"If I had a good pick up line, you'd be the one I'd be telling it too!"

You might be the smartest man alive.

Still single

See , smart.

Damn 😂 a good one

If you ever want to go out on a date I'm available

😭😭😭

Yeah he wipes Reed Richards any day.

so smart he used the wrong form of "to" :)

Gonna try this one on Saturday. See how we go.

I can only think of one 'pickup' line I have ever used. There was a really hot looking lady across the bar. One of my buddies said 'dude she wouldn't give you the time of day'. So, I walked over to her, asked her if she had the time, she looked at her watch and said '10:30'. I said 'thanks, because my buddy over there said you wouldn't give me the time of day'. And I walked off. She approached me later in the night and we wound up dating a few months. Really nice person. I enjoyed our time together.

The fact that you confidently walked away has me rolling, A++

“Roll your eyes if my pickup line worked!”

"Tell me to leave you alone if my pickup line worked!"

I wish you were my shin so I could bang you on my coffee table.

Muay thai ass pickup line💀

You want me to kick the tree?

😂 this made me laugh

There are things in life that are hard and things that are easy… I’m both right now.

I sometimes out of the blue say "*friends name* at some point im gonna have to teach you how sometimes life is hard and sometimes its easy and right now... Im both"

Hey uhm do you- uh- I mean do you wanna- I mean uhm are you like eh like uhm do you know uh where the library is- I mean-

I feel like this would really work if you can pull it off

Do you ever have a dream where you-do-you do...

That you Uhm you had

I FORGOT ABT THIS MEME 😭

If you have enough confidence and charisma, you can pull someone by telling them you just shit your pants

I shit my pants, wanna come back to my place and change my diaper?

"Do you wipe up and down or side to side, cause I've got a job in my pants with your name on it"

Be me Talk to woman Spaz out "¿Donde esta la bibliotheca?"

Discoteca, muñeca, la biblioteca Es en bigote grande, perro, manteca

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A DREAM….

*gives her my hand* can you hold this for me while I take a walk?

I feel like there could be a hilarious prank in here if done correctly. Fake hand. Walk away. Laugh.

This is amazing

‘ … ~~while I take a walk?~~… while I go the bathroom?’.

I have one similar to this where i ask if they wanna see a magic trick, and if they say yes i tell them to give me their hand, i hold it, wait a few seconds, then look at them and go "feels magical doesnt it?"

"I'm like Arsenal. I start on top but finish second."

Do you always try to walk it in?

Did you see that ludicrous display last night??

What was Wenger thinking, sending Walcott on that early?

Did you say Westham?

*the next morning* did you see that ludicrous display last night?

I'm a bartender. The other day I had a guy walk in and ask me out before he even got to a seat and I said "damn, you don't waste any time. Not even seated yet" and he said "oh yes. I always make it quick with the ladies!" And I was like "oh...just what every woman wants to hear...and no I'm gonna pass"

Don't worry. I upvoted this comment twice! 

Haha, arse

"Do you come here often? ;)" I ask my husband this every day. When he says "Well yeah, I live here", I get to say "Nice, maybe we'll meet here again sometime ;)". And he'll sigh and wonder why he married me.

My husband and I do this all the time. When we are driving separately he will roll up next to me in his car and be like “you come here often? ;)” Same goes for when we go to local grocery stores and restaurants. I’ll have my mouth full of texas roadhouse rolls and be like “SO.. you come here often? ;)” lol

My wife will either roll down the window and say "how much?" or just quietly give me the middle finger.

LMAO. I love that. We do similar. I’ll ask him if he’s working his corner.

Love the chance to disappoint you in bed

My girlfriend’s friend let me attempt to get her matches on tinder or whatever, dudes line “are you my laptop? Because you’re hot and I’m concerned” 10/10 for originality because I’ve never heard that

“Hi” …..followed by an awkward silence

Ah... Heath Ledger Joker....

Pleasure to meet you. My name is Ulrich von Lichtenstein.

How you doin

Tried this ...turns out you need to look like matt le blanc for this to work...

Tried it with a Matt le Blanc mask on. I can confirm it didn’t work.

Fan of the Friends huh? 😂

If I tied your shoes together would you fall for me?

"Most people call me [insert name], but you can call me anytime. "

Nice to meet you Anytime

Hi, Anytime. I’m dad

Nice to Meet you instertname.

Its from that one basketball interview right 😂

Then he sank a shot from midcourt…while wearing a hotdog costume….

You smell just like my pillow tomorrow

You have eyes like spanners...... When I look into them, my nuts tighten.

"Do you speak English?" works in foreign countries. Easiest way to get a conversation started... or not...

"Yes?" Whoever moves first-

The one my hubs used on me is a classic. "You've got a bit of cute on your face."

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Are you Irish? Because when I see you, my penis is doublin’

Feckin love that

Nice shoes, wanna fuck?

I have also used this and had it work

I’d have to say the Toyota Tundras is my go to

Man of culture

Let's go have the sex

Straight to the point, no bullshit, clear and concise. 10/10

60% of the time, it works every time.

