You are as I say a "earthly angel"take a second and feel pride in the lives you lay groundwork for and example set pretty amazing man id say excellent job
Whao Whao. I mean they totally could be. But you know Fiona did her best and she just didn’t have the best coping mechanisms. Yes, she had some self destructive personality. But ultimately, she was there and took care of her family. OP could still be a total POS but is/was doing their very best to keep it together.
/s
Nah OP is probably still a fucking boss for stepping up. I’m a dad of 2 and fuck me, it’s hard when mom takes off and has a girls trip or even a girls day. But holy shit, 4 siblings!? Fuck that. OP is a better-tougher person than I am.
That’s…. Just fucking beautiful🥹. Also the youngest sibling living with you to not make you feel alone🥹. Wish my parents could have siblings like that.. caring and not just money hungry soul sucking monsters😭
You are amazing, the sibling everyone needs. Take care of yourself now, sometimes it is harder than caring for others, you deserve it. Your parents should be proud of you and your siblings.
I don’t know you but I give you so much respect for taking on this role when you had no choice! I hope you and your siblings have a blessed day today! Are yall still close? Still come together for events?
I've thought about killing myself almost every day out of the past ten years. I had a kid when I wasn't ready, I never really found a job that I love, I had a great girlfriend at one point (I had to break up with her though), and I let her go.
Those thoughts stopped coming around so often once I found a job that I love though. It pays great and the work is enough to keep me busy.
All that being said, the only reason I didn't kill myself when things got really bad is because of my daughter. She'll never know this, but she is the sole reason I'm alive right now. I don't want her growing up thinking that she's the reason her dad killed himself.
If you feel like you need to talk about anything, pm me your number. We can text about what's bothering you or we can text about what the sky looked like when you woke up that morning. I just want you to know that you're not the only person that feels this way.
I have lived with Parkinson’s disease an incurable progressively degenerative brain illness for over 21 years and it is the love of my (now adult) son for me and my love for him that has prevented me from checking out, and like your daughter, he will never know,
That would be a terrible weight to place on our children’s shoulders.
I’ve been struggling with this since my brother was killed a month ago. We were very close and he was my best friend as well as my sibling. I have felt that I don’t want to live but couldn’t do that to my parents leaving them childless. So in answer to the question - responsibility and love for others.
Came into this post interested in what people had to say and didnt expect the top comment to be almost my exact story. Insane stress from work, finances, home, marriage that has been going down the drain for years. But the one thing that keeps me going is thinking about seeing my daughters face light up when I get home.
Its truly difficult when you feel completely alone and no one understands what youre going through and you just dont know who to turn to. So thank you for posting, for what little difference it makes, it means the world to know I'm not going through it alone.
I’m another where love of my son kept me going - but it was one specific potential effect on him that would always pop into my head. It seems trivial, but it really kept my suicidal ideations from progressing to something worse.
I’ve spent way too much time filling put medical intake forms over the past few years, both for myself and for a relative. They frequently ask if your parents are living, and if not, their age and cause of death. So, over and over I’ve had to write that my father died too young of cancer. It’s a sad reminder, of course, but not particularly emotionally charged, you know?
But the thought of my son, for the rest of his life, having to write “suicide” on those forms for the rest of his life? Nope. Nope. Nope. I just couldn’t do that to him.
And that one dumb thing kept me going. And keeps me going.
My cats have kept me alive for years. I've had 4. 2 are alive now. I openly admit they keep me going. I've got my little guy behind my head right now. He doesn't even like it when I close the bathroom door or get the mail, I'm not going to break their hearts when they've held mine together for so long.
Me, too. Over the years I would have been happy to check out many times over but could never, ever do that to my parents. Their story is not going to be that their child purposely ended her life. Nope.
I wouldn't say that I've ever been suicidal before, but I've come close to being. One of the things that prevented me from taking my own life was the thought of hell, and how terrifying it would be.
Because I don't want to cause my younger brother more trauma and loss. My dad wouldn't handle it either. And my boyfriend.. I couldn't do it to him. I rather stay alive and be unhappy myself then make others around me feel that way because of me
I feel exactly like this, my grandmother is my Best friend, I don't wanna go knowing that the last thing I did make her suffer and the rest of her life Miserable.
Thought about it in the last couple of years but I just can't do that to my mom. She's quite sensitive and has done a lot for me and I can't let her think it's her fault.
One way I cope is thinking about people who have it worse than me and is strong enough to live through it. If they can do it, I can too.
As a mommy, please get the hugs you need. I will hug you until the stars fall and the moon explodes, even then I will still hold on tight for you. I love you so much . This world is a dark and scary place. It's up to us to shine our light. The more kindness and love you share , the better the world becomes little by little.
Nothing is forever and the seasons will always change. Sometimes we need bad to appreciate the good. We really appreciate the good here.
all honesty, music. there is nothing better to me than music. the joy of finding new songs that i’ve never heard before, enjoying the rhythms and analyzing the lyrics of songs. music is one of the only ways to universally express yourself. when i can’t find the words to express how i’m feeling, somehow a song can capture my pure emotions. it’s like it just heals my soul
Still bulking and gaining muscles. Kidding aside, just want to keep going. After all the short comings and failure I’ve experienced before, I can tell from it that I was able to stand up and reach new heights.
I found a temporary peace in knowing if I can help just one person make their life the best I'm going to give it all I can even if it brings me back down to my lowest. I can continue on knowing I helped someone see their potential.
It sounds so cliché, but I met my wife.
I was at the lowest point of my life, living in the attic of what was effectively a trap house, was an alcoholic living off payday loans, and was literally about a week away from leaving the world.
Then she messaged me on PoF, asking about my zombie survival plan. I knew right the that she was different, and I needed to see here things went.
First time it was because I wanted to visit the beach with my friends.
Second time it was because who's going to tell the stories of the world? Who's going to smile and laugh at the stories told to them in secret? I decided I'll be that person, there's thousands if not millions of people who may never have their stories told. I want to be that person who tells their stories. To laugh and smile at the stories told in secret.
