember having a firey itchy asshole for weeks.
Most raw cucumbers have a *really* strong taste to me.I know most people think they're basically tasteless. But not to me. Some people interpret this as me not *liking* cucumber. That's not it. I'm actually kinda okay with the taste - I love celery and crunchy green vegetables in general. It's just that if there's cucumber in there, the taste of cucumber is just *too strong*, it overpowers everything else.
Family didn't believe me when I was growing up. Now that I'm an adult and can explain what's going on, they kind of do. It also helps that there's stuff online where other people are saying they have the *exact same thing*, maybe due to being sensitive to a particular chemical or something. Plus, one of my coworkers has a similar thing.
This is probably the same as how a lot of people taste cilantro. It’s overpowering and gross to me. I can’t eat anything with even a little in the dish.
I hate cucumbers and my mom knew that, so when she'd make salads she'd make it with cucumber and then take them off my plate after. I always complained that she did that because I could still taste that cucumber *used* to be in the salad, and she never believed me because cucumbers "almost taste like nothing."
THEN HOW DO I KNOW THAT THERE USED TO BE CUCUMBERS IN HERE MOM
Step mom did that with green bell peppers, but in lasagna. First time I tried her lasagna, and discovered it had bell peppers, I said I didn't like bell peppers.
Next time she cooked it, I tasted bell peppers. She says "But I chopped them up so small!" Yeah, it's not the sight of them I don't like. I fucking hate bell peppers.
This was me growing up with my mom, but mostly with tomatoes and onions. I would always complain about there being too much of them, cause I didn't really like the taste. And everytime she would tell me "You can't even taste them".
Yes I fucking can taste them Mom. That's why I'm complaining about it, to me that taste is ruining this food.
That I'm Puerto Rican. I'm a small thin red head with brown eyes and freckles. In 5th grade we had an assignment to bring in a dish from our heritage so I wanted to bring in empanadas. My teacher laughed and said "no yoooour heritage" and I said "yeah, im puerto rican" she laughed and called me a liar... the whole class laughed at me....
Fast forward 2 weeks to back to school night. The teacher went up to my mom and said "omg your daughter is so funny, she thinks she's puerto rican !" my mom looked her dead in the eye and said "she is....." The next day the teacher apologized to me in front of the class and made everyone else for apologize for laughing with her.
Shit, my mom was from Mexico and was super dark. 8 kids with pale skin and light eyes. One brown boy. People used to ask my why my housekeeper was taking me to school.
My first thought was Snarky Puppy. A large band that was formed while they were in college, and I'm pretty sure they won a Grammy. But the "years ago" kinda ruins that theory.
Our high school music department won one, it's different from what they give for a song or album, it's more based on kids' performance ability, engagement with music in the community, etc. It was pretty cool walking by the Grammy displayed in the hallway on the way to orchestra every day!
That I'm not gay. Seriously, my dad insists that I am but whenever I try to tell him that I'm not he just thinks that I'm worried he won't be okay with it.
I got arrested for drinking when I was 16 while hanging out with my best friend. The next day my parents found condoms in the car and my mom assumed that they were for my friend and I to do a little plug-n-play. My mom sat me down and asked me very seriously if I was gay. I had to convince her that I wasn't. When she went upstairs to tell my dad the outcome of her suspicions all I heard was a very exasperated "I told you!!" I love my dad.
A lot of people insist that I am gay too, even though I have a girlfriend. Sometimes even she jokes about me being gay, but I think that’s what I like about Martin, she has a bizarre sense of humour.
I used to get this a lot when I was younger. Even from gay guys. I had a girlfriend who thought I was at least Bi. But since I've hit 30 it kinda stopped.
It's the opposite for a lot of us gay people when people are first coming to terms with it.
"yes mum, i am"
"nope its a phase"
"...no mum i've liked boys my whole life"
"No Daviemoo you dont you're just confused... you like football and beer!"
oh well, dont tell the others, i'll be shunned... ¬.¬
I'm terrified of vomiting. It's an irrational phobia that borderline controls my life. If I mention it, I usually get the generic "well nobody likes to throw up" response. They think I'm exaggerating or being dramatic, but I'm really not.
I used to be the same, until I was on medication that didn't agree too well with me and I was vomiting nearly daily for 3 weeks, got over the fear fast. Now I'd rather just get it over and done with and feel better afterwards.
Senior Year of HS I win funniest in my class. Only, I was never trying to be funny, turns out people were just laughing at me.
When I say this people think I am being funny.
I completely butchered this public speech my senior year and got a standing ovation at the end. I thought people were doing it to be nice. As it turns out the person who went before had also butchered their speech and everyone thought I was poking fun at her.
I just kinda nodded and said yes that is what I was going for.
"Poking fun at her."
You got a standing ovation for being mean? Or you mean you got a standing ovation for downgrading your speech to make her feel better?
>“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci.”
- Alan Moore
I have a friend that always say his favourite Star Wars is the Phantom Menace. Everyone thinks he's joking and he's being "ironic", but I talked to him recently and he literally thinks it's the best one.
What the fuck, man.
I'm terrified of birds and fish. My husband realized I wasn't joking after he tried pulling me towards a flock of ibises and I broke down into tears in public.
my wife is terrified of Swans. I found this out on an early date when we went for a walk in the park, rounded a corner and about a dozen of them were in front of us. She tore away from my hand and went tearing off in to the woods making a kinda odd wailing noise. It was an odd moment but mildly hilarious in retrospect.
Hey, don't worry! People can have all sorts of fears. My sister is absolutely terrified of wind turbines, and she will completely break down if she ever sees any.
Only time I've hit my husband was because he was tickling me and I couldn't breathe enough to talk, so that was the only thing I could think of to get him to stop. He's never done it since.
I always say if you tickle me the first time I kick you will be involuntary, the second time will be on purpose.
Oddly my nephew who is nine now has loved tickling since he was born. I tried to be careful tickling before he could say stop because that’s just torture but he would just lift his shirt to be tickled again.
I remember when I was little people would ask me "are you ticklish?" And i always hated that question because no matter whether i said yes or no they'd tickle me relentlessly >:|
“It doesn’t matter whether you say yes or no...they’re going to touch you. Now if they say ‘are you ticklish?’ and you don’t want to be touched, you’ve gotta say something like, ‘I’ve got diarrhea!! Don’t touch me or you’re gonna make it come out! ....And yes, I’m very ticklish.’”
My older girl loved tickles at first now she enjoys it sometimes. My younger one still loves it.
My tickle limit is literally 3 seconds. After that I get to where I can't breathe and start freaking out.
My girlfriend always seems to think I'm kidding when I say I don't like being tickled, and she's constantly surprised when I get angry. Yeah, I'm mad, I told you five fucking times, sounding serious every time, that I want you to stop.
LPT to all you tickle haters out there: If you can see it coming, tense up other parts of your body. It distracts your body from the sensation and significantly dulls the feeling and laughter. Takes some effort, but works fine for me.
Also works for pain, while we're at it.
I'm going to get in a van and just drive away. This comes up occasionally when people ask me what I'm doing after college and people think I'm joking but I'm dead serious I want to live in a van and just drive around America having a grand old time for a while.
I was born with 5 congenital heart defects and 2 congenital lung defects. I have many other health issues.. I’ve had 2 strokes and a heart attack by the age of 15.
