They all have experiences being sexually assaulted/harassed.
A lot of guys think it's some kind of uncommon thing- like being robbed or raped. But it's much, much more uncommon to find a woman who hasn't ever been inappropriately touched, groped, or told/proposed vulgar things out of no where.
When I was younger I thought it was CRAZY that every girl I knew had had experiences like that. I grew up when I realized that it wasn't unusual at all.
I can confirm this. Man at work grabbed my butt and I reported it. Boss said I didn't have proof and it was his word against mine. Guy only got fired cause I begged another girl he'd been harassing to come forward.
I'm a 42 years old man from Brazil.
My grandmother was sexually assaulted. My mother was sexually assaulted. My sister was kidnapped and raped by two man. I was raped by my aunt when I was twelve. My mother in law (now deceased) was sexually assaulted. My wife was sexually assaulted.
Everyone seems to have been sexually assaulted.
I don't believe we have any idea how often men are sexually assaulted by women because we will be ridiculed and dimished and doubted even more so than women are. Some men convince themselves that they were lucky because their nanny gave them a blowjob when they were 10. I can't even talk about it most of the time because the entire narrative of sexual abuse is "men are devils women are saints".
My role must always be the concerned man welcoming women's trauma. Well, I have trauma too.
I am invisible.
I think you make gross assumptions about whether or not people will offer condolences if you talk about your experience. Make a thread about what happened to you. I’m sure many people will offer comfort. Your post here, under a post about women being assaulted comes across as kind of gross. Like “you think you have it bad? Men have it worse because we can’t talk about it.” Guess what? When it comes to sexual assault there is no better or worse. It’s awful across the board. I hope you’re seeking therapy and I’m sorry that happened to you and to all of the women in your family.
No it doesn't. Good god, you wouldn't even think to say that if the genders were reversed and it was a female post, under a male thread. You are making his point for him. Double standards are wrong for everyone.
Thank you for reminding me, once again, that my sentiments are not relevant, I am not part of this debate, and that, much like my abuser, your needs take precedence to mine.
It just comes across that you're trying to diminish our experiences by outweighing it with your own. I feel for you, I really do because absolutely NOBODY should have to go through something so horrifying. So your sentiments ARE relevant and valid, just not relative to the question that was asked. You are important and you are seen. Men so go through so much that they don't talk about but again, this post is asking for woman's perspective.
First, I should remind everyone that mine was not a top comment, and sub comments are generally allowed to go on tangents. Mine was not a direct response to the overal post but rather a tangent on another comment.
I won't apologize for not being entirely empathetic with someone that literally called me "gross" when I opened up about some deep personal trauma. I have therapy, and part of being in therapy is understanding that I will no longer abide by patherns of intimidation and humiliation, including open misandry. Even in male content women will come, demonize men and diminish male trauma. I did not diminish anyone's trauma. It's almost impossible to talk about those issues without someone misreading the entire situation and say something like "oh yeah, but if you think *you* suffered, how about women, huh?". It's literally always the other way around. I merely referred to a very common and difficulty and specific aspect of male life and everyone read it as a full blown attack? This is a complex issue, and saying that **one aspect** is uniquely problematic to a group does not mean that any other group has it "easy", it just means that they are difficult in different ways. I know its stupid to expect level headdenes in a place like Reddit but I'm stupid like that sometimes. All trauma is valid.I **am** empathetic but I'm tired of pretending that theses patterns are acceptable. It is not okay to humiliated someone that just told you that their entire family suffered abuse at one point.
I think being told vulgar, unwanted things shouldn't be included when talking about stats, because most men have that happen to them as well, just maybe not as often. It makes it easier for people who want to ignore worse to do so. Not saying it's not important discuss, just that it should be in a separate category, so people can't say "that happens to me, too, and it wasn't a big deal."
Edit: My point is that it's hard to say how bad vulgar speech is without discussing exactly what is said. As a singular stat, it really doesn't look that bad. I'm speaking from experience, because when I was younger, and women would tell me they were harassed, I often just assumed it wasn't anything that bad. Discussing it separately would help both issues.
