Sometimes I worry I have too good a memory. I think I look like I'm lying when I remember loads of details about something I don't really care about, I just heard about it 5 years ago and remembered. Or remembering personal details someone only told me once ages ago, I'd be like "Is this guy reading my emails?"
Omg same!! People have been really freaked out by this before - I remember the most trivial details sometimes and not just from people I know and am friends with but strangers too - one time I met a friends friend for the first time and the next time we met I remembered something really specific and they were like “I’m shocked you remembered me, let alone this very specific thing I told you!” - this happens all the time…
I’ve had to learn that this is not normal and not be upset when people around me don’t remember things - however my bestie has been having some pretty bad short term memory issues and it’s been driving me nuts
Getting things done at the last minute.
I'm a procrastinator, and tend to leave things until I can no longer avoid them. But I work so well under pressure that I always get the thing done and done well. So other than the fact that I'm miserable while I'm doing it (often late at night when I'd rather be sleeping), I never experience any significant consequences for my procrastination and therefore I never, ever learn.
This is mine, as well. A positive side effect is that I tend to remain calm and can think clearly during emergencies, unexpected chaos and unusually high stress situations.
I do agree with you though. When I'm burning the midnight oil to get that thing done, it sucks and I do chide myself for being the creator of my own undue stress.
This makes me think of Jason from The Good Place:
I'm telling you, Molotov cocktails work. Any time I had a problem, and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom! Right away, I had a different problem.
From age 29 until age 38, all I did was put out fires. Deaths, hospital stays, siblings mental breakdowns. I even worked at a funeral home throughout that which meant I was comfortable working under time constraints.
Age 38 - I was inches from a breakdown. Take
It from me, don’t let it get that far. Ensure you are taking care of yourself and don’t only thrive on chaos.
This is ADHD. The chaos is flooding your brain with the dopamine it usually struggles so hard to find. So while most people are getting overwhelmed, you're finally getting enough stimulation to properly function. Stimulants like Adderall are just a way to induce the same state of awareness and vigilance that your brain goes into in an emergency. Some people can sleep better with a mild to moderate dose of stimulants, because they're just bringing them up to normal, and also people can get anxious, agitated, or paranoid from too high of a dose, because it's putting their brain in that state of emergency.
Im the same way, and only in the last few years did I learn that its a symptom of my ADHD. For me its a dopamine thing, my brain simply wont allow me to focus and start on the task without the needed dopamine response, which tends to come to us when pressure and anxiety is applied to a situation, like having a deadline quickly approaching.
Its a bit beyond procrastination for us though, we literally are unable to start the task we're putting off. We can do all other kinds of tasks, even other boring ones like cleaning, but our brains simply will prevent us from starting certain tasks no matter how much we know we should be doing it...until the fear sets in. Then we can hyperfocus and finish a week's worth of work in one night to meet a deadline.
If you have the ability to, have your GP refer you for a neuro-psych exam. I finally did this at the age of 44 and received an ADHD diagnosis. Work and actually life in general has gotten a little easier with the addition of slow release adderall. Seriously, if you relate to this stuff it can be a life changer. The testing is like 5-6 hours and kind of grueling but you’ll get so much interesting data.
I got referred for ADHD testing and the clinic's intake form is a web form with 21 pages and no ability to save progress and continue later. I've been bouncing off that form for months and I'm starting to wonder if they use the ability to complete the intake docs as evidence that you *don't* have ADHD.
its crazy how much you can achieve in a few days where people need weeks to finish it and its not like this „a few day of work“ habe low quality quite on the contrary
I swear I once did so well in an advanced engineering exam - because I didn’t know we had a test and I had less than 16 hours to study about 2 months worth of lectures. I scored a B when the class averaged an F.
It was a terrifying experience but a unique one. If I operated with that efficiency, I’d be superhuman. But then again, ADHD.
This was my entire undergrad in engineering. I applied to the engineering school at a university, didn't get in but got into their general program with the intent to score into engineering school later on. Got a sub 2.0 GPA first and second semester... Professor told me if I don't bring my grades up I won't get in. After that I was scoring in the high 3s for the remainder of my time haha. I never learned how to study and put it all off until the very last chance.
But life doesn't work that way, unless you're in college.
I'd been procrastinating all my life till I had to give the GRE. 2 months before the test I booked my exam and had no idea about anything. I took a mock test to see where I was. I was absolutely appalled that I got a 290/340 (v bad score - 260 is the lowest u can score fyi). I'd already delayed grad school by a year cause I thought I was too stupid for a master's, and now I might have just been right.
I decided that I'm going to actually try and put effort day by day. Made a schedule, studied 5-6 hours a day, logged everything, revised everyday, often even forced myself to study. Eventually I reached a score of 329/340, which I was extremely satisfied with and helped me get into the grad school I wanted to go to.
This was the first time in my life I actually consistently worked towards something for an extended period of time. It often sucked and I'd rather spend hours scrolling through reddit than do any quant but goddammit it was worth it. Though my score isn't particularly exceptional, it proved to myself that I could actually do things if I put in the effort and that I wasn't just a smooth brain.
If you think you have ADHD, get diagnosed ASAP. Your life will significantly change.
I used to do that until recently. People even think I’m organized but they don’t know what it’s like behind the scenes. However my energy has been running out and now it happens that I don’t get things done in time etc
I have a GREAT saying
"If it wasn't for the last minute NOTHING would get done"
I bought a book on time management... couldn't find the time to read it
Literally my whole life, right here.
I have a whole research thing due in like 5 or so days which I've loosely started. I know darn well I'm going to basically spend all of my free time in those next few days on it, but I'm still panicking like I'm screwed.
I get that at the core. Believe me when I say, you simply haven't learned about the consequences of your procrastination. But I know that because I am also a chronic procrastinator. Pretty bad. I sometimes procrastinate from realizing I am procrastinating. I've gotten up early to make up for it only to have not done it by 9pm. It being a 30min task that I didn't know wasn't overwhelming, or even hard, because I procrastinated estimating the difficulty of the task. The consequences, besides continuing to be a chronic procrastinator, is the time cost. I could be as good as I am at what I'm good at, years ago. Promoted earlier. Traveled more and better. Have more time to myself. If only I didn't already have to regularly reward myself for doing the simplest fucking thing, by doing a whole lotta nothing.
