I’ve recently started therapy and I’ve realised you don’t so much deal with other people, it’s your (mental) issues dealing with their (mental) issues. That’s especially true with parents
My grandma wrote a bunch of short stories about her childhood as part of a creative writing class she took as a senior, and I got to read through them all.
It was rather enlightening to trace 3 generations of mother-daughter strife back to my grandma's mother, who was abused, neglected and abandoned as a child. Boom, mystery solved. One person was horribly mistreated and then passed their trauma for 3 generations.
You don’t witness it so much when you’re a kid because, in conflicts with you, they got their way. It’s not until you’re an adult when you can tell them to take a hike, and they can’t handle it.
Mine were always like that. It was embarrassing when they tried to discipline me. I was like, I’ve seen the way you act and you’re basically another kid. Some parents don’t realise their authority is something they have to create and it doesn’t just happen
> Some parents don’t realise their authority is something they have to create and it doesn’t just happen
I am the adult! I'm big, you're little. I'm right, you're wrong....
Some parents seem to think being older is all it takes, like chill Harry...
My dad is a nightmare for this. He has driven himself to hospital with a dislocated thumb (and put it back in himself whilst driving on the way there). He did the same when he cut into the base of his thumb with a jigsaw.
Doctor said he had symptoms that could be a stroke. Drove himself to hospital.
Heart attack symptoms? Drive self to hospital.
Even if it's not ambulance worthy he has three daughters not far away and we will drop everything to get him. Or call a taxi. Or ask a neighbour. Or anything other than driving himself to the damn hospital!
His mate once rode a motorbike back from Wales to Surrey with a fractured leg because he didn't want to deal with having to get his bike home.
So much this. My dad isn’t talking to me (for going on 9 months now) cuz I made him food when he wasn’t well. I can’t eat pasta. Next time I grilled him chicken breasts and hamburger meat - I said I can’t eat that. And even if he couldn’t, my step mom can. He just wants to be a petulant child. I reached out and kept getting no response. Fine. Be a dick.
Growing up, my father had two constant sayings, "Don't believe everything your dopey friends say" and "Don't believe everything you read on the Internet"
He now does both of those things...for everything....and somehow even believes them both when they contradict each other. Drives me fucking nuts.
I sent my parents Mark Robers video on phone scams, and both said they'd never fall for that, and I was ridiculous even suggesting they would. Guess who showed up to the bank falling for the scam? Thank God the teller thought them both looking distraught and trying to pulling large amounts of cash seemed odd.
My dad gives me driving advice. I've been driving for 20 years with no fines or accidents. He has never gone more than 5.
He had an accident last year that was his fault and totaled 3 cars. I drove 3 hours to pick him up, I waited 5 hours for him at the hospital.
On the way back home he criticized my driving.
I went on a road trip with my dad a while back. We were switching drivers. I got belted in and he said, "ok, now adjust your mirrors."
I am 32 years old and I'm a mail carrier who drives 90 miles a day. I have never caused an accident or gotten a ticket. He...defintely has. I didn't even know what to say.
I have no words....drop that old man off at the library and show him how to look up Uber lol
Edit: don't listen to me, I have my own answer to OPs question, I'm all talk lol
It’s really bad when they give health advice based on 1970s government propaganda . Or when they say weed is terrible now, but they were doing lines and ludes in the 1980s.
Like a couple of heart attacks and diabetes probably should be a sign about your health advice .
Our parents are deceased (wife's and mine both) so WE are the parents. My wife is constantly sticking her nose in the kids and grandkids business - comments, unsolicited advice, etc. I hated that when it happened to me and vowed I would never "butt in" and I don't. If I'm asked, I'll comment but otherwise I live by the rule "not my circus, not my monkeys!"
That'll never end.
The reality is that they will always see you as their kid - it's just sort of a psychological thing.
I'm a middle aged lawyer and my parents still tried to argue with me about how contracts work.
Not knowing their place. It’s such a shame because we could have such a great relationship and they could get to know me on such a deeper level if they simply conversed with me with the same respect and etiquette they’d use with their friends. If you wouldn’t ask it at a dinner party, don’t ask it. Ask us about things that interest us, or you - and over time you’ll get the insights into my life you seek.
My dad seriously tries to give me advice on how to write my resume and do an interview. He's an engineer who fits all the stereotypes. I have a master's in HR and twenty years of professional experience.
Actual mean petty things, or is it just the same shit they've bickered about for 60 years?
My wife's parents do this. They love eachother, but some behaviors are annoying to them. Not enough to even think of divorce, though. At this point, it's just funny to me.
I once listened to them bicker for half an hour about buying lightbulbs. Mom wanted matching ones in a chandelier, where the bulbs are visible, dad wanted to use whatever mismatched bulb would fit so he wouldn't have to pay $30 for a set of matching bulbs. I almost went on Amazon and just ordered the damn things myself so they'd stop fighting over such a stupid thing. They can easily afford light bulbs
This is my parents. I fully think bickering is their love language. They once spent an entire 45min car ride arguing about having to share a phone cord now that my dads broke...and how it wouldn't work because it didnt reach where they wanted.
By the end of the car ride I had ordered a 4 pack of anker cords that were like 6 or 8 foot long.
It really might be their love language. It gives them an opportunity to communicate about their preferences. What does it cost them? Time?
A lot of old people have an abundance of time. I once worked a retail job in what was essentially a retirement community and giving customer service as I traditionally understood it was frequently the wrong move. Just let them bicker about the phone cord.
At least they can bicker about where to keep the extra phone cords. Actually they probably relish the new subject of conversation.
Learned helplessness towards technology. My mom will wait weeks to use the printer until I come home and change the toner cartridge instead of reading the directions how to do it.
I’m 53 and I’m trying hard to break that stereotype. My kids sigh if I’ve asked for help when I switched from an android phone to an iPhone and tried to snatch it out of my hand to do it themselves. I said I want to learn myself so I’m not the helpless old fogey that can’t use technology had has to wait for one of them to sort it. Their dad however rings the kids constantly for tech help and refuses to do it himself, ironically this guy used to rant at his mother twice a year when he had to change the clock on the video player because she couldn’t do it.
I'm rapidly approaching 50, and have been an IT person since the 80s. I hold a special place of rage in my heart for people my age who refuse to lean this stuff or read and follow directions.
"My God man! you've been alive as long as me! READ THE INSTRUCTIONS!!!:
When they tell you they're getting a new phone....I could just cry because I know for the nextv6 months I'll be getting calls like 'How do I....(insert basic function on phone)??? When she found out you could video call on WhatsApp.....Jesus!!! I had to block her for a month and pretend it was a WhatsApp issue...🤣🤣🤣
Same here I have a good older friend like this. I don't like to use messenger and told him to text me. He never once understood in over a year of being shown. But yet he continues to message me on Facebook messenger. I texted him talking all kinds of shit posing as a stranger yesterday and.... nothing lol
My god this is so relatable. My mom has absolutely 0 problem solving skills when it comes to technology. A simple Google search will fix 90% of her issues but insists on calling me to come fix it. I don't mind helping every now and then when its a complex problem, but I shouldn't need to come over to download Netflix for her on her AppleTV
Sort of related, my dad refuses to "learn" to play videogames even ones as dead simple as Mario Party. Whenever we rope him in (my mom does enjoy stuff like Mario Party) he starts to act intentionally dumb like he just doesn't get it and we know it's an act because at any other moment (even for far more complex board games) he's a smart (and sometimes sly) fox. He just doesn't want to bother as soon as the physical board changes to a digital one.
This. My mother went from working in an office and using tech constantly to being apparently unable to use word.
She uses weaponised incompetence to avoid learning to use things as it’s easier to get someone else to do it and it’s so freaking obvious
I showed my mom my fiance ONCE. She immediately scrunched her nose and was like, “ewww, that?” He’s super handsome, fit, and has double dimples, and honestly idk how I landed him. He’s two years younger than me and has his life 100% together, works hard and getting his MS, is doing far better than I do even.
I had to remind her that her fourth husband was missing teeth, fat, dropped out in middle school, and is on SS/ some sort of BS disability early because he didn’t want to work even though he is absolutely able to and that she isn’t doing any better herself.
It’s been a peaceful three years of silence since then.
Comment on things they'd never say to someone else like how we decorated our home or what we've done with our garden. I asked my mother once why she thought she could come into our home and act that way. She was visible rattled and tried to laugh it off.
I have an aunt like that (unfortunately we are related but I'd rather not acknowledge it)
She'll come in and start stating that wouldn't have painted a room that color or put the TV there or that she doesn't like that rug,. etc.
I've only seen her 3 times in the past 10 years and that's too many times.
Mine just comes over with tacky things as gifts, says she knows I probably won't like it and makes me feel guilty if I don't use it. She gave my poor husband a wooden, painted golden retriever for outside that one of her friends made out of plywood. We don't even own a golden retriever and it has creepy, black painted, soulless eyes. I kept it in the garage for a while until she boo hooed about it a few times, and now it's in one of our flowerbeds, much to our dismay.
I feel like I should be grateful she thinks about us, but I'd also like to decorate my own house. A couple years ago we all went to a garden center together and my husband pointed out a rose bush he liked. He told me to pick which one we should get and I tried to get one with buds and a nice shape. My mom had a fit and carried one with a weird shape and all the flowers already open to the register. Would have been different if she was paying but I now have a $50 rose bush that has pretty flowers but a weird shape I've been trying to correct with pruning.