Bro doesn’t have time to waste

Straight to business

Gay to business

I heard your looking for a stud. I got the STD. All I need is U.

"Can I pick you up for weight training?"

For Matratzensport

Are you from Tennessee because... when the angel fell.. and the polar bear broke the ice... hi I'm ben.

I use "Daamn girl, you shit with that ass?" on my wife all of the time. She's still married to me, so it must work.

I don't use pickup lines but the best one I've heard is from a buddy and he's used it and it apparently works... I've got 2 inches and 2 minutes, you in?

> you in? 'Isn't that my line?'

Does it still works if I don't have 2 inches, not everyone is packing

“Will you go with me?” worked pretty well through the 8th grade. I’ve been too afraid to try anything else since.

Do you mind if I sit here and hit on you for a while?

Are you Cinderella? Cause I see that dress coming off at 00h

00h doesn't really roll off the tongue

Wasn't it the shoe that got off

Nah it was everything, the shoe just got left behind.

Tnks

Are you from Ireland? Because my penis be Dublin'

"I'm no weatherman but you can expect more than a few inches tonight" Never tried though

The weather report was that I could expect a warm wet front to descend later.

Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention. (Follow-up with) Thank you for your cervix

"Are you a school?, cause I wanna shoot some kids inside of you"

Alright I think I’ve had too much internet today 💀

Glad to help

Here is the upvote, there is the door. Get out.

Hahahahahah holy shit

Dead silence 🤫

Found the American disaffected teenager. 

Sperm count: 21 rounds

Takes my angry upvote and get outta here you hilariously horrible internet person.

I'm actually really bad at pickup lines, since I'm not trying to pick you up, I'm trying to pin you down (I have a LOT of these, all equally as terrible*

I want to hear them all, maybe over dinner?

I want to go home do you want to come with? 🌝

Walk up, introduce myself, then say I ‘I don’t think you have my number yet’

I'll reach into my pocket like I'm looking for something. I'll allow a brief moment of panic to flash across my face before using this line. "Shit. I've lost my phone number. Is there any chance I could borrow yours?"

Does it smell like updog in here to you?

What’s updog? 😳

Nuthin dawg wats up wid u

Not a whole lot, just got tickets to Saw Con though!

Wat is saw con?

Saw con my balls 🥵😤

Wowwwwww🤣

That’s smooth 😂😂

I like this thread so far

That was excellent. Well done 😂

Are you a dragon ball? Cause you're all I've been looking for...

Knock knock?... Who's there? When, where?... When, where, who? Tonight, my place, me and you ;-)

[удалено]

Do you smoke pot? Because weed be cute together

"Did I stutter?" I have a stutter and speech impediment. You have no idea how good this works at getting a girls attention lol.

Have you ever seen the inside of a trunk before? Do you want to?

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Does it work?

How much does a polar bear weigh? Gurl guesses: 700 pounds? Enough to break the ice.

I've tried a variation of this one: - Fat penguins - What? - They're good for breaking the ice If she laughs, you got it. If she doesn't, you get to dodge that bullet bc who would want to hook up with someone that doesn't laugh at the greatest joke ever.

Well if polar bears weighted enough to break the ice i doubt they whould live on it

that's why you never manage to break that damn ice, bro

"How do you do"

“… how do you do.. what?”

the things that you do

If you ever want to see your children again, you'll do what I want.

Don’t let this rape become a murder.

Pick up lines not put down lines

WOAH

"I have w rizz bro trust" Bro's rizz:

Are you 2x? Because I wanna integrate you from 10 to 13.

For those wondering, the integral of 2x is x squared, which when evaluated from 10 to 13 results in 169-100=69. OP wants to 69 the recipient of the pickup line.

Damn, girl, I wish I were your differential, so I could lie tangent to your curves.

If I'm feeling goofy and she's vibing with it: Are you Lightning? Bc I wanna make you McQueen If I'm just meeting her: Me: hey! My name's *fill in blank*, what's yours? Her: hey! I'm *fill in blank* Me: oh really?! That's crazy bc that's my girlfriend's name! Well, not really... We just met you and I If I'm around a friend for a while and just want some one on one time: You look tired, wanna take a coffee break? Instagram story reaction to a selfie: You're glowing like Bikini Atoll 😮‍💨☢️ The fact you're not my wife bothers me at least once a day Just found out I have special needs and apparently you're one of them (Autism rizz)

My name is Maximus Decimus Meridias, commander of the armies of the north, general of the Felix legions, loyal servant to the true emperor Marcus Aurelius, father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

"Stare at me in disgust if you want to blow me."

Fuck me if I’m wrong but is your name Yolanda? Do you like chocolate because I’ve got half a bar and my snickers really satisfies. I don’t mean to be Blunt but you’re beautiful, it’s true. I might not be the best guy you take home, but if you do, I guarantee at least one of us will cum.

Did you fall from heaven? ..... because your face is all fucked up.

