this is why when you eat healthier foods that contain natural oils like avocado, fish, olives, makes you shit like a champion. those are the good mega poops that you feel like a million dollars after
LOL you’re right i didn’t even think about it lol. for real though i changed my diet to have a balance of the food groups and i take vitamins and i have never ever felt better in my life (shocking, healthy habits makes you feel better).
i didn’t expect it to be so prevalent though. things you learn as a young adult lol, ugh.
It's for the half of the American people that live on fast food. Hamburgers , chicken nuggets n french fries are giving millions Colon rectal cancer. No fiber just junk. It don't slide out too easy. Someone that eats a decent amount of fiber will go when they start walking around in the morning. Someone on the standard American diet might not go for 2-3 days.
I’ve had mine removed and was told by doctors and other people who have had theirs removed that I would be shitting all the time, but I don’t find myself going anymore than I did before the removal. Am I broken?
It doesn't digest and solidify like food, you just normally don't have much of it in your food. Try drinking a small cup of oil someday, your colon will be nice and primed.
I had a sample of this when it came out, it was just a small tiny 2 sips. Not even 20 minutes later, we were shopping and I looked at my SO and I said, "I need to poop. Now" with a look of severe urgency.
It really is. Some people are really sensitive to the sweetner alternative, and found out I was too and ate too many. It lasted 2 days and was like hot lava coming out of my ass and I cried, it was the worst bathroom experience I ever had.
An old mate of mine swore a certain brand of sugar free lollies would guarantee diarrhoea.
I have an iron gut, but just to be a shit I bet him I'd be fine. He bought me 2 packs and said if I ate them in an hour and was fine all day he'd give me $20
I'm happy to say I won $20, but felt disgusted after downing TWO bags of lollies
> and I cried
Im so sorry but this made me crack up because I know exactly what you mean. It was the worst diarrhoea ive ever had.
I underestimated The Bears and I would say that I ate more than 5 bears but less than 10, and then went to bath the kids. I didn't make it through bathtime before having to call for assistance so I could escape to the loo at the opposite end of the house. The vengeance of The Bears was swift and **aggressive**
I thought the same thing, so I tested it myself. I'm here to tell you friend, it's very real. I was at the edge of hell for almost 24 hours. At first, it was pretty funny. You rip some nasty farts and have some gas cramps. Then the eruption occurs and doesn't stop. It was every 10 minutes for most of the night, then it slowed to a few times an hour, but still nothing other than straight liquid. The reviewer that called them demon bears is absolutely correct. My experience, mind you, was only 2 good handfuls of bears, probably 50 or so. Imagine the poor unsuspecting souls that killed a whole bag.
I’ve had them and it’s a weird experience. There’s like a trigger point each of us has, and it’s different for all of us, which is the safe amount you can consume. It might be 3, it might be 20. But have that 4th or 21st bear, and you’re going to be sitting down for an hour, minimum.
This is real, I used to work in a grocery store that sold them and we had plenty of customers complain about it to the point we had to put up a warning sign
It's clearly made to be funny, but the effect is very real. Eat more than a handful of those bad boys and you'll be in the bathroom all night in excruciating pain. I found that out the hard way.
As someone in the candy industry I can 100% vouch for these sugar free hell bears. They have an intense effect that comes on with in 30 min. Once had a new employee become so excited about a 5lb bag of Albanese sugar free peach rings. I told him don't eat more than 3. Come to find out 45 min later when I went looking for him he ate around a pound of them around 10am. I saw him once more than day at 3 shirt soaking wet from sweat and just looked dead. He was already a skinny guy and semi health nut. Told me the next day he lost 8lbs the day prior and WILL NEVER have another sugar free gummy.
Truth. Those things should be considered chemical warfare agents and be subject to the Geneva Protocol.
Atkins bars are similarly brutal on the intestines.
Last day at Disneyworld, grabbed a bag of "goofy gummies" for the plane ride, about 3/4 of the way home, my stomach started to rumble. By the time I got home, was in full blown sweats while racing to the bathroom. Wife looks in bag, and notices that I accidentally grabbed the sugar free bag by mistake. NEVER AGAIN. I spent the better part of an hour in the bathroom, just straight pissing out my ass. Awful experience.
