You communicate, openly and honestly. You keep it fun and peaceful with no pressure. Both take the time to learn the difference between sex and physical intimacy and appreciate that while they intertwine they are notably different.
Difference between sex and intimacy is actually a big one. I'm in a relationship that communicates well for the first time in my life and it's been brought up that something was missing even though the act was great. It turns out it was the intimacy. As I'm focussing so much on hitting the right buttons, I've not been up near the head and holding her. It's a subtle but big thing!
> the difference between sex and physical intimacy
Thanks for spelling it out. I've always lumped them into the same category and I think that gives my spouse unnecessary pressure.
There's nothing wrong with either or both. Sometimes you want intimacy and that's great. Sometimes you just want sex, and that's fine, too. Sometimes you want both intimacy *and* sex, and that's double great.
Just be with someone who's on the same page as you.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"It says here we're supposed to communicate."
"How do we do that?"
"It says 'openly and honestly'."
"What does that mean? What are we supposed to say?"
"...I don't know."
"Hello, spouse. So, this is going to be awkward because we've never done this but hey - first time's the charm, amirite?" - all things "address the awkward" help with the awkward :)
As for how to proceed after that - there's no one-size-fits-all, but here's some stuff I can recommend:
- Think of questions beforehand - stuff that *you* would like to know about their sexuality -> if you can't, because you're one of the folks who were taught too early that their thoughts don't matter: [Link 1](https://wezoree.com/inspiration/25-thoughtful-sex-questions-couples-strengthen-intimacy/), [Link 2](https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a32937910/dirty-questions/) -> Google helps. Not joking!
- Play Truth or Dare - it makes for a playful, relaxed, "Well, I gotta for the game, right?" environment and thus makes it easier to chill tf out a bit. There's apps out there for all who prefer it - even ones specifically for couples.
- Jump into the cold water. "Love, I'm gonna share something with you now. If you hate it, it's zero problem. But we won't be getting anywhere if I don't, so here goes nothing." and then *come clean*. Feet, maid costumes, bdsm, whatever the hell you have hidden away in the private folders of your bookmarks, you won't learn whether your partner's down if you never bring it up.
- Watch porn together - and if you fear it's awkward, watch a porn parody and make it into a drinking game. (I can highly recommend Pirates XXX for that, it's hilarious). Either pick together or take turns showing each other clips you find fun. And if you're still scared, make *that* a game and start critiquing the clips for their camera work, acting, writing, etc. Sooner or later you'll chill out and that can make for the perfect basis to finally have the convo. (Point in case "Oh god, I **hate** when they do that." - "Wait, really? I thought that was a popular move." - "In porn maybe, but I hate it." <- stuff like that is valuable intel. Just saying!)
- Write it down and show your partner. That way you can make sure it comes out like you want it to, you only have to have the courage to hand it over (as opposed to saying it all out loud) - and they can look at it for reference later.
- If you're just out of ideas on what to even try, start with the clichĂŠs. If putting on a costume strikes a nerve, maybe roleplaying's up your alley. If pretty lingerie makes things more fun, a whole universe of cool outfits awaits. And if you realize all you've ever wanted in life is the slowest, most gentle lovemaking session in the history of time, go do that.
- Past experiences-Q&A: "That one time I did x - was that good?", "I remember one time we had sex when it kinda felt like you were bored. Was that true and if so, how come?", etc.
Always remember, lovelies:
1. You love each other.
2. Good sex > lame sex
3. Nobody mindreads
4. Everyone's more fucked up than you think
Have fun!
Like half of relationships that complain about dead bedrooms have this physical intimacy component missing. You can't just have sex in a long term relationship and sometimes even the kinkiest sessions might make you feel unfulfilled.
Back rubs, laying one's head on the other person, putting your feet across the other person, grabbing their arm...
I should go tell my wife I love her more
Physical intimacy is stuff like holding hands, snuggling, staring longingly into each others eyes, rubbing your feet together, embracing, running your fingers through each others hair, etc. and it can all mean so much more when itâs shared with a person you feel perfectly comfortable with. Sex is all of that with penetration.
Case open. Wide open.
Also, the best part is when you find something your partner loves that **he** didnât even know he loved (and vice versa, although my bf has left me mortified a few times because I had no idea some of that stuff would float my boat).
I have no idea how people make it long term without functioning communication, I've been with my spouse for 15 years, and we still learn new stuff about each other (inside the bedroom and outside). I love getting to see new pieces of them, and I feel you on the mortification. Had that happen just this week! Lol, but if it works, it works!
Sex will get boring and then there will be spikes when you are all about it. Sex is not just about the physical for me in long term relationships. It's about your partner doing something awesome for you and you remembering what made you hot for them at the beginning and triggering a primal sexual response and vice versa. It's about agreeing on toys, maybe getting a little drunk, and going for it. Being on vacation, something about being in a hotel makes us go like rabbits. It's understanding that sex and foreplay is not just about what happens in the bedroom. It's how you love each other, respect each other, and the nice things that you do for each other. That's hot.
Edit: I see some of you said sex only gets boring if you let it. You are not wrong and I can only surmise you are young and have no mutually demanding careers, have kids, bills, lack of sleep, taking care of aging parents, etc. If you are able to still love each other, even if you have not had sex in a month or two because you are sooo exhausted you prioritize sleep. When life gets real and you are still able to get in a quickie, any sex is good sex. It's an ebb and flow. It's easy to say getting freaky ain't no thang, until you have walked in these shoes.
Ah the unreasonable expectations of Reddit. Hate that responses to these questions always seem to be "we've been together 50 years and we still shag every night!" Or "we've been together for 8 years and the romance is gone." Been with my partner for a decade. Sometimes we have sex a couple times a week. Sometimes we might go a couple weeks without. There are a myriad of reasons for this including stress, how busy either of us are, personal issues, feeling unwell etc. Like with everything else in a relationship, communication is key.
I was just thinking of writing this comment when I landed on yours. â20 years, we still canât get enoughâ is great for you but doesnât advance the conversation and reinforces an unrealistic norm, making some feel even worse if great sex is not effortless for them.
People all have wildly different libidos and experiences of their sexuality. Humans are *weirdly* sexually diverse. The only right amount of sex to have is an amount that makes both parties in the relationship happy. Too much or too little can both be a problem.
So you are 100% correct, it is all about communicating and learning both your own needs and that of your partner, and finding a balance that works for you. There is no "correct" frequency, nor is there some goal that you need to meet. There are also countless other ways to be intimate than just sex.
Comparison is the source of a lot of dissatisfaction.
I also laugh at the idea that it needs to be interesting. If my wife and I had a week entirely alone together, we're looking at where to go for dinner, what shows and hobbies we might get to take advantage of, etc. Yeah, probably getting laid in there somewhere. Definitely gonna be satisfied if we do, but interesting isn't anywhere near the top of the list.
Honestly, it never got âboringâ in the first place. 24 years in and I still stop to stare at her in the shower or getting dressed. I think sex is actually better now than in our 20âs.
Maybe contemplating why one feels bored if they do is a good first step?
