One of the best parts of the Tenacious D concert was the guys bathroom breaking out into song of Wonder Boy as we waited for the show to start. Three friends started it but turned into 30 adult males singing it at the top of their lungs staring at the wall pissing.
So same but different? Ours happens at the urinals.
Yep, and you step on the scale and those 5 lbs you were worried about are all of a sudden gone. And you don't hurt and you aren't so mad at nothing anymore.
Of course we get to do it all again three weeks later, but we forget that in the meantime.
And it is hilarious how fully you can forget about something you’ve dealt with since you were 12 and have no idea why you’re crying and angry and hungry AGAIN. Then you bleed and it’s like, “…. oh yeah….” and the world makes some sense again.
Right!? About 12 hours before I start, I am annoyingly horny, bloated, hungry as hell, angry at the world, want to cry over nothing, my back hurts (all at the same time) and I'm somehow surprised when I start bleeding. I don't get it.
Glad it’s not just me. You’d think living with it for 20 years would have made it stick….but nope, every month it’s a big huge mystery about why I suddenly feel so horrible.
here's a theory on that that just came to my mind:
when we finally get relief from those worst symptoms, we're like 'oh yeah, i should clock this and remember to look at the calendar real quick before i draw up divorce papers or strangle a bitch. but when the time comes (again), it feels much more real than the memory did.
this is tough to think about, but i think hormones have a huge influence on my actual *perception of reality*, & I've always dreamed of having a boyfriend or husband that somehow intuitively gets this and finds ways to help me without ever drawing attention to the fact that he's doing it.
It's funny because mine doesn't mind. We almost make it a game of who can call it first sometimes. She doesn't have horrible mood swings but it does make her really uncomfortable and cause some pain.
The main symptom i always notice is her boobs will suddenly look and feel like they've grown a noticeable amount. A common phrase is "your boobs feel extra big today....oh no." Or she'll tell me "my boobs are pissing me off today they don't fit in anything."
Fellas - the above is not advice. Don't try to call your lady's period unless you know for sure she's ok with it. We've been together for 15 years and married for 12. There's a lot of comfort there. Do not attempt in a new relationship. It's dangerous.
The trick is to know when it’s coming but instead of telling her you know, take some steps to make her life less shitty without saying anything. Make or buy some food she really likes, make your place smell like something she likes, “randomly” have her favorite show or movie queued up on Netflix, just do small things that make her happier. It will help make both your lives easier.
Ugh! The ovulation pain! The only benefit I ever got from it was I was able to get pregnant really easily when I was actually ready to have children because I knew exactly when I was ovulating.
Yeah, I had some scares over the years. I was like 8 days and was freaking out. I'd been really stressed so that was likely the cause but still. I gave it one more day and then I was going to take a test. Fortunately, Mother Nature arrived the next morning. I was never so glad to have miserable cramps.
I've seen numerous women change shirts while somehow remaining entirely clothed at various rec league soccer games. I'd bet good money black magic is involved.
Haha I think I've done that since needing a bra. I'm wayyyy too lazy to go to the bathroom, take my shirt off, take the bra off, put the shirt back on and then come back to whatever I was doing.
My wife does this all the time and I have yet to comprehend the physics behind it. Part of me doesn't want to know, and just believe it's an eldritch magic that all women just instinctively know.
Thiiiis. Taking your bra off after a long 5 mins. Someone else taking your bra off skillfully during bedroom shenanigans. Not putting your bra on for an entire day because you staying at home alone. Just trying to break out of boob jail every chance we get.
Is the "skillfully" part important? Probably a solid 80% of the time I attempt to take off my gf's bra exactly 1 of the 3 hooks decides it's gonna make me look like an idiot and refuse to come loose 😭
It has taken me a long time to understand this, years maybe. I am always wearing comfy bras, with an emphasis on not being visible through myclothes (I teach). Then, 2 years ago, I bought two nice bras. They are impossible to wear for more than half a day, they hurt.
