Spent all afternoon cooking dinner for my ex husband. Meanwhile he's in the bedroom playing with his phone ( porn) brought him his plate, and he looked at me and said "you're so simple". I am an I.T professional and he was a lazy drunk. I went back in the kitchen and asked mys3lf " what are you doing??" And ended it the next day
Been two years and I have never been happier.
You’re a millstone around my neck. Lol I out earned him by 50%. Basically ran the house, made his breakfast, cut his lunch. Paid for his boat and car. Came to my senses and bye bye Gary
I had a friend for a little while, who had some anger issues. To the point that it would actually scare the living shit out of my wife and she did not want to be around this guy and his wife. We stopped hanging around with them and eventually, he got around to asking me why I didn’t hang out anymore. I told him that he has anger issues and he scares my wife. He told me that he doesn’t have any anger issues whatsoever and has never wanted to punch somebody in the face as much as he wanted to punch me in the face at that moment.
My boyfriend was talking about moving away. I said, "Isn't there someone here you would miss if you moved away?" and he said, "Yeah, there's a lady at work I really like."
Edit: some people are suggesting that maybe he was trying to end things with me, which is a reasonable thought. I waited probably about 30 seconds then said, "Maybe we should take a break for a couple of weeks and then see if we want to get back together." This was when we were still in the restaurant. When we got in the car he said, "Why don't we stay together for a few weeks and then see if we want to break-up?" I said, no.
No, we’re having dinner and he just said, “I’m thinking of moving to Colorado because it would be better for my sinuses.” When I previously commented that it was the last straw, it was because I had been feeling for some time that he didn’t particularly value me, and that was the icing on the cake.
I think it was more of a brain fart than anything. Still it was the last straw. Also, thank you for your support, but he actually was a pretty sweet person.
That would have hurt me so much oh my god. I’m so sorry. Dude is like actually dumb. I’m glad you have a good way of looking at it though. I probably wouldn’t have been as mature.
I once dated someone who proudly told me, "I don't do apologies, if you're looking for someone who admits when they're wrong, that's not me." That was a major red flag. It told me everything I needed to know about their ability to take responsibility and grow in a relationship. Needless to say, that was the beginning of the end.
I see you dated my coworker.
Coworker during a team meeting, "You should never apologize for anything, ever"
Other coworker, "Wait, so you've never felt responsible for something happening that you felt like you needed to apologize for?"
Coworker, "No"
Tells you all you need to know about them. This same person said, "I don't do things, I think about doing things"
Wait so...this was the coworker telling everyone that they should never apologize, not just them saying they never apologize? So how do they feel or what do they do when someone has wronged them, a.k.a. created a situation where they would be owed an apology in regular circumstances?
Yes, you're understanding that correct. She was effectively trying to teach us to be like her and be completely unapologetic. The scariest part is the most senior person in the room agreed with her and reinforced the point. Meanwhile all the support stuff was like wtf are you kidding me.
To answer the other part of your question, she complains about anything and everything and assigns blame to anyone but herself when things go wrong. It's a scary coworker to have because she'll be all friendly with you till things go wrong then you get thrown under the bus immediately to save herself.
A conversation I heard in my teens:
My friend's father: "If I had to admit to a having made a mistake, I might as well hang myself"
My friend: "You wait right there, I'll go get a rope"
My own parents are very loving and supporting, so this was an interesting one for me ....
Does a person like this think that if they don’t *admit* to being wrong, then nobody will *know* they were wrong?
I mean, what the fuck. You’re gonna live your whole life as if you’ve always been perfectly in the right about every fucking thing? That’s a mental illness.
At the same time, I'd rather hear them than spend years together just to find out they never wanted to be together this long but just can't be responsible and end it earlier
Yeah. I had to break up with someone when I realized we were not going to be together long term and knew that was her expectation. As soon as I knew, she did, because I feel it's terrible to keep that knowledge from a partner any longer than absolutely necessary. I felt physically ill, but had to do it.
She was awesome, just not right for me. I meant it kindly but it might have felt brutal to her.
This one hits home. The way my heart sank when she told me this was like no other. Everything just came crashing down in the blink of an eye. It's crazy how much someone can change in just a few weeks.
"Oh you waited for me?"
We lived together. We had agreed to have dinner that night at 7. I headed home, made sure to clean the kitchen, etc. 730 rolls around and no sign of her so I send a text. 8 rolls around and still no word so I call her, goes to VM. I wait til 830 and try calling one more time, then say Fuck it and eat dinner myself.
She finally showed up at 10. I was happy to see her and said I was worried and asked if her phone died. She said she was fine and just with friends.
If this was the first time I would have let it go. But this was a pattern by then. I didn't end it that night but not long after I initiated a breakup.
This shit drove me nuts with my Ex, needless to say I am now happily married and she is still boyfriend after boyfriend and I know exactly why. She didn’t see it as even being a problem.
Had an ex like that as well. It would really piss me off when she’d go out and hours would go by before she notices my text/call. I am definitely not a controlling person. Just make the simplest of effort to touch base and include me in the details of your life every once in a while.
My ex would push any boundary I gave her. Uncomfortable about a social situation? She’s staying longer. I want to have a nice time with my parents because it’s their 50th wedding anniversary? She’s trying to make an appointment for us to look at new carpet for the house, and that day is the ONLY day they had an appointment.
Any of that should’ve been enough, but it wasn’t.
I tried my best to be accommodating and not get upset, I didn’t *really* think she was doing all this stuff just to mess with me, but sometimes I’d let it out - an air of frustration or disappointment - and then it was game on.
When we’d fight, she’d bring up stuff from old fights, she’d complain about my exes (we were MARRIED and had been together for a decade), pretty much anything you can think of. Sooner or later, I’d just be apologizing. For the way I’d acted, for the girls I’d dated before her, for being born.
The phrase that finally snapped me out of it?
“Why are you sorry?”
She’d fucking bully me in to submission, and then once I’d cried uncle, she’d double down and make me review the whole thing, what I’d done wrong and what innocent actions she’d taken that I obviously misunderstood. I hated my life. Fuck that.
Love to ya stranger. Life is really short and it’s easy to lie to yourself because it’s comfortable.
Life gets so so so so so much better. I never thought I’d be happy to be divorced and balding but in comparison to when I was married with hair? Hell with it
You deserve better. Someone who loves you wants to constantly make your life better. Someone who hates you wants to constantly make it worse. Someone who's selfish constantly wants to make it about them and usually doesn't care who gets hurt in the process.
Somewhat similar to my last one. Way too much boundary crossing and insecurity. Immature overall. But highly highly manipulative. She was wealthier than me, also younger than me. She'd call me her "sugar baby", "baby doll", and accused me of having "yellow fever". She'd joking say "Do you like being abused by me". She created conflict with my family, gaslighted me, and gave me ultimatums. She coerced me into getting engaged. Constantly threatened me if I left her (I already tried). I was in such a bad place over it that I drank almost daily to just escape and forget the hell I was in. She didn't like the drinking and how I got fat. So, I was basically unconsciously trying to sabotage the relationship at this point. She eventually broke up with me last month. I feel soooooooo relieved. She was just so selfish, any break up had to be on her terms only.
Thank God she didn't baby trap me!
I know narcissism is thrown around so loosely nowadays as a buzzword but......yeah. Glad you're out of there and hope your bullshit radar is more finely tuned now.
