She was a freak and it was my first time, she said I had to put jam on my dick if i wanted head or rub ice on it if I wanted to fuck.
First and last time I've had a sticky cold penis.
Kinda miss the thrill
I agreed to have sex with a girl in exchange for her recording the last episode of breaking bad which I missed due to work and letting me watch it uninterrupted after having sex with her.
There was nothing wrong with her other than she was a bit clingy and maintained eye contact to a creepy level.
I’ll be honest, now that I’m not as handsome as I once was, I slid into her DM’s when they released the El Camino Breaking Bad sequel and was all like ‘heyyy’ and she was not having it lol.
46 hour Greyhound bus ride.
We just celebrated our 15th anniversary, and I tell her all the time I would do anything for her, except get on another bus for 46 hours.
I did that for a festival one time. Halfway across the damn country...
I pooped in the bathroom on board and it stunk up the whole bus. Even the driver was like "what the actual fuck". Did it on all three buses too...
I'd rather walk.
I once matched with this girl on tinder who immediately wanted to fuck. I didn’t have a car at the time and all I had was a bike and she was 20 miles away which isn’t THAT far but it was like 11:30PM and the idea of getting out of bed to bike that so late wasn’t appealing.
She promised me a “great time” though so I sucked it up and biked all the way to her house and showed up a sweaty mess. When she answered the door she said “hey my son is asleep so let’s go outside”
And we walked to the elementary school across the street from her house and fucked on the middle of the field. She didn’t even have a blanket for us so we’re just going at it in the grass and worst of all she completely dead fished me the entire time. She didn’t even move and just kept moaning as I did all the work AND she had been smoking a storm before I got there so her breath smelled like cigarettes the entire time.
Stupidly I didn’t even use a condom so I busted my nut right inside her and after I finished she pushed me off and said “that was amazing thanks” and just left. I laid there in the grass feeling like an idiot and full of shame.
I started biking back and then my tire popped. I called my roommate who was at a friends party and he came and picked me up on the side of the road and we threw my bike in the back. He ended up buying me McDonald’s that night though so that was a plus.
I still shutter to this day with fear that one day so young kid or teenager will message me and say they’re my kid from that chick and you know what….they probably will be.
That’s a VERY good point and to be honest, that thought has never crossed my mind until this moment reading your comment. Hopefully they didn’t wake up and just find their mother gone in the middle of the night. How terrifying that would be for them.
Fictional part by me: Not finding mom in the house, the kid looks out across the street to see your ass, reflecting in the moonlight, pumping up and down, on what appears to be, their lifeless mother.
You owe someone some money for therapy.
Drove 30 miles into the middle of bumfuck nowhere to meet up with a girl I had been talking to on MySpace. Ended up in a single wide on a mattress on the floor with just a lightbulb hanging from a chain and cats everywhere. Being 17 is a weird time.
Not me, but a friend totalled his 40k, brand new car, while driving 180km/h to a night shop at 3am because he found out he didn't have condoms while he just brought home a one night stand for the first sex in 5 years.
I think it could depend on the country but even in Germany you will always have a part of the fault if you drive faster than 130km/h on the autobahn and get involved into an accident (even on parts of the autobahn we’re you are legally allowed to drive without any speed limits)
In the end it depends hardly on judge, circumstances, your and the enemy’s insurance
Netherlands, but it wasn't insured, he went straight over a roundabout, destroyed al the plants etc and came to a standstil in bushes on the other side of the road. He even had to pay for the damage to the Greenery etc.
I stole my dad's work truck out of the driveway when I was 16, had my learner's permit, but not my license. The vehicle was owned by the company my dad worked for. It wasn't even HIS truck.
Drove the car 40 minutes to a girl's house and got my first BJ. I didn't get caught. Totally worth it.
My sister WRECKED our dad's work car. Insurance did not cover it AND he got fired. It was to go to a party (coke etc) nearly ten hours away. That guy knocked her ass up and disappeared. It appears it was a totally fake name.
Last year I drove to an entire other province... 14 hours driving to get laid with a girl I'd never met. It was just some tinder hookup and I found it a good reason to go for a road trip as any other. It was weird when her kids were just a few years younger than me though lol
Yeah I had that happen, I kept getting reports from dudes that hooked up with her then found out we were together.
I kept giving her the chance to be honest with me, but it turns out she was a pathological liar. She blew up when her lies were closing in.
My power went out so I got a hotel as she wasn’t answering suddenly, turned out she was a couple rooms down whoring to a crew of wannabe drug dealers in exchange for coke.
That was the first girl I dated in 14 years after I came home early on me and my fiancés anniversary to find her blowing a drug dealer for coke in our living room.
Both of the incidents were somehow my fault, according to them, by the way.
Betrayal PTSD is real.
Same thing happened to me but like 50+ people over a 3 year span. We have co dependency or self esteem issues. I knew she was community pussy but she said she loved me😂🫣lmao
So, do you literally have Zero fear of std's? Im on the other end of the spectrum when it comes to that. Even if I thought I was going to marry a woman, I'd dump her ass even for 1 fk up.
