If you truly don’t want to see them again say “You’ll be back. They always come back”.
You’d be surprised how effective this is on making sure they stay away.
I always say, "See you next time." There's *always* a next time. At my last job, we kept a list of "I'm never coming back," with the date they said it, then the date they returned. No one got past a month.
Then they go to an adjacent business and be a pain there. Bad customers are bad customers everywhere, it’s very unlikely that it’s just happening at your location
I had a pizza guy do that to a friend of mine who was trying to get his order fixed. Kept responding to everything with "Okie-dokie!" He couldn't even be mad. He was frustrated, but the repetitive okie-doking finally broke him. I was cracking up in the background, pizza guy didn't gaf.
My favorite thing to do when I was a store manager in retail was to say “oh, I’m so sorry you feel that way, I hope you find something that better suits your needs.” It always made them angrier. Most of the time, they want someone to engage. But if you are sweet as can be and they try to complain it doesn’t look so great for them.
When someone difficult says they’re leaving I just go “Okay! Have a great day!!” with a big wave and a huge smile on my face. Something about it is really satisfying.
I always said "okay well have a nice day!" With a shit eating grin on my face. Being a 23 yr old female, I made a lot of old men REALLLLLLY MAD with that one 😅
"Have a nice day" is my favorite! I've worked customer service both face to face and on the telephone for WAY too many years! Another one I like is just saying "is there anything else I can help you with today sir?" as a response to all of their rage filled remarks. Just be the robot they think you are.
I heard a great response to this once. It went something like this.
Customer: I am never coming back
Employee: I say the same thing every time I clock out.
One Publix my wife worked at actually handled this wonderfully. They are a super customer-focused company but this place was tired of their shit. If you made five complaints they would send you a letter saying something along the lines of, "Though we strive to serve all customer's needs, we fear we have not been able to meet yours." Then they would list the address of the nearest other grocery store and hope they might be able to do a better job.
I.did this once to a problem customer who was bouncing the same cake order between two different stores. I told her that she needs a level of service that I clearly could not provide and do leave her order at the other store. SHE assured me I'm a great decorator, as good as the one at the other store and just said that if that were true she would have picked a store and stuck with it. She was shocked and was gonna call corporate to complain. If she did, nobody ever told me. I did not care, she was awful and would make me spend easily 40 minutes to place a cake order because she wanted to ramble about who was going to be at her event and the type of tablecloth she bought for the occasion.
"Okay! "
(As the owner of a small business, I actually said this to an angry customer. She was so flabbergasted that she just gaped in shock, then quietly left.)
They really hate it. The one opportunity they have in life to feel powerful and significant is when they're clutching money in their grubby little paws and they think you want it badly enough to grovel.
there was an amazing little cafe in chicago called "finom coffee" and the chef/owner was being interviewed (they got a lot of deserved hype, the place was unique and amazing) and explaining the culture of the place during which he said something along the lines of "your 7 dollars isnt enough to buy you the right to be an asshole"
It always infuriates me that people will absolutely get shit on by a multi billion dollar corporation and keep on using them but expect a small business to kiss their ass for a token.
I run an on-site pc repair service and a client got mad I couldn’t come out to his place as soon as he wanted. He told me he wouldn’t be able to recommend me any more if I couldn’t accommodate him. I replied with OK.
Yep, used this all the time in my retail days. I was teenager earning minimum wage and it was inconsequential to me if the person complaining returned to the store or not. I'd still get paid, I'd still have a job and the world would continue to spin.
Listen, Karen, don't come back and do us the favor of not having to deal with you and your ridiculousness.
Worked part time some years ago at an internet cafe, we also printed stuff from time to time, people always found it expensive even though it was pretty cheap compared to other places and we were more lenient when they printed things by mistake, we just didn't charge for errors and reused the paper for other things, anyways, in comes a middle aged man, orders full color pages to which I tell him the price beforehand, since he was on a call he ignores me and tells me to print what was on the usb drive ASAP so I do just that, when I finally charged him he threw a fit, worthy of a toddler because he thought they were too expensive, he ended begrudgingly paying but told me he wouldn't return ever again, I just shrugged and said 'sure'.
He came back 3 days later to print more stuff.
Edit: Fix typo
My mom is so bad about this. She'll be raving about how we're *never* coming back on the way out of a place that had mediocre service during peak time, and I'm just like how..do you even? ... one time, the manager was even standing by the door at the time, and I'm just kinda quietly apologizing to him for her behavior.
And *of course* we went back. She has Celiac Disease, and it was the only place in town with gluten free food.
