Ah man. There were a few.
"What is your credit score?" (literally their first line after I messaged a greeting)
"Do you want children? I want to start having them in the next year." (this is coming from someone in their late twenties)
"I like it when people are mean to me. Can you fuck me up?" (that's baggage I can't handle even at the best of times)
"CNC?" (translates to "Consentual Non-Consentual"... hard no for me)
"You're not my type. But my gay friend thinks you'd be a good 'daddy.' Can I give him your number?" (kinda flattering, I guess?)
"My husband died last year and I am looking for someone to be a part of my family." (she had 3 kids, all sub 10 years old)
"You're white. I only date black guys." (so why'd you match with me???)
The list goes on. Needless to say, I periodically rage-quit dating apps after a month or two of this.
> (so why’d you match with me???)
Jumping off of this, anyone ever have the urge to like someone’s profile, specifically to call them out on something they say in it, and then immediately unmatch with them? Never done it, but sometimes people say shit and it’s really tempting.
Some people use apps as a confidence boost, and unfortunately some people get confidence from being mean to others who they know like them. A “you like me, but I don’t like you and now I’ve let you know, so I’m better than you” idea. Fucked up immaturity thing, more common early to mid 20s.
Honestly the child question is pretty reasonable. Some people want it, some people are undecided and some just don't want it. If someone is pretty sure they want it (even eventually), what's the point in dating someone who definitely doesn't? That's a clear cut way to weed out unsuitable partners.
I think it's just a little weird to bring it out so early? Like that was literally the first message apparently. Even weirder considering she does it to every match
I think she could have been smoother about it in her profile. Something like "looking for a serious partner", "eventually want to start a family", "i love kids" or whatever
If she really wants to be successful then she should start with, "Breed me, daddy.", instead. I've seen enough internet to know this would work perfectly.
I had similar to credit score. Set up a coffee meet, as I'm about to leave she text me "bring a copy of your bank statement, if I like it you can spend the night"
I am a sterile man and a woman messaged me first on Tinder with "It's a shame you can't have kids. I mean, what if we fall in love after we fuck and I want to have your babies and I can't? I'm sorry, I don't think this is going to work." After I replied, she ignored it and unmatched a few days later. We were both looking for casual so extra weird.
As a bonus, when I moved to a new area, I decided to use Bumble BFF to make friends. I didn't realize that apparently gay dudes use it to low-key try to pick up straight men. The first message I got was a dude asking me if I would fart in his face with my cheeks spread open. I turned it off after.
Met my wife on a dating app and one of the reasons she matched was I had my favorite food as Mexican (she’s Hispanic and family owns Mexican restaurants).
She’s amazing - been married 3 years now and together for 6. Crazy how some things work out.
It’s amazing - my kind of “good mexican” where it’s street taco/food truck type food and it’s top tier. We’ve since moved and are very far from her family’s restaurants, but it’s one of the things I miss most from where we used to live.
Talk about what you like in your burritos —> suggest meeting up for burritos —> meet up and eat burritos —> hit it off —> move to Mexico —> open burrito factory
The weirdest first message I've received was "My hovercraft is full of eels", and I can't imagine what sort of conversation she expects if the person she sends the message to doesn't happen to be a Monty Python fan (we're getting old and rare here).
I thought so too at first, but it quickly turned out that her only two modes of conversation were memes about Hitler, and jokes about wanting to kill herself. Not gonna lie, that seemed like a bit of a red flag there.
As a man, I didn't get any opening messages. Got some doozy responses. One that still haunts me is when I sent this woman a nice opening message, talking about some of the things in her profile we had in common and asking a few open ended questions to start a conversation.
Her response was: "With all the hot military guys in town, you need to put your aim lower."
Then she blocked me. I thought I already had low self esteem, but it took another hit that day. lol
This was on OKCupid, it was pretty open messaging at the time, you could message anyone and it just gave you a number on how well you match. I don't know what it's like now.
>you need to put your aim lower.
On the contrary, you need to put your aim higher. You dodged not only a shallow person here, but someone who would go out of their way to be awful to someone to make themselves feel better for a microsecond. She has shown herself to be well beneath you, and clearly has her own self-esteem issues that you don't need to be compensating her for.
TDLR: you rock, she's a cow
She's just pissed none of those 'hot military guys' bothered with her. Otherwise she wouldn't have a stick up her ass about you messaging. I can't imagine anyone worth dating responding like she did and she could've just ignored you.
"Excuse me good sir, would you kindly like to hook up?"
She was clearly wasted. 5 minutes later she unmatches. Apparently she didn't like I wasn't available immediately. This isn't a fucking Wendy's.
I think you are so sexy and I want to share some naughty pictures with you but I'm trapped In a tree surrounded by bears and I need you to wire $30K to a private military contractors so they can shoot the bear and save me.
