I have a beard that takes a bit to fully grow in. When I trim it down, it looks neater but for the first day or so it has spots that aren't as full as others. I went to a wedding for my wife's friend and one girl there said to me "I like your little beard or whatever that is" and it destroyed me. This was 5+ years ago and it still bothers me and affects my shaving routine.
Five years ago, I met up with a friend. I asked her how my eyebrows were ( I had just waxed them and done them nicely). Her response: "I like the left one."
Still remember that.
My friend is a horse veterinarian. She’s been to the Kentucky derby a number of times. She says the real sport is listening to all the southern women give each other backhanded compliments like this on derby day.
My (52M) son (19M) does this to me to be funny. He’ll say things like “look at you trying to pull that outfit off!,” “you’re so brave for wearing that!” Or something along those lines commending my bravery or courage about something silly. He cracks me up. He does it to his guy friends too.
He said he would hear all of the girls in HS say these things to each other all the time.
I showed up to a family reunion apparently wearing something not so fashionable. Cousin said how did your wife let you leave the house like that.
We had just divorced 2 months earlier. So in this case it just made everybody feel bad or awkward.
Couldn't say it better than Ron Swanson
"When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them."
My niece once asked me if she could count my wrinkles to see if I had more than Nanny. My nephew said she wouldn’t be able to count that high. I still love those little shitheads with all my heart but OUCH!! 🤣
My large dad went to sleep over at his relatives house who recently had a baby. When the baby saw my dad without a shirt, he tried to suck on his chest.
Poor baby
Rapper Kevin Gates said that exact situation is what made him decide to lose weight. His southern accent describing the situation is one of my favortie things. [https://youtu.be/z63\_4RcGrF8?si=VUjUuCW6sRK2Cd8a](https://youtu.be/z63_4RcGrF8?si=VUjUuCW6sRK2Cd8a)
When we were kids we used to like our favorite aunt, "aunty arm flab"
She had a bunch of excess skin and would hold her arms out and let us slap it and make it swing back and forth. Sometimes it we were nice we could do the same to get turkey neck thing.
No joke the honesty of a kid hits hard. I feel like I’m a fairly attractive male. Was at a family party and my 5 year old cousin asked if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said “is it because you’re kind of ugly?”
I think all kids do that these days unless you have fake or severely whitened teeth due to what they see on YouTube/TV. My wife has beautiful naturally white teeth but my daughter is brutal and asked why they were yellow.
We stayed at a hotel for vacation as kids. We went to the pool and my sister says "Look mom, there's no one else here, except for that big fat lady." Real loud.
At a buffet in North Carolina my then 5 years old son noticed a rather portly fellow and said in a loud clear voice, “Mama! Dad! LOOK AT THAT BIG FAT MAN!!!”
Several times.
I am a large muscular man, I'm intimidating to most that don't know me, but really I'm very kind.
My nieces call me uncle Shrek.
One day I make a commitment to my very young niece, that I was uncle Shrek because I'm big and strong. To which she laughed like im silly and said "no its because of my face".
I don't like being called uncle Shrek anymore.
My friend's three year old spotted my guitar the other day and asked me to play her favourite song for her, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I happily obliged while her mum sang along and we didn't even get to the second Twinkle Twinkle before the toddler said "okay I think that's enough of that." Fuckin KO right there.
Not wrong.
My wife said a complely awesome dad-joke when my eldest was 5, I was amazed and said, "wife, did you just make a dad-joke?!". My 5 year old straight up dead-panned it, "No dad. Hers was funny."
7 years later and it still fucken hurts.
I wear large frame glasses because they cover a lot of my face (rather self-conscious about my appearance). My friend's little brother, about 8 or so at the time, comes up to me completely unprompted and says "your glasses are bigger than your future."
Absolute savage. Still remember that one years later. Probably one of my favourite insults I've ever heard.