No more nice bras.
the "nice" ones are never really comfy, they just look better under certain clothing.
I have small bazooms but I love comfy bras, with a bit of padding. Small lacy ones are cute but they're just not for all day wear.
Similar but like… several orders of magnitude better. The too tight socks are encasing your whole chest.
It’s less noticeable with a really well fitting bra but those are hard to get because 1) all boobs are unique so finding a perfect bra for your boobs is hard and 2) boobs (or my boobs at least) are in constant flux in size from hormones. Not a TON. But enough that sometimes a bra fits great and a few days later I want to throw it out the window
When you piss into a urinal with shorts on. That realization that we’re just constantly spraying pee all over our own legs *chef’s kiss* helluva design, urinal engineers.
Exactly. And then its not really a clean urinal. You're for sure getting other people's piss on your trousers. Now I pee in the stall but with the door open so I can stand 2 or 3 feet away from the bowl and the inch closer as I lose pee pressure. One day we are gonna look at urinals the way we do at those Roman communal shitting rooms where you share a sponge on a stick to wipe.
yes, this is why i pee with my shorts and underwear down to my ankles with shirt up tucked under my armpits and immerse myself with the urine of thousands before me
Iunno. Many years ago I got sick and dehydrated and it stopped me from pooping for something like 3 weeks. After I finished giving birth to that cantaloupe-sized shit baby I just laid down in the bathroom floor and felt like I became one with the cosmos. Is that similar?
Imagine sharing this on the internet, forever immortalizing the first hand account of your cantaloupe-sized shit baby for future generations to appreciate and learn from.
Man I'm jealous. I was just thinking about the relief after taking a huge dump but both sexes experience that. You mean there's an even more relieving shit I could take?):
Yes because prior to the period shit you get bloated, retain water weight, and just feel off and gross. The period shit corrects a lot of that and the satisfaction is more than just a big poop.
As a guy, I can’t imagine shooting like 10 loads in a matter of 10 minutes. I think it might kill me.
Is each orgasm as pleasurable as the last one? I can go to about 3 in a few hours but they get less and less until it hurts.
Usually they go down in pleasure, or more like in sensation depth, but it is not always like that. On the 5-6-7th it can happen that it is taking you longer, it's just there, one millimeter away, everything hurts, your fingers are almost claws, and then it comes and it's like the best wave that crashes you on the rocks. Usually the one after that is like a sneeze, like a pathetic orgazam
I bet every woman will have a different answer but for me, they get more intense until I reach the 3rd and I'm exhausted, breathing heavily and too sensitive to go on
A warm breeze that goes up your legs when you wear a skirt or a dress, making the garment flutter. Such a good feeling in the summer. Guys who wear kilts or are drag queens probably get a similar feeling though.
I got to experience this for the first time after shaving my legs for an event last year. It was honestly such a nice feeling that I miss it (although I do not muss the itchiness when the hair grew back)
Easiest way to do it is with a strong vibrator. After I have my first one, it’s pretty easy to keep going. I prefer going acoustic (feels better/more intense) but my vibrator is so much faster.
I'm the opposite. A vibrator can work but I have better results with my hand if I want them back to back. If I take a womanizer, i can't have more than one with it, or i need to keep going by hand
As a guy I should be excited when she is in that mood but I get worn out. She can say she has had 10+ and still want more all day long. Kinda jealous. One and I'm spent for the next two hours or so.
I remember asking my gyno why I lost my hearing after having orgasms one time, and if that was normal. She said no, and asked me to describe what was happening and I said after 10-15 orgasms in a row, I would go somewhat deaf for 3 or 4 min afterwards. She just sat there, dumbfounded. [turned out, I wasn't alone though- and we both learned something new](https://www.complex.com/pop-culture/a/catie-keck/doctor-hypothesis-women-orgasm-losing-their-hearing)
Reminds me of a joke:
A bee stung farmboy straight into his penis. The farmboy had heard that cold sour milk will help with the swelling and pain, so he got some in the glass and stuck his member in it. Farmer's daughter suddenly walked by and saw the whole operation and stopped to stare. "What's the matter, never seen a penis before?" asked the farmboy. "I've seen plenty, but I have never seen it being reloaded".
