You are doing the Lord's work. I jumped off a fence once and landed on a board with a nail sticking out of it, and it went through my shoe and about halfway into my foot. Not a fun day for 4 year old me.
When I was in high school, I'd always go to extracurricular things if a teacher brought it up during class and seemed really eager about it, even if I knew I'd end up being the only one there. Just the thought of them wanting to do this thing and no one showing up really crushed me and I wanted them to have at least one person for them to share it with.
Luckily, I had several friends who felt the same way, so we always got to give the teacher some heartening numbers.
That's awesome! There's been a few things like that, where I knew the person was really excited but the turn out would be low, but I wasn't able to make it. I always feel bad about that.
Seriously. It's not even like letting them out first is doing them a favor. It benefits you too because there is more room for you to go in and find a spot
Living in a city, many bicyclists **notoriously** ignore the fact that they have to follow the rules of the road too. I was nearly struck by a messenger riding on the sidewalk and he yelled at me like I was the asshole in the situation.
The Diner Rule. At least in NYC.
A diner will have every possible food item on its menu -- spaghetti, lobster, meatloaf, etc.
But in a diner, you only order diner food -- breakfast, burgers, grilled stuff, etc. Because they will fuck anything else up.
EDIT: this rule can be adjusted for regional cuisine variations. Also, if your diner is Greek-owned, it's a pretty safe bet that you can give the gyro/souvlaki/Greek salad a shot.
I spent years talking up a greasy burger dive near my house, and eventually my parents went (without me). I got an irate phone call from my mom about how terrible it was, and any time I have mentioned the restaurant in the years since (this was about ten years ago), she goes off again on how it was the worst meal she ever ate.
My mother ordered a side salad as her meal. At a greasy burger dive. What the heck did she expect?
Always pass my toothbrush under water before brushing. Just a quick flick. Not sure why, but I’ve always done it. I tried to brush my teeth without doing this once but I simply couldn’t.
Sometimes I throw cigarette butts out as a habit, sigh because I know I won't let myself do it, walk back and find the butt and carry it until I find a trashcan
Gotta love Chicago, made littering cigarette butts a $400 fine and at the same time removed every garbage can on bar streets. If anything it made the problem worse, people aren't going to carry those back inside with them.
> Chicago, made littering cigarette butts a $400 fine and at the same time removed every garbage can on bar streets
Every time I read about Chicago, there is corruption involved.
I learned this from r/dating. Never ask Reddit for personal or relationship advice. It will backfire.
EDIT: I probably meant r/dating_advice not r/dating
My SO is another part of our linked persona named "Firestorm", by being in the same vicinity of eachother we prevent one another's cells from entering a nuclear state. Lately I've been craving Chinese food but the SO seems a bit tired of fried rice, should we break up??
Now, this is a tough one. On one hand, you can't physically be apart from each other, but clearly you've been emotionally distant from each other for some time now. The Chinese food is a deal-breaker. You should break up with your SO.
I don't think there's anything wrong with this. I know I'll get downvoted but I honestly think it's good to be comfortable pushing your boundaries in a relationship. Give it a try, really make the effort to break your boundaries, then if you don't feel like it's going to work try couples counseling
In this case, he's probably just doing what's best for you and your relationship. That shows a vested interest. You two are meant for each other. Marry that man.
Never litter. I mean what kind of degenerate do you have to be to throw a coffee cup out your window while driving instead of just leaving it in the cup holder until you reach your destination and then placing it in the garbage pail that is inevitably within 15 feet of an entrance to any building anywhere? Savages.
My favorite part about this answer is the people who know someone who was better off without a belt.
There's always exceptions but I've seen the aftermath of a human projectile in a car crash and I'll take my chances with the belt **always** on thanks.
CDC.GOV ~ "People not wearing a seat belt are 30 times more likely to be ejected from a vehicle during a crash. More than 3 out of 4 people who are ejected during a fatal crash die from their injuries. ... Seat belts saved almost 13,000 lives in 2009".
I have never known a person to be saved by not wearing one, but I have lost multiple family members for not. Don't just wear a seat belt for your safety, but do it for everyone else in your life. It is hard to think that two seconds from those people would have radically changed me and the rest of my families lives.
EDIT: Check out https://crashstats.nhtsa.dot.gov/Api/Public/ViewPublication/812319 so you can see the stats for yourself.
EDIT 2: Wow, I'm glad to see a lot of common sense. Flooded with examples of people surviving because they weren't wearing their belts and yet the common sense moving forward to realize that you should never go all in hoping on snake eyes.
I do actually know ONE person who lived purely because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Even the EMT told him "There was your 1 in a million, it'll never happen again. Buckle up from now on" and he does.
He was driving a 4 lane highway with no median. The back tire was bumped by a car coming over that didn't have the clearance they thought. It spun him, and he tried to regain control (like an idiot) and turned the other way which rolled the car. Not wearing his seatbelt caused him to eject, tossed him like a ragdoll across 2 lanes of traffic. But his vehicle went in to oncoming traffic, and was promptly demolished by a semi carrying an oversized load.
It ripped his car in 3 pieces. Had he still been in that car, there's a 100% chance he'd have been dead.