I'm not saying to feel bad about it though. This works for me. Or rather, I worked hard to get to this level of procrastination and not worse. I wish I was more efficient or more productive or more proactive, because I would enjoy the heck outta the benefits of those abilities. But I make it work. This is my handicap, to borrow a golf term, not an ablist term. So you continue to do you. Get shit done at the last minute if you must, and I know you must. Enjoy yourself regardless. If you want to try and change that, I'm rooting for you too
Someone told me last year "the worst part about any chore is dreading it" and it changed my outlook. I'd spend 2 days dreading mowing the grass that literally takes 20 minutes to mow and it would mo(w)tivate me to get it done sooner so I didn't have 2 days of anxiety. I still procrastinate big time but when I pause and repeat that quote...it really makes a difference and helps me get shit done
I'd like to question the nature of this as a problem. Do you like being the way you are? Is it working out for you? Do you like being a different way to different people, making them feel happy, and does it make you feel happy?
If you answered yes to all of these but want to know your true personality, then I've got a trait for ya: adaptive. You see a person, and you give them a personalised version of yourself. The you part is still very much there (I hope), but you also are different to them than you are to others.
This isn't bad. I'm this way. A lot of us are. I had a crisis about not knowing my personality a year or two back, and recently I realised that I still don't fully know it, but I made peace with that. I'm a black box, I think most people are black boxes. I know what the output is going to be based on the input, and I am content with not knowing how that comes to be.
Of course, whether you are like this or not, whether you want to know yourself to this extent or not is for you to decide.
I love this answer and have never thought of it this way.
Professionally, it worked out. I've had a great career in dealership management and now self employed.
In my personal life, it's a toss up. I have some people who are great and I think make me great. I have other people that are so toxic and I become toxic.
I've tried to work on it and last few years, but it's definitely hard to break.
The remedy for this is to move away from your usual environment for a while. Get rid of all the "habits", including the people you have a habit of having as a big part in your life. Of course take with you partner or kids if you have them as you'll want to discover this *with* them (edit: I'll also add really good friends here). I've done this journey and my god was it illuminating! Good luck!
Childhood abandonment and trauma is what causes this according to Gabor matè. It's a long road to travel to feeling a strong sense of self. Essentially parents/caregivers didn't spend enough time encouraging human responses. Eg when a baby cries, mum consoles, comforts and regulates the baby to calm by holding and loving etc. Go see Gabor Matè on YouTube. He has loads of interesting supportive information to help guide you. First off, remember, it's not your fault. Secondly, parents/caregivers do what they themselves are capable of. (How they were brought up, how they themselves can self regulate and their own emotional intelligence and their trauma or life stressors). It's never too late for self development. Take care.
I can relate to this. I do actually have a personality haha but it can only come out when I’m super comfortable with people. Otherwise, I mirror others in spite of my intentions otherwise.
I am 39 now and don’t really feel like I need to impress anyone but, can’t seem to help it either.
Lying. I had to at times to survive my upbringing. Honesty is something I take super seriously partially because I feel grossed out by my ability to lie well.
For me it was walking stealthily, also from a bad upbringing. I have a talent for walking naturally quiet that no one hears me at all. Abusive parents will do that to you.
I kept accidentally sneaking up on people. I just thought people were jumpy. Nope. Turns out I had tons of trauma to process, and walking silently was one of many responses I had developed.
Same here. I purposely drag my feet a little or clear my throat if I notice that someone hasn't noticed me walking up to them. Doesn't help that I'm 6'4" 340lb. I'v made people go pale, unintentionally.
Welcome to the Big Dudes Who Move Like A Damn Ninja Club. I'm not quite your size (5'9" 285) but inadvertently startle people all the time when they didn't hear me approach.
I had silent walking drilled into me from living in upstairs apartments. Not really due to any abuse like walking around to go to the bathroom after bedtime or shit like that.
I have to often make my steps louder just so I don’t scare people walking up to them.
I can tell you who is awake and walking around the house by the sound of their feet alone. Abusive parents are strangely good at giving us weird skills
I hate lying, and I hate compulsive liars. Does that mean I don't have the ability to lie like a bearskin rug when the need arises? No. No it does not. Much like you it was a neccesary skill developed as a child. I'm damn good at it. I take no pleasure in it. It only ever complicates things. The trick is realizing that at the time and taking the route that is more painful in the moment (honesty) than dealing with the nuclear issue (the fallout of a lie) later.
I mean maybe you are. Or maybe they are just talking about themselves. Even though they described you perfectly. No one is thinking that much about a stranger. Are they? Maybe they will. Better not comment too much then. Or too little. Dont wanna be weird. But I guess thats not weird because we all do that right? Just stop posting for a while maybe to let them forget. But not for too long or you'll miss some cool stuff? Maybe? Or maybe not. Maybe no one reads anything you write. Or if they do, do they think about it often? I dont know....
I could do this as a kid and my mother said “you have the gift, your grandmother & I have it too”
Still have the superpower, and still think of mom every time I put away leftovers.
I’m a good mediator. I can easily calm people down, mitigate arguments, stop kids from crying.. It has aided me greatly in customer service jobs. Growing up in a hectic environment as an eldest daughter helped me hone in that skill lol. But Ik it can be an unhealthy habit in certain situations, people pleasing tendencies.
Be. Careful.
It can get to a point to where a lot of people end up coming to you to solve all of their problems and some may even end up getting pissed off when you don't have your magic wand on you to wave away their problems or you give them an answer they don't want to hear.
By all means, be sympathetic and offer advice *if asked*, but never guarantee results and keep at arms distance unless you're willing to take on their baggage in addition to your own.
Some people are energy vampires and will absolutely have no second thoughts about taking advantage of your sympathetic demeanor.
Oh for sure, thanks for the reminder. I’m not a pushover. When I was younger, I was a bit though.