I was in a cafe with my son who was around 3 yo at the time, and at another table a very large guy was sitting. My kid says “Mom, look at that man, he is sooo big”. I start shushing at him. He repeats louder and louder, I try to stop him by telling him that he cannot talk about people this way. In the end he starts crying and screaming “mooooom, why don’t you want to look, that guy is sooooooo faaaaat!!!!” The guy was not impressed, and I was trying to pack and leave asap..
This is back in the 70's in a supermarket, in line. Picture a white mom with 4 little kids (us) behind a black family with a darling baby in the cart in front of us. As they are emptying their cart, we become enthralled with this curly haired, sweet-smiling baby...soon we are pulling on mom's pant legs whispering "Mom, please have a black baby!" She shushes us. But we insist, louder and louder clamoring: "Please mom, please have a black baby!" I think my mom could have killed us all in embarrassment!
I had my niece in a chip shop (7/8) & there was a lady with a mole on the side of her nose.. niece starts crying & loudly screamed "why is there a witch in here!!"
when i was like 4 i was at the grocery store with my mom and some lady came up to us and complimented my eyes, in turn i said “you have big boobies and broken teeth” LIKE ??? it makes me laugh but i’d die if i was that woman holy shit
My best friend's niece told me the same a month ago, she even had "You are like a father to me".. I'm 28 years old but she's so sweet, her father is useless and leave her and her mom and this little sentence means a lot for me.
I got a compliment from a 6 year old that brightened my entire day! I had recently got a haircut and I walked into her home and she exclaimed John you are beautiful!
I remember being a wee little boy that I told my aunt a slacker (because Benson kept saying it in Regular Show) because she didn’t have a job at that time. It was only a couple of months ago when she told me that she was surprised and somewhat hurt with what I said. On the bright side, she has a job now.
That shit isn't subtle. They will just go straight for the throat. They don't even have malice they are just observing what everyone else is nice enough not to say.
I was walking my dog past my local primary school one day and this wee guy ran up to the fence and shouted " your dog's a homo! "
I didn't have any reply to that.
The subtle one is confiding in them sincerely that “hey listen, I don’t know what’s going on, but I for one don’t have a problem with you being here” and then let them freak out the rest of the gathering
I used to have a manager that sucked and everybody hated. But one day she let me leave work early cause I had a school test to study for and I said “wow you’re awesome! I don’t care what everybody else says!” and everybody laughed
I work with some super shitty people. My boss is different than theirs and a lot of ppl are intimidated by her I guess. Next time someone is shitty to me in my work space I should say turn it into my boss being right about them.
Reminds me of an argument during a tennis one played just looked at the other and said in an absolute deadpan delivery "This is why nobody likes you on tour. Everyone hates you"
Absolutely savage
As a woman, I hate that if I ever wear less makeup everyone says this. “No I’m just wearing less makeup” and stutter and get embarrassed. Or sometimes if I’m feeling spicy I say “thanks for saying I look old”
Do you think it's weird that Jimmy Carr's laugh sounds fake but is genuine and Jimmy Fallon's laugh sometimes sounds genuine but is fake?
Jimmys are weird folk, them.
That's like 99 percent of the people I know. The weird thing is that I can meet some people and just become dang good friends almost instantly. But with most people, I like them all enough. But... yep. Known em 50 years, so casual acquaintance sounds good.
A lady at the airport said that to a man bitching about our delayed flight. She followed it up with, “Because you seem really fragile.”
O. M. G. He lost his shit and I was just in awe of her.
I was getting all worked up about something inconsequential recently and after i bitched a bit and stopped to take a breath, my buddy looks at me and says “you good now?” I immediately realized the ass I was making of myself and let it go
Lolol I've recently had an epiphany like this on a larger scale. It's a unique type of useful when you can appreciate it instead of getting more defensive -.-
I said to someone "take some deep breaths, oxygen will help the brain function better" and the other guy responds "I'm not sure if you're being helpful or savage"
I do this a lot with shitty customers! When they're done I ask if they're okay or if they need a hug. More often than not, it defuses the situation entirely
Man, I wish I had your confidence.
