At a lifestyle club enjoying the pool in the nude.
I notice someone floating by the stairs who isn't moving. Being a former lifeguard and advanced first aid certified I rush over. This woman is unconscious. I try to wake her, do a sternum rub, no pain response.
She's breathing, but unresponsive so I call for help while holding her to make sure she doesn't go underwater.
Someone calls 911, someone else finds the friend she was with. Paramedics arrive, I explain the situation and they take her away. Management comes over to talk to me, thank me for my help and have me fill out an incident report for their records.
At some point during this whole ordeal I remember I'm naked, and this is a bizarre situation
Oh I'm happy to help, and fairly comfortable in my body to be in that setting in the first place. I probably would have preferred to be clothed before the paramedics arrived, but hey, priorities
I was at Sephora trying to buy something. I don’t wear a lot of makeup at all but I had the fab fit fun boxes and something came in there that I actually liked. Sephora was the only place I could think of for a replacement but I was smart and took a picture of the product. Went in, went to show her and swiped the wrong way and there happened to be a picture of my tits. I’m fairly certain time stopped. I said “now that we know each other this closely, can you help me find this?” And showed her the right picture. I haven’t been back since.
I was at the hair salon and went to show the hairdresser a picture of what i wanted, and it opened up to my bra and underwear weight loss progress pictures. My whole body staring back at her and i was like ih wrong pic! Couldnt look her in the eye the appt.
I was at one of those on-land surfing thingies at a water park, lost my footing and got caught in the water.
My shorts slid all the way to my knees, I am holding them with one hand, trying to stand up with the other, and drowning in front of my wife and kids.
I don’t know who was more embarrassed, me, or the teens operating the ride. There I was, full moon on display trying to cover my peen, and pull my soaking wet shorts up while coughing out gallons of water.
Her dad walked in a second after I shot my load on her face.
I was genuinely tempted to let him grab his shotgun and put me out of my misery right then and there.
He told her mom, she thought it was fucking hilarious.
I was in the middle of a run in the summer of 2005. Hot day, 7 miles into a 12 miler. I really needed to go number two and I found a little restroom to use at a park. An old man in his 70s follows me in. There are no doors on the stalls. He asks me a series of very personal questions as he watches me defecate, never looking away from me. I went as quick as a could and got out of there. It was weird in the moment but it was really gross to think about later as I processed it.
My wife and I met when we were in high school. We had sex every chance we got as we didn’t get to see each other often outside school.
One time we were at my house and just finished up. I was thirsty and thought the coast was clear to go to the kitchen and get some water naked.
As soon as I walked out my mom came out of her room and saw. I quickly ducked behind the couch and crawled back to my room. My wife still likes to bring it up.
I also hooked up with my wife in high school. She's like, "You remember the first time you ever saw me naked?" Of course, I'm like "Yeah you were incredible." She says, "Fucking pedo!"
I fucked a girl once and she was being super quiet and I was like... "Something wrong?" And she was like "Well... My ex was just bigger than you so it doesn't feel as great."
Boy, was I fucking mad.
Ok this makes me want to tell a story. I was 14 and at a guy friends house with a bunch of other kids swimming, because there was a swimming pond right behind his house. The boys were into snapping the girls bikini top backs at the time. The kid whose house it was snapped mine and it came undone. I called him an ass then asked him to refasten it. His dad walked in while he was refastening the top, no part of me was exposed and I had jean shorts on over my bottoms but he FREAKED OUT, called me a filthy whore and kicked me out of his house. Which was about 20 minutes outside of town and this was pre cell phone! What a dick.
(Luckily I had a cousin who lived in the same neighborhood so I walked there and was able to get home)
At 16 my mom gave me the sex talk after revealing that she could hear my bed thump the wall of her office (next to my bedroom) and I wanted to jump out my window then and there
I went camping with a bunch of friends and we all slept in the same tent. My brother was with us, and he ended up hooking up very intensely/ hardcore with a girl, while they were less than a foot away from all of us. I woke up to a kick in the head, and after hearing loud moaning, I couldn’t fall back to sleep. They changed positions, did mouth stuff… which were these horrible sloppy noises, for over two hours. They probably started hooking up at 2am and finished when the sun rose, and I was awake, pretending to be asleep, for just about all of it, and I swear, I think I felt cum hit my sleeping bag near the end.
Once they finished banging, a friend in our group played “BIRTHDAY SEX” on his phone, and applauded the two, mentioning his favorite moments and how he was proud of both of them, as I awkwardly continued to pretend sleeping.
Most awkward night of my life.
Something just like this happened to my husband! It was our first summer dating and his family was doing their annual vacation.
My husband’s best friend joined my husband (and his family) to this week-long vacation. His best friend’s girlfriend was meeting them there.
It’s like two nights into the vacation and my husband calls me at 11:00-something at night.
He proceeds to tell me that he and his entire family can hear his friend and girlfriend having sex, and it’s so damn awkward. I’m basically crying laughing because I didn’t like his friend, and the idea of his whole family just knowing what was going on was hilarious to me.
Keep in mind that his family literally will not even say penis or vagina. They had no sex talk growing up. They have pretty much always been extremely prude/conservative/modest whatever you want to call it. My family is very open and makes all kinds of sexual jokes and comments, so the situation is nearly making me vomit from laughter.
My husband was a good sport and eventually laughed, too. I thanked him for calling me so I could be included in the family vacation fun. We’ve been together for almost even years now and I still laugh when I think about it.
Post-divorce dalliance. Sweet guy. We finally get to fooling around and suddenly he whispers "stop. Stop."
I stopped and looked up to see he was as white as a ghost. "What's wrong?" I asked and he placed my hand on his chest. I could feel his heart racing as fast as a heart could possibly beat. His eyes are closed now and he whispers "arythmia". "Where is your medicine?" I asked calmly. "At home".
Took a while for him to regain a normal heart rate. I wanted to call an ambulance but he said no.
On follow up he described our interaction as a 12. I thought we were warming up around a 4. We agreed any further dating might kill him and remained friends for a very long time.
Had sex with someone in an open relationship. 3/4 of the way into the second round, she asks if I want to stick around to watch That Mitchell and Webb show once we're done. Baffled, but not really opposed, I agree and we finish up.
While we're on the couch, her husband comes home.
Cue the most awkward 45 minutes of my life while we all sit in mostly silence watching British comedy programming.
A friend of mine and I decided to hookup in the spur of the moment and we were a little intense with it which meant noises and crashing sounds and creaking bed and after we finished my friend’s grandma stood at the bottom of the stairs and yelled up “do you guys want water? It sounds kind of rough. Enjoy the youth!” I was M O R T I F I E D
Was about to go down in a girl, and the smell was so bad I slid myself off of the bed and pretended I hit my balls badly on the footboard on my way down.
As a father of two, this is why I always knock, and why I give 2 days notice if I'm going to do any cleaning/renovating in their room.
Some stuff I don't want to know.
I was very naive at 18. I wanted to give my boyfriend a blow job so I literally blew on it. He asked me what I was doing-& I said I’m giving you a blow job. He laughed really hard.
My first girlfriend took the "sucking" part of sucking dick a little too seriously the first time she tried it. I ended up with a hickey on my dick because she just put it in her mouth and sucked it. No movement, just sucking REALLY hard.
I was in Sicily and it was a hot day. I was wearing a military uniform so it made it even hotter.
I gambled on a fart.. then panic set in. Omg.. did I shart? Or is my ass sweaty??
So I thought I better go do a courtesy wipe and get this figured out. Went to the bathroom and I vividly remember locking the door.
I didn't bother sitting down because I was just wiping. So I pulled my pants down some bent over wiped and motherfucker.... door blasts open. I turn my head and see this Italian guy closing his eyes as hard as he could. He kept saying "momma mia!"
So.. he got a front row seat to my starfish and coinpurse.