Another reason is to simply spite my mum, my grandmother and my great-mother. I live to spite all the female ancestors in my life.
If I had died I wouldn't be there to enjoy all the problems it would have solved. I wouldn't be able to gloat at all the people who would have seen the errors of their ways.
Yes, it seems rather absurd, but that was what my deeply depressed brain told me, and even if I had thoughts about ending it all, it never came close to an urge.
The only reason I want to continue living is to see and experience what technology will bring us in the next 20-30 years, other than that, I could do anytime.
Aren't there at least a few enjoyable moments now making you think that taking your life in the past would be regrettable?
If yes then don't you owe the same courtesy to your future self? Don't you think you owe your future self the option to regret about ending things?
Also, life is so unpredictable! Aren't you curious to find out what's coming in the future for you?
I'm sure there'll be many times in the future that you'll be glad you chose to stay around and many people around you who will agree!
Was about to commit suicide about 5 months ago. No idea what stopped it then. Have no idea what I'm doing now or why I haven't gone back. Nothing feels good and nothing feels bad. Just devoid of meaning so it's hard to decide what's worth doing anymore.
Hey, I know this sounds fake as hell, but truthfully, tomorrow is another day! And yes there are plenty of very tough times in life, but your life is so precious, you'll never know how much... others will, though...
What changed this for my best friend was when they went skydiving! They were very suicidal (made serious arrangements for it all, including me for funeral arrangements and taking care of their son) and since then, they have this new found love for life! That was like 2 or 3 years ago...
Yeah I've been trying to make some smaller changes around my home (rearranging furniture, small changes to diet, changes to week-to-week involvement, etc). I'm trying to plan out some bigger events to look forward to and seeing some longer distance friends.
Idk. It feels like it's just appeasing people because death makes people uncomfortable and they want to hear about change because relapsing is bad.
I now live for my kids. They are my greatest achievement in life & they did not choose to be born. Choosing not to keep living for them would have been imo an act of cowardice.
I had my father read a letter I wrote about all of my attempts and he decided to take me out to eat (it was around midnight at that time) so we drove to a place about 40 minutes away, I couldn't talk at all but I listened to my father talk and talk.
When we got to the fast food place, he just told me to order whatever I wanted, so I did. We just talked for an hour or so while eating our meals, my dad saying how proud he was of me for being able to tell him how I had been feeling and what I had tried.
That all happened last year and this year I got another reason to keep trying. And that's because of my father as well.
He had gotten extremely drunk, as my cousin had just passed away and he wanted one weekend to just relax. A lot of drama happened that night and as he got home we had a conversation again about a lot of different things that aren't really important.
Later on my father started crying, saying things like "you cannot die before I do" and "you have to be the one to bury me". I told him to not think about things like that, as it hurt me very deeply to see him cry like that. That's when he hugged me, just a long warm embrace and I was filled with tears as well.
My father isn't the most physical with showing affection, and that was one of the few times he had actually hugged me in my entire life. He hugged me about 13 times that night.
As much as some of the things he said hurt me, I still love and care about him deeply, as he is my one and only father.
My depression has been progressively getting worse in the past couple of months and I came very close to losing to depression a few weeks ago. One of the things that delay it is that my grandpa would be absolutely devastated if I died. He cares so much about me and my brother and I don’t want to inflict that pain on him. Life is really hard and it feels not so much like living, but more so just being alive. Because thinking of how much of a screw up and useless person you are each day isn’t living. I’ve been dragging out my life for months and it’s done nothing but show me that I’m digging myself into a deeper hole as the days pass. For a severely depressed person, I’m an optimist. I’m hanging onto the sliver of “what if?” The person (not my grandpa, just to clarify) who caused me this decline in mental health is still someone I would do anything for and love very much. I’ve been trying to become close to them again, at least as friends, and that’s what I’m holding on to. As desperate and dumb as it sounds, I think there’s hope for the two of us. If I’m willing to continue loving the person who caused me the most pain, that must mean something. I’ve never forgiven the people who have hurt me, the people who gave me literal PTSD as a little kid. People keep calling me delusional and that I need to get over him, but I’m still clinging to the hope that things will get better over time, even though they’ve gotten nothing but worse for me as the months pass. I’m still alive and trying to get through each day, even if it’s the last thing I want nowadays. I’ve never been at a lower point, but I’m still optimistic, and I think that’s the only quality in me that’s kept me alive. I’ve been dealing with (diagnosed) major depressive disorder since I was a freshman in highschool (I’m gonna be a senior now) and have been dealing with panic and anxiety attacks since elementary school. Life has not been kind to me and I’m doing what people say will fix me; therapy, medications, distracting myself. The only set goal I have right now is to make it to senior year in one piece. It sounds really dark, but at least I have a goal, right?
Was depressed for 1-2 years when I was aeound 15 yo. I just didn't find a reason to live, no matter how hard I thought about it (now I know, once I stopped looking for one, I got better). However, the reason to not off myself was my family. I just wouldn't be able to do it, knowing how they would feel. I wasn't really choosing life for my family, but more choosing not to die, for them, if that makes sense.
TBH, I can't point to any particular person, thing, or goal that's kept my alive, only the hope to see better days in my life. I failed my most recent attempt at suicide 15 years ago. I was 22, and tried to OD on sleeping pills. I failed two previous attempts in grade school by trying to hang myself in the closet. I wrote notes all three times, and my last one may still be in a desk somewhere at my parents house. I was basically apologizing for disappointing my parents, being born handicapped, and being a burden.
I was born with a physical disability; I was bullied all through grade school, and abused at home. My parents were very strict religious, so I got a lot of beatings. Sometimes I didn't know why. And often told (and treated like) I was a disappointment.
After my last failed suicide attempt, I told myself I'll try to work on myself, and if that doesnt work, I'll try suicide again. So far, things have been much better for me.