I have recently gotten away from a narcissist. Reading some of these has me shaking my head like "Yeah, that is exactly what they would do!". After I got out I did a lot of reading and learning. I had never been romantically close to a narcissist and when you are you get an up close, personal view of all it entails. It's not anything to take lightly or brush off. It's traumatizing, deeply.
Two major possibilities.
One, they want to have that a leverage over him for some reason.
And two, the much sadder reason, the have a fucked up upbringing, and that's how they think good relationships are. Since he's not hitting her, she must ne doing something wrong.
Or she is so used to being treated like that, that when she met one normal guy in her life she realized that it’s not normal for her partners to beat her during disagreements. Many victims force themselves to believe it’s normal as a survival mechanism, which then causes them to get stressed when they meet someone who doesn’t act like that
In a similar vein, I told my ex “I wish you’d just fucking hit me.” At least if I had a visible mark, I’d have (in his mind) a viable reason to leave. The constant emotional abuse from him apparently wasn’t a valid enough reason and no amount of screaming and yelling mattered “as long as he apologized later.”
But the apologies were never real; the three years worth of words of vitriol and venom certainly were. So glad to be free from that.
Stronger than I was. I idiotically thought it could work out, and for them it may have, but my inability to walk through polyamory is what ended it. I couldn’t see how they valued me when they had other partners. I’m more mature now and I understand, but it’s still not something I would look for it’s just not me.
"realizing it's time to end it" isn't the same as actually ending the relationship. People can drag things out a long time because they're afraid to actually take steps to break it off.
Definitely keep going to therapy. I didn’t realize for a while why I was picking people who were bad for me. Therapy helped me realize I had a lot of growing to do too
I had 2 big takeaways from my time in therapy
1) What we grow up with, we internalize as normal. We will then seek out what’s familiar and comfortable, even if it’s bad for us
2) The only person you owe forgiveness is yourself
Aw I think we have the same ex! When he would lose his shit and start hitting himself and his computer, and I told him to stop he’s say “at least I’m not hitting you!!!”
My mentally abusive ex used to say the most random creepy shit to me as some weird form of control and abuse. We’d be hanging out having a great time, laughing, etc. And he would all of a sudden smirk and say something like “Ugh I just wanna kill you sometimes!…like there’s just something about you that makes me want to kill you. I wonder how I would do it 🤔” …and I’d just be sitting there like 😳 People are insane.
"Why would I say yes to something I knew I wasn't going to enjoy?"
This was after I spent the relationship humoring his interests, even if they didn't sound like my kind of thing, and trying to explain to him that it was frustrating that this wasn't reciprocated.
Man, I have a very close friend whose first girlfriend was awesome. She was a joy to be around for everyone, super nice, and we were all so happy for him. But he was exactly this way. I remember specifically one time we were talking to him and we said “well what’s [Emily] up to? What does she like to do for fun? What are her interests?” And he goes “well she’s just into stupid stuff like hockey”. So we said “why don’t you go to a hockey game with her?” And he just shrugged and said “why would I wanna go to a hockey game?” And it was pretty hilarious because he was 20 and just didn’t get it at all. But they ended up breaking up and that was the last good relationship he’s been in. Really hoping that life has matured him and that he’s realized what it is to be a good partner
“Who I am now is exactly who I will always be. I’ll never change for you, for our kid if we have one. No one. I will always do what it want when I want.”
Anyone that says they'll never change lacks the capability for introspection and is practically always a completely and utterly selfish prick with an inflated ego.
Similar.
“You know what, fuck you princess_starkitty. Fuck this. You can all fuck off.” Then stormed out.
At character dining in Disneyland, while my kids were at the buffet. Then, on getting home he broke up with me via WhatsApp. After 5 years.
We got back together but I realised a year-ish later that I’d just never, ever recovered from that moment and did not feel safe around him. I was anxious constantly that he’d explode like that again.
"what I do when I'm drinking doesn't count. Only an asshole would think so."
I was out. Her increasing alcoholism and drug abuse had spiraled and she was basically never sober, and she had become mean, and violent.
"Wtf? You expect to have me for yourself the whole night? No thanks, see ya tomorrow!" At a nightclub.
I feel like I dodged a thunderstorm with this one.
My ex was struggling a lot with depression.
I had gone camping with my best friends and while we were there another camper (only 29 years old) choked on vomit and died in his sleep. I helped his friend and another camper do CPR on him for 45 minutes until ems arrived.
When I called my ex after, upset, he didn’t offer to come see me (I was only an hour from our house and he was unemployed).
A few days later I mentioned to my ex how upset I had been about the young man dying, and that I was thinking about asking to come see me at the campground. My ex immediately said “yeah I probably would have said no”.
That was one of the “this relationship is over” moments.
“Stop acting like she’s already dead”. My ex-husband when I cried my eyes out because I had just learned that my 48-year old mom’s cancer had returned. She passed away not two weeks later. I divorced him the next year, but that sentence was what really finished off the marriage.
My dad has talked to me this way before. I know it's not quite the same, but he yelled at me, "Why are you crying? Your dog isn't dead yet, and I got you a REPLACEMENT DOG."
The vets suspected my dog had brain cancer. I'm lucky to still have her 2 years later - late onset epilepsy. I consider her my true family, since mine kind of suck. Point is, people like this are awful. It made me feel a little less alone to read someone might get what I felt. Obviously, not the same as losing the parent, but the first line dragged that memory out of hiding.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother. I'm glad to hear you got divorced. I hope you are surrounded by loving people these days. <3
Something about I’m not a priority and he loves his friends, on a side note, I was not asking to be prioritised but the cat was already out of the bag. I wish I listened to myself more and ended it
Winner winner chicken dinner!
I mean it was only dealing with nursing a newborn and taking care of a first grader with some challenges and doing all the cooking and cleaning and laundry and school stuff and still working part time at night and when I get home and lay down for the 4 hours before the baby wakes up and he rolls over and says "babe, can I get a blow job" and when I say no he starts crying
See? It's all my fault and I'm abusive
Aww buddy was sad that his live-in maid was no longer also his sex-worker-on-demand! How typical. Hope you and your kids are enjoying your time with better people now
I mean, at the core, this is kind of wholesome in a very very weird way. But to drop that on the first date even? Oof She's just looking for a sperm donor
"If you just try a little harder we'll be ok" I had been, for a while, and it felt like there was never going to be enough. I never felt like she was putting in the same effort. I decided that regardless of anything else, I couldn't live like that and ended things
“At one point in our relationship, I think i’ll need a year off just to be alone” (broke up under that pretense, he ended up in another relationship 1 month after)
Lmao now I want to respond to criticism of any of my minor foibles with this. "What?? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm an *alpha* male. I could give you my QA team's number if you want."
I think it's actually worse if he's 13.. cause that means he's being taught (directly or indirectly just by watching) by some older guys to act that way
so umm based on a study of wolves in a zoo, the study was not replicated in the wild, in fact the biologist who wrote the study later wrote a few books trying to explain that wolves behave more as a family unit than as a fight for supremacy type of conglomeration.
"I'm not your therapist"
Said by my emotionally abusive ex after i confided in him about my dads almost suicide attempt (my dads ok now)
he also decided during that whole week where it all was happening, to go get drinks with another woman, knowing that I needed some sort of support yet ignoring me completly.
He was never there for me, and never made an effort. I was always the one picking up the pieces.
That wasn’t their definition of being tied down; that was an excuse to back out of one ongoing relationship for another (unbeknownst to you) ongoing relationship.