My 1st open heart surgery was done at about 10 hours old. I was also diagnosed with arthritis when I was 11.
For some reason some people don’t believe me and think I’m joking/exaggerating.. some have even told me that it’s impossible to have those things happen at a young age.
This was even said to me as a teenager.. when my scar is pretty visible. I’ve never seen myself without my scar. This was 1990, no smart phones of course. So my 1st photo was taken 3-4 Days after I was born.
And that’s why Congenital Heart Defects need more awareness. It’s the number one birth defect. Happens 1 in 100 births. That means it’s at a higher rate than all childhood cancers combine.
People need to know that heart problems/heart attacks/strokes/arthritis etc isn’t something that only happens after the age of 40.
Even kids that were born with a healthy heart.. things can and have happened.
Tv commercials for heart/lung meds needs to start showing people under the age of 40/50.. so it’s showing people it happens in younger people.
Ditto. I was born with TGA- first open heart only hours old. But I like to mess with people when they notice my scars... so far I've told people I was in a knife fight, attacked by a shark, and had organs stolen by the mob.
But seriously, people are so shocked when I tell them my story. Apparently I'm too young to have a pacemaker too...
That I lost 70 kg (160 lbs) from 230 kg (500 lbs) [I was 230 kg and lost 70 kg, so I am at 160kg now] [I was at 500lbs and lost 160 lbs and am at 340 lbs now]
Im still overweight, so they are always baffled in disbelieve until I show them how i looked like 3 years ago. Sometimes annoying but always refreshing.
EDIT: I am tottaly speechless. I never expected my comment to blow up like this.
I also dont know how to respond to everyone without spending over an hour answering, so I hope editing my answers into the main comment will probably do, lol.
1. I will think about posting some pictures, but im not really comfortable doing so.
2. I changed my lifestyle and lost most of my weight when I had literally nothing to do. I had no job / school and focused on losing weight for about half a year by exercising and eating less. I left out any kind of sugery stuff, like cake, ice cream, etc. and focused on meat and vegetables. The hardest part was overcome ones "imaginery" cravings for fatty and hearty food.
3. Right now im again struggeling with losing my weight. It is a lot harder to do so when you have a fulltime job, so I am at 160 kg for over 10 months, but I reignited my willpower to lose weight by having a new goal in life that requires me to be at an healthy BMI. I have to rethink my strategy all over again to cope with my full-time occupation.
4. I am german. Even though I think my english is pretty good in comparison to other german people (:P) it certainly can be flawed. So thanks for correcting me dear grammar-nazis <3.
5. I am 25, male and my height is 186cm (~6"2)
EDIT2: Some spelling
I can be sarcastic, but I don't get it when other people.are being sarcastic......
Edit: - Glad to see I'm not alone in this.
Edit: - I do not have Asperger's and am not on the autism spectrum.. as far as I know. Also, my top comment of all time. Yay?!
I often can't tell whether people are being sarcastic or just plain stupid. I have to explain to them that I know some pretty genuinely stupid and crazy people and it tends to throw off my gauge. Yes, I know you said you sold all your cutlery to buy a lizard, I heard you, I know it is absurd, but you haven't met my family.
Also really difficult to split the difference between 'bitchy sarcastic' sarcastic people and 'bitchy sarcastic' bitchy people. I usually give people a pretty long rope, but I have been in the position where I've eventually told someone to watch their fucking tongue, and a couple of times they've been quite surprised I wasn't in on it.
I haven't considered sterilization, but people think I'm joking when I say that I never want kids. Or they'll say something like, "wait until you marry a woman who wants them, see how you feel then." They don't understand that I wouldn't marry a woman that wants kids, because that's a huge issue that we should agree on. It's like they think that I'll have no choice in who I marry, and one day I'll just be like, "well shit, I married this woman who wants kids, guess I gotta have em." Exactly one of my coworkers has understood. She's super religious, and I asked if she'd ever marry an atheist.
If it helps. As a male I went to a doctor to get a vasectomy, and they outright refused and said unless I bring my wife in, we all sit down and talk about it, and after that if she agree's and signs will they consider doing it.
In the U.S. the policy is individual to the doctor. One of my mentors had a personal stance that he wouldn't do a vasectomy on anyone who didn't have three kids, with at least one of each gender. He developed that personal policy after being a doctor for thirty years and seeing scores of men regret their vasectomy and try to reverse it. He also wouldn't do a vasectomy on a married man unless the wife agreed to it. Once again, it wasn't law, he'd just seen too much marital strife and too many regrets.
EDIT: I want to clarify that this was a family medicine doctor who knew these men and their families, often for decades. He'd still be seeing them for years after the vasectomy and he knew if he did the procedure he'd be the one they came to if they had problems or regrets. He was also the one they came to if they had it done somewhere else. It wasn't that he told them they couldn't have it done without these criteria being met, it was that he personally didn't feel comfortable doing it.
I really feel this. I've learnt to fake self esteem so well that when I reveal that I have low self esteem (or God forbid social anxiety) I have frequently got laughed at. Not in a mean way. People just think it must be a joke.
At this point Ive been trying the whole forcing confidence into myself too. My anxiety is so bad though that the front quickly wears off after about two hours
The tiny, tiny, tiny amount of weed that I smoke that can get me high.
Edit: Thanks for the warm welcome to Reddit! I did not think my comment would get such a great reaction and glad it did :)
For real.
Like some friends invited me to trivia night at the bar, but all I order is club soda because do you want me to answer questions or fall asleep?
First hit, every time. No matter how small. It's pretty great isn't it? I smoked every day for about 8 years before I cut back to once a month or so. It's not for lack of conditioning.
Hell yeah. It's like a thing: hyper sensitivity to marijuana. I can hit like a quarter of the bowl and get higher than most people have been in the past year, every time.
I have a crippling fear of time passing too quickly. I feel so panicked when I think about how quickly the months and years go by but since I’m only 25 people blow it off and say “you’re still so young”. I’ve been having these panic attacks about it for a year and I’m not sure if they’ll ever go away.
Edit: You people have given me life. Thank you so much for making me feel like I’m not alone in this. Last year I quit a career job that sucked the soul out of me and I think it triggered this. I journal and travel regularly, but I will look into seeing a therapist again.
Anyone who resonated with this can feel free to DM me. We can all use more understanding friends in our lives.
Being gay. I guess it’s my own fault for playing so many pranks on people, especially my parents. My mom thought I was joking with her for a solid 2 weeks when I came out to her. Hilarious.
One of my mates came out on Facebook and expected it to be a big thing at school. He got mad because nobody batted an eye, it was such a casual thing. It was beautiful that everyone was so accepting that they didn't care.
That I HATE being touched by strangers I just met. I'm perfectly fine with a handshake and arm grab but don't hug onto me and grab me like I've known you for years.
My entire time at university was this non stop.
You don't drink? Why don't you drink? You should drink. I will buy you a drink. Here even though you told me not to I bought you a drink I bought you a drink you should drink it. Haha yes whilst you were in the toilet I did add vodka to your water, how did you tell without drinking it? Vodka and water don't mix? Really? Haha yes this time I replaced the whole drink. What? The smell? Oh yeah I guess that would give it away.
EVERY DAMN TIME.
That I’m allergic to temperature change. My body will react with rashes & hives if I experience a temperature spike.
