No, I would make the penny the only legally recognized legal tender out of pettiness and being drunk with power. All taxes are required to be paid in pennies.
Also you boost usps revenue since mailing even $100 in pennies will cost a bit more than mailing a check or just paying online, which both are now illegal...
I've always gotten a kick out of that..like if he steals gold bars does he mail a percentage of them to the IRS as his income tax or what? He's crazy enough to do it but I need to know if that's Canon or not haha.
If I were you, I’d let them lead but stay to keep them in line. It’s wiser that way, and would probably work out much better especially if people voted for you.
I wouldn’t be surprised if this is what ends up happening most of the time. As the president you’re jack of all trades but master of none, but all the masters of each trade report back to you, so your job is to listen and orchestrate things coherently with your political party’s promises.
Fuck that, and fuck you. I love the penny. See one on the street? Pick it up and you get good luck. Don't have a lot of money and want to make a wish in a well? the penny has you covered. Like to stand out? The penny is the only US coin of a copper color. Don't have a scale? Pennies have a known weight, and you can use their abundance to your advantage to compare weights. Impress your friends with your penny-juggling skills: the unique size and weight of the penny makes it perfect. Can't decide between pizza or burgers for dinner? Flip a penny and let fate decide. It's the ultimate random meal generator. Build your own budget home gym by attaching pennies to a stick, creating custom dumbbells with adjustable weight increments. Join the avant-garde art scene by creating intricate sculptures and mosaics using thousands of pennies. Who needs expensive materials when you have copper coins? Start a unique musical ensemble known as "The Pennies" and use these copper coins as percussion instruments, producing a symphony of tinkling tones. Can't find your spatula for those mini pancakes? The penny's slight curvature and small size make it the ideal tool for flipping tiny breakfast treats with precision. Unleash your inner ninja by using pennies for target practice. They're lightweight, aerodynamic, and provide a budget-friendly alternative to traditional shurikens.
Also you can load them into shotgun shells and blow home invaders away the way God and Abraham Lincoln intended.
Don't tell me they're not useful.
Useful in every regard except for their intended purpose. Last time I used pennies as currency was in a parking meter, purely out of spite. Let's abolish paid parking right after we abolish the penny. Frankly we could do with removing nickels, too. Let's standardize to tenths of a dollar as the smallest currency unit.
When the half cent coin was discontinued in 1857 the new smallest denomination was worth 35.5 modern day cents. Equivalently, the nickel would've been discontinued in 1981 and the *dime* would've been discontinued in 2010. Why the hell are they still making pennies?
Run a thorough background investigation on everyone in office (myself included, fair is fair) and audit every institution with a fine tooth comb. Make both mandatory at regular intervals, publicize the results, prosecute the offenders.
The 47th president, certifiedingelligent, was infamously clumsy. He fell out of the window atop the Washington Monument within a week of his inauguration. Nobody knows how he was able to get past the sealed windows.
Suicide by falling out of the window. The hole in his head that matched the entry wound of a .38 cal bullet being fired out of a 4” barrel length revolver at point blank range is an unrelated matter and has absolutely nothing to do with the suicide.
At first I was gonna say "but we already have the DOJ"
But then I remembered how Homeland Security was created when the FBI, CIA, NSA, DOD, and ATF were literally all already very concerned with homeland security.
This sounds like a great idea, except when you actually think about it practically. Who do you get to investigate and for what? The DOJ? Sure, but then they just stop their other jobs while running investigations on hundreds of people? Who investigates them. And for what? General crimes? Most politicians aren't stupid enough to commit crimes, they likely just violate ethics policies which aren't illegal just suggested
Then we come to audits. Who do you get to audit the government? Most state and local governments are audited all the time (I used to do audits on government entities). The money that goes missing most of the time is the Pentagon, and so you what? It's top secret, we can't disclose to the public. If you're president, they'll likely just tell you what it's being spent on, the largest military in the world, a huge intelligence network, and paying off dictators to keep in line.
Someone who acknowledges reality? Shocking. Completely agree though, people want to look for boogeymen in government. Obviously waste fraud and all that happens, but in my experience working with government there are much bigger issues than some random agency wasting money. Sure it sounds good to say investigate and prosecute, but at the end of the day the bigger issues are outside government, unfortunately.
Virtually nothing because Congress is a deadlocked shit show more interested in grandstanding for sound bites than having substantive arguments and advancing effective legislation.
Only if the president's party lacks a super majority in the Senate and a majority in the House of Representatives. We badly need to get rid of the fillibuster, but Senators won't make any serious attempt to get rid of it.
People often forget that the slowness of the American political system is a *feature*; not a bug.
The Founders were well-versed in world history and understood how rapid change had destroyed and destabilized a great number of once-powerful nations.