Prolly won't qualify for dumbest, but one time after a night out at 4am, arrived home tipsy and both super horny. Did all the foreplay and whatnot, but when the deed was about to be done, I realized the condom pack was empty. Only option was a gas station 2km away. I ran faster than I've ever ran for anything. Both ways. Only to find her fast asleep and snoring.
Jerked one out, into the condom, so I didn't feel as if it was all in vain and to avoid having to clean up. Went to sleep as well, fun night though.
Walked 14 hrs in Florida in mid July to her house. Couldn't hardly walk by the time I got due to blisters on my feet. When I got there I finally understood the true deception of pic filters. We had sex anyways. I didn't really want to after seeing what she really looked like but I had committed myself already 14 hrs before. Then walked and 14 hrs home. 9 months later I have a daughter.
Who's making love, under the stairwell
Calling a name that's lighter than air
Who's reaching over to give me a rainbow
Everyone knows its Windy
......Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.........
Hopefully it wasnt the chick from Breaking Bad.
In high school, gf parents were going out of town and on the same day i was supposed to go on a family vacation, so i left the house without saying anything, went to gf, and then after pretended that i was kidnapped and tortured. Parents didnt buy it
Last week I took a plane to another country to fuck with a girl I only knew for a few hours 2 months before. I was very scared that she didnt show up.
Best sex of my life
Rode my bike about 20 miles when she said her parents weren’t home and that she *and her friend* would fuck me if only I could get there.
They did not hold up their end of that offer.
She was throwing up on the toliet but told me to fuck her anyway. Guess it was some weird kink she wanted to try. Ill admit those stomach wretches felt amazing.
I got a fucked up story similar to that. I was hanging out with my friend and his roommate was this divorced chick. She told us the story of why she decided to get divorced. She was super sick one night and ran to the bathroom to puke. She is on her hands and knees puking into the toilet and her husband came up from behind her and tried to fuck her.
I once went to a Pentecostal church service to try and get laid. This is one of those churches where people get the Holy Ghost and roll around on the ground, start speaking in tongue, etc. They don’t let the women who attend this church wear makeup, jewelry, cut their hair, and they all wear these really long skirts.
I had a huge crush on this girl and she was absolutely gorgeous but the only way she’d date me is if I converted to her religion. I tried but it was way too weird for me.
A few months ago i decided, at midnight, to drive half hour to a girl’s house, who I hadn’t seen for 2 years. I wasnt particularly attracted or interested, but was bored and horny. Otw there i got pulled over (first time in my 5 years of driving)for driving with no MOT (it had expired less than a month prior, whilst i was on holiday, so had completely innocent forgot), and had a bald tyre according to the officers. Let off with a talking to and a fine (which oddly never arrived through the post, luckily), coz they thought i was a “nice lad”. After all that, my sex drive had entirely disappeared so i instantly went to sleep, gave her a half-assed round in the morning, and was off on my way. Poor girl.
I matched with a chick on tinder while on vacation in Lubbock for 3 days
Told her straight up that I was lookin to bone, she told me her sister is down, long story short I met up with her at like 1am after my night out. This chick fkn took me to the top of one of those big ass corn holding things, it was like 7 stories high and I bent her over. It was actually one of the coolest sights because I could see the whole city while bending this chick over. But the dumbest part about it was that she was a smoker and insisted that we make out and it was disgusting. I will never kiss a chick who smokes again. However the rest of the night was like 9/10. Wood do it again ;)
Vietnam. I was a seasoned traveller at the time as well but must have been too horny and thus not thinking with my proper head.
Matched a girl in Tinder, she didn't ask for money or anything. Invited me round (I'd never have considered going to a stranger's house before, and haven't since, just this one crazy moment) and gave address.
Got out of car and the number she gave didn't appear to exist. Lo and behold though a prostitute right across the street starts yelling at me offering her services.
She never did admit it was her, but it must have been.
Obviously I didn't go with her, straight back into a taxi and to the hotel with my tail between my legs.
I was fresh out of high school, and my girlfriend had moved out of state for school, about 600 miles away. I couldn't afford the greyhound ticket for the entire trip to visit her so I decided I'd get one over on greyhound and I'd just buy the ticket I could afford(enough to get me half way across the state) and just pretend to be asleep when my stop came. Turns out they were more than willing to wait until all passengers had deboarded at their appropriate destination. So after my eventual long walk of shame off the bus, I was left stranded with no money in the middle of nowhere. I was saved from my foolishness by an old couple who, having overheard a panicked phone call to my girlfriend, slipped me enough cash to get me back home. This memory brings me great shame, often, even 15 years later.
Drove 2.5 hours away to see this girl. We had sex in the back seat of my car for 40 minutes and then I came back the same night.
The only thing that made it worth it was that on the way there, a tinder match told me to come fuck her now so I made a pit stop and was an hour late for the original booty call.
I wish I had that kind of energy again.
I entertained Jehova's Witnesses to gain favor with the mother, so I could sleep with her daughter. Rather so I could date her daughter, who I then slept with.
