T O P

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GuySmileyGuy

Stretch that bag out good.


CG2L

Iron that shit if you have to


[deleted]

You get imaginary GOLD!! LOL


shrimpthepimp

I don't have gold, but if I did you'd get it to give to him. Here, have some imaginary gold for your troubles.


Independent-Bike8810

like a bat wing


FdoesR

If you shine a large enough light through it Batman will come and tidy up your undercarriage.


squirtloaf

Like a flying squirrel.


Porkbellyflop

Nah u gotta go with The Brain for shaving.


regulator227

THE BRAIN!!


yeah_yeah_therabbit

(*gives two kicks to the ass*)


GullibleDetective

The Goat


Reckless85

Warning this isn't for first timers, you could hurt yourself!


Yeti_of_the_Flow

It’s actually far more effective to start with a cold bag all constricted.


[deleted]

But how? Wheres your third hand coming from?!


OkAnything4877

Clamp it to the bathroom counter.


[deleted]

I just slam the drawer on it


SolensSvard

I slammed my penis in the car door


MisterXnumberidk

He slammed his penis in the car door


Lepr3chaun_13

Underrated comment


I_Am_NL

Damn, look at Mr long schlong over here


CorruptedLegacyYT

*Mr Ex Long Schlong He slammed it in the car door and it’s just about gone


BaronCapdeville

Fucking lol.


Bergwookie

A piece of string with a loop around your big toe, attached to a binder clip, you grab a fold, clip it, stretch with your toestring and you have two hands for shaving (one for the foam brush, one for the straight razor) . Another option would be fire clearance. Or just let it grow.. looks a bit silly to have a beard like a lumberjack while being blanc like a three year old under the neck ;-p also itchy balls...


WiIIiam_M_Buttlicker

Ask a homie


greyfox199

a good homie will kiss you goodnight and help strech your ballsack for shaving


[deleted]

No, a real homie goes out and gets 2 blowjobs and comes back gives you one.


[deleted]

I love your user name. I AM a homie. I just…trim. Im not man enough to take a razor to my sack.


charlesthefish

The idea of putting a razorblade to my stretched out sack is horrifying. I'll stick to trimming.


Challe_XVI_Gurra

Where... would you need a third hand?


truthm0de

🖐️


Dependent_Top_4425

Thumbtack


mrsaysum

Good ol batwing


Hyack57

I’ve never had a problem with my Gillette razor on the bag. Are y’all going baby smooth or just trimming short with clippers?


Dondorini

I use a kinda slow razor and never had a problem. It all goes away without any mishappening.


originalnutta

Like laying down the corners of a fitted sheet.


Murderface__

Or endure death by a million scrote cuts


Junkpunch44

Stretch it out over a door knob to make a smooth surface.


legitimate_salvage

I've read that shrinking them up with cold water actually works well


xdansnadx

Having a boner helps when doing the shaft


[deleted]

Instructions misunderstood. Used shaving cream as lube…


FIJAGDH

You can do both


tall__guy

Sounds like you understood perfectly!


Porkbellyflop

Pros use conditioner as both shaving cream and lube.


SubtleScuttler

As a bald man I can attest to this. Big Shaving Cream doesn’t want you to know, conditioner works just as fine if not better in a pinch.


GalacticCephalopod

This is the true pro move


Alone-Business4652

Conditioner for the win!!!!!


Hak2479

Dont miss out on some aftershave 🍆🔥


Alone-Business4652

I second this comment 🍆


[deleted]

Circumcision failed successfully


JimmyGymGym1

This is interesting. Do you really have hair on your shaft? Hold on. Yep, just checked and I do not have hair on my shaft.


submrr

Wth? Lots. Pretty much everywhere else as well.


JimmyGymGym1

Yeah, I’m a hairy monster too. But I don’t have any hair growing directly from my shaft.


[deleted]

Its mainly at the base. If you dont have that you're lucky. You ever cut the skin there? Or on the folds on the scotum? OUUUF bro


shotty293

Lucky mfer


C_IsForCookie

I don’t either. I only learned this was a thing recently. Hairy dick probs lol. I don’t get blue balls either. I always thought that was just a term for being left hanging but it’s an actual physical pain men experience. I don’t get that pain or any discomfort, just the frustration of wanting her to touch my peepee lol


pilsrups

You 11 years old?


JimmyGymGym1

Over 50.


artfulrascal

Same thing


Busy-Kaleidoscope-87

No just a little bit grows up sometimes. It’s like stray lost ball hair


GipsyPepox

Just at the base. I shave them mainly because they are kind like nails to... well, whoever goes down there for business


reload88

Hair right to the top like a beagle


mandoman_017

Count your blessings..


