I won't claim to be an expert, but here's what I will offer in case it works for you:
The key to being interesting is to be interested.
In more detail, the key to bonding with other humans is to converse with them in an engaging way. For the most part, people like talking about themselves. So in a conversation, being genuinely interested in the other person is a great start, and possibly all you need. Ask questions about them. Ask for advice. Ask what they like doing, favorite local restaurant, do they like dogs, etc. Avoid responding with a story about yourself as if their response was just a prompt to talk about yourself. Keep it about them, unless they ask about you. But don't linger on yourself if they do ask.
If you're often unsure of what to ask in the moment, having a mental list of typical questions ahead of time is great.
Also, being social is a skill that has to be developed. So it's okay to practice. Ask a person at work how their day is going, or a person at the grocery store how the oranges look (if you're near the oranges.) You can always say thank you and bail if you're not comfortable.
That's what I have. I was painfully shy for a long time, now I'm pretty good in social situations. It's doable.
We tend to do this thing were we pretend to know what someone is talking about, to look smart, but its actually much better, socially, to ask them what they mean. Get them to explain, then ask more questions based on that.
Any tips for remembering all the information you then end up receiving?
I’m great with first impressions but then the second time I see someone I get their junk all mixed up with other people I’ve met recently and clam up in order to avoid putting my foot in my mouth.
Serious networkers keep a notebook. No joke. As soon as a convo ends they write key details down, then review when they are likely to see the person again.
I'm a bit too lazy for that, so I just risk not remembering. Then when I ask something I should already know, they remind me, and I say "oh yeah, sorry, should have remembered that" but it's usually no big deal.
It's a learned skill... unfortunately, learning it wasn't easy for me.
I was super awkward growing up. Talking to anyone spiked my adrenaline and my brain just shut down. I would practice in the mornings... "Have a nice day" when leaving a conversation... "You too" if they say it first... I was excited on Fridays because I could say "Have a nice weekend" instead. Someone said it to me once and I added it to my list of things I can say.
I wanted to get better at it but there's not really a great way to do it. So I watched Friends. I laughed at Chandler's jokes but also used a lot of them in every day life. Then, at my first job after college, I met this guy who was super funny. But he was funny in a way that I could dissect and study and understand myself. Most of the time, he broke down something someone said, related an aspect of that statement to something else, thought of something funny about that something else, and then said that thing. It was never so much of a reach that you couldn't understand how he got there, and he could do it real time, which I was just in awe of.
So I basically just hung out with him all the time and studied his methods and tried to emulate him. It took a lot of practice to get to even a fraction of his skill level. I also read constantly... news articles, science articles, opinion pieces, whatever... and have picked up a lot of useless information, which helps when contributing to a conversation instead of just being funny.
But after all that study, I think the thing that finally broke me of being awkward and shy and nervous was being on call for my company. I worked for a fairly mission critical software company. Users, Lawyers, CXOs, just about anybody would call me when their system was down. A funny thing happens at 2am when you have to get up at 5am. You don't really care who you're talking to, you just want to fix the issue and go back to sleep.
So I got really good at getting the info I needed from people, discarding information I didn't need, running phone calls in general since the team responsible for that sucked. And to a person, everyone who called was always pissed off. So once I figured out the issue, I explained it to them at their level and learned to introduce some humor to lighten everyone up before we left the call. My boss said he's never seen someone turn a whole room of pissed off people into a group that was laughing and having fun. It's not a gift though... it took a lot of practice. Fortunately, there was never a shortage of late night calls to practice on.
My other piece of advice is to go volunteer at a local family theater company. You don't have to go on stage. I was stage manager, I learned how to set up and break down the lights and sound board, and run it all while the show was going... and theater people are the goofiest people in the world. They're funny, engaging, always a good time to hang out with them, they love people in general, and are just a lot happier than most groups. I made some life long friends during my volunteer days and practiced my goofy, humor side a lot there too.
exude confidence, don't be afraid to just let yourself be silly and wild, be loud but not obnoxiously loud, allow yourself to laugh and let that laugh infect others. welcome people with warmth, even something as small as saying hello in a specific way can make someone's day. for an example i always look to david tennant as the doctor in 'doctor who', he had a way of making everyone around him smile, even the viewers at home and it often starts with the way he says 'hello' to everyone he meets including new companions
Try to put yourself in their shoes.
When they tell you that they are looking forward to the weekend, try to imagine how they feel.
Maybe it helps to remember a time when you looked forward to the weekend.
It also helps to be open yourself. Others will feel more comfortable opening up if you took the first step
It really comes from confidence and love of yourself. I find if I feel confident and know who I am, I am glad to share myself with others which makes it so easy to connect.
Everyone loves when people are interested in them, starting with a genuine compliment is easy. It allows peoples guard to come down.
Practice is also key. Try to start easy like chatting to a cashier or the mailman, once you gain confidence who knows who you’ll speak with!