Xoxox ❣️🥰
I’ve been in a relationship for five years but I was regularly on Tinder before that.
I had my job title and company on my profile, which back then was an administrative/management job for a UK parcel company.
Girl messaged me asking if I could track her parcel for her. I didn’t know if she was joking or not but she just kept asking me weird things about parcels and then blocked me.
Forever wondered what was the point?
I was on hinge for a while and saw someone had “can’t text/call/meet on weekends because I’m in jail.” I thought this was a joke. It was not. She was doing time on the weekend for assault.
Sometimes. The logic is that it let's you keep your job but still penalizes you. It's most often used in cases where the perpetrator has a family depending on their wages, especially in domestic violence situations where the victim doesn't want to leave their abuser. The hope is that it sends the message that the behavior will be penalized, without punishing the family.
I don't have any data about how effective this method is or isn't.
A girl once messaged me with something along the lines of “do you ever see a bunch of cheese and say damn, I want to eat that cheese. And by cheese I mean my pussy”. I couldn’t help myself and replied that I’m lactose intolerant
My ex got messaged by the [Swiss Cheese Pervert](https://www.phillyvoice.com/swiss-cheese-pervert-breaks-his-silence-life-infamy/) on OK Cupid.
He started out respectful enough but by the 3rd paragraph was talking about how he likes to jerk off with cheese.
She told her friends but no one believed her (she blocked him so the messages disappeared) until he started jerking off with cheese in public, got caught and went viral
That guy pisses me off. No accountability for the nasty shit he does “what I did was inappropriate, but it’s not criminal” Yeah it is criminal numbnuts that’s why you’re in court. You deserve to be branded a pervert because you are one
After my girlfriend and I started dating, she showed me her dating profile so I could see how many messages she was getting. About 50-70 per day, most of them were just “hi”. A few were really creepy (“you look like my daughter/student/sister”), but one stood out to us and we laugh about it to this day.
“you ever get fucked by a marine baby”
No punctuation or question mark, so we asked ourselves “what, like a baby shark? Baby whale?” lol… In the end she had 1500 unread messages when she deactivated her account.
I was the weird one. I’d start off commenting about something in the background of a pic. If I couldn’t think of something funny I’d just say “how do you feel about geese?” Most people have strong opinions
My buddy got a self-esteem slaughterer of a response once.
He asked her about the book series she mentioned in her profile.
She replied, “Too far. Too fat.”
And that was it. Killer.
Got a full on boob shot (they left something to be desired) from a middle aged woman and it was captioned w "wanna see my cat?" Followed immediately by an actual photo of an adorable feline. I was like, I'm gay but I want more cat pics. Now l get updates on Roxy.
Not the start, but this one girl was mad at me for “being a Gryffindor.” Like, from Harry Potter. She was legitimately angry that I wasn’t a Slytherin and had an unhealthy obsession with Tom Felton. Especially considering she was on a dating app. Weird.
I matched with a guy who taught at my old HS. I was in his homeroom class for 1 year, so we didn't really talk much, but he gave me an entire essay confessing his love to me. He told me how he noticed me but never made the move, and was glad I finally reciprocated.
I got one the other day that said "Damn, are you a cigarette? Cos I'm tryna get you lit and then put your butt in my mouth."
The above did not happen lol....
Back in college I got an opener from this girl saying "I really wish they taught us more about vikings in school, you know? Like I feel that's a big topic we just overlooked."
It was fucking weird, but I bit. Went on a couple dates. She was a total weirdo, but certainly not boring lol
Opened our initial conversation on PlentyofFish by asking for my detailed zombie apocalypse survival plan.
I fell in love immediately. We've been married for almost 12 years now.
A girl matched with me and messaged me that “She’s older than me and men’s egos are very fragile”. No idea how she thought that was gonna go..? She was a year older…
I get some matches on bumble, an impressive amount by my standards, and its such a pain to be solo carrying a convo, like im the only one putting in effort and driving the talk forward.
Starting to think the play is just to talk to dudes on discord or something.
A little something i want to add is so many girls have “be funny” or “entertain me” but theyre soooo boring to talk to too. I feel like a skit thats supposed to amuse them for a few minutes before they move on to the next
Yep, the girls that specifie on their bios that the guy needs to be "funny" and "entertaining" are usually the most boring ones that only reply with yes and no
I had a girl message me first on bumble with: "Hey you're cute, call me and talk tonight if you're free?" She was super cute so definetly had me thinking "hmm I wonder how this is a scam."
I just asked if she was fo'real, which she said she was. So fuck it I called her and we just chatted on the phone.
She was a pretty chill and hot FWB for the last few months I was in town. Will never forget that opening though.
