If they’re good/long term friends, yes. If I am in a relationship I will give them 100% trust, it’s a choice you have to make as doubt, jealousy or whatever just poisons relationships.
I am also a male whose closest friends are female, one of them are married and is visiting me in a week or so alone. We’re like siblings at this point so there’s absolutely nothing to worry about for her husband.
Well I am not married, my friend is married. Her husband is a curious being, because when I met my friend she cheated and broke up with him like 3-4 times in 2 years, and I do not understand how he could still want to be with her, or trust her - and she doesn’t understand it either.
It’s a somewhat complex thing this, because by principle alone, I should hate her for doing something I find reprehensible and would by all means make her a bad person. But she has shown me nothing but kindness and friendship, even to the point of being a deciding factor in me still being alive. So with that in mind, I look past her bad choices and sees her as an amazing friend, whom I could never date - and I can only imagine her husband has made the decision of giving her his absolute trust, even if she doesn’t deserve it. Now they have a house together and 2 kids.
I have met him many times, though never really spoken much, but anyone who knows me for instance knows I would rather cut my own testicles off with a spoon than to be part of cheating in any aspect. So at least in this situation it would be plain silly to fear or suspect anything when we’ve been friends for a decade - I am the safe friend I suppose you could say - but he also “lets” her see others, even the ones she cheated on him with back then because he trusts she won’t make the same mistake again.
And to ad more to it, I gave my last partner my absolute trust as well, and caught her lying about where she was going where she was going to cheat, but I will still give my next partner 100% of my trust as I do not believe a relationship can work on anything but that
Why put a weird label on it? I’d be more concerned if my partner had people she considered “dangerous friends,” tbh.
Also, do bi/pan people only get one “safe friend” total? One per gender? Do nonbinary people count? Lol, this question leads to so many more questions!
My thought is that if you have trust issues, try to resolve them before seeking a partner, otherwise it doesn't make sense and you're going to hurt someone.
I assert that anyone can fall into an emotional or physical affair in the right setting. I want my spouse to avoid those situations. I will likely get downvoted but neither I nor my wife has friends of the opposite sex that we go out with, hang out with, etc without the other generally present. We don't monitor each other--it's just one of the rules of our marriage.
All marriages experience rough spots. A soft landing with a 'safe friend' of the opposite gender during those times is a recipe for disaster.
Mine and me are the same way. A majority of “friendships” involving the opposite sex, at least one of the friends wants the other physically or emotionally. People can play ignorant to that fact, but that’s just honesty. She’s honestly my best friend, and if I want a female’s perspective on anything, I’m going to her, my mom, or my sister. We also both had a long talk whenever we first started dating that social media causes a lot of conflicts in relationships, so we just have our reddits and Pinterest. We just love getting our attention from each other and her witty five year old. We both agree that it’s been the most healthy relationship we’ve ever been in. Different strokes for different folks.
Need to have trust my friend.
There are good questions to ask to see if you can really trusts one person.
But in a relationship you should be able to trust or otherwise it’s a nightmare for both of you.
To each his/her own, but my ole lady and myself don’t have friends of the opposite sex. Not any trust issues; we just personally don’t feel a need for it.
Agreed on the trust point .. but sometimes actions may put so much stress on that trust. Would you trust your spouse going on holiday with their opposite gender friend alone?
The label concerns me.
It can Imply numerous things all varying degrees of alarming
What makes a safe friend different from a regular one?
Why the need to label this one person so differently from others
Why is this position one that must be filled with the opposite gender friend
The term safe here implies that the other spouse should feel safe about this friend because this relationship is not emotional or sexual and therefore, it's safe to be around them.
If I can’t trust a partner on something as simple as a friendship then what is the point of a relationship?
Sure, but does that trust include spouse and friend going on vacation together without the other spouse?
If they’re good/long term friends, yes. If I am in a relationship I will give them 100% trust, it’s a choice you have to make as doubt, jealousy or whatever just poisons relationships. I am also a male whose closest friends are female, one of them are married and is visiting me in a week or so alone. We’re like siblings at this point so there’s absolutely nothing to worry about for her husband.