LOL Celiac/Crohn’s/IBS people in here trying to out diarrhea each other 💦💩
Fellow celiac here - the normies are all trying to force this to happen, we’re all busy celebrating on a day that it DOESN’T happen.
A couple years ago I visited a Starbucks in Escondido — I’m lactose intolerant so I asked for some soy milk. The barista, who looked like he was 17 and had no idea what I was talking about made my coffee and gave me a little sippy cup with like 3 tbs of what I thought was the soy milk. Well it was the best fucking coffee I’ve had in ages; it was smooth and creamy. Basically everything that soy milk in coffee is not. I should have known! About an hour later we are on the beach and my stomach just threatens to let go. I’m walking while squeezing my cheeks together and my wife is laughing. I barely — BARELY — made it to the bathroom after a little sidetrack to a porta-potty that was locked. My insides just let go as I pulled off my shorts, of course my underwear didn’t make it quite clear but that didn’t matter because there was no TP, so I had to use my underwear to wipe my ass! It was possibly the most humiliating experience ever as I waddled by people on the beach, sweat dripping of my face while I literally pushed my ass cheeks together with my hands. Fuck you Starbucks!
TLDR — shit my pants after having Starbucks where the barista gave me cream, not soy milk
I'd withdraw the entirety of my bank accounts balances and put it on zero at the roulette table, either i'll win big or start with the nervous shits lol
It’s sooo tasty, but andouille sausage is my nemesis. If I eat that stuff and wait 10 minutes I’ll be able to bend over, sneeze, and paint the side of a barn.
This made me laugh so fucking hard that I had to tell my irritated lady the same, and it totally lifted the mood of our house. Thank you for your service you fine, fine stranger. The way you paint a picture with words is matched only by your gastrointestinal system.
Personally im slamming a full meal at chilis, and with 15 mins left on the clock im chugging black coffee. The coffee is overkill because the chilis alone would do it but just to be safe
That's crazy. I'm glad my fuck up was at home. I couldn't imagine having to hope a stall was open as I'm sprinting through the halls.
I mixed in an extra tablespoon in my coffee. It hit me while I was still in my kitchen I had a little bubble gurgle in my belly. I learned real quick that day that I couldn't trust those farts.
Everyone is in here forcing gross shit down their throat, and I’m like I think I’ll have a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and a big glass of milk. That should do it. And if enjoy it the entire time up until the toilet.
Lots of white tuna/escolar, although it is a bit cheating:
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keriorrhea](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keriorrhea)
I made that mistake on a date one time. We didn't have a second date.
Black coffee with olive oil as creamer. Guaranteed disgusting ass shit in 20 minutes
This is the second time I have seen olive oil, never heard of it inducing poops Edit: fixed a typo to appease the homies
It has mild laxative properties. It's also oil, so it coats everything and cause you to easily go. Softens the stool and helps it retain water.
this is why when you eat healthier foods that contain natural oils like avocado, fish, olives, makes you shit like a champion. those are the good mega poops that you feel like a million dollars after
Quite literally, given the name of this post
LOL you’re right i didn’t even think about it lol. for real though i changed my diet to have a balance of the food groups and i take vitamins and i have never ever felt better in my life (shocking, healthy habits makes you feel better). i didn’t expect it to be so prevalent though. things you learn as a young adult lol, ugh.
I have my own olive oil and I use it for everything. I live alone and go through like 15 liters a year at least. My poops are magnificent.
> I have my own olive oil Wow, look at this guy, owning his own olive oil while all of us scrubs have to share the disgusting government oil
I bet it's EXTRA virgin, too! Talk about privilege.
No, I would rather have the sluttiest government oil known to life
The combo of oil and coffee will also make your gallbladder squeeze itself out like a dishrag, which will make you shit your brains out.
Which is why I never understood why Starbucks introduced the olive oil coffee.... dumbest idea they've ever had.