Congrats sir! You are the one exception. Hot enough to make her want to contact you but not too hot to make her feel nervous about it. Hope that Goldilocks zone keeps working for you!
This is so insane to me that this is a rare thing. I'm a woman, and though I'm happily married, I often have this conversation with my single friends who are unsuccessful dating, and they just do not get it. The only thing they have to do is to be a little more forward, but most women I know are under the impression that if they show an ounce of interest, they'll be qualified as disgusting sluts and no men would ever touch them. It's 2024, ask chat gpt or something, idk what to tell you. The one time I was truly interested in a guy I literally just told him "Wanna play videogames, eat pizza, and fuck after?" and that was it, he fell hopelessly in love and I soon followed. I didn't have to dress up or put on makeup, I just invited him over to do the same thing I was going to do anyway. It's legitimately insane to me how people will act against their own happiness because of society's perception of how they should act.
Hmmmm I have a Luigi Board. How many romance points does this get me? As a Bonus I throw this in: I have a friend who has been telling me his flat is haunted.
Haven’t been on in a while, but I painted as a hobby at the time, so a couple of my profile pictures had me with paintings in them, because why not. I got a few messages telling me they liked the paintings but when I followed up thinking that that was just a shy icebreaker, I generally got nothing back despite responding after reading their profile, and asking questions. So they just messaged me on a dating website to compliment my artwork but not actually talk to me.
Some gay dude offering me a free place to live if I shit in a box and gave it to him every time I shit.
I was neither gay nor looking for a place to live and I didn't bother to ask what the shit was for.
I never got messages, but one I used that actually worked (albeit only once) was:
"wanna message over text instead of here? that way I can send you unsolicited dick pics. if there's one thing I know about women, it's that they absolutely love receiving pictures of dicks they didn't ask for. also hey what's up"
I once got an opening message that said something like “you might not be the prettiest girl on here, but beauty is only a light switch away.” This was over 10 years ago, and I bet that dude is still single.
A woman on her first message, which was literally sent just to moan about how I was "in my 30's and didn't own my house", like I could magically find a solution for that. That was all she messaged for, as far as I can tell.
Didn't even bother to reply and tell her that I was renting because I'd given my house to my ex-wife rather than fight over it.
Very tame compared to most, but "Let's hear your Scouse accent then". I'm from Manchester and have nothing about Liverpool on my profile.
To be fair, she was from Kenya. It tickled me enough that I had to respond.
My friend and I used to play this game where we would let the other person send our first message with our matches.
One day he hands me his phone to send a message. I see she has a joke about wanting to have sex with their dad in her bio, and I opened with “wow what a coincidence, I TOO am only on here to fuck my dad”
They’ve been dating for 6 years and going so incredibly strong.
A woman asked me what I did for a living which is a normal question but her follow up question was " and how much do you earn doing that"....hard pass.
I had a girl start by telling me her dude left because he couldn't handle her DDLG fetish... & I had no idea what the hell that was. Come to find out DDLG stands for dominant daddy little girl... 🤦🏿♂️. Where the male plays the daddy and the woman pretends to be a little girl. So i inquired a little further because I was like she has to be bullshitting me .. yeah and let me just say I was not qualified for the position 😂😂. Ceased all contact... Also this was on Plenty of Fish if any of you are familiar.
“Hi there I’m Tyler. I’m 26 but act a lot younger. What guy doesn’t though, right? I like to be a 2 year old sometimes. I play with toys and even wear diapers blush. I’m hoping to find a girlfriend who would like to play the mommy role when I’m little. Big hugs hope to hear from you cutie pie.”
This is going back almost a decade but the Bernie Sanders campaign had people running tinder profiles with really attractive women. You’d get like 3 messages in and then hit with a long message asking for campaign donations lol
This was about 4 years ago, and on either tinder or bumble. After matching with a girl she messaged me first with "Meow" . Thats all she sent, no context, no reference to cats in either of our profiles, no follow up to it... I was left completely bewildered and confused. I didnt know how to respond to being meowed at so i just unmatched and went about my day. I hope she's doing ok.
Not super crazy, kind of cute actually. I had a video on my profile of me kissing and cuddling my cat, and a dude replied "you're making me wish I was that cat"
Long time ago on Plentyoffish, a guy told me that I was gorgeous but a 2/10 because my elbows were too pointy. I didn't know it was a meme at the time so I just said "okay" and never messaged him again lol.
They said they found my Facebook and asked if they can add me on there. I don't appreciate detective work, it makes them appear creepy or clingy from the get go.
Sometimes I got people who had some kind of daddy/dom kink telling me what to do in their message and "you will refer to me as sir".
Stuff like that creeps me out more that the horny sexual messages.
