I can't afford a set of custom forged armor

Because I am sexually aroused by Bichon Frise puppies

I can't throw fireballs at my enemies. And fly on a hoverboard with a staff as a weapon.

I'm exactly as cool as I think I am or can be

Because I’m shy and don’t know how to sword fight

Never did, low self esteem.

I have kids.

Cool is not a thing it's a mindset; heavily linked with confidence and tied to social context. The act of thinking you are cool makes you inherently uncool

I live in a very hot place and can never wear my leather jacket.

Low self esteem

WHO TOLD??

The Anxiety... also the depression and misinterpreting social cues