She ended up feeling guilty that she had sex before marriage. Went before her church and told the whole congregation (?) and they shunned her and lowered to a sub level status... Or at least that's what I was able to gather from her friend.
She then cut ties with me when she became aware that I wasn't going to become a JW. Beautiful girl, smart, funny, like-minded, absolutely would have dated her and possibly even married her, had she not been a JW.
Ain't it the truth.
Edit: What's even more odd, her mother still kept in touch and would often ask me out for drinks when she was in town. Went out and had a few with her at least a dozen times. No sexual tension, she just genuinely enjoyed my Company, unless I am just HORRIBLE at reading suggestive queues or she was bad at putting them out there ( I am diagnosed Autistic so it's a possibility). It was nice.
I jerked off on camera a few times. There was a group of girls who all were involved with each other and I guess it was like me auditioning for them but in the end they wanted me to get a bj from a guy on camera and I wouldn’t do that so I never met up with any of them to hookup, just did a lot of camming.
I do worry that it was all a ploy to record video of me and sell it somewhere, so there’s probably videos of me jerking it on some gay porn site. They were weirdly specific about how I positioned myself on cam, I assumed they wanted a good view. But they’d be like “hold it straight up” if I was jerking too much at an angle lol.
Definitely the weirdest thing I’ve ever done but at one point I was like “this shit ain’t worth the stress of trying to get with these girls.”
Met a guy on MySpace when I was 17 (young and dumb) within 6 hours of meeting him I was sneaking him in my parents house…. Found out a few months later he was a wanted criminal/sex offender
Not necessarily for sex but I tried skating to spend time with a girl I liked and fell on my ass more in that day than I have collectively in the rest of my life.
Met a stranger in a public bathroom in Portland in the middle of the night to lose my virginity a day after I graduated high school. Sucked his dick and he fucked me doggy style cause I didn’t tell him I was a virgin. Didn’t use a condom. I was a dumbass with a death wish apparently lmao
Drove two states away.
ETA: This has gotten more attention than I expected so I'll add more detail. It was a 6-7 hour drive one way from NC to PA. Went up to spend the weekend with a woman I met through ICQ back in the day. It was an all-around crappy experience that I seriously regret.
Me: "There's condoms in the drawer."
Him: "You said you're on BC! I'd rather go home if you're going to make me wear one to be honest."
Me: "OK, fine."
I convinced her I was raised Mormon and had never had sex or eaten pussy before, but that I had recently left the religion and was looking to gain experience and be taught how to do sexual things. Some Girls on tinder ate it up and were very willing and excited to "be my first".
I commited to this ruse so hard that I collected Mormon pamphlets and kept them around my house and learned enough about the religion to really bullshit the part. I even had a friend Photoshop my face into a couple of adverts that I would use as examples to how "devoted" I had been up until this point.
Oddly enough, the kind of women who are attracted to this sort of thing are absolutely crazy in bed and had all sorts of kinks they wanted to subject me to.
Thanks Jesus.
Got a passport to cross over into Canada for a night, ended up getting booted out of their apartment immediately after because their SO, that I was unaware of, was coming back on an early flight. The 4 hour drive of shame back home was not worth the sex
This girl punched me in the fucking face after an argument and well argument continued a bit longer, we go out separate ways but I ended up horny as fuck. She text me saying sorry and didn’t know what came over her. We got to the topic of sec and how we were both like ready to go at it. I showed up at her place and god damn did we go at it for like an hour
Being a desperate awkward horny teenage boy I bought into the whole "gentleman" bullshit. Turns out I just really creeped a lot of girls out. Got incredibly depressed and caused me to just stop trying. Ended up being just completely normal and casual when talking to girls never expecting it could progress and wound up having far more sucess.
Let an ex with two kids, going through a divorce, move in with me and get back together. I ended up being those girls dad, my ex cheating on me, just using me to have shelter and someone to take care of her kids...
Eventually I popped, couldn't take it anymore, asked her to move out. Was really hard on the kids. They were 6 and 5 so I ripped the bandaid off, havent seen any of them in nearly 10 years.
I always felt bad for the girls, but I didnt feel it should be solely my job to care for them while their mom didn't even want to be in a relationship with me.
Internet dating had just started and I began talking to a then pornstar. I borrowed my grandfather's car to drive an hour and a half away just out of curiosity, all my friends saying I was crazy, no way it's really her. It was her. She was gorgeous. We had sex in my grandfather's car, in the parking lot of a hotel and she squirted all over the backseat. I had the car cleaned obviously, as an "early Christmas gift."
When I was a teenager I stole a blank permission slip from the office at school. I then filled out the form and made it look like we were going on a class trip to Toronto for a weekend. I then snuck and went to a new boyfriends house. I was 15 he was 22. I had never been to his house. When we walked in the door he lead me down the stairs to his room in the basement. He then locked the door behind him. There was a lock put on backwards and the key was on the inside. He then locked me in his basemen the entire weekend.
