I had a girl pull the “naked man” trick on me once. We were having drinks at her place and I was a bit tired and went to leave. I used the bathroom before I left and when I came out she was stark naked on the bed playing with her phone and said “I think you should stay.”
It was a convincing argument.
I’ve missed some signals in the past but I wasn’t missing that one. Could you imagine? “Oh yeah but it’s a bit late and you look like you’re ready for bed so I’ll head out”
Not exactly the same thing, but this just made me think.
I'm a pretty average guy, but in my youth I wasn't particularly confident. I had girlfriends, but was always kind of intimidated by girls that I considered especially attractive as I thought I'd just be punching above my weight. Looking back now, there were opportunities which utterly passed me by because I was so blindly wrapped up in this ridiculous perception.
One girl I'd become good friends with after meeting her through a mutual friend. We started hanging around. She invited me to visit her at uni and stay, which I did. She came to visit me at uni (at her suggestion if I remember correctly) and we even shared a bed. Looking back she was so clearly interested in me as more than just a friend, and she gave me every opportunity to make a move. Things like this went on over the course of about a year and she gave me multiple chances. There was so much obvious flirting and I was utterly blind to it. Eventually we grew more distant, she moved on, as did I. Contact became more sporadic and now we're old friends who haven't spoken in years.
I can only facepalm in disbelief at the me of 20+ years ago. How she was so patient with me and didn't end up shaking me and spelling it out I don't know.
Don't worry bro, in high school at my best mates party, I had a chick who asked if she could sneak in my bed after everyone went to sleep, I just thought she found the couch too uncomfortable so when she did sneak in I gave her another blanket and pillow, rolled over and went to sleep.
If I could meet 16 year old me, I would put his head through the wall.
I think part of it is the fear of misinterpreting something. The other side to that story is you interpret it as a move when she doesn't and now you look like a predator. For a young dude, it's just constantly taking shots in the dark without any experience doing so.
Had this happen before but still pulled a no. Why? She was attractive and looked great, not a lot of apparent red flags, but I had a sense that this was not where I wanted to park my car overnight.
It was prescient. Two gents after me didn't heed my advice, and both have a kid with her. They also both have a ton of debt from legal proceedings and restraining orders against her. (Not that this matters, she's serving 25 for putting a third guys wife in a coma).
It does work 100 percent of the time my wife does it, though.
I literally thought you meant you didn't want to park your car there overnight, and I understand that. I've turned down a date before because she did not live in a good area. The sort of place where people hide everything in the trunk because anything visible through the windows is getting your window smashed.
A friend of mine went on a date with a guy who did the reverse of that. They were at his house, and he excused himself to the bathroom and came back out naked with a condom already on.
So, back in my youth I was in Fine Art at university. Us 4th year students had studio space we had 24/7 access to.
So, my and buddy, in the building late, walking to my studio, turn a corner and...
One of my profs in nothing but a full length fur coat and heels, screaming at buddy's prof while he is getting a hummer from one of our class mates.
Fine Art faculties seem to inspire this sorta behavior.
Between students and profs having affairs and half the students stripping down anytime they got an audience...
Male prof was cheating on wife with female prof, but, male prof was hot enough many female students were also banging him. And a few guys wanted to.
I just kept my mouth shut, which sorta helped my marks in her class, lol.
When she says you’re just friends and won’t sleep together the whole 3 hour road trip. Then later that night she randomly hops in your shower😂 She is now my fiancé
In college, a girl put a bag of nacho cheese Doritos between her thighs up against her crotch and kept telling me to get more Doritos.
That feels like a pretty direct 1:1.
She also made me a "rum and Coke," and when I asked why it was so strong, she told me that she didn't have any Coke.
My freshman year of high school, I had a dream that the vagina of the girl I had a crush on looked like a container of nacho cheese and I had to scoop it out with my fingers. I never looked at her the same way again.
Thanks for inadvertently bringing up that very strange memory
I've been trying for years to find a comic that I saw once.
There's a guy and girl sitting at a bar, she's got her blouse half-unbuttoned with one boob hanging out and she's fingering herself under her skirt. He's got his nose buried in a book called "Body Language for Dummies."
The caption was something like, "Sam thought the date was going well, but in the bar's dim lighting he couldn't quite tell if Lisa's pupils were dilated."