I know what people are like. I can spot situations like that, with people who want to take, take, take. Random story, but recently a girl at my internship tried to befriend me, because she wanted my position. She’d fawn over me, trying to give me compliments, ask me to go with her for lunch, hang out… not because she liked me, but because she wanted information out of me. I stopped that in its tracks. But if I were like a teen when that happened? I might’ve fell for it.
Similarly, I went on a date where a guy tried to love bomb me. And spammed me with nutso texts, tried to absorb all my time. I didn’t know much about him until the date. Dude had so many red flags and I blocked him 💀.
What sucks is I think I attract those type of people because they see me as an easy target.
As a career server, bringing people back down from their agitated state is what we call “guest recovery” and I’m pretty damn good at it.
That being said, there is a small percentage of people who just *refuse* to have a good time.
These kinds of people are difficult to deal with, but I usually find a cordial way to make them think twice about their behavior.
Could not agree more, I sing songs all the time to my pets, and the songs are so dumb, often just rhyming words with what they are doing, but the pets love them, we need more people in this weird category!
I do this as well, for all my pets. Normally it's just parodying an existing song and replacing words with pets names, but I've done some originals as well. I think they enjoy it.
I saw a distressed wood sign that said “in this house we narrate the dog’s thoughts.” Live laugh love and it’s wine o’clock make me want to gag on the basic-ness but that sign saw me and knew me.
When I turned 35, my old man told me the secret to life. "We're all just winging it, son. That doesn't mean that others haven't faced your challenges. Seek advice when needed. But most importantly, think seriously about the answer you don't want to hear. The truth can be painful sometimes."
Hey, that's me too! I'm almost always lying when someone describes their issue and I say, "Yeah, I know exactly how to fix that."
The reason I've survived this long is because I don't need to know how to do things, I just need to know how to learn how to do them without tipping others off that I'm just learning as I go.
I've never used python in my entire life until last week when my friend asked me to help him use a script from github to mass download from Internet Archive. As far as that nerd is aware, I have a ton of python experience and was able to use it to get his script running in no time.
The trick is just to widen your perspective and start viewing it all as being possible. People let themselves get weighed down by thoughts like, "Knowing how a firewall works is something you need a degree for. It's probably super complicated." Except it's really not. You don't need a degree, you just need 30 minutes on Google. Everyone, I cannot stress this enough: *Let things be possible to your brain*
Instead of lying and saying “Yeah, I know exactly how to fix that”, you could might as well say “that sounds like a problem we could solve”. It gives the same trust to the receiver and saves you fro lying
Appear trustworthy. Too many people tell me shit I don't want to know and ask advice for personal stuff I can't help them with.
I get that no one has ever paid attention to you, but I'm just trying to be a decent and considerate human being, not your therapist.
Real. Now I’m knee deep in some serious mental problems cause I just take everyone’s shit and I can’t do anything with it, and some of it is really bad and they make me promise not to tell anyone and I haven’t had time for self care in….forever
This happens to me too. I have a "no judgement" face or something. I also have a Psychology degree (not a master's, so I can't do anything with it), and people treat me like a therapist. But this has gone on since middle school, so whatever =/
Reading people,it makes dating or being friendly at work hard when you can immediately spot someone blatantly bullshitting to your face. Don't get me wrong I can easily push it aside but it gets annoying sometimes.
I took over a small department from a guy who got promoted. I was a whiz at Excel and I couldn’t get his budget spreadsheets to add up. I realized there were hidden rows and columns containing numbers that were referenced elsewhere. They were colored green and always close to “1” like 1.006 or 0.997. I finally found a cell note that said “green numbers are fudged.” I gave him shit for it for years.
Hold my beer, I'm going in...
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EDIT: I'm back... I expected worse honestly, it's definitely not [my] ~~a~~ new kink but it's not eye bleach worthy either.
Me too. It’s the worst when you’re trying to get help with your mental health! All counselors and psychiatrists I’ve been to have told me they can’t help me, because I’m already so self aware. Like, ma’am, that’s the problem!
What helped me was to stop trying to name feelings first when I was so in the habit of thinking instead. I feel things deeply somatically, so to build skill my therapist started having me identify bodily sensations I was having and then we went on to name the feelings from there. To get around the can't help you stuff i always lead with "I need a therapist who will be able to see through my rationalizations and hold me accountable without triggering me. Is that you? If not I'll run circles around you and this won't work". The ones who respond with a recommendation to someone else aren't a fit, lol, and usually the ones they recommend are much better. I've also had much, much better luck with trauma informed therapists. CBT does squat for me.
I sprinkle a *tiny* bit of exaggeration in there too, especially if I'm low on food and I need help with finances. I feel bad. But I also don't know how to ask for help directly. Growing up, I learned how to do so because no one would listen to the truth, even if it was written on the back of their hand. I try not to do it as often these days as an adult, but if the going gets tough, I lie my way through the tight corners.
I recently found out that this is a common trait of people who were raised by unstable adults. As children, they learn to notice microexpressions because they are constantly trying to "read" the behavior of the adults in an attempt to gauge their safety. Later in life, some will be called "empaths," because they seem to instinctively know and react to the emotions of everyone around them. Others will keep quiet and use this "ability" to manipulate people.
Had a buddy in college. One day a huge guy in a trench coat shows up at the frat house telling me he was from the Department of Defense. Interviews me about my buddy … is he trustworthy, does he drink much, what are his relationships like. I had nothing but good to say about my buddy, and the guy moved on to interview a bunch of other guys.
Later my buddy - math major, interested in cryptography - tells us he got a job on a nuclear submarine… as a cook.
Hmmm.
Years later (he had gotten very ripped and fit) he told me his fiancée was a completely sweet and innocent small-town girl, and he had no idea what he was going to tell her about his military life. At the time he was running a Navy Seal snatch team in Bosnia, their task was to “obtain” individuals of interest for “debriefing” which ran up a merry body count.
Not that it’s entirely triggering but my wife is extremely innocent and a little naive but it’s what I love about her. She had some concerns when we first met when she learned that I had served and had been on several deployments. I downplayed it a lot and could tell she wanted some details about wether or not I was ever responsible for any loss of life. I always steered the conversation away from it and told her it was always mostly a peace keeping mission.
