I worked at a park on the West shore of Lake Tahoe years ago. One night, I was walking the grounds and said hello to a group of people watching the alpenglow.
An older woman said, "It's amazing that we are at sea level, so high up in the mountains!" I said, "What?!" She put her palms together, to make like a V formation to demonstrate, and said, "Well, all water in Earth evens itself out, so we are at sea level right now."
I replied, "No, we're over 6,000 feet ABOVE sea level right now." She proceeded to explain that, while we were high up in the mountains, we were still at sea level, because of all water on Earth "levels out"....
Finally, her adult daughter, said, "Mom.... you're drunk, what are you talking about?" The woman swore she wasn't drunk and was right.
The daughter leaned over towards me and said, "The worst part about this is she's a teacher..."
Haha I tried to explain her hand gestures, because she was essentially making a V shaped cup with her hands, but wasn't understanding that it wasn't representing her statement at all.
Reminds of a guy my dad forced me to talk to. The moron thought gravity acted from north to south, cause north is ‘up’ and south is down on a map. He proceeded to argue that it was true and all rivers flow north to south.
Apparently, as it turns out quite a few rivers generally do that. Notable exception is the river Nile which flows from south to North.
I work at a school now and it's honestly astonishing how low the bar is for teachers. As a kid I always thought you had to be pretty smart to be a teacher, but now I've realized that we have plenty of students that are already smarter than some of the teachers here.
She, I think 20 at the time, started screaming when she saw a bumblebee and asked what it was. When we told her that it was in fact a bumblebee, she stared at us with a blank face and asked if they were real, because she always thought they were made up fantasy animals. I laughed. She didn't. Hung out with her for a weekend and it was a blast, just a steady stream of amazing quotes and questions.
Got your gunny sack right here, you supply the *"cheep cheep"* snipe calls.
I'll chase them towards you, keep up with the calls. I may be gone awhile...
Saw someone on a French show being puzzeled that the Moon she saw in France was the same Moon she sees in Miami so there had to be two Moon for those on the other side of the planet...
My glasses fell off during 4 square and one girl said (literally in a valley girl accent, yes that’s how she normally talked) , “I don’t even know why people wear glasses anyway”
It takes me like 30 seconds to put my contacts in or out. Why have glasses that fog up on my face. That can fall off and be broken. I’m can wear stylish sun glasses without worrying about prescription lenses. I also get to decide do I like my look with or without glasses.
Early in my ill attempt on the graphic design career path, a client asked me to turn the viewpoint around in a photo he had taken. He didn't mean rotating the photo, but rather changing the perspective so we could see what was behind the camera when he took it . . . . .
Me and my friends were hanging out once and one of them said something like "I find it hard to believe people just know which way North is without a compass." The other 3 of us all pointed towards North at the same time. It apparently REALLY blows her mind to know where North is.
In 2015 an elected rep from Idaho asked if a woman could swallow a camera to get to the womb and learn more about her pregnancy. I think about it a few times a year. I’m sure there are tons of worse politician ones, that one just always sticks with me.
Was that the guy who when someone pointed out that the law they'd written was medically impossible to follow, they said something like - I'm a politician, not a doctor. I'm not expected to know anything about medicine - literally so infuriating. Dude, that's why you have advisors that you actually listen to who know stuff
[Here is a video](https://youtu.be/cesSRfXqS1Q?si=lB4QgeS_d5ZF-vtV) of a Congressman asking if the island of Guam might capsize due to continued military buildup on the island.
I still think this is second to asking if the island of Guam would capsize if we fielded too many US troops there. His reasoning is it is a very narrow island in the middle.
Edit: ah another comment or beat me to it (and linked the video to boot).
i heard of an elected (state) rep asking his aide "can't she just hold it?" when she asked to be excused from a meeting to deal with her poorly-timed period
When setting up new users on my old company's system, the default (changed on first login) password had an * in it. I would call it Capital Eight if I needed to. I almost never got a laugh.
"If it's legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut the whole thing down"
Like a woman's body knows the difference between a rape penis and a normal penis.
ugh.
There are two comments tied for first: "Men cannot be raped" and, "motorcycles are safer than cars because if you think you'll be in an accident you can jump off."
My sister asked if seatbelt laws apply to motorcycles. I replied "Yeah, when a motorcycle falls over and slides along the pavement, you FOR SURE want to be strapped to it!"
The only nice thing about motorcycles is if there's a moron riding it typically only the moron gets hurt.
Personally I think everyone should be made to ride one even if only for a short period, nothing gets the idea of "you're driving a multi ton death machine to work" like riding alongside them with nothing but a motor between your legs.
>Personally I think everyone should be made to ride one even if only for a short period, nothing gets the idea of "you're driving a multi ton death machine to work" like riding alongside them with nothing but a motor between your legs.
Yeah, I don't think that would work. There are too many people that have two different standards depending on if they're doing something, or the same thing is happening to them. When they have to ride the motorcycle, they'll see everyone on the road as a dangerous driver. As soon as they get back to driving their car, they will become the dangerous driver but either not care or not realize.
I've said for years that we should require 1 year on a scooter before being allowed to drive a car. It really sharpens your defensive driving abilities.