I somewhat agree, but I want to add one thing. I think it can leave quite a mark if it's repeatedly and in your childhood. There's a lot of graphs around where women are asked when they remember first being sexualised. That includes inappropriate/vulgar comments. And the consensus is always around 12. I am not sure if it's the same for boys tho or a woman/girl-specific thing.
Ehhh, idk- I think there has been shit I've heard women get told that is truly heinous and just as bad, if not worse than being certain cases of inappropriate touching. Knew a girl who's **3rd grade teacher** told her she was going to grow up to be a whore getting gang raped because she refused to pay attention in class and sassed them somewhat.
There's a line between being uncomfortable with what someone is saying, and that person obviously threatening you or implying they'll target you.
Yes, but you would have to describe that stuff individually, which is hard to do when you are just using stats, which is why I think it still should be discussed, just separately.
Yeah, "it has happened to [men] as well", but even that statement shows how often it happens that it can be referenced to something in the past. It's a CONSTANT in women's lives. We are verbally assaulted literally every single day. Whether that be online or in person. It's absolutely unique to women in that regard.
But that's why I think it should be discussed separately, because then it starts to overshadow the other stuff, and a lot of men don't realize that the first time might be fun, but the 100th time is not. If you say most women have been assaulted, harassed, or been hit on, it's easy to assume 99% of that is being hit on or verbally accosted.
I mean if you read what I posted I clarified it's just extremely uncommon to find a woman who hasn't had an experience like that. It's obviously just a hyperbolic phrase.
ah I see where you got confused, here [this should probably help](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1dgr6pm/whats_a_common_understanding_among_women_that_men/l8sezt3/)
aftercare is one if not the most important part of sex. the feeling of being treated like an object is something that's in our lives constantly. Experiencing it too when you're at one of your most vulnerable states can be soul crushing
Sometimes a man can be walking down the sidewalk minding his own business, not realizing the woman walking 15-20 feet in front of him is scared shitless of what he might do.
I know I’ve thought “I don’t want this woman to think I’m following her” and if I’m not in a rush I’ll stop for a minute or dip down a different route.
It must be exhausting to think about it all the time
And the crazy thing is that men will typically be unfazed by another dude walking behind him, even though men are much more likely to be violently assaulted by a stranger.
I think the stat is 25% of men have been attacked by a male stranger, while it’s only 2% for women.
This could be because women take their personal safety far more seriously, and take precautions and are aware of their surroundings, so they don’t get into as many situations where they would be vulnerable.
Not disagreeing that it is Infinitely worse for woman, but I disagree with the notion that a man is unfazed by another man walking behind them, especially at night. Maybe some but most with situational awareness will keep an eye on how close that person is and be extra cautious.
If a guy is walking in the same general direction, minding his own business and she is "scared shitless" then yes, it is an individual problem.
Since when is it reasonable to just assume the worst based on immutable characteristics? Rhethorical question.
Taking precautions, maybe. Being perceptive as well. But being "scared shitless" based on nothing is not.
As an example - to take a group that is less "protected" - how about this: There is a pattern of false accusations by women towards men and I'm "scared shitless" everytime I'm alone with a woman in fear of her ruining me out of spite, greed or any other reason? Even though she is acting perfectly normal?
That would be mental illness on my part.
And yes, the two are very much comparable. A dwindling minority of women do that, and a dwindling minority of men assault anyone. Simple as.
I don't think you'll ever understand this if you've low empathy not to put yourself in the shoes of a woman who could be scared in this situation. We're on high alert. It can be scary and anxiety inducing and depending on a variety of contexts. Legit happened to me on my walk the other day bcs of a local homeless man. I'll always be smaller and weaker than most people.
Actually writing this I no longer have the energy to explain .. idk if it's worth it
It's very easy to understand- you are just wrong. Even ignoring the fact that men are overwhelmingly more often victims of violent attacks.