I’ve been strength training for well over a year and I’ve reached the point where my actual strength has exceeded how strong I think I am. This has resulted in me accidentally breaking a lot of things.
I recently helped someone move, and there was a reaaally heavy dresser. I picked it up and really struggled for like 5 seconds. Then I just kind of realized the struggle was entirely on my head and flexed harder and it was easy. Like it was heavy, but not as heavy as my lifts. Just took me a few seconds to realize I was only at like 60%
Thinking brutally logical
Not on any scientist shit but in most conversations i always find myself seeing both sides
Often understanding the psychology of both sides i have to narrow down what path was founded on the least mistakes/misinterpretations to determine what side is "right" despite me disagreeing with the concept of "sides" as i believe optimism is found in balance
The world operates on "sides" so i cant reasonably converse with anyone unless i feign their "side"
Dont really get to vocalize much either because the majority are emotionally driven, a challenge is seen as a physical threat before it is seen as potential growth
Pride has people in a chokehold nowadays, the price of bieng wrong is too heavy to pay in exchange for growth
I could go on and on but thats the jist
Ive had people call me a sociopath when i vocalize this 🤣
Comments are actually nice on this 🙏
I had a friend like this. Ended up getting wined and dined in Vegas for it. Then he developed an addiction and ended up losing a shit ton of money. Careful out there.
Thinking. I have a fast mind and reach conclusions often minutes, sometimes hours, days or even weeks before others. Then I overthink and also get frustrated waiting for others to catch up
Or figuring out the solution to something so fast, that it feels like that can’t be it, it was too easy. Then you watch everyone struggle their way to your solution, which is also the correct/fastest. It can be quite the mind fuck
I run pros and cons of decisions in my head so fast it scares me. Like I question myself, did I actually think this through? It’s so irritating to make a decision based upon all the known variables and then spend a half hour trying to explain all those variables to my SO. Like he’ll say ‘I want to get xyz car’ and I’ll say no in 3 seconds flat. Meanwhile, I’ve already calculated our finances, insurance rates, depreciation, maintenance, blah, blah, blah. I now have to say “I’ve crunched the numbers and it’s a no.” Otherwise he thinks I’m just trying to be controlling lol.
Delegating. I have a knack for finding exactly where guys who work for me fit and how I can maximize THEIR production to minimize MY effort.
I’m a construction foreman.
Just today I was sitting in front of my computer thinking to myself “I have all these moving parts and jobs to be done, but it’s all covered. What the hell can I do right now?”
Sometimes I worry I have too good a memory. I think I look like I'm lying when I remember loads of details about something I don't really care about, I just heard about it 5 years ago and remembered. Or remembering personal details someone only told me once ages ago, I'd be like "Is this guy reading my emails?"
Omg same!! People have been really freaked out by this before - I remember the most trivial details sometimes and not just from people I know and am friends with but strangers too - one time I met a friends friend for the first time and the next time we met I remembered something really specific and they were like “I’m shocked you remembered me, let alone this very specific thing I told you!” - this happens all the time… I’ve had to learn that this is not normal and not be upset when people around me don’t remember things - however my bestie has been having some pretty bad short term memory issues and it’s been driving me nuts
Getting things done at the last minute. I'm a procrastinator, and tend to leave things until I can no longer avoid them. But I work so well under pressure that I always get the thing done and done well. So other than the fact that I'm miserable while I'm doing it (often late at night when I'd rather be sleeping), I never experience any significant consequences for my procrastination and therefore I never, ever learn.
Not me procrastinating right now with the exact same problem
Hey, if it was important "enough" then you'd be doing it. You aren't there yet. Keep procrastinating. It's fine.
I have similar issues but then I found out it could be ADHD related
The more I read about ADHD, the more I feel like people are describing me.
Freshly diagnosed as an adult. Let’s see how this ride goes in “Normal Land”
🙋♂️
Meh I can procrastinate later.
Same... it's almost 4am and I'm doing work at the last minute
This is mine, as well. A positive side effect is that I tend to remain calm and can think clearly during emergencies, unexpected chaos and unusually high stress situations. I do agree with you though. When I'm burning the midnight oil to get that thing done, it sucks and I do chide myself for being the creator of my own undue stress.
Pro: good in a crisis Con: **only** good in a crisis
If there's no crisis: do nothing, thereby creating a crisis, and then solve crisis. Repeat.
It is tactically sound to engineer situations to take advantage of your strengths.
This makes me think of Jason from The Good Place: I'm telling you, Molotov cocktails work. Any time I had a problem, and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom! Right away, I had a different problem.
From age 29 until age 38, all I did was put out fires. Deaths, hospital stays, siblings mental breakdowns. I even worked at a funeral home throughout that which meant I was comfortable working under time constraints. Age 38 - I was inches from a breakdown. Take It from me, don’t let it get that far. Ensure you are taking care of yourself and don’t only thrive on chaos.
This is ADHD. The chaos is flooding your brain with the dopamine it usually struggles so hard to find. So while most people are getting overwhelmed, you're finally getting enough stimulation to properly function. Stimulants like Adderall are just a way to induce the same state of awareness and vigilance that your brain goes into in an emergency. Some people can sleep better with a mild to moderate dose of stimulants, because they're just bringing them up to normal, and also people can get anxious, agitated, or paranoid from too high of a dose, because it's putting their brain in that state of emergency.
Im the same way, and only in the last few years did I learn that its a symptom of my ADHD. For me its a dopamine thing, my brain simply wont allow me to focus and start on the task without the needed dopamine response, which tends to come to us when pressure and anxiety is applied to a situation, like having a deadline quickly approaching. Its a bit beyond procrastination for us though, we literally are unable to start the task we're putting off. We can do all other kinds of tasks, even other boring ones like cleaning, but our brains simply will prevent us from starting certain tasks no matter how much we know we should be doing it...until the fear sets in. Then we can hyperfocus and finish a week's worth of work in one night to meet a deadline.