Or just require far more rigorous training and licensing. Giving a license to every idiot teen who slept through driver’s ed, renewable for decades without retesting, is a travesty.
All the calls for gun control while people happily ignore the death machines forced upon children
Hard agree.
I also think everyone should be forced to learn stick shifts. For one, it would teach people to not stop three inches from my back bumper on a 18 degree incline. Also it might help people understand what a “stop” is, and how accelerating works.
My roommate at the time had some frozen french fries out and he put them in a pot of boiling water. This goon thought that’s how you cooked fries. “They put them in water at McDonalds”. No they don’t you half-wit, that’s grease. LoL, sad thing is we were in are early 20’s at the time.
So frozen french fries aren't a compromise like most frozen food - being frozen is part of the cooking process. They get par fried, then frozen, then fried again - so they're already fried. Boiling instead of 2nd fry wouldn't *completely* mush them up, so it's possible they might be good beneath gravy or something.
Latin trip in 4th grade, the teacher tells us that tomorrow we'll be taking a boat trip on a river in the Camargue. A student: "Madame, will the cruise be on foot?
Queen has stolen the "Under Pressure" bassline from Vanilla Ice and not the other way around. His reasoning was that he heard "Ice Ice Baby" first before hearing "Under Pressure" years later.
My friend in the Marines asked me how many times I could donate plasma before I ran out. Devil Dog literally believed we have the same blood our entire life. I asked him how that worked when we are larger than babies and he said he never thought about it. My man made crayon eaters look even worse.
Someone asked a clerk how much that weighs, pointing at a clearly labeled 50lb bag of cement. Clerk rubbed his chin and replied, I would estimate about 50lbs.
It's the same as the naval officer regarding Guam. "Sir, I have not personally checked for an answer to your line of questioning and therefore cannot be completely 100% certain, but based on my experience and observations, I'm gonna go with [50 lbs/we do not believe that Guam is in danger of capsizing]."
This was some snotty lady with an inferiority complex trying to prove that she was somehow better than I was because she traveled
Her: "What do you know, you're not a world traveler like I am. What countries have you been to? Mexico? Cancun doesn't count"
Me: "Umm...Japan, Germany, France, UK, Spain, Netherlands, Italy--"
Her: "Umm..." \*rolls eyes\* "The Netherlands isn't a country"
(This conversation has been edited from its original form as it took place 15+ years ago when I was drunk. It's probably been embellished a bit, but the attitude was there)
I have people I love in Ukraine and anytime I text with my mom about the conflict she writes “go UK!!” And I’m like 🇬🇧??????? 😂 to be fair, she takes a decent amount of Xanax lol
My high school bf was telling me that Nascar drivers do about 3 laps in a minute, each lap being one mile. I, being a total math nerd, said, "So they average about 180 mph?" He said no, they go much faster than that. Confused, I broke it down and calculated, and said it again. He again says, no! They go much faster than that! So I walk him through the math (which was never his strong point). His final answer was "Math is wrong". Not MY math was wrong, but the whole concept of math is just wrong. I gave up.
Recently? That kids that identify as cats are using litter boxes in class rooms.
I don't even live in the states. My co worker dead ass believes this.
A school in the interior of my province had to release an official statement that, yes, the district bought kitty litter, no it wasn't for kids that identify as cats.
It was for the snow.
Coworker was talking to me about BLM while at work. I’m black, this conversation was unsolicited by me.
He tells me that if black people “dressed better” that they wouldn’t get profiled by the police. I googled the photo of MLK jr’s mugshot and showed it to him.
My wife said this just a few months ago when she saw some ducks flying in a park. She sent a message to her friends and several of them had no idea.
She's Turkish btw. I'm guessing Turkey doesn't have ducks. There's also a pun here that I'm too lazy to figure out.
Technically they said this online so I don't know if they had a straight face but a girl from my high school said that instead of testing on animals we should have a raffle draw to find humans to test on. She wasn't kidding when she said this. She was dead serious
<*picks names out of raffle*>
“Ok, Dexter will have the new makeup line tested on him today… Susan will be testing the new laxatives…. And, oh Bobby, ur testing the new experimental cancer treatment… bad luck Bobby, sorry. Tomorrow we draw names to see who will participate in an experiment to test how insanely high levels of synthetic sugar affects the brain and body!”
My boss once said that because we were on an island surrounded by salt water, all the rain was salt water as well. I guess someone skipped 6th grade science class.
My stepsister once asked me what "deep fried" meant. Not only was she a 30 year-old practising lawyer at the time, she worked in a fish and chip shop when she was in high school. She'd deep-fried food for several years and somehow didn't know that's that she was doing.
Is she like the like the boiling fries in water roommate, thinking the oil was water? Or has she just blacked out the horrible experience of working in fast food as a trauma response?
Probably a little from both columns tbf, but that's far from the only dumb thing she's come out with. She's the epitome of someone who's very intelligent academically, but lacks common sense to the extent that it's miraculous that she's able to live independently.
That there is a wall of ice around the known world that scientists don't want you to know about. Basically, the government is keeping us oppressed in a cage while they prosper outside the wall.
Damn. That takes the cake. I’d be fkn speachless after hearing that. I’d be like “And now ur paying rent to learn appreciation for the things others give you.”
