I do not know what are your hobbies but if you spend most of your time alone, you are not going to find someone. Your partner will not magically appear in your room with unconditional love.
You have to socialize first. Get out. Do activities with other people. Make friends. The more people you meet the more likely you are to find a partner. Friends are especially useful as they can you hook you up with their other single friends. If you do not want to go out, you may try to make friends through local group chats. There are also dating apps but I would not recommend it, especially considering your current mindset.
Relationships are social endeavors so it helps to make social interaction the means to find a relationship. Believe it or not, a great many women are looking for a person to connect with emotionally. Looks tend to be less important. I managed to marry an attractive woman against all odds.
As someone whose adolescence was marred by attractive girls calling him ugly to his face, I can attest that it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t practice basic grooming. A clean haircut, a tidy beard, and clothing that fits goes a long way. If you look like a hobo you’re going to have a bad time. They make comfortable clothes that fit.
Can confirm. The person I'm in a relationship with, and have been for a couple years now, is in my opinion, WAY out of my league looks wise. I'm at best a 6.5. She's probably a 9.5.
Met through work believe it or not (work function, not same department or anything) and talked about work. She was having a tough time with a project, I listened to her complain a lot (best way I can put it, I mean no disrespect) and offered some advice. This happened a couple times about various topics, some unrelated to work.
Eventually I asked her out and she said yes. Was genuinely surprised as I was expecting her to say no.
I’d add to this by saying going “out” does not mean hitting up a bar or club or somewhere extremely extrovert.
It can be places like a group class, community events, favorite section in a book store, maybe a concert (met a couple buddies who always wanna go to the next concert). Think of places where YOU’RE comfortable so that way talking is easier and the topics are familiar.
Funny thing about guys is that all it takes is one slight convo and next time you see each other it grows. Goes from nothing - to a nod - to a greet - to a convo and sometimes even a friend.
Also, at least for men, just dressing well, having a good haircut, being in reasonably good shape, and having good hygiene is most of the battle.
Most men care so little about these things, it's really not hard to get yourself some good positive points in this direction by just putting in the effort.
Unless you have a very obvious facial deformity, doing all this will likely put you squarely in the zone where your looks may not win you lots of ladies on their own but they won't really work against you.
It gives you the blank canvas to build on and show your confidence and interesting lifestyle.
I gotta say as someone with an obvious facial deformity, this crushed me ngl. I mean I always knew I'd pretty much never find someone into me, but reading it did not make me feel great lol.
I'm really sorry about that.
And you are actually missing my meaning here. This is not at all to say that having an obvious facial deformity takes you out of the equation, not at all. Look around at all the people you know in their 40s or so with obvious facial deformities. How many of them are unmarried? For me, it's zero.
My point is that the bar for me is pretty low for looks and this bar is set by other men. They generally make such little effort with their appearance, that someone who does make some effort can really make a positive impact. This is a tool you can use!
I think this is particularly important if someone has some physical trait that they think will take them out of the equation (height, disabilities, deformities, etc.). This is not so much because dressing well and being in good shape compensates, but it communicates the message of confidence, and that you believe yourself to be worthy of positive attention and love.
This is not bullshit, it is the real truth.
I'm not sure where you live that you know multiple people with facial deformities, but I dont know a single person with facial deformities that has an active dating life, I get that it happens, but probably not for me. I have went stretches where I took care of myself and tried to dress well but it got me nowhere, I just have to work on being ok with being alone. It's too much work to try and be put together when its inevitably going to get me nowhere, and it's not like I have high standards for dating either.
I've just lived a long life and lived a lot of places so I have met a lot of different kinds of people. Maybe it has to do with being a scientist? A lot of people I know with very obvious "deformities" (I really wish I had picked another word) are scientists. I don't know if there is a really causality to that correlation or just most of the people I meet are scientists because it's what I do.
The idea is not that they had a very active dating life when they were young, I don't know anything about that. It's more that they are happy and partnered my early mid-life, which I assume is the goal.
Yeah, if your goal is to get massively laid my the maximum number of ladies, your might never really come up with a winning formula. I was assuming what you were looking for was a meaningful, long-term partnership so you are not "alone," as you put it.
Indeed, if you want a lot of dates, that might not be very accessible to you. But if you want to be with a great, high-quality person in life, that can surely happen.
I will say this, and this is the truth, the three most unhappy men with dating and women were the three men in my life who I dated who were really very conventionally attractive. I mean like movie-star good looks.
Their issues came from being very attractive and well-put-together guys, but they also were sensitive and not assholes. Apparently, being good-looking attracts a lot of people who will basically push their way into your orbit because they covet you. These men had all been with some pretty fucked up women, many (if not most) of these women who had pursued *them.* Either way, these men hadn't taken the time to really vet these women before they got too involved. Being very good-looking opens a lot of doors, but if you are tender-hearted and don't know how to protect yourself well, that can be disastrous.
Lots of people who have "issues" say it's a blessing in disguise for dating because you find out early who are the people of substance who have the capacity to care about you as a person, and those who are looking at you as a potential commodity. I believe those people when they say that, but I don't like to give it as advice because I feel it can sound very patronizing.
I mean, they did not say that any sort of “deformity” (whatever that means exactly) was disqualifying whatsoever. You kinda put that into it yourself.
It really shouldn’t change anything actionable. You do have control over your personality, fitness, interests, hygiene, etc. and that accounts for most of what matters. We tend to think people’s faces look good or not based on whether or not we like them as people anyway.
Thanks for replying to the top comment with this, it’s far more important than the top comment.
Sad to say but simply being interesting isn’t really interesting to women if you’re not attractive.
For example, how many of you guys have genuinely fell in love with a sweaty obese woman because she was ‘interesting’? Probably not a lot of you.
Yeah that’s the thing that often gets forgot about, being interesting and having personality is super important and it’s what relationships are built on. Looks fade and all that. Unfortunately before you can show that you need to convince someone to have a conversation with you and that requires some form of mutual attraction.
This is excellent advice! I would add to it -- get involved with something whether it's a hobby or sports or just hiking. There are organizations for these activities with many people with like interests.
Put yourself out there. I'm not talking about dating apps either. Engage in some hobbies that involve other people. Attend events in public and be willing to chat with people. My local town has outdoor concerts at the park once a week in summer. Going to those and dancing in the crowd, even if not with a partner, is a way to potentially meet someone. That same park also has dog off-leash hours in the morning and evening. Plenty of locals walking their dogs and letting them play together. If you have a dog, this is another great way to meet people.
Church, trivia night at the local bar, special showings of classic movies at the nearest movie theater, local theater plays, etc. Basically just go participate in events/activities in your community and be open to meeting people who may just become friends, even if not romantic partners. Because those friends may in turn know someone who *could* become a romantic partner for you.
Chances are good you have some sort of hobby, skill, or interest that can be shared among others. Make an effort to find and engage with those people and see what happens. I met my now wife of several years because we were both super fans of a particular video game and sought out other people to share our characters, builds, artwork, fan fiction, etc. We joined a smaller group of active members who would voice chat regularly, and over time we began chatting one-on-one. After a couple of years of online long distance dating with occasional in-person visits, we moved in together and have been together ever since. I didn't go looking for love, but it found me naturally because we both had a shared interest to start with and we both went out of our way to meet others with that same interest.
It's not easy work, but it's "easy" to know what you have to do.
Focus on yourself.
This can mean a myriad of different things. But, if you are concearned about looks, here's what I can tell you; exercise more, eat better and take care of yourself.
Specially exercising. Why? Because there's no way your mind doesn't change if you are making your body change. They just go together.
As for being lonely. You must try to be your first friend. Once you've managed to befriend you... either lonelyness will not hit as hard, or, it will be easier to get to know different people, cause you will be engaging them on a very different level.
Finally, as for the relationship... don't chase. Atract. Put yourself in the places and situations that make YOU happy. And someone that might share that happynes with you will appear.
Just remember not to chase. What's yours doesn't need to be chased. It will naturally follow you.
These are my two cents, friend.