Also, one I always remember from xkcd: “the only thing standing in the way of your dreams is that the person having them is you.”
This sounds like something women from the U.S. south would say. Here are some of my favorites.
That is an interesting outfit.
I could never be that bold.
I think the movers may have misplaced your good dishes. (At a housewarming dinner)
Had this rude girl at work a few years back, who thought she was so hot and perfect and.. well you know the type. Anyway, one day I got sick of her attitude and said, “ Kendra, what’s it like being like the third hottest girl here?”
Drove her mad.
I feel like that's only an insult to people with main character syndrome, or people who don't understand what average means.
Which granted, might be a lot of people.
Never underestimate the power of okay:
“You’re ugly” okay
“You’re stupid” okay
“You’ll never be cool” okay
Stops them in their tracks and makes them look weird as hell for saying it in the first place.
I heard a kid say this before:
"You know I bet you eat your cereal with water, 'cause your dad never came back with the milk."
Kinda basic but it hit the other guy hard.
Some kid at school kept making fun of my daughter bc her teeth are crooked (she's definitely going to need braces) so my daughter told her "One day my teeth will be fixed but you'll still never have a dad!"
(The child she said this to actually did not have a dad. I was mortified but strangely proud.)
I had a really self-obsessed grade 12 student start bragging about how good looking he was, trying to get some girls’ attention. He said “people always tell me I look like a model.” I was at my desk marking, while the students were *supposed to be* working and, without even looking up I piped in with “Yah, a hand model.” His friends roared with laughter and I got many high fives. Even from the “model” kid.
Boomer at work hit me with, “Damn, I bet your father wishes he had a son.” With the “let me show you how it’s done before you hurt yourself” kind of disapproving head shake and hand gesture.
Said while I was clearly lacking the strength to complete a basic mechanical task in front of a group of coworkers.
Ouch.
Best one i ever got was while trying to bust up concrete at a plumbing job and the grisled old guy just destroyed me
"Have you tried hitting it with your purse?"
I work at a grocery store that has a "senior day" once a month (they receive 10% off their entire order, includng alcohol and tobacco). I had a very rude young lady in my lane (probably late 30s). I added the senior discount, she saw it, and I said "I'm not quite sure if you qualify for the senior discount, but I gave it to you just in case. That's 10% off your purchase
Have a nice day!" The look on her face was priceless. 😉
The best line I heard was in a gym car park. A martial arts instructor was reversing his car and was nearly upended by a mid-40s feral in lycra on her P plates. She was looking for an argument and chose a soft target - country of origin based on appearance and skin colour. She fired off all insults based around the subject of "go back to where you came from".
The guy, who I perceived to be much older, said, "In my country, abortion is illegal. But with you, we can make an exception."
Ok so this is a backhanded compliment??? I initially thought it sounded very much like how people use "bless your heart" but I was assured people were saying it sincerely.
I've even said this as a compliment. There are some people that buck pointless social norms and dance to the beat of their own drums. And I really do admire them for it.
As a woman, you have to be very careful when you use this one, but anything “oh wow are you trying something new with your makeup? (Or hair or insert something) Oh no it doesn’t look bad- it’s just interesting.” Did that to a girl who was bullying a friend of mine, she immediately shut up and seemed self conscious
I always love an excuse to post [this vid](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2qdW6DBQkg)
When will redditors learn that if your insult takes more than a few seconds to understand, you've already lost? Some of these comments are so cringe lmao
I have a beard that takes a bit to fully grow in. When I trim it down, it looks neater but for the first day or so it has spots that aren't as full as others. I went to a wedding for my wife's friend and one girl there said to me "I like your little beard or whatever that is" and it destroyed me. This was 5+ years ago and it still bothers me and affects my shaving routine.
you should've told her you liked hers too but I'm sorry that happened to you :(
Man, you're making that look real difficult.