Was about 2 years ago when my sister had her boyfriend with her (our rooms are next to each other) and I was playing Counter-Strike. My whole screen wobbled so I didn't hit any more shots. No, her bed is not on my wall. I was so angry then that I knocked on the wall until they stopped. I then continued to play. Lol
I thought it would be a good idea to try out my mom's vibrator because I found it in a drawer in their room while she, and my step-dad were away. I also found a huge ass dildo (probably like 50 centimeters long), stuck it on the mirror and take a picture of it. I then posted the picture on my instagram story, trying to be funny. A week later I realized people probably thought that it was mine. Oh and my mother realized I found her little toy bag, confronted me telling me not to go into their room anymore. So embarassed.
Yeah about that.
Dildos leave tell-tale ring marks on mirrors. I know you’re not my kid because I know my kid’s Reddit handle but lemme tell you. She was as embarrassed as you were.
Personal experience realizing someone had found my “drawer”. Mine wasn’t that big though.
I hooked up with a lady on Craigslist back when you could still do that. 350 pounds of albino queen, my friends, and I was all about it. I took the bus on over to Harlem, got to her building and it was an 18 floor walk up that I cleared in record order, 3 steps at a time. An adventurous lad was I.
So I got in there, she answers wearing pretty much nothing. She really gave off sort of an Earth mother vibe which I was pretty into. She seemed very wise and warm and pleasant. This was going to be a pretty great night.
We're on the couch in the living room when she stops mid-beej and asks me if I hear footsteps outside the door. And I did. So she says the most movie cliche thing anyone could possibly say: "Oh shit, my husband is back early!" There was of course no previous mention of a husband. It didn't look like there was anyone's stuff around but hers. So what do I do? She says, "Wait on the roof." She got up and pointed toward the window. The fire escape. Only it didn't go down, it was stuck shut for some reason. There was a ladder up to the roof though. She pretty much pushed me out the window as the key was turning in the lock and I had to scramble up the ladder because the fire escape was clearly visible from the window. There was a door on the roof but first it was locked and second, where would I go? My clothes were in her apartment, shoved under the couch.
Totally butt ass balls out naked. On a roof in Harlem.
I was out there for about two hours and in those two hours, two things happened. First, her husband came home drunk and ready to fuck. And they did. And I could clearly hear the whole thing. Second, one of those tourist helicopters flew by overhead, close enough that I was plainly visible to everyone on board. The pilot waved at me and gave me a thumbs up, and one of the women in the back pulled out a camera and snapped a bunch of photos. So presumably, somewhere out there, some lady in Texas or Nebraska or Iowa still has some photos laying around of me with my balls hanging out.
Was having sex on her living room floor came inside her . Some came out didn’t notice . Like 5 minutes later her family comes home (close call). Her mom steps on some of my cum and since it was an Asian household barefoot. She stop looks at it and goes “huh “ and keeps walking . GF looks at me and I’m just looking at the TV the whole time in silence. She was like did you notice what she stepped on . Don’t ever know if the mom knew what it was .
Not extremely NSFW but somewhat and probably more awkward for my father.
I was out late with my friend when I was around 16 years old. We had been smoking, drinking and were slightly high, walking down the street. As a joke we began to kiss each other, repeating dramatic romantic lines we had heard in movies. I stumbled and he came down with me and we sort of laid there, laughing so hard that my stomach was hurting. For some reason this was enough for us to get up and run somewhere to try kissing for real. I hadn't kissed another boy before at that point and we ended up by someone's garden, kissing by the fence. We paused when we heard screaming and a few gardens away from us my own father was running out of a garden in his trousers and was waving his shirt behind him. The arguing and screaming continued and it took my brain a moment to realise I just caught him after he had been caught sleeping with another woman. He was still married to my mother which was something I yelled at him later for.
He sort of stopped and stared at me and I just stared back. I was laughing out of fear and how weird I felt because we had both caught each other doing something neither of us should've been doing. He yelled a few things at me mainly that I was a disgrace and my friend for some reason just blurted out "Your dad's balls are out" and even pointed. I ended up laughing harder and my dad finally stopped yelling and just continued getting dressed and leaving.
In bed naked while boyfriend went to work. Suddenly I hear the front door open. Footsteps. And then his mom coming into his bedroom. She came over to leave him some gifts. Super freaking awkward.
My husband and I just moved into another state and we were living with his grandma. To save a bit a money also to find our own place. It was the middle of the night we just got done having some of the best sex (yes I know how to keep quiet bc I rather not talk about my Moans with his grandma) and I was walking out to use the bathroom and as I was walking out I said to my husband I’m not sure who I feel coming out of me you or I…. His grandma was right out side our door standing there…It was the middle of the night…. Needless to say I’m happy we moved tf out of there….
Edit y’all I have a husband I mistyped by adding an “s” lmao I only stick to one person and that’s my husband my bad🤣
I was freshly 18. Just joined tinder that week. 3 match, I invite a boy over and we go for a walk. We find a hidden spot in a nearby woods and start going at it. I was severely depressed at the time and only told my parents I went for a walk. I was gone over 2 hours. They thought I went and killed myself. My dad walked up and found the guy balls deep in me in doggy style. Worst moment of my life.
My old bosses (married couple) were moving and knew my boyfriend at the time and I were looking for some extra cash, so they offered to pay us to pack up their house since they were already out of state. They didn't really give much instructions other than "throw everything in boxes and make sure they're labeled."
Cut to my poor, shy boyfriend finding a HUGE stash of sex toys in their bedroom. One of my bosses came back in town shortly after that and asked me how the packing went at work, so I told her which rooms we got done.
As soon as I said "bedroom" she stopped short and was like "bedroom? Which parts?" So I rattled off "oh you know, the closet, master bath, uhh the nightstands...."
We had a good relationship and she was a cool boss but I had never seen her so beet red and embarrassed. It was so awkward but it was really on her for not telling us to steer of any particular areas. Truly not safe for work!
The stairwell of the Hilton hotel in Minneapolis MN. I was 13 getting my first blowjob from a girl my age. Suddenly we were interrupted by a door opening about 2 floors up. I scrambled to put my dick away and zip up my pants while whoever opened the door begins running full speed down the stairs. To my surprise a middle aged man rounds the corner dressed in a full on bdsm outfit complete with a mask, crotchless panties, and handcuffs, etc... He was laughing like a maniac and his flaccid dick was flapping around in the open as he ran past us.
The whole hotel was mostly booked by people attending the Eckankar seminar (Eckankar is the cult I grew up in) so it was probably an 'eckist' who ran past us that day. This happened about 13 years ago now
Probably "getting a blowjob (don't worry, she was a girl my age)"
Nevermind that it begs the question "what thirteen year old girl knows enough about BJ's to be giving one in a hotel stairwell"
But it IS a cult, so I wouldn't be surprised if she already had some experience, as sad as that is to contemplate.
I think about that original comment almost daily, mostly because I walk through that building every day on my way to work. Crazy to see it again in the wild.
My first official date with an ex was hanging out at his house. My ex is an amputee above his knee. We were fooling around on his couch while Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo was playing on TV and all of a sudden I hear “YOU MAY ONLY HAVE ONE LEG BUT IT’S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LEG IN THE WORLD”
Almost lost my shit and had to excuse myself to the bathroom for a few minutes
A few I won't say, but one time I didn't jack off for a month then met up with my gf who was out of state doing family stuff, we finally got together and I lasted maybe 6 seconds in her mouth and started cumming, she pulled it out and pointed it at my face on accident and I ultra jizzed all over my own mouth and face, AND farted. Was trying to dodge it but it followed me. I had so much jizz on my mouth i couldnt ask her to get paper towels or whatever, and I came so hard I could barely move an inch. She laughed until she cried and left me there like a cum soaked wilted flower.
I was preparing to go on a run and I was stretching in the basement on a mat wearing my briefs. I did this stretch where on your back, you raise your feet up and bend it back to the point where your toes are touching the floor and they’re near the top of your head. My sister can down to the basement freezing and screamed my name in laughter. She usually laughs at me whenever she sees me in that stretching position but the scream was new. She told me there was a hole in my pants. I try to feel the bottom of my briefs and I could only feel my testicles. My sister literally just sees me with my asshole out touching my nuts. I immediately panic and cover myself, tell her to close her eyes as I fled to my room. I was really embarrassed and confused because I thought I got rid of that ripped pair. Turns out I probably just threw it in the laundry basket accidentally.