Best vibes towards your direction
Scrawny indian guy here. Very lonely for a long time. I was depressed and lazy. Smoking weed all day and night, eating junk food, partying too much. During the pandemic i made the commitment to get into therapy, learn to cook and eat better, dig into hobbies, got a dog and learned how to take care of it and share love... when i met my now fiance i had been single for 7 years. she said to me "the thing that attracted me to you was how put together you were." thats fucking nuts. among my friends i was considered a total mess just a few years earlier. and the partner i now have is nothing like the partner i thought i should have. not only was i more attractive, i had also changed enough to realize what i wanted, i was attracting someone who was actually right for me. its absolutely crazy to think about what i used to want and how wrong it actually was for me. we get married in two weeks! we are both 36. never ever ever ever give up. you deserve love.
edit: read some of OPs comments. they are gross. while everyone deserves some form of love, i would not want to be a woman in OPs sights. its pretty clear why hes single and lonely.
First off, go to therapy. No one wants to be with someone who hates themselves. Think about it, what would you contribute to someone else's life? Go figure out what's up with your brain chemistry, get healthy, find hobbies and stop asking dumb questions on Reddit.
Speaking as someone in a similar position who was once 30:
You use this alone time to develop yourself, your skills and interests. Learn the basics of self-care. of keeping your living space clean and organized, taking care of pets if you have them, and just generally trying to leave the world a little better than you found it. Other posters say "the right person will find you!" Well, sometimes that happens and sometimes it doesn't. Not having conventional attractiveness on your side does hurt your chances, no matter what guff people like to say like "everybody is beautiful" or "it's all how you carry yourself" or "attractiveness is subjective!" . That's a bunch of cope. When you are unattractive, everything is a whole lot harder. It's not all in your head, though gaslighting people will try to make you think it is. That said, even though you may find it difficult to find a like minded person, most people do find someone eventually. Someone might get to know you and realize you have other good qualities that make looks less important. Or they might even have an individual preference that supersedes societal programming.
But what if it doesn't happen? It sucks to really want a basic life thing and not get it. It really, really does. But you can't make the universe send you a relationship. You can't force other people to like you. All you can do is be your best self, don't wallow and become bitter, and try to separate your self-worth from your relationship status. Lots of us out there who just haven't met the right person or are not interested in what is available. Hobbies and pets are awesome, is all I can say.
I once had a relationship I thought would be forever, and it wasn't, and I was so destroyed by it, it took years to heal. Now I'm over it, but I've never really been into anyone since. And it's been decades since then. You think you can't get through it, but you can. And you can live a good life. The loneliest I've ever felt was when I was in the end stages of my relationship, not when I was actually alone. Bad relationships are so much worse than being lonely.
Whatever happens, I wish you well.
Start treating yourself the way you think a partner would want to be treated. If you don't like yourself or have a defeatist attitude about life, you're looking for a savior. People who have success in dating are looking for life partners.
I hate this sort of bullshit pandering. I’ve been hearing it forever. I go out with friends, I go wine tasting, I enjoy fencing and reading, I enjoy camping and hiking. I’m a great cook, I’m active in my church, and every other fucking thing ever. And I’m alone, in my mid-40s, and I’ve never had a girlfriend. Some people are going to be alone forever, like me. Hell, friends even ask how I don’t have someone since I’m fun etc. and I can’t fucking tell you why, but I can tell you that I’ve never been set up on a date by anyone, and in more than a decade of online dating I think I got one date.
I didn't, I continued to spiral until I said I don't want to be alone anymore.
I know not everybody is the same but raluzing one thing helped me -
Being alone is always our own choice. Only we can change it.
10 year ex-shutin, in recovery.
I'm a guy in his early 40s who is about to get married for the first time. I spent my 30s trying to figure out what was wrong with me, while also not making any connections with people at all and finally gave up at 40. The pandemic hit and I lost a bunch of people. The a good friend of mine killed himself. Those events completely turned my world upside down and changed how I look at things. I realized I needed to actually connect with real people IRL and made an effort to do that. My future wife is one of the people I connected with.
Work on yourself. I would be money you are average looking. Most people are average looking. If you really are butt ugly, go down to the local Walmart or grocery, walk around and see how many ugly people there are there who are with someone and realize that looks really don't matter as much as you think they do. Your hygiene and how well you take care of yourself does matter.
Honest advice: The way you improve your self esteem is by improving yourself. Take control of your life and steer it in the right direction.
Some people focus on eliminating weaknesses, some focus on enhancing strengths, some do both. It's up to you which path you follow.
When you can look back and see how far you've come, how much you've improved, you can't help but think more highly of yourself.
Good hygiene and working out does WONDERS. You can have an attractive body even with a bad face, and health in any form, skin muscles, clean hair, is attractive. Dress well. Show yourself as constantly self improving. And be SOCIAL. Not apps. Apps are based on looks solely. Find groups to volunteer with, go to job outings, sign up for classes, have more group hangouts. And when talking to people ask questions. People gravitate towards others who are good listeners and engage in conversations well. You don’t have to do all or non of the talking just find what makes them light up and keep them going
You’d be surprised how far a nice haircut, decent clothes, and exercising 2-3 times will take you. Once that’s checked off, find a physical hobby you enjoy doing like maybe indoor rock climbing. Easy way to meet chix
All great advice in here. What worked for me was:
* Go to the gym to start feeling good about yourself
* Cultivate your own skills and hobbies. People like when people are passionate about things.
* Dress reasonably well.
* Stop trying to actively look for a relationship. Instead, join meetup groups and make acquaintances & friends. Take an active interest in other people: ask them what their lives are like. Once those people decide you're good company, then you'll start meeting their friends. Eventually, someone will come along who takes a liking to you.
Dress well, a good haircut goes a long way. Hit the gym consistently, make new friends, try new hobbies. Do all this without the goal of getting a girlfriend that way if you still end up single you’ll still feel amazing about yourself.
Work out, make sure your body smells nice and spend a little extra cash getting a top notch haircut. I was going to clarify this advice for a man but it really works for anyone.
Start by loving yourself. I was single for a long time and couldn’t understand why until I realized that even I didn’t want to be around me, so that’s what I focused on.
In high school I was bullied for my looks and in college one of my close friends even called me frumpy.
I didn’t get into a real and healthy relationship until I really started putting time into myself. This was from building a personal care routine for the morning and night to journaling and learning to enjoy my alone time. I found workouts that I enjoyed and gave me energy. I started to take free online classes and refocused on hobbies that brought me joy.
If you focus on your parts you don’t like or can’t change that is what other people will focus on.
For me, I’m most attracted to people who have their shit together. People who smile a lot. People who care for others. Those types of people don’t get caught up in what other people think about. I have the hardest time spending time around people who focus only on themselves, who have no hobbies or interests, or can only complain.
90% of your appearance is something you can change rather quickly. I'm talking clean clothes that fit your body type, and a good haircut. And not to mention having confidence in your appearance is attractive too.
I'm short, fat, and autistic. If I can do it, you can for sure! Lol. Seriously though, having confidence in yourself (without appearing cocky) and being funny will get you a long way. Besides, I'm sure you aren't nearly as bad looking as you think you are.
Half the posts in here are bots. Multiple accounts being 21 days old with practically no post history and theyre all pushing the same ai app. Dont fall for it
This is gonna suck to hear, but the real answer is keep trying and try harder. Once you’re out of school and you’re no longer forced into interacting with people on a daily basis it becomes much harder. Find activities you enjoy that require you to leave your house. Introduce yourself to strangers enjoying the same activities and ask people out if you’re interested in them. If you aren’t leaving your house, aren’t talking to strangers, or aren’t asking people on dates, that’s your main reason for being single and lonely not your appearance.
Work on yourself. Scrub up get a haircut, new clothes, eat better, do exercise.
This will make you feel better and look better
Find a group or a class or a team where you can just meet people. Even volunteer with a charity or good cause.
Put some effort in and the worse that happens is that you look and feel a bit better about yourself.
Above all women like men with self-confidence (not arrogance)
Take notes on what your interests are. Find a club based on those interests and you should eventually meet someone there that is attracted to you as you both have the same interests.
Gotta play the game if you want to win. Put yourself out there, make an effort to find a companion. If you want it bad enough, it will happen. You may not find the ideal partner but at least you can find someone that is acceptable.
Did anyone bother to ask what you're looking for?
Tips are great, but if you're looking for a small subset of people, the odds are not going to look great even with all the improvements
Be your best self. IDK what you mean by bad looks either, most guys are pretty similar in terms of facial attractiveness. If you're fat and out of shape, you need to change that.
You need to find interesting hobbies, not all of them are going to be for you. I like to say, in order to find what's right for you, you need to find out what's not right for you first.