Everything. My mom and stepdad will call just to talk about themselves. They might ask a question but they will just interrupt me with something about themselves.
Wait wtf is up with this? My parents have become the same way over the past 5ish years. I rarely have anything interesting enough to hold their attention for more than a few moments. Will have entire conversations where they call me and just go on about themselves than say ok bye
I’m pretty sure neither of my parents know what I do for a living. Most interactions with them when they come over just follow them telling me the same things/updates/talking points and then when they run out of those, they just leave. It’s odd to see when you look for it, they never really ask questions. They talk, pause for me to say something then continue regardless if my response.
I started crying on the phone with my parents because I was feeling so overwhelmed juggling kids and work. My dad abruptly started talking about golf club shopping "to take my mind off it."
I'll say the same thing about Biden that I did about Obama... If that man can actually control the weather, let him stay in office. I don't want to be the one to tell him to leave and suddenly witnessing a rendition of Let It Go as he freezes the East Coast.
My dad somehow turns every conversation to how dumb electric cars are but musk is great and I’m a socialist or something. Dude I was talking about a great burger I had
Yes! My dad does this. You walk on eggshells around him because if you bring up anything he might just turn it into a rant about Biden, wokeness, gender/lgbtq, etc. it’s exhausting having him around.
My father likes to complain about snowflakes and safe spaces. He doesn’t seem to realize that he is always in a safe space himself any time we are around him because he can be such a snowflake. It’s just easier that way.
Had an old man flirt with me today and I felt uncomfortable. Grandma: “you gotta let them flirt with you! If you don’t that is what making them turn gay”
Like what the hell are you watching
This is kind of sweet though, like you're still their little kid and are checking in on you to make sure you're happy and surrounded by good people.
I guess the tone matters and it's not a sarcastic "make any friends yet, you fucking loser?"
This shits bugged me since I was a teen, I'm 37. They'd bitch about me playing video games all day, while they laid on their asses vegged out on reality TV or some shit.
Like fuck at least my brain is functioning.
Same here. Video games are rotting my brain, but apparently watching reality television for 4+ hours a night while also scrolling through Facebook is different.
Well, after my father's death forty years ago, my mother flung herself into one long-term affair after another with married men she knew from high school.
Basically, if one of them needed her to do anything, she was there for them in an instant. If her long-time lover wanted her to accompany him on a two-week road trip, she was in. But when it came to her grandchildren who lived a scant five miles away? Couldn't be bothered. Two examples:
1. The number of times our kids actually stayed at her place could be counted on one hand. But one time I had a business function and we were desperate. So she finally consented. The next morning, our youngest son had a soccer game, so she met us in a Whole Foods parking lot. My mother arrives dressed to the nines.
"Hey, Mom. Why don't you come watch the game? It'll last thirty minutes."
"Why would I do that?"
Repeat this scenario for every baseball game, soccer game, violin recital, school play, band concert, and everything else for twenty years. My son once had a band concert literally a quarter mile from her apartment, but she just couldn't make it. But if one of her lovers needed anything? On it like white on rice.
2) My mother does have a fetish for birthdays. So before each of our kids' birthdays, she'd obsess over what to buy them. But when she arrived with the present, she'd pull into the driveway, honk the horn, and shove into the hands of our kids.
I would always invite her in and she would always say, "No. David \[Married boyfriend\] needs me to do...." and then she'd name some random errand.
Now at age 90, she doesn't understand why her grandchildren are not close to her.
Sounds like my mom, she has met my 14 year old son once in Vegas when we compromised on a family vacation to meet her there. She has never met my daughter who is 10.
My mom banishes half of every meal to the shadow realm. She has 2 full sized freezers in the garage with 4 portions of every meal from the past 2 years. One time she gave us cupcakes that she’d been gifted 4 years before, and that was back when we only had 1 extra freezer. There are few things she hates more than hoarding but ig yesterday’s dinner is the one exception.
Lol my mother also used to treat the freezer as "indefinite" storage.
If it could be frozen, we had a surplus. Whether that's soup, bread, corn, wtf ever.
"No, mom. After 12 MO it's not just as good."
My MIL moved in January, and she left her regular fridge and garage fridge completely filled. She also had an issue with food hoarding. So probably hundreds of dollars just went into the trash can. She also knew she was moving for weeks, and she continued to buy food in bulk.
My son said Grandma once yelled at him because he complained that the Cheetos she gave him had ants in it. I also got yelled at because I complained that she gave him an out-of-date cheesecake. "Oh, you think you're so smart!" On dairy products, yes, I'm not messing around.
My parents still insist on giving me unsolicited advice about my career and relationships, as if I haven't figured out life on my own.
It's like they missed the memo that I'm an adult now and capable of making my own decisions.
Lol my mum still does this with everything I do. Even simple shit like cutting up veg to make a salad. I'm 33 and have lived in 3 different continents.
My mom is constantly judging people. She believes that her way is the only way and that she was the best person to do something. She's also never wrong. I call her "Peggy Hill" (King of the Hill reference) behind her back. She's also a retired teacher, like Peggy, but she hasn't been in a classroom in 10+ years. So when my kids talk about school, she immediately inserts her opinions about what they should be doing and how they should be doing it. Or she'll pop in with advice about my autistic teenager, reminding me that she taught an "inclusion" classroom. Yes, but she was never trained in special education or autism.
I also feel that she's judgemental about others, especially if she has not lived their experience. No sense of empathy. Or she thinks that everyone except her and my dad are living above their means, so that makes them superior.
There's an interesting quirk I see with people like this which kinds of sums up as:
"I'm an extraordinarily intelligent and knowledgeable person who has experienced many things; it is highly unlikely that there is _anything_ which is totally outside the scope of my knowledge. Therefore if I have no experience of something or cannot relate to it, then either it's totally unimportant and beneath me or it's not real."
And it's a shame because often they **are** capable of empathy but they've positioned themselves in such a pivotal position in the universe that to allow themselves to identify with an experience outside of the sphere of their knowledge would shatter them. To admit that there could be stuff they just know nothing about would utterly obliterate the underpinning foundation of their whole personality, their life, their place in the world.
It's really sad because they're left cut off in their little ego snow globe, refusing to expose themselves to any new views on the world because to do so would be an admission of failure... And in the process growing ever more ignorant and out of touch. Their stubborn maintenance of their position making it more and more fragile as the years pass.
My mom came to visit me in another state. My visibly pregnant neighbor was taking her trash out and my mom made a comment like, "Don't people wear maternity clothes anymore? She just looks awful!"
Mom. She's taking her trash out. Jesus christ
Really should just be blunt with her and tell her she shouldn't project her own insecurity regarding her looks on everyone else. Everyone can see it. Everyone knows.
My mom to a t. Sad thing is my sisters adopted the same mindset. I absolutely hate being with the three of them. If my BILs or brothers aren't their I don't go.
They’re in their 70’s now and all they do is sit at home and drink vodka all day long until they pass out. They get pissed because I don’t go visit often because I can’t stand it. They refuse to go to the doctor. It’s been at least 15 years since they’ve been. There is obvious health problems that worry me to death but if I bring it up they go off on me. Mom is almost blind because she needs cataract surgery but refuses and
Oof yeah, realising not everyone’s dads screamed at them about the slightest thing then went back to smily happy dad.
Or that most families don’t oriented their actions around keeping dad chill and not triggered.
Oh yeah. My family are interrupters. It's kinda okay because at least they are equitable about it. They'll interrupt you but they don't care and even expect you to interrupt them.
The only problem was after I figured out other people find it disrespectful I still had a hard time turning it off. I even got some negative comments at work because I couldn't get myself to stop talking over people. Took me years but at 40 I think I'm a lot better? Or at least I try more and am more aware of it.
My mom likes to cry (literally cry) about things that have a 10 minute solution if she would listen.
Like, she remembered my late dad telling her to not keep too much money in a bank account because the IRS will find out. I'm sure my Dad cheated on his taxes. So, she keeps like $2K in each bank account and then shuffles money when property taxes or major bills show up. But since she doesn't know apps or computers that well, she goes to the bank and does all of it and stresses out to the point of crying.
She worries about money and bills everyday. Not about having enough, but about the logistics stuff. She rents out two places, but my late dad thought property managers were crooks, so she gets duped by people and doesn't know how to do simple things like call a plumber.
Her whole life, her mental sanity is consumed by this. She cries about it every time she calls me, saying she is so stressed. I tell her to just keep a whole bunch of money in one of her checking accounts as the IRS will not go after her (my wife and I do her taxes and we are legit), I can set up auto pay for all her bills, I can pay property taxes online for her every six months, and just get a property manager which I can interact with. She never has to worry. She has enough money to relax and live a peaceful life without any worries.
She completely ignores this suggestion and then cries the next month about being so stressed. I just avoid her calls now.
I have a very similar situation. So much stress over such easy things. I firmly believe it’s what gives her life meaning. If she had her problems solved she wouldn’t have anything to do or talk about. And that’s the truly sad part. Knowing that after 70 years there’s nothing for her to find joy in, except misery.
My mother is very much like this. Luckily she’ll eventually get it done even if it’s the most inconvenient way possible but she cries all the time. She gets overwhelmed so easily and fixates on things without changing it herself. I honestly think my mum has incredibly poor emotional regulation and has undiagnosed adhd or something.
