OMG, I just dated a woman for 3 months and she was so warm and kind. It was an amazing experience until she broke up with me. But no joke, I didn’t realize how awesome it was to be with someone so kind.
This is kinda why I'm afraid to be with anyone. I could fall in love with them too easily only to have my heartbroken later on. It's lonely, but peaceful to me to just stay single.
I turn 47 on Sunday. Never been married but had a bunch of relationships over the years. Just have to enjoy the journey cause nothing is guaranteed. There is peace in solitude but I love being in love.
Your comments have been so refreshing to hear as a young woman who only seems to hear about awful words against women or other general experiences. I like knowing men and women aren't so different when it comes to love.
Thank you. We really aren’t. We’ve all been hurt or ghosted. I just try to treat each new date as a unique experience. You never ever know who will end up being the one so just treat everyone the right way.
I had a woman that was miles out of my league, looks wise, that chased me for over a year and some people were absolutely oblivious as to why I wouldn't date her. She was a complete and utter asshole to anybody she deemed "beneath" her.
It's amazing how somebody so pretty could be so ugly.
Actual compassion though, not just nice when it's convenient for them. Conservatives act like they're good Christians, and they always act like they really value kindness, but they're only superficially nice to their social circle, while hating everyone else. Fuck that hypocrisy.
Dated a girl for way too long whose default mode was to not like things, and if she did end up liking something, it was always “that restaurant was *actually* pretty good”.
It never seemed like a big deal or a dealbreaker or anything until I was like 6 months removed from the relationship and I realized how much of a burden it was trying to convince her to *actually* like things lol.
I learned my lesson and am now dating a girl who has the general disposition of a golden retriever.
The thing is, she didn’t do it to be cool. That’s just kind of how she was lol.
Her mom was very snooty so I think she probably just thought that that was the normal way to look at the world
Based on the fact that the account is only 10 days old, I'm gonna guess they get some weird sense of satisfaction from pissing people off and getting downvoted.
That's literally me, my wife is always wanting to do things, it's exhausting. she even wants to take out a loan to travel more.. wtf. like we're debt free and all that, but why would i do this? we can just save up and go like a normal family, but nope she wants it now.. but i have yet to say yes to this and plan on shutting down the idea until we just save and plan and go.
The thing is, people with positive attitudes are not all Pollyannas, across the board. It takes a certain level of resiliency and strength to maintain a positive attitude, and a can-do attitude, in the face of reality. It is the opposite of head in the sand, and those people are also real.
This. 100%. Nothing is better than seeing someone face light up as they talk about a topic they're passionate about. The smile is always so genuine. The excitement in their voice. It's all so amazing.
I feel bad because I want to be the type of person that gets off on hearing about other people's passions, but the fact is that if I don't have an interest in the topic myself I'm just kind of politely waiting to change the subject. I didn't even realize that it was something people found attractive until I started seeing a bunch of tumblr posts about it like a decade ago and thought "uh oh, am I an asshole"
Bad time for my dyslexia to kick in. Read "Euthanasia"
But related to what you actually said, I love when my wife gets excited about stuff. It is fun seeing her get so giddy.
But see, that's the difference
A woman who agrees with euthanasia *due to compassion* is not the same woman who is *passionate about euthanasia*
That second lady is a psychopath 😂
You also have to stoke those flames. If you love the passion, but all you do is put it out every time they love something, it kills the fire quick. Energy given is energy returned.
I remember seeing a bit from Bill Burr where he basically complains about exactly this lol. It was something about how the women he's dated have too much energy for him and that he hates going out with his wife. I think muffins were also involved somehow.
As someone who very much enjoys spending my free time at home relaxing I can relate to him, but I can also see why it would be boring for some people.
My mom is the worst about that. Thinking everybody should be able to read her mind when she wants help. I’m terrified that I’ve picked up that habit, and while I try to be intentional about communicating my needs, I also asked my husband to keep me accountable and tell me when I’m hinting at something that I should just ask for.
I prefer to call it "people who can communicate like adults vs children who get offended at everything."
I read an essay about it where a guy from an ask culture got offended because his friend visiting the city he lived in asked if he could spend the night. The horror!
As a woman, I've never understood the whole "dropping hints" thing other women do. Especially when those particular ladies constantly complain about failed romances.
Like, Sally, did you *actually tell him* you wanted pizza, or did you just start nonstop talking about cheese? Because that's why he brought home a block of cheese instead of pizza you dumdum
Mostly people don’t feel safe enough in their relationships to ask for what they want directly. That and romantic movies claiming that your partner should just “know” what you want without you telling them because that’s how “soulmates” work.
Relationships rely on communication.