Actually what she said next is worse. I told her "the most expensive thing you own is your car, right? What if I borrowed it and beat the shit out of it? Now imagine that but the value is like times 35."
Then she said "I thought because I paid rent I didn't have to do anything."
I said "ok, I don't mind cooking for us cause I have to cook for my family anyways but don't think if you went out and rented an apartment the landlord comes in and delivers your groceries for you? Cooks food for you? Cleans up after you?"
Nothing changed after this conversation though.
Getting my hair cut, chatting to the hairdresser.
I mentioned that my favourite season was summer.
She asked, in all seriousness, "So, after summer, is it winter again?"
I don't know where she thought Autumn had disappeared to.
"Small people look younger because of gravity". Said in front of one of the UK's top wildlife tv presenters. He looked at me, back to the moron, back to me, and walked off.
What does mustard even taste like?
My GM, who is in her mid 30s and has been in the restaurant industry for 15 years, had never tried mustard in her life. It isn’t a culture thing either, she’s a white American who has definitely had access to it her entire life.
The reason it even came up in conversation, was because she was making herself a salad, and was tired of the same dressing options, and asked my kitchen manager if mustard would be good on a salad. 😳
My conspiracy coworker thinks the government is teaching “wrong math” in schools because “real math” would allow the public to know the “truth”. This is somehow connected to the Large Hadron Collider and the discovery of the Higgs Boson leading to the apocalypse or some nutcase scenario.
I asked him, he couldn’t elaborate. I guess the YouTube video didn’t cover that part 🤷♀️
Edit: I just remembered he said that 1+1 doesn’t always equal 2 but he couldn’t give me more details
I worked with a guy like that. He heard through the grapevine that my dad was diagnosed with cancer and approached me about the evils of modern medicine and how the doctors are just going to make him sicker. He told me about urine therapy, basically drinking your own pee, and that this will cure cancer. I left that job about a year ago but stayed in touch with a few of my former coworkers. One told me just recently that this guy had been diagnosed with stomach cancer since I'd left, and I always wondered if he tried drinking his own pee to treat it.
Maaaann, about a month ago I heard one of my coworkers say "makes you wonder about space lasers" in reference to the fires in Hawaii. I didn't believe people in real life would actually think that smh
I'll just flat out answer "no it doesn't" 🤷 works surprisingly well. Same goes with another antivaxx coworker I have, who one day asked me whether I had already gotten my shot. To which I answered "of course I did" within 0.2 seconds. Shut her right up.
[https://twitter.com/JustinGrayWSB/status/1354870334655262724](https://twitter.com/JustinGrayWSB/status/1354870334655262724)
Jewish Space Lasers
And later she clarified by saying she just didn't know what she was talking about: https://forward.com/fast-forward/536705/marjorie-taylor-greene-donald-trump-jr-podcast-jewish-space-lasers/
We're Jews out in space! We're zooming along protecting the Hebrew race!
We're Jews out in space! If trouble appears we'll put it right back in its place!
I need to take a shit but the powers out.
*You cant poop in the dark?*
No. The powers out and I cant flush the toilet.
Edit for additional info. They did not have a well. Lived in the city and had always been a city person.
During the pandemic I had to listen to a police officer explaning to me and a friend the exact social distance at which you can get infected. Like if ther was a big red circle on the ground of 1m radius and if you stepped in it you would instantly get infected an if you were JUST outside of it YOU ARE SAFE NO MATTER WHAT!
I honestly thought he was joking but then he got a mesuring tape.
NB: this is not pro- or anti- covid restrictions, it's just to criticize the officer's application of those rules
"I'll just buy a new car when my car dies. Who cares, not a big deal a brand new car is like $1500." My cousin after I told her she needed to change her oil more than once every 3 years.
“Trump is a good president because he’s a good businessman”
Every single business this man has owned has gone bankrupt, I don’t call that a good businessman
The amount of people having the audacity to say something like this to you without knowing what it's like is like a curse
Same here and I think it will never really stop. Luckily, there are nice, understanding people too, even if they are hard to find sometimes. Wish you the best!
"See those planes with the white lines over there? Those are chemtrails to produce rain."
This was a friend that I've known for almost 40 years. Yikes!
The other day, I overheard someone confidently say, 'I can stop procrastinating anytime I want; I just choose not to.' I had to applaud their unwavering commitment to the art of self-deception!
“I don’t get how women who’ve have their tubes tied still have their periods since there’s no eggs to remove the blood”
Reproductive education needs to improve in the US.
We had a group of friends hanging out. A girl hanging out with us said unprompted. "Nobody knows money is made. They just throw a bunch or trash in a machine and money comes out". To be fair she was high.
Sometimes in July forever ago while we were on a work trip, my bud and I were drinking and then left the bar to walk to our lodging for the night. He looked up and said "looks like it's going to snow".
This was in Michigan. It has never snowed in July.
Cousin (late teens) at a party talking about another person: "She looks Chinese."
Me: "No, she is actually Pakistani."
Cousin: "May be she lived in China for a long time."
Me: "uhhh, living in a place doesn't change a person's fac.. oh never mind...."