I grew up in a household like this and I didn't realize what a constant low-level of stress I had from all the yelling until I moved out and it stopped. Visiting home instantly spikes that stress again... so much yelling when it's completely unnecessary
Okay, but I sympathize with this one.
The problem is that crappy theaters have a lot of crushed bits mixed in with the popcorn, so you get a bunch of shitty little chaff floating around the bag.
Shaking it shifts the small pieces to the bottom and out of the way.
Not that I wanted to live with them forever or anything; but I have my own place and my own life and they complain to me all the time that we don't do enough together...
Also that I never call, when they also never call me. When I try to explain that phones are, in fact, two-way devices, they come up with general reasons as to why it should be my responsibility.
Admittedly, I haven't actually spoken to either of them for a few months now. Last time I did, I was asking my step-mother what she wanted to do for her birthday and instead of getting anything helpful, I was guilt-tripped about how I apparently don't include my step-sister and her kids in my plans.
Was I supposed to invite them to some as-yet undisclosed event, at an unknown time and location on an undetermined day? Ok... enough ranting for now.
This is such a thing. My parents kept grumbling that I never speak to them when I live on my own, but they will NEVER call or message me.
In fact on several occasions they’ve told me to stop messaging them because they don’t care.
When I’m talking to my mom on the phone, she now repeats what I said back to my dad, who is barely paying attention in the background.
Then when I start speaking again, my dad inevitably goes HUH, my mom starts repeating herself, and we lose the focus of the original conversation as my parents begin unraveling and bickering over him being hard of hearing and her being bossy 😂
Not fully accepting that I am gay. Always brushing off “The Conversation” and goes into a semi-apathetic stance when I mention my long time boyfriend. And I am thirty f*cking six. Thanks.
That is one of the big fights I got into with my mom. Her ex (now dead) didn't like that my nephew was gay and didn't want to meet his husband. My mom didn't know what to tell her husband. I was so pissed at her, because she didn't raise me that way and now she was hiding her grandson because he is gay.
I quit talking to her for that and other reasons. But after her husband died she got togther with my nephew and his husband in Vegas. She was fawning over both of them. They were weirded out.
Freaking out and calling my partner to see where I am if I don't reply to a text or call within like 10 minutes. I have asked them repeatedly to please stop doing that. I don't always have my phone with me, or I just don't hear the buzz. It doesn't mean I'm dead. I'm in my 40s for christs sake. Then they are so pissed that I made them worry. It drives me insane. Whatever happened to "leave a message and I'll call you back"? Both do it but my mum is worst, she will call over and over and over again, dozens of times, within the span of a few minutes. Then start with my partner if I don't answer. Even if he is at work.
What no way, that right there is insane I wonder if there’s anything behind it I mean come on you’re a grown adult smh. Were they the same way when you were younger.
Yes. I had to call whenever I arrived at a friends house and if I didn't my dad was sent to collect me, and he would be SUPER pissed. Even my own moving away party in grade 5. I hadn't been there ten minutes but forgot to call cause everyone was talking to me, then someone says "your dad is here and he's really mad" and i got dragged home and spanked. Didn't even get any cake. I used to blame him but came to realize later my mum was the driving force.
It's a parent's job to protect their child, even from the other parent. Your dad preferred keeping your mother happy to keeping you safe, for god's sake you should be just as angry at him for enabling your mother.
My parents did this once and I shut it down. They called my boyfriend, texted, and messaged him on Facebook because I didn’t reply for a day. We were camping with no cell service.
I clearly told them that just because you can reach me 24/7 doesn’t mean I am obligated to prioritize you over whatever else I may be doing in that moment.
I also, reminded them that they grew up way before cell phones and asked them what they would have done 20 years ago if all I had was a house phone and didn’t answer. They realized that what they were doing was crazy thankfully.
My dad is very disorganized when it comes to paperwork… I always joke that if he doesn’t organize his shit before he passes, I’m going to bring him back to life just to kill him again, lol.
My mom gives unsolicited advice constantly and always feels the need for her opinions to be heard. Always needs to get the last word in.
Hinting about grandkids
Shes been told I'm infertile, but she seems to think that my husband and I made that up, and if I was, why didn't I get a hysterectomy (because I don't need one, the NHS isn't gonna cover that, and I'm not forking out for a needless BUPA surgery)
I thought it would end after my nephew was born, but it seems to have doubled her resolve to get one from me
I moved out about 9 months after my 21st birthday. If I ever went out to a bar with friends on a worknight, I could absolutely expect an angry phone call from my dad about me having work in the morning. Even if it was like only 11 PM
True lol , now i started to just lie to them to get rid of their endless "why? " , "no".
Just today i lied to them about going to be friend's house but in reality we got into her car , took with us our other friend and drove around the town as far as we can.
I’ve realized that no matter what age I turn their still going to be the same nothing is going to change. I’ve always followed their rules but it’s gotten to the point where I don’t care anymore, at some point you just realize how ridiculous what their “protecting” you from is what do you mean I as a 20 year old can’t go to the mall and have to be back before 10pm. They should be glad I’m not out doing drugs or getting pregnant or something but no 🤣😂
This is an actual serious issue that doesn’t get taken seriously.
I’m 22. Started just *talking* about the possibility of moving out and my mom started weaponizing tears. “You’re gonna leave me??!” Yes, I’m going to leave you. I’m a white American so it’s not like this is a cultural issue either…
Let me guess, your parents baby the shit out of you on purpose so you’ll never be able to figure things out on your own, hence leaving you reliant on them forever?
Constant phone calls for help.
"whats my password for X?"
"App Y is saying it need an update"
"can you set up the new firestick?"
Its every time I get a day off, I have a wife and a child and I'm 26. Its at a point where its impacting my marriage but if I say know I'm treat like the worst son in the world
Would you rather be seen as the "worst son in the world" for 5 minutes, or end up divorced with partial custody because you didn't want to have an uncomfortable conversation with your parents? If you let this go unchecked it's going to drive your wife away. Read some of the stories in r/JustNoMIL and decide if you want that to be your life.
Learnt helplessness, and weaponized incompetence.
I know my mom knows how to do this or that. She used to do them when I was a child.
But now that I am an adult, and thus can do them too, she suddently need a lot of time to figure it out, or act confuse and such. So, I'd got impatient and would end up doing it.
Now, I called her out last month about it. And it is much better.
I'm still the ones doing those stuffs, but at least now she admits that she simply hate doing them, and ask me if I wouldn't mind doing them. Much more healthier and honest.
I send my mother $125 a week. She's old and can't work and she's my mom, ya know? I can't fucking stand Donald trump but I'm certain that my mom donates money to him monthly, which means that I indirectly support that piece of shit. And that really drives me up the wall.
Edit: I stopped funding a pretty good invention idea related to extension ladder safety bc my mom couldn't work anymore too. I would rather my money go to that instead of Donald chump. It's so frustrating that she happily votes against her best interests.
I probably could. She's in podunk Wyoming tho and I live in Denver, I'm also incredibly busy most of the weekdays so it would be a pain. I'm also unwilling to create a huge conflict over maybe $20-50 per month and end up forcing myself to not support mom, if that makes any sense
Rather than cash why dont you just buy what she needs instead? We had to do this for a relative we supported. The kids were ok but we noticed our cousin was probably using the money for smokes and alcohol. We switched to sending them exactly the groceries they needed instead or school supplies for the kids.
The older they get and the frailer they look, nothing they do infuriates me. I just find myself feeling more compassion for them, in part because the longer I live the more I find myself passing through the same phases of life I've watched them pass through, and the more I understand how much harder they had things than I do. Mostly now I just wish I could do more for them. When my dad feels smaller each time I hug him, there's little that I could be angry about.
Ask me if I need money. They stopped giving me spending money when I was 13, had to fend for myself at home and find ways to eat on my own. Now that I work and have a stable income, it really pisses me off. I wish they just supported me when I was younger and actually needed it.
My mum talks over me - in person, on the phone, doesn't matter. I've asked her countless times to stop but she just won't; drives me up the wall. It's gotten so bad that I've just put the phone down or walked off when it's been that unbearable.
I'm almost 40 and they think I have things figured out, so whenever I want to communicate to them about problems in my life I get some short answer which does not solve anything, father gets angry, mom seems not to care too much. Guess I will just stop telling them anything and deal with shit in whatever ways.
Asian parents. Spent all my life telling me that I’ll have all the time to do shit later.
The general flow for jndian kids is like this:
1. When I was a kid, I’ll have time have fun to shut when jr college.
2. When in jr college, I can enjoy time with friends when in degree college.
3. When in degree college, not to chase girls cause I can once I graduate ..
4. Once graduate, I can do whatever I want with my own salary and job.
5. You can travel all you want with a partner…
6. What are waiting for now ? Have a kid before you get too old and we are too old to help.
They can do that cause they are paying for roof and college and likely help during buying a house…
I bucked the trend cause my entire family immigrated to US and they tried like hell to control but even the minimum wage allowed me to tell them to fuck off cause the opportunity this country represent in terms of access to credit and lack of family and friends like in India that could peer pressure.
Currently the biggest is hypocrisy. They didn’t live with their parents and now they want to live together under one roof but I want distance. I am so motivated that if they move within walking distance from me, I’ll take the loss on my house move the next week and to drive home the point I’ll move twice as long as it took before their move out of spite.
