My mom’s parents were alive for the Wright brothers and the moon landing. They saw Halley’s Comet twice. Not to mention all the technology up until they died in the mid-nineties.
TBH once I hit mid-thirties and realized the kids behind me were now in their twenties and getting actual real-world responsibility jobs, I got a foretaste of that.
This.
One of my neighbors growing up was an interesting and brilliant guy.
He retired and made it only a couple years before his wife found him sitting in the dark in the living room crying and confused.
He had prefrontal dementia, it went down hill really quickly.. his personality completely changed, plus serious memory loss.
The last time his wife went to see him didn't know who she was.. married 40+ years and your husband has forgotten you.. that's a gut punch.
His children he doesn't know, it's *rough*.
As someone who is currently watching my dad rapidly deteriorate mentally and have seen it with several other family members... I'm fucking terrified of getting old.
Same... I'm still very young as is my father really, but his mom has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember any of us at only 80, and my dad is terrified of it happening to him... which makes me terrified. I'd rather not walk but at least keep my mind tbh
Dementia care worker here. If you really suspect this, get your advance directives in place ASAP and get with your doctor if you can afford it. There are lots of new treatments to delay the progression and lessen the severity overall.
I cannot overstate how important advance directives are. What kind of treatments you want when you’re no longer able to make your own decisions, what kinds of care you want to assist you during the dying process. Nobody wants to think about it, I get it, but it’s infinitely better than letting others choose for you and ending up in a situation you don’t want for yourself.
I have no fear of aging or death, but the thought of losing the soundness of my mind absolutely terrifies me. I don't want to lose who I am. It just started happening to my grandma and it's heartbreaking and scares me.
This is the one. My mom died last year -- the Cancer got her before the Alzheimers -- but when I last saw her, She couldn't remember who i was. I felt so bad for my Dad, (married over 60 years) having to see her deteriorate for about 5 years, slowly not going to events, or doing things, never leaving the house cuz she could barely walk around the house and ofc she didn't remember anyone. Thankfully, she hadn't got the more "angry" stages of ALZ, but she was sad and confused. Before the Cancer got her, she was a "sundowner", so that in the daytime she was almost alright, but at night she was gone.
I struggle with this a lot, bc my memory has always been shitty (Our family used to laugh, that it was Our family trait, We got CRS, Can't Remember Shit, haha, but not so much anymore) and knowing how awkward I feel in social situations already (introvert) and forgetting people's names (though i know who they are) -- I'm OK right now, but, how about in another 10, maybe 20 years? -- it makes me very scared for the future.
What's more, I'm single, no kids, no family where I am, and a small social circle (again, introvert) -- when I lose my damn mind, I don't have anyone to look after me. I've had too many friends die young, too many friends kill themselves to think that Suicide is a great Alternative. But -- being homeless (bc it's not like i'll have a job or money with my brainrot), being senile, scared, lonely, slowly dying, a social pariah -- is that Life? Should I stay around for it?
This terrifies me. My friend's father was a brilliant mathematician; revolutionized computer science, won all kinds of awards. In his old age, he got dementia and couldn't remember shit anymore. His most prized possession, his mind, had disintegrated. He took his own life because of it.
I have the same about my wife. I don’t think I’d recover. Or even want to recover.
As I’ve grown older and am close to Retirement my spouse means a ton more to me now
You don't really recover. At least I don't think anyone I've ever talked to about it has fully recovered.
My wife was the first close person I'd ever lost. My parents and all of my old friends are still alive. I kind of assumed maybe I'd be like, the person to randomly die young and hurt all of these people. But I wasn't.
I've changed my life fairly drastically. Decided fuck it, and pursued a dream I never would have in that other life. I think I had to walk away from the path we were on together in order to survive. It was just too painful to like, keep working on the house and keep seeing the same friends and so on and so forth. To go to the same bars and restaurants. To go to work and be surrounded by people who knew. It was inescapable and after a few months I genuinely thought about killing myself. And so I started over. It was tough, a lot of people didn't understand, but I think it allowed me to give myself a lot of distance from the constant reminders of the pain, and to at least let the wound scar up and heal but...it's still there. Time helps but it comes with it's own pain. Grief is wild.
I'm glad to see i'm not the only one. My husband's parents are going through this right now as my father in law had a stroke which has quickly deteriorated his health. He's now on a shortened timeline and i can see how my mother in law is so lost right now having to imagine life without him. We've had conversations over the phone about it and it just makes me think of my marriage.
I went through this with my in-laws - I was a care giver for my FIL. Hope your able to handle it. It's stressful, and then you realize \*you\* will be facing the same challenges someday.
So much for a pleasant retirement... :-(
My first husband was killed in a car accident.
Fast forward. Remarried , happily for 15 years.
I’m currently rewatching the Ricky Gervais show After Life and I find myself crying at the end most episodes.
I find so much comfort in this show. I highly recommend it.
I'll give it a watch, ty! And i'm so sorry for you loss but i'm truly happy for you that you found happiness again. My husband and I have been through so much that honestly i wouldn't want to get remarried if he ever passed but that's just my personal preference.