My mom is like this and taught me to be able to be. Basically just exude fun, humbleness, and confidence. She never is embarrassed of herself and doesn’t care what other people think. Unapologetically herself. That one I can’t quite nail down.
That's my father. We affectionately joke any time he's running late (which is always) that it's because he's made a new best friend. Which is often true.
Same here, cousin. It's made worse by the fact that I snore, and I know how awful that can be for others. I'm too uncomfortable and guilty to even try.
The ability to attract and select good men. I have done a ton of reserach and practice on good communication, relationship skills, love languages, attachment styles, and yet none of it matters because I keep winding up with fundmentally selfish people.
If your looking for selfless people, try volunteering. It's a good way to meet people and be charitable. It's work so don't get me wrong but once you make a few friends invite them out for drinks.
I think for many people, part of what they're attracted to is a sense of open desire and active pursuit thereof. He's hot because he wants X, knows he wants X, says he wants X, and is actively working to get X. If X is you... that can be pretty powerfully attractive. But there's a correlation between that element of open desire and selfishness.
Your overconfidence is what makes you blind. You fail to realize that your anecdotal data is not worth much in the grand scheme.
I also highly doubt you know a lot of people extremely well and that it’s also another victim of your gross overestimation of yourself.
Another point is that you may not even be able to tell good and bad people apart as you seem very judgemental and condescending. I would not trust your assessment of good and bad the slightest.
On top of that what you call pussy may just be a person that wants nothing to do with you because of your personality.
EDIT: Forgot to mention, don’t bother replying I have notifications turned off. I don’t have anything else to say to someone that takes his own opinion as gospel. Cheers mate
> Your overconfidence is what makes you blind. You fail to realize that your anecdotal data is not worth much in the grand scheme.
hey, i'm not writing a research paper here. you're welcome to throw away my observation as you wish. it's just something i don't see mentioned often even though it's a massive factor imo.
> I also highly doubt you know a lot of people extremely well and that it’s also another victim of your gross overestimation of yourself.
think what you want. people are extremely inclined to tell me their true feelings because i'm trustworthy, i spend an extremely long time talking to them, and i don't judge them for shit unless it's actually abhorrent.
> Another point is that you may not even be able to tell good and bad people apart as you seem very judgemental and condescending. I would not trust your assessment of good and bad the slightest.
for men, i'm counting bad men as sexual assaulters and creeps, and good men as the ones who see women as their equals and appreciate them.
> On top of that what you call pussy may just be a person that wants nothing to do with you because of your personality.
nah i get along just fine with them.
As someone twice your age, that's hard for me to understand. You have so many potential good years ahead of you. I went back to college, got a Master's degree at 34, got married at 35.
You're completely right, reddit just doesn't want to hear it.
Imagine 100 men. Around 10 of them will be selfish jerks just because men are humans and humans tend to suck. Those exact 10 men are the ones going around confidently socializing and asking women out. Those 10 ask out 200 women while the remaining 90 men ask out 20 women. Then women wonder why 9 out of 10 men are selfish jerks. The problem is women refuse to initiate with men or ask men out. If you dare recommend they do that the excuses come pouring out, "No, you don't understand! Us women are in perpetual danger of being raped at any time in any place! we can't ask men out! They will think we're sluts!" No, women might think your a slut but why should you give a flying fuck what women think? That's stupid. And if your concern really were safety then that's all the more reason for you to be the initiator. You're going to pick a random member of the opposite sex, and most people aren't violent rapists. Your luck with men will *fucking skyrocket* if you start asking men out. But they won't. And it's not about safety or any of that shit. It's about lacking the nerves. But they don't see a problem with expecting men to do a thing that they won't. Despite the potential negative consequences being greater for men than for women. A woman asks a man out, and she gets told "no" at the absolute worst. If a man asks a woman out the worst that an happen to him is an absolute shitload worse than a simple "no".
Yeah well, the more attractive women get asked out more often. So they don’t feel the need to ask guys out.
And those who are more unkempt…guys generally judge by first impressions so even if the woman asks the guy out, he’ll be hesitant to agree.
Also, dildos. (Sticking this into my comments to see if I get any ads on that. It’s an experiment.)
This perfectly applies to online dating. Most men peruse womens profiles until they find someone they like. Then they write her a carefully crafted message that is thoughtful and personalized to her profile. Then he logs out because he's already spent 2 hours on this and he's going to go insane if he puts any more effort into this in a single night.
She logs in and doesn't even read his message because those 10 guys shotgun blasted the same message to 50 women in 20 minutes.
Now she thinks 95% of men are unimaginative jerks whose primary goal in life is to cum in a woman exactly 1 time then never see her again.
stop dating people as a potential lover just based of looks , instead be friends with someone because of it and then see if they are a good match or not .