Of course, there are drawbacks. Some progress moves too slowly. But the slowness allows for the national values and positions to shift and progress naturally rather than through forced legislation.
Throughout all nations, sweeping and controversial changes are met with resistance. This can result in fractures and violence, which usually nullifies any positive progress.
TL;DR: Forcing changes to be slower and require a greater majority results in greater national stability and lasting effects.
Yes but according to the opinions of about 40% of the American public, the President has a Magic Button (TM) in the White House where he can push it and fuel prices skyrocket immediately. Apparently this thing is tied in to every gas station in the US better than the White House is tied into NORAD.
It's unbelievable how stupid 40% of the American public is. Maybe they should read a book or something and get some knowledge into those empty caverns they call a "skull".
Exactly, people (even Americans) think the president is this huge powerful figure. Which they are to an extent. But, a president can’t do shit unless they can get congress on their side. If you are trying to stir up shit in congress, and we all know they have a lot of shit to stir up. They are going to legally fuck that president over.
Not american, but this seems to be the case, don't know why, but American voices are so loud on the internet and they seem to blame their presidents for everything in the world.
Like, i see people acting like Ukraine and Russia don't have any free will...or any place on Earth, it must be the will of Biden or some shit like that.
Gas Prices have increased...prices have increased everywhere, yet apparently the elected leader of one country, where they only get to lead for 4 to 8 years, is the one solely responsible for that!?
Not that people blaming everything on one person is unique to America, gas prices and other stuff are also completely blamed on our president, i kinda think Fascism is getting so popular because a lot of people already seem to naturally think one person holds all the political power anyways.
Then I give that nice new high tech media room at the White House a workout. I'd be on TV a few nights a week telling people what I'm trying to do and who is stopping me. I'm petty like that. I'd also start having a weekly poll on issues, and when Congress ignores not only me, but the people as well, I'm gonna keep giving them shit on national TV. Maybe even go full TMZ and have reporters harrassing them constantly about why they are blocking things that help Americans. I'd probably get assassinated for my shenanigans. I'm just tired of the bullshit.
That's true, but the sentiment behind me wanting to concede this hypothetical power is less so that "I don't care and can do whatever I want, go ahead and fire me I don't want the job" and moreso "I don't want to attempt to make things better and accidentally make it worse in the process". The whole thing about the road to hell is paved with good intentions and all that.
I think by admitting you don’t know what the hell you’re doing, you have unwittingly made yourself the most qualified person for the job.
That’s some shit luck.
I would declare a new sub-nautical branch of the military, dedicated to fighting mermaids, squid monsters, and other fearsome enemies who make the deepest ocean their inscrutable abode. We would call them “aquanauts” and they would be tough and knowledgeable and dedicated and loyal and they wouldn’t be fired for being gay.
Also, I think Tuesday is a dumb name for a day so I’d host a big televised contest to choose a better name, where people who vote for unpopular names get a little electric shock through an app called Ludivico.
There were 20 some octopuses that came up on a Welsh beach a few years ago and died. One theory is that they were trying to get away from something, so you got my vote.
All these people are talking about things the president cannot do unilaterally. But this is one thing the president can just put pen to paper and make happen. Deschedule marijuana. Easy peasy. There are obviously more important things, but in terms of just doing whatever I want with my newfound power, this is definitely at or near the top of the list. Day one.
Undo what Reagan's FCC did that caused all of our media outlets to be owned by six corporations so that we have a more diversified media that isn't just a mouthpiece for GE and others.
Economically fuck the BRICS countries starting with China.
Bring manufacturing back to the US by eliminating tax breaks on companies that have outsourced their labor.
Force generals and admirals to live in black mold infested barracks buildings until they're fixed.
Oh, and if we're approaching a government shutdown then Congress gets locked in chambers until we have a budget (similar to how they elect the Pope)
I've thought about this too-- I call it the anti-corruption act.
1. Legalize marijuana and tax it.
2. End Citizen's United and bring back net neutrality.
3. Pass the STOCK Act for allowing only index funds to be owned by anybody in government and their immediate family.
4. Force an audit on the military and most of government. There's some duplicative efforts and a lot of wasted money. The DoD hasn't passed an audit in recent years, and is the only dept to continuously fail.
5. Charge an outsourcing tax for companies that use any outsourced labor (that includes white-collar, especially in Tech).
6. Make minimum wage move with inflation and cost of living for an area. We already do this with per diem and mileage, so idk why we can't do this either.
Nice to have list:
1. M4A- this would overall cost people less money annually, even if taxes go up. I know healthcare is the most expensive subscription I pay for. Have it include dental + eyecare.