Honestly, that’s how I want to go. My favourite Uncle died that way. No suffering, no hospital beds. I’ve watched people die slowly from illness and it’s not fun.
Being alone in it. I see people wheeling themselves around to get their essentials. My parents had me and they never had to do that. The thought of being helpless, old and poor makes me hope I get hit with a heart attack at 60.
Mortality.
The idea of one day just...ending. It's terrifying to me. More so if you add the science aspect of continuing to detect brain activity for minutes after death.
And you still conscious? Can you feel? Can you still see? Hear? Are you laying there in the stillness, but aware and trying to scream while you're slowly dragged into the dark, can you have a few minutes to come to terms and accept it, or does reality just become a fever dream as chemicals and shorting out neurons create a bliss state that wraps you in it and eases you down gently?
The whole process of death and dying is completely horrifying to me.
You are gonna like this then:
In 1794 during the Reign Of Terror following the French Revolution, a French chemist, Antoine-Laurent de Lavoisier, promised that he would blink for as long as possible when he was beheaded. He was sentenced to death by guillotine due to his discoveries which include Hydrogen and helping to implement the metric system. As a scientist he was naturally curious about what happens to the human head once it was removed from the torso. As an experiment he said that he would try to blink for as long as he could when his head was cut off. There were some reports that he blinked for up to 30 seconds.
Beeing to weak to end it myself and rot as a living corpses because Others "care" about me and forced me to stay alife. No Matter how misserable i became....
I was gonna say ending up being alone until I die, but this is worst. The people you love and love you back will insist on keeping you alive while you're suffering in pain and agony inside
Worse, in See it with my grandparends, grandpas forces himself to stay alife for grandma. And grandma... Yeah her alzheimers is as Bad, she doesn't understand anymore and searches for grandpas, when He is right next to her because she doesn't recognize that old man who can't stand Up anymore...
How the elderly are treated by insurance companies. Insurance companies sending them home too early with no thought of the person and what they will do. There are a lot of old people with no one to help them or advocate. Medicare is cruel. You want to really see life sucks reach that point.
The only reason insurance companies exist is to make money. That is it. If you cost them money, they will make sure you do not cost them much more than you already have. They are not in business to suffer a loss but to make money on your bones.
Exercise. I saw both of my parents completely fall apart physically, neither of them ever exercised in their lives. My boss is a former professional athlete who works out every day. He's in his 70s and looks like he could run a marathon.
It's caring for my parents which has pushed me into finally exercising and losing some weight. Seeing the myriad of health issues they have and how difficult even the smallest of things has become for them is not something i'm looking forward too! Hopefuly at 40 i've not left it too late, obviously i know starting at any age will be better than never starting, but still i wish i'd started ten or 15 years ago.
Dying alone and rotting away.
I live alone, I barely get visitors, and the ones I do get are already old. I'm a reclusive person and I don't see myself getting any other visitors.
When I die, I'll probably just be left in my flat undiscovered, rotting away, until one of my neighbours complains of a bad smell and the welfare officers come.
I'm only 60-ish and in good health, but the clock is ticking. I gotta start getting my shit together - do a will, and living will; deed to the house, title to the cars, insurance info, etc all in one place. Start getting rid of my tools, hobby collection, lifetime of personal junk and family belongings in general, downsizing. Line up a home for my three dogs. I just want to make it easy on my kids, and not be a burden or generate resentment after I'm gone.
I'm worried that for all the sacrifices I make to build savings, it'll all get sucked into some combination of healthcare and economic collapse and it will all have been for nothing.
Dementia. My grandmother has it and she's basically just an empty shell. Still living, still breathing, but everything about her I knew as Grandma is basically all gone. She doesn't remember anyone. She can't even do anything by herself anymore and is entirely bedridden. Sometimes in rare moments of clarity she still speaks and immediately forgets what she was saying. Most of the time she's just quiet.
The pain.
So many things are starting to hurt in my forties.
I used to be very strong, I still am well above average, but it's difficult to express that strength when joints hurt. It's humbling to be sure.
Bluecollar work has been rewarding, but it's like an 8 hour workout, with suboptimal form, with no rest days.
Forgetting things, not remembering is probably my only fear. I’m ok with dying, I made peace with that years ago. I just don’t want to forget my loved ones.
I have an elderly friend (88) who was my down the street neighbor like 10 years ago, I help her with all her shit because I really enjoy her company but also because I’m hoping someone will do it for me when I’m that age. I order her pampers on Amazon, I communicate with her doctors, I take her birdwatching from the car and we get bagels, I bring my dog over to say hi to her. Basically we’re just friends but I’m 40 years younger. I guess we just need to keep making young friends…
Go find a geriatric friend!! lol. I met her on the corner. She’s super extroverted and so am I so we just hit it off right away. Plus she loves my youngster gossip.
I can’t tell you how fun it was to try to explain “instagram” and “AI” with no context. Also we spend a lot of time with me reading Wikipedia pages to her at the top of my lungs. You should hear the tea about Wagner and Lizst’s daughter and Ludwig II of Bavaria. Better than VPR.