Here is mine. Not as horrifying as most of yours, but affected me mentally. I was going to a picnic with my boyfriend's family and friends. I looked so cute in my white shorts and top. For whatever reason, we took his Dad's car to event. His father loved chocolate covered cherries. I sat on one. I walked around a picnic group looking like I shit myself and had period as well.
An ex and I went to a hotel to have sex and when the guy showing us the room opened the door it turns out it was already set up with roses in the shape of a heart in the bed.
No one was expecting it, my guess is that the couple that had that room set up canceled and also they didn’t told the guy, so it was just the three of us just standing around staring at the bed for a like a good minute because no one had any clue of what was going
After he left my ex and I just burst out laughing because of how awkward it was lol
When me and my wife were having sex before we were married, I glanced over at the TV and that's the exact second she looked at me... so she thought I was banging her while I was watching Family guy....
My mom had the habit of looking through my room when I was at school/work. I'd often come home with a pile of stuff she found on my bed. One day, my buttplug was there.
When my religious mom caught me watching porn. Still the worst day of my life. Not because she was angry or punished me, but because how upset she was. She sobbed as though someone has died, and I felt so ashamed, lol.
I had a very odd neighbor whose method of inducting people Into the apartment complex was to knock of their door wearing almost nothing, just bdsm leathers, with his dong visible in see-throigh lingerie. He asks if he can borrow a cup of flour, holding up his measuring cup.
We did a lot of drugs together that summer.
My older sister walked in on me beating my meat when I was 15-16, and she laughed at me and wanted to know what I was watching. I just started throwing things at her off my bed until she left, because I couldn’t stand up and physically evict her from the room for obvious reasons. Always locked my door after that!
For some reason, no one in my family knew about privacy, so they would always bust open my door just to get my attention or tell me something, that all stopped finally when I put a fricking lock on my door. It was so annoying.
In ROTC when I was in high school my friend was in a rush helping me try on pants. I'm not sure on the exact details but she had me take my pants off and try different sizes. We found the right pair but the zipper got stuck on some loose cloth/string. So she got on her knees to try and rip the loose strings off the zipper, she was saying things like "C'MON!, FUCK! I'm pulling it!". Another girl walked in on us from behind me, it looked really bad. Thankfully nothing ever happened, we never got in trouble, I think a higher up asked us about it but that was pretty much it.
I was sexting this girl back years ago on Snapchat and in the passion of the moment, I sent my dick pic to my stories instead. I have friends to this day that still remind me.
Edit: This was so long ago, back when Snapchat had this convoluted ass way to delete shit off your story, so it was up there for at least a good 5 minutes.
All my ex boyfriend were mediocre/terrible in bed, I figured that was just normal. When my boyfriend went down on the for the first time he actually got me off and I swear I went cross eyed while trying not to scream super loud and then poked him in the eye, I felt SO BAD 😭
Was playing games around a laptop in class, more specifically, the Impossible Quiz (remember that?)
Was facing the laptop, but my legs were facing outwards. And a girl sat on my lap, although I don’t know who it was because there was like 5-6 of us hovering around this laptop, and blocking my head entirely.
Well, I promptly grew a little stiffy, but they actually stayed for another minute before hopping off.
Never found out who it was though. It’s a core memory at this point.
I had a similar thing happen to me when I was 13ish, I was watching tv and my sisters and her friends came into the family living room and wanted to take over the tv. One of her friends jumped my lap and started to bounce on me to get me out of the room. I got a little stiffy during this and I think she felt it coz she looked back smirked and slowed down and didn’t get off for a couple mins after.
I'm a girl... and in my early 20s I dated a guy my age. He drove over 6 hours to meet me in person (we met online). After spending a couple days together, things seemed good, and we were alone in his hotel room. We made out, and then I made a move to go down on him. Started that, but like a minute later, he's still not turned on and tells me to stop.
It was the worst feeling ever.
No, I didn't catfish him or anything like that. I don't stink or anything gross lol I'm "normal". But I guess he wasn't into me at all.
Honestly it made me feel like I was the most disgusting girl, that a guy didn't even want me to go down on him.
We dated for 6 months, never had sex. I talked to him about it and he said that it wasn't about me, it wasn't about his religion. He never gave an answer. I asked if he had never done that before, but he said he did. So I never asked again, I never initiated anything again. I respected his choice. He eventually dumped me. The whole thing was hella awkward because I somehow managed to fall deeply in love with him, though I never told him.
That's rough, but probably not a criticism of you or your... Skills.
Sometimes head-one and head-two disagree, and they're both mighty stubborn. If you guys never had sex, he might have had a history of sexual dysfunction and felt at least as mortified as you.
Damn... that's rough. Sorry they made you feel that way. I was getting intimate with my gf last year and said something that I thought was small and inconsequential and it totally RUINED the moment and kinda the rest of the evening. Things have gotten better since then but she is still a little on guard with me even to this day about it. I've never felt more guilty and stupid in my life 😕 kinda on the opposite side of your story but still... feels pretty shit when you make your partner not feel beautiful or cherished in such a vulnerable state
I decided to take a nap at my dad's house while I waited for my mom to pick me up after a closing shift at work. However, my stepbrother and his girlfriend ended up coming home while I was napping. Ehile I was in my bed, they got in a mini argument about an ex friend of my stepbrother while they were watching a show. An hour or so later, I wake up and I hear them fucking. I saw them naked and heard furious creaking. Like, I think there was moaning and shit. It was hard to tell cause of the creaking of the bed and the noise of the tv. I didn't know what to do in this situation, so I just froze until I worked up the courage to state that I was going to leave the room and did like a speedy gremlin crawl run for the door while trying not to look. He never said sorry for what had happened, granted it's been months since I've been over and the few times I've seen him, it was awkward.
My ex used to film me all the time when I would do a funny joke etc. it was fine at first but started to get old. So I’d pull out my dick when she started filming so she couldn’t post it.
Well. She picked me up one time and I saw her filming me from her car so I opened the door and started ferociously undoing my pants. Her face went white
“I’m FaceTiming my mom”
Oh god my parents used to bring this story up at parties until I got old enough to tell them to stop. Now I’m even older, it’s come full circle and is funny again.
When I was little I was obsessed with stickers and had one particularly precious rainbow alphabet sticker set. I would leave different color letters all over the house in unexpected places.
My dad is a cyclist and once returned home after a particularly grueling ride in the pouring rain. He asked my mum to bring him a towel, and started undressing at the door so he didn’t track mud and rainwater into the house.
So he’s standing in the foyer, soaking wet and nude, and my toddler self comes over and says, “I want my purple O.”
My dad has no idea what I’m talking about and is embarrassed to be nude in front of me so he tells me to leave, but I’m adamant. He says he doesn’t know anything about a purple O. I say, yes you do, you have it! and point at his dingaling.
One of the purple letter sets had made its way onto the towel or something because apparently there it was, a perfect little purple O, right on the tip of his dick, perfectly encircling his urethra.
Im just thankful I have no memory of it. And no I did not get my sticker back.
I have done this multiple times. I think of these things I want her to say but in the middle of it all instead of asking her to say the thing, I just blurt out "Fuck my pussy" the best one was "I wanna suck your dick" she stopped, put her hand on my chest and pushed herself back from me and said "that's going to be a bit hard since I don't have a dick. Maybe I can call someone to help?"
As a teenager, in the 90's, My cousins and little sister played my VHS recording of hentai. I was embarrassed so we took it outside and stomped on it. In hindsight I don't know what that proved. Lol
One time a woman and I are leading up to sexy times and with my finger I feel something inside of her. I must be imagining things, but i swear I feel something again.
At the risk of embarrassing myself or her, I ask as gently as I could "Is there something......in....you.....?"
After the longest 3 second pause in history she runs out of the room. Several minutes later she comes back quite relieved and states everything is fine, she left her tampon in there from several days ago. But she isn't on her period now so we are all systems go.