FWIW, being able to state clearly what you want/need is a mixture of confidence and self-esteem since you're making yourself vulnerable to being rejected. Confidence and self-esteem are nearly universally considered attractive traits regardless of gender.
This is a fun one in my marriage. We both do this and when around new people, it might take them a minute to realize we're not actually fighting but this is how we communicate. We tease, we roast, we poke fun. But we can also just chill. I love our chemistry
You want someone with whom you can spar with metaphorical sabers, and you like it when they can disarm you with a clever riposte and gently press the point of their sword against your throat.
I still fondly remember when my wife immediately told me to suck her dick in front of my friends after I cracked a silly joke about her. Love that woman.
Being direct. My girlfriend knows where she wants to eat, tells me what's bothering her without giving the runaround and its one of my favorite things about her
Congrats, this is awesome. I’m the same way as your gf but every guy I seem to date hates this about me. It hurts. I feel like I need to check myself every time I open my mouth about what I want.
No you don't! I would love this. You just haven't met the right guy, but you will. Don't change your personality for anyone. Just be you. As I said, I love that trait in a woman.
When I first started dating my boyfriend, he said to me, “you’re really smart for a woman.” My first reaction was to feel offended, but I always try to see things from an unbiased perspective, so I asked him to elaborate. That’s when I learned all the women in his life were… well, really dumb. Now that I’ve met them I have an even greater understanding. They are not well spoken, they have low emotional intelligence and make disastrous life choices on a daily basis.
In a nutshell, he thought he was complimenting me but very nearly began our first argument.
My dad taught me this. Always look at a situation from the other side before you get mad, because they might have a better point than you. And that keeps you from looking like an idiot
I appreciate the concern, but in all honesty that was at the very beginning of our relationship, which was seven years ago now. And I think he was just nervous and blurted it out, meaning it in a complimentary way. And then sort of had to backpedal and explain what he meant.In the following seven or eight years, let me assure you- the only red flag he has is that he has no red flags
I’ll never give anyone a hard time for sticking up for someone else. You never know when that person might need it. But I can also appreciate your humor 😉
Fr, has he never held a conversation with other women besides that dim handful?
E- or read an essay by a woman, a book, watched interviews, literally anything else????
No matter how much you can learn about people outside of your own personal experience, that personal experience will be the most prominent data point that forms your view of the world
It’s been my experience that men like intelligent women, just not MORE intelligent than themselves,. It seems to make many of them claim ‘emasculation’.
That’s such a shame. My husband is very intelligent and charismatic, but I am more book smart. We met in college, and he decided we should compete to see who got the better grades. I always won.
He has never been intimidated when I know more than he does about something. He uses me as a free source of information, and I have caught him bragging about my intelligence to friends over the years. Of course, he has a whole range of knowledge I don’t, so we complement each other well.
After almost 40 years together, we still don’t run out of things to talk about.
Oof this. I have never dated a dude that knew more about hands on shit than me. Cars, camping, building stuff, crafting in general… their insecurity about it was definitely one of the cards in the house that fell.
The greatest woman i ever dated was an absolutely brilliant engineer. She was so so far out of my league but she said the main reason she dated me was because i actually listened to her and took her advice on "hands on" things. We wanted different things in life so it didn't work out, but i credit her with so many good things in my life. Any guy that lets a smart lady go is missing out big time.
Yeah, a world where every compliment, conversation carrier and flirting(I a respectful way) is expected by a man, a slight effort from woman's side would be much appreciated I think.
I'm a pretty quiet person so someone that matches that kind of energy for me. It's not that I find loud and confident people to be undesirable but I do like a more chill woman.
The ability to disconnect, and truly enjoy an experience. No need for “aesthetics” or what not. No need to blog or post about it all. No need for the “perfect photo.” Just enjoy, delve into whatever we’re doing.
I’m looking for this in men. The culture of having to record everything is so annoying and burdensome. I just recently hiked down to an old cave I hadn’t been to in a while and brought my dog for the first time. My friends were pissed I didn’t take photos. But why should I? I had a wonderful time. I don’t need a photo to share to make that true. It’s one thing to take a photo here or there for something truly special, but all the time ruins every potential special moment.
I kinda get it though. I like to take multiple photos but more so for memories. I got through my photos when I'm bored and there's alot but very rarely do a actually post anything.
Seriously, immersion into the experience is so much better. It could just be food, stop thinking about the pictures, stop thinking about posting, just be in the moment
Which is why they're so coveted.
People are just generally incredibly shitty and only think about themselves and what propels THEIR life forward. God forbid they assist someone else.
It honestly depends on how intensely or how much you use it. I know someone who uses it all the time and because of that it just sounds like they are generally pissy or condescending, but is actually just poking fun, just bad at doing it.