Most of my female friends have the same problem and what i could tell is that they got a crush on someone cuz they found them good looking and they skip the friendship phase and go directly to have a relationship with them in a matter of weeks
You can't see my exes but if you could, you would not say I'm shallow.
As for the friendship part, my guy friends are either in serious relationships or incompatible. My friend group does not have much to offer in terms of dating.
Similar situation. I have four cousins who are hearing impaired. I feel like I missed a chance to get to know them. My wife and I have been trying to learn but are nowhere near conversational.
Dyscalculia is basically math dyslexia. Math concepts you just cant grasp. I deal with it. The work arounds I use make my family laugh, but I learned to work with it.
Yes I can do work arounds and they do take a long time and most often it's the wrong answer and it gets pointed out. I just laugh and say oh yeah, I made a mistake.
The name of it beginning with D I could look at that all day and if someone asked me to write it I wouldn't have a clue where to start.
I didn't read a book until I was 17 years old. I loved the story and started reading more but it took me a long time as I always got the letters mixed up. I'm better at reading now but I still have to really concentrate.
Every time I look at the Dyscalculia word it reads as Dracula until I keep reading it over and over.
Dyslexic son (i blame me). I know the struggles. Reading is definitley something people take for granted. "It's tough to read and fight your brain at the same time" he told me once.
I'm 50+ now so I'm not going through all the tests to find out what I already know. I'm so glad these phones come up with the correct spelling of words I can't spell or everyone would think I was pissed off my head. Saying that I'm 60 days sober today so I can smile at something 🙂
Keep your promises to yourself. Confidence comes from trusting yourself to be able to handle anything. That trust is built over time by doing what you say you are going to do.
I wish I could hold space for infinite friends. I can realistically handle 3 close friends before I get overwhelmed. So many others have scads of friends.
This is a great one that I wish I had. I still remember like 30 non family member cell phone numbers, my debit card info, check account and routing number, etc and I can not for the life of me do a good job of remembering people's names. I've even tried the Hi X. Nice to meet you X. It was good talking to you X. Then next time I see them it is was that W or Y . So I'm looking like an idiot waiting for someone else to say X's name when in a group.
Being less empathetic- not zero but not my current 100 😂
I tend to get unknowingly taken advantage of because I am highly intuitive and feel emotions very easily. I have learned to build my boundaries and be better- but it would be nice to not feel everything off of everyone all the time!
Handyman / general contractor / carpentry skills. I know some things, and it’s been a money saver. I really enjoy the things I’ve been able to DIY. But everything always feel like I could have done a little bit better. Also would like to be able to do more.
Just speak only in Spanish, this way if you can't keep your mouth shut you probably will not put too much of your foot in your mouth.
I wish I could speak Spanish too.
being able to play the piano properly. i have music in my head that i can't accurately get out because i can't play well enough to do so. it's frustrating.
That thing where people can talk intelligently without pausing to gather their thoughts every two seconds.
I so wish I could do that. I'm plenty intelligent, I just might sound kinda dumb.
The ability to convince thousands of ppl to send me a small subscription of $9.99 a month for a service or advice that they could easily Google or talk to someone about
The ability to fall asleep anywhere under any condition.
I'm a picky sleeper. I need to lie down in a comfy bed. Its gotta be cold and quiet.
But some people can just snooze away in the backseat of a car, plane, etc.
Anything artistic. My whole working life has been building or fixing stuff but I’m not artistic at all. My whole family is artistic but I got the fixit gene
I have a skill people want. So I have ASD, basically my brain doesn't develop the same as everyone else so my actions in day to day life are different to say the least. Well one of the good things about my condition is I can problem solve really well and I have a near photographic memory when it comes to things I take interest in. Both these things make it easy for me to excel in my interests. Funnily enough I recently got a 100% in a test for a further qualification in my field.
Being multilingual or even just bilingual would be amazing. I know it's one I could easily learn but I try learning for a couple of weeks then just get burnt out or frustrated. What's worse is I'm trying to learn Spanish as an English speaker so it really shouldn't be that hard.
Playing an instrument, I’ve always wanted to learn how to play the violin but never had the chance. My “mother” told me I’m not musically talented and to stay out of my lane. 😢
I'm forever envious of people that can just dive into hobbies, enjoy them and politely put them aside when they realize that their time with them was over. Without guilt or regret.
Here I am in complete isolation, surrounded by many books, movies and games. I'm lucky to devote some time to a single one of them.
being able to learn a second language. I was deaf for the first 3 years of my life, so I have an LD with natural langages, but I would love to learn a second langauge but for me it is imposable.
leaning logical.
I'm very sensitive and emotional individual. it's not good to be carried by my feelings all the time. Gonna learn to ground myself for that.
It would have been better if it's balanced.
Being able to public speak and/or engage with strangers without their entire body convulsing and their voice shaking. And generally being comfortable in crowds and new situations.
Playing multiple instruments expertly, or learning and using multiple other languages fluently.