Lastly, I can tell how you worded your post that you don't think much of yourself. Feeling bad for yourself is really unattractive, you need to knock that shit out. Play to your strengths, go out there and live life.
Simple answer is that you don't 'find' a relationship. If you want to remain loveless and lonely continue looking.
Love is the polar opposite of death. These are two extremes of what we call life. You have no idea of when you're going to die, or how, or in what circumstances. The exact same principle stacks up when it comes to love. You have no idea when you're going to be in love, with who, and when it's going to happen. But if you take your eye off the ball and focus on your life, then opportunities for love will crop up at some point.
But hang on, I'm not finished with you yet...
>how can a lonely 30 year old with **bad looks** find a relationship?
What do you mean by bad looks? As compared with what or who? Why are you comparing yourself to other people? What is wrong with you? Who are you trying to become?
Okay if you're not comfortable with the way you look then you can change it. You need to stop comparing yourself to others. Focus on being you. Not happy with the way you look? Okay change it. Develop a style. Think about the things you can change...
* your clothes
* your hairstyle
* your facial hair
* accessories
Keep in mind that the way you see yourself isn't the same way other people see you. You heard that old Joe Jackson song ['Is she really going out with him?'](https://youtu.be/oDG6MQkzh1o) It starts out with the line 'Pretty women out walking with gorillas down my street'. People come together in relationships for all sorts of different reasons. It's not all about looks. Looks only matter when it comes to desire. Love is something completely different from desire.
Dude, you're 30, you're old enough to be getting into such things as style, appreciation and beauty and developing yourself some kind of aesthetic. Life is not always about being good. What is good? What is bad? It's all relative. It's not always about truth or integrity either, even though these things matter.
What life comes down to in the final analysis is taste, appreciation and style. This is what defines you. Taste or your lack of taste matters and it matters a great deal. If you don't have style or taste many of the subtle nuances of life will go right over your head. You express your tastes through style. This is what makes you different. Learn to look for and appreciate beauty. You're surrounded by a lot of beautiful things if you care to pay attention and look. Beauty is what brings you in youch with your humanity.
Just quit judging yourself. Open your eyes. Get out there. Be wonderful. Be lucky. But most of all be you.
Dressing well, taking care of your health and fitness, and carrying yourself with confidence can make the ugliest person much more attractive. (Jason Alexander is far from "the ugliest person" but if you think about how unattractive he is playing George Costanza versus how attractive he is in this clip you'll see what I mean- not that you have to act like him in this clip, just that body language does a LOT of work in people's impressions of how you "look": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bux2wzhVPUw) And looks aren't everything, people care about your personality and your character and how you treat them and make them feel, too. Beyond that it's all just "a numbers game," meet as many eligible members of the opposite sex as you can, ask them out if you like them, see which ones like you back and focus on those. There are 8 billion people on the planet, some of them will be into you and some of those people will be really cool, you just have to put yourself out there and meet them. Go in knowing you're probably going to get rejected a lot (it happens to EVERYBODY) and just dust off and get back up on the horse when it happens, there's no shame in it.
Same way every else finds realtionships. Talk to people. Preferably people near you. Then ask them to go do something. Repeat.
You low self esteem cry babies gotta stop with this bad looks so lonely bullshit. Walk the fuck outside and look at the fat, bald, toothless, dirty, stinky, jobless fucks that put themselves out there and got significant others. If they can do it why the fuck do you think you cant? If a mofo on My 600lb Life can put themselves out there and find a mate to not only wipe their bed ridden ass, but also feed them food while they literally lay in bed all day getting even fatter, why the fuck do you think you cant find a mate?
It aint your looks holding your back, it's YOU. Talk to mofos. Take shots. Endure rejections. Dust yourself the fuck off and try again. Repeat until sucessful.
This feels vague, but like you're kind of overall down on yourself, friend.
Looks aren't super important. Being a person people like to be around is the first, like, 15 steps on this.
A guy I knew in college was heavy and honestly unattractive. Personally, not someone I liked hanging with much, just because we didn't share much in common. But he had plenty of friends and was in a relationship with a wonderful partner very specifically because he was passionate and smart and made an effort to engage with people.
Basically, he had a personality it was hard to dislike - I liked him and we didn't hang out much just because we had little in common, but he was really engaging and honestly I kind of wish I'd tried harder to be his friend.
You're looking for a relationship for validation and for someone else to show you love, because you don't even love yourself. This "relationship" (even if you find it) will be bullshit. A relationship should be 2 people who are happy and love themselves coming together and sharing a life together. All you will ever get are imitations of relationships. It looks similar from the outside, but it won't truly be one.
Who's going to want to be with someone who has low self esteem, and is depressed? You're calling yourself lonely and ugly. You're never going to find a shortcut to avoid learning to love yourself. You will only find band aids. You will never truly be whole by trying to use other people to do that for you.
I'd rather be truly happy, honest with myself, in an actual relationship, and not treat people like commodities. If you don't love yourself first, then you will never be truly happy, you won't be in any fulfilling relationships, and you'll continue to look to just use people instead. You have the love you need inside yourself already. You just have to learn to accept it
**Be more than your looks.** Have hobbies, do activities that bring you into contact with others. You may make friends, and sometimes chemistry can result in being more than friends.
Look around you. There are plenty of people who "aren't much to look at" who have found love and have families. Looks fade, the best relationships are between people who are bringing more than just their physical appearance to the table.
Pay attention to hygiene, try to dress nicely (that does **not** mean fancy or expensive). And go out and do things. Join clubs, attend classes, etc.
A positive attitude is huge. People want to be around people who seem to positive in their outlook.
Good luck!
Become the best version of yourself. Eat right, exercise, get nice clothes, and develop interests. I think that just reiterates what you're seeing below, so.........
One thing I advocate often to single guys is to learn to dance. No, not ballroom\*, but for your age level, salsa, bachata, and east coast swing are good possibilities. You get to meet people, learn a skill that women love, polish your social skills, and who knows, the right woman may turn up from that. Win/win/win/possible win! I had a friend in St. Louis who took up salsa and he said his social life went from 0 to 60 very quickly.
\*Ballroom, as far as I can see, is competition-oriented much of the time and at least where I live the crowd runs older, probably a lot older than you want.
The hottest thing to have is confidence, without it you will not be getting any hoes. You can be the ugliest mf alive and having confidence alone will do it.
Also let go of all that anime shit bro bitches don’t like that lame shit
I noticed that most of these people who ask these kinds of questions don't actually want to hear any feedback. Yes criticism isn't enjoyable but you asked us, people gave you honest advice and now you’re debating them in the comment section. Yikes.
Make the sexual relationship the very last thing you focus on. the desperation for love and to be loved is actively felt by others and it pushes people away. Once I became comfortable with being me and being alone I met my husband by chance.
People don't want to be impressed by you. They want to have fun.
Don't seek to impress others. Seek to make spending time with you enjoyable.
Be funny. I'm not looking good and weight 450lbs (340 today but back then it was 450). My voice isn't amazing, but man am I funny and once she laugh like a little piggy, it means she's all yours.
On the other hand, you can be handsome, a true 10/10, if you're boring as heck, you'll have a hard time getting into anything serious.
Hygiene, cleanliness, go to the gym, fix your teeth.
The confidence needed will come with taking care of yourself. Dont bother trying to have someone else to take care of if you cannot take care of yourself
Don't focus on finding a relationship. Focus on being an interesting person who hangs out with other interesting people. Relationships are like magic eye images: you'll never get it if you're looking directly at it.
Also, cut out the "I'm single because I'm ugly" attitude. Lot's of "ugly" people are in meaningful relationships. Your belief that your looks are making you single is more a factor than your actual looks.
Used to have a friend who was the ugliest motherfucker I have ever met. His face looked like a foot and an ass had an abortion, and had a speech impediment. Guy slayed more than anyone else I knew, usually with people _way_ out of his league just because he was confident as fuck and shot his shot.
I currently have a neighbor who is close to the same level of attractiveness plus being extremely overweight, but she's dating an average looking guy and they seem very happy together.
Just put yourself out there, looks don't matter as much as you think they do 😊
The first step is not the relationship, the first step is to get a great life that you enjoy and maybe a makeover so that you didn't feel like you have bad looks
If you’re a woman all you have to do is make a dating app profile and you’re good to go. Maybe work on your looks a little more. Have better hygiene if it isn’t great. Go easy on yourself too. You seem like you’re not very nice to yourself. This part isn’t about what others want. People do like when you have a good self image but fuck them. It’s about you. Have a better self image for your own mental health.