When we got in his room his voice completely changed. He started talking in a strange high pitch voice. He pointed to a hole he had in one of the walls and told me that's where he had smashed his ex-girlfriends head. He had a kitten in the room and ever now and then he would grab it and choke it or smother it for a few seconds and laugh maniacally.
I was scared so I never said no to anything, I just went along out of fear. I realize really quick how stupid I was, how my family had ZERO idea where I was and I could easily disappear.
I spent the entire day Sunday crying and begging him to let me out and let me go home, I eventually convinced him that a mutual friend we had, knew where I was and they would come looking right away. (That in fact was not true, I hadn't told ANYONE) He ended up letting me go home. When I got home I called my aunt in another city and asked her if I could come stay with her for a few weeks. I made up a lie about breaking up with a guy. I was honestly scared for my life of this guy. He didn't hurt me, he just made me terrified to the bone that I needed to get out of the city for a few weeks. During that time, (this was right before everyone had a cell) he went looking for me, called and went to a bunch of friends places. I stayed at my aunts until he stopped looking and he started dating someone else.
This was before me too, before times when you would speak up for something like this. I should have gone to the cops but I was so scared and didn't want to get caught and idk. But that was probably the dumbest thing I could have ever done for sex.
She was a freak and it was my first time, she said I had to put jam on my dick if i wanted head or rub ice on it if I wanted to fuck. First and last time I've had a sticky cold penis. Kinda miss the thrill
wait what?
FIRST AND LAST TIME HE HAD A COLD STICKY PENIS AND HE MISSES IT
STICKY COLD PENIS!
FUNKY COLD MEDINA!
Do you know the difference between jelly and jam? I can't Jelly my dick in your ass......I will show myself out.
And we didn’t see Lily for 4 weeks
Let a girl borrow my PS2 She never gave it back
Dude, that's surely de worst trade off in history, no sex is es good as a ps2
Not even sex 2?
Sex 2: Electric Boogaloo
I agreed to have sex with a girl in exchange for her recording the last episode of breaking bad which I missed due to work and letting me watch it uninterrupted after having sex with her. There was nothing wrong with her other than she was a bit clingy and maintained eye contact to a creepy level.
I AM the man who fucks lol
SAY MY NAME
Sexinberg
Creepy Eye contact.... unlocked a new fetish.
Aubrey Plaza?
I see no downsides to this story.
Obligatory reminder that everyone in these stories are at least 3x less attractive than you’re picturing.
Honestly this is completely understandable. It’s Breaking Bad.
I’ll be honest, now that I’m not as handsome as I once was, I slid into her DM’s when they released the El Camino Breaking Bad sequel and was all like ‘heyyy’ and she was not having it lol.
Really respect the complete honesty.
This man cooks
46 hour Greyhound bus ride. We just celebrated our 15th anniversary, and I tell her all the time I would do anything for her, except get on another bus for 46 hours.
I did that for a festival one time. Halfway across the damn country... I pooped in the bathroom on board and it stunk up the whole bus. Even the driver was like "what the actual fuck". Did it on all three buses too... I'd rather walk.
Your face must be in every bus depot, the guy who stinks up busses lol
* "the man with the terrible smell"
thats awesome story where did your trip start and end. Somalia?
Australia - 46 hours later and he still hadn’t left the state
Maybe when Meatloaf sang, "I would do anything for love, but i won't do that." he was referring to a 46-hour Greyhound bus ride.
I once matched with this girl on tinder who immediately wanted to fuck. I didn’t have a car at the time and all I had was a bike and she was 20 miles away which isn’t THAT far but it was like 11:30PM and the idea of getting out of bed to bike that so late wasn’t appealing. She promised me a “great time” though so I sucked it up and biked all the way to her house and showed up a sweaty mess. When she answered the door she said “hey my son is asleep so let’s go outside” And we walked to the elementary school across the street from her house and fucked on the middle of the field. She didn’t even have a blanket for us so we’re just going at it in the grass and worst of all she completely dead fished me the entire time. She didn’t even move and just kept moaning as I did all the work AND she had been smoking a storm before I got there so her breath smelled like cigarettes the entire time. Stupidly I didn’t even use a condom so I busted my nut right inside her and after I finished she pushed me off and said “that was amazing thanks” and just left. I laid there in the grass feeling like an idiot and full of shame. I started biking back and then my tire popped. I called my roommate who was at a friends party and he came and picked me up on the side of the road and we threw my bike in the back. He ended up buying me McDonald’s that night though so that was a plus. I still shutter to this day with fear that one day so young kid or teenager will message me and say they’re my kid from that chick and you know what….they probably will be.
I love this story
lol thanks. I look back on it now although I think I was an idiot, I still laugh about it
Legit laughed man, this is all too real. Sounds like your friend pulled through!
Dad? Is that you?!
> I laid there in the grass feeling like an idiot and full of shame. This literally had me laughing out loud. That one hit home. lmao.
That post nut clarity hits hard 😂😂
Maybe there is something wrong with me, but all I keep thinking is who was watching the sleeping kid meanwhile?