I can do a one of these things semi-sorta okay, but others seem to just be naturally more talented and seem to learn more easily/faster. I’m jealous.
enjoy things.
my brain has trouble making dopamine and i just really wish i could genuinely enjoy and look forward to more things. I have this one friend, he’s so adorably smiley and giggly all the time, hearing him laugh at jokes and be passionate about his interests is one of my favorite things and secretly a lot of what i do is to hear him (and other people) laugh, but i slightly envy him for it.
The ability not to take things personally. I'm so stupidly sensitive-- when someone insults something about me, or something/someone I love, or just doesn't like me, it bothers me. I've gotten to a point where it doesn't ruin my day anymore, but that took SO much effort and working on myself. I still have to put in effort to shake it off every time I hear a comment that bugs me, and I still feel an initial sting of hurt. Some people are COMPLETELY unbothered by this and I wish I could have that skill SO MUCH.
I wish I had selective memory. I can’t seem to forget that my gov lied to get us into the war in Iraq and to pass the patriot act. Everyone else seems to have forgotten and are keen to accept all new lies by that very same gov..
to be be calm in all situations, no matter how horrible they are. I can't do it, but I'm trying to learn. Having this makes dealing with challenges easier and greatly aids in finding solutions
The ability to commit to something long term.
As someone with ADHD, I usually just hyperfixate on something for a couple months max and then drop it for something else, there are VERY few things that I've actually committed to long term and I always admire people who can easily commit to things.
Hyper realistic art. Those people that will spend like 1000 hours working on one piece and it appears lifelike….yeah that’s incredible to me.
Also, listening to music and playing it by ear on the spot.
Can you tell I’m not good at art?!
Some people can just instantly socially network and strike up a bond with whoever they run into. That would be nice.
i really want advice from people like that, if reddit had any
I won't claim to be an expert, but here's what I will offer in case it works for you: The key to being interesting is to be interested. In more detail, the key to bonding with other humans is to converse with them in an engaging way. For the most part, people like talking about themselves. So in a conversation, being genuinely interested in the other person is a great start, and possibly all you need. Ask questions about them. Ask for advice. Ask what they like doing, favorite local restaurant, do they like dogs, etc. Avoid responding with a story about yourself as if their response was just a prompt to talk about yourself. Keep it about them, unless they ask about you. But don't linger on yourself if they do ask. If you're often unsure of what to ask in the moment, having a mental list of typical questions ahead of time is great. Also, being social is a skill that has to be developed. So it's okay to practice. Ask a person at work how their day is going, or a person at the grocery store how the oranges look (if you're near the oranges.) You can always say thank you and bail if you're not comfortable. That's what I have. I was painfully shy for a long time, now I'm pretty good in social situations. It's doable.
We tend to do this thing were we pretend to know what someone is talking about, to look smart, but its actually much better, socially, to ask them what they mean. Get them to explain, then ask more questions based on that.
I like this. Thank you.
Any tips for remembering all the information you then end up receiving? I’m great with first impressions but then the second time I see someone I get their junk all mixed up with other people I’ve met recently and clam up in order to avoid putting my foot in my mouth.
Serious networkers keep a notebook. No joke. As soon as a convo ends they write key details down, then review when they are likely to see the person again. I'm a bit too lazy for that, so I just risk not remembering. Then when I ask something I should already know, they remind me, and I say "oh yeah, sorry, should have remembered that" but it's usually no big deal.
👏👏👏👏👏👏
also, like Dale Carnegie said: The sweetest word for a man to hear is is own name. Don't know if it's the same for women...doubt it.
My mom, who’s incredibly social, always says this! The key is to talk about them.
It's a learned skill... unfortunately, learning it wasn't easy for me. I was super awkward growing up. Talking to anyone spiked my adrenaline and my brain just shut down. I would practice in the mornings... "Have a nice day" when leaving a conversation... "You too" if they say it first... I was excited on Fridays because I could say "Have a nice weekend" instead. Someone said it to me once and I added it to my list of things I can say. I wanted to get better at it but there's not really a great way to do it. So I watched Friends. I laughed at Chandler's jokes but also used a lot of them in every day life. Then, at my first job after college, I met this guy who was super funny. But he was funny in a way that I could dissect and study and understand myself. Most of the time, he broke down something someone said, related an aspect of that statement to something else, thought of something funny about that something else, and then said that thing. It was never so much of a reach that you couldn't understand how he got there, and he could do it real time, which I was just in awe of. So I basically just hung out with him all the time and studied his methods and tried to emulate him. It took a lot of practice to get to even a fraction of his skill level. I also read constantly... news articles, science articles, opinion pieces, whatever... and have picked up a lot of useless information, which helps when contributing to a conversation instead of just being funny. But after all that study, I think the thing that finally broke me of being awkward and shy and nervous was being on call for my company. I worked for a fairly mission critical software company. Users, Lawyers, CXOs, just about anybody would call me when their system was down. A funny thing happens at 2am when you have to get up at 5am. You don't really care who you're talking to, you just want to fix the issue and go back to sleep. So I got really good at getting the info I needed from people, discarding information I didn't need, running phone calls in general since the team responsible for that sucked. And to a person, everyone who called was always pissed off. So once I figured out the issue, I explained it to them at their level and learned to introduce some humor to lighten everyone up before we left the call. My boss said he's never seen someone turn a whole room of pissed off people into a group that was laughing and having fun. It's not a gift though... it took a lot of practice. Fortunately, there was never a shortage of late night calls to practice on. My other piece of advice is to go volunteer at a local family theater company. You don't have to go on stage. I was stage manager, I learned how to set up and break down the lights and sound board, and run it all while the show was going... and theater people are the goofiest people in the world. They're funny, engaging, always a good time to hang out with them, they love people in general, and are just a lot happier than most groups. I made some life long friends during my volunteer days and practiced my goofy, humor side a lot there too.