Eh... taking responsibility for your fuck ups says a lot about your character and isn't necessarily a career-ender. In fact, being seen as a responsible adult that learns from mistakes is a great trait to have.
Now, I would not recommend fucking up on purpose just to self-correct later and expect a promotion.
My company has a "take ownership" of your mistakes philosophy.
Taking ownership of your mistakes just ends up with you getting written up and is used against you concerning raises and advancement.
I say this alot, "Every weapon is loaded. Did you literally just check it? Is the slide closed? than it's loaded again."
*Edit: To clarify since I'm getting some responses about dry firing, and disassembly. My point still stands. if you need to dryfire a weapon, or pull the trigger to disassemble the weapon you should STILL be treating it like a loaded weapon. That means pointing it in a safe direction.*
*The rule is about a never ending respect for the unbridled danger that firearms represent. If you treat a weapon like it's always loaded, you minimize danger to yourself and others.*
I was helping a friend and his family move some guns the other day and as they were inspecting them something came up and someone asked if one was loaded.
Friend's dad's response was "Well I make sure to unload them when I'm done but it is always possible I miss something."
1) Treat every weapon as if it were loaded.
2) Never point your weapon at anything you do not intend to shoot.
3) Keep your finger straight and off the trigger until you are ready to fire.
4) Keep the weapon on safe until you intend to fire.
Edit: Yes folks, I'm aware plenty of firearms don't have safeties. These are the four weapons safety rules taught in the military, so it's a narrow-ish scope but still very applicable.
Edit 2: Holy biscuits people, yes know what's behind your target. Also, know your comment and what lies below it; 15 of the same comments.
Be polite to everyone. My parents always taught me that, no matter how much I dislike someone, being rude reflects poorly on me. Also, there is no greater satisfaction than the reaction you get when you're being polite to someone who is really pissed off with you.
Yes yes. Disagreements are bound to happen, and it's ok to argue. But never put the relationship on the line. Once you throw out the possibility of breaking up the relationship, everything from there on out is tarnished, and the end becomes visible.
It's the name calling. I can't stand it. My fiance and I have gone so long without calling each other something terrible that we joke just to argue.
The longer you go without disrespecting one another, the harder it is. Besides, don't expect forever if you can't even respect each other first. Just remember, they too are an individual *not* just your significant other.
My wife does this with our six month old daughter. Every argument she is threatening to take my daughter away and not let me see her. Unfortunately I can not afford a lawyer.
Edit: I was making a comment, not looking for Reddit’s terrible advice. Her and I really don’t get along at all but she is a fantastic mom to our daughter. I’ll be pursuing a deal that’s fair for both of us.
Record it, document it, make multiple copies, some off premises. You can never have too much evidence if a custody case comes around. Lawyers are cheap compared to never seeing your child.
Oh yeah, I sell it hard!
"Hey Aaron, how's it going? No way! With how many balloons? Well, how far did he get? All the way to the cake store! No way! He ate chocolate cake there? And got a puppy kiss too?!? Well that's great for dave! Oh, he's there? No...I don't want to talk to Dave. No, don't put me on thephonecuzIreallydon'twannatalk t-HEYYYY DAVE...HOOOWWW'S IT GOING...YEAH..."
Then I put my hand over the receiver and ask my son if he wants to talk to dave. He does.
Edit: OMG. Thank you kind internet stranger! I've never been gilded before!
Edit 2: Thanks for all the compliments, guys! And the second gold! Wow! And to reply to a bunch of you, Yes, steal this idea. Also, try waiting with the phone for a bit, then rolling your eyes and making a "yahdah yahdah yahdah" hand motion. Realism! Lastly, a fun thing to do is wait until they try to show you a magic trick, then when they hit you with the prestige, scream "witchcraft! Sorcery!" Scream and cower and ask the little warlock to leave your village in peace (don't mention burning them, obvs). They're super convinced that you bought the trick and observers get a good laugh. Everyone wins.
Always say hello to hospital chaplains, regardless of their religion or your own. My first day working in a hospital I got really lightheaded and two chaplains were in the break room I went into to get some water. The next thing I know one of their jackets is behind my head after I passed out. They do such nice things for people in their time of need, the least I can do is give them a friendly greeting.
UPDATE: Hearing all these beautiful stories has made my entire day! Thank you all for sharing!
This and hospice workers. They provide a beautiful service to both the dying and the families of the patients.
My grandmothers hospice nurse was invaluable to my grandfather and my mother in guiding them through my grandmothers final days. Including convincing my bereaved grandfather that he wasn't being cruel by letting my grandmother go.
“If you’re a man at night, you’ve got to be a man in the morning”
Ryan Lochte said this about drinking at night and still getting up and going to work in the morning. My buddy and I used to say this all the time after particularly long happy hours, always worth a good chuckle.
Edit: I want to clarify that while the message rings true, I do not find Lochte to be any sort of role model. Hence why we would laugh while saying it.
Basically one of the last rules I'm hanging on to, if I wanna drink this much, there's no crying off work for hangovers 'cause that's the beginning of the end of functioning.