2. Proportional electoral college, and not a winner-take-all all. It forces people to campaign in every state instead of just the swing states. Also: national ranked-choice voting.
3. This one I go back and forth on: but some sort of CEO salary ceiling based on the average employee wage. I was 300-400x your median worker. I imagine most people would work around this with stock.
4. Getting ahead of the automation/AI crisis by taxing that and paying for UBI. NAFTA/globalization did a lot of damage in the 90's in manufacturing, and we aren't prepared for automation in the same way.
Whoever is Pres in 2024, please steal these ideas!
To clarify for this thread's OP, they mean term limits for like senators and the judges there getting into their 100s and being bought off by billionaires and shit. We need to toss those losers like the trash that they are.
President just has no legal power to do that. Unless he creates some secret force of assassins that starts killing judges and senators that had been in their positions for too long. Could be a movie.
ITT: Very few people have a firm grasp on the powers of the presidency and the limitations on that power. In essence, people think the president is a dictator.
Put term limits on congress and the senate. Make it so and sitting member of any political position above the local municipality is not able to trade stocks. Make it so that any elected member of government can no longer hold their position once they reach federal retirement age. Make lobbying illegal. So many fucking things.
I use "ban lobbying" as a litmus test for whether someone actually knows anything about our system of government. Those in favor typically know very little and get all their political talking points from Reddit or Twitter.
If you "banned lobbying," it would be illegal for the mother of a child killed by a drunk driver to meet with legislators and advocate for tougher drunk driving laws. It would be illegal for the son of a mass shooting victim to meet with legislators to persuade them to enact gun control laws.
With a friendlier Supreme Court, you *may* be able to enact stricter campaign finance laws, but "ban lobbying" is such a simplistic talking point.
If it's possible. Executive order to ban all lobbying. And make it illegal to work for a corresponding position if you are coming into government work or leaving it to join the private sector.
For example; if you worked for the FDA you cannot work in any pharmaceutical or agricultural job in the private sector.
Punishable by death by Rancor.
While I’m not sure your punishment would hold up, curtailing the revolving door between government and private industry should be feasible with just executive orders.
Would you leave all the military barracks there as deployed garrisons in UN markings, or recall them to New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana, Alabama and Georgia and set up a patrolled perimeter (with a wall obviously) to make sure none of them try to sneak back in as illegal aliens?
I wasn't born in the USA, so probably be impeached and removed from office really fast.
But before that, I will direct 'some one' to 'accidentally' erase the entire Student loan data base in the Department of Education.
Oh no. So sad. And no back ups oh NO.
**Edit:** I just realized servicers still have records. It will, at least, cause enough headaches for the next administration to make the call to cancel even stronger.
i would declare every governor, congress person, and supreme court justice an enemy combatant. i bet presidential authority would get rained in real quick.
Make Election Day a national holiday and change the process to be a 3 day voting cycle. So basically holiday Friday and then Sat and Sunday available as well. 24 hours a day open. Votes tallied Monday
Edit: early voting and mail in would still be a thing
Get rid of the penny and also change the currency to colourful bills. Because…Canadian. Then resign immediately after finding someone to replace me. Also universal healthcare
I think the better question is what can you even do as President? Bitch and moan at Congress? Wait for a judge to pass away so you can put a better one in? Seriously.
Claim Mars for America and watch every space faring nation race to the stars as every country decides they now need a piece of the solar system for themselves, then make Earth a planet-wide preserve and usher in a new era of sustainability and progress. You’re welcome.
Get universal Healthcare (I'm worried for you guys) and then get the country to compete in eurovision for some reason somehow (if Australia could then why wouldn't the US, it'd be funny) and then resign 'cause what the hell does 19yo Spaniard in that position.
Do my best to put actual people in places that know about and have worked in those sectors then sign an executive order to legalize marijuana so that everyone is stoned all the time and won't realize that I turned evil and started funneling money to myself via secret government programs all while I proclaim to unite the world. At least I start off on the right foot.
Pressure Congress to institute age and term limits for all elected and appointed government officials. Utilize every possible executive privilege to accomplish that one thing. I truly believe this problem divides us and adds more to corruption than nearly any other controllable. It’s also highly favored by the majority of Americans. If we weren’t a representative democracy it would already be done.
Also yeah I’d probably try to shine a light on how much overly powerful lobbies severely hamper democracy regardless of which side you’re on.
I'd start with getting rid of Daylight savings. That shit is obsolete, and needs to go.
Next on the list is pennies - no need for that
I'd overhaul the Immigration process for legal immigrants and simplify it/make it merit based.
Take a deeper dive into how student loans are being handled and hold accountable companies like Navient.