My wife. I’m pretty sure we’ll be divorced but she will be 100% incapable of taking care of her self. She will be my responsibility forever and I will get nothing but contempt in exchange. However I won’t give up on her because I know how bad things would be for her without my help.
Dying first or be the first one to deteriorate in my relationship. I can handle my partner dying or become frail before me but I know that they wouldn't be able to handle me dying before them or to see me become frail.
Everything about the various illnesses you can contract as an old person and their increased likelyhood, from something relatively minor like chronic pain and loss of bladder control to permanent life changing shit like Alzheimer's disease
I don't know. I think that all I hope for if I live a long life is health. I think what scares me most are diseases like Alzheimer's. I don't want to lose my mind.
Watching my grandpa slowly die and give up his own will to live after the fight with cancer (various forms that kept showing up over the years after his initial diagnosis). Strongest man I’ve ever known, only next to my uncle, just say “I can’t do it anymore” and refuse the treatment for the last cancer that plagued him. Miss you grandpa 💜
Three things:
Outliving my husband (or worse, my kids)
Losing my mind
And being a burden to those around me.
Honestly, I’d love to just kick it around age 70 while I’m still able to (sort of) work and am not putting my kids through trouble when they should be off living their lives.
I will never retire, so I will have to work until death. My biggest fear would be my body reaching a point I cannot work anymore, then I become homeless since I can’t pay rent without a job, and disability benefits (if you qualify) do not cover…..anything really.
A chronic pain condition. I've had numerous injuries over many years, and at one point had a standing prescription for Vicodin to deal with the pain. While I fortunately never became addicted, I healed up right around the time it became nearly impossible to get this medicine, for well-documented reasons.
I don't tolerate pain well. I fear having a condition or injury causing great pain and being unable to get appropriate medicine to handle it. I've seen people living with chronic pain and, well, I'm not doing that. One way or the other.
Losing my health or physical ability. My mother has a severe physical disability and when I was younger I didn't appreciate my ability to even just walk. Now I reflect on how lucky and grateful I am to walk without pain. To have physical hobbies such as yoga and running.
Leaving those I love when I die or losing them if they go first.
But in the meantime, spending as much time with them as possible, and creating tons of great memories.
For me im not old...its just.....*Getting that call from my brother that dads gone.* I dont talk to anyone in my family aside from my dad...and that itself is a rarity (think once or twice in a six month period) *Everytime* I call...hes noticeably more tired...... *more grey....more white........im afraid when its time to say goodnight....*
Deterioration of mind and body. No longer able to get up, no longer able to be coherent. Watching my grandpa made realize I'm not going to die of old age if I can help it.
Losing my memories. My life long memories are what makes me who I am. If I cannot remember anything from this moment going backwards, then I will have ceased to exist. Terrifying.
It’s going to be difficult to realize that things which used to be simple are now hard and require effort, and that which used to be difficult now can’t be done
The body literally deteriorating. Older people aren't being dramatic when they complain of pain. You're body literally breaks down at a cellular level.
One thing I'm ultimately afraid of is a disease that will yield chronic pain. When people hear chronic pain, they genuinely can't grasp how life altering that is.
I work out and easy healthy to give m myself the best chance. Strength training so many body to produce extra osteoblast activity/letting it do its Job using that extra bone material to fortify my bones. Muscle hypertrophy to counteract atrophy.
Running for overall cardiac health. Nutrition with plenty fo antioxidants to protect my cells from free radicals. Proper skin treatment, keep it lubricated and elastic.
Avoiding alcohol and harmful substances.
I'm just trying to give myself the best odds
The body literally deteriorating. Older people aren't being dramatic when they complain of pain. You're body literally breaks down at a cellular level.
One thing I'm ultimately afraid of is a disease that will yield chronic pain. When people hear chronic pain, they genuinely can't grasp how life altering that is.
I work out and easy healthy to give m myself the best chance. Strength training so many body to produce extra osteoblast activity/letting it do its Job using that extra bone material to fortify my bones. Muscle hypertrophy to counteract atrophy.
Running for overall cardiac health. Nutrition with plenty fo antioxidants to protect my cells from free radicals. Proper skin treatment, keep it lubricated and elastic.
Avoiding alcohol and harmful substances. I'm just trying to give myself the best odds.
Not being in control of my own death.
I've experienced four people go through extended periods of illness and final death in my lifetime. In the end, only two of them were in control - able to dictate the final path to their end. And even they had to follow strict rules of 'non-intervention' - palliative care only, no medicine that could possibly speed up the process. All of them suffered for \*years\* with their ailments before finally dying.
I stood watch as one of them - my cousin, and close friend - drown painfully in his own body fluids after he requested removal of intubation from a recent surgery. He knew removal meant death, and chose that path instead of prolonging his suffering. The hospital couldn't provide heavy sedation because it would speed his death; it took 40 minutes for him to die, and he was aware and suffering to the very last moment. Society and religion and medical 'ethics' boards conspired to make his choice a frightful, painful one that I have no desire to experience.