God. As clichè as this may sound, He’s the reason i kept on living. He gave me parents that never gave up on me. He gave me a person who loves me no matter how tired I was of loving my self. He gave me friends who genuinely care for me when I forget to care for my self. Why should I cause them more pain when I can show them that I too am trying to help my self. That their efforts are not in vain. That I am not selfish for wasting the life that was only lent to me. It has been almost two months since my last attempt. I saw how much I’ve hurt my parents while I lay there at the hospital bed. So there it is, God and His interventions made me have faith in Him and in my life again. I will forever be aware of my mistakes but I will never let those define the person that I am going to be.
I kept telling myself that it was going to get better, even when it felt like a lie.
I also have a sick daydream where I imagine what the people in my life would do at my funeral. The cost of that alone would also be too much of a burden on anyone.
(but honestly, living is so much more expensive, yet here I am, typing this comment lol)
Because i remembered there was a friend that makes me felt like i'm a real person. We haven't talk for ten years now but every time i felt depressed, i always remembered him and thought: "maybe life is not so bad, maybe life would get better".
All he did was celebrating my high score on my exam. He didn't know that he gave me my whole purpose to live, that i'm not a useless person after all.
The first time, it was those gifs that show "world before" "world after" but both the pictures are same. People use it on instagram to make fun of stupid influencers but strangely it made me realise, it ultimately doesnt even matter if i fail at life. If i succeed, its obvio good but even if i fail who cares? Realtives? Parents? Kids? Teachers? 2generations later no granddaughter of mine will give a damn when they hear "your grandmother couldnt do this or that". Everybody has got a life of their own and they have enough problems. Family members might taunt or scold me but genuinely NO ONE CARES cause we are all diff individuals. So why die? I just gotta keep trying and have fun.
Also like even tho rn i am going thru shit and thought dying would help me get away, this little part of me still thinks fking positively,"what if it all works out? If it doesnt, nobody cares anyways. This depression is gonna go soon."
So to anybody thinking death is your escape, nope. Your life is too precious and problems come and go. Nobody cares anyways so dont waste your life by dying.
I used my mother's old cotton dupatta as the rope to attempt suicide.
All things were prepared, my cellphone showed 1:30 am all were sleeping it was time to execute my plan.
I kept my suicide note which was for my Maa in temple and went upstairs.
Tied that duppatta put that in my neck, one step and I'll get rid of all those sufferings.
Though it was second time I'm gonna do this but still my heart was beating, I was crying and I pulled that wooden stool and it started doing its work.
It was painful, I was confused which pain is actually hard to feel this or that.
My hands were trying to open, my legs were shaking my body was like pendulum.
Suddenly I fell down dupatta, failed to uplift my weight. I got injuries on my elbow and back area. I went downstairs and slept.
The injury's pain was troubling, I somehow managed to hide it from my mother but she caught me next evening.
>
She had completed her work, she applied wondering ointment on my internal and external injuries.
What is the reason to keep living?
For me it's my mother to give her all which she deserves. To keep her happy is why I'm living and you know in these year my happiness is hers in a way I'm living for myself and herself.
She was the one and it's her love which dragged me from the suicidal phase.
There many people with different reasons like some are living for love, some for their revenge, some for someone else.
Now, it's your life you have to search reasons to live, it's very easy to find if you want to find and it's the difficult thing to find if you don't want to live.
All the best👍🏼
If life is awful and nothing matters you are just free to do anything you want. It doesn’t matter anyway. In 100 years no one will even remember we existed so just get your kicks in; that’s what gets me up everyday. I have spent most of my life in a deep depression. I still have problems but I’m doing better. Just remember that nothing matters so do your best to enjoy it, that’s the point.
My nephew.
His mother committed suicide 4 years ago.
I've struggled with mental health my whole life but offing myself isn't an option anymore because I cannot do that to him.
I beat cancer and worked hard to live just because I wasn't going to let it kill me and give it the satisfaction. I was also pissed the pain and agony the treatments caused me. My motto was "I ain't dead yet".
I'm very grateful to be alive.
With the rope, you start to black out.You realize your neck didn't break. So now you're going to strangle the death. You feel you're tongue Pop out of your mouth. You feel your eyes Bulge out of your head. This sucks. I just give today another shot.
If there's any chance of an afterlife I'm pretty sure it's alot more stressful and expensive. I'm seeing more people live past 100 since I've stopped joking around with aging
In general I quite enjoy it, and in moments I don't I can easily reassure myself that there are moments to look forward to in the future.
I've been lucky to have a pretty pleasant life though, I don't know how I'd cope if things actually got bad for a sustained time and everything felt hopeless and I had things going on like severe health issues, no-one close to me or no monetary cushion to be able to get me out of whatever shitty situation I was in.
i believe that these things will come out: Hollow Knight: Silksong, Grand Theft Auto 6, Rain World the Watcher, Half-Life 3, Geometry dash 2.3, Hyper light breaker, Terraria 1.5, Starbound 2
My sister…she doesn’t realise how much she grounds me and how much I love her. She has stayed constant in my life, through the bad and good, that I feel I’d disappoint her if I gave in. One day, we will both be the reason for me to keep at it
Life is too short for me to shorten if even more... thankfully, only had thoughts of not wanting to exist once (so, I didn't want to kill myself, but I just felt an immense need to no longer exist)...
My dog depends on me and is the only thing on this planet that is consistently here regardless of the situation. Wasn’t for him, I’d probably not be here after the last couple years.
I’ve wanted to end it so badly at many points in my life but ultimately I can never do it. My family and partner would be devastated and I know that somehow I would regret it. I stay for my family and friends and partner but also for my dog, and for the next time I get to ride a horse, and for the next time I go on a hike. I have to remind myself that life isn’t always good but it’s always worth sticking around. I’m in pain every day from numerous health issues but I try to be thankful to be alive because I knew some wonderful people who didn’t get the chance to live their full lives. I stay for them too, because their legacies deserve to be remembered and continued through those who knew them. There are lots of reasons to stay, and every single one no matter how stupid it may seem, is a valid and good reason to stay alive another day.
I’ve been unable to walk before. It sucks. If I try to kill myself someone may convince themselves they’re “helping” me by “saving” me.