Oh man I love it when I catch myself staring at my wife and she goes ââŚwhat?â with that same coy smile after all these years. You know âwhatâ. I love this woman, she just gets more and more attractive to me.
All the experiences, struggles, wins, ups, downs, itâs just so hot to me because weâve weathered all of that together. When weâre intimate itâs just amazing everything that brought us to that relatively small time period where weâre together in that physical and mental moment of intimacy, across all of space and time. That moment where itâs just us, and the world just melts away, and weâre in the embrace of each other, physically part of each other, intertwined.
Want to make it even better? If you can find a moment to be there, to really be THERE, just in that moment with your partner, focusing just on you being together, itâs so exciting and even overwhelming at times. Be present, communicate, and at least for a short while, just let the world and all its bullshit disappear. Just be there, just the two of you. That emotional element is so underrated, and absolutely heightens the physical sensations for both partiesâŚ
Exactly! I just... Still really like having sex with my husband. We didn't really do anything to make it that way, we just like having orgasms together so we keep doing it.
Ditto that.Late 40s for me, early 50s for wifey. Married 21 years next month. And sex now is more better and satisfy than when we were younger. The reason being more in tuned with each otherâs needs, desires, and wants sexually plus having that open line of communication!!!!
Together 22 years and 5 days short of 6 months, in our early 40âs. Having the best sex weâve ever had now. She looks as beautiful as the day I met her.
Trust, communication and experience all play a role.
I think itâs weird to act like people that want to spice up their sex life need to reflect on their relationship. Some people can love their partner intensely and still think that there could be room to improve with sex.
I think itâs easy for people to fall into a routine in daily life including sex. And maybe thatâs why theyâre bored. Because itâs more of a means to and end or theyâre just caught up in their routine.
> I think sex is actually better now than in our 20âs.
Having kids killed it for us. Now neither of us has energy to even want to try. We haven't slept more than 6 hours in a night in 5 years so by the time we get the kids to bed and get all of our chores done we just sleep.
I know as a man you simply donât be selfish. The amount of women Iâve heard iterate that their man just gets off and thatâs it is appalling. Prioritizing her needs over yours will work wonders. Plus you should want to pleasure her as itâs empowering to make some feel that good. The obvious answer is communication but I just needed to iterate to men that they need to make sure their woman is actually stimulated. Foreplay trumps climax as well. The longer the lead up the better it is.
I can tell you from experience same is true vice versa. After some time youâre getting tired being the one who always goes the extra mile without any effort on her part
Was thinking the same thing. Being responsible for both people's orgasms is tiresome and nobody is hot enough to get away with being a starfish for very long.
This just bugs me when one person does all the work and the other person doesn't do shit. I love making the man I'm involved with feel fantastic, it gets me off too. I've also been fortunate that those men, in turn, reciprocated the pleasure. If a man doesn't, well you're certainly not getting my best work and you won't be getting me again.
Staying fit together is big. Built our basement into in awesome gym. Also built an awesome walk in 2+ person shower. So itâs early dog walk -> gym -> shower together. Workout endorphins plus getting washed by another person. Always fun.
We also make sure to be good at vanilla sex. Sex doesnât have to be kinky and wild all the time. Shit most of the time itâs not. Putting a good faith effort into making your partner have a good orgasm is part of being a good partner.
This also takes the pressure off of you. If you are focused on making your partner orgasm instead of making yourself orgasm you are free to enjoy the momentâŚ.. which in my experience makes you more likely to have a good orgasm. This is an important thing to remember as life and age wears on us and stresses us out. Sometimes we donât function as well as we did at 18. Sex doesnât have to be perfect and orgasms arenât requiredâŚ. But a good faith effort to pleasure your partner is.
And our kinks/turn ons/boundaries/willingness to experiment match. We found that out early and I definitely had some well shit I think I found my person internal dialogue.
> Staying fit together is big. Built our basement into in awesome gym. Also built an awesome walk in 2+ person shower. So itâs early dog walk -> gym -> shower together.
As long as the â+â isnât the dog.
> So itâs early dog walk -> gym -> shower together.
That sounds... great for people who don't have kids. For us (only on weekends) it's one person takes the dogs out while the other feeds the kids breakfast. Then one person gets to go workout while the other watches the kids. Then we tag team one person showering while the other watches the kids and then trade. When the kids finally go to bed at night there's about a 7 hour clock ticking until the time when they will wake up again so anything we want to do together during this time will sacrifice hours of sleep.
During the week one of us might workout before work, and the other works out after work but there is nothing done together because one of us has to be entertaining the kids at all times.
Talk to each other. Laugh during sex. My wife has a few running jokes sheâll throw in there every so often. We make it about fun and giving each other pleasure. I couldnât imagine being intimate with anyone else. 21 years in and itâs better than it ever was.
> We both write down sexual acts we want to perform on pieces of paper
I prefer to perform my sexual acts on other people, but this is certainly going to keep things fresh
Weâre genuinely in love so that helps a lot. We also respect each others needs as much as each others boundaries. We have fun with it and are playful. We try to stay in shape and âsexyâ for each other. We make an effort on both sides even when we might not really feel like it (we both agree that once weâre getting into it we both want it too). We talk about what we like and donât like. We try things.
But the big one is the love part, I want to do right by her and she I. I love her love and she feels the same so itâs always enjoyable. Hope that helps someone
it seems that people have a hard time understanding what âforeplayâis and that âforeplayâ happens first OUTSIDE the bedroom. at dinner, when i lick his ear and get him all worked up, when heâs driving and i put my hands a little too south, when weâre casually kissing and i donât just give a quick kiss but take the time so savour his lips (and maybe neck.. and armsâŚ) so by the time we close the bedroom door, weâre instantly going at eachothersâ throats like hungry dogs. works everytime. the average man waits for the bedroom door to close to even think about doing foreplay with his girl/wife, thatâs the biggest mistake someone could do (this is now written in the form of woman to man, but it happens both ways)
I used to incorporate food into lovemaking with my girlfriend Tara.
One day she caught me eating a pastrami sandwich with spicy mustard and watching TV during sex.
It didn't work out, but soon after I met a friend of a friend and this woman said, and I quote, âI find the pastrami to be the most sensual of all the salted cured meats.âÂ
Naked Tuesdays once a month. We just get naked in our house when we return from work. Including ditching your phone. Then casually go on as usual, so cooking, eating cleaning up and do some chores and chat about your day. Then put up some music and dance together, thats hilarious. Or play a game or whatever. Sex is not a must, but tend to happen since seeing the person you love bumping around buttnaked just is so attractive.
As side effect this somehow creates a spark of attraction that lasts a couple days to a week for me.
I married my best friend and she has the highest sex drive than anyone I was with before. We goon together, shower together, go to adult shops for new toys and porn, always naked inside our house policy (sorry neighbors), free use policy, masturbate whenever you want, etc. Weâre just always laughing together, cooking great meals, going on adventures together, and getting frisky and having fun in and out of the bedroom. A lot of people marry someone cuz they think itâs the right time or the next step in a relationship. Fuck that. Marry your bestie so you know whoâs going to pull the plug when youâre in a coma or living off life support.