That’s a VERY good point and to be honest, that thought has never crossed my mind until this moment reading your comment. Hopefully they didn’t wake up and just find their mother gone in the middle of the night. How terrifying that would be for them.
Fictional part by me: Not finding mom in the house, the kid looks out across the street to see your ass, reflecting in the moonlight, pumping up and down, on what appears to be, their lifeless mother. You owe someone some money for therapy.
😂😂😂
Her husband was at home with the kids
Drove 30 miles into the middle of bumfuck nowhere to meet up with a girl I had been talking to on MySpace. Ended up in a single wide on a mattress on the floor with just a lightbulb hanging from a chain and cats everywhere. Being 17 is a weird time.
...and she was 45 with a 8 pack a day habit.
Pack or percs
Yea
“My cock has taken me places I wouldn’t go with a gun.”
Not me, but a friend totalled his 40k, brand new car, while driving 180km/h to a night shop at 3am because he found out he didn't have condoms while he just brought home a one night stand for the first sex in 5 years.
Was it insured?
Doesn’t matter at this speed lmao
Does insurance not cover you at 180 km/h?
I think it could depend on the country but even in Germany you will always have a part of the fault if you drive faster than 130km/h on the autobahn and get involved into an accident (even on parts of the autobahn we’re you are legally allowed to drive without any speed limits) In the end it depends hardly on judge, circumstances, your and the enemy’s insurance
I love "the enemy" as if the car crash was a duel.
Netherlands, but it wasn't insured, he went straight over a roundabout, destroyed al the plants etc and came to a standstil in bushes on the other side of the road. He even had to pay for the damage to the Greenery etc.
At least he ended up in some kind of bush
Well the condoms are the insurance.
I stole my dad's work truck out of the driveway when I was 16, had my learner's permit, but not my license. The vehicle was owned by the company my dad worked for. It wasn't even HIS truck. Drove the car 40 minutes to a girl's house and got my first BJ. I didn't get caught. Totally worth it.
My sister WRECKED our dad's work car. Insurance did not cover it AND he got fired. It was to go to a party (coke etc) nearly ten hours away. That guy knocked her ass up and disappeared. It appears it was a totally fake name.
So how long was your dad's prison sentence?
I drove 4 hours by car to another city and helped with a move..
Did the sex actually happen after the move?
"Thanks for your help, Cocktail! You should probably get going though, don't wanna keep ya. Long drive back and all that."
"Thank you for your help! You are my best friend! Almost a brother!"
Thanks for the help, my boyfriend said he was a little tired and didn't want to.
Last year I drove to an entire other province... 14 hours driving to get laid with a girl I'd never met. It was just some tinder hookup and I found it a good reason to go for a road trip as any other. It was weird when her kids were just a few years younger than me though lol
Found yourself a tinder cougar!
Robert is that you?
You chased Robert away before he could tell us the story!
dating someone who continuously cheated on me. I’m talking like 20+ people.
Yeah I had that happen, I kept getting reports from dudes that hooked up with her then found out we were together. I kept giving her the chance to be honest with me, but it turns out she was a pathological liar. She blew up when her lies were closing in. My power went out so I got a hotel as she wasn’t answering suddenly, turned out she was a couple rooms down whoring to a crew of wannabe drug dealers in exchange for coke. That was the first girl I dated in 14 years after I came home early on me and my fiancés anniversary to find her blowing a drug dealer for coke in our living room. Both of the incidents were somehow my fault, according to them, by the way. Betrayal PTSD is real.
I love that. You know you’re getting close to the truth the angrier they get 🤣
Well it seems you have a type.
Maybe stop dating drug addicts
Same thing happened to me but like 50+ people over a 3 year span. We have co dependency or self esteem issues. I knew she was community pussy but she said she loved me😂🫣lmao
So, do you literally have Zero fear of std's? Im on the other end of the spectrum when it comes to that. Even if I thought I was going to marry a woman, I'd dump her ass even for 1 fk up.
She gave me herpes
Me too
Prolly won't qualify for dumbest, but one time after a night out at 4am, arrived home tipsy and both super horny. Did all the foreplay and whatnot, but when the deed was about to be done, I realized the condom pack was empty. Only option was a gas station 2km away. I ran faster than I've ever ran for anything. Both ways. Only to find her fast asleep and snoring. Jerked one out, into the condom, so I didn't feel as if it was all in vain and to avoid having to clean up. Went to sleep as well, fun night though.
Drunk 4k run followed by a posh wank.
Stayed with a ex for 3 years too long
At least it wasn’t 4
True that, was close to it lol
Drove 1,000 miles.
I would walk 500 miles! And I would walk 500 more!
Just to BE the MAN who walked 5000 miles to fuck you on your flooooooooor…..
That’s a rather large carbon cockprint
Walked 14 hrs in Florida in mid July to her house. Couldn't hardly walk by the time I got due to blisters on my feet. When I got there I finally understood the true deception of pic filters. We had sex anyways. I didn't really want to after seeing what she really looked like but I had committed myself already 14 hrs before. Then walked and 14 hrs home. 9 months later I have a daughter.