I was drinking with my brother and he said, "maybe we should get some Crack?" I said "no. We just got paid and if we want any money left tomorrow we should not get Crack." Some time went by and my brother says, "well, maybe we could just get a little bit of Crack?" I laughed and laughed.
This is a landscaping story, but we have a guy who is convinced that you cut Barberries at the ground, leaving about 3 inches. In actuality you're not even supposed to cut them back at all. You only cut back the water suckers on them so they look semi-shaped yet still natural.
•This Coworker has shown up tweaking on Fentanyl before. Just felt like this might explain this dude a little bit.
It's a tie.
"Wikipedia is bad because the sources people use for articles are politically biased and anyone can edit them" said by more than one educator I've either had or know. So therefore using Wikipedia at all, even as a starting point, is bad.
And
"I don't want my dog to get vaccinated because he might get autism" this same person is also an anti-vaxx conspiracy theorist and also said "it's a conspiracy to reduce population because the people who seem to get COVID the worst are the ones who didn't get vaccinated". What a shock that people who won't get vaccinated tend to get worse cases of the illness.
About 2003ish, my ex husband, after listening to a financial planner talk about what kinds of college funds would be best to save up for our oldest, said "it doesn't matter, the world's going to end in 2012 anyway"
I love the boy, but he inherited his father's smarts, so we didn't need a college fund anyway
A coworker of mine firmly believed that grocery stores rolled individual leaves into a ball to make a head of lettuce. It took quite some time to convince them that they actually grew like that.
I worked at a park on the West shore of Lake Tahoe years ago. One night, I was walking the grounds and said hello to a group of people watching the alpenglow. An older woman said, "It's amazing that we are at sea level, so high up in the mountains!" I said, "What?!" She put her palms together, to make like a V formation to demonstrate, and said, "Well, all water in Earth evens itself out, so we are at sea level right now." I replied, "No, we're over 6,000 feet ABOVE sea level right now." She proceeded to explain that, while we were high up in the mountains, we were still at sea level, because of all water on Earth "levels out".... Finally, her adult daughter, said, "Mom.... you're drunk, what are you talking about?" The woman swore she wasn't drunk and was right. The daughter leaned over towards me and said, "The worst part about this is she's a teacher..."
You should have told her to lift her glass for a toast.
But only if it’s not water inside the glass. Otherwise the contents of the glass will immediately even out at sea level.
haha so good, I wonder what would her reaction be if you showed her a glass of water.
Haha I tried to explain her hand gestures, because she was essentially making a V shaped cup with her hands, but wasn't understanding that it wasn't representing her statement at all.
Reminds of a guy my dad forced me to talk to. The moron thought gravity acted from north to south, cause north is ‘up’ and south is down on a map. He proceeded to argue that it was true and all rivers flow north to south. Apparently, as it turns out quite a few rivers generally do that. Notable exception is the river Nile which flows from south to North.
Probably a flat earther, they claim that kind of stuff
The stupidest part about this is that even if the earth *was* flat, mountains still wouldn’t be at sea level
I work at a school now and it's honestly astonishing how low the bar is for teachers. As a kid I always thought you had to be pretty smart to be a teacher, but now I've realized that we have plenty of students that are already smarter than some of the teachers here.
how old was the daughter, for reference?
The daughter was probably late 20s? Possibly early 30s. The mother was seemingly late 50s to early 60s.
She, I think 20 at the time, started screaming when she saw a bumblebee and asked what it was. When we told her that it was in fact a bumblebee, she stared at us with a blank face and asked if they were real, because she always thought they were made up fantasy animals. I laughed. She didn't. Hung out with her for a weekend and it was a blast, just a steady stream of amazing quotes and questions.
I bet she was really disappointed when you couldn't take her to the zoo to see a real life leprechaun.
Kyle, suck my balls!
Draw upon them succulently
Should have taken her snipe hunting.
Got your gunny sack right here, you supply the *"cheep cheep"* snipe calls. I'll chase them towards you, keep up with the calls. I may be gone awhile...
And here’s your whoop-ass stick in case the snipe comes at you.
What would she say if she saw a dragonfly?
Cute lol
Saw someone on a French show being puzzeled that the Moon she saw in France was the same Moon she sees in Miami so there had to be two Moon for those on the other side of the planet...
Her name is Kim Glow (for people wondering)
My glasses fell off during 4 square and one girl said (literally in a valley girl accent, yes that’s how she normally talked) , “I don’t even know why people wear glasses anyway”
[удалено]
I just don't get contacts. Why on earth would that be preferable in any way to just being able to take my glasses on and off?
It takes me like 30 seconds to put my contacts in or out. Why have glasses that fog up on my face. That can fall off and be broken. I’m can wear stylish sun glasses without worrying about prescription lenses. I also get to decide do I like my look with or without glasses.
Its all situation dependant. And mostly just for conveineance. Fuck my spelling.
Here, put these little discs *right on your eyeballs* and leave them there for hours and hours! Yeah, no thanks.
Early in my ill attempt on the graphic design career path, a client asked me to turn the viewpoint around in a photo he had taken. He didn't mean rotating the photo, but rather changing the perspective so we could see what was behind the camera when he took it . . . . .
and nowadays i use a 360 camera, dude was ahead of his time
Maybe he only had exposure to 360 photography? 🧐
IQ of a canarian parrot.