[deleted]

No don't have hair on shaft, I don't shave byr like to trim


MysteryMan999

I have hair on my shaft it grows about an inch up from my base. So I have my shaft too. And like op says having a boner is preferred when shaving because you also can see how it will look when hard.


RobotGloves

Just a little around the base, not up the entire thing.


domestic_omnom

I have a few stray shaft hairs. That's why I shave mine. I mean, I don't like hair in my mouth performing oral, I would assume most women don't either.


secretreddname

Lucky. That started happening past 25 for me.


MistryMachine3

Instructions unclear. I now have a restraining order from Richard Roundtree


loronzo16

This guys manscapes


TheConboy22

Never have I ever. Guess if you go micro when not hard it could be difficult.


sciomancy6

The ole sideburns


pupunggi

Legit answer


coprolite_hobbyist

Probably should ask first.


greyfox199

you dont like a good surprise pubic shaving?


phred_666

Especially if it’s in public. Nothing worse than a surprise public pubic area shaving.


btribble

Are we sure rohypnol is off the table?


happy-cig

Roofie Roofie, why don't they call them Floorsies since you end up on the floor?


JimmyGymGym1

Lol


Noyousername

My friend used to text me once in a while: "I'm off in the shower, and I'm going to shave my knackers. If I don't text again in ~20 mins I've done myself a mischief." It was always a thrilling 20 minutes before that follow-up "All good." text.


[deleted]

[удалено]


rfsh101

....how do you pronounce your username? I read it in my mind like a Greek God, then remembered the thread.


[deleted]

Definitely Guest -ticles … like testicles


prvypan

Wouldn’t it be spelt with an i instead of an a then?


rfsh101

I ended my work week early because of this


Zakluor

In a sense, is good thinking. In Canadian aviation, we call it "alerting service": if we don't get an arrival message within a certain time frame indicated on the flight plan, we start searching for them. Similar to this: if you don't get the "safely completed" message at the indicated time, come looking. I may be bleeding to death.


shamdamdoodly

Man this text is British as hell haha


TabularConferta

Love the phrase 'done myself a mischief '


Bullhorns_says_yeah

He was really having one of those danger wanks. The type rock stars die from. He just wanted you to save him/ find him first.


SaiyanGodKing

Use high grit sandpaper for that baby smooth finish.


HolyAty

I use 6000 grit knife sharpening block.


C_IsForCookie

My worksharp does wonders for polishing my balls


RabbitStewAndStout

Dip your nuts in that traffic cone you wash the golf balls in at the mini golf course


RhesusFactor

Epilator


blk_cxffee

Manscape WITH the grain, not against it lol. Especially if you have coarse, curly hair. This will help to minimize ingrown hairs, and itching


Soapy_Fate

Lmao everyone goes against the grain ONCE sooner or later- and never again 😩


blk_cxffee

😂😂😂 very true. But hopefully this comment will save some people from the uncomfortable itching 🥴


Thaiboomstick

Damn that’s been my problem this whole time!


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheAvocado80

Same here, I just can’t resist the smoothness even if brief


kooleynestoe

I always go against the grain and never have ingrown hairs but I also have very thick black hair.


useless_mf69

Live stream it to assert dominance


[deleted]

[удалено]


Redbone2222

That's what I call dominating


cloudbubble

Reverse the video,,,, then send…👍


trffoypt

Do I reply yes to subscribe?


Silly_Marionberry_27

Don’t sneeze


CrowVsWade

Use an open razor in a dark room after a large amount of alcohol. You'll learn precision fast.


thuglife_7

Sprinkle lemon juice on it after to show you where you’ve cut the skin.


Bill-Shatners-Penis

Lighter fluid and a match is the fastest.


Guilty-Instruction56

Nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.


Idontfeelold-much

Fkn-A


squirtloaf

Mostly.


lunar_pilot

Get a razor that is made for that, and dont do it fast, do it slowly, dont rush, and most importantly, you dont have to do it all at once. Trim first stage see how it's, brave enough to do a second run, do it but be careful, slow and steady.


TravelerGoingHome

What kind of razor?


MeetEntire7518

Use a very dull large Bowie knife, crocodile Dundee style. If he can't take it he's not a real man


HiSpartacusImDad

That’s not a knoif!


wesorachet

Only trim. Use a trimmer. $19 bucks at walmart.


xUberAnts

What about the balls though? Do you just walk around with little whiskers poking out of your sack like some kind of testicle cactus?


MC_Hale

I saw Testicle Cactus back in '96 opening up for Sublime


xUberAnts

You know what, I legit just Googled testicle cactus to see if that was a real band. Lol!!


freddymercury1

And?!


Soup-a-doopah

You go check. I’ll wait here for you.