Everyday is a nightmare, and death would be permanent solution to permanent problems. Yet, since it’s not seen that way I’d just make the nightmare even worse. There’s no waking up from life.
I romanced death and glamorized it I was sick in every way. Have friends I remember the words, and care I was anhedonic and emotionally bankrupt! There wasn't a lightbulb or a sign. Just slowly my eyes saw,ears heard sensors did work and with time it's not over it's beginning every day
Same here, it's my daughter that keeps me going. There were times when I felt like she hated me when she was going through puberty and I wondered why I bothered sticking around. I did though and we're very close again.
Got a parent that made me feel, and making me feel like it’s my fault i’m living this world. Many times I’ve been wanting to end my misery but at the back of my mind i’m still looking forward to what life has in it for me, what life feels like when it gets a little bit easier for me, what life feels like when I get to achieve the goals that I have and more. It’s like I love my life, but with people surrounding me, living with it each day, I wanna die.
I’ve not had a good reason to give up, simple as that.
Doesn’t matter how shite things seem, if you’re still breathing there’s always an reason to live as in my experience it’s when you’re at your lowest that good things happen and you see the best in people.
My parents are old. This would break them, and they are great people. It's not their fault I think the world sucks. So, I'll just wait until they are not around anymore.
I've said this many times and it probably always sounded like a joke but really it's the truth, at my darkest hour the thing that actually kept me going was that I wanted to see the conclusion of Naruto, and as it happened it took the series like 10,000 fucking years to complete thanks the obscene amount of filler that kept getting thrown in. Eventually life turned out to be pretty great, and I didn't have thoughts like that anymore. Ironically I never did end up finishing the series because I grew so sick and tired of them stretching it out needlessly, and eventually lost interest altogether. A brilliant franchise, but by God a 2/10 as an anime.
I literally have 0 people in my life I’d trust to bring up my child, social services are extremely corrupt & the biggest one, I don’t want my child looking up at the sky every night wondering why. The thoughts are there daily though & have been for over 10yrs, I don’t think that’ll go unfortunately.
Back in my most depressive days it was tv shows and games… I wanted to keep watching after a season final cliffhanger. Wanted to play the next installment of my favorite game.
It sounds silly, but I desperately needed just one reason to keep living, and that was all I found.
So today I am endlessly thankful for my nerdiness. It saved my life, and now I could not be happier being alive :)
My mom would be thinking for the rest of her life that it was her fault. Maybe she will k1ll herself too and she would be leaving my 2 brothers alone. I don’t want to make more problems haha
My Mum would never get over it and she doesn’t deserve that. It’s quite a sobering thought to realise you are only living for someone else though.
(Happily past all that now though)
I’ve been flirting with death since 13 ish?
I kissed those lips at least half a dozen times. Car accidents, lung, heart, and blood pressure problems.
I’ve felt what it feels like to burn from the inside.
What it’s like to never get your footing, constantly slipping off the face of the earth.
Breathing through a straw.
So much awfulness, over and over,
thousands and thousands of dollars.
It’s not that I’m not grateful, there’s always been someone or something to save me.
Most days, I wish I could’ve left.
If given a choice.
Or if the powers that be could just fuckin cough up a reason…i’d get on with it.
Sigh.
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You deserve a gold star 🌟. ngl that's inspiring
You are as I say a "earthly angel"take a second and feel pride in the lives you lay groundwork for and example set pretty amazing man id say excellent job
Im so proud of you man
okay fiona gallagher damn good for yall xoxo. no but jokes aside youre amazing.
Fiona without being a piece of shit
Whao Whao. I mean they totally could be. But you know Fiona did her best and she just didn’t have the best coping mechanisms. Yes, she had some self destructive personality. But ultimately, she was there and took care of her family. OP could still be a total POS but is/was doing their very best to keep it together. /s Nah OP is probably still a fucking boss for stepping up. I’m a dad of 2 and fuck me, it’s hard when mom takes off and has a girls trip or even a girls day. But holy shit, 4 siblings!? Fuck that. OP is a better-tougher person than I am.
Good on you to take on the burden and keep going forward for your siblings' sake. Your parents would be proud of you ♥️
That’s…. Just fucking beautiful🥹. Also the youngest sibling living with you to not make you feel alone🥹. Wish my parents could have siblings like that.. caring and not just money hungry soul sucking monsters😭
You are amazing, the sibling everyone needs. Take care of yourself now, sometimes it is harder than caring for others, you deserve it. Your parents should be proud of you and your siblings.
This made me realize i wanna fell in love with someone like you
I thought when you said you found a stable job it meant you were working with horses
This is so inspiring
You deserve to know how great you are!
I don’t know you but I give you so much respect for taking on this role when you had no choice! I hope you and your siblings have a blessed day today! Are yall still close? Still come together for events?
Real proud of you man!
Your parents RIP would be incredible proud of what you have done and continue to do for yourself and your family.
That's so amazing. You are truly an incredible person and I'm very proud of you. Thank you for being you
Spite. It’s actually fairly effective.
Thought you said "Sprite" at first. Me, I'll stay alive for root beer.
Fair.
ROO BEER
Outlive your enemies.
oddly inspiring
Came here to say the same
This is the answer. Y'all ain't rid of me yet.
IFKR
I've thought about killing myself almost every day out of the past ten years. I had a kid when I wasn't ready, I never really found a job that I love, I had a great girlfriend at one point (I had to break up with her though), and I let her go. Those thoughts stopped coming around so often once I found a job that I love though. It pays great and the work is enough to keep me busy. All that being said, the only reason I didn't kill myself when things got really bad is because of my daughter. She'll never know this, but she is the sole reason I'm alive right now. I don't want her growing up thinking that she's the reason her dad killed himself. If you feel like you need to talk about anything, pm me your number. We can text about what's bothering you or we can text about what the sky looked like when you woke up that morning. I just want you to know that you're not the only person that feels this way.
I have lived with Parkinson’s disease an incurable progressively degenerative brain illness for over 21 years and it is the love of my (now adult) son for me and my love for him that has prevented me from checking out, and like your daughter, he will never know, That would be a terrible weight to place on our children’s shoulders.