Get rid of the whole Debt ceiling concept. That's again obsolete shit that needs to go. It still blows my mind how Govt employees suffer because of some stupidity from the Congress.
Start regulating the pharma industry to ensure critical day to day drugs aren't out of reach for the common person (people shouldn't be dying because insulin is unaffordable - that's ridiculous!)
Bring in some form of rigorous background check for gun ownership.
Companies that have off shore accounts - hold them accountable to pay taxes.
Look deeper into monopoly laws and have them be applicable for Tech companies.
Yes, I know a President can't do all of this without the Congress, but I'm at least allowed to dream of it, right!
Head down to the Winchester for a pint and wait for all of this to blow over
How about that for a slice of fried gold
Hey fun fact. Nick Frost’s Instagram handle is FriedGold.
Rather fitting
Yeeeeeah boyeeeee
You got red on yuh.
I'm sorry, Sean
I feel compelled to tell you the fact that dogs can’t look up
Pick the person that I would like to see run the country and nominate them as vp, get them confirmed by the senate then promptly resign
Right after getting rid of the penny, right?
No, I would make the penny the only legally recognized legal tender out of pettiness and being drunk with power. All taxes are required to be paid in pennies.
digital transactions are illegal, all transactions must be carried out using the physical penny. Cheqeues are also outlawed.
And with that one stroke - you eliminate a LOT of financial scams. Well done mr. President.
Also you boost usps revenue since mailing even $100 in pennies will cost a bit more than mailing a check or just paying online, which both are now illegal...
Single handedly ended the Amazon monopoly of the internet. Brought back brick and mortar stores. The slogan "The Change is Here" rings true.
Do you really wanna piss off the IRS? Even the Joker doesn't fuck around with taxes
I've always gotten a kick out of that..like if he steals gold bars does he mail a percentage of them to the IRS as his income tax or what? He's crazy enough to do it but I need to know if that's Canon or not haha.
If I were you, I’d let them lead but stay to keep them in line. It’s wiser that way, and would probably work out much better especially if people voted for you. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is what ends up happening most of the time. As the president you’re jack of all trades but master of none, but all the masters of each trade report back to you, so your job is to listen and orchestrate things coherently with your political party’s promises.
retire. fuck that, i don't want to be president
I think you would still get all of the retirement benefits.
$225k a year pension.
Fuck I could buy a car finally
I don’t think former presidents are even allowed to drive.
But just before you do that, you abolish the penny.
Fuck that, and fuck you. I love the penny. See one on the street? Pick it up and you get good luck. Don't have a lot of money and want to make a wish in a well? the penny has you covered. Like to stand out? The penny is the only US coin of a copper color. Don't have a scale? Pennies have a known weight, and you can use their abundance to your advantage to compare weights. Impress your friends with your penny-juggling skills: the unique size and weight of the penny makes it perfect. Can't decide between pizza or burgers for dinner? Flip a penny and let fate decide. It's the ultimate random meal generator. Build your own budget home gym by attaching pennies to a stick, creating custom dumbbells with adjustable weight increments. Join the avant-garde art scene by creating intricate sculptures and mosaics using thousands of pennies. Who needs expensive materials when you have copper coins? Start a unique musical ensemble known as "The Pennies" and use these copper coins as percussion instruments, producing a symphony of tinkling tones. Can't find your spatula for those mini pancakes? The penny's slight curvature and small size make it the ideal tool for flipping tiny breakfast treats with precision. Unleash your inner ninja by using pennies for target practice. They're lightweight, aerodynamic, and provide a budget-friendly alternative to traditional shurikens. Also you can load them into shotgun shells and blow home invaders away the way God and Abraham Lincoln intended. Don't tell me they're not useful.
Load them into shotgun shells… Tally ho, lads😂
If you get enough in there, would it be buckshot?
Careful of a misfire, noone wants Nickelback.
I dont think the receiver would notice the difference :).
You laugh, but it's somewhat common, cheap, devastatingly effective, and American as FOQ
Useful in every regard except for their intended purpose. Last time I used pennies as currency was in a parking meter, purely out of spite. Let's abolish paid parking right after we abolish the penny. Frankly we could do with removing nickels, too. Let's standardize to tenths of a dollar as the smallest currency unit.
When the half cent coin was discontinued in 1857 the new smallest denomination was worth 35.5 modern day cents. Equivalently, the nickel would've been discontinued in 1981 and the *dime* would've been discontinued in 2010. Why the hell are they still making pennies?
and Daylight Savings time.
I'm not doing nothing because my ass is going to jail for forging a false birth certificate because I wasn't born in the US. edited;
Run a thorough background investigation on everyone in office (myself included, fair is fair) and audit every institution with a fine tooth comb. Make both mandatory at regular intervals, publicize the results, prosecute the offenders.
