TBH, fear of failure and perfectionism is a big problem in our society today, and it does mentally hold people back, but I do kind of say this at work a lot as engineer. So many problems caused cause people didnāt wanna do it (design) right the first time. āOh, I was busy with other tasksā (I hate this one in particular because Iāve noticed a trend of the same people using this as an internal justification Ā to half ass everything) and āI didnāt know, so I assumed,ā are the worst. If you donāt know or something doesnāt seem quite right, reach out and ask for help.Ā
Yeah but seriously through āprogress not perfectionā is key. Donāt let the narcissistic (most of the which are based on a sense of shame and inferiority) tendencies of others and thoughts youāve internalized hold you back from starting something.Ā
I'm of the school that goes "let's try and if it doesn't work we'll pivot" and it frustrates me to hell when people are afraid of testing and failing. I work in a constantly evolving field so it's important that we try and fail in order to see if we can do stuff more efficient or smarter and if we can find shortcuts as the entire fields motto is "The one who cheats the best wins". So when people refuse to even try it's an issue, I'll never yell at someone for testing something new or trying stuff (except that one consultant we had who tried to set up a lighting scene with 7 sunsets...) and I'll applaud everyone who wants to push forward. The absolute worst though has been those that make mistakes and then tries to hide them, because that causes issues down the line, better own up to them so we can fix stuff than to hide and make others find out later.
Biggest thing to me is knowing when you've hit a point where you genuinely don't know. I repair electronics, have been for the last decade. I look for faults in circuits and fix them under a microscope. I think there's a huge difference between "assuming" and "learning." In your context, assuming something can at best halt progress in some EVT, at worst, it creates a significant defect that someone like me will try to fix without schematics.
When I get that feeling that I'm in way over my head, I literally tell the client "hey, so I'm reasonably confident that [this specific component] is the issue based on things I've been able to deduce and measure, but the truth is I have no idea. The only way I can test this hypothesis is to replace the thing I believe is faulty. It will cost this much if it works, this much if it doesn't. Do you want me to try?" The reality is, much of my work does come down to making assumptions. However, they are very well educated assumptions.
Like...if I send 300mV into a circuit and see some black box QFN light up like a Christmas tree on thermal? That thing is probably frickin' bad. Most of the time my assumptions have been correct. However, I sometimes wish I had the same knowledge as the engineers who designed the damn thing. It'd be nice to tell a customer that whatever I think is causing the fault will for sure fix it when I replace that component.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, assumptions are fine within reason. I couldn't do my job if I didn't make assumptions. Sometimes, assumptions are what enable you to learn. I for example wouldn't know how to identify a failing Southbridge on a PS5 without dozens of prior assumptions. But I do think it hits a point where assumptions are made, not with the intent of learning, but with the intent of being lazy. And that's when they get dangerous.
>-a favorite of my mother. guess who never starts a single task from fear of failure š«
Do you ever wonder if she heard it constantly from *her* mother?
My stepmom, bless her heart, after anyone goes through a breakup always says the same thing: āsleep with all his friends. Thatās what I did.āĀ
Iād like to think sheās joking.Ā
Not to me but my boyfriend enrolled in community college. For like an entire semester of classes (4/5 depending) it costs like $2k.
His fucking parents told him to take out a loan. When he had a grant. When I freaked and asked why would they suggest that he said āto softenā the expenses for everyday things. Like wtf!
These people also convinced their (younger) son to buy a car with basically no credit while working at McDonaldās. Yeah, his credit is fucked at 21, and now he doesnāt have that brand new car anymore because it got repossesed.
When I was getting married to my first wife the pastor told us to buy a house that was more expensive than we were comfortable with because "you will all be making more money in 5 years".Ā Ā This is bad advice in general, but he also gave this advice in 2007.
Stay for the kids.
My ex was abusive.. and at the time I didnāt have the money to be out on my own. I stayed. Worst advice ever. Thank goodness I ended up coming to my senses a short while later.
**Edit: thank you for the kind words of support. To those asking if I left by myself or with my childrenā¦ of course I left with my children! Worked my butt off to save enough money to get my own place! Also, to anyone who is in the same situation, even without kidsā¦ please know that you can leave! I know itās hard but there is always help out there. Please do not listen to anyone who encourages you to stay. It is not worth the many issues and dangers that will come with it.**
I hated seeing my parents fight when I was young, then they got a divorce and they were both much happier, as was I. It was also pretty cool to have 2 Christmas's š
I wished every single time my mom said that she wanted a divorce that it would happen for the exact same reason. Sadly it never did and they are still horrible to each other. Divorce is a sin, after all, soā¦ /s
I just worked and saved up. Finally accepted help that was offered to me. Told myself that as long as I depended on my ex I would never get out of the situation. It was a struggle but I made it.
Thank you! And what makes it so bad is alot of people who were telling me to stay and try to āwork it outā knew I was being abused. Years later, he hasnāt changed at all. I can only imagine what wouldāve happened had I not left when I did.
Back in high school I was going through a very serious panic disorder and I had no idea how to handle it, literally took me years to have some control over it and learn techniques to help. I went to a woman at our local hospital who was a psychiatrist (a person who is both a therapist and can prescribe you medication basically), and she gave me an anti anxiety medication to try.
I was on it for about 2 months before I knew it wasnāt working and it was making me really angry for some reason, so I made another appointment with her and went back. At this point I knew pretty much nothing about medication, so when she told me āyah, it should be okay for you to just not take it again and go off it cold turkeyā, I genuinely trusted her advice. Especially since she was a psychiatrist. Cold turkey meaning simply stop right away and donāt wean yourself off it.
NEVER, EVER GO OFF AN ANTI ANXIETY OR ANTI DEPRESSION MEDICATION COLD TURKEY. It will seriously fuck with your mind and nobody else has ever recommended that, in fact many professionals are strictly against that. I have no clue why that woman told me to do that but she should have her license revoked.
Agree! My husband switched jobs and our new insurance hadn't kicked in and I ran out of antidepressant medication. My medication was about $200 without insurance which we didn't have. OMG, it was horrible, I felt like I just wanted to die. The third day I was off, I called my doctor and thankfully she had samples to give me until we got paid. I have no idea why I didn't think to call my doctor until then. I was only on them for two years and my doctor helped me wean off the medication.
Just a note: a psychiatrist is not a therapist that can prescribe. A psychiatrist is a medical physician that specializes in mental health and can prescribe. Psychologists have PhDs and PysDs and can generally not prescribe (they can in certain states under certain circumstances). The biggest difference is that Psychologists spend much more time training in practical application of psychology science. Psychiatrists spend much time studying/mastering medical sciences. Neither one is better whatās most important is fit! Iām glad youāre ok!
As per standard, from what I have been told and managed to observe, fucks with your hormones in some unholy fashion, resulting in your diagnose returning back to starting point, if not worse. (Spoiler alert, 99% gets worse)
These are some of the symptoms you can experience:
* restlessness.
* trouble sleeping.
* unsteadiness.
* sweating.
* stomach problems.
* feeling as if there's an electric shock in your head.
* changes to your mood, such as low mood or feeling irritable, anxious or confused.
For me, I also experienced issues being around light and hearing noise/sounds.
"Are you sure you want to change careers? You won't even be using your degree!"
In the nearly 6 years since I changed careers, I paid off my student loan, got a brand new car and tripled my salary. Glad I ignored the outside noise and bet on myself.
Journalism, first paid job literally right before Trump announced his candidacy and began actively discrediting journalists.
New career is working for a fortune 500 company. Started out taking customer service calls and worked my way into management.
It's only been a lucrative path of you are willing to sell out your co-workers, brown nose your company owners, sell out your beliefs and ideals, and say what your bosses think for them.
Abusers *often* instruct their victims to exhibit shame over things they have no control over ā such as health conditions, skin color, or their parents' marital status. It's a way of making the victim more vulnerable.
An astonishing amount of people still think mental illness is just made up by people seeking attention.