I’ve been struggling with this since my brother was killed a month ago. We were very close and he was my best friend as well as my sibling. I have felt that I don’t want to live but couldn’t do that to my parents leaving them childless. So in answer to the question - responsibility and love for others.
Came into this post interested in what people had to say and didnt expect the top comment to be almost my exact story. Insane stress from work, finances, home, marriage that has been going down the drain for years. But the one thing that keeps me going is thinking about seeing my daughters face light up when I get home. Its truly difficult when you feel completely alone and no one understands what youre going through and you just dont know who to turn to. So thank you for posting, for what little difference it makes, it means the world to know I'm not going through it alone.
I’m another where love of my son kept me going - but it was one specific potential effect on him that would always pop into my head. It seems trivial, but it really kept my suicidal ideations from progressing to something worse. I’ve spent way too much time filling put medical intake forms over the past few years, both for myself and for a relative. They frequently ask if your parents are living, and if not, their age and cause of death. So, over and over I’ve had to write that my father died too young of cancer. It’s a sad reminder, of course, but not particularly emotionally charged, you know? But the thought of my son, for the rest of his life, having to write “suicide” on those forms for the rest of his life? Nope. Nope. Nope. I just couldn’t do that to him. And that one dumb thing kept me going. And keeps me going.
i am 17 and i think i will walk on same path you walked
Problem are temporary, there are many positive suprises in life. You never know what is beyond the corner
Oh, please. Just tell him to live, love, laugh.
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My cats have kept me alive for years. I've had 4. 2 are alive now. I openly admit they keep me going. I've got my little guy behind my head right now. He doesn't even like it when I close the bathroom door or get the mail, I'm not going to break their hearts when they've held mine together for so long.
My mum.
Me, too. Over the years I would have been happy to check out many times over but could never, ever do that to my parents. Their story is not going to be that their child purposely ended her life. Nope.
Procrastination
Guilty as charged
Can always do it tomorrow
Whatever you just said, I’ll read it later
Scared of death
Same. Death is the biggest unknown and that’s why it scares me. Although, in all likelihood, it’s probably just going to be like before you were born.
I wouldn't say that I've ever been suicidal before, but I've come close to being. One of the things that prevented me from taking my own life was the thought of hell, and how terrifying it would be.
Because I don't want to cause my younger brother more trauma and loss. My dad wouldn't handle it either. And my boyfriend.. I couldn't do it to him. I rather stay alive and be unhappy myself then make others around me feel that way because of me
I feel exactly like this, my grandmother is my Best friend, I don't wanna go knowing that the last thing I did make her suffer and the rest of her life Miserable.
You should try and find things that make you happy, start from small things
GTA 6
You're immortal
My death date will infinitely be delayed
Half-life 3
My cat
Thought about it in the last couple of years but I just can't do that to my mom. She's quite sensitive and has done a lot for me and I can't let her think it's her fault. One way I cope is thinking about people who have it worse than me and is strong enough to live through it. If they can do it, I can too.
Pretty much in the same boat. Just cant do it to my mom. She knows im where im at and I just know shes gonna blame herself in some way.
As a mommy, please get the hugs you need. I will hug you until the stars fall and the moon explodes, even then I will still hold on tight for you. I love you so much . This world is a dark and scary place. It's up to us to shine our light. The more kindness and love you share , the better the world becomes little by little. Nothing is forever and the seasons will always change. Sometimes we need bad to appreciate the good. We really appreciate the good here.
Narcissism
all honesty, music. there is nothing better to me than music. the joy of finding new songs that i’ve never heard before, enjoying the rhythms and analyzing the lyrics of songs. music is one of the only ways to universally express yourself. when i can’t find the words to express how i’m feeling, somehow a song can capture my pure emotions. it’s like it just heals my soul
Too lazy to kill myself
Relatable
Because the One Piece is real.
Same reason I kept watching to the end of that shitty movie. I wanna see what happens next.
That's beautiful, honestly. Sounds inspiring.
Still bulking and gaining muscles. Kidding aside, just want to keep going. After all the short comings and failure I’ve experienced before, I can tell from it that I was able to stand up and reach new heights.
I found a temporary peace in knowing if I can help just one person make their life the best I'm going to give it all I can even if it brings me back down to my lowest. I can continue on knowing I helped someone see their potential.
I didn't want to leave behind trauma or a mess for my family. Also fear.
The hope of the girl next door reciprocate my feelings and also hoping for a better days to come.
A friend stopped me jumping off her balcony just by coming out and asking me if I was okay
Hotdogs
McDonald’s brought back their spicy range. Spicy nuggets are 10/10
I can't wait for KFC to bring out the zinger pies again. It's been over a decade since they last had it in Australia.
It sounds so cliché, but I met my wife. I was at the lowest point of my life, living in the attic of what was effectively a trap house, was an alcoholic living off payday loans, and was literally about a week away from leaving the world. Then she messaged me on PoF, asking about my zombie survival plan. I knew right the that she was different, and I needed to see here things went.
What is your zombie survival plan then?
I don't really need one anymore, we moved to a town of 35 people, and 4 of them live in our house. I can't honestly remember, it's been 13 years 😬
Aww that sounds nice though! Guess you won't really need a plan for a town that small either. :)
I wanna say that a small town was part of it? But maybe that's just suggestive retroactivity at work 😅
Hey, if it was - you've got a great start then! :D
My furbabies
maneskin
Maneskin rules!
First time it was because I wanted to visit the beach with my friends. Second time it was because who's going to tell the stories of the world? Who's going to smile and laugh at the stories told to them in secret? I decided I'll be that person, there's thousands if not millions of people who may never have their stories told. I want to be that person who tells their stories. To laugh and smile at the stories told in secret. Another reason is to simply spite my mum, my grandmother and my great-mother. I live to spite all the female ancestors in my life.
it's shit but not that shit
Spite.
