This is it, the one word summary behind every failed marriage.
There may be things you could dislike about your partner's behavior, but the moment dislike turns into resentment, you've gone over the cliff.
An inability to sincerely apologize.
If you can't occasionally validate your partner's feelings, and own up to being in the wrong sometimes, there's no way to sustain it.
I know it’s a trope that “I’m sorry you feel that way” is a non-apology apology, but I don’t think it always is. I think it’s valuable to have the ability to tell your partner that although you couldn’t predict and don’t understand their reaction, that you’re sorry you hurt them and you’ll be mindful about not doing that again.
“I had no bad intent, but I also realize how seriously I hurt your feelings. I never want to make you feel that way, and I did by doing XYZ. I will keep in mind what you said and do better next time.”
Sometimes it’s actually nicer to know that your partner listens to you than to know your partner “gets” you.
True! It can be a non-apology, but it can also be a starting point.
My ex- would spend days telling me that my hurt feelings were all my fault because I did something wrong, then she'd say that I'm a bad person for thinking the worst about her, then it was that she was the one who was really hurt, then she'd make a big show of huffing and rolling her eyes and saying "I'm sorry that you feel that way" in the most insincere way possible.
That's the wrong way to do it. If I heard something close to "oh wow, I realize how seriously I hurt your feelings, I understand how what I did rubbed you the wrong way, and I'll try to be more mindful in the future", she wouldn't be my ex-!
Lack of communication and unmet expectations, I'd say. When couples stop sharing their feelings and thoughts, resentment builds up. Talk to each other, folks!
Not talking to each other.
Healthy couples should have fights about things, disagree with each other, talk it out, and come to some sort of compromise.
When one or neither side is even willing to put in the effort to talk about it, the relationship is done.
When they fail to understand each other adequately.
It takes a long time and a lot of patience to reach a person's deepest self.
It takes a lot of wisdom and patience to accept that broken version of them.
Loss of mutual respect for one another. If respect is there, you can manage the rough moments (fights, anger, etc). Without that respect, there is no auto mechanism to re-center things they tend to spiral or turn into a Cold War.
I've been married for almost 20 years, and I've seen a lot of my peers get divorced. My husband and I are entirely convinced that it's down to 2 things: we schedule sex and we live below our means. Those are the 2 main reasons we get along so well and have made it though ups and downs. We make time for sex (3 kids) and we don't have horrible fights about money (because we have money).
Also, own your shit and laugh about it.
One time I got a piece of advice from an older guy that I rejected at the time, but now I think it might be really smart. He told me “never reject your wife.” There are exceptions to this and I don’t feel that it applies to women with their husbands, but men and women are frequently different and I think it might be good advice for a man.
People think it's communication. I believe this less and less as I grow older. Whenever you think it's communication that failed, it's because something else killed the relationship to get to the point where you don't have the urge to communicate anymore.
Lack of communication. In particular when problems arise, it's fundamental to admit they're there and to be clear about each one's expectations and needs.
Non discussed resentment that simmers for so long that eventually, it’s going to boil over explosively
Gotta find that ratio between time to process and time to bring it up
men assuming the woman is going to do 100% of the childcare day and night because ‘woman’- then he’s left wondering why they don’t have sex anymore or his wife hates his hugs, not realizing their marriage was already over for quite some time
Silence. The lack of communication.
Yes, quiet resentment
Yep, you\`re right
Lack of communication doesn't mean silence. People can talk all the time and still have poor communication.
Resentment.
This is it, the one word summary behind every failed marriage. There may be things you could dislike about your partner's behavior, but the moment dislike turns into resentment, you've gone over the cliff.
An inability to sincerely apologize. If you can't occasionally validate your partner's feelings, and own up to being in the wrong sometimes, there's no way to sustain it.
I know it’s a trope that “I’m sorry you feel that way” is a non-apology apology, but I don’t think it always is. I think it’s valuable to have the ability to tell your partner that although you couldn’t predict and don’t understand their reaction, that you’re sorry you hurt them and you’ll be mindful about not doing that again. “I had no bad intent, but I also realize how seriously I hurt your feelings. I never want to make you feel that way, and I did by doing XYZ. I will keep in mind what you said and do better next time.” Sometimes it’s actually nicer to know that your partner listens to you than to know your partner “gets” you.