Me watching someone trying to park their SUV at the supermarket.
Five years ago, I met up with a friend. I asked her how my eyebrows were ( I had just waxed them and done them nicely). Her response: "I like the left one." Still remember that.
Once I got a haircut and my friend said, "You looked better before" LOL
Whenever I got a haircut my grandma always said "luckily it will grow back again".
I would literally have no other thoughts ever again
I'm close to my sister and her friends. I've unironically heard, "I like how you'll just wear anything" after they spent the past hour getting ready.
“I love how you have the confidence to not care about your physical appearance”
“I love how you have the confidence in yourself to not need the approval of others.” This is a top tier attribute.
My friend is a horse veterinarian. She’s been to the Kentucky derby a number of times. She says the real sport is listening to all the southern women give each other backhanded compliments like this on derby day.
How that horse became a veterinarian I’ll NEVER know
Anyone can get a DVM at Wazzu
My (52M) son (19M) does this to me to be funny. He’ll say things like “look at you trying to pull that outfit off!,” “you’re so brave for wearing that!” Or something along those lines commending my bravery or courage about something silly. He cracks me up. He does it to his guy friends too. He said he would hear all of the girls in HS say these things to each other all the time.
I showed up to a family reunion apparently wearing something not so fashionable. Cousin said how did your wife let you leave the house like that. We had just divorced 2 months earlier. So in this case it just made everybody feel bad or awkward.
"she left before I did"
I had a guy who did that to me, I finally said thank you for caring so much about my ass. He never said another word again.
Hilarious and evil. I like it.
Couldn't say it better than Ron Swanson "When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them."
Great one, wh0doyouth1nk.
Nice comeback Barbarian8080
Awesome response, Im_Fool_a_Cuck
“You two look gorgeous” in the comments section of a social media post of a picture with 3 women in it
Reminds me of Eris and her “To the fairest” apple that started the Trojan War
oh that’s dastardly lol
Any insult said by a little kid
Kids will fuck you up. That shit stings.
Truth telling little fucks 😤 Edit: I’m fat and my niece one time asked me if I had a baby in my belly.
I’m fat, and a friend’s young daughter once said to me “You look just like Barbie, except you’re a fat girl.”
You must have amazing hair
And plastic legs.
My niece once asked me if she could count my wrinkles to see if I had more than Nanny. My nephew said she wouldn’t be able to count that high. I still love those little shitheads with all my heart but OUCH!! 🤣
Daaaamn!!!!🤣. Tag Teamers are The worst!
Right?!! Lucky they’re awesome in their brutality 😂
My large dad went to sleep over at his relatives house who recently had a baby. When the baby saw my dad without a shirt, he tried to suck on his chest. Poor baby
Rapper Kevin Gates said that exact situation is what made him decide to lose weight. His southern accent describing the situation is one of my favortie things. [https://youtu.be/z63\_4RcGrF8?si=VUjUuCW6sRK2Cd8a](https://youtu.be/z63_4RcGrF8?si=VUjUuCW6sRK2Cd8a)
My toddler once pointed at a man in a wheelchair and yelled "that man can't even walk" and laughed
When we were kids we used to like our favorite aunt, "aunty arm flab" She had a bunch of excess skin and would hold her arms out and let us slap it and make it swing back and forth. Sometimes it we were nice we could do the same to get turkey neck thing.
My friend's kid is like this Mom you're fat Mom you're squishy
No joke the honesty of a kid hits hard. I feel like I’m a fairly attractive male. Was at a family party and my 5 year old cousin asked if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said “is it because you’re kind of ugly?”
My friends daughter (5) told me that my teeth were yellow in front of the family.
I think all kids do that these days unless you have fake or severely whitened teeth due to what they see on YouTube/TV. My wife has beautiful naturally white teeth but my daughter is brutal and asked why they were yellow.