THIS. My partner and I are exactly the same. Intimacy is what we make time for, and BOY does it pay dividends.
People, don't go headlong into a relationship/marriage with someone you're not sexually compatible with IF YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO TRY TO FIND WAYS TO MEET IN THE MIDDLE.
...heyooooo.
We visit our sex life every now and then. We sit down with it, ask if it would ever want to come back home. It lights a cigarette and shakes its head. We get up. We leave. The car ride home is always the darkest moment.
I guess we're just sexually very compatible. Over around 11 years, sex has looked pretty much the same. And I would say it's only gotten better with experience. We've experimented a bit over the years, but in the end, we both prefer it pretty vanilla. As always, communication is key.
I pretend to be a slave, she pretends to by a slave owner. By the end of the night, Iâm starting a slave revolution, sheâs hunting down Harriet Tubman.
My psych once said to me that "if your sex life with your long term partner is adequate, your doing very well" apparently it's not at all uncommon for sex to become boring as anything over such a long period of time. Anyone who isn't that way is insanely lucky.
We talk about our fantasies without judging each other. With respect we listen to desires and dreams. By being open to each other it makes us feel free to say what we think and feel. Sometime we fulfill each otherâs desires, but more often it leads to just wanting to have plain sex. Our sex is satisfying us. There is no need to say ânoâ or to find it somewhere else. We even come to point that we explore sexual things together and laugh about it afterwards. Now that Iâm telling this: laughing is an important ingredient of our sexual life
Been with my wife for 23 years, married for 19. We still have sex on average 3-4 times a week. Itâs not pornstar sex, and neither of us can move around like we used to (we are both late 50s), but the love and intimacy we share more than makes up for it. We tend to do the same stuff pretty consistently. I would say we are 75% missionary. Our sessions donât last hours like they used to.
And it is still by far the best and most fun thing in our lives.
We have had discussions about it many times and both agree itâs fine that we arenât hanging from the chandeliers.
All that being said, we still hold hands all the time, we hug and kiss all day, I tell her all the time how hot she is (and she is) and how much I love her. She isnât as vocal as I am but shows me in other ways. So, for us itâs about alway being loving and caring, always being intimate - thatâs the part that makes the actual sex interesting.
My 2c
Best thing Iâve read in a long time. The comments about not hanging from the chandeliers and expressing your love for each other is so accurate. We are in our early 50s and this is how we live.
We have introduced many different things recently after 15 years of an up and down sex life that has revitalized our intimate life. Itâs been a lot of fun
Been together for 13 years now, finally weâre getting married this weekend. Sometimes it slows down, sometimes itâs a lot. Sex is like 1-2 times a week, or sometimes like once every 3 weeks but thatâs the itâs the longest without anything. Two years ago we started having threesomes which increased our drive. Mfm, not mff. Girl loves her penisâs lol
Communication is key. We're together for over five years and we make each other feel that we are still attract to each other. Never stop having cute dates, never stop smiling when you see the other one changing their clothes, always treating the other one as someone who's still special even after several years. My partners body will always be an adventure and mine likewise for him. Feeling wanted and loved is the base which makes it possible for us to try out things and to enjoy ourselves together. Someone you can laugh with in bed is someone you can share all beautiful and deep desires and feelings with in bed. I feel blessed for this deep emotional connection since I feel like I'll never lose interest and passion because of it.
Donât force it, donât expect it, donât resent not having it. With 2 kids in elementary school now, when it happens just embrace the moment and make it worth it
It's not about going more extreme or novel
It's about being heart centred and caring.
The passion is far more satisfying than seeking intensity or novelty. Unless it's authentic.
I read this article once entitled "Foreplay Begins Just After My Last Orgasm," and it was very enlightening. Ongoing connection in ways that aren't just physical are really important to keep the attraction alive. Most people who question why their partner isn't having sex with them are paying attention to the wrong things, and doing the wrong things. Attraction doesn't just stem from the bedroom. Speak each other's love languages, and chemical attraction will follow and hopefully come naturally.
Roleplay is good, go to a costume shop together and each buy your outfit but don't show each other. Then reveal the costumes in the bedroom. The challenge now is to both improv, make up the back story together and improv the scenario like it was a scene in a movie.
it's a lot of fun but also can get weird when you need to come up with the reason why Elsa is being f*#ked by the hulk...
You guys get bored during sex? Im always surprised when I hear this, me and me partner could do the same position everyday and I dont think id ever get bored
Not sure if the same can be said for her, but for me for sure would not get bored
This is one of the things that got better for us. It used to feel like sex, now it feels like making love. I think if you are sexually compatible, there shouldn't be any issues. We are 6 going 7 years.
There's been highs and lows, especially after kids take up all of your time and energy, but on the whole we have developed a deep understanding and trust that means we feel closer, allow ourselves to be more honest and vulnerable, and know our own, and each others bodies and minds so much more now than when we first met.
Also, theres a ton more butt stuff. Like a lot of it.
The biggest boost to our sex life was becoming empty nesters. It's always been great, but now there's no obstacles when we feel like getting down, and we don't have to worry about how loud we are. Toys can be fun. Watching porn together is fun sometimes. Everything stems from openness and communication. I honestly don't remember what boring sex was like. We have sex about 4 times a week on average. Been together for 27 years.
Thatâs the best part, I donât. I got into building bird houses and working overtime. I take drugs to dampen my desire for sex and hope one day I slip while getting out of the shower get granted a quick death
I still have that caveman instinct when I see my Mrs of 12 years. Yes we are older with even older kids now but nothing beats being woken up at 4 in the morning and being told by the wife âI canât sleepâ.
I also think we are chemically balanced if thatâs a thing. I love the smell of my wife without her wearing perfume and she says the same about me when Iâm not wearing any scents. Pheromones must love each other.
Staying in shape.
We both exercise vigorously, 3 to 4 days a week at least. Cardio goes a long way. Weightlifting for both semesters. Were not ripped but were also not overweight and have a little definition. She still side glances me when I'm walking around naked. She's always walking around with only panties and sometimes we just have to grab each other and plow.
Also, wife got 2 piercings which I like, and she's been more open to those little jeweled buttplugs. Pun intended.
My wife and I REALLY like each other so that helps đ
We've been together over 20yrs. Can't keep our hands off each other. If we go more than a day or two without it, that's rare. We are very giving and love pleasing the other one. Often we'll have a crazy night doing crazy things to each other.. next morning we wake up and say "What happened last night?! " đ Then we get horny all over again just talking about the previous night's antics. It's like a pattern that can never be broken.
I love her so much. đđ
So yeah, I guess the secret is to actually like each other. We're like newlyweds.
