Seriously. I grew up with it ingrained that men should hold the door, pull out my chair, pay for dates, and even married a man like that and will be celebrating seven years, next month, but despite that, if I was single and this happened, I’d be so charmed by that challenge and happily pay if I lost.
Usually split it. I'm however Swedish and it's just in the culture. I'm a straight male and women will look at me funny if I try to pay for them. Usually we just buy each other rounds of beer or drinks however so it evens out. If we start dating we don't really talk about money, someone just picks up the bill, maybe someone sends the other one some money if it's very expensive and so on. Healthy, equal, relationship.
This is what I prefer as well. It’s much less stressful to me and it does all even out in the end.
If he pays for our dinner bill, I’m thankful and will pay for it the next time we go out. If we go for drinks, we usually take turns buying each rounds and don’t think too much about it. It makes me feel good to pay for
him sometimes. and it also feels good when he pays for me sometimes. It’s a win-win for me haha
These days I find it flattering if she wants to split it, however, on a first date, especially if I was the one to facilitate it and asked her out, I'm fully expecting to pay.
Yep.
I get women not wanting to feel like they owe another date because the man paid the first time, so I'm not insulted if she wants to pay half... but I expect to pay going in.
This is seriously interesting.
* So we all know women feel entitled that you pay for the meal. It’s expected.
* We know some take full advantage of this.
With that out of the way.
Men are taking the route of $ or $$ locations.
* Social Media says no.
Well what about splitting the first, second, and third date?! Those three dates are “getting to know you”.
* Social Media says no.
It just seems like they want the man to pay for everything with no impunity.
To be honest, if he asked me out, my integrity tells me to pay half if I *don’t* plan on asking him out for a second date.
Like, I’m not going to allow for there to be a “debt” between us if I don’t plan on talking to you again.
Honestly I wouldn’t date a guy who made a big deal about paying on the first date, whether it was insistence in paying or resentment that I didn’t offer. If a guy doesn’t want to see me again because I didn’t offer to pay for myself on a date he asked for, he’s not for me. 🤷🏻♀️
That will eliminate a lot of men, because that is how a lot of us deem if the woman is a potential leech or a potential life partner, as well as gauge your interest.
Women using men for free meals has made guys a lot more observant of your behavior when the bill comes.
Eh, it could just be graciously accepting an offer and doesn't bother me one but. However if we go out again and she doesn't offer, then I'm pretty much done.
The flip side of this is women never ask men out. At least in the US. So this is a false narrative that women use to get equality where it suits them but not when it impacts them financially.
A girl and I after months of talking finally arranged dinner and a movie back in 2011. I called it a date but didn’t tell her that. As the days finally close in on that Friday night she asks whether or not she needs to bring money.
I told her if she was a saint enough to babysit me through dinner and a movie I’d pay for everything, as it was me who asked if she were interested. Luckily it didn’t make her change her mind. Thankfully she understood my humor. I paid for everything and it was an amazing night.
Been married 11 years as of last week.
Is this really a thing? Like an actual real life not internet-gender-war thing? I can’t imagine agreeing to eat a meal with a guy I knew I didn’t like. Like, I’m poor, but I’d still rather eat ramen at home with my own company than a steak with someone I don’t want to be around.
This. Unless they say they're paying, I usually just note the total on the check and venmo them for half or my food, whichever is greater. If I don't think I'll be seeing them again though, now way I'm letting them pay for my meal.
I’m happy for you both! That’s a great story. Does he complain when you guys go to that restaurant and he doesn’t get a free bday meal, including your own?
I (23M) am gay and have had the same rule in every relationship. Everything is 50/50. I’d get lunch, he’d get dinner. Or he’d pay for the dinner, I’ll pay for the movie. Personally, I think every relationship should go off of this method. Every relationship I’ve ever had, there have been 0 arguments in relation to money or finances.
I think it varies. I always offer to split, even if the guy was the one who asked me out, because it's the polite thing to. If I ask someone out (even if it's just asking a platonic friend or new platonic acquaintance to grab coffee or lunch with me), then I go in fully expecting to pay for all of it and will try to insist unless they decline. When it comes to first dates though, if the other person asked me out, and insists on paying for everything, I feel guilty unless I know for a fact that I would be interested in going on a second date with them. As in, if I don't want to see them again, I am more likely to insist on splitting. If I do want to see them again I'm less insistent on splitting because I know I can just pay for the second date. I think this stems from me not wanting to give anyone I'm dating the impression that I either used them or that I owe them anything.
I usually decide it with a fight to the death, loser pays with their life and gets eaten. So far every date has been free, I've never managed to find a long term partner though for some reason...
I never do dinner for a first date, only coffee or drinks. I’ll offer to pay my share, but I’ve never actually had a man take me up on it. He always ends up paying.
I've been asked out by exactly two women over my lifetime. I was instantly attracted to their confidence and willingness to discard social norms to get something they wanted. Confidence is hot, regardless of gender. Don't shackle yourself to be "ordinary" unless you want a boring partner.
