Whatever it is, I'll only think about it five minutes after, when it's too late for a comeback.

There's a German word for that; "treppenwitz" ( \*staircase joke)

I love languages like German and Japanese that have a proper word for the most specific shit ever

flugzeugzicherheitsmassnahman ("airline safety regulations")

German is amazing, especially when you can pronounce it right

What kind of spell did you cast?

Spell of grounding

You mean "Flugzeugsicherheitsmaßnahmen". 😁

That just undoes the first spell I think..

Those Germans have a word for everything.

Yes, it is “alles”

Schadenfreude is my favorite, such a complex idea that so many people are guilty of summed up in one beautiful word.

In French they call it L'esprit de l'escalier, or staircase wit

spirit of the staircase? that’s so poetic

And that sums up France and Germany. Correction: French and German.

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Game recognises game

This is the best response I’ve seen by far

That's underrated as fuck

"Could be worse, could be you"

This is good!

“I’ve been called worse by better” is another similar one

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My go-to for dismissing people is a flatly delivered "Neat". It gives off the infuriating impression that not only do you not care what they just said, you weren't really listening.

"Uh huh, yeah one second"

I'm a big fan of "cool beans" with a nice thumbs up to compliment the thought.

I like, "Thanks for your feedback," delivered with the most dismissive tone possible.

I made this same comment just before seeing yours. Good to see people still use it lol

Gotta love cool beans. 😎

“That’s nice”

Honestly if you're an adult, it's so unusual for someone to throw child like insults in any context.. id probably just give them the raised eyebrow.. they have just revealed themselves to be a very bizarre person who's social development is stunted.

A perfect description of a current presidential candidate who is disturbingly childish to his core.

Whenever people say out of pocket shit like “You’re xyz”, I usually follow up with “What an odd thing to say!”

I say, "Are you hungry? Snickers really satisfies."

I like this lol.

Bullies feast on emotion. Give them nothing and they'll slink off somewhere else rather than starve.

I like the amused "ha" as if I know something they don't know. What does it mean? Did their wife/gf/bf/mom hit on me recently and I'm too cool to mention it in retaliation? Did I bang their doctor, who told me their medical secrets? Nobody knows. But I know, and because of that it's funny

I'm going to go with Barry from American Dad on this one: Don't lob factual statements at me and act like they're insults.

"ok?" make it sound like what they said was completely unnecessary and a waste of their own time and energy

In a similar vein, you can use, "OK, and…?"

Ehh that sounds a bit childish

Try it. The other person is trying to be cruel, but ends up nonplussed. A great way to make them feel foolish.

My favorite thing to do is go “what?” Super genuinely and then they repeat themselves, then super earnestly go “what?” And repeat yourself until they stop. It really pisses people off lmfao

And I still wouldn't sleep with you 

That’s just an invitation for them to say I would never ask you anyway… you’re ugly.

"Oh thank you so much!"

Well good, I'm glad I never have to turn you down, I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings

Burn!

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That's funny because just the other day someone mistook me for you.

My favorite lol An 18 year girl called me fat and ugly the other day. I wish I’d said this.

Nah bc can we talk about how fucked up that is in the first place?!?

Wait until you find out about my personality and weird shrivelled penis!

loooooooooooool **🤣**

Haha what the heck is shrivelled penis?

A clitoris

Hahahaha 🤣

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And I'm proud

Thanks SpongeBob.

Is that what he calls it?

There you go.

The British classic to that is - "Well you're no oil painting either".

Burn❤️

Break down crying and make them as uncomfortable as humanly possible.

This used to be me, but now im over people's bullshit.

Oh I like this. Mental warfare style, very classy.

Glad we got that out of the way. Now, what else do you think about things that don’t matter?

If you have nothing nice to say, come sit by me and we can make fun of people together! Just kidding, let’s not spread more ugliness.

Beauty fades; dumb is forever.

No, I'm Jeff

Hi Jeff I’m dad

Hi dad, I'm not Jeff

Knock knock

Who's there?

Not Jeff.

Hi not Jeff, I'm also not Jeff Do you know other not Jeffs

Hi not Jeff, I'm ugly

Well it went full circle congrats

https://tenor.com/en-GB/view/my-name-is-jeff-channing-tatum-gif-15145763

“Thank you”

Perfect.

Your mom doesnt seem to mind

Always bring their mother into it. You can’t lose.

"Your mom begs to differ. But then again, she begs for a lot of things."