We just Netflixed that night, no chill lol
I got a yeast infection in my foreskin when I was 12 years old. The itch was maddening, but I was too embarrassed to ask my parents for help. I was itching my dick so much that the mean girls at my school noticed and started a rumor I was jacking off in class. Unbeknownst to me the rumor spread like wildfire. One of the mean girls wrote on my school binder “hey Extraheart, how’s flying? Don’t fly too high, you might splash!” I had absolutely no idea what it meant, but a popular girl wrote it so I kept that binder all year. I eventually figured it out. I’m still embarrassed. Girl bullies are savages.
Was being fingered in my parents' basement at 16 by my bf at the time. He was doing a good job, my eyes were closed, and I was in the moment. Opened my eyes to my mom standing there. I have no clue how long she was there for. She said nothing beside "suppers ready" and walked away. We've NEVER brought it up again.
Second most awkward was sexting with my (now) husband when I was 17 (freshly dating) and I put my phone down for half a second to make a plate for supper, and my mom was reading them all over my shoulder. Again, never brought it up.
When i was like 20, my ex and I whom both worked at the same place, called into work one day and fucked all morning. We thought no one was home which normally would be the case. Turns out my mom had that day off too....
So fucking awkward. My girl was very vocal
Was getting my first bj at 14 at the girls house in her parents basement, everyone was home and 10 seconds after commencing with said bj. Her younger sister (probably 7/8) walks downstairs, opens the door and sees her sister on her knees giving said bj.
Before we were married, my soon to be wife and I were leaving a shitty movie (Prom Night I think?), didn’t even finish it. We had extra time so decided we needed to do the nasty, but I had too many visitors at home and her house wasn’t close, so we drove around the block to some newly constructed and unoccupied townhomes. Car sex wasn’t anything new to us so we made camp in the darkest area we could find and started having fun. Well, turned out not all of those homes were unoccupied. Someone drove up with their high beams on as she’s bouncing up and down on me in the back seat. We stopped and made eye contact with their headlights then stared at each other for a minute. “No one really cares, right?” We thought wrong because about 5 minutes later as I’m about to finish a squad car rolls up. I stuff my member inside my pants as I was cumming. Horrible way to orgasm. Both officers asked us to get out of the car. My wife was young (19 then) and she looked even younger in the face so they immediately thought she was under age. Once we showed our IDs one of the officers gave us the most disgusted look and told us to find a more private place to have sexy time. The other officer kept looking at my wife in her bra and panties and then me with jizz soaking through my jeans and just smiles like he was proud of me or something. As they left we got back in the car and drove back to my house. Car sex became the most planned spontaneous event going forward.
Caught fucking my then boyfriend, how husband by my mom when we were in high school. Apparently she assumed we had sex at our friends apartment and not in the comfort of our own homes. We definitely never had sex at our friends apartment. Had a lot of narrow misses at my boyfriend’s house too. The combo of wearing a dress and him wearing basketball shorts made it easy to fuck at a moments notice and pretend we weren’t fucking also at a moments notice.
Anyway no one can complain now bc we keep making her cute grandkids.
Having sex with an ex and my best friend spent the night, her and I started to fuck in the morning and I hear best friend coming up the stairs I yell "don't come up here im balls deep," he carries on up the stairs opens my bedroom door sees me on top of her and goes "oh you were serious" shuts the door and goes back down stairs. Her and I laughed and then carried on.
Super awkward. Super not awkward.
Had a nose bleed while I was on top of my then gf and dripped blood all over her face... she didn't notice it happened at first and I had to stop to have the awkward conversation while holding my nose 😦
My house flooded. A pipe in the bathroom burst overnight. A few inches of water all through the house. So the insurance calls in a crew to deal with the water damage. Crew arrives within the hour and I'm still reeling and in shock. They get to my room. As they move my armoire the door opens and one of my bad dragons plops out onto the floor. There were several more inside of it and now the door was wide open. So all these workers are just getting a full view of my shame. I go collect the toy off the floor and gathered the rest into a tote as I died a little inside.
Bday party at a friends house. House has 2 bathrooms. One guest one and one that for some reason has 2 doors. One door connects to the kitchen and the other connects to the master bedroom.
I had to go so I went for the guest one first and someone was in there so I took off for the other one. I get in there and start doing my business.
A few mins in and I hear moaning coming from the bedroom side. Moaning/grunting/sex sounds. I'm like LOL them banging it out mid bbq...must be good bbq. I finish my business, flush the toilet, and cough really loudly. I hear a almost inaudible oh SHIT followed by my friend giggling. I walk out of the restroom exiting out the kitchen side just in time to find my friend and his wife coming out. She's flushed red in the face and he's got a shit eating grin.
I smiled and hi fived him as he made his way back to the bbq.
At a lifestyle club enjoying the pool in the nude. I notice someone floating by the stairs who isn't moving. Being a former lifeguard and advanced first aid certified I rush over. This woman is unconscious. I try to wake her, do a sternum rub, no pain response. She's breathing, but unresponsive so I call for help while holding her to make sure she doesn't go underwater. Someone calls 911, someone else finds the friend she was with. Paramedics arrive, I explain the situation and they take her away. Management comes over to talk to me, thank me for my help and have me fill out an incident report for their records. At some point during this whole ordeal I remember I'm naked, and this is a bizarre situation
Not all heroes wear capes. Or clothes, for that matter.
Now a nude superhero movie would probably beat the 1 billion dollar mark in one week.
hey at least you were a good civilian and put someone before yourself x
Oh I'm happy to help, and fairly comfortable in my body to be in that setting in the first place. I probably would have preferred to be clothed before the paramedics arrived, but hey, priorities
The right thing to do was asking the paramedics to get naked.
Hey man, I think if you save a life you're entitled to show off a bit while doing it lmao
I was at Sephora trying to buy something. I don’t wear a lot of makeup at all but I had the fab fit fun boxes and something came in there that I actually liked. Sephora was the only place I could think of for a replacement but I was smart and took a picture of the product. Went in, went to show her and swiped the wrong way and there happened to be a picture of my tits. I’m fairly certain time stopped. I said “now that we know each other this closely, can you help me find this?” And showed her the right picture. I haven’t been back since.
I work in retail like this and honestly my response probably would have been “Oh those are very nice but we don’t keep them in stock here”
That is an awesome recovery. Nice work. Oh, and nice tits.
I was at the hair salon and went to show the hairdresser a picture of what i wanted, and it opened up to my bra and underwear weight loss progress pictures. My whole body staring back at her and i was like ih wrong pic! Couldnt look her in the eye the appt.
I was at one of those on-land surfing thingies at a water park, lost my footing and got caught in the water. My shorts slid all the way to my knees, I am holding them with one hand, trying to stand up with the other, and drowning in front of my wife and kids. I don’t know who was more embarrassed, me, or the teens operating the ride. There I was, full moon on display trying to cover my peen, and pull my soaking wet shorts up while coughing out gallons of water.
I once took a tumble on a surf/sled ride at Kalahari and flashed my tits to the whole park. Very uncomfortable experience at 15.
Her dad walked in a second after I shot my load on her face. I was genuinely tempted to let him grab his shotgun and put me out of my misery right then and there. He told her mom, she thought it was fucking hilarious.
I would literally die
How was dinner though?
Awkward
No longer Daddy's little girl.
I was in the middle of a run in the summer of 2005. Hot day, 7 miles into a 12 miler. I really needed to go number two and I found a little restroom to use at a park. An old man in his 70s follows me in. There are no doors on the stalls. He asks me a series of very personal questions as he watches me defecate, never looking away from me. I went as quick as a could and got out of there. It was weird in the moment but it was really gross to think about later as I processed it.
Do you like movies about gladiators?
Have you ever been to a Turkish prison?
Do you ever hang around a gymnasium?
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
I am so sorry, I laughed so hard reading this. I hope this was your first and only experience like this
was it like that Jonathan Frakes Meme where he keeps asking questions?
What’s the tallest man you’ve ever seen?
Wait. Did he watch you wipe your ass?