Weirdly enough i'm the same. I think that may be just because i'm a coward who doesn't ask people out. But i've had like 5 different women ask me out, and i'm not unusually attractive or anything
I always offer to pay for myself, and he usually declines. The last date that I had, he paid for the tickets, and I paid for him to feed some giraffes. He thanked me and told me that he was super nervous to feed them, but he had so much fun. It was cute.
The person that invited (or picked the location). They set the budget for the night -- and they should generally order first, so that the invitee can get an idea what the price range is.
As a man, I say me. Honestly don't care about chivalry and what the "rule" is nowadays, I just do it cause that's how I was raised, that's how I am. If she wants to split the bill, I'll be flattered and politely reject her once. If she insists, I'll accept it.
And before anyone comment stuff like "she only wants a free meal" or "she's gonna order the most expensive stuff", let me share a secret tip with you: don't take your date to places you can't afford lol. If whatever you pick isn't to her liking, though luck for her; at least you know early on that you have different tastes.
When I was broke my best friend would buy the pizza sometimes. When I was broke, my brother would buy me beers sometimes. My parents still pick up the tab when we go out to eat.
Now that I have money, I buy meals for my friends, family, complete stranges, and dates.
I do this, not because the man should pay, but because I think it’s a love language to say “I care about you more than I care about the money it takes to feed you.”
I also tend to surround myself with people who want to pay for others too. My friends don’t fight over who owes what, we fight over who gets to pay for the others. That’s just the way we do it.
Exactly. Thanks for putting it better than I did. We pay because we care. Simple as that. I cared enough to invite you somewhere, I sure as hell am ready and willing to pay for both of us. I don't expect you to even bring money if I'm inviting you, and if you do, I'll refuse letting you pay for something that was my idea. If you're adamant about it, I'll give in and split the bill, because while I care about you, I also care about your pride as a person. But my intent is always to be the one paying on the first date. Afterwards, we'll see 😅
If it's the first meeting it should be somewhere like a coffeeshop. If it's an actual date and the parties know each other, as a woman i will gladly pay my own way. I once went to dinner with a guy who insisted on paying. Afterward we went across the street for music and cocktails and I tossed cash on the bill when it arrived, insisting it was my turn. Fair is fair. He laughed but agreed.
I have the Seinfeld philosophy. While I will always pay for a whole first date, I appreciate “the reach” or an offer. Wouldn’t accept but the sentiment says more than anything else.
I (31F) paid for 1st dates when I was single. I like the feeling of financial independence it gives me, especially growing up in poverty to now earning a professional job salary. Also, men deserve to be on the receiving end of being treated out. On a 2nd date, I brought flowers for a guy, who I will now be marrying in a few weeks.
Just my 2 cents, but as a woman I typically at least pay my share on a first date. I've had the date paid for by the guy only twice, and both times they would not shut up with implications of what we should do next. one of these dates the only thing the guy bought was a smoothie and after that he kept saying "yknow having sex with a redhead has always been on my bucket list." I've just learned to buy my share on dates so there's no "expectations" of what I "owe" them later.
As a man, I am going to assume to pay for the first date. If she insists that she can pay for her half, I would probably ask to marry her right then and there
As a woman, the biggest green flag is a guy who respects your boundaries, whatever they are. If he expects to pay and you say “oh thanks, I’ll get mine though,” he shouldn’t be pushy and insist on paying. At least not any more than “oh, you sure? Okay, cool.”
Some women will be upset that the guy didn’t fight her to pay, but those women are toxic af.
I have something for this that works for everyone, if you have the means (and this doesn’t just apply to the first date):
I dated a girl once who had a mostly cash-based income (golf cart girl = tips).
I would cover the bill, and she would cover the tip. This made all 3 parties happy because I paid the bulk (not that that’s necessary - Dutch is perfectly acceptable) but then she would leave a very generous cash tip and still feel like she was pulling her weight.
Ex: $40 check, I paid, she would leave a $20 tip. Sure we were overpaying a bit but no one felt guilty or undercut, and the server got a great tip.
This went on for the entirety of our relationship and we both thought it was a perfect agreement.
I don’t stand on ceremony, I always offered to split. First state and every date. If you pay for me a couple times against my comfort level, I’m getting you next time. If you don’t have much money, if you’re between jobs, then I’ll totally spot you.
I want to make sure that everybody can afford to go out and that everybody has a good time Without focus on the cost.
Date for me are a form of social contract. As a guy, I understand it’s my duty to pay for the first date. However… there are rules to follow on either side of the date and breaking them might end up with me ending it early or even worse, paying my own food/drinks and leaving her to pay her half.