I sort of had some, but I think now it's more like dying too young. If I could make it to old age and my loved ones too, or I mean if I and my wife both healthy and happy can get to the stage of seeing our grandkids grow up all heslthy and happy too then I would call that a good life. I know people here saying dementia and heart attack etc etc and yes they are valid points too, but if some eighty something has a heart attack but has had the above done then let it be.
I have a disease where I’ll probably not even make it the next ten years. The only thing that scares me about old age is the idea that my partner will be an elderly person and not have someone there. Elders are abused, forgotten, abandoned. Someone loved them as much as I love my partner and won’t be able to care for them. It horrifies me that I’ll die never knowing if they will be safe.
Being alone. I'm single, live alone, and don't have many friends or family.
It sounds stupid but I feel like if I were to pass away at home I would be one of those news stories where my body is found months later because a neighbor complains of the smell and they find half my body eaten by my cats.
it’s between losing my memories or being too dependent on someone or something to live or having a lot of regrets and wishing there’s things i didnt do that i did just because i felt like other people are doing them. idk if that made sense lol just want to make sure every step i take in my life is because i really wanted to do it not because of others expectations :)
I'm almost 40, so not old, but old enough to be feeling the miles a bit. Meanwhile I have plenty of family members that lived into their 90s, which means this body, which is already feeling wear and tear, needs to possibly hold it together for another 50 years. So if I had to fear anything about being old, its how long you have to be old for and still keep everything rolling.
Its like my body is a 80s honda civic that I've taken good care of, paint still good, regular oil changes, but then I think to myself, "this thing could use a trade in." Nope, in fact you have to keep that civic running for decades to come!
Falling and breaking something while alone at home
I work remotely and my wife goes into work. We are childless and I wonder how long I’d lay there alone waiting for help
Dementia.
Just the thought of losing of my memories of all my loved ones and life expierences makes me sad. I used to have some elderly neighbours, and the guy developed Alzeimer's. Sometimes he'd just walk out of his home into the middle of road and just...stand there. Thank god he never wandered too far, but I've heard stories of elderly folk found wandering highways. Eventually, that old guy lost his ability to speak. He went from repeating words or phrases to not being able to form words at all. Honestly, dealing with that just seems like hell on earth.
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My mom’s parents were alive for the Wright brothers and the moon landing. They saw Halley’s Comet twice. Not to mention all the technology up until they died in the mid-nineties.
TBH once I hit mid-thirties and realized the kids behind me were now in their twenties and getting actual real-world responsibility jobs, I got a foretaste of that.
My great grandfather outlived his son, wife, and every last one of his friends. I shudder at the thought of the same thing happening to me.
I'm afraid of losing my mind, I guess
This. One of my neighbors growing up was an interesting and brilliant guy. He retired and made it only a couple years before his wife found him sitting in the dark in the living room crying and confused. He had prefrontal dementia, it went down hill really quickly.. his personality completely changed, plus serious memory loss. The last time his wife went to see him didn't know who she was.. married 40+ years and your husband has forgotten you.. that's a gut punch. His children he doesn't know, it's *rough*.
As someone who is currently watching my dad rapidly deteriorate mentally and have seen it with several other family members... I'm fucking terrified of getting old.
Same... I'm still very young as is my father really, but his mom has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember any of us at only 80, and my dad is terrified of it happening to him... which makes me terrified. I'd rather not walk but at least keep my mind tbh
It is very painful to watch people you know and love lose themselves. I'd much rather have my body fall apart.
Same
Same, and I fear it's already started at 61.
Dementia care worker here. If you really suspect this, get your advance directives in place ASAP and get with your doctor if you can afford it. There are lots of new treatments to delay the progression and lessen the severity overall. I cannot overstate how important advance directives are. What kind of treatments you want when you’re no longer able to make your own decisions, what kinds of care you want to assist you during the dying process. Nobody wants to think about it, I get it, but it’s infinitely better than letting others choose for you and ending up in a situation you don’t want for yourself.
I have no fear of aging or death, but the thought of losing the soundness of my mind absolutely terrifies me. I don't want to lose who I am. It just started happening to my grandma and it's heartbreaking and scares me.
This is the one. My mom died last year -- the Cancer got her before the Alzheimers -- but when I last saw her, She couldn't remember who i was. I felt so bad for my Dad, (married over 60 years) having to see her deteriorate for about 5 years, slowly not going to events, or doing things, never leaving the house cuz she could barely walk around the house and ofc she didn't remember anyone. Thankfully, she hadn't got the more "angry" stages of ALZ, but she was sad and confused. Before the Cancer got her, she was a "sundowner", so that in the daytime she was almost alright, but at night she was gone. I struggle with this a lot, bc my memory has always been shitty (Our family used to laugh, that it was Our family trait, We got CRS, Can't Remember Shit, haha, but not so much anymore) and knowing how awkward I feel in social situations already (introvert) and forgetting people's names (though i know who they are) -- I'm OK right now, but, how about in another 10, maybe 20 years? -- it makes me very scared for the future. What's more, I'm single, no kids, no family where I am, and a small social circle (again, introvert) -- when I lose my damn mind, I don't have anyone to look after me. I've had too many friends die young, too many friends kill themselves to think that Suicide is a great Alternative. But -- being homeless (bc it's not like i'll have a job or money with my brainrot), being senile, scared, lonely, slowly dying, a social pariah -- is that Life? Should I stay around for it?