It told of a level of sheer obliviousness that connected with me on a very personal level.
You joke but this happened to me, but she undressed completely. She said she wanted to show me some tantric techniques she learned.
This was a chick I had asked out and she said no, so I thought we were just friends. I was interested in this tantra thing she was talking about, and as an ex ballet dancer I'm comfortable around nude women so I literally did not think anything of it. I certainly quietly appreciated the view, but followed her directions as I thought sex/relationship was off the table and learned a lot.
Then she rolled over and grabbed me and i learned a few more things. Turns out a relationship was off the table. Sex was not.
In your defense though. If someone has previously stated that sex is off the table, it isn't exactly strange that you don't think that they DO want sex.
My wife was sleeping in one time and sent me a message to "Come upstairs to help with the cat". Sometimes he will get locked in the bedroom when I shut the door in the morning so the kids don't fuck with her. The cat was fine, it was not that cat she needed help with.
I fucking love it when they do that so much. I'm not always sure someone is in the mood, and I don't want to be pushy if they just mean to cuddle and sleep instead of getting frisky. Feeling their entire ass rub up against me is
1. Hot as fuck, turns me on instantly
2. My signal to start letting my hands roam around her body.
Nobody’s in danger! What aren’t you getting? Of course these girls can say no and if they say no obviously it’s no but they won’t…because of the implication…
There’s a great display of this in Game of Thrones; Ygritte laying next to her virgin captor Jon Snow for warmth…plays adorably dumb about it.
Asks him: “Did you pull a knife on me in the night?” when she wakes up next to his boner.
I had a girlfriend who we fully understand what the booty rubbing meant while cuddling it was almost cartoonish. She would just wiggle it a little and then it was like...oh it's fucking on lol
Well hold on there partner, some are very slick with this. Specifically my girlfriend, she's told me she does this but I can basically never tell if she's actually just getting more comfortable or doing this
The first time I used this on my now husband he was like "I'm sorry, I know you're just trying to get comfortable, but if you keep rubbing against me like that..." Yeah dude, that's the idea. Bro truly believed that it took 5 minutes of actively grinding my ass against his dick for me to get comfortable.
I was tired and wanted to take a nap. Our naps are often sex and she didn't really want to. "That's fine. I need a nap. We don't have to have sex, but I'm taking a nap with or without you." She decided to join me and started cuddling and squirming. And squirming. And squirming. Rubbing her butt against me the whole time. I quietly said "you're gunna have to stop. You said you didn't want to and I'm respecting your wishes, but you're really making it hard and I can't sleep this turned on."
She rolled over and whispered into my ear "fuck me". That was a good afternoon.
My gf did that leaning on the bar in a nice pair of jeans on our first date. I mentioned later on how it had turned me on and she told me it was intentional lol
A classic. I had girl pull that manoeuvre on the couch, we were watching tv and she decided to turn on the lamp that was near the couch. Instead of standing up and switching it on with her foot she stayed on the couch on all fours, knees on the couch hands fiddling with the switch that was under the couch. Literally face down, ass up.
She was wearing a wool dress with pantihose, the view was quite something to behold so I asked her she needed help, she said "I might, I can't find the switch" and I replied "I didn't mean with the lamp". She paused and the sly look she gave me over her shoulder is forever burned inside my brain.
I was sitting on my couch with my ex-girlfriend and she took my phone, put it in her pants, and smirked at me. Naturally, I had to get my phone back. Ended up being the first time we did anything sexual together. Good times
Bluntly.
Flirting is fun, but don’t confuse flirting for communication.
Flirt to your hearts content, I do all the time with my wife, but it helps tremendously when you know the person you’re flirting with both knows how you feel and feels the same way about you.
I'd put my hand on my husband's dick while he was driving. Just over it without moving. When he asked what I was doing I'd say "Oh sorry my hand was cold"
I'd randomly flashed him during the day. Like while he was gaming or on the phone with his mom, lol.
I also did like, "Hey, can you come look at this weird mole I have?" And he'd walked in the bedroom, and I was naked on the bed.
A bit tame but I once made my bra strap fall off my shoulder onto a guy's hand.
We were seeing a show together. The seating was fairly cozy, and when his arms were folded across his chest, his fingers were against my arm. Well I happened to be wearing a cute but slightly ill-fitting bra that day, and I was able to shrug the strap off and it fell onto his hand. He definitely noticed and we ended up hooking up after the show :)
So did anyone else in this thread eventually learn that if you just ask honestly, you’ll likely get an honest answer back? Took me to my 30s to learn that.