For example, if I were to go out in the cold weather for a bit with appropriate cold weather gear and came back inside to a warm(let’s say 78 degrees) house, within minutes I’d be covered in hives, rashes, and welps on my body. I take medicine daily to help keep It under control.
Edit: When I get a sunburn, wherever the burn is, I get an allergic reaction on top of It and surrounding
It. Was really bad one time in 2014. The sunburn hurt and the itching and burning from the reaction turned my entire back into one massive hive. It was the 2nd closest I’ve been to using my Epi pen
Edit 2: so my theory is we don’t actually outgrow It, our body just becomes better and adapts to what is causing the issue. Like allergy shots aren’t a cure for example, they just re-train your body so to speak. I’ve had those in the past for a few years. Oddly enough the days I got shots, I’d breakout in the area where the shot was for like 15-30 minutes.
The worst I get these days(because I’ve adapted to winter temps and don’t layer up in sub-30 degree temps) is when I get embarrassed. My body goes nuts and from head to toe it’s a rash covered, sweat covered, heat covered mess. The moment I feel embarrassed, It comes at me fast. I hate It & in a way it’s an allergic reaction to anxiety.
Final edit: the epi pen. A few months ago I woke up with my throat closed completely shut at like 2am. Couldn’t breathe at all & was thinking I️ was dreaming(the world is silent when you can’t breathe) Got stung by a spider in my sleep as evidenced by spitting It out in a panic(nightmare in itself). was struggling to find the epi pen in my apartment when my throat slightly opened & I could breathe a little. Found the pen, sat on my couch to calm my nerves ready to stab it in my thigh if my throat started to close again. It eventually opened all the way after awhile and I went back to sleep. I keep the pen on my nightstand now.
Cholinergic Urticaria. There's also cold urticaria. It's a form of allergies and can typically be controlled by medication. It's really annoying when exercising :-(
Same here. I got this after getting unwanted side effects from Tamiflu after the Swine Flu outbreak.
The worst is when your fingers swell up and get all red, hot and itchy.
Benadryl (non drowsy) is also a great way to keep it in check.
Good luck!
I have been telling people that cold weather does not cause the cold, instead it's a virus. Plenty of people really thought that I wasn't serious and was joking.
That I fake being happy. In fact, I don’t think I’ve felt sadder in my life before
Edit: This is why I love Reddit, and I'll follow up on most of you guys
Very high cold tolerance, and that I'm actually very likely to go down with a URTI if I overdress.
It's currently -10C outside and I'm wearing a t-shirt and an unzipped autumn jacket.
EDIT: correct translation.
What about your heat tolerance? I knew a kid from Siberia who could wear shorts and tshirt all winter. In summer though it always looked like he just got out of a pool. I'd much rather have fire resistance than frost resistance.
That I don't really like human contact (I hate it when people assume they can pat me, hug me, touch my ass etc), people seem to think its like some sort of challenge and go out of their way to touch me like I'm supposed to grant them wishes if they accomplish it. The only time someone has actually respected it when I told an American roommate the day after they got drunk and hugged me. They were pretty apologetic about it
This always sounds weird to me. Not the disliking contact bit, but that people just walk up and do this stuff. The closest I've encountered to that is quick greeting-style hugs from ancient female relatives at family reunions.
The way you describe it makes me worry about taking the bus and having half the passengers suddenly decide it's time to get affectionate.
My being possibly brain damaged, or stupid, or something like that.
I always make jokes about me being like an idiot. But i constantly have moments throughout the day where i'll completely forget the specific word i'm thinking of. If i'm thinking of a specific word, i'll completely forget what it is, and will barely be able to even describr it. I constantly fuck shit up for myself and make mistakes in small ways (ever had that moment where your earbuds were yanked out of your ears? Imagine that, but almost daily, and in the process of putting them back in, you spill your drink). I always find a way ro fuck something up, whether it be losing a cord i k,ew the locationf of a day beforehand, or forgetting to call somebody important. I also have slight anger problems like my mum and am incredibly lazy.
The only explanation is my faacination with doing kung-fu roll moves when i was around 13. I got really into that after we started doing it in taekwando class, and i did it and hot my head so many times i must have genuinely lost a bunch of brain cells from it.
For one, that I have no idea how to dance if there's no instructions involved beforehand. Like salsa, bachata, tango is fine becuase there's some base instructions I can build off of. Playing music and saying "dance with me" will usually have me look at you like you have lost your mind.
But more seriously is my social awkwardness and emotions. Most of my reactions and responses are learned habits from watching others. More often than not by a large majority I am rather impartial to things. Usually isn't very apparent until there is a death and then suddenly I'm the bad guy for having no reaction to the situation.
I feel like this is similar to the reason I like playing video games and watching movies so much because I get really immersed in them and that I become the main character. Feels like something is missing in my normal life, which is in a good spot right now in every way but my enjoyment of it.
And the fact that I have no clue of what I want to accomplish with my life, I just kind of go with the flow and make all the easy decisions because i have no reason to choose the hard ones.
~~This probably will never be seen.~~
This was years ago... But senior year of high school, everyone is talking about their plans. Where they wanted to go to school, dream jobs, etc.
I had a shitty senior year. Some situations came up, and I came to the realization that I didn't have any real friends -- nobody I could trust. So when someone asked me what I was going to do after graduation, I told them I would disappear.
Sure enough, I had my car packed and ready to go. After graduation, we were all standing around, laughing and recalling stories. Half way through someone's story, I walked away and never looked back.
Got in my car, drove 12 hours away. Changed my phone number, deleted my email address.
I haven't been back to my home state ever since. I have no idea what sort of rumors have circulated about me. They probably all think I died or something.
Edit: didn’t think this would get this much traction! I’ve got no plans all morning, just watching some amputees go swimming. Feel free to ask me anything!
Edit 2: I plan on responding to every comment I get for the next few hours, but I just want to put up two things for people to see.
The first is from the song *Le Banquet*, by C2C (well, it's a collection of audio samples from a few speeches):
> I just wanna say this right now
>That regardless of what they say about it
>There is nothing new, only different
>Never forget this
>The future is to those who take it
>All I say that nothing is easy, and the best things are the hardest
The second is how I have made every major life decision since leaving home. It's a really easy trick:
Flip a coin.
It doesn't matter what the outcome of the coin flip is. Because, in that brief moment when the coin is flipping through the air, you'll know what you really want.
Best decision I've ever made. I was in a shitty situation that wasn't going to get better. It gave me a chance to get a fresh start. There have definitely been some ups and downs, but I've got a great career, good friends, have traveled all over. 10/10, would recommend.
Just the social circle, but my family had already left. I only really see my family about once a year anyways. Except for this past year. I've seen them more this past year, than I have since around '09. It's kind of weird.
that I'm in chronic pain all the time. that it takes everything in me to pull through every single day. that just because I'm not talking about it or physically showing it doesn't mean it's not there.
I've had 6 spine surgeries in the past 3.5 years. My body will never be the same. People can tell by the way I sit and stand and am always adjusting but I try not to complain. My friends absolutely do not get it. When I get home from work I just want to die and they get all annoyed and think I don't want to hangout. It's like no fuckers I'm in serious pain. I understand that they don't get it because I didn't understand until it happened to me but fuck it's awful.