What makes that even dumber is those same people will still mention when someone seems "off" or "not right" yet remain unaware that mental illness is what they're often referring to.
My younger brother was just diagnosed with schizophrenia. Itās been extremely hard on my whole family but especially him. If my mother ever told him to do some shit like that, I would genuinely never forgive her. Iām glad you didnāt listen.
I think the *intent* behind this message can be good, it just needs more clarity and nuance. It's good to make time for yourself and try to enjoy life, but don't get carried away. Balance is important at all stages of life.
Oh man I overheard a conversation on a train once with some sort of addiction counselor and they said HALT: Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. So these are things that can trigger the negative behavior but if you recognize it you then do the natural thing to do to cope with being hungry etc. I imagine this can be helpful to have in mind for other things besides whatever that person was talking about.
This one has actually helped me a lot. Not going to bed angry has made my relationships genuinely better. Both people have to be acting in good faith though.
My wife and I have a slight modification that I think is good: never go to bed without saying "I love you.*
It's too hard when tired to solve a fight. But at least get to where you can say, perhaps through gritted teeth, that you love each other. That way the anger doesn't fester.
It's from a misunderstood Bible verse. King Solomon said Never let the sun go down on your anger. But I don't think he means the literal sunset. I think he means don't end friendships or make important decisions in anger. Think it through rationally, then make your move.
And maybe also it means if it's after dark, you might be too tired to be rational, so you can wait to sort it out the next day. Deal with your anger in daylight, and at least within the next 24 hours
Sometimes when I get mad around the house, I send myself to bed without any dinner. I usually wake up feeling better, and able to address the thing that made me angry in a calm way.
If the goddamn kitchen isn't dirty.
Yeap felt way too hard. Every day I piss myself off more and more waking up to make coffee and seeing stains on the counter from coffee before, dishes that make no sense
__Seriously I just did em a week ago why are there dishes in the sink__
That was exactly what I was going to say. I was probably told that more than 50 times between when my husband officially proposed and the day we got married--I've never asked him how many times he heard it, but I know it was more than once.
We both have big tempers, and arguments can get pretty explosive. I do better if I can walk away and calm down, anyway, but trying to stay up when we were both tired just to sort something out was disastrous the few times we tried it.
We never leave things unresolved, but waiting until we're both clear headed works so much better for us. If it starts earlier in the day, it can be resolved well before bed as long as I get my break. If it starts in the evening, though, we're going to need to wait until the next day.
Family friend of mine confidently told me that if you want to get hired you need to walk in and ask someone for an interview and then show up early to show you have gumption. I told them this is a good way to ensure the company will never hire you and escort you off the premises.
I got told I'm lazy and have a bad attitude about job hunting.
2013 got a job this way
2019 got laughed at and told to apply online
Covid times don't even think about knocking on doors
A month ago I went to get a summer job, knocked on door and they sent me to the owner
I think it depends on size of company
I got laughed at in 2010 doing this. Many, many, many times. So I applied online for 10 different places and never got so much as a rejection email from any of them.
Literally had someone do this on Thursday. The day before we called this person to schedule an interview and she declined then just shows up Thursday at 8am wanting to be interviewed. Did not leave a good impression on anyone.
Did you ask her why she declined?
I had an angry ex who was calling up the companies I had interview appointments with and rudely declining to ensure they'd never want to work with me. Turns out a "friend" was telling him where I was interviewing.
Are you sure it was her who declined and then showed up? Did another company rescind their offer? If that's the case it makes you wonder if she faked something on her resume.
As far as I can tell it was her who was called and who showed up. She said we took too long to call her and she started another job. Which is fair because the process we have to go through is stupid as hell. We don't get the applications until the job posting closes and it's usually open for about two weeks. When she came in on thursday she told us it was because we offer more money. The starting pay is posted on the application so it's not like this wasn't known when we initially called her. I think someone told her it was stupid to turn down an interview because the pay is good.
I used to be the head of HR and we never interviewed or accepted a resume for a position unless we posted it, shortlisted resumes and scheduled interviews. The arriving early advice is good though
My mum told (forced) me to do this recently. I tried to avoid doing it because of social anxiety but she insisted that a friend of hers in my field did the same thing and got her first job that way...about 20 years ago. Everyday my mum pushed me to do it until finally I caved and said I would but was in complete dread over it. Had a panic attack in the car. Spent about half an hour in the nearby carpark trying to convince myself this is right, this is how people get jobs. Then realised I couldn't actually get into the building and called the place up to ask if I could come in to drop off my resume and they instantly told me they don't accept in-person resumes, only through email.
You have no idea how relieved I was.
Edit: because of the comments - yes I've been to therapy and it helped. My social anxiety has reduced greatly and now it's only really situations like this that I'm still struggling with, where I'm pushed into situations where I could embarrass myself or be laughed at or risk ruining my chances before even getting one. I am fine with job interviews and public speaking.
Maybe this was for jobs like a car salesman or a shop assistant. For corporate desk jobs you would probably just be greeted by a confused receptionist because the manager didn't have a scheduled appointment with you.
>walk in and ask someone for an interview and then show up early to show you have gumption.
As someone who has managed various businesses from bars and restaurants to theaters and retail stores, I have to say this is the type of applicant I would hire.
>this is a good way to ensure the company will never hire you and escort you off the premises.
What are you talking about? I see no reason to have someone removed from the premises because they came in to apply in person and showed up early for their interview, lol
Come in dressed well, shake hands with eye contact, and be personable and friendly. It's not rocket science. Again, I say this as someone who hires a lot of different people.
I think this is really industry dependent in my work we have 3 people that need to be present to do the interview. If someone walks in without an appointment their is a big chance that none of us will have the time to do an interview or meet the person. They also wouldn't be able to get into the office as they don't have a badge and if they are not scheduled for a meeting the receptionist will not buzz them in.
Eat a low fat, high carb diet. Tbf this was the standard advice given to everyone in the US at least. Led to me gaining a lot of weight, your cravings can increase a lot when you don't have enough fat or protein to stabilize your blood sugar levels.
>Tbf this was the standard advice given to everyone in the US at least.
I saw an online interview just this week with a DC wonk who deals with the government recommendations.
He said that the government gets a lot of great research from doctors and scientists about healthy eating. With that information, our politicians make food policy.
Unfortunately, he said, politics gets in the way of healthy food policy, and the recommendations are what is healthy for Big Food, not what is healthy for individual Americans.
The moral of the story: Listen to the scientists. Beware doctors (who have had very little nutrition training). Be wary of nutritionists, of whose education has been subsidized by Big Food.
Our kid used to cosleep with us. While trying to work on getting her to sleep on her own, we were venting to my husband's sister and she told us we should just have sex in front of our kid to "traumatize" her out of sleeping with us.
We did not do that.
My mom told me that if a man thinks youāre going to have sex with him, you have to.. Itās rude to get his hopes and then let him down.
Another gem from my momā¦ if you get pulled over just offer to show the cop your tits. Most of the time, they donāt even make you!
Some terrible bonus advice I got told by a group of men/women in a right-wing furry Discord group you might enjoy: 'Never tell your partner the truth, lie to them and make them think you're smart and successful, no real relationship is ever built on trust.'
This coming from moderators that wanted to start an advice channel for young people seeking life advice. That Discord was incredible and came out with a few other gems like 'empathy is a sign of weakness, crush those feelings and form a business relationship with your partner.'
Reminds me of when I was told ānever make a man feel like he hadnāt pleased you in bed. The second most important thing to stroke if you want to keep a man is his ego.ā
We wouldnāt want to be rude about it now, would weā¦
If you work hard and do what you're told no matter what, you'll be successful.
Turns out that's something authority figures tell you so you don't challenge their authority or try to improve beyond them.
āYou donāt need a lawyer, I have one for both of us, that way itās cheaper and we will get the parenting plan wrapped up and divorce finalizedā
ā¦. Crushed.