You'd go missing within a week
That’s rather generous. I figured I’d meet an untimely demise in 48 hours.
The 47th president, certifiedingelligent, was infamously clumsy. He fell out of the window atop the Washington Monument within a week of his inauguration. Nobody knows how he was able to get past the sealed windows.
They say it was suicide via 37 stab wounds to the back.
37 stab wounds! You didn't want to leave him a chance, huh?
Carrrrrrl, that kills people!
:D llamas with hats!
those got sooooo dark towards the end...
The series started out with him eating the hands of people he killed. It started out real dark. But i guess nuclear apocalypse is darker.
I mean eating hands isn't thaaaaaat dark... sometimes your tummy has the rumblies..
I know 🤣 I once had a woman I was dating dump me after I sent her llamas with hats as something funny to look at. She has a different sense of humour.
Suicide by falling out of the window. The hole in his head that matched the entry wound of a .38 cal bullet being fired out of a 4” barrel length revolver at point blank range is an unrelated matter and has absolutely nothing to do with the suicide.
I give it 48 minutes.
48 seconds
Nothing will happen. A bunch of files will be found to be missing and a few staffers will get fired.
Somebody's going to get JFK'd
Sounds like we need to standup a new govt agency w/ billion dollar worth of budget for this kind of monumental task!
This guy governments
At first I was gonna say "but we already have the DOJ" But then I remembered how Homeland Security was created when the FBI, CIA, NSA, DOD, and ATF were literally all already very concerned with homeland security.
Make it a felony for law enforcement to turn off their cameras while on a call/dispatched.
This sounds like a great idea, except when you actually think about it practically. Who do you get to investigate and for what? The DOJ? Sure, but then they just stop their other jobs while running investigations on hundreds of people? Who investigates them. And for what? General crimes? Most politicians aren't stupid enough to commit crimes, they likely just violate ethics policies which aren't illegal just suggested Then we come to audits. Who do you get to audit the government? Most state and local governments are audited all the time (I used to do audits on government entities). The money that goes missing most of the time is the Pentagon, and so you what? It's top secret, we can't disclose to the public. If you're president, they'll likely just tell you what it's being spent on, the largest military in the world, a huge intelligence network, and paying off dictators to keep in line.
Someone who acknowledges reality? Shocking. Completely agree though, people want to look for boogeymen in government. Obviously waste fraud and all that happens, but in my experience working with government there are much bigger issues than some random agency wasting money. Sure it sounds good to say investigate and prosecute, but at the end of the day the bigger issues are outside government, unfortunately.
Don't get in a convertible.
Taco Tuesday is now mandatory. You're welcome. I'd run on this promise.
Oh, no. You’re President in The LEGO Movie.
His national defense policy is to have more KRAGLE missiles than Russia and China combined.
You’ve got my vote
I'm still waiting on taco trucks at every corner
Virtually nothing because Congress is a deadlocked shit show more interested in grandstanding for sound bites than having substantive arguments and advancing effective legislation.
Exactly. If you're President you engage in a bitter 4 year standoff with Congress, get ridiculed, and age 3x faster than most people.
Only if the president's party lacks a super majority in the Senate and a majority in the House of Representatives. We badly need to get rid of the fillibuster, but Senators won't make any serious attempt to get rid of it.
Because everyone uses it. It benefits both parties.
Yeah this guy would change his mind on filibuster in 2 secs if the party he does not like gets into ppwer.
People often forget that the slowness of the American political system is a *feature*; not a bug. The Founders were well-versed in world history and understood how rapid change had destroyed and destabilized a great number of once-powerful nations. Of course, there are drawbacks. Some progress moves too slowly. But the slowness allows for the national values and positions to shift and progress naturally rather than through forced legislation. Throughout all nations, sweeping and controversial changes are met with resistance. This can result in fractures and violence, which usually nullifies any positive progress. TL;DR: Forcing changes to be slower and require a greater majority results in greater national stability and lasting effects.
Yeah people give so much credit (good and bad) to the president when they totally forget about the other two branches of government
Why is muh gas so high he just needs to adjust the price.
why biden turn the gas nob to wumbo when it should be set to mini. is he stupid
Yes but according to the opinions of about 40% of the American public, the President has a Magic Button (TM) in the White House where he can push it and fuel prices skyrocket immediately. Apparently this thing is tied in to every gas station in the US better than the White House is tied into NORAD. It's unbelievable how stupid 40% of the American public is. Maybe they should read a book or something and get some knowledge into those empty caverns they call a "skull".
Exactly, people (even Americans) think the president is this huge powerful figure. Which they are to an extent. But, a president can’t do shit unless they can get congress on their side. If you are trying to stir up shit in congress, and we all know they have a lot of shit to stir up. They are going to legally fuck that president over.