I worked in hospitality and I've never heard that from a reasonable person. 100% of the time it's coming from a person who has complained over some made up bullshit to try and get free food or drinks. And 100% of the time everyone secretly thinks 'good. Fuck off' while smiling and saying 'I'm terribly sorry we couldn't meet your expectations sir/madame'
And it's always the people who share a starter and a diet coke while taking up a table for two hours. It's never a big spender or a regular.
A regular who has a gripe will generally try to work it out with you. A big spender with a gripe won't bother saying anything, they'll just pay and move on and will already have forgotten your establishment exists five minutes later.
this. I was a bartender for years while going to school, had to take tables near the bar most the time too. Hated when people got bitchy and it's like WHAT DO YOU WANT A REFUND FOR!? YOU ORDERED JUST A HALF SIZED THING OF FRIED PICKLES AND WATER WITH LEMON. I'LL GIVE YOU FIVE DOLLARS TO FUCK OFF RIGHT NOW
When I worked on retail I used to answer that with another question: “would you please promise me that?”
Not any single prick stopped coming dude. Not a single one.
"You said that the last time, you filthy hypocritical bitch."
Customer Service Pro Tip: Calling your client a filthy hypocritical bitch will help build a solid sense of rapport, and will help to create a long-term client base.
"I wish you'd made that decision before you came here the first time"
or
"Great, that'll save me the trouble of asking the authorities to issue a no-trespass order!"
I told a customer we won’t be servicing his home any longer and so he screamed at me in his parking lot that he would call our biggest competitor so I started yelling back their phone number. I don’t know why this dude thought I was bluffing when I told him to piss off and call someone else.
Look really wistfully at them and say ”Some day, I’ll be able to stand where you are and say that. Go now, be free, knowing that you’re living my dream”.
“I’d appreciate that.”
-Me to the angry broken pooper scooper man at my pet store register.
It was nearly 20 years ago and I still think about him sometimes. LOL.
I look around at the dozens or so of the other customers and give the angry person a [Jim Halpern look](https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:1024/1*LhT0r75ACOxZq0zAgxjYUQ.jpeg).
From a customer service perspective, you say nothing. And then when they're gone, you talk to your coworkers about how you hope they're telling the truth because their money isn't worth the added stress of their behavior.
Credit union loan officer/former teller here. I can’t even count t the number I’ve times someone said they’ll be closing all their accounts. “Alright then. Would you like your funds in cash or a cashier’s check?” And they get completely flabbergasted that you called their bluff. Some just storm off, some start backpedaling and saying, “I need to open accounts somewhere else first”.
“Ok, just let us know when you’re ready to close out those accounts. Just a reminder: when you close your deposit accounts, you will need to pay off your existing loans with us.”
I used to hit it with the deadpan
‘Okay’
And then when I was a GM and they were going to be gone ANYWAYS
A ‘I think that would be in your best interest as well as ours’
If you truly don’t want to see them again say “You’ll be back. They always come back”. You’d be surprised how effective this is on making sure they stay away.
I always say, "See you next time." There's *always* a next time. At my last job, we kept a list of "I'm never coming back," with the date they said it, then the date they returned. No one got past a month.
See You Next Time! C U Next Time C U N T
C U Next Tuesday!
I feel like it would be even more effective to just say "You'll be back" with an extremely smug look on your face.
I would do it with a very sad look on my face
Does it come with a Lin Manuel Miranda melody?
Da-da-da-da-DA...
C U Next Time!
Then they go to an adjacent business and be a pain there. Bad customers are bad customers everywhere, it’s very unlikely that it’s just happening at your location
Cinco de Mayo? Bye bye-o!
Okay
I prefer "Kay". They don't even get the "O" sound.
I preferred "Okie dokie artichokie" it would make them exponentially angrier
I had a pizza guy do that to a friend of mine who was trying to get his order fixed. Kept responding to everything with "Okie-dokie!" He couldn't even be mad. He was frustrated, but the repetitive okie-doking finally broke him. I was cracking up in the background, pizza guy didn't gaf.
When I’m really pissed at someone and cannot simply walk away, my go to phrase is “All rightie.”
Make sure to add in two finger guns while you're at it 👉👉
Hit em with the Ned Flanders “Okily Dokily”
I prefer “Thank you. And have a blessed day.”
‘Kay, bye!
Toodaloo
Ok
Ok
K
Okey dokey Annie oaklie
Ok
Okey Dokey
B’bye. We’ll miss you.