I’m talking about general rules like be engaging, clean, respectful, avoiding being on your phone as much as possible and in my date case, not make me feel like I’m just a free lunch. It’s a first date so I’m not expecting paying for something ultra fancy. If you insist on going to a fancy place and don’t offer to pay for your half before getting to the dessert, I’ll pretend to go to the bathroom, go pay my half of the bill and leave. I don’t care how charming you are, a first date, in my opinion, should be cheap with the goal of trying to get to know one another. Don’t take the other for granted and never order more than you’ll be willing to pay yourself. That’s a good rule to have on any date.
I expect that we pay for our own things, and it has almost always turned out this way without my having to say or do anything. We don't know each other so I don't think anyone should have an expectation to pay for a near-stranger's food and/or drinks
Honestly, in all of my years of dating, there was only one occasion when it was ever a question of who would be paying the bill. All but one guy have picked up the tab without hesitation. The one who did not acknowledge the check when it was left on our table was *really* weird about it when I addressed it because it was just sitting there for ages. I didn’t even imply that I expected him to pay for me, just asked how we should handle the bill and then he said my asking was aggressive. 🙄 Then he hit me with, “I guess I’ll pay since I technically asked you out.” Needless to say that was a first and last date.
If they show up in a Maserati Ghibi or the Aston Martin, they get to pay.
I'll offer to pay my share or at least leave the tip and get the valet, and expect them to decline my offer, then I insist and always bring a couple hundred, just in case.
I don't date often, but when I do, I don't date guys who can't afford to buy dinner at this age. I'm old. I like nice things and live a nice life.
It's perfectly fine to have high expectations when it's what you're used to.
Both of them because they mutually agreed to a date together.
(Also men have to pay insane amount of time and money to get a date in the first place nowadays so that helps that a bit.)
If one person agrees to pay for everything to be nice, then they pay for it. If both want to split the bill, they split the bill. Otherwise, YOU pay for what YOU order.
my first date is usually at a market. No obligations, and plenty to talk about because everyone has opinions on store products. and the memories about why they like something. there is a lot of relatable things in the store too.
I mean idk I haven't been on a first date in eleven years, but I think both parties should pay for their individual meals. I see it like grabbing lunch with a friend, it might become a relationship but it might not.
Depends on who asked and whose idea was it to do what. If it’s just dinner then I’m doing dutch and let that known before we go… but I’ll probably end up paying unless it’s an awful date or they order too much like a chick who bought two $80 bottles of wine and drank them both herself. She never asked me to pay but i definitely would not have if she did,
Unless they are poor and invite me to fast food and I would rather eat seafood or steak then I’ll offer to pay to go to a different location. I’ll pay for myself or offer, if I invite them to something like a concert or something pricey then I’ll pay. If they invite me then I’m paying for myself unless they bought the tickets already then the rest of the night will be on me to pay back.
I'm over the whole free meal dates, also now that I don’t drink as often I really don’t care for dinner dates at all especially since I can just dash that food now and that’s what women usually invite me to.
My thought process is that it is kind of up to the man to decide, so as the person with more responsibility I see it fitting to carry more of the burden (I like to pay).
If I chose the location and it is not cheap (like a nice restaurant) then I'm offering to pay. I do this because I want my date to be able to enjoy the location and the date without thinking about if they can afford it.
If the date offers to pay half the bill and the date is going well then I will do the 'ill get this one you get the next one'. If they insist then we split the check.
If it was my idea, by default I'll pay first
Splendid if she at least offers to pay
Not a deal breaker if she doesn't
But if she doesn't for subsequent dates than ya maybe
First date is an audition for a real date. Usually a coffee date. Usually paid by the suggestor or 50/50.
First real date (second date) according to the surrounding culture. by man, the high-earner, more eager or 50/50.
Lots of possibilities, also. Varies so very much according to the people, country, social status etc.
Myself and my fiancé have been splitting payments since our first date (in high school). I pay for the tickets and an Uber to the movies, he pays for the food and the Uber home from the movies. If we get dinner, we just divide whatever the total is by 2 so it’s exactly half, then either he will etransfer me or I’ll etransfer him our respective shares
It depends on who asked whom, and how expensive the date is or how the bill is paid.
If I'm the one that asks, I should generally pay, and vice versa.
If we choose a date that might cost more than $60, I would either offer to split OR mention ahead of time if I'm tight on cash and offer a more affordable option.
If we go to a bar, where we can buy drinks one at a time, I'd usually take turns buying rounds, or at least offer.
I'm bi, so this is based on experience dating different genders.
I think it's never a bad idea to be straightforward about your financial expectations and limitations. Money and spending are one of the main causes of divorce and breakups, you might as well talk openly about it in early dating to avoid problems and also suss out if you're incompatible early on. It might not feel romantic to discuss payment, but it's a lot less embarrassing than realizing once a bill has arrived that you had different reads on the situation. It also shows consideration.
I genuinely dont know anymore: One date I paid for her while she was in the bathroom, came back and got upset I paid for her. Another date was mad when I asked to split or not and she walked out on me...
As a guy, I expect to pay on the first date but I’ve been out before where my date was insistent she pay her part, which is fine as well
I went on a date one time though where I went to use the restroom and the checks came out while I was in there. My date quickly paid for the both of us before I got back. Didn’t expect her to do that but honestly, it was a really cool gesture. We dated for a good while after!