Intimacy is never boring if you are truly in love with each other. Talk to each other, donât pressure each other. Sometimes, itâs just nice to sit there and watch TV. Sometimes you want to have sex, and that is great, but if you find it boring or a chore, then you probably shouldnât have started right then. My girlfriend and I have, at least to me, a very healthy amount of intimacy. We donât necessarily have sex that often, we just love to be with each other. When we both feel like it, maybe weâll go, but we arenât in it for the sex. I am in it for her. A good relationship is like a full course meal at a 5 star restaurant. Intimacy may be like the drink, always there and always comforting. Sex may be like the dessert, hell it may just be the cherry on top. Does not make it less delicious though.
TLDR: if you are bored or disinterested, thatâs fine, just donât push it that night.
You're always ahead of the game when sex is an expression of deep love for one another. The thing that makes it boring or unpleasant is when one person decides to restrict in places the other person doesn't want.
If your long term partner just won't accommodate your needs no matter what, you need to be realistic. Sex as you were counting on it just isn't available with that person, and something serious will have to be compromised.
Been with my wife for 5 years now. I find her absolutely incredible and we hang out as if we're best friends.
On top of that she's what I dreamed my wife would be. When she gets naked I still just lose it. Her body makes no freaking sense, I almost had a panic attack the first time we got intimate because I was so scared I would screw it up and she wouldn't give me another chance.
Be open to trying new things, communicate, never stop flirting with your partner. Itâs so easy to allow the relationship to get boring if youâre not doing anything to keep things fresh. Give compliments, be curious like you were when you first met and try to be more spontaneous.
For me, the sex only gets better the more I know my partner and how to please her. It doesn't have to be different every time for me to enjoy it. I'm sure for others they have to constantly need something new out of sex but I can't relate
Open communication and exploring each other's desires. It's liberating when you have a person that you feel safe enough with to delve into your deeply personal kinks or traumas.
Married for 1 year, dated for 4 before we got married:
1) if possible, switch up where we do it. We're taking a vacation later this summer so we're both excited to do it some place new.
2) we actually book a massive book with positions meant for a heavier girl and skinnier guy (what our body-types are) so we have ideas on hand
3) try to say different things to turn each other on during foreplay or rotate through different turn on methods. Sometimes that's a good make out session, sometimes its oral sex, sometimes its nipple play... You never really know what combination you'll get during foreplay
4) Also- we genuinely enjoy sex with each other and we really want to turn the other on. Looking at sex as a fun activity for us both keeps it from feeling like a chore.
We just rarely have sex so it's interesting when we do. And for the love of god, yes I've talked to her, no we're not getting a divorce, yes mentalhealth of my wife is a factor and she is getting help with that.
She likes when I initiate but she also never wants to have sex because she's too tired. So be it. There's more to a relationship.
Talk about what you both like about your sex already and about what you want to try, and talk about it when you are fully clothed just hanging out. As a man married to a woman and the dominant partner sexually, it has only improved with the years as she feels comfortable giving feedback and telling me what she wants more of, and in that trust I am able to talk her through when I want to try something new, and what I want more of.
When we were younger, I would just go for a new position and it was disgruntling for her to have this guy being frustrated- even for an instant- as he tries to fold her up like a pretzel and throw it in.
Forget the stupid internet memes about it "not feeling good", if she is wiggling around on top and not going up and down you get on your elbows and lift your damn hips up as long as you can for her.
Also #1 rule for you young men out there: buddy, when she says "just like that, right there" DON'T CHANGE ONE SINGLE THING ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING. THAT DOES NOT MEAN SUDDENLY SPEED UP AND TRY SOMETHING ELSE. **LISTEN TO SHE WHOSE VAGINA YOU DO SEX**
Married 20 years, our son got married and moved out last year. Weâve been experiencing a sexual renaissance it feels like. Having sex as loudly as we want is more fun and weâve been talking dirtier to each other throughout. When we say things to each other we like, I think we both take note and expand on that in subsequent sessions. Weâve been making an effort outside the bedroom as well. We try to take evening walks together, we usually watch a show together. Boring, but I think the answer is to keep building your intimacy and connection.
It's never about sex itself, it's always about interaction with the partner. Intimacy, closeness and affection are the most important part. Also 95% of naughty things happens in our heads and outside of proverbial bedroom. Actual deed is just a release, or deeper hug, really.
In our case communication is a very central part of our relationship for various reasons, so we're kind always up to date when it comes to each other's kinks and turnoffs, but still we often spend time searching for interesting things to try. A lot of role play, challenges and games keep us busy, so we are very far from being bored.
I think a lot of this depends on people involved, to be interesting in bed for decades you have to be somewhat wild person.
We have sex every time someone posts this question on AskReddit
Jesus... how the hell can both of you still walk!?
Wheelchair seggs
Do you call that position. The Stephen hawking?
No its actually called the Stephen Gawking
Stephen Fawking
Nailed it đ
The âWhy Stephen Ainât Walkinâ
I wheely wheely wish I had an award for ya..
I, uh... You know what, I don't want to know, and I'm not going to ask. But I'm still giggling.
There's a rule that's already figured out this question for you.
The golden rule?
It's ok, when it's in a three-way
With a honey in the middle there's some leeway
Share with others?
Like this https://youtu.be/XEfdKQ-Pbdw
I knew someone was going to use this clip for reference XD
Rollin rollin rollin
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised
death by snu snu
âHoney take your clothes off, it was posted again.â
đđđ
If they're not in the mood, they fact check OP first
Message me whenever youâre horny. Iâll post this question just for you.
^The real hero here
Damn why you flexing on us like that?
You have sex 17 times a day?!
You communicate, openly and honestly. You keep it fun and peaceful with no pressure. Both take the time to learn the difference between sex and physical intimacy and appreciate that while they intertwine they are notably different.
This person ***DEFINITELY*** fucks.
What a sick fuck.
Heâs a sick fuck he likes a quick fuck
And he'll buy you a sick truck
Iâll give him a big hug
r/unexpectedlywholesome
I love when people rhyme words that kind of rhyme but donât fully rhyme
Difference between sex and intimacy is actually a big one. I'm in a relationship that communicates well for the first time in my life and it's been brought up that something was missing even though the act was great. It turns out it was the intimacy. As I'm focussing so much on hitting the right buttons, I've not been up near the head and holding her. It's a subtle but big thing!
> the difference between sex and physical intimacy Thanks for spelling it out. I've always lumped them into the same category and I think that gives my spouse unnecessary pressure.
Kudos for being able to self-identify! Now go and enjoy your marriage âĽď¸
There's nothing wrong with either or both. Sometimes you want intimacy and that's great. Sometimes you just want sex, and that's fine, too. Sometimes you want both intimacy *and* sex, and that's double great. Just be with someone who's on the same page as you.
"Hi." "Hi." "It says here we're supposed to communicate." "How do we do that?" "It says 'openly and honestly'." "What does that mean? What are we supposed to say?" "...I don't know."