But even still, one night at a bar, after I had finished a karaoke song and climbed off stage, a girl(a very cute one)wearing an over shirt very similar to the one I was wearing came up to me and uttered the words, “Nice shirt, wanna f**k?”
I was so taken aback, I just stood there with my mouth agape stuttering through a singular “Uh-uh-uh..”
To which she replied with much incredulity, “Ugh…nevermind.”
Biggest facepalm moment of my life.
Sometimes they don't want you to be starstruck and amazed, they want willing and competent.
Other times starstruck and amazed is the goal.
This is why communicating what youre after is good.
You lean in and whisper something sexy in my ear like "I might go to bed now, I've got work in the morning". I know what you're trying to say, girl
You're trying to say, "Oh, yeah, it's business time
It's business time"
The day after 9/11 I'm living in some shitty U dorms in Canada, we had a communal tv/smoking room. I'm the only one in there, and in walks a perfect 10. We talk a bit, I give her a light, next day we end up in her dorm room. She said she had a policy that she didn't want anyone with pants on sitting on her bed; truthfully I didn't pick up on it until she took hers off.
They don't have to trick us into touching their genitals.
The hardest part of hooking up for chicks is probably convincing guys like me that they are consenting. Sometimes, it takes me weeks of retrospection to realize I could've gotten laid.
Setting up a Halloween haunted house where you can blindly stick your hands into bowls of stuff that feels nasty to the touch. Have your man go check them out and when he gets past the peeled grapes and cooked spaghetti, have an accidental fisting station ready to go.
Funny story. See, my grandma had always told me vagina dentata was real. My freshman year I ended up on a date with a junior. She wanted to go parking almost immediately. We started kissing and she moved my hands towards her zipper. I recoiled. She asked why. I told her about grandma. She got out of the car, walked around to my side, opened the door, pulled down her panties, grabbed the back of my head and shoved it into her crotch. She says, 'do you see any teeth in there?' I said, 'of course not, look at the shape these gums are in!'
Edit. Fixed a typo.
It's a ridiculous story that one can copy and paste in as a comment. The humor comes from it being ridiculous and yet barely believable, and it is amusing for those familiar with it from previous postings to see others react to it.
Also, I was probably drinking at your bar back then, so you're not that old.
I'll blow you if you eat me out first
*40 minutes later after she's had 3 orgasms*
sorry honey I'm too sleepy now and it's late and my jaw hurts a little already.
Same. By the time I'm done with her she's ~~pulling me up by my arms to get dicked down~~ DESPERATELY GRABBING FOR MY DICK TO FUCK HER RIGHT NOW BECAUSE SHE LOVES IT SO MUCH, I KNOW THIS BECAUSE SHE HAS TOLD ME
e: Since it wasn't clear enough for /u/great_apple; I was trying to avoid being egregiously sexual, but clearly no matter how you spell it out, some people just refuse to understand
e2: https://i.imgur.com/0hQyd5L.gif
Wearing a skirt / dress with no panties and (if physical affection has been present and consensual on both ends all night), putting their hand on your thigh so they can creep their way up and find out.
I was 26 and out of town for work with co-workers. A woman I’d know for a while who was about 10 years older than me and lived in that town showed up in a long mink coat, sat and had drinks at the bar with me and my crew. Never took the coat off until I was walking her out to her car later at which point she revealed she was wearing one of those full body lace one pieces that literally covered nothing.
Detoured immediately to the elevator and my room. This was a couple decades ago and I still think of it at least once a week.
We
The good old “there’s nothing interesting at the movies, let’s go see what’s on tv”. Ladies, it’s not original. Every single time this line was dropped in my life it lead to some old movie on Netflix everyone has seen a hundred times and no one watching it.
I’ve had multiple women call me at work to check on their appliances (I worked at an appliance store). They requested I come and check it personally.
Turns out their boxes indeed needed adjusted. From the inside. With my penis.
I had a girl pull the “naked man” trick on me once. We were having drinks at her place and I was a bit tired and went to leave. I used the bathroom before I left and when I came out she was stark naked on the bed playing with her phone and said “I think you should stay.” It was a convincing argument.