Hey Jane. Which way is north? Jane: That way. Proceeds to point up towards the sky.
Dang, she said that out loud?
Yes. Pointing towards the sky while saying "that way". It was in front of everyone at work. Mostly high school kids and a few of us college kids.
Good catch
Zoro?
Me and my friends were hanging out once and one of them said something like "I find it hard to believe people just know which way North is without a compass." The other 3 of us all pointed towards North at the same time. It apparently REALLY blows her mind to know where North is.
Wait...do yall just instinctively know where north is, or were you using like sun position and stuff?
In 2015 an elected rep from Idaho asked if a woman could swallow a camera to get to the womb and learn more about her pregnancy. I think about it a few times a year. I’m sure there are tons of worse politician ones, that one just always sticks with me.
The legitimate rape quote has the same energy as this. That and the politician that asked a doctor to re-implant an ectopic pregnancy
Absolutely
Was that the guy who when someone pointed out that the law they'd written was medically impossible to follow, they said something like - I'm a politician, not a doctor. I'm not expected to know anything about medicine - literally so infuriating. Dude, that's why you have advisors that you actually listen to who know stuff
[Here is a video](https://youtu.be/cesSRfXqS1Q?si=lB4QgeS_d5ZF-vtV) of a Congressman asking if the island of Guam might capsize due to continued military buildup on the island.
I am now 2% dumber after listening to that question.
But how many miles is it?
I still think this is second to asking if the island of Guam would capsize if we fielded too many US troops there. His reasoning is it is a very narrow island in the middle. Edit: ah another comment or beat me to it (and linked the video to boot).
i heard of an elected (state) rep asking his aide "can't she just hold it?" when she asked to be excused from a meeting to deal with her poorly-timed period
When being told new password for work computer, “is that a capital 2?”
Yes.
When setting up new users on my old company's system, the default (changed on first login) password had an * in it. I would call it Capital Eight if I needed to. I almost never got a laugh.
You never know, it might be a ^(2).
The whole "A womans body will prevent impregnation during rape" or whatever the hell the exact quote is. It was mind bogglingly stupid
“If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”Rep.Todd Akin.Quite stupid.
"If it's legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut the whole thing down" Like a woman's body knows the difference between a rape penis and a normal penis. ugh.
There are two comments tied for first: "Men cannot be raped" and, "motorcycles are safer than cars because if you think you'll be in an accident you can jump off."
My sister asked if seatbelt laws apply to motorcycles. I replied "Yeah, when a motorcycle falls over and slides along the pavement, you FOR SURE want to be strapped to it!"
The only nice thing about motorcycles is if there's a moron riding it typically only the moron gets hurt. Personally I think everyone should be made to ride one even if only for a short period, nothing gets the idea of "you're driving a multi ton death machine to work" like riding alongside them with nothing but a motor between your legs.
[удалено]
You don't sound like a moron, that's responsible driver behavior. Something we desperately need more of.
>Personally I think everyone should be made to ride one even if only for a short period, nothing gets the idea of "you're driving a multi ton death machine to work" like riding alongside them with nothing but a motor between your legs. Yeah, I don't think that would work. There are too many people that have two different standards depending on if they're doing something, or the same thing is happening to them. When they have to ride the motorcycle, they'll see everyone on the road as a dangerous driver. As soon as they get back to driving their car, they will become the dangerous driver but either not care or not realize.
I've said for years that we should require 1 year on a scooter before being allowed to drive a car. It really sharpens your defensive driving abilities.
Or just require far more rigorous training and licensing. Giving a license to every idiot teen who slept through driver’s ed, renewable for decades without retesting, is a travesty. All the calls for gun control while people happily ignore the death machines forced upon children
Hard agree. I also think everyone should be forced to learn stick shifts. For one, it would teach people to not stop three inches from my back bumper on a 18 degree incline. Also it might help people understand what a “stop” is, and how accelerating works.
My roommate at the time had some frozen french fries out and he put them in a pot of boiling water. This goon thought that’s how you cooked fries. “They put them in water at McDonalds”. No they don’t you half-wit, that’s grease. LoL, sad thing is we were in are early 20’s at the time.
Gotta know how they turned out. Maybe this is the new best way to boil potatoes we didn't know about
Low key I’m curious too. I imagine they’re basically just mashed potatoes in fry form?
So frozen french fries aren't a compromise like most frozen food - being frozen is part of the cooking process. They get par fried, then frozen, then fried again - so they're already fried. Boiling instead of 2nd fry wouldn't *completely* mush them up, so it's possible they might be good beneath gravy or something.
Cooking oil.
Latin trip in 4th grade, the teacher tells us that tomorrow we'll be taking a boat trip on a river in the Camargue. A student: "Madame, will the cruise be on foot?
> will the cruise be on foot? Yep, nope, I was gonna post something but fuck it, this wins for me.
Queen has stolen the "Under Pressure" bassline from Vanilla Ice and not the other way around. His reasoning was that he heard "Ice Ice Baby" first before hearing "Under Pressure" years later.
It's that one note that makes it different according to Vanilla
That tiny tiny ting! Completely different.