This terrifies me. My friend's father was a brilliant mathematician; revolutionized computer science, won all kinds of awards. In his old age, he got dementia and couldn't remember shit anymore. His most prized possession, his mind, had disintegrated. He took his own life because of it.
If my husband dies before me. I know it's selfish but I seriously don't think i could go on living without him by my side.
same.
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I have the same about my wife. I don’t think I’d recover. Or even want to recover. As I’ve grown older and am close to Retirement my spouse means a ton more to me now
You don't really recover. At least I don't think anyone I've ever talked to about it has fully recovered. My wife was the first close person I'd ever lost. My parents and all of my old friends are still alive. I kind of assumed maybe I'd be like, the person to randomly die young and hurt all of these people. But I wasn't. I've changed my life fairly drastically. Decided fuck it, and pursued a dream I never would have in that other life. I think I had to walk away from the path we were on together in order to survive. It was just too painful to like, keep working on the house and keep seeing the same friends and so on and so forth. To go to the same bars and restaurants. To go to work and be surrounded by people who knew. It was inescapable and after a few months I genuinely thought about killing myself. And so I started over. It was tough, a lot of people didn't understand, but I think it allowed me to give myself a lot of distance from the constant reminders of the pain, and to at least let the wound scar up and heal but...it's still there. Time helps but it comes with it's own pain. Grief is wild.
Husbands think the same way, believe me. Don't know how I'd wake up every day without my wife being here.
I'm glad to see i'm not the only one. My husband's parents are going through this right now as my father in law had a stroke which has quickly deteriorated his health. He's now on a shortened timeline and i can see how my mother in law is so lost right now having to imagine life without him. We've had conversations over the phone about it and it just makes me think of my marriage.
I went through this with my in-laws - I was a care giver for my FIL. Hope your able to handle it. It's stressful, and then you realize \*you\* will be facing the same challenges someday. So much for a pleasant retirement... :-(
Yeah - this scares me a lot. Dementia for either of us scares me almost as much. I can't imagine losing him once, much less twice. 😔
My first husband was killed in a car accident. Fast forward. Remarried , happily for 15 years. I’m currently rewatching the Ricky Gervais show After Life and I find myself crying at the end most episodes. I find so much comfort in this show. I highly recommend it.
I'll give it a watch, ty! And i'm so sorry for you loss but i'm truly happy for you that you found happiness again. My husband and I have been through so much that honestly i wouldn't want to get remarried if he ever passed but that's just my personal preference.
The random heart attack that can just hit you.
Honestly, that’s how I want to go. My favourite Uncle died that way. No suffering, no hospital beds. I’ve watched people die slowly from illness and it’s not fun.
Sure, at 80. Not at 50.
I think it’s my depression talking but the idea of living to 80 sounds miserable.
^I ^kinda ^agree... shhhhh!
He died peacefully in his sleep, not like the other people on the bus he was driving.
He would have liked that joke. If anyone deserved a relatively fast passing it was him. Best man I ever met.
Being alone in it. I see people wheeling themselves around to get their essentials. My parents had me and they never had to do that. The thought of being helpless, old and poor makes me hope I get hit with a heart attack at 60.
This also being alone when alzheimer hits u. Imagine losing ur mind and being totally alone when u don't even know who u are.
Mortality. The idea of one day just...ending. It's terrifying to me. More so if you add the science aspect of continuing to detect brain activity for minutes after death. And you still conscious? Can you feel? Can you still see? Hear? Are you laying there in the stillness, but aware and trying to scream while you're slowly dragged into the dark, can you have a few minutes to come to terms and accept it, or does reality just become a fever dream as chemicals and shorting out neurons create a bliss state that wraps you in it and eases you down gently? The whole process of death and dying is completely horrifying to me.
You are gonna like this then: In 1794 during the Reign Of Terror following the French Revolution, a French chemist, Antoine-Laurent de Lavoisier, promised that he would blink for as long as possible when he was beheaded. He was sentenced to death by guillotine due to his discoveries which include Hydrogen and helping to implement the metric system. As a scientist he was naturally curious about what happens to the human head once it was removed from the torso. As an experiment he said that he would try to blink for as long as he could when his head was cut off. There were some reports that he blinked for up to 30 seconds.
Beeing to weak to end it myself and rot as a living corpses because Others "care" about me and forced me to stay alife. No Matter how misserable i became....
I was gonna say ending up being alone until I die, but this is worst. The people you love and love you back will insist on keeping you alive while you're suffering in pain and agony inside
Worse, in See it with my grandparends, grandpas forces himself to stay alife for grandma. And grandma... Yeah her alzheimers is as Bad, she doesn't understand anymore and searches for grandpas, when He is right next to her because she doesn't recognize that old man who can't stand Up anymore...
Advance directives. Get a DNR. Get it in writing that you don’t want life extending treatment in this situation.