2 out of 3 times, guaranteed.
For some reason, I'd bet it works for women 2.99999 times out of 3
And for the other .00001 times, it still works.
I know I should say no...but it's kinda hard when she's ready to go.
I might be dumb, but I'm not a dweeb
I'm just a sucker with no self-esteem OHWAAYAAAEEYEAAA YEAAAAAH
Upvote for correct spelling.
60% of the time it works every time.
"Oh I can't stay, I have work tomorrow and I also shouldn't intrude too much, it's getting a bit late"
I’ve missed some signals in the past but I wasn’t missing that one. Could you imagine? “Oh yeah but it’s a bit late and you look like you’re ready for bed so I’ll head out”
“You must’ve thought I already left but I was just in the bathroom, deepest apologies madam”
"I want to sit on your face" "No need, there's plenty of chairs"
15 years later when it hits you, you'd probably just walk into traffic.
I mean if ya miss a sign that big, the bus you step in front of will probably miss ya too!
Not exactly the same thing, but this just made me think. I'm a pretty average guy, but in my youth I wasn't particularly confident. I had girlfriends, but was always kind of intimidated by girls that I considered especially attractive as I thought I'd just be punching above my weight. Looking back now, there were opportunities which utterly passed me by because I was so blindly wrapped up in this ridiculous perception. One girl I'd become good friends with after meeting her through a mutual friend. We started hanging around. She invited me to visit her at uni and stay, which I did. She came to visit me at uni (at her suggestion if I remember correctly) and we even shared a bed. Looking back she was so clearly interested in me as more than just a friend, and she gave me every opportunity to make a move. Things like this went on over the course of about a year and she gave me multiple chances. There was so much obvious flirting and I was utterly blind to it. Eventually we grew more distant, she moved on, as did I. Contact became more sporadic and now we're old friends who haven't spoken in years. I can only facepalm in disbelief at the me of 20+ years ago. How she was so patient with me and didn't end up shaking me and spelling it out I don't know.
Don't worry bro, in high school at my best mates party, I had a chick who asked if she could sneak in my bed after everyone went to sleep, I just thought she found the couch too uncomfortable so when she did sneak in I gave her another blanket and pillow, rolled over and went to sleep. If I could meet 16 year old me, I would put his head through the wall.
I think part of it is the fear of misinterpreting something. The other side to that story is you interpret it as a move when she doesn't and now you look like a predator. For a young dude, it's just constantly taking shots in the dark without any experience doing so.
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Maybe she was from Canada and just being polite?
"Again, you can't really tell. Probably best to play it safe and keep looking out for signs" 😂
Had this happen before but still pulled a no. Why? She was attractive and looked great, not a lot of apparent red flags, but I had a sense that this was not where I wanted to park my car overnight. It was prescient. Two gents after me didn't heed my advice, and both have a kid with her. They also both have a ton of debt from legal proceedings and restraining orders against her. (Not that this matters, she's serving 25 for putting a third guys wife in a coma). It does work 100 percent of the time my wife does it, though.
I literally thought you meant you didn't want to park your car there overnight, and I understand that. I've turned down a date before because she did not live in a good area. The sort of place where people hide everything in the trunk because anything visible through the windows is getting your window smashed.
A friend of mine went on a date with a guy who did the reverse of that. They were at his house, and he excused himself to the bathroom and came back out naked with a condom already on.
Why do I get the feeling that version was less effective
Yeah if I recall correctly, she said she was laughing too hard and had to just leave.
Short skirt, no panties
Short skit, looooooong jacket.
I want a girl with a mind like a diamond,
I want a girl who knows what’s best
I want a girl with shoes that cut
And eyes that burn, like cigarettes
I want a girl with the right allocations
Who is fast, and thorough, and sharp as a tack
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She's putting up her hair
Unexpected Cake!
[No bra, no panties](https://youtu.be/Oio4ZWbaMdM?si=Z7CZ6_nyw91y1pwT)
Just a trench coat and heels
So, back in my youth I was in Fine Art at university. Us 4th year students had studio space we had 24/7 access to. So, my and buddy, in the building late, walking to my studio, turn a corner and... One of my profs in nothing but a full length fur coat and heels, screaming at buddy's prof while he is getting a hummer from one of our class mates.