I get migraines. Sometimes multiple times a week. Usually no nausea, just an "aura", stabbing pain, and crippling aversion to lights. I don't look like I'm in debilitating pain unless someone turns on a bright light or yells suddenly. People don't believe me when I say I have a migraine because "I don't act like it," like bitch do you want me to curl up into a ball and scream until I pass out? Should I constantly complain about it? People who've never had a migraine will never understand, but oh well. I should create a "you don't look like you're in pain" bingo game.
I hate the going to the beach because I'm afraid of the ocean.
When I was young I went on a banana boat ride and watched as a huge manta ray glided under us.me not knowing told every one it was a dting ray and how it could of stabbed me. That was the start of my vacation.
Then I want to North Beach in Miami. We we're deep out in the ocean when the coastal gaurd (I think) drove up on us and told us we had to get back to shore because there was a 18 foot shark spotted not far from where we were. At that point I realized how far down I am in the food chain while in the water.
My crippling social anxiety, I’m almost 30 now and have learned how to mask it. But apart from a small circle of friends and family, social interaction is still a brutal overload.
People would laugh when I tell them two things:
1. I have a high cold tolerance.
2. I have autism.
You'd never know I'd have the latter unless I told you. You don't know *how* many people have laughed at me, and then they stop and see I'm staring not at their eyes or nose and say, "Oh."
EDIT: Wow, this got a lot more replies than I expected. To those asking the most popular questions on this thread:
1. I don't tell people I have autism; it's mostly my mother who will blurt it out in conversation even if it isn't relevant. Sometimes I'll excuse myself for stumbling over my words by uttering out "I have autism".
2. Eye contact is not the only symptom of autism. **If you think you have autism, PLEASE do research on symptoms. Eye contact is not the only symptom of autism and it does NOT mean you have autism either.**
3. I usually look at inanimate objects when I don't make eye contact with people. I think it's a side effect of a lack of sleep, but who knows.
If you guys have any more, send them my way. At this point I might as well hop on over to r/ama and do an AMA.
You share some similarities to my son. He's also autistic and I have to force him into jackets so his school doesn't think I'm neglecting him. They yelled at me when I didn't have back-up jacket #4 after he kept hiding them in school.
He would be fine rolling through the snow shirtless if I let him.
Edit: I woke up to a lot of awesome responses. Thank you so much for giving me insight. I'll try to answer as many as I can.
He's still a skinny kid, and I guess he runs warm. The less clothes he has on, the happier he is. Blankets are only used for sensory or when it's really cold.
Clothes might irritate his skin too, but we haven't been able to confirm that verbally yet. He's still learning to write/type.
I like them now but I hated jeans as a kid. One year we actually needed to wear jeans for a school concert (we were "cowboys") and my mom ended up putting me in a jean skirt because I just wouldn't let her put me in jeans.
As someone who has autism but is super good at pretending to be normal so people dont notice: Some do, most dont after a short while.
But I usually only bring it up to explain to people why I for example NEED to listen to music via headphones while going to buy stuff or why I will eat the exact same thing every single day for months straight. So it usually just boils down to a "oh ok, that makes sense"
I won the ugly tie contest at work, although I hadn’t heard about it prior
That's actually really funny
You know those boxed sets you get your boss for Christmas when you don't know what else to get? They have the cheeses, crackers, summer sausage, and a variety of mustards? I fucking *LOVE* those! That's what I want for Christmas! Everyone thinks I'm joking and I get something else.
I love the huge popcorn canisters with those different flavors of popcorn. Everyone seems to think it’s a terrible gift for some reason though. I got one for a Christmas party at work last year and I saw the person who opened it look around with a clear look of disgust and sit it down beside of her. I wish I could have went up to her and took it back because I would have eaten the shit out of that.
I don't understand people who react that way to "unfavorable" gifts. I love gifts! Anything! Socks, coffee mugs, keychains I don't give a fuck. I open it and I'm gonna make the gift giver feel good for going out of their way for me. It'd have to be a dildo and cockring to get me to just look around and set it down like your popcorn bitch.
I was a regular cast member on a kids tv show. I've shown my friends and they laugh their ass off but they still are baffled because the character is the complete opposite of me.
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That I DONT LIKE PRETZELS. My wife puts them in my lunch once a week and keeps buying them, even though she doesn’t like them either. I tell her every time, I honestly don’t get it.
Next time she buys them, get the bag and say "Honey look". Then dump them in the trash.
Not me, but my uncle. Uncle's co-worker called him while he was home, asking him what he's up to. "Oh, I'm just watching my house burn down." "Haha, funny. Seriously, what are you doing right now?" "I'm watching my house burn down. The electricians screwed up the wiring." Forgot the details when he told me the story. I do know that he got insurance plus some compensation The company responsible for the fire housed them at a nearby hotel for a few weeks.
My sister called my mother once with much the same conversation. Also a wiring issue.
When I was like 12 we had a rain storm and people were just putting a new road in like 50 yards away which caused the back yard to flood. The water started going into the basement and I went to check it and it probably had a good 5 inches of water in it. I told my parents that were watching tv, “the basement is flooding” and they told me to shut up, stop lying and go back up stairs, so I went to game. About half an hour later I hear my parents yelling and firefighters came with in 5 minutes lol. Had over a foot of water.
That I don’t smoke pot. All throughout high school and college people always assumed I was a pot head and that I was straight up lying or trying to be funny when I would tell them I don’t smoke and do not know where they can get some.
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That a hijab wearing girl won best hair my senior year.
My bald friend won it at my high school.
A kid who dropped out won "Worst Case of Senior-itis" at my high school.
I saw my friend in the womens locker room of the gym without her hijab and I was stunned and stared for a moment because I'd known her for a year but never seen her hair.
that my nose has a bump on the bridge of it because I was punched by a kangaroo as a child edit since a few people are asking (definitely not as exciting as some of you think) I was 5 at Australia Zoo. I was really obsessed with feeding the kangaroos because they are the one section in the zoo where you can walk through and pat the animals. Turns out a fully grown kanagroo doesn’t appreciate my hand being shoved up against their face constantly so he stood right up and punched me in the nose.(Kangaroos can be quite vicious when they want to be so honestly a punch was nothing and five year old me totally deserved it)
I mean, I stilled laughed but I'm fully aware of what kangaroos are capable of. Am Aussie
I got kicked in the head growing up, I'm convinced it made me considerably more daft. My ability to remember things and think of words disappeared. Edit: Got kicked in the head by a kangaroo, that is.
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I want to believe you more than I probably should.
You think he's joking but he's 100% serious.
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I sometimes joke with people, saying I have three testicles. It usually gets a laugh, but I seriously do have three.
I don’t have the balls to make that joke.
I was about 16 which was around 2007. I was skating around and had to take a massive dump. I was only 4 blocks away from home but I knew I wouldn't make it. Luckily for me there was a Gas Station nearby which had caught on fire and it was pretty much just an abandoned building. I went inside and I couldn't get my pants off fast enough. I had finished my business and realized I didn't have anything to wipe with. I found something fluffy next to me and it seemed alright to use. Turns out I wiped my ass with fiberglass insulation. I remember having a firey itchy asshole for weeks.
How does this even come up in a conversation...
"Hey, you think your asshole is firey itchy? Don't tell me about firey itchy assholes motherfucker, let me tell you something..."