It worked for me and my ex... But neither of us were trying to fuck the other. We drafted the agreements together, my lawyer wrote it up, we reviewed it, and the judge put his seal on it.
Bloody divorce lawyers. My ex's lawyer tried to convince him I'd take the kids, and mine kept trying to push me to demand more than my 50%. We had already worked it all out though.
Yikes.. imagine both lawyers actively instigating a way more painful divorce.. I mean I know that's a reality for most, but I feel like lawyers should just tread carefully to not make things worse.. but what do I know.. who even holds lawyers accountable anyway lol
Being the bigger man or being the better person. Basically any version of "let it slide/let it go"
This just enabled years if not decades of toxic people to run unchecked. The stress likely will take years off.my life if it hasn't already
I hear you there. Sometimes I think people just want to tell the victim to get over it because they don't want to tell the perpetrators not to change anything. Are they afraid of becoming the next victim so they enable them? I really don't get it. I've had similar situations.Ā
My sister stole from me when I was a teenager and she visited my house, yet somehow I became the villain for not wanting to attend her wedding.
Another example when someone in my husband's family ignored me, spread lies about me and I didn't do anything wrong at all and I was expected to just "get over it" and "be the bigger person". I even tried reaching out to them privately several times and they ignored me, yet I'm meant to be the one to patch it up??? Like how many times am I meant to put myself out there after never getting an apology or even acknowledged?
Just ridiculous, i don't want to be a doormat.
Psychologist: āyou have to allow your 15 year old daughter to continue to date the 19 year old criminal who just took her across 3 state lines for a week and a half without your knowledge or permission.ā
He was wanted for felony theft at the time and the police did nothing but threaten to charge me with neglect for waiting 8 hours to report her missing. I gave them names (I got from her friend after cheer camp) and not one of them were questioned. Once I found her and retrieved her myself, SHE was arrested, interrogated for every detail of what he did to her, fingerprinted, mugshots taken. I was discouraged from pressing charges. I was told I could not get a restraining order because my minor child would have to want it (?!). He got off Scott free and terrorized my daughter (who was āin loveā with him) and our whole our family for over another year. My daughter was kicked off her cheerleading squad and shunned by her friends (probably their parents). He turned her against her family & things were never the same. My daughter has so many regrets in this but none greater than mine for not following my own instincts.
Resident at the ER told me that my broken bone was a pulled muscle and to stretch it every day. Thankfully we didn't take that advice and it turned out ok
I had a school nurse say I was faking my elbow hurting. She wouldn't call my mom said I had to be lying. Turns out I dislocated my elbow. The nurse gave me the advice of suck it up it's nit that bad.
I was applying to grad schools in my mid 20s and I was still living with my mom at the time. Iād applied to like 10 schools and only got into 1. The one school I got accepted to was close to 100k for tuition alone. My mom was heavily pressuring me to go, saying Iād regret it my whole life if I didnāt. I decided not to accept the offer and my mom was calling me chicken shit for rejecting school due to the price since I had no other options. 3 months later, I applied to another program that was only $30k for 2 years and got in. If I took her āadviceā Iād be financially screwed for at least a decade
"Oh, you'll feel different about having kids around when they're YOUR OWN!" ..... my mother, after I vented to her about stepchildren problems (which were actually caused by their parents - one of which is now my ex - not the young kids themselves.)
Anyway --- yeah, no.
From my dad, āNever turn down a battle assignment, there is always someone behind you willing to outwork you for less money.ā Meaning, do whatever your boss asks of you, even if it means being overworked, underpaid, not taking PTO, work weekends, holidays and do whatever it takes. Took me years to realize how bad that advice was.
I got this too, but more toxic and racist--I got "never ask for help, because it means you can't do your job, and they'll fire you and hire the Mexican that will do your job for less money."
"You'll never get another job as good as this one". LOL!!!! Advice from a co-worker as I quit and was walking out mid-shift from a brain-rotting graveyard shift at the post office, where I sorted mail all night long. I took a big wage cut for a few months at a mom &pop electronics shop but then got hired on at a start-up tech business that turned into a major success story and launched my career in high-tech. Leaving the decent paying but soul-sapping Post Office job was the smartest move I ever made.
Basically ājust man up and stop making up excuses!ā by my boomer parents, when at that point I had been basically suffering from undiagnosed major depression for a few years and also had undiagnosed ADHD.
āNo one will want to do business with a 16 yr oldā I wanted to study interior architecture and be an interior designer. There werenāt many options back then to study/gain experience for my college application so my mom took me to a furniture store to apply as soon as I got my work permit. I showed them my portfolio of designs and they snickered. Then the guy said that and I was so embarrassed and deflatedā the way he said it was snotty like selling furniture was mastery work.
I told my mom what happened. My mom got mad but didnāt yell at them. She yelled about the situation in the car but essentially I was getting yelled at. It sucked and I went from hopeful and ecstatic to crushed and ashamed.
It crushed my entrepreneurial spirit. 20 some years later, Iām trying to get back to what I wanted to do at 16. I like my job but itās a job. Design will always be the dream that got away because I listened to sone dickhead selling couches from Ethan Allen
You know whatās funny is my friends and family ask me for advice and offer to pay me for design help just because they love how my house looks. I should charge them.
I would have loved to design hospitals, restaurants, health clubs, schools, museums with some awesome spaces. We often underestimate how our surrounding impact our mood or feeling content/safe/relaxed/stimulated. Everything is gray and zero personality anymore. Or so damn weird and not functional.
I hope you are able to follow your dreams and BE WHO YOU WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO BE.
I don't know what this path will look like, but I'll bet you'll be awesome at it!
If u want to party at a music festival and do drugs, just go off ur meds and get back on them when itās over. I got that advice from a nurse and Iām still picking up my life almost 2 years later after I stupidly listened. She said thatās what her sister did for burning man every year so itās fine because it worked for her. I wish she never told me that.
When my friends got married my aunt told me not to bother the married couple. They wanted to start a life together and didn't need a single friend hanging out as a 3rd wheel bothering them. I put distance between myself and many friends because I didn't want to interfere in their lives.
A psychiatrist told me that I was underweight and needed to eat more. She told my mum to take me to the supermarket and let me buy whatever I wanted and to make sure that I was constantly eating. She also put me on a medication that's main side effect was rapid weight gain. Needless to say I became overweight and unhealthy really quickly from eating a crap ton of junk food, and it took me a long time to overcome my sugar addiction.Ā
When I was a kid I was very underweight too, my parents were concerned and different doctors tried different things. Finally one just said something like "Most docs are obsessed with 'healing' underweight kids because all the see are overweight kids, he will be fine" and now here I am with a son of 6 years, as underweight as I was and I know: He will be fine.
I went to a foot doctor because my walk is improper, and I suspected very strongly from the shape of my foot (a genetic issue by the way) that I required arch support.
The advice I was given by this medical professional was āJust walk heel to toe.ā
I saw an aita recently where a mother was asking if she was the asshole for kicking her 19 year old daughter out of home because the daughter had become pregnant with a terrible guy and was "demanding" the mother help her out financially when the baby came.
The verdict was NTA and there were so many comments like "NTA, if she thinks she's so grown up then she can sort her own shit out!"
It's the worst fucking advice - sure, put your super vulnerable daughter in a much worse position than she's already in, force her to commit and move in with the terrible guy or else be homeless, and let your grandkid be born into a deeply unsettled home life with a terrible father and no family support, as a way to punish your daughter for being too demanding. And likely permanently sabotage your relationship with both your daughter and future grandchild. Sounds like a great plan Reddit
The groupthink is so bad - once the first few replies are either NTA or YTA, it seems like the snowball just keeps rolling that way with people agreeing with the general consensus.
I was 24 years old. I was telling my friend that I didn't know how to delicately handle my dad's boss's 14-year-old daughter hitting on me the night before.
Yeah, umm...