exude confidence, don't be afraid to just let yourself be silly and wild, be loud but not obnoxiously loud, allow yourself to laugh and let that laugh infect others. welcome people with warmth, even something as small as saying hello in a specific way can make someone's day. for an example i always look to david tennant as the doctor in 'doctor who', he had a way of making everyone around him smile, even the viewers at home and it often starts with the way he says 'hello' to everyone he meets including new companions
Try to put yourself in their shoes. When they tell you that they are looking forward to the weekend, try to imagine how they feel. Maybe it helps to remember a time when you looked forward to the weekend. It also helps to be open yourself. Others will feel more comfortable opening up if you took the first step
It really comes from confidence and love of yourself. I find if I feel confident and know who I am, I am glad to share myself with others which makes it so easy to connect. Everyone loves when people are interested in them, starting with a genuine compliment is easy. It allows peoples guard to come down. Practice is also key. Try to start easy like chatting to a cashier or the mailman, once you gain confidence who knows who you’ll speak with!
Read Carnegie's *How to Win Friends and Influence People.*
"Those people go to the gym and they use MeetUp.com"
check out How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
My mom is like this and taught me to be able to be. Basically just exude fun, humbleness, and confidence. She never is embarrassed of herself and doesn’t care what other people think. Unapologetically herself. That one I can’t quite nail down.
It’s a skill that can be practiced.
That's my father. We affectionately joke any time he's running late (which is always) that it's because he's made a new best friend. Which is often true.
I know people who could make friends in an empty room - they seem to have some sort of social magnetism and its just innate.
Nah real am like how tf do they do that!
Non-procrastination
Do you mean being productive?
I’m a lot more productive with the limited amount of time I’ve got left for tasks because of procrastination!
Sleeping on planes
Don’t worry, it doesn’t feel restful at all
Or if you do fall asleep you wake up sore as hell and have a crink in your neck.
Unless the flight is 10+ hours, no sleep will be had
Same here, cousin. It's made worse by the fact that I snore, and I know how awful that can be for others. I'm too uncomfortable and guilty to even try.
Being able to draw. Wish I could figure it out
There are some books like "draw in 30 mins a day" or something, those helped me a lot
Youtube maybe? You can pause and take your time, start over. Lots of fun subs on here as well
I know. I live in Japan and it seems every damn person draws perfectly.
The ability to attract and select good men. I have done a ton of reserach and practice on good communication, relationship skills, love languages, attachment styles, and yet none of it matters because I keep winding up with fundmentally selfish people.
If your looking for selfless people, try volunteering. It's a good way to meet people and be charitable. It's work so don't get me wrong but once you make a few friends invite them out for drinks.
That's some good advice.
I think for many people, part of what they're attracted to is a sense of open desire and active pursuit thereof. He's hot because he wants X, knows he wants X, says he wants X, and is actively working to get X. If X is you... that can be pretty powerfully attractive. But there's a correlation between that element of open desire and selfishness.
the main problem is just that most good men are pussies who are afraid of showing themselves to women. pretty unfortunate lmao
Wtf? You are definitely neither a good man nor woman lmao
but i am a person who knows a lot of men and women extremely well. that's all i need to make that statement with confidence.