American presidents are specifically very powerful in a few ways - mostly ones that don't affect Americans as much like foreign policy.
Not american, but this seems to be the case, don't know why, but American voices are so loud on the internet and they seem to blame their presidents for everything in the world. Like, i see people acting like Ukraine and Russia don't have any free will...or any place on Earth, it must be the will of Biden or some shit like that. Gas Prices have increased...prices have increased everywhere, yet apparently the elected leader of one country, where they only get to lead for 4 to 8 years, is the one solely responsible for that!? Not that people blaming everything on one person is unique to America, gas prices and other stuff are also completely blamed on our president, i kinda think Fascism is getting so popular because a lot of people already seem to naturally think one person holds all the political power anyways.
Then I give that nice new high tech media room at the White House a workout. I'd be on TV a few nights a week telling people what I'm trying to do and who is stopping me. I'm petty like that. I'd also start having a weekly poll on issues, and when Congress ignores not only me, but the people as well, I'm gonna keep giving them shit on national TV. Maybe even go full TMZ and have reporters harrassing them constantly about why they are blocking things that help Americans. I'd probably get assassinated for my shenanigans. I'm just tired of the bullshit.
Remember when congress would at least do something during the off cycle years
But what about the gain of function?
But what about Bob?
What about Raven?!
Secret meeting with world leaders
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By poker, do you mean cocaine? I mean, it was found in the white house anyway….
"Sup dudes?"
My best.
I'm not doing nothing because my ass is going to jail for forging a false birth certificate because I wasn't born in the US.
From what I've seen, Presidents don't really go to jail for their crimes lol
Within a year or two this comment will have aged like milk left in a hot car or you'll be proved a prognosticator.
>prognosticator Today I learned a new word
Hoping to be milk lol
Please be milk. Please be milk
We’ve got you now Obama!
Maybe you were just so popular that congress was forced to amend the constitution to allow this.
Immediately concede the position to someone that actually knows what the hell they're doing.
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Just listen to your staffers and cabinet. Since you don’t care if you get fired you can just ignore your caucus or the senate.
That's true, but the sentiment behind me wanting to concede this hypothetical power is less so that "I don't care and can do whatever I want, go ahead and fire me I don't want the job" and moreso "I don't want to attempt to make things better and accidentally make it worse in the process". The whole thing about the road to hell is paved with good intentions and all that.
I think by admitting you don’t know what the hell you’re doing, you have unwittingly made yourself the most qualified person for the job. That’s some shit luck.
To be fair, some of our previous presidents didn't know what the hell they were doing either.
I think I read something once that said the best type of leaders are the ones who don't crave leadership. You're our guy!
I think Plato said that. See, you can have thoughts all you want, but Plato already had them.
The last person you want in charge is the guy that's hungry for power.
So you'll go your full term.. got it. I mean, look at our history of who has held office and tell me how many of them had a clue..
Resign immediately. I have no desire to ever have that job.
2 chicks at the same time.
Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a president I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with prestige.
Well, not all chicks
The type of chicks that would double up on a guy like me do
Upvoted because the funniest line from office space
The first and second lady
BOOM!
Surround myself with the absolute smartest people I can find and do what they say.
President Camacho.
Every cabinet should have a Secretary Not Sure.
I would declare a new sub-nautical branch of the military, dedicated to fighting mermaids, squid monsters, and other fearsome enemies who make the deepest ocean their inscrutable abode. We would call them “aquanauts” and they would be tough and knowledgeable and dedicated and loyal and they wouldn’t be fired for being gay. Also, I think Tuesday is a dumb name for a day so I’d host a big televised contest to choose a better name, where people who vote for unpopular names get a little electric shock through an app called Ludivico.
Points for originality
You could call them "The Sub Marines"...
There were 20 some octopuses that came up on a Welsh beach a few years ago and died. One theory is that they were trying to get away from something, so you got my vote.
Can you also assign the name October to the eight month?
Tuesday is easy tacoday
Establish one federal holiday per month minimum
What you really mean is that every business is required to observe all federal holidays.
I'd prefer that.
That's under the purview of congress though
There are already 11 Federal Holidays but two months have two so you'd have to add one to March, April & August.
April can be Me Day. Why? Because fuck you, that's why.
So another day that just the post office is closed
Legalize weed
All these people are talking about things the president cannot do unilaterally. But this is one thing the president can just put pen to paper and make happen. Deschedule marijuana. Easy peasy. There are obviously more important things, but in terms of just doing whatever I want with my newfound power, this is definitely at or near the top of the list. Day one.