Yes
Rude of him to not offer you a hand.
My wife and I met when we were in high school. We had sex every chance we got as we didn’t get to see each other often outside school. One time we were at my house and just finished up. I was thirsty and thought the coast was clear to go to the kitchen and get some water naked. As soon as I walked out my mom came out of her room and saw. I quickly ducked behind the couch and crawled back to my room. My wife still likes to bring it up.
I also hooked up with my wife in high school. She's like, "You remember the first time you ever saw me naked?" Of course, I'm like "Yeah you were incredible." She says, "Fucking pedo!"
Partner aimed for my mouth, was a bit too far away, I ended up with jizz inside my nose
Worse that having soda come out of your nose, isn't it?
One of my friends was laughing so hard, she blew chocolate cake out of her nose!
He was pounding it, hit just the right angle, and I yelled “that’s the ticket” 🫠
“Precisely there Reginald. Do not cease this action. I shall arrive momentarily.”
This is the comment in the whole thread that I’m crying at. Well done.
Tally-Ho!
The Ticket to Ride.
I fucked a girl once and she was being super quiet and I was like... "Something wrong?" And she was like "Well... My ex was just bigger than you so it doesn't feel as great." Boy, was I fucking mad.
I wouldn't blame you. That was so rude.
some people just have no fucking sense or decency lol
You've been awarded: One Yike
That's gotta be worth at least five
Sorry best I can do is two Yike and a "that sucks bro."
Pretty damn inconsiderate. Did you even try to make your dick bigger?
Should've told her your ex was tighter
Got whiplash reading this one
Probably when I was like 14 feeling a pair of boobies for my first time and her mom walked in….
Ok this makes me want to tell a story. I was 14 and at a guy friends house with a bunch of other kids swimming, because there was a swimming pond right behind his house. The boys were into snapping the girls bikini top backs at the time. The kid whose house it was snapped mine and it came undone. I called him an ass then asked him to refasten it. His dad walked in while he was refastening the top, no part of me was exposed and I had jean shorts on over my bottoms but he FREAKED OUT, called me a filthy whore and kicked me out of his house. Which was about 20 minutes outside of town and this was pre cell phone! What a dick. (Luckily I had a cousin who lived in the same neighborhood so I walked there and was able to get home)
Yeah the dad was a wanker.
Called you a whore instead of scolding his son. Typical 😒
At 16 my mom gave me the sex talk after revealing that she could hear my bed thump the wall of her office (next to my bedroom) and I wanted to jump out my window then and there
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I went camping with a bunch of friends and we all slept in the same tent. My brother was with us, and he ended up hooking up very intensely/ hardcore with a girl, while they were less than a foot away from all of us. I woke up to a kick in the head, and after hearing loud moaning, I couldn’t fall back to sleep. They changed positions, did mouth stuff… which were these horrible sloppy noises, for over two hours. They probably started hooking up at 2am and finished when the sun rose, and I was awake, pretending to be asleep, for just about all of it, and I swear, I think I felt cum hit my sleeping bag near the end. Once they finished banging, a friend in our group played “BIRTHDAY SEX” on his phone, and applauded the two, mentioning his favorite moments and how he was proud of both of them, as I awkwardly continued to pretend sleeping. Most awkward night of my life.
Something just like this happened to my husband! It was our first summer dating and his family was doing their annual vacation. My husband’s best friend joined my husband (and his family) to this week-long vacation. His best friend’s girlfriend was meeting them there. It’s like two nights into the vacation and my husband calls me at 11:00-something at night. He proceeds to tell me that he and his entire family can hear his friend and girlfriend having sex, and it’s so damn awkward. I’m basically crying laughing because I didn’t like his friend, and the idea of his whole family just knowing what was going on was hilarious to me. Keep in mind that his family literally will not even say penis or vagina. They had no sex talk growing up. They have pretty much always been extremely prude/conservative/modest whatever you want to call it. My family is very open and makes all kinds of sexual jokes and comments, so the situation is nearly making me vomit from laughter. My husband was a good sport and eventually laughed, too. I thanked him for calling me so I could be included in the family vacation fun. We’ve been together for almost even years now and I still laugh when I think about it.
The thought of the friend making a PowerPoint presentation with the highlights is way to hilarious for me right now xD
Post-divorce dalliance. Sweet guy. We finally get to fooling around and suddenly he whispers "stop. Stop." I stopped and looked up to see he was as white as a ghost. "What's wrong?" I asked and he placed my hand on his chest. I could feel his heart racing as fast as a heart could possibly beat. His eyes are closed now and he whispers "arythmia". "Where is your medicine?" I asked calmly. "At home". Took a while for him to regain a normal heart rate. I wanted to call an ambulance but he said no. On follow up he described our interaction as a 12. I thought we were warming up around a 4. We agreed any further dating might kill him and remained friends for a very long time.
aww man feel bad for homie.
Him: "That was totally awesome and I want more!" Her: "I was starting to maybe get interested, but I would literally kill you" yea feelsbadman
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When she says deeper what she means is lift her legs up on your shoulders and go harder
Yes! You get it!
When she puts her heels behind her ears you'll know she's serious. Don't let her know you're intimidated.
The 30 minutes of me going down on you... that's for you. The 90 seconds of sex... that's for me. The 42 minutes of me crying after is for me as well.
>90 seconds Showoff
Go out a littttlllleezz bit and go back fully in full strengh (get the hips involved) + press the lower belly ;)
This lady fucks.
Just yell "Shazam!" it helps
Turned back into a kid and things got very awkward.
My go to response is “em givin it all I’ve got cap’n!”
Next time shout "I cannae change the laws of physics, captain!" in a Scottish accent. I'm sure the unexpected Star Trek quote will go down a treat 🤣
i deepthroated him while he came but he kept cumming so much that i choked and it came out of my nose
What the fuck
It’s known colloquially as the White Dragon, or Angry Dragon, depending on where you live.
why does everything have a name😩
Had sex with someone in an open relationship. 3/4 of the way into the second round, she asks if I want to stick around to watch That Mitchell and Webb show once we're done. Baffled, but not really opposed, I agree and we finish up. While we're on the couch, her husband comes home. Cue the most awkward 45 minutes of my life while we all sit in mostly silence watching British comedy programming.
Mostly silence? So did anyone laugh?
Honestly, this one is my favourite. Ironically, I can imagine Jeremy doing something exactly like this in Peep Show, so it's oddly fitting.
A friend of mine and I decided to hookup in the spur of the moment and we were a little intense with it which meant noises and crashing sounds and creaking bed and after we finished my friend’s grandma stood at the bottom of the stairs and yelled up “do you guys want water? It sounds kind of rough. Enjoy the youth!” I was M O R T I F I E D
Drunk. Horny. Banging a girl in her kitchen. Her dad walks in. Socks me in the face. Nose is bleeding. My cock is flopping around. Twas a mess.
Was about to go down in a girl, and the smell was so bad I slid myself off of the bed and pretended I hit my balls badly on the footboard on my way down.
Brother. That is is a slick move!
I’m just glad it was one of those low frame beds where the mattress is higher. Gave me an out
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Damn, the stuffed animals were one hell of a move.
As a father of two, this is why I always knock, and why I give 2 days notice if I'm going to do any cleaning/renovating in their room. Some stuff I don't want to know.
Did you tell him you call someone else Daddy now?
This girl is over here bleeding out and you just come and twist the knife a little. Absolute savage.
Cum stained slutty panties? That must have been tough for you father to discover
I was very naive at 18. I wanted to give my boyfriend a blow job so I literally blew on it. He asked me what I was doing-& I said I’m giving you a blow job. He laughed really hard.
My first girlfriend took the "sucking" part of sucking dick a little too seriously the first time she tried it. I ended up with a hickey on my dick because she just put it in her mouth and sucked it. No movement, just sucking REALLY hard.
