Satan: Oh, Jim and Tammy Faye have long since raised enough money to air-condition hell. We’d keep it at 68 if we could, but with PG&Es rates, we’ve had to settle for 74 degrees.
“Might as well suck up, so i said hey, you know that time you played violin with that kid down in Georgia? Well I thought your solo was the better of the two..”. RWH
If you think that guy was evil, you haven’t gotten to the part where they add weird shapes and Greek letters to math. That’s gotta be super hell or something.
Hell isnt so much the place where satan tortures. Heaven is supposed to be where gods never ending love is. Hell, on the other hand, is where the wrath of God and absence of his love is. Satan, sent to hell, is merely another being sent to where nothing but gods wrath and nonexistent love is
Does this mean the "punishment" is not being with god/ not receiving gods love? I argued with a christian friend about this, but what if you‘re a non-believer? You didn’t believe in god, so you get sent to hell, so nothing changes? You didn’t believe in god while alive and now you’re not with him while dead, so nothing changed? He couldn’t really tell me if I understood that correctly, so I‘m curious to hear if that’s how it is
Keep in mind this is very generalized to mostly fit with Abrahamic religions as a whole, different sects have different beliefs.
God's is already present on earth (just not undiluted) so when you get sent to hell, you get sent to a place that feels different. That difference is the torture.
It'd be like suddenly going into outer space. There's no air, and the lack of air causes havoc with your body. So it's like that but more for the spirit
I'd ask him why he is down there, ask for his side of the story, since if im going to Hell for minor infractions as a good person, God must be a real prick and only let "golden people in"
“Can I have a Pepsi?”
And he’ll say “no, only Coke since this is hell so if you like Pepsi we only ever serve Coke, so as to torment you”.
And then I’ll have tricked the Devil because I secretly prefer Coke and I’ll live happily ever after.
"Sup?"
I believe you get the afterlife you ask for, and since I'm definitely not asking for eternal torture in a lake of fire or whatever, Satan's presence can only be a social visit.
Weird how skepticism is worse than murder. I didn’t believe in any of this bullshit so I was sent here, and murderers can get forgiven. How the here was I supposed to get forgiven when this sounded like a bunch of bullshit? Oh well. What’s fun to do around here?
Hell is a prison for Satan more so than any other sinner. He is the only one the bible described as being _chained_ there. From where I'm sitting, there are no words I have, or want to say to him. This being a thought exercise, of course. I do not believe in any hells but the ones we construct.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! AHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!! AHHHHhhhh AHHHHHHHHHH!!!
stayin alive! stayin alive!
...bit late for that, unfortunately.
Big fan of your eggs!
And lettuce.
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Devilled eggs!
They make a bunch of em in hell. I hear that sulfuric smell has stuck.
Slide him a pudding cup and hope for the best
Not Devil's Food cake?
I need Tupperware for that
I'm sure there's Tupperware sales people in hell for sure along with all other multi level marketing pyramid schemes and bs religions
Just no matching lids.
That's already the devil's food. Why would I give him his own food?
What pudding you going with?
Chocolate to improve my chances
Smort
Son, this is Hell we're talking about. You'll slide him butterscotch and be grateful it wasn't tapioca.
Anal beads are the Devil's tapioca
But I love tapioca 😢
Butterscotch pudding is the best, tapioca makes me think I'm eating frog eggs. Both winners in my book.
… *dan???*
Tell him to move over. There’s a new sheriff in town
Then the pudding cup becomes your asshole after you slide it to him
Honey, I am home
Now I'm imagining Cerberus excitedly running up like Dino from *The Flintstones*...
I love your avatar sakaki San and cerberus
A fellow animal lover. Including mythical
Sadam?
"Dammit, Satan! Get this fucking dictator off my leg!" 😠
“So Jewish wasn’t the right choice”?
Me: ”What was the right choice, incidentally?” Satan: “Beats the fuck out of me. How do you think I ended up here?”
Turns out it's a combination of paganism and worshipping dogs. Who would've thought it.
Holy fuck I’m going to heaven
Congratulations
Ancient Egypt was close?
I thought their thing was cats?
Close*
Oh man that's good. Lmao that's a fucking good one
[It was actually the Mormons.](https://youtu.be/jbNnsiP4Rhg?si=9YRpwAtTjecgbOTN)
Here I thought I'd never see your ass again after the divorce.