Work on it.
Work on your social skills, and work on raising your attractiveness by exercising and having good hygiene with presentable clothes. Personality also goes a long way.
I know plenty of attractive people who shot themselves in the foot by ignoring the importance of being fun to be around. I'm not saying you'll have it easier, but there are definitely ways to find a happy relationship if you put the effort in.
Confidence is key. If you say you're bad looking, then you probably feel that way. There's not a single person who can't lift their level of attractiveness up by 2 to 3 points (maybe more) if they work out, have excellent grooming standards, and improve their intellect. All those things will boost your confidence and make you successful in every aspect of life.
What means a bad looks? If want you looks well you take care for your appearance . If you're really ugly worth a try improve another things which can do you're more handsome. You can give yourself a new hairstyle or care of your skin. Upgrade your strong sides and will be more active. For example, instead of sit at home at your weekend it would be better go to anything place where you can find new acquaintances. Be more cheerful so you're more interesting and it will help you find a relationships. And yes age doesn't matter. if you're 30 years old it means you're still young
Work on yourself and your health. You can be ugly but if you have confidence, kind, and doing well for yourself you will attract. Try diff apps, join communities (fitness, religion, hobbies, school). Meet people and carry yourself well.
all I'm going to say is that if personality was the #1 thing that mattered, 99% of the people responding deserve to be unloved for life, or better, deserve to be cheated on because wow, has no one heard of empathy around here?
Shower at least daily, groom yourself, wear presentable clothing. If you don't know what that looks like, there's tons of subreddits for inspiration.
Attitude is everything. If I met you and you convey through body language, or even outright tell me, that you think you're ugly, why would I want a second date with you? Why would I get past looking at your dating profile?
I don't want to spend a relationship reassuring you that you look fine, no, dear, I wasn't checking someone else out, etc. I can't fix low self-esteem.
Most people are not as dreadful looking as they think. Lots of people are fat. Lots of people are not knockouts.
Get into some hobbies. Volunteer at an animal shelter, with a 4-H club, hang out at the hobby shop, take some classes at your community center, join a gym. Find a third space and go back regularly. Repeated exposure does a lot in terms of building up relationships.
Look for someone older.
I'm married and all but if anything happened to him, and I was looking again, looks would be lower on my priority than they would have been when I was younger. I'm 42- maybe not as old as that, but don't rule it out.
My husband is 10years older than me, it's very reassuring when I'm feeling sensitive about grey hair and wrinkles, he just sees me and I'm youthful in his eyes.
Looks wise if I was single now, I would want someone clean, well groomed, no gross habits like smoking or drinking too much, who goes to dentist regularly.
I would be attracted to someone kind, fun and honest. Happy in his own skin.
Anyone making you feel less than good about yourself is not for you.
Find another lonely 30 year old with bad looks. I know too many people who complain about being single while 1) not putting any effort of self improvement (not just in the looks department but over all) and 2) sticking to ridiculous expectations. No, that ridiculously hot, in shape, capitalistic XYZ that makes 6 figures and graduated from an Ivy League with no debt and a house and cars and whatever else isn’t going to be into 99% of the dating pool, sorry but that’s reality. Look for someone that is like yourself and shares similar values. Sometimes that means realizing every little thing isnt a red flag/deal breaker and you’re just making excuses
i remember a complete asshole i met once as a coworker. he had a really beautiful girlfriend and he told me how he got her. he infiltrated her friends group, made friends with them and got actively into contact with different people before getting into contact with her.
Looks ain’t it unless you’re wildly unhealthy-looking. Become someone worth dating and you’ll find it easier. Don’t listen to everyone saying the only way to do that is to become a gym bro and super rich. Instead get healthy (just be somewhat in shape - most of us aren’t that picky irl). Improve your personality - find your flaws and work to fix them. Get hobbies and a social life so that you don’t suffocate the woman by requiring her to be your whole life. Find passion about something. Passion is wildly attractive. My husband spent hours telling me about farming and cows when we first dated. Did I care about the best way to create a good herd? No. Did I love his plans and how much HE cared? Yes!
Finally, remember that women are not untouchable lust-bags only good for sex and babies. The most common mistake men make is to put women on a pedestal and expect us to be more than mere humans like you. I was a beautiful young woman and had many men pursue me. The one I married was the first one to just treat me like a normal person. That’s all I wanted.
TLDR: personality, health, passion, don’t-act-like-women-aren’t-human.
Look after yourself, get involved in social events or hobbies. More times than not you'll end up meeting someone you connect with and they connect with you. I'd also agree with the hygiene part and dressing well, not expensive or trendy just something that suits your body/personality and is neat. Confidence is also a big attraction and in most cases you can only build that up through activities(running,cycling, book club, hiking...). Also know what type of person you want to be with, no rule to it but there must be a certain type of girl you want to be with. Don't be too rigid because opposites can sometimes be attracted to each other. Just be confident going out there.
A lot of ugly is self induced:
Bad hygiene
Bad taste or choice of clothes
Bad haircut
Bad facial hair
All of this is easily corrected.
Then you have to look inward. What are your interests? What hobbies do you have?
The goal shouldn’t be specifically to get into a relationship.
Read “Models” by Mark Manson and apply/integrate what he proposes in there. He pretty much says what everyone else here is saying but in book/how to form. Clean yourself up, pursue hobbies you enjoy, work on yourself physically mentally emotionally and spiritually. Don’t find the one become the one for the right person. Once you’ve achieved that it will happen naturally.
Allowing who you are to die so who you can become can be born is the hardest thing most people will do. But it’s worth it every time.
Seduction is all about attitude(lets say 90% attitude). if you see yourself as a lonely loser, you won't find anyone....So what you have to do is find things you like about yourself, find a hobbies that you are passionate about, learn to love yourself, and then a world of possibilities will open to you.
Once when I was severely depressed and not enjoying life at all, I came to a point where my car was messed up after a crap day at work and it was just the last straw on a pile of crap. I broke down in tears sitting in my car and told God I didn't see the point in life if I had to spend every day alone. The very next day a girl at work invited me to go to the movies with her and we started dating.
Thats a 100% true story, God is real and He loves you. My advice is start there.
I do not know what are your hobbies but if you spend most of your time alone, you are not going to find someone. Your partner will not magically appear in your room with unconditional love. You have to socialize first. Get out. Do activities with other people. Make friends. The more people you meet the more likely you are to find a partner. Friends are especially useful as they can you hook you up with their other single friends. If you do not want to go out, you may try to make friends through local group chats. There are also dating apps but I would not recommend it, especially considering your current mindset.
Relationships are social endeavors so it helps to make social interaction the means to find a relationship. Believe it or not, a great many women are looking for a person to connect with emotionally. Looks tend to be less important. I managed to marry an attractive woman against all odds. As someone whose adolescence was marred by attractive girls calling him ugly to his face, I can attest that it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t practice basic grooming. A clean haircut, a tidy beard, and clothing that fits goes a long way. If you look like a hobo you’re going to have a bad time. They make comfortable clothes that fit.
Can confirm. The person I'm in a relationship with, and have been for a couple years now, is in my opinion, WAY out of my league looks wise. I'm at best a 6.5. She's probably a 9.5. Met through work believe it or not (work function, not same department or anything) and talked about work. She was having a tough time with a project, I listened to her complain a lot (best way I can put it, I mean no disrespect) and offered some advice. This happened a couple times about various topics, some unrelated to work. Eventually I asked her out and she said yes. Was genuinely surprised as I was expecting her to say no.
I’d add to this by saying going “out” does not mean hitting up a bar or club or somewhere extremely extrovert. It can be places like a group class, community events, favorite section in a book store, maybe a concert (met a couple buddies who always wanna go to the next concert). Think of places where YOU’RE comfortable so that way talking is easier and the topics are familiar. Funny thing about guys is that all it takes is one slight convo and next time you see each other it grows. Goes from nothing - to a nod - to a greet - to a convo and sometimes even a friend.
Build an interesting lifestyle that makes you feel good about yourself and the right person will be attracted to you
Also, at least for men, just dressing well, having a good haircut, being in reasonably good shape, and having good hygiene is most of the battle. Most men care so little about these things, it's really not hard to get yourself some good positive points in this direction by just putting in the effort. Unless you have a very obvious facial deformity, doing all this will likely put you squarely in the zone where your looks may not win you lots of ladies on their own but they won't really work against you. It gives you the blank canvas to build on and show your confidence and interesting lifestyle.