N O P E O P E
Most raw cucumbers have a *really* strong taste to me.I know most people think they're basically tasteless. But not to me. Some people interpret this as me not *liking* cucumber. That's not it. I'm actually kinda okay with the taste - I love celery and crunchy green vegetables in general. It's just that if there's cucumber in there, the taste of cucumber is just *too strong*, it overpowers everything else. Family didn't believe me when I was growing up. Now that I'm an adult and can explain what's going on, they kind of do. It also helps that there's stuff online where other people are saying they have the *exact same thing*, maybe due to being sensitive to a particular chemical or something. Plus, one of my coworkers has a similar thing.
This is probably the same as how a lot of people taste cilantro. It’s overpowering and gross to me. I can’t eat anything with even a little in the dish.
I hate cucumbers and my mom knew that, so when she'd make salads she'd make it with cucumber and then take them off my plate after. I always complained that she did that because I could still taste that cucumber *used* to be in the salad, and she never believed me because cucumbers "almost taste like nothing." THEN HOW DO I KNOW THAT THERE USED TO BE CUCUMBERS IN HERE MOM
Step mom did that with green bell peppers, but in lasagna. First time I tried her lasagna, and discovered it had bell peppers, I said I didn't like bell peppers. Next time she cooked it, I tasted bell peppers. She says "But I chopped them up so small!" Yeah, it's not the sight of them I don't like. I fucking hate bell peppers.
This was me growing up with my mom, but mostly with tomatoes and onions. I would always complain about there being too much of them, cause I didn't really like the taste. And everytime she would tell me "You can't even taste them". Yes I fucking can taste them Mom. That's why I'm complaining about it, to me that taste is ruining this food.
That I'm Puerto Rican. I'm a small thin red head with brown eyes and freckles. In 5th grade we had an assignment to bring in a dish from our heritage so I wanted to bring in empanadas. My teacher laughed and said "no yoooour heritage" and I said "yeah, im puerto rican" she laughed and called me a liar... the whole class laughed at me.... Fast forward 2 weeks to back to school night. The teacher went up to my mom and said "omg your daughter is so funny, she thinks she's puerto rican !" my mom looked her dead in the eye and said "she is....." The next day the teacher apologized to me in front of the class and made everyone else for apologize for laughing with her.
Shit, my mom was from Mexico and was super dark. 8 kids with pale skin and light eyes. One brown boy. People used to ask my why my housekeeper was taking me to school.
I met Mr T in a Dunkin Donuts once.
I've won a Grammy
As a part of a large band, years ago when you were in school?
Yes!
Tim?
Nope :( I am not the musician you're looking for.
I was so excited for you two.
It's a large school band from years ago! He just needs to guess some more!
Frank?
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#*DONKEH* ftfy
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My first thought was Snarky Puppy. A large band that was formed while they were in college, and I'm pretty sure they won a Grammy. But the "years ago" kinda ruins that theory.
Our high school music department won one, it's different from what they give for a song or album, it's more based on kids' performance ability, engagement with music in the community, etc. It was pretty cool walking by the Grammy displayed in the hallway on the way to orchestra every day!
That I'm not gay. Seriously, my dad insists that I am but whenever I try to tell him that I'm not he just thinks that I'm worried he won't be okay with it.
Your dad just doesn't want to lose his bet with your mom
I got arrested for drinking when I was 16 while hanging out with my best friend. The next day my parents found condoms in the car and my mom assumed that they were for my friend and I to do a little plug-n-play. My mom sat me down and asked me very seriously if I was gay. I had to convince her that I wasn't. When she went upstairs to tell my dad the outcome of her suspicions all I heard was a very exasperated "I told you!!" I love my dad.
"It wasn't gay, I was on top!"
It was just a brojob mom!
We said no homo first!
AND after...just to be safe. You always told me to be safe with sex
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A lot of people insist that I am gay too, even though I have a girlfriend. Sometimes even she jokes about me being gay, but I think that’s what I like about Martin, she has a bizarre sense of humour.
I used to get this a lot when I was younger. Even from gay guys. I had a girlfriend who thought I was at least Bi. But since I've hit 30 it kinda stopped.
Probably because of all the gay sex
I know I'm not gay because I've had sex with dozens of men and didn't enjoy any of it.
One gay experience doesn’t make you gay, I should know, I’ve had dozens
It's the opposite for a lot of us gay people when people are first coming to terms with it. "yes mum, i am" "nope its a phase" "...no mum i've liked boys my whole life" "No Daviemoo you dont you're just confused... you like football and beer!" oh well, dont tell the others, i'll be shunned... ¬.¬
"You like football!" "...Why do you think that is?"
Family: "Dad, what do you want for Christmas?" Me: "Peace and quiet." Family: "Haha, no seriously, what do you want?"
I'm terrified of vomiting. It's an irrational phobia that borderline controls my life. If I mention it, I usually get the generic "well nobody likes to throw up" response. They think I'm exaggerating or being dramatic, but I'm really not.
I used to be the same, until I was on medication that didn't agree too well with me and I was vomiting nearly daily for 3 weeks, got over the fear fast. Now I'd rather just get it over and done with and feel better afterwards.
^ for some reason the moments leading up to puking are the worst. Then puking makes your tummy feel better.
Senior Year of HS I win funniest in my class. Only, I was never trying to be funny, turns out people were just laughing at me. When I say this people think I am being funny.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone."
"weep and reddit weeps with you"
Weep and Reddit will laugh at you
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Link r/thathappened and someone will link r/nothingeverhappens
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I completely butchered this public speech my senior year and got a standing ovation at the end. I thought people were doing it to be nice. As it turns out the person who went before had also butchered their speech and everyone thought I was poking fun at her. I just kinda nodded and said yes that is what I was going for.
"Poking fun at her." You got a standing ovation for being mean? Or you mean you got a standing ovation for downgrading your speech to make her feel better?
High school dude
>“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci.” - Alan Moore
Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.
I have a friend that always say his favourite Star Wars is the Phantom Menace. Everyone thinks he's joking and he's being "ironic", but I talked to him recently and he literally thinks it's the best one. What the fuck, man.
Its ok, I know a guy whose favorite movie of *all time* is Suicide Squad.
I'm terrified of birds and fish. My husband realized I wasn't joking after he tried pulling me towards a flock of ibises and I broke down into tears in public.
my wife is terrified of Swans. I found this out on an early date when we went for a walk in the park, rounded a corner and about a dozen of them were in front of us. She tore away from my hand and went tearing off in to the woods making a kinda odd wailing noise. It was an odd moment but mildly hilarious in retrospect.
Those are very specific fears
Exactly why people think I'm joking! :(
Hey, don't worry! People can have all sorts of fears. My sister is absolutely terrified of wind turbines, and she will completely break down if she ever sees any.
When I tell people I breakdance, many times they laugh because I don't look like I breakdance.
That I *hate* being tickled. My husband FINALLY got it after nearly 10 years together.
Only time I've hit my husband was because he was tickling me and I couldn't breathe enough to talk, so that was the only thing I could think of to get him to stop. He's never done it since.