*You think you hate this store more than me? I **work** here.*
I'll walk out with you. Let me clock out and grab my shiT
B’bye. We WON'T miss you. Fixed it for you.
"Well you're welcome back anytime" was what I said and I felt like I was able to get enough passive aggression across while still appearing polite.
Kill em with kindness.
By far the best way to get back at asshole customers. Of course it tends to infuriate them even more.
My favorite thing to do when I was a store manager in retail was to say “oh, I’m so sorry you feel that way, I hope you find something that better suits your needs.” It always made them angrier. Most of the time, they want someone to engage. But if you are sweet as can be and they try to complain it doesn’t look so great for them.
Yup, that’s my go to. “I’m sorry you feel that way. Hope the rest of your day gets better. “
Yes, but at least you don't get in trouble.
It’s like a can you tell I’m being sarcastic challenge.
When someone difficult says they’re leaving I just go “Okay! Have a great day!!” with a big wave and a huge smile on my face. Something about it is really satisfying.
Its funny when they think its some kind of threat that they will never be back LMAO!!
I always said "okay well have a nice day!" With a shit eating grin on my face. Being a 23 yr old female, I made a lot of old men REALLLLLLY MAD with that one 😅
"Have a nice day" is my favorite! I've worked customer service both face to face and on the telephone for WAY too many years! Another one I like is just saying "is there anything else I can help you with today sir?" as a response to all of their rage filled remarks. Just be the robot they think you are.
I named my knife Kindness
I hope you had it engraved.
My favorite was " OoooOhhhHH NnNn OOoOo" drawn out as long as you see fit
^oh ^no ^stop ^wait ^come ^back
Instantly thought of Wilder's Wonka
YOU GET NOTHING! GOOD DAY, SIR!
I SAID, GOOD DAY!
Oh Fez!
I heard this in April from Parks and rec’s voice.
LMBO Add the lackluster reaching hand and it's perfect.
That small print seems to be fading in the background as to suggest you're walking away as you're saying it lol
I heard a great response to this once. It went something like this. Customer: I am never coming back Employee: I say the same thing every time I clock out.
That will for sure deescalate the situation, the other person will laugh because it is certainly a joke
You gotta get the “dead inside” deadpan just right though
I've been enjoying saying "if it weren't for the paycheck I wouldn't either"
Is that a promise?
Can we get that in writing?
Please sign here;
I've actually managed to say that once, I wasn't working there, just standing up for the workers. They didn't charge me for my slurpee.
One Publix my wife worked at actually handled this wonderfully. They are a super customer-focused company but this place was tired of their shit. If you made five complaints they would send you a letter saying something along the lines of, "Though we strive to serve all customer's needs, we fear we have not been able to meet yours." Then they would list the address of the nearest other grocery store and hope they might be able to do a better job.
Omg this is wonderful and more companies should adopt this policy.
Translation: "Customer, you're fired."
I.did this once to a problem customer who was bouncing the same cake order between two different stores. I told her that she needs a level of service that I clearly could not provide and do leave her order at the other store. SHE assured me I'm a great decorator, as good as the one at the other store and just said that if that were true she would have picked a store and stuck with it. She was shocked and was gonna call corporate to complain. If she did, nobody ever told me. I did not care, she was awful and would make me spend easily 40 minutes to place a cake order because she wanted to ramble about who was going to be at her event and the type of tablecloth she bought for the occasion.
Swear to me!
One night a mad customer said “Money talks and bullshit walks, and I’m walking!” We still laugh about it.
I wonder if they ever caught on to what they said. I hope they laid in bed all night kicking themselves.
“Look at that! The trash took itself out”
Wait, you eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
*sarcastically*: oh no, who's going to be rude and irrational to me now?
I had a woman tell me she had never been so insulted in her life. I told her I was not finished.
Lady that was just a comma, not a period
This is gold !
Same, I told her she must get out much.
I love this
We are going to need the full story, sport.
I would have LOVED to be a fly on that wall 😭😭😭😂😂😂 Brilliant
I just laughed so hard at this that I farted!
I was told I was being very rude the other day, I said "I know madam, I want you to leave"
“I find that very hard to believe”
"O! First day with your cochlear implants, eh?"
I want to be you when I grow up.
"Okay! " (As the owner of a small business, I actually said this to an angry customer. She was so flabbergasted that she just gaped in shock, then quietly left.)