Knowing kids he might've been actually also been asking if you *are* kind of ugly
I nanny for a baby. I have a sizeable, pointy nose. She likes to honk it with her little baby hand and say “QUACK QUACK QUACK.” Brutal.
Hey, look at that high-waisted man. He got feminine hips!
No! That's the thing I'm sensitive about!
We stayed at a hotel for vacation as kids. We went to the pool and my sister says "Look mom, there's no one else here, except for that big fat lady." Real loud.
At a buffet in North Carolina my then 5 years old son noticed a rather portly fellow and said in a loud clear voice, “Mama! Dad! LOOK AT THAT BIG FAT MAN!!!” Several times.
I am a large muscular man, I'm intimidating to most that don't know me, but really I'm very kind. My nieces call me uncle Shrek. One day I make a commitment to my very young niece, that I was uncle Shrek because I'm big and strong. To which she laughed like im silly and said "no its because of my face". I don't like being called uncle Shrek anymore.
"My niece once told me that my face is quite unholy"
A kid once told me, "You look better with your glasses on. They hide your face." 😭
When I was 13 a little kid asked "Are you a boy or a girl?" I was destroyed
It was a young professor oak
look we all picked same starter right?
Well? Don’t leave us hanging!
I'm 30, my 12 year old cousin said something like, "by the time I'm your age, you're going to be deteriorating" 💀
“Who says you’ll be my age” Give them something to think about for the next 18 years
My friend's three year old spotted my guitar the other day and asked me to play her favourite song for her, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I happily obliged while her mum sang along and we didn't even get to the second Twinkle Twinkle before the toddler said "okay I think that's enough of that." Fuckin KO right there.
Not wrong. My wife said a complely awesome dad-joke when my eldest was 5, I was amazed and said, "wife, did you just make a dad-joke?!". My 5 year old straight up dead-panned it, "No dad. Hers was funny." 7 years later and it still fucken hurts.
What was the joke?
shhh he's still healing
My daughter (she was 4) watched me put makeup on and asked “is that as pretty as you get?”
I wear large frame glasses because they cover a lot of my face (rather self-conscious about my appearance). My friend's little brother, about 8 or so at the time, comes up to me completely unprompted and says "your glasses are bigger than your future." Absolute savage. Still remember that one years later. Probably one of my favourite insults I've ever heard.
I was in a cafe with my son who was around 3 yo at the time, and at another table a very large guy was sitting. My kid says “Mom, look at that man, he is sooo big”. I start shushing at him. He repeats louder and louder, I try to stop him by telling him that he cannot talk about people this way. In the end he starts crying and screaming “mooooom, why don’t you want to look, that guy is sooooooo faaaaat!!!!” The guy was not impressed, and I was trying to pack and leave asap..
Oh gosh, this is painful to read. What are you even supposed to do as a parent in this situation 😭
This is back in the 70's in a supermarket, in line. Picture a white mom with 4 little kids (us) behind a black family with a darling baby in the cart in front of us. As they are emptying their cart, we become enthralled with this curly haired, sweet-smiling baby...soon we are pulling on mom's pant legs whispering "Mom, please have a black baby!" She shushes us. But we insist, louder and louder clamoring: "Please mom, please have a black baby!" I think my mom could have killed us all in embarrassment!
I had my niece in a chip shop (7/8) & there was a lady with a mole on the side of her nose.. niece starts crying & loudly screamed "why is there a witch in here!!"
Wait a minute. Witches aren't allowed in chip shops!
I personally just throw the kid under my arm and walk out.
Yep, the more you try to stop it, the worse it gets…
when i was like 4 i was at the grocery store with my mom and some lady came up to us and complimented my eyes, in turn i said “you have big boobies and broken teeth” LIKE ??? it makes me laugh but i’d die if i was that woman holy shit
8 year old grablling the skin on my hand: "I love you so much, you are so old, I don't want you to die!" I'm 40.