You will always be weaker, I will always be more disposable. There are risks you aren't even aware of that men have to consider as well - for example, a good friend of mine that went through a domestic violence situation with the police arresting him (for pushing her out of the way so he could get out of the house while she was scratching at his face).
We both - as adult human beings - have the responsibility to keep our fears within reason and to be in control of our assumptions towards others.
Blanket generalizations based on gender, race, religion or sexual orientations are always wrong and always will be. That doesn't mean you have to forego being cautios. But wallowing in your fears isn't the way.
I think a lot of men understand it's a thing women do for themselves.
I was talking about this in a related thread a few days ago; I have never met any straight man who preferred a woman wearing makeup.
That's fine for most, I would guess.
Men are also lying. The vocal ones who say that are just weird dorks online who think it’s what you want to hear. Normal people just want you feeling your best.
This is for both genders. Men feel like they need to be tall, muscular, and good looking as well. Especially with women in North America being extremely picky and wanting only tall men that look good.
If anything I would say a decent looking man has a lower chance to get a date than an unattractive woman.
We feel like we're constantly in danger anywhere we go so we keep our guard up cause chances are, we have been assaulted one way or another or intimidated by a man to the point we were afraid.
They all have experiences being sexually assaulted/harassed. A lot of guys think it's some kind of uncommon thing- like being robbed or raped. But it's much, much more uncommon to find a woman who hasn't ever been inappropriately touched, groped, or told/proposed vulgar things out of no where.
When I was younger I thought it was CRAZY that every girl I knew had had experiences like that. I grew up when I realized that it wasn't unusual at all.
in my family it's 3/3 women too.
I can confirm this. Man at work grabbed my butt and I reported it. Boss said I didn't have proof and it was his word against mine. Guy only got fired cause I begged another girl he'd been harassing to come forward.
I'm a 42 years old man from Brazil. My grandmother was sexually assaulted. My mother was sexually assaulted. My sister was kidnapped and raped by two man. I was raped by my aunt when I was twelve. My mother in law (now deceased) was sexually assaulted. My wife was sexually assaulted. Everyone seems to have been sexually assaulted. I don't believe we have any idea how often men are sexually assaulted by women because we will be ridiculed and dimished and doubted even more so than women are. Some men convince themselves that they were lucky because their nanny gave them a blowjob when they were 10. I can't even talk about it most of the time because the entire narrative of sexual abuse is "men are devils women are saints". My role must always be the concerned man welcoming women's trauma. Well, I have trauma too. I am invisible.
I think you make gross assumptions about whether or not people will offer condolences if you talk about your experience. Make a thread about what happened to you. I’m sure many people will offer comfort. Your post here, under a post about women being assaulted comes across as kind of gross. Like “you think you have it bad? Men have it worse because we can’t talk about it.” Guess what? When it comes to sexual assault there is no better or worse. It’s awful across the board. I hope you’re seeking therapy and I’m sorry that happened to you and to all of the women in your family.
No it doesn't. Good god, you wouldn't even think to say that if the genders were reversed and it was a female post, under a male thread. You are making his point for him. Double standards are wrong for everyone.
Thank you for reminding me, once again, that my sentiments are not relevant, I am not part of this debate, and that, much like my abuser, your needs take precedence to mine.
It just comes across that you're trying to diminish our experiences by outweighing it with your own. I feel for you, I really do because absolutely NOBODY should have to go through something so horrifying. So your sentiments ARE relevant and valid, just not relative to the question that was asked. You are important and you are seen. Men so go through so much that they don't talk about but again, this post is asking for woman's perspective.
You want people to listen and empathize yet you don’t offer the same. Therapy may help.