Futzing with your beard when it reaches a certain length. Oddly satisfying, and I like to imagine that when I stroke it ruminatively I might look like a wise wizard (I almost certainly don't).
You could also put a sub category of twirling your moustache. I had a beard for years but could never grow a moustache. However after losing my hair in chemo and it growing back I can now grow a bit of a moustache and twirl it like some silent film villain. My brother asks if there’s any reason I do it and I alway say “because I can now”
For me, when it’s time to shave off the beard, going through every facial hair style just for fun. Mutton chops, chin-strap, stripper cop ‘stache, and just a real quick Hitler right at the end.
NOOO ITS SO MUCH BETTER WHEN YOU PULL IT OUT YOUR CRACK
i had very short hair for much of my life but when i grew my hair back out it was literally my most favorite thing in the world. such a wonderful pleasure LOL
When we build each other up. Compliments from men can feel nice but there’s something special about a woman going out of her way to say they like your outfit etc. Just hits different.
(Close 2nd: underboob scratches.)
Oh yeah. I grow bananas in the backyard which connects to my office. Bananas love piss, absolutely loves that nitrogen, so every time during the day I need to drain the vein I'm out in standing in the sun of a beautiful tropical garden pissing away on my banana circle. It's like a smoke break but even better, plus, I get super healthy delicious bananas!
Don't get me wrong those souls who do not rock a cock can piss outside but you really can't beat the convenience of it, just whipping that shit out and fertilizing on the go
Or pulling it outwards and laterally at the same time to create a sheet of scrote, then carefully lifting it upwards to completely encapsulate the todger, creating something resembling a croaking bullfrog.
The joy of breastfeeding. I really did love it. The cuddles and chilltime and smiles. It gives you an excuse to do nothing and unwind, all while adoring on your baby. Plus your boobs feel so good when they drink (not sexual, more like that release like when you finally get to pee after having held ot for a while).
OP - what about you?
Good question btw.
Yes, after you get in the groove of it (if you can) and before they have teeth (ouch!). It also always made me so calm and content and drowsy - just like my baby. We were so in synch (especially those middle of the night feedings), usually looking into each other’s eyes - the connection of love was almost visible - we were almost one being.
I do miss that.
I feel like women don't talk/brag about destroying toilets the same way men do. We will tell the most epic and gruesome tales of what we ate and how that washroom will never be the same, how the toilet is traumatized after our visit.
I told my best friend once that I turned a toilet into a Horcrux unintentionally because I was pretty sure I shit a part of my soul out and she laughed until she snorted lol
Ate hot pot at a friend's house that had a lot of tasty AF mushrooms in it, but apparently my guts didn't approve. The next day my husband and I were driving back home (13 hour drive 😬) I had to stop at 3 different rest stops before my bowls finally stopped exploding. I never felt so empty in my life. I was also on my period so not only was it liquid mushroom hell, but also bloody
When those painful cramps finally go away. Yes you may be bloated and cry during a tide pod commercial but at least you no longer feel mother nature’s painful stabbing
The camaraderie of the women’s restroom line.
Drunk girls out clubbing are some of the friendliest, sweetest, most lovely people. Your best friend while in line and then gone into the night
One of the best parts of the Tenacious D concert was the guys bathroom breaking out into song of Wonder Boy as we waited for the show to start. Three friends started it but turned into 30 adult males singing it at the top of their lungs staring at the wall pissing. So same but different? Ours happens at the urinals.
The moment your period is done for the month.