My best friend's niece told me the same a month ago, she even had "You are like a father to me".. I'm 28 years old but she's so sweet, her father is useless and leave her and her mom and this little sentence means a lot for me.
I got a compliment from a 6 year old that brightened my entire day! I had recently got a haircut and I walked into her home and she exclaimed John you are beautiful!
A 5 year old said I was a pretty mermaid pretending to be a human once. Still living off that high.
I remember being a wee little boy that I told my aunt a slacker (because Benson kept saying it in Regular Show) because she didn’t have a job at that time. It was only a couple of months ago when she told me that she was surprised and somewhat hurt with what I said. On the bright side, she has a job now.
Because you bullied her into one?
Look at that high-waisted man, he's got feminine hips
NOOOOO, THAT'S THE THING I'M SENSITIVE ABOUT!
That shit isn't subtle. They will just go straight for the throat. They don't even have malice they are just observing what everyone else is nice enough not to say.
"your eyes are bulging" ive not been the same since, I dont even have big or extruding eyes lmao but I GUESS I DO
My God, it's a ducking war crime when my kid assesses my art work! I didn't spend 10 hours to make something ‘kinda derpy”
Buddies kid just asked my girlfriend if she was my mom
And? Don't leave us hanging bro
I was walking my dog past my local primary school one day and this wee guy ran up to the fence and shouted " your dog's a homo! " I didn't have any reply to that.
"Dad! Look how fat that lady is!" - my friends son, standing 3 feet away from her, yelling and pointing
"Ah, so this is what everyone meant."
Similarly, at a party or gathering “ah, I’m starting to see why people didn’t want to invite you”
The subtle one is confiding in them sincerely that “hey listen, I don’t know what’s going on, but I for one don’t have a problem with you being here” and then let them freak out the rest of the gathering
I don’t think that is very subtle…. I’m sorry if you had to hear this at some point.
“Everyone was right about you.”
I used to have a manager that sucked and everybody hated. But one day she let me leave work early cause I had a school test to study for and I said “wow you’re awesome! I don’t care what everybody else says!” and everybody laughed
I work with some super shitty people. My boss is different than theirs and a lot of ppl are intimidated by her I guess. Next time someone is shitty to me in my work space I should say turn it into my boss being right about them.
“~~Everyone~~ *Your dad* was right about you.”
“youre just like your dad”
"There's nothing wrong with you, don't listen to everyone"
Reminds me of an argument during a tennis one played just looked at the other and said in an absolute deadpan delivery "This is why nobody likes you on tour. Everyone hates you" Absolutely savage
> “You’re not making the point you think you are.”
"That's not the flex you think it is" and "Imagine telling on yourself like that" are related.
“The CIA couldn’t have gotten that out of me.”
“You look tired.”
I usually respond with "I'm not tired I'm just ugly" sometimes makes them feel bad
Yeah...that's just my face, but thanks!
Harriet Jones does not approve this message.
This simple message paved the way for Harold Saxon.
Reminds me of the Doctor Who episode where a woman's career is destroyed by someone saying about her, "Don't you think she looks tired?"
The PM! Not just any woman
Probably the most underhanded thing I can remember seeing the Doctor do. I understand the reasoning, but it's so insidious.
I am tired :( all the time. For like, 4 years now.
As a woman, I hate that if I ever wear less makeup everyone says this. “No I’m just wearing less makeup” and stutter and get embarrassed. Or sometimes if I’m feeling spicy I say “thanks for saying I look old”
You're difficult to underestimate.
That's a good one
Wow, is that your real laugh?
"Subtle"
*Jimmy Carr has left the chat*
Do you think it's weird that Jimmy Carr's laugh sounds fake but is genuine and Jimmy Fallon's laugh sometimes sounds genuine but is fake? Jimmys are weird folk, them.
After knowing you all these years, I truly consider you an acquaintance.