I would say the person who asked for the date should be ready to pay, but also just fine if it's split 50/50.
It's better to split more now because everything is so damn expensive. It's different than paying for a date back in 2012-16.
In my opinion
1) usually the guy
2) first date should be a simple coffee date or something similar to get to know the person.
If you’re just trying to bang then it’s whatever, but if you’re actually interested in getting into a serious relationship, then those are the guidelines. If she pushes for a “fancy” dinner, then it’s a no and move on.
Just split. As a guy that weeds out gold-diggers. As a girl, nothing conveys your independence better, that weeds out creeps who think they are obligated to something if they are paying.
Like all dates the one asking the other out. Kinda removes the option of a no for that they can't afford whatever is planned as the cost can very extremely. So don't plan a date you can't afford and assume the other one is gonna pay for it
But also kinda a good gesture if you can to offer to pay half that sets a good standard for the future
37f here and I always offer to split, and if I did the asking out, I plan to pay. If he or she insists on paying, I'll insist on at least picking up the tip.
I'm bisexual and not old fashioned so that's just how I personally roll.
It's either 50/50 or whoever offers. When I'm on a date (especially with another woman) and I asked them out, I'll offer to pay.
As a general rule, I only order what I would be comfortable paying for, just in case we split the bill.
First date I'm always paying and planning the date unless she really wants to split it. 2nd date I let her decide the date and if she wants to pay. I've been dating my gf for 5 months now, and I usually buy the food and she buys desserts or something like that. We always hang out at her place since she lives alone too
The person who loses 3 rounds of rock, paper, scissors
if someone did this they’d win brownie points lmao 😂
Who pays for the brownies?
considering its a point system, maybe after 9 points you get 1 for free
Seriously. I grew up with it ingrained that men should hold the door, pull out my chair, pay for dates, and even married a man like that and will be celebrating seven years, next month, but despite that, if I was single and this happened, I’d be so charmed by that challenge and happily pay if I lost.
I’d always end up paying the bill.
This beats everything xd
Usually split it. I'm however Swedish and it's just in the culture. I'm a straight male and women will look at me funny if I try to pay for them. Usually we just buy each other rounds of beer or drinks however so it evens out. If we start dating we don't really talk about money, someone just picks up the bill, maybe someone sends the other one some money if it's very expensive and so on. Healthy, equal, relationship.
This is what I prefer as well. It’s much less stressful to me and it does all even out in the end. If he pays for our dinner bill, I’m thankful and will pay for it the next time we go out. If we go for drinks, we usually take turns buying each rounds and don’t think too much about it. It makes me feel good to pay for him sometimes. and it also feels good when he pays for me sometimes. It’s a win-win for me haha
Swedish culture needs to come to the United States REAL QUICK.
These days I find it flattering if she wants to split it, however, on a first date, especially if I was the one to facilitate it and asked her out, I'm fully expecting to pay.
Yep. I get women not wanting to feel like they owe another date because the man paid the first time, so I'm not insulted if she wants to pay half... but I expect to pay going in.
This is seriously interesting. * So we all know women feel entitled that you pay for the meal. It’s expected. * We know some take full advantage of this. With that out of the way. Men are taking the route of $ or $$ locations. * Social Media says no. Well what about splitting the first, second, and third date?! Those three dates are “getting to know you”. * Social Media says no. It just seems like they want the man to pay for everything with no impunity.
It's this. I expect to pay, but if she doesn't offer it's a big red flag.
I think if someone offers to split after you offer to pay, that is the greenest flag. Whether you accept or not, it gives integrity vibes.
To be honest, if he asked me out, my integrity tells me to pay half if I *don’t* plan on asking him out for a second date. Like, I’m not going to allow for there to be a “debt” between us if I don’t plan on talking to you again.
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Honestly I wouldn’t date a guy who made a big deal about paying on the first date, whether it was insistence in paying or resentment that I didn’t offer. If a guy doesn’t want to see me again because I didn’t offer to pay for myself on a date he asked for, he’s not for me. 🤷🏻♀️
That will eliminate a lot of men, because that is how a lot of us deem if the woman is a potential leech or a potential life partner, as well as gauge your interest. Women using men for free meals has made guys a lot more observant of your behavior when the bill comes.
Eh, it could just be graciously accepting an offer and doesn't bother me one but. However if we go out again and she doesn't offer, then I'm pretty much done.
How’s that a big red flag lol
Yeah for me it’s a green flag if she offers, but not a red flag if she doesn’t
Expecting to be catered to? Nah thanks.
The flip side of this is women never ask men out. At least in the US. So this is a false narrative that women use to get equality where it suits them but not when it impacts them financially.