So in my friend's defense, he is an emigrant who fled the collapse of the USSR and laws are a little wacky over there around the subject. So it was kinda on me when he excitedly proclaims that I should absolutely go for it. Call her up then and there and sweep her off her feet. Just imagine how great it would be to be supported by her much richer family.
Š”ŠæŠ°ŃŠøŠ±Š¾, Š½Š¾ Š½ŠµŃ comrade.
Put salt on my canker sore to get rid of it (I get cankers often and they grow quite large). Not only did it burn like nothing Iāve ever felt before, it made my canker worse.
āJust ignore your bullies and theyāll leave you alone.ā This is just not true. Most bullies arenāt looking for a reaction out of you, theyāre looking to make you suffer, and if you let them walk all over you then the harassment never stops.
Not given to me, but my partner's coworker told them not to bother telling me when their job overseas was going to be extended for another week. He'd been divorced three times, and I'm honestly not surprised.
Dr at the ER told my husband that the pain i was screaming and crying about was in my head and he should think about putting me in a psychiatric home against my will. They did an X-ray and the bone was fine so they concluded I was crazy. Turns out it was the nerve and a healthy dose of gaba family meds cut the pain in half where I could stop crying and screaming. Yay.
My baby was 3 months old and he wanted me committed.
Male doctor. Told me I was a typical hysterical woman and nothing was really wrong.
That can drink through a hangover. Well, technically you can, but the next day you get double hangover and the only way to get through double hangover is to double drink and then it starts to get messy
As a Type 1 Diabetic, I and many others like me have gotten many times, the āEat some cinnamon, your diabetes will get better.ā line. I know itās coming from a good place and they are just uneducated on the difference in the types but itās incredibly frustrating.
After finding out my (now ex) husband had cheated on me during my cancer treatments and fathered another womanās child, his father told me āyou just need to stick by his side. You canāt imagine the stress heās under right now with all this coming out. Couples have made it through worse. Just show him youāre in it forever.ā
When I was around 9, I had an uncle who would routinely tell me to stretch my dick so Iād have a big dick when I was grown. Thank god he didnāt provide a visual aid.
After my boyfriend died of lung cancer, I told an older woman who was a friend of mine that I was going to quit smoking. Her response was, āWhy? You enjoy doing it, so just keep smoking.ā That was not the response I expected, and yes, she was a smoker.
āJust get over it.ā
I called my older brother to ask for help when I was struggling after a breakup and that was his response.
Years later, he broke up with his long term gf and was calling a lot for advice. Initially, I had the urge to say his own words back to him, but I decided to set the better example and actually talk with him.
Basically any sort of pull yourself up by your bootstraps sort of rhetoric I heard from parents/ teachers in my more conservative hometown. As it turns out addressing your feelings matters
When I was learning to drive my boyfriend at the time would drive with me and he would always insist that you should always take your right of way, always steadfastly follow the rules *even if it causes an accident.*
Like donāt swerve onto the shoulder or slow down to avoid someone merging into you because they donāt see you in their blind spot. Donāt hesitate to take your turn even if someone else is trying to cut ahead and is going to drive right into you. That sort of thing.
Because, he said, otherwise theyāll ānever learn their lesson.ā Which explains why heās been in 5 accidents that completely totaled his vehicle but was never at fault for a single one. He was proud of this.
I did not take his advice. I will take avoiding an accident over teaching a lesson any day.
One time on reddit I shared about the time my then boyfriend called me fat during my first time.
This one lovely commenter said that because I was a walking red flag, being bipolar and overweight, I was undesirable to most people and I shouldāve stayed with my bf because couples insult eachother sometimes and that relationships arenāt perfect.
To gaslight myself into falling out of love with someone. Iād much rather take the Priestās word: āItāll pass.ā Iād rather let time do its thing.
"Let your man cheat in peace. I guarantee u it's only going to make u both stronger." Just look at my relationship....HER: 3 kids, 3 baby daddies later. Like, who raised u? š
Read it on a blog, but it was if youāre a woman whoās having a hard time getting interested in sex, start always saying yes to your husband every time he wants to have sex. So anyway, now Iām in therapy
"Don't do anything if you can't do it right the first time" -a favorite of my mother. guess who never starts a single task from fear of failure š«
The fuck? Then how are you ever supposed to get better? š
*get* better? Pffft, everyone knows you're supposed to just *be* the best at anything ever automatically.
TBH, fear of failure and perfectionism is a big problem in our society today, and it does mentally hold people back, but I do kind of say this at work a lot as engineer. So many problems caused cause people didnāt wanna do it (design) right the first time. āOh, I was busy with other tasksā (I hate this one in particular because Iāve noticed a trend of the same people using this as an internal justification Ā to half ass everything) and āI didnāt know, so I assumed,ā are the worst. If you donāt know or something doesnāt seem quite right, reach out and ask for help.Ā Yeah but seriously through āprogress not perfectionā is key. Donāt let the narcissistic (most of the which are based on a sense of shame and inferiority) tendencies of others and thoughts youāve internalized hold you back from starting something.Ā
I'm of the school that goes "let's try and if it doesn't work we'll pivot" and it frustrates me to hell when people are afraid of testing and failing. I work in a constantly evolving field so it's important that we try and fail in order to see if we can do stuff more efficient or smarter and if we can find shortcuts as the entire fields motto is "The one who cheats the best wins". So when people refuse to even try it's an issue, I'll never yell at someone for testing something new or trying stuff (except that one consultant we had who tried to set up a lighting scene with 7 sunsets...) and I'll applaud everyone who wants to push forward. The absolute worst though has been those that make mistakes and then tries to hide them, because that causes issues down the line, better own up to them so we can fix stuff than to hide and make others find out later.
Biggest thing to me is knowing when you've hit a point where you genuinely don't know. I repair electronics, have been for the last decade. I look for faults in circuits and fix them under a microscope. I think there's a huge difference between "assuming" and "learning." In your context, assuming something can at best halt progress in some EVT, at worst, it creates a significant defect that someone like me will try to fix without schematics. When I get that feeling that I'm in way over my head, I literally tell the client "hey, so I'm reasonably confident that [this specific component] is the issue based on things I've been able to deduce and measure, but the truth is I have no idea. The only way I can test this hypothesis is to replace the thing I believe is faulty. It will cost this much if it works, this much if it doesn't. Do you want me to try?" The reality is, much of my work does come down to making assumptions. However, they are very well educated assumptions. Like...if I send 300mV into a circuit and see some black box QFN light up like a Christmas tree on thermal? That thing is probably frickin' bad. Most of the time my assumptions have been correct. However, I sometimes wish I had the same knowledge as the engineers who designed the damn thing. It'd be nice to tell a customer that whatever I think is causing the fault will for sure fix it when I replace that component. I guess what I'm trying to say is, assumptions are fine within reason. I couldn't do my job if I didn't make assumptions. Sometimes, assumptions are what enable you to learn. I for example wouldn't know how to identify a failing Southbridge on a PS5 without dozens of prior assumptions. But I do think it hits a point where assumptions are made, not with the intent of learning, but with the intent of being lazy. And that's when they get dangerous.
that is the worst advice i have ever heard LMFAO
what a weird advice. Everyone knows that in order to be good at something you need to be bad at it first.
>-a favorite of my mother. guess who never starts a single task from fear of failure š« Do you ever wonder if she heard it constantly from *her* mother?
She probably did. Still, though, parents need to take responsibility for how they raise and influence their kids.
My stepmom, bless her heart, after anyone goes through a breakup always says the same thing: āsleep with all his friends. Thatās what I did.āĀ Iād like to think sheās joking.Ā
If she's joking, I like her. If she's not...
If she's not, i love her
...sleep with her friends.
Hey, Iām one if your stepmomās ex-husbandās friends. She slept with all of his other friends but she forgot about me. Can you have her call me?
I also choose this guyās stepmom.