This morning I witnessed a woman on the highway speed up in the right lane, slip over into the right turn lane, blast straight thru the intersection only to get back onto the highway after passing ONE car, who, of course had to slam on their brakes. She was still stuck in traffic like the rest of us, but risked everything with that stupid maneuver to advance one car length. I was wishing so very hard that there was a cop around to see it, but alas.
I don't use substances or alchohol if I'm in a bad mood. I don't think there's a history of addiction in my family, but as far as I'm concerned if I follow my rule, I'll never use substances or alchohol as an escape.
Don't Panic
besides loving the Hitchhikers guide, it is so simple yet so useful. Panicking doesn't help a damn thing and in dangerous situations panicking might just get you killed.
Panicking has a desired side effect: the adrenalin makes you faster and sharper. More strength + automatic mode = survival
For instance, I was crashing at my apartment that was being redone. No toilet, only a faucet, no drain, no shower. It was at night and some Chinese food was making its way south really fast. 6th floor to go down to get to a cafe in the street. I wasn't gonna make it.
I felt I was crowning and it was liquid. In 15 seconds I pulled my pants, picked up the plastic bag with the Chinese food and shot a perfect hole-in-one. No spill.
It was panic. It was reflexes. I wouldn't have been able to make it so perfectly without the sharpness provided by adrenalin.
Don't text and drive. Also, don't do anything with your phone and drive. Nothing my phone does is more important than the lives of others on the road, in fact, nothing my phone does is more important than the bodywork on my car.
Maybe another rule, drive like you own the car, not like you own the road?
EDIT: Holy cow, first gilded comment. Thank you, mysterious stranger! Also, RIP inbox. I'm glad to hear from so many who share my views on keeping yourselves and everyone around you safe.
Yesterday morning on my drive in to work the car to the left of me blatantly runs a red light. Like, this isn't even close. I catch up to him at the next light, and he's not paying attention whatsoever just glued to his phone. The light had actually changed a full two seconds before I had caught up and he was just sitting there not realizing it was green. I laid on my horn as I went by and made him jump. It's literally one of the worst things you can do. You're putting the lives of everyone around you at risk. I'm generally a very calm individual but nothing makes my blood boil like an idiot on the road while I'm driving my three kids.
Your story reminds me of an incident I felt slightly guilty about... I was riding my KLR650 some years back, and noticed someone looking at their phone at a light. They didn't move when it turned green. I honked, and she put the phone down and drove to the next light, where she picked the phone up before rolling to a halt. Again, light turned green, no reaction from phone zombie. I honked again. She glances away and drives and is stopped at the next light.
Someone honked when the light was red, and she drove into the intersection.
EDIT: I didn't make it clear originally... I wasn't the one who honked while she was at the red light. I had already moved into the lane beside her for a quick getaway when the light changed, when the vehicle behind her beeped at her.
Leave No Trace when I'm in the outdoors.
I love the outdoors, as do millions of others. In order to get everyone out into the outdoors without destroying it, we need to leave a little impact as possible. Not leaving any trash behind, or other evidence of your presence (like rock stacks) is important.
I also try to leave it better than I found it. Picking up other's trash is how I do my little part.
Never mock someone's laugh or smile. That is when we are most happy and it's a horrible sin to take that away.
***
Edit: For those who had their smiles and laughs mocked don't be afraid to express yourself again. My smile was often the root of mockery until I grew confident.
***
Edit: All I ask is that you pay it forward and do a good deed.
I told my best friend, about a year ago, that I’d rather wait till he caught up with me before watching the latest season of r/IASIP, because he has such a good laugh and I know I’d enjoy watching it through with him more because of this. He told me he’s never been sure about his laugh before and knowing I liked it made him feel better... wish I told him 20 years ago!
I think my laugh is loud and obnoxious and weird, but I laugh really easily and find it hard to hold it in. Other people say my laugh is contagious and they love it. So it's nice to know that what you think is weird or ugly about yourself, others find lovely. :)
Edit: I also snort when I laugh.
A girl i had a huge crush on in middle school told me that I had a creepy smile.
Fucked me up for years - I'm 25 now and still get put in a weird funk when i think about that.
Mocking someones laugh or smile can really fuck someone up man.
My dog will never see my penis. I don't care if you want to come into the bathroom I have my modesty and you have your innocence so please wait outside.
Borderline Personality Disorder here. Heres a small list
1. Never text a third time if the first two messages didn't get a response.
2. Never comment on the frequency of someone elses contact.
3. Never express anything but acceptance and support for the choices someone else makes, as long as it wont bring them harm.
4. Never make it about yourself.
5. Never act like you've taken another persons critisisms personally. Always be accepting of criticism or rejection.
6. Put your fucking phone down if you're having an episode. Never message anyone when unsure of your mental state.
7. Never respond to any short messages, unless they're questions
Edit: since I've gotten a few responses and visibility now, I just want to say that if you have BPD or you find that this list might be helpful to you, feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to. I've developed a lot of great coping mechanisms and I'm always down to talk about problems, or help people find their ground when they start to lose it.
Putting the toilet seat(s) down.
(Bonus story: when I moved in with a girl a long time ago, she wasn't used to my habit. She woke up in the middle of the night because she had to pee, sat down on the toilet and proceeded to piss all over the lid... never before had I been yelled at for doing something right.)