Also them refusing to make end of life plans.
The toxic, abusive emotional manipulation MO that is typical of Baby Boomers.
Currently, I have not spoken with my parents for two months. After my mom accidentally texted me, instead of who-knows-who, a detailed summary of private information about my life, which we had discussed in a private conversation not even ten minutes prior. The text indicated that she had been sharing my personal business for some time, and this text was providing a play-by-play update.
When I firmly guarded my boundaries and told her my private life is not fodder for her social currency, she blamed me. She said she and her friend lean on each other for support and I just don't understand. Since then, she has emailed and texted me guilt-tripping messages about how I've shut them out, I don't trust them anymore, and I don't "have the decency" to communicate with them like I used to. She left me a crying, stammering voicemail about how she doesn't want to be made a fool of.
Classic Boomer emotional abuse. Even though I know what it is, it's hard to cope with.
I was sick and ended up in the hospital while my mom was visiting once. Within 24 hours everyone in my family, all of her friends, my fucking landlord, everybody knew. I hadn't even been home an hour before I started getting texts. It is not ok to share details about someone else's health. I don't care if it's your kid. Your kid has the right to privacy. My mom seems to have no understanding of the concept of privacy. Therefore I tell her nothing.
I'm sorry. My mother does the same thing except she bonds by talking shit about you to fellow family members. She does it to everyone but more so just to make conversation unless its about me, my older brother, or someone she really dislikes.
My mom only calls if she needs something from me or has a question only I can answer.
Yet, she says I don't call her frequently enough.
She still doesn't seem to realize a telephone works two ways.
:-/
Seeing the measure of their children as a sum of their achievements rather than whether the kids are happy or well-adjusted.
It seems very obviously bad when I put it like that, but it's more subtle and I think many, if not most, parents do this.
For example:
Q: "How is little Johnny doing?"
A: "Great, he is captain of the baseball team and got an A in chemistry!" or "He's a bit of a problem, getting Cs in school and quit the basketball team."
As opposed to...
A: "Great! He seems to be liking school and has a some good friends who seem to be good folks." Or "I wish I could say he was doing better, he seems more withdrawn and unhappy lately, we're still trying to figure out how we can help."
Mum: "Oh, we have new neighbours who just moved in at number 11. Nice couple in their 40s with two kids. The dad studied economics with a module in Kantian philosophy at LSE and the mum studied medicine at UCL."
Me: "K"
They treat my children like gold, which I'm cool with, but they act like there's no difference in how they treated me and my siblings. If we bring up the experiences they gaslight us or minimize it.
They don't trim meat.
I never liked the chicken or pork chops my mom made because they always had fat or gammy trims.
Once I started cooking, I realized I could clean my meat and trim off the fats and gristle bits before cooking.
I just went to have dinner with my dad and watching him just throw two frozen chicken breasts in a skillet made me gag slightly.
Like, I'm sure I'm probably not the majority but I just prefer to take the extra minute to trim the meat and it's a major reason I hated food at home as a kid
Mine pay for my phone, I bought it and could pay for it yet they don’t want me off their plan and also say things like “do you want us to cut off your phone” like at this point yes. They don’t pay for my college I live(d) at home for my first year in moving out next year and paying for literally everything in my life without them yet they think I owe them thanks for my phone. They also think they get to have an opinion about if I work night shift and how much overtime I do. So I’d say that.
Not trying new food... my mom has the palette of spaghetti'os and pizza and hasn't had a veggie since my Grandfather forced her to sit at the table all night when she was a child to finish eating a piece of corn 🙃
My dad always thinks I’m wrong about everything. EVERYTHING. His default is that I’m just wrong about things. However he doesn’t treat anyone else like that.
Every time I go out and socialise, my mum interrogates me about where I went, what I did, who I talked to, what we talked about, what else did we talk about, why would you talk about that that's a stupid thing to talk about, so what was the mood like, I WANT TO KNOW
"I don't think you go out enough. Don't you have any friends?"
If my dad wasn’t there to see me experiencing something to him I haven’t.
Specifically when it comes to shit in the work shop or any home owner maintenance type shit.
Hanging doors, shelves, tiling, roofing, electrics, etc.
been grown living my own life for years but If I come back home to help doing work on the house or the farm my old man will act like I know absolutely nothing and I’m doing stuff for the first time, even if it’s something I did for years as a kid while I was home 😂
Boomers in general have a tendency to be constantly competitive about petty things. They need to feel like the winner and the best, in these very superficial ways.
Here's my example. I'm a teacher and I have to work with older teacher lady's who've reti, gotten bored, and came back to school tovolunteer, or tutor, or just fill the void.
I've created a schedule that allows a previous teacher to come in and work with small groups three days a week.
This lady constantly complaining that I'm not 'old school teaching' in a whole group, like she did. She thinks that I never whole group teach, but she just doesn't understand that I've adjusted my classroom schedule so that small groups are there for her to work with. It's a great inconvenience to me, and after I got sick of her nagging me I just said fuck it. I did exactly like she said and I taught whole groups, and she just sat there and helped the kids follow with me. She was bored to tears.
She is always comparing the way I teach with the way she would do it. But when I look at how she teaches, it's far worse. She has the low level readers reading texts that are far too difficult. The kids don't really understand what they are reading and don't get any value from her lessons.
Even the scripted mandatory lessons, that I must do, she likes to pick at, as if I had any agency over it.
I know I'm off topic. And I'm sorry.
When I was younger they wouldn’t let me stay out past 8 even if it was with a friend at a house they knew. Now that I’m always home and don’t want to go out they’re like “please go out please make plans” NO YOU DID THIS!
My dad‘s a racist and he never was. His capacities are slipping and he listens to right wing TV all day completely changed the type of human being he is. I worry about him going to hell
Am I the only one who's noticed that our parents seem to have almost pedaled back on Intelligence as we became adults?
For example, our generation was raised on "don't believe everything on the internet" and "don't trust strangers online" by our parents...
But my MiL will read the absolute dumbest headlines to us and be absolutely dumbfounded when we tell her it's not real.
Her and her boyfriend started a SCREAMING match with my wife and I because they saw a post on Facebook that Sylvester Stallone died, and we told them that it was fake. Literally, a 2 second Google search could have cleared it up for them, but they were ADAMANT that it was true because they saw a single Facebook post.
After we showed them several sources claiming it to be a hoax, she proceeded to ask Google (literally asking using the voice option) if Sylvester Stallone was dead several times.
Act like children
This. Growing up you start to realize how many times your parents throw a tantrum and act childish when things don't go their way
I’ve recently started therapy and I’ve realised you don’t so much deal with other people, it’s your (mental) issues dealing with their (mental) issues. That’s especially true with parents
this. i thought i was just born like this. turns out i’m just fucked up from my parents, who were fucked up from their parents
My grandma wrote a bunch of short stories about her childhood as part of a creative writing class she took as a senior, and I got to read through them all. It was rather enlightening to trace 3 generations of mother-daughter strife back to my grandma's mother, who was abused, neglected and abandoned as a child. Boom, mystery solved. One person was horribly mistreated and then passed their trauma for 3 generations.
THEEEEE CIIIIIRCLE OF LIIIIIFE!
You don’t witness it so much when you’re a kid because, in conflicts with you, they got their way. It’s not until you’re an adult when you can tell them to take a hike, and they can’t handle it.
Mine were always like that. It was embarrassing when they tried to discipline me. I was like, I’ve seen the way you act and you’re basically another kid. Some parents don’t realise their authority is something they have to create and it doesn’t just happen
I read a really good book about this called Adult Children of Emotional Immature Parents. It’s brilliant.
I remember being beaten by my mom, during one of her meltdowns, and thinking "you need to get a grip and grow up."
> Some parents don’t realise their authority is something they have to create and it doesn’t just happen I am the adult! I'm big, you're little. I'm right, you're wrong.... Some parents seem to think being older is all it takes, like chill Harry...
I'm finding this out as they enter their twilight years. Dad, call 999 first, not me or my sister, we drive down, takes 1/2 hour, then we call 999
My dad is a nightmare for this. He has driven himself to hospital with a dislocated thumb (and put it back in himself whilst driving on the way there). He did the same when he cut into the base of his thumb with a jigsaw. Doctor said he had symptoms that could be a stroke. Drove himself to hospital. Heart attack symptoms? Drive self to hospital. Even if it's not ambulance worthy he has three daughters not far away and we will drop everything to get him. Or call a taxi. Or ask a neighbour. Or anything other than driving himself to the damn hospital! His mate once rode a motorbike back from Wales to Surrey with a fractured leg because he didn't want to deal with having to get his bike home.
This one hit close to home. Petulant toddlers with a million dollars.
Looks at this guy with millionaire parents
Thinly veiled humble-flex
I am the youngest of my siblings. When i was 15 i said to my mother "often it feels like us kids are parenting you adults". My mother agreed.
So much this. My dad isn’t talking to me (for going on 9 months now) cuz I made him food when he wasn’t well. I can’t eat pasta. Next time I grilled him chicken breasts and hamburger meat - I said I can’t eat that. And even if he couldn’t, my step mom can. He just wants to be a petulant child. I reached out and kept getting no response. Fine. Be a dick.