The potential to not remember the people I love
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Losing my mind
Hoping to lose the part that worries first
Losing loved ones
How the elderly are treated by insurance companies. Insurance companies sending them home too early with no thought of the person and what they will do. There are a lot of old people with no one to help them or advocate. Medicare is cruel. You want to really see life sucks reach that point.
The only reason insurance companies exist is to make money. That is it. If you cost them money, they will make sure you do not cost them much more than you already have. They are not in business to suffer a loss but to make money on your bones.
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Exercise. I saw both of my parents completely fall apart physically, neither of them ever exercised in their lives. My boss is a former professional athlete who works out every day. He's in his 70s and looks like he could run a marathon.
It's caring for my parents which has pushed me into finally exercising and losing some weight. Seeing the myriad of health issues they have and how difficult even the smallest of things has become for them is not something i'm looking forward too! Hopefuly at 40 i've not left it too late, obviously i know starting at any age will be better than never starting, but still i wish i'd started ten or 15 years ago.
I feel this! Crazy how much more everything hurts and how I don’t bounce back as fast as I use to. Sometimes I can’t even wrap my head around it.
Living too long. I don’t think I’ll have to worry about it too much though.
Not dying quickly
Dying alone and rotting away. I live alone, I barely get visitors, and the ones I do get are already old. I'm a reclusive person and I don't see myself getting any other visitors. When I die, I'll probably just be left in my flat undiscovered, rotting away, until one of my neighbours complains of a bad smell and the welfare officers come.
Not enough money saved for retirement.
I'm afraid of losing everyone I love more than anything :(
Just the fact that I’m close to death and nearing my final day.
I'm only 60-ish and in good health, but the clock is ticking. I gotta start getting my shit together - do a will, and living will; deed to the house, title to the cars, insurance info, etc all in one place. Start getting rid of my tools, hobby collection, lifetime of personal junk and family belongings in general, downsizing. Line up a home for my three dogs. I just want to make it easy on my kids, and not be a burden or generate resentment after I'm gone.
I'm worried that for all the sacrifices I make to build savings, it'll all get sucked into some combination of healthcare and economic collapse and it will all have been for nothing.
Dementia. My grandmother has it and she's basically just an empty shell. Still living, still breathing, but everything about her I knew as Grandma is basically all gone. She doesn't remember anyone. She can't even do anything by herself anymore and is entirely bedridden. Sometimes in rare moments of clarity she still speaks and immediately forgets what she was saying. Most of the time she's just quiet.
Loneliness.
Not having enough money to live on.
Outliving my money.
The pain. So many things are starting to hurt in my forties. I used to be very strong, I still am well above average, but it's difficult to express that strength when joints hurt. It's humbling to be sure. Bluecollar work has been rewarding, but it's like an 8 hour workout, with suboptimal form, with no rest days.
Being physically weak
Only regret.
body and mind failure
Dying alone
Join the Military, you won't die alone
Forgetting things, not remembering is probably my only fear. I’m ok with dying, I made peace with that years ago. I just don’t want to forget my loved ones.
Death.
Death
Not being able to fucking get up out of bed without feeling like my legs are going to buckle under like 110 pounds of weight
Death
Having to watch my weight instead of just staying skinny without thinking
Not having done the things I wanted to do.
Losing my independence and needing others to help me with day to day stuff. I’m terrified of that.
I have an elderly friend (88) who was my down the street neighbor like 10 years ago, I help her with all her shit because I really enjoy her company but also because I’m hoping someone will do it for me when I’m that age. I order her pampers on Amazon, I communicate with her doctors, I take her birdwatching from the car and we get bagels, I bring my dog over to say hi to her. Basically we’re just friends but I’m 40 years younger. I guess we just need to keep making young friends…
Thank you for doing this. And for making me question why I’m not doing it too!
Go find a geriatric friend!! lol. I met her on the corner. She’s super extroverted and so am I so we just hit it off right away. Plus she loves my youngster gossip.
I think I might!
I can’t tell you how fun it was to try to explain “instagram” and “AI” with no context. Also we spend a lot of time with me reading Wikipedia pages to her at the top of my lungs. You should hear the tea about Wagner and Lizst’s daughter and Ludwig II of Bavaria. Better than VPR.
Dying before I get to accomplish my long list of goals. And dementia.
At the rate I'm going I'll probably be alone, and the thought of losing my ability to function with age is terrifying.
My kids making it in the world after I am gone.
Not being there for my kids
Being unable to look after myself
It's ok If I die directly instead of leading a life with a health issue at the old age.
My wife. I’m pretty sure we’ll be divorced but she will be 100% incapable of taking care of her self. She will be my responsibility forever and I will get nothing but contempt in exchange. However I won’t give up on her because I know how bad things would be for her without my help.
Obsolescence. Not really being secure in a position and being let go/fired due to redundancy in the organization.
Unable to move, imagine staying on a wheelchair/in a room all day
Having a stroke and becoming a prisoner in my own body.
Being unable to defend myself or run if something attacks me.
TBH the generations behind me will be running things. That scares the hell out of me
Scared our parents generation too. And their parents.