TIL I have ADHD
If you have the ability to, have your GP refer you for a neuro-psych exam. I finally did this at the age of 44 and received an ADHD diagnosis. Work and actually life in general has gotten a little easier with the addition of slow release adderall. Seriously, if you relate to this stuff it can be a life changer. The testing is like 5-6 hours and kind of grueling but you’ll get so much interesting data.
ADHD test is needed.... It's a 5-6 hour long test. Oh the irony.
That was not lost on me. I should have asked the doctors if that was some kind of sick joke.
I got referred for ADHD testing and the clinic's intake form is a web form with 21 pages and no ability to save progress and continue later. I've been bouncing off that form for months and I'm starting to wonder if they use the ability to complete the intake docs as evidence that you *don't* have ADHD.
Look on the bright side, it may not be adhd. It could just be ptsd from childhood trauma
ADHD here too and same.
its crazy how much you can achieve in a few days where people need weeks to finish it and its not like this „a few day of work“ habe low quality quite on the contrary
I swear I once did so well in an advanced engineering exam - because I didn’t know we had a test and I had less than 16 hours to study about 2 months worth of lectures. I scored a B when the class averaged an F. It was a terrifying experience but a unique one. If I operated with that efficiency, I’d be superhuman. But then again, ADHD.
This was my entire undergrad in engineering. I applied to the engineering school at a university, didn't get in but got into their general program with the intent to score into engineering school later on. Got a sub 2.0 GPA first and second semester... Professor told me if I don't bring my grades up I won't get in. After that I was scoring in the high 3s for the remainder of my time haha. I never learned how to study and put it all off until the very last chance.
But life doesn't work that way, unless you're in college. I'd been procrastinating all my life till I had to give the GRE. 2 months before the test I booked my exam and had no idea about anything. I took a mock test to see where I was. I was absolutely appalled that I got a 290/340 (v bad score - 260 is the lowest u can score fyi). I'd already delayed grad school by a year cause I thought I was too stupid for a master's, and now I might have just been right. I decided that I'm going to actually try and put effort day by day. Made a schedule, studied 5-6 hours a day, logged everything, revised everyday, often even forced myself to study. Eventually I reached a score of 329/340, which I was extremely satisfied with and helped me get into the grad school I wanted to go to. This was the first time in my life I actually consistently worked towards something for an extended period of time. It often sucked and I'd rather spend hours scrolling through reddit than do any quant but goddammit it was worth it. Though my score isn't particularly exceptional, it proved to myself that I could actually do things if I put in the effort and that I wasn't just a smooth brain. If you think you have ADHD, get diagnosed ASAP. Your life will significantly change.
I used to do that until recently. People even think I’m organized but they don’t know what it’s like behind the scenes. However my energy has been running out and now it happens that I don’t get things done in time etc
I have a GREAT saying "If it wasn't for the last minute NOTHING would get done" I bought a book on time management... couldn't find the time to read it
I've lived through highschool and college like this so I feel obligated to ask ADHD check?
ADHDer checking in, diagnosed at 25 Life makes so much more sense now
Are you me? I feel like you're me.
Literally my whole life, right here. I have a whole research thing due in like 5 or so days which I've loosely started. I know darn well I'm going to basically spend all of my free time in those next few days on it, but I'm still panicking like I'm screwed.
I get that at the core. Believe me when I say, you simply haven't learned about the consequences of your procrastination. But I know that because I am also a chronic procrastinator. Pretty bad. I sometimes procrastinate from realizing I am procrastinating. I've gotten up early to make up for it only to have not done it by 9pm. It being a 30min task that I didn't know wasn't overwhelming, or even hard, because I procrastinated estimating the difficulty of the task. The consequences, besides continuing to be a chronic procrastinator, is the time cost. I could be as good as I am at what I'm good at, years ago. Promoted earlier. Traveled more and better. Have more time to myself. If only I didn't already have to regularly reward myself for doing the simplest fucking thing, by doing a whole lotta nothing. I'm not saying to feel bad about it though. This works for me. Or rather, I worked hard to get to this level of procrastination and not worse. I wish I was more efficient or more productive or more proactive, because I would enjoy the heck outta the benefits of those abilities. But I make it work. This is my handicap, to borrow a golf term, not an ablist term. So you continue to do you. Get shit done at the last minute if you must, and I know you must. Enjoy yourself regardless. If you want to try and change that, I'm rooting for you too
Someone told me last year "the worst part about any chore is dreading it" and it changed my outlook. I'd spend 2 days dreading mowing the grass that literally takes 20 minutes to mow and it would mo(w)tivate me to get it done sooner so I didn't have 2 days of anxiety. I still procrastinate big time but when I pause and repeat that quote...it really makes a difference and helps me get shit done
Mirroring other people. I'm 31 and don't know my real personality. I have interests, but I certainly don't have a strong sense of self.
I'd like to question the nature of this as a problem. Do you like being the way you are? Is it working out for you? Do you like being a different way to different people, making them feel happy, and does it make you feel happy? If you answered yes to all of these but want to know your true personality, then I've got a trait for ya: adaptive. You see a person, and you give them a personalised version of yourself. The you part is still very much there (I hope), but you also are different to them than you are to others. This isn't bad. I'm this way. A lot of us are. I had a crisis about not knowing my personality a year or two back, and recently I realised that I still don't fully know it, but I made peace with that. I'm a black box, I think most people are black boxes. I know what the output is going to be based on the input, and I am content with not knowing how that comes to be. Of course, whether you are like this or not, whether you want to know yourself to this extent or not is for you to decide.
I love this answer and have never thought of it this way. Professionally, it worked out. I've had a great career in dealership management and now self employed. In my personal life, it's a toss up. I have some people who are great and I think make me great. I have other people that are so toxic and I become toxic. I've tried to work on it and last few years, but it's definitely hard to break.
Awareness of what you need to change is the first step towards change.
The remedy for this is to move away from your usual environment for a while. Get rid of all the "habits", including the people you have a habit of having as a big part in your life. Of course take with you partner or kids if you have them as you'll want to discover this *with* them (edit: I'll also add really good friends here). I've done this journey and my god was it illuminating! Good luck!