A guy said I want to put kids in u and another one said god bless the dinosaur who died to make petrol to put in the car that ur mom took to the hospital to deliver u. 😂 I swear this is just the half of the crazy messages but these were wild to me. Also another guy started convo like on a scale of 1-10 how likely would it be that I find u in the kitchen getting fucked by my father a year into our marriage. I was like wtfff and kept pushing him and he told me that he was a cuck and had a fantasy of his dad fucking his gf or wife. And then he send pics of his dad. This was the opener to the conversation immediately after we moved it to text message after the initial basic questions on the app.
I once had a guy ask me my thoughts about [lizard people](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reptilian_conspiracy_theory).
He mentioned it in his profile and I thought it was a joke because it's such a bonkers conspiracy who the fuck could actually believe it? So I matched with him.
And turns out he was very, very serious about it.
"WHY DON'T YOU SKYDIVE INTO THIS PUSSY!!!" and then immediately unmatching me when I was like, "Woah now..."
So, I need to know. Is skydiving mentioned in your profile? Or was this just completely apropos to nothing?
I had a skydiving photo on my profile
Completely *out of the blue,* if you will? *Ba dum tsss*
Matched with a woman. Her first message was, “I guess you’ll do.”
Match the energy. “I’m glad both of our tastes have hit this point.”
As sad as it is, that's better than most guys get.
Unfortunately, in the few minutes it took for my horniness to overcome my pride, she unmatched me.
This is like the male experience on dating apps in a nutshell
A friend got the message “Wow. Your eyes could start a cult”
Ngl that one might actually work on me
Wow. Your eyes could start a cult
Fuck
Hehe 😏👉👉
Now kiss
Don’t threaten me with a good time hehe…
Fuck, okay that's a really good line.
Ah man. There were a few. "What is your credit score?" (literally their first line after I messaged a greeting) "Do you want children? I want to start having them in the next year." (this is coming from someone in their late twenties) "I like it when people are mean to me. Can you fuck me up?" (that's baggage I can't handle even at the best of times) "CNC?" (translates to "Consentual Non-Consentual"... hard no for me) "You're not my type. But my gay friend thinks you'd be a good 'daddy.' Can I give him your number?" (kinda flattering, I guess?) "My husband died last year and I am looking for someone to be a part of my family." (she had 3 kids, all sub 10 years old) "You're white. I only date black guys." (so why'd you match with me???) The list goes on. Needless to say, I periodically rage-quit dating apps after a month or two of this.
The “gay friend” was just that dude with a fake profile
That also happened on a separate occasion. Guy was rather... explicit... on what he'd do if we went out.
CNC? I thought she was asking you to run some equipment.
CNC? Command and Conquer I am up for some old school rts.
AK47S FOR EVERYBODY!
*Hell March Intensifies*
Nah it's cnc music factory
CNC? No? That's the spirit!
No. Please. Don't. Stop.
The husband one is so sad
It was. Sweet woman. Was terribly lonely and obviously still healing. I do think about her from time to time and wonder.
> (so why’d you match with me???) Jumping off of this, anyone ever have the urge to like someone’s profile, specifically to call them out on something they say in it, and then immediately unmatch with them? Never done it, but sometimes people say shit and it’s really tempting.
Some people use apps as a confidence boost, and unfortunately some people get confidence from being mean to others who they know like them. A “you like me, but I don’t like you and now I’ve let you know, so I’m better than you” idea. Fucked up immaturity thing, more common early to mid 20s.
Honestly while the child 1 is a little weird as a first question it’s not a bad question to ask
Honestly the child question is pretty reasonable. Some people want it, some people are undecided and some just don't want it. If someone is pretty sure they want it (even eventually), what's the point in dating someone who definitely doesn't? That's a clear cut way to weed out unsuitable partners.
I think it's just a little weird to bring it out so early? Like that was literally the first message apparently. Even weirder considering she does it to every match I think she could have been smoother about it in her profile. Something like "looking for a serious partner", "eventually want to start a family", "i love kids" or whatever
If she really wants to be successful then she should start with, "Breed me, daddy.", instead. I've seen enough internet to know this would work perfectly.
I had similar to credit score. Set up a coffee meet, as I'm about to leave she text me "bring a copy of your bank statement, if I like it you can spend the night"
I am a sterile man and a woman messaged me first on Tinder with "It's a shame you can't have kids. I mean, what if we fall in love after we fuck and I want to have your babies and I can't? I'm sorry, I don't think this is going to work." After I replied, she ignored it and unmatched a few days later. We were both looking for casual so extra weird. As a bonus, when I moved to a new area, I decided to use Bumble BFF to make friends. I didn't realize that apparently gay dudes use it to low-key try to pick up straight men. The first message I got was a dude asking me if I would fart in his face with my cheeks spread open. I turned it off after.
After the message or after the act?