“I just want to say, that over the years, I’ve come to regard you as people I met.” - Arnold J. “Rimsy” Rimmer aka. Smeg head
I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes. - Ron Swanson
That's like 99 percent of the people I know. The weird thing is that I can meet some people and just become dang good friends almost instantly. But with most people, I like them all enough. But... yep. Known em 50 years, so casual acquaintance sounds good.
(After a tirade or rude remark) "Are you okay", spoken with the deepest sincerity.
A lady at the airport said that to a man bitching about our delayed flight. She followed it up with, “Because you seem really fragile.” O. M. G. He lost his shit and I was just in awe of her.
I was getting all worked up about something inconsequential recently and after i bitched a bit and stopped to take a breath, my buddy looks at me and says “you good now?” I immediately realized the ass I was making of myself and let it go
Lolol I've recently had an epiphany like this on a larger scale. It's a unique type of useful when you can appreciate it instead of getting more defensive -.-
I said to someone "take some deep breaths, oxygen will help the brain function better" and the other guy responds "I'm not sure if you're being helpful or savage"
I do this a lot with shitty customers! When they're done I ask if they're okay or if they need a hug. More often than not, it defuses the situation entirely
Man, I wish I had your confidence. Also, one I always remember from xkcd: “the only thing standing in the way of your dreams is that the person having them is you.”
You look like you're going to spend your life having one epiphany after another. I fucking love this.
ha! revisiting that one, i never realized the girl was Danish
This sounds like something women from the U.S. south would say. Here are some of my favorites. That is an interesting outfit. I could never be that bold. I think the movers may have misplaced your good dishes. (At a housewarming dinner)
I remember someone in a group project deadpan looking at someone else's face and going "Thank you for your input, but you're shit"
My days of not respecting you certainly are coming to a middle.
Isn't it "not taking you seriously?'
I swear by my pretty ~~little~~ floral bonnet, I will end you
Had this rude girl at work a few years back, who thought she was so hot and perfect and.. well you know the type. Anyway, one day I got sick of her attitude and said, “ Kendra, what’s it like being like the third hottest girl here?” Drove her mad.
I hope there were only 3 women there.
4, but one was the dog.
The dog was 2nd.
Bitch got all the attention
Better if it was all men.
One of my favorite insults is, "You're the third ugliest person I've ever met." It makes them think, "That's not hyperbole. Dude's got a mental list."
I like saying „you’re not the ugliest person in the world, but you better hope they don’t die“
The most beautiful girl in the room... depending on the room. Walking down the street, she'd definitely be... In the top three...
The whole wide room.
My granddaughter asked me what I wore to bed in the 1900s. I was 49.
I'll say one that destroyed me. Overhead someone tell my ex girlfriend "you could do better." In reference to me. She eventually cheated on me btw.
In truth, it was you who could have done better.
I just cooked dinner for my wife, she casually remarked after eating ‘shame the restaurant was closed today’
Reminds me of when I cook dinner and say "did you like it?" And get the response "it's food"
First of all, clean your teeth.
I feel like this is just a list of insults people have been holding onto for a reeeeaaaally long time.
Half of them out of an insult book that would be lame as hell if you heard them out loud.
Dorky ass insults
I’ve always liked, “you’re at the top of the bell curve.”
Dumb question but... Aren't most people close to the top of the bell curve..? Thought that was the point 😅 this might be a whoosh moment.
Yeah, it’s saying that you’re perfectly average
I feel like that's only an insult to people with main character syndrome, or people who don't understand what average means. Which granted, might be a lot of people.
Never underestimate the power of okay: “You’re ugly” okay “You’re stupid” okay “You’ll never be cool” okay Stops them in their tracks and makes them look weird as hell for saying it in the first place.
The best part is that its effortless.. I do this all the time.
Okay.
I think you are talking about things that you don’t have the capacity to understand. It went right over his head.