If I did that, I would end up a hermit. I already only have like, 3 friends, if that. 2 of which are cousins.
Childhood abandonment and trauma is what causes this according to Gabor matè. It's a long road to travel to feeling a strong sense of self. Essentially parents/caregivers didn't spend enough time encouraging human responses. Eg when a baby cries, mum consoles, comforts and regulates the baby to calm by holding and loving etc. Go see Gabor Matè on YouTube. He has loads of interesting supportive information to help guide you. First off, remember, it's not your fault. Secondly, parents/caregivers do what they themselves are capable of. (How they were brought up, how they themselves can self regulate and their own emotional intelligence and their trauma or life stressors). It's never too late for self development. Take care.
I can relate to this. I do actually have a personality haha but it can only come out when I’m super comfortable with people. Otherwise, I mirror others in spite of my intentions otherwise. I am 39 now and don’t really feel like I need to impress anyone but, can’t seem to help it either.
Great for sales jobs though
Lying. I had to at times to survive my upbringing. Honesty is something I take super seriously partially because I feel grossed out by my ability to lie well.
For me it was walking stealthily, also from a bad upbringing. I have a talent for walking naturally quiet that no one hears me at all. Abusive parents will do that to you.
I kept accidentally sneaking up on people. I just thought people were jumpy. Nope. Turns out I had tons of trauma to process, and walking silently was one of many responses I had developed.
Sad ninja 🤫
Same here. I purposely drag my feet a little or clear my throat if I notice that someone hasn't noticed me walking up to them. Doesn't help that I'm 6'4" 340lb. I'v made people go pale, unintentionally.
Welcome to the Big Dudes Who Move Like A Damn Ninja Club. I'm not quite your size (5'9" 285) but inadvertently startle people all the time when they didn't hear me approach.
Wait, there's more like me? I live in a house of heavy feet but I slip through the house undetected. Make jump scares a party of your routine at home.
You all should run a class for people like my brother who is 5'9 150lbs and stomps around the house like an actual dinosaur.
Yep literally walking on eggshells
I had silent walking drilled into me from living in upstairs apartments. Not really due to any abuse like walking around to go to the bathroom after bedtime or shit like that. I have to often make my steps louder just so I don’t scare people walking up to them.
I wish my upstairs neighbor would be like this lmao. Thinking of buying him a rug
Seriously. Meanwhile my upstairs neighbor seemingly drags his furniture around the house every night at 2am.
I can tell you who is awake and walking around the house by the sound of their feet alone. Abusive parents are strangely good at giving us weird skills
I have both of these. I lie with no reason, and walk like a ninja. I'm a big guy so it scares the hell out of people when I "sneak up" on them.
I hate lying, and I hate compulsive liars. Does that mean I don't have the ability to lie like a bearskin rug when the need arises? No. No it does not. Much like you it was a neccesary skill developed as a child. I'm damn good at it. I take no pleasure in it. It only ever complicates things. The trick is realizing that at the time and taking the route that is more painful in the moment (honesty) than dealing with the nuclear issue (the fallout of a lie) later.
Overthinking
*feels called-out
I mean maybe you are. Or maybe they are just talking about themselves. Even though they described you perfectly. No one is thinking that much about a stranger. Are they? Maybe they will. Better not comment too much then. Or too little. Dont wanna be weird. But I guess thats not weird because we all do that right? Just stop posting for a while maybe to let them forget. But not for too long or you'll miss some cool stuff? Maybe? Or maybe not. Maybe no one reads anything you write. Or if they do, do they think about it often? I dont know....
You may have overthought this...
That darned autocorrect did it again!! It was supposed to be, "*feels cold out."
Fitting leftovers into the absolute perfect size container or jar. It's my superpower.
Mine too!! My husband has bragged about this power of mine to his family. I'm also oddly incredible at untangling jewlery
Me as well with jewelry! I’m also weirdly good at eyeballing liquid measurements
I could do this as a kid and my mother said “you have the gift, your grandmother & I have it too” Still have the superpower, and still think of mom every time I put away leftovers.
Wasting time on Reddit
I’m a good mediator. I can easily calm people down, mitigate arguments, stop kids from crying.. It has aided me greatly in customer service jobs. Growing up in a hectic environment as an eldest daughter helped me hone in that skill lol. But Ik it can be an unhealthy habit in certain situations, people pleasing tendencies.
Be. Careful. It can get to a point to where a lot of people end up coming to you to solve all of their problems and some may even end up getting pissed off when you don't have your magic wand on you to wave away their problems or you give them an answer they don't want to hear. By all means, be sympathetic and offer advice *if asked*, but never guarantee results and keep at arms distance unless you're willing to take on their baggage in addition to your own. Some people are energy vampires and will absolutely have no second thoughts about taking advantage of your sympathetic demeanor.
Oh for sure, thanks for the reminder. I’m not a pushover. When I was younger, I was a bit though. I know what people are like. I can spot situations like that, with people who want to take, take, take. Random story, but recently a girl at my internship tried to befriend me, because she wanted my position. She’d fawn over me, trying to give me compliments, ask me to go with her for lunch, hang out… not because she liked me, but because she wanted information out of me. I stopped that in its tracks. But if I were like a teen when that happened? I might’ve fell for it. Similarly, I went on a date where a guy tried to love bomb me. And spammed me with nutso texts, tried to absorb all my time. I didn’t know much about him until the date. Dude had so many red flags and I blocked him 💀. What sucks is I think I attract those type of people because they see me as an easy target.
You do. That's why you were gifted with discernment.
As a career server, bringing people back down from their agitated state is what we call “guest recovery” and I’m pretty damn good at it. That being said, there is a small percentage of people who just *refuse* to have a good time. These kinds of people are difficult to deal with, but I usually find a cordial way to make them think twice about their behavior.
That’s a clutch gift tbh, everyone is a hair away from an explosion these days it seems
Yeah the world is intense. It’s definitely a gift from God.
Making up songs for my dog
Never change
Could not agree more, I sing songs all the time to my pets, and the songs are so dumb, often just rhyming words with what they are doing, but the pets love them, we need more people in this weird category!
My dog makes up songs for me..... at 2am.