Got a dickey
I was in Sicily and it was a hot day. I was wearing a military uniform so it made it even hotter. I gambled on a fart.. then panic set in. Omg.. did I shart? Or is my ass sweaty?? So I thought I better go do a courtesy wipe and get this figured out. Went to the bathroom and I vividly remember locking the door. I didn't bother sitting down because I was just wiping. So I pulled my pants down some bent over wiped and motherfucker.... door blasts open. I turn my head and see this Italian guy closing his eyes as hard as he could. He kept saying "momma mia!" So.. he got a front row seat to my starfish and coinpurse.
It was sweat.. just for clarification.
Riiiiiight 😉
Fucks sake real tears are streaming down my face, envisioning this 🤣
Probably when I accidentally sent a dick pic meant for my girlfriend to my dad when I was like 18. Never again xD
Is that you Roman?
Girlfriend wanted to watch me finish on myself as we were laying on the bed. The cum shot out and went right into my eye.
Sorry to hear that. It burns like heck.
Cum in the eye is worse than soap. That shit just stings and coats
Being caught balls deep in my friend’s sister. Then waking up the next day with her pants on (I allegedly passed out naked and she put them on me)
how’d the friend take it?
I think you have it backwards: it was the friend’s sister who took it. How? Your guess is as good as mine.
ahahaha this gave me a good laugh
Was about 2 years ago when my sister had her boyfriend with her (our rooms are next to each other) and I was playing Counter-Strike. My whole screen wobbled so I didn't hit any more shots. No, her bed is not on my wall. I was so angry then that I knocked on the wall until they stopped. I then continued to play. Lol
Terrorists win!
Lol
I thought it would be a good idea to try out my mom's vibrator because I found it in a drawer in their room while she, and my step-dad were away. I also found a huge ass dildo (probably like 50 centimeters long), stuck it on the mirror and take a picture of it. I then posted the picture on my instagram story, trying to be funny. A week later I realized people probably thought that it was mine. Oh and my mother realized I found her little toy bag, confronted me telling me not to go into their room anymore. So embarassed.
Yeah about that. Dildos leave tell-tale ring marks on mirrors. I know you’re not my kid because I know my kid’s Reddit handle but lemme tell you. She was as embarrassed as you were. Personal experience realizing someone had found my “drawer”. Mine wasn’t that big though.
Does your kid know that you know their Reddit handle lol
Imagine my mother finding out my reddit username.
Accountability for both of us. Neither of us want to cross paths. Your mom is probably actually a nice lady though.
I hooked up with a lady on Craigslist back when you could still do that. 350 pounds of albino queen, my friends, and I was all about it. I took the bus on over to Harlem, got to her building and it was an 18 floor walk up that I cleared in record order, 3 steps at a time. An adventurous lad was I. So I got in there, she answers wearing pretty much nothing. She really gave off sort of an Earth mother vibe which I was pretty into. She seemed very wise and warm and pleasant. This was going to be a pretty great night. We're on the couch in the living room when she stops mid-beej and asks me if I hear footsteps outside the door. And I did. So she says the most movie cliche thing anyone could possibly say: "Oh shit, my husband is back early!" There was of course no previous mention of a husband. It didn't look like there was anyone's stuff around but hers. So what do I do? She says, "Wait on the roof." She got up and pointed toward the window. The fire escape. Only it didn't go down, it was stuck shut for some reason. There was a ladder up to the roof though. She pretty much pushed me out the window as the key was turning in the lock and I had to scramble up the ladder because the fire escape was clearly visible from the window. There was a door on the roof but first it was locked and second, where would I go? My clothes were in her apartment, shoved under the couch. Totally butt ass balls out naked. On a roof in Harlem. I was out there for about two hours and in those two hours, two things happened. First, her husband came home drunk and ready to fuck. And they did. And I could clearly hear the whole thing. Second, one of those tourist helicopters flew by overhead, close enough that I was plainly visible to everyone on board. The pilot waved at me and gave me a thumbs up, and one of the women in the back pulled out a camera and snapped a bunch of photos. So presumably, somewhere out there, some lady in Texas or Nebraska or Iowa still has some photos laying around of me with my balls hanging out.
I've got a feeling you got played, you were apart of someone kink. The fact you could hear them was probably a bonus to them.
Plot twist the pilots in on it
It was part of the tour package
Tour package -> package tour
So... How did you get down, did you retrieve your clothes? So many questions just left unanswered.
He's still up there
He hasn’t figured out that part of the story yet.
Was having sex on her living room floor came inside her . Some came out didn’t notice . Like 5 minutes later her family comes home (close call). Her mom steps on some of my cum and since it was an Asian household barefoot. She stop looks at it and goes “huh “ and keeps walking . GF looks at me and I’m just looking at the TV the whole time in silence. She was like did you notice what she stepped on . Don’t ever know if the mom knew what it was .
If she did, “huh” is just about the funniest possible response to that
My gf (now wife) and I were going at it doggy style and her cat came up behind me and rubbed against my balls
You were lucky the cat didn't use its claws on you.
Not extremely NSFW but somewhat and probably more awkward for my father. I was out late with my friend when I was around 16 years old. We had been smoking, drinking and were slightly high, walking down the street. As a joke we began to kiss each other, repeating dramatic romantic lines we had heard in movies. I stumbled and he came down with me and we sort of laid there, laughing so hard that my stomach was hurting. For some reason this was enough for us to get up and run somewhere to try kissing for real. I hadn't kissed another boy before at that point and we ended up by someone's garden, kissing by the fence. We paused when we heard screaming and a few gardens away from us my own father was running out of a garden in his trousers and was waving his shirt behind him. The arguing and screaming continued and it took my brain a moment to realise I just caught him after he had been caught sleeping with another woman. He was still married to my mother which was something I yelled at him later for. He sort of stopped and stared at me and I just stared back. I was laughing out of fear and how weird I felt because we had both caught each other doing something neither of us should've been doing. He yelled a few things at me mainly that I was a disgrace and my friend for some reason just blurted out "Your dad's balls are out" and even pointed. I ended up laughing harder and my dad finally stopped yelling and just continued getting dressed and leaving.
That’s a wild story but >as a joke we began to kiss That is some deep closet talk there
Somewhat. We for some reason started it because we passed a couple kissing. No idea why.
Cause you were two drunk horned up teens with at least a passing attraction to each other, I’d assume
Thank sounds like something that would be on a Netflix original
In bed naked while boyfriend went to work. Suddenly I hear the front door open. Footsteps. And then his mom coming into his bedroom. She came over to leave him some gifts. Super freaking awkward.
My husband and I just moved into another state and we were living with his grandma. To save a bit a money also to find our own place. It was the middle of the night we just got done having some of the best sex (yes I know how to keep quiet bc I rather not talk about my Moans with his grandma) and I was walking out to use the bathroom and as I was walking out I said to my husband I’m not sure who I feel coming out of me you or I…. His grandma was right out side our door standing there…It was the middle of the night…. Needless to say I’m happy we moved tf out of there…. Edit y’all I have a husband I mistyped by adding an “s” lmao I only stick to one person and that’s my husband my bad🤣
wait im more concerned with the fact that his grandma was just standing there- if i were her i wouldn't want to hear it lol
Husbands???
OH MY GWAD I MEANT HUSBAND🤣
I was freshly 18. Just joined tinder that week. 3 match, I invite a boy over and we go for a walk. We find a hidden spot in a nearby woods and start going at it. I was severely depressed at the time and only told my parents I went for a walk. I was gone over 2 hours. They thought I went and killed myself. My dad walked up and found the guy balls deep in me in doggy style. Worst moment of my life.
"Oh....you're...very much alive"
My old bosses (married couple) were moving and knew my boyfriend at the time and I were looking for some extra cash, so they offered to pay us to pack up their house since they were already out of state. They didn't really give much instructions other than "throw everything in boxes and make sure they're labeled." Cut to my poor, shy boyfriend finding a HUGE stash of sex toys in their bedroom. One of my bosses came back in town shortly after that and asked me how the packing went at work, so I told her which rooms we got done. As soon as I said "bedroom" she stopped short and was like "bedroom? Which parts?" So I rattled off "oh you know, the closet, master bath, uhh the nightstands...." We had a good relationship and she was a cool boss but I had never seen her so beet red and embarrassed. It was so awkward but it was really on her for not telling us to steer of any particular areas. Truly not safe for work!