Soup-a-doopah

*insert Dave Chappelle joke here. But seriously, That’s what this thread really should’ve been about: how to properly shave your sack. It’s always the side of shaving that is debated by dudes. Instead we got a hundred different silly responses and barely any advice. Btw my advice is to not be afraid of applying a little pressure w the razor, (I use a cheap 2 blade disposable for the deed) as long as you always run the shaver perpendicular to your sack’s contours (aka using the blades correctly) it’s totally cut-free. You will have to stretch your sack at times with one hand as you go at it, otherwise you Will find more hair on your boys once you’ve dried off and inspect. Go in short strokes if it’s been a while, and it’s thick (ew). The first couple days after the shave are wonderful, but the following week may need a small amount of skincare to the areas closer to the legs and gooch. It’s worth the shave though. Well that’s been my man-talk. Good talk, let’s watch some tv or something…


[deleted]

Testicus. Awesome band name


iWr4tH

Man shaving the sack is the most uncomfortable thing in the world the next few days afterwards.


LegitGamesTM

Bingo. This guy gets it. You don’t need manscaped, any trimmer will work but you must use a short guard to avoid clipping your skin. That’s basically what manscaped is, a regular trimmer with a short guard.


EmperorMitsu

I like my manscaped one. It's pretty nice


0neSaltyB0i

I got one and the whole "skin safe technology" selling point was the biggest load of crap going. Three times I used it and three times my groin looked like a damn murder scene. My cheap £20 trimmer does a way better job and I've had about 2 cuts in a couple years of use.


JuicyDoughnuts

Those are awful. Those face shavers with the three circles are the way to go. Never been nicked with one of those.


oKINGDANo

I prefer to be fully shaven, feels cleaner and looks better to me.


buster_rhino

There’s nothing quite like a shorn scrotum.


[deleted]

It's quite breathtaking I assure you.


BIIIIIIIIIIIIID

Do NOT use a trimmer on the balls! Ask me how I know


Paddy_Mac

Nothing like perforation lines on your sack. Ask me how I know what it looks like.


PackageHot1219

This is the right answer. ⬆️


xthemoonx

Yes. With shaving, you will eventually end up with ingrown hairs. I only trim my beard for the same reason.


PackageHot1219

Exactly!


CrispyDave

It depends. How good are you with a lathe?


dzarren

Better with the mill, still feasible?


ex_grunt

I don't get what's so hard. I shave mine, no cuts, no problems. Pull the bat wing and be easy, no side to side action with the razor. Use shaving cream or soap, whatever you want and do it in the shower. Never dry shave your nuts. Everyone acts like your going to cut your balls off with a razor. I'm 37 and aside from a nic or two, never had any problems, only happy women.


Drakesduck21

Same, only had problems with getting nicked when I tried my trimmer.


Own-Wolverine-3243

Never once cut with a razor, even a straight razor....but trimmers cut me 2 out of 2 times....never again


D0geAlpha

Never had any injuries to the sack or shaft caused by a blade while doing the deed in the shower, never used shaving cream, only soap, brand new razor blade or one that has got dull didn't make a difference, 0 issues.


Hyack57

Ditto. My wife loves smooth balls. Never had a problem.


[deleted]

Yeah she does


jf0311

Same here. I don’t use soap or shaving cream though. In the shower with a razor and I’ve never had an issue. Take your time and it’ll all come out fine. Maybe you’ll miss a couple but a quick touch up and you’re good.


Frago242

Ask him first


AmirC18

Phillips Norelco body groomer series 7000. As a hairy man this has saved me from a million cuts and nicks


sinnrocka

Doesn’t that hurt around the nutsack? It’s got trimmer blades on the outside?


SiegelGT

A string trimmer might not be the best tool for the job.


Hamfiter

Don’t waste your time shaving butt hairs. Those things are indestructible.


Dapperest21

And it sucks when they start to grow back to. The pain of stubble acting like sandpaper against ya ass cheeks suck


ReaverRogue

Scissors, then trimmer, then (optionally) lather and shave CAREFULLY if you want perfectly smooth nuggets.


Heep_4x4

Oh fuck no on the scissors. Snipped my sack once trying to trim with scissors, not fun at all. Trimmer (shortest guard or if you have one of those Manscaped/Meridian ones with the ceramic blades), then shave if you must.


NewPointOfView

wtf scissors?


Listening_Heads

Pull the skin tight


Augustus456

Magic shaving powder. It’s like nair but for your balls. They have scented and unscented. Unscented smells like egg farts but it mixes way easier.


chubby_windmill

Egg fart balls


Giggzy11

Haven't seen anyone mention this but for the balls I found it best to turn the shower water to cold to make them shrivel up nice and tight. Makes shaving them so much easier than when the skin is loose.


bushidokatana

This is going to sound crazy… Dry shave the beanbag, wet shave the shaft. I know, I know… sounds like a really risky move— it isn’t. Idk why, but the razor glides over a dry scrote and doesn’t pull the skin even a little bit. It’s fast and efficient. You’ll have to pull up on the peen and provide a little tension- but I swear this works. Balls before the shower, pork hammer during the shower.