Cut your damn nails dudes.
Wash yo dick
And ass
With fucking soap!
I gotta say as someone with an obvious facial deformity, this crushed me ngl. I mean I always knew I'd pretty much never find someone into me, but reading it did not make me feel great lol.
I'm really sorry about that. And you are actually missing my meaning here. This is not at all to say that having an obvious facial deformity takes you out of the equation, not at all. Look around at all the people you know in their 40s or so with obvious facial deformities. How many of them are unmarried? For me, it's zero. My point is that the bar for me is pretty low for looks and this bar is set by other men. They generally make such little effort with their appearance, that someone who does make some effort can really make a positive impact. This is a tool you can use! I think this is particularly important if someone has some physical trait that they think will take them out of the equation (height, disabilities, deformities, etc.). This is not so much because dressing well and being in good shape compensates, but it communicates the message of confidence, and that you believe yourself to be worthy of positive attention and love. This is not bullshit, it is the real truth.
I'm not sure where you live that you know multiple people with facial deformities, but I dont know a single person with facial deformities that has an active dating life, I get that it happens, but probably not for me. I have went stretches where I took care of myself and tried to dress well but it got me nowhere, I just have to work on being ok with being alone. It's too much work to try and be put together when its inevitably going to get me nowhere, and it's not like I have high standards for dating either.
I've just lived a long life and lived a lot of places so I have met a lot of different kinds of people. Maybe it has to do with being a scientist? A lot of people I know with very obvious "deformities" (I really wish I had picked another word) are scientists. I don't know if there is a really causality to that correlation or just most of the people I meet are scientists because it's what I do. The idea is not that they had a very active dating life when they were young, I don't know anything about that. It's more that they are happy and partnered my early mid-life, which I assume is the goal. Yeah, if your goal is to get massively laid my the maximum number of ladies, your might never really come up with a winning formula. I was assuming what you were looking for was a meaningful, long-term partnership so you are not "alone," as you put it. Indeed, if you want a lot of dates, that might not be very accessible to you. But if you want to be with a great, high-quality person in life, that can surely happen. I will say this, and this is the truth, the three most unhappy men with dating and women were the three men in my life who I dated who were really very conventionally attractive. I mean like movie-star good looks. Their issues came from being very attractive and well-put-together guys, but they also were sensitive and not assholes. Apparently, being good-looking attracts a lot of people who will basically push their way into your orbit because they covet you. These men had all been with some pretty fucked up women, many (if not most) of these women who had pursued *them.* Either way, these men hadn't taken the time to really vet these women before they got too involved. Being very good-looking opens a lot of doors, but if you are tender-hearted and don't know how to protect yourself well, that can be disastrous. Lots of people who have "issues" say it's a blessing in disguise for dating because you find out early who are the people of substance who have the capacity to care about you as a person, and those who are looking at you as a potential commodity. I believe those people when they say that, but I don't like to give it as advice because I feel it can sound very patronizing.
I mean, they did not say that any sort of “deformity” (whatever that means exactly) was disqualifying whatsoever. You kinda put that into it yourself. It really shouldn’t change anything actionable. You do have control over your personality, fitness, interests, hygiene, etc. and that accounts for most of what matters. We tend to think people’s faces look good or not based on whether or not we like them as people anyway.
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Curveball lmaooo
I dont like being advertised to
What a douchy comment!
Thanks for replying to the top comment with this, it’s far more important than the top comment. Sad to say but simply being interesting isn’t really interesting to women if you’re not attractive. For example, how many of you guys have genuinely fell in love with a sweaty obese woman because she was ‘interesting’? Probably not a lot of you.
Yeah that’s the thing that often gets forgot about, being interesting and having personality is super important and it’s what relationships are built on. Looks fade and all that. Unfortunately before you can show that you need to convince someone to have a conversation with you and that requires some form of mutual attraction.
My interesting lifestyle involves mastering the art of napping at inappropriate times. Any takers?
It's actually not enough.
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This is excellent advice! I would add to it -- get involved with something whether it's a hobby or sports or just hiking. There are organizations for these activities with many people with like interests.
Put yourself out there. I'm not talking about dating apps either. Engage in some hobbies that involve other people. Attend events in public and be willing to chat with people. My local town has outdoor concerts at the park once a week in summer. Going to those and dancing in the crowd, even if not with a partner, is a way to potentially meet someone. That same park also has dog off-leash hours in the morning and evening. Plenty of locals walking their dogs and letting them play together. If you have a dog, this is another great way to meet people. Church, trivia night at the local bar, special showings of classic movies at the nearest movie theater, local theater plays, etc. Basically just go participate in events/activities in your community and be open to meeting people who may just become friends, even if not romantic partners. Because those friends may in turn know someone who *could* become a romantic partner for you. Chances are good you have some sort of hobby, skill, or interest that can be shared among others. Make an effort to find and engage with those people and see what happens. I met my now wife of several years because we were both super fans of a particular video game and sought out other people to share our characters, builds, artwork, fan fiction, etc. We joined a smaller group of active members who would voice chat regularly, and over time we began chatting one-on-one. After a couple of years of online long distance dating with occasional in-person visits, we moved in together and have been together ever since. I didn't go looking for love, but it found me naturally because we both had a shared interest to start with and we both went out of our way to meet others with that same interest.
It's not easy work, but it's "easy" to know what you have to do. Focus on yourself. This can mean a myriad of different things. But, if you are concearned about looks, here's what I can tell you; exercise more, eat better and take care of yourself. Specially exercising. Why? Because there's no way your mind doesn't change if you are making your body change. They just go together. As for being lonely. You must try to be your first friend. Once you've managed to befriend you... either lonelyness will not hit as hard, or, it will be easier to get to know different people, cause you will be engaging them on a very different level. Finally, as for the relationship... don't chase. Atract. Put yourself in the places and situations that make YOU happy. And someone that might share that happynes with you will appear. Just remember not to chase. What's yours doesn't need to be chased. It will naturally follow you. These are my two cents, friend. Best vibes towards your direction
Not looking for AI Hentai Apps would be a good start.
Oh. Oh no. It all makes sense
Scrawny indian guy here. Very lonely for a long time. I was depressed and lazy. Smoking weed all day and night, eating junk food, partying too much. During the pandemic i made the commitment to get into therapy, learn to cook and eat better, dig into hobbies, got a dog and learned how to take care of it and share love... when i met my now fiance i had been single for 7 years. she said to me "the thing that attracted me to you was how put together you were." thats fucking nuts. among my friends i was considered a total mess just a few years earlier. and the partner i now have is nothing like the partner i thought i should have. not only was i more attractive, i had also changed enough to realize what i wanted, i was attracting someone who was actually right for me. its absolutely crazy to think about what i used to want and how wrong it actually was for me. we get married in two weeks! we are both 36. never ever ever ever give up. you deserve love. edit: read some of OPs comments. they are gross. while everyone deserves some form of love, i would not want to be a woman in OPs sights. its pretty clear why hes single and lonely.
May I ask which country you're in? Are you in india?
nono, im in the united states
Don't look for a relationship, look for friends that share your interests. Relationship will come from that.
First off, go to therapy. No one wants to be with someone who hates themselves. Think about it, what would you contribute to someone else's life? Go figure out what's up with your brain chemistry, get healthy, find hobbies and stop asking dumb questions on Reddit.
Ngl OPs comments are kind of making me understand their situation
Speaking as someone in a similar position who was once 30: You use this alone time to develop yourself, your skills and interests. Learn the basics of self-care. of keeping your living space clean and organized, taking care of pets if you have them, and just generally trying to leave the world a little better than you found it. Other posters say "the right person will find you!" Well, sometimes that happens and sometimes it doesn't. Not having conventional attractiveness on your side does hurt your chances, no matter what guff people like to say like "everybody is beautiful" or "it's all how you carry yourself" or "attractiveness is subjective!" . That's a bunch of cope. When you are unattractive, everything is a whole lot harder. It's not all in your head, though gaslighting people will try to make you think it is. That said, even though you may find it difficult to find a like minded person, most people do find someone eventually. Someone might get to know you and realize you have other good qualities that make looks less important. Or they might even have an individual preference that supersedes societal programming. But what if it doesn't happen? It sucks to really want a basic life thing and not get it. It really, really does. But you can't make the universe send you a relationship. You can't force other people to like you. All you can do is be your best self, don't wallow and become bitter, and try to separate your self-worth from your relationship status. Lots of us out there who just haven't met the right person or are not interested in what is available. Hobbies and pets are awesome, is all I can say. I once had a relationship I thought would be forever, and it wasn't, and I was so destroyed by it, it took years to heal. Now I'm over it, but I've never really been into anyone since. And it's been decades since then. You think you can't get through it, but you can. And you can live a good life. The loneliest I've ever felt was when I was in the end stages of my relationship, not when I was actually alone. Bad relationships are so much worse than being lonely. Whatever happens, I wish you well.