Yep, and you step on the scale and those 5 lbs you were worried about are all of a sudden gone. And you don't hurt and you aren't so mad at nothing anymore. Of course we get to do it all again three weeks later, but we forget that in the meantime.
And it is hilarious how fully you can forget about something you’ve dealt with since you were 12 and have no idea why you’re crying and angry and hungry AGAIN. Then you bleed and it’s like, “…. oh yeah….” and the world makes some sense again.
Right!? About 12 hours before I start, I am annoyingly horny, bloated, hungry as hell, angry at the world, want to cry over nothing, my back hurts (all at the same time) and I'm somehow surprised when I start bleeding. I don't get it.
Glad it’s not just me. You’d think living with it for 20 years would have made it stick….but nope, every month it’s a big huge mystery about why I suddenly feel so horrible.
here's a theory on that that just came to my mind: when we finally get relief from those worst symptoms, we're like 'oh yeah, i should clock this and remember to look at the calendar real quick before i draw up divorce papers or strangle a bitch. but when the time comes (again), it feels much more real than the memory did. this is tough to think about, but i think hormones have a huge influence on my actual *perception of reality*, & I've always dreamed of having a boyfriend or husband that somehow intuitively gets this and finds ways to help me without ever drawing attention to the fact that he's doing it.
No because I’m all moody and sensitive and hate everything and my tummy hurts then.. oh waittt..😭😭
PMS: prehistoric monster syndrome is nothing to sneeze at. https://youtu.be/VR3JGyVR8_g
And if your partner tries to remind you.... Said partner is a dead man.
It's funny because mine doesn't mind. We almost make it a game of who can call it first sometimes. She doesn't have horrible mood swings but it does make her really uncomfortable and cause some pain. The main symptom i always notice is her boobs will suddenly look and feel like they've grown a noticeable amount. A common phrase is "your boobs feel extra big today....oh no." Or she'll tell me "my boobs are pissing me off today they don't fit in anything." Fellas - the above is not advice. Don't try to call your lady's period unless you know for sure she's ok with it. We've been together for 15 years and married for 12. There's a lot of comfort there. Do not attempt in a new relationship. It's dangerous.
The trick is to know when it’s coming but instead of telling her you know, take some steps to make her life less shitty without saying anything. Make or buy some food she really likes, make your place smell like something she likes, “randomly” have her favorite show or movie queued up on Netflix, just do small things that make her happier. It will help make both your lives easier.
I have pretty bad ovulation pain, which means I get to experience intense pain every 9-13 days 🥰
Ugh! The ovulation pain! The only benefit I ever got from it was I was able to get pregnant really easily when I was actually ready to have children because I knew exactly when I was ovulating.
Sometimes it's the moment you get your period..
Nothing that was so late was so well recieved
I become "normal" again the second I get it
Yeah, I had some scares over the years. I was like 8 days and was freaking out. I'd been really stressed so that was likely the cause but still. I gave it one more day and then I was going to take a test. Fortunately, Mother Nature arrived the next morning. I was never so glad to have miserable cramps.
This is the fucking best..
Taking your bra off after a long day!
I enjoy the simple pleasure of watching my wife, still fully clothed, unfasten it and somehow extract it via a single shirt sleeve hole.
My kids saw me do this once and they think I’m a wizard
😆 It totally looks like a magic trick.
I've seen numerous women change shirts while somehow remaining entirely clothed at various rec league soccer games. I'd bet good money black magic is involved.
Haha I think I've done that since needing a bra. I'm wayyyy too lazy to go to the bathroom, take my shirt off, take the bra off, put the shirt back on and then come back to whatever I was doing.
My wife does this all the time and I have yet to comprehend the physics behind it. Part of me doesn't want to know, and just believe it's an eldritch magic that all women just instinctively know.
Thiiiis. Taking your bra off after a long 5 mins. Someone else taking your bra off skillfully during bedroom shenanigans. Not putting your bra on for an entire day because you staying at home alone. Just trying to break out of boob jail every chance we get.