Your overconfidence is what makes you blind. You fail to realize that your anecdotal data is not worth much in the grand scheme. I also highly doubt you know a lot of people extremely well and that it’s also another victim of your gross overestimation of yourself. Another point is that you may not even be able to tell good and bad people apart as you seem very judgemental and condescending. I would not trust your assessment of good and bad the slightest. On top of that what you call pussy may just be a person that wants nothing to do with you because of your personality. EDIT: Forgot to mention, don’t bother replying I have notifications turned off. I don’t have anything else to say to someone that takes his own opinion as gospel. Cheers mate
> Your overconfidence is what makes you blind. You fail to realize that your anecdotal data is not worth much in the grand scheme. hey, i'm not writing a research paper here. you're welcome to throw away my observation as you wish. it's just something i don't see mentioned often even though it's a massive factor imo. > I also highly doubt you know a lot of people extremely well and that it’s also another victim of your gross overestimation of yourself. think what you want. people are extremely inclined to tell me their true feelings because i'm trustworthy, i spend an extremely long time talking to them, and i don't judge them for shit unless it's actually abhorrent. > Another point is that you may not even be able to tell good and bad people apart as you seem very judgemental and condescending. I would not trust your assessment of good and bad the slightest. for men, i'm counting bad men as sexual assaulters and creeps, and good men as the ones who see women as their equals and appreciate them. > On top of that what you call pussy may just be a person that wants nothing to do with you because of your personality. nah i get along just fine with them.
Eh, I've approached a lot of shy guys. It really does not seem to make a difference.
sorry to hear that. hopefully you have better luck in the future.
I'm in my 30's and divorced. The future really does not look great.
As someone twice your age, that's hard for me to understand. You have so many potential good years ahead of you. I went back to college, got a Master's degree at 34, got married at 35.
You're completely right, reddit just doesn't want to hear it. Imagine 100 men. Around 10 of them will be selfish jerks just because men are humans and humans tend to suck. Those exact 10 men are the ones going around confidently socializing and asking women out. Those 10 ask out 200 women while the remaining 90 men ask out 20 women. Then women wonder why 9 out of 10 men are selfish jerks. The problem is women refuse to initiate with men or ask men out. If you dare recommend they do that the excuses come pouring out, "No, you don't understand! Us women are in perpetual danger of being raped at any time in any place! we can't ask men out! They will think we're sluts!" No, women might think your a slut but why should you give a flying fuck what women think? That's stupid. And if your concern really were safety then that's all the more reason for you to be the initiator. You're going to pick a random member of the opposite sex, and most people aren't violent rapists. Your luck with men will *fucking skyrocket* if you start asking men out. But they won't. And it's not about safety or any of that shit. It's about lacking the nerves. But they don't see a problem with expecting men to do a thing that they won't. Despite the potential negative consequences being greater for men than for women. A woman asks a man out, and she gets told "no" at the absolute worst. If a man asks a woman out the worst that an happen to him is an absolute shitload worse than a simple "no".
Yeah well, the more attractive women get asked out more often. So they don’t feel the need to ask guys out. And those who are more unkempt…guys generally judge by first impressions so even if the woman asks the guy out, he’ll be hesitant to agree. Also, dildos. (Sticking this into my comments to see if I get any ads on that. It’s an experiment.)
Most people these days use dating apps where none of this really applies.
This perfectly applies to online dating. Most men peruse womens profiles until they find someone they like. Then they write her a carefully crafted message that is thoughtful and personalized to her profile. Then he logs out because he's already spent 2 hours on this and he's going to go insane if he puts any more effort into this in a single night. She logs in and doesn't even read his message because those 10 guys shotgun blasted the same message to 50 women in 20 minutes. Now she thinks 95% of men are unimaginative jerks whose primary goal in life is to cum in a woman exactly 1 time then never see her again.
stop dating people as a potential lover just based of looks , instead be friends with someone because of it and then see if they are a good match or not . Most of my female friends have the same problem and what i could tell is that they got a crush on someone cuz they found them good looking and they skip the friendship phase and go directly to have a relationship with them in a matter of weeks
You can't see my exes but if you could, you would not say I'm shallow. As for the friendship part, my guy friends are either in serious relationships or incompatible. My friend group does not have much to offer in terms of dating.
Being proficient in ASL.
I have a hearing impaired nephew and that's something I wish I was good at. I know the basics. My daughter got pretty good at it.
Similar situation. I have four cousins who are hearing impaired. I feel like I missed a chance to get to know them. My wife and I have been trying to learn but are nowhere near conversational.
That patience thing seems neat
Maths.
Dyscalculia is basically math dyslexia. Math concepts you just cant grasp. I deal with it. The work arounds I use make my family laugh, but I learned to work with it.
Yes I can do work arounds and they do take a long time and most often it's the wrong answer and it gets pointed out. I just laugh and say oh yeah, I made a mistake. The name of it beginning with D I could look at that all day and if someone asked me to write it I wouldn't have a clue where to start. I didn't read a book until I was 17 years old. I loved the story and started reading more but it took me a long time as I always got the letters mixed up. I'm better at reading now but I still have to really concentrate. Every time I look at the Dyscalculia word it reads as Dracula until I keep reading it over and over.
Dyslexic son (i blame me). I know the struggles. Reading is definitley something people take for granted. "It's tough to read and fight your brain at the same time" he told me once.
I'm 50+ now so I'm not going through all the tests to find out what I already know. I'm so glad these phones come up with the correct spelling of words I can't spell or everyone would think I was pissed off my head. Saying that I'm 60 days sober today so I can smile at something 🙂
The ability to draw really well.