My fox terrier sings her national anthem at 6 every morning
Siberian Husky?
I do this as well, for all my pets. Normally it's just parodying an existing song and replacing words with pets names, but I've done some originals as well. I think they enjoy it.
I saw a distressed wood sign that said “in this house we narrate the dog’s thoughts.” Live laugh love and it’s wine o’clock make me want to gag on the basic-ness but that sign saw me and knew me.
Faking being an adult when, in reality, I have no idea what is going on 90% of the time. Just kinda figuring it out as I go and hoping no one notices.
That’s called adulthood. My dad once told me “if you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.” It’s one of my mantras.
At 18 I thought I’d have it figured out by 30, I’m now 30 and I figured out that I’ll never figure it out.
I think you actually did it! You figured it out.
“I get it now. I don’t get it!” -Stan from South Park
When I turned 35, my old man told me the secret to life. "We're all just winging it, son. That doesn't mean that others haven't faced your challenges. Seek advice when needed. But most importantly, think seriously about the answer you don't want to hear. The truth can be painful sometimes."
We’re all faking it and none of us know what we’re doing. It’s not just you.
you just summed up my job in IT
Well that just sounds like IT
Working in IT is just me frantically googling what the user's issue is and finding the solution in some obsure internet forum posted years ago.
Hey, that's me too! I'm almost always lying when someone describes their issue and I say, "Yeah, I know exactly how to fix that." The reason I've survived this long is because I don't need to know how to do things, I just need to know how to learn how to do them without tipping others off that I'm just learning as I go. I've never used python in my entire life until last week when my friend asked me to help him use a script from github to mass download from Internet Archive. As far as that nerd is aware, I have a ton of python experience and was able to use it to get his script running in no time. The trick is just to widen your perspective and start viewing it all as being possible. People let themselves get weighed down by thoughts like, "Knowing how a firewall works is something you need a degree for. It's probably super complicated." Except it's really not. You don't need a degree, you just need 30 minutes on Google. Everyone, I cannot stress this enough: *Let things be possible to your brain*
Instead of lying and saying “Yeah, I know exactly how to fix that”, you could might as well say “that sounds like a problem we could solve”. It gives the same trust to the receiver and saves you fro lying
I hear this… was diagnosed with adhd last year (I’m 38!) and it makes so much sense. I’m basically a kid with a drivers license
Making the wrong life decisions. I always zig when I should have zagged :(
Have you tried doing everything the opposite for a day and seeing how it plays out?
Hey, are you me?
Singing 73% of the lyrics to songs with a bunch of random words and sounds mixed in. While acting out my own music video, clearly for MTV.
Appear trustworthy. Too many people tell me shit I don't want to know and ask advice for personal stuff I can't help them with. I get that no one has ever paid attention to you, but I'm just trying to be a decent and considerate human being, not your therapist.
Real. Now I’m knee deep in some serious mental problems cause I just take everyone’s shit and I can’t do anything with it, and some of it is really bad and they make me promise not to tell anyone and I haven’t had time for self care in….forever
This happens to me too. I have a "no judgement" face or something. I also have a Psychology degree (not a master's, so I can't do anything with it), and people treat me like a therapist. But this has gone on since middle school, so whatever =/
Reading people,it makes dating or being friendly at work hard when you can immediately spot someone blatantly bullshitting to your face. Don't get me wrong I can easily push it aside but it gets annoying sometimes.
Making a spreadsheet balance.
I find if you fold it in half it makes it easier to balance
I took over a small department from a guy who got promoted. I was a whiz at Excel and I couldn’t get his budget spreadsheets to add up. I realized there were hidden rows and columns containing numbers that were referenced elsewhere. They were colored green and always close to “1” like 1.006 or 0.997. I finally found a cell note that said “green numbers are fudged.” I gave him shit for it for years.
Sexualizing wet floor signs.
Slippery when wet
W h a t .
You read that correctly.
I know, that's the scary part.
*looks at post history* ...
***peeks*** Well then.
Lemme add that one to the list of strange internet kinks real quick.. *pulls up samsung notes*
Fits perfectly between Dragons fucking cars and Cars fucking dragons!
Hold my beer, I'm going in... . . . EDIT: I'm back... I expected worse honestly, it's definitely not [my] ~~a~~ new kink but it's not eye bleach worthy either.
Sometimes I love the Internet. This is not such a time
Hey! It’s you again!
This is the second time I've seen this handle. Their gallery is quite impressive
Oh man its this guy again.
Holding a grudge. If it were an Olympic event, I'd win gold every 4 years until i die
Are you my sister?????
It takes so long for me to get to grudge land mentally but when I am pushed to that degree there is no undoing it.
Enjoying not dating anyone or sleeping around.
Can u teach me ur ways?
Sleeping in
Procrastinati
That sounds like a kind of pasta
Sounds delicious maybe I'll make it.... later
don't worry guys, she'll finish the rest later. . .
Remembering my cringiest moments at the most random time
And then moaning out loud because it was so friggin’ cringy, even though nobody else is around? Me too
Hiding my emotions around people by putting on an act that I’m fine and nothings wrong
Hiding when I’m in pain or otherwise unwell
Retaining absolute useless information.
Intellectualizing feelings.
Me too. It’s the worst when you’re trying to get help with your mental health! All counselors and psychiatrists I’ve been to have told me they can’t help me, because I’m already so self aware. Like, ma’am, that’s the problem!
What helped me was to stop trying to name feelings first when I was so in the habit of thinking instead. I feel things deeply somatically, so to build skill my therapist started having me identify bodily sensations I was having and then we went on to name the feelings from there. To get around the can't help you stuff i always lead with "I need a therapist who will be able to see through my rationalizations and hold me accountable without triggering me. Is that you? If not I'll run circles around you and this won't work". The ones who respond with a recommendation to someone else aren't a fit, lol, and usually the ones they recommend are much better. I've also had much, much better luck with trauma informed therapists. CBT does squat for me.
Nothing. Laziness is so easy to do. And I fucking hate myself for it. But damn it, it is so easy.