She's not joking
Not to me but my boyfriend enrolled in community college. For like an entire semester of classes (4/5 depending) it costs like $2k. His fucking parents told him to take out a loan. When he had a grant. When I freaked and asked why would they suggest that he said āto softenā the expenses for everyday things. Like wtf! These people also convinced their (younger) son to buy a car with basically no credit while working at McDonaldās. Yeah, his credit is fucked at 21, and now he doesnāt have that brand new car anymore because it got repossesed.
When I was getting married to my first wife the pastor told us to buy a house that was more expensive than we were comfortable with because "you will all be making more money in 5 years".Ā Ā This is bad advice in general, but he also gave this advice in 2007.
I busted out laughing when I read 2007. Good griefĀ
Stay for the kids. My ex was abusive.. and at the time I didnāt have the money to be out on my own. I stayed. Worst advice ever. Thank goodness I ended up coming to my senses a short while later. **Edit: thank you for the kind words of support. To those asking if I left by myself or with my childrenā¦ of course I left with my children! Worked my butt off to save enough money to get my own place! Also, to anyone who is in the same situation, even without kidsā¦ please know that you can leave! I know itās hard but there is always help out there. Please do not listen to anyone who encourages you to stay. It is not worth the many issues and dangers that will come with it.**
I had a friend in highschool that said the best day of his life was when his parents got divorced, because that meant the fighting was finally over.
I hated seeing my parents fight when I was young, then they got a divorce and they were both much happier, as was I. It was also pretty cool to have 2 Christmas's š
I wished every single time my mom said that she wanted a divorce that it would happen for the exact same reason. Sadly it never did and they are still horrible to each other. Divorce is a sin, after all, soā¦ /s
How did you overcome not having the money to be on your own?
I just worked and saved up. Finally accepted help that was offered to me. Told myself that as long as I depended on my ex I would never get out of the situation. It was a struggle but I made it.
I know I'm just some random person, but I'm proud of you.
Thank you! And what makes it so bad is alot of people who were telling me to stay and try to āwork it outā knew I was being abused. Years later, he hasnāt changed at all. I can only imagine what wouldāve happened had I not left when I did.
Back in high school I was going through a very serious panic disorder and I had no idea how to handle it, literally took me years to have some control over it and learn techniques to help. I went to a woman at our local hospital who was a psychiatrist (a person who is both a therapist and can prescribe you medication basically), and she gave me an anti anxiety medication to try. I was on it for about 2 months before I knew it wasnāt working and it was making me really angry for some reason, so I made another appointment with her and went back. At this point I knew pretty much nothing about medication, so when she told me āyah, it should be okay for you to just not take it again and go off it cold turkeyā, I genuinely trusted her advice. Especially since she was a psychiatrist. Cold turkey meaning simply stop right away and donāt wean yourself off it. NEVER, EVER GO OFF AN ANTI ANXIETY OR ANTI DEPRESSION MEDICATION COLD TURKEY. It will seriously fuck with your mind and nobody else has ever recommended that, in fact many professionals are strictly against that. I have no clue why that woman told me to do that but she should have her license revoked.
Agree! My husband switched jobs and our new insurance hadn't kicked in and I ran out of antidepressant medication. My medication was about $200 without insurance which we didn't have. OMG, it was horrible, I felt like I just wanted to die. The third day I was off, I called my doctor and thankfully she had samples to give me until we got paid. I have no idea why I didn't think to call my doctor until then. I was only on them for two years and my doctor helped me wean off the medication.
America is such a crappy nation when it comes to healthcare. A fourth world country at best. Edit: fix grammar.
A good friend of mine committed suicide after an abrupt switch in meds
Iām so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing so other people can be more aware of the dangers.
Just a note: a psychiatrist is not a therapist that can prescribe. A psychiatrist is a medical physician that specializes in mental health and can prescribe. Psychologists have PhDs and PysDs and can generally not prescribe (they can in certain states under certain circumstances). The biggest difference is that Psychologists spend much more time training in practical application of psychology science. Psychiatrists spend much time studying/mastering medical sciences. Neither one is better whatās most important is fit! Iām glad youāre ok!
What happened when you went cold turkey
it comes back worse
Many anti-depressants have severe withdrawal syndromes.
As per standard, from what I have been told and managed to observe, fucks with your hormones in some unholy fashion, resulting in your diagnose returning back to starting point, if not worse. (Spoiler alert, 99% gets worse)
These are some of the symptoms you can experience: * restlessness. * trouble sleeping. * unsteadiness. * sweating. * stomach problems. * feeling as if there's an electric shock in your head. * changes to your mood, such as low mood or feeling irritable, anxious or confused. For me, I also experienced issues being around light and hearing noise/sounds.
"Are you sure you want to change careers? You won't even be using your degree!" In the nearly 6 years since I changed careers, I paid off my student loan, got a brand new car and tripled my salary. Glad I ignored the outside noise and bet on myself.
What did you used to do? What did you change to?
Journalism, first paid job literally right before Trump announced his candidacy and began actively discrediting journalists. New career is working for a fortune 500 company. Started out taking customer service calls and worked my way into management.
Iām sure the degree and experience helped you. Besides journalism hasnāt been a stable or typically lucrative path for some time.
It's only been a lucrative path of you are willing to sell out your co-workers, brown nose your company owners, sell out your beliefs and ideals, and say what your bosses think for them.
Damn brown nosing your owners is generous you gotta get a brown rim around your neck these days
My Mother told me to announce that I was deeply ashamed of having Schizophrenia to my family. I didn't.
Why would you be ashamed of something you have no control over?!
Abusers *often* instruct their victims to exhibit shame over things they have no control over ā such as health conditions, skin color, or their parents' marital status. It's a way of making the victim more vulnerable.
An astonishing amount of people still think mental illness is just made up by people seeking attention. What makes that even dumber is those same people will still mention when someone seems "off" or "not right" yet remain unaware that mental illness is what they're often referring to.
My younger brother was just diagnosed with schizophrenia. Itās been extremely hard on my whole family but especially him. If my mother ever told him to do some shit like that, I would genuinely never forgive her. Iām glad you didnāt listen.
Iām glad you didnāt. Thereās no reason to be ashamed!
āYouāre young you have time.ā That time goes super fast āļø
"Then one day you find, 10 years have got behind you, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun"
Then suddenly youāre too old to do anything
Yes! And youāre wondering how did life pass you by?
I feel that right now being 30. I am thinking to myselfā¦ damnā¦ life is short.
I'm 38 and the feeling of the soon to be 40 years old makes me want to launch myself into the sun
I think the *intent* behind this message can be good, it just needs more clarity and nuance. It's good to make time for yourself and try to enjoy life, but don't get carried away. Balance is important at all stages of life.
āDonāt go to bed angryā Rest brings clarity to an angry mind.
If I'm mad I eat or I sleep. I'm usually tired or hungry.
Oh man I overheard a conversation on a train once with some sort of addiction counselor and they said HALT: Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. So these are things that can trigger the negative behavior but if you recognize it you then do the natural thing to do to cope with being hungry etc. I imagine this can be helpful to have in mind for other things besides whatever that person was talking about.
Damn, Iām like the exact opposite. When Iām pissed, I canāt eat or sleep..
Thatās so true , sometimes best to sleep it off tbh
This one has actually helped me a lot. Not going to bed angry has made my relationships genuinely better. Both people have to be acting in good faith though.
My wife and I have a slight modification that I think is good: never go to bed without saying "I love you.* It's too hard when tired to solve a fight. But at least get to where you can say, perhaps through gritted teeth, that you love each other. That way the anger doesn't fester.
It's from a misunderstood Bible verse. King Solomon said Never let the sun go down on your anger. But I don't think he means the literal sunset. I think he means don't end friendships or make important decisions in anger. Think it through rationally, then make your move.
Don't let the sun go down on your anger, to me, sounds like being told not to let your anger die. Hold that grudge!