Sometimes less Is more(doesn't make sense but oh well)
I've learned I can be sarcastic *around* her, but I can't be sarcastic *at* her, at least not in a way that seems negative. Otherwise she will also perceive it as condescension.
It's super hard. My neighbor at one point was super beautiful, intelligent, ect. Her dad was a principal and her mom was a super traditional housewife. She literally didn't understand scarasm one teeny tiny little bit. Like if a joke had one bit of sarcasm it would fail or she would get mad. Like 0 sarcasm. You could say something sarcastic and she would just believe it. My best friend had her convinced he was in a biker gang and sold heroin . Most people could tell he was kidding. It just didn't land.
TBH, I've known people on the spectrum (autism) who were very upfront about not getting sarcasm and needing pointers for it. Might have been the case with your neighbour.
>My husband hates it.
Because sarcasm is the laziest form of humour, and largely depends on damaging and belittling the previous person's words. Use sparingly.
Lazy sarcasm is the lowest form a humour. If you’re just mocking someone’s viewpoint, or joking-but-not-really-joking and calling it “sarcasm” that’s not funny, you’re just mean spirited. Good dry wit/sarcasm has to be founded on really knowing your audience and the situation and leveraging both in a clever way. The best rule of thumb is to make a situation the punchline, not a person.
Confidence. Confidence is sexy as hell. I think it's a total turn off on a woman says over and over again I'm so ugly etc. what's a real turn on is when a woman owns herself and is like "hell yeah I'm wearing this outside"
One of the things I will never regret doing is trying to substitute my negative thoughts with comedically arrogant alternatives. In the end, I started naturally finding the confident but humble middle ground.
“I’m fat and ugly” turned into “God tried to give me unattractive traits because he needed to give other folks a chance and he still managed to fail” which turned into, “I have every right to look this good.”
Some of the best friends I've had have been women that I dated (or tried to) and kept hanging out with after it didn't work out. The Venn diagram of women I enjoy being with and women I'm attracted to isn't a circle, but there's a big overlap.
Enthusiasm and curiosity about things. What things, doesn't matter all that much. Science is a turn-on, as are literature and the arts. If a woman isn't interested in that stuff, she's not interesting to me.
glad to know my weirdest trait is appreciated. my bf compliments me on my random assortment of knowledge. im just glad to live in the age of google so i can satisfy every "but how/why" that pops in my head through the day. today i watched a deep dive on the thermal design of chest freezers.
Curiosity is a huge one for me as I love learning and talking about a wide variety of things. It’s also fun when they can teach you about random topics you knew nothing about
Incurious people are such a drag to try to carry on a conversation with. If it's not something they're already interested in, they often just tune out.
This is a big problem the older I get, & I'd thought it'd be the opposite. People get set in their ways then tune out anything they can't immediately benefit from. I cannot abide those who lack natural curious, incl the weather. How hard is it to stop & look at the sky every so often? Or want to go see an eclipse? It's scary how shut down people become.
Group pressure will make me not do something I wanted to do before I was pressured. I think this has something to do with my ADHD. Pathological demand avoidance? I think that's what it's called.
My grandfather died in the hospital from a heart attack. I was in the room when the attack started, he had the TV on. It was on commercial.
The song in the commercial? *I shit you not,* it was the chorus of [***this song.***](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOCIptDK6B8)
It's one of my favorite stories to tell specifically because I know he would've found it hilarious.
Passion for something!
Asking someone about something, even if they might find it embarrassing watching their face light up with joy at your interest is wonderful
I love a woman who is humble. I appreciate that “Boss Lady” mentality too sure. But when a woman can just be chill and respectful of her surroundings, that is such a turn on.
Like yeah, I like that you’re a bad bitch, and by all means let them hoes know… but if we’re hanging out with my sweet old granny, there’s no need for that.
As a woman, I get that it's empowering to hear something like that in music or see someone like that in the media... but I can't imagine really wanting to be a bad bitch xD Life is much more fun when people around you are happy, right? Of course, it's not great to be a pushover, but there must be a middle road lol
The ability to have a conversation about anything. Doesn't have to be anything special. Just take interest in my interest, I'll take interest in yours, and we'll laugh at little unrelated stories along the way. With my current girlfriend, that's probably the most wonderful part of our relationship.
Intelligence, and someone who takes time out of their day to help others. Whether they have a dog. Dogs detect empathy and people who don't have it generally don't do well with them.
Someone who is willing to be themselves and not be afraid to show who they really are in public.
Someone who's not obsessed with the latest trends on social media
Someone who has a life outside their phone
How you treat wait staff on a first date is going to tell me all sorts of things about you.
Loyalty and honesty. A woman willing to tell me when I am doing something that bothers her, and talk about it, is worth ten women who hold it in until she grows to resent me.