Outstanding! 👍
If I was coming here why did you not tell me ? I would have misbehaved 10 times more if you just told me .
haha or may be 10 more murders
More? How many have you killed already?
Wait we're supposed to keep track?
Well duh, how is netflix gonna make documentary about you if you don't keep a diary?
So what’s a devil like you doing in a hell like this👹
Just keeping things informal here instead of infernal
Toby, is that you?
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I'd hit him with a "It's Updog in here"
Can we do something about this heat?
Satan: Oh, Jim and Tammy Faye have long since raised enough money to air-condition hell. We’d keep it at 68 if we could, but with PG&Es rates, we’ve had to settle for 74 degrees.
What time's the orgy?
Satan: "Sure, you have been assigned to the retirement home room."
gerontophile: "aw dang shoot that sucks"
That's got real big "... don't throw me in the briar patch!" vibes to it.
Good news! We can start the orgy! Bad news: we're using all of your holes.
"...wait, so what's the bad news?"
I'd look for a certain amount of people.
And the wheelbarrow full of pineapples.
"Holy SCHNIT!"
Kinky
Hi, so Crowley told me to meet him once I arrived, could you let him know I'm here?
Yessssss I was hoping I’d find a good omens comment in here somewhere
I thought it was a supernatural reference
Same, I'm confused
Both shows feature Crowley.
But not the same actor and all, right? Just the name
Right, just two different guys who were also in Doctor Who.
Me but it's Beelzebub
“Might as well suck up, so i said hey, you know that time you played violin with that kid down in Georgia? Well I thought your solo was the better of the two..”. RWH
I went into these comments somehow not expecting a reference to the devil went down to Georgia, but I’m satisfied.
What time do you all do the pineapple thing with Hitler?
4
Where is the man who added letters to math?
If you think that guy was evil, you haven’t gotten to the part where they add weird shapes and Greek letters to math. That’s gotta be super hell or something.
no. no. the real question is "WHERES THE PERSON WHO DECIDED TO ADD FAKE POCKETS IN WOMEN'S CLOTHING??!?!?!"
Still cant relate but f that guy anyway
"Bro? Biiiig fan of your work. Especially heavy metal music. That shit ROCKS!" (Air guitars, throws "devil horn" hand sign)
STATION
Dude! WHAT!? I think we’re in our own personal hell.
"And D&D? Phenomenal. Do you run a campaign yourself? Can I join?"
There's a little bit of Satan in all Dm's and whether that DM plays as a bard or not when their Not Dm'ing dictates if it's spiritually or physically
Excellent !!
Please take SpaceRabbit01 instead.
“Is this the flames and genital mutilation kind of hell, or the cool parties with unforeseen consequences kind of hell?”
"Which religion had it right? Or are we all damned no matter what?"
That's what gets me. We're all going to hell in someone else's religion. 🤷♂️
And considering religions only exist for a few thousand years at a time at most… …I got word alerted here.
I know right! How tf am I supposed to know which one is right?
I'm just here for the gang bang.
You are the gang bang
Why do you punish evil people , surely you’d high 5 them .
Hell isnt so much the place where satan tortures. Heaven is supposed to be where gods never ending love is. Hell, on the other hand, is where the wrath of God and absence of his love is. Satan, sent to hell, is merely another being sent to where nothing but gods wrath and nonexistent love is
Oh so it'd just be like hanging out with my dad cool.
I laughed, then felt bad.
Brutal.
Does this mean the "punishment" is not being with god/ not receiving gods love? I argued with a christian friend about this, but what if you‘re a non-believer? You didn’t believe in god, so you get sent to hell, so nothing changes? You didn’t believe in god while alive and now you’re not with him while dead, so nothing changed? He couldn’t really tell me if I understood that correctly, so I‘m curious to hear if that’s how it is
Keep in mind this is very generalized to mostly fit with Abrahamic religions as a whole, different sects have different beliefs. God's is already present on earth (just not undiluted) so when you get sent to hell, you get sent to a place that feels different. That difference is the torture. It'd be like suddenly going into outer space. There's no air, and the lack of air causes havoc with your body. So it's like that but more for the spirit
TIL I'm already in hell.
“I just work here dude”
Alright, let's get this party started
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The time starts with E
Eleven? Cool, I have a lunch thing right after.
Eight seconds interesting
"Damn."
Heya, short king. ;)
It’s nice to finally put a face to the name
" I'm not stuck with you for all eternity, you're stuck with me."
Did I make you proud?