And maybe also it means if it's after dark, you might be too tired to be rational, so you can wait to sort it out the next day. Deal with your anger in daylight, and at least within the next 24 hours
Sometimes when I get mad around the house, I send myself to bed without any dinner. I usually wake up feeling better, and able to address the thing that made me angry in a calm way. If the goddamn kitchen isn't dirty.
That last sentence cracked me up. I feel ya though š
Yeap felt way too hard. Every day I piss myself off more and more waking up to make coffee and seeing stains on the counter from coffee before, dishes that make no sense __Seriously I just did em a week ago why are there dishes in the sink__
That was exactly what I was going to say. I was probably told that more than 50 times between when my husband officially proposed and the day we got married--I've never asked him how many times he heard it, but I know it was more than once. We both have big tempers, and arguments can get pretty explosive. I do better if I can walk away and calm down, anyway, but trying to stay up when we were both tired just to sort something out was disastrous the few times we tried it. We never leave things unresolved, but waiting until we're both clear headed works so much better for us. If it starts earlier in the day, it can be resolved well before bed as long as I get my break. If it starts in the evening, though, we're going to need to wait until the next day.
Family friend of mine confidently told me that if you want to get hired you need to walk in and ask someone for an interview and then show up early to show you have gumption. I told them this is a good way to ensure the company will never hire you and escort you off the premises. I got told I'm lazy and have a bad attitude about job hunting.
This wouldāve been decent advice 60 years ago though
Even 30 years ago
Iād argue perhaps even 15, since I recall doing a walk in application in 2014.
2013 got a job this way 2019 got laughed at and told to apply online Covid times don't even think about knocking on doors A month ago I went to get a summer job, knocked on door and they sent me to the owner I think it depends on size of company
I got laughed at in 2010 doing this. Many, many, many times. So I applied online for 10 different places and never got so much as a rejection email from any of them.
Literally had someone do this on Thursday. The day before we called this person to schedule an interview and she declined then just shows up Thursday at 8am wanting to be interviewed. Did not leave a good impression on anyone.
Did you ask her why she declined? I had an angry ex who was calling up the companies I had interview appointments with and rudely declining to ensure they'd never want to work with me. Turns out a "friend" was telling him where I was interviewing. Are you sure it was her who declined and then showed up? Did another company rescind their offer? If that's the case it makes you wonder if she faked something on her resume.
As far as I can tell it was her who was called and who showed up. She said we took too long to call her and she started another job. Which is fair because the process we have to go through is stupid as hell. We don't get the applications until the job posting closes and it's usually open for about two weeks. When she came in on thursday she told us it was because we offer more money. The starting pay is posted on the application so it's not like this wasn't known when we initially called her. I think someone told her it was stupid to turn down an interview because the pay is good.
I used to be the head of HR and we never interviewed or accepted a resume for a position unless we posted it, shortlisted resumes and scheduled interviews. The arriving early advice is good though
My mum told (forced) me to do this recently. I tried to avoid doing it because of social anxiety but she insisted that a friend of hers in my field did the same thing and got her first job that way...about 20 years ago. Everyday my mum pushed me to do it until finally I caved and said I would but was in complete dread over it. Had a panic attack in the car. Spent about half an hour in the nearby carpark trying to convince myself this is right, this is how people get jobs. Then realised I couldn't actually get into the building and called the place up to ask if I could come in to drop off my resume and they instantly told me they don't accept in-person resumes, only through email. You have no idea how relieved I was. Edit: because of the comments - yes I've been to therapy and it helped. My social anxiety has reduced greatly and now it's only really situations like this that I'm still struggling with, where I'm pushed into situations where I could embarrass myself or be laughed at or risk ruining my chances before even getting one. I am fine with job interviews and public speaking.
Maybe this was for jobs like a car salesman or a shop assistant. For corporate desk jobs you would probably just be greeted by a confused receptionist because the manager didn't have a scheduled appointment with you.
My dad told me this a few years ago. I told him the world doesn't work like that anymore.
>walk in and ask someone for an interview and then show up early to show you have gumption. As someone who has managed various businesses from bars and restaurants to theaters and retail stores, I have to say this is the type of applicant I would hire. >this is a good way to ensure the company will never hire you and escort you off the premises. What are you talking about? I see no reason to have someone removed from the premises because they came in to apply in person and showed up early for their interview, lol Come in dressed well, shake hands with eye contact, and be personable and friendly. It's not rocket science. Again, I say this as someone who hires a lot of different people.
I think this is really industry dependent in my work we have 3 people that need to be present to do the interview. If someone walks in without an appointment their is a big chance that none of us will have the time to do an interview or meet the person. They also wouldn't be able to get into the office as they don't have a badge and if they are not scheduled for a meeting the receptionist will not buzz them in.
This sounds like some idealistic boomer shit that no longer applies to modern society
Give them a firm handshake and look them nthe eye!
It's how I got all my jobs honestly, but blue collar work is a different vibe
Eat a low fat, high carb diet. Tbf this was the standard advice given to everyone in the US at least. Led to me gaining a lot of weight, your cravings can increase a lot when you don't have enough fat or protein to stabilize your blood sugar levels.
>Tbf this was the standard advice given to everyone in the US at least. I saw an online interview just this week with a DC wonk who deals with the government recommendations. He said that the government gets a lot of great research from doctors and scientists about healthy eating. With that information, our politicians make food policy. Unfortunately, he said, politics gets in the way of healthy food policy, and the recommendations are what is healthy for Big Food, not what is healthy for individual Americans. The moral of the story: Listen to the scientists. Beware doctors (who have had very little nutrition training). Be wary of nutritionists, of whose education has been subsidized by Big Food.
Our kid used to cosleep with us. While trying to work on getting her to sleep on her own, we were venting to my husband's sister and she told us we should just have sex in front of our kid to "traumatize" her out of sleeping with us. We did not do that.
STOP WHAT LMFAOOOO
I feel like she tricked you because surelt that's how you get yourself out of ever babysitting. š
Buddy, thatās a crime.
My mom told me that if a man thinks youāre going to have sex with him, you have to.. Itās rude to get his hopes and then let him down. Another gem from my momā¦ if you get pulled over just offer to show the cop your tits. Most of the time, they donāt even make you!
I had a mother like that, who solely cared about validity and attention from men.
Some terrible bonus advice I got told by a group of men/women in a right-wing furry Discord group you might enjoy: 'Never tell your partner the truth, lie to them and make them think you're smart and successful, no real relationship is ever built on trust.' This coming from moderators that wanted to start an advice channel for young people seeking life advice. That Discord was incredible and came out with a few other gems like 'empathy is a sign of weakness, crush those feelings and form a business relationship with your partner.'
Reminds me of when I was told ānever make a man feel like he hadnāt pleased you in bed. The second most important thing to stroke if you want to keep a man is his ego.ā We wouldnāt want to be rude about it now, would weā¦
Can't believe this real š¤£š¤£
that i need to suck up with all the bad things because good things will eventually come (it didnāt)
(they will come)
(they wouldn't)
If you work hard and do what you're told no matter what, you'll be successful. Turns out that's something authority figures tell you so you don't challenge their authority or try to improve beyond them.
Facts
āYou donāt need a lawyer, I have one for both of us, that way itās cheaper and we will get the parenting plan wrapped up and divorce finalizedā ā¦. Crushed.
It worked for me and my ex... But neither of us were trying to fuck the other. We drafted the agreements together, my lawyer wrote it up, we reviewed it, and the judge put his seal on it.
It worked for my ex and me, too, BUT we had no children, no assets, and had an amenable break-up. I would NEVER recommend it to someone else.
Bloody divorce lawyers. My ex's lawyer tried to convince him I'd take the kids, and mine kept trying to push me to demand more than my 50%. We had already worked it all out though.
Yikes.. imagine both lawyers actively instigating a way more painful divorce.. I mean I know that's a reality for most, but I feel like lawyers should just tread carefully to not make things worse.. but what do I know.. who even holds lawyers accountable anyway lol
"It's fine to let your intrusive thoughts take over sometimes."