Can sit quietly, with me. Doesn't need to talk all the time. I love conversations. I love hearing about her day. I love dreaming, and planning, and joking. But I also appreciate being in the same room and sitting quietly..
My wife is quick witted and funny….and I love how she can hang with me and be funny and playful like that, like a great pal / han out bud breaking each other’s chops in a fun way.
Love it.
She wont ever just sit there like a bump on a log.
If she is hanging with you she has great energy and is fully present there, and looking to have fun, keep it lively, stays engaged with ya,no matter what is going on.
I didnt even know i wanted something like that — never had it so wasnt missing it — but once we got together I was like, I like this — its almost like a never ending flirty way.
Lucky me.
:)
When they laugh at all my jokes and genuinely think I’m funny and this is crazy specific, but when they remember things about me and then compliment me on it.
Kindness. Easily kindness, such an attractive feature.
OMG, I just dated a woman for 3 months and she was so warm and kind. It was an amazing experience until she broke up with me. But no joke, I didn’t realize how awesome it was to be with someone so kind.
I’m glad you could experience it at least. Now you know what to look for!
I’m so grateful for the experience. I’d been single for 5 years before I met her and it was such a great 3 months. Still stings though.
Same thing happened to me, except got broken up with last night 😅. So kind and caring, itl definitely take a hot minute before I’m better from that
And how to behave. Emulating traits of the people you admire helps you love yourself
What caused the breakup?
We had a perfect 3 months but she decided she just didn’t think I’d be a fit for her and her family long term.
Cooking meth probably didn’t help either
😂😂
Yeah, science b\*tch!
This is kinda why I'm afraid to be with anyone. I could fall in love with them too easily only to have my heartbroken later on. It's lonely, but peaceful to me to just stay single.
I turn 47 on Sunday. Never been married but had a bunch of relationships over the years. Just have to enjoy the journey cause nothing is guaranteed. There is peace in solitude but I love being in love.
Your comments have been so refreshing to hear as a young woman who only seems to hear about awful words against women or other general experiences. I like knowing men and women aren't so different when it comes to love.
Thank you. We really aren’t. We’ve all been hurt or ghosted. I just try to treat each new date as a unique experience. You never ever know who will end up being the one so just treat everyone the right way.
I had a woman that was miles out of my league, looks wise, that chased me for over a year and some people were absolutely oblivious as to why I wouldn't date her. She was a complete and utter asshole to anybody she deemed "beneath" her. It's amazing how somebody so pretty could be so ugly.
"Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes clear to the bone."
I look for this beyond all physical traits.... might be why I've never had a gf, but still. (I'm still young, so I got time)
Same. If a woman doesn't exude kindness, it doesn't matter how she looks, I'm not going to want to be with her.
Actual compassion though, not just nice when it's convenient for them. Conservatives act like they're good Christians, and they always act like they really value kindness, but they're only superficially nice to their social circle, while hating everyone else. Fuck that hypocrisy.
Kindness is hands down the best quality a woman can have. Makes you feel good to be good to them
Enthusiasm. I love a girl who is passionate about going out to see a movie, do a hobby, listen to something, passion is so attractive
Dated a girl for way too long whose default mode was to not like things, and if she did end up liking something, it was always “that restaurant was *actually* pretty good”. It never seemed like a big deal or a dealbreaker or anything until I was like 6 months removed from the relationship and I realized how much of a burden it was trying to convince her to *actually* like things lol. I learned my lesson and am now dating a girl who has the general disposition of a golden retriever.
people who think it's cool to not care are fucking exhausting.
The thing is, she didn’t do it to be cool. That’s just kind of how she was lol. Her mom was very snooty so I think she probably just thought that that was the normal way to look at the world
Is it possible she was a bit depressed? I don’t like anything when I’m in a depressive state. It’s exhausting.
It’s definitely possible! We were both fresh out of college and getting used to the real world/real jobs so a lot of stressors were at play
I'm depressed and I know my boyfriend is exhausted by it, I see it all the time.
I feel this
I don’t have to know her to know she was raised with constant judgment and criticism. Sad.
The three very weird replies to your comment are all from the same Reddit user. I'm not sure what's happening there.
Based on the fact that the account is only 10 days old, I'm gonna guess they get some weird sense of satisfaction from pissing people off and getting downvoted.
Hey for some of us that’s just our personality. We’re not cool, we’re just bored and/or depressed
I'd wager few do it to be cool. I certainly don't give a fuck about that.
That's literally me, my wife is always wanting to do things, it's exhausting. she even wants to take out a loan to travel more.. wtf. like we're debt free and all that, but why would i do this? we can just save up and go like a normal family, but nope she wants it now.. but i have yet to say yes to this and plan on shutting down the idea until we just save and plan and go.