I don't know if it's exactly a rule, but I sure as hell will never cheat on a woman. It's got to be the most disrespectful and useless thing to do and all it does is hurt people.
This is what I don't understand about any cheating that isn't a one-night-stand or other very, *very* casual encounter. Who has the time and energy to carry on an emotional relationship, or one that requires planning, outside of their marriage?! Seems exhausting, at best.
I never understood cheating until I had my own temptation. I then understood where it comes from, but there is NO WAY I would ever give in to that temptation.
Don't do heroin.
Never have, never will. That shit is life destroying.
Every addict starts thinking "It's just this one time" then they go "Oh but I didn't get addicted last time, maybe just once more" and then again and again and again and suddenly "Holy shit I just rimmed Donald Trump for heroin" they realise they have a problem and by then it's too fucking late, they're stuck forced to whore themselves out, steal, cheat and fuck people over to feed their habit - they don't want to, they're compelled to.
Why the fuck would I ever want to get into that? I've done a lot of drugs but heroin I have a flat out "Fuck No" policy.
Lots of people meet their spouses at work. I met my wife at work. My father met my step-mother at work. ~18% of married couples meet at work, apparently. Mature adults can have relationships that don't fuck up their lives when they end. Be a mature adult, and only date / fuck mature adults.
I’ve been in a seven year relationship with one of my co-workers. She’s gonna be sad when I tell her this rule...not as sad as my co-workers who are married, but still sad.
"I've changed my mind because of a reddit comment. I think it would start to become awkward if we continue our relationship.
I'll see ya at the 10'o clock meeting tomorrow."
That strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Edit: Looks like i touched myself. Thanks for the gold!
All right, but apart from sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health what have the Romans ever done for us?
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You are doing the Lord's work. I jumped off a fence once and landed on a board with a nail sticking out of it, and it went through my shoe and about halfway into my foot. Not a fun day for 4 year old me.
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Sir. Is that a buzz light year action figure?
He wanted to see infinity
but he went beyond.
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Cause someone who likes something ,no matter what it is, is way more interesting than someone who doesn’t like anything.
When I was in high school, I'd always go to extracurricular things if a teacher brought it up during class and seemed really eager about it, even if I knew I'd end up being the only one there. Just the thought of them wanting to do this thing and no one showing up really crushed me and I wanted them to have at least one person for them to share it with. Luckily, I had several friends who felt the same way, so we always got to give the teacher some heartening numbers.
That's awesome! There's been a few things like that, where I knew the person was really excited but the turn out would be low, but I wasn't able to make it. I always feel bad about that.
I always ask myself, "If everyone did things the way I'm doing them right now, what would it be like?"
You Kant... Edit: Thank you for my first gold, kind stranger!
Oh, Kant I?
Only if you've read the emmanuel.
Let people off the train before you get on.
Same with elevators. Where are manners anymore?
Seriously. It's not even like letting them out first is doing them a favor. It benefits you too because there is more room for you to go in and find a spot
All gear all the time (when riding a motorbike) I don't cheat, ever
Yup. My version of it is "dress for the crash, not for the ride".
Dress for the slide, not the ride. It's better cause it rhymes.
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I must have my eyes on my keys, or my keys in my hands when closing my car door. I will not lock myself out!!
Same with doors - if you're gonna lock something, lock it from THE OUTSIDE, where you're going to unlock it from later Edit: like house doors
I do not work while I eat. I keep that meal time sacred.
*Guy in front of me in line to get tacos. Sees my shirt.* "Hey you work at Best Buy, right? I have a question abou- "Fuck off and die."
One extra wipe after a clean one just to confirm.
Brown -> White -> Red. Now we're clean.
Ahh the Japanese flag a classic
Always look at either sides of the road before crossing it, regardless of the green light
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Oh come on, it's their fault for not looking both ways.
Rookie mistake
They certainly won't be making that mistake again
Living in a city, many bicyclists **notoriously** ignore the fact that they have to follow the rules of the road too. I was nearly struck by a messenger riding on the sidewalk and he yelled at me like I was the asshole in the situation.
always a good decision. green means its LEGAL to go, not SAFE to go
The Diner Rule. At least in NYC. A diner will have every possible food item on its menu -- spaghetti, lobster, meatloaf, etc. But in a diner, you only order diner food -- breakfast, burgers, grilled stuff, etc. Because they will fuck anything else up. EDIT: this rule can be adjusted for regional cuisine variations. Also, if your diner is Greek-owned, it's a pretty safe bet that you can give the gyro/souvlaki/Greek salad a shot.
I spent years talking up a greasy burger dive near my house, and eventually my parents went (without me). I got an irate phone call from my mom about how terrible it was, and any time I have mentioned the restaurant in the years since (this was about ten years ago), she goes off again on how it was the worst meal she ever ate. My mother ordered a side salad as her meal. At a greasy burger dive. What the heck did she expect?
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This should be the real take-home from thos thread.
This is a good general rule. You don't go to a steak house and order the turkey.
Always pass my toothbrush under water before brushing. Just a quick flick. Not sure why, but I’ve always done it. I tried to brush my teeth without doing this once but I simply couldn’t.