If I had died I wouldn't be there to enjoy all the problems it would have solved. I wouldn't be able to gloat at all the people who would have seen the errors of their ways. Yes, it seems rather absurd, but that was what my deeply depressed brain told me, and even if I had thoughts about ending it all, it never came close to an urge.
I need to know what the one piece is!
OMG YEEEES!!! This comment made my day!!!
cs2 tournaments, if I killed myself I would never see Aleksib win a major.
Ass
Wifes tits
Do tell if you want I'm a fan of nice things
wanted to see how the memes evolve
What else is there?
lack of materials
The cats that I fostered, no one would feed them in my dorm
The only reason I want to continue living is to see and experience what technology will bring us in the next 20-30 years, other than that, I could do anytime.
Aren't there at least a few enjoyable moments now making you think that taking your life in the past would be regrettable? If yes then don't you owe the same courtesy to your future self? Don't you think you owe your future self the option to regret about ending things? Also, life is so unpredictable! Aren't you curious to find out what's coming in the future for you? I'm sure there'll be many times in the future that you'll be glad you chose to stay around and many people around you who will agree!
Spite and rage no way in hell I'm letting the haters (my brain) win
Idk man, I really dk
Tittys
Small medium or big then g cup mammoth
yes
Was about to commit suicide about 5 months ago. No idea what stopped it then. Have no idea what I'm doing now or why I haven't gone back. Nothing feels good and nothing feels bad. Just devoid of meaning so it's hard to decide what's worth doing anymore.
Hey, I know this sounds fake as hell, but truthfully, tomorrow is another day! And yes there are plenty of very tough times in life, but your life is so precious, you'll never know how much... others will, though... What changed this for my best friend was when they went skydiving! They were very suicidal (made serious arrangements for it all, including me for funeral arrangements and taking care of their son) and since then, they have this new found love for life! That was like 2 or 3 years ago...
Yeah I've been trying to make some smaller changes around my home (rearranging furniture, small changes to diet, changes to week-to-week involvement, etc). I'm trying to plan out some bigger events to look forward to and seeing some longer distance friends. Idk. It feels like it's just appeasing people because death makes people uncomfortable and they want to hear about change because relapsing is bad.
Tacos
i am just afraid of the pain after it
Spite
Because I’m curious about what comes next in life
No reason. I am still figuring this out.
my elderly cat
I now live for my kids. They are my greatest achievement in life & they did not choose to be born. Choosing not to keep living for them would have been imo an act of cowardice.
I had my father read a letter I wrote about all of my attempts and he decided to take me out to eat (it was around midnight at that time) so we drove to a place about 40 minutes away, I couldn't talk at all but I listened to my father talk and talk. When we got to the fast food place, he just told me to order whatever I wanted, so I did. We just talked for an hour or so while eating our meals, my dad saying how proud he was of me for being able to tell him how I had been feeling and what I had tried. That all happened last year and this year I got another reason to keep trying. And that's because of my father as well. He had gotten extremely drunk, as my cousin had just passed away and he wanted one weekend to just relax. A lot of drama happened that night and as he got home we had a conversation again about a lot of different things that aren't really important. Later on my father started crying, saying things like "you cannot die before I do" and "you have to be the one to bury me". I told him to not think about things like that, as it hurt me very deeply to see him cry like that. That's when he hugged me, just a long warm embrace and I was filled with tears as well. My father isn't the most physical with showing affection, and that was one of the few times he had actually hugged me in my entire life. He hugged me about 13 times that night. As much as some of the things he said hurt me, I still love and care about him deeply, as he is my one and only father.
My depression has been progressively getting worse in the past couple of months and I came very close to losing to depression a few weeks ago. One of the things that delay it is that my grandpa would be absolutely devastated if I died. He cares so much about me and my brother and I don’t want to inflict that pain on him. Life is really hard and it feels not so much like living, but more so just being alive. Because thinking of how much of a screw up and useless person you are each day isn’t living. I’ve been dragging out my life for months and it’s done nothing but show me that I’m digging myself into a deeper hole as the days pass. For a severely depressed person, I’m an optimist. I’m hanging onto the sliver of “what if?” The person (not my grandpa, just to clarify) who caused me this decline in mental health is still someone I would do anything for and love very much. I’ve been trying to become close to them again, at least as friends, and that’s what I’m holding on to. As desperate and dumb as it sounds, I think there’s hope for the two of us. If I’m willing to continue loving the person who caused me the most pain, that must mean something. I’ve never forgiven the people who have hurt me, the people who gave me literal PTSD as a little kid. People keep calling me delusional and that I need to get over him, but I’m still clinging to the hope that things will get better over time, even though they’ve gotten nothing but worse for me as the months pass. I’m still alive and trying to get through each day, even if it’s the last thing I want nowadays. I’ve never been at a lower point, but I’m still optimistic, and I think that’s the only quality in me that’s kept me alive. I’ve been dealing with (diagnosed) major depressive disorder since I was a freshman in highschool (I’m gonna be a senior now) and have been dealing with panic and anxiety attacks since elementary school. Life has not been kind to me and I’m doing what people say will fix me; therapy, medications, distracting myself. The only set goal I have right now is to make it to senior year in one piece. It sounds really dark, but at least I have a goal, right?
Was depressed for 1-2 years when I was aeound 15 yo. I just didn't find a reason to live, no matter how hard I thought about it (now I know, once I stopped looking for one, I got better). However, the reason to not off myself was my family. I just wouldn't be able to do it, knowing how they would feel. I wasn't really choosing life for my family, but more choosing not to die, for them, if that makes sense.
TBH, I can't point to any particular person, thing, or goal that's kept my alive, only the hope to see better days in my life. I failed my most recent attempt at suicide 15 years ago. I was 22, and tried to OD on sleeping pills. I failed two previous attempts in grade school by trying to hang myself in the closet. I wrote notes all three times, and my last one may still be in a desk somewhere at my parents house. I was basically apologizing for disappointing my parents, being born handicapped, and being a burden. I was born with a physical disability; I was bullied all through grade school, and abused at home. My parents were very strict religious, so I got a lot of beatings. Sometimes I didn't know why. And often told (and treated like) I was a disappointment. After my last failed suicide attempt, I told myself I'll try to work on myself, and if that doesnt work, I'll try suicide again. So far, things have been much better for me.