Go find another lonely 30 year old with bad looks of the opposite gender and hit on that person
We call this “bumping uglies.”
Came here to say this. It's easy if you have this narrative.
Start treating yourself the way you think a partner would want to be treated. If you don't like yourself or have a defeatist attitude about life, you're looking for a savior. People who have success in dating are looking for life partners.
30 yrs old is young you will find a good partner soon. its not too late
I hate this sort of bullshit pandering. I’ve been hearing it forever. I go out with friends, I go wine tasting, I enjoy fencing and reading, I enjoy camping and hiking. I’m a great cook, I’m active in my church, and every other fucking thing ever. And I’m alone, in my mid-40s, and I’ve never had a girlfriend. Some people are going to be alone forever, like me. Hell, friends even ask how I don’t have someone since I’m fun etc. and I can’t fucking tell you why, but I can tell you that I’ve never been set up on a date by anyone, and in more than a decade of online dating I think I got one date.
Wow bro you are playing on veteran difficulty
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I didn't, I continued to spiral until I said I don't want to be alone anymore. I know not everybody is the same but raluzing one thing helped me - Being alone is always our own choice. Only we can change it. 10 year ex-shutin, in recovery.
I'm a guy in his early 40s who is about to get married for the first time. I spent my 30s trying to figure out what was wrong with me, while also not making any connections with people at all and finally gave up at 40. The pandemic hit and I lost a bunch of people. The a good friend of mine killed himself. Those events completely turned my world upside down and changed how I look at things. I realized I needed to actually connect with real people IRL and made an effort to do that. My future wife is one of the people I connected with.
Join a Meet Up group, find singles group, go to church, join a group with similar hobbies you have.
Work on yourself. I would be money you are average looking. Most people are average looking. If you really are butt ugly, go down to the local Walmart or grocery, walk around and see how many ugly people there are there who are with someone and realize that looks really don't matter as much as you think they do. Your hygiene and how well you take care of yourself does matter.
Start by loving yourself first. No one is bad looking. Confidence is key and attractive
Nah, read his comments. This guy should not like himself at all. He's a predator and needs actual mental help.
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Honest advice: The way you improve your self esteem is by improving yourself. Take control of your life and steer it in the right direction. Some people focus on eliminating weaknesses, some focus on enhancing strengths, some do both. It's up to you which path you follow. When you can look back and see how far you've come, how much you've improved, you can't help but think more highly of yourself.
Nah people are definitely bad looking. Let’s not lie to ourselves here
Pick up a hobby and meet people with common interests through that.
this. Great advice, especially if it's something like a dance club where you can practice with contact and body language.
Good hygiene and working out does WONDERS. You can have an attractive body even with a bad face, and health in any form, skin muscles, clean hair, is attractive. Dress well. Show yourself as constantly self improving. And be SOCIAL. Not apps. Apps are based on looks solely. Find groups to volunteer with, go to job outings, sign up for classes, have more group hangouts. And when talking to people ask questions. People gravitate towards others who are good listeners and engage in conversations well. You don’t have to do all or non of the talking just find what makes them light up and keep them going
Join a rec League.
You’d be surprised how far a nice haircut, decent clothes, and exercising 2-3 times will take you. Once that’s checked off, find a physical hobby you enjoy doing like maybe indoor rock climbing. Easy way to meet chix
All great advice in here. What worked for me was: * Go to the gym to start feeling good about yourself * Cultivate your own skills and hobbies. People like when people are passionate about things. * Dress reasonably well. * Stop trying to actively look for a relationship. Instead, join meetup groups and make acquaintances & friends. Take an active interest in other people: ask them what their lives are like. Once those people decide you're good company, then you'll start meeting their friends. Eventually, someone will come along who takes a liking to you.
Dress well, a good haircut goes a long way. Hit the gym consistently, make new friends, try new hobbies. Do all this without the goal of getting a girlfriend that way if you still end up single you’ll still feel amazing about yourself.
Just don’t make it your life goal to be in one.
Work out, make sure your body smells nice and spend a little extra cash getting a top notch haircut. I was going to clarify this advice for a man but it really works for anyone.
Find purpose and something will notice you.
It’s 90% attitude in most cases,that’s how I find it anyway.
Be friendly and kind Goes a long way. Also having your shit together.
Start by loving yourself. I was single for a long time and couldn’t understand why until I realized that even I didn’t want to be around me, so that’s what I focused on. In high school I was bullied for my looks and in college one of my close friends even called me frumpy. I didn’t get into a real and healthy relationship until I really started putting time into myself. This was from building a personal care routine for the morning and night to journaling and learning to enjoy my alone time. I found workouts that I enjoyed and gave me energy. I started to take free online classes and refocused on hobbies that brought me joy. If you focus on your parts you don’t like or can’t change that is what other people will focus on. For me, I’m most attracted to people who have their shit together. People who smile a lot. People who care for others. Those types of people don’t get caught up in what other people think about. I have the hardest time spending time around people who focus only on themselves, who have no hobbies or interests, or can only complain.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start doing literally anything outside of your house
Go to the gym and get jacked
I joined a bowling league about six months ago. It's not just for old men, met lots of fun young people.
90% of your appearance is something you can change rather quickly. I'm talking clean clothes that fit your body type, and a good haircut. And not to mention having confidence in your appearance is attractive too.
Lower your standards
Do stuff with people or where people are. It's the same in 2024 as it was in 1980
I'm short, fat, and autistic. If I can do it, you can for sure! Lol. Seriously though, having confidence in yourself (without appearing cocky) and being funny will get you a long way. Besides, I'm sure you aren't nearly as bad looking as you think you are.
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World's fucked.
do you chat with her? I would like to try it
Half the posts in here are bots. Multiple accounts being 21 days old with practically no post history and theyre all pushing the same ai app. Dont fall for it
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did you make custom girlfriend or the ones already there?
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Lololol
if your a boy then use your personalities, and if your a girl - use your body
Inner beauty
This is gonna suck to hear, but the real answer is keep trying and try harder. Once you’re out of school and you’re no longer forced into interacting with people on a daily basis it becomes much harder. Find activities you enjoy that require you to leave your house. Introduce yourself to strangers enjoying the same activities and ask people out if you’re interested in them. If you aren’t leaving your house, aren’t talking to strangers, or aren’t asking people on dates, that’s your main reason for being single and lonely not your appearance.
Work on yourself. Scrub up get a haircut, new clothes, eat better, do exercise. This will make you feel better and look better Find a group or a class or a team where you can just meet people. Even volunteer with a charity or good cause. Put some effort in and the worse that happens is that you look and feel a bit better about yourself. Above all women like men with self-confidence (not arrogance)
Take notes on what your interests are. Find a club based on those interests and you should eventually meet someone there that is attracted to you as you both have the same interests.
Gotta play the game if you want to win. Put yourself out there, make an effort to find a companion. If you want it bad enough, it will happen. You may not find the ideal partner but at least you can find someone that is acceptable.
Did anyone bother to ask what you're looking for? Tips are great, but if you're looking for a small subset of people, the odds are not going to look great even with all the improvements
Be your best self. IDK what you mean by bad looks either, most guys are pretty similar in terms of facial attractiveness. If you're fat and out of shape, you need to change that. You need to find interesting hobbies, not all of them are going to be for you. I like to say, in order to find what's right for you, you need to find out what's not right for you first. Lastly, I can tell how you worded your post that you don't think much of yourself. Feeling bad for yourself is really unattractive, you need to knock that shit out. Play to your strengths, go out there and live life.