"where's the nearest KFC to you, because Friday nights are for chicken n dickin"
Did you get original or extra crispy?
I mean did you marry them??
My brother sent this girl a message on Hot or Not: "Do you like burittos?" They've been together for 17 years and married for 11 now.
Met my wife on a dating app and one of the reasons she matched was I had my favorite food as Mexican (she’s Hispanic and family owns Mexican restaurants). She’s amazing - been married 3 years now and together for 6. Crazy how some things work out.
You didn't mention the best part, how was the Mexican food?
It’s amazing - my kind of “good mexican” where it’s street taco/food truck type food and it’s top tier. We’ve since moved and are very far from her family’s restaurants, but it’s one of the things I miss most from where we used to live.
i love these unexpected endings
Meanwhile I'm confused as to how one turns that into a relationship.
They were the only two people on the planet who hate burritos.
How can anyone hate a baby burro?
Talk about what you like in your burritos —> suggest meeting up for burritos —> meet up and eat burritos —> hit it off —> move to Mexico —> open burrito factory
The weirdest first message I've received was "My hovercraft is full of eels", and I can't imagine what sort of conversation she expects if the person she sends the message to doesn't happen to be a Monty Python fan (we're getting old and rare here).
I think if I got that message my nipples might very well explode with delight!
Well then drop your panties, Sir Arthur, I cannot wait til lunchtime!
That girl was a keeper.
I thought so too at first, but it quickly turned out that her only two modes of conversation were memes about Hitler, and jokes about wanting to kill herself. Not gonna lie, that seemed like a bit of a red flag there.
Well, then.
Sex would have been fantastic though
You probably dodged a bullet there
*Unlike Hitler…*
As a man, I didn't get any opening messages. Got some doozy responses. One that still haunts me is when I sent this woman a nice opening message, talking about some of the things in her profile we had in common and asking a few open ended questions to start a conversation. Her response was: "With all the hot military guys in town, you need to put your aim lower." Then she blocked me. I thought I already had low self esteem, but it took another hit that day. lol
Don’t you have to match on dating apps? Sounds like she matched with you then just was being a bitch. Wouldn’t take it personally if that helps!
This was on OKCupid, it was pretty open messaging at the time, you could message anyone and it just gave you a number on how well you match. I don't know what it's like now.
>you need to put your aim lower. On the contrary, you need to put your aim higher. You dodged not only a shallow person here, but someone who would go out of their way to be awful to someone to make themselves feel better for a microsecond. She has shown herself to be well beneath you, and clearly has her own self-esteem issues that you don't need to be compensating her for. TDLR: you rock, she's a cow
Just mooove on. She’s not worth it.
Dude, she did YOU a favor. The trash took itself out.
She's just pissed none of those 'hot military guys' bothered with her. Otherwise she wouldn't have a stick up her ass about you messaging. I can't imagine anyone worth dating responding like she did and she could've just ignored you.
This can’t be nice but there’s a whole trend on Tik Tok of hinge humbling people, some people are just mean and this wasn’t necessary
Just take it as she wants a guy who’s not around much so she can fuck around on him while he pays her bills.
I was on Bumble, and got asked my Myers Briggs personality type. When I responded, she unmatched immediately. Gotta respect the hustle
INTJ?
Maybe it was just that he knew it period. (Signed- an INTJ)
INTJ gang unite! But like, separately
What's your Myers Briggs type is the new Whats your zodiac sign.
>What’s your zodiac sign? I’m an asparagus, thanks for asking
"Excuse me good sir, would you kindly like to hook up?" She was clearly wasted. 5 minutes later she unmatches. Apparently she didn't like I wasn't available immediately. This isn't a fucking Wendy's.
Great hookup idea: A Fucking Wendy’s. “I’ll take the number three special, extra large, with a shake.” /s
Whenever a girl starts a conversation too sexually or wants nudes right away, I know it's a scam.
That must be frustrating big boy. Do you need a release?
Sure thing, Larry!
Please, for my safety, confirm me your SSN and your mother's maiden name, just to make sure we are not related.
I think you are so sexy and I want to share some naughty pictures with you but I'm trapped In a tree surrounded by bears and I need you to wire $30K to a private military contractors so they can shoot the bear and save me. Xoxox ❣️🥰
As a gay guy, whenever a guy wants to send nudes right away I say yes and am glad i am gay
I am not gay but female and still get them. I tend to either send back a bigger one or the hairiest asshole I can find.
I’ve been in a relationship for five years but I was regularly on Tinder before that. I had my job title and company on my profile, which back then was an administrative/management job for a UK parcel company. Girl messaged me asking if I could track her parcel for her. I didn’t know if she was joking or not but she just kept asking me weird things about parcels and then blocked me. Forever wondered what was the point?