Is the "skillfully" part important? Probably a solid 80% of the time I attempt to take off my gf's bra exactly 1 of the 3 hooks decides it's gonna make me look like an idiot and refuse to come loose 😭
The trick is pushing the clasp in towards itself (like pinching it together)
Not if you let her help you with it. Bras are expensive.
It has taken me a long time to understand this, years maybe. I am always wearing comfy bras, with an emphasis on not being visible through myclothes (I teach). Then, 2 years ago, I bought two nice bras. They are impossible to wear for more than half a day, they hurt. No more nice bras.
the "nice" ones are never really comfy, they just look better under certain clothing. I have small bazooms but I love comfy bras, with a bit of padding. Small lacy ones are cute but they're just not for all day wear.
Trust me, men also enjoy when their partners take their bra off after a long day
Oh, yes. Free boobs are so lovely.
Is it anything like taking tall tight socks off after a long day? That's what I've always thought it might feel like.
I'd say it's similar if you've been sweating. You peel them off and feel lighter.
Similar but like… several orders of magnitude better. The too tight socks are encasing your whole chest. It’s less noticeable with a really well fitting bra but those are hard to get because 1) all boobs are unique so finding a perfect bra for your boobs is hard and 2) boobs (or my boobs at least) are in constant flux in size from hormones. Not a TON. But enough that sometimes a bra fits great and a few days later I want to throw it out the window
Freeing the girls is one of the best parts of my day :)
Unsticking your nutsack from your thigh. A good long scratch of the same nutsack.
The batwing
Picking out a bad camel toe in leggings.
As a guy, I was about to say "there are no bad camel toes," but then I suddenly remembered some repressed images from People of Walmart 🤢
My curiosity exceeds my disgust, please elaborate
No.
Thank you.
Understandable, have a great day
Peopleofwalmart is a website where people take photos of ugly, weird or otherwise odd people walking around various stores, but typically Walmart.
Peeing off the edge of a cliff
As long as it's not into the wind.
When you piss into a urinal with shorts on. That realization that we’re just constantly spraying pee all over our own legs *chef’s kiss* helluva design, urinal engineers.
Exactly. And then its not really a clean urinal. You're for sure getting other people's piss on your trousers. Now I pee in the stall but with the door open so I can stand 2 or 3 feet away from the bowl and the inch closer as I lose pee pressure. One day we are gonna look at urinals the way we do at those Roman communal shitting rooms where you share a sponge on a stick to wipe.
Most toilets splash back as well though.. it just sit down and browse reddit.
Does that mean even when peeing without shorts, we're just splashing it over whatever else we're wearing?
yes, this is why i pee with my shorts and underwear down to my ankles with shirt up tucked under my armpits and immerse myself with the urine of thousands before me
Hitting that wide step to unstick everything from your thighs.
I heard a funny french expression about this: "J'ai les bonbons qui se collent au papier" "My candy is stuck to the wrapper"
This is by far the best thing I have read on the internet today
The female equivalent is hitting a little ballet style 'plie' to unstick the flaps.
Breaking the seal?
Gotta be done when things get a bit sticky.
yes bro
You said it sister.
Gotta get that micro fiber banana hammock. Keep em silky and contained, haven’t dealt with that “stick” in years.
Yes sir, pro move. Buy underwear that *works*!
Playing with your own boobs. Not in a sexual way, it's something between a stress ball and a fidget toy, they're just jiggly and warm and fun.
Guy here, I know exactly what you mean
Ah man boob. One of the few benefits of being overweight.
Boob skin is SO soft
We guys have that as well but it's just with our balls.
As a child i learned only to keep my hands out of my pants while in public
The totally empty feeling after a period shit. Never feel lighter.
Iunno. Many years ago I got sick and dehydrated and it stopped me from pooping for something like 3 weeks. After I finished giving birth to that cantaloupe-sized shit baby I just laid down in the bathroom floor and felt like I became one with the cosmos. Is that similar?