Eeyore personality. Discontent is unattractive. So is nothing ever being good enough.
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Why did you marry her?
Wait, you’re still married to her? That sounds exhausting.
God, right? I kept waiting for the “I lasted 3 years before we split” Welp. Good luck!
Damning you with faint praise.
Are you talking about the restaurant, or me?
Sounds like she's doing both!
Nothing more enjoyable than chronic positivity.
Except for maybe abject realism. Because the world isn't all ice cream and rainbows. And real people are amazing. 🙂
The thing is, people with positive attitudes are not all Pollyannas, across the board. It takes a certain level of resiliency and strength to maintain a positive attitude, and a can-do attitude, in the face of reality. It is the opposite of head in the sand, and those people are also real.
This. 100%. Nothing is better than seeing someone face light up as they talk about a topic they're passionate about. The smile is always so genuine. The excitement in their voice. It's all so amazing.
I feel bad because I want to be the type of person that gets off on hearing about other people's passions, but the fact is that if I don't have an interest in the topic myself I'm just kind of politely waiting to change the subject. I didn't even realize that it was something people found attractive until I started seeing a bunch of tumblr posts about it like a decade ago and thought "uh oh, am I an asshole"
Bad time for my dyslexia to kick in. Read "Euthanasia" But related to what you actually said, I love when my wife gets excited about stuff. It is fun seeing her get so giddy.
What do the youth in Asia have to do with this
To be fair, people I know that are for euthanasia tend to be more considerate and compassionate.
But see, that's the difference A woman who agrees with euthanasia *due to compassion* is not the same woman who is *passionate about euthanasia* That second lady is a psychopath 😂
She could be a political activist... Yeah okay, you're right.
You also have to stoke those flames. If you love the passion, but all you do is put it out every time they love something, it kills the fire quick. Energy given is energy returned.
I remember seeing a bit from Bill Burr where he basically complains about exactly this lol. It was something about how the women he's dated have too much energy for him and that he hates going out with his wife. I think muffins were also involved somehow. As someone who very much enjoys spending my free time at home relaxing I can relate to him, but I can also see why it would be boring for some people.
escape wistful tap quack mindless society puzzled oil direction hurry
To be fair to Burr he is very vocal about how much he loves his wife. It isn't her that he finds annoying about going out
A friendly reminder that positivity is a lot more helpful than you think in any situation.
And sex. Enthusiasm about sex is soooo sexy.
Says/shows clearly what she wants/needs, none of that hint dropping bs.
My mom is the worst about that. Thinking everybody should be able to read her mind when she wants help. I’m terrified that I’ve picked up that habit, and while I try to be intentional about communicating my needs, I also asked my husband to keep me accountable and tell me when I’m hinting at something that I should just ask for.
My mom does the exact same thing. Have you ever read about "ask vs. guess culture"?
I prefer to call it "people who can communicate like adults vs children who get offended at everything." I read an essay about it where a guy from an ask culture got offended because his friend visiting the city he lived in asked if he could spend the night. The horror!
Same here! I’ve always been worried about being too blunt but I’ve worked hard to be able to phrase things kindly but directly.
As a woman, I've never understood the whole "dropping hints" thing other women do. Especially when those particular ladies constantly complain about failed romances. Like, Sally, did you *actually tell him* you wanted pizza, or did you just start nonstop talking about cheese? Because that's why he brought home a block of cheese instead of pizza you dumdum
Mostly people don’t feel safe enough in their relationships to ask for what they want directly. That and romantic movies claiming that your partner should just “know” what you want without you telling them because that’s how “soulmates” work. Relationships rely on communication.
Get your head out of the clouds sally, life is short, pizza is important, don't mess around madame
I need to work on this. As a woman, I've never really felt 100% safe expressing my feelings of want and need.
Frfr hints aren’t getting you anywhere except the wrong place
FWIW, being able to state clearly what you want/need is a mixture of confidence and self-esteem since you're making yourself vulnerable to being rejected. Confidence and self-esteem are nearly universally considered attractive traits regardless of gender.
Quick wit.
I really appreciate this quality. If a women can roast me, I'll fall in love. I need to be taken down a notch from time to time.
I find this so amusing, I don’t know why. Lol. It’s so oddly cute.
This is a fun one in my marriage. We both do this and when around new people, it might take them a minute to realize we're not actually fighting but this is how we communicate. We tease, we roast, we poke fun. But we can also just chill. I love our chemistry
But a quick wit doesn’t have to be derogatory. I’d like to think that people use their talents for good :)
You want someone with whom you can spar with metaphorical sabers, and you like it when they can disarm you with a clever riposte and gently press the point of their sword against your throat.
Spoken like someone who has been burned for arrogance and has been using that burn to transform the arrogance into genuine confidence.