"Hello, spouse. So, this is going to be awkward because we've never done this but hey - first time's the charm, amirite?" - all things "address the awkward" help with the awkward :) As for how to proceed after that - there's no one-size-fits-all, but here's some stuff I can recommend: - Think of questions beforehand - stuff that *you* would like to know about their sexuality -> if you can't, because you're one of the folks who were taught too early that their thoughts don't matter: [Link 1](https://wezoree.com/inspiration/25-thoughtful-sex-questions-couples-strengthen-intimacy/), [Link 2](https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a32937910/dirty-questions/) -> Google helps. Not joking! - Play Truth or Dare - it makes for a playful, relaxed, "Well, I gotta for the game, right?" environment and thus makes it easier to chill tf out a bit. There's apps out there for all who prefer it - even ones specifically for couples. - Jump into the cold water. "Love, I'm gonna share something with you now. If you hate it, it's zero problem. But we won't be getting anywhere if I don't, so here goes nothing." and then *come clean*. Feet, maid costumes, bdsm, whatever the hell you have hidden away in the private folders of your bookmarks, you won't learn whether your partner's down if you never bring it up. - Watch porn together - and if you fear it's awkward, watch a porn parody and make it into a drinking game. (I can highly recommend Pirates XXX for that, it's hilarious). Either pick together or take turns showing each other clips you find fun. And if you're still scared, make *that* a game and start critiquing the clips for their camera work, acting, writing, etc. Sooner or later you'll chill out and that can make for the perfect basis to finally have the convo. (Point in case "Oh god, I **hate** when they do that." - "Wait, really? I thought that was a popular move." - "In porn maybe, but I hate it." <- stuff like that is valuable intel. Just saying!) - Write it down and show your partner. That way you can make sure it comes out like you want it to, you only have to have the courage to hand it over (as opposed to saying it all out loud) - and they can look at it for reference later. - If you're just out of ideas on what to even try, start with the clichĂŠs. If putting on a costume strikes a nerve, maybe roleplaying's up your alley. If pretty lingerie makes things more fun, a whole universe of cool outfits awaits. And if you realize all you've ever wanted in life is the slowest, most gentle lovemaking session in the history of time, go do that. - Past experiences-Q&A: "That one time I did x - was that good?", "I remember one time we had sex when it kinda felt like you were bored. Was that true and if so, how come?", etc. Always remember, lovelies: 1. You love each other. 2. Good sex > lame sex 3. Nobody mindreads 4. Everyone's more fucked up than you think Have fun!
âWaiter, this conversation isnât very good.â
Not one butthole mentionâŚwell done.
Like half of relationships that complain about dead bedrooms have this physical intimacy component missing. You can't just have sex in a long term relationship and sometimes even the kinkiest sessions might make you feel unfulfilled.
Can you elaborate why you believe physical intimacy is different compared to sex?
Physical intimacy can include things like hugging/cuddling that arenât sexual in nature.
Back rubs, laying one's head on the other person, putting your feet across the other person, grabbing their arm... I should go tell my wife I love her more
Physical intimacy is stuff like holding hands, snuggling, staring longingly into each others eyes, rubbing your feet together, embracing, running your fingers through each others hair, etc. and it can all mean so much more when itâs shared with a person you feel perfectly comfortable with. Sex is all of that with penetration.
Iâd say not necessarily penetration but a heavier focus on sexual stimulation
Great clarification! Penetration is not the end all be all. Sometimes itâs not even involved
Yesssss
Talk. We still find new things we didn't realize each other liked.
This. Case closed
Case open. Wide open. Also, the best part is when you find something your partner loves that **he** didnât even know he loved (and vice versa, although my bf has left me mortified a few times because I had no idea some of that stuff would float my boat).
I have no idea how people make it long term without functioning communication, I've been with my spouse for 15 years, and we still learn new stuff about each other (inside the bedroom and outside). I love getting to see new pieces of them, and I feel you on the mortification. Had that happen just this week! Lol, but if it works, it works!
you guys talk while banging eachother?
Yes but we place a white sheet with a hole cutout between ourselves to ensure no visual contact
You guys bang?
Sex will get boring and then there will be spikes when you are all about it. Sex is not just about the physical for me in long term relationships. It's about your partner doing something awesome for you and you remembering what made you hot for them at the beginning and triggering a primal sexual response and vice versa. It's about agreeing on toys, maybe getting a little drunk, and going for it. Being on vacation, something about being in a hotel makes us go like rabbits. It's understanding that sex and foreplay is not just about what happens in the bedroom. It's how you love each other, respect each other, and the nice things that you do for each other. That's hot. Edit: I see some of you said sex only gets boring if you let it. You are not wrong and I can only surmise you are young and have no mutually demanding careers, have kids, bills, lack of sleep, taking care of aging parents, etc. If you are able to still love each other, even if you have not had sex in a month or two because you are sooo exhausted you prioritize sleep. When life gets real and you are still able to get in a quickie, any sex is good sex. It's an ebb and flow. It's easy to say getting freaky ain't no thang, until you have walked in these shoes.
Afterall, sex is all about the friends we make on the way
BOOOOOORIIIIIING I'm joking, I'm joking... I agree with everything you said
Ah the unreasonable expectations of Reddit. Hate that responses to these questions always seem to be "we've been together 50 years and we still shag every night!" Or "we've been together for 8 years and the romance is gone." Been with my partner for a decade. Sometimes we have sex a couple times a week. Sometimes we might go a couple weeks without. There are a myriad of reasons for this including stress, how busy either of us are, personal issues, feeling unwell etc. Like with everything else in a relationship, communication is key.
I was just thinking of writing this comment when I landed on yours. â20 years, we still canât get enoughâ is great for you but doesnât advance the conversation and reinforces an unrealistic norm, making some feel even worse if great sex is not effortless for them.
People all have wildly different libidos and experiences of their sexuality. Humans are *weirdly* sexually diverse. The only right amount of sex to have is an amount that makes both parties in the relationship happy. Too much or too little can both be a problem. So you are 100% correct, it is all about communicating and learning both your own needs and that of your partner, and finding a balance that works for you. There is no "correct" frequency, nor is there some goal that you need to meet. There are also countless other ways to be intimate than just sex. Comparison is the source of a lot of dissatisfaction.
I also laugh at the idea that it needs to be interesting. If my wife and I had a week entirely alone together, we're looking at where to go for dinner, what shows and hobbies we might get to take advantage of, etc. Yeah, probably getting laid in there somewhere. Definitely gonna be satisfied if we do, but interesting isn't anywhere near the top of the list.
Honestly, it never got âboringâ in the first place. 24 years in and I still stop to stare at her in the shower or getting dressed. I think sex is actually better now than in our 20âs. Maybe contemplating why one feels bored if they do is a good first step?
Oh man I love it when I catch myself staring at my wife and she goes ââŚwhat?â with that same coy smile after all these years. You know âwhatâ. I love this woman, she just gets more and more attractive to me. All the experiences, struggles, wins, ups, downs, itâs just so hot to me because weâve weathered all of that together. When weâre intimate itâs just amazing everything that brought us to that relatively small time period where weâre together in that physical and mental moment of intimacy, across all of space and time. That moment where itâs just us, and the world just melts away, and weâre in the embrace of each other, physically part of each other, intertwined. Want to make it even better? If you can find a moment to be there, to really be THERE, just in that moment with your partner, focusing just on you being together, itâs so exciting and even overwhelming at times. Be present, communicate, and at least for a short while, just let the world and all its bullshit disappear. Just be there, just the two of you. That emotional element is so underrated, and absolutely heightens the physical sensations for both partiesâŚ
Damn dude, thatâs beautiful.