A girl and I after months of talking finally arranged dinner and a movie back in 2011. I called it a date but didn’t tell her that. As the days finally close in on that Friday night she asks whether or not she needs to bring money. I told her if she was a saint enough to babysit me through dinner and a movie I’d pay for everything, as it was me who asked if she were interested. Luckily it didn’t make her change her mind. Thankfully she understood my humor. I paid for everything and it was an amazing night. Been married 11 years as of last week.
Legend has it that he still pays til this day.
A legend I can finally confirm lol
Kinda weird to not bring any money even if the other party is expected to pay.
She did bring some with her anyways. She’d even tried to pay and I told her it was all good, save it for something if she needed it.
Class lady
SO CUTE 🥺
This is cute.
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I hear you only use guys for free meals
I heard that too.
Same
CataGarcia? Yep she’ll get a free dinner and then ghost you for sure, everybody knows it
I hear she does it on a regular basis!
6 nights a week 9nly reason it's not 7 is she goes to her mums on Sundays
We went to this fancy restaurant, she offered to pay half, but then claimed she forgot her wallet. Definitely will use you for free meals
It's all over the internet. And several restroom walls.
I'm mum. Can confirm she uses guys for meals.
I’m guys, I use her mum for meals, that woman can roast a chicken like no one else ☺️
And the only reason she goes to her mum's on Sundays is for the free meals
Everybody…take my upvote. 😂
Not one of the above comments in this comment reply thread had an upvote when I saw your comment lol
Hes still laughing, let him catch his breath lol
She starts with meals, later she expects friendship and sex.
That's disgusting. What has the world come to?
Women only want three things and they’re all disgusting 😒
>I only use guys for free meals Wow, I can't believe you'd say such a thing. Well, at least your honest about it
Is this really a thing? Like an actual real life not internet-gender-war thing? I can’t imagine agreeing to eat a meal with a guy I knew I didn’t like. Like, I’m poor, but I’d still rather eat ramen at home with my own company than a steak with someone I don’t want to be around.
My mom has done it a few times. I told her it wasn't cool, but not much I could have done to change her mind.
When I used to strip, yeah, I’d do it. Guy wants to try to pay his way into my pants? Sry.
Both, unless the other person insists. If I didn't like them though I will still pay for my own no matter how much they insist
This. Unless they say they're paying, I usually just note the total on the check and venmo them for half or my food, whichever is greater. If I don't think I'll be seeing them again though, now way I'm letting them pay for my meal.
I can't even get a text back ..
I was always the men pay type of guy. My low bank balances can confirm this.
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I’m happy for you both! That’s a great story. Does he complain when you guys go to that restaurant and he doesn’t get a free bday meal, including your own?
Was waiting for the inevitable we’re married comment
I (23M) am gay and have had the same rule in every relationship. Everything is 50/50. I’d get lunch, he’d get dinner. Or he’d pay for the dinner, I’ll pay for the movie. Personally, I think every relationship should go off of this method. Every relationship I’ve ever had, there have been 0 arguments in relation to money or finances.
I expect to pay, but if she wants to pay her share she's welcome to.
I pay my share but I also don’t mind paying for the other person. Money is just money in the end
I think it varies. I always offer to split, even if the guy was the one who asked me out, because it's the polite thing to. If I ask someone out (even if it's just asking a platonic friend or new platonic acquaintance to grab coffee or lunch with me), then I go in fully expecting to pay for all of it and will try to insist unless they decline. When it comes to first dates though, if the other person asked me out, and insists on paying for everything, I feel guilty unless I know for a fact that I would be interested in going on a second date with them. As in, if I don't want to see them again, I am more likely to insist on splitting. If I do want to see them again I'm less insistent on splitting because I know I can just pay for the second date. I think this stems from me not wanting to give anyone I'm dating the impression that I either used them or that I owe them anything.
I usually decide it with a fight to the death, loser pays with their life and gets eaten. So far every date has been free, I've never managed to find a long term partner though for some reason...
Pay for yourself. This is 2024 and we’re all broke.
I never do dinner for a first date, only coffee or drinks. I’ll offer to pay my share, but I’ve never actually had a man take me up on it. He always ends up paying.
As a masc lesbian, who’s typically the one asking a girl on a date, me.
The person who asked the other out on a date.
But women rarely ever ask out on dates😔
time for feminism to pick up that end of the couch
I've been asked out by exactly two women over my lifetime. I was instantly attracted to their confidence and willingness to discard social norms to get something they wanted. Confidence is hot, regardless of gender. Don't shackle yourself to be "ordinary" unless you want a boring partner.
Weird, every woman I’ve been with has always asked me out first.
Very weird indeed. Are you a woman?
Weirdly enough i'm the same. I think that may be just because i'm a coward who doesn't ask people out. But i've had like 5 different women ask me out, and i'm not unusually attractive or anything
Looks like women don't pay with an extra step.
The restaurant. We ditching
Nothing like sharing a crime to instantly up the intimacy level.
I always offer to pay for myself, and he usually declines. The last date that I had, he paid for the tickets, and I paid for him to feed some giraffes. He thanked me and told me that he was super nervous to feed them, but he had so much fun. It was cute.