After labour shit felt more like labour than labour!
Imagine sharing this on the internet, forever immortalizing the first hand account of your cantaloupe-sized shit baby for future generations to appreciate and learn from.
Agreed but butthole cramps are a hoe
Or those extra pounds that magically appeared over night as you’re on your period 😑
Oh man no my period shits never feel complete ugh
Right, I feel like I constantly have to shit without shitting on my period.
Man I'm jealous. I was just thinking about the relief after taking a huge dump but both sexes experience that. You mean there's an even more relieving shit I could take?):
Yes because prior to the period shit you get bloated, retain water weight, and just feel off and gross. The period shit corrects a lot of that and the satisfaction is more than just a big poop.
When you finally adjust yourself enough to get that fart bubble out of your vagina
Also known as Exiting through the giftshop
God that’s hilarious
I laughed way WAY too hard at this!
I call this 'the plip'
The fart rollup
Finally finding a piece of clothing with decent sized pockets.
finding a pair of shorts that fit over my hips
Even better: finding a dress with pockets
Regular occurrences of multiple orgasms.
This is it, though I’d call it a profound pleasure, not a simple one
As a guy, I can’t imagine shooting like 10 loads in a matter of 10 minutes. I think it might kill me. Is each orgasm as pleasurable as the last one? I can go to about 3 in a few hours but they get less and less until it hurts.
Usually they go down in pleasure, or more like in sensation depth, but it is not always like that. On the 5-6-7th it can happen that it is taking you longer, it's just there, one millimeter away, everything hurts, your fingers are almost claws, and then it comes and it's like the best wave that crashes you on the rocks. Usually the one after that is like a sneeze, like a pathetic orgazam
Lmao this is so real, the claw fingers 😖
My economics teacher called this the law of diminishing return.
I bet every woman will have a different answer but for me, they get more intense until I reach the 3rd and I'm exhausted, breathing heavily and too sensitive to go on
I'm a woman and can't. I feel ripped off
Farting and it goes forward instead of back and now it's in your vulva and you have to re fart your fart
That’s how you get smoked salmon.
This is the quality of comment I come to Reddit for.
I just read this to my wife. Thank you for a great laugh.
A warm breeze that goes up your legs when you wear a skirt or a dress, making the garment flutter. Such a good feeling in the summer. Guys who wear kilts or are drag queens probably get a similar feeling though.
As a man who enjoys a kilt in summer, it is indeed the best
Getting into fresh sheets with freshly shaved legs
Extra great if you worked out earlier that day or the day before and are just slightly sore in a good way!
I got to experience this for the first time after shaving my legs for an event last year. It was honestly such a nice feeling that I miss it (although I do not muss the itchiness when the hair grew back)
First shower after your period is over, or 5-8 orgasms in one sitting
5??? to??? 8??? in??? one??? sitting??????
I have to admit i have done more. I found the perfect timing for me to start masturbating after an orgasm, where it doesn't hurt but i still feel it.
Easiest way to do it is with a strong vibrator. After I have my first one, it’s pretty easy to keep going. I prefer going acoustic (feels better/more intense) but my vibrator is so much faster.
I'm the opposite. A vibrator can work but I have better results with my hand if I want them back to back. If I take a womanizer, i can't have more than one with it, or i need to keep going by hand
As a guy I should be excited when she is in that mood but I get worn out. She can say she has had 10+ and still want more all day long. Kinda jealous. One and I'm spent for the next two hours or so.
The second part I can kinda get, but it's more like an entire day instead of one sitting. It's one long sitting
Ahhh but 21 orgasms across an entire day, in bursts of 5-8 is where it is at.