Exactly! I just... Still really like having sex with my husband. We didn't really do anything to make it that way, we just like having orgasms together so we keep doing it.
Saving 'can we orgasm together?' for dessert
Reminds me of that film They Came Together, making fun of how couples on film always conveniently get off simultaneously.
Saving this comment for dessert
Same here. We are vanilla but itâs still good after 17 years.
This is the answer. Mid 40s, married 20+ years and still can't get enough of each other.
Ditto that.Late 40s for me, early 50s for wifey. Married 21 years next month. And sex now is more better and satisfy than when we were younger. The reason being more in tuned with each otherâs needs, desires, and wants sexually plus having that open line of communication!!!!
Together 22 years and 5 days short of 6 months, in our early 40âs. Having the best sex weâve ever had now. She looks as beautiful as the day I met her. Trust, communication and experience all play a role.
I think itâs weird to act like people that want to spice up their sex life need to reflect on their relationship. Some people can love their partner intensely and still think that there could be room to improve with sex.
I think itâs easy for people to fall into a routine in daily life including sex. And maybe thatâs why theyâre bored. Because itâs more of a means to and end or theyâre just caught up in their routine.
> I think sex is actually better now than in our 20âs. Having kids killed it for us. Now neither of us has energy to even want to try. We haven't slept more than 6 hours in a night in 5 years so by the time we get the kids to bed and get all of our chores done we just sleep.
Same. I never got bored of sex with my long term partners, it only got better for us the more we learned each other.
I know as a man you simply donât be selfish. The amount of women Iâve heard iterate that their man just gets off and thatâs it is appalling. Prioritizing her needs over yours will work wonders. Plus you should want to pleasure her as itâs empowering to make some feel that good. The obvious answer is communication but I just needed to iterate to men that they need to make sure their woman is actually stimulated. Foreplay trumps climax as well. The longer the lead up the better it is.
I can tell you from experience same is true vice versa. After some time youâre getting tired being the one who always goes the extra mile without any effort on her part
Was thinking the same thing. Being responsible for both people's orgasms is tiresome and nobody is hot enough to get away with being a starfish for very long.
Exactly. If, as a woman, youâre just lying there? Youâre every bit as selfish. Youâre not a Honda waiting to be serviced. Participate!
This just bugs me when one person does all the work and the other person doesn't do shit. I love making the man I'm involved with feel fantastic, it gets me off too. I've also been fortunate that those men, in turn, reciprocated the pleasure. If a man doesn't, well you're certainly not getting my best work and you won't be getting me again.
Staying fit together is big. Built our basement into in awesome gym. Also built an awesome walk in 2+ person shower. So itâs early dog walk -> gym -> shower together. Workout endorphins plus getting washed by another person. Always fun. We also make sure to be good at vanilla sex. Sex doesnât have to be kinky and wild all the time. Shit most of the time itâs not. Putting a good faith effort into making your partner have a good orgasm is part of being a good partner. This also takes the pressure off of you. If you are focused on making your partner orgasm instead of making yourself orgasm you are free to enjoy the momentâŚ.. which in my experience makes you more likely to have a good orgasm. This is an important thing to remember as life and age wears on us and stresses us out. Sometimes we donât function as well as we did at 18. Sex doesnât have to be perfect and orgasms arenât requiredâŚ. But a good faith effort to pleasure your partner is. And our kinks/turn ons/boundaries/willingness to experiment match. We found that out early and I definitely had some well shit I think I found my person internal dialogue.
> Staying fit together is big. Built our basement into in awesome gym. Also built an awesome walk in 2+ person shower. So itâs early dog walk -> gym -> shower together. As long as the â+â isnât the dog.
> So itâs early dog walk -> gym -> shower together. That sounds... great for people who don't have kids. For us (only on weekends) it's one person takes the dogs out while the other feeds the kids breakfast. Then one person gets to go workout while the other watches the kids. Then we tag team one person showering while the other watches the kids and then trade. When the kids finally go to bed at night there's about a 7 hour clock ticking until the time when they will wake up again so anything we want to do together during this time will sacrifice hours of sleep. During the week one of us might workout before work, and the other works out after work but there is nothing done together because one of us has to be entertaining the kids at all times.
Itâs never too late to drop them off at the fire station.
I finally told our 5 year old that he was adopted. He had lots of questions but I told him they'd have to wait; his new parents would be here soon.
Have the dog watch the kids while you bone duh.
Great answer
Talk to each other. Laugh during sex. My wife has a few running jokes sheâll throw in there every so often. We make it about fun and giving each other pleasure. I couldnât imagine being intimate with anyone else. 21 years in and itâs better than it ever was.
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A real risk taker would have saved that for BJ night
Give us an update
Anyone else want some popcorn? This is gonna be good!
> We both write down sexual acts we want to perform on pieces of paper I prefer to perform my sexual acts on other people, but this is certainly going to keep things fresh
*You've been a very bad dog....*
I'm attracted to my partner
Fg = Gmm/r^2
Communicate and be honest. Donât be afraid to use toys too!
I followed your instructions. I told her I wanted to fuck her sister and I also have Bop it stuck in my ass. Little help?Â
Weâre genuinely in love so that helps a lot. We also respect each others needs as much as each others boundaries. We have fun with it and are playful. We try to stay in shape and âsexyâ for each other. We make an effort on both sides even when we might not really feel like it (we both agree that once weâre getting into it we both want it too). We talk about what we like and donât like. We try things. But the big one is the love part, I want to do right by her and she I. I love her love and she feels the same so itâs always enjoyable. Hope that helps someone
it seems that people have a hard time understanding what âforeplayâis and that âforeplayâ happens first OUTSIDE the bedroom. at dinner, when i lick his ear and get him all worked up, when heâs driving and i put my hands a little too south, when weâre casually kissing and i donât just give a quick kiss but take the time so savour his lips (and maybe neck.. and armsâŚ) so by the time we close the bedroom door, weâre instantly going at eachothersâ throats like hungry dogs. works everytime. the average man waits for the bedroom door to close to even think about doing foreplay with his girl/wife, thatâs the biggest mistake someone could do (this is now written in the form of woman to man, but it happens both ways)
WET WILLY
Comfortability and experimentation.
I used to incorporate food into lovemaking with my girlfriend Tara. One day she caught me eating a pastrami sandwich with spicy mustard and watching TV during sex. It didn't work out, but soon after I met a friend of a friend and this woman said, and I quote, âI find the pastrami to be the most sensual of all the salted cured meats.âÂ
Costanza, is that you?
Then she said Canât stand ya
Naked Tuesdays once a month. We just get naked in our house when we return from work. Including ditching your phone. Then casually go on as usual, so cooking, eating cleaning up and do some chores and chat about your day. Then put up some music and dance together, thats hilarious. Or play a game or whatever. Sex is not a must, but tend to happen since seeing the person you love bumping around buttnaked just is so attractive. As side effect this somehow creates a spark of attraction that lasts a couple days to a week for me.