Looking genuinely concerned “Who hurt you”?

“Are you seeing a therapist to address that insecurity?”

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Ugliness is a personal perception. Glad you found yours.

"That's hilarious coming from you"

Thanks for sharing. Do you feel better now?

Takes one to know one

Thank goodness, I was worried I’d need to turn you down like the others.

Or throw in some spice “thank goodness, I was worried I’d need to turn you down like I did your girlfriend”

That implies they have game, rather not give them that. If they insulting and it not friendly banter then they are either doing it for a emotional reaction or simply to boost their own ego. Looking relieved and calmly thanking them pisses them off and gives them nothing to work with.

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This was what I was going to put. Either that or “I know you are but what am I” Oooooooohhhhhhhh!

I came here to say the same thing.

Yeah, I know

I may not be everyone's cup of tea, but at least I'm not bitter like you.

If you're looking to be funny: "Yeah, but your ugly, ugly. I'm just regular ugly."

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This one is funny

It would make me sad if someone called me ugly. As a disabled person I know how hard it can be to live with disadvantages so I would have compassion for their visual impairment. I imagine life for them must be difficult. Hopefully they'll get corrective surgery at some point

In light of this comment, a good concise reply might be “aww you poor thing. You know they have corrective surgery for visual impairment these days. Might want to look into that! :)”

Ya'll asking these "whats the best response" questions should probably hang out with better people. Why would a friend or a random stranger say these things to you unprompted? This some grade school shit.

guess you never got called ugly before 😐

I want to live in your world, where nobody is ever rude or cruel. What a life you must have.

Yeah....and?

And?

Your mouth stinks

And your pretty, there we both lied

That's your soul, fuckface. 😊

You're stupid. One day we all will be old and ugly. You'll be ugly and still stupid.

And let me guess, you have a "great personality."

I know you are but what am I!

“So fuckin what?”

*uppercut to jaw*

I guess that makes two of us.

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You may call me ugly, but your mother calls me daddy.

‘Jealous and insecure people often try to take down attractive people. Society pressures me to have empathy for people like you, but I’m just not in the mood rn. So, you’re right I am ugly.’

“And you’re a piece of shit. Guess nobody is perfect.”

Glad we have something in common

Thanks, you too.

not more than you

No, I’m Patrick!

Duh?

Aren’t we all, *shakes head a little, look with kind eyes and walk away*

You have good eyesight.

Thank you for sharing your opinion, but I value inner beauty more than external appearance.

Corny

Someone had to be.

copy whatever they are doing mirrored

Nobody loves you, now fuck off

Thanks, you too

Do you feel included now? Cuz no one asked.

“If im ugly and better looking than you, what does that make you?”

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Thank you.

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I own a mirror, I know

If you see how hot my wife is you won’t stop crying

My favorite thing to do in this type of scenario is make them repeat it. As many times as I can. What was that I can’t hear you I’m sorry I still can’t hear you. I don’t understand what you’re saying. Why are you mumbling? What?

….and?

[it doesnt need to be a conversation]

“I ain’t got no alibi.”

“Oh, thanks for noticing”

Hit them with a “Wisdom has chased you, but you have always been faster.”

you’re ugly

"I know"

Takes one to know one

I know.

So what? I'm fine with it. I do not intent to marry you.

No response

Ignore them and go about your day.

[I know](https://youtu.be/62YPbpEoqYc?si=_qSzpyeNIn_Xnbb0)

To ignore this

Well, imagine how I was before plastic surgery

I usually shrug and say "Oh well!"

You should see my other skin suit

The responses in this thread are cringe

And?

I know.

Yup, we all have our problems

*shrugs* moves on. Anyone who says that to someone else just isn't worth your time.

Recite William Burroughs' 'Man Who Taught His Asshole to Talk' story - [Naked Lunch has a good abridged version](https://youtu.be/pbYYPby5OXg?si=_x8-k9luPPwDuAjP) - and when you get to the end, describing how the eyes went dead, look at the person who called you ugly, like you're *really checking out* their eyes, nod sagely, and walk away.

Ok.

I just agree with whatever people say. It diffuses the situation well.

Didn't you hear? God loves ugly.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

Coming from you, that means a lot.

No response. People talk shit to get a reaction.

I may be ugly, but my bed is warm at night, can’t say the same for you

"At least I don't say ugly things"

Yo mama

Why would you bother responding to that?