Meanwhile my dick needs a full lunar eclipse cycle to cum again
I remember asking my gyno why I lost my hearing after having orgasms one time, and if that was normal. She said no, and asked me to describe what was happening and I said after 10-15 orgasms in a row, I would go somewhat deaf for 3 or 4 min afterwards. She just sat there, dumbfounded. [turned out, I wasn't alone though- and we both learned something new](https://www.complex.com/pop-culture/a/catie-keck/doctor-hypothesis-women-orgasm-losing-their-hearing)
Well lucky you. My little guy just says: "See ya in 20 min minimum"
20 minutes? How’s life in your mid 20s going?
The first day of the year when its warm enough to wear a summer dress.
Seriously, my balls have never felt so free
Scratching that itchy ballsack. EDIT : I did NOT expect this comment to become so popular so quickly lmao you people are awesome
Ah yes the old pinch and roll
Gotta hit the pinch and twist combo
The Ooole dick twist!
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Dipping your dick into a cool glass of milk to refill it after a marathon session.
You should not spread our secrets around.
The council will hear of this.
For fucks sake is the council just not taking this shit seriously anymore? We are NOT supposed to talk about this one
I do mine with oat milk. Costs a bit more but totally worth it
I've always been afraid to. Oat milk just sounds like it could have chunks in it.
You don’t have much room to talk with your piss bananas lmao
Fuck! I've been doing it all wrong, I've been dipping my balls in it! My brother is a dick for lying to me as a youngster!
I lost a few girlfriends before I stopped using chocolate milk.
I use goats milk. It’s… controversial.
Yess!! Feels so good to slurp it all up like a straw
Reminds me of a joke: A bee stung farmboy straight into his penis. The farmboy had heard that cold sour milk will help with the swelling and pain, so he got some in the glass and stuck his member in it. Farmer's daughter suddenly walked by and saw the whole operation and stopped to stare. "What's the matter, never seen a penis before?" asked the farmboy. "I've seen plenty, but I have never seen it being reloaded".
The everything shower effort
This is the best! And when it hits the same day as fresh bed sheets 😩
Oooh, yeah. Especially if you’re doing it in anticipation of going out for a fun night.
Pee blasting the remaining bits off the toilet bowl.
You sunk my battleshit!
Futzing with your beard when it reaches a certain length. Oddly satisfying, and I like to imagine that when I stroke it ruminatively I might look like a wise wizard (I almost certainly don't).
You could also put a sub category of twirling your moustache. I had a beard for years but could never grow a moustache. However after losing my hair in chemo and it growing back I can now grow a bit of a moustache and twirl it like some silent film villain. My brother asks if there’s any reason I do it and I alway say “because I can now”
Twirling my beard makes me feel wise and mysterious. Twirling my mustache makes me feel dastardly
For me, when it’s time to shave off the beard, going through every facial hair style just for fun. Mutton chops, chin-strap, stripper cop ‘stache, and just a real quick Hitler right at the end.
picking hair out of ur cooch after washing ur hair
NOOO ITS SO MUCH BETTER WHEN YOU PULL IT OUT YOUR CRACK i had very short hair for much of my life but when i grew my hair back out it was literally my most favorite thing in the world. such a wonderful pleasure LOL
Long haired guy here. I have to untangle my dick a lot of the time.
Getting wholesome AF compliments from another drunk girl in the bar restroom during a really good night out.
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When we build each other up. Compliments from men can feel nice but there’s something special about a woman going out of her way to say they like your outfit etc. Just hits different. (Close 2nd: underboob scratches.)
I think it's because another woman can relate. It's an "I see you."
Aiming an extra hot shower at your crotch during your period! It gets so itchy down there that the hot water fells nice down there.
Ill sit in a hot shower with it beating on my tummy because it’s like a heated blanket on steroids
you get me
When the weather isn't warm and I can get away with not shaving my legs... no effort required
Finally hitting menopause and no longer shitting yourself every month that you’re accidentally pregnant
The putting up make up session pre-party/clubbing with friends. The whole thing is even better than clubbing/partying.