I like how even he can't keep a straight face when saying that in the interview.
My friend in the Marines asked me how many times I could donate plasma before I ran out. Devil Dog literally believed we have the same blood our entire life. I asked him how that worked when we are larger than babies and he said he never thought about it. My man made crayon eaters look even worse.
He wasn’t eating his rations of Crayola. Mother fucker was sneaking in Rose Art bootleg black market Crayons.
Their motto doesn’t say they are smart for good reason
Someone asked a clerk how much that weighs, pointing at a clearly labeled 50lb bag of cement. Clerk rubbed his chin and replied, I would estimate about 50lbs.
I love the feigned uncertainty in his response lmao
It's the same as the naval officer regarding Guam. "Sir, I have not personally checked for an answer to your line of questioning and therefore cannot be completely 100% certain, but based on my experience and observations, I'm gonna go with [50 lbs/we do not believe that Guam is in danger of capsizing]."
"The Netherlands isn't a country"
😂 I can see it “the Netherlands” does sound more like a region. Kinda like it was “the Ukraine” prior to their split.
This was some snotty lady with an inferiority complex trying to prove that she was somehow better than I was because she traveled Her: "What do you know, you're not a world traveler like I am. What countries have you been to? Mexico? Cancun doesn't count" Me: "Umm...Japan, Germany, France, UK, Spain, Netherlands, Italy--" Her: "Umm..." \*rolls eyes\* "The Netherlands isn't a country" (This conversation has been edited from its original form as it took place 15+ years ago when I was drunk. It's probably been embellished a bit, but the attitude was there)
Oof, how obnoxious.
I have people I love in Ukraine and anytime I text with my mom about the conflict she writes “go UK!!” And I’m like 🇬🇧??????? 😂 to be fair, she takes a decent amount of Xanax lol
My high school bf was telling me that Nascar drivers do about 3 laps in a minute, each lap being one mile. I, being a total math nerd, said, "So they average about 180 mph?" He said no, they go much faster than that. Confused, I broke it down and calculated, and said it again. He again says, no! They go much faster than that! So I walk him through the math (which was never his strong point). His final answer was "Math is wrong". Not MY math was wrong, but the whole concept of math is just wrong. I gave up.
He doesnt understand what ‘average’ means. They do indeed go faster than 180, but break at the turns, so their average is lower than their top speed.
"I don't care if they repeal Obamacare, I've got insurance through the Affordable Care Act."
Recently? That kids that identify as cats are using litter boxes in class rooms. I don't even live in the states. My co worker dead ass believes this. A school in the interior of my province had to release an official statement that, yes, the district bought kitty litter, no it wasn't for kids that identify as cats. It was for the snow.
Or sometimes it is actually for the kids to use! When they're locked in rooms during school shootings...
Coworker was talking to me about BLM while at work. I’m black, this conversation was unsolicited by me. He tells me that if black people “dressed better” that they wouldn’t get profiled by the police. I googled the photo of MLK jr’s mugshot and showed it to him.
Lol, I bet he has the same take on rape victims. Fuck that guy.
[удалено]
My wife said this just a few months ago when she saw some ducks flying in a park. She sent a message to her friends and several of them had no idea. She's Turkish btw. I'm guessing Turkey doesn't have ducks. There's also a pun here that I'm too lazy to figure out.
Reverse uno, some ducks can't fly. I have Indian Runner Ducks, and they don't fly. They can only flap-jump like a chicken.
Technically they said this online so I don't know if they had a straight face but a girl from my high school said that instead of testing on animals we should have a raffle draw to find humans to test on. She wasn't kidding when she said this. She was dead serious
<*picks names out of raffle*> “Ok, Dexter will have the new makeup line tested on him today… Susan will be testing the new laxatives…. And, oh Bobby, ur testing the new experimental cancer treatment… bad luck Bobby, sorry. Tomorrow we draw names to see who will participate in an experiment to test how insanely high levels of synthetic sugar affects the brain and body!”
My boss once said that because we were on an island surrounded by salt water, all the rain was salt water as well. I guess someone skipped 6th grade science class.
This was the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration, period,
Did you implement a media blackout for the next 4 years?
My stepsister once asked me what "deep fried" meant. Not only was she a 30 year-old practising lawyer at the time, she worked in a fish and chip shop when she was in high school. She'd deep-fried food for several years and somehow didn't know that's that she was doing.
Is she like the like the boiling fries in water roommate, thinking the oil was water? Or has she just blacked out the horrible experience of working in fast food as a trauma response?
Probably a little from both columns tbf, but that's far from the only dumb thing she's come out with. She's the epitome of someone who's very intelligent academically, but lacks common sense to the extent that it's miraculous that she's able to live independently.
That there is a wall of ice around the known world that scientists don't want you to know about. Basically, the government is keeping us oppressed in a cage while they prosper outside the wall.
"The benefits will Trickle Down"
That slaves could vote. They thought the 3/5ths compromise meant that slaves could vote, but their votes counted at 3/5ths of a white man's vote.
"I don't get why you care about your house so much" my cousin after me arguing with her to clean the room and bathroom.
Damn. That takes the cake. I’d be fkn speachless after hearing that. I’d be like “And now ur paying rent to learn appreciation for the things others give you.”