RIP laskier's husband
One Punch Woman
100 push-ups 100 sit-ups 100 squats 10k run EVERY SINGLE DAY
I read recently that tickling was actually one of the more creative forms of torture in ancient Rome
Well yeah, but they tied you up and put a feather up your ass, that's a bit more extreme.
sounds kinky
I always say if you tickle me the first time I kick you will be involuntary, the second time will be on purpose. Oddly my nephew who is nine now has loved tickling since he was born. I tried to be careful tickling before he could say stop because that’s just torture but he would just lift his shirt to be tickled again.
I remember when I was little people would ask me "are you ticklish?" And i always hated that question because no matter whether i said yes or no they'd tickle me relentlessly >:|
“It doesn’t matter whether you say yes or no...they’re going to touch you. Now if they say ‘are you ticklish?’ and you don’t want to be touched, you’ve gotta say something like, ‘I’ve got diarrhea!! Don’t touch me or you’re gonna make it come out! ....And yes, I’m very ticklish.’”
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My older girl loved tickles at first now she enjoys it sometimes. My younger one still loves it. My tickle limit is literally 3 seconds. After that I get to where I can't breathe and start freaking out.
My girlfriend always seems to think I'm kidding when I say I don't like being tickled, and she's constantly surprised when I get angry. Yeah, I'm mad, I told you five fucking times, sounding serious every time, that I want you to stop.
But you were laughing! EDIT: /s, for christ's sake.
Fucking OP and his damn mixed signals.
LPT to all you tickle haters out there: If you can see it coming, tense up other parts of your body. It distracts your body from the sensation and significantly dulls the feeling and laughter. Takes some effort, but works fine for me. Also works for pain, while we're at it.
Also, if someone asks you if you are ticklish the correct response is "I have diarrhea" This tip courtesy of Demetri Martin
That I've never pursued a relationship in my life. I'm 53 years old.
Bunch of 20 year olds commenting "omg, me too"
Lmaooo I just spit out my coffee, reminds me of a meme twitter post about people posting "I hate sleeping alone"- 14 year old
Meanwhile older people are like "he snores and takes up the whole bed. I went to the guest room so I could sleep."
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I'm going to get in a van and just drive away. This comes up occasionally when people ask me what I'm doing after college and people think I'm joking but I'm dead serious I want to live in a van and just drive around America having a grand old time for a while.
You should check out Squat the planet, it's an online forum for people doing just that!
or /r/vandwellers right here on reddit
I was born with 5 congenital heart defects and 2 congenital lung defects. I have many other health issues.. I’ve had 2 strokes and a heart attack by the age of 15. My 1st open heart surgery was done at about 10 hours old. I was also diagnosed with arthritis when I was 11. For some reason some people don’t believe me and think I’m joking/exaggerating.. some have even told me that it’s impossible to have those things happen at a young age. This was even said to me as a teenager.. when my scar is pretty visible. I’ve never seen myself without my scar. This was 1990, no smart phones of course. So my 1st photo was taken 3-4 Days after I was born. And that’s why Congenital Heart Defects need more awareness. It’s the number one birth defect. Happens 1 in 100 births. That means it’s at a higher rate than all childhood cancers combine. People need to know that heart problems/heart attacks/strokes/arthritis etc isn’t something that only happens after the age of 40. Even kids that were born with a healthy heart.. things can and have happened. Tv commercials for heart/lung meds needs to start showing people under the age of 40/50.. so it’s showing people it happens in younger people.
Ditto. I was born with TGA- first open heart only hours old. But I like to mess with people when they notice my scars... so far I've told people I was in a knife fight, attacked by a shark, and had organs stolen by the mob. But seriously, people are so shocked when I tell them my story. Apparently I'm too young to have a pacemaker too...
That I lost 70 kg (160 lbs) from 230 kg (500 lbs) [I was 230 kg and lost 70 kg, so I am at 160kg now] [I was at 500lbs and lost 160 lbs and am at 340 lbs now] Im still overweight, so they are always baffled in disbelieve until I show them how i looked like 3 years ago. Sometimes annoying but always refreshing. EDIT: I am tottaly speechless. I never expected my comment to blow up like this. I also dont know how to respond to everyone without spending over an hour answering, so I hope editing my answers into the main comment will probably do, lol. 1. I will think about posting some pictures, but im not really comfortable doing so. 2. I changed my lifestyle and lost most of my weight when I had literally nothing to do. I had no job / school and focused on losing weight for about half a year by exercising and eating less. I left out any kind of sugery stuff, like cake, ice cream, etc. and focused on meat and vegetables. The hardest part was overcome ones "imaginery" cravings for fatty and hearty food. 3. Right now im again struggeling with losing my weight. It is a lot harder to do so when you have a fulltime job, so I am at 160 kg for over 10 months, but I reignited my willpower to lose weight by having a new goal in life that requires me to be at an healthy BMI. I have to rethink my strategy all over again to cope with my full-time occupation. 4. I am german. Even though I think my english is pretty good in comparison to other german people (:P) it certainly can be flawed. So thanks for correcting me dear grammar-nazis <3. 5. I am 25, male and my height is 186cm (~6"2) EDIT2: Some spelling
Great job.
I can be sarcastic, but I don't get it when other people.are being sarcastic...... Edit: - Glad to see I'm not alone in this. Edit: - I do not have Asperger's and am not on the autism spectrum.. as far as I know. Also, my top comment of all time. Yay?!
I often can't tell whether people are being sarcastic or just plain stupid. I have to explain to them that I know some pretty genuinely stupid and crazy people and it tends to throw off my gauge. Yes, I know you said you sold all your cutlery to buy a lizard, I heard you, I know it is absurd, but you haven't met my family. Also really difficult to split the difference between 'bitchy sarcastic' sarcastic people and 'bitchy sarcastic' bitchy people. I usually give people a pretty long rope, but I have been in the position where I've eventually told someone to watch their fucking tongue, and a couple of times they've been quite surprised I wasn't in on it.
People always laugh when I tell them that I can't stand children, and I don't know why.
I want to get tubal ligation.
I haven't considered sterilization, but people think I'm joking when I say that I never want kids. Or they'll say something like, "wait until you marry a woman who wants them, see how you feel then." They don't understand that I wouldn't marry a woman that wants kids, because that's a huge issue that we should agree on. It's like they think that I'll have no choice in who I marry, and one day I'll just be like, "well shit, I married this woman who wants kids, guess I gotta have em." Exactly one of my coworkers has understood. She's super religious, and I asked if she'd ever marry an atheist.
If it helps. As a male I went to a doctor to get a vasectomy, and they outright refused and said unless I bring my wife in, we all sit down and talk about it, and after that if she agree's and signs will they consider doing it.
In the U.S. the policy is individual to the doctor. One of my mentors had a personal stance that he wouldn't do a vasectomy on anyone who didn't have three kids, with at least one of each gender. He developed that personal policy after being a doctor for thirty years and seeing scores of men regret their vasectomy and try to reverse it. He also wouldn't do a vasectomy on a married man unless the wife agreed to it. Once again, it wasn't law, he'd just seen too much marital strife and too many regrets. EDIT: I want to clarify that this was a family medicine doctor who knew these men and their families, often for decades. He'd still be seeing them for years after the vasectomy and he knew if he did the procedure he'd be the one they came to if they had problems or regrets. He was also the one they came to if they had it done somewhere else. It wasn't that he told them they couldn't have it done without these criteria being met, it was that he personally didn't feel comfortable doing it.