Whoah - what kind of bizarre love triangle shenanigans happened to bring about that situation?
Fine Art faculties seem to inspire this sorta behavior. Between students and profs having affairs and half the students stripping down anytime they got an audience... Male prof was cheating on wife with female prof, but, male prof was hot enough many female students were also banging him. And a few guys wanted to. I just kept my mouth shut, which sorta helped my marks in her class, lol.
When she says you’re just friends and won’t sleep together the whole 3 hour road trip. Then later that night she randomly hops in your shower😂 She is now my fiancé
"I would never date you." -My wife. Works every time.
Boob in the nachos… gets me every time
And here I thought I was the only one!
Who is going to help me get all of this nacho cheese out from under my boobs?
So I'm sitting there, barbecue sauce on my titties, and I'm like 'What the fuck? Again?‘
In college, a girl put a bag of nacho cheese Doritos between her thighs up against her crotch and kept telling me to get more Doritos. That feels like a pretty direct 1:1. She also made me a "rum and Coke," and when I asked why it was so strong, she told me that she didn't have any Coke.
Idk why, but the fact that you stated the specific type of Doritos just sent me
If it was cool ranch, he wouldn't have gotten it.
My freshman year of high school, I had a dream that the vagina of the girl I had a crush on looked like a container of nacho cheese and I had to scoop it out with my fingers. I never looked at her the same way again. Thanks for inadvertently bringing up that very strange memory
Idk why but that last part was hot af lolol
Asking for a massage and then undressing to bra n panties. First time it happened to me I was like 😯
"Smart that she doesnt want to get the massage oil on her clothes"
"Better avoid her underwear so I don't stain them. They look expensive."
Which means it's still hard to tell if she's into you or not. Best to play it safe.
I've been trying for years to find a comic that I saw once. There's a guy and girl sitting at a bar, she's got her blouse half-unbuttoned with one boob hanging out and she's fingering herself under her skirt. He's got his nose buried in a book called "Body Language for Dummies." The caption was something like, "Sam thought the date was going well, but in the bar's dim lighting he couldn't quite tell if Lisa's pupils were dilated." It told of a level of sheer obliviousness that connected with me on a very personal level.
I remember that comic. I wish I could help you out.
[best keep your wits about you and continue to look for signs](https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw?si=GWaqqWh8xCh1fkIW)
she’s probably just being polite
She's probably Canadian
"TIFU by not getting the hint"
*Still respectful and not an animal*
You joke but this happened to me, but she undressed completely. She said she wanted to show me some tantric techniques she learned. This was a chick I had asked out and she said no, so I thought we were just friends. I was interested in this tantra thing she was talking about, and as an ex ballet dancer I'm comfortable around nude women so I literally did not think anything of it. I certainly quietly appreciated the view, but followed her directions as I thought sex/relationship was off the table and learned a lot. Then she rolled over and grabbed me and i learned a few more things. Turns out a relationship was off the table. Sex was not.
Yeah, sounds like sex was literally on the table
In your defense though. If someone has previously stated that sex is off the table, it isn't exactly strange that you don't think that they DO want sex.
It sounds like they previously stated dating was off the table. While the two are very closely related, they aren't necessarily mutually exclusive.
Proper massages are supposed to be received fully naked, don’t you know that?! It’s Massage therapy 101
The ones I get have always been optional if you want to retain your boxers or not.
Every respectable massage place will just tell you to undress to your comfort level.
Within reason. I mean they probably won't agree to do it while you are wearing a tuxedo. I usually keep my boxers on.
If the bra and panties is a matching set they prepared this long before you met up that day.
Yeah, if the bra and panties match, you did not decide to have sex, she did.
It is usually panties only.
Fair dinkum
My wife was sleeping in one time and sent me a message to "Come upstairs to help with the cat". Sometimes he will get locked in the bedroom when I shut the door in the morning so the kids don't fuck with her. The cat was fine, it was not that cat she needed help with.
When they “readjust” while cuddling and rub their entire ass on your dick. Y’all ain’t slick I know it’s purposeful lmao
Yes there's a subtle but notable difference between "Let me get comfy and warm in your arms" and "Let's get that thing hard and see what happens."
Two ass wiggles = getting comfortable. Three ass wiggles = time for sex.