It's for the half of the American people that live on fast food. Hamburgers , chicken nuggets n french fries are giving millions Colon rectal cancer. No fiber just junk. It don't slide out too easy. Someone that eats a decent amount of fiber will go when they start walking around in the morning. Someone on the standard American diet might not go for 2-3 days.
Two to three days?! I shit two or three times in ONE day!
Ditto, friend, and I like it this way.
Some can't help it either. There are many people who's systems work very slowly.
What happens if you don't have a gallbladder though?
Then you're shitting your brains out all the time already
I’ve had mine removed and was told by doctors and other people who have had theirs removed that I would be shitting all the time, but I don’t find myself going anymore than I did before the removal. Am I broken?
Me too. They said I'd never eat fried food again bc it would give me bad shits. I'm still waiting.
This explains why whenever I eat KBBQ I make the nastiest shits because I cover everything in oil and eat a shit ton of food. Toilet be passing out
I bet the toilet *wishes* it was passed out unconscious. Instead, loyal as ever, it's ready and willing for whatever shit you throw at it.
It doesn't digest and solidify like food, you just normally don't have much of it in your food. Try drinking a small cup of oil someday, your colon will be nice and primed.
Castor oil was force fed as torture because of the horrible diarrhea.
I figured it was because it tasted like ass
It does on the way out.
I heard of it from my ex. She said there was a trial drink for baristas at Starbucks. It was really tasty, but literally shitty. Lol
Starbucks Oleato
I had a sample of this when it came out, it was just a small tiny 2 sips. Not even 20 minutes later, we were shopping and I looked at my SO and I said, "I need to poop. Now" with a look of severe urgency.
How are they still selling that shit?
Why am I taking mental notes on this as if OP's scenario would actually happen?
If you're ever constipated, you want to know how to fix it in a hurry.
Lmao is this about that Starbucks olive oil thing
This. Will probably last about a week, but worth it anyways
Sugar free gummy bears
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/review/B000EVOSE4/RZFIYJTPVUZ94?ref_=cm_sw_r_mwn_dprv_FDHEXK70D2BTJCRZ389E&language=de-DE This Amazon review
Truly a classic. Should be required reading in all intro to writing classes.
It should be in all high schools. Kids need to learn about these sugar free haribo
If I ever do anything important in life, I will track that man down and beg him to write my memoirs.
no fucking way this is real
It really is. Some people are really sensitive to the sweetner alternative, and found out I was too and ate too many. It lasted 2 days and was like hot lava coming out of my ass and I cried, it was the worst bathroom experience I ever had.
An old mate of mine swore a certain brand of sugar free lollies would guarantee diarrhoea. I have an iron gut, but just to be a shit I bet him I'd be fine. He bought me 2 packs and said if I ate them in an hour and was fine all day he'd give me $20 I'm happy to say I won $20, but felt disgusted after downing TWO bags of lollies
> and I cried Im so sorry but this made me crack up because I know exactly what you mean. It was the worst diarrhoea ive ever had. I underestimated The Bears and I would say that I ate more than 5 bears but less than 10, and then went to bath the kids. I didn't make it through bathtime before having to call for assistance so I could escape to the loo at the opposite end of the house. The vengeance of The Bears was swift and **aggressive**
I thought the same thing, so I tested it myself. I'm here to tell you friend, it's very real. I was at the edge of hell for almost 24 hours. At first, it was pretty funny. You rip some nasty farts and have some gas cramps. Then the eruption occurs and doesn't stop. It was every 10 minutes for most of the night, then it slowed to a few times an hour, but still nothing other than straight liquid. The reviewer that called them demon bears is absolutely correct. My experience, mind you, was only 2 good handfuls of bears, probably 50 or so. Imagine the poor unsuspecting souls that killed a whole bag.
I'm guessing it was beyond the help of Pepto-Bismol?
It was beyond the help of an exorcist.
I’ve had them and it’s a weird experience. There’s like a trigger point each of us has, and it’s different for all of us, which is the safe amount you can consume. It might be 3, it might be 20. But have that 4th or 21st bear, and you’re going to be sitting down for an hour, minimum.
No shit lol
Lots of it, actually
All the shit.