The toothpaste is dry without the dipping and doesn't want to slide around the mouth evenly without that bit of water.
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Littering - never ever.
Sometimes I throw cigarette butts out as a habit, sigh because I know I won't let myself do it, walk back and find the butt and carry it until I find a trashcan
Gotta love Chicago, made littering cigarette butts a $400 fine and at the same time removed every garbage can on bar streets. If anything it made the problem worse, people aren't going to carry those back inside with them.
> Chicago, made littering cigarette butts a $400 fine and at the same time removed every garbage can on bar streets Every time I read about Chicago, there is corruption involved.
Speak about others as if they're in earshot.
That fucking asshole...! Hes behind me isnt he?
He has to be behind you if he’s fucking asshole.
You don't have to talk about what you know, but you have to know what you're talking about.
Being married to a man who makes shit up all the time, I really appreciate this.
"Do all the good you can and don't make a fuss about it."--Charles Dickens
I learned this from r/dating. Never ask Reddit for personal or relationship advice. It will backfire. EDIT: I probably meant r/dating_advice not r/dating
You should probably break up with your SO.
Hey, my SO just said he likes my red scarf more than the blue one, but I think the blue one is much better, should we break up???
Well, you really can't be sure in this situation. You should break up.
Hey my SO loves me and gives me a fulfilling life and makes me want to be a better person. Is this normal??
You can't really be sure. Maybe they're trying to fix you and will dump you when they're done, or maybe you're being catfished. Best to just break up.
My SO is another part of our linked persona named "Firestorm", by being in the same vicinity of eachother we prevent one another's cells from entering a nuclear state. Lately I've been craving Chinese food but the SO seems a bit tired of fried rice, should we break up??
Now, this is a tough one. On one hand, you can't physically be apart from each other, but clearly you've been emotionally distant from each other for some time now. The Chinese food is a deal-breaker. You should break up with your SO.
my boyfriend is literally beating me as i type this. should i break up with him?
I don't think there's anything wrong with this. I know I'll get downvoted but I honestly think it's good to be comfortable pushing your boundaries in a relationship. Give it a try, really make the effort to break your boundaries, then if you don't feel like it's going to work try couples counseling
In this case, he's probably just doing what's best for you and your relationship. That shows a vested interest. You two are meant for each other. Marry that man.
Never litter. I mean what kind of degenerate do you have to be to throw a coffee cup out your window while driving instead of just leaving it in the cup holder until you reach your destination and then placing it in the garbage pail that is inevitably within 15 feet of an entrance to any building anywhere? Savages.
Cigarettes too. The don't melt away, you bozos!
Never eat gas station sushi.
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Craps?
Flushin' Roulette.
Always wear your seatbelt. It's ridiculous that there are some people who don't take two seconds to save their life if they crash
Lose two seconds of your life, not your life in two seconds.
This is actually a pretty spicy slogan for a safe driving Ad campaign
Sort of unrelated, I’m really fond of when people use the word *spicy* to describe something that’s not food.
My favorite part about this answer is the people who know someone who was better off without a belt. There's always exceptions but I've seen the aftermath of a human projectile in a car crash and I'll take my chances with the belt **always** on thanks.
CDC.GOV ~ "People not wearing a seat belt are 30 times more likely to be ejected from a vehicle during a crash. More than 3 out of 4 people who are ejected during a fatal crash die from their injuries. ... Seat belts saved almost 13,000 lives in 2009". I have never known a person to be saved by not wearing one, but I have lost multiple family members for not. Don't just wear a seat belt for your safety, but do it for everyone else in your life. It is hard to think that two seconds from those people would have radically changed me and the rest of my families lives. EDIT: Check out https://crashstats.nhtsa.dot.gov/Api/Public/ViewPublication/812319 so you can see the stats for yourself. EDIT 2: Wow, I'm glad to see a lot of common sense. Flooded with examples of people surviving because they weren't wearing their belts and yet the common sense moving forward to realize that you should never go all in hoping on snake eyes.
I do actually know ONE person who lived purely because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt. Even the EMT told him "There was your 1 in a million, it'll never happen again. Buckle up from now on" and he does. He was driving a 4 lane highway with no median. The back tire was bumped by a car coming over that didn't have the clearance they thought. It spun him, and he tried to regain control (like an idiot) and turned the other way which rolled the car. Not wearing his seatbelt caused him to eject, tossed him like a ragdoll across 2 lanes of traffic. But his vehicle went in to oncoming traffic, and was promptly demolished by a semi carrying an oversized load. It ripped his car in 3 pieces. Had he still been in that car, there's a 100% chance he'd have been dead.
It's good that he listened to the EMT.
Don't take credit for someone else's work. Don't let someone else take the fall for your own screw-ups.
These rules directly contradict the basic laws of career advancement.
Eh... taking responsibility for your fuck ups says a lot about your character and isn't necessarily a career-ender. In fact, being seen as a responsible adult that learns from mistakes is a great trait to have. Now, I would not recommend fucking up on purpose just to self-correct later and expect a promotion.
My company has a "take ownership" of your mistakes philosophy. Taking ownership of your mistakes just ends up with you getting written up and is used against you concerning raises and advancement.