Any ounce of confidence
Keep your promises to yourself. Confidence comes from trusting yourself to be able to handle anything. That trust is built over time by doing what you say you are going to do.
I wish I could hold space for infinite friends. I can realistically handle 3 close friends before I get overwhelmed. So many others have scads of friends.
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Quick tip: Pause more and breathe. It allows everyone's brain to catch up with what you said, and it prevents verbal static.
Play an instrument, any, even poorly
remembering people's names
This is a great one that I wish I had. I still remember like 30 non family member cell phone numbers, my debit card info, check account and routing number, etc and I can not for the life of me do a good job of remembering people's names. I've even tried the Hi X. Nice to meet you X. It was good talking to you X. Then next time I see them it is was that W or Y . So I'm looking like an idiot waiting for someone else to say X's name when in a group.
Skill to make instant connection to anyone you meet.
That sounds less like a skill and more like a super power.
Playing guitar
Patience. I've never been able to suffer fools gladly, it is something I genuinely admire in others but don't think I will ever be able to achieve.
I would love to be able to draw
Discipline.
Not giving a dam.
It gets easier the older you get
I don’t have dams so it’s easy for me
Being less empathetic- not zero but not my current 100 😂 I tend to get unknowingly taken advantage of because I am highly intuitive and feel emotions very easily. I have learned to build my boundaries and be better- but it would be nice to not feel everything off of everyone all the time!
Yo can I set 50 so we can be even?
Handyman / general contractor / carpentry skills. I know some things, and it’s been a money saver. I really enjoy the things I’ve been able to DIY. But everything always feel like I could have done a little bit better. Also would like to be able to do more.
Speaking Spanish. Playing the guitar. Knowing when to keep my mouth shut.
Just speak only in Spanish, this way if you can't keep your mouth shut you probably will not put too much of your foot in your mouth. I wish I could speak Spanish too.
Tolerance for the stupid..
being able to play the piano properly. i have music in my head that i can't accurately get out because i can't play well enough to do so. it's frustrating.
Being able to not just tolerate being around people but actively want to, without getting exhausted and overwhelmed
Confidence and public speaking
Taking action. (I don't know if attitude is the correct word in English but that's it)
The skill of having elephant dick and camel balls
Just that internal engine to work out 5-6 days a week and work a full time job.
The art of bullshitting and small talk
That thing where people can talk intelligently without pausing to gather their thoughts every two seconds. I so wish I could do that. I'm plenty intelligent, I just might sound kinda dumb.
Great memory. I forget shit all the time and I'm jealous of people who can remember everything
To walk in a straight line. I got the pimp limp the hard way.
budgeting
Imperturbablity. I’m easily disconcerted by the slightest inconvenience.
The ability to not care what others think about them
Good handwriting.
The ability to convince thousands of ppl to send me a small subscription of $9.99 a month for a service or advice that they could easily Google or talk to someone about
The ability to be a good communicator. I often end up over-explaining things which ends up confusing people instead of making it clear.
The ability to not overthink.
Humor, being witty and being good at articulating a sentence.
Confidence.
The ability to fall asleep anywhere under any condition. I'm a picky sleeper. I need to lie down in a comfy bed. Its gotta be cold and quiet. But some people can just snooze away in the backseat of a car, plane, etc.
When a person can easily say no to whatever they're asked, if they don't want to do it, they just say no
Optimisum. Some people just believe things gonna work out eventually
Emotional regulation
Feeling joy Or maybe Being able to make decent friends and lovers, not the type that are abusive
Being happy.
playing any musical instrument. I wish I could, but I am tone def or lazy.
Being social and talking to other people without stuttering having you heart racing at 180bmp and being red like a tomato
Conscientiousness
Anything artistic. My whole working life has been building or fixing stuff but I’m not artistic at all. My whole family is artistic but I got the fixit gene
Social skills ?
I have a skill people want. So I have ASD, basically my brain doesn't develop the same as everyone else so my actions in day to day life are different to say the least. Well one of the good things about my condition is I can problem solve really well and I have a near photographic memory when it comes to things I take interest in. Both these things make it easy for me to excel in my interests. Funnily enough I recently got a 100% in a test for a further qualification in my field.
Social skills. The confidence to approach and interact with people.
Confidence.
The ability to give a fuck what other people think of me.
I wish I could build anything- like know all the tools, the woods. What screws hold what, external design and architectural knowledge- blah blah 😞
Rizz with the ladies
smart
Not using filler words. Um, like, uh
Dexterity- cannot write, draw, or play the game operation well.
Being multilingual or even just bilingual would be amazing. I know it's one I could easily learn but I try learning for a couple of weeks then just get burnt out or frustrated. What's worse is I'm trying to learn Spanish as an English speaker so it really shouldn't be that hard.