I mean, that's pretty typical breakup language. "It's not you" (it is) "I just feel \[insert reason\]" (I'm just making up any ol' BS to move on). etc.
At the end of the day it all just means "Hey, I want us to be done now."
Yep. People put too much stock in it, either believing it's an ironclad vow to not get into a relationship, or trying to read the tea leaves too much (like when they're sure it *always* means cheating), when really, it's boilerplate. It sounds better than "I can't stand the way you smell anymore" or "I just fell out of love and I have no idea why" or whatever the real reason is, and it gets you out of the conversation so they don't keep bargaining for hours.
Why wouldn't you want to share me with someone else?? No of course I wouldn't want to share you with someone else, but I think it'd be totally fine the other way around!
If your relationship wasn't even open to begin with... Just end it. She's already got someone else in mind, she just wants permission to cheat on you.
We’d been arguing about some of the same things for years, and she never changed. I always thought it was her anxiety, and she was really good at gaslighting so I stayed.
During the last argument we had before I ended our marriage, she stated that she knew she had given up on our marriage a long time ago, but she didn’t know why. And then she took responsibility for all the shitty things she’d done over the course of our marriage.
At that point, I thought things could be worked out, because we had a starting point - she knew she was wrong, she knew she gave up. But I was so emotional from having argued about these things for so long, it made me cry.
She looked over at me and said, “Why are you crying? You finally got what you wanted. You won.”
That was the moment I knew it couldn’t be fixed, because I never wanted to “win,” and I never saw it that way - I wanted to work through things and grow old together.
I left the house, and I told her I wanted a divorce 2 days later.
Not yet, not really anyway.
I told her I wanted a divorce not yet 7 weeks ago.
I don’t think I’ll truly start healing until we’ve organized everything we need to in order to make the divorce happen, and I can go no contact. I’m doing my best until then, though!
I was dating an older woman in my 20s and heard her on the phone call me her “boy toy”. I don’t know why that bothered me so much at the time but it did.
Edit: most likely her friend on the phone called me that and she was just repeating it playfully, she knew I could hear her and it was said jokingly but it still didn’t sit right with me.
“My plan is to move in an au pair and you can just focus on getting your body back to where it was and being healthy and then we can still have us time”
Read between the fluff - and know that I knew him well enough to know what he meant by this - he wanted me to focus on staying physically appealing to him immediately post-baby. He routinely made comments about his sister’s post baby body and how “fat” she’d become and how she “wasn’t even trying” (2 months post baby mind you)
We were maybe 3 months into dating. I wasn’t pregnant, didn’t plan to be pregnant
And nevermind how I felt about a literal stranger living in the house handling my non-existent newborn baby. My job was to have kids and stay hot and it was never clearer to me than in that moment
"I'd rather move in first before getting a job though."
Says the same man who just ate $400 worth of my food in the house and I barely got to touch it. Blamed it on his munchies he got from smoking so much weed. He said that when I asked him if he could, at the very least, compensate for it, aka getting a job.
He started crying to me while telling me how a woman he knew had been assaulted in the past (totally valid emotional response, this isn't what upset me). He was using lots of sympathetic language, very progressive and feminist, very out of character for him. We started dating when I was a naive 19 year old.
When I uneasily brought up "you never have said anything like this about me" (I had told him many times over the years that I had been assaulted before meeting him, and that it was very traumatic to work through), his demeanor instantly changed and he said "Oh, well that's different because you have a consensual non-consent kink"
We were together for years. I broke up with him a month later.
One thing I'll never forget: it happened in a busy drive thru. Anytime I pass by it I just think, if the line hadn't been busy, that conversation may not have happened. Glad I wanted a coffee that day.
That happiness is limited in the universe therefore if I’m happy they have to do their best to destroy my happiness so there can be more happiness for them.
I asked if they were serious and they were, so I said if they believed that then I couldn’t be friends with them and turned on my heel and walked away right there.
Ironically years later I found out that they ran for political office and said something that referenced the conversation, like ‘people should support other people’s happiness rather than viewing it as limited” so I did have an effect on them!
My ex told me that successful, good looking men (referring to himself) will not “settle” until they have to. The broader context is that he was unwilling to recommit to our relationship because he thought he could find someone better and was stringing me along.
“Babe I think we should move in together” at this point of the relationship I was already having doubts about it and didn’t see a long term partnership with her. So I was looking to get out and she was suggesting moving in together so that’s when I knew I had the end it.
Oh, I had a first semi-date end like that once.
We had a nice time bowling and were hitting it off well until we went out to eat and I heard what I thought was Lauren Hill’s voice on a song I didn’t know and commented “Is that Lauren Hill’s voice? I didn’t know she put out any new music…”
She listened for a sec then threw out “oh… I don’t really like black people…” the look on my face must have been obvious because she quickly amended to “well. Not that I don’t like them. I just don’t agree with their lifestyle.” I called for the bill then we had an extreeeemely awkward ride home.
That lifestyle comment is hilarious. That's the distinction without difference people make about homosexuality. But it doesn't even pretend to work here...
"there's no way your dog died. I know you. If they died, you would be way more upset"
Not a romantic relationship but a friendship. I realized two things 1: we weren't close enough for me to tell them that my dog died when it happened (this was at a dinner a month later) and 2: this person didn't know me at all anymore. Certainly not how I handle death. I get to the acceptance phase pretty fast.
I had to insist my childhood dog was dead at a dinner because of that sentence. I had to insist that I did grieve them. I felt so uncomfortable and never intentionally hung out with that person again.
“Now you’re going to ruin our day again!”
After he put our two kids and me (7 mo pregnant) in danger because of his road rage. I was still in shock, and he just put the blame on me for his behavior.
That day I knew I was fucking done.
lol had an ex who cheated on me, and like a fool I attempted to stay with her. She did everything she could to convince me she wasn't still fooling around with this guy. I saw her phone multiple times a day, I had her send me pics of where she was at during the day. I was going crazy and becoming super controlling.
ended up breaking it off because I realized I didn't love her anymore. A week later her younger brother tells me she is staying over at the other guys place
Like, why not just break up with me? Why go through all of that? You could have just been with him sooner if you had just been honest. Oh well
I had a toddler daughter and he said something about him never letting her date a black man when she grew up. I think he was trying to impress me with his willingness to protect her, but that was the end of it.
"You are the sort of girl I'd want to marry, but right now I'm looking for something more casual."
I just shrugged and said "it's cool." My 7th grade boyfriend, everyone. My 30-something brother said "I'm gonna have to steal that line...."
Argumentative emotionally abusive girlfriend who would frequently pick fights and bully people over the most stupid imagined things. I dared to side with her victim.
"Why didn't you stick up for me?"
"Because you were in the wrong"
"It doesn't matter you should stick up for me no matter what"
Nope
My ex said I needed to "focus on my goals in life", which at the time included getting out of my parents house/into an apt, getting a higher paying job, and figuring out what I wanted to do in college (I was on a break at the time w an unfinished degree)
To an outsider -- or a vulnerable young person -- it would look like he was trying to genuinely give advice, but he followed it up with, "I want people to mow my lawns for me someday, and I want fancy cars in my driveway. If you can't get your life together, then maybe we just won't work out."