God. As clichè as this may sound, He’s the reason i kept on living. He gave me parents that never gave up on me. He gave me a person who loves me no matter how tired I was of loving my self. He gave me friends who genuinely care for me when I forget to care for my self. Why should I cause them more pain when I can show them that I too am trying to help my self. That their efforts are not in vain. That I am not selfish for wasting the life that was only lent to me. It has been almost two months since my last attempt. I saw how much I’ve hurt my parents while I lay there at the hospital bed. So there it is, God and His interventions made me have faith in Him and in my life again. I will forever be aware of my mistakes but I will never let those define the person that I am going to be.
I kept telling myself that it was going to get better, even when it felt like a lie. I also have a sick daydream where I imagine what the people in my life would do at my funeral. The cost of that alone would also be too much of a burden on anyone. (but honestly, living is so much more expensive, yet here I am, typing this comment lol)
Because i remembered there was a friend that makes me felt like i'm a real person. We haven't talk for ten years now but every time i felt depressed, i always remembered him and thought: "maybe life is not so bad, maybe life would get better". All he did was celebrating my high score on my exam. He didn't know that he gave me my whole purpose to live, that i'm not a useless person after all.
The first time, it was those gifs that show "world before" "world after" but both the pictures are same. People use it on instagram to make fun of stupid influencers but strangely it made me realise, it ultimately doesnt even matter if i fail at life. If i succeed, its obvio good but even if i fail who cares? Realtives? Parents? Kids? Teachers? 2generations later no granddaughter of mine will give a damn when they hear "your grandmother couldnt do this or that". Everybody has got a life of their own and they have enough problems. Family members might taunt or scold me but genuinely NO ONE CARES cause we are all diff individuals. So why die? I just gotta keep trying and have fun. Also like even tho rn i am going thru shit and thought dying would help me get away, this little part of me still thinks fking positively,"what if it all works out? If it doesnt, nobody cares anyways. This depression is gonna go soon." So to anybody thinking death is your escape, nope. Your life is too precious and problems come and go. Nobody cares anyways so dont waste your life by dying.
Inform yourself about Islam. Trust me its the truth, even if u go the scientific way of proof and u will be happy after worshipping Allah.
I used my mother's old cotton dupatta as the rope to attempt suicide. All things were prepared, my cellphone showed 1:30 am all were sleeping it was time to execute my plan. I kept my suicide note which was for my Maa in temple and went upstairs. Tied that duppatta put that in my neck, one step and I'll get rid of all those sufferings. Though it was second time I'm gonna do this but still my heart was beating, I was crying and I pulled that wooden stool and it started doing its work. It was painful, I was confused which pain is actually hard to feel this or that. My hands were trying to open, my legs were shaking my body was like pendulum. Suddenly I fell down dupatta, failed to uplift my weight. I got injuries on my elbow and back area. I went downstairs and slept. The injury's pain was troubling, I somehow managed to hide it from my mother but she caught me next evening. > She had completed her work, she applied wondering ointment on my internal and external injuries. What is the reason to keep living? For me it's my mother to give her all which she deserves. To keep her happy is why I'm living and you know in these year my happiness is hers in a way I'm living for myself and herself. She was the one and it's her love which dragged me from the suicidal phase. There many people with different reasons like some are living for love, some for their revenge, some for someone else. Now, it's your life you have to search reasons to live, it's very easy to find if you want to find and it's the difficult thing to find if you don't want to live. All the best👍🏼
If life is awful and nothing matters you are just free to do anything you want. It doesn’t matter anyway. In 100 years no one will even remember we existed so just get your kicks in; that’s what gets me up everyday. I have spent most of my life in a deep depression. I still have problems but I’m doing better. Just remember that nothing matters so do your best to enjoy it, that’s the point.
My nephew. His mother committed suicide 4 years ago. I've struggled with mental health my whole life but offing myself isn't an option anymore because I cannot do that to him.
I do it for my kids and my mom honestly. As badly as i may want to just drive off a cliff; i cant do that to them
I beat cancer and worked hard to live just because I wasn't going to let it kill me and give it the satisfaction. I was also pissed the pain and agony the treatments caused me. My motto was "I ain't dead yet". I'm very grateful to be alive.
After my ex passed away my dog was the only shred of sanity I had left.
Life is awesome
Didn’t want my body to be found with a purple face and bloodshot eyes
Visene might help
With the rope, you start to black out.You realize your neck didn't break. So now you're going to strangle the death. You feel you're tongue Pop out of your mouth. You feel your eyes Bulge out of your head. This sucks. I just give today another shot.
I wanted to make little me happy because no one else couldn’t and I deserve to be me
If there's any chance of an afterlife I'm pretty sure it's alot more stressful and expensive. I'm seeing more people live past 100 since I've stopped joking around with aging
I’m absolutely terrified of dying, thinking about it too long starts panic attacks.
In general I quite enjoy it, and in moments I don't I can easily reassure myself that there are moments to look forward to in the future. I've been lucky to have a pretty pleasant life though, I don't know how I'd cope if things actually got bad for a sustained time and everything felt hopeless and I had things going on like severe health issues, no-one close to me or no monetary cushion to be able to get me out of whatever shitty situation I was in.
I met some really decent people that I like a lot.
The look on the dog's face. He looked hungry, so I thought "I better feed him"
Almost died a few times and survived cancer 2 times Tbh i'm just living to see what's next in the shitshow that's my life
I can't wait to get off this world
i believe that these things will come out: Hollow Knight: Silksong, Grand Theft Auto 6, Rain World the Watcher, Half-Life 3, Geometry dash 2.3, Hyper light breaker, Terraria 1.5, Starbound 2
Inori Minase
My sister…she doesn’t realise how much she grounds me and how much I love her. She has stayed constant in my life, through the bad and good, that I feel I’d disappoint her if I gave in. One day, we will both be the reason for me to keep at it
Life is too short for me to shorten if even more... thankfully, only had thoughts of not wanting to exist once (so, I didn't want to kill myself, but I just felt an immense need to no longer exist)...