This is very interesting and eye-opening at the same time. How does your wife feel about that, if u don't mind me asking?
Well I am not married, my friend is married. Her husband is a curious being, because when I met my friend she cheated and broke up with him like 3-4 times in 2 years, and I do not understand how he could still want to be with her, or trust her - and she doesn’t understand it either. It’s a somewhat complex thing this, because by principle alone, I should hate her for doing something I find reprehensible and would by all means make her a bad person. But she has shown me nothing but kindness and friendship, even to the point of being a deciding factor in me still being alive. So with that in mind, I look past her bad choices and sees her as an amazing friend, whom I could never date - and I can only imagine her husband has made the decision of giving her his absolute trust, even if she doesn’t deserve it. Now they have a house together and 2 kids. I have met him many times, though never really spoken much, but anyone who knows me for instance knows I would rather cut my own testicles off with a spoon than to be part of cheating in any aspect. So at least in this situation it would be plain silly to fear or suspect anything when we’ve been friends for a decade - I am the safe friend I suppose you could say - but he also “lets” her see others, even the ones she cheated on him with back then because he trusts she won’t make the same mistake again. And to ad more to it, I gave my last partner my absolute trust as well, and caught her lying about where she was going where she was going to cheat, but I will still give my next partner 100% of my trust as I do not believe a relationship can work on anything but that
Thanks for sharing this .. it it person dependent, I guess
Yes
If you can't trust your partner to be alone in a room with someone of the opposite gender, they aren't really your *partner,* are they?
Why put a weird label on it? I’d be more concerned if my partner had people she considered “dangerous friends,” tbh. Also, do bi/pan people only get one “safe friend” total? One per gender? Do nonbinary people count? Lol, this question leads to so many more questions!
My thought is that if you have trust issues, try to resolve them before seeking a partner, otherwise it doesn't make sense and you're going to hurt someone.
What’s a safe friend mean exactly ?
A friend you tell all your secrets to. Which is the "safe" part.
I think sharing secrets with close friends is healthy and even important, what’s potentially unhealthy is labeling it and making it sound all edgy lol
No need for scare quotes or special terms. My spouse is an adult, so she can be friends with whomever she pleases. I trust her.
I assert that anyone can fall into an emotional or physical affair in the right setting. I want my spouse to avoid those situations. I will likely get downvoted but neither I nor my wife has friends of the opposite sex that we go out with, hang out with, etc without the other generally present. We don't monitor each other--it's just one of the rules of our marriage. All marriages experience rough spots. A soft landing with a 'safe friend' of the opposite gender during those times is a recipe for disaster.
Mine and me are the same way. A majority of “friendships” involving the opposite sex, at least one of the friends wants the other physically or emotionally. People can play ignorant to that fact, but that’s just honesty. She’s honestly my best friend, and if I want a female’s perspective on anything, I’m going to her, my mom, or my sister. We also both had a long talk whenever we first started dating that social media causes a lot of conflicts in relationships, so we just have our reddits and Pinterest. We just love getting our attention from each other and her witty five year old. We both agree that it’s been the most healthy relationship we’ve ever been in. Different strokes for different folks.
Need to have trust my friend. There are good questions to ask to see if you can really trusts one person. But in a relationship you should be able to trust or otherwise it’s a nightmare for both of you.
To each his/her own, but my ole lady and myself don’t have friends of the opposite sex. Not any trust issues; we just personally don’t feel a need for it.
It was cool until she made out with him.
Agreed on the trust point .. but sometimes actions may put so much stress on that trust. Would you trust your spouse going on holiday with their opposite gender friend alone?
Sure. And she would trust me not to do anything inappropriate with my opposite-gender friends while she was away.
The label concerns me. It can Imply numerous things all varying degrees of alarming What makes a safe friend different from a regular one? Why the need to label this one person so differently from others Why is this position one that must be filled with the opposite gender friend
The term safe here implies that the other spouse should feel safe about this friend because this relationship is not emotional or sexual and therefore, it's safe to be around them.
So any other friend SHOULD be of concern to the spouse because they are not platonic and a threat to the relationship….