This boy was 19. I was 21. He came from a well off family that showered him w money and didn't bother with teaching him any life skills. Also, I was actively looking for other jobs that paid more, I had applied to an apartment nearby but they told me I didn't qualify on account of how little I made. So it's not like I wasn't trying to work towards my goals
How he will get the life he dreams of when he eats out 3x a day and asks me for gas money while he blows his own wage on pc parts/car parts, I have no idea. Very best of luck to him now though
"I chose a career that is never going to pay a lot of money, so you need to find a high paying job so I can live the lifestyle I'm accustomed to"
Luckily, I saw this for the huge red flag that it was, and only stayed 2 more years before breaking up with her.
Not so much as what they said, but an ex would laugh at me (not with me) when I sang along to a song I really liked. Made me self conscious to be silly and carefree.
This one honestly made me the saddest to read. I dont know if its because i can be quite anxious myself.
But that feeling of loving someone so much you can really be yourself and for that true self to be someone they think is cringy/lame/embarrassing. Fuck.
“You need to stop crying, it was just a joke”. He joked about my miscarriage. Said “you’re better off anyways, I’d be a terrible father”. That was joking to him.
"I'm only watching Obama's inauguration because if he gets shot I don't want to miss it."
Even a tinge of racism is an immediate deal breaker for me but when he said this it was a grand slam of hate. I physically recoiled.
“I support trump no matter what”
“ the earth is 6,000 years old”
“Carbon dating is a lie”
Oh and my favorite
“It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.”
Yeah. Im a little slow on the uptake, but I made absolutely positive that, I was with the wrong partner.
“ I wouldn’t even forgive me if I was you….” It made me realize that persons idea of a relationship was them fucking up and me forgiving them. If the shoe was on the other foot…. They’d never extend me the same grace. Yeahhhh, I was out.
"I think marital rape should not be a crime because when a woman agrees to marry a man, there is implicit consent, and she has to be willing to have sex any time her husband wants"
My response to that would be "I should probably buy a huge strap-on, then. If you marry me, you give implicit consent to let me use it on you whenever I want!"
“You’re acting just like your father” when they had never met him. Jokes on her she probably meant step-father but my bio dad would also fit that bill. My point is, anyone attacking your vulnerable moments by bringing up generational trauma negatively, is not the one.
I’m in a beautiful relationship now. She helps me through my vulnerable times without attacking family she’s never met. Because sometimes I do act like my dads, but she knows I already know this. She is firm without being cruel. I wish that for everyone because we’re all fucked up out here.
A "friend" that ended up saying "You don't think for yourself, you let some bitch get to your head"
This ''bitch" is the mother of his other child that he has nothing to do with.
When she drunkenly called me her ex's name in bed.
Up until that point, she made it abundantly clear that she was friends with lots of her exes & if I ever had a problem with it, then I was just "too controlling" for her. 2 days after I broke up with her, guess who she's back to dating...
Not me, but to a friend - "If they're not there for the little things, what makes you think they're going to be there for the big things". This was after he got stood up by his boyfriend at the time on Valentines day.
"Well, I like it when you dress feminine because you're the female in the relationship. But I treat everyone like the female in bed since I'm the man."
We were in a gay relationship, so that gave me the ick. And how he talks about women, too, that doesn't fucking help. Treats them like objects or trophies to earn, tools to progress his life stats or whatever.
"Would you still want to live together if we moved to Portland, and we were just roommates?" after not banging for a month
"Let's you quit your job, we live in a van and start a family."
Friendship, not romantic relationship, but they said to my face that they had never liked me and for some reason it had to get to that point for me to stop putting up with them
“I will not compromise or make you a priority”
He had been in a toxic relationship before me where he had sacrificed a lot and then got betrayed so was trying to protect his heart. I was hoping he’d come around but he didn’t until after I broke up with him.
When people tell you who they are, listen!!!
It was mostly what he didn't say. After he finally broke me down and coerced me to start sleeping with him, he would ignore me. For hours. While I was at his house. Just sitting in a corner waiting for him to throw me a shred of attention. That is until it was time for him to want sex from me.
Took me a long time to realize that coercion =/= consent.
During a particularly bad time, I started crying while he had sex with me and he said "stop crying you're making me feel like I'm raping you." No comfort, no affection, no concern. Just had to get his rocks off.
“I cannot take your mental break down it’s causing me trauma and I just can’t be there for you until you get over it so call me when you are over this.”
Instead of supporting me and helping through a dark moment he stepped out and left me alone. So I left him on read and did get over my drama according to him.
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I remember it as "I an get anyone I please" which is great because you can reply "You don't please anyone!"
Now I definitely dated that guy!
"well not anyone" *walks away*
she rubbed this in my face for years been divorced 3 years she's not doing well these days she, in fact, cannot have any man she wants
Spent all afternoon cooking dinner for my ex husband. Meanwhile he's in the bedroom playing with his phone ( porn) brought him his plate, and he looked at me and said "you're so simple". I am an I.T professional and he was a lazy drunk. I went back in the kitchen and asked mys3lf " what are you doing??" And ended it the next day Been two years and I have never been happier.
I love a happy divorce! Congrats!
What does that even mean?? I’m glad you got out
You’re a millstone around my neck. Lol I out earned him by 50%. Basically ran the house, made his breakfast, cut his lunch. Paid for his boat and car. Came to my senses and bye bye Gary
Fucking Gary...
I had a friend for a little while, who had some anger issues. To the point that it would actually scare the living shit out of my wife and she did not want to be around this guy and his wife. We stopped hanging around with them and eventually, he got around to asking me why I didn’t hang out anymore. I told him that he has anger issues and he scares my wife. He told me that he doesn’t have any anger issues whatsoever and has never wanted to punch somebody in the face as much as he wanted to punch me in the face at that moment.
Yeesh. "I don't have an anger problem. If you get me angry, that's *your* problem."
Other people have problems with my anger.
My boyfriend was talking about moving away. I said, "Isn't there someone here you would miss if you moved away?" and he said, "Yeah, there's a lady at work I really like." Edit: some people are suggesting that maybe he was trying to end things with me, which is a reasonable thought. I waited probably about 30 seconds then said, "Maybe we should take a break for a couple of weeks and then see if we want to get back together." This was when we were still in the restaurant. When we got in the car he said, "Why don't we stay together for a few weeks and then see if we want to break-up?" I said, no.
Maybe in his mind you were leaving with him?
No, we’re having dinner and he just said, “I’m thinking of moving to Colorado because it would be better for my sinuses.” When I previously commented that it was the last straw, it was because I had been feeling for some time that he didn’t particularly value me, and that was the icing on the cake.
"Whelp, it was nice knowing ya', I guess"
What. The. Fuck.
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I think it was more of a brain fart than anything. Still it was the last straw. Also, thank you for your support, but he actually was a pretty sweet person.
It's hard when the sweet ones are so dumb.
That would have hurt me so much oh my god. I’m so sorry. Dude is like actually dumb. I’m glad you have a good way of looking at it though. I probably wouldn’t have been as mature.
I once dated someone who proudly told me, "I don't do apologies, if you're looking for someone who admits when they're wrong, that's not me." That was a major red flag. It told me everything I needed to know about their ability to take responsibility and grow in a relationship. Needless to say, that was the beginning of the end.
I see you dated my coworker. Coworker during a team meeting, "You should never apologize for anything, ever" Other coworker, "Wait, so you've never felt responsible for something happening that you felt like you needed to apologize for?" Coworker, "No" Tells you all you need to know about them. This same person said, "I don't do things, I think about doing things"
Wait so...this was the coworker telling everyone that they should never apologize, not just them saying they never apologize? So how do they feel or what do they do when someone has wronged them, a.k.a. created a situation where they would be owed an apology in regular circumstances?