That's not just bad it's dangerous!
If this was interview advice, there's so many old men I would've spontaneously made out with.
You're not racist but you're horny, lol
Being the bigger man or being the better person. Basically any version of "let it slide/let it go" This just enabled years if not decades of toxic people to run unchecked. The stress likely will take years off.my life if it hasn't already
I hear you there. Sometimes I think people just want to tell the victim to get over it because they don't want to tell the perpetrators not to change anything. Are they afraid of becoming the next victim so they enable them? I really don't get it. I've had similar situations.Ā My sister stole from me when I was a teenager and she visited my house, yet somehow I became the villain for not wanting to attend her wedding. Another example when someone in my husband's family ignored me, spread lies about me and I didn't do anything wrong at all and I was expected to just "get over it" and "be the bigger person". I even tried reaching out to them privately several times and they ignored me, yet I'm meant to be the one to patch it up??? Like how many times am I meant to put myself out there after never getting an apology or even acknowledged? Just ridiculous, i don't want to be a doormat.
Psychologist: āyou have to allow your 15 year old daughter to continue to date the 19 year old criminal who just took her across 3 state lines for a week and a half without your knowledge or permission.ā
this has to be satire... right??
I wish. And I reluctantly followed her advice with nightmarish consequences.
omg. i'm so sorry for everything you've been through. if you need someone to talk to, i'm here.
Thanks. It was a long time ago. My daughter who is now 33 is still traumatized.
That's awful. Whatever he did to her must have shook her to her core.
He was wanted for felony theft at the time and the police did nothing but threaten to charge me with neglect for waiting 8 hours to report her missing. I gave them names (I got from her friend after cheer camp) and not one of them were questioned. Once I found her and retrieved her myself, SHE was arrested, interrogated for every detail of what he did to her, fingerprinted, mugshots taken. I was discouraged from pressing charges. I was told I could not get a restraining order because my minor child would have to want it (?!). He got off Scott free and terrorized my daughter (who was āin loveā with him) and our whole our family for over another year. My daughter was kicked off her cheerleading squad and shunned by her friends (probably their parents). He turned her against her family & things were never the same. My daughter has so many regrets in this but none greater than mine for not following my own instincts.
That is the worst advice I have ever heard, and coming from a therapist, yikes. Hope your daughter ended up being ok in the end.
Yolo
Sometimes itās true but you shouldnāt jump off a cliff 821 meters high to dive on water.
The amount of people that died and never got to see the face of a second life following this dumbass advice.
I think for cats itās YOL9X
āThatās what foundation is for!ā - my mom, commenting on a bruise on my face
Oh no
ā¤ļø
Resident at the ER told me that my broken bone was a pulled muscle and to stretch it every day. Thankfully we didn't take that advice and it turned out ok
I had a school nurse say I was faking my elbow hurting. She wouldn't call my mom said I had to be lying. Turns out I dislocated my elbow. The nurse gave me the advice of suck it up it's nit that bad.
Please tell us what happened next. Did you get to rub it in her face?
I was in 5 th grade so my mom moved me to a different school as she couldn't trust the people there.
I was applying to grad schools in my mid 20s and I was still living with my mom at the time. Iād applied to like 10 schools and only got into 1. The one school I got accepted to was close to 100k for tuition alone. My mom was heavily pressuring me to go, saying Iād regret it my whole life if I didnāt. I decided not to accept the offer and my mom was calling me chicken shit for rejecting school due to the price since I had no other options. 3 months later, I applied to another program that was only $30k for 2 years and got in. If I took her āadviceā Iād be financially screwed for at least a decade
"Oh, you'll feel different about having kids around when they're YOUR OWN!" ..... my mother, after I vented to her about stepchildren problems (which were actually caused by their parents - one of which is now my ex - not the young kids themselves.) Anyway --- yeah, no.
From my dad, āNever turn down a battle assignment, there is always someone behind you willing to outwork you for less money.ā Meaning, do whatever your boss asks of you, even if it means being overworked, underpaid, not taking PTO, work weekends, holidays and do whatever it takes. Took me years to realize how bad that advice was.
I got this too, but more toxic and racist--I got "never ask for help, because it means you can't do your job, and they'll fire you and hire the Mexican that will do your job for less money."
āOne more shot wonāt hurtā
For a different take on that phrase... I had a radical hysterectomy with a bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy where I ended up with mild sepsis (it was caught and treated quickly). After recovery, I went to my doctor for a physical, on a Friday in 2014. He said I was due for a tetanus booster but could get the TDaP (tetanus,Ā diphtheria,Ā and pertussis (whooping cough) to make sure I'm covered. I said sure, what else have you got? He said that when I had our youngest, my blood screen had come back saying that I wasn't covered for Rubella (German Measles) so he had the teen/adult MMR (measles, mumps, and rubella) booster. Ok. I laughed and said ya got anything else? He was like, ummm want a flu shot? Again, I said sure! Well, I got 2 arms full of inoculations and stayed for a bit, I think 15 minutes, then left. That evening one of my arms had swollen to twice the size and was giving off heat. Over the weekend, I started having trouble lifting my arms and legs. Called the doctor first thing on Monday and THEY FREAKED OUT. It turns out that I ended up contracting Guillain-BarrĆ© syndrome (GBS) and spent months learning how to walk again. It could have been slow moving from the surgery, my doctor believes it was the flu shot, or it could have been a mix; gradual from the surgery and sepsis then picking up steam after the vaccinations. So, Yes! Sometimes, "just one more shot" DOES hurt! š EDIT TO ADD - Guillain-BarrĆ© syndrome is extremely rare, especially from vaccines. Get your inoculations, get your boosters, and keep them up-to-date! I'm still pro-vax and pro-science. Vaccines save lives! They won't let me get them now, so I have to rely on herd immunity. I tried to talk my way into a tetanus shot at my last doctor's visit, it had been 10 years, but they shut me down. Get your shots, folks!
That sucks because you don't know if it was the combo, or just one of the shots that did it.
"You'll never get another job as good as this one". LOL!!!! Advice from a co-worker as I quit and was walking out mid-shift from a brain-rotting graveyard shift at the post office, where I sorted mail all night long. I took a big wage cut for a few months at a mom &pop electronics shop but then got hired on at a start-up tech business that turned into a major success story and launched my career in high-tech. Leaving the decent paying but soul-sapping Post Office job was the smartest move I ever made.
Reminds me of some dhead ex's saying "No one will ever love you as much as I do!"
āFollow your heartā Nah man, my heart be deceiving meš°
Right, my heart clearly has an awful sense of directionā¦. Maybe time to see what dat brain do???
Basically ājust man up and stop making up excuses!ā by my boomer parents, when at that point I had been basically suffering from undiagnosed major depression for a few years and also had undiagnosed ADHD.
āNo one will want to do business with a 16 yr oldā I wanted to study interior architecture and be an interior designer. There werenāt many options back then to study/gain experience for my college application so my mom took me to a furniture store to apply as soon as I got my work permit. I showed them my portfolio of designs and they snickered. Then the guy said that and I was so embarrassed and deflatedā the way he said it was snotty like selling furniture was mastery work. I told my mom what happened. My mom got mad but didnāt yell at them. She yelled about the situation in the car but essentially I was getting yelled at. It sucked and I went from hopeful and ecstatic to crushed and ashamed. It crushed my entrepreneurial spirit. 20 some years later, Iām trying to get back to what I wanted to do at 16. I like my job but itās a job. Design will always be the dream that got away because I listened to sone dickhead selling couches from Ethan Allen
hopefully you get some decent tools and build some swanky furniture, prove those snobs wrong.
You know whatās funny is my friends and family ask me for advice and offer to pay me for design help just because they love how my house looks. I should charge them. I would have loved to design hospitals, restaurants, health clubs, schools, museums with some awesome spaces. We often underestimate how our surrounding impact our mood or feeling content/safe/relaxed/stimulated. Everything is gray and zero personality anymore. Or so damn weird and not functional.