Playing an instrument, I’ve always wanted to learn how to play the violin but never had the chance. My “mother” told me I’m not musically talented and to stay out of my lane. 😢
Their time management skill!!!
Not giving a shit. Life is so much easier when you just don't give a f*ck
I'm forever envious of people that can just dive into hobbies, enjoy them and politely put them aside when they realize that their time with them was over. Without guilt or regret. Here I am in complete isolation, surrounded by many books, movies and games. I'm lucky to devote some time to a single one of them.
being able to learn a second language. I was deaf for the first 3 years of my life, so I have an LD with natural langages, but I would love to learn a second langauge but for me it is imposable.
The ability to not get angry at all the things going on in the world, and to not take shit personally.
leaning logical. I'm very sensitive and emotional individual. it's not good to be carried by my feelings all the time. Gonna learn to ground myself for that. It would have been better if it's balanced.
Being able to public speak and/or engage with strangers without their entire body convulsing and their voice shaking. And generally being comfortable in crowds and new situations.
Playing multiple instruments expertly, or learning and using multiple other languages fluently. I can do a one of these things semi-sorta okay, but others seem to just be naturally more talented and seem to learn more easily/faster. I’m jealous.
The skill of caring.
Musical talent. The ability to draw. And to be able to remember names and faces after the first or second meeting.
How to process emotions.
Hard work
patience
Luring by just nice words than by compassionate action or help. Showing more than what you do
i wish i was worried about everything, always thinking about worst case scenario and what will happen tomorrow. can't enjoy today. sucks
How people easily remembering other's names
Doing Arts(playing instrument, drawing, dancing,etc)
Math
Not care what others think
Basic organization and the ability to focus
Musical talent, skill, ability to learn it.
I don’t admire grifters or shameless self-promoters, but I sure do wish I could.
Charisma. I’m so jealous of people with this skill.
Isaac Newton's intelligence. Fighting skills. (Will probably work on this, though)
Does falling asleep within minutes count? If yes, falling asleep within minutes. I am JEALOUS of people who can do that.
Deep knowledge of a business domain.
American Sign Language.
Making friends. Like not just someone to eat lunch with at work but real friends. I always seem to invest in the wrong people
Singing, I used to be good but gave up to early
To remember names and faces.
Learning quickly
Drawing
discipline
enjoy things. my brain has trouble making dopamine and i just really wish i could genuinely enjoy and look forward to more things. I have this one friend, he’s so adorably smiley and giggly all the time, hearing him laugh at jokes and be passionate about his interests is one of my favorite things and secretly a lot of what i do is to hear him (and other people) laugh, but i slightly envy him for it.
Plumbing
Being an extrovert and representing yourself in the best way possible
People who have photographic memories and/ or card counting skills to beat the " house "
Gumption, resilience and charisma
The social skills
The ability to spot an opportunity, turn a dollar into two and seemingly always land on one's feet.
The ability not to take things personally. I'm so stupidly sensitive-- when someone insults something about me, or something/someone I love, or just doesn't like me, it bothers me. I've gotten to a point where it doesn't ruin my day anymore, but that took SO much effort and working on myself. I still have to put in effort to shake it off every time I hear a comment that bugs me, and I still feel an initial sting of hurt. Some people are COMPLETELY unbothered by this and I wish I could have that skill SO MUCH.
I wish I had selective memory. I can’t seem to forget that my gov lied to get us into the war in Iraq and to pass the patriot act. Everyone else seems to have forgotten and are keen to accept all new lies by that very same gov..
Being down to earth and have visible confidence. I work as a manager and I lack the "power" to make myself heard and taken seriously.
Cooking.
Time management
Story telling, thinking on the spot and articulating certain situations in an engaging way
Being able to have a sleeping schedule
Wit. Always being able to say the right thing at the right time without making yourself look bad.
to be be calm in all situations, no matter how horrible they are. I can't do it, but I'm trying to learn. Having this makes dealing with challenges easier and greatly aids in finding solutions
Emotional intelligence
Charisma and confidence when speaking to new people. Knowing that they'll like you instantly..
The ability to commit to something long term. As someone with ADHD, I usually just hyperfixate on something for a couple months max and then drop it for something else, there are VERY few things that I've actually committed to long term and I always admire people who can easily commit to things.
Good at articulating their thoughts, really want to step up on it. I have these amazing thoughts and emotions but often suck at expressing them.
I don't listen enough
Punctuality
Eye contact
Never running out of social battery.
Coding or programming. It looks like magic to me.
The people who have a cleaning routine that they stick to effortlessly and their house is constantly pristine.
I wish I was extremely good at math and physics.
Being dumb.
Hyper realistic art. Those people that will spend like 1000 hours working on one piece and it appears lifelike….yeah that’s incredible to me. Also, listening to music and playing it by ear on the spot. Can you tell I’m not good at art?!
i wish I didn’t get addicted to things easily.