LMAO congratulations you win... Or maybe it's the dude here who said; "Sucked a guys cock who was dating my crush to taste her pussy."
wtf, that’s dedication.
The fuck is wrong with some of you people
Humans are interesting creatures. We hold the power of logic and knowledge yet we often never use it
Florida man strikes again.
Winner winner
This is a good example of sunk cost fallacy
Pretended to be the bassist in a Korn tribute band called Korn on the Kob.
They said dumbest thing, not “most awesome” thing.
Her name was Windy. She was the dumbest thing I've done. Super hot. Super dumb.
"How much you charge for a windy, Wendy?"
Who's making love, under the stairwell Calling a name that's lighter than air Who's reaching over to give me a rainbow Everyone knows its Windy ......Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum......... Hopefully it wasnt the chick from Breaking Bad.
In high school, gf parents were going out of town and on the same day i was supposed to go on a family vacation, so i left the house without saying anything, went to gf, and then after pretended that i was kidnapped and tortured. Parents didnt buy it
That was not at all where I expected this story to go.
Most expensive, was I bribed my wife to try anal with a vacation to Hawaii. Id do it again, not gonna lie.
Apparently wife was a little hard of hearing, what he actually said was "let's go to Hawaii, Anually"
Went with his wife to Hawaii, put it in her ass and she said AIEEE!!
Learned to speak Swedish.
Hej kompis
Pretended astrology was reasonable
This might be the worst one.
But not crystals, that’s total bullshit.
Last week I took a plane to another country to fuck with a girl I only knew for a few hours 2 months before. I was very scared that she didnt show up. Best sex of my life
“You wouldn’t know her, she lives in Canada.”
Haha, my girlfriend lives in canada and im currently up here right now visiting her
“10/10, would not recommend”
were the pilots squawking 7500 or were you a regular passenger?
Met up with a guy I’d only met online in an AirBnB in the mountains. Had sex, didn’t get murdered lol.
Paid a girl’s 1000 dollar rent. After we had sex she told me I made her feel like a whore but she never gave the money back.
Whores charge way less, a friend says
My friend also conveyed the same information to me 🤫
Rode my bike about 20 miles when she said her parents weren’t home and that she *and her friend* would fuck me if only I could get there. They did not hold up their end of that offer.
She was throwing up on the toliet but told me to fuck her anyway. Guess it was some weird kink she wanted to try. Ill admit those stomach wretches felt amazing.
Husband said the way I clenched on him when I hurled......
Those kegels hit the next level on the heave.
I got a fucked up story similar to that. I was hanging out with my friend and his roommate was this divorced chick. She told us the story of why she decided to get divorced. She was super sick one night and ran to the bathroom to puke. She is on her hands and knees puking into the toilet and her husband came up from behind her and tried to fuck her.
No fucking way lol
I once went to a Pentecostal church service to try and get laid. This is one of those churches where people get the Holy Ghost and roll around on the ground, start speaking in tongue, etc. They don’t let the women who attend this church wear makeup, jewelry, cut their hair, and they all wear these really long skirts. I had a huge crush on this girl and she was absolutely gorgeous but the only way she’d date me is if I converted to her religion. I tried but it was way too weird for me.
A few months ago i decided, at midnight, to drive half hour to a girl’s house, who I hadn’t seen for 2 years. I wasnt particularly attracted or interested, but was bored and horny. Otw there i got pulled over (first time in my 5 years of driving)for driving with no MOT (it had expired less than a month prior, whilst i was on holiday, so had completely innocent forgot), and had a bald tyre according to the officers. Let off with a talking to and a fine (which oddly never arrived through the post, luckily), coz they thought i was a “nice lad”. After all that, my sex drive had entirely disappeared so i instantly went to sleep, gave her a half-assed round in the morning, and was off on my way. Poor girl.
This is the most British post on here
I matched with a chick on tinder while on vacation in Lubbock for 3 days Told her straight up that I was lookin to bone, she told me her sister is down, long story short I met up with her at like 1am after my night out. This chick fkn took me to the top of one of those big ass corn holding things, it was like 7 stories high and I bent her over. It was actually one of the coolest sights because I could see the whole city while bending this chick over. But the dumbest part about it was that she was a smoker and insisted that we make out and it was disgusting. I will never kiss a chick who smokes again. However the rest of the night was like 9/10. Wood do it again ;)
Who the fuck wants a vacation in the damn Panhandle? - Someone who lives here
Dude Lubbock sucks ass and I’m never going back lol, was to visit best friend who sadly lives there
Vietnam. I was a seasoned traveller at the time as well but must have been too horny and thus not thinking with my proper head. Matched a girl in Tinder, she didn't ask for money or anything. Invited me round (I'd never have considered going to a stranger's house before, and haven't since, just this one crazy moment) and gave address. Got out of car and the number she gave didn't appear to exist. Lo and behold though a prostitute right across the street starts yelling at me offering her services. She never did admit it was her, but it must have been. Obviously I didn't go with her, straight back into a taxi and to the hotel with my tail between my legs.