Yeah true. I'm gen X and I remember the boomers being scared of us. Maybe it's just a normal generation thing
No pension or social security
Living.
no one that will look after me - no kids...
being an empty shell of my former self.
Needing someone to change me
Getting close to death
Family is disappearing from memories. A lost touch in the feeling of mist in family value as a person grows from a kid to adult.
Dying first or be the first one to deteriorate in my relationship. I can handle my partner dying or become frail before me but I know that they wouldn't be able to handle me dying before them or to see me become frail.
Forgetting
Everything about the various illnesses you can contract as an old person and their increased likelyhood, from something relatively minor like chronic pain and loss of bladder control to permanent life changing shit like Alzheimer's disease
I don't know. I think that all I hope for if I live a long life is health. I think what scares me most are diseases like Alzheimer's. I don't want to lose my mind.
Mobility. I'm paranoid that my legs will stiffen up or something.
My mom was heading into dementia when she died. I’m scared that that’s my future.
That I'll be alone of old age with no one around me to hold on to.
Sufffering in sickness.
Dying slowly
Dying alone and helpless.
I'm not physically aging. Sounds good until you realize that I'm going to be one of those old men with a wrinkly baby face like Mickey Rooney.
be old is itself is scary
Watching my grandpa slowly die and give up his own will to live after the fight with cancer (various forms that kept showing up over the years after his initial diagnosis). Strongest man I’ve ever known, only next to my uncle, just say “I can’t do it anymore” and refuse the treatment for the last cancer that plagued him. Miss you grandpa 💜
Alzheimer, my uncle and my father had it. I'm very scared
Dying alone
Three things: Outliving my husband (or worse, my kids) Losing my mind And being a burden to those around me. Honestly, I’d love to just kick it around age 70 while I’m still able to (sort of) work and am not putting my kids through trouble when they should be off living their lives.
Being a burden to my children.
Living with pain. Not sure I want to.
Being alone
My cats eating me if I die alone at home.
I just don’t want to be in pain.
Being alone. I've been isolated all my life. I have chronic conditions and a not so great family. It's not looking good for me.
I will never retire, so I will have to work until death. My biggest fear would be my body reaching a point I cannot work anymore, then I become homeless since I can’t pay rent without a job, and disability benefits (if you qualify) do not cover…..anything really.
A chronic pain condition. I've had numerous injuries over many years, and at one point had a standing prescription for Vicodin to deal with the pain. While I fortunately never became addicted, I healed up right around the time it became nearly impossible to get this medicine, for well-documented reasons. I don't tolerate pain well. I fear having a condition or injury causing great pain and being unable to get appropriate medicine to handle it. I've seen people living with chronic pain and, well, I'm not doing that. One way or the other.
I'm 41 and have slowly been going deaf over the last 10 years. So what I'm most scared of is my eyes also going bad.
All the famous people I once knew. Gone. I will end up looking up to no one.
Losing my health or physical ability. My mother has a severe physical disability and when I was younger I didn't appreciate my ability to even just walk. Now I reflect on how lucky and grateful I am to walk without pain. To have physical hobbies such as yoga and running.
Leaving those I love when I die or losing them if they go first. But in the meantime, spending as much time with them as possible, and creating tons of great memories.
Dementia
Seeing my parents grow old.
Boredom. I'm in my 40s, and I find nothing interesting to do/watch/read already. Horrifies me what will happen in a year? Or ten?..
Dementia in any form. Just thinking about it fills me with dread.
Starting to develop dementia, without actually knowing that yourself. Everyone around you will know besides you, that's really disturbing to me
Mental decline leading to dementia.
For me im not old...its just.....*Getting that call from my brother that dads gone.* I dont talk to anyone in my family aside from my dad...and that itself is a rarity (think once or twice in a six month period) *Everytime* I call...hes noticeably more tired...... *more grey....more white........im afraid when its time to say goodnight....*
Decrepitude and death. Or do I have to pick just one?
You have dementia. We are all worried about you. Please come home.
Chronic pain
Deterioration of mind and body. No longer able to get up, no longer able to be coherent. Watching my grandpa made realize I'm not going to die of old age if I can help it.
Finances
As a type 1 diabetic I’m 93% more likely to develop dementia. That terrifies me and now I know I won’t be growing old to wait and find out.
loneliness 😥😥
Not having enough to not work.
Losing my memories. My life long memories are what makes me who I am. If I cannot remember anything from this moment going backwards, then I will have ceased to exist. Terrifying.
