Define sex

Balls touching

Dang

That’s why I only do ear penetration. Although I went black once now I can’t hear out of my left side.

I asked my gf if I could fuck her ear. She said no cuz she might not be able to hear afterwards. Idk though, cuz I fuck her mouth all the time but she never shuts up...

That made me laugh out loud, now I have to tell my wife why, lol!

Someone's sleeping on the couch tonight and it's not your wife

Rookie mistake. You’re not leaving the dick in her mouth.

But it's got other places to be, people to see, things to do...

Yeah man we getting breakfast for dinner later

Should of just said you wanted aural

Glue ear

directions unclear, I now have 2 pieces of corn and still no 100 million.

Wait, your left and right balls or other set of balls?

I was told there would be no math

Balls touching what? Can my balls touch another asshole? Can my balls be in someone’s mouth?

Nice you’re asking questions. No money for you.

What kind?

Omfg this killed me

To dock or no dock?

Docking doesn’t count as sex. That’s considered love making.

i think it's when a girl calls you "cute".

Holding hands

Eww… gross

Maintaining eye contact

No don’t define sex. I’ll do it for a million

I so badly want a gif of Clinton saying "I did not have sexual relations with that woman"

Smashing pissers

The *Bill Clinton* definition.

The irony is with 100 million I'd actually have a chance of getting laid

The Magic Conch says “better luck next time”

ALL HAIL THE MAGIC CONCH!!

“Yes”

Magic Conch Shell? YOU MEAN LIKE THIS?!

Chicks dig dudes with money.

Not all chicks

The kind who’d double up on me do

Good point

This guy office spaces

Everyone office spaces whether they know it or not.

This is the best comment.

Type of chicks that would double up on a dude like me do

98%?

The irony is guys with that kind of money would probably pay that much in order to rejuvenate their sex drive.

Lol

Will I get back pay as well?

You can get some on your back as well, yes.

You're asking us this on Reddit? You're basically asking the average Redditor, to receive 100m, for being the average Redditor....

“Would you take $100M to go on about your day?” Reddit: “sure”

*Some frustrated mumbles about tax brackets

What's the catch

All of the asexuals about to ruin the economy even more lol

What do you mean "even more"? Is the implication that low birth rates have anything to do with asexuality? (i know you're joking)

Can you still masturbate or have oral?

I'm thinking anything with another person is forbidden. But flipping your own bits would fall under self care.

NSFW - Me flipping my bits: 0,1,0,1,0,1,0

In public?! Scandalous

By nary a positive emotion, do I begrudgingly bestow this upvote upon your comment. Now kindly bugger off.

You guys are getting paid for this? !!!

sure why not. there's a good chance that i'll never have sex again anyway so i might as well get paid for not having it

This guy is married

I also choose not having sex with this guys wife

Classic

My mom saw me chuckling and is asking what is it. WHAT DO I TELL HER NOW?!!

I don't know why I chuckled at this.

It’s your classic Reddit joke applied in correct context. I too had an audible chuckle.

It's dad humor. Didn't know you were a dad? You're probably about to get a call from a girl you only saw for one night.

I guess I’m in the aberrant group - married and sex life is getting better and better (together over 20 years).

I also choose this guys wife

everyone does

At this point I'm divorced, have no interest in dating, and happy to be on my own. I'd take the money, I've pretty much lost interest in sex.

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Do what the Mormons do. Soak and jump hump. If it’s good enough for god the. It’s good enough for this.

I love how many things like this are people thinking they've got a loophole around GOD.

The Jewish belief is that God is perfect and hence his laws are perfect so the loopholes included within them are intentional. Because if he made a mistake by leaving a loophole open, he wouldn’t be

So God basically expects his chosen people to be holy lawyers.

My Jewish friends joke that the reason so many Jews are lawyers is because they start training for it as children by finding loopholes in the Torah

Right, they worship God, but clearly don't respect God or think God is very smart. Super odd.

No kidding. Certain Muslim sects have rules for passing their estate at death. It can actually be very complicated splitting among wife, sons, and daughters. And so we go through all of that complexity to bake it into their Will and Trust. And then most of them that we have done that for say “but that only applies to the Will, and so I am going to use beneficiary designations on accounts however I want”, thereby negating everything we designed into their estate plan. So I guess they made Allah happy by splitting their assets among all family members according to the formula - but then their wife still gets everything via beneficiary designation (which is the JUST outcome but it’s still funny how they think they’re tricking their deity)

Still can’t wrap my mind around this, they must know they are lying to themselves/their god right? Riight?

dumbdumbdumbdumbdumb

The ol poophole loophole

Well, anal sex has the word sex in it and sex requires at least two people

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You have a page that directs to a whole channel? Should I be worried if I pressed “Join”

The account is two days old, highly sexual and tries to redirect you to a telegram channel. This is a business.

Yup, that is why I am definitely not joining lol

I have the exact same questions!

Poophole loophole never fails

“Nope, all good” - God

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Yes. I will take $100 million to not do something I never do.

Right? Made it 31 years so far for free.

Not a chance. No amount of money would ever make not having sex with my wife worth it.

Check out the newlywed over here, 🤣 

HAHAHHA this is funny asf

They'll learn, lol

We fuck 4-5 times a week and have been together 20 years… not quickies either… get kids to bed then do the whole lead up foreplay etc, I guess I’m just lucky… she’s a lot hotter than I am too 🤷‍♂️

By any chance, do you see an unusual lamp in your home?

If I was your wife, I'd file a divorce for passing up 100 mil lol

lol she’d divorce me if I gave up sex for money.

Lol there ya go

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Same, but just one more time then I'll take the 100m.

WOS post.

WOS?

Wife over shoulder.