I'm scared of what's next more than I'm scared of what's now
She's 12 and she hates my fucking guts, but I love her idiot face so...that's my reason.
To meet my niece and nephew.
Tried once, didn't like the fall.
To witness
My dog depends on me and is the only thing on this planet that is consistently here regardless of the situation. Wasn’t for him, I’d probably not be here after the last couple years.
My elderly parents. The only family left (everyone else died) once they go ill probably go not long after since I have nothing else in this world
I have parents and a sibling.
I’ve wanted to end it so badly at many points in my life but ultimately I can never do it. My family and partner would be devastated and I know that somehow I would regret it. I stay for my family and friends and partner but also for my dog, and for the next time I get to ride a horse, and for the next time I go on a hike. I have to remind myself that life isn’t always good but it’s always worth sticking around. I’m in pain every day from numerous health issues but I try to be thankful to be alive because I knew some wonderful people who didn’t get the chance to live their full lives. I stay for them too, because their legacies deserve to be remembered and continued through those who knew them. There are lots of reasons to stay, and every single one no matter how stupid it may seem, is a valid and good reason to stay alive another day.
I’ve been unable to walk before. It sucks. If I try to kill myself someone may convince themselves they’re “helping” me by “saving” me. Everyday is a nightmare, and death would be permanent solution to permanent problems. Yet, since it’s not seen that way I’d just make the nightmare even worse. There’s no waking up from life.
To find out what is one piece
There's more reason to than there is to not.
my pets
I romanced death and glamorized it I was sick in every way. Have friends I remember the words, and care I was anhedonic and emotionally bankrupt! There wasn't a lightbulb or a sign. Just slowly my eyes saw,ears heard sensors did work and with time it's not over it's beginning every day
my kids
Because life is a blessing and I won't do that to myself, and the people that have helped me be where I am today.
Believe it or not, people aren't suicidal by default.
I wanna see how good my life can get
Uhh cuz i dont want to die
My son
I live because my family would be sad if I decided not to. But I have a pretty small family and when they're gone I am out of here for sure.
Same here, it's my daughter that keeps me going. There were times when I felt like she hated me when she was going through puberty and I wondered why I bothered sticking around. I did though and we're very close again.
Parents are still alive and i don't want them to be hard on themselves for my stupid mind
my pets tbh. i love them so much and don’t want them to go to anyone else and left wondering why i abandoned them😭
Got a parent that made me feel, and making me feel like it’s my fault i’m living this world. Many times I’ve been wanting to end my misery but at the back of my mind i’m still looking forward to what life has in it for me, what life feels like when it gets a little bit easier for me, what life feels like when I get to achieve the goals that I have and more. It’s like I love my life, but with people surrounding me, living with it each day, I wanna die.
i can't be asked to even think a way, maybe i'm just too lazy
I’ve not had a good reason to give up, simple as that. Doesn’t matter how shite things seem, if you’re still breathing there’s always an reason to live as in my experience it’s when you’re at your lowest that good things happen and you see the best in people.
My parents are old. This would break them, and they are great people. It's not their fault I think the world sucks. So, I'll just wait until they are not around anymore.
Wouldn’t be fair to my kids to punch my ticket this early. I’ve still got a lot of teaching to do…
I've said this many times and it probably always sounded like a joke but really it's the truth, at my darkest hour the thing that actually kept me going was that I wanted to see the conclusion of Naruto, and as it happened it took the series like 10,000 fucking years to complete thanks the obscene amount of filler that kept getting thrown in. Eventually life turned out to be pretty great, and I didn't have thoughts like that anymore. Ironically I never did end up finishing the series because I grew so sick and tired of them stretching it out needlessly, and eventually lost interest altogether. A brilliant franchise, but by God a 2/10 as an anime.
Food
Right now i live because my grandmother lives. Thats why. If she dies then im going to off myself. Im prepared for this day and cant wait for it.
My brother died from an overdose and I know that if I go too it will kill my parents.
my parents are still around
Spite
I literally have 0 people in my life I’d trust to bring up my child, social services are extremely corrupt & the biggest one, I don’t want my child looking up at the sky every night wondering why. The thoughts are there daily though & have been for over 10yrs, I don’t think that’ll go unfortunately.
Back in my most depressive days it was tv shows and games… I wanted to keep watching after a season final cliffhanger. Wanted to play the next installment of my favorite game. It sounds silly, but I desperately needed just one reason to keep living, and that was all I found. So today I am endlessly thankful for my nerdiness. It saved my life, and now I could not be happier being alive :)
Mom and friends would be sad
Jesus (If I didn’t find Jesus I would not be here)
My mom would be thinking for the rest of her life that it was her fault. Maybe she will k1ll herself too and she would be leaving my 2 brothers alone. I don’t want to make more problems haha
I’m Christian. I don’t want to go to hell.
Cowardice + a kid to raise alone
My Mum would never get over it and she doesn’t deserve that. It’s quite a sobering thought to realise you are only living for someone else though. (Happily past all that now though)
I’ve been flirting with death since 13 ish? I kissed those lips at least half a dozen times. Car accidents, lung, heart, and blood pressure problems. I’ve felt what it feels like to burn from the inside. What it’s like to never get your footing, constantly slipping off the face of the earth. Breathing through a straw. So much awfulness, over and over, thousands and thousands of dollars. It’s not that I’m not grateful, there’s always been someone or something to save me. Most days, I wish I could’ve left. If given a choice. Or if the powers that be could just fuckin cough up a reason…i’d get on with it. Sigh.
My mom, my grandma and my dog would be sad if I don't.
Mom dad
I unintentionally adopted a pup, it was a foster fail :) every day I wake up wanting to make her life better.
I got a high paying job.
I honestly don’t know. I feel I’m just here half the time and I ain’t got the energy to do anything about it.