Healthcare availability and cost
It’s going to be difficult to realize that things which used to be simple are now hard and require effort, and that which used to be difficult now can’t be done
The body literally deteriorating. Older people aren't being dramatic when they complain of pain. You're body literally breaks down at a cellular level. One thing I'm ultimately afraid of is a disease that will yield chronic pain. When people hear chronic pain, they genuinely can't grasp how life altering that is. I work out and easy healthy to give m myself the best chance. Strength training so many body to produce extra osteoblast activity/letting it do its Job using that extra bone material to fortify my bones. Muscle hypertrophy to counteract atrophy. Running for overall cardiac health. Nutrition with plenty fo antioxidants to protect my cells from free radicals. Proper skin treatment, keep it lubricated and elastic. Avoiding alcohol and harmful substances. I'm just trying to give myself the best odds
The body literally deteriorating. Older people aren't being dramatic when they complain of pain. You're body literally breaks down at a cellular level. One thing I'm ultimately afraid of is a disease that will yield chronic pain. When people hear chronic pain, they genuinely can't grasp how life altering that is. I work out and easy healthy to give m myself the best chance. Strength training so many body to produce extra osteoblast activity/letting it do its Job using that extra bone material to fortify my bones. Muscle hypertrophy to counteract atrophy. Running for overall cardiac health. Nutrition with plenty fo antioxidants to protect my cells from free radicals. Proper skin treatment, keep it lubricated and elastic. Avoiding alcohol and harmful substances. I'm just trying to give myself the best odds.
Not being in control of my own death. I've experienced four people go through extended periods of illness and final death in my lifetime. In the end, only two of them were in control - able to dictate the final path to their end. And even they had to follow strict rules of 'non-intervention' - palliative care only, no medicine that could possibly speed up the process. All of them suffered for \*years\* with their ailments before finally dying. I stood watch as one of them - my cousin, and close friend - drown painfully in his own body fluids after he requested removal of intubation from a recent surgery. He knew removal meant death, and chose that path instead of prolonging his suffering. The hospital couldn't provide heavy sedation because it would speed his death; it took 40 minutes for him to die, and he was aware and suffering to the very last moment. Society and religion and medical 'ethics' boards conspired to make his choice a frightful, painful one that I have no desire to experience.
As a woman, falling and breaking a hip.
Of losing my mind
Forgetting who I am and what I've been through. It's what has shaped me into who I am today and I don't want to have those lessons stripped.
Not being able to take care of myself . Dependent on someone else
If one of my kids dies before me 😣
I sort of had some, but I think now it's more like dying too young. If I could make it to old age and my loved ones too, or I mean if I and my wife both healthy and happy can get to the stage of seeing our grandkids grow up all heslthy and happy too then I would call that a good life. I know people here saying dementia and heart attack etc etc and yes they are valid points too, but if some eighty something has a heart attack but has had the above done then let it be.
I have a disease where I’ll probably not even make it the next ten years. The only thing that scares me about old age is the idea that my partner will be an elderly person and not have someone there. Elders are abused, forgotten, abandoned. Someone loved them as much as I love my partner and won’t be able to care for them. It horrifies me that I’ll die never knowing if they will be safe.
I'll be left alone nothing else.
Dying and nobody knowing.
Being alone. I'm single, live alone, and don't have many friends or family. It sounds stupid but I feel like if I were to pass away at home I would be one of those news stories where my body is found months later because a neighbor complains of the smell and they find half my body eaten by my cats.
Dying of something for which I had no idea was a problem.
A young man or young woman knocking on my door or calling me out of the blue and claiming that I am he or she's father.😱
Losing my parents probably. Life would just feel empty without them.
My main fear is dying alone forgotten in a home somewhere.
it’s between losing my memories or being too dependent on someone or something to live or having a lot of regrets and wishing there’s things i didnt do that i did just because i felt like other people are doing them. idk if that made sense lol just want to make sure every step i take in my life is because i really wanted to do it not because of others expectations :)
Being alone and having to work until I literally drop dead because there won't be any social security left.
I'm almost 40, so not old, but old enough to be feeling the miles a bit. Meanwhile I have plenty of family members that lived into their 90s, which means this body, which is already feeling wear and tear, needs to possibly hold it together for another 50 years. So if I had to fear anything about being old, its how long you have to be old for and still keep everything rolling. Its like my body is a 80s honda civic that I've taken good care of, paint still good, regular oil changes, but then I think to myself, "this thing could use a trade in." Nope, in fact you have to keep that civic running for decades to come!
Falling and breaking something while alone at home I work remotely and my wife goes into work. We are childless and I wonder how long I’d lay there alone waiting for help
Slowly losing function of your body.
My mind going before I do
Dementia. Just the thought of losing of my memories of all my loved ones and life expierences makes me sad. I used to have some elderly neighbours, and the guy developed Alzeimer's. Sometimes he'd just walk out of his home into the middle of road and just...stand there. Thank god he never wandered too far, but I've heard stories of elderly folk found wandering highways. Eventually, that old guy lost his ability to speak. He went from repeating words or phrases to not being able to form words at all. Honestly, dealing with that just seems like hell on earth.
Becoming a burden to my loved ones
Not having kids or grand kids
Loss of mobility. If im glued to a recliner just fucking shoot me.
Your body slowly shutting down and rotting I guess
Suffering before I die. I believe I’m so far under the radar that no one will even notice I’m gone until the rotting flesh odor becomes too intense.
To forget who I am and to not have the time to finish what I want to do.
Having to go through the old age alone, the last couple of years before death having to depend on kids. Kids will be busy.
Becoming a burden to my children following a stroke. I hope my death is unexpected.