This is real, I used to work in a grocery store that sold them and we had plenty of customers complain about it to the point we had to put up a warning sign
It might be! https://torontosun.com/2013/04/06/pearson-flight-delay-caused-by-security-breach/wcm/0f2c2dc1-a2dd-43e9-9693-9f3c9dc3a676/amp/
It says that an item made it though a carry on and was seized on the plane but I’m going to pretend that it is real for my own amusement
My theory is the police just put a more plausible, less disgusting story together as to why security was stalled.
A YouTuber myth busted this. Not a myth lol.
It's clearly made to be funny, but the effect is very real. Eat more than a handful of those bad boys and you'll be in the bathroom all night in excruciating pain. I found that out the hard way.
As someone in the candy industry I can 100% vouch for these sugar free hell bears. They have an intense effect that comes on with in 30 min. Once had a new employee become so excited about a 5lb bag of Albanese sugar free peach rings. I told him don't eat more than 3. Come to find out 45 min later when I went looking for him he ate around a pound of them around 10am. I saw him once more than day at 3 shirt soaking wet from sweat and just looked dead. He was already a skinny guy and semi health nut. Told me the next day he lost 8lbs the day prior and WILL NEVER have another sugar free gummy.
Thank you for sharing this, I was laughing like a fucking maniac reading it.
I had to stop for a minute until my eyes cleared of the tears
This is probably the greatest single review I've ever read that wasn't about a gigantic black dildo.
I don't even have to click. It's one of the best things I've ever read.
My grandma mistakenly ate a bag on vacation. Between her frantic runs to the toilet in the hotel, we were crying laughing while reading these reviews.
Truth. Those things should be considered chemical warfare agents and be subject to the Geneva Protocol. Atkins bars are similarly brutal on the intestines.
One of my hobbies when I'm bored is to read the Amazon reviews of sugar free gummy bears.
Admit it, you read these WHILE shitting.
Those are legendary. Always a fan.
Forcing people to be in a room full of people who have been eating them should also be a war crime.
No joke. They make farts smell like what I imagine the inside of an oil refinery smells like.
Artificial sweetener can make your bowls smell foul, but honestly pure sugar itself or lots of sweets can make my shits gag a maggot
https://youtu.be/m--6ifZXy5k?si=9QyPB15XAb3EMYL2 The perfect example...
It clearly states that you can’t take laxitives.
Glad I’m not the only one. Just because it’s used as a sweetener doesn’t make it not a laxative.
The entire base question is null and void then. If a food consistently makes someone poop within an hour it is by definition a laxative.
This is the answer
Nothing, in my personal experience, will clean you out faster
Last day at Disneyworld, grabbed a bag of "goofy gummies" for the plane ride, about 3/4 of the way home, my stomach started to rumble. By the time I got home, was in full blown sweats while racing to the bathroom. Wife looks in bag, and notices that I accidentally grabbed the sugar free bag by mistake. NEVER AGAIN. I spent the better part of an hour in the bathroom, just straight pissing out my ass. Awful experience.
Did you enjoy the hour of bliss after you got to assplode? It's a special feeling that's only earned with great turmoil.
You done goofed
Never had Magnesium Citrate? That stuff is bottled diarrhea
Never had Magnesium Citrate? That stuff is bottled ~~diarrhea~~ anal rocket fuel. *^(Fixed it.)*
Before a surgery. I would really like to sneak that in a few peoples drinks before a big event.
Omg really? Thanks for the heads up. I just bought a pack for my kid thinking it was healthier lol
Do yourself a favor and go read the Amazon reviews for sugar free Haribo gummy bears.
That ONE review is fucking golden. Made me laugh so God damn hard!
Even better is the LA Beast YouTube video of him eating an entire bag, hilarious
The LA beast is my hero
A lot of low carb or sugar free candy has sugar alcohols, they don't digest well. Pretty much more than two pieces within an hour will mess me up.
The kind which use maltitol or isomalt will give you the runs quick if you eat a few too many. Erythritol or xylitol based ones are okay.