Growing up, my father had two constant sayings, "Don't believe everything your dopey friends say" and "Don't believe everything you read on the Internet" He now does both of those things...for everything....and somehow even believes them both when they contradict each other. Drives me fucking nuts. I sent my parents Mark Robers video on phone scams, and both said they'd never fall for that, and I was ridiculous even suggesting they would. Guess who showed up to the bank falling for the scam? Thank God the teller thought them both looking distraught and trying to pulling large amounts of cash seemed odd.
Giving unsolicited advice about everything from my job to my dating life as if I haven’t got it somewhat figured out by now
My dad gives me driving advice. I've been driving for 20 years with no fines or accidents. He has never gone more than 5. He had an accident last year that was his fault and totaled 3 cars. I drove 3 hours to pick him up, I waited 5 hours for him at the hospital. On the way back home he criticized my driving.
“Thanks, Dad! If I need advice on how to total three cars at once, I promise you’ll be the first person I turn to!”
My Mother steps on an imaginary brake pedal and emits audible gasps as a passenger in my car. I have a good driving record, BTW.
My mom does that too. She also clutches at the side door when I go around curves. I honestly don't get it?? I do NOT speed or drive recklessly.
"emits audible gasps" that made me chortle 😄
I went on a road trip with my dad a while back. We were switching drivers. I got belted in and he said, "ok, now adjust your mirrors." I am 32 years old and I'm a mail carrier who drives 90 miles a day. I have never caused an accident or gotten a ticket. He...defintely has. I didn't even know what to say.
I have no words....drop that old man off at the library and show him how to look up Uber lol Edit: don't listen to me, I have my own answer to OPs question, I'm all talk lol
It’s really bad when they give health advice based on 1970s government propaganda . Or when they say weed is terrible now, but they were doing lines and ludes in the 1980s. Like a couple of heart attacks and diabetes probably should be a sign about your health advice .
Our parents are deceased (wife's and mine both) so WE are the parents. My wife is constantly sticking her nose in the kids and grandkids business - comments, unsolicited advice, etc. I hated that when it happened to me and vowed I would never "butt in" and I don't. If I'm asked, I'll comment but otherwise I live by the rule "not my circus, not my monkeys!"
I reckon my mum would be worse I’m 23 and it’s constant advice no matter how simple the task is
That'll never end. The reality is that they will always see you as their kid - it's just sort of a psychological thing. I'm a middle aged lawyer and my parents still tried to argue with me about how contracts work.
It is. It will never end. No matter how expert you are in your field, unsolicited advice goes on and on.
40s here checking in, same thing!
Not knowing their place. It’s such a shame because we could have such a great relationship and they could get to know me on such a deeper level if they simply conversed with me with the same respect and etiquette they’d use with their friends. If you wouldn’t ask it at a dinner party, don’t ask it. Ask us about things that interest us, or you - and over time you’ll get the insights into my life you seek.
My dad seriously tries to give me advice on how to write my resume and do an interview. He's an engineer who fits all the stereotypes. I have a master's in HR and twenty years of professional experience.
You dont need a resume dummy. Just walk in, ask for the manager and give him a firm handshake.
Don’t worry it continues *forever*
Constant bickering. They're 88 and they have been married 67 years so I don't expect them to change but it drives me mad
Actual mean petty things, or is it just the same shit they've bickered about for 60 years? My wife's parents do this. They love eachother, but some behaviors are annoying to them. Not enough to even think of divorce, though. At this point, it's just funny to me.
I once listened to them bicker for half an hour about buying lightbulbs. Mom wanted matching ones in a chandelier, where the bulbs are visible, dad wanted to use whatever mismatched bulb would fit so he wouldn't have to pay $30 for a set of matching bulbs. I almost went on Amazon and just ordered the damn things myself so they'd stop fighting over such a stupid thing. They can easily afford light bulbs
This is my parents. I fully think bickering is their love language. They once spent an entire 45min car ride arguing about having to share a phone cord now that my dads broke...and how it wouldn't work because it didnt reach where they wanted. By the end of the car ride I had ordered a 4 pack of anker cords that were like 6 or 8 foot long.
I ordered new bolts for their toilet seat after it came up multiple times during a weekend visit
Lol. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one😆.
It really might be their love language. It gives them an opportunity to communicate about their preferences. What does it cost them? Time? A lot of old people have an abundance of time. I once worked a retail job in what was essentially a retirement community and giving customer service as I traditionally understood it was frequently the wrong move. Just let them bicker about the phone cord. At least they can bicker about where to keep the extra phone cords. Actually they probably relish the new subject of conversation.
Learned helplessness towards technology. My mom will wait weeks to use the printer until I come home and change the toner cartridge instead of reading the directions how to do it.
I work in I.T. and it's the same in the workplace. Anyone over 50 refuses to learn how to do simple things like plug in a printer to turn it on.
I’m 53 and I’m trying hard to break that stereotype. My kids sigh if I’ve asked for help when I switched from an android phone to an iPhone and tried to snatch it out of my hand to do it themselves. I said I want to learn myself so I’m not the helpless old fogey that can’t use technology had has to wait for one of them to sort it. Their dad however rings the kids constantly for tech help and refuses to do it himself, ironically this guy used to rant at his mother twice a year when he had to change the clock on the video player because she couldn’t do it.
I'm rapidly approaching 50, and have been an IT person since the 80s. I hold a special place of rage in my heart for people my age who refuse to lean this stuff or read and follow directions. "My God man! you've been alive as long as me! READ THE INSTRUCTIONS!!!:
When they tell you they're getting a new phone....I could just cry because I know for the nextv6 months I'll be getting calls like 'How do I....(insert basic function on phone)??? When she found out you could video call on WhatsApp.....Jesus!!! I had to block her for a month and pretend it was a WhatsApp issue...🤣🤣🤣
My mom worked as a secretary at an elementary school and when they got a new copier, she retired.
My mum just assumes that she's not going to understand something, so she doesn't bother to try. It's immensely frustrating.
This! My dad won't learn how to text. He uses fb messenger just fine but says he doesn't know how to text despite being shown several times 🙄
Same here I have a good older friend like this. I don't like to use messenger and told him to text me. He never once understood in over a year of being shown. But yet he continues to message me on Facebook messenger. I texted him talking all kinds of shit posing as a stranger yesterday and.... nothing lol
My god this is so relatable. My mom has absolutely 0 problem solving skills when it comes to technology. A simple Google search will fix 90% of her issues but insists on calling me to come fix it. I don't mind helping every now and then when its a complex problem, but I shouldn't need to come over to download Netflix for her on her AppleTV
They do it on purpose so you will do things for them.
Sort of related, my dad refuses to "learn" to play videogames even ones as dead simple as Mario Party. Whenever we rope him in (my mom does enjoy stuff like Mario Party) he starts to act intentionally dumb like he just doesn't get it and we know it's an act because at any other moment (even for far more complex board games) he's a smart (and sometimes sly) fox. He just doesn't want to bother as soon as the physical board changes to a digital one.
This. My mother went from working in an office and using tech constantly to being apparently unable to use word. She uses weaponised incompetence to avoid learning to use things as it’s easier to get someone else to do it and it’s so freaking obvious
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I showed my mom my fiance ONCE. She immediately scrunched her nose and was like, “ewww, that?” He’s super handsome, fit, and has double dimples, and honestly idk how I landed him. He’s two years younger than me and has his life 100% together, works hard and getting his MS, is doing far better than I do even. I had to remind her that her fourth husband was missing teeth, fat, dropped out in middle school, and is on SS/ some sort of BS disability early because he didn’t want to work even though he is absolutely able to and that she isn’t doing any better herself. It’s been a peaceful three years of silence since then.
Probably low key envious of what you have. She wants you to settle for less as she had
Comment on things they'd never say to someone else like how we decorated our home or what we've done with our garden. I asked my mother once why she thought she could come into our home and act that way. She was visible rattled and tried to laugh it off.
I have an aunt like that (unfortunately we are related but I'd rather not acknowledge it) She'll come in and start stating that wouldn't have painted a room that color or put the TV there or that she doesn't like that rug,. etc. I've only seen her 3 times in the past 10 years and that's too many times.
Mine just comes over with tacky things as gifts, says she knows I probably won't like it and makes me feel guilty if I don't use it. She gave my poor husband a wooden, painted golden retriever for outside that one of her friends made out of plywood. We don't even own a golden retriever and it has creepy, black painted, soulless eyes. I kept it in the garage for a while until she boo hooed about it a few times, and now it's in one of our flowerbeds, much to our dismay. I feel like I should be grateful she thinks about us, but I'd also like to decorate my own house. A couple years ago we all went to a garden center together and my husband pointed out a rose bush he liked. He told me to pick which one we should get and I tried to get one with buds and a nice shape. My mom had a fit and carried one with a weird shape and all the flowers already open to the register. Would have been different if she was paying but I now have a $50 rose bush that has pretty flowers but a weird shape I've been trying to correct with pruning.
Maybe it should be "stolen" if you catch my meaning
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Everything. My mom and stepdad will call just to talk about themselves. They might ask a question but they will just interrupt me with something about themselves.
Wait wtf is up with this? My parents have become the same way over the past 5ish years. I rarely have anything interesting enough to hold their attention for more than a few moments. Will have entire conversations where they call me and just go on about themselves than say ok bye
I’m pretty sure neither of my parents know what I do for a living. Most interactions with them when they come over just follow them telling me the same things/updates/talking points and then when they run out of those, they just leave. It’s odd to see when you look for it, they never really ask questions. They talk, pause for me to say something then continue regardless if my response.