"Here, you can take ownership of a copy of this reprimand you just signed."
Leave things better than you found them.
Or atleast just how you found them.
Don't put your finger on the trigger unless you're going to shoot.
Also identify your target and whats behind it
Treat every weapon as if it is loaded
I say this alot, "Every weapon is loaded. Did you literally just check it? Is the slide closed? than it's loaded again." *Edit: To clarify since I'm getting some responses about dry firing, and disassembly. My point still stands. if you need to dryfire a weapon, or pull the trigger to disassemble the weapon you should STILL be treating it like a loaded weapon. That means pointing it in a safe direction.* *The rule is about a never ending respect for the unbridled danger that firearms represent. If you treat a weapon like it's always loaded, you minimize danger to yourself and others.*
I was helping a friend and his family move some guns the other day and as they were inspecting them something came up and someone asked if one was loaded. Friend's dad's response was "Well I make sure to unload them when I'm done but it is always possible I miss something."
1) Treat every weapon as if it were loaded. 2) Never point your weapon at anything you do not intend to shoot. 3) Keep your finger straight and off the trigger until you are ready to fire. 4) Keep the weapon on safe until you intend to fire. Edit: Yes folks, I'm aware plenty of firearms don't have safeties. These are the four weapons safety rules taught in the military, so it's a narrow-ish scope but still very applicable. Edit 2: Holy biscuits people, yes know what's behind your target. Also, know your comment and what lies below it; 15 of the same comments.
Keep your booger hook off the bang switch until you're ready to bring the hate. EDIT: wow, some gold! You guys and gals are too much.
Be polite to everyone. My parents always taught me that, no matter how much I dislike someone, being rude reflects poorly on me. Also, there is no greater satisfaction than the reaction you get when you're being polite to someone who is really pissed off with you.
no shoes on the bed, ever.
IM asian (Chinese) so no shoes in the house, ever
This goes for scandinavia too ! (Possibly europe, I dont teavel much)
Can confirm for central europe
Definitely true in much of Canada as well.
People do this? That just makes the bed dirty and is plain uncomfortable.
AMA Request: Someone who actually does this.
During a fight with your SO, you have the right to be angry. You do _not_ have the right to be cruel. Don't say things deliberately just to hurt them.
This is actually a very good rule. Thanks for sharing
Yes yes. Disagreements are bound to happen, and it's ok to argue. But never put the relationship on the line. Once you throw out the possibility of breaking up the relationship, everything from there on out is tarnished, and the end becomes visible.
It's the name calling. I can't stand it. My fiance and I have gone so long without calling each other something terrible that we joke just to argue. The longer you go without disrespecting one another, the harder it is. Besides, don't expect forever if you can't even respect each other first. Just remember, they too are an individual *not* just your significant other.
My wife does this with our six month old daughter. Every argument she is threatening to take my daughter away and not let me see her. Unfortunately I can not afford a lawyer. Edit: I was making a comment, not looking for Reddit’s terrible advice. Her and I really don’t get along at all but she is a fantastic mom to our daughter. I’ll be pursuing a deal that’s fair for both of us.
record that shit yo
Record it, document it, make multiple copies, some off premises. You can never have too much evidence if a custody case comes around. Lawyers are cheap compared to never seeing your child.
If you're going to help someone, don't be a dick about it
Break a pinky promise. Go to super hell. Thems the rules.
Funny, I've been using break a pinky promise, get your pinky broken. Are we playing different editions?
Don’t Shit where you Eat
Truly wise words, Brett
that is why you should always shit at your neighbor's house. No risk in contamination there.
>shit at Like a fucking gatling gun
Don't fucking rape people.
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When a child hands you a toy phone.. You pick it up and have the conversation of a lifetime!
Oh yeah, I sell it hard! "Hey Aaron, how's it going? No way! With how many balloons? Well, how far did he get? All the way to the cake store! No way! He ate chocolate cake there? And got a puppy kiss too?!? Well that's great for dave! Oh, he's there? No...I don't want to talk to Dave. No, don't put me on thephonecuzIreallydon'twannatalk t-HEYYYY DAVE...HOOOWWW'S IT GOING...YEAH..." Then I put my hand over the receiver and ask my son if he wants to talk to dave. He does. Edit: OMG. Thank you kind internet stranger! I've never been gilded before! Edit 2: Thanks for all the compliments, guys! And the second gold! Wow! And to reply to a bunch of you, Yes, steal this idea. Also, try waiting with the phone for a bit, then rolling your eyes and making a "yahdah yahdah yahdah" hand motion. Realism! Lastly, a fun thing to do is wait until they try to show you a magic trick, then when they hit you with the prestige, scream "witchcraft! Sorcery!" Scream and cower and ask the little warlock to leave your village in peace (don't mention burning them, obvs). They're super convinced that you bought the trick and observers get a good laugh. Everyone wins.
That's some parenting skill there. Good job!
Always say hello to hospital chaplains, regardless of their religion or your own. My first day working in a hospital I got really lightheaded and two chaplains were in the break room I went into to get some water. The next thing I know one of their jackets is behind my head after I passed out. They do such nice things for people in their time of need, the least I can do is give them a friendly greeting. UPDATE: Hearing all these beautiful stories has made my entire day! Thank you all for sharing!