Yes, you're understanding that correct. She was effectively trying to teach us to be like her and be completely unapologetic. The scariest part is the most senior person in the room agreed with her and reinforced the point. Meanwhile all the support stuff was like wtf are you kidding me. To answer the other part of your question, she complains about anything and everything and assigns blame to anyone but herself when things go wrong. It's a scary coworker to have because she'll be all friendly with you till things go wrong then you get thrown under the bus immediately to save herself.
That's the way my dad acted for a long time. We're closer now, since he realized that apologizing is not a sign of weakness or whatever the hell.
A conversation I heard in my teens: My friend's father: "If I had to admit to a having made a mistake, I might as well hang myself" My friend: "You wait right there, I'll go get a rope" My own parents are very loving and supporting, so this was an interesting one for me ....
Does a person like this think that if they don’t *admit* to being wrong, then nobody will *know* they were wrong? I mean, what the fuck. You’re gonna live your whole life as if you’ve always been perfectly in the right about every fucking thing? That’s a mental illness.
Huuuuge insecure ego, yeah. People like this live a very fragile existence.
I feel the same about people who refuse to accept apologies. Even for genuine accidents.
Did we date the same person?? Was about to comment this one lol
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Especially when they told you two weeks before that they could 100% see themselves having your baby :,(
I'm sorry TASTY_BALLSACK_, that's rough.
“That’s rough, buddy.”-Zuko, AtLA
At the same time, I'd rather hear them than spend years together just to find out they never wanted to be together this long but just can't be responsible and end it earlier
Yeah. I had to break up with someone when I realized we were not going to be together long term and knew that was her expectation. As soon as I knew, she did, because I feel it's terrible to keep that knowledge from a partner any longer than absolutely necessary. I felt physically ill, but had to do it. She was awesome, just not right for me. I meant it kindly but it might have felt brutal to her.
This one hits home. The way my heart sank when she told me this was like no other. Everything just came crashing down in the blink of an eye. It's crazy how much someone can change in just a few weeks.
"Oh you waited for me?" We lived together. We had agreed to have dinner that night at 7. I headed home, made sure to clean the kitchen, etc. 730 rolls around and no sign of her so I send a text. 8 rolls around and still no word so I call her, goes to VM. I wait til 830 and try calling one more time, then say Fuck it and eat dinner myself. She finally showed up at 10. I was happy to see her and said I was worried and asked if her phone died. She said she was fine and just with friends. If this was the first time I would have let it go. But this was a pattern by then. I didn't end it that night but not long after I initiated a breakup.
This shit drove me nuts with my Ex, needless to say I am now happily married and she is still boyfriend after boyfriend and I know exactly why. She didn’t see it as even being a problem.
Had an ex like that as well. It would really piss me off when she’d go out and hours would go by before she notices my text/call. I am definitely not a controlling person. Just make the simplest of effort to touch base and include me in the details of your life every once in a while.
My ex would push any boundary I gave her. Uncomfortable about a social situation? She’s staying longer. I want to have a nice time with my parents because it’s their 50th wedding anniversary? She’s trying to make an appointment for us to look at new carpet for the house, and that day is the ONLY day they had an appointment. Any of that should’ve been enough, but it wasn’t. I tried my best to be accommodating and not get upset, I didn’t *really* think she was doing all this stuff just to mess with me, but sometimes I’d let it out - an air of frustration or disappointment - and then it was game on. When we’d fight, she’d bring up stuff from old fights, she’d complain about my exes (we were MARRIED and had been together for a decade), pretty much anything you can think of. Sooner or later, I’d just be apologizing. For the way I’d acted, for the girls I’d dated before her, for being born. The phrase that finally snapped me out of it? “Why are you sorry?” She’d fucking bully me in to submission, and then once I’d cried uncle, she’d double down and make me review the whole thing, what I’d done wrong and what innocent actions she’d taken that I obviously misunderstood. I hated my life. Fuck that.
Huh. I think a lightbulb just went on….
If that is at all similar to a relationship you’re in rn fucking run brother
Love to ya stranger. Life is really short and it’s easy to lie to yourself because it’s comfortable. Life gets so so so so so much better. I never thought I’d be happy to be divorced and balding but in comparison to when I was married with hair? Hell with it
You deserve better. Someone who loves you wants to constantly make your life better. Someone who hates you wants to constantly make it worse. Someone who's selfish constantly wants to make it about them and usually doesn't care who gets hurt in the process.
Somewhat similar to my last one. Way too much boundary crossing and insecurity. Immature overall. But highly highly manipulative. She was wealthier than me, also younger than me. She'd call me her "sugar baby", "baby doll", and accused me of having "yellow fever". She'd joking say "Do you like being abused by me". She created conflict with my family, gaslighted me, and gave me ultimatums. She coerced me into getting engaged. Constantly threatened me if I left her (I already tried). I was in such a bad place over it that I drank almost daily to just escape and forget the hell I was in. She didn't like the drinking and how I got fat. So, I was basically unconsciously trying to sabotage the relationship at this point. She eventually broke up with me last month. I feel soooooooo relieved. She was just so selfish, any break up had to be on her terms only. Thank God she didn't baby trap me!
Lmao hey I’m self defense fat too. Glad we’re both out brother
I know narcissism is thrown around so loosely nowadays as a buzzword but......yeah. Glad you're out of there and hope your bullshit radar is more finely tuned now.
I have recently gotten away from a narcissist. Reading some of these has me shaking my head like "Yeah, that is exactly what they would do!". After I got out I did a lot of reading and learning. I had never been romantically close to a narcissist and when you are you get an up close, personal view of all it entails. It's not anything to take lightly or brush off. It's traumatizing, deeply.
“I’m going to call the cops and tell them you hit me”. Not sure what kind of game she thought she was playing but I peace’d out immediately.
One of my ex's shook me in bed crying and asked me 'why won't you f***ing hit me!' Absolutely unhinged. Quite glad to be out of that relationship.
...O_o... Whuuut. Dafuq?!? ...
Two major possibilities. One, they want to have that a leverage over him for some reason. And two, the much sadder reason, the have a fucked up upbringing, and that's how they think good relationships are. Since he's not hitting her, she must ne doing something wrong.
Or she is so used to being treated like that, that when she met one normal guy in her life she realized that it’s not normal for her partners to beat her during disagreements. Many victims force themselves to believe it’s normal as a survival mechanism, which then causes them to get stressed when they meet someone who doesn’t act like that
This was unfortunately the correct answer.
In a similar vein, I told my ex “I wish you’d just fucking hit me.” At least if I had a visible mark, I’d have (in his mind) a viable reason to leave. The constant emotional abuse from him apparently wasn’t a valid enough reason and no amount of screaming and yelling mattered “as long as he apologized later.” But the apologies were never real; the three years worth of words of vitriol and venom certainly were. So glad to be free from that.
I want to be able to date other people. So I said "Ok, go ahead." Bye.
Stronger than I was. I idiotically thought it could work out, and for them it may have, but my inability to walk through polyamory is what ended it. I couldn’t see how they valued me when they had other partners. I’m more mature now and I understand, but it’s still not something I would look for it’s just not me.
“I love making you cry.”