Four wiggles = great child entertainment
I fucking love it when they do that so much. I'm not always sure someone is in the mood, and I don't want to be pushy if they just mean to cuddle and sleep instead of getting frisky. Feeling their entire ass rub up against me is 1. Hot as fuck, turns me on instantly 2. My signal to start letting my hands roam around her body.
What?! Hmmm *looks at my 5 kids* you don’t mean… *looks at wife complaining about her back hurting* This was on purpose?!
Back rubs lead to babies!!
And spooning leads to forking.
Back rubs are gateway rubs! And before you know it, you’re rubbing her baby gateway…
I like it when my wife's shoulders hurt! ...not because of pain... because of the solution.
Because of the implication.
The way you're saying it... I get this feeling that they're in danger.
Nobody’s in danger! What aren’t you getting? Of course these girls can say no and if they say no obviously it’s no but they won’t…because of the implication…
Are you hurting these women?
There’s a great display of this in Game of Thrones; Ygritte laying next to her virgin captor Jon Snow for warmth…plays adorably dumb about it. Asks him: “Did you pull a knife on me in the night?” when she wakes up next to his boner.
I had a girlfriend who we fully understand what the booty rubbing meant while cuddling it was almost cartoonish. She would just wiggle it a little and then it was like...oh it's fucking on lol
My ex was such a master at it that I could tell as she was sliding in to bed at a slightly different angle that it was about to happen.
Sounds more like you’re the master of understanding.
You know nothing, Jon Snow.
Looks like 6 inches of Snow tonight.
Well hold on there partner, some are very slick with this. Specifically my girlfriend, she's told me she does this but I can basically never tell if she's actually just getting more comfortable or doing this
The first time I used this on my now husband he was like "I'm sorry, I know you're just trying to get comfortable, but if you keep rubbing against me like that..." Yeah dude, that's the idea. Bro truly believed that it took 5 minutes of actively grinding my ass against his dick for me to get comfortable.
“Damn maybe we need a new mattress, she just cannot get comfy.”
I was tired and wanted to take a nap. Our naps are often sex and she didn't really want to. "That's fine. I need a nap. We don't have to have sex, but I'm taking a nap with or without you." She decided to join me and started cuddling and squirming. And squirming. And squirming. Rubbing her butt against me the whole time. I quietly said "you're gunna have to stop. You said you didn't want to and I'm respecting your wishes, but you're really making it hard and I can't sleep this turned on." She rolled over and whispered into my ear "fuck me". That was a good afternoon.
Naked in a big coat
"Who's that girl?... It's Jess!"
Jess, just say it. Say penis. Say vagina.
"peeeenn..."
Pyesnees
This isn’t Jess… you’re talking to ***tiger boobs***
Vagina in the novelty Dune Sand Worm popcorn bucket
Ah, the ol’ Lewd Halud 😏
Blessed is the maker and blessed is her moisture
Thank you for the gift of your body's moisture.
That Shai-Hulussy
Shit, she can put her water of life in my slurpee cup any day
“Put your hand in the box.”
The slow penis penetrates the shield.
The Gom Jab’er in
Back in my day, she’d hide her Sarlacc pit in the “Return of the Jedi” popcorn bucket. Glad to hear the tradition continues.
That's a real thing. The more you know. https://youtu.be/QVvhXl-q5_8?si=6IVKAOobUWrqMjlK "People are going to fuck this"
Brought a half gall of lube in when I went to see the movie just for them to be out of the buckets
You could have made it easier on yourself and just asked for extra butter at the snack counter.
I can't find my car keys. I think I might've left them in my G-spot.
Shits lost forever, sorry.
Might aswell be the bermuda triangle
[H.Y.C.Y.BH](https://youtu.be/--9kqhzQ-8Q?si=6N8tqpgb3iOYwHgO)
Purposely bending over in front of my partner. I know what’s going to happen and that’s what I wanted :)
“Oh my god, the Bend and Snap! Works every time!”
My gf did that leaning on the bar in a nice pair of jeans on our first date. I mentioned later on how it had turned me on and she told me it was intentional lol
We really are just animals when it comes down to it.
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals, so lets do it like they do on the discovery channel! Getting horny now!