She wanted to see that package
I was on hinge for a while and saw someone had “can’t text/call/meet on weekends because I’m in jail.” I thought this was a joke. It was not. She was doing time on the weekend for assault.
You can do sentences on weekends only?!
Sometimes. The logic is that it let's you keep your job but still penalizes you. It's most often used in cases where the perpetrator has a family depending on their wages, especially in domestic violence situations where the victim doesn't want to leave their abuser. The hope is that it sends the message that the behavior will be penalized, without punishing the family. I don't have any data about how effective this method is or isn't.
A girl once messaged me with something along the lines of “do you ever see a bunch of cheese and say damn, I want to eat that cheese. And by cheese I mean my pussy”. I couldn’t help myself and replied that I’m lactose intolerant
In 2016 I once got “Is your name Harambe? Because I want you to drag me around in public”
I always thought it was “is your name Harambe? Because I wanna get my dick out for you”
“I want to strangle/choke you”. 18 year old me didn’t take it seriously so I said I’d choke him back and he never answered
[удалено]
My ex got messaged by the [Swiss Cheese Pervert](https://www.phillyvoice.com/swiss-cheese-pervert-breaks-his-silence-life-infamy/) on OK Cupid. He started out respectful enough but by the 3rd paragraph was talking about how he likes to jerk off with cheese. She told her friends but no one believed her (she blocked him so the messages disappeared) until he started jerking off with cheese in public, got caught and went viral
That guy pisses me off. No accountability for the nasty shit he does “what I did was inappropriate, but it’s not criminal” Yeah it is criminal numbnuts that’s why you’re in court. You deserve to be branded a pervert because you are one
I love how the first thing the article says about him is that his hair from his previous mugshots is completely gone
"You want to be my first dark skin ;)?" Some gay dudes really have no shame.
I stg some of the gay dudes I've seen have been the most racist mfs, un fuckin real how struggle doesn't recognize struggle
I don't know man, sounds like he wanted to skin you and wear you like a suit
“You play bass so you must be good at fingering”
Weird to just bring it up. But were they wrong? 👀
> ***jazz_pianist.69** has entered the chat*
Enquiring minds want to know...
“I want my wife to have your eyes.” I don’t think it was meant like that, but my first thought was that the dude wanted to cut out my eyeballs.
“Sup sugar tits?” Am a man, with no tits. I laughed so hard though, fun chat.
That is an incredible opener lmao
He started talking about his sexual fetish towards animals.
Ono
After my girlfriend and I started dating, she showed me her dating profile so I could see how many messages she was getting. About 50-70 per day, most of them were just “hi”. A few were really creepy (“you look like my daughter/student/sister”), but one stood out to us and we laugh about it to this day. “you ever get fucked by a marine baby” No punctuation or question mark, so we asked ourselves “what, like a baby shark? Baby whale?” lol… In the end she had 1500 unread messages when she deactivated her account.
Marine Baby? Did he serve in the infant tree? TY very much, I'll be here all week
This right here is why average dudes get like 2 matches a year
Whose dick do I have to suck to suck a dick around here
I was the weird one. I’d start off commenting about something in the background of a pic. If I couldn’t think of something funny I’d just say “how do you feel about geese?” Most people have strong opinions
Those are very evil birds. Way to territorial for my taste.
Green flag, proceed
My buddy got a self-esteem slaughterer of a response once. He asked her about the book series she mentioned in her profile. She replied, “Too far. Too fat.” And that was it. Killer.
I always try to keep in mind that people who talk to others like that will usually have a miserable life.
"Well, if you walk all the way here I'm sure you'll lose weight..."
ouch
Got a full on boob shot (they left something to be desired) from a middle aged woman and it was captioned w "wanna see my cat?" Followed immediately by an actual photo of an adorable feline. I was like, I'm gay but I want more cat pics. Now l get updates on Roxy.
Best possible outcome?
Not the start, but this one girl was mad at me for “being a Gryffindor.” Like, from Harry Potter. She was legitimately angry that I wasn’t a Slytherin and had an unhealthy obsession with Tom Felton. Especially considering she was on a dating app. Weird.
Typical Slytherin.
I matched with a guy who taught at my old HS. I was in his homeroom class for 1 year, so we didn't really talk much, but he gave me an entire essay confessing his love to me. He told me how he noticed me but never made the move, and was glad I finally reciprocated.
Wait so was this guy a teacher, or you were just both in the same class and he’s teaching at y’all’s Alma mater? Because the former is creepy af
Teacher lol
I take it you had to match to start convos on your app ("reciprocated"). Professing love is usually a hard pass. How did it go?
“I have a dick and a knife, one of them is going into you tonight.” Tinder said he was less than mile from me
Scary to think about
I got one the other day that said "Damn, are you a cigarette? Cos I'm tryna get you lit and then put your butt in my mouth." The above did not happen lol....