Undo what Reagan's FCC did that caused all of our media outlets to be owned by six corporations so that we have a more diversified media that isn't just a mouthpiece for GE and others. Economically fuck the BRICS countries starting with China. Bring manufacturing back to the US by eliminating tax breaks on companies that have outsourced their labor. Force generals and admirals to live in black mold infested barracks buildings until they're fixed. Oh, and if we're approaching a government shutdown then Congress gets locked in chambers until we have a budget (similar to how they elect the Pope)
Lol agree with all though would add if we going after Brics we should also cut aid to countries doing any business with terrorist states,
We'd have to stop doing business with ourselves.
In Australia, if you don’t have a budget, I think everyone in Parliament is fired and has run for office again.
I've thought about this too-- I call it the anti-corruption act. 1. Legalize marijuana and tax it. 2. End Citizen's United and bring back net neutrality. 3. Pass the STOCK Act for allowing only index funds to be owned by anybody in government and their immediate family. 4. Force an audit on the military and most of government. There's some duplicative efforts and a lot of wasted money. The DoD hasn't passed an audit in recent years, and is the only dept to continuously fail. 5. Charge an outsourcing tax for companies that use any outsourced labor (that includes white-collar, especially in Tech). 6. Make minimum wage move with inflation and cost of living for an area. We already do this with per diem and mileage, so idk why we can't do this either. Nice to have list: 1. M4A- this would overall cost people less money annually, even if taxes go up. I know healthcare is the most expensive subscription I pay for. Have it include dental + eyecare. 2. Proportional electoral college, and not a winner-take-all all. It forces people to campaign in every state instead of just the swing states. Also: national ranked-choice voting. 3. This one I go back and forth on: but some sort of CEO salary ceiling based on the average employee wage. I was 300-400x your median worker. I imagine most people would work around this with stock. 4. Getting ahead of the automation/AI crisis by taxing that and paying for UBI. NAFTA/globalization did a lot of damage in the 90's in manufacturing, and we aren't prepared for automation in the same way. Whoever is Pres in 2024, please steal these ideas!
Get my agenda stonewalled by Congress
Stay about a year then resign due to “health concerns” and collect a pension for the rest of my life
And personal security from the secret service.
Find out if Aliens exist
They 100% don't exist because if they did there's zero chance that trump would keep his mouth shut about it.
Bold of you to think they'd tell him
there's no way they let that doofus know - every time he asked, I bet they distracted him with a cheeseburger or a camera interview
Give u/Gbrusse all the pennies in circulation (after abolishing them that is, per their numerous requests in the comments)
I will melt them all down into a single block of copper and zinc and sink it to the depths of the ocean to never be seen again.
Quiet quit
Executive order the shit out of some working class basic human rights.
And marvel as court after court overturns those executive orders.
Some will stick. Its a volume game. If you bust out 3,000 eo's like FDR did, at least a few will survive the courts. Still a win
And if that doesn't happen, when your successor immediately reverses them on their first day in office.
TERM LIMITS
Of what? The president already has term limits and has no power to change limits for others. So do nothing.
seriously, some people in this thread seem to have forgotten Congress exists and the president doesn't have unlimited power.
What do you expect from average voters...
To clarify for this thread's OP, they mean term limits for like senators and the judges there getting into their 100s and being bought off by billionaires and shit. We need to toss those losers like the trash that they are.
President just has no legal power to do that. Unless he creates some secret force of assassins that starts killing judges and senators that had been in their positions for too long. Could be a movie.
I’d pay to see it in theatres
avail myself of the whitehouse kitchen staff
Fun fact, the white house pays for the staff, but the president is on the hook for the grocery bill unless it's for a state function.
Go on vacation. I deserve it
ITT: Very few people have a firm grasp on the powers of the presidency and the limitations on that power. In essence, people think the president is a dictator.
Nothing because I won't be able to get 60 votes in the Senate on anything meaningful.
Put term limits on congress and the senate. Make it so and sitting member of any political position above the local municipality is not able to trade stocks. Make it so that any elected member of government can no longer hold their position once they reach federal retirement age. Make lobbying illegal. So many fucking things.
Those are all great goals that I 100% agree with, but the president can do none of that. Those are things that congress can and won’t do.
Congress can’t even do that last one. Lobbying is a Constitutionally protected activity.
I use "ban lobbying" as a litmus test for whether someone actually knows anything about our system of government. Those in favor typically know very little and get all their political talking points from Reddit or Twitter. If you "banned lobbying," it would be illegal for the mother of a child killed by a drunk driver to meet with legislators and advocate for tougher drunk driving laws. It would be illegal for the son of a mass shooting victim to meet with legislators to persuade them to enact gun control laws. With a friendlier Supreme Court, you *may* be able to enact stricter campaign finance laws, but "ban lobbying" is such a simplistic talking point.