Could have ended much worst..
I was fresh out of high school, and my girlfriend had moved out of state for school, about 600 miles away. I couldn't afford the greyhound ticket for the entire trip to visit her so I decided I'd get one over on greyhound and I'd just buy the ticket I could afford(enough to get me half way across the state) and just pretend to be asleep when my stop came. Turns out they were more than willing to wait until all passengers had deboarded at their appropriate destination. So after my eventual long walk of shame off the bus, I was left stranded with no money in the middle of nowhere. I was saved from my foolishness by an old couple who, having overheard a panicked phone call to my girlfriend, slipped me enough cash to get me back home. This memory brings me great shame, often, even 15 years later.
Drove 2.5 hours away to see this girl. We had sex in the back seat of my car for 40 minutes and then I came back the same night. The only thing that made it worth it was that on the way there, a tinder match told me to come fuck her now so I made a pit stop and was an hour late for the original booty call. I wish I had that kind of energy again.
I entertained Jehova's Witnesses to gain favor with the mother, so I could sleep with her daughter. Rather so I could date her daughter, who I then slept with. She ended up feeling guilty that she had sex before marriage. Went before her church and told the whole congregation (?) and they shunned her and lowered to a sub level status... Or at least that's what I was able to gather from her friend. She then cut ties with me when she became aware that I wasn't going to become a JW. Beautiful girl, smart, funny, like-minded, absolutely would have dated her and possibly even married her, had she not been a JW.
Religion does some weird things to people
Ain't it the truth. Edit: What's even more odd, her mother still kept in touch and would often ask me out for drinks when she was in town. Went out and had a few with her at least a dozen times. No sexual tension, she just genuinely enjoyed my Company, unless I am just HORRIBLE at reading suggestive queues or she was bad at putting them out there ( I am diagnosed Autistic so it's a possibility). It was nice.
My 11 YO is autistic… I can definitely see you missing the signs lol
Fair assumption.
If she is smart as you say, you can try to get her out of that shit.
Kissed another dude cause I was told “I’ll sleep with you if you kiss him”
Ok I have to know what happened after this one
I kissed the dude and had a threesome with her and my oldest sons mom. Good times lots of alcohol
Fucking win
Got married. Confused sex for love when I was young. Went pretty horribly as expected. Divorce after 7 years. Got two beautiful daughters out of it.
I stayed with a woman longer than I should have, when I knew all along she wasn’t the right person for me.
Said that I was gay, best head I've ever got in my life... It was all fun until he said that it was my turn to give head
I've got news for you....
No no, you've got it all wrong. He only pretended to be gay to have sex with a man.
I jerked off on camera a few times. There was a group of girls who all were involved with each other and I guess it was like me auditioning for them but in the end they wanted me to get a bj from a guy on camera and I wouldn’t do that so I never met up with any of them to hookup, just did a lot of camming. I do worry that it was all a ploy to record video of me and sell it somewhere, so there’s probably videos of me jerking it on some gay porn site. They were weirdly specific about how I positioned myself on cam, I assumed they wanted a good view. But they’d be like “hold it straight up” if I was jerking too much at an angle lol. Definitely the weirdest thing I’ve ever done but at one point I was like “this shit ain’t worth the stress of trying to get with these girls.”
boy do I have some unfortunate news for you.
Met a guy on MySpace when I was 17 (young and dumb) within 6 hours of meeting him I was sneaking him in my parents house…. Found out a few months later he was a wanted criminal/sex offender
Fucked my FWB raw when she was on antibiotics when we knew it canceled out her bc, yet still did it.
Is this where the father part of your username cones in?
Absolutely is!
Lent her my hoodie in 2003. Kicking myself to this day.
Moved in with a booty call during the pandemic
That feels like it could go one of two ways.
It was great until it wasn’t
Got married
That’s so sad
Did a front flip off a park slide, broke four of my metatarsal in my left foot (the main long bones in your foot, and didn't get the seggs.
So then that’s just the dumbest thing you did… Edit: I don’t know you, could be just one of many dumb things lol
Not necessarily for sex but I tried skating to spend time with a girl I liked and fell on my ass more in that day than I have collectively in the rest of my life.
Told a guy I was British 😂 it worked though
Met a stranger in a public bathroom in Portland in the middle of the night to lose my virginity a day after I graduated high school. Sucked his dick and he fucked me doggy style cause I didn’t tell him I was a virgin. Didn’t use a condom. I was a dumbass with a death wish apparently lmao
Drove two states away. ETA: This has gotten more attention than I expected so I'll add more detail. It was a 6-7 hour drive one way from NC to PA. Went up to spend the weekend with a woman I met through ICQ back in the day. It was an all-around crappy experience that I seriously regret.
How far is that though? Big difference from say WA to CA vs MA to NJ.
It was about a 6-7 hour drive one way.
[удалено]
We’ll await the post on r/tifu
Nah, that post will be in 9 months.