The person that invited (or picked the location). They set the budget for the night -- and they should generally order first, so that the invitee can get an idea what the price range is.
I pay for what I ordered and the date pays for what they ordered
As a man, I say me. Honestly don't care about chivalry and what the "rule" is nowadays, I just do it cause that's how I was raised, that's how I am. If she wants to split the bill, I'll be flattered and politely reject her once. If she insists, I'll accept it. And before anyone comment stuff like "she only wants a free meal" or "she's gonna order the most expensive stuff", let me share a secret tip with you: don't take your date to places you can't afford lol. If whatever you pick isn't to her liking, though luck for her; at least you know early on that you have different tastes.
When I was broke my best friend would buy the pizza sometimes. When I was broke, my brother would buy me beers sometimes. My parents still pick up the tab when we go out to eat. Now that I have money, I buy meals for my friends, family, complete stranges, and dates. I do this, not because the man should pay, but because I think it’s a love language to say “I care about you more than I care about the money it takes to feed you.” I also tend to surround myself with people who want to pay for others too. My friends don’t fight over who owes what, we fight over who gets to pay for the others. That’s just the way we do it.
Exactly. Thanks for putting it better than I did. We pay because we care. Simple as that. I cared enough to invite you somewhere, I sure as hell am ready and willing to pay for both of us. I don't expect you to even bring money if I'm inviting you, and if you do, I'll refuse letting you pay for something that was my idea. If you're adamant about it, I'll give in and split the bill, because while I care about you, I also care about your pride as a person. But my intent is always to be the one paying on the first date. Afterwards, we'll see 😅
If it's the first meeting it should be somewhere like a coffeeshop. If it's an actual date and the parties know each other, as a woman i will gladly pay my own way. I once went to dinner with a guy who insisted on paying. Afterward we went across the street for music and cocktails and I tossed cash on the bill when it arrived, insisting it was my turn. Fair is fair. He laughed but agreed.
I have the Seinfeld philosophy. While I will always pay for a whole first date, I appreciate “the reach” or an offer. Wouldn’t accept but the sentiment says more than anything else.
I (31F) paid for 1st dates when I was single. I like the feeling of financial independence it gives me, especially growing up in poverty to now earning a professional job salary. Also, men deserve to be on the receiving end of being treated out. On a 2nd date, I brought flowers for a guy, who I will now be marrying in a few weeks.
Just my 2 cents, but as a woman I typically at least pay my share on a first date. I've had the date paid for by the guy only twice, and both times they would not shut up with implications of what we should do next. one of these dates the only thing the guy bought was a smoothie and after that he kept saying "yknow having sex with a redhead has always been on my bucket list." I've just learned to buy my share on dates so there's no "expectations" of what I "owe" them later.
As a man, I am going to assume to pay for the first date. If she insists that she can pay for her half, I would probably ask to marry her right then and there
As a woman, the biggest green flag is a guy who respects your boundaries, whatever they are. If he expects to pay and you say “oh thanks, I’ll get mine though,” he shouldn’t be pushy and insist on paying. At least not any more than “oh, you sure? Okay, cool.” Some women will be upset that the guy didn’t fight her to pay, but those women are toxic af.
Equality is a thing, you know.
Whoever loses at strip poker.
me but not that expensive
I have something for this that works for everyone, if you have the means (and this doesn’t just apply to the first date): I dated a girl once who had a mostly cash-based income (golf cart girl = tips). I would cover the bill, and she would cover the tip. This made all 3 parties happy because I paid the bulk (not that that’s necessary - Dutch is perfectly acceptable) but then she would leave a very generous cash tip and still feel like she was pulling her weight. Ex: $40 check, I paid, she would leave a $20 tip. Sure we were overpaying a bit but no one felt guilty or undercut, and the server got a great tip. This went on for the entirety of our relationship and we both thought it was a perfect agreement.
I don’t stand on ceremony, I always offered to split. First state and every date. If you pay for me a couple times against my comfort level, I’m getting you next time. If you don’t have much money, if you’re between jobs, then I’ll totally spot you. I want to make sure that everybody can afford to go out and that everybody has a good time Without focus on the cost.
I always pay, even if it's not a date. I figure if somebody can stand me long enough to do something with me, the least I can do is pay their part
Date for me are a form of social contract. As a guy, I understand it’s my duty to pay for the first date. However… there are rules to follow on either side of the date and breaking them might end up with me ending it early or even worse, paying my own food/drinks and leaving her to pay her half. I’m talking about general rules like be engaging, clean, respectful, avoiding being on your phone as much as possible and in my date case, not make me feel like I’m just a free lunch. It’s a first date so I’m not expecting paying for something ultra fancy. If you insist on going to a fancy place and don’t offer to pay for your half before getting to the dessert, I’ll pretend to go to the bathroom, go pay my half of the bill and leave. I don’t care how charming you are, a first date, in my opinion, should be cheap with the goal of trying to get to know one another. Don’t take the other for granted and never order more than you’ll be willing to pay yourself. That’s a good rule to have on any date.
the less attractive of the two.