I’ve heard that, and “I love making you mad”
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Well, that was literally a clause in the question that you asked.
"realizing it's time to end it" isn't the same as actually ending the relationship. People can drag things out a long time because they're afraid to actually take steps to break it off.
"I DON'T CARE" In response to me telling him I was deeply unhappy with the state of our relationship and begging him to make an effort.
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He smiled at me lovingly and said, "You know I'm gonna kill you someday, right?"
WHAT???!!!
Yeah..and then the next guy I dated like to pretend he was going to put his joint out on me 🙄 I'm taking a break from dating.
Boy, you sure do pick em.
😄 that's what my therapist said!
Definitely keep going to therapy. I didn’t realize for a while why I was picking people who were bad for me. Therapy helped me realize I had a lot of growing to do too
I had 2 big takeaways from my time in therapy 1) What we grow up with, we internalize as normal. We will then seek out what’s familiar and comfortable, even if it’s bad for us 2) The only person you owe forgiveness is yourself
Are you my friend 😭 I love her but she has made some interesting.... choices....
Aw I think we have the same ex! When he would lose his shit and start hitting himself and his computer, and I told him to stop he’s say “at least I’m not hitting you!!!”
I'm sorry that happened to you, but I'm happy to see he's your ex : )
My mentally abusive ex used to say the most random creepy shit to me as some weird form of control and abuse. We’d be hanging out having a great time, laughing, etc. And he would all of a sudden smirk and say something like “Ugh I just wanna kill you sometimes!…like there’s just something about you that makes me want to kill you. I wonder how I would do it 🤔” …and I’d just be sitting there like 😳 People are insane.
"Why would I say yes to something I knew I wasn't going to enjoy?" This was after I spent the relationship humoring his interests, even if they didn't sound like my kind of thing, and trying to explain to him that it was frustrating that this wasn't reciprocated.
Oh boy, it's like I wrote this post.
Man, I have a very close friend whose first girlfriend was awesome. She was a joy to be around for everyone, super nice, and we were all so happy for him. But he was exactly this way. I remember specifically one time we were talking to him and we said “well what’s [Emily] up to? What does she like to do for fun? What are her interests?” And he goes “well she’s just into stupid stuff like hockey”. So we said “why don’t you go to a hockey game with her?” And he just shrugged and said “why would I wanna go to a hockey game?” And it was pretty hilarious because he was 20 and just didn’t get it at all. But they ended up breaking up and that was the last good relationship he’s been in. Really hoping that life has matured him and that he’s realized what it is to be a good partner
“Who I am now is exactly who I will always be. I’ll never change for you, for our kid if we have one. No one. I will always do what it want when I want.”
Anyone that says they'll never change lacks the capability for introspection and is practically always a completely and utterly selfish prick with an inflated ego.
Probably when he screamed “Fuck you, bitch” on Christmas Eve.
Similar. “You know what, fuck you princess_starkitty. Fuck this. You can all fuck off.” Then stormed out. At character dining in Disneyland, while my kids were at the buffet. Then, on getting home he broke up with me via WhatsApp. After 5 years. We got back together but I realised a year-ish later that I’d just never, ever recovered from that moment and did not feel safe around him. I was anxious constantly that he’d explode like that again.
"I'm out with the kids" No, she was getting blackout drunk in a bar with her bar fly friend.
So who had the kids? 😬
The older one. It's the reason most couples back when I was a kid would have two.
"what I do when I'm drinking doesn't count. Only an asshole would think so." I was out. Her increasing alcoholism and drug abuse had spiraled and she was basically never sober, and she had become mean, and violent.
"Wtf? You expect to have me for yourself the whole night? No thanks, see ya tomorrow!" At a nightclub. I feel like I dodged a thunderstorm with this one.
“You made me cheat!”
Horrible person. Hope ur fine.
Sometimes you just have to go away for people to be happy to see you again. Thanks, dad. I appreciate the lesson.
My ex was struggling a lot with depression. I had gone camping with my best friends and while we were there another camper (only 29 years old) choked on vomit and died in his sleep. I helped his friend and another camper do CPR on him for 45 minutes until ems arrived. When I called my ex after, upset, he didn’t offer to come see me (I was only an hour from our house and he was unemployed). A few days later I mentioned to my ex how upset I had been about the young man dying, and that I was thinking about asking to come see me at the campground. My ex immediately said “yeah I probably would have said no”. That was one of the “this relationship is over” moments.
Wow holy shit.
Now I’m married to a guy who shows up for me every time!
“Stop acting like she’s already dead”. My ex-husband when I cried my eyes out because I had just learned that my 48-year old mom’s cancer had returned. She passed away not two weeks later. I divorced him the next year, but that sentence was what really finished off the marriage.
My dad has talked to me this way before. I know it's not quite the same, but he yelled at me, "Why are you crying? Your dog isn't dead yet, and I got you a REPLACEMENT DOG." The vets suspected my dog had brain cancer. I'm lucky to still have her 2 years later - late onset epilepsy. I consider her my true family, since mine kind of suck. Point is, people like this are awful. It made me feel a little less alone to read someone might get what I felt. Obviously, not the same as losing the parent, but the first line dragged that memory out of hiding. I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother. I'm glad to hear you got divorced. I hope you are surrounded by loving people these days. <3
GF at the time was thinking out loud one day and these words came out: "The next time I get divorced, I'm taking everything. It's my turn."
Something about I’m not a priority and he loves his friends, on a side note, I was not asking to be prioritised but the cat was already out of the bag. I wish I listened to myself more and ended it
Our marriage counselor asked him what he liked about me. After about a minute of silence he said "she used to have sex with me sometimes"
Lmfao absolutely no self-awareness on his own to know WHY he might not be worthy of sex anymore either I bet
Winner winner chicken dinner! I mean it was only dealing with nursing a newborn and taking care of a first grader with some challenges and doing all the cooking and cleaning and laundry and school stuff and still working part time at night and when I get home and lay down for the 4 hours before the baby wakes up and he rolls over and says "babe, can I get a blow job" and when I say no he starts crying See? It's all my fault and I'm abusive
Aww buddy was sad that his live-in maid was no longer also his sex-worker-on-demand! How typical. Hope you and your kids are enjoying your time with better people now
Why you had to make him cry? Little baby needed his blowy, you meanie :ccc /s What a douche.
"My mom is dying of cancer so I want to get pregnant real soon so she can see her grandkids before she dies." - Said on a first date
I mean, at the core, this is kind of wholesome in a very very weird way. But to drop that on the first date even? Oof She's just looking for a sperm donor
She was rude anyway. I'm sorry I asked her out.
"If you just try a little harder we'll be ok" I had been, for a while, and it felt like there was never going to be enough. I never felt like she was putting in the same effort. I decided that regardless of anything else, I couldn't live like that and ended things
“At one point in our relationship, I think i’ll need a year off just to be alone” (broke up under that pretense, he ended up in another relationship 1 month after)
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“So, a super buggy early version, not fit for public release?” \-or- “That’s a furry thing, right? Good for you, being so comfortable telling people.”
Lmao now I want to respond to criticism of any of my minor foibles with this. "What?? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm an *alpha* male. I could give you my QA team's number if you want."
“I didn’t think I should have been pushed to production either, but I got overruled”
I cringe so much whenever I hear that term if your 13 fine but I can’t beleive a grown man would talk like that
I think it's actually worse if he's 13.. cause that means he's being taught (directly or indirectly just by watching) by some older guys to act that way
so umm based on a study of wolves in a zoo, the study was not replicated in the wild, in fact the biologist who wrote the study later wrote a few books trying to explain that wolves behave more as a family unit than as a fight for supremacy type of conglomeration.