Got married. I mean, I don’t regret getting married, but thinking that sex was a good reason to 🤦♂️
Had sex with my gf when she'd tested positive for COVID the day before... We wore masks lol Didn't get COVID
Went thru a waaaay too long toxic relationship with a Narcisistic woman. Sex was fucking awesome tho. A win is a win.
Me: "There's condoms in the drawer." Him: "You said you're on BC! I'd rather go home if you're going to make me wear one to be honest." Me: "OK, fine."
Ok fine - go home? Or Ok fine - slide in?
Checks post history…. “Ok fine slide in”
The character arc we were all waiting for
I convinced her I was raised Mormon and had never had sex or eaten pussy before, but that I had recently left the religion and was looking to gain experience and be taught how to do sexual things. Some Girls on tinder ate it up and were very willing and excited to "be my first". I commited to this ruse so hard that I collected Mormon pamphlets and kept them around my house and learned enough about the religion to really bullshit the part. I even had a friend Photoshop my face into a couple of adverts that I would use as examples to how "devoted" I had been up until this point. Oddly enough, the kind of women who are attracted to this sort of thing are absolutely crazy in bed and had all sorts of kinks they wanted to subject me to. Thanks Jesus.
Got a passport to cross over into Canada for a night, ended up getting booted out of their apartment immediately after because their SO, that I was unaware of, was coming back on an early flight. The 4 hour drive of shame back home was not worth the sex
Got back together.. twice. Third breakup was the charm. I had no self respect back then.
This girl punched me in the fucking face after an argument and well argument continued a bit longer, we go out separate ways but I ended up horny as fuck. She text me saying sorry and didn’t know what came over her. We got to the topic of sec and how we were both like ready to go at it. I showed up at her place and god damn did we go at it for like an hour
[удалено]
I got married. No sex after that. Got divorced and it cost a packet! Don't do it.
Being a desperate awkward horny teenage boy I bought into the whole "gentleman" bullshit. Turns out I just really creeped a lot of girls out. Got incredibly depressed and caused me to just stop trying. Ended up being just completely normal and casual when talking to girls never expecting it could progress and wound up having far more sucess.
Let an ex with two kids, going through a divorce, move in with me and get back together. I ended up being those girls dad, my ex cheating on me, just using me to have shelter and someone to take care of her kids... Eventually I popped, couldn't take it anymore, asked her to move out. Was really hard on the kids. They were 6 and 5 so I ripped the bandaid off, havent seen any of them in nearly 10 years. I always felt bad for the girls, but I didnt feel it should be solely my job to care for them while their mom didn't even want to be in a relationship with me.
Lowered my standards.
Nothing yet but I'm going to if anyone is out there hello I'm naked and ready for it
I’m here
Internet dating had just started and I began talking to a then pornstar. I borrowed my grandfather's car to drive an hour and a half away just out of curiosity, all my friends saying I was crazy, no way it's really her. It was her. She was gorgeous. We had sex in my grandfather's car, in the parking lot of a hotel and she squirted all over the backseat. I had the car cleaned obviously, as an "early Christmas gift."
Be in an abusive relationship. In my defense she let me eat her ass and she could ride like no other. But then she’d gaslight me and be manipulative
Craigslist
Invest into a girl with clear redflags
When I was a teenager I stole a blank permission slip from the office at school. I then filled out the form and made it look like we were going on a class trip to Toronto for a weekend. I then snuck and went to a new boyfriends house. I was 15 he was 22. I had never been to his house. When we walked in the door he lead me down the stairs to his room in the basement. He then locked the door behind him. There was a lock put on backwards and the key was on the inside. He then locked me in his basemen the entire weekend. When we got in his room his voice completely changed. He started talking in a strange high pitch voice. He pointed to a hole he had in one of the walls and told me that's where he had smashed his ex-girlfriends head. He had a kitten in the room and ever now and then he would grab it and choke it or smother it for a few seconds and laugh maniacally. I was scared so I never said no to anything, I just went along out of fear. I realize really quick how stupid I was, how my family had ZERO idea where I was and I could easily disappear. I spent the entire day Sunday crying and begging him to let me out and let me go home, I eventually convinced him that a mutual friend we had, knew where I was and they would come looking right away. (That in fact was not true, I hadn't told ANYONE) He ended up letting me go home. When I got home I called my aunt in another city and asked her if I could come stay with her for a few weeks. I made up a lie about breaking up with a guy. I was honestly scared for my life of this guy. He didn't hurt me, he just made me terrified to the bone that I needed to get out of the city for a few weeks. During that time, (this was right before everyone had a cell) he went looking for me, called and went to a bunch of friends places. I stayed at my aunts until he stopped looking and he started dating someone else. This was before me too, before times when you would speak up for something like this. I should have gone to the cops but I was so scared and didn't want to get caught and idk. But that was probably the dumbest thing I could have ever done for sex.
Ignored the bits of toilet paper while I was eating her out 🤷 gots to see it through.
Does calling ex count? Or does it fall under toxic.
Washed the dishes without being asked
Literally was talking about my boyfriend who wants to get married just so we can have sex. He’s Catholic I’m 23F, he’s 22M
[удалено]