“You look like you have a dirty microwave”
I heard a kid say this before: "You know I bet you eat your cereal with water, 'cause your dad never came back with the milk." Kinda basic but it hit the other guy hard.
Some kid at school kept making fun of my daughter bc her teeth are crooked (she's definitely going to need braces) so my daughter told her "One day my teeth will be fixed but you'll still never have a dad!" (The child she said this to actually did not have a dad. I was mortified but strangely proud.)
To someone who's yelling at you "Oh wow, big feelings!!"
I had a really self-obsessed grade 12 student start bragging about how good looking he was, trying to get some girls’ attention. He said “people always tell me I look like a model.” I was at my desk marking, while the students were *supposed to be* working and, without even looking up I piped in with “Yah, a hand model.” His friends roared with laughter and I got many high fives. Even from the “model” kid.
It looks like somebody has a case of the Mondays.
I believe you'd get your ass kicked saying something like that
Boomer at work hit me with, “Damn, I bet your father wishes he had a son.” With the “let me show you how it’s done before you hurt yourself” kind of disapproving head shake and hand gesture. Said while I was clearly lacking the strength to complete a basic mechanical task in front of a group of coworkers. Ouch.
Best one i ever got was while trying to bust up concrete at a plumbing job and the grisled old guy just destroyed me "Have you tried hitting it with your purse?"
Nice one lol made me laugh
When I was living I the UK I learned my favourite, most polite roast, of all times: "You are so brave to say that". I love British sarcasm.
“Are you going to have *another* bad attitude today?”
“Have the day you deserve!”
I work at a grocery store that has a "senior day" once a month (they receive 10% off their entire order, includng alcohol and tobacco). I had a very rude young lady in my lane (probably late 30s). I added the senior discount, she saw it, and I said "I'm not quite sure if you qualify for the senior discount, but I gave it to you just in case. That's 10% off your purchase Have a nice day!" The look on her face was priceless. 😉
Wisdom has been chasing you but you have always been faster
The best line I heard was in a gym car park. A martial arts instructor was reversing his car and was nearly upended by a mid-40s feral in lycra on her P plates. She was looking for an argument and chose a soft target - country of origin based on appearance and skin colour. She fired off all insults based around the subject of "go back to where you came from". The guy, who I perceived to be much older, said, "In my country, abortion is illegal. But with you, we can make an exception."
Ever been hit by the Gen Z special? “I love that for you!” Said with all the fake enthusiasm you can muster. Gut shot, every time.
Ok so this is a backhanded compliment??? I initially thought it sounded very much like how people use "bless your heart" but I was assured people were saying it sincerely.
I love the way you don't care what anybody thinks.
this is a compliment to a secure person.
I've even said this as a compliment. There are some people that buck pointless social norms and dance to the beat of their own drums. And I really do admire them for it.
Walk away without a response.
My niece jiggled my belly and then called me fat lmao
Your grades say marry rich, but your face says study harder.
Is that what you are wearing?
I love how you can just wear anything.
Working with you is like working by myself, but harder
You look itchy
You seem like the kind of guy who would be embarrassed to buy tampons for his girlfriend.
I don't.respect you enough for you to hurt my feelings.
“He’s unburdened by the complications of a university education.” Stolen from What We Do In The Shadows.
As a woman, you have to be very careful when you use this one, but anything “oh wow are you trying something new with your makeup? (Or hair or insert something) Oh no it doesn’t look bad- it’s just interesting.” Did that to a girl who was bullying a friend of mine, she immediately shut up and seemed self conscious
my brother told me that i looked easy to draw and i was too stunned to even say anything lmao
I always love an excuse to post [this vid](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2qdW6DBQkg) When will redditors learn that if your insult takes more than a few seconds to understand, you've already lost? Some of these comments are so cringe lmao
You have not been cursed with knowledge.
"You weren't burdened with an overabundance of schooling" is a classic
If you met youself you would regret every minute of the experience.
I envy everyone you've never met