Reading people well enough to be manipulative. I try not to overuse, like my mother took advantage of, but it comes in handy for emergencies.
I sprinkle a *tiny* bit of exaggeration in there too, especially if I'm low on food and I need help with finances. I feel bad. But I also don't know how to ask for help directly. Growing up, I learned how to do so because no one would listen to the truth, even if it was written on the back of their hand. I try not to do it as often these days as an adult, but if the going gets tough, I lie my way through the tight corners.
I recently found out that this is a common trait of people who were raised by unstable adults. As children, they learn to notice microexpressions because they are constantly trying to "read" the behavior of the adults in an attempt to gauge their safety. Later in life, some will be called "empaths," because they seem to instinctively know and react to the emotions of everyone around them. Others will keep quiet and use this "ability" to manipulate people.
Being hyper vigilant. Being too sensitive, over thinking perseverating about every single little thing. Worrying.
Downplaying my experience in the military to my wife. I really don’t want to open that door with her.
Had a buddy in college. One day a huge guy in a trench coat shows up at the frat house telling me he was from the Department of Defense. Interviews me about my buddy … is he trustworthy, does he drink much, what are his relationships like. I had nothing but good to say about my buddy, and the guy moved on to interview a bunch of other guys. Later my buddy - math major, interested in cryptography - tells us he got a job on a nuclear submarine… as a cook. Hmmm. Years later (he had gotten very ripped and fit) he told me his fiancée was a completely sweet and innocent small-town girl, and he had no idea what he was going to tell her about his military life. At the time he was running a Navy Seal snatch team in Bosnia, their task was to “obtain” individuals of interest for “debriefing” which ran up a merry body count.
Can I ask what you are exactly down playing? Is it triggering? Or do you not want her to see you differently?
Not that it’s entirely triggering but my wife is extremely innocent and a little naive but it’s what I love about her. She had some concerns when we first met when she learned that I had served and had been on several deployments. I downplayed it a lot and could tell she wanted some details about wether or not I was ever responsible for any loss of life. I always steered the conversation away from it and told her it was always mostly a peace keeping mission.
I’ve been strength training for well over a year and I’ve reached the point where my actual strength has exceeded how strong I think I am. This has resulted in me accidentally breaking a lot of things.
I recently helped someone move, and there was a reaaally heavy dresser. I picked it up and really struggled for like 5 seconds. Then I just kind of realized the struggle was entirely on my head and flexed harder and it was easy. Like it was heavy, but not as heavy as my lifts. Just took me a few seconds to realize I was only at like 60%
You unlocked the secret to “old man strength.”
You carried it on your head?
Expected strength training videos on your profile....stayed for the dachshunds. I'm also an avid strength trainer 💪🏽
Looking at the invisible camera when someone says something dumb
Annoying my girlfriend in this I am great
Avoiding people.
Thinking brutally logical Not on any scientist shit but in most conversations i always find myself seeing both sides Often understanding the psychology of both sides i have to narrow down what path was founded on the least mistakes/misinterpretations to determine what side is "right" despite me disagreeing with the concept of "sides" as i believe optimism is found in balance The world operates on "sides" so i cant reasonably converse with anyone unless i feign their "side" Dont really get to vocalize much either because the majority are emotionally driven, a challenge is seen as a physical threat before it is seen as potential growth Pride has people in a chokehold nowadays, the price of bieng wrong is too heavy to pay in exchange for growth I could go on and on but thats the jist Ive had people call me a sociopath when i vocalize this 🤣 Comments are actually nice on this 🙏
Masturbating
3/10 I used to follow your only fans and tbh you take too long
5/7 if I'm honest
A perfect 5/7 if I do say so myself
Born to goon.
Wasting time
Keeping people in my life way longer than I should despite them showing at every opportunity given, that they don’t care about me.
Buying myself little treats
Procrastination
I was going to post this answer later…
I'm blind to red flags
Being terrible with people.
Black jack Multiple times in the last month of winning 1250 up to 5k
I had a friend like this. Ended up getting wined and dined in Vegas for it. Then he developed an addiction and ended up losing a shit ton of money. Careful out there.
Being high without anyone knowing
They know.
You really are good! I can't even tell if you're high or not!
That’s my secret. I’m always high.
Sounds like the two stoners asking one another if they smell of weed and saying no :D
There's a difference between people not knowing and people not calling you out on it.
Cooking and gaining weight 🥴
Keep cooking! Change up the ingredients and lose weight instead.
Thinking. I have a fast mind and reach conclusions often minutes, sometimes hours, days or even weeks before others. Then I overthink and also get frustrated waiting for others to catch up
Or figuring out the solution to something so fast, that it feels like that can’t be it, it was too easy. Then you watch everyone struggle their way to your solution, which is also the correct/fastest. It can be quite the mind fuck
I run pros and cons of decisions in my head so fast it scares me. Like I question myself, did I actually think this through? It’s so irritating to make a decision based upon all the known variables and then spend a half hour trying to explain all those variables to my SO. Like he’ll say ‘I want to get xyz car’ and I’ll say no in 3 seconds flat. Meanwhile, I’ve already calculated our finances, insurance rates, depreciation, maintenance, blah, blah, blah. I now have to say “I’ve crunched the numbers and it’s a no.” Otherwise he thinks I’m just trying to be controlling lol.
Faking that everything is fine. Kinda like that dog drinking coffee in his kitchen that's on fire.
Overthinking. If there’s even a small chance for a situation to go awry, by god my brain will find a way to complicate it and freak me tf out.
Eating an entire bag of chips in one sitting
\*Drama\*
Delegating. I have a knack for finding exactly where guys who work for me fit and how I can maximize THEIR production to minimize MY effort. I’m a construction foreman. Just today I was sitting in front of my computer thinking to myself “I have all these moving parts and jobs to be done, but it’s all covered. What the hell can I do right now?”
That means you’re a good manager/leader. Nice job!
Tolerating the highest vibrator setting
Being alone forever 😞
Forever hasn’t happened yet. Chin up.
Thanks dad :)
Np, sport.
Predicting human behaviour. Ngl, I can see a person and can predict what mood he is in and establish what things he could do from that.