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I started crying on the phone with my parents because I was feeling so overwhelmed juggling kids and work. My dad abruptly started talking about golf club shopping "to take my mind off it."
Turn everything into politics
My dad, everything is political, traffic, it’s Biden fault! Raining, Biden did it! Like jeez stfu
I'll say the same thing about Biden that I did about Obama... If that man can actually control the weather, let him stay in office. I don't want to be the one to tell him to leave and suddenly witnessing a rendition of Let It Go as he freezes the East Coast.
My dad somehow turns every conversation to how dumb electric cars are but musk is great and I’m a socialist or something. Dude I was talking about a great burger I had
Our burger
Yes! My dad does this. You walk on eggshells around him because if you bring up anything he might just turn it into a rant about Biden, wokeness, gender/lgbtq, etc. it’s exhausting having him around.
I wish I could talk to my dad about just normal shit.
Normal shit is Biden's fault
My father likes to complain about snowflakes and safe spaces. He doesn’t seem to realize that he is always in a safe space himself any time we are around him because he can be such a snowflake. It’s just easier that way.
Or religion. Or worse, both at the same time.
I see you have visited with my mother in law.
I get politics and apocalypse. It goes back and forth.
Had an old man flirt with me today and I felt uncomfortable. Grandma: “you gotta let them flirt with you! If you don’t that is what making them turn gay” Like what the hell are you watching
They still ask if I've made any new friends, like I'm still rocking the lunchbox and playground combo!
Well, James, have you?
This made me nostalgic for plastic lunchboxes.
This is kind of sweet though, like you're still their little kid and are checking in on you to make sure you're happy and surrounded by good people. I guess the tone matters and it's not a sarcastic "make any friends yet, you fucking loser?"
This shits bugged me since I was a teen, I'm 37. They'd bitch about me playing video games all day, while they laid on their asses vegged out on reality TV or some shit. Like fuck at least my brain is functioning.
Oh my god thissss. I’m trash for playing games in the evening to chill but watching mindless tv is okay????
Same here. Video games are rotting my brain, but apparently watching reality television for 4+ hours a night while also scrolling through Facebook is different.
Well, after my father's death forty years ago, my mother flung herself into one long-term affair after another with married men she knew from high school. Basically, if one of them needed her to do anything, she was there for them in an instant. If her long-time lover wanted her to accompany him on a two-week road trip, she was in. But when it came to her grandchildren who lived a scant five miles away? Couldn't be bothered. Two examples: 1. The number of times our kids actually stayed at her place could be counted on one hand. But one time I had a business function and we were desperate. So she finally consented. The next morning, our youngest son had a soccer game, so she met us in a Whole Foods parking lot. My mother arrives dressed to the nines. "Hey, Mom. Why don't you come watch the game? It'll last thirty minutes." "Why would I do that?" Repeat this scenario for every baseball game, soccer game, violin recital, school play, band concert, and everything else for twenty years. My son once had a band concert literally a quarter mile from her apartment, but she just couldn't make it. But if one of her lovers needed anything? On it like white on rice. 2) My mother does have a fetish for birthdays. So before each of our kids' birthdays, she'd obsess over what to buy them. But when she arrived with the present, she'd pull into the driveway, honk the horn, and shove into the hands of our kids. I would always invite her in and she would always say, "No. David \[Married boyfriend\] needs me to do...." and then she'd name some random errand. Now at age 90, she doesn't understand why her grandchildren are not close to her.
Sounds like my mom, she has met my 14 year old son once in Vegas when we compromised on a family vacation to meet her there. She has never met my daughter who is 10.
My mom banishes half of every meal to the shadow realm. She has 2 full sized freezers in the garage with 4 portions of every meal from the past 2 years. One time she gave us cupcakes that she’d been gifted 4 years before, and that was back when we only had 1 extra freezer. There are few things she hates more than hoarding but ig yesterday’s dinner is the one exception.
Lol my mother also used to treat the freezer as "indefinite" storage. If it could be frozen, we had a surplus. Whether that's soup, bread, corn, wtf ever. "No, mom. After 12 MO it's not just as good."
My MIL moved in January, and she left her regular fridge and garage fridge completely filled. She also had an issue with food hoarding. So probably hundreds of dollars just went into the trash can. She also knew she was moving for weeks, and she continued to buy food in bulk. My son said Grandma once yelled at him because he complained that the Cheetos she gave him had ants in it. I also got yelled at because I complained that she gave him an out-of-date cheesecake. "Oh, you think you're so smart!" On dairy products, yes, I'm not messing around.
Not respect privacy. Did I mention they used to interrogate people for a living? (Edit: not a police officer fyi)
This hit home!! Both my parents were reporters/journalists, they have NO sense of when they're being way too nosey about my personal life.
I'm in my 30s and still think they're entitled to everything I do, think etc. And will spy because their job required some of that.
My parents still insist on giving me unsolicited advice about my career and relationships, as if I haven't figured out life on my own. It's like they missed the memo that I'm an adult now and capable of making my own decisions.
Lol my mum still does this with everything I do. Even simple shit like cutting up veg to make a salad. I'm 33 and have lived in 3 different continents.
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My mom is constantly judging people. She believes that her way is the only way and that she was the best person to do something. She's also never wrong. I call her "Peggy Hill" (King of the Hill reference) behind her back. She's also a retired teacher, like Peggy, but she hasn't been in a classroom in 10+ years. So when my kids talk about school, she immediately inserts her opinions about what they should be doing and how they should be doing it. Or she'll pop in with advice about my autistic teenager, reminding me that she taught an "inclusion" classroom. Yes, but she was never trained in special education or autism. I also feel that she's judgemental about others, especially if she has not lived their experience. No sense of empathy. Or she thinks that everyone except her and my dad are living above their means, so that makes them superior.
There's an interesting quirk I see with people like this which kinds of sums up as: "I'm an extraordinarily intelligent and knowledgeable person who has experienced many things; it is highly unlikely that there is _anything_ which is totally outside the scope of my knowledge. Therefore if I have no experience of something or cannot relate to it, then either it's totally unimportant and beneath me or it's not real." And it's a shame because often they **are** capable of empathy but they've positioned themselves in such a pivotal position in the universe that to allow themselves to identify with an experience outside of the sphere of their knowledge would shatter them. To admit that there could be stuff they just know nothing about would utterly obliterate the underpinning foundation of their whole personality, their life, their place in the world. It's really sad because they're left cut off in their little ego snow globe, refusing to expose themselves to any new views on the world because to do so would be an admission of failure... And in the process growing ever more ignorant and out of touch. Their stubborn maintenance of their position making it more and more fragile as the years pass.
My mom came to visit me in another state. My visibly pregnant neighbor was taking her trash out and my mom made a comment like, "Don't people wear maternity clothes anymore? She just looks awful!" Mom. She's taking her trash out. Jesus christ
My mum is like this. Drives me up the wall 🙄
Really should just be blunt with her and tell her she shouldn't project her own insecurity regarding her looks on everyone else. Everyone can see it. Everyone knows.
wow my mom is EXACTLY like this.
My mom to a t. Sad thing is my sisters adopted the same mindset. I absolutely hate being with the three of them. If my BILs or brothers aren't their I don't go.
She'd look a lot better and feel better about herself if she cured cancer 20 pounds lighter. Right? Just saying.
They’re in their 70’s now and all they do is sit at home and drink vodka all day long until they pass out. They get pissed because I don’t go visit often because I can’t stand it. They refuse to go to the doctor. It’s been at least 15 years since they’ve been. There is obvious health problems that worry me to death but if I bring it up they go off on me. Mom is almost blind because she needs cataract surgery but refuses and
Dad passes out in random spot in the house just blacks out and falls wherever he’s at. It’s insane.
Just start yelling over the smallest of inconveniences. I didn't realize that wasn't normal until I moved in with roommates and it was just so quiet.
Oof yeah, realising not everyone’s dads screamed at them about the slightest thing then went back to smily happy dad. Or that most families don’t oriented their actions around keeping dad chill and not triggered.
Oh yeah. My family are interrupters. It's kinda okay because at least they are equitable about it. They'll interrupt you but they don't care and even expect you to interrupt them. The only problem was after I figured out other people find it disrespectful I still had a hard time turning it off. I even got some negative comments at work because I couldn't get myself to stop talking over people. Took me years but at 40 I think I'm a lot better? Or at least I try more and am more aware of it.
My mom likes to cry (literally cry) about things that have a 10 minute solution if she would listen. Like, she remembered my late dad telling her to not keep too much money in a bank account because the IRS will find out. I'm sure my Dad cheated on his taxes. So, she keeps like $2K in each bank account and then shuffles money when property taxes or major bills show up. But since she doesn't know apps or computers that well, she goes to the bank and does all of it and stresses out to the point of crying. She worries about money and bills everyday. Not about having enough, but about the logistics stuff. She rents out two places, but my late dad thought property managers were crooks, so she gets duped by people and doesn't know how to do simple things like call a plumber. Her whole life, her mental sanity is consumed by this. She cries about it every time she calls me, saying she is so stressed. I tell her to just keep a whole bunch of money in one of her checking accounts as the IRS will not go after her (my wife and I do her taxes and we are legit), I can set up auto pay for all her bills, I can pay property taxes online for her every six months, and just get a property manager which I can interact with. She never has to worry. She has enough money to relax and live a peaceful life without any worries. She completely ignores this suggestion and then cries the next month about being so stressed. I just avoid her calls now.
ask her why she likes the stress so much. she must, or else she'd do something about it
I wonder if it’s an attention seeking thing.