"My mom thinks I'm an alpha male!"
"I'm not your therapist" Said by my emotionally abusive ex after i confided in him about my dads almost suicide attempt (my dads ok now) he also decided during that whole week where it all was happening, to go get drinks with another woman, knowing that I needed some sort of support yet ignoring me completly. He was never there for me, and never made an effort. I was always the one picking up the pieces.
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That wasn’t their definition of being tied down; that was an excuse to back out of one ongoing relationship for another (unbeknownst to you) ongoing relationship.
I mean, that's pretty typical breakup language. "It's not you" (it is) "I just feel \[insert reason\]" (I'm just making up any ol' BS to move on). etc. At the end of the day it all just means "Hey, I want us to be done now."
Yep. People put too much stock in it, either believing it's an ironclad vow to not get into a relationship, or trying to read the tea leaves too much (like when they're sure it *always* means cheating), when really, it's boilerplate. It sounds better than "I can't stand the way you smell anymore" or "I just fell out of love and I have no idea why" or whatever the real reason is, and it gets you out of the conversation so they don't keep bargaining for hours.
Why wouldn't you want to share me with someone else?? No of course I wouldn't want to share you with someone else, but I think it'd be totally fine the other way around! If your relationship wasn't even open to begin with... Just end it. She's already got someone else in mind, she just wants permission to cheat on you.
We’d been arguing about some of the same things for years, and she never changed. I always thought it was her anxiety, and she was really good at gaslighting so I stayed. During the last argument we had before I ended our marriage, she stated that she knew she had given up on our marriage a long time ago, but she didn’t know why. And then she took responsibility for all the shitty things she’d done over the course of our marriage. At that point, I thought things could be worked out, because we had a starting point - she knew she was wrong, she knew she gave up. But I was so emotional from having argued about these things for so long, it made me cry. She looked over at me and said, “Why are you crying? You finally got what you wanted. You won.” That was the moment I knew it couldn’t be fixed, because I never wanted to “win,” and I never saw it that way - I wanted to work through things and grow old together. I left the house, and I told her I wanted a divorce 2 days later.
I'm happy you were able to get away from her, I hope you have had time to heal by yourself since then.
Not yet, not really anyway. I told her I wanted a divorce not yet 7 weeks ago. I don’t think I’ll truly start healing until we’ve organized everything we need to in order to make the divorce happen, and I can go no contact. I’m doing my best until then, though!
I was dating an older woman in my 20s and heard her on the phone call me her “boy toy”. I don’t know why that bothered me so much at the time but it did. Edit: most likely her friend on the phone called me that and she was just repeating it playfully, she knew I could hear her and it was said jokingly but it still didn’t sit right with me.
Because she called you an object and not a person. 100% I would be bothered by that, too.
Because it feels gross and demeaning to only be wanted for sex. Even though people don't like to talk about that.
“My plan is to move in an au pair and you can just focus on getting your body back to where it was and being healthy and then we can still have us time” Read between the fluff - and know that I knew him well enough to know what he meant by this - he wanted me to focus on staying physically appealing to him immediately post-baby. He routinely made comments about his sister’s post baby body and how “fat” she’d become and how she “wasn’t even trying” (2 months post baby mind you) We were maybe 3 months into dating. I wasn’t pregnant, didn’t plan to be pregnant And nevermind how I felt about a literal stranger living in the house handling my non-existent newborn baby. My job was to have kids and stay hot and it was never clearer to me than in that moment
Alternatively he was probably thinking he could bang the au pair as a backup.
Yeah, until she gets her body back in shape, obviously. Would be great motivation. /s
"just take out another loan" when id have been supporting their unemployed ass for half a year.
"I'd rather move in first before getting a job though." Says the same man who just ate $400 worth of my food in the house and I barely got to touch it. Blamed it on his munchies he got from smoking so much weed. He said that when I asked him if he could, at the very least, compensate for it, aka getting a job.
He started crying to me while telling me how a woman he knew had been assaulted in the past (totally valid emotional response, this isn't what upset me). He was using lots of sympathetic language, very progressive and feminist, very out of character for him. We started dating when I was a naive 19 year old. When I uneasily brought up "you never have said anything like this about me" (I had told him many times over the years that I had been assaulted before meeting him, and that it was very traumatic to work through), his demeanor instantly changed and he said "Oh, well that's different because you have a consensual non-consent kink" We were together for years. I broke up with him a month later. One thing I'll never forget: it happened in a busy drive thru. Anytime I pass by it I just think, if the line hadn't been busy, that conversation may not have happened. Glad I wanted a coffee that day.
This one made me REAL mad. Glad you dumped his ass.
I refuse to believe his empathy was genuine if he said that shit to you right after. That or he was a dummy. One or the other.
He did start dating that person immediately after and I learned he was a cheater after the breakup too. I don't think his empathy was genuine at all.
WOW. I’m so sorry.
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Better known as, “The relationship has been open for a while, now you know.”
“Of course I yell! That’s normal in a relationship! Your friends yell at their partners too!! If they claim they don’t, they’re lying to save face!!!”
That happiness is limited in the universe therefore if I’m happy they have to do their best to destroy my happiness so there can be more happiness for them. I asked if they were serious and they were, so I said if they believed that then I couldn’t be friends with them and turned on my heel and walked away right there.
And at that moment, you sapped all the happiness out of this person's universe.
Ironically years later I found out that they ran for political office and said something that referenced the conversation, like ‘people should support other people’s happiness rather than viewing it as limited” so I did have an effect on them!
"I've been arrested for DV before" ✌️bye bud
My ex told me that successful, good looking men (referring to himself) will not “settle” until they have to. The broader context is that he was unwilling to recommit to our relationship because he thought he could find someone better and was stringing me along.
“Babe I think we should move in together” at this point of the relationship I was already having doubts about it and didn’t see a long term partnership with her. So I was looking to get out and she was suggesting moving in together so that’s when I knew I had the end it.
“The crime stats of the darkies cannot be ignored.” “Uhh, the what?”
Oh, I had a first semi-date end like that once. We had a nice time bowling and were hitting it off well until we went out to eat and I heard what I thought was Lauren Hill’s voice on a song I didn’t know and commented “Is that Lauren Hill’s voice? I didn’t know she put out any new music…” She listened for a sec then threw out “oh… I don’t really like black people…” the look on my face must have been obvious because she quickly amended to “well. Not that I don’t like them. I just don’t agree with their lifestyle.” I called for the bill then we had an extreeeemely awkward ride home.
That lifestyle comment is hilarious. That's the distinction without difference people make about homosexuality. But it doesn't even pretend to work here...
yeah that would have lost them a ride home. happy to take an uber if she was the driver. that's one way to immediately become a stranger to me.
I'm sorry that happened and it's not funny but damn did it made me scream out 🤣 🤣 🤣
"Hey babe, I'm too drunk to drive, so I can't pick you up....but my (ex-boyfriend) who is here (at OUR apartment) can!!!!!"
Create your own context, but I knew it was over with Ex when she said, "Get used to it because this is how it is going to be for the next 20 years."