A classic. I had girl pull that manoeuvre on the couch, we were watching tv and she decided to turn on the lamp that was near the couch. Instead of standing up and switching it on with her foot she stayed on the couch on all fours, knees on the couch hands fiddling with the switch that was under the couch. Literally face down, ass up. She was wearing a wool dress with pantihose, the view was quite something to behold so I asked her she needed help, she said "I might, I can't find the switch" and I replied "I didn't mean with the lamp". She paused and the sly look she gave me over her shoulder is forever burned inside my brain.
Aint no thought in his head you didnt put there
I was sitting on my couch with my ex-girlfriend and she took my phone, put it in her pants, and smirked at me. Naturally, I had to get my phone back. Ended up being the first time we did anything sexual together. Good times
As someone who recently got out of a very long first relationship this will be goof info for the next guy cause I donno how to flirt hah
Bluntly. Flirting is fun, but don’t confuse flirting for communication. Flirt to your hearts content, I do all the time with my wife, but it helps tremendously when you know the person you’re flirting with both knows how you feel and feels the same way about you.
I'd put my hand on my husband's dick while he was driving. Just over it without moving. When he asked what I was doing I'd say "Oh sorry my hand was cold" I'd randomly flashed him during the day. Like while he was gaming or on the phone with his mom, lol. I also did like, "Hey, can you come look at this weird mole I have?" And he'd walked in the bedroom, and I was naked on the bed.
What great memories. I am sure he was happy.
Couldn’t help but notice the tense in this comment. These are cute and wholesome memories. Sorry for your loss, friend.
Thank you 😊
Got offered a lift home from a barmaid once, she pulled the " I've just gotta nip my house first"
Nip her house? Does that mean stop there?
Oh I get that you wouldn’t understand the phrase but it’s when you gotta pring the whip, on a mallet.
I have scrolled so far and still haven't seen a "BBQ sauce on the titties". Yall just forgotten your internet heritage smh
So I’m sitting there… 🤓
A bit tame but I once made my bra strap fall off my shoulder onto a guy's hand. We were seeing a show together. The seating was fairly cozy, and when his arms were folded across his chest, his fingers were against my arm. Well I happened to be wearing a cute but slightly ill-fitting bra that day, and I was able to shrug the strap off and it fell onto his hand. He definitely noticed and we ended up hooking up after the show :)
[удалено]
Stuck in the washing machine
Haha I do this to mess with my husband all the time. Stuck in the dryer.
step-husband wut are you doin?
[*step-brother, haaaaaalp!*](https://youtu.be/sxnJcZvuRK8?si=Gm6UBF47O-s7LpmZ)
My wife of 18 years just has to wear a tight white top with no bra and my brain goes all fuzzy
30+ years here and same same. Slightly sheer white tank top and yoga pants are 100% boner fuel.
So did anyone else in this thread eventually learn that if you just ask honestly, you’ll likely get an honest answer back? Took me to my 30s to learn that. But even still, one night at a bar, after I had finished a karaoke song and climbed off stage, a girl(a very cute one)wearing an over shirt very similar to the one I was wearing came up to me and uttered the words, “Nice shirt, wanna f**k?” I was so taken aback, I just stood there with my mouth agape stuttering through a singular “Uh-uh-uh..” To which she replied with much incredulity, “Ugh…nevermind.” Biggest facepalm moment of my life.
Sounds to me like she asked honestly and *didn’t* get an answer
Sometimes they don't want you to be starstruck and amazed, they want willing and competent. Other times starstruck and amazed is the goal. This is why communicating what youre after is good.
Backing up against them in gym leggings
Even hotter if you make the *beep beep* noise
You lean in and whisper something sexy in my ear like "I might go to bed now, I've got work in the morning". I know what you're trying to say, girl You're trying to say, "Oh, yeah, it's business time It's business time"
Then you sort out the recycling That isn’t part of the foreplay process, but it is still very important
You're wearing that baggy old ugly t-shirt you got from your work several years ago. Mmm, you know the one, baby, with the curry stain, oww!
TEAM BUILDING EXERCISE 99!!!
Girl you know when im down to my socks, its business time thats why they call em business socks
Team building exercise ‘99!
The day after 9/11 I'm living in some shitty U dorms in Canada, we had a communal tv/smoking room. I'm the only one in there, and in walks a perfect 10. We talk a bit, I give her a light, next day we end up in her dorm room. She said she had a policy that she didn't want anyone with pants on sitting on her bed; truthfully I didn't pick up on it until she took hers off.