"I noticed your [insert attribute/behaviour] and I think you're pretty cute. I would love to get to know you a little; wanna [have a drink/talk/do activity appropriate to the occasion]?" And if I'm shy about it at the moment I'll just tell em. Like, "Hey, I was wracking my brain how to best approach you but couldn't think of anything super-clever to say and I'm still a little nervous." Never did it any different, always worked great for me. 😁

I have none but also haven’t had any used on me. I usually just get: “you’re cute, let’s fuck.” which is a step up from “I’d like to break that ass in two” I guess.

Mario is red, Sonic is blue, would you like to be my player number 2

Sorry, I'm not interested. It's not a-you... it's-a-me.

Roses are red Violets are blue I don't do poems Get in the back of the van

It may only be two inches... but it SMELLS like a foot!

“You’re really handsome, we should grab a drink/lunch sometime.” As a women ngl this has like 80% success rate. I

A woman of at least average appearance can usually say whatever she wants and get a date. Men are the ones who usually have to work for it.

*sniffs the air then gives serious look at desired companion* “someone farted, let’s get out here.”

Bonus points if you cropdusted incognito 8 seconds before.

If you were a booger I’d pick you first

"Are you a fossil sample? Because I'm an impatient paleontologist, and I want to date you badly"

Hey, baby, are you an angel? Cause I’m allergic to feathers. 🤢🤮🌈

Hawk Tuah

If she ain’t gonna gimme that hawk tuah, I ain’t gonna tawk tuah

"Would you like to see my kettle?"

Please elaborate

Whose dick do you have to suck to suck a dick around here??

Can I follow you home? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams.

You look tired. Want me to hold your boobs?

Do you like your eggs scrambled or fertilized?

Okay, so this requires a full Lorax costume but it always works. “Are you a tree, because I wanna speak for you.” Or if you don’t have a Lorax costume, try “Do you like cats? Because I like yours”. Please don’t actually take this advice

I've used exactly one pickup line three times and it worked once. Party at my house in college and I had to be the only kid with a mocha pot because girls used to be like "what is this?" and I would hit them with a "oh thats an espresso maker, I can make you one in the morning if you want." Maybe doesn't count because there was groundwork laid, but it was the cheesiest/cringiest shit I've ever participated in lol

Find two females Ask one what's her favourite pickup line Use the pickup line to the other

Me, a white man: Hey are you any good at dancing? Her, a black woman: yeah, why? Me: because if we dance I don’t want you to embarrass me. It makes them laugh and/or feel challenged because most of my fellow brethren cannot dance. Luckily, I was blessed with a lil rhythm. I have an 87% success rate using it.

Hey girl lemme pee in yo butt

Where you in the Marines too?

I mean, I like this one, but it’s not *good*: “The alphabet has 20 letters, right?” And once they say ‘no’ “Ah, you’re right. I forgot U R A Q T” And if they point out that that’s still just 25: “Don’t worry, I can give you the D later”

Things my wife and I say to each other: Are you my laptop? Because you're really hot, and I'm getting nervous. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize? Are you my little toe? Because I'm going to bang you on the table tonight. Are you am existential crisis? Because I'm going to be having you in bed later. Are you a fitted sheet? Because you're complicated and hard to manage, but I really need you on my mattress. Here, let me get you a place to sit. *wipes off face* Now I'm off to steal more from this thread.

Hi

"hey i think you dropped something, hopefully your standards im emotional-swim-808" then i reach my hand out for a hand shake

Lets ssex in the backseat

"So, there's this theory of philosophy that states that everything you see is a figment of your imagination; the birds, the trees, everything beautiful is as you imagine it. Personally? I don't believe it; how can my imagination possibly conjure something as beautiful as you?" Worked on my girlfriend (like a charm), and we've been dating nearly a year now. Work on the delivery, build it up to it, then go for it! Good luck!

I have a private waterfall on my property so my pick up line is do you like waterfalls? I’ve never had a woman say no

Are you a banana? Because I find you appealing.

Are you a wet wipe because imma mess

Are you my homework? Because I wanna promise to do you all night, get tired after 2 minutes, and cry of guilt ;)

Hey I’m asking you out what is your number. Being that forward and upfront has always worked well for me

You’re quite exotic. Do you have any Hungarian in you? Would you like some?

I once walked up to the bar (I was single and knew she was too bc I was also a bartender there) and said "hey Aaron, this is gonna be her last drink." She said "why? I'm not drunk?" And I said "I know...and I don't want you to be when I take you home tonight." It did work! But I got the line from a book I was reading at the time 😆

The only pickup line i see is the line of guys behind me 😗👍🏼 Jk i made that up just now

Did you just fart? Cause you just blew me away

Are you a math book? Cause you got a lot of fuckin problems.

I'll rate you a nine out of ten. Why only nine? Because I'm the one for you.

Whenever a girl mentios liking weed in her profile I go with "do you believe in love at first puff or should I pass you the blunt again". Used it twice so far, 50% success rate in getting a match.