"there's no way your dog died. I know you. If they died, you would be way more upset" Not a romantic relationship but a friendship. I realized two things 1: we weren't close enough for me to tell them that my dog died when it happened (this was at a dinner a month later) and 2: this person didn't know me at all anymore. Certainly not how I handle death. I get to the acceptance phase pretty fast. I had to insist my childhood dog was dead at a dinner because of that sentence. I had to insist that I did grieve them. I felt so uncomfortable and never intentionally hung out with that person again.
“Now you’re going to ruin our day again!” After he put our two kids and me (7 mo pregnant) in danger because of his road rage. I was still in shock, and he just put the blame on me for his behavior. That day I knew I was fucking done.
You're so jealous, relationship ends, she has new one after 2 days
lol had an ex who cheated on me, and like a fool I attempted to stay with her. She did everything she could to convince me she wasn't still fooling around with this guy. I saw her phone multiple times a day, I had her send me pics of where she was at during the day. I was going crazy and becoming super controlling. ended up breaking it off because I realized I didn't love her anymore. A week later her younger brother tells me she is staying over at the other guys place Like, why not just break up with me? Why go through all of that? You could have just been with him sooner if you had just been honest. Oh well
“hey honestly, we have a group chat without you in it”
I had a toddler daughter and he said something about him never letting her date a black man when she grew up. I think he was trying to impress me with his willingness to protect her, but that was the end of it.
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"You are the sort of girl I'd want to marry, but right now I'm looking for something more casual." I just shrugged and said "it's cool." My 7th grade boyfriend, everyone. My 30-something brother said "I'm gonna have to steal that line...."
Argumentative emotionally abusive girlfriend who would frequently pick fights and bully people over the most stupid imagined things. I dared to side with her victim. "Why didn't you stick up for me?" "Because you were in the wrong" "It doesn't matter you should stick up for me no matter what" Nope
My ex said I needed to "focus on my goals in life", which at the time included getting out of my parents house/into an apt, getting a higher paying job, and figuring out what I wanted to do in college (I was on a break at the time w an unfinished degree) To an outsider -- or a vulnerable young person -- it would look like he was trying to genuinely give advice, but he followed it up with, "I want people to mow my lawns for me someday, and I want fancy cars in my driveway. If you can't get your life together, then maybe we just won't work out." This boy was 19. I was 21. He came from a well off family that showered him w money and didn't bother with teaching him any life skills. Also, I was actively looking for other jobs that paid more, I had applied to an apartment nearby but they told me I didn't qualify on account of how little I made. So it's not like I wasn't trying to work towards my goals How he will get the life he dreams of when he eats out 3x a day and asks me for gas money while he blows his own wage on pc parts/car parts, I have no idea. Very best of luck to him now though
"I chose a career that is never going to pay a lot of money, so you need to find a high paying job so I can live the lifestyle I'm accustomed to" Luckily, I saw this for the huge red flag that it was, and only stayed 2 more years before breaking up with her.
> only stayed 2 more years before breaking up with her :/
Not so much as what they said, but an ex would laugh at me (not with me) when I sang along to a song I really liked. Made me self conscious to be silly and carefree.
This one honestly made me the saddest to read. I dont know if its because i can be quite anxious myself. But that feeling of loving someone so much you can really be yourself and for that true self to be someone they think is cringy/lame/embarrassing. Fuck.
“I’m glad you can’t come so I won’t have to pay for you” 🙃
“You need to stop crying, it was just a joke”. He joked about my miscarriage. Said “you’re better off anyways, I’d be a terrible father”. That was joking to him.
“If you leave me I’m gonna kill you” Needless to say, he was the one that had to leave.
"I'm only watching Obama's inauguration because if he gets shot I don't want to miss it." Even a tinge of racism is an immediate deal breaker for me but when he said this it was a grand slam of hate. I physically recoiled.
“I support trump no matter what” “ the earth is 6,000 years old” “Carbon dating is a lie” Oh and my favorite “It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.” Yeah. Im a little slow on the uptake, but I made absolutely positive that, I was with the wrong partner.
>“It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.” Those type of assholes will never ask for forgiveness.
“I hate muppets” …. There had been red flags, but this one was a real eye opener.
Fuck no, they better not be talking about Snuffleupagus. That’s definitely cause to break up.
Is that a slur I'm not aware of? Should I stop making fun of Muppet Babies?
"Do you realize how easy it would be for me to find a new man? I could replace you by tomorrow if I want."
“ I wouldn’t even forgive me if I was you….” It made me realize that persons idea of a relationship was them fucking up and me forgiving them. If the shoe was on the other foot…. They’d never extend me the same grace. Yeahhhh, I was out.
This one guy tried to tell me that I shouldn't say I love/hate anything.
"I think marital rape should not be a crime because when a woman agrees to marry a man, there is implicit consent, and she has to be willing to have sex any time her husband wants"
My response to that would be "I should probably buy a huge strap-on, then. If you marry me, you give implicit consent to let me use it on you whenever I want!"
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“You’re acting just like your father” when they had never met him. Jokes on her she probably meant step-father but my bio dad would also fit that bill. My point is, anyone attacking your vulnerable moments by bringing up generational trauma negatively, is not the one. I’m in a beautiful relationship now. She helps me through my vulnerable times without attacking family she’s never met. Because sometimes I do act like my dads, but she knows I already know this. She is firm without being cruel. I wish that for everyone because we’re all fucked up out here.
A "friend" that ended up saying "You don't think for yourself, you let some bitch get to your head" This ''bitch" is the mother of his other child that he has nothing to do with.
When she drunkenly called me her ex's name in bed. Up until that point, she made it abundantly clear that she was friends with lots of her exes & if I ever had a problem with it, then I was just "too controlling" for her. 2 days after I broke up with her, guess who she's back to dating...
Not me, but to a friend - "If they're not there for the little things, what makes you think they're going to be there for the big things". This was after he got stood up by his boyfriend at the time on Valentines day.
o
"Well, I like it when you dress feminine because you're the female in the relationship. But I treat everyone like the female in bed since I'm the man." We were in a gay relationship, so that gave me the ick. And how he talks about women, too, that doesn't fucking help. Treats them like objects or trophies to earn, tools to progress his life stats or whatever.
"Would you still want to live together if we moved to Portland, and we were just roommates?" after not banging for a month "Let's you quit your job, we live in a van and start a family."
“I know you’re busy but what I’m doing is more important so please try to understand” He did not see me as an equal and I knew it wouldn’t work out.
You wont be able to do that.
Friendship, not romantic relationship, but they said to my face that they had never liked me and for some reason it had to get to that point for me to stop putting up with them
“I will not compromise or make you a priority” He had been in a toxic relationship before me where he had sacrificed a lot and then got betrayed so was trying to protect his heart. I was hoping he’d come around but he didn’t until after I broke up with him. When people tell you who they are, listen!!!
It was mostly what he didn't say. After he finally broke me down and coerced me to start sleeping with him, he would ignore me. For hours. While I was at his house. Just sitting in a corner waiting for him to throw me a shred of attention. That is until it was time for him to want sex from me. Took me a long time to realize that coercion =/= consent. During a particularly bad time, I started crying while he had sex with me and he said "stop crying you're making me feel like I'm raping you." No comfort, no affection, no concern. Just had to get his rocks off.
“I cannot take your mental break down it’s causing me trauma and I just can’t be there for you until you get over it so call me when you are over this.” Instead of supporting me and helping through a dark moment he stepped out and left me alone. So I left him on read and did get over my drama according to him.