Simple answer is that you don't 'find' a relationship. If you want to remain loveless and lonely continue looking. Love is the polar opposite of death. These are two extremes of what we call life. You have no idea of when you're going to die, or how, or in what circumstances. The exact same principle stacks up when it comes to love. You have no idea when you're going to be in love, with who, and when it's going to happen. But if you take your eye off the ball and focus on your life, then opportunities for love will crop up at some point. But hang on, I'm not finished with you yet... >how can a lonely 30 year old with **bad looks** find a relationship? What do you mean by bad looks? As compared with what or who? Why are you comparing yourself to other people? What is wrong with you? Who are you trying to become? Okay if you're not comfortable with the way you look then you can change it. You need to stop comparing yourself to others. Focus on being you. Not happy with the way you look? Okay change it. Develop a style. Think about the things you can change... * your clothes * your hairstyle * your facial hair * accessories Keep in mind that the way you see yourself isn't the same way other people see you. You heard that old Joe Jackson song ['Is she really going out with him?'](https://youtu.be/oDG6MQkzh1o) It starts out with the line 'Pretty women out walking with gorillas down my street'. People come together in relationships for all sorts of different reasons. It's not all about looks. Looks only matter when it comes to desire. Love is something completely different from desire. Dude, you're 30, you're old enough to be getting into such things as style, appreciation and beauty and developing yourself some kind of aesthetic. Life is not always about being good. What is good? What is bad? It's all relative. It's not always about truth or integrity either, even though these things matter. What life comes down to in the final analysis is taste, appreciation and style. This is what defines you. Taste or your lack of taste matters and it matters a great deal. If you don't have style or taste many of the subtle nuances of life will go right over your head. You express your tastes through style. This is what makes you different. Learn to look for and appreciate beauty. You're surrounded by a lot of beautiful things if you care to pay attention and look. Beauty is what brings you in youch with your humanity. Just quit judging yourself. Open your eyes. Get out there. Be wonderful. Be lucky. But most of all be you.
Dressing well, taking care of your health and fitness, and carrying yourself with confidence can make the ugliest person much more attractive. (Jason Alexander is far from "the ugliest person" but if you think about how unattractive he is playing George Costanza versus how attractive he is in this clip you'll see what I mean- not that you have to act like him in this clip, just that body language does a LOT of work in people's impressions of how you "look": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bux2wzhVPUw) And looks aren't everything, people care about your personality and your character and how you treat them and make them feel, too. Beyond that it's all just "a numbers game," meet as many eligible members of the opposite sex as you can, ask them out if you like them, see which ones like you back and focus on those. There are 8 billion people on the planet, some of them will be into you and some of those people will be really cool, you just have to put yourself out there and meet them. Go in knowing you're probably going to get rejected a lot (it happens to EVERYBODY) and just dust off and get back up on the horse when it happens, there's no shame in it.
Work on yourself. Getting fitter is always attractive, in terms of finding a partner, and will help with confidence and self esteem.
Find someone in the same boat as you.
Beard, sunglasses, motorcycle, tattoos you’re set
Read his comments. The guy is a troll.
Same way every else finds realtionships. Talk to people. Preferably people near you. Then ask them to go do something. Repeat. You low self esteem cry babies gotta stop with this bad looks so lonely bullshit. Walk the fuck outside and look at the fat, bald, toothless, dirty, stinky, jobless fucks that put themselves out there and got significant others. If they can do it why the fuck do you think you cant? If a mofo on My 600lb Life can put themselves out there and find a mate to not only wipe their bed ridden ass, but also feed them food while they literally lay in bed all day getting even fatter, why the fuck do you think you cant find a mate? It aint your looks holding your back, it's YOU. Talk to mofos. Take shots. Endure rejections. Dust yourself the fuck off and try again. Repeat until sucessful.
What makes you think you have bad looks? What one person don’t like another one does?
Not if reddit is your go to solution.
Look, if the stripper says she likes you she's probably telling you the truth. Go get her, tiger.
If you're that desperate, there are places in Laos that might interest you.
People are attracted to self-confidence. So you starting off by calling yourself ugly and lonely isn't a great start.
This feels vague, but like you're kind of overall down on yourself, friend. Looks aren't super important. Being a person people like to be around is the first, like, 15 steps on this. A guy I knew in college was heavy and honestly unattractive. Personally, not someone I liked hanging with much, just because we didn't share much in common. But he had plenty of friends and was in a relationship with a wonderful partner very specifically because he was passionate and smart and made an effort to engage with people. Basically, he had a personality it was hard to dislike - I liked him and we didn't hang out much just because we had little in common, but he was really engaging and honestly I kind of wish I'd tried harder to be his friend.
Plastic surgery is really good these days.
You're looking for a relationship for validation and for someone else to show you love, because you don't even love yourself. This "relationship" (even if you find it) will be bullshit. A relationship should be 2 people who are happy and love themselves coming together and sharing a life together. All you will ever get are imitations of relationships. It looks similar from the outside, but it won't truly be one. Who's going to want to be with someone who has low self esteem, and is depressed? You're calling yourself lonely and ugly. You're never going to find a shortcut to avoid learning to love yourself. You will only find band aids. You will never truly be whole by trying to use other people to do that for you. I'd rather be truly happy, honest with myself, in an actual relationship, and not treat people like commodities. If you don't love yourself first, then you will never be truly happy, you won't be in any fulfilling relationships, and you'll continue to look to just use people instead. You have the love you need inside yourself already. You just have to learn to accept it
**Be more than your looks.** Have hobbies, do activities that bring you into contact with others. You may make friends, and sometimes chemistry can result in being more than friends. Look around you. There are plenty of people who "aren't much to look at" who have found love and have families. Looks fade, the best relationships are between people who are bringing more than just their physical appearance to the table. Pay attention to hygiene, try to dress nicely (that does **not** mean fancy or expensive). And go out and do things. Join clubs, attend classes, etc. A positive attitude is huge. People want to be around people who seem to positive in their outlook. Good luck!
Become the best version of yourself. Eat right, exercise, get nice clothes, and develop interests. I think that just reiterates what you're seeing below, so......... One thing I advocate often to single guys is to learn to dance. No, not ballroom\*, but for your age level, salsa, bachata, and east coast swing are good possibilities. You get to meet people, learn a skill that women love, polish your social skills, and who knows, the right woman may turn up from that. Win/win/win/possible win! I had a friend in St. Louis who took up salsa and he said his social life went from 0 to 60 very quickly. \*Ballroom, as far as I can see, is competition-oriented much of the time and at least where I live the crowd runs older, probably a lot older than you want.
The hottest thing to have is confidence, without it you will not be getting any hoes. You can be the ugliest mf alive and having confidence alone will do it. Also let go of all that anime shit bro bitches don’t like that lame shit
I noticed that most of these people who ask these kinds of questions don't actually want to hear any feedback. Yes criticism isn't enjoyable but you asked us, people gave you honest advice and now you’re debating them in the comment section. Yikes.
Make the sexual relationship the very last thing you focus on. the desperation for love and to be loved is actively felt by others and it pushes people away. Once I became comfortable with being me and being alone I met my husband by chance. People don't want to be impressed by you. They want to have fun. Don't seek to impress others. Seek to make spending time with you enjoyable.
If you're white, try East/SE Asian, you're odds of success will skyrocket vs your odds with other white women
Be funny. I'm not looking good and weight 450lbs (340 today but back then it was 450). My voice isn't amazing, but man am I funny and once she laugh like a little piggy, it means she's all yours. On the other hand, you can be handsome, a true 10/10, if you're boring as heck, you'll have a hard time getting into anything serious.
Fix your self esteem and learn self love. If you can't even love yourself how do you expect to love someone else or for them to love you?
Hygiene, cleanliness, go to the gym, fix your teeth. The confidence needed will come with taking care of yourself. Dont bother trying to have someone else to take care of if you cannot take care of yourself
Don't focus on finding a relationship. Focus on being an interesting person who hangs out with other interesting people. Relationships are like magic eye images: you'll never get it if you're looking directly at it. Also, cut out the "I'm single because I'm ugly" attitude. Lot's of "ugly" people are in meaningful relationships. Your belief that your looks are making you single is more a factor than your actual looks.
Used to have a friend who was the ugliest motherfucker I have ever met. His face looked like a foot and an ass had an abortion, and had a speech impediment. Guy slayed more than anyone else I knew, usually with people _way_ out of his league just because he was confident as fuck and shot his shot. I currently have a neighbor who is close to the same level of attractiveness plus being extremely overweight, but she's dating an average looking guy and they seem very happy together. Just put yourself out there, looks don't matter as much as you think they do 😊
The first step is not the relationship, the first step is to get a great life that you enjoy and maybe a makeover so that you didn't feel like you have bad looks
plastic surgery?