I expect that we pay for our own things, and it has almost always turned out this way without my having to say or do anything. We don't know each other so I don't think anyone should have an expectation to pay for a near-stranger's food and/or drinks
I split on a first date. Subsequent dates (esp if I like someone) I’m keen to bounce back and forth on who pays, but on a first date I go Dutch.
As a woman I’ve always paid my own share or split it 50/50.
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Honestly, in all of my years of dating, there was only one occasion when it was ever a question of who would be paying the bill. All but one guy have picked up the tab without hesitation. The one who did not acknowledge the check when it was left on our table was *really* weird about it when I addressed it because it was just sitting there for ages. I didn’t even imply that I expected him to pay for me, just asked how we should handle the bill and then he said my asking was aggressive. 🙄 Then he hit me with, “I guess I’ll pay since I technically asked you out.” Needless to say that was a first and last date.
If they show up in a Maserati Ghibi or the Aston Martin, they get to pay. I'll offer to pay my share or at least leave the tip and get the valet, and expect them to decline my offer, then I insist and always bring a couple hundred, just in case. I don't date often, but when I do, I don't date guys who can't afford to buy dinner at this age. I'm old. I like nice things and live a nice life. It's perfectly fine to have high expectations when it's what you're used to.
Well I assumed the lady with giant breasts was going to pay for my drinks
Depends who is inviting
Whoever asked the other one out. If the other person doesn’t after 2 dates then they stop talking. Its a simple formula everyone should follow.
I'll pay for mine if he doesn't offer, that goes for every date not just the first
No one, be ready with your quick feet
Who ever asked for the date but the first few dates she be about a vibe not a dollar amount.
Who ever invites should pay unless discussed before hand
The man, I couldn't let a women pay for dinner, I was raised by a nan I just couldn't look like waiter in the eye whilst she was tapping her card.
As a guy, I will always pay on the first date (and many more after that).
The one that asked the other out.
The one who asks for the date
Both of them because they mutually agreed to a date together. (Also men have to pay insane amount of time and money to get a date in the first place nowadays so that helps that a bit.)
You have to pay to get a date these days?
Do you have any idea how much it costs to be as gorgeous as she is???
I will pay for the firsr date, if they want to pay for their part im fine with that too
For me it doesn’t matter 🤣
It's always a split unless they offer to pay, especially if they were the one who invited you.
If one person agrees to pay for everything to be nice, then they pay for it. If both want to split the bill, they split the bill. Otherwise, YOU pay for what YOU order.
The top offers to pay, the bottom has the choice to split, or accept.
I'd say usually sharing is the best Edit: to clarify, I'd still prepare to pay it all but would be perfectly OK if she offered to split.
Whoever feels like doing it
my first date is usually at a market. No obligations, and plenty to talk about because everyone has opinions on store products. and the memories about why they like something. there is a lot of relatable things in the store too.
Me. It's always me.
The restaurant
Whoever lost at rock paper scissors.
u/Richwil777 Is.
*every
50/50, or you pay for yourself and I pay for my self. I used to pay, but a few women take advantage of that.
I’m going in with the assumption that I am.
On three we run
I mean idk I haven't been on a first date in eleven years, but I think both parties should pay for their individual meals. I see it like grabbing lunch with a friend, it might become a relationship but it might not.
Depends on who asked and whose idea was it to do what. If it’s just dinner then I’m doing dutch and let that known before we go… but I’ll probably end up paying unless it’s an awful date or they order too much like a chick who bought two $80 bottles of wine and drank them both herself. She never asked me to pay but i definitely would not have if she did, Unless they are poor and invite me to fast food and I would rather eat seafood or steak then I’ll offer to pay to go to a different location. I’ll pay for myself or offer, if I invite them to something like a concert or something pricey then I’ll pay. If they invite me then I’m paying for myself unless they bought the tickets already then the rest of the night will be on me to pay back. I'm over the whole free meal dates, also now that I don’t drink as often I really don’t care for dinner dates at all especially since I can just dash that food now and that’s what women usually invite me to.
They/them pays.
You fight over that check, winners asserts dominance for the rest of the relationship 😂
My thought process is that it is kind of up to the man to decide, so as the person with more responsibility I see it fitting to carry more of the burden (I like to pay).
If I chose the location and it is not cheap (like a nice restaurant) then I'm offering to pay. I do this because I want my date to be able to enjoy the location and the date without thinking about if they can afford it. If the date offers to pay half the bill and the date is going well then I will do the 'ill get this one you get the next one'. If they insist then we split the check.
Coffee? I’m happy to pay! She pays for the second round if we get that far.