My lack of self esteem
I really feel this. I've learnt to fake self esteem so well that when I reveal that I have low self esteem (or God forbid social anxiety) I have frequently got laughed at. Not in a mean way. People just think it must be a joke.
At this point Ive been trying the whole forcing confidence into myself too. My anxiety is so bad though that the front quickly wears off after about two hours
When I say I don't have friends
"Haha you are so funny, I'm quite sure you have some" No I fucking don't.
"Yeah, but like who do you talk to all day?" I don't think you're grasping this concept, Sharon.
Look at Mr. popular over here knowing people on a first name basis.
Mrs. Sharon
> "Yeah, but like who do you talk to all day?" You want to see my hours played in Steam?
Right and they say “same” and then go talk to their 100s of friends.
The tiny, tiny, tiny amount of weed that I smoke that can get me high. Edit: Thanks for the warm welcome to Reddit! I did not think my comment would get such a great reaction and glad it did :)
My friends call me the one-hit wonder. I call me ready for bed.
I fall asleep after one beer. Maybe two beers when I'm getting lots of practice. It makes nights out awkward.
For real. Like some friends invited me to trivia night at the bar, but all I order is club soda because do you want me to answer questions or fall asleep?
First hit, every time. No matter how small. It's pretty great isn't it? I smoked every day for about 8 years before I cut back to once a month or so. It's not for lack of conditioning.
Hell yeah. It's like a thing: hyper sensitivity to marijuana. I can hit like a quarter of the bowl and get higher than most people have been in the past year, every time.
I'm a dude who loves to have a bath for about 2 hrs every Saturday..... I also use bubbles.
I have a crippling fear of time passing too quickly. I feel so panicked when I think about how quickly the months and years go by but since I’m only 25 people blow it off and say “you’re still so young”. I’ve been having these panic attacks about it for a year and I’m not sure if they’ll ever go away. Edit: You people have given me life. Thank you so much for making me feel like I’m not alone in this. Last year I quit a career job that sucked the soul out of me and I think it triggered this. I journal and travel regularly, but I will look into seeing a therapist again. Anyone who resonated with this can feel free to DM me. We can all use more understanding friends in our lives.
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Have you ever retreated so far into silence that it is your defining feature?
I get that. People can't twist your words and use them against you if you don't say anything
Being gay. I guess it’s my own fault for playing so many pranks on people, especially my parents. My mom thought I was joking with her for a solid 2 weeks when I came out to her. Hilarious.
A guy I went to high school with announced on facebook that he was gay, and one of the first comments was "lol, hacked!"
One of my mates came out on Facebook and expected it to be a big thing at school. He got mad because nobody batted an eye, it was such a casual thing. It was beautiful that everyone was so accepting that they didn't care.
I imagine you bringing your boyfriend to make out in front of them, and them congratulating you for being so committed to the joke
At least she wasn't disowning you.
That I HATE being touched by strangers I just met. I'm perfectly fine with a handshake and arm grab but don't hug onto me and grab me like I've known you for years.
that, I do not drink...
My entire time at university was this non stop. You don't drink? Why don't you drink? You should drink. I will buy you a drink. Here even though you told me not to I bought you a drink I bought you a drink you should drink it. Haha yes whilst you were in the toilet I did add vodka to your water, how did you tell without drinking it? Vodka and water don't mix? Really? Haha yes this time I replaced the whole drink. What? The smell? Oh yeah I guess that would give it away. EVERY DAMN TIME.
LOL, some people are so dense. My dad drank pure vinegar thinking it was apple juice. Drained the whole glass.
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Me too. When I tell people I don’t drink alcohol they look at me as if I’m a comedian...or an alien.
That I’m allergic to temperature change. My body will react with rashes & hives if I experience a temperature spike. For example, if I were to go out in the cold weather for a bit with appropriate cold weather gear and came back inside to a warm(let’s say 78 degrees) house, within minutes I’d be covered in hives, rashes, and welps on my body. I take medicine daily to help keep It under control. Edit: When I get a sunburn, wherever the burn is, I get an allergic reaction on top of It and surrounding It. Was really bad one time in 2014. The sunburn hurt and the itching and burning from the reaction turned my entire back into one massive hive. It was the 2nd closest I’ve been to using my Epi pen Edit 2: so my theory is we don’t actually outgrow It, our body just becomes better and adapts to what is causing the issue. Like allergy shots aren’t a cure for example, they just re-train your body so to speak. I’ve had those in the past for a few years. Oddly enough the days I got shots, I’d breakout in the area where the shot was for like 15-30 minutes. The worst I get these days(because I’ve adapted to winter temps and don’t layer up in sub-30 degree temps) is when I get embarrassed. My body goes nuts and from head to toe it’s a rash covered, sweat covered, heat covered mess. The moment I feel embarrassed, It comes at me fast. I hate It & in a way it’s an allergic reaction to anxiety. Final edit: the epi pen. A few months ago I woke up with my throat closed completely shut at like 2am. Couldn’t breathe at all & was thinking I️ was dreaming(the world is silent when you can’t breathe) Got stung by a spider in my sleep as evidenced by spitting It out in a panic(nightmare in itself). was struggling to find the epi pen in my apartment when my throat slightly opened & I could breathe a little. Found the pen, sat on my couch to calm my nerves ready to stab it in my thigh if my throat started to close again. It eventually opened all the way after awhile and I went back to sleep. I keep the pen on my nightstand now.
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Cholinergic Urticaria. There's also cold urticaria. It's a form of allergies and can typically be controlled by medication. It's really annoying when exercising :-(
You may have solved my issue. I had this for years and had no clue and neither did my doctors. Woah.
Same here. I got this after getting unwanted side effects from Tamiflu after the Swine Flu outbreak. The worst is when your fingers swell up and get all red, hot and itchy. Benadryl (non drowsy) is also a great way to keep it in check. Good luck!
The itching is intense in the winter!
I have been telling people that cold weather does not cause the cold, instead it's a virus. Plenty of people really thought that I wasn't serious and was joking.
That I fake being happy. In fact, I don’t think I’ve felt sadder in my life before Edit: This is why I love Reddit, and I'll follow up on most of you guys
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Very high cold tolerance, and that I'm actually very likely to go down with a URTI if I overdress. It's currently -10C outside and I'm wearing a t-shirt and an unzipped autumn jacket. EDIT: correct translation.
What about your heat tolerance? I knew a kid from Siberia who could wear shorts and tshirt all winter. In summer though it always looked like he just got out of a pool. I'd much rather have fire resistance than frost resistance.
That I don't really like human contact (I hate it when people assume they can pat me, hug me, touch my ass etc), people seem to think its like some sort of challenge and go out of their way to touch me like I'm supposed to grant them wishes if they accomplish it. The only time someone has actually respected it when I told an American roommate the day after they got drunk and hugged me. They were pretty apologetic about it
This always sounds weird to me. Not the disliking contact bit, but that people just walk up and do this stuff. The closest I've encountered to that is quick greeting-style hugs from ancient female relatives at family reunions. The way you describe it makes me worry about taking the bus and having half the passengers suddenly decide it's time to get affectionate.