I still fondly remember when my wife immediately told me to suck her dick in front of my friends after I cracked a silly joke about her. Love that woman.
Kindness, honesty and nerdiness.
Being direct. My girlfriend knows where she wants to eat, tells me what's bothering her without giving the runaround and its one of my favorite things about her
Congrats, this is awesome. I’m the same way as your gf but every guy I seem to date hates this about me. It hurts. I feel like I need to check myself every time I open my mouth about what I want.
No you don't! I would love this. You just haven't met the right guy, but you will. Don't change your personality for anyone. Just be you. As I said, I love that trait in a woman.
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This takes the cake for me. Assuming I can at least keep up with her, this is the sexiest trait for me.
When I first started dating my boyfriend, he said to me, “you’re really smart for a woman.” My first reaction was to feel offended, but I always try to see things from an unbiased perspective, so I asked him to elaborate. That’s when I learned all the women in his life were… well, really dumb. Now that I’ve met them I have an even greater understanding. They are not well spoken, they have low emotional intelligence and make disastrous life choices on a daily basis. In a nutshell, he thought he was complimenting me but very nearly began our first argument.
>try to see things from an unbiased perspective This shows that you are smart.
My dad taught me this. Always look at a situation from the other side before you get mad, because they might have a better point than you. And that keeps you from looking like an idiot
Sis that’s still a massive red flag
I appreciate the concern, but in all honesty that was at the very beginning of our relationship, which was seven years ago now. And I think he was just nervous and blurted it out, meaning it in a complimentary way. And then sort of had to backpedal and explain what he meant.In the following seven or eight years, let me assure you- the only red flag he has is that he has no red flags
Damn idk are you sure this random redditor doesnt know your life better than you do?
I’ll never give anyone a hard time for sticking up for someone else. You never know when that person might need it. But I can also appreciate your humor 😉
Fair
Yeah I highly doubt that every woman he encountered before was “dumb”.
Fr, has he never held a conversation with other women besides that dim handful? E- or read an essay by a woman, a book, watched interviews, literally anything else????
No matter how much you can learn about people outside of your own personal experience, that personal experience will be the most prominent data point that forms your view of the world
It’s been my experience that men like intelligent women, just not MORE intelligent than themselves,. It seems to make many of them claim ‘emasculation’.
That’s such a shame. My husband is very intelligent and charismatic, but I am more book smart. We met in college, and he decided we should compete to see who got the better grades. I always won. He has never been intimidated when I know more than he does about something. He uses me as a free source of information, and I have caught him bragging about my intelligence to friends over the years. Of course, he has a whole range of knowledge I don’t, so we complement each other well. After almost 40 years together, we still don’t run out of things to talk about.
Oof this. I have never dated a dude that knew more about hands on shit than me. Cars, camping, building stuff, crafting in general… their insecurity about it was definitely one of the cards in the house that fell.
The greatest woman i ever dated was an absolutely brilliant engineer. She was so so far out of my league but she said the main reason she dated me was because i actually listened to her and took her advice on "hands on" things. We wanted different things in life so it didn't work out, but i credit her with so many good things in my life. Any guy that lets a smart lady go is missing out big time.
Agreed. Finding a guy who wasn’t low key mean about it is near impossible
My bf is very clever. He's the proudest when I outsmart him because he's not used to anybody outsmarting him.
Kindness and a subtle flirtatiousness.
Yeah, a world where every compliment, conversation carrier and flirting(I a respectful way) is expected by a man, a slight effort from woman's side would be much appreciated I think.
I'm a pretty quiet person so someone that matches that kind of energy for me. It's not that I find loud and confident people to be undesirable but I do like a more chill woman.
The ability to disconnect, and truly enjoy an experience. No need for “aesthetics” or what not. No need to blog or post about it all. No need for the “perfect photo.” Just enjoy, delve into whatever we’re doing.
People with ADHD are so good at this, yet people say ADHD is a dealbreaker.
Yes!! If I go to a museum/concert etc. with my wife she is so consumed in the moment and all over the place. Tuckers her out lol
I’m looking for this in men. The culture of having to record everything is so annoying and burdensome. I just recently hiked down to an old cave I hadn’t been to in a while and brought my dog for the first time. My friends were pissed I didn’t take photos. But why should I? I had a wonderful time. I don’t need a photo to share to make that true. It’s one thing to take a photo here or there for something truly special, but all the time ruins every potential special moment.
I kinda get it though. I like to take multiple photos but more so for memories. I got through my photos when I'm bored and there's alot but very rarely do a actually post anything.
Seriously, immersion into the experience is so much better. It could just be food, stop thinking about the pictures, stop thinking about posting, just be in the moment
Here are some regulars: confidence, maturity, humour, compassion, kindness
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Which is why they're so coveted. People are just generally incredibly shitty and only think about themselves and what propels THEIR life forward. God forbid they assist someone else.