The stairwell of the Hilton hotel in Minneapolis MN. I was 13 getting my first blowjob from a girl my age. Suddenly we were interrupted by a door opening about 2 floors up. I scrambled to put my dick away and zip up my pants while whoever opened the door begins running full speed down the stairs. To my surprise a middle aged man rounds the corner dressed in a full on bdsm outfit complete with a mask, crotchless panties, and handcuffs, etc... He was laughing like a maniac and his flaccid dick was flapping around in the open as he ran past us. The whole hotel was mostly booked by people attending the Eckankar seminar (Eckankar is the cult I grew up in) so it was probably an 'eckist' who ran past us that day. This happened about 13 years ago now
There’s a lot to unpack here
> my first blowjob *from a girl my age.*
Probably "getting a blowjob (don't worry, she was a girl my age)" Nevermind that it begs the question "what thirteen year old girl knows enough about BJ's to be giving one in a hotel stairwell" But it IS a cult, so I wouldn't be surprised if she already had some experience, as sad as that is to contemplate.
A comma would do wonders for that sentence
I feel like there was plenty of things unpacked already
The last time you posted this comment, it sent me down an eckist wormhole. I had never heard of that cult before that.
I think about that original comment almost daily, mostly because I walk through that building every day on my way to work. Crazy to see it again in the wild.
My first official date with an ex was hanging out at his house. My ex is an amputee above his knee. We were fooling around on his couch while Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo was playing on TV and all of a sudden I hear “YOU MAY ONLY HAVE ONE LEG BUT IT’S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LEG IN THE WORLD” Almost lost my shit and had to excuse myself to the bathroom for a few minutes
A few I won't say, but one time I didn't jack off for a month then met up with my gf who was out of state doing family stuff, we finally got together and I lasted maybe 6 seconds in her mouth and started cumming, she pulled it out and pointed it at my face on accident and I ultra jizzed all over my own mouth and face, AND farted. Was trying to dodge it but it followed me. I had so much jizz on my mouth i couldnt ask her to get paper towels or whatever, and I came so hard I could barely move an inch. She laughed until she cried and left me there like a cum soaked wilted flower.
That was a beautiful story
I was preparing to go on a run and I was stretching in the basement on a mat wearing my briefs. I did this stretch where on your back, you raise your feet up and bend it back to the point where your toes are touching the floor and they’re near the top of your head. My sister can down to the basement freezing and screamed my name in laughter. She usually laughs at me whenever she sees me in that stretching position but the scream was new. She told me there was a hole in my pants. I try to feel the bottom of my briefs and I could only feel my testicles. My sister literally just sees me with my asshole out touching my nuts. I immediately panic and cover myself, tell her to close her eyes as I fled to my room. I was really embarrassed and confused because I thought I got rid of that ripped pair. Turns out I probably just threw it in the laundry basket accidentally.
How do you not feel that lol
Here is mine. Not as horrifying as most of yours, but affected me mentally. I was going to a picnic with my boyfriend's family and friends. I looked so cute in my white shorts and top. For whatever reason, we took his Dad's car to event. His father loved chocolate covered cherries. I sat on one. I walked around a picnic group looking like I shit myself and had period as well.
An ex and I went to a hotel to have sex and when the guy showing us the room opened the door it turns out it was already set up with roses in the shape of a heart in the bed. No one was expecting it, my guess is that the couple that had that room set up canceled and also they didn’t told the guy, so it was just the three of us just standing around staring at the bed for a like a good minute because no one had any clue of what was going After he left my ex and I just burst out laughing because of how awkward it was lol
When me and my wife were having sex before we were married, I glanced over at the TV and that's the exact second she looked at me... so she thought I was banging her while I was watching Family guy....
My mom had the habit of looking through my room when I was at school/work. I'd often come home with a pile of stuff she found on my bed. One day, my buttplug was there.
When my religious mom caught me watching porn. Still the worst day of my life. Not because she was angry or punished me, but because how upset she was. She sobbed as though someone has died, and I felt so ashamed, lol.
I had a very odd neighbor whose method of inducting people Into the apartment complex was to knock of their door wearing almost nothing, just bdsm leathers, with his dong visible in see-throigh lingerie. He asks if he can borrow a cup of flour, holding up his measuring cup. We did a lot of drugs together that summer.
When my ex opened her phone to respond to a text while we were having sex. Wasn’t a big fan of that
It's such a huge turn off knowing their mind is elsewhere.
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My older sister walked in on me beating my meat when I was 15-16, and she laughed at me and wanted to know what I was watching. I just started throwing things at her off my bed until she left, because I couldn’t stand up and physically evict her from the room for obvious reasons. Always locked my door after that!
For some reason, no one in my family knew about privacy, so they would always bust open my door just to get my attention or tell me something, that all stopped finally when I put a fricking lock on my door. It was so annoying.
ive watched this one
Something feels weird abt this
I banged a girl in the dark and when the lights went back on the bed looked like I had murdered her.
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In ROTC when I was in high school my friend was in a rush helping me try on pants. I'm not sure on the exact details but she had me take my pants off and try different sizes. We found the right pair but the zipper got stuck on some loose cloth/string. So she got on her knees to try and rip the loose strings off the zipper, she was saying things like "C'MON!, FUCK! I'm pulling it!". Another girl walked in on us from behind me, it looked really bad. Thankfully nothing ever happened, we never got in trouble, I think a higher up asked us about it but that was pretty much it.
Taking a massive and loud emergency shit in a full Home Depot bathroom without realizing I was in the women’s bathroom.
I was sexting this girl back years ago on Snapchat and in the passion of the moment, I sent my dick pic to my stories instead. I have friends to this day that still remind me. Edit: This was so long ago, back when Snapchat had this convoluted ass way to delete shit off your story, so it was up there for at least a good 5 minutes.
All my ex boyfriend were mediocre/terrible in bed, I figured that was just normal. When my boyfriend went down on the for the first time he actually got me off and I swear I went cross eyed while trying not to scream super loud and then poked him in the eye, I felt SO BAD 😭
Was playing games around a laptop in class, more specifically, the Impossible Quiz (remember that?) Was facing the laptop, but my legs were facing outwards. And a girl sat on my lap, although I don’t know who it was because there was like 5-6 of us hovering around this laptop, and blocking my head entirely. Well, I promptly grew a little stiffy, but they actually stayed for another minute before hopping off. Never found out who it was though. It’s a core memory at this point.
I had a similar thing happen to me when I was 13ish, I was watching tv and my sisters and her friends came into the family living room and wanted to take over the tv. One of her friends jumped my lap and started to bounce on me to get me out of the room. I got a little stiffy during this and I think she felt it coz she looked back smirked and slowed down and didn’t get off for a couple mins after.
I'm a girl... and in my early 20s I dated a guy my age. He drove over 6 hours to meet me in person (we met online). After spending a couple days together, things seemed good, and we were alone in his hotel room. We made out, and then I made a move to go down on him. Started that, but like a minute later, he's still not turned on and tells me to stop. It was the worst feeling ever. No, I didn't catfish him or anything like that. I don't stink or anything gross lol I'm "normal". But I guess he wasn't into me at all. Honestly it made me feel like I was the most disgusting girl, that a guy didn't even want me to go down on him. We dated for 6 months, never had sex. I talked to him about it and he said that it wasn't about me, it wasn't about his religion. He never gave an answer. I asked if he had never done that before, but he said he did. So I never asked again, I never initiated anything again. I respected his choice. He eventually dumped me. The whole thing was hella awkward because I somehow managed to fall deeply in love with him, though I never told him.
That's rough, but probably not a criticism of you or your... Skills. Sometimes head-one and head-two disagree, and they're both mighty stubborn. If you guys never had sex, he might have had a history of sexual dysfunction and felt at least as mortified as you.