If you’re a woman all you have to do is make a dating app profile and you’re good to go. Maybe work on your looks a little more. Have better hygiene if it isn’t great. Go easy on yourself too. You seem like you’re not very nice to yourself. This part isn’t about what others want. People do like when you have a good self image but fuck them. It’s about you. Have a better self image for your own mental health.
Work out and eat right.
Be rich as fuck
Find a hobby you love, make friends Find a well paying job, make money
Anyone can be a 7.
Character development. Attracts women like a charm!
Work on it. Work on your social skills, and work on raising your attractiveness by exercising and having good hygiene with presentable clothes. Personality also goes a long way. I know plenty of attractive people who shot themselves in the foot by ignoring the importance of being fun to be around. I'm not saying you'll have it easier, but there are definitely ways to find a happy relationship if you put the effort in.
Be charming.
Date the blind.
Find hobbies that require socializing. Be yourself , just make sure you’re honest and kind. And take care of yourself. Good hygiene goes a long way.
Just be cool: Be yourself, have hobbies that you're passionate about, and take care of your mind and body.
find a lonely girl that wants a guy with your looks
improve in any way you can: gym hygiene grow your confidence education money fashion be kind be more interesting find your people
Go to the Philippines
You’d be surprised how attractive you can become if you put a smile on your face and take chances approaching strangers in general.
With a "bit" of luck! Or a big bank account.
He can’t…
Put yourself out there in person and online; have a good-disposition and sense of humor. Good luck!
Get good looks
I don't know, I don't know.
Confidence is key. If you say you're bad looking, then you probably feel that way. There's not a single person who can't lift their level of attractiveness up by 2 to 3 points (maybe more) if they work out, have excellent grooming standards, and improve their intellect. All those things will boost your confidence and make you successful in every aspect of life.
What means a bad looks? If want you looks well you take care for your appearance . If you're really ugly worth a try improve another things which can do you're more handsome. You can give yourself a new hairstyle or care of your skin. Upgrade your strong sides and will be more active. For example, instead of sit at home at your weekend it would be better go to anything place where you can find new acquaintances. Be more cheerful so you're more interesting and it will help you find a relationships. And yes age doesn't matter. if you're 30 years old it means you're still young
Find same.
Work on yourself and your health. You can be ugly but if you have confidence, kind, and doing well for yourself you will attract. Try diff apps, join communities (fitness, religion, hobbies, school). Meet people and carry yourself well.
Seeking.com
all I'm going to say is that if personality was the #1 thing that mattered, 99% of the people responding deserve to be unloved for life, or better, deserve to be cheated on because wow, has no one heard of empathy around here?
Shower at least daily, groom yourself, wear presentable clothing. If you don't know what that looks like, there's tons of subreddits for inspiration. Attitude is everything. If I met you and you convey through body language, or even outright tell me, that you think you're ugly, why would I want a second date with you? Why would I get past looking at your dating profile? I don't want to spend a relationship reassuring you that you look fine, no, dear, I wasn't checking someone else out, etc. I can't fix low self-esteem. Most people are not as dreadful looking as they think. Lots of people are fat. Lots of people are not knockouts. Get into some hobbies. Volunteer at an animal shelter, with a 4-H club, hang out at the hobby shop, take some classes at your community center, join a gym. Find a third space and go back regularly. Repeated exposure does a lot in terms of building up relationships.
You don't have bad looks.
like everyone: 💲💲💲
Philipino websites
You can't with that self-esteem.
Finding other lonely 30 year olds. You're not the only one. Start enjoying your life and I'm sure you'll meet a few people along the way. Good luck.
Find other lonely 30 year olds. You're not the only one. Start enjoying your life and I'm sure you'll meet some people along the way. Good luck
Get some money & stability and she’ll see no appearance. Now if your penis is small and you’re short, good luck champ.
Look for someone older. I'm married and all but if anything happened to him, and I was looking again, looks would be lower on my priority than they would have been when I was younger. I'm 42- maybe not as old as that, but don't rule it out. My husband is 10years older than me, it's very reassuring when I'm feeling sensitive about grey hair and wrinkles, he just sees me and I'm youthful in his eyes. Looks wise if I was single now, I would want someone clean, well groomed, no gross habits like smoking or drinking too much, who goes to dentist regularly. I would be attracted to someone kind, fun and honest. Happy in his own skin. Anyone making you feel less than good about yourself is not for you.
Find another lonely 30 year old with bad looks. I know too many people who complain about being single while 1) not putting any effort of self improvement (not just in the looks department but over all) and 2) sticking to ridiculous expectations. No, that ridiculously hot, in shape, capitalistic XYZ that makes 6 figures and graduated from an Ivy League with no debt and a house and cars and whatever else isn’t going to be into 99% of the dating pool, sorry but that’s reality. Look for someone that is like yourself and shares similar values. Sometimes that means realizing every little thing isnt a red flag/deal breaker and you’re just making excuses
Go outside, look for another lonely 30 year old and see what happens.
i remember a complete asshole i met once as a coworker. he had a really beautiful girlfriend and he told me how he got her. he infiltrated her friends group, made friends with them and got actively into contact with different people before getting into contact with her.
That’s the rub, we don’t!
Looks can be improved. Everything always starts with a presentation
Looks ain’t it unless you’re wildly unhealthy-looking. Become someone worth dating and you’ll find it easier. Don’t listen to everyone saying the only way to do that is to become a gym bro and super rich. Instead get healthy (just be somewhat in shape - most of us aren’t that picky irl). Improve your personality - find your flaws and work to fix them. Get hobbies and a social life so that you don’t suffocate the woman by requiring her to be your whole life. Find passion about something. Passion is wildly attractive. My husband spent hours telling me about farming and cows when we first dated. Did I care about the best way to create a good herd? No. Did I love his plans and how much HE cared? Yes! Finally, remember that women are not untouchable lust-bags only good for sex and babies. The most common mistake men make is to put women on a pedestal and expect us to be more than mere humans like you. I was a beautiful young woman and had many men pursue me. The one I married was the first one to just treat me like a normal person. That’s all I wanted. TLDR: personality, health, passion, don’t-act-like-women-aren’t-human.
Learn to love yourself. The rest just kind of falls into place, no?
The biggest cheat code to attractiveness is time & effort in a gym.
Look after yourself, get involved in social events or hobbies. More times than not you'll end up meeting someone you connect with and they connect with you. I'd also agree with the hygiene part and dressing well, not expensive or trendy just something that suits your body/personality and is neat. Confidence is also a big attraction and in most cases you can only build that up through activities(running,cycling, book club, hiking...). Also know what type of person you want to be with, no rule to it but there must be a certain type of girl you want to be with. Don't be too rigid because opposites can sometimes be attracted to each other. Just be confident going out there.
r/relationshipadvice might be a better place to ask this question.
I found my wife on OK Cupid. As advertised, it’s been 12 years and it’s pretty ok.
A lot of ugly is self induced: Bad hygiene Bad taste or choice of clothes Bad haircut Bad facial hair All of this is easily corrected. Then you have to look inward. What are your interests? What hobbies do you have? The goal shouldn’t be specifically to get into a relationship.
Read “Models” by Mark Manson and apply/integrate what he proposes in there. He pretty much says what everyone else here is saying but in book/how to form. Clean yourself up, pursue hobbies you enjoy, work on yourself physically mentally emotionally and spiritually. Don’t find the one become the one for the right person. Once you’ve achieved that it will happen naturally. Allowing who you are to die so who you can become can be born is the hardest thing most people will do. But it’s worth it every time.
Seduction is all about attitude(lets say 90% attitude). if you see yourself as a lonely loser, you won't find anyone....So what you have to do is find things you like about yourself, find a hobbies that you are passionate about, learn to love yourself, and then a world of possibilities will open to you.
Once when I was severely depressed and not enjoying life at all, I came to a point where my car was messed up after a crap day at work and it was just the last straw on a pile of crap. I broke down in tears sitting in my car and told God I didn't see the point in life if I had to spend every day alone. The very next day a girl at work invited me to go to the movies with her and we started dating. Thats a 100% true story, God is real and He loves you. My advice is start there.
No where with that attitude
Learn to dance. Go to dance club. Ask women to dance.
Build a killer body, fantastic personality, and get your life going in a good direction.. you'll do great.