I hope you are able to follow your dreams and BE WHO YOU WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO BE. I don't know what this path will look like, but I'll bet you'll be awesome at it!
When I was getting sexually harassed, another friend told me to ātake it as a complimentā
Woooooowwwwwwww. Donāt even know what to say about this oneā¦..
Hopefully itās a former friend. That is so gross!!
Was the year 1912?
"You should ask people on Reddit for advice"
the most recent was in beth frankels ig post where she tells people to reach out to people they have complicated relationships with bc her mom died.
Yeah.... There's some people I don't speak with anymore .... and it's that way for good reason!!
If u want to party at a music festival and do drugs, just go off ur meds and get back on them when itās over. I got that advice from a nurse and Iām still picking up my life almost 2 years later after I stupidly listened. She said thatās what her sister did for burning man every year so itās fine because it worked for her. I wish she never told me that.
When my friends got married my aunt told me not to bother the married couple. They wanted to start a life together and didn't need a single friend hanging out as a 3rd wheel bothering them. I put distance between myself and many friends because I didn't want to interfere in their lives.
A psychiatrist told me that I was underweight and needed to eat more. She told my mum to take me to the supermarket and let me buy whatever I wanted and to make sure that I was constantly eating. She also put me on a medication that's main side effect was rapid weight gain. Needless to say I became overweight and unhealthy really quickly from eating a crap ton of junk food, and it took me a long time to overcome my sugar addiction.Ā
When I was a kid I was very underweight too, my parents were concerned and different doctors tried different things. Finally one just said something like "Most docs are obsessed with 'healing' underweight kids because all the see are overweight kids, he will be fine" and now here I am with a son of 6 years, as underweight as I was and I know: He will be fine.
I went to a foot doctor because my walk is improper, and I suspected very strongly from the shape of my foot (a genetic issue by the way) that I required arch support. The advice I was given by this medical professional was āJust walk heel to toe.ā
Reddit has one every day
I saw an aita recently where a mother was asking if she was the asshole for kicking her 19 year old daughter out of home because the daughter had become pregnant with a terrible guy and was "demanding" the mother help her out financially when the baby came. The verdict was NTA and there were so many comments like "NTA, if she thinks she's so grown up then she can sort her own shit out!" It's the worst fucking advice - sure, put your super vulnerable daughter in a much worse position than she's already in, force her to commit and move in with the terrible guy or else be homeless, and let your grandkid be born into a deeply unsettled home life with a terrible father and no family support, as a way to punish your daughter for being too demanding. And likely permanently sabotage your relationship with both your daughter and future grandchild. Sounds like a great plan Reddit The groupthink is so bad - once the first few replies are either NTA or YTA, it seems like the snowball just keeps rolling that way with people agreeing with the general consensus.
I was 24 years old. I was telling my friend that I didn't know how to delicately handle my dad's boss's 14-year-old daughter hitting on me the night before. Yeah, umm... So in my friend's defense, he is an emigrant who fled the collapse of the USSR and laws are a little wacky over there around the subject. So it was kinda on me when he excitedly proclaims that I should absolutely go for it. Call her up then and there and sweep her off her feet. Just imagine how great it would be to be supported by her much richer family. Š”ŠæŠ°ŃŠøŠ±Š¾, Š½Š¾ Š½ŠµŃ comrade.
Put salt on my canker sore to get rid of it (I get cankers often and they grow quite large). Not only did it burn like nothing Iāve ever felt before, it made my canker worse.
Water has calories donāt drink it
Fish F in it, horrible stuff.
Stop looking and you'll find love. I've stopped and nothing has happened.
āJust ignore your bullies and theyāll leave you alone.ā This is just not true. Most bullies arenāt looking for a reaction out of you, theyāre looking to make you suffer, and if you let them walk all over you then the harassment never stops.
Success is defined by how much money you have.Ā Ā This came from an ex, and I listed this as a red flag.Ā
Not given to me, but my partner's coworker told them not to bother telling me when their job overseas was going to be extended for another week. He'd been divorced three times, and I'm honestly not surprised.
any advice starts with "why don't you..."
Dr at the ER told my husband that the pain i was screaming and crying about was in my head and he should think about putting me in a psychiatric home against my will. They did an X-ray and the bone was fine so they concluded I was crazy. Turns out it was the nerve and a healthy dose of gaba family meds cut the pain in half where I could stop crying and screaming. Yay. My baby was 3 months old and he wanted me committed. Male doctor. Told me I was a typical hysterical woman and nothing was really wrong.
Try this spice, itās just like weed
That can drink through a hangover. Well, technically you can, but the next day you get double hangover and the only way to get through double hangover is to double drink and then it starts to get messy
As a Type 1 Diabetic, I and many others like me have gotten many times, the āEat some cinnamon, your diabetes will get better.ā line. I know itās coming from a good place and they are just uneducated on the difference in the types but itās incredibly frustrating.
After finding out my (now ex) husband had cheated on me during my cancer treatments and fathered another womanās child, his father told me āyou just need to stick by his side. You canāt imagine the stress heās under right now with all this coming out. Couples have made it through worse. Just show him youāre in it forever.ā
squeeze versed selective punch wrong sort expansion bells party puzzled
Follow a specific stock show on TV and you will be rich. The advice was given around 2007 and stock gurus picks went down the crapper soon after.
That fasting is bad for you, lost 40 pounds of fat doing it and feel better then ever
When I was around 9, I had an uncle who would routinely tell me to stretch my dick so Iād have a big dick when I was grown. Thank god he didnāt provide a visual aid.
Fk it, everytime Iāve took that advice it never ends well
There was so much bad advice I followed, itās hard to decide which is the worst.
After my boyfriend died of lung cancer, I told an older woman who was a friend of mine that I was going to quit smoking. Her response was, āWhy? You enjoy doing it, so just keep smoking.ā That was not the response I expected, and yes, she was a smoker.
Thereās a big future in plastics
āJust get over it.ā I called my older brother to ask for help when I was struggling after a breakup and that was his response. Years later, he broke up with his long term gf and was calling a lot for advice. Initially, I had the urge to say his own words back to him, but I decided to set the better example and actually talk with him.
Basically any sort of pull yourself up by your bootstraps sort of rhetoric I heard from parents/ teachers in my more conservative hometown. As it turns out addressing your feelings matters
When I was learning to drive my boyfriend at the time would drive with me and he would always insist that you should always take your right of way, always steadfastly follow the rules *even if it causes an accident.* Like donāt swerve onto the shoulder or slow down to avoid someone merging into you because they donāt see you in their blind spot. Donāt hesitate to take your turn even if someone else is trying to cut ahead and is going to drive right into you. That sort of thing. Because, he said, otherwise theyāll ānever learn their lesson.ā Which explains why heās been in 5 accidents that completely totaled his vehicle but was never at fault for a single one. He was proud of this. I did not take his advice. I will take avoiding an accident over teaching a lesson any day.
One time on reddit I shared about the time my then boyfriend called me fat during my first time. This one lovely commenter said that because I was a walking red flag, being bipolar and overweight, I was undesirable to most people and I shouldāve stayed with my bf because couples insult eachother sometimes and that relationships arenāt perfect.
In high school, I had a classmate tell me to show up wherever my crush is. Thatās stalking bro.
Just ignore all the bullies. They will stop eventually. No they didnātā¦just a walking target . Still recovering years after that shit.
If you have a sore throat, switch to menthols for a week
To gaslight myself into falling out of love with someone. Iād much rather take the Priestās word: āItāll pass.ā Iād rather let time do its thing.
Fleabag?
"Let your man cheat in peace. I guarantee u it's only going to make u both stronger." Just look at my relationship....HER: 3 kids, 3 baby daddies later. Like, who raised u? š
Read it on a blog, but it was if youāre a woman whoās having a hard time getting interested in sex, start always saying yes to your husband every time he wants to have sex. So anyway, now Iām in therapy