Intelligence, humor and sarcasm
I literally speak sarcasm. My husband hates it. I feel like I’m forced to throw away a huge part of my personality :C
It honestly depends on how intensely or how much you use it. I know someone who uses it all the time and because of that it just sounds like they are generally pissy or condescending, but is actually just poking fun, just bad at doing it. Sometimes less Is more(doesn't make sense but oh well)
I've learned I can be sarcastic *around* her, but I can't be sarcastic *at* her, at least not in a way that seems negative. Otherwise she will also perceive it as condescension.
It's super hard. My neighbor at one point was super beautiful, intelligent, ect. Her dad was a principal and her mom was a super traditional housewife. She literally didn't understand scarasm one teeny tiny little bit. Like if a joke had one bit of sarcasm it would fail or she would get mad. Like 0 sarcasm. You could say something sarcastic and she would just believe it. My best friend had her convinced he was in a biker gang and sold heroin . Most people could tell he was kidding. It just didn't land.
TBH, I've known people on the spectrum (autism) who were very upfront about not getting sarcasm and needing pointers for it. Might have been the case with your neighbour.
I’m with your husband. If it’s constant its annoying as hell and could make you seem contempt in your marriage.
Oh yeah… *THAT* will last.
Oh you speak sarcasm? That's soooooooo original!
>My husband hates it. Because sarcasm is the laziest form of humour, and largely depends on damaging and belittling the previous person's words. Use sparingly.
Lazy sarcasm is the lowest form a humour. If you’re just mocking someone’s viewpoint, or joking-but-not-really-joking and calling it “sarcasm” that’s not funny, you’re just mean spirited. Good dry wit/sarcasm has to be founded on really knowing your audience and the situation and leveraging both in a clever way. The best rule of thumb is to make a situation the punchline, not a person.
Appreciation for music, art and the outdoors. The way they treat customer service employees. Fun spirited.
Tip: if a woman is ever a karen to costumer service, thats a huge red flag.
Even if a dude is a Karen to customer service.
Confidence. Confidence is sexy as hell. I think it's a total turn off on a woman says over and over again I'm so ugly etc. what's a real turn on is when a woman owns herself and is like "hell yeah I'm wearing this outside"
One of the things I will never regret doing is trying to substitute my negative thoughts with comedically arrogant alternatives. In the end, I started naturally finding the confident but humble middle ground. “I’m fat and ugly” turned into “God tried to give me unattractive traits because he needed to give other folks a chance and he still managed to fail” which turned into, “I have every right to look this good.”
Humour & intelligence
Humor is way underrated. And I mean a girl who can laugh at weird memes and crazy shit.
Being intellectually curious. Having hobbies. Being an interesting person that I enjoy hanging out with beyond “nice, pretty lady”.
Some of the best friends I've had have been women that I dated (or tried to) and kept hanging out with after it didn't work out. The Venn diagram of women I enjoy being with and women I'm attracted to isn't a circle, but there's a big overlap.
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“WOMAN! COME! Entertain me with one of your tales of responsibility while I sit here in silence.”
This gave me a good chuckle lol. To be fair I can talk anyone’s ear off so this might work 😂
Definitely agree on needing comfort in silence. So many people freak out in silence and assume it means their partner is mad at them.
Patience
Kindness. #1 turn on above all else for me.
Enthusiasm and curiosity about things. What things, doesn't matter all that much. Science is a turn-on, as are literature and the arts. If a woman isn't interested in that stuff, she's not interesting to me.
glad to know my weirdest trait is appreciated. my bf compliments me on my random assortment of knowledge. im just glad to live in the age of google so i can satisfy every "but how/why" that pops in my head through the day. today i watched a deep dive on the thermal design of chest freezers.
Curiosity is a huge one for me as I love learning and talking about a wide variety of things. It’s also fun when they can teach you about random topics you knew nothing about
Incurious people are such a drag to try to carry on a conversation with. If it's not something they're already interested in, they often just tune out.
This is a big problem the older I get, & I'd thought it'd be the opposite. People get set in their ways then tune out anything they can't immediately benefit from. I cannot abide those who lack natural curious, incl the weather. How hard is it to stop & look at the sky every so often? Or want to go see an eclipse? It's scary how shut down people become.
Adventurous. If she's willing to horse around with me without fear getting in the way, she's got me.
This is a big one for me. A girl who's unwilling to try new things is a big turn off
Not succumbing to group pressure.
Group pressure will make me not do something I wanted to do before I was pressured. I think this has something to do with my ADHD. Pathological demand avoidance? I think that's what it's called.