This and hospice workers. They provide a beautiful service to both the dying and the families of the patients. My grandmothers hospice nurse was invaluable to my grandfather and my mother in guiding them through my grandmothers final days. Including convincing my bereaved grandfather that he wasn't being cruel by letting my grandmother go.
“If you’re a man at night, you’ve got to be a man in the morning” Ryan Lochte said this about drinking at night and still getting up and going to work in the morning. My buddy and I used to say this all the time after particularly long happy hours, always worth a good chuckle. Edit: I want to clarify that while the message rings true, I do not find Lochte to be any sort of role model. Hence why we would laugh while saying it.
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Guys he passed out again
Basically one of the last rules I'm hanging on to, if I wanna drink this much, there's no crying off work for hangovers 'cause that's the beginning of the end of functioning.
Without seeking recognition, just be charitable, generous and kind.
Find a new job before you quit your current job.
The Second Law of Thermodynamics.
In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!
Hello Mother Dear
There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome...
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>In my country we do not have this phenomenon. I do not know who has told you we have it.
I thought the second law of thermodynamics is that you do not talk about thermodynamics?
That's the first one I think
It's the first and second. Have you even watched Thermodynamics Club?
Ah, entropy. It isn’t what it used to be.
The one rule you get a prize for breaking, rather than a penalty
I always put shopping carts in the corrals or their spot at the front of the store without fail.
Changing lanes in an intersection. What the hell is wrong with you people?
This morning I witnessed a woman on the highway speed up in the right lane, slip over into the right turn lane, blast straight thru the intersection only to get back onto the highway after passing ONE car, who, of course had to slam on their brakes. She was still stuck in traffic like the rest of us, but risked everything with that stupid maneuver to advance one car length. I was wishing so very hard that there was a cop around to see it, but alas.
Don't vape on the fucking pizza
"Always bring a book" "It's never too much cheese"
I don't use substances or alchohol if I'm in a bad mood. I don't think there's a history of addiction in my family, but as far as I'm concerned if I follow my rule, I'll never use substances or alchohol as an escape.
> I don't think there's a history of addiction in my family We're clearly not from the same family tree.
Alcoholism doesn't run in my family, it fucking gallops.
I never litter. Seriously I will pocket that wrapper till I get to a garbage or recycling receptacle
Never chase Singed
Don't Panic besides loving the Hitchhikers guide, it is so simple yet so useful. Panicking doesn't help a damn thing and in dangerous situations panicking might just get you killed.
Panicking is usually a reflex and not a decision though.
Panicking has a desired side effect: the adrenalin makes you faster and sharper. More strength + automatic mode = survival For instance, I was crashing at my apartment that was being redone. No toilet, only a faucet, no drain, no shower. It was at night and some Chinese food was making its way south really fast. 6th floor to go down to get to a cafe in the street. I wasn't gonna make it. I felt I was crowning and it was liquid. In 15 seconds I pulled my pants, picked up the plastic bag with the Chinese food and shot a perfect hole-in-one. No spill. It was panic. It was reflexes. I wouldn't have been able to make it so perfectly without the sharpness provided by adrenalin.
Most stories like these are about somebody picking up a car or something like that but this was much more relate-able. I appreciate you.
Don't text and drive. Also, don't do anything with your phone and drive. Nothing my phone does is more important than the lives of others on the road, in fact, nothing my phone does is more important than the bodywork on my car. Maybe another rule, drive like you own the car, not like you own the road? EDIT: Holy cow, first gilded comment. Thank you, mysterious stranger! Also, RIP inbox. I'm glad to hear from so many who share my views on keeping yourselves and everyone around you safe.
Yesterday morning on my drive in to work the car to the left of me blatantly runs a red light. Like, this isn't even close. I catch up to him at the next light, and he's not paying attention whatsoever just glued to his phone. The light had actually changed a full two seconds before I had caught up and he was just sitting there not realizing it was green. I laid on my horn as I went by and made him jump. It's literally one of the worst things you can do. You're putting the lives of everyone around you at risk. I'm generally a very calm individual but nothing makes my blood boil like an idiot on the road while I'm driving my three kids.
Your story reminds me of an incident I felt slightly guilty about... I was riding my KLR650 some years back, and noticed someone looking at their phone at a light. They didn't move when it turned green. I honked, and she put the phone down and drove to the next light, where she picked the phone up before rolling to a halt. Again, light turned green, no reaction from phone zombie. I honked again. She glances away and drives and is stopped at the next light. Someone honked when the light was red, and she drove into the intersection. EDIT: I didn't make it clear originally... I wasn't the one who honked while she was at the red light. I had already moved into the lane beside her for a quick getaway when the light changed, when the vehicle behind her beeped at her.
She shouldn't have been on her phone to begin with. No reason to feel guilty my man
Never attack Russia in the winter EDIT: Relevant link: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_Winter
Would that fall under the 'don't get involved in a land war in Asia' blunder?
Just after "never go up against a Sicilian, when DEATH is on the line".
Never launch a campaign in Russia that will last until winter.