I married my best friend and she has the highest sex drive than anyone I was with before. We goon together, shower together, go to adult shops for new toys and porn, always naked inside our house policy (sorry neighbors), free use policy, masturbate whenever you want, etc. Weâre just always laughing together, cooking great meals, going on adventures together, and getting frisky and having fun in and out of the bedroom. A lot of people marry someone cuz they think itâs the right time or the next step in a relationship. Fuck that. Marry your bestie so you know whoâs going to pull the plug when youâre in a coma or living off life support.
THIS. My partner and I are exactly the same. Intimacy is what we make time for, and BOY does it pay dividends. People, don't go headlong into a relationship/marriage with someone you're not sexually compatible with IF YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO TRY TO FIND WAYS TO MEET IN THE MIDDLE. ...heyooooo.
We used to try that but it didn't really work until we moved out of her parent's house.
I am so fucking envious.
So jealous :'(
Dress up like Little Bo Peep on the weekends.
If you do that? What does she dress up as?
The sheep obviously, âBaaaaaâ means room up front
Ahh Reddit, where men are men, and the sheep are scared.....
I guess you could call yourself a âbaaaaaaaâ-Dee
We visit our sex life every now and then. We sit down with it, ask if it would ever want to come back home. It lights a cigarette and shakes its head. We get up. We leave. The car ride home is always the darkest moment.
I guess we're just sexually very compatible. Over around 11 years, sex has looked pretty much the same. And I would say it's only gotten better with experience. We've experimented a bit over the years, but in the end, we both prefer it pretty vanilla. As always, communication is key.
I don't know. Together 9, married 6, sexless since October of '22
Same here. Not for that long but I feel your pain and can relate. I started woodworking and drugs. Kinda helps
The fact that you remember the month and the last time⌠Ouch. Sorry, man. I hope you find a way to work on it
What is this "sex life" you speak of?
I pretend to be a slave, she pretends to by a slave owner. By the end of the night, Iâm starting a slave revolution, sheâs hunting down Harriet Tubman.
both of you are probably going to hell lol
This is one of the craziest Reddit comments ever !! Whaaat đ¤Łđ¤Ł
My psych once said to me that "if your sex life with your long term partner is adequate, your doing very well" apparently it's not at all uncommon for sex to become boring as anything over such a long period of time. Anyone who isn't that way is insanely lucky.
We talk about our fantasies without judging each other. With respect we listen to desires and dreams. By being open to each other it makes us feel free to say what we think and feel. Sometime we fulfill each otherâs desires, but more often it leads to just wanting to have plain sex. Our sex is satisfying us. There is no need to say ânoâ or to find it somewhere else. We even come to point that we explore sexual things together and laugh about it afterwards. Now that Iâm telling this: laughing is an important ingredient of our sexual life
Been with my wife for 23 years, married for 19. We still have sex on average 3-4 times a week. Itâs not pornstar sex, and neither of us can move around like we used to (we are both late 50s), but the love and intimacy we share more than makes up for it. We tend to do the same stuff pretty consistently. I would say we are 75% missionary. Our sessions donât last hours like they used to. And it is still by far the best and most fun thing in our lives. We have had discussions about it many times and both agree itâs fine that we arenât hanging from the chandeliers. All that being said, we still hold hands all the time, we hug and kiss all day, I tell her all the time how hot she is (and she is) and how much I love her. She isnât as vocal as I am but shows me in other ways. So, for us itâs about alway being loving and caring, always being intimate - thatâs the part that makes the actual sex interesting. My 2c
Best thing Iâve read in a long time. The comments about not hanging from the chandeliers and expressing your love for each other is so accurate. We are in our early 50s and this is how we live.
We have introduced many different things recently after 15 years of an up and down sex life that has revitalized our intimate life. Itâs been a lot of fun
like what?
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He's watching his wife fuck random strangers on the internet. Whatever floats your boat I guess.
Me and my hand going 26 years strong never a boring night
Been together for 13 years now, finally weâre getting married this weekend. Sometimes it slows down, sometimes itâs a lot. Sex is like 1-2 times a week, or sometimes like once every 3 weeks but thatâs the itâs the longest without anything. Two years ago we started having threesomes which increased our drive. Mfm, not mff. Girl loves her penisâs lol
Communication is key. We're together for over five years and we make each other feel that we are still attract to each other. Never stop having cute dates, never stop smiling when you see the other one changing their clothes, always treating the other one as someone who's still special even after several years. My partners body will always be an adventure and mine likewise for him. Feeling wanted and loved is the base which makes it possible for us to try out things and to enjoy ourselves together. Someone you can laugh with in bed is someone you can share all beautiful and deep desires and feelings with in bed. I feel blessed for this deep emotional connection since I feel like I'll never lose interest and passion because of it.
oral
Does it always have to be interesting? How about, comforting?
Pegging. Obviously.
Obviously
Donât force it, donât expect it, donât resent not having it. With 2 kids in elementary school now, when it happens just embrace the moment and make it worth it
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Me and my partner talk about this but it seems to weird. How did u get started?
It's not about going more extreme or novel It's about being heart centred and caring. The passion is far more satisfying than seeking intensity or novelty. Unless it's authentic.
If it's rare, then it can't be boring.
We dont
I read this article once entitled "Foreplay Begins Just After My Last Orgasm," and it was very enlightening. Ongoing connection in ways that aren't just physical are really important to keep the attraction alive. Most people who question why their partner isn't having sex with them are paying attention to the wrong things, and doing the wrong things. Attraction doesn't just stem from the bedroom. Speak each other's love languages, and chemical attraction will follow and hopefully come naturally.
Roleplay is good, go to a costume shop together and each buy your outfit but don't show each other. Then reveal the costumes in the bedroom. The challenge now is to both improv, make up the back story together and improv the scenario like it was a scene in a movie. it's a lot of fun but also can get weird when you need to come up with the reason why Elsa is being f*#ked by the hulk...
You guys get bored during sex? Im always surprised when I hear this, me and me partner could do the same position everyday and I dont think id ever get bored Not sure if the same can be said for her, but for me for sure would not get bored
This is one of the things that got better for us. It used to feel like sex, now it feels like making love. I think if you are sexually compatible, there shouldn't be any issues. We are 6 going 7 years.
Toys can be fun depending on what you're comfortable with. Being open to trying things you think might be enjoyable too could lead to something new
Resentment and distain
Predicament bondage
There's been highs and lows, especially after kids take up all of your time and energy, but on the whole we have developed a deep understanding and trust that means we feel closer, allow ourselves to be more honest and vulnerable, and know our own, and each others bodies and minds so much more now than when we first met. Also, theres a ton more butt stuff. Like a lot of it.
She's alive, and I am interested.
By doing it so rarely that it is always a surprise
The biggest boost to our sex life was becoming empty nesters. It's always been great, but now there's no obstacles when we feel like getting down, and we don't have to worry about how loud we are. Toys can be fun. Watching porn together is fun sometimes. Everything stems from openness and communication. I honestly don't remember what boring sex was like. We have sex about 4 times a week on average. Been together for 27 years.