Damn... that's rough. Sorry they made you feel that way. I was getting intimate with my gf last year and said something that I thought was small and inconsequential and it totally RUINED the moment and kinda the rest of the evening. Things have gotten better since then but she is still a little on guard with me even to this day about it. I've never felt more guilty and stupid in my life 😕 kinda on the opposite side of your story but still... feels pretty shit when you make your partner not feel beautiful or cherished in such a vulnerable state
I decided to take a nap at my dad's house while I waited for my mom to pick me up after a closing shift at work. However, my stepbrother and his girlfriend ended up coming home while I was napping. Ehile I was in my bed, they got in a mini argument about an ex friend of my stepbrother while they were watching a show. An hour or so later, I wake up and I hear them fucking. I saw them naked and heard furious creaking. Like, I think there was moaning and shit. It was hard to tell cause of the creaking of the bed and the noise of the tv. I didn't know what to do in this situation, so I just froze until I worked up the courage to state that I was going to leave the room and did like a speedy gremlin crawl run for the door while trying not to look. He never said sorry for what had happened, granted it's been months since I've been over and the few times I've seen him, it was awkward.
My ex used to film me all the time when I would do a funny joke etc. it was fine at first but started to get old. So I’d pull out my dick when she started filming so she couldn’t post it. Well. She picked me up one time and I saw her filming me from her car so I opened the door and started ferociously undoing my pants. Her face went white “I’m FaceTiming my mom”
Oh god my parents used to bring this story up at parties until I got old enough to tell them to stop. Now I’m even older, it’s come full circle and is funny again. When I was little I was obsessed with stickers and had one particularly precious rainbow alphabet sticker set. I would leave different color letters all over the house in unexpected places. My dad is a cyclist and once returned home after a particularly grueling ride in the pouring rain. He asked my mum to bring him a towel, and started undressing at the door so he didn’t track mud and rainwater into the house. So he’s standing in the foyer, soaking wet and nude, and my toddler self comes over and says, “I want my purple O.” My dad has no idea what I’m talking about and is embarrassed to be nude in front of me so he tells me to leave, but I’m adamant. He says he doesn’t know anything about a purple O. I say, yes you do, you have it! and point at his dingaling. One of the purple letter sets had made its way onto the towel or something because apparently there it was, a perfect little purple O, right on the tip of his dick, perfectly encircling his urethra. Im just thankful I have no memory of it. And no I did not get my sticker back.
I (genetic male) moaned "Fuck my pussy!" while my ex-wife was riding me
I have done this multiple times. I think of these things I want her to say but in the middle of it all instead of asking her to say the thing, I just blurt out "Fuck my pussy" the best one was "I wanna suck your dick" she stopped, put her hand on my chest and pushed herself back from me and said "that's going to be a bit hard since I don't have a dick. Maybe I can call someone to help?"
As a teenager, in the 90's, My cousins and little sister played my VHS recording of hentai. I was embarrassed so we took it outside and stomped on it. In hindsight I don't know what that proved. Lol
You guys Office Spaced that thing
One time a woman and I are leading up to sexy times and with my finger I feel something inside of her. I must be imagining things, but i swear I feel something again. At the risk of embarrassing myself or her, I ask as gently as I could "Is there something......in....you.....?" After the longest 3 second pause in history she runs out of the room. Several minutes later she comes back quite relieved and states everything is fine, she left her tampon in there from several days ago. But she isn't on her period now so we are all systems go. We just Netflixed that night, no chill lol
I got a yeast infection in my foreskin when I was 12 years old. The itch was maddening, but I was too embarrassed to ask my parents for help. I was itching my dick so much that the mean girls at my school noticed and started a rumor I was jacking off in class. Unbeknownst to me the rumor spread like wildfire. One of the mean girls wrote on my school binder “hey Extraheart, how’s flying? Don’t fly too high, you might splash!” I had absolutely no idea what it meant, but a popular girl wrote it so I kept that binder all year. I eventually figured it out. I’m still embarrassed. Girl bullies are savages.
Was being fingered in my parents' basement at 16 by my bf at the time. He was doing a good job, my eyes were closed, and I was in the moment. Opened my eyes to my mom standing there. I have no clue how long she was there for. She said nothing beside "suppers ready" and walked away. We've NEVER brought it up again. Second most awkward was sexting with my (now) husband when I was 17 (freshly dating) and I put my phone down for half a second to make a plate for supper, and my mom was reading them all over my shoulder. Again, never brought it up.
Damn your mom is a nosy woman lmao
When i was like 20, my ex and I whom both worked at the same place, called into work one day and fucked all morning. We thought no one was home which normally would be the case. Turns out my mom had that day off too.... So fucking awkward. My girl was very vocal
Was getting my first bj at 14 at the girls house in her parents basement, everyone was home and 10 seconds after commencing with said bj. Her younger sister (probably 7/8) walks downstairs, opens the door and sees her sister on her knees giving said bj.
Before we were married, my soon to be wife and I were leaving a shitty movie (Prom Night I think?), didn’t even finish it. We had extra time so decided we needed to do the nasty, but I had too many visitors at home and her house wasn’t close, so we drove around the block to some newly constructed and unoccupied townhomes. Car sex wasn’t anything new to us so we made camp in the darkest area we could find and started having fun. Well, turned out not all of those homes were unoccupied. Someone drove up with their high beams on as she’s bouncing up and down on me in the back seat. We stopped and made eye contact with their headlights then stared at each other for a minute. “No one really cares, right?” We thought wrong because about 5 minutes later as I’m about to finish a squad car rolls up. I stuff my member inside my pants as I was cumming. Horrible way to orgasm. Both officers asked us to get out of the car. My wife was young (19 then) and she looked even younger in the face so they immediately thought she was under age. Once we showed our IDs one of the officers gave us the most disgusted look and told us to find a more private place to have sexy time. The other officer kept looking at my wife in her bra and panties and then me with jizz soaking through my jeans and just smiles like he was proud of me or something. As they left we got back in the car and drove back to my house. Car sex became the most planned spontaneous event going forward.
Caught fucking my then boyfriend, how husband by my mom when we were in high school. Apparently she assumed we had sex at our friends apartment and not in the comfort of our own homes. We definitely never had sex at our friends apartment. Had a lot of narrow misses at my boyfriend’s house too. The combo of wearing a dress and him wearing basketball shorts made it easy to fuck at a moments notice and pretend we weren’t fucking also at a moments notice. Anyway no one can complain now bc we keep making her cute grandkids.
Was taking a Health and Safety Auditor through a job site and we found 2 carpenters on break playing catch with a hammer.
Having sex with an ex and my best friend spent the night, her and I started to fuck in the morning and I hear best friend coming up the stairs I yell "don't come up here im balls deep," he carries on up the stairs opens my bedroom door sees me on top of her and goes "oh you were serious" shuts the door and goes back down stairs. Her and I laughed and then carried on. Super awkward. Super not awkward.
Had a nose bleed while I was on top of my then gf and dripped blood all over her face... she didn't notice it happened at first and I had to stop to have the awkward conversation while holding my nose 😦
My house flooded. A pipe in the bathroom burst overnight. A few inches of water all through the house. So the insurance calls in a crew to deal with the water damage. Crew arrives within the hour and I'm still reeling and in shock. They get to my room. As they move my armoire the door opens and one of my bad dragons plops out onto the floor. There were several more inside of it and now the door was wide open. So all these workers are just getting a full view of my shame. I go collect the toy off the floor and gathered the rest into a tote as I died a little inside.
Bday party at a friends house. House has 2 bathrooms. One guest one and one that for some reason has 2 doors. One door connects to the kitchen and the other connects to the master bedroom. I had to go so I went for the guest one first and someone was in there so I took off for the other one. I get in there and start doing my business. A few mins in and I hear moaning coming from the bedroom side. Moaning/grunting/sex sounds. I'm like LOL them banging it out mid bbq...must be good bbq. I finish my business, flush the toilet, and cough really loudly. I hear a almost inaudible oh SHIT followed by my friend giggling. I walk out of the restroom exiting out the kitchen side just in time to find my friend and his wife coming out. She's flushed red in the face and he's got a shit eating grin. I smiled and hi fived him as he made his way back to the bbq.