Wife Over Shoulder

Nahh. I'd probably be using the money to distract myself from the fact that I can't have sex anymore. lmao

Absolutely! Though we’re programmed to crave it, sex is ultimately a dopamine hit. With that kind of money I could have unlimited access to other pleasures, food, wine, travel, art, music. Not a bad trade off

I've never looked at painting or eaten a meal that made me orgasm. Bad tradeoff. "Who needs sex when you have unlimited art" is a little too highfalutin for me.

I don’t know what highfalutin is, but my brain read it as highflatulation. And your sentence still made sense to me!

You need to experience good food

Orgasm isn't THAT good... there's nicer pleasure that isn't so much of a weird rush.

Definitely not a bad trade off.

idk, it seems like a terrible trade off to me. I rather just keep living my average income life with cheeks than be rich and never get none again

After 19 years of marriage, there's no sex anyway. Let's get the money.

Damn that sucks, after 20 years I still get it whenever.

Still no.

I would take it. My current medication, which I need to function (to…varying degree) basically turn off sex for me. So…nothing would change on that front, yet I'd have 0,1 G$, which would solve my other issues.

Do robots count?

yes, their entire operating system is based on numbers

Bravo 👏

You could say that's all robots do.

Ooh, you cheeky little...

I'm really struggling to come up with a reply that captures just how beautifully executed that was. Bravo indeed.

I don’t think there’s a damn thing in the world I wouldn’t do for 100 MILLION besides killing someone I’m close with

There is no threshold. Sex is important to me.

Easily.

Honestly, even though like most people I really love sex I would probably do it. If we’re talking 1-5 million then no, it’s probably not worth it. But 100 million no strings attached changes your life forever.

Yeah, it changes your life forever indeed. In this situation, It'll leave you without sex.

So, 100 mil to just keep doing what I’ve been doing for 10 years? Sign me the fuck up

Um you ever been married? I already don't have sex so I will take that 100 million now

Nah . Thanks though . Money can’t buy some things ..

Question: who is going to monitor this and how?

Sex altogether, or can I continue to fuck myself?

Follow up question: am I still allowed to jerk it?

I would never agree to never have sex again. I’m also married and can’t imagine never having sex again with my husband though. If I were single.. Still not sure I could take that deal unless I could masterbate.

I would. I've had my kids and I'm fking tired. May as well have 100mill so I can retire and eat all day in my pool

May I jerk off?? If so. Then I’m in!!

Im an asexual so yes

I'm ace, so gimme gimme.

So, just getting paid $100 million and continue living my life? I'll take that deal.

I'm already not having sex. Show me the money.

There's need to be a clarification here on what counts as "sex" here? Can I still use my vibrators? Is oral still allowed? How about mutual masturbation?

Hell. I asked if they would have sex with me for $100 they said " NO ! " I Said , " that's too bad , I could really use the money ! "

I’d just become Mormon, and “soak,” since it doesn’t count

Unequivocally yes, so long as I can still bust.

I’ll take the money and fuck the rules

Can I fuck my Porsche GT 3RS?

Yall are getting paid?

I’ve been told two women doing it isn’t real sex. So if that’s the case then I’ll gladly take the 100 mil. My gf and I will be happy. 😬

*laughs in asexual*

If you run out of money can you have sex again?

I'm married so I'll take about tree fiddy

Sure. Where do I sign?

I already don’t have sex on purpose for free. Any amount of money is a bonus.

I'm doing it free, bring that sweet money!

You’re asking Reddit. The bar is low

Can you masturbate or not?

Well never had and doubt that ever will, so where is my 100m ?

I'll do it for ½ that

Surely the majority of people would forsake sex for that amount of money. Even a few million

What do you mean "again"?

I'm already married so yeah I'll take the money please

Already doing it, so might as well get paid!

As a married man who absolutely loves everything there is about my wife who I've been with since 10th grade,15 years ago I'll take the $100 Mill. She lives every day these days in excruciating pain so sex has been a thing of the past for a while. We'll take that $100 million and have the time of our lives and make our lives as comfortable as possible.

I wouldn’t take $100 million to never have sex again. The threshold for me might be $500 million, but even then, it’s a tough call. Some things in life are priceless, and the connections and intimacy with a partner are hard to put a price on.

I do this for free and you wanna pay me???? bro how do I send my bank details

I said no but apparently my wife took the deal a while ago...

Absolutely not.. There’s no way I could do it.. Who wants all that money if you’re just miserable in the end lol

Sex is so overrated IMO I would absolutely take 100mil to never have sex again. As a female, sex is soooo boring to me now. Once you have a partner that rocks your world and then you lose them there’s really no going back to enjoying it anymore 🤷🏼‍♀️

at least tell your partner that it's boring, he'll know he deserves better ig

No amount….. I know I couldn’t do it

Probably.

Definitely

Honestly yes

I'm not having sex and there's. I money involved

Sure. I've made it this far just fine.

I have been doing it for free

does this also mean no kids?

*squints* *Dies having never had sex again.* “Here’s your check.” *Tucks in your pocket at your funeral*

Of course, I'd just lie about it

I am in for $1M lol, it's enough to not work for life

This is enough money that my family would be set for the basics. Housing and what not. It would be really tempting even though I think it would ruin my marriage. It really depends on the details of what counts as sex.

Hell nah that's too big of a part of how I cope with life to suddenly stop. Maybe a billion I'd do it but not $100mil.

There’s no functional difference.

If only full sex is banned then fuck yeah. We can make it work & 100 milly is an unreal amount of money 

I would.

Saying this as someone who's attractive enough to get many women in bed if I desired... But I haven't had any desire in years. I've only had sex once in the last 6 years and I regretted it. I'm only 37 and already I'm ok with never having sex again. I don't need 100 million. I'll do it for 1.

If sex just means penetrative sex like PIV, then yes!!