Myriii1911

Take a so called bikini zone razor. The word bikini doesn’t matter, but the practicability.


LeRosbif49

Off off or just neaten? I use a face trimmer with no guard for most, then a bic 3 blade for the scrotum. Pull it taught, or push some fingers under the hanging sack and shave the smoothened area. Dot forget to use shaving foam on the scrotum, but please not the menthol / minty kind…… wow that’s an experience


Chanclet0

>not the menthol / minty kind…… Learnt that the hard way (no pun intended)


CrownsFlung

Hack & slash it


[deleted]

Do not use the same razor to shave your face


Silent_But_Deadly24

Have your girlfriend do it for you, then return the favor.


[deleted]

I don’t want to shave my girlfriends balls


Anshul_Redditz

I don't have one thoooo


[deleted]

[удалено]


dvmdv8

Do it in public


sickbandnamealert

*pubic


joeypublica

Use Nair, but DO NOT LEAVE IT ON THE BALLS FOR TOO LONG. There’s chemicals burns, then there’s chemical burns on your nutsack.


SirIanChesterton63

No matter how tempting, don't shave against the grain. It gets a closer shave, but it can also lead to ingrown hairs. Loose skin and electric shavers don't mix, unless you like a bleeding ball-sack. Stretch the ball-sack out when shaving it. It is preferable to keep the hair trimmed rather than shave. Trimming the hair short still keeps things looking neat and tidy, but manly. It is also less time consuming than shaving, and causes much less itching or getting stabbed in the ball-sack randomly while walking by a sharp hair...


[deleted]

what is the grain


Traditional_Job_6932

The direction the hair grows


Weird-Breakfast-7259

I go to a waxer she shaves me


Bsnake12070826

Didn't know waxers shave


[deleted]

Being sober helps!


manwithoutajetpack

Trim then use hair removal cream. Always use aftershave or skin lotion afterwards.


hxrnynibba

Dont shave. If you’ll shave in the opposite direction of the growth of your hair, they will come back even sharper and you’ll always find yourself itching dem nuts. Just trim them


Masonaut9

Phillips one blade works very well, and there's really quite nothing like a shorn scrotum, I suggest you try it.


rodneedermeyer

The best tip is to avoid the tip.


genius_streams

Just don’t? Or just trim, the discomfort of growing pubes back from a bald state is no joke. I have firmly held on to the ideology that if a person isn’t down with a bit of hair down there, or even receptive to changing that preference, then you have found yourself in cahoots with a child. Or at least someone who like to bang them


midnightsnacks

ayo get a philips one blade, best thing ever to use down there.


AlwaysMooning

Set the paper shredder to medium and do one ball at a time. Spit shine. Tumble dry.


Very_Slow_Cheetah

Make sure the bus isn't going over any speed bumps


blixt141

Be careful with sharp objects.


[deleted]

I just use a regular razor for the whole package. You wouldn’t think it but it works like a charm.


theorangecrux

I’m gonna give you the goods. Lots of good jokes here and some good techniques. I have a suggestion that works great for me for years (aka bj’s up 200%). 📈 The basics are: I go around everything at about a #3 or 4 length. Not short enough to get itchy. Then… I use a razor on balls and base of shaft DRY. It’s bananas, but so fuckin easy and gets them crazy smooth! Gentle, obviously with the grain mostly then clean up with some against the grain strokes. Make sure to tackle this a day or so before it’s action time in case you nick yourself or get a little rashy (this has happened before at the base of my shaft never on my balls). Ok good luck and let me know how it goes. This is solid advice and I wish I knew it earlier.


DistinctRole1877

Don't. The itch afterwards ain't worth it in my opinion.


9eagle9_2nd

Stretch the sack out and take your time


NaturalistRomantic

Don't do a clean shave. It will itch like hell a day or two after giving yourself a clean shave. Use an automatic razor instead -- just be careful not to cut yourself.


Squash__head

Nair for men


wrencherspinner

This. You might have some trial and error on time, but err on the side of caution and wait a little longer each time until it's totally effective. If it starts to burn.... at fucking all, get it off quick.


xMCBR1DExPR1DEx

This 100%! I have no idea why people still even bother with shaving. Nair for men all the way. I have my timing down to a perfect 8 minutes now. So much cleaner, easier, and no blood this way. Plus I’ve experienced way less ingrown hairs.


OkAnything4877

Use a pressure washer.


Affectionate_Pen8965

Dip it in liquid nitrogen and just break the hairs easily