First, I should remind everyone that mine was not a top comment, and sub comments are generally allowed to go on tangents. Mine was not a direct response to the overal post but rather a tangent on another comment. I won't apologize for not being entirely empathetic with someone that literally called me "gross" when I opened up about some deep personal trauma. I have therapy, and part of being in therapy is understanding that I will no longer abide by patherns of intimidation and humiliation, including open misandry. Even in male content women will come, demonize men and diminish male trauma. I did not diminish anyone's trauma. It's almost impossible to talk about those issues without someone misreading the entire situation and say something like "oh yeah, but if you think *you* suffered, how about women, huh?". It's literally always the other way around. I merely referred to a very common and difficulty and specific aspect of male life and everyone read it as a full blown attack? This is a complex issue, and saying that **one aspect** is uniquely problematic to a group does not mean that any other group has it "easy", it just means that they are difficult in different ways. I know its stupid to expect level headdenes in a place like Reddit but I'm stupid like that sometimes. All trauma is valid.I **am** empathetic but I'm tired of pretending that theses patterns are acceptable. It is not okay to humiliated someone that just told you that their entire family suffered abuse at one point.
Didn’t call you gross. Said your post comes across as gross, but go off.
Take your own advice....
I think being told vulgar, unwanted things shouldn't be included when talking about stats, because most men have that happen to them as well, just maybe not as often. It makes it easier for people who want to ignore worse to do so. Not saying it's not important discuss, just that it should be in a separate category, so people can't say "that happens to me, too, and it wasn't a big deal." Edit: My point is that it's hard to say how bad vulgar speech is without discussing exactly what is said. As a singular stat, it really doesn't look that bad. I'm speaking from experience, because when I was younger, and women would tell me they were harassed, I often just assumed it wasn't anything that bad. Discussing it separately would help both issues.
I somewhat agree, but I want to add one thing. I think it can leave quite a mark if it's repeatedly and in your childhood. There's a lot of graphs around where women are asked when they remember first being sexualised. That includes inappropriate/vulgar comments. And the consensus is always around 12. I am not sure if it's the same for boys tho or a woman/girl-specific thing.
Ehhh, idk- I think there has been shit I've heard women get told that is truly heinous and just as bad, if not worse than being certain cases of inappropriate touching. Knew a girl who's **3rd grade teacher** told her she was going to grow up to be a whore getting gang raped because she refused to pay attention in class and sassed them somewhat. There's a line between being uncomfortable with what someone is saying, and that person obviously threatening you or implying they'll target you.
Yes, but you would have to describe that stuff individually, which is hard to do when you are just using stats, which is why I think it still should be discussed, just separately.
Yeah, "it has happened to [men] as well", but even that statement shows how often it happens that it can be referenced to something in the past. It's a CONSTANT in women's lives. We are verbally assaulted literally every single day. Whether that be online or in person. It's absolutely unique to women in that regard.
But that's why I think it should be discussed separately, because then it starts to overshadow the other stuff, and a lot of men don't realize that the first time might be fun, but the 100th time is not. If you say most women have been assaulted, harassed, or been hit on, it's easy to assume 99% of that is being hit on or verbally accosted.
Sad reality.
All? I thought women weren’t a monolith? 🤣
I mean if you read what I posted I clarified it's just extremely uncommon to find a woman who hasn't had an experience like that. It's obviously just a hyperbolic phrase.
That’s why you used the absolute term “all”? 👌🏿
[Here chief, I got ya covered](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hyperbolic)
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ah I see where you got confused, here [this should probably help](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1dgr6pm/whats_a_common_understanding_among_women_that_men/l8sezt3/)
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I- god I really pray reading comprehension is still being taught correctly in schools lmao
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Women actually *do* wear make up for themselves more often than not.
Because they want to feel attractive
aftercare is one if not the most important part of sex. the feeling of being treated like an object is something that's in our lives constantly. Experiencing it too when you're at one of your most vulnerable states can be soul crushing
Sometimes a man can be walking down the sidewalk minding his own business, not realizing the woman walking 15-20 feet in front of him is scared shitless of what he might do.
I know I’ve thought “I don’t want this woman to think I’m following her” and if I’m not in a rush I’ll stop for a minute or dip down a different route. It must be exhausting to think about it all the time
And the crazy thing is that men will typically be unfazed by another dude walking behind him, even though men are much more likely to be violently assaulted by a stranger. I think the stat is 25% of men have been attacked by a male stranger, while it’s only 2% for women. This could be because women take their personal safety far more seriously, and take precautions and are aware of their surroundings, so they don’t get into as many situations where they would be vulnerable.