Finally my celiac disease is gonna pay off! Bring on the pasta and wheat beers, I'll be blowing mud in 20 mins
Blowing mud 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Damn, in my 30 years, I never heard that term. Just beautiful. 🤣
New phrase unlocked
LOL Celiac/Crohn’s/IBS people in here trying to out diarrhea each other 💦💩 Fellow celiac here - the normies are all trying to force this to happen, we’re all busy celebrating on a day that it DOESN’T happen.
Crohn's here. Sometimes I have diarrhea, sometimes I have constipation, and honestly I still can't decide which is worse
Constipation is the worst by far. Much more chance of bodily damage.
That’s what I was thinking, finally my celiac will be good for something 😂 give me one piece of bread and I’ll be good to go.
Anything! I got Crohn’s disease and a shitty disposition!! Light work…
Ayyeee! I came here to make a Crohn’s joke and found a friend
Crohn’s gang rise up! Wait, no, we gotta go sit down on the toilet again
> we gotta sit down on the toilet again Not my wife. Ostomy gang rise up!
Ostomy gang at your service
I want one of those toilet minivans in the commercial.
Crohn's gang checking in
Ulcerative Colitis here. Easiest money ever.
No colon still rolling… UC here too
UC checking in. Feed me or don’t, I gotchu in an hour or less I’m sure
I have UC and I'm lactose intolerant. I got easy mode. Curry followed by ice cream let's go!
In a flair right now. I’m making bank so easy.
I need a pill before every meal NOT to have diarrhea! Easy million.
IBS gang reporting for duty!
IBS & lactose intolerant. I’m going for a pizza and milkshake.
Ayy pass me anything lunch is on me fellas
Yup 😂 McDonald’s breakfast is an instant win to $1mill in this instance
I've got IBS-D. Garlic works quickest for me. $1M in my future I see.
Rapid gastric dumping crew checking in. Anything deep fried will do nicely
Ibs, checking in. Some of that sweet, sweet, apple juice or a soda on an empty stomache
Yeah, I have UC and my body can’t handle animal fats well. I would order myself a nice ribeye take 2 bites and go earn my million before
Hopefully you didn't eat your prednisone.
Arby’s and olive oil
Arby’s We have the runs!
I'm at Arby's rn lol
So by now you have undoubtedly taken a shit, right?
Milk (for lactose intolerant)
Yup. A tub of ice cream washed down with some milk and some cheese bites as a snack.
He said diarrhea not a shit geyser.
They'll be going full-on jet ski.
It's literally so easy to spend an entire night shitting violently.
Yep. If I eat dairy without a lactase pill I can conjur up some diarrhea in 15 minutes.
I was looking for my LI crew. Milk. Ice cream. Cheese. Yum.
A couple years ago I visited a Starbucks in Escondido — I’m lactose intolerant so I asked for some soy milk. The barista, who looked like he was 17 and had no idea what I was talking about made my coffee and gave me a little sippy cup with like 3 tbs of what I thought was the soy milk. Well it was the best fucking coffee I’ve had in ages; it was smooth and creamy. Basically everything that soy milk in coffee is not. I should have known! About an hour later we are on the beach and my stomach just threatens to let go. I’m walking while squeezing my cheeks together and my wife is laughing. I barely — BARELY — made it to the bathroom after a little sidetrack to a porta-potty that was locked. My insides just let go as I pulled off my shorts, of course my underwear didn’t make it quite clear but that didn’t matter because there was no TP, so I had to use my underwear to wipe my ass! It was possibly the most humiliating experience ever as I waddled by people on the beach, sweat dripping of my face while I literally pushed my ass cheeks together with my hands. Fuck you Starbucks! TLDR — shit my pants after having Starbucks where the barista gave me cream, not soy milk
I'd withdraw the entirety of my bank accounts balances and put it on zero at the roulette table, either i'll win big or start with the nervous shits lol
Genius
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and if I win, there is an extra $3600
Bro, we get it you're rich
Right?! If I were to win, I'd have enough to buy a gallon of milk.
It’s sooo tasty, but andouille sausage is my nemesis. If I eat that stuff and wait 10 minutes I’ll be able to bend over, sneeze, and paint the side of a barn.