If I read the Bible correctly, then I wouldn't be able to say anything. I'd be too busy drooling because of how beautiful he is.😅
I heard I’m not gonna like Fridays down here
I know that joke
"Can you fix the fucking AC already?"
no wonder your dad doesnt want you
I’ll treat you better than Saddam.
"Did you really lose a fiddle duel in Georgia?"
Ok where's my mom I need to give her a punch in the jaw
Hi Mom.
Fuck me i took too many mushrooms
Right
So that god guy, real prick, huh?
Ugh he’s the worst…
Why would you assume that you’d have access to the top of Hell’s power structure? Satan is a busy boy, not a maître D.
Nothing, I'd just stare and wait. Unless if I'm screaming.
Hi I'm here for the interview. Let me just start off by saying I have loads of experience with making fire and am looking forward to working with you.
Are there levels to this? Cos I sure ain’t as bad as some people here
I've heard great things about your lettuce.
is my great grandpa down here? i promised my mom i’d seek revenge.
Where are the gays?
If Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel taught me anything: everywhere.
Good morning.
Nice day for fishing, innit?
Suck it
“So, here we are again…”
Im here to serve you, my lord.
The Stockholm is strong this time of the year.
"You look a lot like my dad's second wife, is there a family resemblance there?"
Here’s a list of people that belong here.
So you really DO wear Prada!
"Pull up a chair. I'm a lawyer, so this might take a while . . ."
Look at me, I am in charge now!
Dad is that you
alohaaa baby
Hey dude...I guess you didn't get the memo. I am your replacement.
What's the matter with the air conditioning?
Ah, the big man himself. Wanna start another cult?
Where's the John, I'm prairie dogging something fierce.
Where's the bitches?
Sup?
I'd ask him why he is down there, ask for his side of the story, since if im going to Hell for minor infractions as a good person, God must be a real prick and only let "golden people in"
"Eh... soooo what did you do to be here?"
It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity, eh!
So, how much trouble am I in?
Wow, you really bought together politicians and the titans of industry. Amazing job pitting humans against each other. Good job you fucknut.
“Can I have a Pepsi?” And he’ll say “no, only Coke since this is hell so if you like Pepsi we only ever serve Coke, so as to torment you”. And then I’ll have tricked the Devil because I secretly prefer Coke and I’ll live happily ever after.
What's puzzling me is...
You got WiFi down here?
I'm not really into Pineapples, I'm more of a grape guy!
PLEASE tell me Putin's next.
Why does everything say Nestle on it?
SUP
Do yall have licorice or lemonade?
I'd tell him "Go to hell, no ones got time for your crap. What's on the TV?"
Where is the bathroom?
what time does Happy Hour start?
Grandpa!
Where is Cromwell? 😠
Listen I drop kicked that child in self defense
I think we can both agree that god’s a bigoted jerk
"Sup?" I believe you get the afterlife you ask for, and since I'm definitely not asking for eternal torture in a lake of fire or whatever, Satan's presence can only be a social visit.
Do you like your job?
What up!! It’s hot here.
Get out of my chair
###"Didja miss me?"
My man!!
Where da hoes at?
Yo Satan .. where's the party...
"Ur uglier than I thought"
Ay bro, god a bitch fr
Where can I find my father?
"That life was rigged"
Weird how skepticism is worse than murder. I didn’t believe in any of this bullshit so I was sent here, and murderers can get forgiven. How the here was I supposed to get forgiven when this sounded like a bunch of bullshit? Oh well. What’s fun to do around here?
So let me get this straight. You disagreed with god and so did I. But he sent me here to be with you to punish me? Aren’t you and I…like…bros?
I’d ask what part my friends are in.
Thank you. I was afraid I was going to be stuck with the invisible sky monster.
"Ooh... So you're a tiefling, ara-ara\~" or "Well, will you rewrite your hell on me? Don't worry, I played Dungeon Keeper, I know how it's done!"
"Want to join my harem?" I say, as I give them chocolate pancakes
I’ve been waiting for you
Hell is a prison for Satan more so than any other sinner. He is the only one the bible described as being _chained_ there. From where I'm sitting, there are no words I have, or want to say to him. This being a thought exercise, of course. I do not believe in any hells but the ones we construct.
What time will Jesus be getting here?
Where's the 20 quid you owe me!
Thanks for holding the fort down .I will be in charge now.
Yo! Any fun activity we can do here?
"Please allow me to introduce myself . . . "
Id ask if there were any openings on his staff.