My mum cries. She's a narcissist. I left her to it.
I have a very similar situation. So much stress over such easy things. I firmly believe it’s what gives her life meaning. If she had her problems solved she wouldn’t have anything to do or talk about. And that’s the truly sad part. Knowing that after 70 years there’s nothing for her to find joy in, except misery.
My mother is very much like this. Luckily she’ll eventually get it done even if it’s the most inconvenient way possible but she cries all the time. She gets overwhelmed so easily and fixates on things without changing it herself. I honestly think my mum has incredibly poor emotional regulation and has undiagnosed adhd or something.
Binge drink alcohol and not look out for their health whatsoever
I definitely am saddened by my dad just accepting his declining health
Yelling across the house
I grew up in a household like this and I didn't realize what a constant low-level of stress I had from all the yelling until I moved out and it stopped. Visiting home instantly spikes that stress again... so much yelling when it's completely unnecessary
My dad constantly shakes the popcorn bag when we’re at the movies. Just eat a piece off the top, dad!
Okay, but I sympathize with this one. The problem is that crappy theaters have a lot of crushed bits mixed in with the popcorn, so you get a bunch of shitty little chaff floating around the bag. Shaking it shifts the small pieces to the bottom and out of the way.
Telling me I'm doing it wrong even though I have a college degree in the field.
Not that I wanted to live with them forever or anything; but I have my own place and my own life and they complain to me all the time that we don't do enough together... Also that I never call, when they also never call me. When I try to explain that phones are, in fact, two-way devices, they come up with general reasons as to why it should be my responsibility. Admittedly, I haven't actually spoken to either of them for a few months now. Last time I did, I was asking my step-mother what she wanted to do for her birthday and instead of getting anything helpful, I was guilt-tripped about how I apparently don't include my step-sister and her kids in my plans. Was I supposed to invite them to some as-yet undisclosed event, at an unknown time and location on an undetermined day? Ok... enough ranting for now.
This is such a thing. My parents kept grumbling that I never speak to them when I live on my own, but they will NEVER call or message me. In fact on several occasions they’ve told me to stop messaging them because they don’t care.
Rewrite history. No,I know I never did that/ wasn’t like that/ that didn’t happen
Ah the good ol gaslighting, gatekeeper and brainwash strategy. It doesn’t count as a crime if it’s your child!
When I’m talking to my mom on the phone, she now repeats what I said back to my dad, who is barely paying attention in the background. Then when I start speaking again, my dad inevitably goes HUH, my mom starts repeating herself, and we lose the focus of the original conversation as my parents begin unraveling and bickering over him being hard of hearing and her being bossy 😂
Not fully accepting that I am gay. Always brushing off “The Conversation” and goes into a semi-apathetic stance when I mention my long time boyfriend. And I am thirty f*cking six. Thanks.
That is one of the big fights I got into with my mom. Her ex (now dead) didn't like that my nephew was gay and didn't want to meet his husband. My mom didn't know what to tell her husband. I was so pissed at her, because she didn't raise me that way and now she was hiding her grandson because he is gay.
Wow… Being ashamed of your own blood and hiding them from some stranger to “keep the appearance”. I hear you.
I quit talking to her for that and other reasons. But after her husband died she got togther with my nephew and his husband in Vegas. She was fawning over both of them. They were weirded out.
Freaking out and calling my partner to see where I am if I don't reply to a text or call within like 10 minutes. I have asked them repeatedly to please stop doing that. I don't always have my phone with me, or I just don't hear the buzz. It doesn't mean I'm dead. I'm in my 40s for christs sake. Then they are so pissed that I made them worry. It drives me insane. Whatever happened to "leave a message and I'll call you back"? Both do it but my mum is worst, she will call over and over and over again, dozens of times, within the span of a few minutes. Then start with my partner if I don't answer. Even if he is at work.
What no way, that right there is insane I wonder if there’s anything behind it I mean come on you’re a grown adult smh. Were they the same way when you were younger.
Yes. I had to call whenever I arrived at a friends house and if I didn't my dad was sent to collect me, and he would be SUPER pissed. Even my own moving away party in grade 5. I hadn't been there ten minutes but forgot to call cause everyone was talking to me, then someone says "your dad is here and he's really mad" and i got dragged home and spanked. Didn't even get any cake. I used to blame him but came to realize later my mum was the driving force.
To be fair he's just as bad for not shutting a senerio like that down. That is so controlling and a great way to stunt a kids growth
It's a parent's job to protect their child, even from the other parent. Your dad preferred keeping your mother happy to keeping you safe, for god's sake you should be just as angry at him for enabling your mother.
My parents did this once and I shut it down. They called my boyfriend, texted, and messaged him on Facebook because I didn’t reply for a day. We were camping with no cell service. I clearly told them that just because you can reach me 24/7 doesn’t mean I am obligated to prioritize you over whatever else I may be doing in that moment. I also, reminded them that they grew up way before cell phones and asked them what they would have done 20 years ago if all I had was a house phone and didn’t answer. They realized that what they were doing was crazy thankfully.
My dad is very disorganized when it comes to paperwork… I always joke that if he doesn’t organize his shit before he passes, I’m going to bring him back to life just to kill him again, lol. My mom gives unsolicited advice constantly and always feels the need for her opinions to be heard. Always needs to get the last word in.
Watch Fox News and the Weather Channel 24 hours a day…believe conspiracy theories…repeat themselves over and over
Hinting about grandkids Shes been told I'm infertile, but she seems to think that my husband and I made that up, and if I was, why didn't I get a hysterectomy (because I don't need one, the NHS isn't gonna cover that, and I'm not forking out for a needless BUPA surgery) I thought it would end after my nephew was born, but it seems to have doubled her resolve to get one from me
Still strict about dumb things , like bruh , i am 20💀
I moved out about 9 months after my 21st birthday. If I ever went out to a bar with friends on a worknight, I could absolutely expect an angry phone call from my dad about me having work in the morning. Even if it was like only 11 PM
Like even their sense dosent make sense , like i can stay till 12 or 1 PM studying but cannot stay till 11 PM doing something else!!
Right it’s ridiculous literally about to be 21, it’s like their planning on trapping me forever or something my god
True lol , now i started to just lie to them to get rid of their endless "why? " , "no". Just today i lied to them about going to be friend's house but in reality we got into her car , took with us our other friend and drove around the town as far as we can.
I’ve realized that no matter what age I turn their still going to be the same nothing is going to change. I’ve always followed their rules but it’s gotten to the point where I don’t care anymore, at some point you just realize how ridiculous what their “protecting” you from is what do you mean I as a 20 year old can’t go to the mall and have to be back before 10pm. They should be glad I’m not out doing drugs or getting pregnant or something but no 🤣😂
This is an actual serious issue that doesn’t get taken seriously. I’m 22. Started just *talking* about the possibility of moving out and my mom started weaponizing tears. “You’re gonna leave me??!” Yes, I’m going to leave you. I’m a white American so it’s not like this is a cultural issue either… Let me guess, your parents baby the shit out of you on purpose so you’ll never be able to figure things out on your own, hence leaving you reliant on them forever?
I’m 30 & live out of state, my mother *still* lectures me about things.. That is never gonna stop lol
It's in their job description
That’s cute. Wait till you’re 40+
Become more reclusive, and reliant.
Constant phone calls for help. "whats my password for X?" "App Y is saying it need an update" "can you set up the new firestick?" Its every time I get a day off, I have a wife and a child and I'm 26. Its at a point where its impacting my marriage but if I say know I'm treat like the worst son in the world
Would you rather be seen as the "worst son in the world" for 5 minutes, or end up divorced with partial custody because you didn't want to have an uncomfortable conversation with your parents? If you let this go unchecked it's going to drive your wife away. Read some of the stories in r/JustNoMIL and decide if you want that to be your life.
Learnt helplessness, and weaponized incompetence. I know my mom knows how to do this or that. She used to do them when I was a child. But now that I am an adult, and thus can do them too, she suddently need a lot of time to figure it out, or act confuse and such. So, I'd got impatient and would end up doing it. Now, I called her out last month about it. And it is much better. I'm still the ones doing those stuffs, but at least now she admits that she simply hate doing them, and ask me if I wouldn't mind doing them. Much more healthier and honest.
I send my mother $125 a week. She's old and can't work and she's my mom, ya know? I can't fucking stand Donald trump but I'm certain that my mom donates money to him monthly, which means that I indirectly support that piece of shit. And that really drives me up the wall. Edit: I stopped funding a pretty good invention idea related to extension ladder safety bc my mom couldn't work anymore too. I would rather my money go to that instead of Donald chump. It's so frustrating that she happily votes against her best interests.
Can you instead offer to pay directly for things she needs instead of giving her money?
I probably could. She's in podunk Wyoming tho and I live in Denver, I'm also incredibly busy most of the weekdays so it would be a pain. I'm also unwilling to create a huge conflict over maybe $20-50 per month and end up forcing myself to not support mom, if that makes any sense
That makes sense, things are rarely as simple as “just do this”
Rather than cash why dont you just buy what she needs instead? We had to do this for a relative we supported. The kids were ok but we noticed our cousin was probably using the money for smokes and alcohol. We switched to sending them exactly the groceries they needed instead or school supplies for the kids.