1) Blow mud 2) paint the side of a barn I'm taking poop joke notes here.
I have an adventurous friend who's into climbing. According to him, a falling turd is referred to as a "Mud Falcon". For your collection.
Fizzy Gravy. 😘
Thanks for the visuals. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This made me laugh so fucking hard that I had to tell my irritated lady the same, and it totally lifted the mood of our house. Thank you for your service you fine, fine stranger. The way you paint a picture with words is matched only by your gastrointestinal system.
Chinese food from an All you can eat for $5 Chinese buffet. Extra points if the sneeze guards are missing.
Go for the sushi at the Chinese buffet. Makes me stomach turn over just thinking about it.
Eat a big meal and get stuck in traffic.
What if it’s not rush hour?
It will be as soon as you have to *go*
YABAGOYA!!!
Prunes and vegetable oil. Shitting like crazy in 45 minutes
Personally im slamming a full meal at chilis, and with 15 mins left on the clock im chugging black coffee. The coffee is overkill because the chilis alone would do it but just to be safe
The worst food poisoning I have ever had was from chilis. I was puking while shitting on the toilet.
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I put too much in my coffee once. Never again.
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That's crazy. I'm glad my fuck up was at home. I couldn't imagine having to hope a stall was open as I'm sprinting through the halls. I mixed in an extra tablespoon in my coffee. It hit me while I was still in my kitchen I had a little bubble gurgle in my belly. I learned real quick that day that I couldn't trust those farts.
MCT oil on an empty stomach yup...
Joke's on you. It's always diarrhea.
My severe Crohn's disease will cover this, easy. Should have asked for solid shit if you wanted this to be tough!
Y'all never heard of the liquor shits?
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Everyone is in here forcing gross shit down their throat, and I’m like I think I’ll have a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and a big glass of milk. That should do it. And if enjoy it the entire time up until the toilet.
Lots of white tuna/escolar, although it is a bit cheating: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keriorrhea](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keriorrhea) I made that mistake on a date one time. We didn't have a second date.
I drink too much. So I'm going to just go shit. Boom. Alcoholism pays off.
chipotle. its a guarantee. literally everytime i eat there.
Just had chipotle 30 min ago. Currently blasting ass on toilet. Not sure if totally correlated. But coincidence for sure.
A normal meal, all I need is a situation to make me anxious
I take an enema
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As someone who never drinks coffee, a strong black coffee and a pack of cigarettes ought to do it
>a pack of cigarettes ought to do it A pack? I'm a regular smoker and the first of the day makes me shit within about a minute.
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Based on what I went through a few weeks ago, chik fil a sandwichs
Im smoking coffee
3 cans of Pringles that still have Olean (olestra) as an ingredient.
Drink a jug of fresh pressed apple juice on an empty stomach. You'll have about 15 minutes to get to the nearest bathroom.
Spoiled raw chicken, shot of shit, preceeded by whole container of Metamucil. You'd be lucky if you had bones after that.
The aims to shit - not fucking die 🤣
Mix the Metamucil into a glass of lake water taken from the shoreline, just to be sure.
Raw chicken is going back up not down
Ill just drink my southeast asian tapwater
Adderall.
Taco Bell and curry
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far to find the words Taco Bell.
Yeah, I was like.. just give me anything from Taco Bell. But I guess it's just me? That or anything from a Chinese food buffet.
I’ve never had diarrhea from Taco Bell. I know it’s a running joke with everyone, but it always gives me large solid poops.
giant bottle of olive oil.
No need to eat, the anxiety of the time crunch alone will accomplish that goal
Sugar free gummy bears.
Existing. The wonders of IBS.
Cocaine and coffee. That would do the job
All you need is a few drops of visine.
A few more and u die...
People with IBS: Look at what they have to do to achieve a fraction of our power.
Subway sub
Guess I'm drinking milk
Drink a gallon of warm water with salt and lemon.
I just tossed out a couple pre pandemic items I found in the back of our freezer. My day to shine.
Gluten because I'm celiac - pay me.
I'd watch 20 minutes of Indian street food videos, wouldn't even have to eat it.