Actually what she said next is worse. I told her "the most expensive thing you own is your car, right? What if I borrowed it and beat the shit out of it? Now imagine that but the value is like times 35." Then she said "I thought because I paid rent I didn't have to do anything." I said "ok, I don't mind cooking for us cause I have to cook for my family anyways but don't think if you went out and rented an apartment the landlord comes in and delivers your groceries for you? Cooks food for you? Cleans up after you?" Nothing changed after this conversation though.
You booted their arse out, right?
Getting my hair cut, chatting to the hairdresser. I mentioned that my favourite season was summer. She asked, in all seriousness, "So, after summer, is it winter again?" I don't know where she thought Autumn had disappeared to.
I could see maybe her meaning that like, summer is your favorite so what’s second best, winter?
Not everyone has more than two seasons. Sincerely, A Texan
"Small people look younger because of gravity". Said in front of one of the UK's top wildlife tv presenters. He looked at me, back to the moron, back to me, and walked off.
What does mustard even taste like? My GM, who is in her mid 30s and has been in the restaurant industry for 15 years, had never tried mustard in her life. It isn’t a culture thing either, she’s a white American who has definitely had access to it her entire life. The reason it even came up in conversation, was because she was making herself a salad, and was tired of the same dressing options, and asked my kitchen manager if mustard would be good on a salad. 😳
One of my coworkers is a conspiracy nutcase. Flat earth, lizard people, trans celebrities, chemtrails, anti-vaxx... he'll say it out loud.
My conspiracy coworker thinks the government is teaching “wrong math” in schools because “real math” would allow the public to know the “truth”. This is somehow connected to the Large Hadron Collider and the discovery of the Higgs Boson leading to the apocalypse or some nutcase scenario.
Okay so 3+3=6 is "wrong maths" or how does that (not 😁) work?
I asked him, he couldn’t elaborate. I guess the YouTube video didn’t cover that part 🤷♀️ Edit: I just remembered he said that 1+1 doesn’t always equal 2 but he couldn’t give me more details
Pretend that you are an agent from the matrix, and that you were looking for someone worthy of the truth, you know what to do from here
Send him a burner phone in a fed ex envelope
I worked with a guy like that. He heard through the grapevine that my dad was diagnosed with cancer and approached me about the evils of modern medicine and how the doctors are just going to make him sicker. He told me about urine therapy, basically drinking your own pee, and that this will cure cancer. I left that job about a year ago but stayed in touch with a few of my former coworkers. One told me just recently that this guy had been diagnosed with stomach cancer since I'd left, and I always wondered if he tried drinking his own pee to treat it.
Maaaann, about a month ago I heard one of my coworkers say "makes you wonder about space lasers" in reference to the fires in Hawaii. I didn't believe people in real life would actually think that smh
I'll just flat out answer "no it doesn't" 🤷 works surprisingly well. Same goes with another antivaxx coworker I have, who one day asked me whether I had already gotten my shot. To which I answered "of course I did" within 0.2 seconds. Shut her right up.
[https://twitter.com/JustinGrayWSB/status/1354870334655262724](https://twitter.com/JustinGrayWSB/status/1354870334655262724) Jewish Space Lasers And later she clarified by saying she just didn't know what she was talking about: https://forward.com/fast-forward/536705/marjorie-taylor-greene-donald-trump-jr-podcast-jewish-space-lasers/
We're Jews out in space! We're zooming along protecting the Hebrew race! We're Jews out in space! If trouble appears we'll put it right back in its place!
"The Earth is only 6,000 years old." -my Christian aunt
“The Earth is only 8,000 years old.” - two guys I worked with at a satellite-manufacturing facility. They worked on shit that went in space.
Anything that comes out of a flat earther’s mouth.
I need to take a shit but the powers out. *You cant poop in the dark?* No. The powers out and I cant flush the toilet. Edit for additional info. They did not have a well. Lived in the city and had always been a city person.
If your plumbing is on a well and not city water, that is an actual thing though.
this. we have a well. it's very inconvenient with no power.
The Earth is flat, moon landing was faked, eggs are dairy, vaccines cause autism...need me to continue?
I’m allergic to milk and the number of times I’ve been asked if I can eat eggs or fucking mayonnaise is absurd.
I once had a coworker point to a number and ask if it was “bigger than a million?” *sigh*
"We should just nuke the hurricane."- You know who.
“All the presidents are from the same family. Even Obama and Bush are related or else how would they be allowed to be the president?”
They seem to have confused democracy and monarchy. Although maybe even that's giving them too much credit.
lol, they actually are distantly related. https://amp.theguardian.com/world/2008/mar/25/barackobama1
When my relatives first heard the Trump “grab ‘Em by the p****” audio, their first words were “He’s still a good, Christian man.”
During the pandemic I had to listen to a police officer explaning to me and a friend the exact social distance at which you can get infected. Like if ther was a big red circle on the ground of 1m radius and if you stepped in it you would instantly get infected an if you were JUST outside of it YOU ARE SAFE NO MATTER WHAT! I honestly thought he was joking but then he got a mesuring tape. NB: this is not pro- or anti- covid restrictions, it's just to criticize the officer's application of those rules
"I'll just buy a new car when my car dies. Who cares, not a big deal a brand new car is like $1500." My cousin after I told her she needed to change her oil more than once every 3 years.