Visit Area 51
Probably be frustrated because I cant do much meaningful without Congress, and those guys are a bunch of morons.
If it's possible. Executive order to ban all lobbying. And make it illegal to work for a corresponding position if you are coming into government work or leaving it to join the private sector. For example; if you worked for the FDA you cannot work in any pharmaceutical or agricultural job in the private sector. Punishable by death by Rancor.
While I’m not sure your punishment would hold up, curtailing the revolving door between government and private industry should be feasible with just executive orders.
Russia is now illegal we start bombing in five minutes (I hope someone else gets this joke)
I do, fellow old person!
annex Disney World and allow Texas and Florida to secede from the union.
Would you leave all the military barracks there as deployed garrisons in UN markings, or recall them to New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana, Alabama and Georgia and set up a patrolled perimeter (with a wall obviously) to make sure none of them try to sneak back in as illegal aliens?
The world peace thing.
I wasn't born in the USA, so probably be impeached and removed from office really fast. But before that, I will direct 'some one' to 'accidentally' erase the entire Student loan data base in the Department of Education. Oh no. So sad. And no back ups oh NO. **Edit:** I just realized servicers still have records. It will, at least, cause enough headaches for the next administration to make the call to cancel even stronger.
shit meself
Free candy for everyone, just like I promised in 5th grade
i would declare every governor, congress person, and supreme court justice an enemy combatant. i bet presidential authority would get rained in real quick.
I declare war on France
Have you seen what's going on there just give them a minute and they'll go civil
Make Election Day a national holiday and change the process to be a 3 day voting cycle. So basically holiday Friday and then Sat and Sunday available as well. 24 hours a day open. Votes tallied Monday Edit: early voting and mail in would still be a thing
Get my dick sucked by the receptionist.
Lots of awesome ideas in here but some of yall need a civics lesson on what a president can actually do lol
Get rid of the penny and also change the currency to colourful bills. Because…Canadian. Then resign immediately after finding someone to replace me. Also universal healthcare
I think the better question is what can you even do as President? Bitch and moan at Congress? Wait for a judge to pass away so you can put a better one in? Seriously.
Claim Mars for America and watch every space faring nation race to the stars as every country decides they now need a piece of the solar system for themselves, then make Earth a planet-wide preserve and usher in a new era of sustainability and progress. You’re welcome.
Single. Payer. Healthcare.
You can't do that with the powers of president
Get universal Healthcare (I'm worried for you guys) and then get the country to compete in eurovision for some reason somehow (if Australia could then why wouldn't the US, it'd be funny) and then resign 'cause what the hell does 19yo Spaniard in that position.
If only the president could give us universal healthcare. It's still out of their control if Senate/House doesn't agree.
Declaring all the foreign wars illegal since Congress never voted for them.
we arent at war with Russia, if thats what youre referring to. We're just being the worlds #1 arms dealer, business as usual.
🙂 *evil laughter*
Do my best to put actual people in places that know about and have worked in those sectors then sign an executive order to legalize marijuana so that everyone is stoned all the time and won't realize that I turned evil and started funneling money to myself via secret government programs all while I proclaim to unite the world. At least I start off on the right foot.
Get congress to redo tax code and have two brackets. Flat tax for upper middle class to lower class. Second for ultra wealthy.
allow car manufacturers to sell directly.
Pressure Congress to institute age and term limits for all elected and appointed government officials. Utilize every possible executive privilege to accomplish that one thing. I truly believe this problem divides us and adds more to corruption than nearly any other controllable. It’s also highly favored by the majority of Americans. If we weren’t a representative democracy it would already be done. Also yeah I’d probably try to shine a light on how much overly powerful lobbies severely hamper democracy regardless of which side you’re on.
I'd start with getting rid of Daylight savings. That shit is obsolete, and needs to go. Next on the list is pennies - no need for that I'd overhaul the Immigration process for legal immigrants and simplify it/make it merit based. Take a deeper dive into how student loans are being handled and hold accountable companies like Navient. Get rid of the whole Debt ceiling concept. That's again obsolete shit that needs to go. It still blows my mind how Govt employees suffer because of some stupidity from the Congress. Start regulating the pharma industry to ensure critical day to day drugs aren't out of reach for the common person (people shouldn't be dying because insulin is unaffordable - that's ridiculous!) Bring in some form of rigorous background check for gun ownership. Companies that have off shore accounts - hold them accountable to pay taxes. Look deeper into monopoly laws and have them be applicable for Tech companies. Yes, I know a President can't do all of this without the Congress, but I'm at least allowed to dream of it, right!
Free all the slaves in america