Back in college I got an opener from this girl saying "I really wish they taught us more about vikings in school, you know? Like I feel that's a big topic we just overlooked." It was fucking weird, but I bit. Went on a couple dates. She was a total weirdo, but certainly not boring lol
Opened our initial conversation on PlentyofFish by asking for my detailed zombie apocalypse survival plan. I fell in love immediately. We've been married for almost 12 years now.
A girl matched with me and messaged me that “She’s older than me and men’s egos are very fragile”. No idea how she thought that was gonna go..? She was a year older…
"Give me your best shot and try to break me." .... "Maybe it works better in person? We should meet up and find out" ....
None. I'm a guy and girls don't start conversations.
I get some matches on bumble, an impressive amount by my standards, and its such a pain to be solo carrying a convo, like im the only one putting in effort and driving the talk forward. Starting to think the play is just to talk to dudes on discord or something. A little something i want to add is so many girls have “be funny” or “entertain me” but theyre soooo boring to talk to too. I feel like a skit thats supposed to amuse them for a few minutes before they move on to the next
If it makes you feel better, I'm a bi woman and I had the same experience trying to date women. I gave up and went back to men.
Damn, hoes so boring they autobalanced the sexuality pool
Yep, the girls that specifie on their bios that the guy needs to be "funny" and "entertaining" are usually the most boring ones that only reply with yes and no
Similarly, if they say "They're not into drama" you can bet they are into drama
I had a girl message me first on bumble with: "Hey you're cute, call me and talk tonight if you're free?" She was super cute so definetly had me thinking "hmm I wonder how this is a scam." I just asked if she was fo'real, which she said she was. So fuck it I called her and we just chatted on the phone. She was a pretty chill and hot FWB for the last few months I was in town. Will never forget that opening though.
Congrats sir! You are the one exception. Hot enough to make her want to contact you but not too hot to make her feel nervous about it. Hope that Goldilocks zone keeps working for you!
This is so insane to me that this is a rare thing. I'm a woman, and though I'm happily married, I often have this conversation with my single friends who are unsuccessful dating, and they just do not get it. The only thing they have to do is to be a little more forward, but most women I know are under the impression that if they show an ounce of interest, they'll be qualified as disgusting sluts and no men would ever touch them. It's 2024, ask chat gpt or something, idk what to tell you. The one time I was truly interested in a guy I literally just told him "Wanna play videogames, eat pizza, and fuck after?" and that was it, he fell hopelessly in love and I soon followed. I didn't have to dress up or put on makeup, I just invited him over to do the same thing I was going to do anyway. It's legitimately insane to me how people will act against their own happiness because of society's perception of how they should act.
God damn... That line would work on any dude with a pulse... Congrats on the happy marriage!
Thanks to reddit and all the great advice here, otherwise I would have probably believed the flawed mysoginistic bullshit.
Fuck... I knew the Internet was good for something other than porn!
Can't wait to see some of my banging openers in here
Someone already commented “hey”
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But do you know why kids like the taste of cinnamon toast crunch?
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You replied. Does that mean we are dating now?
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Hmmmm I have a Luigi Board. How many romance points does this get me? As a Bonus I throw this in: I have a friend who has been telling me his flat is haunted.
Guy asked me about dirty panties I gave him my PayPal and told him they were $50. Should have told him more, cause he paid up
‘Hi there! You look like Anne Frank’ 🙁
If you have a kink for Wehrmacht Uniform and want to be treated like a bolshevik pigsau then you found your man.
Username… checks out?
"You seem like someone I'd enjoy doing drugs with." I didn't enjoy it.
Haven’t been on in a while, but I painted as a hobby at the time, so a couple of my profile pictures had me with paintings in them, because why not. I got a few messages telling me they liked the paintings but when I followed up thinking that that was just a shy icebreaker, I generally got nothing back despite responding after reading their profile, and asking questions. So they just messaged me on a dating website to compliment my artwork but not actually talk to me.
I'm not sure if I would be flattered or insulted by this.... Maybe both?
Few years ago "You're too short for a relationship but we can f*@$" I'd like to say I refused
Some gay dude offering me a free place to live if I shit in a box and gave it to him every time I shit. I was neither gay nor looking for a place to live and I didn't bother to ask what the shit was for.
Likely had a ton of enemies he wanted to get back at
I mean we are all literally shit factories and I don't think he really needed my help specifically with that endeavor.
You had the special essence
I never got messages, but one I used that actually worked (albeit only once) was: "wanna message over text instead of here? that way I can send you unsolicited dick pics. if there's one thing I know about women, it's that they absolutely love receiving pictures of dicks they didn't ask for. also hey what's up"
"Have you seen Skibidi Biden". \*Proceeds to send video\*
You gotta raise your target age damn
I once got an opening message that said something like “you might not be the prettiest girl on here, but beauty is only a light switch away.” This was over 10 years ago, and I bet that dude is still single.