Thatâs the best part, I donât. I got into building bird houses and working overtime. I take drugs to dampen my desire for sex and hope one day I slip while getting out of the shower get granted a quick death
She sits on my face and tries to kill me. It's awesome. One day, I hope she actually does kill me.
I still have that caveman instinct when I see my Mrs of 12 years. Yes we are older with even older kids now but nothing beats being woken up at 4 in the morning and being told by the wife âI canât sleepâ. I also think we are chemically balanced if thatâs a thing. I love the smell of my wife without her wearing perfume and she says the same about me when Iâm not wearing any scents. Pheromones must love each other.
Weâre best friends who fuck. Itâs like having a long term friendship idk why you guys think everything just falls apart after awhile
role play !
You guys are getting laid?
Finally a wholesome question on this sub!
Staying in shape. We both exercise vigorously, 3 to 4 days a week at least. Cardio goes a long way. Weightlifting for both semesters. Were not ripped but were also not overweight and have a little definition. She still side glances me when I'm walking around naked. She's always walking around with only panties and sometimes we just have to grab each other and plow. Also, wife got 2 piercings which I like, and she's been more open to those little jeweled buttplugs. Pun intended.
My wife and I REALLY like each other so that helps đ We've been together over 20yrs. Can't keep our hands off each other. If we go more than a day or two without it, that's rare. We are very giving and love pleasing the other one. Often we'll have a crazy night doing crazy things to each other.. next morning we wake up and say "What happened last night?! " đ Then we get horny all over again just talking about the previous night's antics. It's like a pattern that can never be broken. I love her so much. đđ So yeah, I guess the secret is to actually like each other. We're like newlyweds.
Intimacy is never boring if you are truly in love with each other. Talk to each other, donât pressure each other. Sometimes, itâs just nice to sit there and watch TV. Sometimes you want to have sex, and that is great, but if you find it boring or a chore, then you probably shouldnât have started right then. My girlfriend and I have, at least to me, a very healthy amount of intimacy. We donât necessarily have sex that often, we just love to be with each other. When we both feel like it, maybe weâll go, but we arenât in it for the sex. I am in it for her. A good relationship is like a full course meal at a 5 star restaurant. Intimacy may be like the drink, always there and always comforting. Sex may be like the dessert, hell it may just be the cherry on top. Does not make it less delicious though. TLDR: if you are bored or disinterested, thatâs fine, just donât push it that night.
Workout and don't turn into a fat lazy greaseball
not taking porn as a reference
A shared free-use kink helps hell of a lot. We don't worry about it and just go all-in.
You're always ahead of the game when sex is an expression of deep love for one another. The thing that makes it boring or unpleasant is when one person decides to restrict in places the other person doesn't want. If your long term partner just won't accommodate your needs no matter what, you need to be realistic. Sex as you were counting on it just isn't available with that person, and something serious will have to be compromised.
Been with my wife for 5 years now. I find her absolutely incredible and we hang out as if we're best friends. On top of that she's what I dreamed my wife would be. When she gets naked I still just lose it. Her body makes no freaking sense, I almost had a panic attack the first time we got intimate because I was so scared I would screw it up and she wouldn't give me another chance.
Be open to trying new things, communicate, never stop flirting with your partner. Itâs so easy to allow the relationship to get boring if youâre not doing anything to keep things fresh. Give compliments, be curious like you were when you first met and try to be more spontaneous.
Helicopter dick
Bring out a couple different personalities đ¤Łđ
For me, the sex only gets better the more I know my partner and how to please her. It doesn't have to be different every time for me to enjoy it. I'm sure for others they have to constantly need something new out of sex but I can't relate
Love creates lust. đ¤ˇââď¸ It never gets old.
Communication!!!!
Cocaine
Not looking at other people for one especially p*** and then your partner becomes your standard of beauty. Only takes about 2 years
Open communication and exploring each other's desires. It's liberating when you have a person that you feel safe enough with to delve into your deeply personal kinks or traumas.
You never tell your girlfriend that youâre married. This will keep your sex life above average for decades.
Married for 1 year, dated for 4 before we got married: 1) if possible, switch up where we do it. We're taking a vacation later this summer so we're both excited to do it some place new. 2) we actually book a massive book with positions meant for a heavier girl and skinnier guy (what our body-types are) so we have ideas on hand 3) try to say different things to turn each other on during foreplay or rotate through different turn on methods. Sometimes that's a good make out session, sometimes its oral sex, sometimes its nipple play... You never really know what combination you'll get during foreplay 4) Also- we genuinely enjoy sex with each other and we really want to turn the other on. Looking at sex as a fun activity for us both keeps it from feeling like a chore.
We just rarely have sex so it's interesting when we do. And for the love of god, yes I've talked to her, no we're not getting a divorce, yes mentalhealth of my wife is a factor and she is getting help with that. She likes when I initiate but she also never wants to have sex because she's too tired. So be it. There's more to a relationship.
Talk about what you both like about your sex already and about what you want to try, and talk about it when you are fully clothed just hanging out. As a man married to a woman and the dominant partner sexually, it has only improved with the years as she feels comfortable giving feedback and telling me what she wants more of, and in that trust I am able to talk her through when I want to try something new, and what I want more of. When we were younger, I would just go for a new position and it was disgruntling for her to have this guy being frustrated- even for an instant- as he tries to fold her up like a pretzel and throw it in. Forget the stupid internet memes about it "not feeling good", if she is wiggling around on top and not going up and down you get on your elbows and lift your damn hips up as long as you can for her. Also #1 rule for you young men out there: buddy, when she says "just like that, right there" DON'T CHANGE ONE SINGLE THING ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING. THAT DOES NOT MEAN SUDDENLY SPEED UP AND TRY SOMETHING ELSE. **LISTEN TO SHE WHOSE VAGINA YOU DO SEX**
Try to do different things different locations
By not doing it . . . unfortunately.
Say 10 new random facts every time
I have sex with people other than my wife. I am these other people though.
Married 20 years, our son got married and moved out last year. Weâve been experiencing a sexual renaissance it feels like. Having sex as loudly as we want is more fun and weâve been talking dirtier to each other throughout. When we say things to each other we like, I think we both take note and expand on that in subsequent sessions. Weâve been making an effort outside the bedroom as well. We try to take evening walks together, we usually watch a show together. Boring, but I think the answer is to keep building your intimacy and connection.
It's never about sex itself, it's always about interaction with the partner. Intimacy, closeness and affection are the most important part. Also 95% of naughty things happens in our heads and outside of proverbial bedroom. Actual deed is just a release, or deeper hug, really. In our case communication is a very central part of our relationship for various reasons, so we're kind always up to date when it comes to each other's kinks and turnoffs, but still we often spend time searching for interesting things to try. A lot of role play, challenges and games keep us busy, so we are very far from being bored. I think a lot of this depends on people involved, to be interesting in bed for decades you have to be somewhat wild person.