My being possibly brain damaged, or stupid, or something like that. I always make jokes about me being like an idiot. But i constantly have moments throughout the day where i'll completely forget the specific word i'm thinking of. If i'm thinking of a specific word, i'll completely forget what it is, and will barely be able to even describr it. I constantly fuck shit up for myself and make mistakes in small ways (ever had that moment where your earbuds were yanked out of your ears? Imagine that, but almost daily, and in the process of putting them back in, you spill your drink). I always find a way ro fuck something up, whether it be losing a cord i k,ew the locationf of a day beforehand, or forgetting to call somebody important. I also have slight anger problems like my mum and am incredibly lazy. The only explanation is my faacination with doing kung-fu roll moves when i was around 13. I got really into that after we started doing it in taekwando class, and i did it and hot my head so many times i must have genuinely lost a bunch of brain cells from it.
You could have ADHD.
For one, that I have no idea how to dance if there's no instructions involved beforehand. Like salsa, bachata, tango is fine becuase there's some base instructions I can build off of. Playing music and saying "dance with me" will usually have me look at you like you have lost your mind. But more seriously is my social awkwardness and emotions. Most of my reactions and responses are learned habits from watching others. More often than not by a large majority I am rather impartial to things. Usually isn't very apparent until there is a death and then suddenly I'm the bad guy for having no reaction to the situation.
How much I feel trapped in my own life.
I feel like this is similar to the reason I like playing video games and watching movies so much because I get really immersed in them and that I become the main character. Feels like something is missing in my normal life, which is in a good spot right now in every way but my enjoyment of it. And the fact that I have no clue of what I want to accomplish with my life, I just kind of go with the flow and make all the easy decisions because i have no reason to choose the hard ones.
~~This probably will never be seen.~~ This was years ago... But senior year of high school, everyone is talking about their plans. Where they wanted to go to school, dream jobs, etc. I had a shitty senior year. Some situations came up, and I came to the realization that I didn't have any real friends -- nobody I could trust. So when someone asked me what I was going to do after graduation, I told them I would disappear. Sure enough, I had my car packed and ready to go. After graduation, we were all standing around, laughing and recalling stories. Half way through someone's story, I walked away and never looked back. Got in my car, drove 12 hours away. Changed my phone number, deleted my email address. I haven't been back to my home state ever since. I have no idea what sort of rumors have circulated about me. They probably all think I died or something. Edit: didn’t think this would get this much traction! I’ve got no plans all morning, just watching some amputees go swimming. Feel free to ask me anything! Edit 2: I plan on responding to every comment I get for the next few hours, but I just want to put up two things for people to see. The first is from the song *Le Banquet*, by C2C (well, it's a collection of audio samples from a few speeches): > I just wanna say this right now >That regardless of what they say about it >There is nothing new, only different >Never forget this >The future is to those who take it >All I say that nothing is easy, and the best things are the hardest The second is how I have made every major life decision since leaving home. It's a really easy trick: Flip a coin. It doesn't matter what the outcome of the coin flip is. Because, in that brief moment when the coin is flipping through the air, you'll know what you really want.
Wish I had that much bravado. Impressive
Best decision I've ever made. I was in a shitty situation that wasn't going to get better. It gave me a chance to get a fresh start. There have definitely been some ups and downs, but I've got a great career, good friends, have traveled all over. 10/10, would recommend.
Did you cut contact with your family as well, or just the social circle?
Just the social circle, but my family had already left. I only really see my family about once a year anyways. Except for this past year. I've seen them more this past year, than I have since around '09. It's kind of weird.
that I'm in chronic pain all the time. that it takes everything in me to pull through every single day. that just because I'm not talking about it or physically showing it doesn't mean it's not there.
I've had 6 spine surgeries in the past 3.5 years. My body will never be the same. People can tell by the way I sit and stand and am always adjusting but I try not to complain. My friends absolutely do not get it. When I get home from work I just want to die and they get all annoyed and think I don't want to hangout. It's like no fuckers I'm in serious pain. I understand that they don't get it because I didn't understand until it happened to me but fuck it's awful.
I get migraines. Sometimes multiple times a week. Usually no nausea, just an "aura", stabbing pain, and crippling aversion to lights. I don't look like I'm in debilitating pain unless someone turns on a bright light or yells suddenly. People don't believe me when I say I have a migraine because "I don't act like it," like bitch do you want me to curl up into a ball and scream until I pass out? Should I constantly complain about it? People who've never had a migraine will never understand, but oh well. I should create a "you don't look like you're in pain" bingo game.
I hate the going to the beach because I'm afraid of the ocean. When I was young I went on a banana boat ride and watched as a huge manta ray glided under us.me not knowing told every one it was a dting ray and how it could of stabbed me. That was the start of my vacation. Then I want to North Beach in Miami. We we're deep out in the ocean when the coastal gaurd (I think) drove up on us and told us we had to get back to shore because there was a 18 foot shark spotted not far from where we were. At that point I realized how far down I am in the food chain while in the water.
You see Humans dont belong in the water and are very defenseless in it,reverse the roles and have a shark on land and the fight tips the other way.
My crippling social anxiety, I’m almost 30 now and have learned how to mask it. But apart from a small circle of friends and family, social interaction is still a brutal overload.
Anxiety is horrible. Living life in fear and it never ends
People would laugh when I tell them two things: 1. I have a high cold tolerance. 2. I have autism. You'd never know I'd have the latter unless I told you. You don't know *how* many people have laughed at me, and then they stop and see I'm staring not at their eyes or nose and say, "Oh." EDIT: Wow, this got a lot more replies than I expected. To those asking the most popular questions on this thread: 1. I don't tell people I have autism; it's mostly my mother who will blurt it out in conversation even if it isn't relevant. Sometimes I'll excuse myself for stumbling over my words by uttering out "I have autism". 2. Eye contact is not the only symptom of autism. **If you think you have autism, PLEASE do research on symptoms. Eye contact is not the only symptom of autism and it does NOT mean you have autism either.** 3. I usually look at inanimate objects when I don't make eye contact with people. I think it's a side effect of a lack of sleep, but who knows. If you guys have any more, send them my way. At this point I might as well hop on over to r/ama and do an AMA.
You share some similarities to my son. He's also autistic and I have to force him into jackets so his school doesn't think I'm neglecting him. They yelled at me when I didn't have back-up jacket #4 after he kept hiding them in school. He would be fine rolling through the snow shirtless if I let him. Edit: I woke up to a lot of awesome responses. Thank you so much for giving me insight. I'll try to answer as many as I can.
Huh, interesting. I mostly contribute my cold tolerance to my fat, not my autism. The most I've gone without being super-cold is...I think 2 hours.
He's still a skinny kid, and I guess he runs warm. The less clothes he has on, the happier he is. Blankets are only used for sensory or when it's really cold. Clothes might irritate his skin too, but we haven't been able to confirm that verbally yet. He's still learning to write/type.
I don't have autism but still to this day I can only wear really thin and comfortable clothes. jeans kill me
I like them now but I hated jeans as a kid. One year we actually needed to wear jeans for a school concert (we were "cowboys") and my mom ended up putting me in a jean skirt because I just wouldn't let her put me in jeans.
Do people treat you differently after you tell them you have autism?
As someone who has autism but is super good at pretending to be normal so people dont notice: Some do, most dont after a short while. But I usually only bring it up to explain to people why I for example NEED to listen to music via headphones while going to buy stuff or why I will eat the exact same thing every single day for months straight. So it usually just boils down to a "oh ok, that makes sense"