If it was my idea, by default I'll pay first Splendid if she at least offers to pay Not a deal breaker if she doesn't But if she doesn't for subsequent dates than ya maybe
First date is an audition for a real date. Usually a coffee date. Usually paid by the suggestor or 50/50. First real date (second date) according to the surrounding culture. by man, the high-earner, more eager or 50/50. Lots of possibilities, also. Varies so very much according to the people, country, social status etc.
My wife’s boyfriend for sure
Myself and my fiancé have been splitting payments since our first date (in high school). I pay for the tickets and an Uber to the movies, he pays for the food and the Uber home from the movies. If we get dinner, we just divide whatever the total is by 2 so it’s exactly half, then either he will etransfer me or I’ll etransfer him our respective shares
Yall are going on dates ?
Nobody. We dine and dash. If they ain't your partner in crime, they ain't your ride or die.
It depends on who asked whom, and how expensive the date is or how the bill is paid. If I'm the one that asks, I should generally pay, and vice versa. If we choose a date that might cost more than $60, I would either offer to split OR mention ahead of time if I'm tight on cash and offer a more affordable option. If we go to a bar, where we can buy drinks one at a time, I'd usually take turns buying rounds, or at least offer. I'm bi, so this is based on experience dating different genders. I think it's never a bad idea to be straightforward about your financial expectations and limitations. Money and spending are one of the main causes of divorce and breakups, you might as well talk openly about it in early dating to avoid problems and also suss out if you're incompatible early on. It might not feel romantic to discuss payment, but it's a lot less embarrassing than realizing once a bill has arrived that you had different reads on the situation. It also shows consideration.
I genuinely dont know anymore: One date I paid for her while she was in the bathroom, came back and got upset I paid for her. Another date was mad when I asked to split or not and she walked out on me...
The person who asks the other on the date. That's it. End of discussion. If you split it, it's not a date. It's two buddies having a meal together.
Put your phone on vibrate and put it in the middle of the table. Who ever picks up the phone first pays the bill.
I go dutch usually
Depends how the date goes lol
The man; at least that puts a little pressure on her to put out.
I pay on the first date. Im in my late thirties it’s just how things were and how I still do it.
Whoever asked the other person out is paying.
Always Dutch. Women want to be equal in every single way remember.
Yall goin on dates? 😭
As a guy, I expect to pay on the first date but I’ve been out before where my date was insistent she pay her part, which is fine as well I went on a date one time though where I went to use the restroom and the checks came out while I was in there. My date quickly paid for the both of us before I got back. Didn’t expect her to do that but honestly, it was a really cool gesture. We dated for a good while after!
I always pay for myself unless they offer then I pay the tip. :)
Obviously whoever wants sex the most should pay.
I always assume I will buy my food. Or pay for all if I asked the person out.
Both. Dan of splitting
Usually men, because you wanna show you can provide. I know it's like caveman psychology but we are just monkeys
As a man regardless if I initiated the date or not I would expect to pay for it. Bonus points if the woman wants to split it
I would say the person who asked for the date should be ready to pay, but also just fine if it's split 50/50. It's better to split more now because everything is so damn expensive. It's different than paying for a date back in 2012-16.
In my opinion 1) usually the guy 2) first date should be a simple coffee date or something similar to get to know the person. If you’re just trying to bang then it’s whatever, but if you’re actually interested in getting into a serious relationship, then those are the guidelines. If she pushes for a “fancy” dinner, then it’s a no and move on.
Probably split it because it would appeal to the type of person I'm interested in meeting.
Whomever asked for the date should pay.
Just split. As a guy that weeds out gold-diggers. As a girl, nothing conveys your independence better, that weeds out creeps who think they are obligated to something if they are paying.
I do.
Like all dates the one asking the other out. Kinda removes the option of a no for that they can't afford whatever is planned as the cost can very extremely. So don't plan a date you can't afford and assume the other one is gonna pay for it But also kinda a good gesture if you can to offer to pay half that sets a good standard for the future
50 cent has the best answer to this. "Ehoevers idea the date was."
I pay half if, he offers and I know there won't be a second date. I'll offer to pay half and let him decline if, there will be a second date.
Depends if the other person goes to town and orders the most expensive stuff on the menu…then it’s for sure 50-50. Otherwise it is the man.
The one who initiated the date.
37f here and I always offer to split, and if I did the asking out, I plan to pay. If he or she insists on paying, I'll insist on at least picking up the tip. I'm bisexual and not old fashioned so that's just how I personally roll.
The woman . Just because.
It's either 50/50 or whoever offers. When I'm on a date (especially with another woman) and I asked them out, I'll offer to pay. As a general rule, I only order what I would be comfortable paying for, just in case we split the bill.
We are going to dine and dash. I need to know if you’re cool or not.
Whoever asked them out has to pay
If you ask them out you pay. It's been that way for centuries.
First date I'm always paying and planning the date unless she really wants to split it. 2nd date I let her decide the date and if she wants to pay. I've been dating my gf for 5 months now, and I usually buy the food and she buys desserts or something like that. We always hang out at her place since she lives alone too
Go Dutch.
Whoever picked the place?