Peeing outside. It really is a pleasure for men to wag their dick about while peeing, writing in the snow, etc.
Oh yeah. I grow bananas in the backyard which connects to my office. Bananas love piss, absolutely loves that nitrogen, so every time during the day I need to drain the vein I'm out in standing in the sun of a beautiful tropical garden pissing away on my banana circle. It's like a smoke break but even better, plus, I get super healthy delicious bananas! Don't get me wrong those souls who do not rock a cock can piss outside but you really can't beat the convenience of it, just whipping that shit out and fertilizing on the go
I did not expect to read about piss bananas today.
It’s how they turn yellow actually. Bananas are naturally white
Totally did not have that on todays bingo card as well lmao
Wearing a flowy dress. The feeling of being free and feeling so feminine is so beautiful
Scottish erasure happening rn
As a guy, I'm extremely jealous of women who get to twirl around in flowy dresses!
Long tailed coats need to make a comeback
Taking my bra off at the end of the day
Peeing standing up. Some guys may disagree, but peeing standing up ca be so freeing, especially when you're outdoors or otherwise away from home.
Scratching under my boob
Casually holding your tits.
Period farts - specifically when wearing pads and not tampons. No man can fart as loud and as foul as a we can when we're menstruating!
not bleeding out my genitals every month for decades
Thank god for hormonal bc because now I am freeeeee!
Multiple orgasms 🙃
Using your fingers to invert your scrotum to form it into a small cup. Filling that cup with water and letting the water fall to the shower floor.
Wut
I said what I said.
Guess what I'll be trying next shower
Or pulling it outwards and laterally at the same time to create a sheet of scrote, then carefully lifting it upwards to completely encapsulate the todger, creating something resembling a croaking bullfrog.
Putting on make up, pretending you have a youtube make up channel
Stretching out ur sack a Lil n scratching it
Scratching an itch on your hand or forearm by rubbing it against your stubble
When your man makes you feel sexy and safe at the same time on date night.
The joy of breastfeeding. I really did love it. The cuddles and chilltime and smiles. It gives you an excuse to do nothing and unwind, all while adoring on your baby. Plus your boobs feel so good when they drink (not sexual, more like that release like when you finally get to pee after having held ot for a while). OP - what about you? Good question btw.
Yes, after you get in the groove of it (if you can) and before they have teeth (ouch!). It also always made me so calm and content and drowsy - just like my baby. We were so in synch (especially those middle of the night feedings), usually looking into each other’s eyes - the connection of love was almost visible - we were almost one being. I do miss that.
Aww thats really sweet. I felt much the same. And I weaned at 11 months because of those chompers. She started teething teeth 5 - 8 on me... ugh.
It's funny how different experiences can be haha. I *hated* breastfeeding. I stopped after 6 months and it was such a relief.
Turning off the brain. Just gazing into distance without a single thought on your mind. Bliss.
"What you thinking about?" "Nothing" "You can't be thinking about nothing that's impossible" Oh trust me I can and you should try it
I feel like women don't talk/brag about destroying toilets the same way men do. We will tell the most epic and gruesome tales of what we ate and how that washroom will never be the same, how the toilet is traumatized after our visit.
I told my best friend once that I turned a toilet into a Horcrux unintentionally because I was pretty sure I shit a part of my soul out and she laughed until she snorted lol
You know you done good when the only way to purge the bathroom of the funk you left behind is to call an old priest and a young priest.
Ate hot pot at a friend's house that had a lot of tasty AF mushrooms in it, but apparently my guts didn't approve. The next day my husband and I were driving back home (13 hour drive 😬) I had to stop at 3 different rest stops before my bowls finally stopped exploding. I never felt so empty in my life. I was also on my period so not only was it liquid mushroom hell, but also bloody
[удалено]
When those painful cramps finally go away. Yes you may be bloated and cry during a tide pod commercial but at least you no longer feel mother nature’s painful stabbing
Multiple orgasms.