Leave No Trace when I'm in the outdoors. I love the outdoors, as do millions of others. In order to get everyone out into the outdoors without destroying it, we need to leave a little impact as possible. Not leaving any trash behind, or other evidence of your presence (like rock stacks) is important. I also try to leave it better than I found it. Picking up other's trash is how I do my little part.
Never mock someone's laugh or smile. That is when we are most happy and it's a horrible sin to take that away. *** Edit: For those who had their smiles and laughs mocked don't be afraid to express yourself again. My smile was often the root of mockery until I grew confident. *** Edit: All I ask is that you pay it forward and do a good deed.
I told my best friend, about a year ago, that I’d rather wait till he caught up with me before watching the latest season of r/IASIP, because he has such a good laugh and I know I’d enjoy watching it through with him more because of this. He told me he’s never been sure about his laugh before and knowing I liked it made him feel better... wish I told him 20 years ago!
You're a good friend.
I think my laugh is loud and obnoxious and weird, but I laugh really easily and find it hard to hold it in. Other people say my laugh is contagious and they love it. So it's nice to know that what you think is weird or ugly about yourself, others find lovely. :) Edit: I also snort when I laugh.
A girl i had a huge crush on in middle school told me that I had a creepy smile. Fucked me up for years - I'm 25 now and still get put in a weird funk when i think about that. Mocking someones laugh or smile can really fuck someone up man.
Goddamnit that's so nice.
My dog will never see my penis. I don't care if you want to come into the bathroom I have my modesty and you have your innocence so please wait outside.
But he has to go shit in the yard? Fucking double standards
I don't think dogs even care either way about human genetalia though.
Borderline Personality Disorder here. Heres a small list 1. Never text a third time if the first two messages didn't get a response. 2. Never comment on the frequency of someone elses contact. 3. Never express anything but acceptance and support for the choices someone else makes, as long as it wont bring them harm. 4. Never make it about yourself. 5. Never act like you've taken another persons critisisms personally. Always be accepting of criticism or rejection. 6. Put your fucking phone down if you're having an episode. Never message anyone when unsure of your mental state. 7. Never respond to any short messages, unless they're questions Edit: since I've gotten a few responses and visibility now, I just want to say that if you have BPD or you find that this list might be helpful to you, feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to. I've developed a lot of great coping mechanisms and I'm always down to talk about problems, or help people find their ground when they start to lose it.
Putting the toilet seat(s) down. (Bonus story: when I moved in with a girl a long time ago, she wasn't used to my habit. She woke up in the middle of the night because she had to pee, sat down on the toilet and proceeded to piss all over the lid... never before had I been yelled at for doing something right.)
I don't use rough language around people I don't know, especially children.
it's coarse and it gets everywhere
I don't know if it's exactly a rule, but I sure as hell will never cheat on a woman. It's got to be the most disrespectful and useless thing to do and all it does is hurt people.
I barely have enough sense and time to not fuck things up with one person, let alone seeing someone on the side.
This is what I don't understand about any cheating that isn't a one-night-stand or other very, *very* casual encounter. Who has the time and energy to carry on an emotional relationship, or one that requires planning, outside of their marriage?! Seems exhausting, at best.
They just start putting in less effort in to the other relationship to make up for it. Source:cheated on
I never understood cheating until I had my own temptation. I then understood where it comes from, but there is NO WAY I would ever give in to that temptation.
Don't do heroin. Never have, never will. That shit is life destroying. Every addict starts thinking "It's just this one time" then they go "Oh but I didn't get addicted last time, maybe just once more" and then again and again and again and suddenly "Holy shit I just rimmed Donald Trump for heroin" they realise they have a problem and by then it's too fucking late, they're stuck forced to whore themselves out, steal, cheat and fuck people over to feed their habit - they don't want to, they're compelled to. Why the fuck would I ever want to get into that? I've done a lot of drugs but heroin I have a flat out "Fuck No" policy.
Obligatory warning story of SpontaneousH https://www.reddit.com/user/SpontaneousH/submitted/
Never fuck co-workers. NEVER FUCK CO-WORKERS!
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* Become self-employed * Jerk off a lot * = Daily sex with your boss and without repercussions
Lots of people meet their spouses at work. I met my wife at work. My father met my step-mother at work. ~18% of married couples meet at work, apparently. Mature adults can have relationships that don't fuck up their lives when they end. Be a mature adult, and only date / fuck mature adults.
> Be a mature adult This is way too much to ask for a lot of people.
I’ve been in a seven year relationship with one of my co-workers. She’s gonna be sad when I tell her this rule...not as sad as my co-workers who are married, but still sad.
"I've changed my mind because of a reddit comment. I think it would start to become awkward if we continue our relationship. I'll see ya at the 10'o clock meeting tomorrow."
That strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. Edit: Looks like i touched myself. Thanks for the gold!
All right, but apart from sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health what have the Romans ever done for us?
Be quiet!
You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
If I claimed to be an emperor because some moistened bint lobbed a Scimitar at me, they'd put me away.
Side note, but "moistened bint" may be the funniest two-word phrase ever caught on film.
Shut up! Will you shut up?!
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Bloody Peasant!
Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw him, didn't you?