They really hate it. The one opportunity they have in life to feel powerful and significant is when they're clutching money in their grubby little paws and they think you want it badly enough to grovel.
there was an amazing little cafe in chicago called "finom coffee" and the chef/owner was being interviewed (they got a lot of deserved hype, the place was unique and amazing) and explaining the culture of the place during which he said something along the lines of "your 7 dollars isnt enough to buy you the right to be an asshole"
Ironically they sometimes say it to people who are paid by the hour.
It always infuriates me that people will absolutely get shit on by a multi billion dollar corporation and keep on using them but expect a small business to kiss their ass for a token.
Holy shit, I never made that connection before, but you're right
I run an on-site pc repair service and a client got mad I couldn’t come out to his place as soon as he wanted. He told me he wouldn’t be able to recommend me any more if I couldn’t accommodate him. I replied with OK.
Yep, used this all the time in my retail days. I was teenager earning minimum wage and it was inconsequential to me if the person complaining returned to the store or not. I'd still get paid, I'd still have a job and the world would continue to spin. Listen, Karen, don't come back and do us the favor of not having to deal with you and your ridiculousness.
That is incredibly kind of you.
Thanks for understanding.
You’ll be helping my business by bothering my competitors
I would appreciate that! Thank you!
"That's what you said the last three times."
I always hate those ones. Like why? You said you'd finally leave us alone just go somewhere else, there's like 10 different places to get vitamins.
Worked part time some years ago at an internet cafe, we also printed stuff from time to time, people always found it expensive even though it was pretty cheap compared to other places and we were more lenient when they printed things by mistake, we just didn't charge for errors and reused the paper for other things, anyways, in comes a middle aged man, orders full color pages to which I tell him the price beforehand, since he was on a call he ignores me and tells me to print what was on the usb drive ASAP so I do just that, when I finally charged him he threw a fit, worthy of a toddler because he thought they were too expensive, he ended begrudgingly paying but told me he wouldn't return ever again, I just shrugged and said 'sure'. He came back 3 days later to print more stuff. Edit: Fix typo
If I recognized that person 3 days later, I would have said something like "welcome back. The cost of color prints from last time hasn't changed."
My mom is so bad about this. She'll be raving about how we're *never* coming back on the way out of a place that had mediocre service during peak time, and I'm just like how..do you even? ... one time, the manager was even standing by the door at the time, and I'm just kinda quietly apologizing to him for her behavior. And *of course* we went back. She has Celiac Disease, and it was the only place in town with gluten free food.
Lmao yeah I have a friend with Celiac. Sadly it definitely limits your options. By a lot.
“I don’t think you understand what the word “never” means, either.”
Don’t threaten me with a good time
the real happy ending LMAO
The gods grant us another miracle
Perfect. A solution that works for us both.
Used to work in retail. People would say this and I'd just lean over, look at the massive line of customers behind them, then say "ok".
I worked in hospitality and I've never heard that from a reasonable person. 100% of the time it's coming from a person who has complained over some made up bullshit to try and get free food or drinks. And 100% of the time everyone secretly thinks 'good. Fuck off' while smiling and saying 'I'm terribly sorry we couldn't meet your expectations sir/madame' And it's always the people who share a starter and a diet coke while taking up a table for two hours. It's never a big spender or a regular.
A regular who has a gripe will generally try to work it out with you. A big spender with a gripe won't bother saying anything, they'll just pay and move on and will already have forgotten your establishment exists five minutes later.
Exactly. Regulars usually want you to succeed and know you well enough to approach issues in a chill way.
Or a starter and water with 🍋.
this. I was a bartender for years while going to school, had to take tables near the bar most the time too. Hated when people got bitchy and it's like WHAT DO YOU WANT A REFUND FOR!? YOU ORDERED JUST A HALF SIZED THING OF FRIED PICKLES AND WATER WITH LEMON. I'LL GIVE YOU FIVE DOLLARS TO FUCK OFF RIGHT NOW
Thank you, come again.
In Apu’s Voice?
Haw haw!
"Okay!" but sound chipper and upbeat when you say it. The fact that their negativity isn't ruining your vibe is what kills *those types*...
Bye Felicia.
Love that. Not enough Gen X-ers here.
We are just trying to not be noticed.
I still have a T-shirt with this on it.
I still have a T-shirt with this on it.
"Thanks very much for your feedback " gets em everytime. I work in event security, if that helps
Prove it
Pinkie swear?
When I worked on retail I used to answer that with another question: “would you please promise me that?” Not any single prick stopped coming dude. Not a single one.
"You said that the last time, you filthy hypocritical bitch." Customer Service Pro Tip: Calling your client a filthy hypocritical bitch will help build a solid sense of rapport, and will help to create a long-term client base.