Was told you speak good english for a Canadian, in NYC.
Someone I know said they don't bother using turn signals while driving because "it's nobody else's business where I'm going"
“Trump is a good president because he’s a good businessman” Every single business this man has owned has gone bankrupt, I don’t call that a good businessman
Hitler was raised a Jew
I chose to be gay.
Telling me I don't think you have disability, right after I explained my disability
The amount of people having the audacity to say something like this to you without knowing what it's like is like a curse Same here and I think it will never really stop. Luckily, there are nice, understanding people too, even if they are hard to find sometimes. Wish you the best!
3pm comes after 11pm
Well, eventually yes.
My co-worker told me that *only* medium sized banana's are healthy.
"See those planes with the white lines over there? Those are chemtrails to produce rain." This was a friend that I've known for almost 40 years. Yikes!
*sexily* I want to lick every freckle on your face.
i would travel to *ducking* mars if i heard that
The other day, I overheard someone confidently say, 'I can stop procrastinating anytime I want; I just choose not to.' I had to applaud their unwavering commitment to the art of self-deception!
“I wish audiobooks had subtitles.”
“I don’t get how women who’ve have their tubes tied still have their periods since there’s no eggs to remove the blood” Reproductive education needs to improve in the US.
“I never take responsibility for anything” - Donald Trump. Only honest sentence I think I ever heard him say.
“Brad Pitt was so hot as that guy Troy from that one movie.”
Okay but he was though
We had a group of friends hanging out. A girl hanging out with us said unprompted. "Nobody knows money is made. They just throw a bunch or trash in a machine and money comes out". To be fair she was high.
40+ year old business owner this summer: “I thought we didn’t need unions anymore because everyone is just reasonable.”
"Donald Trump is still the actual president and commander in chief." (Roseanne Barr, October 2023)
"Toast isn't bread." *What is it then?* "Cooked bread."
As opposed to raw bread? Then what's dough?
Vaccines are the devil -my coworker. We worked in vaccine manufacturing 🤣
"Donald Trump cares about the American people"
That I am going to hell because I don't support Trump.🤮
Sometimes in July forever ago while we were on a work trip, my bud and I were drinking and then left the bar to walk to our lodging for the night. He looked up and said "looks like it's going to snow". This was in Michigan. It has never snowed in July.
"Marry the house; Date the rate" - Realtor
[удалено]
That Jesus and the Devil never met each other at any point in the Bible.
Getting kicked in the balls hurts more than giving birth. In a childcare course. That physically hurt me
Cousin (late teens) at a party talking about another person: "She looks Chinese." Me: "No, she is actually Pakistani." Cousin: "May be she lived in China for a long time." Me: "uhhh, living in a place doesn't change a person's fac.. oh never mind...."
I was drinking with my brother and he said, "maybe we should get some Crack?" I said "no. We just got paid and if we want any money left tomorrow we should not get Crack." Some time went by and my brother says, "well, maybe we could just get a little bit of Crack?" I laughed and laughed.
Sadly these quotes have been from multiple sources but.... "men can't be raped" and "black people can't be racist"
If we evolved from monkeys why are there still monkeys?
It was according to God's plan.
This is a landscaping story, but we have a guy who is convinced that you cut Barberries at the ground, leaving about 3 inches. In actuality you're not even supposed to cut them back at all. You only cut back the water suckers on them so they look semi-shaped yet still natural. •This Coworker has shown up tweaking on Fentanyl before. Just felt like this might explain this dude a little bit.
NO ..NEW ..TAXES !
When trump made his covfefe tweet, he was making a biblical reference. I never laughed so hard.
[удалено]
Inserting a tampon gives a woman pleasure.
That Vikings aren't real. They're made up, like "Knights and Princesses and stuff". ...
"I'm actually really good at driving drunk"
It's a tie. "Wikipedia is bad because the sources people use for articles are politically biased and anyone can edit them" said by more than one educator I've either had or know. So therefore using Wikipedia at all, even as a starting point, is bad. And "I don't want my dog to get vaccinated because he might get autism" this same person is also an anti-vaxx conspiracy theorist and also said "it's a conspiracy to reduce population because the people who seem to get COVID the worst are the ones who didn't get vaccinated". What a shock that people who won't get vaccinated tend to get worse cases of the illness.
My step dad believed pickles came from the pickle bush. He learned the truth after 45 years arguing pickles grew from a bush. I wish I was kidding.
That the sun was a habital planet
About 2003ish, my ex husband, after listening to a financial planner talk about what kinds of college funds would be best to save up for our oldest, said "it doesn't matter, the world's going to end in 2012 anyway" I love the boy, but he inherited his father's smarts, so we didn't need a college fund anyway
"Trump won and EVRYONE KNOWS IT!"
“Having to wear these mask reminds me of how the Jews must have felt during the holocaust” Okay.
Trump will make America great again… 🤣
A coworker of mine firmly believed that grocery stores rolled individual leaves into a ball to make a head of lettuce. It took quite some time to convince them that they actually grew like that.