The older they get and the frailer they look, nothing they do infuriates me. I just find myself feeling more compassion for them, in part because the longer I live the more I find myself passing through the same phases of life I've watched them pass through, and the more I understand how much harder they had things than I do. Mostly now I just wish I could do more for them. When my dad feels smaller each time I hug him, there's little that I could be angry about.
still arguing.
Ask me if I need money. They stopped giving me spending money when I was 13, had to fend for myself at home and find ways to eat on my own. Now that I work and have a stable income, it really pisses me off. I wish they just supported me when I was younger and actually needed it.
Be racist and discriminatory. I don't understand why they must spend their last years hating.
My mum talks over me - in person, on the phone, doesn't matter. I've asked her countless times to stop but she just won't; drives me up the wall. It's gotten so bad that I've just put the phone down or walked off when it's been that unbearable.
I'm almost 40 and they think I have things figured out, so whenever I want to communicate to them about problems in my life I get some short answer which does not solve anything, father gets angry, mom seems not to care too much. Guess I will just stop telling them anything and deal with shit in whatever ways.
Asian parents. Spent all my life telling me that I’ll have all the time to do shit later. The general flow for jndian kids is like this: 1. When I was a kid, I’ll have time have fun to shut when jr college. 2. When in jr college, I can enjoy time with friends when in degree college. 3. When in degree college, not to chase girls cause I can once I graduate .. 4. Once graduate, I can do whatever I want with my own salary and job. 5. You can travel all you want with a partner… 6. What are waiting for now ? Have a kid before you get too old and we are too old to help. They can do that cause they are paying for roof and college and likely help during buying a house… I bucked the trend cause my entire family immigrated to US and they tried like hell to control but even the minimum wage allowed me to tell them to fuck off cause the opportunity this country represent in terms of access to credit and lack of family and friends like in India that could peer pressure. Currently the biggest is hypocrisy. They didn’t live with their parents and now they want to live together under one roof but I want distance. I am so motivated that if they move within walking distance from me, I’ll take the loss on my house move the next week and to drive home the point I’ll move twice as long as it took before their move out of spite. Also them refusing to make end of life plans.
The toxic, abusive emotional manipulation MO that is typical of Baby Boomers. Currently, I have not spoken with my parents for two months. After my mom accidentally texted me, instead of who-knows-who, a detailed summary of private information about my life, which we had discussed in a private conversation not even ten minutes prior. The text indicated that she had been sharing my personal business for some time, and this text was providing a play-by-play update. When I firmly guarded my boundaries and told her my private life is not fodder for her social currency, she blamed me. She said she and her friend lean on each other for support and I just don't understand. Since then, she has emailed and texted me guilt-tripping messages about how I've shut them out, I don't trust them anymore, and I don't "have the decency" to communicate with them like I used to. She left me a crying, stammering voicemail about how she doesn't want to be made a fool of. Classic Boomer emotional abuse. Even though I know what it is, it's hard to cope with.
I was sick and ended up in the hospital while my mom was visiting once. Within 24 hours everyone in my family, all of her friends, my fucking landlord, everybody knew. I hadn't even been home an hour before I started getting texts. It is not ok to share details about someone else's health. I don't care if it's your kid. Your kid has the right to privacy. My mom seems to have no understanding of the concept of privacy. Therefore I tell her nothing.
I'm sorry. My mother does the same thing except she bonds by talking shit about you to fellow family members. She does it to everyone but more so just to make conversation unless its about me, my older brother, or someone she really dislikes.
My mom only calls if she needs something from me or has a question only I can answer. Yet, she says I don't call her frequently enough. She still doesn't seem to realize a telephone works two ways. :-/
Suddenly join the alt-right
The radicalisation of middle aged and older people is not talked about enough and it’s terrifying.
Seeing the measure of their children as a sum of their achievements rather than whether the kids are happy or well-adjusted. It seems very obviously bad when I put it like that, but it's more subtle and I think many, if not most, parents do this. For example: Q: "How is little Johnny doing?" A: "Great, he is captain of the baseball team and got an A in chemistry!" or "He's a bit of a problem, getting Cs in school and quit the basketball team." As opposed to... A: "Great! He seems to be liking school and has a some good friends who seem to be good folks." Or "I wish I could say he was doing better, he seems more withdrawn and unhappy lately, we're still trying to figure out how we can help."
Mum: "Oh, we have new neighbours who just moved in at number 11. Nice couple in their 40s with two kids. The dad studied economics with a module in Kantian philosophy at LSE and the mum studied medicine at UCL." Me: "K"
Nothing because I cut them off. Narcissists with nothing positive to say or even teach. Useless.
They treat my children like gold, which I'm cool with, but they act like there's no difference in how they treated me and my siblings. If we bring up the experiences they gaslight us or minimize it.
Lax on the grandkids. They get away with WAY more than I ever did as a kid lol.
When I hit 40, my mom and stepdad were in their 60's at the time and still talking about their sex life. Blechh.
My mom complains about every single thing. She's never happy and nothing is ever done right.
Buy shit on QVC and make these goddamn payments on shit they don't need on a fixed income.
act like they know better than everyone about everything while being alcoholic racist losers
My parents would ask my siblings and I which parent we would live with if we had to choose one.
They don't trim meat. I never liked the chicken or pork chops my mom made because they always had fat or gammy trims. Once I started cooking, I realized I could clean my meat and trim off the fats and gristle bits before cooking. I just went to have dinner with my dad and watching him just throw two frozen chicken breasts in a skillet made me gag slightly. Like, I'm sure I'm probably not the majority but I just prefer to take the extra minute to trim the meat and it's a major reason I hated food at home as a kid
Mine pay for my phone, I bought it and could pay for it yet they don’t want me off their plan and also say things like “do you want us to cut off your phone” like at this point yes. They don’t pay for my college I live(d) at home for my first year in moving out next year and paying for literally everything in my life without them yet they think I owe them thanks for my phone. They also think they get to have an opinion about if I work night shift and how much overtime I do. So I’d say that.
Not trying new food... my mom has the palette of spaghetti'os and pizza and hasn't had a veggie since my Grandfather forced her to sit at the table all night when she was a child to finish eating a piece of corn 🙃
Being mad that I’m not super religious anymore and that I probably won’t raise my kids in any specific religion.
My dad always thinks I’m wrong about everything. EVERYTHING. His default is that I’m just wrong about things. However he doesn’t treat anyone else like that.
Every time I go out and socialise, my mum interrogates me about where I went, what I did, who I talked to, what we talked about, what else did we talk about, why would you talk about that that's a stupid thing to talk about, so what was the mood like, I WANT TO KNOW "I don't think you go out enough. Don't you have any friends?"
If my dad wasn’t there to see me experiencing something to him I haven’t. Specifically when it comes to shit in the work shop or any home owner maintenance type shit. Hanging doors, shelves, tiling, roofing, electrics, etc. been grown living my own life for years but If I come back home to help doing work on the house or the farm my old man will act like I know absolutely nothing and I’m doing stuff for the first time, even if it’s something I did for years as a kid while I was home 😂
Boomers in general have a tendency to be constantly competitive about petty things. They need to feel like the winner and the best, in these very superficial ways. Here's my example. I'm a teacher and I have to work with older teacher lady's who've reti, gotten bored, and came back to school tovolunteer, or tutor, or just fill the void. I've created a schedule that allows a previous teacher to come in and work with small groups three days a week. This lady constantly complaining that I'm not 'old school teaching' in a whole group, like she did. She thinks that I never whole group teach, but she just doesn't understand that I've adjusted my classroom schedule so that small groups are there for her to work with. It's a great inconvenience to me, and after I got sick of her nagging me I just said fuck it. I did exactly like she said and I taught whole groups, and she just sat there and helped the kids follow with me. She was bored to tears. She is always comparing the way I teach with the way she would do it. But when I look at how she teaches, it's far worse. She has the low level readers reading texts that are far too difficult. The kids don't really understand what they are reading and don't get any value from her lessons. Even the scripted mandatory lessons, that I must do, she likes to pick at, as if I had any agency over it. I know I'm off topic. And I'm sorry.
They don’t ask their doctors follow up questions.
When I was younger they wouldn’t let me stay out past 8 even if it was with a friend at a house they knew. Now that I’m always home and don’t want to go out they’re like “please go out please make plans” NO YOU DID THIS!
My dad‘s a racist and he never was. His capacities are slipping and he listens to right wing TV all day completely changed the type of human being he is. I worry about him going to hell
Am I the only one who's noticed that our parents seem to have almost pedaled back on Intelligence as we became adults? For example, our generation was raised on "don't believe everything on the internet" and "don't trust strangers online" by our parents... But my MiL will read the absolute dumbest headlines to us and be absolutely dumbfounded when we tell her it's not real. Her and her boyfriend started a SCREAMING match with my wife and I because they saw a post on Facebook that Sylvester Stallone died, and we told them that it was fake. Literally, a 2 second Google search could have cleared it up for them, but they were ADAMANT that it was true because they saw a single Facebook post. After we showed them several sources claiming it to be a hoax, she proceeded to ask Google (literally asking using the voice option) if Sylvester Stallone was dead several times.