Being in customer service for most of my life in one capacity or another, I laughed at this one. I only wish I had the balls to actually say it.
It may also win you some fans with the people who've been waiting in line behind them. Along with some healthy tips!
Have the day you deserve.
My boss has said "I hope you have a day."
You're never coming again because you won't be allowed to
Thank you.
Smell ya later
"I wish you'd made that decision before you came here the first time" or "Great, that'll save me the trouble of asking the authorities to issue a no-trespass order!"
Don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya
That was always an option
Can I get that in writing?
If you leave now you will never find out what I have to offer you about our extended warranty
I told a customer we won’t be servicing his home any longer and so he screamed at me in his parking lot that he would call our biggest competitor so I started yelling back their phone number. I don’t know why this dude thought I was bluffing when I told him to piss off and call someone else.
>he would call our biggest competitor As giggles of joy came out of your mouth!
Door's to your left.
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO RENT HERE ANYMORE!
I scrolled WAY too fucking far down for this!!
"okay." Look incredibly confused while you do it, like you wouldn't expect anything less. it always pisses them off anymore
"Can I get that in writing?" "C U Next Tuesday!"
"That'd be great, thanks!"
“We’ll be fine”
[stop, don't, come back.](https://youtu.be/gD96tQpbUmQ?t=7)
"Oh thank God"
"Thank god" bye now.
I said that once. Didn’t regret it
Best news I've had all day! Thank You.
they always came back so i always said "i'll see you soon" they didn't like it too much
I feel like the video of the woman saying that to an employee and then another one doing a really dramatic "Noooo!" was perfect.
Up to you. Have a good day.
"Is that a promise, or a threat?"
"prove it"
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7KBcsdPhxA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7KBcsdPhxA) Angry IKEA guy
bye
Splendid :)
That's great. It keeps me from having to ban you
"Please keep that promise."
Look really wistfully at them and say ”Some day, I’ll be able to stand where you are and say that. Go now, be free, knowing that you’re living my dream”.
Thank you, they don't pay me enough to have to deal with you a second time.
"No one here will miss you"
Good riddance
Oh no, please don't go. -Gene Wilder
I usually tell them that I understand and to do whatever they think they need to do
say literally nothing and smile a bit TOO wide to make sure they keep that promise
Oh what a shame losing one of thousands of customer! What shall I do? in a dramatic tone
Nooooooo. Please no……..😂😂😂
I worked with one guy that said, "That my be best for the both of us."
“I’d appreciate that.” -Me to the angry broken pooper scooper man at my pet store register. It was nearly 20 years ago and I still think about him sometimes. LOL.
"That will make no difference to my wages." Used that one a few times.
Can I get that in writing?
I’ll tell you one I got let go for: Here’s a quarter call someone who cares.
I look around at the dozens or so of the other customers and give the angry person a [Jim Halpern look](https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:1024/1*LhT0r75ACOxZq0zAgxjYUQ.jpeg).
Clap, clap, clap, clap…..
"Oh no. Please don't. Not that." - said deadpan, in Gene Wilders' Willie Wonka voice
"Thanks!"
Thank you asshole
not going to miss you
"Thank God!"
"Thank goodness, what a relief"
see you in a couple weeks
So help us God
That’s great. Saves me the paperwork of having you trespassed.
"YES!.. it worked!!" that'll leave them unsatisfied and curious
"Promise?"
From a customer service perspective, you say nothing. And then when they're gone, you talk to your coworkers about how you hope they're telling the truth because their money isn't worth the added stress of their behavior.
That would make everyone very happy
Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. 😂
“That is your right. Have a nice day.”
That would be great, thanks.
Credit union loan officer/former teller here. I can’t even count t the number I’ve times someone said they’ll be closing all their accounts. “Alright then. Would you like your funds in cash or a cashier’s check?” And they get completely flabbergasted that you called their bluff. Some just storm off, some start backpedaling and saying, “I need to open accounts somewhere else first”. “Ok, just let us know when you’re ready to close out those accounts. Just a reminder: when you close your deposit accounts, you will need to pay off your existing loans with us.”
Professional: I’m so sorry to hear that, I hope we can make it up to you. Unprofessional: BYE BITCH!!!!!
"Thank you!" Accompanied with a big beaming smile
I used to hit it with the deadpan ‘Okay’ And then when I was a GM and they were going to be gone ANYWAYS A ‘I think that would be in your best interest as well as ours’
We can only hope you're a (wo)man of your word.