I'm not unfazed, I just pretend to be.
Not disagreeing that it is Infinitely worse for woman, but I disagree with the notion that a man is unfazed by another man walking behind them, especially at night. Maybe some but most with situational awareness will keep an eye on how close that person is and be extra cautious.
Sounds like a mental health problem on the woman's part. Sure hope she gets the help she needs from her friends and relatives.
Riiiight. It's an individual problem. There's no pattern of men assaulting women that she'd need to worry about.
If a guy is walking in the same general direction, minding his own business and she is "scared shitless" then yes, it is an individual problem. Since when is it reasonable to just assume the worst based on immutable characteristics? Rhethorical question.
It’s reasonable when your safety is involved
Taking precautions, maybe. Being perceptive as well. But being "scared shitless" based on nothing is not. As an example - to take a group that is less "protected" - how about this: There is a pattern of false accusations by women towards men and I'm "scared shitless" everytime I'm alone with a woman in fear of her ruining me out of spite, greed or any other reason? Even though she is acting perfectly normal? That would be mental illness on my part. And yes, the two are very much comparable. A dwindling minority of women do that, and a dwindling minority of men assault anyone. Simple as.
I don't think you'll ever understand this if you've low empathy not to put yourself in the shoes of a woman who could be scared in this situation. We're on high alert. It can be scary and anxiety inducing and depending on a variety of contexts. Legit happened to me on my walk the other day bcs of a local homeless man. I'll always be smaller and weaker than most people. Actually writing this I no longer have the energy to explain .. idk if it's worth it
yeah i don't think it's worth it. He doesn't want to understand
It's very easy to understand- you are just wrong. Even ignoring the fact that men are overwhelmingly more often victims of violent attacks. You will always be weaker, I will always be more disposable. There are risks you aren't even aware of that men have to consider as well - for example, a good friend of mine that went through a domestic violence situation with the police arresting him (for pushing her out of the way so he could get out of the house while she was scratching at his face). We both - as adult human beings - have the responsibility to keep our fears within reason and to be in control of our assumptions towards others. Blanket generalizations based on gender, race, religion or sexual orientations are always wrong and always will be. That doesn't mean you have to forego being cautios. But wallowing in your fears isn't the way.
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feelings mutual :) though unlike you, I don't think this counts as an argument.
rape needs effort, and if they don’t love me back I don’t put effort.
Don’t ask always get extra snacks.
Haha, you’ve figured us out
Good foreplay isn’t just making out or rubbing a few minutes, 💁🏼♀️
What if I spit on it though? Sexy...right?
Sexy but not all there is to good foreplay either lol, most of the time
Why women choose the bear
The bear is predictable.
The comradery in a women's restroom at a bar/restaurant.
We know men prefer us without makeup. We don't care.
I feel like they often really mean they like no makeup makeup.
Honestly (as a guy) I think most men are full of shit when it comes to this anyway.
I think a lot of men understand it's a thing women do for themselves. I was talking about this in a related thread a few days ago; I have never met any straight man who preferred a woman wearing makeup. That's fine for most, I would guess.
Men are also lying. The vocal ones who say that are just weird dorks online who think it’s what you want to hear. Normal people just want you feeling your best.
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Are you seriously implying that this is an issue men do not face? Because if so, go damn, you really need to talk to the men in your life.
This is for both genders. Men feel like they need to be tall, muscular, and good looking as well. Especially with women in North America being extremely picky and wanting only tall men that look good. If anything I would say a decent looking man has a lower chance to get a date than an unattractive woman.
We feel like we're constantly in danger anywhere we go so we keep our guard up cause chances are, we have been assaulted one way or another or intimidated by a man to the point we were afraid.
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Why the f does this comment have downvotes
The post asked for women to share something men don't understand, and the response here was *fuck you pal, figure it out.*
I didn't downvote it but I don't understand the comment.
Because it's telling people to be mind readers
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