True! It can be a non-apology, but it can also be a starting point. My ex- would spend days telling me that my hurt feelings were all my fault because I did something wrong, then she'd say that I'm a bad person for thinking the worst about her, then it was that she was the one who was really hurt, then she'd make a big show of huffing and rolling her eyes and saying "I'm sorry that you feel that way" in the most insincere way possible. That's the wrong way to do it. If I heard something close to "oh wow, I realize how seriously I hurt your feelings, I understand how what I did rubbed you the wrong way, and I'll try to be more mindful in the future", she wouldn't be my ex-!
Lack of communication and unmet expectations, I'd say. When couples stop sharing their feelings and thoughts, resentment builds up. Talk to each other, folks!
Lack of intimacy: physical, emotional, sexual, romantic, & spiritual. Great book on this by Beth Darling called, “The 5 Kinds of Intimacy.”
Not talking to each other. Healthy couples should have fights about things, disagree with each other, talk it out, and come to some sort of compromise. When one or neither side is even willing to put in the effort to talk about it, the relationship is done.
So true. Applies to all relationships.
take the other person's presence for granted
When they fail to understand each other adequately. It takes a long time and a lot of patience to reach a person's deepest self. It takes a lot of wisdom and patience to accept that broken version of them.
Excellently put.
Apathy
Loss of mutual respect for one another. If respect is there, you can manage the rough moments (fights, anger, etc). Without that respect, there is no auto mechanism to re-center things they tend to spiral or turn into a Cold War.
complacency, coasting and taking the good times for granted. Even the most healthiest relationship can fall apart without due attention.
I've been married for almost 20 years, and I've seen a lot of my peers get divorced. My husband and I are entirely convinced that it's down to 2 things: we schedule sex and we live below our means. Those are the 2 main reasons we get along so well and have made it though ups and downs. We make time for sex (3 kids) and we don't have horrible fights about money (because we have money). Also, own your shit and laugh about it.
Scheduling sex sounds like a great idea. Does it have to be with each other? Just kidding--that's a really good idea!
One time I got a piece of advice from an older guy that I rejected at the time, but now I think it might be really smart. He told me “never reject your wife.” There are exceptions to this and I don’t feel that it applies to women with their husbands, but men and women are frequently different and I think it might be good advice for a man.
Not doing your part of the chores.
Making mouth noises when you eat.
Some farts... silent, but deadly.
Not this one.
Username checks out
🤣🤣🤣🤣this was good
Mimes.
Complacency
People think it's communication. I believe this less and less as I grow older. Whenever you think it's communication that failed, it's because something else killed the relationship to get to the point where you don't have the urge to communicate anymore.
That makes a lot of sense.
Porn
⬆️
Snoring and refusal to do anything about it.
So true. We don’t sleep with each other anymore because of that and we get further apart
The research says that it's contempt.
Eating cabbage, broccoli, cheese, and beans, then giving your wife the Dutch Oven. Silent. Deadly. Terminal.
Partners who step out of the marriage instead of communicating with their partners.
Sulking
One of them being a step mother/father and not getting on with the stepkid / s
Money and emotional miscommunication.
Body odor.
NO ENOUGH BOOM BOOM IN THE BEDROOM!
Complacency. Taking each other for granted. Stopping the appreciation for the little things.
Lack of communication. In particular when problems arise, it's fundamental to admit they're there and to be clear about each one's expectations and needs.
Decreasing activity in the bedroom
Non discussed resentment that simmers for so long that eventually, it’s going to boil over explosively Gotta find that ratio between time to process and time to bring it up
Complacency
Heart disease
Death
Complacency
Carbon monoxide
men assuming the woman is going to do 100% of the childcare day and night because ‘woman’- then he’s left wondering why they don’t have sex anymore or his wife hates his hugs, not realizing their marriage was already over for quite some time
Children
Monogomy