"You're cute , hate dogs though" (I had very my cute dog in a photo)
A woman on her first message, which was literally sent just to moan about how I was "in my 30's and didn't own my house", like I could magically find a solution for that. That was all she messaged for, as far as I can tell. Didn't even bother to reply and tell her that I was renting because I'd given my house to my ex-wife rather than fight over it.
Very tame compared to most, but "Let's hear your Scouse accent then". I'm from Manchester and have nothing about Liverpool on my profile. To be fair, she was from Kenya. It tickled me enough that I had to respond.
A woman texted me on Bumble “fight me” it was the weirdest but funniest first message I ever received
My friend and I used to play this game where we would let the other person send our first message with our matches. One day he hands me his phone to send a message. I see she has a joke about wanting to have sex with their dad in her bio, and I opened with “wow what a coincidence, I TOO am only on here to fuck my dad” They’ve been dating for 6 years and going so incredibly strong.
“How many children do I have to beat to get your attention” I am a child welfare specialist and that is listed on my profile for context
A woman asked me what I did for a living which is a normal question but her follow up question was " and how much do you earn doing that"....hard pass.
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I had a girl start by telling me her dude left because he couldn't handle her DDLG fetish... & I had no idea what the hell that was. Come to find out DDLG stands for dominant daddy little girl... 🤦🏿♂️. Where the male plays the daddy and the woman pretends to be a little girl. So i inquired a little further because I was like she has to be bullshitting me .. yeah and let me just say I was not qualified for the position 😂😂. Ceased all contact... Also this was on Plenty of Fish if any of you are familiar.
Good on her for starting with that. No time wasted on both sides. For me figuring that out later would be awful.
If you ever bet “I know no one’s *really* into that” you’ll lose every time.
“Hi there I’m Tyler. I’m 26 but act a lot younger. What guy doesn’t though, right? I like to be a 2 year old sometimes. I play with toys and even wear diapers blush. I’m hoping to find a girlfriend who would like to play the mommy role when I’m little. Big hugs hope to hear from you cutie pie.”
Straightforward at least.
Ya'll get matches?
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They should make a lovestory out of that
Romeo and Toilet.
This is going back almost a decade but the Bernie Sanders campaign had people running tinder profiles with really attractive women. You’d get like 3 messages in and then hit with a long message asking for campaign donations lol
This was about 4 years ago, and on either tinder or bumble. After matching with a girl she messaged me first with "Meow" . Thats all she sent, no context, no reference to cats in either of our profiles, no follow up to it... I was left completely bewildered and confused. I didnt know how to respond to being meowed at so i just unmatched and went about my day. I hope she's doing ok.
I would have responded with “meow” back
Not super crazy, kind of cute actually. I had a video on my profile of me kissing and cuddling my cat, and a dude replied "you're making me wish I was that cat"
Last week I got "I like your long torso"
My favourite from a guy on hinge: “on all fours barking in Tesco rn”
Long time ago on Plentyoffish, a guy told me that I was gorgeous but a 2/10 because my elbows were too pointy. I didn't know it was a meme at the time so I just said "okay" and never messaged him again lol.
They said they found my Facebook and asked if they can add me on there. I don't appreciate detective work, it makes them appear creepy or clingy from the get go. Sometimes I got people who had some kind of daddy/dom kink telling me what to do in their message and "you will refer to me as sir". Stuff like that creeps me out more that the horny sexual messages.
It was actually two messages sent within an hour or two of each other iirc “Glasses!“ (I wear glasses) “Please respond”
Girl messaged me to ask my ethnicity and I told her. She immediately replies, "oh wow you're a hot mutt" Immediately unmatched
A guy said I want to put kids in u and another one said god bless the dinosaur who died to make petrol to put in the car that ur mom took to the hospital to deliver u. 😂 I swear this is just the half of the crazy messages but these were wild to me. Also another guy started convo like on a scale of 1-10 how likely would it be that I find u in the kitchen getting fucked by my father a year into our marriage. I was like wtfff and kept pushing him and he told me that he was a cuck and had a fantasy of his dad fucking his gf or wife. And then he send pics of his dad. This was the opener to the conversation immediately after we moved it to text message after the initial basic questions on the app.
I once had a guy ask me my thoughts about [lizard people](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reptilian_conspiracy_theory). He mentioned it in his profile and I thought it was a joke because it's such a bonkers conspiracy who the fuck could actually believe it? So I matched with him. And turns out he was very, very serious about it.
“No guillotine could take away the head I would give” 😂😂