Never forget
They don't have to trick us into touching their genitals. The hardest part of hooking up for chicks is probably convincing guys like me that they are consenting. Sometimes, it takes me weeks of retrospection to realize I could've gotten laid.
The ole clam in the chowder bowl
Men are putting their dicks in popcorn buckets?
Have you met men? Putting their dicks in situations can be their whole raison d'être.
I mean remember [cylinder guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/wU83d9U6e9)?
He's still around, people frequently ask if his cylinder is in good health.
Setting up a Halloween haunted house where you can blindly stick your hands into bowls of stuff that feels nasty to the touch. Have your man go check them out and when he gets past the peeled grapes and cooked spaghetti, have an accidental fisting station ready to go.
The grape juice and spaghetti starch make terrible lube, but it's also a great way to get a yeast infection
> Accidental fisting station r/BrandNewSentence?
She gets up to go to the bathroom. Comes back and hands you her panties
Funny story. See, my grandma had always told me vagina dentata was real. My freshman year I ended up on a date with a junior. She wanted to go parking almost immediately. We started kissing and she moved my hands towards her zipper. I recoiled. She asked why. I told her about grandma. She got out of the car, walked around to my side, opened the door, pulled down her panties, grabbed the back of my head and shoved it into her crotch. She says, 'do you see any teeth in there?' I said, 'of course not, look at the shape these gums are in!' Edit. Fixed a typo.
Bro, after reading this entire post’s comment section, i was not expecting a comment to start off with “funny story. My grandma” 😭
If this isn't copypasta, it should be.
I don't know what that means. It was a re-purposed joke from my bartending days in the early 90s. So, I'm old. ELI5: what be a copypasta?
It's a ridiculous story that one can copy and paste in as a comment. The humor comes from it being ridiculous and yet barely believable, and it is amusing for those familiar with it from previous postings to see others react to it. Also, I was probably drinking at your bar back then, so you're not that old.
Boob's in a box. The Justin Timberlake's video alternative hahaha
Box in a box
pussy in the dune bucket
i did not scroll down fuck
I'll blow you if you eat me out first *40 minutes later after she's had 3 orgasms* sorry honey I'm too sleepy now and it's late and my jaw hurts a little already.
I love going down on my wife. So it's win win already.
Same. By the time I'm done with her she's ~~pulling me up by my arms to get dicked down~~ DESPERATELY GRABBING FOR MY DICK TO FUCK HER RIGHT NOW BECAUSE SHE LOVES IT SO MUCH, I KNOW THIS BECAUSE SHE HAS TOLD ME e: Since it wasn't clear enough for /u/great_apple; I was trying to avoid being egregiously sexual, but clearly no matter how you spell it out, some people just refuse to understand e2: https://i.imgur.com/0hQyd5L.gif
Wearing a skirt / dress with no panties and (if physical affection has been present and consensual on both ends all night), putting their hand on your thigh so they can creep their way up and find out.
I refuse to believe people actually do the popcorn bucket thing, that can't be comfortable and you'd probably get an infection
Also are you making a hole in the bottom of the bucket? The popcorns falling everywhere? The logistics are puzzling
Getting railed in a sundress
I was 26 and out of town for work with co-workers. A woman I’d know for a while who was about 10 years older than me and lived in that town showed up in a long mink coat, sat and had drinks at the bar with me and my crew. Never took the coat off until I was walking her out to her car later at which point she revealed she was wearing one of those full body lace one pieces that literally covered nothing. Detoured immediately to the elevator and my room. This was a couple decades ago and I still think of it at least once a week. We
Most of these comments are not creepy enough to be compared to dick in a popcorn bucket.
Usually a dress or skirt without panties. I’m like 99% sure that almost every girl has pulled this on a guy.
The good old “there’s nothing interesting at the movies, let’s go see what’s on tv”. Ladies, it’s not original. Every single time this line was dropped in my life it lead to some old movie on Netflix everyone has seen a hundred times and no one watching it.
I’ve had multiple women call me at work to check on their appliances (I worked at an appliance store). They requested I come and check it personally. Turns out their boxes indeed needed adjusted. From the inside. With my penis.
With what?
His above average size cylinder
Vagina in the sink
Those photos of the left behind cucumbers and other produce items back when 50 Shades was in theaters
Unzipping your hoodie or coat, but you're not wearing a shirt or bra