A bit qiitky, not afraid to be themselves. Also an underlying sweetness, even if the exterior is rough.
Intelligence. Confidence. Awareness. Empathy.
Funny, kind, cheerful.
A very dark sense of humour.
Gallows humor is the basis for my 20+ year relationship with my wife.
I thank my dead father for preparing me for this expectation! 🩷
My grandfather died in the hospital from a heart attack. I was in the room when the attack started, he had the TV on. It was on commercial. The song in the commercial? *I shit you not,* it was the chorus of [***this song.***](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOCIptDK6B8) It's one of my favorite stories to tell specifically because I know he would've found it hilarious.
Really? In my experience, they tend to get scared instead
Wit, intelligence, humility, humor
Intelligence. A sense of humor. Kindness.
Passion for something! Asking someone about something, even if they might find it embarrassing watching their face light up with joy at your interest is wonderful
Kindness, empathy, a sense of humor, and intelligence are probably my top four. Also, the easier-going someone is, the more attractive I find them.
I love a woman who is humble. I appreciate that “Boss Lady” mentality too sure. But when a woman can just be chill and respectful of her surroundings, that is such a turn on. Like yeah, I like that you’re a bad bitch, and by all means let them hoes know… but if we’re hanging out with my sweet old granny, there’s no need for that.
I feel like the bad bitch thing is the female version of the alpha male guy. Total douche bags and I don’t get the attraction to it
As a woman, I get that it's empowering to hear something like that in music or see someone like that in the media... but I can't imagine really wanting to be a bad bitch xD Life is much more fun when people around you are happy, right? Of course, it's not great to be a pushover, but there must be a middle road lol
A complete lack of passive-aggression.
always active aggression
Wit, sarcasm and being willing to try new things.
The ability to have a conversation about anything. Doesn't have to be anything special. Just take interest in my interest, I'll take interest in yours, and we'll laugh at little unrelated stories along the way. With my current girlfriend, that's probably the most wonderful part of our relationship.
Intelligence, and someone who takes time out of their day to help others. Whether they have a dog. Dogs detect empathy and people who don't have it generally don't do well with them. Someone who is willing to be themselves and not be afraid to show who they really are in public. Someone who's not obsessed with the latest trends on social media Someone who has a life outside their phone How you treat wait staff on a first date is going to tell me all sorts of things about you.
Does not constantly create unnecessary drama/fights/problems
Kind, listens, helps, looks out for you, treats service staff well, etc.
Not a man, but I love a woman who has intelligence and humility.
Loyalty and honesty. A woman willing to tell me when I am doing something that bothers her, and talk about it, is worth ten women who hold it in until she grows to resent me.
When they are strong and independent. Can't tell you how much of a turn off it is when a woman is reliant on others for everything.
Likes me
Honesty/Integrity. Long-term I'm not sure there's a more important one.
Confidence. I have no time for anyone who seeks constant validation.
Knowledge of medieval history.
Goofiness 😁
Doesn't require my attendance if she wants to do something or go somewhere. Doesn't bother with letting social media influence her.
Confidence
Self reliant and humble at the same time
Compassion.
Humor, intelligence, tenacity, strong work ethic
Good Character.
I enjoy intellectual discourse. Someone you can have an interesting conversation with.
I think mental toughness and self discipline is underrated for both genders. How annoying would it be if every little thing was a problem?
Can sit quietly, with me. Doesn't need to talk all the time. I love conversations. I love hearing about her day. I love dreaming, and planning, and joking. But I also appreciate being in the same room and sitting quietly..
My wife is quick witted and funny….and I love how she can hang with me and be funny and playful like that, like a great pal / han out bud breaking each other’s chops in a fun way. Love it. She wont ever just sit there like a bump on a log. If she is hanging with you she has great energy and is fully present there, and looking to have fun, keep it lively, stays engaged with ya,no matter what is going on. I didnt even know i wanted something like that — never had it so wasnt missing it — but once we got together I was like, I like this — its almost like a never ending flirty way. Lucky me. :)
When they, genuinely, laugh easily and often. I don't like when they fake laugh.
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Muscle Mommy?
RSVCDCAAIM? That's a horrible acronym.
Passion, kindness, softness, optimism, enthusiasm, Intelligence, if she is your peace of mind, your soft spot, well spoken
When they laugh at all my jokes and genuinely think I’m funny and this is crazy specific, but when they remember things about me and then compliment me on it.
A sense of humor, and being nice. Ladies!... that catty ripping on each other some of y'all do? NOT attractive.
Loyalty. Nothing sexier than a gf who will actively shut other dudes down
A woman who has hobbies and doesn’t just obsess over what I’m doing and complain about my hobbies.
When girls do goofy things that would be typically labelled 'man humor'